#differential amplifier

[takmiblog]

(http://www.op316.com/tubes/mw/mw-guidemap.htm)

＜FET差動ドライブ全段差動プッシュプルの系譜＞

おなじみ全段差動プッシュプルアンプを最もシンプルかつ廉価に製作できるシリーズです。簡単な回路ですが出てくる音は申し分のないレベルのもので、パワーさえ欲張らなければこれでメインシステムを鳴らし切ることができます。（中略）全段差動プッシュプルアンプはシングルアンプとは根本的に異なる音がします。どれでもいいですので是非１台手作って音を聞いてみてください。

by　ぺるけさん

[g0fckur531f]

[bonefall]

Herb Guide: Deaf Warriors and Hearing Disabilities

UPDATE 1: Added more harshness to the lipreading section based on initial feedback; minor rewording of some lines!

A reference for Warrior Cats fans creating characters with hearing loss, blending human advice with cat biology, written for an in-universe perspective on living with and managing such disabilities.

AKA Bonefall casts Spell of Stop Being Weird About Snowkit on all amoebas in 500 mile radius

[ID: A headshot of three cats, a brown tabby with a shredded ear (Strikestone), a solid white cat with blue eyes (Stonewing), and a gray cat with a mane (Dovewing).]

In the five Clans, hearing loss is both one of the most common sensory disabilities, and one of the most intense to adapt to. Through any mix of simple infections, birth abnormalities, or even just getting older, any given Clan can expect at least 1 in 4 of its cats to have some form of hearing loss.

Hearing loss is any impaired ability to hear, defined as not being able to hear noises under 20 decibels. Deafness is "profound" hearing loss, which means their hearing STARTS at a noise that is 81 decibels (ex: motorcycle, middle-distant clap of thunder) or louder. Most deaf people can still hear slightly, but sound is "muffled" and they can only hear VERY loud noises.

Hearing loss = Any impaired ability to hear. Normal hearing is 20 DB or lower.

Hard of Hearing (HOH) = Mild to severe hearing loss; starts between 21 DB and 95 DB.

Deaf = Profound hearing loss at 95 DB or higher; a clap of thunder is a quiet whisper.

MOST hearing loss will affect one ear more strongly than the other, and the cat will be HOH. The vast majority of cats with a hearing disability will still be able to understand their Clanmates, if they're just spoken to louder and more clearly. Cats who are born deaf (congenital deafness), however, tend to have profound hearing loss which affects their ability to understand speech.

Cats rely on their hearing and sense of smell much more strongly than they do on their eyesight. With hearing that's 4x more sensitive than a human's and can differentiate between 1/10th of a pitch, a Clan's healer would recognize hearing loss as a disability long before humans would even notice a problem.

Since hearing loss starts with the high-pitch noises that prey makes, like squeaks and chirps, hearing loss is a major reason for a senior warrior to begin to consider retirement. However, with proper support and accommodation, ANY warrior could adapt to this disability; Especially cats born deaf and younger HOH warriors with lots of time to re-learn.

This guide covers;

Common Causes

Traits and Challenges of Hearing Loss

Communication: Signs, lipreading, and more

Unique Challenges Clan-by-Clan

Sources are linked in a separate post, here, and linked again at the very bottom!

(note: this guide doesn't cover devices of any kind, but one of many reasons why cochlear implants are controversial is because an implant will destroy that remaining hearing. They aren't hearing aids; hearing aids amplify sound. Aids and implants are two different things)

Common Causes

There are DOZENS of ways to destroy the incredibly sensitive ears of a cat. ANY infection or injury can lead to permanent damage. That can include,

Injury gone sour, from battle, hunting, accidents, etc

Concussion, or a hard enough blow to the ear

Ear Mites, especially if the cat can't stop scratching it

Swimming in cold or dirty river water

Fungal or bacterial infections

Allergies, which can lead to sinus infections. Even an infection in the mouth or throat can spread to the ear!

There doesn't even need to be an infection. Around the ages of 7 - 11, a senior warrior may begin to gradually lose their hearing. Sometimes, through genetic factors or degenerative disease within the ear, an even younger warrior will lose it for "no reason."

It just happens, and it's incredibly common. They will usually begin to notice it when they stop being able to hear and hunt small rodents, because hearing loss will start with high-pitched noises.

Healers can do very little about this, besides attempting to clean any wax out of the ear canal with flax oil and a dab (such as moss, wool, or cloth). There are SO many ways for it to happen and so little in the way of treatments, that it's practically inevitable.

The majority of hearing loss is from infection or disease, but the most predictable way to see deafness in the Clans is in kits born white with blue eyes. In fact, ALL pure white cats are more prone to being born deaf!

Pure white without blue eyes: 17% to 22%

White with a single blue eye: 40% (and usually on the side of the blue eye)

White with two blue eyes: 65% to 85%

In an afflicted kit, the inner ear will rapidly degenerate. They typically lose most of their hearing by their 4th day, and will only be able to faintly hear extremely loud noises.

Of course, there's also various other birth defects that can result in deaf and HOH kits, even if they aren't white with blue eyes. The ear canal and hearing organs can just not form correctly! Any kit could be born with hearing loss, and they can have any type!

If the loss came from injury or severe infection, chronic pain in the inner ear is also common. Nothing can be done about this besides painkillers such as poppy seeds. This condition is rare in born-deaf cats.

Most cats with hearing loss will also permanently hear a repetitive, single-note sound. For most it's a faint, tinny "ring," but others can hear hissing, crackling, or humming in high or low pitch.

At first, this constant noise can be distracting or even debilitating, preventing them from focusing or sleeping, until... you just get used to it.

There is no way to turn the noise off. It can get worse or better, but it's forever. Sleeping and not being stressed out will help, but over time, they typically learn to tune it out. Being reminded of it is usually annoying, just like when someone reminds you about manual breathing.

(We call this condition tinnitus. It is up to you what you would like your cats to call it, the same way they refer to pneumonia as greencough. Tinnitus is a LOT broader than this little snippet, but this is not a guide about tinnitus, this is about hearing loss)

So to summarize that,

There's a billiondy-million ways to damage one's hearing.

Losing your hearing from age or disease usually results in being hard of hearing (HOH) as opposed to deaf, and is likely to affect one ear more than the other.

It starts with high-pitched noises like rodent squeaks.

Cats born white with blue eyes have a massive chance of being born deaf; their inner ear degenerates.

But, any kit could be born with any type of hearing loss, not just deafness.

Most cats with hearing loss will hear a distracting, repetitive noise. They just learn to tune it out.

Traits and Challenges of Hearing Loss

Hearing impaired cats are LOUD.

Even warriors who have mild hearing loss will often end up speaking much louder so they can hear themselves, or not notice the sounds they're making as they shift around in their nests, scuffle sand at the dirtplace, or trample through crunchy leaf litter.

If one of their ears is better than the other, they'll usually try to stand with their "good side" facing any speakers or other sources of noise. They might appear to be constantly standing at an angle, with their head turned towards the sound. It might be so second nature that they don't realize they're doing it.

Plus, a cat with hearing loss in only one ear will lose their hearing's "distance perception," the ability to pinpoint a sound's location. EXACTLY like how losing the sight in one eye causes the loss of "depth perception," they will have difficulty telling how far away a noise actually is.

Warriors who lose their hearing later in life typically have years of experience in knowing how prey behaves and what sorts of actions make noise; but cats born deaf have to be taught this.

Instead, born-deaf cats tend to associate "sound" with "vibration." Echoes, rumbles, and the sensation of their own humming or laughter can feel very pleasurable. Their whiskers are so sensitive that they can even feel drafts of air from someone speaking in front of them! Because of that, cats with impaired hearing do better with low, rumbling "sounds" rather than high-pitched ones; even when they can't hear either. They can feel lower pitched noises.

(NOTE: Decibels are the measurement of volume, and Hertz are the measurement of pitch. These are different things, NOT interchangeable. HIGH pitch and LOW volume are lost first.)

This is why hunting is so difficult when cats begin to lose their hearing. Their sense of smell and sight can be perfectly intact, but a lot of how a cat hunts is in listening for delicate little sounds and balancing them in both ears to figure out prey's exact location. So, when a cat is learning to hunt without their hearing, they have to rely on their other senses and keep their whiskers low, dusting the ground with their chops and front paws, in hopes of their quarry making a vibration they can feel.

IMPORTANT: Don't forget that cats have carpal whiskers! They are short whiskers on the front paws of a cat, used primarily for "grappling" with other cats and struggling prey. They are less sensitive than facial whiskers, but still very useful for a hearing impaired warrior.

"Dusting," keeping the face low, is still more effective than relying entirely on "Sweeping" movements with the paws.

The younger the cat is, the more time they will have to practice and master this. Cats born deaf, who have never relied on hearing before, are usually better hunters than older warriors learning completely new techniques.

But. Clan cats aren't the only danger in the forest.

A warrior who is deaf or hard-of-hearing will not hear danger approaching, and is easy to sneak up on. Even if they keep themselves completely quiet, an intelligent fox or an enemy warrior can launch an unexpected attack on their unsuspecting target. The wilderness is dangerous, and it's not feasible to keep one's whiskers pressed to the ground at all times, even if vibrations did carry far enough to detect such danger before it's too late.

So, it would be recommended for warriors with hearing loss to not wander too far without a hearing Clanmate capable of alerting them to sounds.

They also will have a VERY difficult time acting as part of a "battalion," in large-scale battles.

In fights with dozens of entangled warriors, while they're focused on fighting the cat in front of them, they will have a hard time hearing commands. Even if well-trained in visual cues like tail signs, deaf and HOH warriors might fail to respond to yowled orders like, "RETREAT" or "SECURE THE ENTRANCE."

Even if the warrior isn't fully deaf, battles are loud and chaotic! It's very likely that such orders would get lost in the clamor of hissing and screeching cats, if the cat has any difficulties with hearing at all.

In summary,

Cats with hearing disabilities are loud.

Hearing loss in one ear will cause the loss of distance perception, and they will often stand at an angle with their good ear facing the noise.

If they were born deaf, they have to learn what makes noise.

Highly tactile, they tend to rely on whisker-sense to "replace" their hearing.

Keeping their facial whiskers low to feel for vibration, "dusting," is a very useful technique.

"Sweeping" with the carpal whiskers is also useful, but less so than "dusting."

They are in increased danger from things sneaking up on them, and shouldn't go anywhere unsafe without a buddy.

Following battle commands in large-scale battles will be difficult or nearly impossible, making them bad "team players."

Communication: Signing, lipreading, and more

(psst! @twiigbranch has a free-to-use version of pawspeak if you credit them!)

Since the majority of these cats lost their ability to hear later in life, most warriors with hearing loss will speak "normally." By "normally," that means they will talk the same way they did their whole lives, just louder so they can hear themselves better.

Over many years, they may begin to stop enunciating their words, 'slurring' their sentences, and their pitch may be a little off. Even then, it's rare that a Clanmate would be able to "tell" they have hearing loss just from their cadence.

But, meanwhile, cats who are born deaf will have a very complicated journey with speech.

It's PIVOTAL for the kit's development that the family and the Clan takes an interest in trying to communicate with them. Deaf children often become isolated from communities that don't seem to care about them, the same way any other alienated child would. This can result in trauma, lack of self-confidence, and behavioral issues.

Even if your project doesn't have Pawspeak (or doesn't have it yet!), kittens WILL find ways to communicate with their family and Clan. Sign language can evolve organically from home signs, unique gestures that will rise for a deaf child to speak with their family. BUT, the sooner they're introduced to a true sign language, the better they will be able to communicate.

Sign languages can also die naturally, simply fading away if the next few generations don't keep them alive. It's possible for the Clans to have gone through a few, over the years!

(Note: Sign languages are full languages, not just "physical versions" of a spoken one. American Sign Language and British Sign Language are from totally different families, even further from each other than English and Russian!)

It is also possible for cats born fully deaf, who have never heard words, to learn how to speak verbally... but, this takes a LOT more time and effort than using a sign language.

Teaching a deaf warrior how to say words is not quick, or easy, and is a very physical process. It involves a lot of dedicated practice time back-and-forth, with the apprentice placing their paw on their mentor's throat to feel their voice, and being coached on how to mimic the exact inflections of every word. It can be very repetitive, and very boring.

Even with lots of training, speakers born deaf have a noticeable "accent." They pronounce consonants better than they do vowels (aeiou), and often lack tone and inflection. Each warrior is an individual, and using a speaking voice is a skill some will be better at using than others.

Lipreading is very difficult. Most warriors born deaf will never learn how to do this, or even want to, as it takes an immense amount of time, effort, and tutoring. It will be more common for cats with more moderate hearing loss, especially if they lost their hearing later in life.

These are REQUIRED for a proper lip reading;

Clear view of the face. If the speaker is too far away, moving around, covers their mouth, stands in a dark place, or has their back turned, their lips can't be read. There are many ways that the view of the face could be obstructed.

Slow, clear speaking. If they're talking too quickly and mumbling their words, it will be extremely difficult to catch all of what they said. A better lip reader will be able to read faster.

Mental awareness. A cat who is tired to exhaustion, unable to focus, or not expecting to be spoken to will not be able to process what's being said. Lipreading is an action that takes brainpower.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: A single speaker, not overlapping with others. Lip reading is nearly useless during clanwide arguments. If there's tons of cats talking over each other, shouting out and interrupting, responding to unseen lips in the crowd, or even if an important speaker is just at a bad angle for the deaf warrior's line of sight to catch, they will not be able to catch everything.

Lipreading is also an action that takes focus. If the cat is tired, unable to concentrate, or isn't expecting to have to read lips, they won't be able to process what words the mouth was forming. It works best one-on-one, in clear lighting, looking straight ahead at the speaker... and even then, the BEST lipreader might only catch 40% to 50% of the words said.

So, it's truly reading. Interpretation. It isn't straightforward like language is. From, "I see a herd of deer, all of them are bucks" they might only catch, "...a... deer... of them... bucks." They will have to guess the meaning based on context!

(Look into a mirror. Quickly chant "Red right wrong" three times. Do you see how similar your lips look to form those words when you're not trying to clearly enunciate them? That's what lipreaders deal with.)

So, while there are other options, a sign language is absolutely the best choice if possible in your setting. Especially for cats who were deaf from birth, sign language is the ideal solution.

VERY IMPORTANT TIPS FOR WRITING A HEARING DISABILITY:

Please avoid them speaking with broken grammar, in third person, or with overly simplistic vocabulary, as if they are a toddler or a caveman. If a deaf cat is taught to speak, they will also learn grammar. BAD: "Examplefur go hunt. Me catch mouse good." OK: "I'm going hunting. I'm good at catching mice."

They will not suddenly "forget" how to speak if they lose their hearing, unless they have another condition such as brain injury.

Lip reading is inferior to signing.

They cannot perfectly catch every single word spoken in all conversations via lipreading, especially when the speaker isn't making an effort to include them, or it's during a disorganized group argument.

In ideal conditions, 30% to 40% of the words spoken will be picked up, and the reader will "fill in" the missing vocab with guesswork.

Teaching a deaf cat to speak verbally is a dedicated process, not something they easily "pick up."

Cats born deaf will almost never pick up lipreading, it is more common in milder forms of hearing loss.

Showing hearing clanmates making an effort to include hearing-impaired warriors, like doing translations or just making sure they understood everything, is massively appreciated.

A good culture around hearing loss is the best thing in the entire world for these cats. Support, respect, and acceptance are sincerely the most important factor in how well a hearing impaired warrior adapts with their disability.

So with that in mind, let's also explore the unique challenges in the terrains and culture of each Clan.

Unique Challenges Clan-by-Clan

Because of the nature of this disability, certain Clans are going to be more difficult for a hearing impaired warrior to function independently in, both in terms of environmental hazards and of culture.

Deaf and HOH warriors will not hear the sounds they're making if they step on noisy terrain or accidentally rustle nearby plants. Some enemies also rely more on stealth to attack their targets than others, and some territories will provide more places for prey and predators to hide. Water-related hazards will naturally cause there to be MORE disabled cats in some Clans more than others, which could mean that there will be less stigma and better community.

Environment means a lot to a cat with hearing loss!

RiverClan

Because this Clan is notorious for swimming in the river, they would have a massively higher rate of hearing loss (and scent loss) than other Clans; ESPECIALLY in late autumn and winter. This also means their healers would be MUCH more experienced with treating ear problems in general; but that's a subject for another guide!

(to answer a stray question before I eventually make that guide: RiverClan can make primitive earplugs out of beeswax to protect their hearing, but may need to trade with ThunderClan to acquire that.)

The important thing to note is that compared to other Clans, RiverClan has the highest rate of having HOH warriors. This means that there would be better support systems for hearing loss than in other Clans, and a cultural "bank" of techniques and knowledge to be shared.

They still have the same proportion of kittens born deaf compared to other Clans, but apprentices without hearing in RiverClan would have a bigger pool (heh!) of mentors who have experience with accommodating their disability.

Plus, you don't need to hear fish to catch them. While they'd still have issues hunting water voles and other wetland-loving rodents, fishers aren't at a significant disadvantage when it comes to providing food to the Clan.

Advantages--

High concentration of cats with similar disabilities provides community, and influences the broader culture to be more accommodating

Healers would have lots of experience with the injuries and illnesses that lead to hearing loss, leading to better treatment

Hearing is not necessary for catching fish, and thus has almost no bearing on how skilled a hunter would be.

Mentors would have better techniques for teaching deaf apprentices

Disadvantages--

Will not hear drowning cats. If you drop into that water you're on your own, bucko

Winter will be even harder than usual, when the river freezes over and fishing becomes more difficult.

Overall, RiverClan is THE best Clan for a deaf cat to be part of.

WindClan

With wide open spaces and lots of hills that offer a good vantage point, sight and vigilance is much more important for survival in a moorland than hearing. There's even an advantage to Pawspeak here; you can communicate from across the open moor without screaming out your location to all the prey!

On top of that, moorland has low-laying vegetation. It isn't a grassland, or filled with splashing water, or covered in crunchy leaf litter. There's not a lot of things TO accidentally make noise on, unless the warrior is trying to hide in a gorse or common heather bush, and WindClan is notorious for relying on speed over stealth anyway.

The one drawback to being a deaf moor-runner is that they will not hear baying hounds. Dogs are extremely common in moorland, either as sheep herders or as companions to human hunters shooting grouses. That said, the fact that hounds are the ONLY big predator they'll need to worry about immediately makes WindClan's moor safer than any woodland territory.

Badgers, boars, and foxes hate open spaces like moorland. It's just dogs that are a big concern, and hawks for smaller cats. There are very few "sneaky" predators in this area; most rely on speed.

So being a moor-runner is one of the best jobs that a warrior with hearing loss could have in the Clans... but the minute that they start to have problems listening to any orders, a tunneler should stop working underground immediately.

Deaf apprentices should be excused from their mandatory tunnel training, except to learn how to do evacuation drills.

There is no light underground. Even if they're capable of creating rushlights or are willing to sacrifice glowworms, that light will be dim at best, and could snuff out at any moment. Communication will become impossible with a deaf cat, and even moderate hearing loss will endanger any warrior who gets separated from their team.

If something as drastic as a cave-in or a flooding happens, they will be in extreme danger. They can't be properly warned unless they're pushed by a fellow digger, and they will not be able to notice anything that isn't rumbling. If they DO end up getting trapped under rubble, they will not hear a rescue party calling their name.

It's not just themselves they have to worry about, either. Not being able to warn or coordinate with their excavation team will put ALL of them in danger.

Advantages--

Moorland requires sharper eyes than ears to begin with.

Lack of ambush predators makes this territory particularly safe without hearing.

Quiet terrain makes sneaking less neccesary in the first place

Pawspeak is especially useful across wide distances

Disadvantages--

Hounds are still a massive danger; they could get very close before they're noticed, if they're upwind.

Will not receive a warning cry in case of any hawks or approaching predators.

Tunneling would be profoundly dangerous with a hearing disability; should be heavily discouraged.

Overall rating is that this is the second best Clan for a cat with hearing loss. RiverClan's sense of community still gives them the top seat imo, but if the attitudes of their Clanmates are good, WindClan's moor is an easy territory to adapt to.

ShadowClan

This one is going to depend on what version of ShadowClan the Erins feel like writing that day, or which one you've chosen for your own project. Do they live in a dry pine forest? Or a wetland?

If you're using the idea that ShadowClan lives in a dry pine forest, especially if your project exists in Britain where spruces, firs, and larches are non-native and thus the territory is a timber plantation, refer to the new growth section in ThunderClan below.

I do not abide by that idea, because Aengus the Prize Winning Hog did not emerge from a cranberry bog for me to disrespect him in this way <3 love ur local wetland <3

(quick note: a swamp is a wooded wetland, a marsh is an open wetland, a bog is acidic, and a fen is neutral/alkaline. Wetland is the general term here.)

Wetlands are rich with soggy ground, muck, and microbe-ridden stillwater. Though ShadowClan cats don't swim for fun, they would end up with more ear infections than most Clans through accidentally falling into the swamp. It's likely that they have the second-highest rate of hearing loss in the 5 Clans, but still significantly below RiverClan.

The lush, thick ferns and reeds provide lots of cover to the notoriously stealthy Clan, but to a warrior who can't hear, this terrain is loud and frustrating. The squish of mud under your paws and the rustle of undergrowth is very hard to adapt to if you can't hear it. ShadowClan's prey of birds, frogs, and water-rodents will respond to any accidental noises by fleeing, quickly, making hunting difficult.

Plus, ShadowClan doesn't rely on one, large, deep, stony body of water like RiverClan does, which seems to be sedimentary rock and open marsh all around. Predators are lurking everywhere in wooded swamps, and could sneak up on a warrior who can't hear them. Foxes, badgers, and boars are a danger in this territory.

All that said; ShadowClan still doesn't seem to rely on just rodents. They eat a lot of amphibians and reptiles, which are not hunted by sound. Most of the techniques they use to catch them can just be taught verbatim to a deaf apprentice, or continue to be used the same way by a warrior who has lost their hearing.

Advantages--

Concentration of warriors with hearing loss from falling into dirty water may provide community and support.

Has a good selection of prey that doesn't rely on listening to be hunted effectively.

Disadvantages--

Swamps, wooded wetlands, are dangerous and attract predators.

Lush foliage and soupy ground make moving quietly difficult for a deaf warrior; but not as difficult as leaf litter.

So, this Clan would be firmly middle-of-the-line in terms of its accessibility to a cat with hearing loss. It would depend a lot on how you plan to approach ShadowClan in your own project; such as if you plan to build out more campbound activities, see them as being social or antisocial with their Clanmates, and what kind of territory you choose for them to have.

SkyClan

As of the time of writing this guide in 2023, when the only decent description of SkyClan's new territory is from a single chapter of Squirrelflight's Hope, it's very difficult to figure out what sorts of terrain challenges a warrior with hearing loss would face at the lake.

Hopefully I can come back and update this later!

But it's most likely is that they have a diverse, varied territory, involving the climbing of steep hills and gorges. Even at the "gorge" territory, a lot of hunting would need to take place outside of the rocky parts of the ravine, in the sparse woodlands and countrysides nearby.

For hunting on sparse woodland, see the advice for ThunderClan. Most hunting in British countrysides is going to look very similar to WindClan's open fields, so refer up there for that.

Because of how close they are to humans, both in the Gorge and at the Lake, it's HIGHLY recommended that warriors with hearing loss avoid twolegplaces. ESPECIALLY towns. Between cars, crowds, and grabbing hands, these places are already dangerous (and sensory hell) for warriors with great hearing, but outright lethal for a hearing impaired cat who won't hear these things coming.

So while the majority of the Clan is jack-of-all-trades and regularly mixes up the particular terrain they hunt in, this is going to be harder for hearing impaired warriors. They have to invent brand new, unique techniques for ALL of these different environments, some of them more difficult than others. Because of that, it will naturally be easiest for a deaf warrior to "specialize" in a particular type of terrain.

This could result in some pretty intense feelings of alienation, as their hearing Clanmates regularly mix what sorts of places they tackle. Without even intending to, they could end up making the warrior feel very left out!

In terms of the culture though, SkyClan seems notoriously accommodating. Between the part-time-kittypet daylight warriors and the way they invented an entirely new mediator role for a cat who didn't enjoy hunting and fighting, it would likely be one of the BEST Clans in terms of supporting a hearing impaired warrior, even in spite of having a "standard" rate of hearing loss since their territory is not particularly wet.

So, it's very likely that they would WANT to fix the fact they've accidentally made their Clanmate excluded, and seek solutions that work for everyone. If any Clan besides RiverClan had a Pawspeak interpreter translating Leafstar's words, it would probably be these guys lmao

Advantages--

Varied terrain means there will be at least a few places that aren't too hard for them to adapt to

Sparse woods, open fields, and even gorges, the three most common terrain types, are at worst decent for a deaf cat to hunt in.

VERY accommodating culture, the absolute best outside of the Clans with a high hearing loss percentage.

Disadvantages--

Generalist training, where every warrior handles vastly different terrain types, will exponentially increase how much training a hearing-impaired warrior must learn.

Being unable to join with their Clanmates in hunting across the entire territory could feel isolating

Rating: Close to top tier, but variable. It's going to depend somewhat on the personality of the warrior. While SkyClan will likely make a big effort to include them, the reality of needing to learn several sets of parallel skills and the way they might feel like an "outsider" for specializing could cause extra distress. Especially for a warrior losing their hearing later in life.

ThunderClan

Because of their collaborative culture and hunting style, described as snobbish and bossy by other Clans, it's very likely that ThunderClan would struggle the most with a specific type of ableism. Since they value group cohesion, it follows they may force Assimilation onto a disabled warrior rather than Accommodation.

As mentioned earlier, Pawspeak is the best thing for the comfort of a deaf warrior... but it might not occur to this Clan to encourage the majority of the Clan to adapt to a minority of warriors.

But it gets worse. Forests are AWFUL terrain to hunt in if you can't hear. Imagine walking in a field with a bunch of invisible landmines, and if you step on one, it broadcasts your EXACT location.

It's difficult to tell if your mouse is running away because you crunched a leaf and made a sound... or because a bird in a tree SAW you and is now raising up an alarm cry. If you can't actually hear what the noise was that scared your lunch away, you might blame yourself for being clumsy as a fox barrels towards you!

When it comes to forests, there are significant differences between an old growth forest and a new growth forest. BOTH of them are going to be extremely difficult for a disabled warrior to adapt to, but old growth is harder.

OLD GROWTH

In both, ground litter is a challenge, but especially so in an old growth British forest. Natural forests there are primarily mixed oak, which drop twigs, leaves, and acorns all over the ground.

These areas are bountiful, productive, and brimming with life. Both in terms of prey and predators. The varied canopy of natural, mixed-age trees allows sunlight to filter through and create an "understorey," providing lots of food and cover to lots of different animals. Unfortunately, foliage is not a deaf warrior's friend.

As previously mentioned, a mix of areas for animals to hide in and a surrounding of rattling plant life is the worst possible combination for a cat who can't hear. Worse, hunting rodents depends massively on hearing them through the leaf litter, thanks to those high-pitched chirps and squeaks which are the first thing to vanish when a cat loses their hearing.

This would be so bad that it's likely ThunderClan "works" its youngest members much harder than its seniors, assigning apprentices and young warriors to significantly more hunting patrols. Since hearing loss is so common that it's practically inevitable, and the security of a Clan allows these wild cats to live to such old ages, it would be "common sense" to ThunderClan to structure things this way.

Old growth patches are practically food pantries for Clan cats, but hearing impaired warriors will have a HELLISH time trying to hunt in them.

NEW GROWTH

When a forest is new and all of the trees in a stand are about the same age, they create a uniform canopy. Like a continuous tent. This means they're so effective at blocking out sunlight that there's virtually no understorey.

No understorey means no food. Or very little food. But it also means no cover. And, usually, significantly less leaf litter. This is because in Britain, most of these types of forests are non-native conifers. Sitka spruce and douglas fir are the two biggest offenders-- and that's significant because nothing here has evolved to EAT the products of those trees.

In ThunderClan, Tallpines is an example of this, but this type of terrain could pop up anywhere that's seen massive destruction.

No understorey to feed prey, no products of the trees which native animals can eat, a silent floor covered in pine needles which offer no hiding places, almost chilling uniformity of the strange trees in evenly-spaced rows...

All of this to say that there's an irony here, that the hearing impaired warrior will be best at hunting in the most barren parts of the forest.

There's much less things to trip up on, or rustle. Prey can be plainly seen out in the open. Gray squirrels are the most significant prey that can utilize these areas, and they DO make a hearty meal for a Clan cat. Additionally, these areas are particularly silent because they're so barren, which might make them seem "creepy" to hearing warriors, but that wouldn't bother a deaf warrior one bit!

Advantages--

Cultural sentiment of "all for one; one for all" may lead to more dedication from the Clan as a whole in connecting to the hearing impaired cat

Which could be a blessing or a curse, depending on the individual warrior's feelings.

Ability to work efficiently in the most barren parts of the forest

Disadvantages--

Cultural emphasis on collaboration in group hunting likely leads to deaf cats being encouraged to adapt to the patrol rather than their own strengths.

May result in more emphasis on teaching lip reading and 'speech therapy,' rather than the adoption or implementation of Pawspeak.

Very difficult to stay quiet in a forest if you can't hear the crunch of leaf litter and twigs.

Lots of cover means random bullshit can spring out from any corner; abundance of ambush predators.

Cover also means there's a lot of places for prey to hide, and hearing can't be used to pinpoint the location.

Lots of rodent prey, which relies on hearing high-pitched noise to catch.

Rating: F MINUS, SEE ME AFTER CLASS. By FAR the worst Clan for a warrior with hearing loss to be part of, for both practical reasons, AND cultural reasons. Awful awful awful, absolutely abysmal, failing grade. Dark Souls for deaf cats

Though remember! This part of the guide is a suggestion. You do not need to include ableism in your own projects if you do not want to, and I hope with the information that you now have, you know how to better avoid it!

"Sources?"

Right this way~

[verivolt]

Verivolt offers a wide range of Voltage Amplifier products for any application and budget. Buy Now.

[bitdemonic]

date. may 29th, 2023

time. 3:16pm

—❝𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐞.❞

𝐬𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬. future spouse pac ✞ pics with them

𝐚𝐢𝐝. if the images above are too hard to differentiate between your intuition, use ‘pile 1, 2, 3, or 4’ for the choice selection instead. this reading has five piles and each pile is different in terms of context.

𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫. 18+ content—no minors. please remember, this post is just for shits and giggles. pinch a grain of salt and use the best of your discernment. i tend to write under the impression that majority of this content’s viewers are women however i read for both feminine and masculine energies. if needed to, please flip the roles as reversed for an accurate message. hope this reading is useful, but not for plagiarism bitch. enjoy.❦

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 ✞

🃏lovers. 5oc. magician↺. queen of pentacles↺. tower↺. strength↺ and peace.

let it be mentioned that the lovers card amplifies all of the energy that follows; def intense because i could feel it within the deck itself. pictures here are raw, they’re always unfiltered and passionate at w.e moment they’re taken. to me, y’all are the literal definition of ownership lmao so it’s hard not to notice the obsession with each another. y’all’s chemistry is def eye-catching, tantalizing to say the least. “mine.” there are resemblances between y’all, matching tattoos or even being mistaken for brother and sister. to put it in a nutshell, this is tongue kissing on the main and taunting old exes—it’s obvious there’s bomb ass sex with each other lmao, but more importantly there is devotion.

apart from posting on social media, there’s internet presence around y’all—could be popular influencers or just outright celebrities. possible youtube couple? very de’arra and ken vibes. either way, someone in the connection (if not both) went or will go viral. the tower in retrograde, this is a specific picture at a specific point in time; it even has the potential to be life changing. “break the internet.” attention that brings problems ngl. sure someone’s jealous ex, but apart from them there is so much outside negativity towards the feminine. people are pissed when she comes across their feed, but only because they secretly want to be her. queen of coins in retrograde; envy that simmers from deep within until it becomes hatred or outer turmoil. seeing pics sent in groupchats, hate comments from spam accounts, posting on close friends—her presence triggers insecurities and people hurt under pressure. black moon lilith. as delusional as it sounds, this is an eerie situation to be in fr so be mindful.

the masculine doesn’t stand a chance omg, the feminine is deadass the star of the show. represented as the queen of wands, she’s outshining tf out of him without even trying lmao. glamorization of what the masses can see, which undeniably is her beauty. this is “off guard” pretty, bad pictures just simply don’t exist. if y’all wear makeup, it’s very complimented—the blending and baking, or contour and highlighter are a ten. this even pertains to the first paragraph, how someone here is in the public eye, because pictures of her are taken unbeknownst due to her appearance. the magician in retrograde signifies fan cams, video edits, and pinterest boards—there’s also editorials and photoshop? mentions of an aesthetic came in, or “neptune.”

all in all, this couple has magnetism and attracts opportunities due to their pictures. def some gorgeous people, it was noted that y’all’s face cards elite lmao. however, y’all have to be cautious because taboo-ism is prone to happen as well. such as scamming or catfishing, things that could cause detriment to future occasions. outsiders are the issue here, they’ll def try to bank off on y’all’s identities. something could or could’ve already happened with a certain picture? “controversy.” the response to it is fifty-fifty; half who are defending and half who are criticizing. “stans” and a “fandom” are involved.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

❦— from behind. the masculine will tower behind the feminine (no matter the height), engulfing her in a bear hug or whatever else to imply their presence. head buried in her neck, hands wrapped around her waist—this also denotes their possessiveness as partners together.

❦— pretty teeth. big big smiles here, the goofy grins and shut eyes. y’all countdown before taking a picture but numerous times because y’all can never be serious lmao. fingers in mouth type smiley faces.

❦— beauty queen. this is more-so on the feminine’s behalf, she’s the one that’s always ready for a picture and the one always asking someone to take one of her. being photogenic is one of her best features to date. no matter if y’all agree, but i’m def seeing the face of a model.

❦— cancer. this made me think of ariana grande and her husband dalton, their pic outside with the moon behind them. this is pictures in that same setting, or at least taking them during the nighttime. 8pm thru 5am. stargazing together is here too.

❦— taurus. this actually alludes to more than one thing. the masculine is a gift giver, i pulled the “sugar daddy” card for them in particular. they def have big bucks, or at least enough to gift you the finer things in life. they’ll spoil you for fun and in turn you’ll show off what they bought you—new toys lol. pics of the “next big thing” (vacation views, receipts or tickets, cars, etc). smell goods are specific, perfumes or colognes.

“glutton” corresponds with taurus as well—someone in this connection loves to chow down, meaning tons of food cameos in their (own) pictures. they’ll pose funnily; mid-chew or with a bunch of food stuffed in their mouth to be annoying lol. little dorky things like putting an orange peel in their mouth before they smile.

❦— do not disturb. pretty self-explanatory, but for y’all this seems to be alone time from the world. this reminded me of travel, but i channeled that this is to each others hometowns. this could be an interracial connection, mentions of cultural traditions and differences.

❦— naked bodies. the feminine’s chest is significant, something about that area in particular that the masculine loves. there’s pics of them fondling or sucking on her nipples, playing with them even. someone’s v-line is here, plus a hand going up their abdomen. the masculine’s bare ass is source material too, those pics are for funsies.

❦— topping. this could obviously mean they’re a daddy dom in general lmao, but if not it just means the masculine will be hunched over or “taller” than the feminine. she’ll be lower than him, as in he’s standing and she’s sitting or she’s laying down beneath him. sex-wise this is them doing it from behind or being on top quite literally.

❦— foreplay. tbh this one is vague, but i still wanted to put it in bc why tf not. this is while y’all are in the moment, or while someone is teasing the other before actual intercourse. pictures of them while they’re giving you hickies, or while they’re pulling at your underwear to give you oral. somebody’s an ass muncher too so expect pics of that lmaooo.

❦— sloppy. no but yes iykyk😂 this is more on the pic itself, how it won’t be organized or captured clearly during sexual moments. like if you’re pleasuring them and have them take a picture, it’ll just come out fucked and unfocused because they’re fucked and unfocused. kinda what would’ve been the perfect shot if y’all weren’t so “distracted”.

brooklyn and nicola peltz-beckham (hot ass names) are the perfect couple example for this pile. their expressiveness together is subtle, yet loud enough that we know they’re each other’s one and only. regardless of how long the relationship lasts, we’ll remember the fact that they were ultimately made for each other.

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 ✞

🃏king of cups. princess of cups. 2oc. 5op↺. 8oc↺. rest and comfort.

this spread screams emotional depth, it’s haunting as hell but not in a bad way—in a way that’ll pull your soul into its deep abyss. hypnotic almost. this is “grow old together” love, i can literally feel the years in my bones. these are moments that you can’t help but reminisce on, pictures that are saved or bookmarked because they’re so very special. their essence is felt and appreciated, enough that there’ll be tears of happiness. lmao this is going to sound corny, but this connection’s energy reminds me of a warm blanket. like milk and cookies on the sofa, or a kiss goodbye from grandma. it’s just so snug, i can’t even put into words how safe i feel right now. how libras are sweet and tender, fragile enough to shatter if you aren’t gentle—this is softness at its finest.

[TW] substance abuse could’ve been an reoccurring issue in this relationship, or at least a bad problem. the five of pentacles being in retrograde was an indication of sobriety to me, along with the image of somebody holding their own sobriety chip with a smile—not for everyone, but pictures under this circumstance are meant to remember the past without having to revisit the pain. “encouragement.” it’s apparent at this point lmao, but the sweetest captions known to man are found here. paragraph after paragraph, an everflowing stream of appreciation for your partner. endearing birthday posts are significant, along with sweet nothings in the comments omg y’all are sapsss. if i had to put it in words, “smol” or “wubs” come to mind before anything else omg y’all are sapssssss.

there are before and after pictures with each other (childhood friends, neighbors, friend of a friend, etc.) because again “growing old iem together”, there’s a sense of watching each other through the years. feeling the vibe of them being around as kids, transitioning into adulthood then getting closer as grownups. if not tho, this is someone that you’ll literally feel at home with; they are home to be real. this is a person that’s familiar, regardless of if they’re new or not. y’all are going to be glued to each other’s side until death. similarities are here, but in the sense of same environment or same social circle. i’m also getting similar taste in hobbies, music, and clothing. meditation or gym pics are common, promoting balance and wellbeing is a shared interest. personalities in general, ya’ll coordinate so very well. no wonder people linger longer than they need to—they’re wanting to see what’s next with the world’s cutest couple. also because y’all are walking enigmas and it threatens them lmao.

the attributes of venus sums up y’all’s pictures together. they’re beautiful, and are the literal definition of a thousand words. i channeled date night, but this came to being in the kitchen most of the time. y’all love to cook together, or to be in the kitchen at the same time to goof off and be annoying. dinner at home happens frequently, i’m seeing someone set the table while the other chops vegetables and stirs the pot. there’s pictures of handwritten love letters or random bouquets of flowers, things that tend to sweeten life with them a little more than before. this is def “fell in love with my best friend”, even as a photo caption lol. friends in general are around y’all—drunk nights at the bar, group poses in front of an amusement park, eating edibles and doing vlogs, etc. a lot of moments with your future spouse include people y’all are close with as a couple (siblings, co-workers, group of friends). nostalgia is the overall vibe here. pictures together feel good and “homey”.

extra mentions because i can’t even get over this pile, this is my favorite one out of all of them. it just feels how a polaroid looks, but in the sense of being in love? i just keep seeing the little things🥹 walking alongside the beach, kissing in the photo booth, building a gingerbread house, picking their nose even lmao. wow ya’ll have custom fridge magnets too. i didn’t get that pics of them were frequent on social media, more so because they’re too special to share. this pile values their privacy so pictures aren’t taken with the thought of anyone else in mind, they’re very cherished. i did channel emotional milestones being posted (pregnancy, marriage, moving in, etc.) and i do see their own certified spot on your page (photo dumps, page highlights, name in bio). kinda like a virtual museum of their love to you and your love to them.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

❦— them. a potent photo trait is literally your fs lmao, they’re lowkey walking art. something about their facial features or structure are resemblant to a god’s—very pretty people, and we photograph them as such. capturing them from their good angles with the best lighting, it’s flattering. people stop breathing when they see these pictures.

❦— b&w. these are heartwarming pictures, ones that are wholesome enough to frame and hang on the walls. i’m seeing pinkies being intertwined and eskimo kisses, innocence personified. closeups of someone covering their face and hiding their smile, but peeking through their fingers to see the camera cuteee.

❦— work. big thing here, it was mentioned three times. y’all could have an online business together, one that encourages or promotes positivity (self affirmations, fundraisers, products, etc.) it could be popular, there’s succession (passed down thru generations) and a sense of being stable despite y’all being new owners.

there’s also “goodbye” and “big city”, working creates long distance travel which means the time y’all usually spend together gets split in half. someone has to leave frequently and for long periods of time, this in turn creates photo dumps (which are so common here lol) and extra long captions.

❦— hermit mode. take a shot for each time i’ve said something’s cute lmao but this is so cute. so these are pics at home or in comfortable environments, in matching onesies or facial masks. just very big kid vibes, y’all even build pillow forts to sleep in them awww. this is peace and quiet with each other.

❦— phone. i channeled facetime and audio messages, “listen to me.” ya’ll spend hours upon hours on the phone. no matter if it’s meaningful convo or a simple check in, y’all will talk all day until your mouths go dry. taking screenshots of their goofy messages (hilarious btw) while falling asleep on the phone, y’all can’t get enough of each other. this is someone that will listen to and send songs that remind them of you, creating playlists that y’all will listen to together.

❦— landscapes. beautiful views with them, emphasis on beautiful. orange sunsets, mossy green hills, glittered night skies. blooming gardens or snowcapped peaks, nature as a whole is prominent but def within photos. a “secret” code is here; if someone isn’t in the picture entirely, their stuff will be so that we know they’re around. (car keys or a phone, initials in the sand, half-eaten food etc.)

❦— guess what? “we just fucked.” lame i know lmaoooo but this is what y’all do, leave writing on foggy windows or wet handprints against shower glass. it could be wet stains on the bed, bite marks on the thighs—anything goes to snitch on y’all selves tbh. even seeing red scratches across someone’s back, yet they grin with a thumbs up.

❦— nudes. if your person is a male, pictures of their wand are reoccurring. very reoccurring lmao, whether it’s sent from them or taken by you. specifically pictures of your hand wrapped around their wand after they’ve🥛 but there’s videos too, more of the oral part before the finish lmao. this is on the feminine’s phone in particular, she has a hidden folder in her camera roll just for these.

❦— home videos. y’all have beautiful sex together, as in pleasure that’s meant to be on film fr. emotions and passion at an all time high, it’s as if the walls were painted in y’all’s intimacy. “aesthetes.” so much thought and effort are put into the final product—props and low lighting, burning candles, background music. it’s a movie scene, even down to the settings that resemble paintings.

❦— the fool. it’s normal for nsfw pics to happen outside; in nature or in public spaces. wild cards fr, you’ll end up doing it anywhere and everywhere (oral included). no regard for the law or peeping toms either, y’all get too wrapped up in each other care. this is in restrooms, at parking lots, on beaches, etc. just don’t get caught lmao.

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 ✞

🃏queen of cups↺. 6os↺. 5op. 10op↺. 9oc. cleanse and ideation↺.

i want to mention that i noticed a dime while shuffling—this made me think “a dime a dozen” or “diamond in the rough.” this is on the fs’s part, they put you on a pedestal. you’re a trophy to them, the winning prize, someone that they’re so proud to experience and witness in their everyday glory. no one in the world reminds them of you, you’re indifferent and cherishable. your own person. channeled that this is evident in their eyes—in pictures you’ll notice a glimmer or glint, even the admiration on their face. in awe of all that is you.

these are photos that can’t be shared, ones that are kept secret and stowed under passwords. “your eyes only.” this energy is very secretive, very “shhhh” and it seems to be a double edged sword situation. this pile’s future spouse has an outside relationship, someone they’re involved with despite their attachment to you. it’s shitty because y’all truly have a bomb ass connection but the secrecy behind it overshadows the love. the emperor in retrograde, their control over the situation is a nuance to the issue. the problem lies in their dismissal of reality, life outside of the fantasy they’ve created. pertaining to them leaving their current partner, it’s no negotiation on how or when to do it. they want to leave on their own time, but you’re not a fan of that sentiment because it’s tiring. this person is so matter of fact tho lmao, they say “deal with it or don’t.”

ngl i do see this as possessiveness, but it’s not as terrible as it seems. the circumstance could obviously be better, but as far as their intentions go it’s never out of spite. it sounds confusing because yes this is a love triangle, but truthfully they’re more invested in what y’all have. there’s just no forward action after the fact which screams lack of accountability due to their pride and ego. despite their leo placements (trust me), this person emulates the cowardly lion and his fear of courage, particularly their refusal to come clean and cut ties. with cleanse and ideation being contrasting colors (red and blue i.e. hot and cold), moments of passion turn into missed calls and ghosting. long periods on their end, on and off or up and down, because they don’t want to accept defeat—being in love.

these photos remind me of a mask, one that hides the truth behind wide smiles and kissy faces. it’s a lot going on within this connection and tbh that aspect is more evident than anything in the camera. despite their emotional response to you, i did channel that they have the tendency to forget you’re human lmao. not in a weird disrespectful sense, but that you’re an item they want to keep “all alone and only needing me.” it seems unhinged but again this isn’t with ill intent, it’s a claim for them. “competition” and i’m channeling flavor flav’s dating show—this is an ego (leo) thing for sure because of course this person has insecurities revolving your other options. this is such a situationship lmao but i don’t think it’s all bad, just some major inner reflection is needed. i will say that pile three’s energy was quiet, this seems to be withdrawal from dealing with old patterns and that’s valid.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

❦— photobomb. this person is alwaysssss interrupting personal pictures lmao and with no shame too. i’m getting so many random instances of them, nine times out of ten they’ll be in the background of whatever is taken. channeling live photos specifically; you’re posing in the mirror as they walk in to bother you lmao. they start to grab at your waist to give you a kiss, but you’re laughing and squealing instead. they’ll have moments as such, but their gestures are significant (middle fingers, expressive faces, waving at the camera etc.)

❦— scorpio. very sexy, secluded energy is significant. for obvious reasons it’s borderline sneaking around, so the air of enticement is always there. “risqué.” there’s something about the lighting that adds to this dynamic, either lowering brightness or dimming the contrast (me coded) to “seduce” or add mystique. also it just looks better lmao.

❦— three of wands. specific so it’s not for all, but someone in this connection is either bisexual or bi-curious. this could even point to a polygamous or open relationship because i’m seeing threesomes or kissing people of the same sexual orientation. maybe even doing things with this person’s outside connection(s), it was mentioned. this didn’t come off as a photo trait but i still put it in lmao take what resonates.

❦— thin ice. one or the other are using their partner’s state of vulnerability as a quote unquote mindfuck😭 this is when they’re upset (yelling, crying, silent treatment etc). i even see someone sticking up their middle finger as their person spams a bunch of pictures. “aw you mad?” this seems to be the fs’s game of choice and it’s irritating bc sometimes they can’t read the room lmao.

❦— honey. this lands since together y’all seem to be hot and sticky, but turn out sweet at the same time. your person’s teasing and childish antics tie into this too (sticky), they’ll send pictures of things they ordered for you or send money to make up for upsetting you.

❦— hot. honey hot lmaoo don’t unfollow me yet. “turn me on” and “sexy sexy” came out, pretty self explanatory. i could see the energy if anything, y’alls energies are intense af. it’s like looking at porn in the form of a couple, very cunt tbh (i hate myself). sexual innuendos come from this too—grabbing crotches but it’s not in view, peeking at them from under the sheets, biting fingers or being choked.

❦— aquarius. very unserious couple lmaooo (take a shot for each lmao lmao), ya’ll are so silly together. this is milk mustaches, cheek biting, sniffing armpits, clenching butts—literally anything dumb. fun environments or dates that require being active, ones that are out the box or outside comfort zones. rock climbing, bungee jumping, parasailing, rooftop golf, riding atvs etc. veryyy fun pics.

❦— evidence. i didn’t want to include this because i don’t encourage it but we move. whatever pics come out of this specific part, they’re going to be vile. just outright nasty lmao and it’s for a reason. this is def ammunition for the feminine, this is her weapon for those that try to sabotage this relationship out of spite or competition. saved for “rainy days.” this is one leo ass pile😭

❦— aphrodite. because you’re breathtaking, they’ll catch you in the moments of being “free” or at ease. like when you’re getting undressed for a shower or when you’re glowing after great sex. capturing minuscule details that only a lover would notice, they see true beauty even when you aren’t attempting to be.

❦— nudes. the feminine is naughty oooo. “invisible ink.” she’s sending nudes like invitations lmao, but on the occasion that y’all have been separated for too long. wants to show her partner what they’ve been missing, or at least what they can’t have. “look since you can’t touch.” it’ll be torture too lmao, she’s def dolled up and posing in whatever’s sheer to flaunt her goods.

when it comes to sexual media in general, y’all are always on the same page. whenever, wherever, however—it’s always reciprocated because it’s always wanted lmao, it’s exciting and keeps things fun. sexting at work, whispering dirty talk into the phone, masturbation videos before noon etc. admiration of each other’s bodies is here; heart emojis and words of affirmation.

❦— queen of coins. this is value during pleasure, goddess treatment when it comes to bedroom activities. tbh if y’all stared at them long enough it’d just get y’all hot and bothered for more. i’m channeling that your person will dead send money in return for being blessed omg. roleplay and cosplay were mentioned, y’all go shopping for new costumes or items together.

had to mention because it kept reoccurring whenever i edited this specific pile—i kept repeating lmao after certain sentences or wanted to put in dumb shit for comedic presence, and i wanted to be blunt with this pile so bad because y’all felt so bestie. this was so y’all’s fs lmao idk who they are but they’re nothing but jokes, a pure clown at heart. i thought it was cute because i interpreted it as y’all being so connected that even when y’all are far apart y’all are still so close.

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫 ✞

🃏5os↺. 2ow↺. 3oc. the hermit. the magician↺. flow↺ and growth.

off bat it seems that pictures didn’t come into fruition for a while, at least three-five months tops. “no sudden movements.” resistance and ghosting are here, someone is running from the connection out of fear. the hermit card means that they’re scared of stepping outside their comfort zone to take a risk. not even in a negative way it’s just that they’re terrified lmao. this is def bestfriends to lovers but there’s turtle movement around the union coming together—that same someone doesn’t want to ruin the friendship. they don’t know this obviously, but y’all are actually a divine union. “ancient” so this could be souls from a past life coming together again. “grounded as human beings.” this is so slow burn tho lmao i can deadass see a tree starting to grow but in slowww motion.

this person fantasizes heavyyy about taking passionate photos with you, but again y’all are nowhere near that level of commitment yet. pretty sure this reading’s timeline is during the beginning or middle of y’all’s friendship since there’s so many downloads about comfortability and not wanting to mess up. they’re fighting temptation so bad it’s wild lmao, they’ve never felt this strongly about someone—let alone a friend. red hearts are in their eyes whenever you’re near, but they’ll still turn away to avoid facing the truth of their feelings. it’s annoying to them too lmao, queen of cups represents the emotional pull your presence has on them. to be caught up in the depths of inner reflection is so outside themselves and yet here they are.

someone else is involved with the pacing of this connection. the three of cups being pulled is representative as a person or situation outside of y’all, one that they’re incapable of leaving though they’re desperate to. “can’t.” something about being bound (marriage, children, parents, religion etc.) is the reason why. whichever or whatever it is, unfortunately it’s not an easy fix. their energy is obviously the most prominent and that’s because they’re yearning for this idea of becoming more, they just hate that blockages exist and are effective. you’re a literal pleasure to be around, they wish to easily accept and embrace all that you should offer. channeled tupac’s love letter to jada and how he wrote, “you bring me 2 climax without sex.” beautiful ass words from him btw, but in correspondence to your person this is what they’d say about you too. it’s a lot to relish in and it’s prob not obvious, but they do worship the very ground you walk on. admiration, adoration, appreciation in every way possible. honorable mention, your future spouse loves talking to you. general conversation is nice, but y’all peel off the layers of topics that are taboo or undiscussed. the conversation will reach the very ends of the earth just to double back again for more.

didn’t realize until now that pics together weren’t mentioned that much because this person had some things to say instead lmao. it’ll start off discreet, sneaking photos of you from behind or getting them walking past your table. this is cute considering the reading was mainly from fs’s perspective, but you’re the one that’s taking “accidental” pictures of them first. and when this person happens to take “accidental” pictures too, they won’t ever delete them. keepsakes. those accidents soothe the big fat secret crushes y’all have on each other. y’all are literally 🩷 in human form, or puppy love as a couple. very cute like i’m squealing for y’all.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

❦— spam. “123” was pulled twice, but instead of countdowns i channeled multiple pictures at once. getting in each other’s faces for the fun of it, catching them off guard or at their “worst” to be silly lol. i see y’all picking out the most embarrassing ones and saving them to y’all’s favorites.

❦— beyoncè. “middle fingers up, put them hands high.” boy do y’all love this gesture lmaooo this is def in almost every pic if not all. i did hear until it’s used with direct intent then the rest of the song came in😭 this is a jab at their on and off behavior, y’all have periods of being beefed out bc of it.

❦— hair. someone’s hair is prominent, could be curly? if not it’s still apart of photos together, it’s even a prop sometimes. very nice hair, bold or beautiful. this is using strands of hair for mustaches or pretending to eat it with wide eyes lmao.

❦— taurus. could be food pics as well, but i channeled netflix and chill vibes. lounging around with y’all’s legs on the other or using chests as pillows. y’all send screenshots of movie favorites (actors and directors, behind the scenes, monologues etc.) or of movie knickknacks. seeing pics at comic-con and animals in character costumes. movie funko pops or figurines too.

❦— venusian. this is someone that will always always always compliment you before, after, or during a picture. if you ask them to take one of you, you’ll notice how fucking long it takes them to do it. i’m seeing them look back and forth, from you to the camera, because “wow you’re real.” gorgeous too. taken aback for sure but they’ll hide it behind witty little remarks. “wow you actually look nice today” but instead it’s the shittiest attempt at hiding what they really want to say.

❦— old friend. waving hello or goodbye, someone is doing this to the other as they come closer or farther away. pictures while they’re walking, seeing small smiles and timid hands. sweet gestures are significant, followed by blushing cheeks or shy eye contact.

❦— baby. this🥹 this is literally y’all’s aesthetic in most pictures. it’s like looking at puppies and kittens, how your whole demeanor goes soft and you can’t stop saying “awww.” tenderness is always there and it’s shown—forehead kisses, tracing noses, wearing each other’s shirts or hoodies, hugs from behind etc.

❦— boobies and more boobies. boobies.

❦— fluids. horrendous ass word but these are pics of 🥛 or 🧃 on each other’s faces. releasing on your lower body, or you’ll get them drenched in yours. if this person has a wand, i’m seeing it lodged in your mouth or being tapped across your cheek. this includes (loud and expressive🤭) self-masturbation on their end as well.

❦— condiments. yessss this is them putting whip cream on your neck to suck it off or pouring syrup into your belly button and licking it out. not food but ice cubes were mentioned too, dragging it along your body or kissing it into your mouth. plus they’re delicate with it. these are vids more than pics, but nonetheless y’all hot af lmao.

❦— lingerie. high quality, as in lace corsets and beaded garters that give off haute couture. getting the vibe of something expensive, and it doesn’t have to be but y’all not wearing nothing cheap lmao. doe or siren eyes in the camera, along with lewd poses and provocative faces.

❦— hotttt. vids of them taking control or dirtying you up real good since they’re on camera🥵 rough and nasty, crying and begging type shit. i’m hearing taunting or a tone of condescendence while they pound harder and deeper wow. very raw and disgusting i love it. choking and spitting even, they’re extremely intense when they want to be and you’re going to love it lmao.

❦— aftercare. capturing each other’s naked bodies, either rubbing against one another or winding down after a round. this is when it’s all said and done, when y’all are out of breath and exhausted from banging each other’s brains out lmao. but it could also be the slower part of intercourse, where y’all still “attached” but it’s coming to an end. bro y’all are hot af😭

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 ✞

🃏5ow. 10ow↺. death↺. 4os↺. 9ow. 2os↺. space and passion.

starting with the cards space and passion, this pile def has to tiptoe around the concept of taking photos with their fs. whoever they are, there’s disapproval around them being romantically involved with you. channeled “good girl gone bad” and it reminds me of the preacher’s daughter who turned out to be someone different than expected. with death in retrograde, that’s literally what i just said lmao—fated transformation will occur during this person and after. matter of fact, all of the cards in reverse represent the people whom are trying to lure you back into who you “used to be.” these people fear your transformation because they think it’s happening under the circumstance of pleasing your future spouse and not for personal gain. something tells me this is family talking opposed to public influence or nosey exes, and i also feel like you’re without a voice here. people don’t hear you out even when you try to speak up? with the nine of wands, you’re incessantly being put in positions where your beliefs are challenged as an adult, but this could stem from childhood as well. chiron in the 3rd, lillith in the 4th, and mercury in the 12th could be significant.

going back to this person, they give me first vibes. not in the sense of losing virginities or love and heartbreak, but your first sexual awakening. the aura around pictures with them are intense enough to be sexy but the dark and brooding type that’s why i made the assumption of this being the opened door to devotion. this feels like sex magick lmao, you’ll feel bonded to them whether it was before or after the first time. you’ve never been this infatuated before and if you think you have, no you haven’t. this is going to sound lame lmao but y’all’s energy feels like my persona on here, the profile pic and username. kourtney kardash and travis barker are a better example since they’re an actual couple. y’all are like them, not their entire relationship but the aesthetic they share and how in lust they are. don’t hate me either but i’m picking up on how kourtney pretty much changed her whole look to match travis’s vibe, this is that too (don’t do that tho, be yourself baby).

lmao let me again mention that people are pissed at this union like real bad. of course they don’t necessarily matter considering this is your life, but funnily enough they want the best for you. don’t get me wrong, however way they go about expressing this could def be better but the intention isn’t to be assholes. four of swords in retrograde, their thoughts revolve around emotional stability and maturity—you’re too young for them (fs) in terms of naivety. “ticking time bomb.” there’s truth to this tho and ofc you’ll discover why that is once it’s time to. bringing up the nine of wands again, as a whole it turned out be an age gap—your person could be older and it doesn’t have to be a huge ass difference but it’s not subtle lmao. channeled the trope dbf!character x daughter!reader😭 ngl that sums up why there’s so much tsking around y’all being together. y’all better be of legal age, and please careful when old creeps come around because no.

ngl this seems to be a karmic relationship that comes with a profound lesson; don’t get discouraged either, this is going to bring in so much growth as a physical and spiritual being. this is meant to help you transition through life seamlessly, or at least without the mindset of giving up. this lesson seems to be made up of spiritual guidance bordering past wounds (relationship, childhood, generational etc.), a universal test that’ll heal the old and assist the new. you’re kicking people from the past back where they were left at, very intent on standing where your foot lands. beautiful baby, congrats to your future self!

extra notes because i had no space to fit them in with the other paragraphs. as i said earlier, people are against y’all’s connection but it’s not just your family members that try to intercept. “tabloids.” i think your future spouse may be in the public eye? i didn’t pick up on fame in particular, but there’s some type of attention on them that gets put on you. regardless, the situation brings a shitload of haters. it’s weird tbh because people don’t not like you but at the same time they do?😭 “bittersweet” came to mind and that’s replicant of this energy in a way? “you deserve better.” people want to save you from something they don’t think is worth your time, but then want to rub it in your face that they told you so? bro idk who this person is but they are notttt popular, people not fw them at all lmao. it’s negativity around them if anything but i just heard “bad publicity is still publicity”, maybe that image works for them.

📸 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬

y’all must be special irl this pile is so different from the others lol—i didn’t pick up on photo traits but personality traits instead so i went with it. there’s no nsfw section for y’all because i didn’t pick up on that either, however there are four more piles for y’all to choose from!

❦— green eyes. this could be literal green eyes, but i felt more of an envious energy instead. surprise surprise the same people that hate on y’all’s relationship wish it could be theirs. people are jealous of what you’re getting with them, or “earning.” gifts and pretty things for being their spouse, it’s one of those dreams that everyone wants but only few have.

❦— king of wands. daddy warbucks himself, this person is for sure rich af. they’re someone with lots of power, lots of control, lots of fucking money lmao within their career. i don’t get that they’re ceo of wherever they work, but they have enough pull to take trips around the sun and bring you along too. “penthouse views” are included (obvi).

❦— honey. this person def has some seasoning to them, heavy dilf and silverfox vibes around their appearance. seeing a beard, low eyes, maybe even flannel shirts lmao. some of y’all have the twd cast (andrew lincoln, norman reedus, jeffrey dean morgan) and pedro pascal for face references. a rugged daddy basically😂

❦— cherries. maybe this is someone’s favorite fruit? this made me think of the tropics or places similar to the virgin islands. frequent flyer miles, traveling to visit warm beaches and clear coastal waters.

❦— hunter x chaser. this is such forty-year old energy lol it’s charming and that’s what they typically know best. your future spouse def got on your nerves with how much they kept hitting on you😂 not in a weird way, but in a way where they were intent on getting your name. i’m seeing phone number offers and warm smiles, crow’s feet around their eyes too. there is a sense of rejection here, but eventually you cave to their advances.

❦— 22. could be significant to y’all’s age gap, or maybe you’re this age at the time y’all meet. this number made me channel birthdays or special celebrations (anniversary, party, holiday etc). we’re aware of this person’s bank account lmao so it’s no surprise that they’re fond of spending whatever to throw the best whatever. “cover it all.” they’re the type to make things extra special and absolutely perfect for you, no matter the cost.

❦— awakening. this is in regards to you, how being with this person brought a rebirth that ultimately forced you to shed old skin. “Jesus.” major spiritual transitions, regardless of if you believe in higher power or not. this person is the catalyst to writing a new chapter of your life and thriving in it, you’ll be so powerful without the burden of dragging dead weight and opinions. ngl i don’t think your future spouse is meant to be longterm based on how important this transformation is for your story, i think you’ll realize that in the end. “it was fun while it lasted.” you’ll grow and reap your blessings.

end.❤️‍🔥 previous reading

[andythecorsair]

On the Accusations about Neil Gaiman

I've been spending more time than I would like about it, so rather than writing a whole new thing, I'm going to paste some advice and general thoughts I posted on Reddit over here. Take with as much salt as you feel is appropriate.

The knee-jerk reaction is to label everyone as either a hero or a villain. Everyone is stuck in this binary way of thinking that is truly exhausting. Try to shed it and think of people complexly, and it'll allow you to continue enjoying your life. By denying yourself something joyful, you're not moving the needle at all for literally anyone but yourself.

Putting aside for a moment any potential biases of the podcast and the people amplifying it, Gaiman himself has admitted to some creepy, toxic-ass behaviour. He was older and in a position of power. Folks will jump from that to someone being a bad person and not wanting to engage with their work any more although those self-same people will continue to spend an awful lot of time discussing that person online, as we've seen this week. I think it's also true to say that he had his own mental health struggles, that the consent in these situations was grey, and that there's an awful lot to what happened that we don't and will never know.

As to my point about 'cancelling' Gaiman, I used to be much more hardline about that kind of thing. These days, I've mellowed; partly with the knowledge that boycotts rarely work, and partly because famous artists are somehow held to a higher standard these days than politicians and certainly more than your average person.

I also think there's a spectrum of reaction from uncritical adoration to wroth-fuelled cancelation. Personally, I'll keep consuming and loving Gaiman's work, because it's still fantastic art that has a lot to love. While I'm consuming it, I'm sure I'll wince and read differently depictions of younger women and relationships with power differentials. How I consume and interpret the art has absolutely change. But I'm leaving my pitchfork on the farm. You might well make a different choice, and that's fine.

Personally, I'll neither join the moral crusade nor mount a particularly strong ethical defense.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

ferro twirling cane theory

***Stage in Playful Land spoilers below the cut!!***

This theory is in regards to this animation. Please note that there is also a variation of it without the stars. (The starless effect plays more frequently.)

The idea is that when Ferro twirls the cane (and especially when the stars appear), he’s actually casting a subtle spell that either makes himself come off as more convincing to others and/or to make those he’s speaking to more susceptible to believing what they’re told (a “YOu’RE DuMB NOW” spell). Alternatively, it could be that the nature of this magic amplifies hedonistic desires (to cut loose, to live freely, to have fun, etc.) while also dampening reason. I do believe he already has a natural charisma about him, but clearly what Ferro is offering is SUPER shady—in which case, some magic of this nature may help.

The starry effect differentiating the cane twirls is already suspect, but what adds to the sus factor is that the two times it plays out (in part 1) was in parts when the NRC boys were wary of him. The first instance was when Ferro bumped into the first group; after twirling and scattering stars, everyone’s attitude toward him softens. The same happens again when the third years came to the departure location to stop their juniors. Their behavior shift was more slight compared to the first and second years, which makes me think there’s a natural ceiling to Ferro’s magic (ie he can only be so persuasive with it).

ADDENDUM: We see Ferro using the cane twirl with the starry effect a lot more in part 2 of the event; he seems to be using it whenever the NRC boys are resistant to having fun in Playful Land.

I wonder it’s his… unique magic/signature spell????? Because we know Jade and Jamil’s UM are also a variant of mind manipulation magic… and since we got Rollo’s UM, surely we must also get Ferro’s eventually, right???? I believe Ferro also says the same or a similar line each time the sparkling stick twirl animation plays, “there’s nothing to be scared about” or something to that effect. Again, it feels a lot like Jade’s UM and incantation.

[1d1195]

Love and Dryer Sheets IV

Read the rest here: Love and Dryer Sheets

~4.2k words

Warnings: emotional cheating, pining, angst, maybe some fluff if you squint

Now I know I have a heart…because it’s breaking.

Ava texted Harry to let him know she made it to the restaurant. She even apologized about the thing with her keys. There was even a heart emoji. Harry was spending the time she was out, face down on the sofa, trying not to scream. But it felt like he needed to. In fact, it felt like he needed to lay face down in traffic but obviously he couldn’t actually do that.

Harry’s conscience decided now was the time to give up on him. Maybe the little voice thought Harry was just simply too stupid to deal with right now. What was he even supposed to do? The voice in his head all but told him exactly what would happen. It tried to warn him. It was completely, totally Harry’s fault for fucking up so. Very. Badly.

Harry sat up about ten minutes before Ava was set to be home. He made a list on his phone of things he needed to do; there was no order to the list as the last item was probably most important…but his already broken, stupid mind didn’t have it in him to put it first, out in the open like that.

-Work portfolio -Gemma b-day present -Laundry -Tell Ava -Tell...

He didn’t want to finish the last sentence.

What were his options? 

He could tell Ava. But that ensured a blowout fight. They would probably break up. Would Ava leave? Technically Harry found this place. Naturally, she complained how her fifteen-minute commute to work was brutal every couple months (usually around holidays when the traffic would amplify to thirty minutes—not that she ever left a moment earlier to account for the time differential) and made sure to tell Harry that she didn’t like living here. 

But…Harry didn’t like the idea of breaking up. It felt like he was losing. Everyone had sympathetic eyes for him when Ava made him mad–especially in public. There goes the poor sap that can’t get out of a bad relationship. But it wasn’t bad. At least…it wasn’t always bad. Harry had to stay for a reason right?

What are those reasons? The voice of Harry’s heart was turning into his second conscience but almost entirely for the benefit of Harry’s happiness.

The sympathetic eyes would soon become I-told-you-so-eyes. That was the last thing Harry wanted. 

Maybe he needed to call Gemma. Gemma was like a compass. She always knew what to do to help her little brother and this might be the stupidest thing he had ever done. But he didn’t need to call her. He knew exactly what she would say. It’s not fair to you or Ava to be in a relationship that makes you both so unhappy. Gemma would be kind. She probably wouldn’t even say I told you so just to be nice.

But he would know.

He cheated. Plain as day. There was no if ands or buts. There was no way to deny it. No taking it back. He messed up.

But the little voice in charge of his heart wasn’t going down without a fight. This is a good thing. It insisted. You want to break up with Ava. You haven’t been happy in a while! Sunshine. You need Sunshine.

But Harry, now taking over for his conscience that abandoned him on the elevator ride back to their place, knew that it was easier said than done. It was way more complicated. Perhaps most importantly, it was so irreconcilably stupid on his part that despite how much he needed some sunshine in his life, he did it the very worst way possible.

Because even though what he did to Ava was despicable, the thought of hurting that sweet girl in the laundry room hurt his fragile heart even more.

*

Harry could hardly sleep beside Ava. He tossed and turned for the better part of the night. By the time six in the morning rolled around he was completely exhausted and restless. If he got four hours’ worth of sleep, he was lucky. It was Saturday. He wanted to sleep in. If he slept in, he wouldn’t have to deal with the shitty situation he got himself into for a while longer.

But instead, his restless mind was punishing his stupid behavior by making him wallow in it. Making him wake up at six in the morning on a Saturday so he could recognize his stupid, stupid mistake.

“Harry?” Ava sounded sleepy of course. “Y’okay, baby?” She asked.

Harry felt the warmth of her kind voice seeping through his whole body. Especially with the name baby on her lips.

Shit.

“M’fine, love,” he lied.

“S’early,” she slurred tiredly.

“Can’t sleep,” he shrugged, starting to roll out of bed. “I’ll go to the other room,” he mumbled. She frowned and Harry couldn’t help but notice how cute she looked when she wasn’t at his throat for every little thing. Her concern made him warm over a little more. The guilt he felt ached a little more.

“Okay,” she sighed. “Hope you feel better,” she murmured. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. It was like he was on autopilot. As if he had done it thousands of times before. It was moments like this, the quiet, gentle ones, that made him believe in the reasoning behind staying in a relationship that drove him crazy most days.

Moments like that made him understand he had to tell his laundry partner the bad news.

*

Ava wasn’t stupid.

She had a degree, a job, and two eyes that told her Harry was happy. Happier than he had seemed in a really long time.

Of course, his happiness didn’t involve her.

And that made her mad.

She wasn’t quite sure what had changed about Harry specifically; why he got so happy so suddenly. As far as she knew he went to work and came home. But with the way they argued and how irritated she felt just looking at Harry some days, she knew something was off in his demeanor.

It wasn’t that she wanted Harry to be unhappy. It was more of the fact that she was unhappy. Ava knew very well that misery loved company. Seeing him happy set off some kind of switch in her head that Harry was in fact her boyfriend and they were supposed to be happy. Seeing him get joy from something else, especially when she wasn’t part of it, irked her more than the way Harry snapped his gum while they watched TV or how he left socks outside the laundry basket and forgot to put the toilet seat down (consistently) late at night.

Harry was a wonderful boyfriend. He always had been from the moment they started dating. Her mom even teased him saying he was too good for Ava. Ava didn’t see it that way. Ava enjoyed her personality and herself and didn’t think anything needed to change. She didn’t see anything wrong with the way she behaved or acted—as her mom put it. She did what she wanted, when she wanted, and how she wanted.

Right now, she wanted Harry right where he was.

“Do you feel better now?” She asked him as she entered the sitting room.

“Yeah, a bit,” he nodded. “I’ll try t’nap later,” he shrugged as he continued reading the book in his hands without looking up.

She pressed a hand to his forehead. He wasn’t warm. He seemed fine. For a moment she gazed in his eyes and noted how green they looked. There was no denying Harry was beautiful—even though the constant fighting made her irritable with him. It was a face she fell in love with because he was so pretty. Soft skin, gentle smile, deep dimples. He was simply dreamy. Someone would have to be blind not to fall in love with him.

Part of her thought someone had fallen in love with him because of the way he looked so happy after the many months of the mutual feeling of misery that flooded their apartment. That simply wouldn’t do. 

It wouldn’t take much, she knew it. Harry was a romantic. A few gentle smiles, a bat of her eyelashes, and some light touches and Harry would be putty in her hands again.

His lips parted slightly like this was the first time he had seen her in ages. He didn’t know how to speak. It was so unlike her to worry about him even a little these days. In fact, it was so shocking, he thought he was transported to the laundry room and the gentle touch was coming from the girl that made his heart skip a beat and had the little voice in his head shouting to be heard.

“You don’t feel feverish or look very sick.”

Harry knew he wasn’t feverish. He knew he wasn’t sick either. Maybe lovesick. But that wasn’t something he could tell Ava.

Or maybe it should have been the exact time he told her.

“I can get you medicine if you want while I’m out,” she said softly.

“Oh...uh...thanks, love. That would be good, thank you,” the words felt weird in his mouth, he hadn’t thanked Ava for anything in ages. What was there to thank her for? Hours of worrying and fighting? “You’re going out?”

“Yeah...laundry at mom’s,” she reminded him.

“I could do your laundry y’know,” he offered quietly. He noted the way the slopes of Ava’s face curved so beautifully when she wasn’t scowling at him for the littlest of things. She was a beautiful girl. No question about it.

“I don’t like the way the washers make the clothes smell,” she said, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

It was as if a shadow cast over her at the very moment she spoke. A backhanded comment for sure—whether she meant it or not, knowing full-well that Harry washed all his clothes in the apartment washers. He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Right,” he murmured. “Well, tell her I said hello,” he returned to his book.

She nodded silently. 

Returning down the hall, Harry thought it was awfully mature of her to ignore the eyeroll. It was an instinct and he knew he shouldn’t have, but it was hard to feel—

“The eye roll was unnecessary.”

Here we go. “Ava, y’know I do m’laundry down there. Y’basically said I smell.”

She returned the very same eye roll dropping the laundry bag at her feet. “Harry, I didn’t say that.”

“Y’may as well have,” he grumbled.

“It’s too early to argue.”

“M-hmm.”

She would be better later. It would take a lot of active reminders to not fight with him. Sighing, she headed out the door.

For a fleeting moment, she was Ava, the girl he loved and had dated for so long. The little bit of kindness she showed didn’t deserve Harry’s infidelity. It was all his fault and Ava wasn’t that bad.

So, Harry made his way to the laundry room, knowing he would find her there because it was Saturday morning, and it was her favorite time to do laundry—before anyone else was there.

Except Harry. She seemed to make every exception for Harry.

He hoped she would make one this time too.

*

“Hey munchkin,” she smiled sweetly as Harry got down to the laundry room. He didn’t tell Ava. He knew he should have. Of course, he should have. But there was something about the sunshine that lived in the laundry room that made his brain short circuit. There was something in the air that made him lose all train of thought. All rationality escaped him when he thought about this girl obsessed with The Wizard of Oz.

But it was a mistake on his part. He didn’t tell Ava. Especially after her kindness this morning. The kind of kindness that made him love her—like when they first started dating. Why didn’t he go after her?

“I have t’tell y’something,” Harry said. He looked exhausted. His eyes were red rimmed. His face paled as he spoke.

She frowned. “Uh...okay?”

They weren’t a couple. They weren’t even...anything. Maybe she could say they were friends. Harry owed her no explanations for anything. Maybe kissing was a bad idea. It would ruin their friendship. Or maybe it was worse…

He closed his eyes. “I have t’jus’ say it, Sunshine. But y’have t’let me explain.”

She felt totally rattled. It was obviously a mistake. Completely. Thank God they didn’t have sex in her apartment. Thank God he asked about the picture frame; that they spent nearly an hour talking about music, books, and recipes.

Thank God, they stopped. It was so obvious he regretted it. Was she a bad kisser? Maybe she could convince Niall to help her out. Niall had a lot more practice than she did. No, there was no way Niall would help her with something like that. He would get all grossed out. He would probably lie and tease her and say she was a terrible kisser regardless. Or maybe he–

“I have a girlfriend,” he whispered.

The words hung in the air for a moment in suspended animation. It was like the clocks had stopped ticking, the world stopped turning, the washing machines stopped spinning.

If she was attached to a machine, her brain would show zero activity.

No.

She felt her stomach turn violently and felt her whole body tingle with heat. Part of her thought she was going to throw up.

No, no, no, the voice in her head shouted. No. He’s supposed to be mine!

But there was no reason for her to think like that. Harry wasn’t hers. This was just proof of what she already knew back when she felt that connection to him so instantaneously. She knew he was too good to be true. Her voice stopped working. She wanted to cry but she didn’t want to do that in front of Harry. If she was going to have a breakdown, she couldn’t do it here. She left all her stuff and bolted past Harry, taking the steps two at a time to get away from him without even a word.

He hurried after her. “Kitten,” he cooed gently. She shook her head and continued running for the elevator, grateful it was there, open, when she got there. She rapidly pressed the button to shut the door, but Harry had much longer legs and trapped himself inside the small space before it closed the pair of them in. She turned to the back of the lift and pressed her forehead to the cool metal. “Kitten,” he tried again.

“No,” she sniffled. “No, you can’t call me that.”

“Sunshine, y’supposed t’let me explain.”

“Explain what exactly, Harry?”

He grabbed her arm. Immediately, she yanked it away from him with a shake of her head. “No, you can’t touch me.”

He ran a hand over his face, and she exited quickly as soon as the door was barely open enough to fit her through the space. Naturally, he followed her. “Please let me explain.”

She wheeled around so quickly Harry nearly bumped into her. “Explain what?” She whispered. If there was any more volume in her voice, she would lose complete control. She would cry. She would sob. She would lose any sense of herself because even though she was mad at Harry and how she had foolishly kissed him without knowing she was ruining some poor girl’s relationship because of their kiss...

She was selfishly thinking about how unfair it was that she couldn’t have him.

“Love.”

“Harry. Stop calling me names.”

Closing his eyes, Harry thought he might explode. This was so unfair. He was breaking her heart. All he wanted was to hold it in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?!” She gasped. “I...I don’t...I don’t even know what to say to you,” the tears were about to spill over her lash line. She couldn’t hold the emotions she was feeling much longer.

He dropped his gaze to the floor. He didn’t want to watch her cry. It felt private. Plus, it made him feel guilty that he was the cause. “If it means...anything. M’relationship isn't...good a lot of the time.”

She glared at him and his horrible betrayal. Of her trust. Of her belief in him. In hurting her reputation. “That’s not a reas—”

He put his hands up defensively. “I know, love. I know. S’not an excuse. M’jus’ trying t’give y’details. M’sorry. S’my fault. All my fault,” he promised. Harry felt like he would start crying if she did. “S’nothing...you didn’t do anything wrong,” he promised her. It was a little comforting that he seemed to know what she was feeling and maybe part of her was grateful that he knew she would feel so down on herself about it. “I lead you on. I made the mistake.”

It felt like Harry had taken a steak knife and stabbed it right through her heart with the word mistake coming from his mouth. She thought he would say it when he first entered the laundry room. But it felt so much worse hearing it out loud. Knowing truly why it was a mistake.

“I don’t think we should be around each other… for a while.”

Harry deflated, his face paling. “Love,” he whispered. “I know I messed up...I know...that...” he rubbed his hand on the back of his head. “I want to be friends.”

She wanted that too. She wanted more than that. “Sometimes we don’t get what we want, Harry,” she whispered quietly. “I’m sorry too.”

He deserved this. He didn’t even want to hear the I told you so his conscience was probably singing and dancing in the back of his mind. If he could focus on anything other than the terribly sad girl, and how his heart was breaking at the thought of not chatting with her over laundry. This hurt worse than any fight he had with Ava by a long shot.

That seemed like damning proof more than anything.

“Okay,” he murmured taking in her expression one more time. He wished it was happy. Somehow, some way. He wished he hadn’t broken her heart like this—even if her heart wasn’t his to break. He didn’t want the last time he saw her for a while, was her feeling sad and upset. But it was his fault. Completely. There was no question about it. “M’sorry, love,” he whispered.

She nodded. “Me too, Harry.”

God, he wanted her to call him munchkin. He wanted it to be okay. More than okay. He wanted it to be...different. If only he hadn’t fought with Ava. He would have told her. Telling Ava first meant that she would have screamed and yelled and left.

Harry could rationally explain the situation to the girl before him. Explain that it was bad. He wouldn’t get tongue tied. He wouldn’t get his ideas mixed up. He wouldn’t mess this up as well the way he messed up everything else.

“See you around...I guess...” he mumbled and backed toward the elevator.

“Bye, Harry,” she whispered as the elevator slid close.

*

She had to get her laundry but the idea of going down to that room made her nauseous. Once alone in the comfort of her apartment, she released the sobs she didn’t want Harry to see. There were so many things she needed to think about; she needed a list. A list of things to do. She typed them into her phone.

- Laundry - Pay bills - File paperwork - Harry’s…

It hurt to think about the end of that little chore. Taking deep breaths she closed her eyes and ignored the feeling of more tears that she wanted to fall.

Of course, he had a girlfriend. He was gorgeous, funny, sweet…why would he be single?

As much as she hated herself for hurting his relationship with someone else, she couldn’t help but think about how he mentioned his relationship was bad. The thought made her…sad. She couldn’t help it. The idea that someone as sweet as Harry was in a bad relationship wasn’t…fair. In school, she did rounds of different counseling methods and practices to see which ones she liked best. If she didn’t have her current job, she would strongly consider relationship therapy of some kind. The complexity of staying in a relationship that didn’t make sense was hard to navigate for anyone. She couldn’t imagine the stress and anxiety that Harry was going through on his own. Part of her wanted to recommend a therapist for him despite how he had changed her heart in the last hour.

I wouldn’t let our relationship be bad. She thought to herself.

Shut up. She whispered to the voice that was getting independent thought.

This was horrible.

The thoughts rolled through her head so quickly, she didn’t know what to deal with first. Laundry usually calmed her mind but she thought if she went down there she might go crazy. It wouldn’t be calming knowing they kissed in the very spot they had chatted for the last few months while Harry knowingly had a girlfriend. While they shared secrets, banter, recipes, and all things that people who flirt share.

She hated him.

No you don’t. The voice in her head sounded like it was rolling it’s eyes if it were capable.

But I want to hate him. She responded.

You don’t want to hate him either, you idiot.

Fortunately her phone rang with Niall’s picture taking up her screen. Good. Niall would ground her, help her.

“Hey princess,” he said softly.

That didn’t sound good. With an even heavier heart she swiped the tears away from her eyes, took a deep breath and frowned. “Oh, Ni, what’s wrong?” She asked.

“I…” he sighed. “You know how I was helping with the new office for those two weeks?”

Her heart dropped. She already knew. Part of her wished she didn't even finish the conversation. She knew where it was going. Lay on the heartache. The theme for the day. “Yeah…”

“They…can’t find anyone competent to run it.”

She closed her eyes. She couldn’t tell Niall. Not now. He had his own stuff to deal with and adding to his stress was the last thing she wanted to do. “So you’re competent now?” She asked lightly.

He chuckled softly, grateful that she could make him feel better. “Feels like the worst thing, darling.”

“How long?” It was the most important question. How long would she be without her best friend? How long would they be thousands and thousands of miles and plane rides away from each other? How long would he be gone? How long would she have to hide the horrible thing she did? The horrible thing Harry did? Niall would threaten to kill him. For hurting her heart. She knew it in her bones.

The silence was deafening. He didn’t want to say it. It was going to kill her.

“Just say it, Ni.”

“A year,” he whispered quietly. “Longer if they can’t find someone.”

Fortunately, she was already so heartbroken it was easy to combine her sadness of Harry and Niall together without Niall suspecting a thing. There was so much devastation in her head and heart in such a short amount of time. “A year?” She whispered.

“I’m sorry, princess.”

“What about…the missus?”

She listened to Niall’s deep sigh. “I haven’t told her yet…she can work from anywhere…so I’m hopeful. I wanted to tell you first.”

Her heart fluttered with so much love for her best friend. He told her first. She couldn’t tell him about Harry or the kiss. He would worry and change his career all for her and that wasn’t fair.

She already hurt one relationship today. She wouldn’t hurt another.

She needed a trip to the Emerald City like never before. She had to be brave and strong for him. It felt like she needed courage and a brain for not seeing so many obvious signs before. “Now I know I have a heart…because it’s breaking,” she whispered, quoting the Tin Man. She was going to need a heart too.

He chuckled. “Well m’gonna call every day,” he promised.

She nodded. “You better,” she sniffled and giggled. “When do you leave?”

“Next week.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. This was a good distraction. At least for a little while. “Well, we better make the most of it,” she whispered.

“M’glad you have Harry,” he said. Like a knife to the chest. “You can’t replace me with him, though.”

“Never,” she promised. She had to tell him something. “I…actually have some news on that front,” she sniffed.

“Oh princess,” he said, hearing the crack in her voice. “What happened?”

“He has a girlfriend,” she croaked.

“Oh, darling,” he cooed.

“I knew it was too good to be true,” she shrugged.

“M’sorry, still. I was…I mean…I still think he’s your soulmate. What kind of person quotes The Wizard of Oz like a lunatic?”

She smiled through her tears and nodded. “Yeah…”

“Let me talk to the missus. We’ll do dinner, yeah?”

“Please.”

“See you later, princess.”

What a twister of a day.

-

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @youdontcaredoyou @tiredinwinter @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach @straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals @angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams @summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland @lolyouallsuck @buckybarnessimpp @stylesfever @harrysxcarolina @haarrrys @pandeebearstyles @st-ev-ie @lovrave

Love and Dryer Sheets: @love-letters-to-uranus

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

If you like this, check out my masterlist for more of my writing.

[ratgrinders]

HIII i’m also a rat grinders fan in the “not interested in pretending they aren’t fucked up” but rather “interested in Why they are so fucked up” way 💥💥💥 i have Thoughts on how the shatterstar ritual affected the rat grinders in different ways and i wanted to know if u had any similar thoughts :3 - @teenagerebellion

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ASK thank you for sending it!!!!!!!!

Ok so I AM gonna be working off the assumption that a rage crystal functions less like "mind control" and more so amplifying existing feelings to murderous extremes. Think Adaine in the mall fight when she's asked to picture "what would the world look like if all Adaine thought about was rage" and we see a destroyed Sylvaire from Adaine's search for her mother. We know that Adaine would never do that, but we see the underlying motivation is the same.

Off the bat we know Kipperlilly's ritual is different from the others since she chose to do it "willingly" and wasn't forced to choose via death (it's described as having no scar, unlike the others, so she may have not even had to die at all). That doesn't mean though that she wasn't infected with a rage that caused her to do things she never would've done normally, as I don't think Freshman Year Kipperlilly, whose biggest grievances were "I think Aguefort likes them more", would jump to coldblooded murder. I think the fact that Kipperlilly chose the shatterstar affects her mindset pretty greatly going in to rest of the year, because there's no easy way to differentiate between what's "her" and what's the rage star. She probably is constantly thinking things like "This is all me. I am in control of my own faculties. There was no coercion involved I'm just naturally a villain", partially because she doesn't want to admit that she, a mastermind, let herself get controlled like that. Essentially, the ritual itself was so seamless and the descent so gradual, I don't think even Kipperlilly has a strong sense anymore of who she is without rage.

Ruben we know canonically has a bit of amnesia after being revived, not even seeming to remember the entire year he was shatterstarred. Ruben basically has the opposite problem from Kipperlilly, where his change in identity post-shatterstar is so drastic that his sense of self is almost completely eroded, because "how could I have been motivated to become someone like that?". Ruben's not a naturally angry person, but still though, that WAS Ruben, the rage star just tapping in to Ruben's underlying desperate need for approval, emotionality, etc. and bringing it to the forefront. The rage star imbued Ruben with such an intense pain and rage that he felt he could only express it through his music. Post finale revival I think was Ruben just being in shock at how much he's changed, but I think the memories will come back to him and he'll have to reconcile these two Vastly Different versions of himself.

Ivy I believe was still kind of a mean girl before the shatter star, the shatter star just made it more likely for her to say it to people's faces rather than behind their backs. Honestly, I'm imagining her maybe as a young Sandra Lynn before, in the sense of both having this constant bemusement. Beyond that, though, I think Ivy may have been the most likely to take the rage star willingly as opposed to being killed for it (I actually think most of the Rat Grinders still could've been persuaded to take it willingly, but that's a post for another time). Ivy seems to have a lot of pent up rage and disdain for the world around her, and the shatter star only amplified that.

Oisin got buff after getting shatterstarred, which is a really funny canonical fact to think about lmao, because I'm just imagining him doing a bunch of angry push-ups or something. Anyways Oisin before the ritual I'm honestly imagining him to be the type to hang out with guys like Skrank and Shellford, aka those kind of nerdy unpopular guys who nonetheless are still kind of egotistical and little dicks sometimes. (This is actually why I think they were the ones playing pong at the party with Oisin, because they were actually kind of friends before.) Just like Ivy, the rage crystal just gave Oisin more of an excuse to externalize his rage at the world, but I think the main thing it did was just give Oisin a little more self-confidence because now he has all this power backing him up.

Mary Ann was EXACTLY the same before and after the ritual, it was actually a little disconcerting to Jace and Porter and they didn't know what to make of it. The main thing for Mary Ann, I think, is that she really doesn't have much of an emotional stake in the rage ritual, or the beef with the bad kids, or anything like that. She's just Entirely Indifferent to whatever atrocities are being committed, which is just a different type of fucked up lol. Honestly, I think as a barbarian Mary Ann's a bit more used to controlling her rage which is why the rage crystal might've had less of an effect, Lydia Barkrock style.

Buddy's death was so sudden and traumatic, with such a short amount of time to get used to the implications before the finale, I think Buddy's mind is just in a tailspin post-ritual just trying to grab on to anything that makes sense lol. He knows worship and devotion, its been a crutch in his life for so long, and that's what he defaults to when he can no longer reach Helio. In fact it almost seems a bit like a coping mechanism, latching onto it so securely even in the face of all other logic.

[igotanidea]

Cheshire cat: Jason Todd x fem!reader

It was bad.

It was really, really bad.

She was shaking, the whole world was spinning, her head was killing her and she had that clenching feeling in her heart telling her that something happened.

Jason Red Hood was on the undercover operation and she hadn’t seen him for almost three weeks and it was killing her. Quite literally. On the first week she fell sick, on the second twisted her ankle during training with Tim and on the third headaches and nausea started.

Of course, Dick and Tim were making sure she was doing fine. Even Damian took some interest in her well-being. Alfred was constantly checking up if she was all right and everyone were trying to convince her to move to the manor for some time, but even Bruce could not convince her to actually do it. She only felt at ease in her own apartment. In the Wayne household she would constantly stumble upon Jason’s stuff, his books and his old clothes and would spend the entire time in his old room which will only amplify the pain and fear for her. Besides, she had been through it once, when he was killed by Joker, and doing it again would definitely brake her. So she refused, staying in her own house, only meeting boys for patrols, when it was needed.

Y/N was a long-time friend of the family. Her father was one of Bruce’s most trusted RD employee, the very first to learn Wayne was actually Batman. Sad thing that this knowledge got him killed and the man left a daughter alone in the world. So, being chased by some slight guilt Bruce took her in, soon after he adopted Dick.  So at the point, instead of one sidekick he had two. Robin was mostly the second line of attack, but Y/N, who took vigilante’s name Cheshire was supposed to be the distraction. For some reason she was extremely good with playing with people’s mind and the silent words she used to make them confused and turn them into a bunch of sheep, lost in the dark was kind of her thing. Sure, she was capable of kicking asses but observing criminals losing their shit just because of well-chosen words was far more entertaining. She truly was like a Cheshire car in Alice in Wonderland, from whom the girl took the name.

And from the first time she was on patrol with Dick and Bruce the things started accelerating.

After a few years, Dick left, Jason came in and became Robin.

And then, despite clear potential for being more than friends with Y/N he was killed by Joker, leaving the only thing happening between them in the form of awkward flirting.

And then Tim came in. And Damian.

And then Jason came back to life. Only he was not the same.

She was the first person he showed himself to, not able to stay away. She was his anchor and he wanted her back, now truly ready to be more than friends. And he was willing to fight for her, to go through the desert, climb through the highest mountains, crawl the jungle and to do any crazy shit just to prove to her what she meant to him. Luckily, she let him in without such extreme display of affection, however making him work for it. She trusted him, even if his new alter ego, Red Hood was probably a bit too violent and angry, Y/N knew the motives behind that. And many, many times she had to remind him, she was in relationship with Jason Todd, not Red Hood when it was hard for him to differentiate and literally drop the mask when he was with her.  She knew it and never complained, because she loved him too. Sometimes, being with him was like living hell, but most of the times it was … peace. Knowing that no matter what will happen he was there, ready to protect, hold and love her. And she reciprocated it all. Just being there with her in their own bubble built in the shithole Gotham was.  She would never complain or ask him to stop his action, after all she was a vigilante herself so it was easier to understand.

But still, when he was gone for some business and she could not come the fear crept in. No message, text or anything for three weeks. That was the standard procedure to keep her safe (Jason’s words, not hers). But there was also one more rule. If a month came without any sign of being alive she was allowed to start one-person search party, without involving any of his brothers. She only had to go through one more freaking week.

***

Y/N knew the location of most of his safe houses, so when 4 extremely long weeks passed she dressed up in her Cheshire gear and started her solo mission. Much to her annoyance and unease he was nowhere. Even his best friend Roy, who she never get to meet before was not in any of the places. So there were two options: she could sleep in the place she found herself in at the moment and reopen the search next night or risk losing consciousness on the street due to tiredness. The choice was obvious and she just slumped onto the bed, drifting off instantly, still in her gear.  

***

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” a strong hand clasped around her wrist lifting her from the bed. The man who was brave enough to do it was taller than Y/N so her feet just dangled in the air for a second. “Are you trying to burn this place!?”

“Let. Go. Of. Me” she wriggled desperately kicking her legs and finally kicking the man in the groin.

“You little rascal! I’m gonna get you and ….” He reached for her again but she jumped away and crashed into someone else’s strong chest, immediately feeling a pair of arms encapsulating her and familiar scent became palpable.

“What the fuck Roy! What the hell were you doing?!” Jason held Y/N closer to his chest, shocked by his best friend behavior.

“She broke in! She put us at risk, Red! She should be…..”

“SHUT UP! Just shut up! So it happens, she is allowed to come here any time she wants. Unlike you, she can keep quiet.”

“Fuck, Jace. You are holding her like you know who….. oh…..” his eyes widened in realization “so, she’s the she.”

“Yes, Roy. She’s the she. It’s a shame you two met like this, truly.”

“Wait.” Y/N let go of Jace for a second and turned around to face the other guy. “You’re the Roy? The Arsenal?”

“I am.” He mumbled a bit embarrassed now “Sorry about that. I can be a bit…. Extreme when it comes to safety.”

“I can tell who taught you that” she smirked her gaze landing on Jace, who just shrugged. “Oliver send his regards, then. You know, despite everything you could let him know you are alive. Oh, and you should work on your grip, your hands got a bit sweaty when you were holding me making it so much easier to just slip away. Maybe some new gloves would help with that.”

“I see why you fell for her, Red. She’s a fast talker.”

“What were you expecting?” Jason smirked “She’s the Cheshire after all.”

“The real name’s Y/N. It’s only fair I tell you mine if I know yours.”

“Ok, if you two are done with your pleasantries, get the hell out Roy. I’d like to have some alone time with my girl.”

“For god’s sake just keep it quiet, will you? the walls are thin and I’m not a fan of hearing anything from what you two are going to do…..”

“GET OUT!” Jason yelled and seeing him shaking in rage Roy was quick to leave the room, moving to the bathroom.

“Y/N….” only now Jace took of his domino mask and his alerted gaze met hers

“Hi, Jay.” She whispered softly and just the sound of her voice made him relax “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s been four weeks, hasn’t it?” he sighed deeply and cupped her cheek caressing her skin with the thumb making her lean into the touch instantly.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry. I guess I lost track of time.”

‘I can see” she chucked pointing towards the pile of bottles in the corner of the room “bet it was quite a party here.”

“It’s not like that…..”

“Hey, relax, I’m joking. A bit.”

“Were you worried a lot?”

“Me? Worried?” she scoffed “Nope. Never.”

“Really?” she could be denying but he noticed her pale skin, bags under her eyes and how she was now shaking in the attempt to keep herself all together. He put her through it. What was worse, there was a eschar on her hairline, clear sign she was back at her poor habit of head scratching during stress. Extreme head scratching. Normally, he made sure she wasn’t hurting herself but for the last weeks he couldn’t and it was showing.

“Absolutely.”

“Then why are you here? You were clearly looking for me?”

“Sure. To kick your ass. Wait, did you think I was going to fall into your arms like a freaking Disney princess?”

“You got your name from Alice in Wonderland, so Disney it is.” He shrugged and she smacked his head playfully “but you act more like Rapunzel.” He grabbed her waist and pulled her into his chest delighting in her warmth, feeling her tensed shoulders and back relax a bit under his touch. “You’re only missing the pan.”

“I don’t need one” she muttered “I can still beat you with my bare hands” said hands were currently sneaking around his back.

“Sure you can, sweetie, sure you can. But definitely not now. You need rest. And so do I.”

“Jason.” she pulled away and looked into his eyes “are you ok? Seriously? Any injuries, bruises, broken bones?”

“Oh, you are worried….” He cooed grinning

“Once again, never. I’m only trying to assess the scope of damage I can cause you myself without breaking you.”

“there’s only one thing you can do to really break me.” He whispered leaning his forehead on hers

“and that being….?”

“breaking my heart. That’s one thing I don’t think I could recover from. “

“That’s one thing I’m not planning on doing.”

“Good.” He leaned forward and pressed his chapped lips onto hers. Just this second he realized how much he missed her. The way she always melted into him, locked her soft hands on his neck and let him kiss her. Never pushing away, not even when he was literally taking her breath away. “Needy, huh?” he smirked

“Shut up. It seems so me like you are far more excited to see me than the other way round. I can feel what’s going down there, you know.”

“Should I check your……?”

“Shut up!” she turned red instantly and tried to wriggle out of his embrace, but he did not let her.

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean anything wrong. And you are right. I did miss you, all right? You can’t hold that against me….”

“I don’t Jace, I don’t.” she pecked his lips quickly “I know it’s hard for both of us.”

“But it’s worth it, right?” his voice was now unsure, all the vulnerability and fear that one day she will just leave him to live easier life creeping in “you won’t …..?”

“Of course I won’t. Come on, Jace. I love you, you know that. And you know too much about me and my alter ego to just let you walk away from me freely.”

“I love you too, you little pussycat.”

“Stop calling me that! God, Jace. Roy is next door! This is inappropriate….”

“What? You don’t want him to think you are turning into puddle because of me? That the famous Cheshire is not as tough as it seems?”

“I have my ways to compromise your Red Hood notoriety as well, honey” she stepped on her toes, hands moving up his chest painfully slowly and she whispered in his ear “I bought something new lately and so it happens I got it all underneath that skintight suit” he groaned and much to her delight tightened the grip on her hips “such a shame you will have to behave.”

“Y/N…..” he growled warningly

“Besides, now that I know you are safe I think I’m going to head home……”

“Forget it, you are not going anywhere and…..”

“Is it safe to enter? Are you two done now or do I have to keep my eyes covered?” obviously Roy chose this moment to interrupt them

“She’s staying the night.” Jason stated simply

‘Oh, Lord, why? I’m being tested right now.”

“You do realize what that means, don’t you?”

“That I’m about to be a witness to a show?”

“That you are taking the couch, you idiot!”

“Come on, that is unfair. She’s the guest and ……”

“Roy.”

“I hate you Todd. I really, really hate you. Do not expect me to cover your back again when we are patrolling.”

“I’m not worried about that. I’m pretty sure if I got deadly hurt, Y/N would find me, bring me back to life and then kill me for dying. Isn’t that right, love?”

‘Sure it is, Red. Sure it is.”

[goosewriting]

One last chance III

summary: third and final part to one last chance! the long awaited reunion :3 

relationship: Rise!Leo x gn!reader

warnings: mentions of blood

word count: 3.1k

A/N: at long last, here it is! since there’s a bunch of hopping between worlds, i added clarifications for when the story changes into another timeline (NY: new york aka main timeline / KR: krangpocalypse timeline / TR: triceraton world). that way you can differentiate if there’s an actual change of place or if it’s just a time skip! i really hope you like it :’) 

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (you’re here!)

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — — 

The very next day, Leo and you gathered the other turtle brothers and Casey at the dinner table to tell them your plan. Mikey would have to open two more portals; one to get the older Leo from Casey’s timeline, and one portal to go place him in the Triceraton world with the other older you. 

You two watched as everyone processed your words, displaying different emotions in their faces. Your gaze fell on Mikey, who furrowed is brows, fidgeting with his fingers.

“I don’t know if I have it in me,” the youngest turtle admitted. Raph placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“It does sound dangerous,” the eldest said.

“I don’t even know how to find those dimensions again,” Mikey added.

“Just do the same thing you were doing last time,” you offered. “What were you thinking about when Leo fell through?”

Mikey scratched his chin as he thought it over.

“I don’t know, dino nuggets?”

“Makes sense,” Leo said with a serious nod. You playfully rolled your eyes.

“How will you find my timeline, though?” asked Casey. 

“With you, actually,” Donnie chimed in, bringing his hands in front of him with touching fingertips. “Your quantum signature should be unique enough to pinpoint it. I’ll build something to amplify Mikey’s powers.” 

“Sounds like we have a plan, then,” Leo concluded, placing his hands on the table and standing up. “Let’s get started.”

– – –

Mikey trained with smaller things first, making portals from one room to the other, and catching things mid-air and safely placing them on the ground. Meanwhile, you and Leo prepared a place where older Leo could stay. One portal already took a lot of effort; you didn’t really want to overexert Mikey and have him make two big ones, one right after the other. Also, future Leo might be hurt, so Raph helped you gather supplies for a little first aid kit as well.

The night before the big day, when Mikey would open the first portal, you were way too excited to sleep. You looked over at Leo, both of you in his bed, and it seemed he wasn’t feeling much differently, nervously tapping his fingers on his chest.

“It’s gonna work, right?” he asked in a low voice. 

“I think so, yeah,” you replied genuinely.

“Do you think I- he’ll be… mad?” You propped yourself up on your elbow at his question.

“You’re asking me? Shouldn’t you know better than anyone?” 

“Iunno,” he mumbled, and you gave him a sympathetic smile. 

“Well... If everyone you knew were gone, and you had the chance to spend more time with them, even if they’re technically a different version from another dimension, wouldn’t you want to see them?”

He thought it over for a moment. 

“I think so, yeah,” he replied.

“I know I’d want it too.”

For a moment, you two just looked at each other in the dim light of his room, then a giggle escaped you.

“What?” he asked with a suspicious smile. You sighed, lying back down properly and cuddling into his side.

“It’s like a tragic love story. Two star crossed lovers, promising to find each other in any universe.”

Leo took your hand, giving it a squeeze.

“I’d look for you in every universe,” he whispered. You hid face in the pillow with a groan.

“You’re so corny,” you laughed.

“And you love me for it.”

“Hmm, I do,” you said, stretching your neck to place a kiss on his cheek, then went back to getting comfortable.

Finally feeling a little more at ease, sleep slowly started to take over.

“I just hope he’s… still there,” Leo said so lowly you almost missed it. “The way Casey described the future, it was super bleak. I hope nothing happened to–”

“Shush,” you interrupted him, hugging his torso to reassure him. “It will work, I know it.”

“Hmm, yeah. It’ll work.”

With that, you both drifted off to sleep.

– – – [NY]

Donnie had built a hollow box of sorts, big enough to stand in it, with two wires coming out of either side. He put it on the floor, told Casey to step into it, and he activated it with his own nimpo, one wire connecting to Mikey, one to Donnie. The rest of you held onto Mikey’s arms like last time.

“It’s go time,” Donnie said with a wicked smile of sorts as the device started glowing.

– – – [KR]

Leo tried to hold back a pained groan between his pants. He looked at his leg; that’s a lot of blood. That krangified creature had got him good.

He tried getting back to his feet, but his leg gave out under him, and he was back on the ground, leaning onto the broken pieces of what used to be a building, sticking out from the dark sand that had taken over everything, transforming the urban landscape into a wasteland.

This is it, he thought, and bitterly smiled to himself. I’ve had a good run. Wish I had done some things differently, but…

Images of you flooded his mind, his brothers, Splinter, April, Casey… Ah, he really hoped the boy made it.

A  growling noise tore him out of his thoughts, and he saw the creature that had got him in this situation in the first place, approaching him slowly, about to pounce. With a deep exhale, Leo accepted his fate, finding no more fight left in him. He looked at the handle of his sword, now donning three coloured bands.

“Just get it over with!” he called out to the creature. Just as it was crouching down to build up its energy to jump, there was an all too familiar sizzling sound between him and the creature. 

Leo tiredly opened his eyes, and his brows rose in disbelief at what he was seeing. It was one of Mikey’s portals, moving towards him.

“What the—”

He got swept through the portal like a fish getting caught by a landing net. Gone was the coarse sand under him, replaced by something soft and warm and inviting. In front of him, figures he fully believed he’d never get to see again: his brothers, all alive; his younger self, looking at him with the same shock; Casey, and… you.

Mikey collapsed on the ground with a grunt. Raph picked him up and Donnie took them to his lab. Casey stepped out from his little box, which had deactivated the moment the portal disappeared.

“M-master Leonardo?” the boy asked in a mix of disbelief, surprise, and happiness. 

“Casey Junior,” the older Leo greeted him with a tired grin. “You made it.”

“Found the key, stopped the Krang,” Casey replied with the instructions his master had made him repeat back then. As his eyes started welling up with tears, Casey ran up to Leo and hugged him, which earned a groan of pain from the older turtle, but it turned into a chuckle. He hugged him back to the best of his abilities.

That’s when you noticed the turtle’s leg.

“O-oh my goodness, that looks very much not good,” you exclaimed, pointing at the wound covered in blood and debris.

“Yeesh,” younger Leo cringed after following your eyes.

You got to work cleaning up his wounds, disinfecting, and bandaging everything up. Older Leo was too exhausted to protest.

As the three of you were cleaning the grime off of hte turtle with a wet rag, you came to his right shoulder, and what you had thought was a giant glove, slid off slightly. So you took it off to be able to clean him better, except that instead of sliding the garment off his arm, the whole thing came off, leaving only a stubble reaching to just above where his elbow would be. Leo audibly gasped behind you.

“I- you- what happened to your arm?” Leo asked, turning to the boy on the patient’s other side. “Casey, you didn’t tell me I lost a whole arm!”

“There’s a lot I didn’t tell you, and it was for a reason–”

“Guys,” the older turtle interrupted.

Everyone got their attention back to the man on the pile of blankets.

“As much as I’m glad that you’re all okay, what am I doing here?” he questioned, his eyes jumping from Casey, to Leo, to you. 

“Don’t worry about it, just rest up,” Casey instructed.

“Yeah, we have a plan,” you added with a smile. “Just… get your energy back. We’ll explain everything later.”

He was too tired to argue, so he just let himself drift off into the welcoming embrace of sleep, and with a deep exhale, he passed out on the spot.

“Casey, stay with him,” you told the boy. “We’ll check on Mikey.” 

With a nod you instructed Leo to follow you, and you went to the lab, where you found Mikey on a makeshift cot. He was fine, also napping. Donnie assured you he just needed some rest. 

You all took turns for the next several hours to watch over the two; you caught pieces of conversations here and there, depending on whether older Leo was awake and whose turn it was to keep him company. But you tried not to eavesdrop, as you were sure he was telling them important but personal things. The one you were very curious about was the conversation older Leo had with Splinter. It seemed to be very emotional, but you kept your distance to give them some privacy. The boys’ father retired to his room for most of the day after they talked.

When it was your turn to take care of Leo, you brought some food and a change of bandages for his legs. 

“No one’s told me yet what’s going on,” he said after you handed him his food. “They told me it was your idea?”

You were kneeling next to him, and squirmed a little in your seat. 

“Are you sure you want to know now?” you asked, your gaze falling to your lap. “Don’t you want to recover a little more? You’re still in pretty rough shape–”

Leo interrupted you by calling your name. Your eyes darted back up to him and he raised a brow at you as he took a bite of the sandwich. You smiled to yourself. Some things really never change; that’s the same look young Leo would have given you in this situation.

With a sigh of defeat, you told him how after you had had your encounter in the alleyway, your timeline’s Leo had a similar one with an alternate older version of yourself, in a world where a different alien species had invaded Earth, but they were at peace now. Their Leo had died in the process, though.

“So,” you concluded after your retelling. “Leo and I, I mean my Leo, I mean…” You couldn’t help the heat creeping up to your cheeks, and the turtle gave you a knowing smirk. “Me and this world’s Leo; we thought we could help you guys out. You were left alone in a world that had no hope of being saved. And my other self is in a world worth living in, but is missing you. So, you know. 1+1=2 and here you are.”

Older Leo seemed genuinely surprised by your words. Whatever it was he had expected, this was not it. 

“I mean, you’re also free to stay here if you want to,” you offered, pointing over your shoulder. “There’s already Casey, so… I’m sure he’d like it if you stayed.”

“No can do,” Leo said with a sad smile, and you frowned. “I don’t really like the idea of playing with the timelines; my Donnie would have been vehemently against it.” He smiled nostalgically as he looked to the side for a second, then brought his attention back to you. “But in the end, he probably would have come to a similar conclusion. It’s obvious I’m not gonna ask you to bring me back to my timeline…. You were right on time, you know? A moment later and I would have been a goner.”

You gave him a worried look, but he dismissed it with a gesture of his hand.

“But,” he continued. “This isn’t my place to stay, either. I’ll take you up on your offer.” You perked up at that. “A different world at peace sounds pretty nice right about now.”

“From what Leo told me, everyone else seems to be alive there, you know,” you told him as you took out a fresh roll of gauzes from the supply box. “Raph, Mikey and Donnie. I’m sure they all miss you.”

Leo smiled, taking another bite of his sandwich as you started working on his leg. 

“And I miss them.”

“And I know it’s not the same because you won’t have the same memories and stuff–”

“Hey. It’s okay,” he calmed your doubts, holding your hand. “I appreciate it. Thank you.”

You merely gave him a nod, your heart racing at the gesture. His hand was so big, his whole presence made you feel so safe; you couldn’t wait to see your Leo keep growing and become the man you had in front of you now.

Not long after, when Mikey started feeling better, you all started preparing Leo’s departure.

– – – [TR]

You were taking your evening stroll through the park as you’d usually do. It had been raining all day though, and the cool wind seemed to make the droplets seep further into your clothes. As per usual, your feet brought you to the memorial statue by themselves, like they always did when you were lost in thought. 

Your grip tightened around your umbrella. It’s been so many years. Maybe it was time to finally let go. This grief was getting you nowhere. Leo wouldn’t want you to waste away like this just because he wasn’t there.

Standing in front of the statue, you let your eyes wander over it, looking at all the little details, discovering some new cracks in the rock. You did your best to keep it clean and all, but time, wind and rain seemed to chip away at it, no matter your efforts. Kind of like you felt, too, you concluded with a defeated sigh. 

Bringing your gaze back to the turtle’s heroic face expression, you tilted your head lightly. Just what were you supposed to do now?

– – – [NY]

Everyone got into position just like for the other portal, but you stayed back this time. You were facing away from where the yellow ring of light would open, as you didn’t want to see your older self.

“You sure you don’t want to see?” Leo asked. “The dinos looked pretty cool?” You chuckled.

“Nah, it’s okay,” you answered, looking up at him with a smile. “I don’t need to see other worlds, I have everything I need right here.”

You placed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. The turtle wasn’t able to reciprocate, but blushed as he spotted his older self a couple of steps away, giving him a thumbs up. 

– – – [TR]

You took one last look at the statue, some droplets hitting your face in the wind, which was starting to pick up. Just as you meant to turn around to leave, you heard some zaps behind you.

Just like last time, a flurry of yellow lights materialised out of nowhere over the gravel path of the park, expanding and clearing up until you could see through it. Young Leo hopped into your world, calling out to you with relief, as it meant he didn’t have to go look for you.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” he said as he jogged the short distance to where you stood.

“Wha- You’re back?” You were shocked to your bones, as you really thought you would never get to see any Leo ever again. “Why? How?”

“Doesn’t matter, I won’t be long either,” Leo informed you, taking your hand that you had stretched out to him. “I just came to say hi and bring you a gift.”

He let go and stepped aside. From behind him, another figure stepped through the portal. Your hand came to your mouth as you gasped, your umbrella dropping to the ground. 

Mikey groaned from the effort, the glowing yellow cracks expanding further over his arms.

“Hurry it up, guys!” Raph called from the other side of the portal. “Mikey can’t hold it open much longer!”

Turning to you, younger Leo held your hands one last time, and you dragged your eyes from one blue clad turtle to the younger one. 

“Give him the happy ending you both deserved, alright?” he asked, and giving you and older Leo one last hug, he hurried back to the portal, which started becoming more unstable by the second, the zaps threatening to collapse any moment now.

And not a second too soon, younger Leo left the scene, the portal closing right behind him with a loud crackle. 

Leo and you were left alone in the rain, looking at each other and just taking each other in.

“Hey,” Leo spoke first, taking a couple of steps in your direction.

“... Hi,“ you greeted him, your voice almost inaudible, as you looked him up and down repeatedly in disbelief. 

“The kids had a crazy idea and… it worked.”

You let out a shuddering breath, looking at your hands, opening and closing them in an attempt to ground yourself. 

“What timeline are you from?” you finally asked. Leo had to take a moment to think how to even answer that.

“The bad ending, I guess?” he settled on. “One where the world ended. I lost everything.”

He looked up at the statue of himself and smiled.

“This one didn’t lose an arm though, huh.” 

His attempt at lightening the mood was short-lived, as the small smile that had formed on your face disappeared just as quickly.

“No, but he lost everything, too,” you said, your hands clenching into fists as you dragged your eyes back up to meet his warm ones.

“You think I can fill the vacant spot he left open for this world’s coolest Leonardo?”

You couldn’t help but snort this time. 

“Yeah,” you offered, relaxing visibly. “I think he’d be okay with that.”

Leo finally approached you, carefully stroking over your cheek with the back of his hand, and you leaned into the touch. The rain hitting your face mixed with your tears.

“Okaerinasai,” you welcomed him back home as you placed your hand over his. He leaned down to touch his forehead to yours.

“Tadaima.”

— — —

Bonus:

“You think they’ll be okay?” you asked Leo after the portal closed.

“You said it yourself,” he said, placing his arm over your shoulder. “Star crossed lovers: they’ll always find back to each other because they belong together.”

~~~~~

🐥 taglist: [link to join in my pinned post!] @theoriginalmintyyyshake, @DyByNyght, @Lieutenantlashfaz, @galaxtic-writings, @Lovestruckfictionadict, @salty-s-r, @sleebykei, @miso-sopas, @duckanon, @wings-of-sapphire, @ashtheboookworm2, @xxnoxx, @crystal-crax, @lunaramune

also tagging the people in the comments in the second part who wanted to see a reunion! feel free to ignore 🙈

@koalaray, @catr4dora, @mialettt, @flowerloves, @franbowidk, @warrior-girl, @nessarolla-in-constant-flux, @crystal-crax, @kitkattzz

[takmiblog]

(http://www.op316.com/tubes/hpa/new5.htm)

グラフ中の細い線は、差動回路にしない2SK170単体で組んだ回路の場合のものです。差動回路にするだけで低歪みになる様子がよくわかります。左上に向かう直線は残留ノイズを表しており、単体データの右上がりの直線はもっぱら偶数次高調波（歪み）成分、差動データの右上がりの弓なりは奇数次高調波（歪み）成分によるものです。

＜簡単なのにハイエンド、そしてプロ機＞

FET式差動ヘッドホンアンプ Version 2 Simple FET Differential Headphone Amplifier

by Tetsu Kimura

[dribs-and-drabbles]

The things I loved about Last Twilight ep 11:

Night joking with Day about not farting whilst stood at his hospital bedside...the same place Mhok then wears a shirt with 'Proud' on it later as Night explains Porjai's baby's name is Poomjai - which translates to 'be proud' - harking back to the Fart Proudly shirt from ep 2. 👏🏼

Mhok's 'St Louis Blues' shirt at the beginning of the ep setting us up for all the heartache later:

"I hate to see the evening' sun go down...

...I got them Saint Louis Blues; just as blue as I can be

He's got a heart like a rock cast in the sea

Or else he wouldn't have gone so far away from me"

"You're not disappearing on me, are you? / If you can see again, don't disappear on me." | "I can't see" | "Let's break up"

Mhon, Day's mom, watching Day and Mhok through the hospital room door and slowly warming up to their relationship. Explaining that she's not against them dating but that she's concerned that Day needs someone who has the means to take care of him. Inviting him to be there when Day takes his bandages off, effectively inviting him into the family circle, giving him a chance.

Day reassuring Night that he doesn't need to feel guilty still when the operation doesn't work. 😭

This shot in particular, as the series has shown us before, Mhok is Day's eyes:

"True blindness is the inability to see any hope" and Day's singular tear.

I'm mentioning it again but Mhok wearing a shirt with 'proud' on it with Day in a shirt with 'goodtime / nice dream come true' on it, whilst Night tells Porjai she should be proud to have carried the baby alone, and for both Porjai and Night to have gotten the dream family -> her baby and a wonderful parent/soon-to-be-spouse.

But also them wearing those shirts during dinner with Day's mom and Night - a dream for Mhok to be accepted and both Mhok and Day being proud of Mhok's achievements. #proud

Food as a love language -> come eat with us, try this food I created and cooked and gave to my two sons and now I'm offering it to you...be part of our family.

Without realising perhaps, Mhon sows the seed of pressure on Mhok to be able to provide for Day when they're talking in the hospital when she says she just wants someone who can really take care of him - who has the means to do it. And then in letting Day go to Songkhla with Mhok to test whether they can live together, she's increasing the pressure Mhok feels. Which then gets amplified during the car accident and when Day doesn't answer the phone. All this leads to his decision to not leave Day.

The parallels of Day/Mhok and Porjai/Night when it comes to roles in their relationships. Night says he doesn't understand what his mom means when she says 'being a caretaker and a boyfriend are two different things' - now, we haven't seen much of Night and Porjai's relationship but I'd be willing to bet he's being more of a caretaker to Porjai than a boyfriend at the moment - he calls her Khun, she brushes off any suggestion that something is going on between them, and she goes to live with her mom... I wonder if we'll see Night coming to an understanding about this differentiation in ep 12, and whether it will play a role in helping Day and Mhok's relationship 🤔

TOTO!! I had been waiting for an appearance by Au. By the way, Day's new caretaker in ep 10 (the rude one from the end of the interviews in ep 1) is also an assistant director on the show, Meng Chaiyapat, so that's two cameos. I wonder if we'll get a third with Aof.

Mhok's blue lightening underpants! Plus the parallel of Mhok waking Day up with the dripping wet hair on his face.

How gestures and touches serve as a language for Day and Mhok - touching the lips as a way to communicate that one wants to kiss for example - and that touch in general is so weighted for them...but that they also use these things to trick and keep teasing each other.

The green and blue towel hanging next to each other over the airer in Day and Mhok's room. 😭

Mhok's 'Hawaii' shirt when he tells Day he wasn't chosen to go. (I missed this the first time round).

The way Day actually is giving it the most on the dance floor and genuinely deserved to win but can't see/understand that. Day automatically assumes that every good thing that comes his way is because people pity him. It's not surprising that this is the fear he falls back on when he finds out Mhok lied to him. This is his go-to gut reaction/response. That and feeling like he's a burden or causing trouble to others.

THE 'I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH' CONFESSION SCENE. Mhok's face, the way the depths of his feelings settle within him just before he says it, the callback to the 'come closer' moment they had earlier in the ep, Day's voice cracking as he says it back, and the hug afterwards. It's all so perfect and not enough people are talking about it dammit.

Night in Mhok's blue, even Mhon has a blue dressing gown over her grey pjs, but Day is in that pink and white shirt but the pink is only over half of his body, and not on his left side over his heart, spelling trouble ahead. And as @grapejuicegay pointed out - it's not a groove mindset kind of a day, it's a rains county. The colours are colouring and the t-shirts are t-shirting.

The PARALLELS. "Read this to me" harking back to ep 1 when Day asked Mhok to read something to him, and now Day asking Mhok to read the paper. What was the text on Mhok's blue bag? 'I love to hear your voice'...? Ooof, hits hard.

Mhok respecting Day's last wish like he did when he burst into Day's room and got fired, and when he took Day up the mountain and offered to quit to appease his mom. Mhok is just so good.

"Mom, did I do the right thing?" Day realising immediately that he was too impulsive. 💔

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Fruzsi and the Importance of Her Character in Season 2 of Shadow and Bone

Okay I feel like I have been continuously teasing this post for a ridiculously long time and I have finally gotten around to writing it, I also feel like the fact that I talked about it so much might have built it up to sound bigger than it is but honestly I think that Fruzsi is a FASCINATING character study; I'm very excited to talk about her and have finally found the time (yay!) so hopefully you guys will find this at least a little bit interesting too

Tagging people who registered their interest here but please don’t feel pressured to read <3 @merlinxmagic @girasoljpg @atmosphericwrites @naushtheaspiringauthor @lunarthecorvus

SHOW AND BOOK SPOILERS AHEAD + TALKING ABOUT GRISHAVERSE SETUP & THE CHARACTERS' BACKSTORIES/EXPERIENCES (Mostly Zoya, Genya, Alina, Fruzsi, and Inej)

Super quick recap since of her story so we're on the same page as we begin: Fruzsi first appeared in Season 2 Episode 2 of Shadow and Bone and is a Grisha Tidemaker loyal to the Darkling. Her parents sold her to the Darkling when she was a child, its unclear how old she was, and we should take into consideration in this matter that there is no indication whatsoever that she was ever at the Little Palace since none of the other Grisha seem to recognise or know her and vice versa. She is instrumental in the Darkling's army and receives one of the amplifiers made from Baghra's bones, subsequently learning to manipulate water molecules into ice shafts that she can use as a weapon. She is responsible for Dominik's death towards the end of the season and is subsequently killed by Nikolai.

So right off the bat whenever anyone talks about Fruzsi I tend to see two things: "wannabe Zoya" and “the power of her amplifier was a problem because it will be too difficult to differentiate between amplifiers and parem". I've taked before about my thoughts on amplifiers and parem and why I didn't think it was going to be a problem for the Six of Crows spinoff show (*sobs*) but the general consensus seems to be that not only was Fruzsi an unlikeable character because of her actions, but because she was seen as a only being there to provide an enemy and a hand of the Darkling, and I think that's a real shame because she is a fascinating character and she tells us SO MUCH about the Darkling and other major characters. My personal favourite details about Fruzsi are her parallels with Zoya and the point from which they run opposing, the parallels she has to Genya and Inej and the subsequent parallels that her introduction creates between the Darkling and Heleen Van Houden, and the setup of Fruzsi, Vatra, and the Darkling's other Grisha to create genuine empathy for villainous characters for the reflections of the protagonists we can see in them.

Fruzsi's introduction in episode two begins with the Darkling arriving to see her and saying that she made it in good time - now we don't know where she travelled from, so yeah it could be the Little Palace (he was travelling from the base he set up in episode 1) but personally I don't think that there's much implication she ever lived there considering she doesn't know any of the other Grisha and she doesn't wear a kefta until the Darkling has new ones created for his new army. She's wearing pretty typical clothes that we see of the Ravkan population when we first meet her; a blouse and ankle-length skirt with a long coat, and from the very start is in dark shades that visually connect her to the Darkling in the audience's eye. Although she isn't hesitant to speak to him she shows consistent discomfort around the Darkling, making small steps away from him when he raises his hand and acknowledging non-verbal orders from him with immediate effect, as well as confirming that she never broke her promise to not open the Journal of Morozova without prompting and somewhat hurriedly. The Darkling is actually pretty quiet throughout most of this scene, cutting of Fruzsi's sentences and instructing her but not following any attempts she makes to initiate real conversation. When he tells her to reveal Baghra from behind the waterfall she asks him if he's sure, one of few instances in which she questions him, and after barely a second of maintained eye contact between them she turns away, physically bunching her shoulders and seeming to shrink in on herself, before turning to the waterfall and completing the task in silence. Everything we see of Fruzsi in this scene seems to contradict Baghra's later description of her as "deranged" and I think that this is really very noteworthy, because we start to develop this idea that Fruzsi's actions are different in front of the Darkling than when he isn't present - particularly since we know in this scene that Baghra has not seen the Darkling in weeks and has been alone with Fruzsi during that time. We actually don't see Fruzsi without the Darkling until very late in the show (episode 7), when her anger at the world and her easy ability to command the other Grisha are revealed ("First Army did this [...] If they wear the uniform they are all the same. Kill them all!"). We get this brilliantly foreboding image of her marching so confidently through the carnage with soldiers of both sides running and shouting and fighting and dying all around her while she barely shows any kind of response but to calmly begin her own method of very direct attack against Nikolai after walking through the battle completely untouched. If anything, Fruzsi seems quite unbothered by the entire thing until she fails to kill Nikolai, killing Dominik and several others instead, and screams her frustration before being forced to run for cover from approaching soldiers. After this her attacks are arguably much more emotional because she feels challenged and as though she has failed (relevant as I'll cover later because of the way the Darkling manipulates her), but all of this seemingly culminates only when Vatra dies, and in that moment we get this wonderfully clever shot of them holding each other's hands so that we can see the tattoos (I'm going to rant about the tattoos in this post) and then we see Vatra smiling in her final moments (that's gonna come up again as well). This moment is the most emotional we ever get to see Fruzsi; she looks down at Vatra, sheds a silent tear, and begins to exhibit more power than we have ever seen in her before. It is bare moments after this that she loses her fingers in an attack from Jesper and mere minutes afterwards that Nikolai shoots her in the throat and she dies.

It's confirmed in s2e7 that Fruzsi's parents attempted to sell her to the Darkling and arguably this is where her parallels with Zoya begin - "You remember when your family first brought you to me? The price they demanded when they discovered you were Grisha?" "Perhaps now I can repay the debt" "I would have paid it 100 times over". Ugh this angers me so much. He bought her and she believes, she genuinely believes, that she owes him for that. I'm going to talk about the structure of this relationship really strongly echoing Heleen Van Houden later on but particularly in this moment we understand that there is something here very similar to the Kerch indenture system that I'm actually really glad to see included as part of the worldbuilding and development in the show since we didn't get the opportunity to explore it as much in Kerch (*screams frustrations into the wind*)

Although we sadly didn't get the chance to explore Zoya's story in the show (*cries in cancellation*) it's explained in the final duology of the book series that her mother attempted to sell nine-year-old Zoya as a bride to 63-year-old, very rich, and twice-widowed Valentin Grankin. When Zoya's aunt, Lilyana, attempted to stop the wedding Grankin attacked and nearly killed her; in fear for herself and her aunt Zoya experienced a massive, terrified outburst of power, which was how she discovered she was Grisha, and Lilyana was able to rescue her and take her to Os Alta. My absolute favourite take on Fruzsi is that she is Zoya's Shadow, which is an idea that my friend voiced whilst we were watching the show and we discussed together at length at the time, but that I have never seen anyone talking about online.

The idea of having a Shadow comes from Suli culture and is explained to us in Crooked Kingdom by Inej; whenever a person does wrong it gives life to their shadow, with every action making the Shadow stronger until they are stronger than the original person and the person is defeated by the wrongs they've done - or learns to overcome them and defeat the Shadow. Inej's believes that her Shadow is Dunyasha and she fights her in Crooked Kingdom. I FREAKING LOVE the theory that Fruzsi is Zoya's Shadow because their stories parallel each other very well; both are abused and sold by their families only to be taken in by the Darkling and manipulated into believing that he is their saviour. The Darkling very much works by making others feel that they owe him something for any action he completes, just as we see in his manipulation and abuse of Alina, and Fruzsi and Zoya are prime examples of this. We even have two very similar scene setups between season 1 and season 2 that show us just how similar the Darkling and Zoya are in terms of the pent up rage that they keep private - in season 1 where the Darkling leaves Zoya alone in his room whilst she is trying to initiate intimacy because he is manipulating her and Alina against each other and wants to make Zoya feel like she has been abandoned in favour of a newer, shinier toy and once he's left Zoya screams her frustration and releases a gust of Squaller power that disrupts his chamber, and in season 2 when Fruzsi, in her second appearance (now wearing the new dark kefta design) hesitantly informs the Darkling that David stole Morozova's Journal and is immediately dismissed before the Darkling screams his frustrations and uses the tether to find and haunt Alina. Although this comparison between the Darkling and Zoya is of course more obvious it also gives us an idea of similarities between Zoya and Fruzsi because it extends this implication we have that Fruzsi acts very differently out of the Darkling's presence than in - and considering that at this point we have never seen her without him we have this gathering sense of intrigue about her backstory and her character. In a similar-ish manner we also have the scene in s2e5 when we get another example of the few times Fruzsi attempts to stand up to the Darkling, in this case openly telling him that they would do better to redirect their efforts North because it would be "the more strategic move"; the Darkling's response is to threaten her with his Nichevo'ya and manipulate her in a similar way that he does Zoya by replying "Alina Starkov is worth more than any army. So at the risk of sounding repetitive... find her", actively diminishing Fruzsi when he's been purposefully making her feel important and like she matters to him so that she feels she must redouble her efforts for him to notice and appreciate her and therefore desperately hopes to do a better job of bending to his will, especially since he's basically turned her entire purpose and usefulness to him into brining Alina back to him. Ugh this man i swear. I'm going to go on to talk about parallels between Fruzsi and Genya pretty soon so in this respect as well I want to add emphasis to the fact that when she disagrees with him on a point - and mind you not that she makes any suggestion of betraying his cause but only that she thinks they should take a different tactic to be more successful in it - he uses the presence of the Nichevo'ya to scare her into submission. The next time he gives her an order (to take down the First Army encampments) she agrees immediately and barely speaks to him except to ask "And what of the Sun Summoner?" - And note this is after she has taken Genya to the other Grisha because she was told to show her off as an example.

I have to say that at this point in time I was not expecting her to be the gold mine she became, and it's looking back on it knowing more about her backstory that I notice a lot of smaller details in the way she acts around him that consistently suggest she is afraid of him and I think that is shown really well in Reford's performance, I don't see her getting enough of the praise that she deserves - she was great!

Am I even making sense? Anyway

Fruzsi and Zoya are consistently presented with these similarities and I really love the idea that she represents what Zoya would have become without the influence of our other main characters, particular Alina and Genya. I really like the idea that she's Zoya's Shaodw and a literal, living embodiment of the wrng that Zoya did under the Darkling's command, but the only place that I think this theory falls short is in Fruzsi's death. If Fruzsi was truly Zoya's Shadow then they would have to face each other for one of them to die, but Fruzsi was killed by Nikolai in the aftermath of Dominik's death. However, I also think that there was standing there to start developing something truly, truly poetic in Nikolai killing Zoya's Shadow and Zoya later killing Nikolai's (or maybe even metaphorically doing so in trying to help rid him of the demon??) BUT I GUESS NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW (*screams*) (*cries*) (*curses Netflix’s name*)

Now moving on to her parallels with Genya and Inej. I think that the loss of Heleen from season 2 (which I’ve shared my thoughts about a bit in the past so won’t go on about now) left a hole that was, in a way I didn’t quite expect, filled more by the Darkling than it was Pekka Rollins. There are multiple quotes from the Darkling this season, mostly directed towards Fruzsi and Genya, that I find to have very specific reminiscence of some of Heleen’s quotes from the the Six of Crows duology and this was the most obvious one for me, and the one that originally made me think of this particular comparison:

"I have always known your worth. Now show me," - the Darkling, s2e7, in the conversation where he specifically states that he bought Fruzsi and she specifically states that she owes him a debt for that

"I know your worth, little Lynx, right down to the cent" - Heleen, Six of Crows, to Inej when torturing Inej with the implication that she intends to find a way to bring her back to the Menagerie ("You'll wear my silks again, I promise")

(Also as a quick addition I think that so much can be said about Rachel Redford's acting in this specific moment of season 2 episode 7 after the Darkling delivers that line. She looks up at him, and the proxemics + their actual heights I must admit have a brilliant added effect to this, with what starts as such genuine sorrow but so quickly turns to such fierce determination before she shows him what she's capable of now that she has the amplifier. After her demonstration she is almost in shock at the revelation of what she was able to do but the pure exultation, the relief, the triumph in her expression does not even come close to existing until the moment that the Darkling says "extraordinary". He's not even looking at her - in fact, I don't doubt it possibly that he wasn't complimenting her herself but simply the creation of the amplifiers and their strength - but the expression on her face then is absolutely unmatched and it speaks VOLUMES) (I genuinely recommend rewatching that moment with this in mind because I cannot stop thinking about it)

And then layered on top of this, we have the tattoos. THE TATTOOS.

I made a specific post about the costuming in season 2, which you can read here if you’d like to, and that covers my thoughts on the new keftas but I didn’t go into detail on the tattoos at the time and I have a lot of thoughts about them. The Grishaverse, mostly the Six of Crows duology, uses tattoos incredibly symbolically and places particular emphasis on choosing to take the mark, creating a massively important bond to something that you deeply care about and will never want to break (gangs, Kaz’s ‘R’ for Rietveld), and being forced to take one on (the pleasure houses, of course most primarily Inej’s Menagerie tattoo). Although we don’t get as much emphasis on this since the show didn’t get the opportunity to explore the gang tattoos yet thus far (and I guess now it won’t *shakes fist at Netflix*) we did have focus surrounding Inej’s Menagerie tattoo and it’s removal in this season and, as much as I wish we’d been able to see her book canon tattoo removal (cut off by a butcher), this side by side comparison of the Grisha being given no option but to take on the amplifying tattoos and Nina using her Grisha power to remove Inej’s tattoo is absolutely fascinating and really well done.

So this for me creates an ongoing comparison between Fruzsi, Genya, and Inej - and taking on what I said about Fruzsi’s apparent absence from the Little Palace despite clearly having an established relationship with the Darkling and having been with him for some time, we can consider the earliest pieces of information we have about Genya’s life. Now it’s a long time since I read the S&B trilogy so I can’t remember if this specific detail is true to book canon but in the show Genya states that the Grisha testers found her when she was seven but that she was gifted to the Queen when she was eleven. We have no information about what happened to her during these four years, and yeah maybe she was at the Little Palace training but we don’t have confirmation of that and I wouldn’t trust the Darkling as far as I could throw him (which probably wouldn’t even crack a metre let’s be real). This also adds a really interesting layer to things with Fruzsi being the one instructed to show Genya off to the other Grisha as an example of what will happen if they try to betray the Darkling because we get this moment when she kneels down to take hold of Genya's chains and they are both sitting in the cage together that I think is really powerful in everything it says about how easily either of them could be in the other's position in that moment but we're also still very aware that Fruzsi has the far more power - or at least an illusion of it. In this same scene Baghra, about Genya, states "she served you loyally since she was a child, endured years of abuse on your orders, and you reduce her to an example? Oh Aleksander, where does this stop?" and honestly that is so brilliantly written (and so brilliantly delivered in the scene) that I don't think I need to say anything on top of it but when we consider this side by side with Fruzsi's position I think that this really is a very powerful parallel and a constant reminder that no-one who places their trust in the Darkling is ever safe, and that pretty much everyone on his side is there because of manipulation and because of abuse - be that abuse from the Darkling or abuse from others that the Darkling has so well learned how to manipulate in ways that are very, very similar to the way Jarl Brum manipulated and abused Matthias (I have written a lot about that too. I have strong feelings.)

I have so much fascination and I feel so much sympathy for Fruzsi and I think that this is one of the things that the show did so fantastically well in her and in the other Grisha on the Darkling’s side who are all manipulated and controlled by him in just the same way our protagonists were, who were ultimately still all very young people who had been attacked and threatened and made unsafe in their home for who they were and who were offered what they believed was the only solution. I think one of the greatest examples of this, other than Fruzsi, is seen in Vatra, the amplified Inferni who is so proud of herself when she brings the Hummingbird down - "Yes! I did it" and btw she says this with such an expression on her face I don't even have the words I would just genuinely recommend you rewatch the scene to get what I'm saying it's s2e7 around 24:30-50 she actually looks so proud of herself she's like a little kid and it's so soul-crushingly clever and incredibly well done and it breaks my heart she's been so successfully manipulated - because she so genuinely believes that she is doing the right thing and she is making a difference for her people, and even when she dies with her hand clutched in Fruzsi's she dies smiling. That girl breaks my heart every time I rewatch, and honestly even though she is presented in a more unlikeable way Fruzsi breaks my heart as well because I can see so much of our beloved characters in her and effectively what could have happened to them and what could have become of them if they hadn’t managed their escape. This duality and constant cause to question the morality of the characters is so brilliantly done and one of the biggest successes of the adaptation considering how well it was done in the books as well but could have been something difficult to translate between medias where exposition is concerned, and I think that Fruzsi was an incredible example of this and that we really should talk about her more

Thanks for reading my nonsense ramblings if you got this far, I hope that it made sense and was at least somewhat interesting <33

[sensualnoiree]

astro notes: daily transits 9/20

Friday, 9/20, begins under the intense influence of a Moon–Pluto square, triggering deep, unresolved emotions like jealousy, anger, and resentment. Although the Moon enters the steady sign of Taurus shortly after, several challenging aspects throughout the day ensure that tensions linger. A Venus–Uranus quincunx demands adjustments in relationships, especially around issues of individuality and space. A possessive Mars–Ceres opposition at noon escalates control dynamics, leading to confrontations rooted in smothering behavior. As the Sun opposes Neptune in the evening, confusion and misunderstandings reign, leaving many bewildered about how to resolve ongoing conflicts.

Key Influences

Moon Square Pluto:Emotional Boiling Point: The day begins with a square between the Aries Moon and Pluto at 1:38 a.m., stirring up intense, hidden emotions. Pluto’s transformative power amplifies feelings of jealousy, anger, and resentment, pushing them to the surface. This is a moment when unresolved issues are likely to come to light, especially in emotionally charged situations. While this aspect can feel overwhelming, it also offers a chance to confront buried emotions and work through them, although the process may not be comfortable. This transit calls for emotional courage and the willingness to face the darker sides of oneself or others.

Moon Entering Taurus:Seeking Peace and Stability: At 2:03 a.m., the Moon shifts into peace-loving Taurus, grounding the emotional turbulence stirred up by the Moon–Pluto square. Taurus energy encourages stability, patience, and a focus on practical solutions, providing a much-needed sense of calm after the intensity of early morning. However, the Moon’s presence in Taurus is somewhat overshadowed by the more dramatic aspects of the day, which keep tensions simmering. Still, this shift offers a reminder to seek out moments of comfort and security amidst the chaos, leaning into Taurus’s earthy, grounding influence.

Venus Quincunx Uranus:Adjusting Relationship Dynamics: At 9°27' Libra–Taurus, Venus forms an awkward quincunx with Uranus, creating a need for adjustment in relationships, especially where there’s tension around individuality and freedom. This aspect highlights issues of autonomy versus closeness, making it clear that something needs to shift in how we relate to others. If one person in the relationship feels stifled or confined, this aspect can trigger sudden reactions or demands for more space. It’s important to find a balance between togetherness and independence, ensuring that each person feels free to express their true selves within the partnership.

Mars Opposite Ceres:Smothering and Control Issues: The midday Mars–Ceres opposition (9°18' Cancer–Capricorn) stirs up possessive and patronizing behavior, especially in relationships involving care or nurturing. This aspect can bring to light issues of “smother love” — where one person’s well-meaning attempts to care for or protect another feel overbearing or controlling. The opposition between nurturing Ceres and aggressive Mars creates a clash of energies, leading to arguments over boundaries, autonomy, and care. Tensions may escalate as one person’s attempts to nurture or protect are perceived as controlling or condescending. It’s crucial to recognize when care becomes overbearing and to adjust behavior accordingly to avoid conflict.

Sun Opposite Neptune:Confusion and Misunderstandings: As the Sun opposes Neptune (28°30' Virgo–Pisces) in the early evening, a veil of confusion descends over the day, making it difficult to see things clearly. This aspect creates an atmosphere ripe for misunderstandings, miscommunications, and disillusionment. Neptune’s foggy influence can make it hard to differentiate between reality and fantasy, leading to confusion about intentions, actions, or words. This is not a time for making major decisions or trying to resolve conflicts, as clarity is likely to be elusive. Instead, it’s important to practice patience and allow the fog to lift before attempting to find resolutions.

Integrating the Influences

Confront Hidden Emotions:Moon Square Pluto: The Moon–Pluto square brings buried emotions to the surface, offering an opportunity to confront feelings of jealousy, anger, or resentment. While the intensity of this aspect can feel overwhelming, it’s a chance for emotional catharsis. Don’t shy away from these feelings — instead, acknowledge them and explore their root causes. This is a powerful time for emotional transformation, but only if you’re willing to face the darker aspects of your emotional landscape.

Seek Stability Amidst Emotional Turmoil:Moon Entering Taurus: As the Moon enters Taurus, there’s an opportunity to ground yourself and seek stability in the midst of emotional upheaval. Taurus encourages patience, practicality, and a focus on tangible solutions. Lean into this energy by finding ways to stay calm and centered, especially when tensions flare. This is a time to focus on self-care, comfort, and practical steps toward resolution.

Make Space for Individuality in Relationships:Venus Quincunx Uranus: The Venus–Uranus quincunx calls for adjustments in relationship dynamics, particularly around issues of individuality and autonomy. If you’ve been feeling confined or stifled in a relationship, now is the time to address these concerns. However, this aspect can create awkward or unexpected shifts, so approach conversations with an open mind and a willingness to compromise. It’s important to find a balance between closeness and personal freedom, ensuring that each person feels respected and valued for who they are.

Avoid Power Struggles Over Care:Mars Opposite Ceres: The Mars–Ceres opposition highlights control issues related to care and nurturing. Be mindful of how your attempts to care for others may be perceived — what you intend as nurturing could be seen as overbearing or controlling. This aspect can lead to power struggles over boundaries and autonomy, especially in family or caregiving relationships. To avoid conflict, practice empathy and respect for the other person’s needs and desires, giving them space to assert their own independence.

Wait for Clarity Before Taking Action:Sun Opposite Neptune: The Sun–Neptune opposition brings confusion and misunderstandings, making it difficult to see situations clearly. This is not a good time for making major decisions or attempting to resolve conflicts, as the truth is likely to be obscured. Instead, focus on staying grounded and avoid getting swept up in illusions or fantasies. Wait for clarity to emerge before taking any significant action or making judgments.

follow for more astro insights like this and head on over to @quenysefields or my etsy --> sensualnoiree to grab my new astrology guidebook on reading your own natal chart :)

[futureplayboibunnie]

‘Angel’

Sherlock x fem!reader

-tehehehe. this one has been sitting in my drafts for ages but i know how thirsty y’all are for more smutty sherlock fics so here u goooo. this one is a lil angsty too. you know the drill. enjoyyy xx

You didn't want to stroke Sherlock's ego to admit you felt special- so you simply didn't. For a reason still unattained, he'd continue his openly obnoxious hubris and unexplainable nature by asking you to travel away with him. Sherlock was insistent it was for a case, he needed your inexplicable prowess when it comes to interacting with other humans- something he hadn't really learned to get down pat yet, he disguised it as needing another detective on the case but it did raise your eyebrow when John wasn't the first person he came to.

Did that make you special in his eyes too?

You didn't know. You didn't care. It was difficult to differentiate.

Now you were in a hotel room with Sherlock fucking Holmes, expensive and paid for with Mycroft's blood money. At least the room had two beds but it was connected through a shared kitchenette, so you'd have to interact with him in such a comfortable state eventually. The case was closed, this was the last night you had here with him and you didn't like that it went by quickly, too quickly. Time slipped through your fingers like grains of sand seeping like tears during a breakdown. You were panicking and you hated yourself for it, you were just like Sherlock Holmes in the way that you never let anyone get close.

But he was.

And you didn't like it.

Sherlock utlised this time he spent with you to find out who you really were, to understand how it was so difficult to pry any information out of you - there were some fairly easy things to spot when he conducted his initial deduction of you, assessing the equation of you in his analytic mind. You were isolated. Intelligent when you wanted to be. Bold. A risk taker. Expressionless. Good at retaining a blank face. Awful in relationships. Attractive. Strangely magentic. He didn't like not understanding why he was drawn to someone in a way, was it because he felt as if you were akin to him? Leading the same life of risk taking in order to absolve the…loneliness?

It irked him.

Who were you? It felt like he was looking for something else under this hard shell you had.

It was cloudy grey, dark, aphotic. Crepuscular in the rayless shared space of the kitchen. You shouldn't be awake, not this late- but if you went to bed then it would be tomorrow...the day of your departure. Not being able to find another opportunity to be this close to him, ever. It would be too long winded to go about understanding why you felt this strange swelling bloom inside your body when you thought of Sherlock but all you knew is that you felt miffed by it. You didn't want to feel any type of way torwards him. Was satiating your need to be cured of this ailment for better or for worse? Staring out into this hell casted abyss, you just pondered upon these thoughts that plagued your head- amplified only by these last few days you spent with him. You sat at the dining table, trying to bridle the inane nature of your conviction. Attempting to sleep was out of the question, your last endeavour proved to be fruitfuless.

Is this what feeling...helpless feels like?

Sherlock noticed that he didn't hear those fated footsteps to your room, it's because you weren't even in bed- you were wilting alone, sitting at the dining table moping.

He was just like you though, wondering how to drag this out...make you stay so he could work you out. He hadn't gotten anywhere, you needed to give him a little bit of direction, some oversight- you were impossible to solve. Probably blinded by his own unwillingness to get to the heart of it all: he had to remember he didn't have one.

He wandered out of his room, padding aimlessly to find you; he didn't even get changed out of his own clothes, he just discarded of his blazer jacket.

Sherlock observed you as he entered your air, cool breezy blue thinning at the sight of you all but illuminated by the pale moonlight hitting every single picturesque feature. He knew that beauty was merely a construct created by childhood impressions and representations but you were undeniably entreating, tempting, engaging. You were right in front of his eyes, too real to be considered a measly construct. So incredible in your stance. He was in boundless awe of you, his face would never express it though.

Sherlock gazed at you as he went to get a glass of water from the sink, an excuse to be out here talking to you; but Lord was he entranced by your body, your skin. You had never showed it off so freely before, you worse a short silk nightdress with thin straps that kept falling off of your shoulders; you insessantly kept dragging them back up and he had to surpress the urge to just keep the straps down...or better yet just peel the annoying fabric off of you. He had to shake his head of the laviscious thoughts swirling, it was crowding his brain and he had to be free of it.

‘’Last night here.’’ You stated impassively, unsure of why you were running your mouth to the man that filters others words like it was second instinct.

‘’I doubt you've missed London already.’’ Sherlock replied, a slight judgement in his cadence.

‘’No.’’ You swivelled your head to look him in the eye, voice low and face hard.

All you could see was Sherlock, so confident it was a natural prospect- standing there hollowed eyed as he rolled up the sleeves to his button down, you don't think you'd ever seen him do that before. Get himself messy. Your gaze was brutal yet expressionless, it was an impossible combination and he was too preoccupied to get into it now. For once, Sherlock didn't know what to say. The silence in the room was fattening up with every moment that passed.

‘’Why am I here Sherlock?’’ You asked him sincerely, inquisitively, eyes slightly tensing with every word.

He took a beat before he responded. ‘’Because I don't who you are. And I'm no where near close to figuring it out.’’

‘’You can't see what's right in front of you?’’ You tilted your head.

‘’No. I can't. Give faith to me.’’ Sherlock's eyes daren't waver from yours as he implored you to make him understand.

You paused for a moment, hoping your mouth, brain and heart will all catch up but they never did. Severely fucked didn't cover the half of it.

‘’What do you think of me now?’’ You asked softly, breath warm and frigid. You looked candid and earnest and Sherlock didn't know how to start on this impossible question.

How could he? He stood stoic as he stilled at your interrogation.

Sherlock watched your lips part as you tried to suck your exhales back in, your mouth was distracting him- losing focus with every millisecond and he felt his inhibitions leave him like the fast colours of the wind.

‘’I think you being here in front of me right now makes me feel destitute and defenseless.’’

‘’Good.’’ You stated simply, covertly proud of yourself- denying him the privilege of seeing you surprised, you didn't want to be predictable like everyone else.

‘’Good?’’ Sherlock was taken aback by your response. You thought it was a good thing to get him all teeming? He was practically losing his mind over you and you thought it was good?

It wasn't. His mind was his sanctuary, his palace, his temple and you were wrecking his entire worldview. Sherlock was irritated by your carefree exchange, your sheer untroubled attitude provoked him and part of his consciousness was begging to grab you and fuck you over the table to never even think of dismissing him like that again.

‘’You're delicate Sherlock, don't let me be the one to break you. Especially when we've only got one night left here. It's not worth it….is it?’’ Your voice was like velvet, smooth and slow like honey.

Sherlock creased his brow as you looked down upon him once more, he detested it and he felt his insides jump and churn at your disposition.

Sherlock? Breakable? Absolutely not. He wanted to show you, feel your skin and feel you shatter beneath him. Is it worth it? It'll end badly but he was too drunk off of you to jump into the events of the future and it's consequences. You were worth it. Yes. You were.

After letting the words settle into the air for a while, you got up with a sharp exhale and started trodding off back into your room. ‘’Goodnight.’’ You mumbled as you brushed passed him but Sherlock couldn't let you leave. He caught onto your arm with heavy lidded eyes and watched your face harden into a motionless blank, you gasped as he tugged you flush into him and to your surprise you let him. Shamelessly.

‘’It is. It is worth it. I haven't figured you out yet and I will. But for now, all I know is that you're a siren, hellbent on trying to disarm me and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to take you. Right here. Right now.’’ Sherlock grunted as he leaned into your ear, his intonation alone sent a shiver through you and it echoed through your insides.

He was gruffer than you initially thought. Eyes bottomless and dim, a pit you could find yourself getting lost in over and over again. But this was the last night.

‘’Sherlock, I'm afraid you might be…shatterable and I don't want to be soft.’’ You warned him with a deviant look on your face.

He wanted to see what it looked like when he made you feel so good you drew blood from his back.

Sherlock had never had anyone questioning his durability before- it was… refreshing. A unique change of pace. His fingers danced on the outskirts of your neck as they slowly threaded through your hair, you let out a shaky breath as he cradled your head- his grasp tight.

‘’I never am.’’ He muttered as he captured your lips with his.

Kissing him was just brutal and magical, a brawl between mouths and the break of the bubbling tension that seemed to go on forever. He tasted...untouched. You felt so damn special, and only now you were willing to admit it. Sherlock's tongue delved into your mouth, exploring, seeking, probing for an inch- to step further into your psyche by feeling you physically. A million questions fell through his mind.

What the fuck was he thinking?

Why does it feel so wrong?

But feel so damn good?

Who were you?

Why were you making him feel so helpless?

So fucking beautiful...so fucking bewitching. It'll be his inevitable undoing. The cause of his violent destruction. You bit his lip and tugged it back before breathing out, thoughts running rampant at the speed of sound as his hold didn't loosen.

‘’Tell me you want me and I'll get on my knees for you. I just need to hear you say it.’’ Your eyes were glistening and dark, wicked and unforgiving- timeless and imploring him to say what you needed to hear, you didn't care if it was real or not.

All he did was just stare at you vacantly...yet intently. Thumb travelling to the smooth skin of your cheek and lower lip, brushing the magic that danced on your lips away in the process, making this dream all too real.

‘’Baby, you don't have to do that. You’ll get a taste of how much I want you. ’’ Sherlock cooed sincerely, face dipping to the column on your neck and your jaw, peppering soft kisses as a means of reassurance. Part of him wanted to make such slow sweet love to you, in a way a normal, banal, disgusting couple would do but you were so eager and ready to go- you didn't want him to be soft.

‘’Let me just feel you. I want to feel you. I think I've been torturing myself over it. Please.’’

You stared at him momentarily before your mouth devoured his again, your fingers carding through the tufts of soft black curls as tongues twisted together beautifully.

Sherlock started walking you to the dining table again, grabbing you by the waist and sitting you down on it as he stood inbetween your legs. You were almost embarrassed by the way you were pulsating and soaked already. Sherlock's curious and insatiable hands travelled the expanse of your back, smoothing out the silk that covered you and teased the straps of the babydoll too. He liked you in silk, it flattered you perfectly.

Sherlock's free hand outlined and palmed at your thighs, they were soft in the areas he didn't leave goosebumps- he smirked into your kiss at the idea he affected you so. You grasped his head so he could nip and suck at the high point of your tits, near your heart.

‘’I think I fancy you.’’ You breathed, tongue flinging out words you wouldn't be able to take back, already salivating at the prospect that he wants to fuck you.

The whole idea made Sherlock stop in his tracks, the sentence was jarring and so comforting- he somehow thought it was all in his head but you saying those words brought him to a halt. Oh, darling. If only you knew how bad you would both be for each other. Two entirely closed off people, so emotionally distant and incapable of being in a relationship. To provide further evidence, the first thing he caught about you was that every single relationship you had you would always be bad at it.

‘’Don't drool.’’ He demanded coldly, completely ignoring your admission of honesty. He'll deal with it later even though it commanded his emotions in the present.

Sherlock peeled the fabric off of you, pleased to find your bare and naked body beneath it. You perched yourself back as you watched him fawn over you, his large hands palming at your tits and travelling to the dip of your waist. He perked up to your incessant squirming when his head bent down and dipped to your heat, Lord you smelled so inviting.

You tried to bite back the moans he illicited out of you when he started kissing your skin, he was so close in the area you needed him to be but he was obviously enjoying drawing it out for you- almost as if he didn't want it to end. When his lithe muscle finally reached home, you were sure you saw stars as he ate you out like a man starved of a meal. Like a lion at any form of meat. He loved the way your back arched and the way you tugged onto his hair that much harder.

‘’Sherlock…You...I- I've wanted you so bad, it's clouded my clear thinking.’’ You admitted in a fucked out haze, his tongue making you feel so good it made you delve into all of your dirty secrets of him. You were afraid that you would admit that the night previous you fucked yourself with your fingers playing make pretend that it was him. Now it was really happening.

Sherlock stopped his ministrations and peered up at you, his lips glazed with your wetness, those blue eyes a light cast in the darkness. He was rather excited and that was apparent by the way his lips found yours again.

‘’You taste. So. Fucking. Sweet.’’ He grunted between rough kisses, so hard on your soft flesh you were sure he would draw blood if he would be so careless.

The idea piqued at you. Sherlock...careless. One day that'll happen. And you'll be right there when it does.

You tasted yourself off his tongue and you hated that he was right, all of these flavours coming together to form a patterned myraid. Sherlock swallowed your moans, those lewd noises he could never be able to phase or drown out, his need for you amplified tenfold.

He pushed you back down roughly before unzipping his pants and tugging his impossibly hard cock, you waited in expressionless awe your mouth open agape like a fool as you waited for him to just fuck the melancholy and mopiness out of you. Sherlock gazed at you intently, fixed on every jerk your body made when he stroked himself at the sight of you- his teeth sunk into his bottom lip when his brows furrowed.

He aligned himself with your glistening pussy with a kiss between the valley of your tits to your collarbone, you lifted his head up so you could take him in through all of his glory and when he pushed himself in you...it was as if it was only you and him left in the world.

It felt delectable. The push and pull. The strain. The delayed gratification. He slid in and out of you so easily, your bodies merging together as one as he set a brutal pace that only a person with a libido like him could create. You couldn't help but gawk up at him dumbly, what could you say? He got you all bendy and incoherent. All inarticulate and tongue tied.

‘’What is it baby? Can't think properly already?’’ Sherlock scrutinised but you couldn't care less- all you could think about was his constant pet names. He called you baby twice now, it made an unfamiliar feeling swell in your chest. You bit his lip again at his insult.

‘’Don't be so righteous. You can't figure me out, remember?’’You flirted and you were pleased to find that you caught him out.

‘’How proper of you.’’ He said gruffly, obviously annoyed that he still had to solve this puzzle of you, like a never ending equation that just couldn't be ammended. You felt your brain turn into mush and your body whirr as he just kept up his never ending torture: so fast, so good, so painful...perfect. Stretching you out entirely to accomodate his massive size, but he got you so wet it was an ease. Sherlock sensed the thrumming of your heart, it's pace kicking into a noticeable overdrive as sweat dripped down your body and pants encompassed the dim room. You were feeling shameful at the idea that he could make you cum this quickly and at this point you were sure anything else could set you off

You were proven to be right.

‘’Angel...’’ Sherlock cooed at you and the use of another pet name made you spiral into an endless pit of oblivion.

Your scream caught in your throat, so you let out a strangled cry for mercy instead as you came undone around him. Lungs caving as you gushed whatever energy you had left onto him, hands clawing at his back to make him realise the fate he set within you.

You came so hard around him Sherlock was struggling to fuck you through your orgasm; Christ, how long have you went without a fuck? How long has it been since you actually came? He didn't have it in him to figure out the logistics, all he was concerned with was how he felt the coil within him break. Sherlock let out a gutteral groan as he finished inside of you, completely and utterly spent and tweaked by how tired you got him; he pulled out of you and rolled himself off of you to lie beside you. Breathing heavy and laboured, like you'd just ran a marathon.

‘’Is this the part where we forget this ever happened?’’ You questioned him in an all too serious tone that Sherlock didn't like.

‘’Is that what you think?’’

‘’Am I an experiment, Sherlock?’’ You asked with no sense of humour playing at your words, not annoyed either just rational.

Sherlock stayed in a moment of brief silence, scared of not being able to say the right thing for once. He never really cared about it…until now.

‘’Answer the question.’’ Your tone was flatlined.

‘’No.’’ He stated plainly.

‘’I think I'm falling in love with you.’’

Sherlock was dumbfounded, he turned his head so he could stare at you after you said those words you would never be able to take back. You were falling for him? As he was for you? Blinded by nothing but cold relations to see that the warmth was right here all along...he frowned. He was afraid that he would disappoint you like all of the other relationships you had been in, he detested the idea of being banded in that same category. He was better. He wanted to be better. For you. You deserved to feel wanted. Was that worth his sanity though? Sherlock swivelled and grabbed your face to make you look him in the eyes, he stroked your cheek as a form of tenderness. Your eyes were guileless and the reaction you drew out of him was pitiful.

‘’You're so...inconceivable. When I look at you, I see heaven incarnate and I don't think I'm going to be able to live up to your expectations.’’ Sherlock said under his breath, thumb grazing your lips as he stared at them parting.

‘’I think you’ve finally figured me out.’’