#did I even do it back then? hmmm
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wolfsong-the-bloody-beast Ā· 2 months ago
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Apparently, if you keep coming back to kiss him repeatedly, he gives you approval and has some thoughts on two different occasions. šŸ™ˆ
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altcvnningham Ā· 11 days ago
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hey guys do you think some of bellā€™s ā€œfavouriteā€ songs are actually just adlerā€™s or
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the-sunlit-earth Ā· 7 months ago
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a lot of clipping to fix, but hey I got it moving at least! I'll get the Telvanni robe properly physic'd if it's the last thing I do >:0
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crossbackpoke-check Ā· 4 months ago
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Dysprosium, Mary Soon Lee
dysprosium, AN 66, is a silvery-white rare earth metal. its name is derived from the greek dysprositos, meaning ā€œhard to get atā€, owing to the difficulty in separating and isolating this rare earth element. dysprosium is used to measure neutron flux, to fuel reactors, and to activate phosphors. terfenol-d is a magnetorestrictive alloy, meaning that it changes shape when a magnetic field is applied, and is used to manufacture underwater acoustic systems.
jason ā€œroboā€ robertson, dallas stars #21 for @simmyfrobbyā€™s nhl periodic table poems <3
#i had a couple different ideas for poems that were taken by the time i could go deranged for a couple hours to make this but as I looked#i was like WAIT NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE JASON ROBERTSON YOU HAVENā€™T SEEN MY TEXAS CAM and had to do it. also was STRUCK with the#sudden immaculate vision of the Dallas D as part of terfenol-D and could not get it out & robo is the most dance! person i know on the team#liv in the replies#dallas stars#jason robertson#nhl periodic table poems#guys i am plagued with visions and no execution skills!! every day i come here and learn one new skill on GIMP the way god intended!!!#today it was emboss. also cannot claim any credit for the pulse to the magnetic beat photo which is so cool that was one where i had a#couple and was like maybe i can do like crayon shockwaves like the art process video kasper showed? and then found that picture and was#like thank you lord stanley for knowing my limitations. thank you for your understanding in this moment it was a trial enough to make#expand contract dance and one would THINK i would have fucking learned from the claude animorphs tragedy!! i did not. but i did use the#shear tool and 3D rotate so at least if weā€™re animorphing itā€™s SLIGHTLY better. anyway me frantically doing this like WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT#WAIT FOR ME YOU GUYS ARE SO FAST i keep seeing all of these and just spinning around in circles until i get dizzy & fall down Iā€™m so happy#the drive folder for this is just called joy!!!!! because joy this is such a cool idea but now because it brings me so much joy#i just saw the Travis dermott one and burst into tears super normal AND someone did exactly what i wanted with hydrogen which was the water#the ice!!!!! itā€™s so perfect!!! and cody ofc did silver lord stanley. like does it ever make you cry how beautiful & creative everyone is?#anyway if you see me post and delete this and then update it or change it no you didnā€™t itā€™s fine. but i wanted to be included#if i could make the dysprosium letters not have a white background i would I simply could not fuck with it at 1AM. we are hitting send#it may not look like it but i queue#pretend i spoke at length about the reasons why i picked all the pictures & the element just know that itā€™s there inside my brain u can ask#GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK I SAW NEONFRETRAā€™S ISOTOPES AND I COULD MAKE THE EDITS EVEN THOUGH THEYā€™RE THERE!! ISOTOPES!!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!#get ready for the edits then. dylan magnesium my beloved child of stars who can never returnā€¦ like i wish i could say anyone else but itā€™s#i KNOW number nineteens bismuth donā€™t make me Google how many years nolan played hockey but also thereā€™s ej for stable so.. also half-life#actinium claude giroux my belovedā€¦ when i saw there already was a claude i thought maybe Brady too for that#I donā€™t know how but flerovium doubled magic is percolating in my brain as was promethium bad boy because I was like hmmm. tyler. but#couldnā€™t commit and THEN SOMEONE DID BAD BAD LEROY BROWN TYLER BERTUZZI TO PROMETHIUM AND BESTIE I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH!!! with cons#anyway shane wright germanium with juraj slafkovskĆ½ but showing him very obviously not missing it. if jack eichel was not an asshole#the narratives WOULD be narrativing. you could argue for a sidovi here with the calder cup and potentially a best friend stealing narrative#(the most recent is cam yorkeā€™s acquisition of jamie d from trevor zegras which would then require a yorkie one for silicon the other side)
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sysig Ā· 8 months ago
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Red Eyes and Evil Time, practically the same thing right (Patreon)
#Doodles#Villainsona#Just Desserts#Sona double feature!#Red Eyes and Evil Time /are/ different for the record lol#There's overlap and they're both eye details but they're different#Mmm Red Eyes feels so niiiice <3 And I've been pacing myself so it's Just Red Eyes!#No red shines :) Which can happen even on Red Eyes#In fact it's probably more common - the red shines on Blue Eyes was something of an oddity#No one knows the lore except me I'll explain someday lol#For now it's just fun to be in Red Eyes! :D And the occasional Evil Time as well lol - all the overlaps!#I somehow accidentally made a like?? Cotton Candied Popcorn themed outfit for Eli for the first one lol that wasn't my intention#I mean it's cute I'm not about to fight it lol I'd love for my sonas to have other clothes inspired by each other haha#Eli's eyes are still quite fun to draw as well haha those bright pops of colour - Red Purple or Blue they're all so stark and shaped#Back to their classic feminine outfit good for them uwu#Silly lad#They're also still a scientist first and foremost - it's all chemicals there's gotta be a way to recreate it externally!#Local vampire scientist creates mood stabilizers more at 7 lol#I'm quite pleased with the three-red two-purple one-blue gradient as well hehe - the decay! :D I like it as a visual#Charm tiiime <3 <3 Happy Charm time in Evil Time! Usually better than bad mood Evil Time lol - at least for those around her#Still chaotic to be in it haha - but happy chaos is happy! Lol#Again more fun with eyes the light bounce in the one where she's holding the melt is so cute and looks so nice on my paper too <3#I had a silly comic idea for her for the next time I get into Red Eyes as well - if I remember lol#Big Love is hearts! It just makes sense#Also I am Really proud of the cleaning job I did on that last one lol - from original to this? Night and day ngl#Guess that goes to show how little cleaning I do on-page lol#For some I do! Others...#Still thinking up outfits - you can probably just make out ''Hero Charm'' in her hair lol trying to think around different themes#Something that could become something else! Add or subtract an element and it changes the ''meaning'' of the outfit#Kinda like her initial caped design that Kaiein rejected hmmm
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longagoitwastuesday Ā· 7 months ago
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So so indebted to u for posting those lovely illustrations from Cyrano <333 & even more so for yr tags!! I'm completely in love w yr analysis, please feel free to ramble as long as u wish! Browsing through yr Cyrano de Bergerac tag has given me glimpses of so many adaptations & translations I'd never heard of before! I'll be watching the SolĆØs version next, which I have only discovered today through u ^_^ As for translations, have u read many/all of them? I've only encountered the Renauld & Burgess translations in the wild, & I was curious to hear yr translation thoughts that they might guide my decision on which one I buy first (not necessarily Renauld or Burgess ofc). Have a splendid day & sorry for the likespam! šŸ’™
Sorry for the delay. Don't mind the likespam, I'm glad you enjoyed my tags about Cyrano, and that they could contribute a bit to a further appreciation of the play. I loved it a lot, I got obsessed with it for months. It's always nice to know other people deeply love too that which is loved haha I hope you enjoy the SolĆØs version, it may well be my favourite one!
About translations, I'm touched you're asking me, but I don't really know whether mine is the best opinion to ask. I have read... four or five English translations iirc, the ones I could find online, and I do (and especially did, back when I was reading them) have a lot of opinions about them. However, nor English nor French are my first languages (they are third and fourth respectively, so not even close). I just read and compare translations because that's one of my favourite things to do.
The fact is that no translation is perfect, of course. I barely remember Renauld's, but I think it was quite literal; that's good for understanding the basics of the text, concepts and characters, but form is subject, and there's always something that escapes too literal translations. Thomas and Guillemard's if I recall correctly is similar to Hooker's in cadence. It had some beautiful fragments, some I preferred over Hooker's, but overall I think to recall I liked Hooker's more. If memory serves, Hooker's was the most traditionally poetic and beautiful in my opinion. Burgess' is a whole different thing, with its perks and drawbacks.
Something noticeable in the other translations is that they are too... "epic". They do well the poetic, sorrowful, grief stricken, crushed by regrets aspects of Cyrano and the play in general, but they fall quite short in the funny and even pathetic aspects, and that too is key in Cyrano, both character and play. Given the characteristics of both languages, following the cadence of the French too literally, with those long verses, makes an English version sound far too solemn at times when the French text isn't. Thus Burgess changes the very cadence of the text, adapting it more to the English language. This translation is the one that best sets the different moods in the play, and as I said before form is subject, and that too is key: after all, the poetic aspect of Cyrano is as much true as his angry facet and his goofy one. If Cyrano isn't funny he isn't Cyrano, just as he wouldn't be Cyrano without his devotion to Roxane or his insecurities; Cyrano is who he is precisely because he has all these facets, because one side covers the other, because one trait is born from another, because one facet is used as weapon to protect the others, like a game of mirrors and smoke. We see them at different points through the play, often converging. Burgess' enhances that. He plays with the language itself in form and musicality, with words and absences, with truths masking other truths, with things stated but untold, much like Cyrano does. And the stage directions, poetic and with literary value in their own right in a way that reminded me of Valle InclƔn and Oscar Wilde, interact with the text at times in an almost metatextual dimension that enhances that bond Cyrano has with words, giving them a sort of liminal air and strengthening that constant in the play: that words both conceal and unveil Cyrano, that in words he hides and words give him away.
But not all is good, at all. Unlike Hooker, Burgess reads to me as not entirely understanding every facet of the characters, and as if he didn't even like the play all that much, as if he had a bit of a disdainful attitude towards it, and found it too mushy. Which I can understand, but then why do you translate it? In my opinion the Burgess' translation does well bending English to transmit the different moods the French text does, and does pretty well understanding the more solemn, cool, funny, angry, poetic aspects of Cyrano, but less so his devotion, vulnerability, insecurities and his pathetism. It doesn't seem to get Roxane at all, how similar she is to Cyrano, nor why she has so many admirers. It does a very poor job at understanding Christian and his value, and writes him off as stupid imo. While I enjoyed the language aspect of the Burgess translation, I remember being quite angry at certain points reading it because of what it did to the characters and some changes he introduces. I think he did something very questionable with Le Bret and Castel-Jaloux, and I remember being incensed because of Roxane at times (for instance, she doesn't go to Arras in his version, which is a key scene to show just how much fire Roxane has, and that establishes several parallels with Cyrano, in attitude and words, but even in act since she does a bit what Cyrano later does with the nuns in the last act), and being very angry at several choices about Christian too. While not explicitly stated, I think the McAvoy production and the musical both follow this translation, because they too introduce these changes, and they make Christian as a character, and to an extent the entire play, not make sense.
For instance, once such change is that Christian is afraid that Roxane will be cultured (McAvoy's version has that infamous "shit"/"fuck" that I detest), when in the original French it's literally the opposite. He is not afraid she will be cultured, he is afraid she won't, because he does love and appreciate and admires those aspects of her, as he appreciates and admires them in Cyrano. That's key! Just as Cyrano longs to have what Christian has, Christian wants the same! That words escape him doesn't mean he doesn't understand or appreciate them. The dynamics make no sense without this aspect, and Burgess (and the productions that directly or indirectly follow him) constantly erases this core trait of Christian.
Another key moment of Christian Burgess butchers is the scene in Arras in which Christian discovers the truth. Burgess writes their discussion masterfully in form, it's both funny and poignant, but it falls short in concept: when Cyrano tells him the whole discussion about who does Roxane love and what will happen, what they'll do, is academic because they're both going to die, Christian states that dying is his role now. This destroys entirely the thing with Christian wanting Roxane to have the right to know, and the freedom to choose, or to refuse them both. As much as Cyrano proclaims his love for truth and not mincing words even in the face of authority, Cyrano is constantly drunk on lies and mirages, masks and metaphors. It's Christian who wants it all to end, the one who wants real things, the one who wants to risk his own happiness for the chance of his friend's, as well as for the woman he loves to stop living in a lie. That is a very interesting aspect of Christian, and another aspect in which he is written as both paralleling and contrasting Cyrano. It's interesting from a moral perspective and how that works with the characters, but it's also interesting from a conceptual point of view, both in text and metatextually: what they hold most dear, what they most want, what most fulfills them, what they most fear, their different approaches to life, but also metatextually another instance of that tears/blood motif and its ramifications constant through the whole text. Erasing that climatic decision and making him just simply suicidal erases those aspects of Christian and his place in the Christian/Cyrano/Roxane dynamic, all for plain superficial angst, that perhaps hits more in the moment, but holds less meaning.
Being more literal, and more solemn, Hooker's translation (or any of the others, but Hooker's seems to love the characters and understand them) doesn't make these conceptual mistakes. Now, would I not recommend reading Burgess' translation? I can't also say that. I had a lot of fun reading it, despite the occasional anger and indignation haha Would I recommend buying it? I recommend you give an eye to it first, if you're tempted and can initially only buy one.
You can read Burgess' translation entirely in archive.com. You can also find online the complete translations of Renauld, Hooker and Thomas and Guillemard. I also found a fifth one, iirc, but I can't recall it right now (I could give a look). You could read them before choosing, or read your favourite scenes and fragments in the different translations, and choose the one in which you like them better. That's often what I do.
Edit: I've checked to make sure and Roxane does appear in Arras in the translation. It's in the introduction in which it is stated that she doesn't appear in the production for which the translation was made. The conceptualisation of Roxane I criticise and that in my opinion is constant through the text does stay, though.
#I have a lot of opinions about translations in general tbh but this is not a semi clear case like in Crime and Punishment#in which there's one detail that a translation must do for me to recommend it (it used to be the one but now in English several do it)#I wouldn't recommend Burgess as a first approach to the playā€š but having already read the play and knowing the text and characters#and how Burgess may modify itā€š then I wouldn't not recommend it because it is the best in form in many aspects#And while he fails in direct conceptā€šso to speakā€š form is particularly important in this play and in conveying concept and characterisatio#So idk personal taste is it I guess? Again I am not an English or French native#I vehemently recommend reading the play in French if you can and haven't done so already#Even best if you want a translation to read the translation alongside the French text#to see how the translation bends the play in form and subject#Anyway... Sorry for the long delay and the too long reply. I always end up talking too much#Oh by the way I think I saw you talk about the blood/tears motif in the act IV in some tags? It's not just act IV#The tears/soul motif is repeated through the entire text linked to Cyrano and is opposed to the body of Christian#That's why the culmination in the last act and the tears in the fourth hit so much#Like the constant of Cyrano being linked to the moon and the darkness while Roxane is the sun and the light#And also I would argue the 'pearled perfection of her smile' is not an unidentifiable trait or intangible#It's poetic and metaphoric but it's a description of her teeth. Smallā€š straightā€š white. Perfect teeth. That wasn't so common back then#It's quite common in classic literature to find poetic references of good teeth spoken of in these terms#Anyway...#I hope you'll find some use in this that would make the insufferable wall of text worth some of the time at least#After all time spent is a little death. I would have hated to kill a fragment of you for nothing haha#Cyrano de Bergerac#Did I tag asks? I usually delete them after a while so I think I didn't? I never recall#I talk too much#That will suffice#Hmmm it's useless in any case. I think I've talked for over twenty tags before tagging that#A wall of text and somehow I ramble in the tags nonetheless ugh#I will reread this in a bit to see if it's coherent enough. The little screen of the phone always makes me lose track of things when I writ
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chirpsythismorning Ā· 2 years ago
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Will sitting on the icebox the whole drive back to Hawkins (20 HOURS) instead of just sitting next to El and Mike in the back was foreshadowing him distancing himself from them bc he thinks they want to be alone without him in the way sabotaging things
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spotsupstuff Ā· 1 year ago
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doin' a fuckshite again āœŒ, i'll see y'all artistically in five to seven business days this fucking script is so bitchily long. i swear to fuck if its gon be over 8 pages.
anyway Fish is gon be in it <3 fucking Finally he shows off properly
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anyway,
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r0semultiverse Ā· 10 months ago
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Two Truths & a Lie Round 13
For people who can't see polls: Pick the lie.
Iā€™ve posted ass image unclothed.
Iā€™ve posted breasts image.
Iā€™ve posted visible gock image.
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secondpersonpoetry Ā· 7 months ago
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ellen bass, ā€œmarriageā€
#connor leon. to me.#now I can stop being afraid Iā€™ll curse them by saying this for them when they win because thereā€™s next year sunrise louise glĆ¼ck#rip @ photo edit i was daydreaming of this with the laurenkyle1 not a wedding photosā€¦ raising the cup the hoarse cryā€¦ oh the things iā€™d do#connor/leon carrying each other on their backsā€¦ the sisyphean act of years and years and yearsā€¦ how to bear the weight/when it is gone#THE STUBBORN HUNGER!!!!#it is SOLELY for ashā€™s puckbunny matthew but every time i see the rabbit line my brain goes matthew? and it would go so hard in the edit#like. the can no longer hold it up alone with a cup hand off can you IMAGINE just a cluster of them together celebrating the champagne soak#ice that carries the minutes!!! ellen I love you so much I love your poetry but my GOD did you write this about hockey no do i see it YES#yes the deep illness is the oilers years of suffering. yes if you know me well of course i would have a baby picture for the strata line#connor charmed and delighted at leonā€¦ leon a charm and delightā€¦visceral bloody union a fight ofc. ofc#hmmm. thinking. actually. could i still do this. it ends in the stubborn hunger it would just be sad instead of happy#and actually. i think i could swing cml here and contribute to the Narrative which i usually donā€™t & havenā€™t been#also yes Matthew holding up a rat for the rabbit line even if theyā€™re not the same at all. we have to laugh somewhere#the Connor conn smythe win is in here too somewhere
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dimiclaudeblaigan Ā· 1 year ago
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just got to the stupid zaharas chapter and went through dimi and claude's conversation and my god
they really did not use a single quarter of a brain cell when putting that conversation into ag
"your issue is with the church, not with faerghus?" eh wot hootie tootie claude never had a problem with faerghus and hasn't been acting like it. makes it sound like they've been fighting each other (i.e. this is meant to fit gw but and they just copy/pasted the whole conversation bc it just makes no sense).
"we have nothing to gain by fighting you." yeah, you... haven't been and never said you were planning to.
"we could've been friends." and whhhhyyyy can't you? there is an entire zero bad blood between y'all and lorenz has already pretty much said this whole second half of the war thing has been proof of the friendship between the kingdom and alliance soooo...?
"had i joined with you" uh um but you literally did this has been ongoing for half the war now
additional funnies are claude just being so butthurt that dimitri is like this might endanger your life and claude is like aw shucks my life has been endangered since i was born i'm basically an endangered species!
also, dimitri saying it brings guilt to do the things claude would do bc he's been there. lel. claude had no guilt in gw tho (for killing rhea and all that shit).
but fr tho, it just seems like gw claude and dimi got warped into zaharas and the ag ones are just passed out in the normal world having the same yeehaw ass fever dream LIKE
this entire conversation legitimately makes worse than zero sense. i can only imagine how confused people were who played ag first and got this conversation bc it like, legitimately has no place in this route. this is like a fever dream on steroids that were laced with drugs.
i was lucky i was playing ag while simultaneously watching the other routes on youtube or i would have also been absolutely bonkers confused.
#DCB Three Hopes Run#FR THO LIKE. THAT ENTIRE CONV IS LIKE. WHAT JUST HAPPENED???#WHERE DID THIS ALL EVEN COME FROM??? MATTHIAS IS ALIVE YOU KNOW#CLAUDE GOT TO SEE FAERGHUS' LEGENDARY HOSPITALITY (he fucked the king)#at this point like. im just laughing bc. did they even NOTICE the context they copy/pasted into this route???#even if ag claude post war still wanted to fight rhea and yadda yadda hoo haa#half the conv still makes absolutely no sense at all and doesn't even follow the route#ag is aaaaallllmmmmoooost perfect but then like. the oversights are so bad lmfao#i still look at this and am like. how. no like literally HOW. how did they look at this and not be like#hmmm this makes... so much of no sense to this route that we should prob make a new conv for it#WAIT I GET IT NOW THIS IS WHY RODRIGUE DIES#HE SAW THE FUTURE AND WAS LIKE OHHHH HELL NAH#RODRIGUE SAW THE ZAHARAS CHAPTER AND IT KILLED HIM. BUT! IT WAS A DOUBLE KILL! RODRIGUE DEFEATED THE ZAHARAS CHAPTER!#HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO AG WOULDN'T HAVE THE BIGGEST MOMENT OF WTF IN FODLAN GAME HISTORY EVEN INCLUDING HEROES#RODRIGUE SAVED US ALL. HE COULDN'T BEAR TO LET US WITNESS IT#THAT'S WHY IF HE SURVIVES WE GET THE CHAPTER!!! BC HE DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD HAPPEN SO HE DIDN'T KILL IT!#AND SINCE HE DIDN'T KILL IT IT DIDN'T KILL HIM BACK. IT'S LIKE THE BARRIER THINGY IN RD'S FINAL CHAPTER#THAT PROTECTS ASHERA. IT DOES HALF THE DAMAGE TO YOU THAT YOU DO TO IT#SO IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL IT CAN ACTUALLY KILL YOU. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO RODRIGUE#BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT HE KNEW HE'D DIE BUT HE HAD TO DO IT TO EM#HE HAD TO DO IT TO SPARE EVERYONE THE WONKIEST FEVER DREAM KNOWN TO MAN AND DRAGONKIND
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tweedfrog Ā· 8 months ago
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Fellas I just experienced my first situation where a work superior tried to undermine me. Finally understand exactly what Jon Snow feels like
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httpiastri Ā· 9 months ago
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Hi i don't know if you know this but one of the bracelets that Paul wears is Elena's. The one with smiley faces there are pictures of her on ig wearing it before. Paul also gave her one of his pirelli hat.
oH ?? i had no idea šŸ˜µ ofc i had to go on a little stalk down both of their ig accs andā€¦ wellā€¦.. šŸ‘€
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weskinz Ā· 1 year ago
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maybe if i go back on antidepressants ill ask for wellbutrin
#p#like yes i am pretty depressed rn but i dont feel like killing myself like i did when i was on viibryd#no genetic altercations my ass i was on that shit for years and just now looking back at my messages and notes no wonder i was scaring ppl#i was so anxious one time i had to sit in my brothers room so i knew he wasnt going to die suddenly#and i was so so so scared but it was like there was a mental block where it couldnt become a panic attack jst paranoia#but i was one degree from it. just imagining what i did to him happening to me scared me to death and i had to reassure myself#my mom asked me abt it the other day like 'hmmm. wouldve been nice to let me know you werent on it anymore. seems like a thing your mother-#'-should know.' and like yes since im still completely dependent on her in all aspects but man#i didnt want to explain i had no interest in seeing lisa anymore and i was just done. i was so tired of my lows being so fucking low#and not even noticing they were so bad yknow#do i even know how to be honest anymore. no i dont think of killing myself but i dont see a future for myself either#i have no goals no motivation no nothing#its selfish to want to die but its like that mytoecold dude video where hes like 'if i spilled milk and then killed myself technically-#'-the problem would be gone' like yeah. that is true. how do i get that out of my belief system#he was a raging addict btw i just saw that video. crazy and sad but i guess when you are dealt a bad hand you see eye to eye
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elegyofthemoon Ā· 1 year ago
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see if ff13 were more popular we couldve had an official translation
but noooooo i have to go crawling around desperately so i can get my hands on hope estheim chapters with fear of translations being spewed bad šŸ™„
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milo-is-rambling Ā· 2 years ago
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Chronic pain really got me going to bed before itā€™s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)
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#my back and shoulder are killing me and Iā€™ve done nothing but smoke weed and stretch and I just hurt so bad#so Iā€™m gonna go to bed and hopefully feel better tomorrow#I work at nine again tomorrow so if anything hopefully going to bed early helps that#Iā€™m excited to sleep hopefully a lot and hopefully really well bc 1) weed. 2) took sleepy cough meds to try and mooch extra pain reliever#out of meds in my cabinet. 3) took a back and muscle pain Aleve (even tho I hate taking pills and it took me like three whole min to get it#down my fucking throat. 4) tired from actually using my brain and anxiety from work tired#5) period tired and chronic pain tired#like guys my brain and my body are both exhausted and the idea of getting up tomorrow and doing any of it again makes me miserable and I did#nothing but sit at a computer for three and a half hours thatā€™s itttttt#like doing two week road-trip then non stop either emotional or physical shit every day until my first day at work#like Iā€™m already setting myself up for this to be the summer of the grind#gonna make a bunch of money (and spend too much and blame it on the summer time and needing a little treat every time I venture out into the#heat or work a day or do anything at all) and then save a bunch all fall winter spring and once it gets colder and I feel like I can handle#my job more I want to focus on how to make moving out happen. like I need to figure out if maybe thereā€™s somewhere I want to live that has#an Office Depot I could transfer to cause office depots are everywhere and maybe thatā€™s an added way for me to figure out where I want to#move#hmmm okay Iā€™m gonna lay in bed on google maps looking at Office Depot locations in New England and Iā€™m just gonna daydream and try to fall#asleep and Iā€™ll look at / add to my Pinterest board of house and apartment inspo#going to think about the future because I want to live !!!!#anyways yeah this is the summer of being miserable and spending all my money on bullshit and daydreaming and disappointing my mother#and also the summer of my weed tolerance doubling forever until Iā€™m back to smoking constantly to the point where Iā€™m making myself sick and#then Iā€™ll get sick of smoking weed for a bit and thatā€™ll lead me into saving money again#or force me into a tolerance break where I stop buying weed#either way Iā€™m going to smoke all summer itā€™s gonna be weed and sweat and fresh fruit and laying in my room during all of my days off and it#itā€™s gonna suck and Iā€™m gonna be thinking about my dad the whole time and itā€™ll be depressing and isolating and lonely and Iā€™ll come out of#the summer recentered and motivated towards big goals again like I always am#and then Iā€™ll crash and burn next spring as always. cycles continue forever thank u seasonal depression.#I want to grow up and mature in the ways I deal with myself my health and advocating for my mental health I feel like I need to grow up a#bit so I hope I do that and it feels good. I hope I make friends and I can daydream about the future every night and my room will smell like#weed and incense and sweat and love and tears and it will be incredible
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