#did I come up with that then?? hello?

[chaosinstigator]

I can’t believe I’ve spent an hour driving myself crazy about the word “guffaw”

[zephyrchama]

I hope demons have sayings that sound really weird and messed up to humans, just as there are many diverse sayings across varying human languages that don't always translate easily.

---01

Lucifer looked up warily as you entered his office before breathing a sigh of relief. "I thought you were Mammon, here to give me another headache."

You strided over to his desk to take a peek at what he was working on. It looked boring. "We both know you love your little brother. What could be so bad this time?"

Lucifer buried his eyes in his hands, brushing his hair aside with the tail end of a pen. "He's been gnawing on my toenails all week."

You coughed in surprise, smacking your chest to loosen up the muscles so that clarifying questions could be asked. "What? Why? How?"

"Just general Mammon buffoonery as usual. For some reason he's especially persistent this week."

"I have literally never seen Mammon chewing on toenails..." Your lip curled back in disgust just imagining it. "Has he... done this before?"

"What?" Lucifer narrowed his eyes, puzzled. "Oh." His gaze softened once he realized what was happening and he huffed in amusement. "Mammon hasn't actually been gnawing on my toenails. It means he's getting on my nerves, as you might say."

You clasped your hands together and sighed, letting a wave of relief wash over you. "Please. Just say that next time."

----02

"C'mon, c'mon! If ya move any slower I'm gonna exfoliate Diavolo!"

You were running as fast as you could, despite Mammon being the reason for your tardiness. You didn't have much to lose, but Mammon could be in deep trouble for missing another morning class.

You wheezed and almost ran into him, not realizing he kindly came back to carry you. "Wh..." After a few deep breaths, you choked out your question. "You're gonna what? To Diavolo?"

Mammon thrust his bag in your arms in a rush and picked you up instead. He spoke as he began running, "yeah. He's gonna have my neck if I'm late again!"

"I get that, but is Barbatos gonna make you wash him...? Or...?"

"Wha? Are you still half asleep? Is that why you're runnin' so slow?"

You leaned your head back against his upper arm to stare up at him in frustration. He couldn't ignore your pouty face inches from his own. Mammon's ears grew red. "Knock it off!"

"Tell me what you mean!" you ordered.

Mammon growled and ran even faster. "What do you mean? I'm just tryna get us to class!"

---03

You scooted your seat closer to Leviathan. He perked right up and froze as you approached to whisper in his ear.

"Levi, XYZ."

"W-w-what? Is that a code?"

"No, XYZ. PDQ."

He reached for a pen and began noting the letters down. "P... D... Q... Got it. What's next?"

You shook your head. "No, Levi, your barn door is open."

"What game are we talking about? I haven't picked up Moondrop Basin in a few weeks."

You made a zipping-up motion with your hand. "Your fly!"

"Oh." Leviathan ruffled the back of his hair and swatted the air around his head. "Is it gone now? I didn't see any bugs."

Though reluctant to be so blunt, you were out of euphemisms. "Levi, your pants' zipper is open."

With an "eep!" he turned away to fix his problem. It took a few seconds. In his haste, the zipper kept getting stuck. He was mad when he turned back around, his face colored crimson. "Why didn't you just tell me? Without turning it into... into some game!"

"I did! XYZ, PDQ, That's what we say in the human world! Examine your zipper, quick!"

"That's so dumb!" he seethed, punching his knee. "What a spumid flaming cabbage. Your sayings are so weird."

---04

"Ready for the next one?"

"Hit me," you told Satan.

He grimaced from across the desk, raising his eyes from the paper to look at you in concern. "What? No, I'm not going to do that."

"Not literally, it's a human saying. It means 'give it to me,' or something like that."

"Oh." Satan jotted that down in the margins of his own notes before reading off the next phrase on his list. "This is one of my favorites. It's a colorful saying, but if you're really mad at someone you can call them a snot-cobbling banshee. I like to say this while cursing their next three generations."

You wrote that down. "How often do you use this saying?"

"Not too often. Well, maybe once a week with my brothers. It goes along with this next phrase which implies someone is dangerously stupid. Barbed dingbat."

You nodded. You were truly learning so much on this cultural exchange program.

---05

Asmodeus came into the kitchen as you were preparing dinner and wrapped his arms around your neck. He looked exhausted.

"Careful, I've got a knife, don't want to accidentally nick you," you warned. "What's up? Long day?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." Asmodeus peeped over your shoulder to look at the vegetables you were cutting. "I'm so glad you're home. You know, all day, all I could think about was..."

He proceeded to say some incredibly vulgar things. Detailed depictions of debauchery. Irredeemable acts of indecency that cannot be repeated on this blog. It made you put the knife down in a tizzy.

"Are those more demon idioms?" You snickered awkwardly and wiped your hands on a towel. "I've been learning about your sayings recently. Can't say I've heard those ones yet."

"What? Oh, no." Asmodeus lifted your hand, raising it to his lips to lick a stray fleck of vegetable skin off your fingertip. "These aren't sayings, this is just stuff I've wanted to do all day."

---06

"I could just eat you up."

This was something Beelzebub said often, and something he repeated again today. His hands were occupied with a fresh four-pounder with cheese, but his eyes kept drifting from it to watch you shoot paper balls into a wastebasket.

"You know, humans have the same saying. Isn't that funny?" You bounced up to grab some of the wads on the floor that didn't make it into the basket, to try again.

Beelzebub swallowed the mass in his mouth. "Really?" he asked between bites. "I thought you guys stopped doing cannibalism, mostly."

"Uh." You missed your throw. What should have been an easy shoot bounced off the edge and rolled away from the wastebasket. "Yeah, we did. Just so we're on the same page, you're saying I'm cute, right?"

Beelzebub was concerningly quiet as he chewed.

---07

"Are you on your way back to class?" Belphegor stopped you in the hall. You hadn't even seen him there on the ground, curled up next to a shady pillar.

"Skipping class again?" you asked. "I thought you liked magic theory."

"Maybe," he yawned. "It's too easy sometimes."

Belphegor fished around in his pocket for a second before pulling out a tightly folded-up sheet of paper. He offered it up. "Can you turn this in for me? I don't want my grades dropping over late homework."

"Sure thing, but it might be better to turn it in yourself. I heard Barbatos is doing random checks in all classes this week. He'll notice you missing."

"Nah." Belphegor's head drooped down as he prepared to doze off again. "If you see him, just tell him I'm being flerchen in the garden."

That sounded innocent enough. "Okay. What does that mean?"

"Means I've got the sniffles," he lied.

---08

Barbatos' eyes grew big and he placed a hand over his heart, furthering crumpling Belphegor's homework sheet in the process. He looked around to make sure nobody overheard before leaning in. "I must ask that you never say that again."

Behind him, Diavolo's palm was clasped over his mouth as he struggled not to draw attention with loud guffaws. He had his back to the classroom, shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

"Why not?" You nervously shifted from one foot to another. You'd been had.

"It's not a topic I can explain here. Perhaps you and the Young Master should excuse yourselves for now. I'll come collect you both later."

Barbatos readily escorted you and Diavolo out of the room, shutting the door behind you so that class could begin without interruption.

"I'm just the messenger," you tried to defend yourself. Diavolo's fit of giggles was renewed. He grabbed on to your shoulder for stability while doubled over, trying to ride out the laughter.

"Did... did Belphegor tell you to say that?" He wiped a tear running down his face. You furiously nodded.

"Haha! Do you remember where he's hiding? I'd sure like to have a word with him."

You couldn't tell if Diavolo was going to praise Belphegor or tear him a new one. Perhaps a mix of both. However, the curiosity over what you said was overwhelming. You wanted to know the full extent of what it meant before seeing Belphegor again.

You decided to bargain with the prince. "I'll show you, but first you have to tell me what that means."

[cosmobrain00]

going back to my old ways

[hel7l7]

I feel empathy towards my abuser

[ceruleanharley]

lmao the booing we love to hear it get fucked i****l

[lemonekat]

I read that fan Val route and it ended up sketching some scenes 😝 using my old fan apprentice Katherine

[front-facing-pokemon]

[matchalovertrait]

The entree round begins! Who will cook the best dish? Who will cook the better soup? Find out... not in the next segment.

Previous / Next (Transcript under the cut)

(1.) [Mia] Somebody here did not fully follow the rules of Diced Junior.

(2.) [Carlo] And that would still be Lewis! A producer pointed out to us that Lewis here did not use the vegetables that were in the flatbread. We didn't even notice since the flatbread was so burnt.

(3.) [Lewis] Oh, I was supposed to use EVERYTHING from each basket ingredient? Anyway, thank you for the opportunity, judges.

(4.) [Mia] Thank you, Lewis. Please audition for Diced once you're older. We'd love to see you compete again.

(5.) [Lewis] Well, I already came to terms with being eliminated before they announced it. Maybe I will try Diced someday.

(6.) [Dulce] Bye, Lewis!!

[Alex] You did good, man.

[Rubiya] We'll miss you.

[Lewis] Bye, everyone. Good luck.

(7.) N/A

(8.) N/A

(9.) [Andrea] Chefs, please report back to your stations. Your baskets for the entree round have been placed.

(10.) [Dulce] Wow, they move fast here.

(11.) [Andrea] Inside your baskets, you'll find jicama, hatch green chiles...

(12.) [Andrea] ...goat chops, and chana masala.

(13.) [Rubiya] I'm pleasantly surprised with these ingredients! They won't be hard to combine. However, the real challenge here will be the time limit while using these complex items.

(14.) [Dulce] Yes! My mom is Mexican, so I am very familiar with jicama and chiles. Also, my mom's friend taught me how to cook some Indian dishes, so I know how to work with masalas. I haven't cooked goat yet, but I should be able to figure it out.

(15.) [Alex] I'm happy with the ingredients, just a lil worried about the chiles. Good thing I've cooked goat lotsa times by now.

(16.) [Andrea] Chefs, the 30-minute timer starts now!

(17.) [Rubiya] I'm making chana masala goat tacos with a green chile salsa and jicama dip.

(18.) [Rubiya] Tacos aren't necessarily easy to make, but with my thirty-minute time limit and these beautiful ingredients, this is the way to go! I'll incorporate the ingredients well. If only I could make the tortillas from scratch, but it is what it is.

(19.) [Dulce] I'm making a tomato soup with goat, jicama, chana masala, and hatch green chiles. I'll add sweet potatoes, onion, kidney beans, and green bell peppers.

(20.) [Dulce] There's a lot of things to dice and chop while also making sure the goat and sweet potatoes are thoroughly cooked, but I want to push myself. Also, the judges seemed to really like how I play with many different ingredients, so I want to do that again.

(21.) [Alex] I'm making an egusi soup with cubed goat meat, hatch green chiles, spiralized jicama, and chana masala. My other ingredients are tomatoes, onions, and spinach.

(22.) [Alex] Well, there aren't any egusi seeds here, so I have to use pumpkin seeds instead. I'll keep the name though, it sounds fancier that way.

(23.) N/A

(24.) [Andrea] Judges, any thoughts and opinions so far?

(25.) [Sofia] We love how confident these young contestants are.

[Mia] However, we also noticed how Alex and Dulce are both making soups. Unfortunately, that will make our judging harsher because we are going to have to compare the two.

(26.) [Carlo] Tsk, tsk. They should have thought more outside the box. Also, Dulce really has to watch the time. Andrea, please check on the contestants.

[Andrea] Will do, Carlo!

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

"if monkie kid drops in that time I will simply combust" I'm guessing you got a little toasted?

Jokes on you I've been offline all week cause I was hanging out with a friend, what'd I miss?

[quintessentialquincy]

this is what trying to talk about classic who feels like

[crybaby-bkg]

Bakugou hates this fucking time of year. Mainly because of the cold and dreary weather, but also because of the holidays and the upcoming expectations of and from him. He’s a damn good gift giver—when he wants to be, and only because he listens, also when he wants to—but the part he hates the most about it?

Gift wrapping. It’s a damn obligation from hell. He’d rather go out and buy all the gift boxes and bags and bows and shit before he’d ever wrap a gift. Maybe he hates it because he’s not automatically good at it, maybe he hates it because it’s just fucking stupid and useless if you’re just gonna tear through the wrapping paper anyway!

But he does it, for you and only you. Only because you came home at the beginning of the month with armfuls of wrapping paper and bows and gift tags and tissue paper and—and too much red and green and white. You’re so excited, and he can’t deny how cute you look sticking your tongue out when you cut the wrapping paper around the gift you got for Mina.

He stares at the present he brought you months in advance, wonders what’s so hard about wrapping a tiny little velvet box? And discovers his hatred all over again for wrapping paper and tape and shear scissors and dumb sticky bows. But the face you make at him? When he hands you the hand wrapped gift hidden under the tree on a horrendously cold morning?

It makes him warmer inside than he cares to admit. You don’t make fun of his wrapping skills or how there’s too much tape and that one hole he made in it when he gripped it too hard. You only grin at him, tear into the gift with haste, whisper about how nice it is to get some hand wrapped from him knowing how much he hated it. But maybe—maybe he doesn’t hate it so much now. Not if it gets this reaction out of you every time.

[imminent-danger-came]

Crack theory:

So, between 1x01 where Wukong puts a seal on MK to limit his powers, and 1x09 where Wukong says "Look kid, using that much power—your body can't handle it." I'm wondering if the seal (which lowkey I'm kinda waiting to be brought up again) ALSO sealed away MK's Moneky form, and I'm wondering if MK broke it in 4x07 Pitiful Creatures.

[simcardiac-arrested]

unleashes the horrors upon you (the horrors are my gay little ocs)

[anonymouscreampuff]

if you don't think they can still work, that honestly sounds like a you problem

[front-facing-pokemon]

[mysicksecrets]

sometimes i think about my professor that used to like lowkey have a crush on me (he was at least 55.) last semester and every time i tell my friends about the stuff he did towards me i realize how u incredibly not normal that was