#depression killed all my inspiration and muse

[theboyskisser]

I keep wanting to do something for my followers since there are more of you little fuckers scampering around my ankles than I originally thought but idk I don't get social media or milestones should I drill a waist high hole in my blog and ask y'all to form an orderly line or,,,,

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

The salt of life

Disclaimer: This makes no sense, it's just a list of Sydcarmy musings and analogies but I wanted to share it anyway.

In culinary metaphors

Syd is affecting Carmy like TABLE salt affects mixes in bakery. She enhances Carmy’s flavor, but does not change it. That’s not always a good thing. It all depends on finding the right balance and timing and ensuring the ingredients are correctly mixed because otherwise, the whole thing is ruined.

Salt is dangerous. As a matter of fact, it can kill you.

Salt is basically sodium. Sodium is poison when incorrectly used, but it also makes the ❤️ beat when its levels are balanced out with the potassium in our blood.

In medical terms

Syd is the heart.

Carmy is the circulatory system that would dry up and die unless the heart irrigates it.

The Bear, their place, is the blood. The family.

What makes the heart beat is electricity.

They generate this power. This spark. And it can get out of control, like all sparks, of course.

That’s the chemistry they create when they are together → Beating.

None make sense without the other, BECAUSE THEY FORM A SYSTEM, is you separate the veins and arteries from the heart and the blood, they are simply lifeless. Isolated they don't make much sense.

THEY ARE A SYSTEM. THE MAIN SYSTEM.

How that system works

She lit the spark in him and gave him a heart when he was used to being a robot who only worked and smoked the competition.

Sydney could definitely work without Carmy, but at this point, it wouldn't make sense for her. She would feel lifeless, even if she wins 100 stars elsewhere. Her place is The Bear, the restaurant and the chef. Because that's what she chose with her heart.

Carmy has worked and thrived without her and wouldn't do it again unless it's out of spite, just to show her.

However, I don't think it'll come to that like it once did with Michael, or his parents, he has learned that lesson the hard way by now.

Carmy works as a SYSTEM, as part of something bigger than him, if he becomes isolated, S3 Carmy takes the wheel. He doesn't work like that, he crashes and burns.

But during most of S3 the "spark" Syd ignited in him, the one that got the blood flowing again, gave him a heart, a purpose, where there was only a hurt man who felt so much pain that couldn't even express it and thus, sublimated it in the form of a work addiction and functional depression, and therefore couldn't overcome it either, got out of control.

The SYSTEM was broken, because the elements that formed it attempted to work separately. There was no synergy, just energy that was out of balance. Not completely, but mostly.

Back to the salt

I have already gone over the analogy between Carmy and onions, acid, etc. Most in the fandom have, but here's a reminder of what I think about that:

So, the result of mixing culinary purpose salt (table salt) with acid ingredients is a WEAKER ACID.

We can all agree on Carmy being "intense", right?

Well, when in contact with her he can calibrate himself better.

I emphasize "contact" because when they are OUT OF TOUCH, the effect is almost instantaneous and painfully obvious in Carmy, which has always been, and in S3 it started to become more apparent in her too, as you can see in these previous entries:

They belong together to balance each other out, when there's this distance between them, that we saw in S3, THEY ARE IMBALANCED.

Salt is the balancer ingredient in any recipe. It enhances what needs to be enhanced and neutralizes what needs to be neutralized if used correctly

But salt on its own is no good, it needs to work as part of a recipe, a dish, A SYSTEM.

She's the salt, his salt, the one that brought flavor back to his life, and that's why his story re-started the day she came into his life. Carmy and all that he represents, the restaurant he inherited, the family in it, the family business that Cicero keeps funding, the extended family now Syd found at The Bear, is the system. He is a system that needs to be balanced and sometimes neutralized. Salt is the main ingredient for him, because he lacks of it, he's acid.

Bonus track: Le Chatelier's principle

I have mentioned this before but it bears repeating→ When her dishes were out of balance it was always because of the "acid" ingredient, which means she's outta balance too. Carmy doesn't balance her, he doesn't have that effect on her. In chemistry, acids tend to dissolve salt BUT they can create NEW SALTS too (Le Chatelier's principle). She's fighting this because she knows that once she fully lets Carmy in, it's gonna be the end of the world as she knows it. She won't be able to fight it much longer after this breaking point ↓

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[forget-me-maybe]

Interview with the writer

thank you for tagging me @savriea !!! <3

i'm not sure who's done this already but i'd love to hear from: @adoenamedjane @heartfluttered @toads-treasures @lizziemajestic @underthedark0 (if you want to, and if you've already done it please let me know i want to read your interviews!!)

When did you start writing?

i did write some really cringy short stories when i was around 9-12 but then i just stopped. i had a bit of creative death connected to puberty and, well, being depressed for like 10 years. i started writing again in january this year. so i'm just a baby.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

i slurp psychological horror up like soup but could not write it.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

no, and i've never thought about it either.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

it's AWFUL. i moved to a new flat this spring and i still haven't got a table. i just sit in my sofa with my laptop and it's killing my back. my writing is definitely suffering from it.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

daydreaming. a lot of what i write is just scenarios i make up in my head and then i plot around them. i also love me some slice of life so i can find inspiration in the most mundane things, doing my make up and thinking "what if........ OH".

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

when i started writing i hated torturing the characters, i've come to realise that's because happiness is a sort of new concept to me and i wanted the sad boi hours to be over forever. i still want my little guys to be happy but i'm not above putting them through the trauma tumbler before that happens these days.

What is your reason for writing?

sav put it so well: To [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] that wonderful pixel man. (but in my case, also the awful pixel men)

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

i love all comments. when people do the take lines from the chapter and comment on them one by one thingy i get on my knees for them. i had some say they enjoy my writing style which had me sobbing on the floor (because i honestly hadn't thought about having one before that). BUT i'm so weak for the chaotic comments, the screaming ones, the ones written in the heat of the moment.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

anything other than "oh no not them again" is fine by me.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

i LOVE writing dialogue so i'm gonna say that. the banter and bickering. lovely, lovely stuff.

How do you feel about your own writing?

before posting: this is kinda good wow forget you really did this.

after posting: i need to be shot.

[xelasrecords]

There are times when I write because I have an idea clinging to me so strongly that I can't let go, but there are times when I write purely for the emotional release. Let me share them here.

Fics I wrote when I was furious:

Violent Need - Attempting to kill herself to hurt Jumin has consequences. MC is about to find out what.

Secrets and Sacrifices - Jumin and you make sacrifices for the RFA. You don't know how much more you can take, but Jumin does not plan to let you out of his sight.

Wedge the Knife Under My Skin - A grotty cheating tale on an unnamed deadbeat boyfriend with Jumin, inspired by High Infidelity by Taylor Swift.

Fics I wrote when I was fucking sad:

As One So Half - Jumin goes to V's house after burying him, marking the first time he visits without his friend waiting on the porch.

All That Is Lost - Jumin is dying from cancer and there is nothing else you can do but wait. Featuring a minor appearance from Jihyun.

Greatest Kindness - A breakup doesn't have to be filled with anger, tears or regret to be awful. One of the worst kinds is the quiet one, where the love has died for one side, and the other cannot do anything but accept it.

The Final Night - V has betrayed RFA for Rika and sided with Mint Eye. Jumin believes he can change V's mind in the confrontation tomorrow, while MC prepares to leave her forbidden love for duty. Tonight is the last night they get to share their life just as they are.

Fics I wrote when I yearned for love:

As Daylight Comes - Jumin and MC have been married for a while, and their friendship with Jihyun is stronger than ever, so what better way to spend their morning together than to have breakfast with a side of teasing and musing on life?

The Love We Live For - Jihyun comes home injured so MC and Jumin fuss over him. MC's love for them is romantic and reciprocated, while Jihyun and Jumin's love is platonic.

Thank You for the Food - Living alone is fun and liberating until you fall sick and there's no one to ask for help when you're too tired to cook or fetch your own food. A lighthearted wintry story for anyone who needs a holiday pick-me-up.

Lovely Walk - Harry has rejected you for the most ludicrous reasons with the most ludicrous attitude. So what's there to do except to pester him by asking him out again and again?

Fics I wrote when I was so desperate for comfort it turned into loneliness instead:

Locus of Pain - MC doesn't tell Jihyun she's hurt. He finds out anyway.

Haven Burning - Jihyun is sorry that he keeps wanting more from you while you're sorry that you can't give him enough, so both of you try to make up for it in your own way.

In the Dead of Night, You Bring Me Back Alive - What if you're not insecure about attending the high society parties that being in Jumin's life entails? Featuring an after-party scene where you and Jumin share quiet meandering conversations and find peace in them.

BONUS my depression era fics (predicting more to come as my mental health plummets further):

Violent Need - Attempting to kill herself to hurt Jumin has consequences. MC is about to find out what.

Secrets and Sacrifices - Jumin and you make sacrifices for the RFA. You don't know how much more you can take, but Jumin does not plan to let you out of his sight.

Locus of Pain - MC doesn't tell Jihyun she's hurt. He finds out anyway.

The Final Night - V has betrayed RFA for Rika and sided with Mint Eye. Jumin believes he can change V's mind in the confrontation tomorrow, while MC prepares to leave her forbidden love for duty. Tonight is the last night they get to share their life just as they are.

[kdreader02]

So you all know the fucked up ship polls and stuff

Well

Clare and Lucian: Lucian is a psychiatrist who likely killed Clare’s twin brother as an experiment, and she becomes unhealthily fixated on revenge and he in turn becomes obsessed with her.

Sawyer and Calder: Calder is a cult leader with powers in a post apocalyptic world and Sawyer has been raised to see him as a god. And he marries her when she’s sixteen and he’s six years older.

Eri and Shiki: Inspired by Elisabeth das Musical, Eri is a woman pushed into acting by her family, and Shiki is Death, fixated on her and being together with her, but does he even exist?

June and Thomas: Thomas is a serial killer who forces depressed aspiring author June into becoming his unwilling accomplice. Puts her through psychological and physical abuse.

Mariya and Tomoe: a genuinely loving couple in Meiji era Japan, Mariya tragically dies and Tomoe refuses to let her stay dead and resurrects her THREE times because she keeps dying.

Tsukasa and Naomi: two vampires who are mutually obsessed with each other. Will do anything and kill anyone if it means protecting the other.

[its-all-ineffable]

Anti-hero {Lestat series}

A 13-part series, where every fic is inspired by a lyric from the Taylor Swift song 'Anti-hero'. All these fics are primarily Lestat-centric or from his POV, but most of them feature a healthy heap of Louis and/or Loustat as well!

{Part 1} Midnights become my afternoons Summary: Lestat becomes a creature of the night, and laments the loss of entertainment. Luckily, he finds that nightlife may not be so bad, particularly with companions. For a while.

{Part 2} I'm a monster on the hill Summary: Lestat finds a reason to stay in New Orleans – a beautiful, enchanting reason. Following the mysterious man he sees pull a knife on his own brother to a lavish saloon, Lestat ponders on his newest infatuation.

{Part 3} I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser Summary: Lestat wonders at the similarity between his first and current loves while trying to cope with the first of Louis' major depressive episodes. Sometimes, it feels like history's repeating itself.

{Part 4} I wake up screaming from dreaming, One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving, ‘Cause you got tired of my scheming, For the last time Summary: Lestat wakes from a nightmare of Louis leaving him, and tries to deal with it alone. Louis doesn’t let this happen.

{Part 5} I wake up screaming from dreaming, One day I'll watch as you're leaving, And life will lose all its meaning, For the last time. Summary: Lestat pushes, and Louis snaps. Tensions reach their breaking point. And Lestat, as always, ends up alone. He always ends up alone. “It’s why you’re always gonna be alone.”

{Part 6} Did you hear my covert narcissism, I might disguise as altruism Summary: Lestat reflects on why he really turned Claudia, and realises it wasn’t for Louis. It was for himself.

{Part 7} I should not be left to my own devices…, I end up in crises Summary: Louis falls into a deep depression after Claudia leaves. Lestat flounders over what to do, and years pass by as the two lovers fight and ignore and cheat, and then…nothing. Louis has nothing. Lestat muses on why – it is his fault, he knows. But it never is his fault. Not him, not Lestat de Lioncourt. Or, Lestat has a chance to help Louis, to help them both. To become better when he realises what’s happened to them. But, of course, he misses it.

{Part 8} I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror Summary: “Lestat was well aware he liked pain. Far too much. Always had.” Lestat ruminates on pain, and the forms it’s taken in his life, after causing the worst night of pain he ever could. He comes close to self-awareness. He doesn’t quite manage to meet his own eyes.

{Part 9} And then someone screams out, “She’s laughing up at us from Hell!” Summary: “The funny thing about being only almost dead was that Lestat could still hear things. His eyes were rolled back, vision obscured, his limbs wouldn’t move and his mind churned sluggishly, but he could still hear. The old blood within him had kept him from dying completely, kept him partially conscious. But it was the worst kind of torture. Because he could hear them. And he could do nothing.”

{Part 10} It's me, Hi! I'm the problem, it's me Summary: “He was the weed that needed to be pulled up, the leech that needed to be squashed.” A look inside the head of a half-dead vampire as he realises where he went wrong, and begins to understand that he’s been the monster in the story all along.

{Part 11} Pierced through the heart but never killed Summary: “He'd survived, as he always did. Lestat de Lincourt, Lelio, the Wolfkiller. Never completely beaten, always a way to get back up, to keep going. He didn’t want to be that anymore.” Lestat always survives. Two attempts on his life, told from his perspective. One of them inspires him to change. The other brings him lower than he ever thought he could go.

{Part 12} I'm the problem, it's me,...Everybody agrees Summary: Lestat comes into the world and begins to learn just how much he missed. But he’s haunted by the ghosts of Louis and Claudia wherever he goes; doomed to be alone, his two companions dead and gone. And it is all his fault. He’s the problem, the problem that got them killed. Or so he thinks. Until he stumbles across a little-known book called ‘Interview with the Vampire’…

{Part 13} It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero Summary: ‘The hair on the back of Daniel’s neck stood up, and he knew that predatory, assessing gaze was locked on him. “I must say, I’m a very big fan.” Daniel put the kettle on and turned around, only to be met with a paper copy of ‘Interview with the Vampire’. “May I have an autograph?” Daniel scoffed, meeting Lestat’s eyes as the vampire put on an exaggerated pout. “Sure. But that’s not what you came here for.”’

[n0chanxes]

mun isn't doing well

at all

work is killing me and breaking my body but my brain isn't fairing any better

usually i have to take 10mg of melatonin just to get 4hours of sleep.

last night I got home and just passed out for roughly 8 just from fatigue. i didnt even have the energy to brush my teeth

my depression isn't letting me enjoy my moments away from work

music is my one constant joy but I'm numb to everything

even the songs that i love, no matter the genre, make me feel nothing

i want to draw but i have no motivation to pick up a pen

I want to reply, but I go to my brain for my muses, for inspiration, and all I get is static

so I'm sorry. replies will come eventually, whenever my brain can find the ability to let me enjoy things again.

[ceilingfan5]

would prompt 35 (okay so sleeping it off didn't work. let me consult my list. hypnotism, no. meditation, certainly not. well something has to work because I simply cannot be in love with them) work for any of your OCs, do you think? :3c

“Okay,” Jasper mutters to himself, opening his purple leather bound journal and turning the crisp pages until he finds his list. “Sleeping it off didn’t work.” He crosses off an item and consults the rest of the subpar results. It’s madly depressing. 

“Hypnotism, no. Meditation, certainly not.” He brushes the feather of his quill against his lips and irritably swings his ankle, incredibly aware of the monitor stone secured tightly to him. “Well, something has to work, because I simply cannot be in love with him.”

He jumps a bit at a little noise and checks the area for signs of his guard, the fucking beautiful Shade Orion. Why couldn’t the shapeshifter have picked an ugly form, something scary or pathetic, instead of intensely muscles and magnanimous, all glittering smiles and mischievous eyes and that fucking hair, who does he think he is! 

He’s on duty, isn’t he? Surely this is some kind of risk? The government surely doesn’t have any interest in Jasper getting dopey over his captor Shade, right? Jasper is essentially on death row. If they had the means to kill him, they’d have done it by now. It’s only because of the prophecy (and several well-crafted and rather dark-magic inspired failsafes) that Jasper is still kicking anyway. 

And Shades aren’t people. 

Or so Jasper has heard. Orion seems a lot like a person. A person he can’t stop fucking dreaming about. Those purple eyes haunt him in the best-worst way, and that charming humor, and his fascination with animals, and– okay, so it’s worse than just wanting to get laid. Jasper really is ruined. How stupid could he be? It was bad enough to get his dumb ass captured, his forces eliminated, his assets frozen, his castle barged into, but love?? Fucking love?? 

He can’t be in love. He’s never been in love. He didn’t think it was physically possible, honestly, but the dictionary was pretty clear about his symptoms, and he doesn’t seem to have been poisoned. There has to be some way out of this. There has to be some, hopefully not particularly embarrassing, cure. There has to be something he can do, because there’s no way he can plan to escape and resurrect his evil army if he’s busy mooning over the guy who’s absolutely going to eliminate his stupid ass the second he gets the command. 

“You’re quiet today,” that beautiful voice says, out of fucking nowhere, scaring the shit out of Jasper enough that he throws his journal ten feet in the air and narrowly misses it on the gravity rebound. 

“Why are you so fucking quiet!” Jasper snaps, which Orion only seems to find amusing. “Announce your presence before you enter a room!!”

“I imagine it’s because I was designed to be an assassin,” Orion muses, picking the journal up off the floor and handing it back. Jasper’s face burns. The torches flicker, and he wishes he had all of his magic at his disposal, but he’s stuck looking like a dumb asshole instead. “But I’m also wearing pretty nice shoes.”

Jasper hates him. And thinks about how soft his lips probably are. He can do both. He’s great at multitasking. 

[tyonfs]

ALICE ALICE OMG 🤤🤤 THE CONCERT AND JAEMIN. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO MEET THE MAIN LEADS OF UR FICS OMG!!!!

NO kidding BUT how was it i need to know every detail

i just came back from seoul and i miss it so much omg 😭

- 🫧

ITS LIKE FINDING UR MUSE WHO WAS RLLY UR MUSE ALL ALONG BUT THE EXPERIENCE JUST INTENSIFIES THE INSPIRATION AND LOVE AND U JUST WANT TO POUR UR HEART OUT INTO WRITING MORE MORE MORE BC HE DESERVES THE BEST WORK OF ART 😩

but gosh it was such a great time !! honestly i experienced such hard post concert depression (still am) and also post concert memory loss 😭 like it feels like it ended SO FAST even tho it was a pretty hefty set list !! but wow every single performance was so incredible and had me on my feet screaming cause wow!!! so many of those back to back??? i think they were seriously trying to kill me with saturday drip unit :')

how was seoul?? i hope you had a great time ♡

[veritymysticmagic]

Musings on SciFi and Subhumanism

So I have to admit something. I actually really hate SciFi

BUT I can't stop going back to it as a genre.

As a genre SciFi is just what it is, Science Fiction. And usually its simply fiction that has a futuristic setting. I say this because I feel that it has some tropes that are pretty common within the genre. Like a lot of SciFi leans dystopic or is used to criticize a modern day political issue (or be a metaphor for a modern day issue). But most importantly very few SciFi stories end with a happy "fairy tale" ending where the guy gets the princess and all that. There are obviously tons of exceptions but some are borderline parodies or are seen as "casual" SciFi (ie. Star Wars)

But that to me is exactly why I don't engage with alot of SciFi. A lot of them are very depressing or are very much focused on modern day issues. This in turn I feel makes a lot of the major SciFi works become same-y or are unwilling to push the boundaries of quite frankly a very loose and flexible genre. I think most of my feelings on this comes from the popularity and publicity of dystopian SciFi (Hunger Games, Handmaid's Tale, etc.) Basically I don't like them because they are often depressing for everyone and represents the end of society EXCEPT for mayyyyybe the main character. And even if the MC gets a good ending we don't necessarily see the fallout of that and instead are left musing.

This is why in my opinion SciFi isn't just about criticism of politics but it is ALSO a representation of human will and the continuation to live on. (I feel like a possible comparison is Fallout vs Borderlands, one has at least some hope while the other feels like a drugged up shoot fest for the fucked up parts of humanity). Like I want to see SciFi stories that are closer to how we treat medieval fantasy and I feel that some recent works are going that way. Yes please continue to criticize humanity but also give us and SHOW us some hope please (I absolutely adore Kill One Billion Demons for doing this so well)

I absolutely love the idea of SciFi but I apologize if I struggle to watch movies or read books because they just end depressing and in utter hopelessness. (I will say that Alien is an incredible movie, highly recommend, and I loved Gattaca tho I really don't like Hunger Games,Handmaid's Tale,The Giver)

This is my transition to my next point into a subgenre that is not exclusive to SciFi but is often associated with SciFi = Subhumanism. This subgenre explores the horror of being subhuman and the depiction of subhuman. An easy example are zombies and weird science experiments. For some the horror comes from the idea of changing and becoming a zombie. But I believe the horror comes from empathy we feel when we see a changed human, the wonder of what happened and feeling that person's pain. Its all quite horrifying.

Nevertheless its a weird interest of mines, and to me a compelling use of subhumanism is to pull on that empathy that makes you feel the pain of the other. There are actually quite alot of movies that use subhumanism, but I feel that many are used to pull our empathy strings but some I feel focus more on robots as or are used as a gimmick. That being said, I feel the best example of this trope is in I Have no Mouth and Cannot Scream, a horrifying tale that is nonetheless absolutely compelling.

And it to me is the epitome of the SciFi I want to create. Something so horrifying and gut wrenchingly awful and yet there is a glimmer of hope at the end. While its not the SciFi story I would write, I definitely see myself getting inspired by it.

I want a SciFi story that is about love and adventure without necessarily being about depression and overt political criticism (yes keep the criticism but you don't have to smack me in the head with it! this is why I feel some SciFi has ironically aged badly and requires revisions, especially since a majority of these works are written by white men) I want to see more SciFi about human hope and will, just push the genre further into more heights.

This is just my rambling, I am sure one can find dozens of examples of what I am looking for, but these are just my musings and thoughts on the whole thing.

[boyfhee]

hi, i hope ure having fun on ur trip! i finally found time to read fair and square!! and im so glad i did!! woahh after my stressful week THIS WAS EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! 

 i could write here all of the amazing moments that happened in the fic, the plot, heeyn interactions the bickering but ofc its just them pinning (kill me i love that in fics), their bet and their kissing(omg omg blush blush) and everything in between that made this SO GODDAMN AMAZING CUZ everything that happened was truly fantastic, i could go into details fr and all that but i wanted to say there is always this one (or even more) part of your work that go kinda beyond the plot in a way, what i mean is there is some universal truth that comes out of specific scene in the fic(s) that

 1) suits the work perfectly

 2) is delivered so well that i have to pause and muse about my life for a sec 

3)its so effortlessly heart twisting (not always in a sad way more like it hits u with this  realization about the way u see world)  and it was strikes me like a whiplash…

in here the conversation between hee and yn about passion (his for basketball and hers for painting) holy fucking shit i read it and i was stunned fr, the connection and its all about timing god……that hit so close to home and MY GOD U KEEP DOING STUFF TO ME OFC LIFE IS ABOUT TIMING, god i hate how fucking good that moment was and then THIS FUCJING LINE

“if your timing is off, no matter how much you try, things won’t work, and what you love will end up becoming a closed chapter of your life”

………………………….. 

I LOVE U ur brain is soe8rhpqwdkasczx,wfnesdzx wnedsn wow wow wow  IWAS GAGGED OKAY and then hee saying he doesn't want to her to be a closed chapter ??????????????????????*poetic fanfiction cinema meme” do u know how many mental breakdown like this i had  while reading htgbwye  ( lmao it took me like 2 days to read it for the first time)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

i loved this fic so much!it made my heart happy in the best way possible, i enoyed every single word out of this masterpiece

 THANK U FOR THIS !!! thank u  <3 ure amazing like i cannot stress this enough URE AMAZING HAD TO SCREAM IT IN CAPS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡��♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

                               – >> swift anonie ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

PS. it is definitely not fair and square that ure so… THE BEST EVER :33

MY TRIP WAS FUN YEAH PLS FORGET HOW IM REPLYING SO LATE . ALSO I CANNOT THANK U ENOUGH FOR UR WORDS STFUUU URE SO SWEET AND FOR WHAT 😭😭😭 the kiss scene was hardest to write i wrote it at the very last....gave me butterflies tho 😂☝️AND THE UNIVERSAL TRUTH UMMM i guess i like it when my works have a little meaning to them....maybe....mostly they dont but yeah, im glad u were able to notice it!!!! AND THE WHOLE CONVO AB THEIR HOBBIES IS INSPIRED FROM YOURS TRULY i actually had to give up on piano and painting for meds 😆and now im so scared to pick it up again like im afraid of disappointing myself....too bad i dont have a heeseung to tell me that i can do it again....WELL MOVING ON FROM MY DEPRESSING STORY.

and pls not the breakdowns...im sorry but it's fair bc i had multiple breakdowns while writing it . IT TOOK ME SIX FUCKING MONTHS i almost dropped it five times . almost . im so so glad u like fair and square, tbh not only that but htgbwye as well bc both are very close to my heart, AND NO URE THE BESTEST OF ALL LUV 💗

[corvidyus]

Hello there. I’m Corvidyus. It’s a pretty sick name for myself in my opinion, but you can shorten it however you like - Corvid, Dyus, Crow, whatever you will.

They/them pronouns for me please. This crow’s a mystery indeed.

Please, if you ever so desire, send me an ask, a comment, a tag. I love them.

Find me on ao3.

Current obsession: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Main fandom tags, for your blocking or browsing convenience: btvs (buffy the vampire slayer), st (stranger things), dn (death note), rotmnt (rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles)

Tags of my work: raven writing desk (writing), raven drawing desk (art), croaking (my general musings, thoughts, reviews)

current running tab of fic ideas

btvs

buffy getting her tattoo removed after 2x08 … just a funsy little fluff piece mostly focused on her and giles and maybe her mother as well

i really want to write a sort of spiritual continuation of buffy around the s3 ~ s4 time period, and make my own pseudo season. Particularly, I want to talk about her whole self sacrificial stuff and lack of direction in life (which I… heavily relate to)

Chosen 3 (Kendra, Faith, and Buffy) AU

More content with Kendra in it (set nebulously before her death / in an au she doesn’t die)

AU where angelus is even worse to Buffy; toys with her while pretending to have a soul and be Buffy’s BF for a bit

AU where Buffy comes back as a vamp at some point in the series, and struggles to keep herself under control (possibly after she was in heaven to add insult to injury?)

Some kind of fucked up animal reincarnation AU - buffy is cursed to live and reincarnate as many animals, all living at once. It’s hard to get back to Sunnydale (she has extremely bad luck the closer she gets), and hard for her friends to find any instance of her due to the amount

Some long and introspective s7 thing about Buffy and depression

Into the buffyverse (comics?)

some kind of thing where dawn and buffy have an introspective conversation after it’s discovered that she’s the key. I’m talking like, basically Buffy finds inconsistencies in her memories when she really looks; for example she can’t justify why she ran away over the summer between seasons 2 & 3 with Dawn in the mix, because none of her justifications or thoughts either way even involved her (even tho if she were “real” they def would’ve)

buffy sees a counselor (maybe au where that one guy doesnt die) but has trouble sharing her feelings so willow helps her open up with a spell focused on emotion sharing, which of course backfires as usual, and forces buffy to overshare

buffy heist fic. no reason. Purely vibes. Inspired by this edit

s4 rewrite (starting around hush, or within the next handful of eps) that does a better (read: more threatening and manipulative, and maybe not laughably easy to break into) initiative, with deeper parallels between adam riley and buffy

some kind of pre-chosen (possibly even pre-s5) original thing, involving like a slaypire big bad and maybe some magic ritual bs. Maybe i’d call it blackhole sun to be edgy 

Furry Buffy AU bc I’m giving into my terrible urges

stranger things

maybe a little introspective piece on steve. I don’t have much to add that others haven’t gone over… but I find him so neat

Arcane

vi hurt comfort sniff sniff sniff?

Death Note

Rather than kill L, Rem partners with him to take down Light … this one’s mostly finished, I’m just struggling with the end

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Now I am curious about the girls day with batmom, can we have it pls?

Bruce looked around the table at lunch and frowned, "Alfred where-"

"Miss Y/N took the other ladies in the house for a girl's day. Miss Cassandra and Miss Stephanie needed school clothes and Miss Barbara offered her assistance," Alfred said simply.

Bruce's frown faded slightly and he grunted, "Did they take-"

"They took the Jeep, I believe."

_________

You look at the flamboyant bald man currently trying to persuade Barbara into much longer nails and raise your eyebrow over the rim of your mimosa glass, "Roland, the girl said no," you tut. "They all do too much work with their hands to have the Dragon Talons you like designing."

Roland sniffed, "It's a pity any of you work with your hands- these callouses are a crime. What are you doing anyway-"

"Whatever they like. Don't you worry your pretty little head. Just do what they ask."

"I don't know why I bother with you," he scolded without any real heat. He bothered because you tipped well and told the best dirty jokes... but. He was still irritated that you hadn't let him bedazzle your fingertips.

"I thought it was because you like having something to complain about," you tease. Next to you, Cass smiles a little where she's watching with interest as someone applied lime green sparkly polish to her toes.

"I just can't believe Bruce agreed to pay for all this stuff," Steph snorted.

"Oh no sweetie," you laugh, "I just don't give him a chance to say no.."

'She really doesn't," Barbara said grinning when Steph's eyes went wide as she deliberated over purple polish colors. "She just declares she's doing something and if he doesn't like it, he can sulk about it."

"Charmed life," Cass said, eyes crinkling at the corners.

Roland made a soft envious sound, "Does he have a brother?"

__________

Steph eyed clothing racks and frowned, making a soft discontented sound. It was nice, being out with the girls. But it didn't magically make her mom less shit. Or the ongoing mess of her love life any less draining.

"Y/N?"

"Hmm?" you answer, holding out a shirt for her to inspect- 70's inspired. Purple. And would look nice with a pair of the flared jeans she'd already bought.

She took it, feeling the fabric and crinkled her nose at the price tag, "How did you do it?" she asked quietly

"What specifically-"

"I mean, after everything. Like- with-" she broke off the word 'cult'. Not sure if she was actually allowed to ask about that. Or about the time you left. Things that weren't really secrets but just not things you LIKED to talk about; not as anything more than a passing comment.

But when you pat her arm and add the shirt to what was laying on her arm, she gets a sense that you know.

"It took time," you answer after a moment. "But I had to make the choices that were best for me- even if they didn't make sense to anyone else. And more than that, I had to learn that it was okay to do that. That I didn't have to let my past determine my future. Any more than I ever had to be that... powerless ever again."

Stephanie bit her lip and you smile a little. "When my sister was killed," you pause and tuck an errant lock of hair behind her ear, "I couldn't stop them. And I carried that guilt with me for a long time. Still do. But. I know that I can stop other girls from meeting the same fate. So- I focus on that. Because I can't control the past; or other people. All I have is right now. That's all anyone really has."

"That's- kinda depressing."

"It can be," you hum, "At least until you get used to it. There's something liberating about just saying 'fuck it' and learning to live for yourself."

Stephanie smiled. It was less rare to hear you use swear words but it still sounded funny, given that your usual curses were "Hell's Teeth" or "Son of a biscuit" around the house where the kids could hear you.

"When did you hit 'fuck it'?"

"About the time Dick and Tim gave me my new 'pet name'," you muse. "I think that's when I really figured out I didn't have to let ANYONE tell me what to do anymore."

[bloomvalyria]

The @winxwannabe Christmas Edit Extravaganza is officially here in all its glory!!

Firstly, I’d just like to say Merry Christmas to all my lovely followers. Thank you for tolerating me for yet another year.

For the last year or two now, I’ve gifted a bunch of sparxshipping edits to my best friend @winxwannabe. And that time of year has come again. I hope you enjoy them, fam. Most of them did kill me inside, but that’s okay. You’re worth it.

Anyway let’s begin:

What We Do, Chapter 24 - Wake

I’ve been sitting on this one for a good (almost) year now, and while it is not exact to the chapter, I wanted to show Roxy in action. Because we both know that’s what she deserves.

As the World Falls Down

Probably one of my most favorite edits of all time. And while I struggled with it, it’s not the one that gave me the most grief. Which is a shock considering the hand drawn and cut jewels on that jacket.

Let Icons Fall

This one was inspired by my absolutely selfish desire to use Dark Bloom in an edit and my eternal sparxshipping muse Evanescence. Specifically the song Blind Belief.

Untitled

This. This is one that broke me. Don’t look at it too closely, I beg you. I purposely shrunk it and made it smaller than the others just so you can’t see the details. Like please. There’s a reason it’s so dark.

Longing Leads to Leaving

I had a random idea pop into my head that Baltor is able to manifest in Bloom’s inner sanctum the night after the final battle in season 3. And there’s like a moment, if you will. A very sad, depressing moment. It’s also loosely inspired by the Halsey song Ya’aburnee.

“Shall We?��

I still adore this idea. It’s so them. And I’m still surprised that our brains were somewhat on the same wave length when you told it to me.

[perlukafarinn]

so i felt really inspired by this adorable artwork by @yeesaac (though this isn’t an exact recreation)

All things considered, Dean thinks this hunt went pretty well. 

It was just him and Cas and while Dean’s been worried about him since his grace started waning, Cas proved more than capable of holding his own. They got their monster, no major injuries sustained, and it even looks like they might make it back to the motel in time for Top Chef.

Then he looks over at Cas, about to congratulate him on a job well done, and that assessment immediately dies.

Because Cas is staring down at his coat and crying.

Panic grips Dean’s chest. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

Cas looks up with a hangdog expression. Wordlessly, he holds up his coat, showing a huge tear on the side of it.

“Oh - okay,” Dean approaches him like he would a scared animal, and even knowing that Cas isn’t actually hurt is enough to calm his beating heart. Because, to reiterate, Cas is crying. “That’s okay, I can fix that.”

“You can?” Cas asks, sounding somehow both forlorn and skeptical.

“Yeah, ‘course. Gimme some credit, I’ve been fixing up mine and Sammy’s clothes for literally decades.”

Cas doesn’t look convinced but he shrugs off the coat and hands it over to Dean, who carefully folds it and places it in the backseat.

“C’mon, let’s get going before the cops show up.”

It’s a quiet, miserable ride to the motel. Once they get back to their room, Dean considers turning the TV on while he works but dismisses the idea - he doesn’t want Cas to think he’s not focusing on the task at hand.

He goes to his bag, gets out the needle and thread and sits down on his bed with them, folding the coat over to examine the damage. It’s a clean tear, nothing too difficult to fix.

The mattress dips and Dean glances up. Cas is sitting down next  to him, crossing his legs as he makes himself comfortable on Dean’s bed.

Dean looks away, ignoring the heat rising to his cheeks, and gets to work. If Cas wants to supervise, if he must sit close enough that Dean can smell his aftershave, whatever. It’s his coat.

Even with Cas’ close presence distracting him, Dean soon falls into an easy rhythm. It’s soothing, the feel of the needle and fabric between calloused fingertips, the monotonous movements slowly calming his nerves.

“You’re good at this,” Cas says after a little while.

“I’ve had plenty of practice. These hands ain’t just for killing, you know.”

It’s meant to come out as a joke, sardonic and glib, but it feels a little too real as he says it. Hopefully Cas will let it go.

“I know that.” Of course not. “You’re a kind man, Dean. No part of you was meant for killing.”

Dean huffs out a laugh. “Okay, bud, lighten up. You’re gonna make me cry too.”

Another too-real joke. And oops, he shouldn’t have acknowledged that, should he?

Cas sighs. “I suppose it’s a strange thing to get so emotional over.”

Shit. What is Dean meant to say now? Why couldn’t he just have shut his mouth and kept sewing?

“It’s okay. I mean, that coat means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” Cas says simply. “Mainly, at this moment, my failure as an angel.”

Shit. Dean pauses his movements, casting about for something, anything to say that doesn’t lead the conversation in an even more depressing direction.

“If I were at full power, if I didn’t need to conserve my grace, I could have mended that tear with a thought.”

There’s a long, painful silence. Dean finishes up on autopilot, running his fingers over his handiwork after tying up the loose ends. His needlework isn’t perfect, but from the outside, the damage isn’t too obvious anymore.

“Well,” he says, “it doesn’t matter. You do the best you can with what you have, and you were a damn good hunting partner tonight. Nothing happened that couldn’t be fixed, even if it took a little longer and looks a little messier.”

He startles when Cas’ hand closes over his, eyes darting up. Cas gives him a gentle smile as their eyes meet and then he’s prying the coat from Dean’s grip, holding it up to examine it. Dean blinks, warmth blooming under his collar. His hand feels branded where Cas touched it.

“I think,” Cas muses, “in this instance, I might prefer your method.”

He stands up. Dean wants to ask what the hell that’s supposed to mean but his throat feels too tight to speak, so he watches wordlessly as Cas puts the coat back on. On first glance it looks just the same as before but on closer inspection, you can see the mended tear running up one side like a pale scar. 

[runepou]

gimme some quirk ideas for anything music related <3

Hai hai!

Most of them are emitters because they are easy to find and involves singing ehe

(also feel free to change the names I tend to name them fancy sort of things)

Musical Adaption? Musification??

Type: Transformation

This quirk makes its user be able to modify their body depending on the music they are listening to, an example would be being able to stretch their arms long whenever they are listening to pop or can grow big when listening to rap.

Drawbacks would be being dependent on earphones/any device they listen music on and if they don’t like the music affect weakens(going from the example before the user may hate rap so even in need they can grow a lot smaller)

Song of Heavens(?)

Type: Emitter

This quirk makes its user able to sing in a heavenly tone. And what I mean by that is literally. It isn’t because of the tone of their voice or the song, no with this quirk even the most basic melodies sound amazing and have an refreshing affect on body, easing your nerves and numbing your pain putting you in a stage of euphoria and peacefulness.

Yet as a drawback whenever the user stops singing all the feeling washes away, making the others around face the cold hard reality and can even put them in a depressed state if the song is cutten fastly. The feeling is also addictive and the user gets harassed to sing a lot. Also the user slowly getting deaf by every usage would be interesting but not necessary

(I hate the fact that I was inspired to this by cringy old fictions because that’s my favorite one )

Death Note

Type: Emitter

This quirk gives its user a notebook that kills anyone who you wrote the names of

*ehem* This quirk manifests its user the ability to be able to sing in a tone that causes extreme pain near anyone, even to a point people would prefer to rip their ears off instead of listening to it. Basically the opposite of the quirk Singalong and an more dangerous one.

As a drawback there is no way to stop it, it will literally activate any time user sings and anyone in the range of hearing it will be affected (except of the user)

Singalong

Type: Emitter

This quirk allows its user to change the others emotions around them depending on what type of song they sing, for example if the lyrics radiates anger and irritation the ones who are able to hear it will be boiled up with anger from head to toe.

As a drawback, the user also has to be feeling the emotion they are singing about, they can’t just go sing an song to make everyone sad when they are all happy, also like the previous one the target has to hear it for this to be useful.

You’re My Melody

Type: Emitter

This quirk makes its user to learn anything about a person by ’listening’ to them, which is by either skin-to-skin contact for enough time or by gathering something that the target keeps close to their heart, although anything they learn is in form of a melody which the user has to figure out which is a drawback.

Other drawbacks of this quirk are its need of skin contact(or an treasured item) and it not being offensive

-that’s my favorite tbh-

Again, sorry for taking so long I hope you don’t mind! Feel free to muse any of them for whatever you want or request again<3