#dark life advice

[lipikkawrites]

A lot will go wrong before everything goes right.

Keep moving forward.

-@lipikkawrites

[koa-z]

How to Lose Someone If You're Being Followed (In a Pinch, not over time)

So I've had two different stalkers, both before I ever entered adulthood. They're not an issue anymore, but I learned a lot from dealing with them, and I ended up having to apply my knowledge today when a random person who was having a bad trip which caused them to become violent decided to focus on me.

This only applies when someone is actively following you. It will do nothing to resolve a long-term issue, it can just help you slip away in a pinch where you are actively being followed in real-time. I'm talking like, if you have 10 seconds, what can you do.

The long and the short of it is that when we aren't up close and personal (i.e talking face to face), people tend to recognize one another first by their silhouette. The clothing that you wear creates a shape, and if somebody who has just seen you is looking for you, then they will be looking for that shape above all else- especially if you're in a crowd of other shapes. So your priority (aside from basic safety like finding a crowded area, going to the authorities, etc- if you have none of those options, cannot do self defense, and have to act fast with no alternatives) is to break line of sight and then radically change your silhouette as quickly as possible. The person will be disoriented, and will search for your familiar silhouette. If they're super determined then they will locate you again but if not then you're home free- otherwise you've at least gained a few seconds, which can be life-saving.

The most effective ways to quickly change your silhouette are to wear a jacket, hat, or other very big, very obvious piece of clothing- and just fuckin ditch em (ideally still have em with you but I mean take em off and put em somewhere, I shoved mine in my formerly-empty bag). Wear a face mask as well which you can remove, because that gives you the added bonus of changing what your face looks like and losing a lot of familiarity. Whatever clothes you have on under the jacket should create a much different shape from what the jacket made. So big, oversized jackets are the easiest to do this with, bc they really indicate nothing about anything underneath them.

This logic also applies to distinct clothing. Today I was wearing a lot of easy to remove accessories, some of which were big, all of which were loud af. I was just trying to get some groceries, but I do not live in the best part of town, and somebody that was having a bad trip followed me down an unoccupied aisle and started screaming, "I've been looking for you for months, fucking faggot bitch." He proceeded to chase me. Having (unfortunately) a lot of experience in this area, I got to the end of the aisle as quickly as I could, turned the corner, and removed all of my very noticeable accessories and my face mask while also moving towards the more populated area of the store (always, always look for people. They won't help you, ha! People are absolutely useless when it comes to protecting one another- the best you can hope for is to get one of em between you and the aggressor. I know it sounds cold, but it's less cold than being dead. And if two of you are being attacked, then maybe the other person will actually close their fly trap and help you resist. They will not do that if they are neurotypical and not directly involved, so get em involved if you want to live. Sorry not sorry. Anyway- find a populated area. People won't help you, but many aggressors will be put off by an audience unless you have engaged them. It's also easier to lose someone in a crowd, and you can find and ask an individual for help. Speaking of-)

On asking for help: choose one person. Choose one person specifically and single them out. This also applies to if you're trying to find help for anyone else, for any reason, in any crisis situation. Don't just say "call an ambulance" - point to one specific person and tell them to do it. If you ask a crowd, no neurotypical individual will respond. If you point to one specific person, that individual will feel compelled to do what you say. It kinda snaps em out of the crowd trance that they're susceptible to.

Other general rules for stuff like this is don't fight, you won't win. Idc if you're shredded, fights to the death aren't the same as sparring. And if you do have to fight for your life, make the first hit the last. No one's gonna keep coming at you if their eyes are suddenly deep inside of their skull.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Game-Changing TED Talks Everyone Should Watch

"How Five Simple Words Can Get You What You Want" by Janine Driver

"Master your Mindset, Overcome Self-Deception, Change your Life" by  Shadé Zahrai

"How to talk to the worst parts of yourself" by Karen Faith

"Think before you speak, hacking the secret of communication" by Catherine Molloy

"The Hidden Code For Transforming Dreams Into Reality" by Mary Morrissey

"Don't Believe Everything You Think" by Lauren Weinstein

"The public speaking lesson you never had" by DK

"Programming your mind for success" by Carrie Green

"How to stop screwing yourself over" by Mel Robbins

"Own Your Behaviours, Master Your Communication, Determine Your Success" by Louise Evans

"The psychology of seduction" by Raj Persaud

"Why we're unhappy -- the expectation gap" by Nat Ware

"Think Fast. Talk Smart" by Matt Abrahams 

"Increase your self-awareness with one simple fix' by Tasha Eurich 

"5 steps to designing the life you want" by Bill Burnett

"Staying stuck or moving forward" by Dr. Lani Nelson Zlupko

"To reach beyond your limits by training your mind" by Marisa Peer

"Emotional laws are the answer for better relationships" by Diana Wais

"Feelings: Handle them before they handle you" by Mandy Saligari

"Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth" by Adia Gooden 

[minimalist-quotes]

A lot will go wrong before everything goes right. Keep moving forward

-@lipikkawrites

[succulentsiren]

Advice I'd Give to My Younger Self.

Be unapologetic about your presence. Never enter a room with your head lowered. Hold your head up like you are proud to be who you are. Take up space. Be bold in your actions. Let your voice be heard.

You don't have to be perfect. Get over perfectionism and the fear of being embarrassed. Learn to own all your flaws and insecurities and continue to do what you love.

What other people say mean nothing. Never loose sleep over anyone’s opinion of you. They are not God and they don't define you.

Believe in yourself. You can be successful just like those people you look up to. You have what it takes. Hone your skills and be great too.

Appreciate your unique gifts and qualities. Stop comparing yourself to others and changing yourself to fit in. Always stay true to yourself.

[academic-vampire]

[notforeveryonesk6666]

You want them? Then prove it. Show them. Be honest. Open up. Take the risk.

[deadlypoetacademia]

How beautiful is the art of remembering little things. Like you got me a red velvet cake for my birthday just because I randomly told you about it once we were passing through the bakery, like you know the name of my favourite perfume, like you know I have a habit of holding hands while crossing the road, like you know I like spicy food more than sweet, like you know so much about me about such little things. Could I love you anymore?

[ikeameatballspoisonedme]

Do people even play the communist vision quest after the first day

[errolzunic]

The architect of my heart likes complex buildings.

[lipikkawrites]

At your lowest, you realise a lot.

-@lipikkawrites

[honeesblog]

a lot of people in my program really only do their studies and to my other PHD's I urge you: make sure you have other things going on! I have a near endless list of weird hobbies and sports and other interests and I just want you to know that you don't need to eat, sleep, and breathe only your topic and subject! Read a fiction book for fun, paint something badly, find a nice shop to browse in, go for a walk in a green area, take a break and don't rush through it. Pleasure and relaxation are valuable and worth your time. The point of a PhD/Masters is not to work in a hard and unsustainable way until you are done but instead to learn how to be an academic, what type of academic you are, and how you want to live your life/balance your academics and everything else!

When you are studying/working, don't be afraid of being wrong or doing things messily or poorly. On hard days, give yourself leeway, add an extra scoop of sugar to your coffee or tea, and listen to the rocky theme!

[femmefatalevibe]

25 Life Lessons I've Learned In 25 Years

In honor of turning 25 this month, here are some lessons I wish someone could've baked into my brain by 18. Hope this helps xx

Putting yourself first is not selfish, it is an act of self-care. Actively discounting others is not the same as protecting your peace.

Pay attention to who gossips and keeps to themselves amidst an interpersonal conflict. Insecure people or those in the wrong will speak the loudest and go on the longest in a fight to prove their innocence. Individuals who are self-assured and comfortable with the truth know it's better to communicate their feelings appropriately and then move past it. Confidence is assertive, tactful, and relatively silent.

If you want to know who to believe in an argument, pay attention to how both sides speak about the conflict. The perpetrator will often speak about the individuals' character/morality while the victim will explain their personal experience in the context of the relevant situation.

Display empathy and consideration, but don't live to satisfy others' emotional needs and expectations. Say farewell to anyone who dismisses or guilts you for your own needs, emotions, priorities/life goals & aspirations.

Your needs matter. No one needs to approve or validate your desires. If someone feels they have control over you or tries to persuade you to change your mind to ensure you put their emotions and needs first, cut them out of your life. They do not care about you.

Almost no one deserves insider access into your life and mind. Upholding your right to privacy – especially regarding your finances, dating life, health conditions/concerns, and long-term goals – is the simplest way to protect your peace.

A friend to all is a friend to none. Be wary of those who will not stand up for you behind closed doors. These people do not care about you, they care about what your place in their life does for them and their ego.

Be radically honest and accepting of who you are. Don't apologize for your preferences, aspirations, and values. You deserve to live in a way that makes you happy, not to appease others in hopes of their approval or future favors due to your karmic good deeds.

You deserve happiness, love, and nice things, life experiences, relationships, and opportunities in your life regardless of what others may or may not possess/ be able to experience. Dispel this scarcity mindset ASAP. Jealousy and internalized shame are destructive to your self-esteem and all your relationships.

You are worthy and offer many incredible, unique gifts to the world. Don't allow naysayers, critics, or bullies (of any age) to dim your light or sacrifice pursuing your dreams. Decide you're the leader of your own life. Then act accordingly.

Direct communication is always the way. Remain tactful, but at least when dealing with non-manipulative people, always say what you mean and mean what you say. It will save a lot of trouble and petty disagreements that could've been avoided with clearer communication.

You don't owe anyone an explanation for your feelings, emotions, and actions that don't have a direct, inescapable impact on someone else. "No" is a complete sentence.

Approach conversations as a meeting of the minds. Healthy debate or conflict is about seeking to understand the other person, not prove yourself right. Leaving your ego at the door will allow you to expand your mind and avoid many unnecessary conflicts or arguments.

If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. For a job, date, sex, attendance at a time-sucking social event, family gatherings, an informal meeting not essential for you to keep your job, a wedding, birthday party, holiday invitation, etc. Outside of your contracted hours and time necessary to keep yourself/your home clean & well-maintained, you should spend your time exactly as you please. Doing things you don't want to do will only breed resentment down the line toward yourself and others.

Detangle yourself from any who refuses to self-reflect and take accountability. This person is selfish and will never see you as fully human with emotions, needs, and a complete life/internal world of your own. Cut them out (or at least fully emotionally detach and limit contact with them) immediately.

Speak your truth, but always say a little less than you feel necessary. Overexplaning and oversharing do you no favors. At a minimum, this approach allows you to protect your peace. In the worst circumstances, this tactic can also save you from a lot of trouble in your personal or professional life.

Learn to ask for a little more than you're comfortable with, but do so with grace, tact, and confidence. Whether it's a salary/rate negotiation, flight/hotel/restaurant accommodations, get in the habit of making that slightly higher/up-leveled request like you're expecting a "yes." You can't get something you don't ask for, so speak up and show you know your worth. This habit can bring a lot of great opportunity into your life and builds up your confidence.

Everyone is on their own timeline and path. Don't compare yourself to others' credentials, job titles, relationship status, net worths, or jean sizes. Comparison is truly the thief of joy. Remaining envious of others only takes up the energy that could otherwise be used to elevate or enrich your life.

Become clear on your priorities, and remain diligent with your habits & routines. Set SMART goals. Implement healthy habits and rituals into your daily lifestyle. Be consistent with goal-supporting and wellness rituals (generous sleep schedule, healthful eating habits, daily movement/regular exercise, reading, task time-blocking, cleaning, and life/work admin schedule), so they become second nature. Help yourself by creating these default habits to ensure your brain is wired for success whether you're in an easygoing era or a stressful life season.

Stop seeing other people (especially other women) as your competition in your profession/dating life and within your platonic relationships. Use your immediate criticisms as a tool for self-reflection. Actively deconstruct the patriarchy in every aspect of your life. Other women coworkers, dating prospects, and friends are not your rivals nor individuals who should be evaluated based on their assertiveness, sexual history/appeal, relationship status, or desire to perform traditional maternal/domestic roles.

Understanding how to interact with others in a cordial, tactful manner is significantly more important than having everyone like you. Learn how to positively influence people without seeking approval. What other people think of us is none of our business. All we can do is show up as the best version of ourselves, and remain optimistic about a potential connection.

Acceptance, accountability, and consistent discipline are the holy trinity to creating a sustainable change that you can maintain for the long haul. There's no shame in starting from the bottom, but you need to be honest about where you're at, so you can create a realistic game plan/small behavior-changing habits that stack up over time to help you implement the radical change you're craving.

Let go of any internalized shame. Being the "good girl" does you no favors in life. Set a standard and expectation to be respected, not to be perceived as "innocent" or submissive – this is how you get taken advantage of in professional, platonic, and intimate relationships. Remain ravenous for respect. It's the only way to live life to the fullest.

24. Investing in your appearance is a form of self-respect. Wanting to look & feel your best and present yourself in the best light possible to others is not a superficial pursuit. Remain unwavering about your hygiene/beauty/grooming routines, deliberate styling choices, healthy eating & workout habits, and mindfulness of social graces. You're your #1 publicist, so act like it. Life is all about embracing satisfaction with a sprinkle of reputation management.

25. Be unapologetic about your financial ambitions, priorities, investments, savings goals, etc. Financial freedom IS freedom. The only way to change the system is to break it from the inside out. Leverage is everything. Allocate, and assert your (financial) power wisely.

[katyspersonal]

Important things Soulsborne taught us about life:

- No matter where you are or what you're doing, there will always be a poisonous swamp between you and your goal

- If you try help people they just fucking go crazy and die!!!!!!!

- Saying a completely normal thing a bit slowly and adding creepy laugher in the end automatically makes you more charismatic

- The door doesn't open from this side

- The best way to free yourself from unfair system is to eat people until you turn into an abomination

- Don't look where the cheeky bald man asks you to look

- You can still see and navigate perfectly even with a weird thing on your head that obscures all vision apparently

- Actually not even death will end the suffering

- People will try to escape a problem by using what CAUSES this problem and just trying to "be careful" because we indeed live in a society I guess

- There is no such thing as "too" tall/big woman

[thatsbelievable]

[academic-vampire]