#danielle's brain vomit

[atornpageold]

i’ve been rewatching way too much game of thrones and my mind did a thing. i don’t even know what half of this is.

1.1k mess of words (cw: brief mentions of sex as negotiating i guess?)

"Now, my dear prince, I am sure we can come to some sort of agreement." 

Obi-Wan liked to believe that he possessed some charm that would help Prince Skywalker see that an alliance between their two kingdoms was mutually beneficial for all parties, especially if Skywalker were to commit his men to the cause. In the Force, he could feel the swirl of emotions coming from the other side of the table; temptation and indecision at war. He understood that the choice he had put the young man in was not easy—it had been the very same choice he had needed to make months ago. There were many moments of self-doubt in the time that followed, but Obi-Wan believed that he was doing what was best for his people. He needed to believe that, or perhaps the cause would be lost. 

The man on the other side shifted, sitting taller in his chair and looking as regal as true royalty should. For a moment, Obi-Wan wondered if his ancestors had once looked the same before the King who Knelt. He knew he certainly didn't; he had been raised as lord, ready to lead his ancestral home and land, but never with the title of king attached to his name. No, that had been a surprise all its own. 

"I assume you want our army," Prince Skywalker said, blue eyes meeting blue. The color of his eyes was stark against his tan skin and dark curly blonde hair. 

Tatooine's army had been a brief and passing thought, but it was tempting now that the prince had brought it up. Obi-Wan's army wasn't small, but he knew the enemy forces were significant. Outmaneuvering them had been and would continue to be the main focus. But if the prince was offering...

"More men would, of course, be welcomed."

The prince raised a brow at that. "Anything else besides my soldiers and my safety?" 

That had been the original request—the safe passage of Obi-Wan's forces through Tatooine lands. For days after becoming king, he had painstakingly looked at every angle and kingdom to find the best advantage to surround the capital city. The safest choice was sending half his army to the south, to Tatooine, and then marching north. The path to victory would be a bloody one. 

But the crown needed to answer for their injustice. 

That was why he was here, sitting in this tent with two of his most trusted advisers and looking across at the prince of the desert kingdom. 

"That's more than I could hope for."

The prince sat back, the fingers of his right hand tapping against the arm of the chair in some pattern. For a flashing moment, Obi-Wan wanted to still that movement, wrap those fingers up in his own. The prince was by no means unattractive; he was confident the other man had suitors lining up from all walks of life just for a chance at a conversation. Perhaps, if he was desperate enough, that option could be on the table—he wasn't above using his body as a form of persuasion. Not if it got him the results he wanted, and it certainly wouldn't be a hardship to kriff the handsome prince. But that could come later, much later, and only if words and other methods failed horribly. 

One of the prince's advisers leaned down to whisper in his ear, her montrals brushing against his shoulder. The prince nodded, and the adviser moved away, studying Obi-Wan with intelligent and calculating eyes. 

"And how do I know you wouldn't betray me? Send your army here and take my kingdom?" 

Obi-Wan returned his gaze to the prince, his most charming smile gracing his lips. "Is my word not enough?"

"You're asking me to betray the king of the Sith and all its kingdoms. You can understand why we would want something a little more solid."

It wasn't an unreasonable request. Had he been in Skywalker's position, he probably would have asked for the same thing. This was where his true talent lay, the negotiating table. All those years of being groomed in diplomacy were perhaps finally ready to pay off. 

"What would you suggest?"

The prince and his adviser exchanged a brief glance before she stepped forward again.

"We would like to propose a temporary Force-bond," her voice was confident and firm, unafraid to speak even though she couldn't have been more than twenty summers. 

"I'm sorry?" Quinlan Vos, one of his advisers (mainly because the second Obi-Wan had decided to march south, he was already gathering the men but also because he had been his friend for as long as he could remember), asked in surprise.

"A temporary Force-bond," she repeated slowly.  

Obi-Wan wanted to roll his eyes because, yes, they had understood that part. It was the fact that they were suggesting the bond in the first place that was the surprise. While temporary Force-bonds were convenient in terms of an alliance such as this, they were also rare, as most people didn't want someone else in their head. They also tended to have... unique side effects. But still, the idea that you could feel your bonded's emotions through the link made the act of betrayal difficult. 

"And if we were to agree," Obi-Wan began, eyeing the pair across the table with curious eyes, "what guarantees do we have that you won't try to take advantage of our bond?"

Skywalker scoffed. "Unlike you, I don't have a stake in this. This is personal for you," he paused, his gaze turning sympathetic. "I am sorry for your loss. I don't believe it was said yet." 

Obi-Wan nodded firmly in acknowledgment. 

"Tatooine has primarily been outside Sith control for over a hundred years, living outside the fold. However, it would be gratifying to be our own kingdom again," Anakin smiled. "That we have in common."

Obi-Wan nodded, even as Vos began arguing again about the temporary Force-bond. In the Force, he could feel his guide pacing anxiously outside the tent, and he wondered what that image looked like; a sizeable gray loth-wolf, two humans tall, pacing back and forth in front of the cloth. Around him, the volume of the voices grew.

"I'll do it," he answered loudly, and Vos turned his head, his left eye twitching. 

"Are you mad?" His adviser shouted.

"We both have the same goal; to be our own kingdoms again," he nodded to the prince. "I don't see why this alliance can't achieve that." With both armies fighting for their freedom, there were better chances they would win.

"And besides," Obi-Wan continued, "it's only a temporary bond."

[danieldrivesfast]

Here's a totally normal thought! Know how Lando said he's feeling better and more comfortable than ever even though he's in a "championship fight" and that he's going to do his best and be proud of that no matter what or whatever?

Isn't it weird that his feelings on it all changed after Singapore? After "I'm going to do my best and whatever happens happens"/"enjoy the butterflies" Daniel Ricciardo was suddenly tossed out of the sport?

Isn't it weird that suddenly "I basically throw up before the race" Lando Norris is suddenly enjoying himself and embracing the challenges and knowing his best is okay? Like he should celebrate every moment because it could all go away tomorrow?

Then Lando leaves a comment to Daniel's post with a little butterfly as a note that he's remembering to embrace everything along the journey because the journey is even more important than the destination?

Totally a normal thought!

[on-the-clear-blue]

Little idea wiggling about in my brain...

So like *holds Danny and Billy up by the scruff of their shirts* these two bastards won't leave my brain, and for punishment I will make them kiss...

Just, the Rock of eternity technically is Shazam's (the wizards) haunt? He has been dead for a long time, living only though his champion, what if Ghost King Danny gets slapped with a post it note that reads like

"Daniel, you're required to assist the Champion of Magic as the High King of the Realms, even Pariah helped the previous Champion Black Adam."

And Danny is like, "Sure, why not, Magic is real and so are ghosts."

And like....

Sparky Danny meeting Literal Sun Beam Billy, they are both 14, it's puppy love at its finest. Danny doesn't know what to do with gay panic and Billy is just straight up "This man is my soul mate, he shall be mine." (Call iy Zeus bestowing more than just lightning)

The leauge is very concerned why Captain Marvel seems to have a seeming underage partner.

Superman squinting very hard and trying to figure this out: So...just how old is Phantom?

Billy, unaware how bad this looks: Oh I don't know honestly, it's kinda hard to tell with beings from the Realms! Though he died when he was 14!

Superman, gripping the table (which cracks a little) :And how exactly long has he been 14?

Billy, taking out his phone and flipping out pictures: Like I said, I don't really know how old he is, but there is Egyptain hieroglyphics of him! Look!

Superman, blinking at the very real looking pictures: Ahh. Fun cool cool cool...a-and how are you again Cap?

Billy mindlessly swiping the photos, excited to show off his boyfriend:Never said it, but he is definitely older than I am.

(Danny is older by a month, Billy calls him an old man for it.)

Billy gets to live full time in Danny's haunt in the Zone, Danny built him like the best house, Tucker and Sam get to meet Billy and they just are flabbergasted that Danny "I can't get a girl to date me or else she ends up wanting to kill me" Fenton has a boyfriend that has been going steady for a few months.

My brain sees like, Maddie and Jack are 100% backing Danny, they are fully supportive of their bi/gay/pan son, but in no way would they support him if he was a ghost, like they are organizing Amitys first ever Pride parade, but there is a shoot ghosts on sight order.

And just the reveal is like...

Danny gets finally tells them he is a ghost: if you start shooting me, your shooting the only Gay person you know, not very ally of you mom and Dad.

Maddie mouth open in horror: Oh no...Jack are...are we homophobic?

Jack sharing her look of fear: Great Scott...Dann-o a-are you sure...its...it's a life style right? Y-you chose this?

Danny, trying very, very hard not to laugh: It's not a life style dad! I didn't choose to Die!

Anyway, thank you for coming to my brain word vomit, I haven't slept in 20 hours.

[leighcest]

happy twenty years of saw! unfortunately i'm a loser and have too much free time so i read the entire script (and watched the movie twice!) so here's every note i took for the script and ending of the movie:). this is super messy and incoherent but i had fun, and i hope you will too! happy 20 years saw<3.

TW FOR: everything in the first saw movie! gore! mentions of self harm and suicide! drugs! spoilers! mindless rambles! me being incorrect and stupid! absolutely no proper grammar!

Might be reading too deep into this, but half of Leigh’s body being out of water is so funny to me because like, I think if it was on purpose it was probably to try and make him look bigger or like taller???? Like.. LMFAO.

Also this is the movie not the script but I love the angle that we see Leigh in while he’s submerged in water its so fucking good omfg. totally worth him drowning for a few minutes.

“Jesus christ!”

Adam’s first line being a swear is a good way to show he’s juvenile, immature, etc. 

“There is a faint noise. It’s close. In the room.” 

Hey so this is petrifying. 

“A second voice slices through the blackness”

Leigh’s imagery in every. single. script. is genuinely so wonderfully breathtaking. Even if I had never seen this movie before I could imagine it in my head (which says a lot considering I have aphantasia) 

“I don’t know, yet.” 

This line is so interesting to me. It’s not Lawrence just tossing his words around being like ‘ohhh i dont know’ its him being logical and saying ‘i don't know yet’. It sets the tone for his character to set him up as this sensible rational thinker of a character. Similar to how he’s described as a ‘older’ or more mature character.

“The man begins whispering to himself; primal, childlike”

Immediately after this line, Adam whispers prayers to himself. He’s so young. So fragile. I wish we got to see more. So fragile, and yet still learning. So is Lawrence in a way. I think it’s symbolic. (This next part is purely headcanon, feel free to skip). They represent each other in a way I suppose. Adam who’s outward about himself (more on that later) but doesn’t have his shit together. Lawrence who’s always had his shit together, but couldn’t ever be himself. It’s the yin and yang I guess.

“The older man (46) … The other man, (25)”.

They have a 21 year age gap. By the time Lawrence had taken his first legal shot, Adam was opening his eyes for the first time. Also I’d like to note that Adam is 25. His brain just developed. (Pushing that ftm agenda!). He. is. still. learning. Him and Daniel and Diana and every other young victim were still learning. I am fully on board with the ‘Adam is NOT a good person’ train but also the fandom (from my experience) will also treat him like a super shit person too. Anyways, 21 years. That’s crazy. I feel like that pushes the feeling that Adam and Lawrence are supposed to be these polar opposite's but, honestly, this just reinforces how similar they are in their core. anyways, yeah.

“Lawrence kneels down for a better look at the corpse” + “He vomits.”

The difference between their characters is shown well through their reactions. Lawrence tries to figure more out and Adam fucking throws up LMFAO. Anyways. yeah.

“Despite himself, Lawrence’s stern, even tone has the effect of settling Adam a little bit.”

THEM. Chainshipping please save us. They could have had a life UGH. anyways. This line means so much to me you guys don’t get it.

“What about you, huh!?” + “What?”

When Adam is being questioned at the beginning his voice is soft and afraid before getting defensive.

(All of Adam’s first flashback)

NEVER FORGET WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US. NEVER EVER FORGET WHAT WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN. However, I do think the lack of any other real information about Adam is a very strong storytelling device whether intentional or not. He is not a character. He is a plot device. In the final movie, he has one flashback that is purely there to further the plot, specifically about Lawrence. We don’t learn a whole lot about Adam except why he was put in Lawrence’s trap. 

“Adam mouths the words ‘little shithead’ along with the irate neighbor– this is clearly a well worn routine.” 

Leigh. I know it’s been twenty years. PLEASE MAKE THIS SCENE COME TO LIFE I’M ACTUALLY ON MY KNEES BEGGING. I need this flashback so bad i am going to put myself in the rbt. anyways. this bit is so endearing it just kinda makes me giggle:3.

“He ‘shoots’ the cop with his fingers.”

PROGRESSIVE ADAM!

“The door opens again, Adam emerging with a carton of milk.”

Everyone always talks about how he’s feeding a stray cat, and like, yeah, that's surface level. But. like. that was probably the last of his food.

“What a lovely, non-judgemental animal you are.”

I like to think that Adam became a stalking photographer because of the fact he never fitted in anyways. Like yeah, he’s not a good person, but why? Why does he want to kill himself? Why doesn’t his family talk to him? I have so many questions. I need to know more about him. Also. You lovely, lonely thing. (/ref) OK KMS I’M DONE.

“Lawrence studies his face, needs more.”

Me too man, me too. Anyways lets play a game of is this romantic or is Juno reading too much into this and needs to go to bed and log off of ao3?

“Lawrence reaches the BMW” 

sorry i just hate how much of a soccer mom he is, continue. 

“‘Lift up your sleeves.’ Adam does.”

scars lining his wrists. that's it. that's the note.

“Can you see any scars??”

Yeah bitch your top surgery ones (sorry)

“Yeah well, how do you know I’m not in terrible agony?”

sassy ass man jesus christ

“It’s the only object in the room not incrusted in mould”

Leigh spells mold the aussie/british way and that made me laugh.

“Adam sits on the floor, unbuckling his jeans and yanking them down.”

WHAT???? I do not remember this scene! Anyways, (cough) slut (cough)

“It’s a tape. It says play me for the rules.”

No it doesn’t, it says ‘play me’, liar.

“High pitched and cheerful.”

THAT WAS JIGSAW'S VOICE? dude if billy was the one doing the tapes i literally never would have watched this out of fear.

(All of Lawrence/Adam’s tape.) 

Lawrence’s tape was twelve compound/complex sentences. Adam’s was four simple sentences. Adam is not a character. This is not his trap. He is a pawn, a part, a witness, a victim. He is not a character.

 “Just shit.”

LMFAO

“Why thank you for that information, Zep.”

Lawrence seems to be a lot nicer in this script to Zep than in the movie. Deserved.

“David Tapp (40) and Steven Sing (28, Asian)”

why is sing the only character who’s race had been decided …???? what... is this cuz of his like one off chinese food joke

“Are they always chained up with you?”

You wish.

“Hear that? That’s the sound of my marriage going down the drain.”

SING NOOOO </3. He had a family n shit:(. Cries

“She’s one of the nurses at my hospital. Couldn’t tell you her name.” + “Her name is Amanda Denlon.”

MANDY!!!!!! I’m not sure wether I’d prefer this nurse version of mandy (and possibly drug addict lynn in 3?) or the way it is now. I don’t care. I love her.

“It speaks with a voice we have come to known as Jigsaw’s.”

I love this line so much it’s just so. GAH! Idk :3.

“Hard to complain when your mouth isn’t open, isn't it?”

This is so. God. Jesus Christ. I don’t even know. Sad, gut-wrenching, sickening. I love you Mandy you do NOT deserve this !!!!

“Like a bear trap.”

I find it kinda like full-circle-ish that one of the most famous horror scenes ever is Mandy’s reverse bear trap scene that Leigh wrote and then starred in a movie four years later where one of the main characters dies from a bear trap to the neck. (dying breed)

“I’m alive.”

I know Leigh said he and James never planned for sequels, but Amanda’s character was so perfectly set up as an apprentice. I don’t know. It’s amazing. I love this movie.

“Adam looks like a frightened child.”

Let’s separate this. Like a frightened child. Again, immature, unsure Adam. Adam looks. Voyuerer. 

“Can you hear me in there, you dirty fuck? You haven’t worried me in the slightest! I’m having the time of my life!” 

Guess this Adam hasn’t had a lot of fun with lube.

“Fuck thinking. Don’t you wanna scream?” 

Me

“‘You’re not gonna leave us, are you Daddy?’ This one stumps him.”

STOP. I simply cannot do this right now.

“I was an only child. Always wanted a brother or sister.”

I wholeheartedly think he only wanted an older sibling to protect him from his parents abuse or so that someone other than him would get the blame. Adam would hate himself for it, but, you know.

“I remember I wanted to be a vet. I really, really wanted to be a vet.” 

I know everyone and their mother talks about this line, but I’ve literally stayed up SOBBING because of it. It means so much to me, maybe because I can kinda relate to it in a sense, maybe because Adam Radford-Faulkner-Stanheight is a stupid nerd who is too relatable for his own good. Who knows.

“Gagged like animals.”

Okay. So. I can’t do this.

“I don’t like being watched.”

Ironic.

“Too messy. We don’t have to water these.”

HE’S SUCH A BAD FUCKING PARTNER WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS???? Like i have genuinely never seen any toxic!lawrence rep and i’m SICK OF IT. DO U HEAR ME. SICK.

“The figure rifles through a chest of drawers, in one of them, woman’s underwear.” 

Ew. Fuck you Zep.

“The sewer lines run under this neighborhood too, doctor.”

I love this line more than anyone will get. Ever.

“Give me the address.”

Sing is such a real one bro shout out to him. He has a wife and kids waiting for him to get home and he does ts. Shoutout!

“What’s more important to you, Tapp? Arresting the great Jigsaw or saving a life?”

Narcissistic much? You know, I could put you in a trap for that, John.

“Your eyes aren’t lazy anymore. They don’t glaze over things.”

HOW DOES LEIGH THINK OF THIS SHIT??? Fire ass banger lines nonstop.

“Adam chews his nails, eyes glued to the cigarette. ‘I don’t care, I really don’t, I need one’.”

It’s giving ‘i can quit when I want to!’

“May I please have one, doctor?”

Lawrence straight as hell I woulda gone crazy.

“He holds the treasure chest in his hands. Drills Adam.” 

That sounds like something out of a porno.

“I… I couldn’t. I’m sorry.”

Again. Half movie, half script, but FUCK ME leigh’s american accent is kinda crumbling when he says this so it’s just this pathetic whimper and it’s guilty and it’s just so. Fuck man, I don’t even know. God bless America.

“Why did you want to die?” + “Yeah well, I’m alive AND I’m nothing.”

This dialogue is so devastating I wish I could have included it all. I know I’ve already said it before but I need so bad to have Adam’s lore expanded on. I need it so bad.

this film has way too many flashbacks god DAMN 

“Adam still seems unsure of how to play along with his scheme.”

He’s so stupid I love him.

“Get this thing off me! Get it off!”

Me when I’m overstimulated

“I’m ending this right now, give me that hacksaw.”

Hello if I was Adam i’d be PETRIFIED.

“Dark, cramped, Messy. The walls are covered in protest flyers and band posters. A large portrait of Che Guevera takes up one wall.”

I fw the imagery because I feel like I can smell his apartment. That’s a bad thing, I think. Not too sure now, ask me tomorrow.

“Your father’s not angry anymore. We just want to know if you’re alright.”

We just want to know if you’re alright. Fuck you, Leigh Whannell.

I really like the red room scene in the movie because there's no other noise. It’s quiet. Quiet enough you can hear Leigh’s breathing and creaky floorboards. It’s so contrasted from the rest of the film’s eeriness and it lulls you into this sense of false security. I don’t know. I like it.

“He writes himself a note – Call Mom. Looks at it, and adds a question mark – Call Mom?”

And if I start crying 🤗??

“It looks a lot like Lawrence.”

Wonder why.

“Lighting up a messy but empty bedroom.”

I’d like to note how everything we’ve learned about Adam’s decor choice is shit you can get for free/cheap. Posters that you can print for 80 cents, protest flyers that you can steal off a bulletin board, a cheap flee market painting, nothing at all. Also what is with Adam and Cuba??? 😭

“Where were you last night, Daddy?”

MY BABY. MY POOR BABY. SHE WAS WAITING FOR HIM TO COME AND SAVE HIM. I CANT DO THIS ANYMOREEEEY7WHFIUUWOEFHWJD.

“What did you do in that hotel room? You got outta there pretty fast.”

Adam defo believes he’s an old man one pump chump LMFAOOOO.

“7 am– gym. 9 am– breakfast, one glass of grapejuice. 10 pm– see carla.”

Lawrence Gordon does not go to the gym but okay, second. One glass of grapejuice? Grapejuice????? 10PM SEE CARLA??? Me when I write my affair in my daily planner.

STOP IT WITH THE FLASHBACKS. THIS IS SO CONFUSING.

“You’re not a victim of this game, you’re a part of it.”

Well, yes.

“He’s a gutter feeder.”

LMFAO

“‘I did not..’ he can’t bring himself to say it.”

OHHHHHH i love guilt in media cuz fuck i’m crying now.

“You get that rope off her, now or you’re dead!”

Ally. Sweetheart , love of my life, you fucking idiot why would you do that.

“Lawrence! Please, get up! I need you to get us out of here! I need you!”

Ok gayass. Anyways, this scene is so sad:(.

“Don’t you think I wanna live too, Lawrence? I have a family. I don’t see them, that’s my mistake … it’s a mistake I’d like to fix!”

AND IF I END IT ALL THEN WHAT 🤣🤣🤣!!!! THEN WHAT!!! 🤣🤣🤣. Guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt I love guilt.

Page 89 reads like a novel. I like that. Even if I don’t like this scene, I like it.

“Lawrence wails gibberish. Adam’s pleads can barely be heard over the din.”

oh i’m ill i’m sick i’m so sick i cant plz stop it save me. CHAINSHIPPING IF YO UCAN HEAR THIS PLEASE SAVE US!!

“It doesn’t matter how far down this pit we seem, there is always hope! You told me that!”

ANDDDD IF I START CRYING??? Leigh Whannell when i catch u it is OVER FOR U .

“You wanna chain people up, you sick fuck? You’ll die with your own chain!”

Shit someone let this guy become a poet.

“Get this thing off my foot!” 

cut it off <3 !

“Am I gonna be okay?” + “I wouldn’t lie to you.”

goodnight. GOODNIGHT.

“Unable to believe what he is hearing, Adam turns around and tremors in utter shock.”

Leigh did a fire job of this because I know exactly what he means when I read this and know exactly what he’s doing when I watch it.

“He pushes a needle into his forearm.” 

Ok mandy..

ALSO i love how john and adam are matching shirts theyre so silly.

“This is truly Jigsaw.”

CHILLS.

“I’m surprised by you, Adam. The pawn has done what the knight couldn’t. You’ve murdered and innocent man.”

Fuck me. jesus harold christ because WHAT. freak you leigh whannell you absolute opp. HE IS A PAWN GUYS IT LITERALLT SAID. rip adam you would have loved when the pawn… Also why wasn't this in the movie it totally should have been. anyways, this is my favorite line in the script i think.

(movie ending breakdown from a month ago):

Larry cupping Adam's cheek

Adam leaning into to the touch

Grabbing the hand that cupped his cheek

Larry stopping the toilet seat smashing again because Adam was hurting himself

The bloody handprint of Adam's cheek post-Larry leaving

Adam's face slightly softening when Diana calls Larry for the first time

"you know who i am☹️"

Larry flinching when Adam smashed zep's head

Larry strokes Adam's cheek with his thumb while cupping it

Larry looking in Adam's eyes and tensing when he looked down at his wound

Adam flicking his eyes between Larry's leg and face when he says "are we gonna be okay?" More asking if Larry would be okay

Larry using all his strength to reassure Adam

Adam not being able to look into Larry's eyes when he's lying

Larry not able to look his secretary in her eyes when they're ab to hook up

Larry being electrocuted while Zepp is in a car driving (hinting to jigsaw not being Zepp)

"I need you!" Leigh said Adam was having the darkest part of his life, and I think this line and Leigh's delivery just really shows that perfectly

I can’t believe this movie is twenty years old because it’s so timeless. It’s such an important movie to me and means a lot. I don’t know what to say because I’m constantly pouring my heart out about how much this movie means. It’s just. I don’t know. I’m not very good with words (can you tell?). It’s just amazing. I’m sure everyone will say that, because it's true. For how much shit I give them, the community is so amazing and I've met so many amazing people and made so many wonderful friends thanks to this movie. Yeah. thanks for reading:). anyways. Hope you liked this mess, cause i did! likes + reblogs are appriciated 💓

[hummingbee-o0o]

WIP Wednesday: IwtV edition 5

(from a 5+1 fic about Armand interrupting Daniel's livestream interviews)

-

Yeah, so Daniel does another livestream interview. Yeah, yeah, he’s a liar who goes back on his word, whatever. It’s not the first time, and it definitely won’t be the last.

And anyway, he feels pretty safe, because Armand is out. Daniel made him wake him up before leaving so he’d be up just a little before sunset for his scheduled interview; Armand duly delivered, though it took him almost half an hour to get Daniel conscious, and then he left. He said he had a meeting at the gallery about his upcoming opening and he might grab lunch on the way home, so Daniel figured he’d be safe for a couple hours.

Boy was he wrong.

“When describing the indiscriminate horrors of World War II, did you draw on your experience as a war correspondent?”

“In a way,” Daniel says, walking the familiar tightrope of trying to sound credible before delivering a batshit blow. “Anyone who has been in a war zone comes away from it with the kind of shitty, visceral understanding of it that’s recognisable to everybody else with the same experience. It’s crap, it’s terrible, and it’s like a bubble in your head, like a vomit-filled bubble. That’s how I know Louis really was in war-torn Europe — his account of war zone experiences really chimed with mine.”

The interviewer gives a standard-issue little chuckle. “Still maintaining your book is non-fiction, then?”

“Yeah.”

“Fine, fine, we certainly admire your dedication to the piece. Now, moving on to the story-within-a-story aspect of your structure…”

In the distance, the main door opens and slams shut. Well, shit.

“There are two, sometimes three levels of this structure, and yet at times you even hint at a fourth, when you allude to your own experiences with recollection…”

There’s a heavy, dragging sort of shuffle in the hallway.

“...memory features prominently throughout the piece, almost a character in its own right…”

More shuffling. A bump. Oh, what fresh hell…?

“...will you be exploring more of your own layer of the story in the sequel?”

The door to the parlour opens, and Armand comes in, absolutely smeared with blood and dragging a dead body.

“Uhhh… uh, um, there— there was a glitch, can you repeat that last bit?”

Armand drags the body right to the centre of the room, then straightens up, shaking that ridiculously beautiful hair off his face. “Just for a moment,” he half-says, half-mouths behind Daniel’s laptop. “Don’t mind me.”

“...if you’re going to more prominently feature the fourth layer of the story — that is, your own — in the sequel.”

For a second, Daniel wonders what he’s done in his life to deserve this, but then his brain helpfully unfurls a laundry list at least six miles long.

[wizardpink]

Do you guys want to read my Dr. Bhansali clone research / Tale of the Body Thief / Devil's Minion adaptation-in-a-future-season headcanon?

Armand takes Daniel's DNA to Dr. Bhansali in the mid to late 80s and after much trial and error, he is able to successfully create a viable cloned fetus in the early to mid 90s. Kept comatose in a Mewtwo style bacta tank for thirty years, the clone waits while Bhansali and other scientists Armand bankrolls study brain transplants and the transfer of human consciousness.

None of their experiments produce fruitful results, but they're proven unnecessary in the end when Raglan James, who through the Talamasca's eyes on Daniel learned of his Parkinson's diagnosis, approaches Armand prior to the interview with an offer to use his psychic body swapping powers to put Daniel's consciousness into a new body. His price is extremely high, and Armand declines, though it's less about money and more about not wanting Daniel in a different body. He likes Daniel's body. And he still has the option of making Daniel a vampire and curing his sickness.

The thing is, that doesn't go so well. At first most of Daniel's symptoms disappear and he feels great. But then new problems arise. He can't drink blood without vomiting most of it shortly after. He doesn't need to breathe, but his lungs occassionally gasp and spasm for air like he is drowning. Sometimes it seems he has heartattacks but just can't die afterward.

Before Armand can even reach back out, Raglan is back again. The price has doubled now and once Daniel is told about the clone option ("normally I'd be inclined to tell you how fucking creepy and demented that is, but seeing as this is saving my ass right now, I'll restrain myself..."), Raglan has another stipulation: he wants to keep Daniel's old vampire body when they're done.

Armand believes it's because he wants to turn someone else and steal their body after, but Daniel sees through him. "If you just wanted to make a vampire to inhabit, you wouldn't use my shitty body to do it. You'd blackmail Armand into doing it. You don't need to be me to turn someone for you, you need to be me to get close to someone I have access to."

Raglan is impressed but not surprised Daniel has sussed him out. "You're right, as usual. I'm not looking to be just any vampire. I want to be THE vampire." He holds up his phone to display a paparazzi style video of Lestat leaving one of his concerts, his body guards fighting through a sea of screaming fans. "You're going to help me become The Vampire Lestat."

At this point Daniel has spent a decent chunk of time with Lestat working on the documentary, absorbing his condescention plus his verbal and sometimes physical abuse, and he and Armand exchange a look before they, with no deliberation, tell Raglan, "Deal."

Raglan bodyswaps with the Daniel clone first, leaving his own body unconscious, soulless. He then swaps with actual Daniel, putting Daniel back into nearly the same body he had 40 years ago. Raglan, in Daniel's old vampiric body, flashes them both a grin and a characteristically Daniel double middle-finger salute and leaves immediately.

Armand cautiously approaches Daniel. The urgency of his health situation means a lot of difficult and necessary conversations between them were put on the backburner. Daniel must have a myriad of questions and things to confront him with. Where to begin?

"Well?" Armand asks. "Is it to your liking?"

"You didn't circumcise me."

"...What?"

"You didn't circumcise me. I was circumcised. This dick-- my dick--"

"Is that your only complaint?"

"What, like you forgot, or do you prefer it uncut and asked Dr. Frankenstein over here to leave it intact?"

"I did no such thing!"

Dr. Bhansali clears his throat. "I can confirm, the matter was never discussed."

Daniel's eyes have yet to come up from the white hospital sheet over his lap. "For the record, next time? Discuss it."

[lesbians4armand]

on the technical side of things, maybe armand is intersex. he was often described as being beautiful like a girl! he couldve been born with a boys body but as he got older and hit puberty, perhaps he had a hormone disorder he didn't know about/coupled with sexual trauma/being turned he never really got to go through a full hrt puberty.

i know armand slept with numerous vampires in his coven, but he DOES have a tendency to not fuck human beings. maybe vampires CAN get pregnant, but they need a living counter part to make it work. immortal children are banned under vampire law, so i can see why female vampires aren't having children of their own (for fear of their child/them dying/the child being unable to progress physically or mentally) but wouldn't it just be like armand to be pregnant and not know until it's too late to do anything with?

or he gets pregnant and daniels the first to recognize the symptoms? the eating, the mood swings, how feral he's gotten during sex. i assume it would be jarring to wake up and find your vampire boyfriend projectile vomiting the 70 units of blood he gorged on 3 hours prior.

INTERSEX ARMAND!! YES!! The vampires of the vampire chronicles have always defied gender in its social ways but to have it completely blur binaries of biological sex is so so good, they already have so many differences to their biology and anatomy its not too much of a stretch.

And you’re right, armand is always described as being very androgynous, and bringing that along with his limited memories of his youth and the trauma that he went through, he could very well be intersex and not even realise it, though lack of memory or some other factor. I love exploration of Armand’s gender identity a lot due to his lack of self identity in general, I’ve considered genderfluid armand before and even transgender armand (t4t devils minion… real) but intersex is a new concept to me that’s super fascinating.

(shout out to that one fic where armand IS alice because he can literally change his gender and sex at will btw been thinking about that since i read it… very good very delicious very gender)

On logistics of vampire specific pregnancy, i also agree that one participant must be a living human, i doubt that vampires can get one another pregnant (both being dead things, as well as the law to not create vampire children). I think male vampires who do sleep with human women (cough cough, lestat) would be able to get them pregnant, and that human men can get vampires pregnant too. Someone has to be alive to create life in this scenario.

Who knows if these pregnancies would be entirely viable without specific requirements. Would the fetus need blood in-utero if half-vampire?? or is the baby just human as its created with living dna regardless? how does the vampire reproductive system work?? if their hearts still pump blood and their lungs still breathe, and their brains are still alive, their reproductive system may still be functioning even if other processes shut down? Iirc the VC universe later established that vampirism is kind of like a ghost-alien parasite infecting a dead human body but keeping some parts of it living. maybe this does include reproduction, I think all grounds of logic went out when we first got to aliens.

In the tv-show universe (in which im basing this crazy au), the vampires can have sex (though they could not in the books), so this implies a working reproductive system.

Anyway yeah! I think intersex Armand COULD be getting pregnant here. Admittedly I’m not super familiar with intersex people and how this would work but I’d love to learn more and it’s definitely a way of getting mpreg to work here. I think im too scared to commit to omegaverse so this is a very fun dynamic and solution.

On to the other parts of this ask as I have gone on a bit, Armand does seem the type to neglect his own wellbeing to the point he doesn’t realise he’s pregnant until months along when there is little to be done, but I also think he wouldn’t want anything to be done. He might not have very good experience or track record with children or kid-vampires (see claudia), but he would love the evidence of love from daniel. It’s a part of daniel and a part of him, I think he’d be obsessed with that, that they can bring something that is alive and good and both of them to the world.

The idea of daniel realising like “oh my vampire boyfriend is actually very strangely, almost like he’s ill, but vampires can’t get ill! It’s weird it’s like when Alice was pregnant with… Oh! oh that’s it. okay.”

thank you for the ask this was very interesting.

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

04/02/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Rhys; Rosie; Taika; Vico; Watch parties; New Calendar; Fan Spotlight; Articles; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Today's Taika

= Rhys Darby =

Rhys posted a video about his 25 Anniversary Comedy Special!

Rhys Darby's IG Story

= Rhys & Rosie =

Rosie posted a cute picture on her IG Story, and there's a sneaky Rhys in the Reflection Src: Rosie's IG Stories

= Taika Waititi =

A silly sneaky picture from Rita of our favorite director!

SRC: Rita Ora's Instagram

= Vico Ortiz =

Vico's got a patreon up! Feel free to check it out here!

= Matt Maher =

Matt Maher is back to stage on June 1 and June 2! Thanks @adoptourcrew for giving him this shout out!

PlayWritesHorizon Link

== New Save OFMD Crew Calendar! ==

Wednesday and Thursday: # PirateExperts, 1000% Facts! - Produce and share completely real historical artefacts and sources documenting the events of OFMD. Tag @saveofmdcrewmates on the various socials!

== Watch Parties! ==

Taskmaster NZ Series 1 Watch Party with @saveofmdcrewmates! When: April 3-12 (W,F, Su -2 eps each) Time: 11 am PT/ 2pm ET/ 7pm BST Where to watch: YouTube, TVNZ, Channel 4

Twitter Hashtags:

#Quartermaster

#OurFlagMeansDeath

#Taskmaster

= In Progress Watch Parties! =

Join @iamadequate1 for Flight of the Chonchords April 8-12! More Details to come!

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Cast Cards =

Today's cast cards are the French Ship Captain, Daniel Olson! The poor man only wanted to share good bread with the world! Thank you @melvisik for giving him a spotlight!

= Podcasts =

There's a new episode of Never Left! Please check it out on all their socials which you can access via their Linktree!

Artwork was created by Amy Gleason, you can see more of her art @AmysBirdHouse on instagram and in the comic series Mighty Mascots. Our theme music is Gnossienne 5 by Erik Satie, preformed by La Pianista

== Articles ==

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies. I know this recap is late-- I am having a habit of falling asleep a the end of the day now, new meds may be contributing to it, so please accept this Love Note as a start to the new day!

Everybody is trying very hard to keep each other afloat right now. We're all staying active in one way or another, whether that's sending lovely letters, or engaging in fandom fun and discourse. Sometimes it's not always fun though. We all get frustrated, we all repeat ourselves, and we all struggle with those things. Sometimes we say things we don't mean, or we say things that people misconstrue, and miscommunication can be rampant.

Just remember that we all make mistakes, and we're all human.

Take a step back.

Take a moment to breathe, go for a walk, go for food, or water, or go scream into the void.

We're all crew, and we do all care about each other even if we don't necessarily agree on things the fandom. We all have our own lives going on and outside factors that make the day to day harder, and we all need to give ourselves some grace for that too. Sometimes emotions get high and taking a step back can help, I know I've needed it lately. @areyoudoingthis reminded me of this yesterday and it really helped me feel more grounded. My brain gets overstimulated sometimes, and it's hard to break away from the thing that's overstimulating it, it's like it wants to keep going and deal with whatever is bothering it.

Just a gentle reminder that you are allowed to detach for a while. You're allowed to take a break. You're allowed to have your opinions, and your concerns, and your frustrations. You are human, and we are all so very flawed, but that's what makes us beautiful. Try not to beat yourselves up for being human.

Take a break, lean on a friend, verbally vomit frustrations into the voice or into a Safe Space Ship. Do what you need to do to get you through the day ok? We all want that. We all want YOU to be okay. If you step away, we'll be here when you get back because we love you crew. Don't forget that, even when tensions are high, we care about what happens to you, and we love you. You deserve grace too.

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Today's theme! Wet and Cars!

Daily Darby courtesy of @fandomsmeantheworldtome!

Today's Taika courtesy of @meluli!

[rxqueenotd]

I teased (very briefly) that I would be writing a fic from the POV of one of Daniel Molloy’s daughters. Basically that has consisted of me throwing random dialogue and ideas into word docs and vomiting them at @nyheartbreak every other day. I’m going to slap some teasers below and just put out some feelers and hope that maybe this catches some traction:

"What... exactly are you doing?" Naomi asked, her steps echoing on the apartment floor as she tried to contain the nervous energy bubbling within her. Fingernails grazed her teeth, a physical manifestation of the apprehension she felt, while her father's voice continued on the other end of the call.

"Open the files. I emailed them to you a few days ago," he explained with a sense of urgency. "Listen to them and find the plot holes. You're a pro at that," he added. "Spotting plot holes."

"And you excel at creating them," she retorted smugly. "Last time we spoke, you dropped the Parkinson's bomb, and now you're gallivanting halfway across the world during a global pandemic."

A heavy sigh emanated from the other end of the call. "Listen, kid, I'm fine. I'm getting treatment here," he reassured her, his attempts falling slightly short. "Just give the files a listen. I know work's been iffy with this pandemic."

She scoffed. "I'm freelancing," she stated, with a brief pause before adding, "And planning your funeral for when you inevitably disregard more health protocols and kick the bucket."

"Like I said," he reiterated, "I'm fine. I'm invincible."

"Can you at least time it for fall?" she quipped. "I have this stunning Chanel dress perfect for a funeral—it screams autumn elegance."

"Listen to the files, Naomi," his tone turned serious. "You'll thank me."

"Sure, sure," she agreed, acknowledging her lack of better options. "I'll listen tonight and share my thoughts this weekend."

"Thanks, kid," he lingered on the line a moment longer before ending the call.

"You're welcome," Naomi muttered to herself, retrieving her laptop from its designated spot on the kitchen counter.

____________________________________________

Another snippet:

"By the way, he did read my diary," Naomi announced casually, glancing over at Louis and Armand, who were nestled together on the loveseat, both tilting their heads at her spontaneous confession.

"One of you brought it up before," she gestured with her hand, "I forget who, but someone made the comparison between reading Claudia's diaries and my dad reading mine."

"I paid for that big time," Daniel interjected, rolling his eyes and adjusting his glasses.

"On October twenty-seventh, nineteen thirty-two, I quote, 'What mysteries we are, human, vampire, monster, mortal, that we can love and hate simultaneously, and that emotions of all sorts might not parade for what they are not,'" Naomi recited with precision. "I have a good memory."

"If you swap 'vampire' and 'monster' for 'transient father,' mine and Claudia's entries aren't much different," Naomi chuckled. "Except I left mine out on purpose for him to read."

"And you're admitting this because?" Armand inquired, leaning forward with folded hands resting on his knees.

"Because you seem to draw comparisons almost as threats," Naomi observed, her gaze lingering on his impeccably chiseled face, pondering what he might be concealing. "Bringing up Alice, my sister, Paris, the proposal, and whatever else you can extract from his addled brain," she motioned towards Daniel, who smirked back at Armand. "To me, that's a defense mechanism, especially considering that this interview is between my dad and Louis exclusively."

"And yet," Armand waved his hand gracefully, "here you are."

Naomi grinned at him. "And here you are."

Daniel cleared his throat as Naomi leaned back, finally easing into her seat.

"Let's move on," Daniel suggested, prompting Louis to release a soft chuckle, gazing at Naomi as if he were beholding Claudia once more, reincarnated, and giving Armand hell all over again.

____________________________________________

Thoughts? Opinions? Comments?

[gothicprep]

people constantly speculate why gen z is doing things like drinking less and having less sex, so why not join in? here’s my galaxy brained take:

I think people sometimes forget how entrenched that self-indulgent millennial party culture was in the early 2010s. it’s really difficult to put into words how unavoidable this was. there were so many jersey shore-esque things on tv where the premise was “dipshits club, fuck, and spew jack daniels laced vomit everywhere”. So much of top 40 pop was obnoxious club music. It’s not difficult to imagine that the young zoomers were watching this all unfold and cringing at our expense. people in general feel sort of put off by the culture of the generation that came before them.

I don’t think this is the whole answer but I feel fairly certain this is a contributing factor.

[imzsuzsis-blog]

I saw a blurry picture on the net of Lando and a strange man in his forties talking in front of the hotel, then kissing. It blew my fuse quite a bit. "If I meet him, I'll be sure to follow Lando Norris" I got out of the taxi in a rage. I almost didn't pay the groundhog, my mind was so different that I shouldn't miss the fucking train, I managed again last year, I hope I won't make it this year... "Ohhh fuck it, I'll kill you!!!!" He takes a picture in front of my eyes and lets the guy hug him from behind. "Fuck this is disgusting." I even covered my eyes so that I wouldn't even see this shit... "Baby, how are the Twins?" I was so shocked by the news that I accidentally pressed Siri on my phone and instead of Zac, I called Pato'o, who was shocked by the news because his ex Lando had been together for a good two years.

"Oh, Osc, come on, take it easy, he's here, my friend Loki, we've just met." I gave Osc a friendly handshake but he pulled away terrified, as if I was terrorizing him. Hello, I'm Oscar, Lando's teammate since last year. He's a cute boy if you warm up like that." ,, Osc???? Did you take a homophobic pill again? we go together, he's my boyfriend." "Not only did you shock me again, you know, I called Pato' O instead of Zak, this is the news of the twins." "Did you hear the bass? I'm sorry, it wasn't intentional, I've only known since yesterday, believe me. I that I was shocked at first by the fact that I am not five weeks old, but seven, then that I have twins, double the joy, but double everything and fucking chaos." "When will you tell me at home?" I shook my head, I didn't realize this either, maybe there are Carlos, Daniel and Max among the four godfather signs, my rivals are all bigger names with one exception, Max Fewtrell is no longer a bigger name than me, but he can easily beat me in this.

"Oh calm down Oscar, yes I am Loki and yes Lando also took his name, that's my name, I have nothing to do with the god of mythology, I'm Loki Jonosoh." "How old are you, because in the picture you looked rather young, even though you were washed." "One week ago, I was forty-one, we just celebrated that on the date and it was said that he wanted to build this piece by piece after the previous one." I started stroking Lando's back with my beautiful but already worn black nails, who vomited again, this usual breakfast was bad for him. He can't stand it, he said yesterday when he was about to leave crying, he's out of it, it's like he's settled in well, and then everything would come out, he hates it all in the morning, I comforted him. In the brain, he was lying there crouched down and crying constantly, I am worried about him, in fact, he doesn't eat anything, he is just nauseous or dizzy, even now when we get there, this is not a condition for him. ,,Do you know of another hospital in Suzuka besides the emergency hospital? Oscar is urgent please!!!!” "I'm here Loki, I'm looking at the map, I've already found one, I hope it won't end badly. Come on Lando you need to eat for a little bit.” "No, I can't even look at the food, I feel nauseous and have to throw up again." "We really need a hospital where we can be told what to do, it's not fun to watch." ,,Jesus!!!" "We don't know what's wrong with me either, Charles. We know he can't eat, if he eats everything right away, then his appetite is completely gone, we are worried and he can't handle vomiting in the morning. Loki said that he was curled up crying on the bed and didn't want to leave until he couldn't stop crying." "We are hoping that he will sleep a little on the train."

The thought came to my mind, I'm going to die right here and get the fuck out, "Water, Loki, thanks, I'm not hungry, I'm just fucking thirsty and I'm parched." "Well, at least you're taking your vitamins, aren't you?" ,,Of course, are you fooling around with chocolate milk Charles? For what?” "This or the B12, you decide, Lando." Give me the chocolate milk, is it a joke, is it also B12? Get it!!!! I don't." I watched him while he was throwing a tantrum, it's only natural that he has no appetite and that he's constantly vomiting and gnawing on certain foods like that, what's wrong with him now?" "Paprika, but I could also say radishes and vegetables like this, he can smell it and is starting to feel nauseous, but he is constantly vomiting or has nausea, I can't do anything about him, even now he is sensitive, he saw a dead cat on the street and started to cry and he would have loved it At the cemetery, when I and a couple of passers-by prevented this, he started to get hysterical and threw his shoes, because I wanted to calm him down, he started to cry again because he doesn't understand what he's doing and he's had enough of it, he wanted to fool around with me, and finally he fell down. " "This vitamin shit and this chocolate milk look like they're being drunk by school kids." I went to Loki, who kissed me and ruffled my hair, I leaned on his shoulder, tired as hell, I didn't sleep in the middle of the night, I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for the new pussy to come out of my stomach, and I cried, then I vomited, I didn't sleep at all, when I slept, I tossed and turned, it was a nightmare.

[aurorawest]

Reading update

Arthur and Teddy Are Coming Out by Ryan Love - 3/5 stars

The Fate of Stars by SD Simper - DNF at pg 32

A Gathering Storm by Joanna Chambers - 4.75/5 stars

I kept getting the Madame Leota room from Haunted Mansion stuck in my head as I was reading this (not a bad thing!). This book has a surprisingly low rating on the Storygraph, and I'm not going to torture myself by looking at the reviews, but I'm assuming it's because of the power discrepancy between Ward and Nick. Clearly it didn't bother me as I really enjoyed the book!

Dionysus in Wisconsin by EH Lupton - 4.75/5 stars

At some point I might get tired of Mid-Century Modern romances, but not this day. This book was super fun, with an interesting world and lovely characters. And a Midwest setting! I've spent a lot of time in Madison, Wisconsin, where this book is set, so I got the added bonus of knowing most of the places pretty well. There was even a shoutout to an obscure piece of Madison history, the Lost City in the Arb. I have to get the second book in the series now!boy

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan - 3.25/5 stars

I gave this book an extra quarter of a star for being written in 2003, when it would have been genuinely pretty groundbreaking. Reading it in 2024, it's very twee and pretty cringey (the queer utopia town would have been a magical fantasy in 2003, not so much now in a lot of places). When Levithan credited Francesca Lia Block's Weetzie Bat books in the acknowledgements, I though, ah. No wonder. Hated those as a teen.

All that said, there's some genuinely lovely writing in this book, and it has its place in the queer canon.

The Greywacke by Nick Davidson - 5/5 stars

Super interesting nonfiction about the discipline of geology and how the early geologic epochs were figured out. Also gave me an idea for a historical romance about gay Victorian geologists.

Home Grown Talent by Joanna Chambers & Sally Malcolm - 5/5 stars

I think I loved this one more than the first in the series. The social media scandal was perfect, in that it was exactly as absurd as every social media scandal is, and thus hilarious, but also chilling in how even something so stupid can ruin people's lives.

The First Bright Thing by JR Dawson - DNF at pg 1

Prince of the Sorrows by Kellen Graves - DNF at pg 30

Reuben's Hot & Cold by M Arbon - 3/5 stars

Slight Foxing Around the Edges by Melissa Polk - DNF at pg 132

Restored by Joanna Chambers - 5/5 stars

Balefire by Jordan L Hawk - 4.75/5 stars

A Rulebook for Restless Rogues by Jess Everlee - 4/5 stars

The Mars House by Natasha Pulley - 5/5 stars

See my brain vomit about this book here. If you've been around here for any amount of time you know all Natasha Pulley's books make me feral. Absolutely no exception here. I cannot believe her first UK publisher dropped her over this book. Idiots! It's wonderful just like everything she's ever written.

In the Case of Heartbreak by Courtney Kaye - DNF at pg 181

The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason - DNF at pg 21

The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun - 5/5 stars (reread)

Just as good as the first time I read it!

Exhalation by Ted Chiang - 4.5/5 stars

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic - DNF at pg 84

Crisped + Sere by TJ Klune - 4.75/5 stars

It actually kind of makes me mad that this series isn't Klune's most famous work, because it's real good. At this point it seems kind of unlikely he's going to continue it, but man, I'd love another book.

These Silent Stars by Chani Lynn Feener - DNF at pg 68

Trailer Park Trickster by David R Slayton - 5/5 stars

See below.

Deadbeat Druid by David R Slayton - David R Slayton - 5/5 star

I LOVE this series. Love love love love. Absolute must read. If you're a fan of KD Edwards's The Tarot Sequence, this series is right up your alley. It seems like there will be more after this initial trilogy, and there's also a spinoff book coming soon which I'm super excited for. Read them!!

[ourtearsofrain]

Chapter 17- This Wicked Shiver Chills Me Down to My Soul

Pairings: Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka

Genre: angst, hurt(literal)/comfort, fluff

Word Count: just over 3.2k

Warnings: AU typical events/threats/violence, graphic and severe injury (broken bone), vomiting, brief mention of syringe/needle

--------------------------------------------------------

Sam

For a moment, Sam thinks he’s dead as his senses cut out, feeling as if he was suspended midair in a black void. As his pain creeps in, bringing him back to full consciousness, he wishes he was. Excruciating pain rips through his body, everything set alight with a raging fire; and through it, he can feel the hot ache spreading up his left arm as if it were boiling the very blood in his veins. Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look. Fuck. Sam feels bile raise in his throat as he glances down to see his arm covered in blood, the deep red of it blocking out the color of his skin, with one of his bones snapped clean in half and protruding from his arm.

Feeling that hot, thin saliva filling his mouth, he has just enough time to turn ever so slightly to the left as he vomits, each retch convulsing his body and sending waves of heat radiating up through his arm. He collapses onto his back, the bright sky causing him to squint as he makes out what had to be the form of Hazel still standing 30 feet above him. Somewhere near him, he hears the whistle of an arrow let loose as Hazel disappears and another finds his side, towering above him and blocking out the sun.

“Sam!?” Daniel’s worried face comes into view as he falls to his knees beside him, hesitating as he reaches towards him.

“Daniel.” His voice is weak, and he can’t tell if he even said anything, feeling as if someone had shoved cotton in his ears, his own brain thick with it as he tries to sort through his sluggish thoughts.

“Oh God- I- I need to reset the bone- it’s going to hurt but I need to do it.” Daniel’s voice cracks at his words, and Sam feels pressure on the raging hot fire burning across his forearm before he hears a sickening crack, and his senses are yanked back to being fully functional. He can’t tell if he screams, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he did as agonizing pain reverberates through his arm, the sensation bringing bile up his throat again. Having already emptied his stomach, each heave brings up nothing as his muscles spasm against his ribcage, sending a deep ache into his chest and causing him to barely register Daniel’s hand on his back. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Sam. It’s ok, you’re ok.”

Sam falls onto his back sobbing, his eyes screwing shut as pain throbs through his body, his head feeling as if it were about to explode. “It hurts- it hurts so much, Danny.” He barely notices the slip up, uncaring as the other man makes no move to correct him.

“I know. I know, Sammy. I’m so sorry. Just- just hold still, I’ll take care of you. I’ll be right back, I promise.” Sam feels Danny’s hand leave his shoulder, the scuff of his boots on the molten rock the only other sign that he had left him. He closes his eyes, finding no use in keeping them open with his tears blinding him, before trying to take deep breaths and doing all he could to keep his thoughts away from his arm. Daniel. Danny. He didn’t care that I called him that. He- he’s going to help, he has to. He wouldn’t just leave me. What if he leaves me like this? Hazel would. Panic courses through his body as he considers trying to get up to find him, fear like he had never known before taking over his mind at the thought of Danny leaving him.

His mind is set to ease as he hears Danny’s heavy footsteps coming towards him quickly, as if he had run to get back to him, before the warm trickle of what must have been water numbs the pain in his arm momentarily. “It’s the water from the pools. I don’t- I don’t know if it’ll work the same not being submerged, but I- I have the healing paste I can use and-” Danny cuts himself off, rustling around in his bag hurriedly until he must have found what he needed. “And I have the stuff you used on my shoulder, it should- should help your arm. I’m sorry if this hurts.” The second he says it, Sam can feel a slight cold pinch, guessing that Danny had injected the medicine he had received in his Sponsor Gift.

Trying to find his voice, Sam clears his throat as it comes out scratchy and worn. “Couldn’t hurt more than anything else that just happened.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I- here, hold still.” Sam does as he says, not moving a muscle as Danny tenderly picks up his arm and wraps it with gauze a few times before he feels him place something firm above and below his forearm, finishing by wrapping it up the rest of the way. He opens his eyes as the pain recedes, the medicine beginning to course through his system plus the additional support easing the pain. Did he really use the shanks he made to splint my arm? How ironic. “It’s a good thing I didn’t use all of them for the fire last night. I- I know they aren’t ideal, I can make better ones but that’s all I have right now.”

“Don’t apologize. You’re helping me, you don’t need to apologize.” Sam finally looks at Danny, only to be filled with horror as he sees half his face covered in blood. Forgetting the state his arm was in, he shoots up to a sit, immediately reaching for his face with his right hand as he holds his left arm to his body. “Danny, your- your face.” His hand comes up to cup his left cheek, Danny’s blood sticky and warm against his palm.

“It’s fine.” Danny brings his hand up to Sam’s as their gazes meet, more care and concern still behind his eyes than Sam had ever seen in his life. “She missed my eye, it’s alright.”

“No- here, let me-” Trying to move his left hand to his cheek, Sam hisses in pain as fire spreads through his arm once again.

“No. You’re going to hurt yourself more. Hold on.” Once again, Danny finds his bag, searching through its contents until he pulls out the tattered remains of his shirt. He tears the fabric until it splits in two, looping the bottom half of the shirt over Sam’s head and around his left arm to make a rudimentary sling, restricting his arm enough for him to not be able to move it much. “There. You’ll heal faster if you leave it be.”

“Do you have more water? The magic bubbly pool water.” Danny’s laugh almost makes Sam forget his pain for a moment as his cheeks tint pink, both from the growing warmth inside him fueled by the sound and embarrassment. “What?”

“Nothing. I just think you may have hit your head a little too hard there, Sammy.” Danny gently grazes his fingertip across Sam’s forehead, sending electricity coursing through his body as he brushes the small strands of hair that had fallen from his ponytail back with a small smile.

“Just give me the goddamn water.” Doing as he says with a light laugh, Danny hands him his canteen as he watches him, waiting for what Sam would do with it. “Sit down. Not by the vomit, please.” Damn, I really just threw up everything in my stomach in front of him and he just, doesn’t care? Isn’t disgusted? He tries to focus on his task as Danny moves to his right side, sitting down silently with his legs crossed as Sam drenches the remainder of the shirt with the water, his hand shaking as his body tries to function through the remainder of his pain.

“Hold still.” Sam smiles at him as he repeats Danny’s previous words, bringing the wet cloth up to gently wipe the blood from his face. Danny’s eyes don’t leave his once as he gently scrubs his skin, making sure to take extra care every time the cloth caught on the vertical gash above and below his left eye. “Get me the healing paste.” Sam’s cheeks tint pink in his embarrassment as he realizes his words. “Please. Get me the healing paste please.”

Grabbing it from the bag, he unscrews the lid for Sam before holding it out to him, watching as he collects a liberal amount onto his fingertips before spreading it across Danny’s skin carefully, never once bringing his gaze away from Sam. When he finishes, he hands the jar back to Danny, thankful that he was too focused on screwing the lid back on to see Sam watching his every movement, his attention completely captured by the other man’s fingers on the metal. “So, where are we going?”

“What do you mean?”

“In the arena, we can’t stay here. Hazel she- she got away. I think I hit her on the leg but to be honest, I was too focused on getting to you-” As if he had just then realized what he said, Danny’s eyes dart up to Sam quickly, trying to gauge his reaction. He was focused on me? Don’t let it get to your head, Sam, he would do that for any other tribute that was his ally. You aren’t special to him. He’s just a good person. Finding none as Sam trains his face into a neutral expression, he continues, unaware of the other man’s thoughts. “She’d be stupid to stay in this portion, but it would be stupid of us to assume that she or any other threats nearby are gone. So, what portion do we want to go to?”

“She might run back to water, we found a great cave that’s hidden in plain sight. But she could also run back to the forest, to that area by the lake we found. She isn’t smart or creative enough to come up with new hiding places.”

“So mountains it is? That’s the only section she hasn’t been to, there’s nowhere for her to hide there if it is true that she wouldn’t be able to find her own place to stay safe.”

“I guess.” Sam watches as Danny packs his bag back up before standing and offering a hand down to him, his grip strong as he lifts most of Sam’s weight. As he makes it to his feet, he’s suddenly overcome with dizziness, as if all the blood in his head had suddenly left. Danny’s hand not grasping Sam’s right forearm comes up to grip his left shoulder, helping the other man steady himself as he tries not to fall back down. “Sorry, thanks.”

“No problem.” Why is he blushing? He keeps looking down at something, what is he looking- oh. Sam feels his cheeks heat as he realizes he was still holding onto Danny’s arm, his gaze dropping as he drops his arm and picks up his bag, slinging it over his right shoulder before finding his sword again and gripping it tight in his right hand.

“Lead the way, will you? I have a horrible sense of direction. And um-” Shame fills him as he prepares to ask what he needed to, embarrassed that he couldn’t take care of himself with his arm being in the state that it was in. “I can’t really fight back with my arm and the bag only half on. I can try to block with the sword I have but if- if we run into anyone, I won’t be much use. Can I- can I count on you to have my back if we do? I know it’s not your responsibility but-”

“Yeah. Don’t worry, Sammy. I’ll look out for you.”

Those words melt Sam completely. Danny may be a strong, skilled fighter, but he has a heart of gold. He could have easily made some excuse up about just ‘trying’. It’s not his job to look out for me, I should be able to do that myself. But he agreed to anyway. And I- I trust that he will. He doesn’t seem like the type of man to make empty promises.

“Ready?”

Danny’s voice rips him from his thoughts, making him realize that he had been zoning out while staring at him. “Yeah, let’s go.”

“You alright?”

“What do you mean?”

“You seemed like you went somewhere, like you were lost in your own mind. You good?”

“Yeah, yeah it’s nothing.” Sam waves the question away, not wanting to explain where his train of thought had been going. Trying to keep his mind under control, Sam follows Danny without another word as he leads them through the terrain of molten rock, the towering mountains slowly growing closer on the horizon with every step.

--------------------------------------------------------

“So, I- I definitely think this is the ‘air’ ss- section.” Sam tries to joke through his chattering teeth, hoping that Danny would be able to hear him over the wind whipping at their skin, flurries of snow sticking to their red cheeks and hair. “Are you- are you sure we should keep- keep going?”

“I- I don’t know. It’s getting- getting too dark. We need to find shelter or we’ll ffr- freeze to death out here.” If Sam hadn’t been so cold that the only thing he could think about was whether he’d still have all his toes by the time morning came, he would have thought that the way Danny was hugging himself in an attempt to stay warm was cute.

“There. What about tthh- th- there.” Sam raises his right arm just enough for Danny to guess the direction he had been referring to, trying to make himself as small and compact as possible to preserve his body heat. Danny follows the gesture to see a small, dark cutout in the mountainside, barely large enough for them to squeeze through.

“Might as well try.” Sam follows as he starts towards the opening, praying that it would lead to a cave. Thankfully, after a couple minutes of walking sideways through the crack, Sam suddenly feels the walls around him grow wider, signaling to him that they had finally found a cave. The only sounds that can be heard are the wind whistling through the rock and Danny rustling around in his bag before a small light fills the cavern as he strikes a match.

“I’m gonna make a small fire but it won’t- fuck, it won’t be large enough to keep us warm. We could smoke ourselves ou- out if we make it too big.”

“I’d honestly take that over ffr- freezing to death.” A strange look passes across Danny’s face that he can’t quite place, but he doesn’t ask about what it was for as Danny stacks a small pile of the remaining sharpened sticks. Within no time, they have a small fire burning bright in the center of the cave as both men huddle around it, their hands extended towards the warmth. “God, it’s still so cold, I don’t know if I can sleep in this.”

“I-” Danny cuts himself off quickly, his cheeks turning red from more than just the cold in the low light flickering across his face. “I know of a way we can keep warm.”

“What is it?”

Despite Sam’s eager tone, hesitation crosses Danny’s face as he looks up at Sam quickly, his eyes dropping once again as he appears to consider whether to propose the idea to him. “Skin to skin contact helps preserve body heat and- and warm you up.”

“Oh.” Oh…

“We don’t- we don’t have to. I have some clean rabbit pelts that we can make work and I think I have a heat retaining blanket or tarp in my bag.”

“No- no, it’s fine.” Eager much? “Whatever keeps us alive, right?”

“Yeah… yeah, whatever keeps us alive.” Danny says nothing more as he sets in on unpacking his bag, laying the rabbit pelts on the cold stone below them and covering a just large enough space for the two of them to fit. As he watches Danny hesitate with the blanket in his hands, his eyes looking at everything except for Sam, panic fills him more and more as the seconds tick by.

God, I need to break this silence, it’s getting unbearable. Say something, anything. “So uh… how do you want to do this?” Not that. Why the fuck did you say it like that?

“Uh- we uh, probably will be fine just taking our- taking our shirts off and then… then we can lay down and…”

“Yeah, uhm… alright.” Sam averts his eyes as Danny unzips his jacket, pretending to be focused on taking off his sling and getting his jacket and shirt off without messing his splint up. He was literally shirtless for the first half of a day that you knew him, how is this any different? I mean for starters, you’re also fucking shirtless and will probably be cuddling him. That’s what’s fucking different. What the fuck is wrong with you, Sam? Why are you so paranoid about this?

It isn’t until he hears Danny spread the blanket out that he looks up, finding Danny starting to lay down on half of the pelts as he held the blanket up for Sam, signaling for him to lay down with him. He tries to keep his eyes away from Danny’s chest as he joins him, finding that it was easier to avert his gaze with his back to him. Thinking he was in the clear, Sam lays down, trying to calm his racing heart as Danny lowers the blanket. Suddenly, he feels Danny snake his arm under his neck, the other wrapping around his side and pulling him towards his chest until Sam’s back is flush against his skin, warmth flowing into his body at the contact. Shit, can he feel how fast my heart is beating right now? Thank God he has his hands balled into fists, I don’t know if I could handle it if his hands were open and splayed across my- Guessing where his thoughts would leave him, Sam cuts himself off, trying to lull himself to sleep by watching the fire crackle only feet from them. 

“Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah, are you?”

“Yeah.” Neither say another word as they lay on the ground, the air thick with awkward tension as both men feel that the other wasn’t completely relaxed.

Finally, after a few minutes, Sam can’t take it anymore, knowing that he would never be able to sleep if he didn’t voice his thoughts. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Keeping me alive. I said earlier that it’s not your responsibility, but if I didn’t have you as an ally, I would have been long dead. Hazel would have killed me if you hadn’t been there when I was stung, and she definitely wouldn’t have tried to help me or my arm or try to keep me from freezing to death.”

“Of course, Sammy. You’d do the same for me.” Would I? I’d like to think that I would, knowing him as I do now. But I don’t think I’m as good of a person as he is. He’s too caring, too kind. He’s too good for this arena, for this world. “Goodnight, Sam.”

“Goodnight, Danny.” Sam finally lets his exhaustion catch up to him, easily relaxing into Danny’s arms as sleep overtakes him.

--------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka @milojames16 @gretnavannfleet @aioba1503-sdm @sanguinebats @cheersdannyx2 @musicislove3389 @holdingup-fallingsky @freyjalw @hailthegodsong @Maddie-Rae

[willsdreamgirl]

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ anna’s blog navigation!! ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

hi, i’m anna! i’m 18, and i use she/her pronouns!welcome to my blog! i write for skrunkly internet boys! this is an 18+ nsfw account, if you have a blank blog or if your age isn’t visible on your blog, you will be blocked. minors dni!!

who i write for!

(the ones in bold are my current fixations)

- jacob elordi

- josh o’connor (patrick zweig)

- chuckle sandwich (ted, schlatt, charlie)

- cillian murphy (j. robert oppenheimer, neil lewis, tommy shelby, jackson rippner, raymond leon, darren/pig, robert fischer, any and all cillian characters basically)

- bo burnham

- f1 (max verstappen, sebastian vettel, daniel ricciardo)

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

dni list!

this is very important, pls read before you interact!

- minors (pls dni)

- homophobes, transphobes, misogynists, sexists, racists (just don’t be an asshole! it’s not that hard)

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

anon list!

none yet, but lmk if you’d like to be a nonnie or a moot!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

tags!

anna’s thots: random thoughts that rattle around in my rat brain

anna’s boys: drabbles/hc’s/asks/fics about my fave boys

__ anon: the ask was sent by a specific anon!!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:

request guidelines!

i will write smut, fluff and angst; be as kinky as you’d like! this is a no judgement blog <3

(tw!!) things/kinks i will NOT write:

- abuse (including but not limited to: domestic, sexual, physical etc.) (physical violence/ex: 2 guys getting in a fist fight/is NOT included in this list)

- r*pe/noncon

- scat/vomit

- n*crophilia

- p*dophilia

- z*ophilia

- discriminatory content/slurs

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Hi Cal my dear! Wishing you a lovely weekend! And sending MAJOR props for everything you’ve posted in the last day it was all fabulous! Here’s lots of emojis to prompt your brilliant mind :)

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️ (THEYRE MARRIED!!!! LOVE THAT FOR THEM! So looking forward to seeing them with their new house and baby and their beautiful life together!)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(buckley parents suuuuuck! AND ITS FINALLY TIME FOR A DANIEL REVEAL! On the edge of my seat!)

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟(loved chim’s pov! Thats my sweet guy he’s such a softie romantic! Very excited to see whose pov is next and find out who is approaching the library!)

- PCA <3

HI PCA <3 <3 <3 <3

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

42 for ⚡️(YEAH MARRIED! HONEYMOON TIME):

---

Buck and Eddie have to work three shifts before they can leave for their little honeymoon getaway. Whoever’s idea that - his - is obviously an idiot, because it’s torture. All he wants to do is have lots of sex in the little beach house AirBnb he booked in San Clemente with his husband, but no! He has to go to work and spend several days walking into fires, getting vomited on, and most importantly, not having sex. He barely survives. It’s really quite a travesty. 

It’s actually a pretty decent sign for Buck that he’s really fucking happy with his life that he doesn’t want to be at work. He loves work. His job is the greatest job in the world. His team is the best team on earth. Most of the time? Can’t get enough of it. But in the wake of their wedding - which was perfect and stunning and everyone else wishes they had wedding photos in front of a fire truck from the 1920s - Buck has other things occupying his brain. Much more exciting things. Which is kind of bad, considering he should really just be focused on saving lives. 

By the end of the third shift, Buck is practically vibrating, waiting for the time to end. They’re all packed. They’re leaving first thing in the morning. Not soon enough. 

Adriana and Ravi are coming to stay with Chris for the five days they’ll be gone. Chris thinks this is very cool. Much cooler than the alternative, which was going to be Pepa. Buck thinks this is a little unfair to poor Pepa, who has watched him hundreds of times. But he gets it. They’re younger and more fun and will almost certainly let him get away with more than Eddie would. 

When their shift finally does end, Buck can feel himself motoring through their leaving routine. He tries to light a fire under Eddie’s feet with his eyes so Eddie will move a bit quicker. 

“Changing like you’re between sets at the Eras Tour is not going to make tomorrow come any quicker,” Eddie tells him. 

“Oh, he’s got Eras Tour references,” Buck teases.

Obviously he has made Eddie watch the movie. Twice. But only twice! No matter what Eddie may or may not have complained. 

“We’ve still got hours,” Eddie says. “Calm down.”

“I will not,” Buck scoffs. “I am as excited for this as the wedding!”

Buck has made this point clear. Several times. They made cuts to their wedding budget so they could afford this waterfront rental. Buck is so fucking excited for this honeymoon. 

He understands that this might sound somewhat insane. Maybe a little vapid.

---

63 for 🚨 (yeahhhhh sorry for the angst):

---

It’s not easy or stable or linear. But he’s working on it.

The day after he learns about Daniel, Buck calls in sick to work. Takes a mental health day at Eddie’s insistence. This turns out to be a wise call. There’s a horrific factory fire that almost goes badly, and Buck probably wouldn’t have been in a good headspace for that. To make matters worse, his parents actually show up at the station. Eddie sends them away, for which Buck is grateful. He doesn’t want to see them again. 

And he doesn’t have to. 

Maddie comes over at his request and they talk through everything. He’s mad. Really mad. 

“You should have told me. After everything we’ve been through together, the trial, moving, how could you not tell me?” 

“I was terrified to tell you!” She admits. “Especially after Afghanistan and the trial, Evan! You slip into such dark places. Places where I can’t reach you. I didn’t want to risk it!”

And the thing is, he can understand that. She’s not wrong. He has descended into dark spells again and again since being honorably discharged. 

“And, honestly, Evan… I didn’t know how to talk about him,” Maddie continues. “I was never allowed. She’d get so upset at the slightest mention… It was like even thinking about him made me feel like I would be punished.”

Buck’s anger deflates a lot after that. Because, really. He can’t imagine. He can’t fucking imagine. 

They argue some more. They cry. They make up. How could Buck ever possibly stay mad at her forever? She loved him enough for two parents, when his own refused. 

So he moves forward. He keeps up with therapy. He cherishes his loved ones. He tries to live up to the role Christopher has graciously given to him. That Eddie allows him to have. He works on loving himself, to be worthy of the love they give him.

And life moves forward with him. 

ii.

They have their first Christmas together as a couple. As a family. Eddie, who wasn’t really a big holiday guy ever before Christopher, loves every second of it. It’s like holidays finally have a reason to feel magical, rather burdensome. He has the exact family he was missing before, in order for them to feel perfect. 

Buck goes all out. Decorates, plays music, bakes. Spoils Chris way more than he needs to. He comes back to life, in a way he’s been struggling to do since the whole Daniel thing. He is holiday cheer incarnate. Eddie is so disgustingly in love with him. 

On Christmas morning, sitting around a faux-pine tree, watching their kid open heaps more presents than Eddie got at that age, Eddie can’t help but feel a strange sense of tranquility. Like, oh. Right. This is what life is supposed to be. He can imagine ten more Christmases from now. He can imagine wedding bands. He can imagine more kids.

---

48 for 🧟(it's Eddie!!!!):

---

“Well, yeah,” Buck replies. “Good thing Los Angeles is a very small town. Like one intersection.”

“Okay, smart ass,” Eddie sighs. 

“Where in L.A.?” Buck amends his question. 

Okay, fine. It’s a fair question.

“Mid-City area,” Eddie explains. Not that that might mean anything to Buck. “My wife… Shannon… Her mom had an apartment out there.”

“Her mom?” Buck asks. “You said she was caring for her, right?”

Eddie shifts in the driver’s seat uncomfortably. He doesn’t really want to get into all of it. It’s not easy to talk about. But, then again, he agreed to Buck coming. So obviously Buck is going to have to learn more of it than what Eddie explained to him that first night. Which wasn’t very much. And if they do find Shannon? Well, then Buck will probably hear a lot of it. There’s a lot Eddie needs to say to her. He’s not sure how composed he’ll be able to keep himself, after all this time. 

“Yeah,” Eddie confirms. “She was terminally ill. Cancer.”

“Fuck,” Buck sighs. “I’m sorry, man.”

“Thanks.”

It feels strange to accept condolences for Janet, but he does it anyway. She wasn’t his mother. They weren’t that close. He feels like he probably cost her time with her daughter. Definitely with her grandson. But… Yeah. He’s sad she’s probably dead. She was always very kind to him. In a judgment free way his own parents couldn’t comprehend. Not that he should be thinking badly of them. 

“I don’t know if she died or not before…”

“Zombies?”

“Yeah.”

“Kind of hope she did, for her sake,” Buck replies.

Eddie nods.

[stardustbarbarians]

Why'd You Go?

A Sequel to Dial Drunk

A Samuel Kiszka / Daniel Wagner fic

Tags: angst, almost fluff (Danny takes care of Sam), making amends

Trigger Warnings: alcoholism, blood/injury, vomiting, fighting, implied drunk driving, referenced car accident

Words: 4.4 k

A/N: This is for @runwayblues specifically and also that anon who asked about a part two. I love you both <3. Cover made once again by the wonderfully talented @ofthecaravel. Title taken from Orange Juice by Noah Kahan, or my favorite Noah Kahan song. Also yeah this is riddled with angst and I'm not sorry. But enjoy! <3

+++

Feels like I've been ready for you to come home for so long

The ride from the Sheriff’s Station was tense, filled with nothing but silence. Though Sam knew to keep his mouth shut and attempt to stay Daniel’s anger, he still couldn’t help but smile as he sat beside him. His batshit, backwards, insane plan of getting Daniel to talk to him again had somehow worked in his favor. 

Periodically, Daniel would glance over at Sam. And every time that happened, his frown would deepen as he took in the sight of Sam’s saccharine grin. But he never commented on it. Instead, the pair remained silent as they drove on through the night, nothing but the sound of the rain pelting the windshield filling the vacuum of voices. 

Sam hadn’t even realized they had pulled up to Danny’s house until the latter had gripped his steering wheel so tight his knuckles bleached of color. He couldn't see it, but the man was gritting his teeth fiercely as well, but he’d realize as soon as Daniel spoke. 

“How drunk are you,” he growled through his teeth, not even bothering to look over in Sam’s direction. He kept his gaze locked so intensely at the rain slithering down his windshield, Sam irrationally believed that it would start boiling. 

“What?” he dumbly asked, feeling like his brain was swimming in molasses. 

With a measured, yet heavy breath through his nose, Daniel asked again. 

“On a scale of one to ten, how drunk are you?” It was spoken so slowly, each word deliberate and pointed like he was speaking to a toddler. Which, to be fair, Sam was acting like one. 

Taken aback by Daniel’s malice, Sam blinked a few times as he took in the sight of his ex. Danny was still pointedly looking in the exact same spot he had been, his nostrils flared and the steering wheel creaking beneath his grip. It was dead silent, save for the windshield wipers squeaking against the glass every second that passed. That was how Sam knew it took him ten seconds to respond. 

“I guess an eight and a half…” he slurred, already regretting consuming as much tequila as he had. If he closed his eyes for too long, his head would spin worse than that fair ride that pinned you against the wall as it twisted around. 

Daniel’s sigh was heavy as he bonked his head against the steering wheel. Sam thought he heard Danny muttered a “god help me” under his breath before turning the car off and throwing his door open. The rain was incredibly louder outside. Before Sam even fully registered what happened, his door was being opened and his seatbelt became unbuckled. 

“Let’s go,” Danny barked, wrapping Sam’s arm around his shoulders and slamming the car door closed with his foot.

Sam didn’t say anything, able to ascertain how bad Daniel’s mood was even through his alcohol muddled brain. But he couldn’t keep that stupid grin from his face. This scenario was bringing up a lot of past memories of the two of them going through nights just like this one where it would end with them both satiated sexually. 

And then Sam was rudely thrown out of his reminiscing when Daniel all but tossed him against a brick wall so that he could unlock his front door. And due to that, Sam felt the scrape on his arm reopen. 

Before Sam could say anything about it to Danny, the drunken idiot was being tugged inside and manhandled into a seat so that the sober man could take off his shoes. It was probably the most aggressive Daniel had ever taken care of Sam, and frankly, Sam didn’t understand what he’d done to deserve that. 

“Dan, are you maaaaad at me?” Sammy asked, whining like a child. Without really meaning to, he also flashed the man his puppy dog eyes. 

All he got in return was a scowl. 

“Did you really just ask me that?” Daniel’s response was clipped, his tone laced with uncut rage just barely repressed for the sake of accommodating the stillness of the early morning hour. 

“You’ve been angry at me since you picked me up from the station and I deserve to know why,” Sam demanded, attempting to sound as adult as he didn’t feel. Attempted to, anyway. He was way too drunk and his demand had come across as a child threatening a temper tantrum if he didn’t get his cookie. 

For a moment, Daniel seemed as if he was going to answer that honestly, Sam noticing how his body was tensing up like it used to before he rose to Sam’s bait before one of their huge arguments. But then, like a balloon deflating, Daniel just cast his attention away from the drunken idiot and stood from his spot. 

“It’s too early for this shit and you’re way too drunk for this,” he breathed, rubbing his temples with his fingers, “so lay down on your side and try to sleep. I’m going to leave my door cracked so I can hear if you throw up, but do not even think about going in there, you understand?” 

Sam, not knowing anything Daniel just said at him, stared blankly at the sober man. 

“Do you understand me?” Daniel asked again, clamping his hands on either side of Sam’s face so that he was looking Danny in the eyes. 

“You’re so pretty,” Sam gushed. If this were a cartoon from the 60s, hearts would’ve been floating out of his head. 

“You are fucking unreal,” Daniel spat in disgust, ripping his hands away from Sam’s face when the latter melted into his grip. 

Able to recognize that Danny was leaving, Sam grabbed at his sleeve and tugged Danny towards him. “Noooooo, you’re not done taking care of meeeeeeee.” 

Sam swore that he heard Danny growl under his breath before he turned to face Sam. If he hadn’t been so drunk, he might’ve jumped at the amount of annoyance and anger burning in Daniel’s eyes. 

“What are you talking about?” Daniel hissed, yanking his arm away from the drunkard’s grip. Sammy was pulled forward just a touch before he let go of Danny’s sleeve. 

“My arm! It’s all cut up and-” Sam made the mistake of glancing over to his actively bleeding elbow, a river of red sluggishly making its way down towards his hand. As he noticed how much blood was pouring out of his wound, he felt his stomach violently churn and lurch. 

Suddenly, Sam felt his skin turn cold as bile began to climb its way up his throat. He clamped a hand over his mouth to ensure that he wouldn’t vomit all over Danny’s floor before he shot up from his spot in the chair. His eyes snapping open to the size of dinner plates, Sam ran for the kitchen sink. It was only a few paces away, but he still sent a prayer to whoever would listen that he made it. 

The sound of his retching was disgusting to his own ears. Sam couldn’t imagine how vile it was for Danny who was stone cold sober. It wasn’t pleasant. He’d always hated throwing up, the way it would burn your throat and leave your teeth all gritty and coated in plaque. The taste was the worst part. Sour like the Devil and repulsive in the worst way. Liquor never tasted pleasant the second time around. 

With a tremendous sigh Sam heard between bouts of sickness, Daniel walked over to the drunkard and gathered Sam’s long locks in his hand and stood by as Sam puked up the sorrows he attempted to drown. Sam noticed how he’d grimace with each retch, but he stayed put. And at one point, Danny even patted Sammy’s back when he moaned in absolute misery. Though, if Sam could see Daniel’s face, he’d have been able to see the exasperation written all over his features. 

When Sam’s stomach stopped convulsing and forcing all of the tequila he drank out of him, he spit into the sink to attempt to rid his mouth of the horrible taste. Of course, it was no use and that godforsaken bitterness lingered. With another pathetic groan, Sam slowly pulled his head out of the sink. Daniel dropped Sam’s hair and turned the faucet on, spraying away Sam’s vomit from the stainless steel. 

Sam, his head no longer spinning but feeling as though it was comprised of television static, sank to the floor as he leaned against the cabinet beneath the sink. He held his head in his hands and simply closed his eyes, focusing on the sound of the water rather than his own shame. He didn’t know how long he had sat there like that before Daniel interrupted his pity party by handing him a glass of water. 

“Stay there,” Daniel tiredly sighed before Sam heard him leave the room. The drunkard downed that water, saving the last gulp to swish it around in his mouth and spit it back into the glass before setting it off to the side. 

Sam, not knowing what to do and simply wanting his misery to cease, began humming Old Man by Neil Young to try and calm himself. It was halfway through the first chorus that Daniel returned. He held a tube of toothpaste that was half empty, a toothbrush still in its packaging, and a white box with red letters nearly entirely rubbed off. Sam instantly recognized it. It was the first aid kit that Danny’s mom had given to him after he had cut himself while cooking and had no band-aids to speak of. She insisted that the two of them keep it when she showed up for dinner the next Sunday, Sam taking it from her because Daniel was stubborn about the whole affair. 

After Danny had set the items on the counter, he kneeled down next to Sam. “C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

Sam felt himself be hoisted to his feet by his not-bleeding arm. His wooziness returned as his blood rushed from his head, having to lean on the counter to stay up-right. He still had to keep his eyes closed lest he allow himself to be overtaken by his headrush. He heard Daniel ripping open the packaging of the toothbrush before poking Sam with it. Sam blearily opened his eyes before accepting the toothbrush and reaching over Danny to grab the toothpaste. Once Sam finished brushing his teeth, he held up his arm towards Danny who was holding a cotton ball and rubbing alcohol in his hands. 

Sammy hissed in pain as Daniel wiped down Sam’s wound, seeing Danny roll his eyes from the coroner of his. Biting back the urge to call him out like he would’ve ten months prior, Sam simply let out a sigh. He thought Danny was being unnecessarily rough with him, but also knew making a comment would result in a fight. But then, thinking about it, anything Sam would’ve said probably would result in a fight. 

With that thought, Sam realized how he felt significantly more sober than before he had thrown up. And here he was just thinking that was just a myth. 

“Seeing blood has never made me throw up like that before,” Sam tentatively spoke, hoping to make some kind of conversation with Danny that wouldn’t cause a row. He watched as Danny threw one bloody cotton ball away before picking up another and pouring isopropyl on it. 

“Well, drinking a bar dry of their liquor might have that side effect,” Danny spat, refusing to look at Sam. 

Sam, forgetting himself, scoffed at the statement. 

“That’s fucking rich coming from you.” 

With that, Daniel finally looked Sam in the eye again. And Sam wished he hadn’t. Just like every other instance that night, Daniel’s eyes were burning with an unfettered rage. But, unlike the other times, Sam realized that Danny’s restraint had snapped. 

“So that’s how this is gonna go, huh?” Daniel’s grip on Sam’s injured arm tightened; not enough to hurt but enough to feel it. 

“You and I both know there was a point in time where you could drink me and an entire bar of drunks under the table,” Sam spat, each word forcefully delivered as he stared down his ex. 

“That was a year ago, Sam!” 

“Oh, so that makes you better than me, right?” 

“I wasn’t the one tossed into the fucking drunk tank tonight, was I?” 

Once again, Sam laughed bitterly. “Yeah. You’re right. You weren’t. Tonight, anyway.” 

Sammy watched Daniel’s hand holding the cotton ball curl itself into a fist. He also watched as his jaw clenched in anger. Danny, before he could really get into his anger bred out of offense, took several breaths to center himself. Perhaps needing a distraction, Daniel went back to tending to Sam’s bleeding wound. 

“You have no right to act all holier-than-thou with me, Daniel,” Sam hissed, gripping his free hand onto the side of the counter so hard his knuckles drained of color. 

“Don’t you bring up my past-”

“Our past.” 

“Right. Our past. You were right there next to me while we drank ourselves nearly to death. What’s your fucking point, Samuel?!” 

Sam was gritting his teeth, his jaw going sore from the sheer force of it. “My point is that you can’t only blame me for what happened!!”

Danny ripped his hand off of Sam’s arm, the action making the drunk man’s skin throb. It only fueled Sam’s anger. 

“I changed! The whole fucking town changed after that! You, Samuel, are the only one who didn’t!! Dont you find that fucking strange?? Or are you too busy trying to drown yourself in alcohol every night to fucking notice?!” Daniel cried, his tone beginning to border on hysterical.

“Oh, I am so sorry, your highness! I guess that I am the fucking problem!! It’s my fault, everyone, because you weren’t an adult responsible for your actions!!” Sam argued back rather immaturely, waving his arms around as he yelled. 

“You know that last time I drank I ended up passed out, face down in the snow of our backyard. That was ten months ago,” Daniel growled, his hands curling into fists. 

“Oh, so I’m just pulling you down, huh?! God, you always had to blame everyone else besides yourself,” Sam spat back. 

Again, Daniel stopped. This time, it was right before he said something, his mouth poised open ready to strike. But, then he snapped it shut and closed his eyes again. 

“Why did you call me, Sam? Why do you always call me?” The only way Sam could describe the look Danny was giving him was “wounded puppy”. 

It was spoken so quietly, so frailly that it made the other pause. He was far from prepared for how the atmosphere had shifted on a dime. While Sam struggled to comprehend the change, Daniel finally finished cleaning and bandaging Sam’s wound, dropping his arm and shutting the first aid kit. 

How could Sam answer that? With the truth? 

I always call you because every minute that passes without you is pure agony for me. I call you when I’m drunk because I’m too much of a coward to do it in the light of day and sober. I only call you when I’m arrested because it’s the only good excuse I have to call you. I love you and I need you to come back, no matter how toxic what we had was. 

When Samuel failed to answer and the oppressive silence of the darkened hours before dawn became too much, Daniel spoke again. 

“What do you want from me?” 

That… That was something Sam could answer. 

“I want answers, Daniel.” 

Danny let out a tired sigh at the statement, his eyes casting downwards. It was silent once more after that, only the sound of Danny’s nails nervously rapping on the counter filling the void of sound. 

Sam counted. Two minutes had passed before he scrounged up the courage to speak again. It felt like a century. 

“Why’d you go?” 

Daniel turned his body away from Sam, placing both hands on the counter before him. “You know why.” 

“No. I deserve better than that. You can’t just pick up in the middle of the night without a fucking word and expect me to be satisfied with ‘you know why’!” Sam felt his heart rate pick up as his anger spiked again. 

“You would know if you ever paid attention to me,” Daniel growled under his breath, a muscle in his jaw ticking as he clenched it. 

“Maybe if you hadn’t screamed at me every fucking night, I would’ve been more inclined to listen!” 

That made Danny snap again, his palm slamming down onto the counter so hard that it rattled the rest of the house. With that, Sam took a step back involuntarily. 

“IT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO GET THROUGH TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE TOO DRUNK TO STAND! AFTER-” 

Daniel cut himself off, his words seeming to catch in his throat as his emotions changed from outraged to haunted in the blink of an eye. Instantly, Sam knew what Daniel was remembering. 

Sam could hear them too, the sound of the tires screaming against the pavement as they braked too quickly, the glass shattering around them as Sam covered his neck to save it from the razor-sharp shards. The feeling of traveling in slow motion as the ice of the road sent them careening into a telephone pole to avoid the bright headlights speeding towards them head on. The sensation of no sensation in Sam’s right arm until he attempted to move it, and was suddenly overtaken by blinding pain. The wail he released at the agony sounding foreign to his own ears. 

“I had to leave,” Daniel shakily finished, his hands quaking as he ran them over his face, “Being around… being around alcohol like that…” 

At that point, Danny looked up at Sam, his eyes dripping with sorrow and repressed guilt. Sam felt tears of his own threaten to fall, his chest painfully twisting at the sight of his love in such turmoil. He felt especially helpless when Danny broke down into tears, folding in on himself as his shoulders began shaking. 

Biting his lip and throwing caution to the wind, Sam took the steps to get to Daniel before wrapping his arms around the crying man. To his complete surprise, Danny leaned into Sam’s embrace and clutched at Sam’s still damp shirt. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Sam soothed, resting his head atop Daniel’s. He began running his hands over Danny’s back, praying it would offer any comfort to his ex. 

“You weren’t the one driving,” Danny whispered between sobs. 

“But I was the one who convinced you to go out drinking that night,” Sammy reminded, his guilt punching open a previously haphazardly bandaged bullet hole in his gut. 

Danny remained silent after that, save for his sniffles. 

“It’s just as much my fault as it is yours.” 

“We were lucky no one died,” Daniel squeaked, his voice cracking halfway in. He burrowed deeper into Sam’s embrace. 

“You were lucky you walked away without a scratch. I had to wear an arm cast for months,” Sam teased, even laughing weakly. Well, he attempted too, anyway. It seemed to only manage to make Daniel feel worse. 

“I’m sorry-”

“I’ve already forgiven you.” 

Another bout of silence permeated the air, this one much less tense, however. Sam, selfishly, was happy. He was finally holding onto Daniel again after almost a year of not even seeing him once. Not for lack of trying, of course. 

“And, really, I should be the one apologizing to you.” Sam suppressed his very strong urge to kiss Daniel on his forehead, knowing it was inappropriate. But, damn, if he didn’t want to shower him in kisses until it got through to Daniel just how sorry he was for all the pain he caused him. 

Daniel pulled away. And Sam, reluctantly, let him. The both of them wiped away their tears, their eyes casting anywhere that wasn’t each other. This was different from earlier where they feared looking at one another would result in a fist fight; this time around, it boiled down to awkwardness. 

After a moment of wringing his hands, Daniel cleared his throat and made an aborted motion with his hand. “I’m… let me get you some dry clothes before you catch death.” 

And with that, he disappeared down the hall. Sam, now alone with nothing but the darkness and his thoughts for company (both of which he despised), distracted himself by looking around Daniel’s kitchen for something to eat as his stomach rumbled. But as it clenched in phantom pain of how violently he had retched not even an hour earlier, he settled on finding something to drink. 

Right as Sam finished pouring himself a glass of orange juice, Daniel returned with fresh clothes clutched to his chest. Without a word - despite him making a failed attempt at speaking - Danny simply handed them over to Sam. 

“The bathroom is down the hall and to the right; first door,” Daniel informed, not able to hold eye contact with Sam for more than a second. 

With a quiet “thank you”, Sam accepted the clothes and went off to change. He couldn’t help the wistful smile on his lips as he recognized the pair of sweatpants Danny handed him as an old pair of his own. He thought he’d lost them. After he pulled those on and an old t-shirt, Sam threw his wet clothes over the curtain rod so that they could dry properly. Taking a deep breath, Sam left the bathroom and went to face Daniel again. 

“I wasn’t sure if they would fit,” Danny admitted, playing with the hem of his own sweatshirt. 

“Y-Yeah, they fit well…” Sam nervously played with his hair, pushing it out of his face and tucking it behind his ears. 

Once again, the air was permeated with an awkward silence. There was so much still left unsaid between the two. They both wanted to say so much, yet didn’t at the same time. More accurately, they didn’t know how. 

Sam, his heart pounding harder than a war drum, was the first to speak. 

“Is there any reality where I get to call you mine again?” Sam smiled nervously, the poor thing only lasting on his lips for a second before it fell. 

That made Daniel look Sam in the eyes, clearly caught by surprise. Sam watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed, his eyes darting away from Sam again. 

“I… I don’t know. You haven’t seemed to grow or learn from our… the incident.” 

“I’ll quit, I swear,” Sam quickly promised, taking a step towards Daniel in his haste to prove his willingness and eagerness. It seemed to be the wrong thing to do as Daniel reacted by taking a step backwards. 

Judging by the other man’s reaction, he hadn’t meant to. But it was too late. Danny’s actions spoke louder than his words. Sam hung his head, dropping the hand he had reached out to his former partner. 

“We weren’t good for each other, Sam.” 

“Please, just give me one more chance. I promise I’ll be what you deserve this time around,” Sam begged, knowing that if he didn’t have that one last shred of dignity left, he would be on his knees before Daniel. 

Still, Danny didn’t seem convinced. And Sam, knowing that he wouldn’t change Daniel’s mind that night, simply sighed and resigned himself to that. 

“I know my behavior tonight or over the past few months proves nothing, so how about this. I get help and quit drinking; and if in three months I’m not sober or close to it, I leave you alone forever. I want to prove to you how much you mean to me, Daniel. Please give me the chance to do that.” Sam was trying his absolute best to try and catch Danny’s eye, achieving his goal at the last moment. 

Sam felt studied beneath Daniel’s watchful eye, his very soul being peered into by that amber gaze. After what felt like an eternity, Danny seemed to come to a conclusion. 

“I’ll help you.” 

“W-What?” 

“If you really mean it, I’ll help you get sober.” 

Sam froze for a second. It was hardly what he was expecting. But once his brain kicked back online, Sam felt his entire body come alight with hope. 

“I am. I really am. I hate the direction my life has gone. But, won’t you be at risk?” 

Daniel failed at suppressing a smile. “While I appreciate your concern, I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t think I was strong enough to handle it.” 

“Then I would love nothing more,” Sam breathed, a smile of his own spreading across his lips. 

“But, this does not mean we’re back together, you understand? I won’t even consider that until I think you’ve proved you are worth a second chance,” Daniel firmly reinforced, gesturing with his hand as he spoke. 

“Completely understood,” Samuel enthusiastically confirmed, all but buzzing with excitement at simply the prospect of a second chance at being with Danny again. 

It was at that moment that Sam realized that the sun had begun to poke its eager head above the horizon, weak rays of light needling their way into the window of Danny’s kitchen. 

“We should at least try to get some sleep,” Daniel implored, his eyes staring regretfully at the very early morning rays of sun, “you can sleep on the couch.” 

Sam nodded, glancing at the couch aforementioned. 

“Can I hug you?” he blurted out, regretting it as soon as the request left his lips. Of course he would say no, it was still way too early in their very tentative attempt at rebuilding their relationship. He was a fool for even thinking-

“Alright.” 

Not for the first time that night, Daniel Robert Wagner had surprised Sam. 

With a smile on his face that displayed exactly that, he carefully took a step forward. When Danny didn’t move, Sam took another. Then another. Then another. Finally, he tentatively wrapped his arms around the man in front of him; Daniel copied the act. 

Sam had to blink rapidly to keep himself from crying. It was no use. The tears fell down his cheeks on their own accord as Daniel squeezed his former lover, pulling him closer. 

“Thank you,” Sam shakily whispered. 

When the two pulled apart, Daniel gently wiped away a tear on Sam’s cheek and then made his way to get some sleep. As Sam stood alone in his ex’s living room with dawn rapidly encroaching, he felt, for the first time in a very long time, like he had something to look forward to. For the first time since he awoke alone in his formerly shared apartment ten months ago, Sam finally cared; it was freeing. With Daniel at his side, he would conquer his demons. 

+++

Tag List: @doodle417 @sammykiszkasunusedshoes @jmks-housewife @alwayssotiredbutneverofyou @ageoferin @etoilesnoor @ascendingtostardust @godlygreta @s0livagant @gretavanflowerpower @morganic-goods @baguettejuliette @fan-girl-97 @gaby-gvf @age-of-nyahh @mzbrightside @myownparadise96 @xserenax-13 @sammysvanfeet @strugglingtodoshit @loofypoofy @chalametpwk @seventieswhore @razorbladekiszka @unfortunatelykristin @welightthefire @gretavanfleas @sammiejane22 @satanplayshisfluteforhim @starsasone @writingcold @tearsofbri @teddiie @GardensGateDaisy @sparrowofthedawnsworld @angelbabyyy99 @whollyfreeamongststars @gretaswhore28 @l0rdoffli3s @kay-jordan @lightmyloverry @kenzie18 @gotavansleep @roosterbbradley @freckled-wonder @flower-power-anthem @Gabyvanfleet @Sarakay-gvf @Mamalikes-gvf @josh-iamyour-mama @st4rdust-ch0rds @fallonfatality @earthlysorrows @jessicafg03 @rossy1080 @hippievanfleet @spark-my-nature @hayley1623 @schleeble @gretavanflipflop @mehboihourz @jakeydoesit @busybeingtrash

Tag List Link