#vampire mpreg talks because thats my life now

[lesbians4armand]

i think daniel should get that vampire pregnant

[thicctor-nikiforov]

More Quotes From The Madness (21+ YOI Discord Server)

Wanna join? go ask @yuris-on-ice, only she can help you. Alternate title: what a bunch of ‘adults’ (read: overgrown teenagers) talk about in their ‘down time’ (read: 24/7 even while at work)

frank my furter bitch

teacher: do vore for jesus

Someone is gay and I'm gonna find them lol

I remember when I was at the mall in lolita once.  This mother asked me if i did childrens birthday parties.  And I just blurted out I hated kids in front of her and her daughter.

do u ever feel like a an old cowboy screaming AAAAAAAAAH in the sky

ChristopheBot: ʕ ۝ᴥ۝ ʔ < I̹̼̯T͉̩̜'̯̠͢S̻͈͜ S̟͓̠N̡̦̠A͙̪͍C̮̤̫K̯̪̩ T̥̦͚I̠̘ͅM̨̹͟E̢̦̩.͈̱͚ I:  what happened to his eyes ChristopheBot:  ʕ ۝ᴥ۝ ʔ < Ḭ̙̘'̢̥̱L͚̻ͅL̼̮ͅ B̹͖̤Ḛ͈͎ B̻̺̫A͕̘̩C̳͓͍K̡̝͇ V̥͕ͅE̪̲̬R̙̦̞Y̥̪ͅ S̱̘̪O̼͓ͅO̧͇̖N̝̙̺.̖̣̩ B̼̭͢E̳̙ͅ G͎͚̥O͕̬̯O̳̗̖D̼̥̘

I hope Christophe gains sentience and becomes a rogue computer program. Since I'm not having kids, that can be my contribution to eternity

In a world traumatized by sentient Chris-bot, only N with a whip can save the day

ChristopheBot:  ʕ ۝ᴥ۝ ʔ < S̨̠ͅN̨̞͜A̬͈̮C̼̙͜K̫̙͉S̜͉͚ A͖̙̰Ŗ͔̟E͙̺̰ A̭̻̙N̮̩͜ I̧̙̫L̟̬̣L̪̩͢U̢͙̠Ş̢̺Į̬͎Ǫ̤͜N͚̙̝

WITNESS THIS BURRITO PAIN

Monks blessing the dead people with sex, that's good to know.

ugh this skin prison

Dear Mrs. Malfoy. I would to bang yer son. I am a little drunc. Plz tell me how to sex him. K thanks. Sicerly, Harry Potter

writing is like fart, if you have to force it it's probably shit

He’s a wheelchair

Is your yaoi free range???

i wish i could kill people and absorb the years they have left into my body and live longer

Is it still spitroasting if one roaster has a vagina? Or is there a different word?

stupid vestigial body parts

developing a severe mental problem involving dolls 

At least you have fancy knives for your murder needs.

Fucké

ＢＯＴＴＯＭ ＶＩＣＴＯＲ ＩＳ ＬＩＦＥ

I'm not a communist I just want to kill the rich

gay wizards > serious shite

don't come in my house and admire my dildo collection if you're not old enough for me to shove that dildo inside you

Christophe Bot: You can't feed a dead kitten.

If I were a horse I would lick your salt body

I hear this game called Outside has some pretty crazy PVP

"child amusement experience store"

My Dragonfucking Furniture Builder is still in japan

i just get annoyed when I plan for fluff then someone trips onto a cock...  then it is all cum and sweat lol 

im here to properly bold the dicks

bleach my flour baby

K:  Hi guys what's up N:  beastiality and satan,  same as always F:  We put human dicks up pochayuu's butt we are the best judge of logical

Daddies for sausage.

MEERY DICKMAS

sprng loaded penis confetti

can i fuck the hamster ball

my stream; now with 100% more talk of epilating the hair from your testicles

wouldn't it be nice if i just didn't waste all my time on the internet

should've known he was a dick when he didn't name his chain daddy john's

Help I’m drunk at a work sinner

I had plans for tonight but now I'm just drunk and singing to my hamster how much I love her

missionary, victor on bottom, 1-2-3 fingers and plenty of lube, "i love yous" exchanged, gazing into each other's eyes, slowly thrusting, rings gleaming

niliforv is viktor's bootleg cousin

cockblocked by the human body

I know they're so cute and they're suppose to have really awesome personalities and when they get big they look like giant pink penises

puts a straw into the ass TAKE A FUCKING SIP BABES  

i'd let a panda kill me

I’m the biggest homophone

my gender is bitch

Save a moose. Ride a Canadian.

o/ I have met a cute dick!

I'm in the real lube

I'm just really content with my life right now . Isn't perfect or anything, I just have optimism that I can get through it.   I love you all.

dont be jealous of my potato wife

we are all potatoes drifting in the void

chris gave me the good nut sauce

Blursed 

have this ham as a tolken of my affection  

 guys I'm playing D&D and my flamboyantly bisexual airship captain just got offered an immortal hookup by a vampire

yll I just shoved my toothbrush up my nose

Glitter is the herpes of the holidays

tell me if u need squid, i am a squid magnet

I COME WHEREVER I WANT

What a Canadian death

bitch viktor ain't real

murder me...but make it sexy

prove they're not splenda daddies then hop on that dick

riding horses is racist

jesus fuck my fingers

i am a free corn kin

"When two souls meet in darkness what happens when there is light" what does that mean 

(after sharing yoi season 2 rickroll and everyone falling for it) NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOW- oh wait i just did ¬w¬

this is the only place where eating lipstick is seen as an accomplishment

IT STOPPED BEING ACCIDENTAL WHEN YOU REALIZED AND KEPT EATING IT

you realized you were eating lipstick and then just kept going

If I'm gonna eat lipstick I'mma finish

I'm starved for attention but at least I'm not starved for lipstick

eda maim me

Why do people think they can just ... say something

Your pastry is currently thinking, “donut fucking drop me again.”

i cant just look at a fucking disembodied vagina and be like OOOH YEAH THATS SEXY BECAUSE IM A LESBIAN

I wanna be a mountain

I'm with hamster DOES THAT MEAN YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH A HAMSTER

Phichit blushed and rubbed his stomach with small gently circles. "Yuuri, I need to tell you something. Yuuri startled. "What's wrong Phichit?" Phichit chewed at his bottom lip. "I-I'm with... I'm with hamster Yuuri. I due in February."

CURRY HAMSTER MPREG HAMSTTER PREGNAT WITH HAMSTER CURRY PIZZA HAMSTERPOTATOESHAMSTERELMOEVERYTHINGISONFIRE

Please don't eat or fuck your hamster

are you telling me you jerked off a fish

remember kids, capitalization is the difference between helping your uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse

[lesbians4armand]

you know............i hadn't considered grampa daniel knocking armand up but it would be SO hot if he did. he's not a regular old dude, he's a sexually active old dude. actually, aren't old folks homes known for their STI rates? he and armand raw dogging it on the daily.

daniel's out here putting a baby in armand at his big age. he's knocking that twink up.

do you think armand would know the symptoms? or understand what any of that even means or is daniel the one to notice?

it IS so hot! that old man can still get it and lets be real, he wanted to knock that vampire up since he first came to dubai and had him asking “was there anything else you require, mr molloy?”

he’s got grown daughters but he’s got time for more!!

I don’t know who would notice though that is a good question? does he start to get random cravings for like certain blood types? evening sickness over morning sickness?? not like he’s going to miss a period i wouldn’t think (though i haven’t thought too much about how exactly this plays out). The best way i can see them finding out is Armand sensing another heartbeat, freaking out and calling Fareed.

Daniel would be very shocked at first of course (you would be too if you got your dead boyfriend pregnant) but is familiar with the motions and timeline of pregnancy so i think he would be helpful enough.

[lesbians4armand]

on the technical side of things, maybe armand is intersex. he was often described as being beautiful like a girl! he couldve been born with a boys body but as he got older and hit puberty, perhaps he had a hormone disorder he didn't know about/coupled with sexual trauma/being turned he never really got to go through a full hrt puberty.

i know armand slept with numerous vampires in his coven, but he DOES have a tendency to not fuck human beings. maybe vampires CAN get pregnant, but they need a living counter part to make it work. immortal children are banned under vampire law, so i can see why female vampires aren't having children of their own (for fear of their child/them dying/the child being unable to progress physically or mentally) but wouldn't it just be like armand to be pregnant and not know until it's too late to do anything with?

or he gets pregnant and daniels the first to recognize the symptoms? the eating, the mood swings, how feral he's gotten during sex. i assume it would be jarring to wake up and find your vampire boyfriend projectile vomiting the 70 units of blood he gorged on 3 hours prior.

INTERSEX ARMAND!! YES!! The vampires of the vampire chronicles have always defied gender in its social ways but to have it completely blur binaries of biological sex is so so good, they already have so many differences to their biology and anatomy its not too much of a stretch.

And you’re right, armand is always described as being very androgynous, and bringing that along with his limited memories of his youth and the trauma that he went through, he could very well be intersex and not even realise it, though lack of memory or some other factor. I love exploration of Armand’s gender identity a lot due to his lack of self identity in general, I’ve considered genderfluid armand before and even transgender armand (t4t devils minion… real) but intersex is a new concept to me that’s super fascinating.

(shout out to that one fic where armand IS alice because he can literally change his gender and sex at will btw been thinking about that since i read it… very good very delicious very gender)

On logistics of vampire specific pregnancy, i also agree that one participant must be a living human, i doubt that vampires can get one another pregnant (both being dead things, as well as the law to not create vampire children). I think male vampires who do sleep with human women (cough cough, lestat) would be able to get them pregnant, and that human men can get vampires pregnant too. Someone has to be alive to create life in this scenario.

Who knows if these pregnancies would be entirely viable without specific requirements. Would the fetus need blood in-utero if half-vampire?? or is the baby just human as its created with living dna regardless? how does the vampire reproductive system work?? if their hearts still pump blood and their lungs still breathe, and their brains are still alive, their reproductive system may still be functioning even if other processes shut down? Iirc the VC universe later established that vampirism is kind of like a ghost-alien parasite infecting a dead human body but keeping some parts of it living. maybe this does include reproduction, I think all grounds of logic went out when we first got to aliens.

In the tv-show universe (in which im basing this crazy au), the vampires can have sex (though they could not in the books), so this implies a working reproductive system.

Anyway yeah! I think intersex Armand COULD be getting pregnant here. Admittedly I’m not super familiar with intersex people and how this would work but I’d love to learn more and it’s definitely a way of getting mpreg to work here. I think im too scared to commit to omegaverse so this is a very fun dynamic and solution.

On to the other parts of this ask as I have gone on a bit, Armand does seem the type to neglect his own wellbeing to the point he doesn’t realise he’s pregnant until months along when there is little to be done, but I also think he wouldn’t want anything to be done. He might not have very good experience or track record with children or kid-vampires (see claudia), but he would love the evidence of love from daniel. It’s a part of daniel and a part of him, I think he’d be obsessed with that, that they can bring something that is alive and good and both of them to the world.

The idea of daniel realising like “oh my vampire boyfriend is actually very strangely, almost like he’s ill, but vampires can’t get ill! It’s weird it’s like when Alice was pregnant with… Oh! oh that’s it. okay.”

thank you for the ask this was very interesting.

[lesbians4armand]

The vampires trying to name a baby would be insaaaaaaane. Daniel suggesting names like Jennifer, George, top 100 stuff before lestat chimes in with the idea of naming the baby Limoncello Lumiere Bonjovi Molloy. I don't even want to think of what Armand (well known for his name-based identity issues) would suggest

THEM PICKING OUT BABY NAMES 🥹🥹

“Limoncello Lumiere Bonjovi Molloy” LESTAT WOULD!!

I so agree on Armand being so Bad At Names but I like to think they go for something a little fancier than Jennifer. Just in case the baby is a vampire they don’t want to be called The Vampire Jennifer.

The name likely would end up being something more French or Italian, and in fact I actually have a list of names I think sound vampire-y already, funnily enough. If I were to write this au (which im being persuaded to do even more with every ask) I will likely use one.

I have more girl names than boy names and the girls ones sound cooler, so the baby will likely be a girl in my mind, named something like Francesca, Marian, Cassandra, or even something wilder like Lucrezia, Evangeline or Ophelia (I’m with Lestat on baby names I’m afraid)

Maybe Daniel would prefer something more common or classic, but this is Interview with the Vampire, the names have to be incredibly bizarre and outrageously gothy, as Anne Rice intended

[lesbians4armand]

have we discussed weird vampire mpreg that's kind of macabre Because Its A Monster so Armand is back to drinking crazy amounts of blood each night and it's up to daniel to get it to him :3c

i have to start tagging these posts with something specific this is too specific. vampire mpreg

you’re right though, if this theoretical baby is alive in the mortal sense (would it be? half-mortal? half human half vampire??) then armand would most likely need a LOT of blood to keep it that way, like 6 or 7 people a night. And Daniel as a responsible baby daddy (the only time he has ever been such a thing, because he is incredibly curious as to what this baby is going to be) is responsible for finding those people.

It’s going to be like the scene in twilight where Bella is drinking a blood smoothie while pregnant to keep that vampire baby alive (bear in mind i’ve never seen more than the first twilight film so this is information im guessing from what i know)

[lesbians4armand]

armand being the pregnant vampire is compelling because i know every single vampire in that coven is going to come around hoping to catch a glimpse, including louis and lestat who bring him gifts (human blood: louis brings blood bags and lestat always brings a human) and probably fareed, too? he's poking around, he's got armand doing scans and armand LOVES it. he loves seeing inside his body. he's grabbing the pregnancy lazer (ultrasound remote) and pointing it at his belly mid scan so he can see other parts of his body too.

devil's minion pregnancy sex goes crazy. daniel's an exhausted resource. he's falling asleep while he's on his feet. he can't even do drugs anymore because finding a dealer is too much energy to expel and he'd rather just take a nap. he's asking louis to fuck armand to get it out of his system but armand only wants him!!!

anon ily im so glad my 1am post thoughts are attracting the right sort of people.

YEAHH everyone is obsessed with armand, whether it be from curiosity, lust or genuine affection and i love it so much. getting him pregnant could fix him <3

the image of louis bringing blood bags and lestat bringing entire people is great like. raided a blood donation clinic for you! kidnapped some guy for you! its a love language <3

and oh my god devils minion pregnancy sex (gets so metaphorically hard i pass out) yeah <3 daniel is super obsessed with him but hes olddd and tireddd and cant do marathon sex anymore (it could be young maniel getting him pregnant but the idea of old maniel already having two daughters then getting another vampire baby. very good) Louis and Lestat are eager to help (a threesome could have fixed them!)

[lesbians4armand]

it is wip wednesday once again so have a snippet from chapter three of love, and it’s decisive pain

[lesbians4armand]

DEVILS MINION MPREG FIC CH1 IS HEREEE

[lesbians4armand]

okay another mpreg post im sorry.

yeah what if daniel got armand pregnant just before the breakup and had the reverse DM chase with a baby included but WHAT IF he got him pregnant before he even knew he was armand. he wanted him so bad in his kinky maid roleplay so bad anyway what if he knocked him up then had to deal with louis being like “oh yeah thats the vampire armand he’s the love of my life.” daniel is so fucked and yet through all of it. still horny. the human vampire fucker spirit is unmatched

[lesbians4armand]

armand being a squirmy lil pregnant guy but as soon as that Thang is born he's biting anybody that tries to get near unless its Daniel

yes lestat gets the tip of a finger bitten off. munch.

*nodding* yes yes you get it. bite lestat anyway but especially in these circumstances. Very good.

[lesbians4armand]

i think im gonna have to take one for the team and write vampire mpreg. the angsty character introspection can wait i need daniel getting him pregnant first

[lesbians4armand]

okay if you saw the first version of this no you didn’t. how exactly is daniel getting that vampire pregnant you decide.

[lesbians4armand]

ughhhh more vamp mpreg thoughts

but oh my god what if old maniel got armand pregnant just before the loumand breakup, just before armand turns him and disappears. where does he go, how does he find out, how does he tell daniel? does he reappear to his fledgling one day with a baby in his arms or still with a baby bump, telling daniel its his to his disbelief. godddd.

[lesbians4armand]

haven’t had a vampire mpreg ask in a couple days i miss it. maybe i really should write the fic

[lesbians4armand]

Chapter Three of “love, and it’s decisive pain” is now up!