#cw dec 18

[ssvmptoms]

you know what- i’m not sure why those shawols hate newer ones. i think it’s because they most likely talk about… that, and it makes them uncomfortable or they’re anti jonghyun or ot4 in someway idk but this happened to my friend where he was bullied online and it was so bad that he would literally lie and say that he was a shawol of 10 years just to validate his grief. like bruh imagine having to proof that you had been a shawol for a long time just so people would take you seriously. i mean… this is awful and since we’re about the same age many people would assume that i also am a new shawol when i’m very old. fandoms are weird.

//talk of dec 18

this!!! i feel like the only reason some “shawols” will hate on babywols is just because theyre an ot4 in some way or need something to argue about. im so sorry about the way you and your friend were treated, i hope you guys are better now. wishing you the best

but also, why do you have to be an older shawol to grieve? whether you are a new shawol or a shawol since debut, you are very unlikely to have ever knwon jonghyun on a personal level.

all connections to him are through his beautiful music and nice messages via concert, or social media, or blue night. i believe that even if you were a fan of 14 years or a fan of 1 year, you have the right to grieve. admiring his beauty, his talent, everything he did for those around him, his kindess, his advocating towards communities in South Korea, his care, his sense of humor… those are all things you can cherish him for even as a fan who became a shawol after his passing.

though i do think that the rise of non-shawols around december does cause a bad stigma towards babywols — there are so many people who cant name a single song he wrote for shinee or a single solo song besides moon who claim how much they “miss” him… and then its the only shinee post they have on their entire page. those people can go fuck themselves honestly like maybe if you actually gave a fuck about shinee youd know thats not what the members would want…

i actually made an internet war edit and posted it on tiktok and someone told me to “not do jonghyun like that” like he didnt do that performance himself… when will they get a grip

but to end this rant, the first post i ever saw about jonghyun, about 2-3 years ago, was praise for his vocal talent, and not about his death. thats how it should always be

[herawell]

.

[spookysteddie]

Always Comin’ Home to You

Gator Tillman x fem!reader

18+ MINOR DNI

dec: after a fight with his step-mother Gator comes home late, scaring you. His bruises tell you of the day he had and all he wants is to feel you.

cw: Swearing, abandonment, mental / physical abuse (Roy to Gator), domestic abuse (Roy to Karen), bruises, mention of death, implication of anxiety, murder, toxic religion themes, gator calls his step-mom a cunt, crying, fingering, daddy kink, dd/lg themes if you squint, Gator calls himself her God (what's the name for that?), unprotected penetrative sex, cream pie, promises. (let me know if I missed anything)

wc: 3.7k

a/n: I need Gator Tillman like I need to fucking breathe. This man is WOW. I just want to pet him and tell him he is, in fact, a winner and then suck him off. Anyway, I hope y'all like this heheh

...

Gator Tillman didn’t have a lot of good things in his life. 

Between his mother leaving, his father being as asshole and everything in between, Gator was a little fucked up and very morally gray. Doing his daddy's dirty work in the hopes Roy will finally be proud of him. 

Now, there was one good thing (or person) in his life, one human who brought out the best in him. One person who saw him for the person he was deep inside. The one who saw him as a winner. 

You. 

You were everything Gator could ever dream of, his perfect girl. 

“Gator? Baby have you seen my sunglasses?” You pull some clothes out of the hamper, double (triple) checking that they weren’t in there. “Do you have them? Are they in your cruiser?!” 

You hear Gators heavy footsteps before he leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, “have ya checked on top of ya head?” You can hear the smugness in his voice and instantly you want to punch him. 

You were an angel and subsequently the sweetest girl. Shit, you make Gator catch and release the spiders you find in the house because you ‘want someone to grant you the same kindness in life’. Whatever that means. But of course he does it, because the last thing he wants is to make you cry. 

Well, that’s not true. He loves making you cry while your wrapped around his cock, fucking you so deep and hard that you can’t form a complete thought. Only then does he enjoy the tears streaming down your face. 

But at the same time, you had a wicked attitude. One he liked to fuck outta you at every opportunity. And when you look up at him he knows it’s coming. 

“Do they look like they’re on my fuckin’ head, Gator? Jesus Christ.” But he doesn't fail to notice you subtly check in the mirror to make sure they aren’t actually on your head. They aren’t, for the record. 

Gator is not like his daddy. Does he have his fathers attitude? Absolutely. But he has never raised his hand to you outside of the bedroom, much to his fathers dislike. Claiming he’s watched his father beat on his step-mother and even though he hates her – only because she gave birth to his twin sisters, giving his father two more chances to fuck their futures up – he doesn’t think it’s right. 

He balls his fists, nails digging into the center of his hand. He has too much shit to do today and, frankly, doesn’t have time for this shit. “Watch ya mouth bunny. Lucky my dad aint home to hear you take Christs name in vain.” 

Gator is right. His daddy already doesn't like you, doesn’t think you’re Godly enough. He also seems to think you’re an idiot simply because Gator does everything for you, even down to tying your shoes. It’s something Gator likes doing, taking care of you as it helps ease his mind. 

But at the same time Roy wonders how his son could catch and keep a girl like you. It’s emotional whiplash most of the time. Of course, Gator takes the brunt of his daddy's issues when it comes to you, never letting his daddy so much as look wrong in your direction. 

You sigh, running your hands down your pink skirt, “look, can you please help me find them? You know my eyes don’t do well with the sun bouncing off the snow.” 

His eyes soften, loving when you need his help, “I’m willin’ to bet they’re in the cruiser on the floor boards.” 

Your face heats as you remember exactly why they’d be on the floor of the cruiser, your escapades from your little meeting at the police station last night. There was always that preliminary fuck before going back to Roys (cause God forbid Gator ever come stay at your place. His daddy needs him nice and close.) considering you don’t know how to keep your moans quiet. So, he tires you out, not so much that you can’t drive back to his place, but just enough to where you’re silent during round two and three and four. 

The cold nips at your bare legs, winter just as brutal as every other year in this godforsaken state. You swear it never gets easier, winter, and the older you get the more you think about moving south. You think Gator would like the warmer weather, probably find the warmth soothing. 

“Ah ha! Got ‘em!” Gator hands them to you with a huge smile on his face. He looks almost boy-like. It’s rare he has a genuine smile, especially when his daddy is around. 

“Gator,” his step-mothers voice rings out from the porch, making you both jump. He doesn’t turn around, doesn’t give her the satisfaction of seeing his frustration. “Stop yellin’ cause your sisters are sleepin’!” 

“Karen, they’re at the other end of this fuckin house and your scratchy ass voice is louder than me.” 

You can see her huff, “I should call your father!” 

He sighs, turning on his heel, “I don’t think that’ll be a good idea. Dad’s… a little busy today.” Gator knows exactly what his daddy is busy with, not that he’d ever tell you. Terrified that he would somehow put you in danger. 

You know that there was shit his daddy made him do. Things that forced him to come home with black eyes, bloody lips and bruises on his knuckles and body. It hurt your heart every time he came home like that, telling you it was nothing while he winces as he takes off his clothes. 

Karen seethes from the porch and you see her look from Gator to you and back. Gator, who notices everything, sees it and steps in front of you, pushing you behind him. “Don’t look at her like that, Karen.” 

That seems to annoy her more, “she better not be here tonight. You hear me? Don’t need your sisters hearin the stuff you two get up to at night.” 

“Not any worse than dads hands hittin’ your face while they sit at the kitchen table.” You cringe at his statement, seeing Roy hit Karen more times than you can count. “You don’t run this house. Or tell me what to do.” He spits on the ground and turns away, waiting till he hears the door slam to speak. 

“I fuckin hate her. She’s sucha little bitch.” 

You wrap your arms around his middle, breathing him in. “Can stay at mine tonight if you want. Don’t wanna get you in trouble,” you murmur into his shirt. “O-or we can spend a night apart. I know we haven’t done that inna while but just till this blows over an’ we know she didn’t say nothin’ to your father.” 

You know you're rambling, but all you want is to make Gators life comfortable and safe. You know there is a small chance that Karen will call Roy, tell him what happened, maybe even lie (she’s done that before) and say you upset her. If that happens, Gator will get it good, possibly another broken arm or dislocated jaw. That’s the last thing you want. You can feel you chest ache, eyes burning at the idea of Roy hurtin’ him. 

Gator pulls your face back from his chest, making you look up at him, “don’t you be worryin’ bout me now. Roy ain’t gonna do shit and I don’t sleep when you aren’t curled up next to me,” he kisses your forehead. “I’ll put some feelers out to see if that little bitch called him. Gotta meeting at 3 with him.” 

You nod, your hand coming up to fix his jacket. In reality, you just need something to distract from the burning behind your eyes. 

“Hey? I’m serious. I’ll be fine, okay?” He lets you go to reach into his pocket, pulling out some cash and handing it to you, “why don’t you go get your nails done or something, yeah?” 

You know refusing to take the money wont go well, so you take it, putting it in the pocket of your jacket. “Thank you, daddy,” you whisper out, knowing you aren’t really supposed to say that outside of Gators locked bedroom door. 

He lets it slide, the day has been stressful enough for you. “That’s my good bunny. Now, run along and I’ll meet you here at six okay?” 

You tilt your head, “no station tonight?” 

“Nah… Jerry is working and he’s got a starin’ problem when it comes to ya. Don’t feel like scoopin’ eyeballs out. Too messy.” 

You shudder but kiss him goodbye before getting in your car. You have a very bad feeling his 3pm meeting isn’t going to go how he expects. 

… 

You were right. 

You knew you were right the second you pulled up to his house at six on the dot and he wasn’t home. You reach for your phone, looking to see if maybe you’d missed a text, phone call, shit even an email from your boyfriend. 

Nothing. 

Even when you try to call him, you're met with a voicemail. You can feel the bile rise in the back of your throat, fear making your skin itch. Was this it? Was this the time Roy sends him out there to do his dirty work and he doesn’t make it home? 

He could be anywhere right now. Not only that, if he was dead, no one would do shit for him. No funeral, no service, nothing. His dad would go on and wipe his hands clean of his “loser” son, probably more than happy that the ties of his first wife are gone for good. 

Oh God, what if he was dying, the cold freezing the blood onto his skin, frostbite settling in. He could be so scared, praying to the God he doesn’t believe in that you come find him. His clothes are probably wet too, sticking to him thanks to the sn-

A knock on your window makes you jump, a yelp falling from your lips. You look over, seeing the blue of his jacket in your peripheral and the sight makes you gasp. You’re quick to shut off the car, jumping out and getting a closer look at him. 

He looks… awful. His right eye is nearly swollen shut, dry blood sticking to his split brow. There is a bruise on the other side of his face and under his left eyes, clearly he got hit in the nose. 

“Baby…” this time you can't stop the tears from falling. “Baby what happened?” 

He lets out a long, deep sigh, his hands resting on your cheeks. “Fuckin’ cunt called dad. Said I needed a lesson in respect. S’how I got the bruise on my left eye.” He wipes the tear that falls from your eye, his touch soft and kind, “sent me to do some shit across state lines. Guy beat the fuck outta me. He ain’t alive no more though.” 

You sniffle, “is it just your face?” 

He shakes his head but doesn’t say more. He knows you’ll see the rest once he gets you inside. Well … “we-I can’t let you sleep here tonight, Gator.” 

He shakes his head, “it’s fine. Dad said so himself. Come on.” 

And so he drags you inside, Karen looking like the cat that caught the canary as she watches you help Gator walk. You make a mental note to never forget this, never forget how she treats her step-son.

You push open Gators bedroom door, making sure to shut it silently and lock it before settling Gator on the bed. “Let’s get ya into some comfy clothes, yeah?” 

You crouch down in front of him, making quick work of untying his boots. 

“Baby, I can do this. I’m the one who's supposed to help you.” 

That only makes more tears burn your eyes. You hated that he never let anyone help him, hated that he always had to be strong, couldn’t ever cry, nothing. You hated Roy for making him like this and you hated his mother for leaving and not saving her only son from a life of pain. 

“Stop. Just-just let me help you, Gator please.”  You pull at the laces to loosen them and make it easier to slide off his boot, your vision blurry from the tears in your eyes. 

His boot comes off easy and you make sure you keep your hold on it so it doesn’t make any noise on the floor. Same with the second one. 

You stand, unclipping his thigh holster and setting it on the nightstand where he likes it. Incase of emergencies. Next is his belt, coming off with ease. He stops you when you get to his pants, making you look up at him. He hates the silver shining along your waterline. 

“I love you, little bunny.” He says it so quietly that you almost miss it. 

“I love you too.” Your voice cracks as you say. 

You work on his pants, popping open the buttons with ease. Next you pull his shirt out of his pants and pull it over his head. By the time his shirt hits the floor, you’ve gotten a full look at his bare torso. A bruise is forming along his ribs, it’s really red and slightly turning purple. 

“Jeez baby,” your hands gently touch his skin and he hisses a little. “S-sorry.” 

He says nothing as he helps you pull off his pants, leaving him in just his boxers. 

“Stay here,” you tell him as you collect his dirty clothes and go into his attached bathroom. You sigh as you grab a face cloth, turning the water on so it heats up. It, of course, takes forever for the water to warm. Nothing like shit water heating thanks to the frigid winter. But once it does you wet the cloth and grab the first aid kit and go back to him. 

You’ve done this before, cleaned him up, you’ve even stitched him up. You’d like to thank the internet for telling you how to do that and you’ve gotten good over the last two years. 

“S’is gonna hurt. Luckily it looks like you don’t need stitches. Just don’t move while I work okay?” 

He nods, “yes, baby. Ya don’t have to do this. I know you don’t like blood.” This was true, you didn’t like blood at all, barely even being able to handle papercuts. But for some reason, when it comes to him, you can manage to push it aside. Cuts can get infected and when they’re on his face it means it could go to the brain faster. 

You carefully dab the wet rag around his split eyebrow, gently clearing off the blood and making sure that you don’t resplit the cut open. “I think it split from the swellin’ but I don’t think it needs stitches.” 

He nods slightly, “good. I was hoping it’d close on its own.” 

You put some wound cleaner on it before you bandage it. He might have a scar there unless he leaves it alone. But knowing Gator, it’ll open again. You clean up around his face and causing a hiss to leave his lips once you touch his cheek and eye. You apologize, applying some cream that makes bruises heal faster to his face and ribs. 

“That’s everything.” You force a small smile at him, tossing the wet cloth into the hamper and putting the first aid kit away. You get undressed, needing skin to skin contact. Then, you climb into bed, snuggling up to him, resting your head on the safe side of his chest. 

The silence stretches, Gators arm around your shoulders, his thumb moving softly. 

“I thought you were dead in the snow,” the words tumble out of you before you can stop them. 

He thumb stills for a heartbeat before resuming, “but m’not.” 

“I’m sorry this is the life you were forced into. It is not fair.” 

He kisses your head, breathing you in for a moment, “it’s not your fault, bunny. You didn’t do any of this. Shoulda kept my mouth shut when it came to Karen. Just… smile an’ wave.” 

You shake your head, kissing his chest, “not how it’s supposed to be.”

Gator rolls over you, forcing you on your back. He bites back a pained groan. “My sweet bunny, listen to me. I am here. I am safe. S’gonna take a lot more to kill me.” He leans down, capturing your lips in a sweet kiss. 

You let your hands slide into his hair, deepening the kiss. Honestly, you just need to feel him. He knows it and if he’s being honest, he needs to feel you too. He’ll never say it out loud, but as he laid in the snow, doing his best to get the fucker he was sent to kill off of him, he was scared. 

Scared he would die and you’d spend the rest of you life wondering. He knew no one would fill you in and he knew his daddy wouldn’t have a service for him. You’d be alone, wondering what happened to him, praying to the god you don’t believe in that he’d come home again. So, he fought like hell and now, he really needs you. Needs to be inside you. 

You pull back, breaking the kiss, “Gator, we can’t.” 

“We can. Please baby.” Gator doesn’t beg, he didn’t need to when it came to you. Always more than willing to do what he says and give him what he wants. His begging makes you give in. 

His hands push your underwear aside, feeling how ready you already are for him. Always ready, always wanting and only for him. 

You pull him in for a kiss while his fingers find your clit with ease, swallowing your moans. He always knows exactly how you like it, fingers moving in swift circles and just the right amount of pressure. 

“So fucking pretty when you’re at my mercy,” he pushes two fingers inside you, the stretch making your brain go fuzzy. “Looked so fucking pretty in your little skirt and frilly socks. My little angel.” 

The way Gator is cooing at you, his fingers crooked up to touch the one spot that drives you nuts and you can feel yourself slipping into that headspace you both love. You’re trying so hard to be logical, knowing he’s hurt and can hurt himself further. 

“Thank you, daddy. Bought it because I thought you’d like it.” Your voice is getting small, breathy. 

He grins, kissing down your neck, “I love it. Love everything you wear. Look so pretty in your pastels.” His thumb finds your clit, a soft moan falling from your lips. It’s embarrasing how quickly you are to coming around his fingers. 

“P-please. Gator please.” 

He smirks, “use your words, sweet girl. Tell me what you want.” 

You can feel your body heat up from both the coil inside you winding tighter and the embarrassment of having to say what you want. “I-I need to cum. So bad.” 

The second the words are in the air, Gator pulls his hands away, leaving your orgasm to fade away. “NO! No, no, no, no please!” 

He sucks a mark into your neck, his tongue licking over the spot to sooth it.

“Need ya to cum on my cock, baby.” 

Before your brain can catch up, he’s sliding inside you. The stretch is something you haven't gotten used to in the last two years. It feels like he's splitting you in half, his cock filling you completely. 

“OH! Oh my god.” You're already panting, squeezing him so hard he’s fighting to not bust prematurely. 

Gator drops to his forearms and pumps his hips, getting right in your face. He’s so close you can smell the fruity scent from the vape he was no doubt huffing on before coming to see you. 

“S’right baby, I am your God and I love when ya pray to me.” 

You can’t help the way your cunt clenches, a moan falling from your lips that is just slightly too loud for either of your comforts. At the moment, you don’t care. You know Roy already got his fill of kicking Gatos' ass. He’s not going to worry about it tonight. 

“Daddy, please. I’m so close.” 

His hips are snapping hard, cock hitting your cervix with every thrust. He feels like he’s inside your throat and you can’t tell if his grunts are from pain, pleasure, or both. 

“Not yet. Almost there. D-don’t cum yet.” 

Your nails sink into his biceps, hips starting to stutter. 

“Please! Fuck! Oh god…” 

He smirks, eyes meeting yours, “yeah? I know how bad ya need it. How bad ya need me to fill this pretty, little cunt up. Breed an own ya f’ever? Hm?” His eyes are black and he looks absolutely feral. Primal.  

His hand snakes down the front of your body, finding your clit with ease. You gasp, thighs starting to shake. You knew you weren’t going to last but you needed his permission. You craved his praise and being in his good graces. You’d let him do anything to you, that’s how much you trust him. 

“Yes! Yes! Whatever you want. Anything.” You don’t even know what you’re saying at this point, too cock drunk to think of anything besides him and what he’s doing to you. 

He laughs, seeing your eyes glazed over and tears of pleasure lining your eyes, “cum for me bunny. Do it.” 

It’s all you need to fall into bliss. 

His hand covers your mouth knowing how loud you’re about to be. His face drops into your neck as he cums with you, both of your moans muffled by each other's bodies. His cum fills you, leaking out as he brings you both down. 

His hand slowly leaves your mouth, head lifting to look at you. 

“I love you. I fuckin’ love you so fuckin’ much.” He leaves little kisses all over your face, trying to bring you back to him. “You hear me? M’never leavin’ you.” 

You take a shuddering inhale, trying to form a coherent thought, “P-promise?” 

You hold your pinky up to him, hands shaking while adrenalin continues to run through your veins. He giggles, hooking his pinky with yours, “promise. I’ll always come home to you. I will always fall asleep next to you.” 

He looks down, flipping your hand over and checking out your nails, “I can’t wait for these pretty, red claws to be wrapped around my cock.” 

Your chest lightens as you both laugh together.

[touyas-multi-purpose-saline]

DAY XXIV. — SENSORY DEPRIVATION

cw: Sensory Deprivation, Yandere Undertones, Manipulation, Unhealthy Relationships, INCEST, Graphic Descriptions of Blood / Violence / Gore, Surgical Procedures, Gaslighting, Overhaul is Insane, Uncomfortable Scenarios, General Dark Content Not Suitable for Immature Audiences, Fem! Reader. Reader discretion is advised. 18+ Only!

author's note: Please, oh, please be mindful of these tags. This scenario is graphic, dark, unhealthy, and abusive. It is not okay. These thoughts, feelings, and emotions are based off of real trauma and experiences I have endured. Please do NOT let this fic alter any of your perceptions of boundaries, healthy relationships, or sex. I do not condone unhealthy behavior in any sense! This is strictly fiction! Do not force yourself to read if you're uncomfortable.

word count: Approximately 1.7k words.

You can’t see. 

Kai tells you that it’s easier this way whenever he has to perform a particularly intense procedure. A silk blindfold is tied around your head, eyes head securely in their little shells, and you try to breathe. The lack of vision makes it worse sometimes. Even though you already know what Kai’s going to do to you, the anticipation skyrockets whenever you can’t watch him bring down the scalpel. You wonder why he always bothers with the blindfold whenever he knows it makes your muscles tremor, makes the blindfold soggy and washed up, makes your heartbeat forget who it is, makes the monitors circling the two of you like vultures blip like a sonar in the trenches of the blackest ocean. 

If Kai was just slicing off your skin like an orange peel like normal, your eyes would be wide open and staring down into your own flesh. Blood, tender red, muscles that never fully lose their color, never pale, and luscious wine of your cells, organs, vitality, life, personality, and the will to live pools in the gaping squares Kai has flayed away—dripping. You wouldn’t look him in the eye, wouldn’t beg, wouldn’t even flinch whenever he slices again. You quit doing that kind of stupid and useless stuff months ago. It doesn’t make him stop, and it puts Kai in a terrific mood whenever you so willingly and easily give into his every whim. And you always do. Every time. You love him. 

“You do so well for me, angel. Do you know how much I appreciate that?” 

Butter on pancakes, syrup drenching the plate. Kai knows the right words to say to make your heart flutter, monarchs in your stomach wild and free, struggling to break out of your stomach, proboscis like knives. He’s so sweet, too sweet to you, too sweet for whenever metal clatters against metal, a small breeze rolls over your nose, and you feel him home in. 

“Thank you, Kai.” 

He hums in response, and you feel it. Coolness pressing down on your lower stomach. You wonder what he’s doing today. It stings, it’s wet. Ah, some sort of sanitizing thing you guess. Or numbing spray. You’re not sure. Maybe both. More sounds, Kai is moving around, he’s grabbing things, and then you feel Kai’s hand on you. Metal on your navel, heavy, and a small breath of air hitches in the back of your throat. Then, straight. Kai makes a tiny incision, you wince, bite your tongue, but you don’t even jolt. Your body is still, but your mind is trying to crawl out of its barriers, the wall, the wall circling your every thought. The scalpel leaves, more shuffling, and something blunt prods at the slit. 

“I weighed the pros and cons of doing this manually or handling it myself, but I decided I didn’t really like the last option.” 

A line creases between your brows, push, and it feels like you’re about to explode. Whatever Kai’s doing, he’s placing some sort of tube in your body, and even though your organs don’t react, your skin does, your nerves do, you’re on fire, and chills tickle your toes and fingertips. What is he talking about now? 

“I don’t want there to be any barriers between us, but that’s not really practical at the moment. No, not at all. So I decided I’d have to do this for now.” 

It feels like eternity before the tube stops snaking into your body, flats of your nails bending backwards until you can touch your knuckles, the arms of the chair squeaking out underneath your grip. You’re scared even though you told yourself that you wouldn’t be. You promised Kai that he could do whatever he needed to you, whatever was necessary for his plan. You don't care about the plan, not one bit, never did, but it drives Kai, motivates him, it’s all his life. Consuming. If he needed to cut you up, entrails strewn around the room like christmas lights, if he needed that then he could do that to you if he wanted. So why do you still get scared? 

Is it because you can’t see him? Is it because he’s never said something quite like this? Is it because you think that maybe you don’t want to let Kai do this to you anymore? 

“If I used my Quirk on you, that might spoil it. Make it gross and dirty.” 

It? 

“K-Kai.” 

Dammit, you stuttered. A pause. Dread fills your body, air does too, you can feel it. You’re inflating, growing bigger, fuller, and you feel like a balloon close to popping. One needle, that’s all it’ll take. Cotton in your nostrils, oxygen in your eardrums, gauze on your tongue. Fatter, more, and your diaphragm rises. Is he filling you with something? You’re dizzy. He’s not talking. You shouldn’t have questioned him. You itch, the urge to tear off the blindfold is insane, but the reality of your decision is too dangerous to even attempt. Static is crawling all over your body, and so is Kai’s gaze. You can feel it. More fear. 

“Kai, spoil what?” 

It’s everywhere. You can hear the lack of his breathing, but you can hear the weight of yours. It’s THERE, and you want it to DISAPPEAR, and you think if you could look down at yourself that you’d be drifting away on a cloud, the zigzag hospital chair you’re strapped to just keeps morphing until it loses its shape. You’re losing it, you want Kai to say something, each one of your hair follicles prickle. And then, 

“Your uterus.” 

His hands move, you freeze, and then it’s nothing until it’s—

“M-My uterus? Why… Why would you need to do anything to that?” 

You’ve never had sex before. You don’t even think you want to. You’re too busy being whatever Kai wants you to be, laying underneath his everything and fulfilling his desires. You don’t understand why Kai would need to do anything like that to you—he’s, Kai is, Kai isn’t anything other than your—

Any barriers between us

Both of your eyes are wide before you actually do thrash. 

“Kai, what are you doing to me? What are you trying to accomplish out of this? What—” 

Kai slams both of his hands on your shoulders, pinning you back down to the hospital chair, but you fight against the added restraints, and terror is the only thing you can comprehend right now. What expression is on his face? All you can see in your mind are those golden honey eyes. You feel sick, nauseous, and the world is getting more and more twisted and you’re getting a little less weightless the longer Kai leaves his touch. 

“Angel, I don’t need you doing this. It’ll mess everything up. I don’t want to have to sedate you. This is a special time we share together, don’t you agree?” 

Ohh, nooo, not this. He can’t coo and sway you now, he can’t coddle you, he can’t rub his thumbs over your collar bones and laugh something wistful. 

“And after we’re done here today, we can become something more. Isn’t that exciting? We can finally consummate everything we’ve ever been.” 

There’s a distinct kind of scream that knocks the roof of your mouth up, but you just gasp through agape lips and whisper— 

“C-Consummate?” 

“Yeah.” 

That’s it. Kai’s hands are gone, the sound of the tube being grabbed and pulled isn’t something you register, you just—

“Kai, are you—what… are you implying that—?” 

A couple of buttons are pressed, the tube is set down, you think, something else is picked up. So much clattering, like thunder in your ears. Sharp smells, zesty lemon, clean, and you can’t breathe past the cloth on your eyes. Kai hums again. 

“Implying that we’re going to have sex?” 

You gulp. 

“Y-Yeah. Sex.” 

The edge of the scalpel is on your mound now. 

“Mhm. I’m going to have sex with you whenever I’m through.” 

Oh, you genuinely can’t breathe. Your lungs are so cinched, there’s pain in your shoulders, you can’t flee, can’t wriggle into the tiles of the floor, can’t hide, you’re naked in front of the man who’s cutting you open, bare and exposed for him. Always. Gooseflesh rises in the wake of his words. You feel awkward and humiliated now. You’ve never felt more hollow, never felt more alive, and you’ve never thought anything weird about letting Kai see you like this. Never, and that’s because—

“K-Kai-i. Please don’t s-say things like th-that. You’re my—my—” 

Slice, an actual yelp leaves you. 

“Brother? I am, aren’t I? But that’s the reason why we’re perfect for each other. Chisaki. We’re Chisaki. Everything about you has been made for me, of me, and I can’t just let you slip through my fingers.” 

Everything is spinning now, low iron, screaming reverberations, you’re sinking, the soul in you is sinking.

“N-No, no, no. I’m not a-attracted to you. I don’t want to have s-sex with you.” 

Kai chuckles. 

“Of course, you do. You’re just nervous, right? I should have expected that. It’ll be our first time together—our first times ever. Isn’t that special?” 

Sickness, disease, fevers, you’re on a rope, hanging, and you feel like if you could stretch your fingers out that you would grab that scalpel and stab yourself through your eyes, ears, gums, lungs. 

“That’s n-not it, Kai. Please, oh, God, please do not do anything to me. We’re not going to have s-sex.” 

The scalpel leaves, Kai sighs. He starts drumming his fingers on your thigh, silent. You see darkness, you see the light, you have no gravity anymore. 

“Don’t be difficult, angel. I’m going to give you a tubal ligation, and then we can have sex. That’s what we’re going to do and I’m no longer in the mood for any games. Be quiet now.” 

If you could explode, if he could just overhaul your entire being, you would let the blindfold consume you. 

A whimper. 

“K-Kai, p-please—” 

Kai shushes you, an angered lilt to his rhythm. 

“I said be quiet. I’ve been waiting for this moment for years. You’ll want it too. You’re just being difficult.” 

Tears soak into the barrier separating Kai’s eyes from yours. 

[froggyed]

Hi! 🌸✨

I'm Lilus (she/her). This is my 3d/academic vent diary. Always happy for some mutuals :)

18+ please!! Please block me if I accidentally interact with your page and you are a minor.

!!DNI if you are a minor or not a 3d account. Please block if you're uncomfortable with anything!!

About me

I'm 22 years old and I am, ironically, a food science student. I used to frequent pro ana/mia sites a lot, but I stopped after recovery.

I am NOT pro ana/mia

I'm here because I think I'm relapsing, haha! I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality and control over life, and reverting back to my 3d will provide me some comfort.

I was achieving so much when I was restricting because I was perfect. I miss perfection.

H: 5'2"

SW: 117.6

CW: 116.4

Mid Dec: 113

End Dec: 110

Mid Jan: 105

End Jan: 100

Mid Feb 95

GW: 93.0

UGW: 90.0

Last Thoughts

I'm always up for a chat :) don't hesitate to reach out. Also, comments!! I love interacting! Thanks for making it this far.

Wanna chat about the science of food? My inbox is always open ✨

In academia and want to rant about your 3d adjacent to college? Use #ed academia !!!

Please comment on my posts, I am a yapper!!!

[fairyniceyeah]

🧚🏻‍♀️ Fairy's Advent Calendar 2024 - You made my dawn 🧚🏻‍♀️

Dec 1 – Prologue - 💎

The idea of accompanying and shaping new trainees on their way to become famous and successful sounded romantic, didn’t it? Grand even. It took her about three to four business days to realize that working with trainees was anything but glamorous. It was chaotic, a cacophony of sound and most of all it was messy. [CW: /]

Dec 3 – Snot/Angel - 😇

That made ruined-by-trainees-shirt #7. Oh, well. [CW: /]

Dec 4 – Stomach bug/Baby - 🍚

“Well, none of us expected to be reacquainted with his breakfast, especially without warning.” [CW: emeto]

Dec 5 – Doctor's appointment/Boo - 🍊

“Will they take blood?”, he whispered as if the doctors in the building would just appear to do that if he said it any louder. [CW: /]

Dec 6 – Motion sick/Buddy - 🐢

“Can we pull over? I think he is about to puke.” [CW: emeto]

Dec 7 – Losing a stuffed plushie/Cutie - 😸

“Noona, you need to come”, he said, even tugging at her hand to get her moving. “It’s an emergency. Junnie is crying so much.” [CW: /]

Dec 8 – Shyness/Darling - 🍒

His voice was nearly pained when the teenager whispered: “Noona, I, uh, I really need to use the bathroom.” [CW: /]

Dec 10 – Clumsy/Dear - 🐕

Her friends with toddlers always told Eunji that nothing had them running faster than silence. [CW: /]

Dec 11 – Headache/Hon - 🦌

“Noona, I don’t feel well” was a sentence Eunji had long since started to dread. Whether it was a headache, an upset tummy or homesickness, she didn’t like those words. It always meant one of her kids wasn’t okay and that was not okay at all.

[CW: nausea, gagging]

Dec 12 – Bandaging wounds/Kiddo - ⚔️

We are never ever going out again without a first aid kit. [CW: /]

Dec 13 – Perfection/Love -🦖

She had lost count how often she had soothed frustrated tears, carried an exhausted trainee to bed and been there when their bodies gave out. [CW: emeto]

Dec 14 – Wiping away tears/Sweetheart 🐈‍⬛

It was nights like this that she was reminded how important it was that they checked in on their trainees. [CW: mentions of bullying]

Dec 15 – Homesick/Sweetie 🐸

He was so scared, just sent to Korea with a gold ring to sell if he was lost. [CW: /]

Dec 17 – Fever/Tiger 🐯

“Hi, Eunji-ssi. This is Laura”, the English teacher greeted her back and without more preamble continued. “Could you come by the classroom now, please?” [CW: /]

Dec 18 – Jealousy 🍚🍊

“I wasn’t sure if you could do this high note, Seungkwan, before I heard you sing, but I firmly believe you got this”, the vocal teacher said and handed him the sheet marked with Jihoon’s name. [CW: self-esteem issues]

Dec 19 – Loudness 🐈‍⬛⚔️

“Noona?”, Seokmin’s voice shook, his lips wobbling dangerously. “I think … I think I made Wonwoo-hyungie cry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” [CW: mentions of vomit]

Dec 20 - Choreography 😇🐯

“Hyungie”, he whispered, barely audible to Eunji’s ears. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that about yourself. I can’t stand hearing you say this.” [CW: self-esteem issues]

Dec 21 – Lost in the big city 🦌🐸

Looking at the clock she saw that it had been nearly two hours now and the snow was just falling more and more, the streets frozen and layered in white. And Jisoo and Minghao were out there, lost.  [CW: /]

Dec 22 – Food coma 😸🐕🐢

Even as the situation could have been avoided and mixing various cuisines was not the smartest idea, she couldn’t help but feel bad. All three of them looked miserable, clearly having been unable to estimate their limit. [CW: emeto]

Dec 24 – Big Brother 🍒🦖

They didn’t need her anymore. [CW: /]

Dec 25 – Hug 💎

Now, the trainees were spread over the dorm, working on making the tight quarters a Winter Wonderland.  [CW: /]

Notes: The missing days were filled with regularly scheduled fanfics.

Link to my full masterlist: Fairy's Full Masterlist

[fallingthroughcracks]

DISCLAIMER:

🤍 PLEASE just block me. Don’t report 🤍

I am NOT pro 4n4 at all. I am not here to encourage anyone else to do what I am/r3strict. This is purely a diary for ME because I feel very lonely and lost in my actual life.

——•=•——•=•——•=•——

• UPDATED Intro •

My names Liv, I’m 18, I use She/her Pronouns.

I’m recently relapsed but have been off and on with Ana and Mia since I was 13. I love theatre, reading, drawing, watching movies, and writing poetry!!

Pretty basic DNI: 15+, Shedblr only, no creeps,

ALWAYS looking for friends and Moots <3

•••••| STATS |•••••

Written in lbs

Height: 5’4 (157 cm)

SW/HW: 194.6 (Dec. 10. 2024)

CW: 194.6

LW: 158.6

GW 1: 190

GW 2: 175

GW 3: 160

GW 4: 150

UGW: 120

Please feel free to follow me and DM me, I’m always looking for mutuals. If you’re not 17+ please Dni <3

[tobe-skinny]

About me

I’m an 18 year old with an €d and depression.

This blog

This blog is just for comforting and motivating each other and not feeling alone. I’ll post and reblog stuff about €d, weight loss ect. If you feel triggered or are trying to recover I advise you to blog me :)

Stats

Heights: 166cm/5,5’’

HW: 65kg/143lbs

CW: 53,1kg/117lbs (January 8)

GW: 52kg/114lbs

UGW: 48kg/106lbs

I’m new on Tumblr so still figuring things out 🤍

- dec’ 2024

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Free Black Romance Books for the holidays! Dec 18-22 on Amazon.

Find all the titles HERE!

If you find some great books you like, please leave an author review. It helps us find more readers and gets us visible on the algorithm. My book "Faded" has only 49 reviews and I have to have at least 100 to get circulated on the platform.

Get "Faded" free HERE!

Omar Weston thought he was going to have an uneventful summer... After getting kicked out of his New York apartment because of a sordid indiscretion with his roommate’s fiancé, Omar high-tails it to sunny Southern California to regroup. He runs into his gorgeous ex-boyfriend Brent, and a dazzling former childhood playmate, Layla. Their reunion forces the sexy bisexual heartbreaker into some unexpected entanglements. Brent Canales-Stapleson is a working-class stiff in the middle of opening his very own auto body shop. New business challenges are on the horizon, but they are nothing compared to reuniting with his cheating ex, Omar. Can time heal old wounds? Especially ones littered with heartache and trust issues? Layla Maree is a Black goth who manages an erotic bookstore. A hook-up with her former childhood friend appears to be the perfect solution for her man drought. However, Brent throws a monkey wrench into her romantic pursuit of Omar, driving her to settle for a platonic friendship with a guy who could be her soul mate. Bouncing between old love and new, Omar's life expands when he gives polyamory a try. He discovers that juggling two hearts might be better than one. CW: Be warned: This book contains explicit sex (M/M, M/F), polyamory, recreational drug use, and the “N” word used by one character. In the words of Biggie “If ya don’t know, now ya know.

[shayandwildlifepack]

New intro post, you can see our old intro posts by looking for "intro post" as a tag on our blog.

Hello, this is our blog for alterhuman/nonhuman and plural things mainly. This was originally made for my fictionkin/ockin; Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. Who is a noncanon MHA/BNHA being/creature.

Here's a bit more info on my canon for Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. It was divergent from the manga and anime. If you want to know more about my canon, send in an ask, or you can see some things on my original intro posts. The only thing I will mention here is that UA was a college instead of a high school, so my class and I were all 18 at the start of the first year at UA.

In this life, the body is currently 19, so keep that in mind. We don't mind minors interacting. Just know I (the host) am more hesitant to interact with minors myself.

We try and make sure our posts are all tagged well, especially for tw or cw, if you see a post of ours that doesn't have a tw or cw that needs to be tagged tagged, then let us know and we'll fix it.

We will not answer/post any donation asks if you want to know why you should be able to find the posts we made about it by using the tag "no donation asks."

We will block for any reason. Especially when it comes to hate.

This is an endo safe space. We will not judge systems/plural beings for their origins. If you don't like this, leave.

We are also disabled, both in this life and in my (the host) life as Zuki, so that will also be on our blog. [In this life for all the ones after this]. We are autistic and ADHD for sure. We have a learning disability and depression as well diagnosed. We believe we might have OCD and PTSD but are not sure yet. I know we have some form of anxiety, but it's not diagnosed. We all (alters) experience these disabilities so yeah.

Because of our disabilities, we need a service dog in this life. [I also had one as Zuki]. We will likely post more about the service dog when we finally get our stuff together and do more about it.

- Shay (They/it/xe/ze/hx/he) | Host of Enby Creature Plurals (placeholder name for our plurality for now)

Some userboxes. 3 were made by me, and 4 were made by

Edit Dec 1st 2024: Added some new tag things and moved some around.

Edit Dec 3 2024: Changed some tag things around.

Edit Dec 22 2024: Changed alter to packmate.

Edit Jan 25 2025: Added new kin

Tags that are for specific things;

# howling barking and meowing - talking about stuff tag

# disabled pup - disability things

# multi noises - system/plural things

# tri beta noises sfw - sfw misceverse stuff

# tri beta noises nsfw - nsfw misceverse stuff

# howling and barking at the moon - poems/poetry

# howling into the past - past life/kin memories good

# barking into the past - past life/kin memories bad

# meowing in confusion - this is just for when we are confused about something

# confused howling - questioning system/plural stuff, including origin and alters

# little pup - sfw age regression things when pup is used to refer to me/us

# little kitten - sfw age regression things when kitten/kit is used to refer to me/us

# woof woof reblog - rebloging alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or adding alterhuman/nonhuman stuff in our reblog

# multi reblog - system/plural reblogs

# other reblog - rebloging without alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or plural stuff

# bark bark ask - answering asks to do with alterhuman/nonhuman stuff

# tri beta ask sfw - answering asks to do with sfw misceverse

# tri beta ask nsfw - answering asks to do with nsfw misceverse

# meow ask - answering asks without alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or plural stuff

# 💚🩵🐾🪶 - Shay | host

# 🐾🪶🦴🪽 - Zuki Shay Lupo | MHA/BNHA kin

# 🩵🦴🐾🪽 - Cyan Lupo | RWBY kin

#🖌💌🪶🖊 - Akay Lupo | DDLC kin

# 🌊🔷️🌟🎨 - Lakey | packmate

# 😺🤎🍓🥓 - Declan (The cat face changes based on mood of post) | packmate

# 🐈🐈‍⬛🍗🥛 - Lynix | packmate

# 🗣💚🦮🥦 - Shirley | packmate

# 🐲🐉🔥💛 - Den | packmate | was originally known as Dragon

# ❓️⁉️❔️🤔 - Mystery | packmate

# 🐺🦾🦿🤖 - Oynx Afton (the middle two are supposed to just represent animatronic shit) | packmate

# 🟤🐺🐾🌕 - Phalen Lupe (supposed to represent werecanine/werewolf) | packmate

# 🐺🌠😇😈 - Vesper Lucian (supposed to represent fallen angel) | packmate

# 🌙🔥🐲📛 - Moonfire | packmate

[oattoast]

another long night of me worrying and crying about my sickly old lady cat (18-year old Greasy, who I love incredibly much and who has been going through a rough couple of months to the point the vet didn't think she'd make it through september). cw vomiting and pet illness. discussions of medicines and treatments. mostly me gathering my thoughts and making plans.

my tiny old lady cat Greasy has the pukes. since Sunday at 6am, she's been throwing up 10-20 minutes after eating. She didn't throw up all Sunday afternoon but resumed Sunday night and Monday morning. a couple of times I have found very small hairballs in the food/vomit. and a couple times it's just been clear with white foam (classic kidney disease symptom; she's stage 2 at last check and acid has thus far been controlled with 2.5mg pepcid once daily in the evenings).

she's hungry, so she keeps eating and drinking water. I think it's a good sign she still has an appetite even though she's feeling awful. I heard her eat at maybe 1:45am, so I'm waiting up to catch her vomit on some grocery circulars and tissues so I don't have to wash my blanket again twice in two days (I don't have a dryer, it takes all day to dry and there's not much sun this time of year). It is 2am.

last week (the night of Dec. 5th/morning of the 6th) we went to the emergency vet because Greasy had a UTI. for 10 days I was giving a lot of different medicines and supplements 6-7 times a day, so I stopped giving her slippery elm bark (herbal remedy for nausea/gastro issues) to try to lighten the load on me and reduce stress on her. she's been on 1/8tsp powder (mixed with 1ml water, syringed into mouth cheek pocket) daily for months, but I didn't know if it was actually doing much of anything to reduce nausea/soothe gastro issues. besides vomiting on the 6th from straining, she was doing fine. well. she was probably doing fine because of it. maybe a little less than a week later, she has the pukes now. I feel guilty, like I was being lazy trying to cut things out when I was overwhelmed trying to manage all of Greasy's meds and treatments. have an alarm set to call the vet at 7am (in 5 hours...) to see if we can get a cerenia shot (anti emetic) and some cerenia pills to get us through until her lab draws on the 26th.

it might not be the slippery elm bark stopping that caused this. after all, she finished up a round of antibiotics today and she's been under a lot of stress. it could be other stuff going on like worsening kidney disease or pancreatitis. she hasn't had a proper urine culture, so it may be that the antibiotic didn't work and the uti traveled up to her kidney or is getting worse (she hasnt had any more UTI symptoms though so I think/hope this isn't the case). the timing of stopping the herbal remedy for gastro issues and nausea and within the week her starting to vomit might explain things. If it *is* the slippery elm bark, i had not realized it was doing so much heavy lifting. I resumed it Sunday afternoon. The dose range for that is 1/8-1/4 tsp, so maybe I'll give her 1/4 tsp tomorrow and reduce it if symptoms improve.

I gave her another 2.5mg dose of pepcid Monday morning (she usually only gets one dose in the evening, but twice a day is within range the Dr said we could give her, max 5mg a day). It's only been 18 hours of 5mg pepcid instead of 2.5mg pepcid, and 2 doses of slippery elm bark 1/8tsp. I can go up on slippery elm bark to multiple times a day as well, just need to check the dose recommendations.

Greasy's regular vet doesn't work Tuesdays. Hopefully the pepcid and slippery elm bark combo build up tomorrow and she stabilizes enough to see him wednesday :( and also that's if they have any openings. Cerenia works very quickly and I'm sure she would be relieved not to be puking.

It's 2:05am. she drank water, used the litter box, and is drinking water again. Sometimes cats drink a bunch of water right before vomiting to dilute the acid as it comes back up. She did that twice late Monday evening.

Update 2:39 am. she didn't puke (!!). It's the first meal she's kept down today. It's been almost an hour since she ate and 35 minutes since she drank. I'm going to nap.

[malachiexists13]

SYNOPSIS: When Eria is taken from her own home and brought to a strange 'realm' as an "Exchange Student", she thinks it's all a sick joke. Until things around her begin to make less and less sense, it's hard to keep convincing herself that the shadows are empty claims and that this is just a sick game. Unbeknownst to her, in the human realm, Cove is desperate in his search to find her. To bring her home. Will Cove find and bring his best friend home safely, or will Eria succumb to the madness that threatens her every breath?

STARTED/ENDED: Dec.22.2024 (STARTED) - Ongoing

DISCLAIMER: This is a rewrite fanfic of the Obey Me storyline. My intention is to not show any disrespect to the developers or claim my version is better. I am simply taking the storyline as "prompts" and rewriting it in my style, as well as fixing some aspects that I either didn't like or didn't make sense and filling gaps with headcanons. You do not have to read if you don't like this idea! This is all for fun.

SPOILER WARNING: Contains spoilers for the first 20 Lessons (Hard + Normal Mode) of Obey Me: One Master to Rule Them All!

CHARACTER FILES: Coming Soon

POINT OF VIEW KEY: ❄️ - Eria || 🌊 - Cove || 💤 - Belphegor ||

👑 - Diavolo ||

//CW: Yelling, Threats of Violence,

CHAPTERS:

0. "PROLOGUE" [AO3 Link] (👑 -> 💤)

1. "Welcome to Your Fate" [AO3 Link] (❄️)

2. "Mammon, the Avatar of Greed" [AO3 Link] (❄️)

3. "Gone?" [AO3 Link] (🌊)

4. to be determined

5. to be determined

6. to be determined

7. to be determined

8. to be determined

9. to be determined

10. to be determined

11. to be determined

12. to be determined

13. to be determined

14. to be determined

15. to be determined

16. to be determined

17. to be determined

18. to be determined

19. to be determined

20. to be determined

21. to be determined

22. to be determined

23. to be determined

24. to be determined

25. to be determined

26. to be determined

27. to be determined

28. to be determined

29. to be determined

30. to be determined

31. to be determined

32. to be determined

33. to be determined

34. to be determined

35. to be determined

36. to be determined

37. to be determined

38. to be determined

39. to be determined

40. to be determined

41. to be determined

42. to be determined

43. EPILOGUE

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Leave a comment or message me if you'd like to be added!

TAG LIST: @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf

[bitchkay]

Thirst be upon ye!

Oh to straddle Grayson (sitting right above ✨the bulge✨ ofc) while making out with him

[Ask received dec 10th 2024]

~Making out with Grayson Hotz

CW: [n]sfw but but really explicit, sloppy makeoutz, heavy petting, eludes to sex

Rating: Mature 18+

"Mmm.." Your mouths clashed interlocked in a heated sloppy kiss. Graysons firm sword calloused hands held you against him on his lap keeping you right where he wants you. With your hands tangled in his dark navy locks you couldn't help but press yourself further against him, needing to be even more connected. You wanted tangled your limbs, share each others oxygen, live under his skin, morph into one. You want to be intertwined with him in a way nobody else could be. With your knees on either side of his waist you felt the his erection right on your crotch, poking through his clothes. You instinctively grind against it as a bit of drool seeps from the crease of your lips. Grayson pants against your mouth as he pulls you harshly against his boner taking your breath away as the heat that pools in your underwear permeates the fabric that separates you. Your tongues fight for dominance as you grind against each other with reckless abandon. "Grayson..." You breathe out his name moving your hips as you choke on his kisses. You gotta be drenched by now. You push his shoulders pushing him down on his back with you on to of him.

You need to get out of these clothes right now.

©bitchkay.tumblr.com

[ribsnotlorde]

inevitable stats post:

minor (18+ can interact as long as ur not pedos)

active dec 2024

actual stats after the line break!!

cw: 58kg/128lbs

hw: 69kg/152lbs

lw: 54/119lbs

gw: 55kg/121lbs

ugw: 45kg/99lbs

height: 164cm/5'4

[bones1nbloom]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ welcome to my blog ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

as a warning : this is an 3D BLOG. if this isn't for you, please block me (don't report). i'm using this blog as a safe place to share my feelings and feel less alone.

anyway! i am using an alias on here, just in case people i know find my page. you can call me vane, i am 19 years old and have been struggling with this d1s0rder for 5 years now. i got into recovery treatment a few years ago after hitting my first gw (60kg) and sadly gained my w8 all back. if you want to be 4n4 buddies feel free to dm me if you are at least 18 years old!

˚୨୧⋆｡ my stats ｡⋆୨୧˚

height : 174 cm / 5'8 ft

hw : 81kg / 178lbs

sw : 81kg / 178lbs

cw : 79,5kg / 175.27 lbs (as of 4th of dec)

1gw : 75kg / 165lbs

2gw : 70kg / 154lbs

3gw : 65kg / 143lbs

ugw : 55kg / 120lbs

˚୨୧⋆｡ diet plan ｡⋆୨୧˚

everyday i eat under 1000kcals, my average intake though is about 700-900kcals. one day in the week i eat more than 1000kcals, as a cheat day, to prevent binging during the other days :) this worked wonders for me before. i do at least some cardio every day since even a little workout is better than no workout at all! i post my wieiad daily (except for the "cheat day").

[0tappaja0arts]

LINKTREE for other Social Media︱Spending most of my time here

❌DNI: minors, proshippers, anti-shifters (hop off my dick), general discriminators, p×dos, zoos, ect. ⚠️CW: abelist/homophobic slurs, mentions of SA, S××cide, Self-h×rm, artistic-g×re, a lotta swearing 📢Adult space: Mostly SFW, sometimes Suggestive & NSFW

────────⭐ Some stuff about me ⭐────────

⭐ Reality Shifter︱@ewiirr11-lxl is my bestie︱20y︱Dec 9th

⭐ Neurodivergent︱♐️SUN♊️MOON♎️ASC︱18/7︱ENFP-T︱Fearful Avoidant︱Genderfluid︱Pansexual︱They/them︱Single︱DIY Punk

⭐ Digital Artist︱Animation︱3D (Blender)︱Writer & World building︱OCs and stuff :3

⭐ᴇxᴛʀᴀ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ ⋆.˚🦋༘⋆

Shifted before

I listen to everything but country™

Use tonetags

I won't be apologetic about myself. Bothered? Block, move on 😭

Therians are welcome, Zoophiles smd

Art trades and collabs are open

I'm anxious, be nice 🤨

been on tumblr since 2016

Looking for mutuals n friends 🤠

About my art:

Use fanart however you'd like bro idc 🙏 edit, animate, use as pfp or banner, just credit me if reposting

My ocs on the other hand, pls don't use them for anything :((