#clarifying i do not hate either of them
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thinking about caitvi but specifically the fact that caitlyn was the only person vi had left after she denounced jinx and she tried so hard to Be what caitlyn wanted but it was never enough because caitlyn wrapped herself so tight in grief and fury that she can't really see vi through the smoke anymore. "her blood runs through your veins." she sees jinx's sister defending her again, preventing cait from taking the shot. the shot that killed her mother. and vi cares so much about this kid that wouldn't have even gotten hurt because cait simply wouldn't have hit her. she could have only hit jinx. that was all she wanted her only goal and when vi defended an innocent, she took back all of the grace that she'd given vi and left her powerless again. can anyone hear me.
#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#caitlyn kiramman#vi arcane#caitvi#meta#clarifying i do not hate either of them#the drama is just tasty#cait's privileged and vi is stuck in the pasy#past*
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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Would Kabru and Kira not be textbook toxic yaoi lovers? 😔
I think if you put them in the same room the energy created from trying to sus each other out would be so strong the fabric of space time would be torn. It isn't meant to be 😔
#ok jk#it would be great toxic yaoi but i think kabru would realize Light is bad news right away#i dont think either of them would put up with each without a good reason#like magnets repealing each other#do i need to clarify i mean like when you try to push the sides that repeal not the sides that attract#whatever im sleepy#actually im back#what if it was pre death note light#i guess even then theyre opposites#light hates humanity and kabru loves humanity#hang on this is something#someone write the au#i guess in a sense both of them believe in sacrificing some people for the “greater good”#but their situations and their goals are completely different#Kabru wants to stop a terrible disaster from happening again light is a lil bitch who thinks some people are better than others#even before he gets the death note light hates other people and has a sense of superiority#why am i thinking about this its midnight#nobody read this
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Genuinely I cannot take the phrase "de-centering men" seriously anymore.
#like. if you take the words individually at their objective meaning then yes. we SHOULD not just Automatically Make Everything About Men#we SHOULD get rid of the expectation of men as the '''default'''#but it seems like everyone I come across who uses this phrase exclusively uses it to be mean to women who are attracted to/date men#like. okay you take a phrase that is MEANT to talk about not only thinking in terms of men and use it to. shit on women.#cool. very feminist of you.#some real Supporting Women Solidarity there#I swear so many of these people do not. actually like women.#they either want to look Radical™ or they just hate men.#and I don't mean that second one in the sense of 'buT tHe mEaN fEmiNiStS!!11 :(((' I mean that in the sense of 'what is the point#of being a feminist if you don't ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT and have sympathy for and actively prioritize rights and self-determination#and safety for women?' like what are you doing. why are you here. what are you hoping to accomplish for the people#who are ACTUALLY AFFECTED BY SOCIETAL AND STRUCTURAL MISOGYNY!!!!#the point I'm trying to make is that hating something doesn't automatically equate to support of something else. and my priority here#IS SUPPORTING THE 'SOMETHING ELSE' IN QUESTION. NAMELY WOMEN'S RIGHTS.#AND YES BECAUSE WE LIVE IN A HELL WORLD WHERE I HAVE TO CLARIFY EVERY TIME LEST THE T/RFS THINK I'M ONE OF THEM:#WHEN I SAY WOMEN I MEAN ALL WOMEN. WHICH OBVIOUSLY INCLUDES TRANS WOMEN. BECAUSE THEY ARE WOMEN.#NOT 'WOMEN LITE' OR 'WOMEN ADJACENT' OR 'WOMEN CONDITIONAL'#WOMEN. PERIOD.
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ane a blonde rlly has u fucked up rn you gotta share more abt this tragedy
omg. ill keep it brief 1/365
Kidding (not really) but LET ME BREAK IT DOWN.
my friend @dance--at-bougival (evil) has a little group of ocs. as a nosy person who is curious i asked about them. this was the Beginning of the End because. the blonde. the blonde caught my attention which as we know means it ‘twas already too late for me. SO I MAKE THE MISTAKE OF ASKING MORE ABOUT THE BLONDE. and then i was finished.
#asks#friends!!!#all of this is Very overdramatized#i do like that blonde#i guess like them too much that it’s aggressive (said like that happens all the time)#just not guess i hate tags on my phone#and yolos not evil either i feel like i should clarify that too#all very overdramatic sorry#yolo is very cool trust not evil
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I've found that, when interacting with others (or myself), it's useful to consider the lessons I'd want to teach a growing child.
If a child makes a mistake, I wouldn't want them to feel shame. I wouldn't yell at them, humiliate them, or in any way indicate to them that their mistake is a reflection of their worth or of who they are as a person.
Instead, I'd want them to associate the process with love and joy. If they say something that hurts someone's feelings, or otherwise ostracizes someone in some way, I'd compassionately explain to them. Ideally, they'd walk away knowing why they said / did it in the first place, how to handle similar situations in the future, and would accept the consequences (e.g. if a friend no longer wanted to hang out with them).
While the consequences may sometimes be painful, I'd do my best to instill in them that mistakes are human and natural, and that the process of learning from these mistakes is an opportunity to improve connections with others and express love.
I have a tendency towards excessive guilt. Memories in which I've said / done something ignorant or hurtful are infused with this guilt and shame- but ideally, I'd feel a sense of love and peace, and perhaps happiness, when looking back on them. Because they were moments of growth, moments I learned how to be more compassionate (even if the actual learning came years later).
So I'll put this out into the void:
When you make a mistake, that is not a reflection of you as a person. It is a moment in time, a moment which was informed by your past experiences. Humans are not static labels, or monsters in an RPG game. We are social creatures who live and learn and react and grow and experience and love. Be gentle with yourself and move forward knowing you're doing so in accordance with your values.
#parenting#internet culture#self compassion#i'd also want to teach them critical thought of course - there are varying ideas of what constitutes mistakes or ignorance or harm#and that's a messy subject which is often a challenge to teach and is beyond the scope of this post but it's important#to avoid being subject to manipulation or becoming reactionary#but anyways#to clarify something in the tags here: it's okay of course to feel bad. that's a normal response. but it's not necessary. and a culture of#shaming people for their mistakes isn't helpful in the same ways it isn't helpful to do that to a child. people become defensive and/or#self-hating. divisive and reactionary and more easily manipulated. fearful and ashamed and avoidant. afraid of disagreements or of trying#anything new. increased all-or-nothing thinking and blowing things out of proportion. it just doesn't help in the long run#sometimes when someone says something i want to express hatred and mockery towards; i think of my trans friend who's full of light and love#and compassion. who came from a smaller more conservative community and used to have some of those same stances (and may still hold some of#those feelings/anxieties). and i remember that i can be firm on my boundaries and spread love and acceptance and safety *without* spewing#vitriol at anyone who makes even a minor mistake. i want people who were impacted by oppression and bias to have space to grow and#find safe communities and be able to think for themselves. i dont want to push them away or be another person in their life screaming at#them. there's always a person behind the screen.#like that doesnt mean i have to interact with them. in fact in most cases it's better to step away. and there are still unsafe people out#there- but yelling at them won't do any good either. saw a tip to focus on the people you want to help rather than the opposition#and that's been super helpful for me
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this is super on brand for me but today I’m experiencing debilitating frustration @ being misunderstood on the internet like some kind of loser 😩
#I’m v open and literally never lie unless it’s needed#so u can see why I struggle with people trying to claim the opposite when they don’t know me. or make assumptions and pass them off as fact#or come to conclusions without asking anyone who would actually know#and if you see some of my posts you’d argue the same about me but the fact is if I post something that could change peoples views about#somebody else .. I check with multiple people who know#that’s why the v@l and her bestie situation was particularly upsetting bc there’s an entire group of people who knows I’m right but. didn’t#say anything in support and just let a bunch of ppl send me anon hate and invent things that aren’t true#and use that situation to fit fake narratives they already thought of before#I’m not dredging it up again I’m just using it as an example#or the anon on my last blog listing a bunch of things about me that they got completely wrong and didn’t bother asking about#and sometimes I always think about clarifying those things in a huge post. but then I remember those people will just find something new to#cling on to. so there’s no point.#but it doesn’t mean it’s not upsetting. you know ?#and it’s not about a single person or anything it’s just. in general.#I’ve been criticised for admitting I’m not perfect and can be an asshole about things and somebody basically said that’s not ok either#so it’s like whatever I do sucks anyway sjdjsdn#and that’s what bothers me I think. that I doubt I’d be shunned and blacklisted as a creator to THIS extent if people took the time to#actually ask me if the things people say are true and what my explanation is#anyways ..#mrow.org
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i reckon so much of the neurodivergent vs neurotypical online discourse could be solved if people stopped seeing it as us vs them they hate us issue and started viewing it more like a culture clash issue
#like full disclosure im neurodivergent and have struggled with social stuff before#i dont really now but thats mostly the circles i run in#a lot of neurodivergence discourse on here is very.... victimy i hate to say it#like you know the type. when they use phrases like 'just say you hate nd people'#or anything to the tune of nt people dont have empathy for nd people#guys youre just approaching the same issue from two different cultures#like in a conversation all the things nd people struggle with like tone? nt people are struggling for the same reason#just on the other side. so if youre nd and the nt person is getting upset because of your tone but you dont know what youre doing that#sounds bad to them? they dont have insight into that. they dont think about your tone they just perceive it instantly just like you DONT#perceive it. Thats not a flaw or intentional on either persons part it's just. culture clash. your brains work differently#and theres always gonna be some miserable person who xomes in like SO YOURE SAYING I NEED TO CODDLE NTS WHO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ME#no. thats not what im saying. im saying that it takes two people to communicate and youre both working from slightly different angles and#you BOTH need to be aware of that otherwise youll hit a wall#think about it if someone says an outdated word in English thats maybe a little offensive your instinct is to be shocked. it takes you a#moment to remember that theyre not a native speaker and then you afford them that grace and clarify what they meant#this needs to happen in more conversations tbh#text#LONG ramble
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We’re getting a Stormbringer manga by Hoshikawa…
#ENOUGH!!!!#what is the publisher going to do after this huh? probably demand a Stormbringer movie#bc we gotta keep churning out that Dazai and Chuuya content even at the expense of other characters!!!#I might stop talking about either of them forever just so we stop getting this dumbass sh*t I’m so pissed. Just obnoxiously declare my love#for other characters so they’ll stop only giving us content of those two. Asagiri had to clarify Dazai and Chuuya hate each other bc#Hoshikawa is about to romanticize the hell out of a certain scene 😭#✦.˳·˖✶ ‧₊˚✧𝖘𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒𝖘 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖔 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖞 𝖛𝖔𝖎𝖉✧˚₊‧✶ ˖˳.✦#video#meme
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Move To A Darker Place
This is a story of Man Vs. Machine.
---
Last March, my father attempted to file his Taxes.
My beloved father is a Boomer. Unlike most Boomers, my father is rather handy with technology because he was one of the people that had a not-insignificant hand in Developing a hell of a lot of it. He was studying Computer Science at Cal Poly before the computer science degree existed. I have many fond childhood memories of skipping through the aisles of various electronic and computer part warehouses while Dad described something that either terrified the staff or made them worship him as a God. He taught himself how to use his smartphone. Internationally.
So when he saw the option to file digitally with the IRS through the “ID.me” program, he leapt at the chance to celebrate the Federal Government finally entering the Digital Age.
It was all going swimmingly for about six hours, until he was ready to file and the system told him that it needed to verify his identity.
“Very Well.” said my father, a man unafraid of talking to himself and getting something out of the conversation. “It wouldn’t do for me to get someone else’s return.”
The System told him that it needed him to take a “Digital Image ID”.
a.k.a: A Selfie.
“A-ha!” Dad beams. Dad is very good at taking selfies. He immediately pulled out his phone, snapped one, and tried to upload it.
Please log into your Id.me Account and use the provided app to submit your Digital Image ID. The System clarified.
“Oh. You should have said so.” Dad pouted, but used his phone to log onto the ID.me account, do the six security verification steps and double-checked that the filing looked the same as it did on the desktop, gave the IRS like nine permissions on his phone, and held up the camera to take his Federal Privacy Invasion Selfie.
Please align your face to the indicated grid. Said The System, pulling up a futuristic green-web-of-polygons approximation.
“Ooh, very Star Trek. Gene Roddenberry would HATE this!” Dad said cheerfully, aligning his face to the grid. My father is a bit… cavalier, when it comes to matters of personal information and federal government, because he’s been on FBI watchlists since the late 60’s when he was protesting The Vietnam War and Ronald Regan before he’d broken containment. Alas.
Anyway, there is very little information the federal government does not have on him already, but he’s as good at stalking the FBI as they are at stalking him, and had worked out a solution: He has something approaching a friendship with the local Federal Agent (Some guy named “Larry”. Allegedly), and got Larry hooked on Alternative Histories and Dad’s collection of carefully-researched “there is very likely buried treasure here” stories, and Larry is loath to bother his favorite Historical Fanfiction author too much.
But I digress.
After thinking for a minute, The System came back with an Error Message. Please remove glasses or other facial obstructions.
And here is where the real trouble began.
See, my father wears glasses that do substantially warp the appearance of his face, because he is so nearsighted that he is legally blind without them. His natural focal point is about 4 inches in front of his nose. While Dad can still take a selfie because he (approximately) knows where his phone is if it’s in his hand, he cannot see the alignment grid.
He should ask someone to take it for him! I hear the audience say. Yes, that would be the sane and reasonable thing to do, but Dad was attempting to do taxes at his residence in Fort Collins, while his immediate family was respectively in Denver, Texas and Canada. He tried calling our neighbors, who turned out to be in Uganda.
He looked down at the dog, Arwen, and her little criminal paws that can open doorknobs, but not operate cell phones.
She looked back at him, and farted.
“Well, I’ll give it a try, but if it gives me too much trouble, I’ll call Larry, and Larry can call the IRS about it.” Dad told her.
She continued to watch him. Arwen is an Australian Kelpie (a type of cattle-herding dog), going on 14 years old, deaf as a post and suffering from canine dementia now, but she still retains her natural instinct to Micromanage. She was also trained as a therapy dog, and even if she can’t hear my dad, still recognizes the body language of a man setting himself up for catastrophe.
So, squinting in the late afternoon light next to the back door, Dad attempted to line his face up with a grid he could only sort-of see, and took A Federal Selfie.
The System thought about it for a few moments.
Image Capture Failed: Insufficient Contrast. The System replied. Please move to a darker place.
“...Huh.” Dad frowned. ���Alright.”
He moved to the middle of his office, away from the back door, lit only by the house lighting and indirect sunlight, and tried again.
Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.
“What?” Dad asked the universe in general.
“Whuff.” Arwen warned him against sunk costs.
Dad ignored her and went into the bathroom, the natural habitat of the selfie. Surely, only being lit by a light fixture that hadn’t been changed since Dad was attempting to warn everyone about Regan would be suitably insufficient lighting for The System. It took some negotiating, because that bathroom is “Standing Room Only” not “Standing And Holding Your Arms Out In Front Of You Room”. He ended up taking the selfie in the shower stall.
As The System mulled over the latest attempt, Arwen shuffled over and kicked open the door to watch.
Image Capture Failed. Please Move to a Darker Place.
“Do you mean Spiritually?” Dad demanded.
“Whuff.” Arwen cautioned him again.
Determined to succeed, or at least get a different error message that may give him more information, Dad entered The Downstairs Guest Room. It is the darkest room in the house, as it is in the basement, and only has one legally-mandated-fire-escape window, which has blinds. Dad drew those blinds, turned off the lights and tried AGAIN.
Image Capture Failed. Please Move To A Darker Place.
“DO YOU WANT ME TO PHOTOGRAPH MYSELF INSIDE OF A CAVE??” Dad howled.
“WHUFF!” Arwen reprimanded him from under the pull-out bed in the room. It’s where she attempts to herd everyone when it’s thundering outside, so the space is called her ‘Safety Cave’.
Dad frowned at the large blurry shape that was The Safety Cave.
“Why not?” he asked, the prelude to many a Terrible Plan. With no small amount of spiteful and manic glee, Dad got down onto the floor, and army-crawled under the bed with Arwen to try One Last Time. Now in near-total darkness, he rolled on his side to be able to stretch his arms out, Arwen slobber-panting in his ear, and waited for the vague green blob of the Facial grid to appear.
This time, when he tapped the button, the flash cctivated.
“GOD DAMN IT!” Dad shouted, dropping the phone and rubbing his eyes and cursing to alleviate the pain of accidentally flash-banging himself. Arwen shuffled away from him under the bed, huffing sarcastically at him.
Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.
“MOTHERFU- hang on.” Dad squinted. The System sounded strange. Distant and slightly muffled.
Dad squinted really hard, and saw the movement of Arwen crawling out from under the bed along the phone’s last known trajectory.
“ARWEN!” Dad shouted, awkwardly reverse-army crawling out from under the bed, using it to get to his feet and searching for his glasses, which had fallen out of his pocket under the bed, so by the time he was sighted again, Arwen had had ample time to remove The Offending Device.
He found her out in the middle of the back yard, the satisfied look of a Job Well Done on her face. She did not have the phone.
“Arwen.” Dad glared. It’s a very good glare. Dad was a teacher for many years and used it to keep his class in order with sheer telepathically induced embarrassment, and his father once glared a peach tree into fecundity.
Arwen regarded him with the casual interest a hurricane might regard a sailboat tumbling out of its wake. She is a force of nature unto herself and not about to be intimidated by a half-blind house ape. She also has cataracts and might not be able to make out the glare.
“I GIVE UP!” Dad shouted, throwing his hands in the air and returning to the office to write to the IRS that their selfie software sucks ass. Pleased that she had gotten her desired result, Arwen followed him in.
To Dad’s immense surprise, the computer cheerfully informed him that his Federally Secure Selfie had been accepted, and that they had received and were now processing his return!
“What the FUCK?” Dad glared. “Oh well. If I’ve screwed it up, Larry can call me.”
---
I bring this up because recently, Dad received an interesting piece of mail.
It was a letter from the IRS, addressed to him, a nerve-wracking thing to recessive at the best of times. Instead of a complaint about Dad’s Selfie Skills, it was a letter congratulating him on using the new ID.me System. It thanked him for his help and expressed hopes he would use it again next year, and included the selfie that The System had finally decided to accept.
“You know, my dad used to complain about automation.” Dad sighed, staring at the image. “Incidentals my boy! My secretary saves the state of California millions of dollars a year catching small errors before they become massive ones! He’d say. Fought the human resources board about her pay every year. I used to think he was overestimating how bad machines were and underestimating human error, but you know? He was right.”
He handed me the image.
My father was, technically, in the image. A significant amount of the bottom right corner is taken up by the top of his forehead and silver hair. Most of the image, the part with the facial-recognition markers on it, was composed of Arwen’s Alarmed and Disgusted Doggy face.
“Oh no!” I cackled. “Crap, does this mean you have to call the IRS and tell them you’re not a dog?”
“Probably.” Dad sighed. “I know who I’m gonna bother first though.” he said, taking out his phone (Dad did find his phone a few hours after Arwen absconded with it when mom called and the early spinach started ringing).
“Hey Larry!” Dad announced to the local federal agent. “You’re never gonna believe this. My dog filed my taxes!”
Larry considered this for a moment. “Is this the dog that stole my sandwich? Out of my locked car?” he asked suspiciously.
“The very same.” Dad grinned.
“Hm. Clever Girl.” Federal Agent Larry sighed. “I figured it was only a matter of time before she got into tax fraud.”
---
I'm a disabled artist making my living writing these stories. If you enjoy my stories, please consider supporting me on Ko-fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Book on Patreon. Thank you!
#Family Lore#Dogs#arwen#Arwen the Crime Dog#Taxes#Ronald Regan mention (derogatory)#long post under the cut#this one is funny this time#I could really use some extra tip money this month
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This, plus I'd argue that it often leads to being treated as trans women as well and being subjected to parts of transmisogyny, it's why I don't really think the whole TME and TMA thing really works very well in actually identifying transphobia because of how often we're all grouped together as either "lying men pretending to be women" or "lying men pretending to be women and lying about being female to male transgenders", or just "you don't look like either so you must be a male" or some other brand of transphobia and intersexism as well mixed in.
Tbh actually I think that's kind of the point. There's so much intersexism and sexism in general that goes into the whole idea behind "all those who don't conform to gender roles and are their assigned sex are automatically trans women" in terms of grouping us all together as a monolithic entity. "You can't be a happy trans man, so you must be a trans woman" and "it's only when you're unhappy that you're a trans man who's a victim that we must save". Like that in and of itself is kind of the point with transphobia. We can't exist because we undermine the idea that "the issue of transness is trans women so trans men and intersex people are all trans women by default, unless they are sad or traumatised in any sort of way because then they're victims of trans women". It's only ever one or the other, and that always changes he idenity you're perceived as because the only "real" ftm in existence are "victims" they have been able to label as 'detrans victims of the transgender cult". If you're not, you don't exist; you're not supposed to exist. So you "must" be a trans woman, that's the "only" explanation for your being here. So they treat you as that because anything else is a lie.
A lot of the times I've been called transphobic bs on the street or online, or treated like shit in an institutional setting like a hospital, it typically starts off with assuming I'm a pre-transition trans woman and start treating me with either microagressions meant towards trans women or explicitly start calling me things like "a creepy man pretending to have a girl's name", and then when I say I'm a trans man they either deny the fact I'm a trans man or insist that's another word for "trans woman" because that ruins their transmisogynistic world view of "all trans women look like men" and "trans men don't exist" or "are broken women so they can't look like men", and I don't look like a frail, broken down victim to them, so I "must be" the former.
"Trans men benifit from invisibility", actually we suffer from the intentional erasure of our identities, history, and culture. An erasure, that is violently enforced through the constant assault, rape, and community isolation that we have to endure silently (because if we speak up we are further punished, further pushed out of communities, and silenced harder).
#erasure and invisibility are oppression#hypervisibility is oppression#none of you benefit from this or from the oppression of each other#<- prev tags#THIS#also adding in the tags:#I'm bigender afab and almost completely pass as a cis (often assumed gay bc I act very feminine) man#Even so when people realise I'm trans be it by how I present as feminine in how I act (and occasionally dress) or bc of my legal name#I'm suddenly treated as a trans woman and the idea that I'm actually ftm just “can't be a thing to them” even when I clarify that I'm not -#- a trans woman and that even then they shouldn't treat trans women like that#I'm not a small petite person who looks anything like their image of a girl that's somewhat of a tomboy in their eyes#like yeah some of us look like that and that's also no excuse to assume they're victims#but I personally just DON'T look like that and that's absolutely not allowed to exist#I'm too masculine in how I actually physically look from my beard to fat distribution and hair that I'm “a creep”#My body type means that I do not look like their victim and look like their stereotype of a trans woman#I'm either a gay feminine man or a trans woman and it really depends on what people WANT to hate at any time for which they choose me to be#Like it's fucked in and of itself that this part of my oppression is because I am deemed as a trans woman#but it also means that these people literally don't care if those they chase after are even trans women or not#as long as you're gnc enough to bully you're a trans woman to them because they have one set image of what queers look like in their eyes#and that's just really fucked up and filled with so much transmisogyny#It makes our struggle all the mkre entangled in one anothers
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ill be like I can totally make a lighthearted post mentioning a kink i have and i wont even freak abt it. and then i freak abt it
#its not even one of the ones i normally freak abt. fml. fml. its spreading. eventually i wont even be able to say Strals exist without going#into system shutdown or something. this sucks#this is also why i have so much trouble posting on my nsft is ill go over there and be like. Id love to **** some ***** and then i get#terrified. so i dont#my pfp over there is literally. **** ******* ** * *** but i go over there to post abt how i want to **** * *** and im like that is deviant#i cannot be saying that in front of my followers. who dollowed my nsft blog. where i list the things im into . and my pfo is * **** *******#** * *** so its not like theyd be HORRIFIED if that came up#but idk... i worry ppl dont read my dni over there. bc usually they just follow me after seeing that one post which doesnt rly mention any#of the ones im weird abt. except for like kind of it does but whatever its fine i cannottt freak out abt that post its existed for like.#months now. sigh. its all just a bit embarassing which sucks#“mdni”#IN A MASSIVE WAY. idr if any minors still r here if im still muts with any....#its just like. IDK i either feel a bit silly posting on it and its just mildly embarass Or i send myself into hysterics over how im an evil#person bc i like. well i cant say. obviously. but yk. stufffff. that i am into. I HATE TALKING ABT IT BC IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE AN EVIL#PERSON AND LIKE. its not anything like. UGH. im not into kids or animals 👍👍👍 obviously. and idt its that bad the things im into some of#them r like basically baby shit like ohhh woww youre into *********** and yet even that i cant talk abt it bc im like um im going to be#smited by god and sent to hell or soemthing and actually i only thing its normal bc im a disgusting weird freak and everybody would kill me#immediately if they knew also im an evil person? its like. UGHHHH.#and the other stuff is. less 'mainstream' which is even scarier but ig in a way ive been More open abt it which is kind of funny. looks at.#but even then i dont rly go in detail bc yk. Stuff. im just like lol they r the way they r bc of how i am. and then i walk away forever#idk. ive been feeling so guilty over that specifically like. UGH. its not like. ugh. i rly cant talk abt it without it being obvious and im#scared byt im also like Compelled to talk abt it so ppl dont think its worse but im also compelled not to bc thats like oversharing i guess#as if thta isnt All i do on this fuckass blog. no matter what i do i lose. i hate my brain so badly i wish i could judt get over it and jus#be like yep these r the things and not have to like over clarify and explain and disclaimer everything and stuff . idk. it suck#mdni#the quotes didnt take it to the top like they used to. kms
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GOD I forgot how much it sucks having a crush on someone </3
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#fitz's cursed thoughts#I haven't had a crush in years#it was fun at first because I was like wow I haven't felt this way about anyone in forever :]#now I'm like dear god the pain how do I make this stop </3#of course I don't I'll ever have the courage to tell them how I feel#which is probably for the best tbh#every time I've had a crush on someone it doesn't end well#anyone I ever confessed to either acted like i'm weird or creepy or they just straight up left me without saying anything#not making the mistake of admiting I have feelings for someone again (especially someone i really really like talking to lol)#also to clarify I don't mean I hate having feelings for someone#I just mean i hate the pain that comes with it#like i want to tell them so bad but I care about them so much and enjoy talking to them#that I don't want to scare them away or make them think I'm creepy or anything like that#and for all I know they could already have a partner#idk I just forgot how hard this was 😔
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embarrassed today
so yesterday i joined some discord servers bc we gotta battle the anxiety also i want to make some friends, generally the effect was me feeling like vomiting bc i wrote 'hi'.
either way, time skip, we have today, writing with some person on one of them and mentioning i feel a bit sick after p.e., in answer to if ive been to a doctor about it, i said that i think its probably because of my diet and generally poor physical endurance so running isnt really for me, and like some mod said that hey talking about dieting is banned here, i clarified that i meant eating habits, later found out that 'eating disorders' also includes just mentioning i have any eating issues??? like i know its kinda obvious but idk. im kinda used to 'eating disorder' not including just limited food palate due to sensory issues.
yeah. anyway not talking on that server for at least a day god i feel so fucking bad after this.
#vent/rant#ed mention#also like#idk i feel like it should be clarified somewhere on the list of banned topics that even vaguely mentioning eating issues is forbidden???#or maybe im just trying to excuse myself idk#but i know i do feel horribly fucking bad and embarrassed about it#like oh i will open to more people OH I WILL FUCKING NOT THAT WAS EMBARRASSING#idk its also kinda fucking depressing#that every attempt i make to go out to people and talk to them ends up in either knowing a very weird secret but one that is very sensitive#or misinterpreting a rule and making an assumption which ends up in me doing something embarrassing that makes me just go back to start#and then i again have to make a choice whether i want to stay closed off and have literally zero chances of pulling weird shit#or go out to people and risk embarrassment which will worsen my anxiety which will make me isolate again#i fucking hate my brain so much
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THE OTHER GUY PT.4 | FC43
part one | part two | part three |
an: only a couple more to go out! lmk if there is anything in particular you'd like to see and if you'd like to be added to my tag list :)
ynpiastri
liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant, landonorris and 34,244 others
city boy summer, can't keep the hoes away
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logansargeant: you are not a city boy
ynpiastri: or am i?
oscarpiastri: i, for the record am happily taken and will not engage in this tomfoolery
ynpiastri: @/lilyznimer i will pay you double what he's paying you to date him if you break up with him
userone: girl we all know franco is there too.
When you’d woken up this morning, the last thing you’d expected was a pounding at your door. It couldn’t have been housekeeping because you had it scheduled for 3 p.m., and it couldn’t have been a crazy fan because you made sure never to post near your door, ever. So when you opened it and were attacked by a flurry of blonde hair, your heart dropped. As per usual, whenever you saw the blonde mess, you knew your sheepish brother wasn’t far behind.
It was a welcome surprise, though. While you were enjoying the peace of the resort, it had been a while since you’d seen Logan or Oscar.
After catching up over breakfast and hearing their latest stories from home, you all had agreed to spend the day at the beach. The morning had been light and easy, filled with laughter and jokes, mocking how Oscar couldn’t tan and how Logan always managed to find an American flag, no matter what country he was in.
“You’ve been quieter than usual,” Logan said, nudging you with his elbow. He grinned, a knowing look in his eyes as he adjusted his sunglasses. “What’s on your mind?”
You shake your head, trying to brush it off. “Nothing, just thinking.”
Oscar, who was stretched out beside you with his arms behind his head, let out a chuckle. “Thinking about what?” Tilting his head to the side, he gave you a teasing glance. “You’ve been acting weird since you got here last week.”
There was no escaping it now. Of course it was going to be noticeable that you’d been quieter, but that was because the thoughts swirling around in your head weren't exactly ones you were ready to share. Still, you couldn’t ignore the topic forever.
“I don’t know,” you started, the words slow and careful. “I guess… I’ve stopped looking at him with so much hatred.” The words were out before you could even clarify who he was.
It felt strange admitting it out loud. You’d spent so long disliking him—publicly, even. But now? After spending more time here, after getting to know him in ways you hadn’t expected… things had changed.
Oscar raised an eyebrow. “Wait. Are we talking about who I think we’re talking about?” He leaned in, clearly intrigued.
Glancing out at the ocean, you avoided eye contact with either man. “Yeah.”
Logan stayed quiet for a moment, and you almost regretted your words. Staying quiet for a beat longer, he sighed. “You know, he never did anything wrong.”
Turning around to face him, surprised, you lifted your sunglasses to look at him properly.
“He fought his way into the sport the same way I did,” Logan continued, his tone firm but not harsh. “You can’t hate him for something he can’t control.”
You felt your chest tighten. He was right. Deep down, you’d always known that. Franco didn’t choose to replace Logan—it wasn’t personal. He was just doing what any of them would do. Fighting for a place in a sport where nothing is guaranteed.
“I know,” you admitted softly. “It’s just… hard. I wanted to blame someone.”
Oscar sighed, giving you a sympathetic look. “We get it. But honestly, you’ve got to let it go. Holding on to that anger—it’s not going to do you any good.”
For a second, you wanted to laugh because you couldn’t recall the last time in your life Oscar and Logan had agreed on something.
Just as you were about to say something else, you noticed movement in the distance. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him— Franco —walking along the shore. His head turned in your direction, and when his eyes met yours, he lifted his hand in a casual wave.
At first you thought he may be waving to Oscar, but when a shy smile graced his lips your heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t not doing it for show, not trying to get under your skin. It was just a wave. Simple, friendly.
Before you could think too much about it, you waved back. And then, almost without realising it, a small smile tugs at your lips.
Both Oscar and Logan caught the interaction and raised an eyebrow, though Oscar didn’t say a word. Logan nudged you again, his voice teasing. “Well, look at that.”
You rolled your eyes at him but can’t help feeling a little lighter. Maybe you really were wrong about him. Maybe there’s more to him than the guy who replaced Logan.
You were still thinking about that smile when Logan gave you a sly nudge. “So… are you going to talk to him?”
Your head whipped around to his eyes wide. “What? No! Absolutely not.”
Oscar laughed, clearly enjoying your sudden panic. “Why not? You’ve already smiled at him, waved and everything. Just go over there and talk to the guy. It’s not like he’s some stranger.”
You shook your head, feeling your face heat up. “It’s not that easy! I can’t just walk up to him like it’s nothing.”
“Oh, come on,” Logan said, rolling his eyes playfully. “You’ve been trash-talking him for months, and now you’re scared to ask him out for a drink? Seriously?”
Opening your mouth to protest, your face flushed as no words came out. You were flustered, and they both knew it.
Oscar sat up, shrugging nonchalantly. “What’s the worst that could happen? He says no? So what. But I don’t think he will.”
You glanced back towards where Franco was standing, now leaning against the railing, gazing out at the ocean. He looked relaxed, completely unaware of the internal chaos you were going through just a few feet away.
Your heart was pounding, and you felt a nervous knot in your stomach. “I can’t just… I mean, what would I even say?”
Logan gave you an encouraging smile. “Just be yourself. Ask him if he wants to grab a drink tonight. You’ve already softened up to him, right? This is your chance.”
You hesitated, glancing between Oscar and Logan, who both gave you looks that said go on, you’ve got this.
Finally, you exhale, standing up and wiping the sand off your legs. “Fine. I’ll do it. But if this goes horribly wrong, it’s your fault.”
Oscar grinned at you. “We’ll take full responsibility. Now go.”
With your heart still racing, you took a deep breath and started walking across the sand toward him. Each step feeling heavier than the last, your mind racing with all the things you could say—or worse, all the ways this could go wrong. But you were already halfway there, and there was no turning back now.
When you were just a few feet away, he noticed you approaching and turned around, his expression shifting from casual surprise to something more… interested. You could see it in his eyes, the way they lit up as you stopped in front of him.
“Hey,” you managed to say, hoping you didn’t sound as nervous as you felt.
“Hola,” he replied, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I wasn’t expecting you to come over.”
You bit your lip, suddenly feeling shy. Why did this feel so much harder than anything else you’d ever done? “Yeah, well… Oscar and Logan kind of persuaded me. They said I should talk to you.”
He raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Oh? What about?”
Your mind went blank for a second, “I was, uh… wondering if you’d want to grab a drink with me tonight.”
The words came out in a rush, and you immediately felt your cheeks flush, but you managed to hold his gaze. You couldn’t believe you just said that. Your heart was thumping so loudly you were sure he could hear it.
Franco didn’t answer right away, but the smile on his face grew wider. “You’re asking me out?”
You nodded, trying to keep your cool. “Yeah. If you’re free, I mean. It’s fine if you’re not, I understand.”
His eyes softened, and for a moment, the cocky driver you’d seen in interviews was gone. In its place was just a guy—surprised, maybe even flattered.
“I’d love to,” he said, his voice steady. “How about I pick you up around 8?”
Blinking, you took a minute to comprehend what he’d just said, relief and excitement flooding you all at once. “Really? Yeah, that works.”
“Great.” His smile was warm, and suddenly, the tension you were feeling melted away. “I’ll see you tonight, then.”
You nodded, still trying to process that you’d actually gone through with it—and that he had said yes.
“See you tonight,” you echo, then turn to walk back to Oscar and Logan before remembering he didn’t have your room number. “Uh, room 438.”
Franco nodded in your direction, “Room 438.”
ynpiastri
liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri, francolapinto and 31,487 others
fit check, kind of nervous guys (📸 @logansargeant)
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userone: FRANCO IN THE LIKES 🤭
usertwo: oh my god i want her
oscarpiastri: scared for what? i thought you were city boy summering rn
ynpiastri: @/lilyznimer PLEASE BREAK UP WITH THIS NERD
userthree: just seen franco in the hall of the same resort, looks quite dapper if you ask me
logansargeant: this isn't very city boy summer of you
ynpiastri: eat dirt 😍😍
userfour: franyn?
the end.
taglist: @iimplicitt @isaadore @iamred-iamyellow @justheretoreadthxxs @obxstiles @how-what-why-huh @raizelchrysanderoctavius @sainzzreputaticn @xxx-betty @dukeofjjune @dejavuontrack @littlegrapejuice @mxdi0
#f1#f1 imagine#f1 smau#f1 fanfic#logan sargeant#williams#franco colapinto#franco colapinto x reader#franco colapinto x you#franco colapinto x yn#oscar piastri#oscar piastri sister#williams f1#williams racing#williams formula 1#logan sargeant angst#logan sargeant smau#f1 social media au#franco colapinto smau
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OH!!! OH!!!
DO YOU SEE THIS??
DO YOU SEE IT??
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c73c916411da6bc66035705142cbcd1d/c35c47161c524a6f-31/s540x810/54e9c204c51a7240e4bfd7bd4c89f6af9876c0fb.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/eba9c697c0df1bd44ca0412ac4b2baf7/c35c47161c524a6f-6d/s540x810/7a64863b667ec3dc6a18dfcfc408a29954f4f8da.jpg)
SHE'S TOUCHING HIS SHOULDER!!
Oh mah gawd. He doesn't let anyone touch him unless they're his friends.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/8ffed6e3b2cf739d40fce7057d7dbbad/c35c47161c524a6f-05/s540x810/71a6230da33269342fdda8188425214d5ab9bf5b.jpg)
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e82451d59399a27b88ff4722a875cdb9/c35c47161c524a6f-86/s540x810/8b365c34cea7a9fc752582a3581d40c2075fc316.jpg)
If they aren't his friends, he'll either lean away or wipe off his hand. He hates being touched if he's not the one initiating it, to the point of wiping his sleeve off when Lucifer's hat just BARELY grazed against it.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/0d1ec64b1d46dfe3096db61a36e0f4f7/c35c47161c524a6f-16/s540x810/015051e3c0d884d63def0b367d34aa951e2b0eb4.jpg)
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He didn't wipe his shoulder off when Charlie stopped touching him either.
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4f96bdece67fb6d6287ff69b4422db9d/c35c47161c524a6f-55/s400x600/64ed4f26a16e77147717cdb0a5ba57e1277179e4.jpg)
AND!!!
And!!!
Before You Say 'He did lean away', or 'She wasnt actually touching him, her hand was just near him', Take A Look At This!!
Look closely at how he moves when she splits them up. He doesn't lean away, she SHOVED him. She actively MOVED him. That wasn't an 'oh she's making contact with me, guess I should lean away', it was a 'well she's shoving me now, I'll shut up for a minute'.
Which also proves she WAS touching him. She couldn't have shoved him if she wasn't making contact.
He didn't lean away from it, he didn't retaliate. The ONLY people he lets touch him are people he cares for. And not only did she put her hand on his shoulder, she actively pushed him back, and he showed no sign of discomfort towards it. So why am I screaming about this?
Because he DOES care! It proves he cares for her. Don't get me wrong, I still think saying he's her 'dad' is a bit of a strech, but he does care enough to let her touch him. He doesn't dislike or even have a neutral opinion on her. She's his friend, even if just a little bit.
Just an edit to clarify; I know 'friends' is probably also not the best word to use, but it's just the easiest way for me to describe it.
#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer#charlie#hazbin hotel charlie#feathers rambling#screenshots#please debate with me if you don't think this is right#the best way to see if my theory is solid is if people try to poke holes in it#spoilers#episode 5#hazbin hotel spoilers#you have no idea how much trouble gave me about this post#for some reason it wouldn't let me post it from the app if I added the photos#So I had to go on the website and fight with it there#and go back and forth because I could properly position the images on the website#A big pain#:.)
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