#childhood trauma culture

[trauma-culture-is]

Childhood trauma culture is not seeing a future for yourself because you spent your entire life focusing on surviving in the moment and never got to dream or plan for the future. Now it all feels like a burden and scares you so much because you dont know how to plan for the future.

All you can do is take it day by day and hope those days accumulate into a good life

❤‎

[trauma-culture-is-blog]

trauma culture is "oh hey my childhood is extremely blurry and I can only remember random moments. weird."

.

[3m0g1rlyyy]

All fun and games till i remember when i was 11 i was crying my eyes out and begging god to take my life when i fall asleep so i could finally rest in peace.

[wowlookwhosspirallingagain]

i forever will be grieving the childhood i could have had if my parents healed themselves first before having a child

[lostmf]

By @desnos

[blue-eli]

Lost princess of a shadow broken kingdom.

[interruptedsblog]

I'm so afraid of loneliness, all the time I'm looking for people who pay attention to me, all the time I'm flirting with someone who could be a possible partner and if I don't I look for them until I find them. I always end up sexualizing myself, creating a personality and way of being so that men look at me and desire me, my emotional stability is based on that, on how much attention I receive, but it is so sad to realize too late that they only see me as a "hole", as something disposable, abandonable and usable. In the end either way I end up being alone, feeling empty, abandoned and depressed.

[aesterblaster]

Shidou is the one who teaches Sae that it's okay to have boundaries in relationships and helps him feel safe, if you even care. Sae is used to being hit on, touched by fans and interviewers since he was 11. Sae is used to people wanting him and his body and his fame. He can handle that aspect of Shidou.

What really gets him is when Shidou starts asking questions. There's no expectations and yet he asks if this or that is okay, he calls him just to ask how he's doing. Sae gets this throbbing anxiety in his chest whenever he wants something as simple as a hug. Afterall, he's the badass soccer prodigy. He shouldn't crave affection when he has such a fulfilling career. Or at least that's what he believes until his new boyfriend gently slips his hand into his at a cafe. And suddenly he's remembering all the time he spent denying his sexuality, all the times men and women so much more experienced than him told him to just suck up his pain because this was all the love he was going to get. All the times he felt unsafe expressing the slightest bit of affection for another man in public and intentionally distanced himself.

It's like you don't even like me, his past flings would whine. Why do you flinch away, his exes chided. They simply hadn't seen what he had, hadn't heard the locker room talk about what one of his teammates would do if he found out he was on a team with a queer person. Shidou scares Sae sometimes with his loud makeup and dyed hair. But damn, does he feel like home. His hand is warm too, feeding Sae's skin hunger. That comfort doesn't stop him from slipping out of his grasp and shoving his hand in his pocket though, glancing around to see who saw them.

Shidou just smiles and leans back. Sae doesn't have to apologize or say anything. He doesn't know what Sae's been through yet, but he can feel the anxiety coming off of him in waves. He doesn't know this yet, but he's the first person who's been gentle with Sae. Who understands that jumping hugs and private comments look much different off the field. No, he doesn't take offense when Sae flinches at pda, and that just makes Sae want him more.

[its-simply-just-krys]

𝐒𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫

𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝟏𝟕 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝟏𝟕 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞,

𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟.

𝘔𝘢𝘳���𝘢𝘶𝘹 𝘗𝘢𝘶𝘭

[vxmited]

you ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎were ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎my ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎everything .

but , to‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you , ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎i‎ ‎ ‎ ‎was‎ ‎ ‎

nothing ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎more‎ ‎ ‎ ‎than‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ a

warm‎ ‎ ‎ ‎body.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

yet‎ ‎ , ‎ ‎ i‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ still‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ love‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you‎ ‎ ‎ ‎,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎darling‎ ‎ ‎ ‎.

[imscaredofthepast]

i dont get it, at all. i really dont. why are you leaving me, why now? after everything weve gone through, everything weve done togheter, shared. why? its like youve pulled the ground from underneath me, made me lose my footing, and i cant seem to make sense of it at all. did i say something? do something? did i befriend a wrong person? did i make the wrong choices? i cant stop repeating every single moment, i cant stop scrolling through our chats and wondering what went wrong. it all seemed so sudden and i didnt realize it. and now ive losy you. youre slipping away so fast and i cant keep up wiyh you. its as if im stuck in mud while youre running through it. i cant stop you from slipping from my grasp like water running through my fingers . its as if im reaching out into a void and no matter how far i reach it feels impossible to grasp onto you. i cant stop. youre still leaving me. please, dont leave me. im begginy ou. i dont want to be alone again. you dont understand how much that thought terrifies me. ive been alone before - truly, achingly alone - and i dont think i can survive going back to that. youve been everything to me, my anchor. and now youve just.. gone. vanished? im scared. im so scared of what this will do to me, of who ill nbecome without you. i dont want to do this without you again. please just tell me youll be here for me, tell me waht to do. tell me how to fix it. ill do anything bu tplease just dont leave me.

[trauma-culture-is]

childhood trauma culture is having people complement you by saying stuff like "you're so emotionally mature for your age" or "wow you could work as a therapist" and it not feeling like a complement at all, more like a slap in the face and a reminder of how you didn't get to be a child or have a normal/healthy childhood, especially when the "complement" comes from the parents who abused you in the first place. like yeah I had to be grown-up to survive what you put me through.

❤‎

[trauma-culture-is-blog]

trauma culture is not being able to transition into adulthood because you’ve been crippled (not physically) to not be self sufficient as a manipulation tactic and for another, taught to be terrified of the world around you without your parents presence, but unwilling to try for fear of retaliation from said parents

.

[zombie-boygrrl]

It's so easy to beg and scream, and claw, and yawp for the smallest bit of effort to be returned in a relationship.

Until the line is crossed, the limit is reached, and I can't fucking defend you anymore.

What you say to me.

What you do to me.

If I let you off easy this time, I am submitting to continuous abuse.

And I am no longer the dog you treated me as.

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Hunter’s Moon in Taurus ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

I read around the Internet; it seems this year’s Full Hunter’s Moon in Taurus is a big deal for all people, because it marks the end of a 2-year long cycle of Taurus-Scorpio eclipse. That cycle began in November 2021. So, if you could remember what specific misery started then, this year’s eclipse is the end of that suffering😊BANZAI!🎉Or, for some people, an intense healing journey might’ve started then and this eclipse marks your full-recovery or something along those lines🥰

Aenergetically, I feel that this Hunter’s Moon in Taurus is inviting us to take stock of many elements in our lives that no longer serve us. That’s such a cliché, right? We do this every full moon anyway, but with this powerful eclipse, and it being in the Taurus-Scorpio axis, this releasing of old narratives extends far back into childhood conditioning. And in some cases, childhood traumas.

Taurus is the ruler of the 2nd House of personal autonomy and how we view ourselves in relationship to our immediate, closest environment: the family environment. This sign/house tells us how we perceive our individuality in relation to the grownups immediately near us, and how they perceive us. When elements of life ruled by this sign/house is afflicted, disregarded, ignored, dominated and manipulated, traumas in childhood develop and…

Scorpio as the ruler of the 8th House of traumas can tell you a lot about ways you could pull yourself out of this loop of misery caused by terrible conditioning or bad parenting. Often, for many people, the development of new traumas continues to happen way into adulthood and so, when you carry a lot of pains, you will need to heal yourself over and over again until almost all of those layers of a false concept of your Self are taken down.

This full moon eclipse in the Taurus-Scorpio axis, I feel, brings immense relief from the maelstrom of a healing journey that is often quite world-shattering. I have faith that even now as you’re reading these words, many things in your world—your inner world—are already calming down and the winter season will allow you plentiful of rest, before the spring of your Life begins again next year🌱😜🎍

‘Chill…

You’re going to end up where you’re supposed to be.’

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – King of Your Own World

outdated patterns, DISSOLVED – King of Pentacles

I sense you’ve come from a very restrictive background. When you were growing up, parents or teachers were incredibly strict. They placed so much cruel expectations on you without caring for your feelings as a person. For some of you, this debilitating sense of restriction could also have come from religion, tradition, custom, race/ethnicity bullshit, and all such things. You felt like there were so many things you weren’t supposed to do because you belonged to a certain religion or because of your ethnicity or whatever. Meanwhile, for the same reasons, ridiculous expectations on you were abound as well.

You constantly felt like the sky above your head was so low and you couldn’t do anything about it. Naomi Campbell’s quote fits perfectly here: ‘The sky has never been the limit. We are our own limits.’

Recently, you’ve been able to overcome so much of this bullshit patterning from your childhood. I think you’ve been working on this unravelling for a number of years. You are free now. Quite nothing is restricting you anymore; you’ve figured out how the Matrix works. And now, you’re the King of your own Reality. What are you going to entertain and create in this brave new world of your own making? Your North Node sign and house placement will have some hints for you to know what options would make you feel the best about yourself in this incarnation!🥰

authentic self, EMBRACED – 4 of Wands

In spite of all the conditioning you were subject to, you’re essentially a Soul who’s always been rather clear about who you are on a fundamental level. Actually, you knew yourself, you knew what you liked, you knew what you wanted to become. But yeah, those restrictions put around your sky caused you to feel confused a lot. Or that you felt helpless on so many levels. What you wanted, what you knew you could be so good at, and what you were allowed to do… they seemed all to be separate circles.

But now, now that you are your own person, you’re reclaiming those bits and pieces of your authentic self that became dormant as you were trying to survive! They are all coming online one by one. For some of you, I feel old skills/abilities are going to get reactivated and this will point towards what you’re meant to do in this incarnation. For some others, you may suddenly gain insane skills you never knew you were capable of and this might shock you a lot. These are actually skills you’ve polished in past incarnations. They’re coming back to help you ascend into New Earth more easily! This is your time to shine, baby!🌤

life purpose, EXPRESSED – 4 of Cups

Okay, let’s get to the real stuff here. For a lot of you reading this, I sense you may be occasionally dealing with stagnation or a sense of feeling absolutely stuck in the manifestation of your ideal world, ideal reality. There’s this feeling like, even though you know what you’re supposed to do as part of your Life Purpose, you feel like there’s just no way you can build that bridge towards that life purpose at the present moment. Don’t worry, honey, I promise you that you can’t fuck up what’s meant for you.

Many of you, you’re currently in that gestation phase where you’re supposed to gain a lot, A LOT, of spiritual strength before you’re ready to take on the world. Your path may sound unnecessarily tougher than other people, but it’s because you have a higher calling to be of service to your community. Maybe even the world, WHOA. Your experiences have shaped the amazing individual you’ve become, and even now you’re still becoming even more awesome than you could ever imagine in the meantime.

You are where you’re supposed to be. Learn as much as you can, enjoyably. Breathe as deeply as you can, enjoyably. Play your videos games. Watch your favourite series. Aren’t you aware you’re having so much time on your hand now to be building new positive habits, too? All of these seemingly unrelated activities are leading you towards your Life Purpose; embrace everything nice and calm that you have now. It is going to get wild sooner than you realise!🎆

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Comfortable New World

outdated patterns, DISSOLVED – 5 of Cups Rx

Not to touch on conspiracy theories, but if there’s a new world order on a microcosmic scale, you’re having it all to yourself XD You are dissolving an old world order that involves mental lethargy and a general sense of spiritual confusion, which I think you’ve needed to deal with for almost your entire Life. I sense, for many of you this was caused by a very traumatic childhood in which you were constantly, systematically let down by the people around you, or your environment in general. It feels like, you were never given what you wanted, what you needed; whatever you asked, if you asked, you would be granted its non-delivery.

I think you had toxic parents? Grandparents? Maybe teachers? Just incredibly venomous adults who actually saw your potential for success, and so, they deliberately attempted to murder your Light from a very young age. At this point of reading, I think you’re healing and transitioning into more peaceful waters by your own conscience. I’m sure you’ve worked really hard to heal yourself, work on your inner demons, defeated negative thought patterns that weren’t even your own, and created new neurological pathways all on your own. You’ve successfully made the unconscious conscious. You have better control over your own emotions, thoughts, choices and conducts now. Congratulations!🎊

authentic self, EMBRACED – 3 of Pentacles Rx

Before this point, you were probably a people-pleaser of sort, right? You thought too much about other people and I think you were conditioned to think that self-love or prioritising yourself is incredibly selfish. That choosing to live Life on your own terms was incredibly selfish! The adults around you were probably the type of parents that would say, young people choosing not to have babies is incredibly selfish! Whereas such adults are choosing so precisely because they don’t want to bring into this miserable world babies that are unloved and unwanted. That’s all gaslighting, you know that, right?

With this energy, I’m seeing you choosing to cultivate solitude for the time being. You’ve finally been able to tap into this consciousness of calm and harmony. You are in rest and recuperation mode for both your mental and spiritual. You are not yet ready to connect with people. Right now, it’s time to build a deeper connection with yourself, perhaps your inner child and all the things that make you feel joyous from the inside. This is also your time to feel more connected to the Planet herself as well as understand your unbreakable bond with the Cosmos itself. If you ask me, I think you’re currently in a really good stage where you’re being led to your best Life as of yet!🌞

life purpose, EXPRESSED – 2 of Pentacles Rx

As of right now, your Spirit Guides and Higher Self are sending you many synchronistic messages that give you a clearer idea as to what your next steps should be. It’s perfectly OK to be casual and relaxed about them though. You are not at all in a rush. Even when you see these YouTube readings that say crap like URGENT MESSAGES FROM THE UNIVERSE, no, you’re not in a rush anywhere. Your new world order is gestating right now and you can be patient with yourself. Those types of titles are just for the algorithm or for grabbing your attention, but in reality, there is no such thing as the Universe or Higher Self or Spirit rushing you towards anything. You can’t fuck up what’s meant for you, trust that.

When you allow the process of your new world of comfort to unfold naturally, in the future, you will always know when to make the right decision for almost every life choice you will be making. You will be guided more by your intuition and so, whatever choice you make will reflect the highest good of you and those you care about. That’s the spiritual lesson you’re learning as of right now and I think it’s such a wonderful stage to be in! Trust that you’re being prepared by your Higher Self to receive so much abundance and joy in the next chapter of your Life. You’ve come so far😊

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Bittersweet Transition Into the Light

outdated patterns, DISSOLVED – 6 of Pentacles

In spite of the title, I feel that your transition into the Light is actually a pretty lighthearted one! More like, all the rough times are over, for realz for realz. You’ve been to the depths of hell and returned safely; scathed, yes, but you’re still alive, so you’ve won! For this Pile, I feel like you might’ve been attracted to the other piles, too, and they contain insights about the kind of struggles you’ve had to deal with. But if you feel that this Pile is your main pile, you’ve literally crossed over many bridges and the Light is dawning fast on you! You’re travelling at light speed towards a world of your ideal!

If up until now you’ve been the character who receives help and charity from other people, soon you’ll finally embrace a transcendent version of yourself with which you’ll be the one sharing your riches and knowledge! You are now the enviable main character but without the envy… hopefully XD But those who are actually envious of your transformation or success are not your people, so I hope you know how to protect yourself from the beady eyes of those who will be seeking to harm you in the future if you let them!

authentic self, EMBRACED – 7 of Cups

For the most part, I’m sensing that you didn’t necessarily come from extreme poverty or anything like that. But the manifestation of your dreams has been nothing short of difficult damn near impossible at times. I hope you understand now that this has been your script only because the things that you want to see manifest in this world are so precious, pure and high-vibrational that Earth herself was not ready to assist their manifestations. Do you understand? Often we hear about needing to raise our frequencies so become a vibrational match to our higher desires. But what happens when our desires are SO high-vibrational Earth herself couldn’t contain those dreams? LMAO

So it was that the collective of Mankind needed to collectively raise their frequencies enough for your time to come. It may sound weird to some people but I didn’t make the rules, hon, so just take these words, I promise you it will make sense soon enough XD And with that said, have faith that you will see all that you’ve ever dreamt of manifest in the physical. Never lose your sight on the prize and don’t settle for less; you’re meant to see it all happen😉

life purpose, EXPRESSED – 5 of Pentacles

Do you perhaps have significant Capricorn, Scorpio or Aquarius influences in your birth chart? These three, in all of the zodiac signs deal the most with a sense of restriction (Capricorn), ridiculously dangerous people/situations and traumas (Scorpio), as well as a disturbing sense of not belonging anywhere in the world (Aquarius). These energies tend to be really difficult to navigate through, but there’s always a great prize to be had when you’re through! Essentially, you needed to go through your experiences to really understand how poverty mindset works or how it’s developed in the first place. Poverty mindset can deal with many things beyond just the conception of money.

It is part of your life’s blueprint to come in touch with it, transmute it via first-hand experience, and dissolve it for all of Mankind. It is part of your Life Purpose to help other people learn to overcome this lack mindset on their own. You don’t necessarily need to become a teacher, but through your own example, or your self-expression whatever it may be, you help others realise their beggar patterns and tendencies. This energy is reminding me of both Bob Marley and Bob Ross though as you can see, their expressions or styles were very different from each other, but they showed people there was more to Life than just numbers in your bank account and that there is so much joy in giving and sharing your gifts with the world. That at the end of the day, what truly matters is Love and what’s truly exciting is charity to others💝

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

[its3-15am]

To be honest everything hurts again. Maybe it's because I haven't taken my meds yet or I haven't opened my curtains. The windows stay nailed shut here and the curtains I've sewn together. The outside world can never see my like this. I have to be perfect.

To be honest I'm tired of the meds. I'm tired of the treatment. I've told my doctor the anxiety has gotten better but the scabs on my face and head beg otherwise. I've told the therapist the burdens on my shoulders have lightened but the ache in my feet and knees still hasn't gone away.

To be honest it's tiring being sick all the time. Having to know this Is how it is for you. This is the final remainder of life for you and it will never change. There is no cure for this sickness inside my mind. Only treatment to cope. Eternally I will be like this. I will have to watch my children grow into this as well. Determining their fate the moment they are born. That is saying that i am able to birth a child.

To be honest the world feels so heavy again. My breathes are getting shorter and I'm losing my mind a little more each day. Being back in my home town has once again started to eat me alive. I am rotting from the inside out and there is no medicine that can fix that.

In all honesty the ache in my bones is getting harder and harder to deal with. I carry the Dead child of my past self inside my heart and she cries when she remembers this place. She weeps for hours on end till I can barely feel my own heartbeat anymore.

Maybe I should open a window. Maybe I should open my curtains. I haven't taken my meds yet. To be honest everything hurts again.