#childhood trauma culture

[trauma-culture-is]

Childhood trauma culture is not seeing a future for yourself because you spent your entire life focusing on surviving in the moment and never got to dream or plan for the future. Now it all feels like a burden and scares you so much because you dont know how to plan for the future.

All you can do is take it day by day and hope those days accumulate into a good life

❤‎

[trauma-culture-is-blog]

trauma culture is "oh hey my childhood is extremely blurry and I can only remember random moments. weird."

.

[3m0g1rlyyy]

All fun and games till i remember when i was 11 i was crying my eyes out and begging god to take my life when i fall asleep so i could finally rest in peace.

[wowlookwhosspirallingagain]

i forever will be grieving the childhood i could have had if my parents healed themselves first before having a child

[lostmf]

By @desnos

[blue-eli]

Lost princess of a shadow broken kingdom.

[interruptedsblog]

I'm so afraid of loneliness, all the time I'm looking for people who pay attention to me, all the time I'm flirting with someone who could be a possible partner and if I don't I look for them until I find them. I always end up sexualizing myself, creating a personality and way of being so that men look at me and desire me, my emotional stability is based on that, on how much attention I receive, but it is so sad to realize too late that they only see me as a "hole", as something disposable, abandonable and usable. In the end either way I end up being alone, feeling empty, abandoned and depressed.

[aesterblaster]

Shidou is the one who teaches Sae that it's okay to have boundaries in relationships and helps him feel safe, if you even care. Sae is used to being hit on, touched by fans and interviewers since he was 11. Sae is used to people wanting him and his body and his fame. He can handle that aspect of Shidou.

What really gets him is when Shidou starts asking questions. There's no expectations and yet he asks if this or that is okay, he calls him just to ask how he's doing. Sae gets this throbbing anxiety in his chest whenever he wants something as simple as a hug. Afterall, he's the badass soccer prodigy. He shouldn't crave affection when he has such a fulfilling career. Or at least that's what he believes until his new boyfriend gently slips his hand into his at a cafe. And suddenly he's remembering all the time he spent denying his sexuality, all the times men and women so much more experienced than him told him to just suck up his pain because this was all the love he was going to get. All the times he felt unsafe expressing the slightest bit of affection for another man in public and intentionally distanced himself.

It's like you don't even like me, his past flings would whine. Why do you flinch away, his exes chided. They simply hadn't seen what he had, hadn't heard the locker room talk about what one of his teammates would do if he found out he was on a team with a queer person. Shidou scares Sae sometimes with his loud makeup and dyed hair. But damn, does he feel like home. His hand is warm too, feeding Sae's skin hunger. That comfort doesn't stop him from slipping out of his grasp and shoving his hand in his pocket though, glancing around to see who saw them.

Shidou just smiles and leans back. Sae doesn't have to apologize or say anything. He doesn't know what Sae's been through yet, but he can feel the anxiety coming off of him in waves. He doesn't know this yet, but he's the first person who's been gentle with Sae. Who understands that jumping hugs and private comments look much different off the field. No, he doesn't take offense when Sae flinches at pda, and that just makes Sae want him more.

[its-simply-just-krys]

𝐒𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫

𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝟏𝟕 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝟏𝟕 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞,

𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟.

𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘶𝘹 𝘗𝘢𝘶𝘭

[vxmited]

you ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎were ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎my ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎everything .

but , to‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you , ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎i‎ ‎ ‎ ‎was‎ ‎ ‎

nothing ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎more‎ ‎ ‎ ‎than‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ a

warm‎ ‎ ‎ ‎body.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

yet‎ ‎ , ‎ ‎ i‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ still‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ love‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you‎ ‎ ‎ ‎,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎darling‎ ‎ ‎ ‎.

[imscaredofthepast]

i dont get it, at all. i really dont. why are you leaving me, why now? after everything weve gone through, everything weve done togheter, shared. why? its like youve pulled the ground from underneath me, made me lose my footing, and i cant seem to make sense of it at all. did i say something? do something? did i befriend a wrong person? did i make the wrong choices? i cant stop repeating every single moment, i cant stop scrolling through our chats and wondering what went wrong. it all seemed so sudden and i didnt realize it. and now ive losy you. youre slipping away so fast and i cant keep up wiyh you. its as if im stuck in mud while youre running through it. i cant stop you from slipping from my grasp like water running through my fingers . its as if im reaching out into a void and no matter how far i reach it feels impossible to grasp onto you. i cant stop. youre still leaving me. please, dont leave me. im begginy ou. i dont want to be alone again. you dont understand how much that thought terrifies me. ive been alone before - truly, achingly alone - and i dont think i can survive going back to that. youve been everything to me, my anchor. and now youve just.. gone. vanished? im scared. im so scared of what this will do to me, of who ill nbecome without you. i dont want to do this without you again. please just tell me youll be here for me, tell me waht to do. tell me how to fix it. ill do anything bu tplease just dont leave me.

[trauma-culture-is]

childhood trauma culture is having people complement you by saying stuff like "you're so emotionally mature for your age" or "wow you could work as a therapist" and it not feeling like a complement at all, more like a slap in the face and a reminder of how you didn't get to be a child or have a normal/healthy childhood, especially when the "complement" comes from the parents who abused you in the first place. like yeah I had to be grown-up to survive what you put me through.

❤‎

[trauma-culture-is-blog]

trauma culture is not being able to transition into adulthood because you’ve been crippled (not physically) to not be self sufficient as a manipulation tactic and for another, taught to be terrified of the world around you without your parents presence, but unwilling to try for fear of retaliation from said parents

.

[sleeplessv0id]

Today was one of my r@pist cousins' birthdays. I wasn't around for it, but now I sit here, about to take my meds--those meant to help soothe what he helped break--with a cupcake in my hand. The rainbow sprinkles blend with my pills now in my palm.

[zombie-boygrrl]

It's so easy to beg and scream, and claw, and yawp for the smallest bit of effort to be returned in a relationship.

Until the line is crossed, the limit is reached, and I can't fucking defend you anymore.

What you say to me.

What you do to me.

If I let you off easy this time, I am submitting to continuous abuse.

And I am no longer the dog you treated me as.

[spaciebabie]

in a different universe none of the bad things happened to unamed and he still dresses the same and is the same person essentially but w/out cptsd. he also has exposure to African American culture both through his mother and peers