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cassioo · 2 months ago

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“Drown.”

Tashi Duncan x fem!reader

TW: angst; reflection; inner monologue; feelings-thoughts-feelings about thoughts-thoughts about feelings; endless circle of self-consciousness and self-hatred established into ourselves from that tricky thing called genetics. Fuck genetics. wc: 1,3k Author’s notes: I’m drunk and in my feelings rn + listening to Russian songs that don’t help the cause. English isn’t my native language, for that matter. (Something short to let out after a shitty week.)

If anyone ever told you two months ago that THE Tashi Duncan would let her eye fall upon you, a mere mortal that was just entering the field of sports—tennis, precisely—in this myriad of chaos and chronic prostration, you would’ve let out a laugh of the week from how impossible and absurd the thought sounded aloud. Because what the fuck? Have you seen Tashi? Have you seen yourself? No, but really... when was the last time you really looked into the mirror and saw something more than the reflection of the person you remember was running down the halls of the middle school, gossiping about boys who you totally ‘didn’t’ like—what was there to like about them?—or the halls full of voices that didn’t give you a migraine or two from just needing to spend another second thinking,

Am I the only one who doesn’t want to know anything about all of this? ...about all of them?

What was your life about if you were not thinking, weighing your options, thinking about the options you weighed, weighing if the options you weighed were even worth weighting, or if it was in your damn head? Always your head.

Head... where was your head exactly when you graduated? Tashi liked to joke, ‘shoved up the crevices of your ass, apparently,’ which wouldn’t be so far away from the truth, considering all of this started because of your head. Not your heart, no—because you didn’t have one.

Remember when your mom used to say you were meant to do something greater than where you are right now? What was that greater exactly now? Slipping into the covers with the wife of your best friend? Seeing their friend, Patrick, stealing drunken kisses and leaving sweaty marks on Tashi’s latest Gucci—she could not deserve anything less—cashmere jacket, and then grabbing those calloused, manly hands and guiding, sliding, them into your underwear, while judging Tashi’s dishonesty? You were anything but truthful, and less to your own self.

What was there about ‘friendship codex’ which you heard years ago in one of the bathroom stalls when you first kissed your friend’s ex? Seems like a pattern no, doesn’t it? Thought you learned the lesson even though your eyes always seemed to strike away from Art’s? Out of pure respect or utter guilt—unknown.

What is good? What is bad? What is correct? What defines it? Humans? The engrained morals we’ve been carrying within ourselves since the origins of our birth? Was it what our parents used to yell into our faces when we would ‘accidentally’ let out a curse or two to our teachers under our breaths and they would ‘accidentally’ overhear them? Was it the recognition that the apple, indeed, doesn’t fall far from the tree? No matter how hard you might try and fail, over and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and...

What are we if not sinners meant to work for what we did in Sodom and Gomorrah? Was it fair if it happened centuries ago when humans couldn’t possibly imagine if they were gonna be able to survive, and to procreate for more masses that would eventually lead to this?

“Swallowed your tongue?” You remember Tashi asking you one day after yet another strenuous practice in which the ball hit your head so hard that you must’ve forgotten who you were talking to if the first thing leaving your mouth was,

—Patrick told me you two had broken up.

The following silence was accompanied by a feeling that you couldn’t properly describe now, but it was something akin to when your parents pushed you into the water so you would learn—by sheer instinct—how to swim. The utter panic. The terrific realization that you are, indeed, falling into the pit that was about to drown you if you don’t move your ass and fucking do something. Was it a dream? Another example of your overdrawn imagination that you never lacked, even when you were alone? When weren’t you? Don’t we come alone and go alone in this life? What was the point of trying to make friends if anything was meant to end like this... with Tashi staring at you as if you’d disappointed not her— her entire line of thinking that was practically built around both of you these two months that you knew were meant to end. What hasn’t ended if this life is all about the natural order of things: creating — ending it.

“I’m just thinking,” you told her in the most sincere way you could manage through the gathering tears that you wanted to scratch out of your eyes, because what the fuck, weren’t you enough,, haven’t you done enough to deserve this tone thrown into your face like the bag that you saw was pushed under Patrick’s feet with Tashi’s heel? After all, we all are dispensable and meant to be thrown away, isn’t it? It was good while it lasted... right?

“Why’re you looking at me like this?” Gosh, you sounded pathetic—get it together, girl; were your trembling hands, your prickling eyes, your thrown to the brim feelings, the seemingly unstoppable sensation of trying to make your way out of that water that seemed to grow hands and claw their way over your sinking body worth it? Your overcompensated circle of victim-victimizer: ‘I’m not worse than Tashi if she does the same’?

And blurting out, unthinking, really, “I haven’t done anything you wouldn’t in my place, too. Weren’t it us from the beginning?”

“You were never in the equation.” Okay, shoot her, it would’ve hurt less than whatever the hell Tashi just straight-up shitted in her face. “You want to feel special, want to be part of something?” That questioning hm felt like a finger being put on the trigger about to be shot, and not just anywhere. At you.

“Then play like you are something; I have no interest in playing with a person who can’t see their own worth.” The way Tashi crossed her arms and tilted her head felt like a mother disapproving of a child who just said they haven’t studied in the time given for that same purpose— but Tashi wasn’t a Mother Theresa, nor was she a lifeline, or the hand that you saw blurry waving out of the water for you to grab. Help yourself yourself. “What worth can be there if you can’t even focus on something as basic as not sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong?” she muttered the last part to herself. Ouch, for fuck’s sake.

“You wanted to be alone? Felt overly confident in your strengths, saw an opportunity and struck like the snake that you always were? I taught you this, after all, I should probably feel proud ‘n shit—but the only thing that comes to mind is that I want to choke you right now.” Your eyes could only watch how Tashi grabbed that cursed bag with big cursive capital “Art” sewn into the fabric, before throwing it over her shoulder like it weighed nothing. It probably didn’t in comparison to the weight that was left on your shoulders, leaving you grasping the doorframe as if it would’ve saved you from the undone damage. ‘No, it wouldn’t,’ whispered your consciousness, ‘you started this — now watch her finish it.’

“Please; be fucking alone.” Tashi never said a mere thank you to you, so to hear a simple please felt like everything you had and couldn’t have.

You could have if you had a heart, which you don’t.

#my works 𓍼ོ #tashi duncan x reader #a brief mention of patrick zweig x reader #challengers #a girlfriend would’ve saved tashi... but would tashi have saved a girl?#she’s anything but a savior after all.

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bnuuys-writing · 1 year ago

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Twisted Wonderland's Phantom

Hi! I hope you enjoy this! This is the introduction of the crossover of Phantom of The Opera x Twisted Wonderland. Do forgive me if theres any grammar mistakes or repeating themes. I wrote this with a migraine lol but I have been seeing everyone talking about this for months now, and today was the day I have decided to write it now that I have a small break from school + My job rn.

If you have any questions, or wanna talk headcanons, or just want to shoot me a compliment; feel free to throw it in my inbox!! <3

Chapter One(You are here!), Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Leona's Ending, Malleus' Ending

~Bnuuy out!

Y/N, also known as the prefect of Night Raven College of Magic. AKA The Dorm leader in charge of the lonesome home named The Ramshackle; or in other words, Y/N the Magicless Human. The story has been told many times in rumors or whispers of the magicless human within the prestigious magical all boys school across the crowds of thousands. How they arrived with the other new years and how life started for them within this new world as a cat sitter, as well not being able to use any sort of magic left a mark within the school. Yet, here they stand, with friends from across all the dorms within the school as they have saved them from countless Overblots.

“Guys, I’ve told you many times, I’m just going to the library to go check out a new book. You do not need to follow me!” Y/N exclaimed tirelessly as their compatriots, Ace and Deuce, followed them with smiles on their faces.

“Cmon Y/N! Lighten up! Its the final school year of Night Raven College! Certainly you don't want to be sticking your nose in some boring books! Right Deucy?” Ace chimed out as he nudged his fellow troublemaker who only grunted at the elbow.

“Well… Y/N can do whatever they would like to do-” Another nudge from Ace’s elbow, perhaps a bit more rougher this time caused Deuce to cough a bit. “-But yes! You could be spending time with us at the unbirthday parties! And plus, the alumni are coming today! Riddle, Vil, Leona, all of your friends are coming to visit the school JUST for this week! Don't you want to see them?” Deuce asked, rubbing his side where Ace had nudged a bit too roughly.

True, this was indeed your third year at Night Raven College with no luck in finding your way back home, so this was your only chance to start studying hard to make your footing and to make a stand for once you are officially graduated from the College. Only making it more the wiser to really get your butt in gear of trying to find what you would want to do after this year. Grim would most likely be on his own, having surpassed both Ace and Deuce in study, but you could’ve guessed it was out of pure power instead of intelligence. Deuce would most likely follow his dream of becoming a police officer and making his mother proud, as for Ace…? You shuddered slightly at the thought of Ace becoming more than just a student at Night Raven College, and couldn't bring yourself to think about the possibilities he might have as an adult-prankster.

“I do but guys, you already know what you will or want to be doing outside of Night Raven, and I don't… So, I have to get started on getting my foundation really set up before I am graduated.” Y/N started towards their two friends, Grim just happily purring away on your shoulder as you argued back and forth before shaking your head. “Follow me or not, but I’ll be going into the library to see what I can do for a living as a magicless person within Twisted Wonderland.” Rolling your eyes while opening the large door to the library with a loud creek, the two could only watch as you walked in and the door shut with a loud slam.

Now the library was impressive, many books dating from all around from history to How To’s books. If Crowley knew anything, it was that he was an impressive hoarder of books- although you doubted he knew that- or doubted if he could even read considering all the slacking he's been doing in getting you home. So much for a Gracious Kind Headmage. Humming to yourself as you began to walk down the countless isle of books, memories flashing within your head as you pass down certain isles.

How Floyd Leech chased you down the history isle, begging to squeeze you while you were ushering a poor certain Riddle to run away and hide. Becoming Floyd’s new toy for the next hour until he got bored.

Rook Hunt recommending some certain weird books about how hunting and survival tactics would be important for you if you ever got lost in the wilderness. At least now, you’re able to tie a knot very well as well as start a fire!

Jamil and Kalim studying hard at a table- Well… Let's be honest here, more like Jamil trying to force things into Kalim’s mind who was more busy talking to you and asking about your day than actually studying.

Lastly, Malleus reaching above you to grab a certain book you were wishing to read for fun and for him to hand it to you with such gentleness, you could feel your heart pounding in your chest as you called to your friend, Tsunatrou so happily and thanked him for reaching the book for you.

Pausing at that isle as you could almost see the figures of your friends whizzing past your eyes like shadows of long forgotten dreams. Shaking your head slightly, you trudged forward only for something hard to hit your head, causing a familiar NYAH! To echo within your ear as your shoulders become lighter. Grim and this large thick book layed on the ground as you rubbed your head in pain, letting a quiet groan in pain as you collected yourself back together.

“Grim, how many times have I said not to drop things on me?” You questioned out accusingly towards your roommate who only let out a small pout, shaking his head furiously at your accusations.

“It wasn't me this time, I assure you Y/N! This book fell off that really top shelf!” Grim pointed his paw up to the very top shelf that you knew you would need a ladder to reach. Sighing, you picked up Grim and held him close to your chest as you looked down at the book accusingly only for your reaction to turn miffed and confused. The words on the book were swirling around in different languages, if you could assume, for only when you reached out to touch it, it changed to your native tongue.

“Phantom of The Opera?” You whispered out, eyebrows raised as you looked at the book with curiosity and disregarding the whines of Grim who suggested that this book was not a book you two should dig into. Grabbing the book and stuffing it into your bag, you quickly left the library with a newfound of urgency to head straight back to the ramshackle and dig into the book with a profound sense of curiosity.

Crewel did say to you once while you were trying to find a certain book about potionology within his room, of course with no such luck sadly, that books sensed with magic will choose who will read them next. That sentient books were also very dangerous if put into the wrong hands if the book chose who it got transported to next wrong.

“Y/N! MYAH! I don't think we should dig into this book!” Grim shouted out at you as you set him down on the couch within the Ramshackle, having run home quickly to dig your nose into this book. Grim could feel it, but you couldn't. Something was wrong with this book but he couldnt put his paw on it just yet…

“Oh hush Grim! Everything will be okay! I'm magicless, remember? I don't think I can even wield a grimoire!” You stated out as you rushed up the stairs after having placed your keys, phone and wallet down on the counter. Leaving a very concerned Grim behind your tail with ears folded down and a queasy feeling in his stomach that was not akin to premium tuna fish hunger…

“That's what I'm worried about…”

It wasnt hard to get yourself settled in your room, book in hand, ready to dig into its contents or find out what this Phantom of The Opera is. The Alumni should be here within the next hour so certainly you had a bit of time to at least get started into the book, right?

A small glimmer rippled through the hard cover of the book, as if whispering you to open it, begging you to turn to the first page. As if you were under Jamil’s special magic, you slowly peeled back the cover and turned to the first page only to find it blank, then the next page, following the next page. All of it was blank! Sighing in frustration, you began to flip through the pages until the book forced you to stop on one. On the page, a glimmer rippled through it only for a large red rose to appear, a mask, and a diamond ring. A message soon appeared underneath the items, a prompt;

Choose One.

Huh… This is interesting.

Humming in curiosity, you reached forward to pick up the rose, it was clean of all thorns and had few leafs on it. A delicate specimen that Riddle would’ve shamed you for plucking had it been in his own rose garden. Yet, once your fingers glazed over the stem, your vision began to get heavy and dark, it was getting harder and harder for your eyes to stay open as you fell unconscious in a matter of seconds.

Meanwhile, Grim huffed and puffed downstairs, waiting for you to come out from your room to feed him. An hour had passed and you promised to feed the Alumni and Grim tonight at Heartsabyul! Yet you were still locked away within your room and here he is, waiting on his henchman again!

“Y/n! Cmon! Im hunnggryyyy!!” Grim shouted out from downstairs, making his way up to your room now. WIth a hard shove into the stubborn old door, he found himself with the book on your bed and with you nowhere in sight. Stunned and alerted at your lack of presence, he let out a loud MYAH! As he booked it downstairs and out the door to the one place he knew he could go to for help.

Heartsabyul.

The party was already booming, the roses had been painted red, everyone seeming to be enjoying tea and the treats that were brought along. At least Riddle seemed to be enjoying himself back in his seat of Queen. Leona wasn't too far down but he seemed uninterested in all the sweets but more of the meats that Savannahclaw had brought in for the party. Of course, Azul had also brought along Floyd and Jade to sell out merchandise of her flourishing outside of NRC business. Jamil and Kalim were off to the corner, Jamil having brought their own food for Kalim to eat. Iida and Ortho were obviously nowhere to be found but some snacks had been going missing here and there. Vil and Rook were pestering Epel who had flourished perfectly, complimenting their Poison Apple. As for Malleus? My, did he receive an invitation? No one can recall.

“GUYS! I NEED HELP!” Grim’s screeching voice ripped through the garden, causing all fun and festivities to stop. Usually when Grim is screaming, a Prefect is certain to follow afterwards. Yet, As Grim bounded over the table to Ace and Deuce with no Prefect in tail, the air got visibly tense.

“Y/N HAS BEEN ABDUCTED AFTER THEY PICKED UP THIS BOOK FROM THE LIBRARY THAT HIT THEM IN THE HEAD! I CANT SMELL OR FIND THEM ANYWHERE!” Grim screeched out as Deuce and Ace were looking at him weirdly. Suddenly, the sunny day within Heartsabyul got cloudier… And Cloudier… To where it looked like it was about to storm.

“Where is the Child of Man?” An all too intimidating presence made itself known. Malleus, with a decorated invitation personally assigned by Y/N stood by the entrance of the garden. Lilia, Silver and Sebek all standing there alongside him. Leona was not impressed by this showcase of purely a tantrum from a now King of Briar Valley. The air was tense, the cake was suddenly no longer sweet and the tea was ice cold.

“Settle down Malleus, I’m sure this is one big prank from Grim to try and scare us all.” Lilia spoke, a small ‘fufu’ following afterwards as he stared out into the large crowd. Leona was the next one to speak, slicing the tense air with a knife.

“I hoped you wouldn't show, yet here you are. And Grim, if you’re pranking us, its a horrible prank and you need to try better next time.” Leona sighed out, rubbing his temples as he stood up. He didn't need to be here anyway, if it weren't for his brother pestering him to go and Cheka kept getting into his business now as being a little older of a cub. If the only one who was taking it seriously was Malleus, Deuce was also included in the worry.

“What do you mean Y/N got abducted, Grim? Where are they?” Deuce asked out urgently as he stared down the grey haired familiar of yours. Grim looked around the room, hoping other than Deuce and Malleus were worried, he could smell the concern rising from Leona but made no rush to comment about it. Vil and Rook were both on edge as they stared down the cat and Riddle’s eyes were boring into the soul of Grim, as if trying to see if he was lying so he could cast his unique magic on him.

“Well! Like I said, there was a book that fell on top of Y/N and I in the library and the words kept moving-” Grim was cut off by Vil who’s eyebrows raised up in alarm.

“A Sentient book? Did they open it?”

“If you would let me finish- yes! They did! Y/N ran up to our room and when I went in there to collect them to come here, the book was open and they were missing!” Grim started out quickly, ears falling to the sides as they thought of their poor henchman, being kidnapped or even worse! Having gone back to their world without saying goodbye to him!

Riddle stood up abruptly out from his hair and sighed. “Let us go then, if Prefect needs our help, we will give it. Just as they have helped us through our overblots.” Though, he could hear some grunts of displeasure around the table.

“Nehhh~... Whats in it for us though?” Floyd’s voice came out, looking bored as ever as he stood near this little popup cart that Azul set up for Jade and him to run. At hearing a price to help Y/N, others began to agree until a flash of lightning hit the tree not too far and trailed after a large boom of thunder. Malleus was not impressed by the company he was in, and quickly proved to change their minds. The answer was clear;

Help Y/N or get Smited Down by the King of Briar Valley.

It's a good thing they of course all loved you very much!

So here they stand, Grim pointing down to the book accusingly as he sat on Deuce’s shoulders. Leona, Vil, Rook, Riddle, The Tweels, Azul and All of Diasomina stood within your room. All accusingly staring down at your book with mixed faces of confusion, annoyance, and regret. While the book was still open, still had the mask and diamond ring upon its sparkling surface with the sentence below it

Choose One.

“Do you really think Y/N chose one?” Ace would ask out curiously, reaching forward only for his hand to be stopped by Rook who was smiling at him.

“Mon ami, you wouldn't want to toy with what you don't know, oui?” Rook lightly scolded Ace who only huffed and pulled his hand away from the blonde frenchman.

“Its sad that I didnt teach more about Sentient books to our little potato. Mayap they would’ve learned that messing with such forms of magic is forbidden- Especially when it hits your head in the library.” Vil would sigh out as he looked over the items. What could a mask and diamond ring have to do with anything? Did Y/N take something? If they did, what was it?

“I do not see the issue with these items. Certainly it must be easy to collect Y/N.” Malleus would state as he would reach forward and grab the mask. Being a man with powerful magic, he didnt instantly get knocked down but it did temper with his magic. Sebek was immediately alerted by this and attempted to grab the mask to protect his master. Silver reached out to do the same and Lilia was there to catch Malleus’ fall before they all were transported in. Their souls became little wisps that were shot straight into the book while the mask stayed floating before crumbing into dust.

“Well, I understand now.” Deuce would state out and shake his head. The last one was the diamond ring. Leona’s hand was first to grab it.

“There is no way that damn lizard is going to save Y/N. I’ll be the one to do it.” Yet Vil, Rook, Riddle, Azul and the Tweels were grabbing after him. They wanted their share of glory in helps of finding their beloved Prefect. Afterall, the King and the Prince shouldn't have all the glory now, nor all the fun- Could they?

As their souls turned to wisps, they all shot into the book as Ace, Deuce and Grim watched this debacle happen before their very eyes. With a loud bang, they all came to realize that the book had shut itself and a title appeared before the Adeuce gang.

The Phantom of The Opera.

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littledollll · 2 years ago

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Caretaking

Larissa Weems x reader

A/n: i accidentally posted and deleted this ;-; I’m so mad rn that I lost the request thing, anyways I hope u like this.

Request by @werewolfvpire : larissa or Lucifer x reader who has a migraine

Warnings: none

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

You felt miserable. There was really no other word for it. You had a migraine and it seemingly came out of nowhere, but you knew more often than not it was caused by stress and it had been a heavy week٫ so you marked that as your reasoning.

Your head was pounding, any type of sound felt like the equivalent of a gunshot. And the chaos of ready to go students was not helping you at all.

Thankfully it being the last class of the day you could run home and crash into bed soon enough.

“Alright, we’re doing quiet time for the last 15 minutes of class. You are free to talk but I’d appreciate it if you could keep your conversations quiet.” They we’re kind enough to comply and you asked one of the students to turn off the lights that felt like they were burning and blinding you.

After the first 5 minutes were down you decided to send them out early. As long as they didn’t cause any problems and went to the common areas or their dorms instead of staying near the classrooms disturbing other classes it was fine.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

“You’re here early, are you alright my darling?” Larissa looked up at you as you rounded her desk to greet her. Wrapping your arms around her from the back of her chair, you hummed.

"Migraines. I’m gonna head to bed, okay?” Larissa kissed your hand and nodded, “I’ll be there in a second, I just want to finish up some things.”

“Don’t rush, I’m just getting some rest.” You gave her a final squeeze and a kiss to her cheek before walking back to your shared room.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

In 20 minutes you were out of your work clothes, showered and in bed.

When Larissa finally made her a way home you were already fast asleep. Every light was turned off and the covers were pushed up to cover your eyes.

She opted not to bother you yet, instead making her way back to the kitchen to get you meds, and something to drink and eat. You were stubborn when you weren’t feeling good, convinced you could make anything go away with sleep instead of taking the intended medication for it.

She walked went back to your side with a tray of everything she picked out in hand, setting it next to the bedside table she gently rubbed your arm to wake you up.

You grumbled a complain and peeked your head above the blanket, glaring at her. “Who dares-“

“I do.” She interrupted, giving you a smile and off my ering up the tray, “drink this, and this. Then eat, you can’t take those on an empty stomach, you can go back to sleep after.”

She left no room for arguing, you begrudgingly sat up and did as she said, not without pouting the whole time of course. “Thank you darling.”

You gave her a hum, and pulled her into the bed. Larissa yelped but complied, getting under the covers with you she wrapped around you as you happily hid into her neck.

You mumbled out a sleepy, “thank you” and closed your eyes, giving in to her warmth.

“Whenever you need, my love”

#gwendoline christie #larissa weems #principal larissa weems #larissa weems x reader #larissa weems fluff #larissa weems nevermore #larissa weems wednesday #principal weems #principal weems fluff

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chaoticmannamedoliver · 5 months ago

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Okay so, below is a health ish update and a vent about my former GP- cause they did smth that feld dehumanizing. This is mostly just so other people who might have similar health issues to me, can point me into right directions....im iffy about doctors rn-

Contents:

- stupid thing my GP did

- listing of my pains i have that neither of my 2 GP's ive been to acknowledged or bothered with. If you have something similar or know ANYTHING, i really need help, even just little things to make it easier.

- So, what my last gp did -

So i had an appointment with her recently that i took my boyfriend too since he was visiting me anyway- love him

I sat down, and the whole appointment was just a disappointment. She basically gave up on figuring out why im dizzy or why my blood pressure is so high with 18. I asked what im supposed to do with my heart, what im supposed to do about the dizzy- that i came to her for answers- but the woman who seemed so keen on finding out whats wrong with me, cursing my first gp for just prescribing me HBP Meds without further research and who daid she loved working with young adults...just apparently gave up n said is nothing n that i should just continue talking my meds. I had my shitty ass cane to the appointment with me, which she asked about - and i said it helped me with my dizzy, to which she rolled her eyes

She offered one more test, probably just to get me out and left for a bit to talk with a doctor. In the meantime i had a breakdown because i got no answers- and didn't get any further.

When she came back, she told me to get up and go straight, i asked to where exactly- then she grabbed my arm, took my cane from me and with a very uncomfortable grip, dragged me to the waiting area in front of the room for the last test and sat me down, giving the cane to my probably very taken aback partner who had followed us and mutteredthat i didn't need it and. I had another breakdown and didn't understand what happened yet- but it felt bad, dehumanizing?? GP asked me not to cry, and that what she did was just to give me courage and then just left. It felt like she never listened to anything i said- and i still don't know what to make of what happened - if anyone has suggestions- do tell? It felt....hurtful

- My issues and ows and whatnot -

So, there are a few, especially now that i have someone who actually tells me that they're not normal.

- my feet/heels start hurting after 5 ish minutes of standing

- i get dizzy if i stand for a minute or two on bad days and good days it kicks after 1-10 minutes

- heat and shower makes dizzy worse. A sitting think in the shower would make it better

- i have too high blood pressure if i don't take the meds.

- no, the dizzy doesn't come from any ear organ stuff. Tested that.

- the dizzy had gotten. Better after the meds, now its hard to tell.

- sometimes my gravity just says no.

- after maybe 30 min to an hour of walking, my feet/heels hurt. After a certain point i get dizzy. Then no amount of break will fix it. I need to lay down.

- without my cane, walking feels heavy. Please let me use my cane for fucks sake im going to hit the next doctor who says i don't need it i swear to GOD.

- growth pain. After a day of walking. Or cleaning. My knees and shins hurt. Especially once im laying again. They hurt so much that i want to claw at them. Take them out. Agony. Luckily ive started to recognize the kinda pain early and take a paracetamol- but without it? Not matter what position, im in pain

I don't think im supposed to have growth pain anymore with almost 19, right?

- when i get dizzy, the ground feels like its zooming away from me

- i was born at the end of the 6th month? If that helps any-

- inherited migraines from my dad- also just side info

#@chaotic man named oliver #health issues #health #i dunno if im disabled? maybe probably not or its chronic pain or smth??? i really dunno anything <:[#chronic pain?#chronic illness #chronic pain #help #advice #disability #disability advice

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skzoologist · 1 year ago

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Ok so I have another idea,

So bae is having a bad day and struggling with something, feeling insecure making him feel really stressed and down and he considers harming himself to cope with it thankfully one of the members notice him (Feeling in a minho or chan mood rn so if you could write it as them that would be amazing) and check up on him right before he was about to and stops, him comforting bae

P.S You don't have to write it if you aren't comfortable writing something like this. Ngl I dunno what came over me with this, maybe I am self projecting?

-🐿️

word count: ~2.1k

warnings: self-harm, self-deprecating thoughts

genre: heavy angst, hurt/comfort

a/n: I know I got another ask from a different follower a day ago, but this is just activating my own spidey senses, so this enjoys priority. Also I'm alright writing this, because it touches on a part of Bae's lore that I haven't revealed yet, so don't worry about that. But 🐿️ anon, my sweetie, if you ever really have these thoughts, talk to someone. Anyone. A friend, family, heck, even me or another online person! This isn't a long-term solution, but it can help tremendously. This goes for everyone too: if talking to me or requesting something like this helps, never hesitate to do so! Life is hard and we sometimes need some time and help to recuperate and get back to our feet. There's no shame in it.

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!I don't condone anyone stealing my work and posting it anywhere without my permission, or feeding it to AI!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

As soon as Bae opened his eyes, he felt the air heavily pressing onto his skin, as if a weight was fused onto the upper layer. His limbs felt sluggish, as if his own blood and bones were cast out of pure steel and misery. The light that successfully seeped through the thick curtains felt too bright, earning a low hiss from the male.

Mornings after a migraine were always hard to bear.

The one he’d had the previous day was particularly harsh, rendering him useless as he’d been just carried away by his bandmates to the dorms in urgency. All schedules’s been cancelled for him immediately, Chan telling him how it was alright, how he should only ever focus on his own health.

It made his stomach churn.

Everyone was working themselves to the point of exhaustion every single day, yet here he was, laying in bed once again, causing inconvenience for everyone. He hated it with every fibre of his being, the feeling seeping deep inside and nestling there.

Yet, Bae put a lock onto the gate this monstrous being hid behind, forcing his limbs to move, the motion cumbersome and difficult. What would have only taken him a few minutes now took ten or twenty, an obscuring fog settling over most of his mind. Nothing felt right, yet he powered through it, refusing to leave out another day of work.

Not even Chan could stop him.

After his morning routine was done and his horribly pale skin was hidden behind makeup, he went out of his room at his own, slow pace, knowing fully well no one else was at the dorms anymore. They were all already at the company, busy with their solo schedules and practices. He himself had to be at a photoshoot in an hour, or at least according to his original, filled out schedule. His hyungs adamantly gave him not only yesterday off, but two other days as well, not leaving him any room for argument.

Little did they know he’d told his own manager to reschedule those two days amidst head-splitting pain and blurry vision. It was an arduous task, but he’d managed.

Once he was down in the lobby and ready to go, his driver was surprised, safe to say, the expression obvious as it sat out onto his face. But he’d been working with Bae for long years now, thus that was the only indication about the idol’s unexpected appearance. No words were exchanged, the two acknowledged the other with a respectful nod and off they were to their destination.

The drive wasn’t long, leaving Bae no time to sink into his thoughts as he watched the scenery fly by through the window. Even the weather was feeling down, the skies grey and melancholic. It felt as if in the next minute the clouds would start weeping, openly pouring their heart out in a silent farewell.

Once the car was parked, he slightly nodded at the driver who was looking back at him, opening the door and stepping out onto still dry pavement. His legs automatically took him into the company, something he was grateful for with his hazy mind. The only thoughts that were coherently formed in there were about his bandmates and how he wished he wouldn’t run into them accidentally. He really didn’t have the energy to hear what they had to say and berate him over not resting.

It seemed like his prayers were heard, nobody noticing him as he was silently walking through the halls, as if he was a ghost tied to them for eternity. The moment the staff saw him enter the room they bowed and greeted him, something he reciprocated silently with a bow of his own.

He was soon whisked away to a chair, his makeup and hair professionally done. Even if the workers noticed the bags under his eyes or his unnaturally pale complexion, none of them acknowledged it, opting to instead silently work away with precise movements.

The different array of powder snugly stuck to his skin, just enough to make him feel like the idol he was supposed to be, not a smidge more. The colours were vibrant, the exact opposite of what he felt like under the mask he’d put up, something that fit his idol self only. His bleached, white hair was gently clipped up, a few chosen strands taken out and purposefully left hanging down, framing his face elegantly. A glint caught his eye, the dangly earring in his left ear catching light and shining brightly.

The man who looked back at him in the mirror felt like someone else.

Tearing his gaze away, he let the stylists choose his outfit and got into position, everyone’s eyes on that stranger who he was supposed to be. With a cold gaze he did his job, perfectly executing everything that was expected of him. Even after the sixth outfit change, the final one, and endless photos taken over the course of hours, his expression remained unchanged, focus solely on the camera that was pointed directly at him.

The way back home felt like a blur to him. Stripped of the branded clothes and sheltering makeup on his face, he felt vulnerable, something those dark, swirling thoughts started taking advantage of. He tried to think of anything else, of food or even a favourite TV show.

None of it worked.

They all circled back to how he shouldn’t be skipping the group’s dance practice, how miserable he looked and how he felt nauseous, even though he hadn’t eaten anything all day. Horrendous scenarios played through his head, worsening with every passing second, each ending with him being forced to leave the group.

He really should cook something. If not for himself, then his bandmates, who no doubt would be hungry by the time they got back to the dorms.

But what if… What if they wouldn’t want to eat it? Why would they? After all, he was someone undeserving of their love, to be in the group, useless with a malfunctioning body. He wouldn’t be surprised if one of them finally would have had enough of his constant migraines and the hassle that always came with it, the constant darkness and hushed voices as he was carried away, unmoving.

He also didn’t have an amazingly unique voice like Felix, or dance moves like Minho. Hell, he didn’t even know how to produce music, like 3RACHA.

He was useless.

The knife in his hand glinted, surrounded by half-chopped vegetables. A thought ran through his head, one that would solve all his problems, permanently ending them.

Pale skin drew him in, dark veins peeking through. It felt inviting, as if it somehow grew a mouth itself and called the knife’s name, inescapably alluring.

“Bae?”

His eyes were drawn from the freshly drawn blood, only a few droplets escaping and coating the surface of the blade in a bittersweet vermillion colour. Chan just stood there, frozen, hand stopped midair, no doubt in the process of taking off his bag. Their eyes met, dull ones with pure panic, darting between the knife and Bae’s eyes, as if no matter how hard their owner tried, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

The thud of the bag was loud in the heavy silence, unsure footsteps soon following it.

Bae just watched as the older walked towards him, steps wobbly and out of their usual, steady rhythm. Shaking hands reached towards his own ones, gently prying them apart and away from the stained, sharp object.

An even shakier breath left Chan’s lips as he just stood there, still holding the other’s hands in his gentle hold, blood now painting his skin in small rivers. Their eyes couldn’t meet this time, no, the leader’s own gaze focused on their conjoined hands, expression hidden from the younger.

Not a sound could be heard as Bae was led towards the bathroom, Chan’s hands quietly working away on taking care of the fresh wound. Bae similarly didn’t say anything, not even hiss left his lips when the alcohol touched open skin, or when it was finally sealed off, left to heal in peace.

The two remained there for a while, one standing, the other sitting, until the silence was broken by quiet sniffles, the older’s lip wobbling and eyes shining with unshed tears.

“What were you thinking?” - his voice was a broken little thing, as if he himself got hurt by the knife instead of Bae.

The younger stayed silent, numb and unwilling to burden anyone with his worthless thoughts. He didn’t deserve being cared for like this, something the voices whispered to him relentlessly.

“Bae, why did you do it? Do you hate being with us this much?”

His head snapped up from where he was observing the tiles underneath his feet, wide eyes staring into Chan’s tear-filled ones. Those obsidian orbs were filled with sorrow, the usually bright nebulas now hidden in darkness. The sight alone broke something in Bae, as if he was pulled up onto the surface of an alaskan lake from its deep, imprisoning depths.

A sound left the younger’s lips, something that vaguely resembled a word, yet no one could tell. It was quiet, broken, much like the male himself. More soon followed its wake, finally donning the form of a word and adamantly denying Chan’s question with their sole existence. His head shook as tears finally fell down upon shaking hands, ones that were raised in a sad attempt of hiding away. Chan didn’t hesitate to hug the unravelling boy in front of him, his standing form easily engulfing Bae’s small, sitting one.

“Then why?” - the question was careful, as if a single wrong word could shatter Bae into irreparable pieces.

“I don’t feel worthy to be here.” - that was the simple answer he got.

The grip on the younger tightened impossibly, Chan’s form rigid and unbreathing. It prompted Bae to snake his hands further up, clinging onto the fabric there desperately, hold more secure on his hyung. His head was buried in Chan’s stomach, afraid to be seen like this.

“My moonlight, look at me.” - it was a gentle request, one that was accompanied by tender hands, holding onto tear-stained cheeks and leading them out of their hiding.

Thumbs softly swiped the droplets away from underneath dark, confused eyes.

“You’re one of the hardest working people I’ve ever met, and I’ve been in this demanding industry for longer than anyone should have. There’s a passionate fire burning inside you, one that you never let lose its intensity. Not only do you practise and work relentlessly, you also have amazing talent in everything you do. Your singing is wonderfully soft, perfectly harmonising with anyone you sing with. You know every single one of our dances to the point where if I were to start a song from any point, you would know what dance move goes with it. And you always look amazing, no matter what you wear or do. On top of all that, you never fail to help us or listen to our problems. Never once have you turned us away in all these years.”

Chan’s eyes held a soft light, a gentle smile dancing on his lips. It stole the breath out of Bae’s lungs, his eyes stinging as a fresh wave of tears started forming.

“You can ask any of us, we would only sing your praises. Because they’re true, baby. You might get migraines often, but then what? That doesn’t make you any less of us. You work hard enough already, a little rest won’t take away from that.”

He stopped for a moment, as if a fond memory appeared in front of his eyes.

“Did you know? I love the little snacks you sneak into my bag that I take to the studio with me. I also love the little notes you always give me with it and the silly little drawings on them. I’ve never thrown one out ever since you started giving them to me.”

The look on Chan’s face was entirely too fond, something that Bae couldn’t possibly look at for too long, lest his chest burst into loved pieces. No, hiding into the fabric of his hyung felt better, unwilling to think about the way the man’s lips curved up, dimples peeking through, or the way his eyes were just slightly crinkled, holding the warmth of a star itself even through those crystal droplets.

“You’re loved, Bae. Never forget that.”

#i know it's hard #but there are people who care about you #more than you could ever imagine #stray kids #skz #stray kids oc #skz oc #stray kids 9th member #skz 9th member #glacial prince #bang chan #request #🐿️ anon #stray kids fanfiction #skz fanfiction #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic

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abacistat · 5 months ago

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im currently reading red robin 2009 (i KNOW it took me forever just let me live okay i don’t even. god. this is a judgement free zone actually, justice for us slow comic readers like SORRY i haven’t read every run that has ever been released ever OKAY! im new to this kind of…as in last five months but STTTIIILLLLLL at least i’m reading the comics. not a lot of people can say that. let me be a slow reader.) (that being said i’m on the 10th issue rn ^_^)

ok anyway reading rr09 and i have soo many thoughts on it and so many drawing ideas but i have had a migraine since like. checks clock. tuesday night. it’s thursday morning. i did like a handful of drawing reqs on instagram but i couldn’t even finish them all cause god why does blue light have to make my eyes hurt??? why can’t i stare at my ipad screen with a headache(/s)???? wtf let me draw this is so fucked up. whenever this migraine decides to stop making me it’s bitch though i’ll be forced to finalize my tim design cause i really really really wanna make red robin art but my boy needs to be consistent… he’s so so so inconsistent rn… i’m so sorry. wanna do reference sheets for a lot of characters tbh….

do people do that??? can i just make a character sheet for a character that in fact already exists??? yeah. yeah i can idc if its unconventional actually. and if it isn’t, even better! def core four. def superfam. maybe batfam if i feel nice, like i love the batfam (sorry) but there is way too many of them??? okay anyway this is a really long winded way of saying i wanna come up w a complete tim design and i am asking for headcanons anybody has because i don’t have too too many ideas rn im SORRYYYY </3…it’s also five am so just let me go to sleep. but. yeah send me some tim headcanons i could try incorporating :-) feel free to yap ab them too im such a sucker for reading peoples little character studies <3 like yes how does that girl wearing her hair in a ponytail represent her struggles with femininity??? yeah. yaaayyy! ok gonna sleep now….bye

tldr; tell me your tim drake design hcs

#gabi yaps!#i just pulled that ‘girl with ponytail’ thing out of my ass btw #idk who that girl is…now i must know #but this ain’t about her it’s about my weird princess tim drake #tim

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storiesofsvu · 6 months ago

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Okay, so last week my sleep schedule was beyond fucked up and I had a friend staying with me so I didn’t get to watch the new CM until WAY too late and my reactions were barely existent and I almost fell asleep before it ended cause it was almost 6am by then. So I’m rewatching last week rn (while working on other stuff) before watching the new ep. Expect some notes from last week but not a lot I guess lol!

We love a good female unsub.

I STILL do not understand how Emily got full ass arrested over this shit, like yeah brian accused her, but they don’t really have any grounds for arrest, esp her being fbi?? She should have been asked to come down for questioning but that was it. She never should have actually been booked. (though this DOES play into the whole conspiracy thing. Like get her arrested/out of the way/a reason for the upper people to get rid of her or have something to hold over her head. Like, her getting arrested would be part of the whole gold star thing). WITHOUT that though, make it make sense. GOD to be a lawyer in the CM universe must be THE most annoying thing in the entire world LOL.

This red coat will forever and always be one of my top fave wardrobe items of em’s

Okay but like, the coke “conspiracy theory” seems pretty legit LOL. But em is like.. losing it. She’s tunnel visioned on this gold star case and isn’t sleeping and like, my girl just needs rest and peace for ONCE please.

Jj wanting to talk but not having the courage to bring it up just hurts me man.

“contracted to kill gold star” I thought gold star was an operation? Or a team? Or was that found out later in this episode….LOL

Honestly… Emily breaking the rules/law is not OOC at all. and her asking Garcia to help her (and Garcia complying) isn’t either, it’s happened before in canon. And like.. when em’s getting shoved to the utmost bottom, she’s never above breaking protocol, even if she is in charge. Look at the lauren arc, look at her battle with barnes, her standing up to strauss, she’s always done whatever she thinks is right, it’ll get her answers, even if they can’t be used in court.

Voit looks SO much like someone I work with and that weirds me out LOL.

Mega points for Sydney for standing up for herself. I’m super glad she’s been given some time to shine this season.

Okay either Emily has had some sense knocked into her w saying “this case isn’t gold star until we prove it” or she thinks its an utter waste of time…

You’re SERIOUSLY telling me Penelope Garcia of all people didn’t see “star light star bright” and think of the nursery rhyme? That she wasted how ever many of her guesses and didn’t come up with something along the lines of “wish tonight”?!!!? that shit’s TOO easy…

If last season gave Emily a migraine, dealing with all of this and esp brian should be giving her an aneurysm lol.

The girl playing holly is incredible, I hope she gets the career she deserves. Also.. she deserved to attack voit, like her sister is young enough she’s still living in a weird confused/delusional point where she doesn’t really get what’s going on. holly’s old enough she knows her entire life is completely fucked up by her dad being a killer. That her family’s torn apart, she’s watching her mom barely keep it together, they have to move, again and again, new school, new friends, over and over all in a feeble attempt to try and stay safe from their dad who’s supposed to stay in prison?

Yeah this girl’s absolutely going through it. She loves her dad and misses what they had before everyone found out what he was actually doing.

Not voit getting TWO fucks in one sentence! He is right though about holly being in trouble and needing help now. Maybe he’s self reflecting a little bit, I can’t remember if his past was discussed last season LO, I’m remembering something but I might be fucking up plot lines… EITHER WAY, he sees a bit of himself in holly and doesn’t want her to turn out like him, which could be considered remorse…

JJ asking about Emily and how she’s doing after em asks about Sydney and the girls… just absolutely proves what everyone online was BITCHING hardcore about, with em “not caring about jj” they’re both going through hell, they’re both exhausted, I bet jj didn’t sleep the night before either. JJ wants to know about em and is checking in with her, she knows everyone’s going through it and when asked about her shit, she brushes it off cause she knows both of them are under stress, that she can bring it up later rather than dump everything on em when she’s struggling to hold herself and the team together. Sometimes you have to wait on things like that.. it’s just life.

If tyler and Penelope had met under ANY different circumstance I would be here for it, but I refuse to be the way it was done.

Emily v Voit is giving me so much life. Why didn’t they just send her in first? Lol. Like yeah voit ends up getting what he wants, but also, she’s so fucking cocky about the way it happens and she can read him like no tomorrow and that’s after no sleep and all that shit? Tell me your powerful without telling me your powerful.

Okay, imma check if the new ep is up yet, if it is, I’ll be back right away, if not, I’ll see ya in a couple of hours…

Alright, I decided to finish writing some headcanons and got distracted and opened twitter to a gif of Emily smoking from the new ep and it was the hottest thing ive ever seen so let’s pray the new ep is up…

HERE WE GOOOOO

Oh we’re starting WAY back with last season flashbacks? Oh GOD this is gonna be a rough episode isn’t it??

Emily needs a hug, a nap and an orgasm.

Jfc this got creepy right off the bat… like voit was slightly okay in the past eps and now he’s just playing into the psycho

Im sorry, the fbi assassinated WHO? I cannot function without my subtitles and there are TOO many names/people in this season over the total season arc that I keep losing track….

Okay so at least it’s not just em’s ID they haven’t updated, rossi’s is old as fuck too..

“its not the first time I’ve crossed ethical and legal boundaries for this case” Rebecca: “and I didn’t hear that…” LOOOOLL

AND THIS IS WHY I SAID ID NEVER WANT TO BE A LAWYER IN THIS UNIVERSE

I understand that they said any previous deal would be off the table if voit fucked around with them but are you SERIOUSLY trusting him to provide the message and it not be something to alert them?

Okay but shout out to voit for being the first person to refer to tara as “Dr Lewis” in like.. forever

“you neglected to ask me that” dude’s right… you didn’t ask. That’s on you.

I really like the way they’re profiling this situation from both points and jumping back and fourth,

LOOOOLLL the morse code. Fucking called it.

ANND LUKE GETS A FUCK! YES

“can you do that? without fingerprints?” homegirl is about to get herself fired, isn’t she? (she don’t care either so…)

I know Rebecca being close to voit is like, a legal thing and the jurisdiction and shit but it worries me. Imma be surprised if she makes it through this season.

Jfc Emily is SO hot. I adore they keep putting her in blue!

Voit being the comedic relief was not on my bingo card.

YEESS JJ WITH THE “SO SHUT THE FUCK UP”

Not fuckin voit giving the ship a name.. my dude.. stop.

Lmao, Rebecca, he’s not actually gonna confess a crime babe…

“youre not under arrest, you’re here as a person of interest on a 24 hr hold” WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHOULDVE HAPPENED TO EMILY

“useful idiot” IM TELLING YOU EM TO BRIAN IS FRANKIE TO THE DEAN

Not him gaslighting her!

I know part of it is tv, but part of it is reality that plain clothed officers look EXACTLY like cops. Like, everyone can tell that you’re looking over your shoulder and being suspicious. Someone watching for cops isn’t gonna be that dumb.

Wow that team really had ONE good shooter? You serious?? Jj could have got that in a second.

The way Penelope knows about bombs?? That definitely came from derek.

UGH NOO BUT YESS the look on rebecca’s face when tara said she was staying with the bomb. There’s still love there and I swear to fuck if there’s some dying confession of love that’s my 13th reason

Not jade literally being in the same fucking park…

Ive been saying it for years but without Garcia… the team wouldn’t solve a single fucking case.

Okay I GET THAT THERE’S A FUCKING BOMB but like.. both tara and luke and ALL the surrounding officers are SO focused o that and are COMPLETELY ignoring voit.. that bitch could and would have been completely gone if it wasn’t for rossi and the sniper with him…

“this piece of shit” YES. Listen, I know we’re all feral for swearing, but as someone with a potty mouth who works in an industry when we’re always swearing, it’s so natural to me, and it makes things seem more real.

OH FUCK NO

HOW WAS THAT DUDE SO FUCKING DUMB?!?!? WHY WASN’T THERE LIKE 50 OFFICERS AROUND TO MAKE SURE SHIT LIKE THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN. MY GODDDD

But now voits back in his cell…

Ugghhh rebeccccaaaaaa

“im not at my best right now” “pfft. LOOK AROUND”

How DARE THEY end the ep like that. like the smoking part and her not giving a FUCK about it being inside and in her office was one thing, but the dire attempt to keep her composure and keep it together until she got out of the building only to utterly break down in dave’s arms?!?! Im sobbing. I honestly don’t think we’ve seen her cry *like that* since she was abducted by scratch…. They really turned to paget and said “hope you’re ready to act this season…”

Fuck.

I.. what an episode.. part of me feels the intense need to write some form of fix it fic… woof.

#criminal minds #criminal minds evolution #spoilers #cme spoilers #cme #criminal minds spoilers

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stitchthesewords · 2 years ago

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hello

Or grian coming back from dl and he needs not only a cane but hes suffering from a bad-but-temporary case of tinnitus and cant get out of bed and no one sees him for a few days until scar comes over to talk bc holy shit dl and finds Grian in need of help

EXPAND UPON THIS. I AM INTRIGUED. if u want no pressure <3

-catmaidetho

WHEEZING WHATS SO FUNNY IS THAT I HAVE BEEN. STARING AT A WORD DOC ALL DAY TRYING TO <- Girl who is so dead from her job

To start w what the delightful @hitheeprithee said to me earlier that made me. Absolutely fucking insane. But Scar gifting one of his canes to Grian in the post-DL return to HC because he's having trouble with both just walking bc of the aches in his body and the dizzyness caused by the disorientation of being shouted apart. And grian tries, really, to be appreciative, but scar's cane doesnt sit at the right height and he's awkward with it so he just stays in bed and then a few days later Scar sheepishly shows up with a custom made cane for Grian that's the right height and has feathers carved into it and just. hhhh.

But its like. Grian having to learn to rely on others. And I mean this in like the. I am physically disabled and im still learinng. You are always learning how to do this. Every day is a new day for failures and learning in this task. And its grian who doesnt want to get out of bed, who's never felt his body be in such constant misery, not even after third life or last life. He went out - bad. I don't have the brain power to elaborate rn maybe I'll reblog this tomorrow but tldr: I headcanon that the deaths in the life series and way different to deaths on hermitcraft. They're permanently debilitating in some way, but the players keep coming back because they learn to cope, they hold tight to the love for each other that radiates through every time they go through it - anyway. This warden death hurts - and Scar is feeling it too, but not as bad, not as Severely, and furthermore he has coping skills in place already for chronic pains and aches and fatigue. Grian doesn't.

It's Scar showing up and adjusting Grian's pillows to help him sit up, nursing him to health with some food and water, an ice pack, a heating pad, some potions from Cub to help with the pains, to help manage. Its Scar teaching Grian to use a cane, to trust his weight to this inanimate object, to learn to use it as an extension of himself. Helping him learn the walking pattern. It's Scar opening up the bedroom window or whatever the fuck the equivalent is in Grian's base to help get some white noise and teaching Grian to focus on it to make the worst of the ringing go away, to massage the muscles in his head to help with the headaches and migraines.

Scar teaching Grian how to pull his weight up with other people, how to get up from the floor with his back hurts so much he can barely move, to shuffle around the room a little bit just to get the blood flowing in his legs.

And then its like. It's Grian leaning his head against Scar's chest and crying from frustration because his body wont cooperate and he's never had to deal with it before and he doesn't know how. And grian apologizing because he's just complaining about things scar lives with always. And Scar soothing Grian's worries and anxieties becaue he knows why grian's frustrated and its not guaranteed to help but by god he'll try, he'll try so hard to give grian the world back if he can.

god I wish i could elaborate more but. I am sleepy.

#Asks #comfortingdecay #mutuals #desert duo #grian #goodtimeswithscar #double life #so I'm normal #Stitch's Writing

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blitzs-largest-horsiest-dildo · 4 months ago

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Did a social event a couple days ago, and also did dishes yesterday. This is apparently cause for my head to explode with a migraine so back it's tryin to take my entire body offline.

That doesn't mean I get to chill today, I have shit I need to get done. So it's off to the store, and to finish up the dishes, and....I just want to fucking cry. But if I cry, this will get SO MUCH WORSE.

That's honestly the worst part of chronic pain, at least for me. There are things I could do that would help me cope, and ALL of them will make the pain worse.

Take a bath? The water touching my skin makes my whole body tense up. The sound of the water running hurts. Not to mention the change in temperature never fucking fails to set off my POTS.

Take a walk? I will not get any goddamn endorphins from it, and will instead get more pain because I used my muscles AND exposed myself to the various sounds in the neighborhood. (I can literally feel sounds like physical sensations)

Talk to someone? The CPTSD and autism mean talking to people literally hurts because I'm so fucking panicked and anxious. Plus the only people I have physically near me are also having whomp whomp terrible days.

Eat food? Well, thanks to IBS, that's not gonna go nearly the way one might imagine. (I mean, I literally have to eat, but it won't be a comforting thing right now)

Smoke a bowl? Definitely going to because it will help with the pain....until I cough. (Edibles aren't an option rn i'm fucking poor)

Lay down? Ope, except laying down for too long causes subluxations and migraines.

Listening to music? Watching a show? Noises and lights=ouch

Even sitting and writing this is making me look down a bit, which fucking HURTS. But at least it hurts me a teeny bit less than everything else. (Or it will, until I do it for too long)

My literal only comfort is imagining cartoon people kissing. It's not like this is new, I'm just...fucking frustrated as hell how often this is the only thing I CAN do to cope.

Welp. Time to bite the bullet and drive a bunch of places. Guess I'm going to fantasize about a random part of my current fanfic WIP

#fibromyalgia #chronic pain #pots syndrome #connective tissue disorder #coping mechanism #so tired of this #Let's Ride Motherfuckers

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phoenixisobsessed · 3 months ago

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You know I interest with scenario human and bots or cons sharing in a human body.

I will pick sam (because he unlucky top of list and easy pick ) when sam shove Allspark into Megatron chest Allspark decide to put Megatron spark into Sam's body and they forced to sharing same body.

The funny part in this scenario that sam must listen Megatron ranting about how weak and fragile sam body is and really questioning how human can survive with wak body.

I think we need more that scenario in fanfic because that is very rare. I have one story with that scenario

(Quickl disclaimer, sorry if this response is messy I am currently having a migraine. Don’t worry though, I just took my migraine medication. Should kick in soon and they make me extremely eepy so I’m trying to race them LMFAO.)

Transformers does have interesting concepts of like consciousness, especially between robot and human. Like for example in Transformers Prime, Bumblebee goes into Megatron’s head, but a part of Megatron stays in Bumblebee because they didn’t pull out in time, (I am hilarious) and in Cyberverse there’s the whole “Windblade entering Bumblebee’s head” and stuff. (Why is it always Bumblebee goddamn) But these (in a way) make sense since, yeah, they’re robots. Hooking yourself up to something, or in these cases, somebody else, makes sense to cause consciousnesses to kind of “merge” or I guess just link? Be together? I don’t know how to say it properly.

And then…they decide that the same now works on humans as well? I don’t know if this means that human souls are like canon or something. Like I guess there may be some kind of electrical current connection between the human and robot in those cases (Sam putting the Allspark to Megatron’s spark / Spike being connected to a machine(?), transferring his consciousness to a mechanical body in gen1) but still. Humans aren’t a bunch of complex code in the way that a transformer is, (I’m not certain about that but I am just writing my thoughts) and this implies that this relates back to sparks and souls. So, are human souls canon in transformers? Maybe. And if so, it’s interesting that a spark and a human soul are so similar so that they can transfer between species, at least to a point, pretty successfully.

Like clearly, even if it’s not as deep as a consciousness transfer, humans and transformers can work together (literally). Most recent example being Mirage and Noah in the end of the movie when they merge, going all the way back to some of the older Japanese series (not gonna go into alla that rn).

And don’t even get me STARTED on the kind of connections they have in Earthspark with the Terrans. That rock is doing some crazy shit, and I don’t remember the lore of it. No I’m not looking it up right now.

And I mean, with the existence of Maximals and Predacons, there’s clearly proof that transformers can work together with organic matter at least somewhat.

I got so off topic ngl. Started going down theorising lane here for a second while we were talking about fanfics. This rabbit-hole goes so deep and I do not have the brains to figure it all out. But I agree, fanfics with this would be hilarious. Would read.

(I haven’t researched this at all and just took what information I could remember so excuse if any of this is crazy inaccurate or if answers to my questions already exist. Just thought this was a very interesting topic)

#transformers #maccadams #maccadam #asks open #send asks #send me asks #send anons #ask blog #ask me anything #ask #yapping post

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bigmack2go · 8 months ago

Note

List your favorite character and then some headcanons about that character! Then repost into the ask box of your favorite moots! <333

Love, anon

So i was convinced i already answered this but i just looked and i cant find it so i guess imma do it again

Imma go with my fav character of my current hyperfixation which would be:

Albert DaSilva. Ofc

SPRALBERT SPRALBERT SPRALBERT

His username in modern era would either smt along the lines of „einsteinTheSalvia“ or like „redwaterdrops“

In superhero au he would have themperature change/recistancy because gingers are more sensitive to themperature @ykthefancyclamwiththepearlinside

Childhood Besties™️ ITH TOMMY!!!!!

Has HPOTS. (Let me project my smaler problems on my blorbo without traumatising him to much>:()

Can get super kinky

THIS KID LOVES RED PADAS and monkeys and lemurs and all those funny little creatures.

Fav color: Hot. Pink. do not attempt to change my mind.

Al is the Delancys Cousin and stepbrother

His nickname is Twitch. The other Newsies started calling him that because he gets super jumpy and flichy really quick with sudden movements. Little do they know the reason for that. (Lmfao remember when i said i wouldn’t project on them to much)

For the next one I‘ll just out a picture for context bc it doesn’t make much sense without the ither ones

Albert has anger issues (but thats nothing new)

Tried to dye hair before bc kept getting teased for being ginger (it did not go well)

Allie is genderfluid and gets super super dysphoric on she-days (which is what she calls it in her head) but that’s not only cause of her body; she also doesn’t understand how there are transpeople who DONT get dysphoric/ wishes she could be one of them

Usually uses he/him or he/they and honestly has „she-days“ fairly rarely. But when she does it’s she/her/they/them

Blue eyes!!!!

When he gets confused, or irritated etc he starts to draf out words. Not talk slow, only drag out the words. He also starts blinking rly fucking fast and sometimes his head tilts without meaning to. (Spot ADORES it)

Needs hearing aids but hayes wearing them so he zses a lot of sign language

If this guy doesn’t have ADHD, my name is Angela Merkel. But al is one of those cases that puperty did Not mix well with ADHD and just gets tired all the time

ALBERT IS A SLUT. CHANGE MY MIND. IF HE DOESNT GO AROUND FLIRTING WITH EVERYTHING THAT CAN BREATHE (though that‘s optional) I SHALL NOT BE NAMED MACKJ

Obviously prankmaster ™️

he wears his hat backwards cause it covers his hair better cause he’s embarrassed of it

This is from @homosexual-newsboy

HOWEVER IN MODERNERA this man is the proudest mother fucker alive and his hair is practically the only thing he cares about

Ocd

Lots and lots of sensory issues

CANNOT control his volume. Always either too loud or too silent

Everyone love Al‘s family‘s chillie recepie. - that’s the only time when he’s alowed in the kitchen: when they’re having chilli. Not unsupervised tho

Chronic migraines

That‘s all i can think of is rn and i‘m in a hurry so.. yeah

#newsies #kosa newsies strike #albert dasilva #headcannons #boots newsies #hotshot newsies #spot conlon #jack kelly #racetrack higgins #katherine plumber #my posts

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komero-otus · 15 days ago

Text

I've tried to not write vent posts because usually they don't help me that much but right now I have no other place I feel like I can just puke all this to, so into the void it goes. I'm so stressed and so tired and somehow SHIT KEEPS GETTING WORSE. like yeah it could always be even worse worse but I am already at my limit. Money's tight, I have bills to pay, I don't clean enough and I reap the consequences of my actions, my dysphoria is kicking me every day so hard and overall body-image issues are STILL hounding me. I don't have a job, I can barely take care of myself, I feel like I'm not giving enough to the people around me and I suck as a person (I know this is probs depression and insecurity talking but I just hate letting people down and I feel like I just keep letting down every single person in my life.) I need to pay for doctor and physiotherapy stuff, I need to pay for meds. The building I live in is being renovated and the nonstop loud drilling sound makes me want to cease existing. the renovations or fixing or whatever theyr doin causes all other type of complications I really dont need rn. I feel so useless and drained all the time. I found bugs in my apartment, I want to puke, I blame myself because I am the one who didn't do enough to prevent things from getting this bad. I'm worried about the people around me, I'm worried about people I don't even know. Shit's so bad all the time like what the fuck is even the point. I know what the point is I know I know I know but I've been in a shit headspace for so long. but I cant even talk about it to people whose JOB is to help because I'm scared if my depression diagnosis goes back to more severe levels on paper, I won't get my transition going and it's already been such a long wait and it's already so precarious and I won't be able to take it if they kick me out again. what the fuck. like. I can't handle all this. I can. I have to. but for now I just feel like total shit. why can't I just function better and be better and do better. it shouldn't be this hard. what the fucjk. I'm so tired I can't do this. I will do it I will continue please dont worry about me but like FUCK. ughhh. whatever Im gonna go take the trash out or something and drink some water. all this stress better not trigger my aura migraines again I've been free from those for long dont fucking come back. fucking auugghhh shits bad

#vent #dont mind meeeeeeeeeeeee #delete later #this isn't even all of it. theres so much more going on in my life rn but I just cant

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disabledstraydogs · 8 months ago

Note

heyyyy…

Can I get Ango ask game answers… he’s my silly rn and I wanna see what other people say!!! (And maybe I want some inspiration for fics)

🌻☔️ 💤

Hmm, I don't know a lot about Ango ngl, but my base headcanons are: Hard of hearing, has vision problems, chronic migraines and pain, sensory processing disorder (possible undiagnosed autism) and he's possibly a cane user. But I don't have any concrete headcanons.

Edit: For a man with 'no concrete headcanons' I wrote a LOT lmao

🌻 - Do they do anything that helps manage their disability? (Ie medication, hot and/or cold patches, set sleeping times, ect)

I think he relies heavily on pain medication to keep the pain in check. Baths are also big for him with pain so uses those bath salts and soaks in baths to help with muscle aches and pains.

With vision he obviously has glasses, he can read Tenji (Japanese Braille). Although he does have some vision, he struggles to read small text, often using his phone and/or computers text to speech function.

With hearing he uses a hearing aid and Oda has learned JSL to help communicate with him, Dazai has as well (he's teaching other members of the PM and later the ADA how to use it as well.

Stim toys are something he also uses but due to pain he finds certian stim toys (such as tangles and fidget cubes) hard to use. Because of this he uses things like scraps of fabric, weighted crochet balls, and smooth stones to hold.

☔️ - What does a 'bad day' look like for them? How do they cope?

Bad pain day can mean that Ango can't leave the bed, all his muscles ache and he has really bad brain fog because of these symptoms. Someone (usually Oda) has to carry him to the bath and help him bathe (he does not miss a daily bath. Ever.)

Bad hearing and sight days mean that he needs more assistance than usual, he hates this because he feels weak, but usually those around him can pick up on the bad days.

Bad sensory day with Ango don't happen frequently. Usually he's understimulated, so it takes a Lot to get him to sensory overload. However when he does, he has a shut down and sometimes it gets so bad that he can't move from what Oda calls his 'nest' (which is basically a cocoon of clean blankets he wraps around himself) because the idea of touching any other material or surface makes him physically ill.

💤 - How would/will they cope with their disability worsening?

Hm this is an interesting question.

I do think that the condition causing Ango's vision problems probably will get worse until he is blind, and that does scare him. Personally we don't deal with this but I imagine it is a very scary and ever present thought for him. Although Oda does try his best and is a good listener, sometimes he can't relate to Ango's struggles and may say the wrong things.

With hearing, again I'm unsure what condition he has that impacts this so I'm unsure what getting worse would mean for him. If he looses his hearing entirely it would again be a very scary and ever present thought and I feel like it would make him sad.

Pain worsening? More pain medication, but probably reduced mobility. I think Ango is an independent man and struggles with the idea of needing to rely on someone to look after him.

For these I don't think he copes well. He keeps his worries inside and they only come out on his bad days, usually messily. He sobs, clinging onto whoever is close to him and then pushes them away one the post break down clarity kicks in.

Obviously people try and get close to him (especially Dazai and Oda) but Dazai is 15 and has no filter so has upset Ango with some of his comments (Oda has lectured him and he's apologised). But regardless Ango pushes them away because he doesn't want to be a burden.

Ask game link

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #disability headcanon #disabled stray dogs #ask games #bsd ango #ango sakaguchi #long post

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