#since my mom needed my help today
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solace-seekers · 5 months ago
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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absolutelyzoned · 2 months ago
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ddoes any1 wanna help find out what i might be sick with.. i have no insurance (cant go to doctor 👎👎💔) and zero at home tests for covid n whatnot ❗❓🙏
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airbenderedacted · 1 year ago
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I have college assignmrnts to do for tonig💥
#I DIDNT GET A LOT OF SLEEP BC I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP BEFORE THE SUN COMES UP FOR MOST OF MY SUMME R BREAK AND STILL NOW OFF OF BREAK#AND ON TOP OF THAY I WOKE UP EARLYISH BC THERE WAS CRAZY THUNDER AWHAHDBVDBBS#today's challenge: Survive#i landed the president's list for last semester again i wonder if I'm just burned out an need more of a break than just. a week </3#bc my abilities 2 focus on work and get started on all my studies asap asap like usual has not been. happening anymore#for a few weeks Before the end of the semester too (esp since a lot of irl obstacles tripped me up BAD the last month of last semester agh)#so um#girl help lol!#the ADHD has been ADHDing bAD SO BAD lately and it's only the first week aaaaa a a a aaaaaaaa#(and yes im on meds i just keep focusing on the wrong thingms on them rn. + bad skin picking bc sadly my meds always make that Worse aieee)#dodes it sound like im tired. my mom says i must just be tired. um. mmaybe.#i think right now specifically i certainlly am tired but lbr that's largely bc of Situation (horrible at goign tf to bed all the time alwa#a#so crazy bro i suddenly become like a top student (straight As for days and i fr feel like im REALLY GOOD AT stddying what im studying)#and th4n suddenly boom . category 5 consistent executive dysfunctions event (triggered by so so many big assignmennst last term)#..ok when i phrase it as category 5 consisten dt executive dysfunctions event THAT DOES SOUND LIKE. WHAT BURNOUT PROBABLY IS oh no!#girl HELP haha hel p
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rubiesintherough · 8 months ago
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#negativity tw#i know ive been bitching about this a lot lately but just let a girl vent pls#husband just got home and said 'you look tired you should go lie down '#and i told him i cant. i have too much housework to do. 'well lay down after that '#cant. because then i have more housework after that.#and he got all huffy at me like i was being dramatic#and he said 'how am i supposed to snuggle up with you if you arent laying down? c#and i shot back ' who's going to do the housework if i dont '#and he rolled his eyes. straight up rolled his eyes.#this is the man that is constantly telling me to just ask him for more help. just make a list#yelled at me and stormed out of the house whej i told him to pls just use his eyes#bc i dont have time to make him a list of chores#and also the man who if i do ask him to do smth it doesnt get done#examples just from today. he was heading into town and i asked him to please bring the recycling with him. he didnt.#he yells at me for doing the cat litter bc its bad for my asthma. but then leaves it until its bad enough i have to do it#bc its unfair to the cats to expect them to use a litter box that bad. and then he gets mad at me for not just asking him to do it#like. its in the bathroom. right next to the toilet. he has to look at it when hes taking a shit every day. and youre telling me#he doesnt notice it? i have to remind him???#and then i get yelled at and reprimanded for just doing it myself#' ASK FOR HELP DAMMIT! '#i do. i do all the fucking time. i ask you to empty the garbage bc bending over makes my back scream. but you dont#and i have to power through and do it.#i ask you to bring the recycling into town to drop off. and as soon as you leave i find out you didnt even gather it up.#i ask you to please clear out the bathtub drain. for two weeks. and you brush it off until the day i decide to#do it myself and you get so passive aggressive about it and ' no ILL DO IT. the tool is back in my mom's room#guess I'll just go WAKE HER UP FROM HER NAP so i can grab it since you need it done! '#im so tired of asking and then just being disappointed anyway.#if im gonna get yelled at anyway id rather just do it all myself so at least its done. and not sit there and beg for help and do it anyway
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eldritch-crabbo · 1 year ago
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Dad: “You’ve never consistently walked every day how do you know it wouldn’t help?” (my chronic fatigue and perceived laziness for only doing as much as I need to and no more)
Me: “I literally walked (up the steep ass hill leading to our neighborhood) every day with 30 lbs of textbooks on my back for 7 years.”
Dad: “And you had more energy and were 100lbs lighter back then! See it works!”
like literally 1. no, I definitely did not. there’s (many) reasons I didn’t do homework and was failing every class bc of it, and a lack of energy was a big one. 2. lmao I gained like 30 lbs since I got out of high school if he really thinks it was 100 he’s deluding himself. 3. i only did all of that because i literally had no other choice. what was I going to do as someone who has a massive fear of punishment (in large part because of him), not go to school? skip class and get treated even worse? this is the man that cut off my access to running water for like 12 hours as punishment once. i can’t believe i ever thought that shit was normal
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girlthativealwaysbeen · 1 year ago
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you know it's bad when you hit the 30 tag limit
#like shut up i wasn't done#i feel so unbearably hurt and betrayed like how can i be SO. unimportant to him so less of a priority that he's literally organising his#desk instead of talking to me taking five mins to talk to an agent book a ticket in tatkal#i told him i had to be back by 20 even before coming here on like 5th#and ive been reminding hin this everyday since after diwali#still he just. doesn't care?#and im his daughter? am i his daughter? does it even mean anything?????#ive never felt more alienated from my family than today#isn't it sad i don't even expect anything from mom all she does is tries to lighten the mood by making jokes#im so sick of her even the sight of her her voice makes me want to shout at her#i don't do it ofc but still#everyone is so selfish she's so selfish too she's always complaining about how i don't love her how i don't give her a chance#but that she'll stay away from all important thinhs that actually matter to me like what's the point of having a mother then??? i have my#siblings to listen to me i have my friends you i need u to be an adult and fucking help me in real terms#nvmind that path is just hopeless#anyway in tired of my small fucking life and my same small fucking problems and my own fucking self#everything would be okay if i just studied a little bit harder#idk ive been practicing saying it out loud that i can't study more than tui and after seven times i can say it out loud now#without crying or my voice watering#so hopefully it will go well#tho in my experience i never actually get to sya the stuff i practice to say to him because he dominates the convo so early so fast im#left speechless and shocked and on the verge of tears AGAUN#it's fine im calm now#but after crying headache ugh i did not miss u at all going back to storing all breakdowns in a bottle
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tiredsadpeach · 2 years ago
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Losing my fp is gonna fucking hurt but I just idk I can’t find a way this is gonna end well so I’m coming to terms with it
#it’s was a fine 4 years#the last year was already hard as fuck lmao#funny we got into a fight exactly a year ago too over him saying if you’re too sensitive don’t be on social media#I still have his Christmas present because we haven’t gotten to see eachother since#October I think is when we last met in person#just a week ago he was offering to hang out because of all the shit my mom said to me#I also have the other friend that’s involved in all of this’s Christmas gift#I was gonna mail it to him#oh well I guess#I just idk I’m so hurt#but this feels like what I’d been worried would happen ever since their obsession with each other got worse and worse#like I get it bpd does that you get obsessed believe me I know but y’all have been feeding into it with these ‘jokes’ lately and well#all the times y’all have said to each other you don’t need friend you only need me as a haha joke is gonna become true if y’all don’t get#some help and soon and like I think one of their psychiatrists said that their relationship was unhealthy and also one sided once#which unhealthy YES one sided?? nah not at all#but they both were like baffled and just didn’t believe the unhealthy part#I commented on it only saying how was it one sided because I knew if I agreed with the unhealthy part they’d both hate me lol#because believe it or not mutual obsession is not healthy lmao idc how romanticized it’s been getting it will never be healthy#I have a bf now and I strive to never be like that to him because i don’t want us to become mutually obsessed like that I don’t want us to#isolate ourselves for eachother whether knowingly or unknowingly just today he apologized because he’s been busy and I always let him know#it’s perfectly okay if he just never has time to message me one day because I know that’s healthy even if my brain is screaming#like yeah I still have intrusive thoughts I get jealous of his friends like way too jealous and I want him all to myself but I stop myself#from acting on any of those thoughts because I know it leads to a controlling abusive realtionship and I don’t want to be that he doesn’t#deserve that so it is so fucking confusing when they ‘joke’ and tell the other to delete a photo or tweet and then the other actually does#idk how they can’t see that that’s fucked#okay sorry lol but hey if y’all read the tags on the I’m so lost post and know what I did wrong please tell me because no one else will!
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bunnyb34r · 9 months ago
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Really wish this brain fog would pass bc I have a shitload of posts in my drafts i saved bc i wanted to read them but my brain said no. And it's tax season so I'm getting important papers in the mail and I cant fucking read them. Well I can read them but it's just words. Nothing is connecting up there. Thank god mom is here to help read that shit and translate but fuck do I hate this shit
Why can't my brain fucking WORK
#it feels like when i kept getting concussions in 9th grade (had 4) and i couldnt fucking focus and my reaction time dropped significantly#like we were doing a basic reaction time experiment in science and i said oh lets not use mine when we submit it (group of 3 pick best#result) and my friends were like pfft whatever go. and i did and they got real quiet and were like oh...#bc they didnt realize i was concussed concussed like bitch my ability to vaguely see in the dark is GONE i cannot see my rt is SLOWED#my brain cannot WORK RIGHT#it's recovered since then (yay neuroplasticity) but i still have bad brain fog from fibro and it's like god at least when I was concussed i#could easily be like listen i had 4 concussions i need help. no problem. but with brain fog it feels like give me a min im stupid today#i hate it!! i hate feeling broken i hate feeling like my brain is half working! it sucks!!#i got insurance shit the other day and had to ask my mom to make sure it was just a basic 'yeah youre covered heres more access' and not#something i needed to act on and it was so frustrating#marquilla#and whats worse is sometimes ill be talking or typing and think im making sense and then ill look back at it later or someone will ask me ab#it and its like oh... im sorry my brain is not working atm and i cannot get out what im trying to and what is getting out is jumbled#the absolute worst is when it hits when im driving and it's like hey you're 2 hours away from home snd now LOST get home bitch :)#luckily it only happened when i was 40 min from home and in a familiar enough area but my brain couldnt find the right 'path'#sucked but i actually knew i was actually on the right path when i saw this house with a lesbian flag sgsgdgdgdgdgdgd like oh! here!!
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jedi-bird · 2 years ago
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Today I acquired several new Star Wars rpg books I've been looking for (and left a lot behind because I didn't have my master list updated), some shiny new dice, and a few new cheap collectables. I was also good and didn't spend fifty bucks on a plush gelatinous cube (even though I really wanted him). Did get some new miniatures that I'll eventually get around to painting once I get my work space finally set up. I have a very long list of things that need to get done before the summer heat and I'll probably only get a small bit completed; progress is progress though.
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daiseukiis · 2 years ago
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hii how have you been?
i miss my family 🧍‍♀️
#my mom sent me a video about once your child leaves the mom also needs them#to like be there for them when their mom is stressed when their mom misses them#and i cried for a bit bc i argued with my mom a lot#we didnt see eye to eye but i really do think my mom still thinks of me as her little girl#bc despite not being as close i am to my mom compared to my dad i felt like i had so much burdens for being the eldest and girl#so sometimes i would get upset that my brother would get some special treatment from my mom#idk now i just rlly miss her cuz i miss actly waking up to have brekkie w her#i rlly missed cooking w her b4 i didnt like it bc i thought it was bothersome but now i miss it a lot and her cooking !!!#one of my roommates are husband and wife and i helped cut up the onions and garlic for her bc she started crying from the onions#and then i just completely rmbrd how many times my mom would ask me to help her cook and it makes me miss jmy family !!#i dont rlly get homesick often but i have been in a few arguments w my husband but its like those small quarrels where we're both#tired stressed n feeling defeated like there was no wrong but mentally tapped out#i feel hella lonely tbh ion have many friends outside from me talking to my roommates or my coworkers#and i go once a month to my friends thats an hour and half away but i never mind the travel bc their family treats me well#im supposed to go today but our plans got cancelled and since the travel is far i usually sleepover we were gonna watch a movie !!#we were gonna go watch the mario movie but i might go by myself w my teddy bear#or i'll ask my coworker maybe#but yeah other than that im just trying to survive xoxo im so tired#im also getting so much free cosmetics skincare and fragrances at work that i cant even use all of it#tha shit is displayed on my shelves just cuz#but so excited for my smau heheheheh#༊*·˚ koca has heard your wish#༊*·˚ a kiss of blessing#༊*·˚ a wish upon a goddess#༊*·˚ freddie <3
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genekies · 2 months ago
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tag vent
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#so i think my boyfriend is going to break up with me#i just had an abortion a week ago and i was at the ER last night for hours#ive been in so much pain recently and it stopped today after the ER visit bc of the meds they gave me but also i learned that due to all the#blood loss im now anemic and might need a blood transfusion and im so afraid of everything getting worse because it is#im still homeless and trying to get stable housing. im staying at a temporary housing place right now but im sleeping on my moms couch on#and off because she has a car and os close to the ER if something goes worse.#im pretty sure hes going to leave me. hes been distant and i really need him right now. like he isnt taking care of me when i can barely#move because of the extreme pain. he hasnt been cooking for me after i cooked for him every night since we got together until now.#he hasnt been there emotionally and is only there physically sometimes even though hes with me everyday and night. hes not there financially#either. the one time he sent me money to help was 2 days ago and he essentially made me spend the 25 on games and wouldnt let me save it#for when we needed it. it also seems like hes blaming me for his blood sugar even though ive been spending my last cash on him and when i#have nothing i still get him sugar and food. he hasnt contributed at all really and i feel so fucking used and that hes going to drop me now#ive been using all of my connections and resources to make sure we have a place to stay. an apartment. food. sugar. and safety.#but all hes done is lie about putting in job applications and try to get into an apartment over an hour away from where we are and he knows#i dont want to move there at all. but he keeps trying to get in. ive told him im not moving there. he said all he wants is for us to live#together and he doesnt care where it is. but damn i dont feel heard at all. and i feel like hes definitely going to leave me#im so scared i love him so much#tag vent#vent#vent in tags
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yoohyeon · 3 months ago
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Omg today was exhausting ( in a good way)
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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 3 months ago
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The horrors* are endless
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heartshattering · 3 months ago
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Back when I was more of an ita bag merch/anime goods collector I would place huge orders through Carousell and even shop during the morning classes I used to take back then... ⊙⁠﹏⁠⊙ I miss it sometimes, but I had to stop... then I got hooked on other shopping apps, and I mostly buy clothes rather than collectibles these days. But I really need to stop online shopping in general... at least for unnecessary things (if it's stuff like hygiene products, vitamins, etc. I think those are still okay). I've always had an addictive personality but it's really gotten out of control ever since I stopped going out. I try to rationalize it by thinking "Well, a movie ticket and concession stand snacks would cost as much as some of the things I buy" (I used to go to the cinema every month) but that doesn't make it "right". I guess it comes from looking for ways to entertain myself at home. I read free books (surprisingly good library system where I live... that's pretty much the only positive thing I can say about this place) and if my parents aren't in a shitty mood sometimes I watch stuff with them but yeah :/ I don't know what to do with myself sometimes, the noise inside my brain is always so loud and there's only so many ways I can distract myself while alone and away from the rest of the world.
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vitunhienokivi · 4 months ago
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#this is gonna be pretty serious but I need to get it out bc I keep thinking about it and can't sleep#I could just write a note or something but idk I don't wanna do that and I don't wanna bother my friends at this hour either#so here goes.#my grandma passed away yesterday. it wasn't a surprise since she'd been slowly getting worse and worse#honestly I'm relieved she doesn't have to be in pain anymore#I wouldn't even be feeling so horrible about it all if it wasn't for the fact that she died of covid#and in horrible pain#so I'm just so fucking enraged about it all#she was in a nursing unit. but nurses weren't masking even though the place was meant for old people with poor health#ALL OF THIS could've been avoided if the nurses wore masks at work. or at least this happening would've been so much less likely#at first I was just sad. a little mad that it was covid but at least she could finally pass on#but then my mom called me today. she'd visited the day before and she told me how much pain my grandma had been in#like she hadn't even been able to talk anymore. she'd been convulsing in pain and whimpering. she'd barely even understood my mom was there#and she managed to reply to her telling she was there. maybe. my mom wasn't sure if she'd heard right#and I just can't get it out of my mind. the way she died#her hearing and eyesight were really bad by this point and I don't know if her mind was really all that present either.#she had her good and bad days on that front#so she was just in horrible pain. not being able to see or hear much at all. maybe not even fully understanding where she was#for hours in the middle of the night with no way to get better. no nurses to really help her#until she finally died#like hell she wasn't even able to open her eyes when my mom visited!! that's how much she was hurting!!#and I know she didn't have long left. I know she would've died soon anyway. from something else#but the fact that it was so painful and EASILY PREVENTABLE just makes me so fucking mad#she could've died so much more peacefully if the staff there just wore a goddamn mask#I'm just so unimaginably angry right now#I got shit to do tomorrow but idk if I'll be able to sleeo tonight with all this stuff in my head. I hope writing this helped#anyway sorry to be vulnerable on main I guess. gn#vent
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