#tired stressed n feeling defeated like there was no wrong but mentally tapped out

[daiseukiis]

hii how have you been?

i miss my family 🧍‍♀️

[jae-canikeepyou]

| kismet | j.jh | part two

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

word count: 10k+

summary: his parents sends him for a month long vacation to the country side to meet his other half, which so happens to be you. and alternatively, your beloveds asks of you to be in your best behaviour while he’s around. disliking how things turn out, you both come up with a pact with each other before your two families gathers together for christmas eve dinner.

genre: arranged marriage + bad 1st impressions

a/n: this is not proofread and i apologise for any mistakes :p here’s the next one and i hope you look forward to the final soon! enjoy reading! ~j

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| part one | part three (final) |

it was another morning johnny saw you and jaehyun arguing at a distance by the stables. be it inaudible yelling or actions that seemed exaggerated, this time it was a sight that was a little worth seeing. so he walked closer to hear this quarrel.

“you didn’t check the horses’ conditions yet? it’s been a few days and i told you to memorise the schedule!” you flipped through pages roughly that they nearly tore. “it’s your job! you’re the ‘vet’!”

“what? you never gave me any schedule to begin with!” jaehyun groaned then sat back on the hammock to rest and you were trying to get him back up on his toes. “and what if i just want to take a day off today? you can’t force me!”

“check the animals jaehyun. that’s an order.” you sighed, writing down notes to keep updated with the stocks and materials. “i have some things to do—”

“like what? practicing and riding?” he asked and you didn’t answer. “thought so. you rarely do things around here and you still brag about how accomplished you feel.” he scoffed and laid back down on the hammock. “i’m the one doing the work..” he mumbled until it was inaudible for you.

ouch that hit the mark. johnny could see your cheeks bubbling up and eyebrows narrowing at jaehyun’s comment. of course he wouldn’t know that because you usually do not deal with the hard work around the farm. the only job you work hard for was horse riding. you had a reputation to hold as you were the daughter of a renowned family.

jaehyun took a huge inhale as he swung himself like a mother did to lull a child. he sung to annoy you even more and with the ruffles from the papers in your hands, johnny could tell his friend was satisfied making you mad. you bit your hairtie between teeth, tying your hair up into a high ponytail and rolling up your sleeves until the elbows.

he was indeed a huge man, you grabbed the edge of the cloth and pulled him as high as you could. he fell miserably to the hard soil. “ow quit it y/n!” he stood up to dust the impossible dirt from his pants. “you’re just sensitive because what i said is actually true! i’ll get back to work if that’s what you’re worried about.”

he fixed his coat and head straight inside the stables.

you crossed your arms and tried your best to hold your changing expression. “talk about sensitive! you can’t even withstand heavy workload!”

“mentally i can but i’m not physically ready! i didn’t sign up to be your pawn so stop acting like a queen and actually help out!” he grabbed the hay and scattered them in the horses’ place.

the audacity- the fall from three days ago still had an impact on you. “didn’t you hear what i said? i have things to do! now continue that. i have to answer this call..” you sounded irritated and soon your voice sounding further away the more you spoke. jaehyun saw you answering the ringing phone, taking it from you.

before you could, you were draped on his shoulder as if you were a towel. “i won’t take that as an excuse, y/n! you’re coming with me!” he forcibly took the phone off your hands and threw it far.

defeated and exhausted to talk back, you tapped his back because fear was slowly consuming you due to your shoulder pain. “you’re buying me another phone! put me down jaehyun! my back still hurts!” you hit his hips and expected he wouldn’t listen but,

he did as you were told.

“you’re forgetting your condition number one!” jaehyun pointed his temples as anger became visibly seen on his face. “you said ‘you’ll do the work for me and with me’, and they go together!” he threw a small sack of hay to you.

“you’re being an ass because i invaded your day-off!” you stomped to the next horse.

“tsk, i don’t think i can continue this with you! you‘re ruining my well-being every single day!”

“the jeong jaehyun can’t stand arguments?” you tilted your head in frustration and nodded at his silence. “thought so. this is part of the pact you suggested and i’m just simply following it! so if there’s anything, you’re the weak one here!”

from afar, johnny was taken aback behind the fences.

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the kitchen was quiet, the grandfather clock ticking away time and as each second passed, so did your patience. daylight met its end. it was day 14 and your mother asked you to give jaehyun the lesson he wanted to have— bread making. you forgot about it, and jaehyun probably did too because despite staying over for ‘vacation’, every day you either saw him with his friends goofing around the barn or him superglued to his school work.

yet now you were close to smashing his face into the mountain of flour he carefully, and slowly built. mark did a better job despite being clumsy. you can handle clumsy, but you couldn’t handle people with top perfection in their ego, a.k.a., jaehyun.

his dimples were hollowing as he looked intently at the numbers on the scale, waiting for that specific and exact digit to appear with a spoonful of melted butter. “oh my g- you’re wasting time!” you grabbed the spoon and put everything into the bowl. “0.1 or 0.2 grams makes no difference! hurry up and mix the dry to the wet ingredients!”

“i was nearly done with the measurements but you had to dump everything in there!” still he stirred them in a bowl with a whisk anyway. “you’re the impatient one!” he carried the bowl and placed it between his arm and waist, subtly asking johnny to film him.

“uhm what do i do after they’re incorporated?” mark interrupted the heated conversation. so far he was careful and observant with your every move. “do i knead it?”

“after twenty minutes.” you smiled at him. this was great; mark actually made your day at least, a lot better than jaehyun did. “resting it will let the flour hydrate. the milk will be absorbed and the gluten will relax too.”

mark snapped his fingers as he tore a plastic wrap to place on the bowl. “that makes it easier to knead right?”

for a moment you felt like a proud mom. “mhm, you’re learning! you’re originally not my student today but you’re doing a better job than—”

the bowl jaehyun was using fell to the floor. to make it worse it was upside-down, that meant all work done had gone to waste. the dough wasn’t close to incorporated. “..him.”

“crap.” jaehyun swore under his breath. his lashes slowly lifted. “my bad. i don’t mind starting again. i can handle my next batch.”

and though they were pretty, your disappointment came through your sigh. “goodness jaehyun. things are never right with you. i’ll clean this up. we ran out of eggs and milk so you have to go to the farm and get some.” you pulled mark’s arm aside as you began to clean. “mark you can chill for a while.”

jaehyun untied his apron and went out with a bucket, mumbling and complaining to himself at exasperating you were so early in the morning.

johnny then followed him. the pact he heard lingered in his head and thought this would be the right time to ask. “i can do the milking myself john.” he opened the gate to the cattle.

“i know. but that’s not why i came along.” johnny put his camera aside. “you and y/n.. made a pact?” with that question out and jaehyun dropped the bucket, johnny figured that what he heard days ago could be true.

“what?” jaehyun turned on his heel, confused, trying not to sound or look surprised. “why would i make a pact with someone so ill-mannered as her? she’s not worth my time or even interests me.” he affirmed with subtle shaky eyes. “the only pact i know is this marriage our parents put us into.

johnny thought for a while, looking at jaehyun who grew clueless the minute passed. he guessed he was wrong. “n-nothing. i’m probably hearing things. or jumbling scenarios because i’ve been watching too many movies this holiday season. i’m sorry dude.”

deep inside jaehyun let out a sigh of relief, but anger was starting to boil at how careless you were for slipping out. he continued to milk the cows and retrieve a couple of eggs before hearing you call them from the house. “oh my g- she’s screaming again-” he scoffed and tried to walk faster. “i can’t just run i might spill the milk bucket!”

“there’s this thing called speedwalking!” you yelled. “try doing that!”

“you always argue with her. aren’t you both tired?” johnny took huge leaps to escape the cold.

“she isn’t, i am. imagine the amount of stress i get the moment i open my eyes in the morning.” jaehyun vouched and shivered at the thought of it.

johnny opened the door and the warmth met their skin. “sure but when you do bump heads, there’s always a smile on your face after you state your point. i never seen you in a good mood since you and sue broke up. i can take that smile of yours a sign.” johnny noted what he’d been seeing.

“it’s a victor’s smile. it means i win the argument.”

they both entered the house and to find you still teaching mark. jaehyun placed the bucket down and rested on the sofa after being told he could use the kitchen once you were finished. trying to keep warm, jaehyun gave small glimpses of you as he wondered when it would be the right time to tell you about what johnny told him. and because he felt johnny tailing him from behind, he wanted your lesson to be over quick.

“i’m thinking it’s a sign that you have feelings for y/n.”

jaehyun batted his lashes. “no no no. i don’t fall in love that easily. there’s nothing attractive about her and i told you i’m not marrying someone like her, with bad attitude and all—”

“and still you tease her for fun? that’s like a cover-up to hide how you actually feel. you may not see that but in another’s eyes, it means something.” johnny clicked the buttons on his camera, rewatching the videos he took.

“are you throwing the ‘i tease her because i like her’ kind of ego? you know i argue with her because i hate her.” he hissed, flipping his laptop open to double check his reports.

the blonde hair boy shook his head with a growing grin of disbelief. “i’m not. my point is, it wouldn’t hurt to try to know her for who she is.” johnny’s lips flatlined when his eyes trailed to your approaching figure. “who knows maybe she’s trying as well and never really got the chance to- yeah i know y/n he’s all yours now.”

unfolding your arms you playfully hit his back with pressed lips. “shut it johnny. just help the baby lion with the cleaning, he’s not really good at it.”

you sat on the sofa, circling your shoulder to ease the pain before leaning back. “ugh. kneading the bread made it worse.”

with the frequent complaints coming from you, he couldn’t concentrate proof-reading his work. it made jaehyun unzip his coat, fishing something from inside and handed a box to you. bothered with how you hesitated to get it, he grabbed your wrists and placed it on your palms. “take it. it helps me a lot too whenever i cram.” did he just.. smile? it was subtle but you were sure he did.

a swarm of guilt started to form at the pit of your stomach. it wasn’t that you thought he partially blamed himself for the fall at the barn house, but because he actually cared when the fall wasn’t even the ultimate reason why your shoulder suffered in the first place. he had no knowledge and still doesn’t. and it was kind of frustrating to think you couldn’t begin that topic.

your heart now was experiencing somersaults. you asked yourself: why? sure he’s handsome and got built, but at this moment why are you all flimsy and speechless? “so you do have a heart for people.” you opened the box of the patch’s packaging.

“i was expecting a ‘thank you’ but i guess with that you’re taking back your words.” he grinned as he typed on.

you snorted as you put your legs up. “hmpf, aren’t you assumi- ow.” you touched your forehead where the pain stung.

“shut up, i’m reading.” jaehyun stressed in a low voice.

“reading what?” you scooted in closer, and jaehyun surprisingly let you see what it was rather than snapping at you. you squinted at the screen and nodded. “equine studies..” you read out softly, that seemed to be a report he worked on in his early years. “isn’t it mandatory for you to study it?”

jaehyun’s scrutinizing gaze caught you off guard, making you clamp your lips to keep quiet. he sighed and continued to read as if you didn’t exist. “i thought you weren’t interested in my field of study.” his brows drew together at your curiosity despite remembering how you did say it clearly.

quickly you tear the patch’s plastic to break the awkward silence you brought upon and let out a soft chuckle of shame. “i’m asking because it’s equine related and i wanna learn. plus i’m too tired to pick up a fight with you so teach me everything you know.”

“i don’t even know if you’d get it in one night- fine. it’s mandatory but i only learnt the basics. i’m not specialising in it or anything so don’t expect much.” jaehyun stared at the screen yet feeling your presence so close kind of pressured him, and he didn’t know why.

“basics like checking the heart, respiratory rate, temperature and hydration status?” you hugged your legs together after placing the patch behind you. “hm.. that’s kinda simple.”

jaehyun clicked his tongue. “that’s the general checking for an animal’s condition, used for emergency access and such. we were given an understanding of veterinary anatomy—”

“which includes learning principles in developmental anatomy in gross, microscopical and ultrastructural levels. learn all these then you can focus on organs to give a physical and radiological diagnosis with the physiology and anatomy as bases—” you finished his sentence, soon shutting up as you got carried away.

his mouth agaped in shock and in strangeness of your interest. he checked your forehead to see if you were in the right mind. “did you read it out from a book or something? and what’s up with you and scientific terminology? you’re supposed to be hating on big words.”

you wondered why his comment hurt you. did he assume you were uneducated? at this point you thought deeply that secrets were meant to be kept. and they were only to be revealed by two ways; one was heard by others, and two was at your will.

“why are you so quiet now?” he laughed, scrolling down at endless of documented pages. “are you experiencing brain fart after that long sentence of sophisticated vocabulary?”

this was far from assumption. this was plain mockery. and it hurt. you hit him on the arm a little more violent and forceful than the usual, and bite back your lips. “it’s not because i’m dumb. i know these because i’ve been there.” you stood up and grabbed the box he gave you. “thanks for this anyway. good night.”

“hey you don’t have to hit me!” jaehyun paused for a second, he had difficulties processing your sudden outburst. he mumbled to himself, “why is she offended when i’m the one who got hit..”

mark happily came out of the kitchen with a freshly baked bread in his hands. “y/n! i’m done with the bread and it smells soooo good- jaehyun, where is she?” the younger one put down the tray.

he sighed and gestured confusingly. “i don’t know she probably went to sleep.”

“man i wanted her to try it.”

“she can try tomorrow. anyway i’m gonna take a shower.” jaehyun turned off his laptop and headed straight to the bathroom.

but before he could have his relaxation, hendery stood against the opposing wall with arms crossed. “can we talk?” he tilted his head, asking to sit at the veranda with him.

they sat at the table set with hendery pouring cups of hot tea. jaehyun took it in his hands, eyes meeting your childhood friend’s as he brushed his hair up. “i kind of wanna tell you something. it’s not my position but i feel like you deserve to know.” that made jaehyun’s mind questioning more. “i overheard you and y/n talking.”

jaehyun frowned at the very recent event, something he found rude from your action. “yeah? she reacted so much and hit me just because i teased her a little. might’ve taken it too seriously but she should know i was joking about her not knowing-”

hendery looked at the dusk distance. “m’lady loves animals more than anything, and for a long time veterinary science is something close to her heart too.”

jaehyun gulped in full on revelation. that was why you reacted. he realised the reason why you hated him in the first place wasn’t only because he was the one you were to marry, but because he was the person who was currently studying the course you’ve always wanted to take.

“she was supposed to take it in college but due to unfortunate circumstances she couldn’t continue. there’s family issue and she had an accident-”

what accident? jaehyun for the first time in other’s eyes, showed worry and curiosity. and his raise in brows cause hendery to realise he missed out an important detail.

“ah you haven’t met mr. y/l/n yet, right?” hendery asked as he sipped on his tea. “he’s busy right now because he’s always out of town but he’s the one y/n’s having issues with.”

“i’m guessing her father opposed to the idea of her becoming a vet?”

hendery shook his head. “he didn’t oppose. in fact he allowed y/n once we graduated high school. she got enrolled to the first semester and was doing well until she had little time to no practice for her semi-finals at cross country at all. mr. y/l/n is a horse riding coach so he’s especially strict with y/n. let’s say their arguments started from there.”

though he didn’t ask parts of your personal life, hearing all these news stunned jaehyun. there was only one thing he wanted to ask: what caused your accident? “how did she do with vet science?”

“she managed and had no fails.” hendery had a brief proud smile. “sadly mr. y/l/n didn’t find it impressive, because he really thought his daughter would be an equestrian like him. y/n hoped he’d be understanding but yeah anyway, you get the gist from there.”

“if it ever crosses her mind, we’ll see if she does. i’ll head inside for a shower. thanks for letting me know.” jaehyun had his palms on the knob, turning around one last time to confirm something. “was the accident, bad?”

“not as life threatening, but it was enough to traumatise her.” hendery picked up the plates and cups. “she.. still hasn’t recovered.”

he stared back at the young lad’s expression, and he could tell hendery has been looking after you ever since. maybe it was better if he hadn’t asked.

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you still shook your legs after hendery warned you of your decency and image, saying that that action was his pet peeve. but really, it was just an excuse to save himself from you due to the fact he said that shaking legs while thinking wasn’t ladylike at all. you couldn’t keep yourself in one place, pacing back and forth in the barn with marg eyeing you since it already been long you did so. “sis.” she cleared her throat and you stopped being jittery with biting your fingers. “what’s up with you?”

“nothing.” you lied, an uneasy feeling began to build up in your chest as the man you despise gently held the horses’ manes. “i’m fine, just thinking.”

jaehyun did the final checks for your horses’ health conditions and to be brutally honest not only did you find him surprisingly quiet, he was rather kind and collected for four days now. he even taught you some veterinary related topics in which you were surprised he was willing to teach. maybe he took your subtle request when you wanted to learn anything he knew about equine medicine. perhaps he wanted a break from all negativity when it came to you. in fact he did mention he couldn’t continue arguing anymore.

and in those four days it got you thinking about the pact. you had a week left and you weren’t sure if you convinced your family or jaehyun’s friends enough to call off the marriage. yes you’ve been at each other’s nerves for small arguments and there were times you forget about it too because the way you both fought was so natural. however today was just too quiet, like he was stopping the fights on purpose and for what reason exactly?

marg slid next to you when you went out for fresh air, nudging you by the waist with hers. “obvious again.”

“w-what?” you widened your eyes, earning a sly grin from your sister. “obvious about what?”

“your heart is on your sleeves. i can see it. the others might do too. so tell me, do you like jaehyun?” she crossed her arms, her grin widening when you began to be jittery again.

“ha?! no!” you stuttered and lied, and you knew marg’s claims hit the nail.

because not only did the past four days of not talking with jaehyun had a toll on your pact, but it definitely had on your heart. there were a total of four things you discovered about him.

1. jaehyun was a fast learner. he learned to clean horse hooves, saddle them and even did carpentry in one day.

2. he had humour but no one really acknowledged it, and appeared a little dorky to you.

3. his dimples were actually cute and has a vampire smile.

4. he really did have a heart for people too. you saw how he helped out your family whenever you were absent.

sometimes these traits softened you, and sometimes you wanted to at least be his friend. but you weren’t close to being one because the pact clearly prevents you to and in the end, it was better off that way. marg held your shoulder. “i know you fight a lot but that’s when the developing starts.” she paused, looking back at the barn. “jaehyun seems alright but you’re really being too obvious.”

“again, obvious about what? i hate it when you’re so vague stating your point.”

“if you wanna talk with him just do it.” she turned around a little to see the said man removing his gloves. “i noticed you’re both distant. it’s been four days so i’m guessing you’re not used to not fighting him. you tend to miss whatever you both stopped doing.”

you pinched her cheek. “do you even know how mentally draining it is to reason out with him?” you darted a gaze at her before a weight was put upon your head. it wasn’t that long for you to realise it was jaehyun. gosh how irritating. you even recognised the perfume he wore.

“i know exactly how that feels, marg.” jaehyun winked at her. “can’t mess with this one,” he messed your hairdo. “she’s feistier than most animals i’ve encountered.”

his giggle of pride echoed in your ears and you thought you were able to tolerate his reply but no. whether he was doing his part for the pact or not, whether he was enjoying this or not, he became more of a jerk the longer he stayed here.

“i’ll leave you two to talk. the light in y/n’s eyes changed when you arrived- ah!” she held her arm as you pushed her aside, and she was proudly walking away with what she had done.

jaehyun shoved his hands in pockets as he gestured you to follow him into the barn. it was only the two of you now while the rest surveyed other parts of the land with hendery. he held jet’s reins, usually your horse would react whenever strangers would. not to jaehyun, shockingly. you bit your lips in wonders what this man had in his mind.

“i just checked him like you taught me. he’s dehydrated.” he pinched a part of its skin close to the mane. “you practiced this morning right? didn’t give him water?”

“i gave him enough.” you unlocked the gate to jet, soon petting him. you couldn’t help but feel immense awkwardness. “did his skin snap back?”

“not as fast as i expected but he needs a little more fluids to keep the levels normal.” jaehyun wrote down numbers before handing your notebook to you, and you thought today was going to pass again without progress for the pact. “i’m gonna walk around for a bit. later.”

“hey.” you called out perhaps a little too rudely and instead of talking things through. he stopped in his tracks. “setting the vet thing aside, aren’t you being too quiet right when we have a week left? it’s been four days and by now some of them might notice the sudden silence. did you forget about the pact?” you asked, not knowing why you were fuming all of a sudden.

maybe it was because he was only staring at you. or that marg’s obversation was slowly getting to you and convincing that her hunch about you was right. “you’re a jerk when i met you but you’re even more so nowadays.”

jaehyun turned around with pursed lips, he didn’t like how you always assumed, especially giving him nicknames in which his friends also have gotten used to calling him those. “me? a jerk? i’m doing all i can to stop this marriage because we both know how it feels to be controlled.”

his answer only made you laugh. “ha you don’t know anything about me, jaehyun. if you’re actually doing something why haven’t you done anything then? you’re being careless-”

he brushed his hair & wore his cap backwards. “it’s not about if i’ve done something! y/n it’s about what you did!” jaehyun pulled you to a corner in caution if anyone heard him. “you were loud and careless! last week johnny asked me if we made a pact because he heard you mentioning it! i assure you he has a mind i still couldn’t understand and he’s probably trying to connect the dots now-”

“wai- you’re saying he knows about it and you’re only telling me now?!” you slammed jet’s gate, your eyes fixed him. “you could’ve told me right then and we could’ve solved this as soon as possible! how much do you think he knows?”

jaehyun slowly rubbed his face, shook his head and shrugged shoulders. “i don’t know! but you know what happens when he figures out we’re arguing for show? he’ll tell everyone we did that because we’re against this marriage! and in the end? we’ll be stuck with each other for life-”

“ugh don’t even tell me about it i couldn’t even stand the sight of you!” you wrapped yourself more in your coat, stomping straight outside and ignoring his reactions towards you.

“why are you like this when it’s clearly your fault?!” he quickly grabbed your shoulders to forcibly turn you around. “i’m telling you and you’re so reactive about it?”

you pointed at his chest. “no! it’s your fault for not telling me sooner!”

“oh so now it’s my fault? y/n look at yourself! can’t you see that someone impudent like you can cause troubles even for a slightest bit! you’re at fault!”

impudent?.. this was all too familiar and nostalgic.

jaehyun then closed his eyes at the stinging pain in the groin. “ugh what the hel-”

“you deserve that-”

right when that felt good and you wanted to hit him more, you were yanked backwards by a force. you fought back the arms restraining you. “y/n stop!”

“let me go wong kunhang! this jerk needs a lesson!” you growled in his arms, shimmying your body through them.

hendery reminded you of your shoulder and soon you stopped. “i’m sure that kick was enough for a lesson and calm down, will you?”

“jae you alright?” johnny helped him up. “hope it’s not too injured because you still need that for reproduction-”

“seriously? now’s not the time.” jaehyun glared at him then to you, you were now like deer in the headlights with his stare. “this is why i can’t stand you.”

mark, hendery and johnny looked at each other trying to figure what had happened. “what were you two arguing about?” hearing hendery ask, you tugged on your coat once he let go of you. “we heard her yelling that she couldn’t stand the sight of you and then you’re both blaming each other.”

you hesitatingly looked down to your boots, avoiding their curious gazes. fidgety as you knew you were, you tried not to respond. they heard from that far of our conversation.. oh my go-

as if jaehyun could read your mind, he cleared his throat. “it’s nothing. y/n’s just stubborn as usual. she doesn’t want to admit her fault when i told her jet’s dehydrated. guess she didn’t want to look irresponsible.”

“classic y/n.” your cheeks suffered from hendery’s squeezing palms. “how many times do i have to tell you to behave? c’mon you’re better than this.”

jaehyun sighed in relief that they were convinced with his reasoning.

jet’s snout poked your arm and exhaled, you cursed under your breath for not locking the gate. “then you should know why i’m like this.” you reiterated with a flat smile. “i’m gonna go to the bar for a drink. don’t bother me.”

“oh then we’re coming with! mark! you’re driving!” johnny pulled the boys into jaehyun’s car. “this hurt dude needs cheering up after you nearly ended his career for having kids.”

“maybe it’s better off that way?” you grinned with a tattling tone.

“i hate you so-” jaehyun barked before his voice was shut off by the car door. his expression became funnier with how the vehicle muted his voice.

jet and cash trotted slowly to let the car go first, hendery rode ahead of you as you followed him. beside the roadside was fields of green, laying flat with new flowers that have yet to bloom. by now the horses were galloping alongside the car, you could feel jaehyun shooting daggers at you. the joy to horse ride diminished when you took a glimpse of him pointing at you, sliding his clenched fist from left to right and pointing at his chest.

you’re dead to me. he spoke with his eyes. and you could hear his annoying voice in your head.

you flicked the reins to ride faster, passing hendery and cash. reaching the bar first would make you feel better and it would at least let the neighbourhood know you weren’t hanging out with boys like him. you soon unmounted yourself from jet and led him to an area where he could stay.

the bell chimed and you raised your hand for a simple mocktail. funny how you told the boys you’d be here for a drink yet didn’t plan to get drunk. you sat by the bartender’s while you saw them entering and sat at one table by the window. honestly you could’ve went elsewhere instead but this bar was the closest from home. and right now you really needed to clear your mind.

to clear your mind from jaehyun because you knew he’d be the death of you.

—

and how you ended up on the same table with them was too hazy for you to recall.

“i was like, singing my heart out at one karaoke place after i was rejected from the coffee shop i applied to. then the girl of my dreams had appear while i was all sweaty and sloppy and i was shirtless! it was really-” johnny spoke too fast for you to hear and curled his fingers remembering it.

“second hand embarrassment was too much at that point.” jaehyun chuckled and sipped on his glass.

“but john, you got her to say yes even though you’re high and wild.” mark raised his palm for a fistbump.

mark turned to you. “y/n what’s something you couldn’t forget?”

you smiled slyly towards your childhood friend and hendery’s panicked face resurfaced with begging hands. you feel yourself going tipsy but went for storytelling anyway. “this previous halloween i forced hendery to dress as rapunzel because i wanted to dress as pascal.”

mark let out a contagious laugh which had everyone giggling too. you brought out your cracked screen phone which jaehyun broke and showed a picture of you on a piggyback ride with hendery. the said man cowered himself from the compliments and while you continue to keep him in the spotlight. jaehyun found it unbelievable that you were quickly switched from cranky to giggly when drunk.

“here’s the awesome part,” you slurred your words with hiccuped breaths. “around nine guys asked me to ask for his number and i gave it to them! he was that hot! i could never compete!”

jaehyun oddly cackled out loud and you all turned heads to him. “of course you could never! i mean look at you!”

his friends raised brows as jaehyun was enjoying this a little too much. perhaps taking advantage of your drunken self. “you dress weird and your hair’s a mess. you’re always rude and sometimes smelling like a horse. by the way that’s such a turn off to guys like us. like do you even bathe-”

you were definitely tipsy but you understood his words clear enough to feel a wave of emotions blanket over you. forgotten memories began play in your head and began to sulk.

“yeah i know i’m like this and so what if i’m plain and ordinary?” you whined and the boys held their breaths.

“my parents think i couldn’t take care of myself after i dislocated my shoulder at cross-country.” jaehyun heard you.

“because of that they started to pair me with accomplished men they think could give me a better life. so i misbehave every time they bring a suitor over.” you propped elbows on the table and glared at jaehyun. “you’re the fifth and before you arrived i lied to mom and dad that i recovered, hoping they’d stop and leave me alone but nope! they think you’re the one-”

hendery managed to catch your collapsed body from falling. he let out a soft laugh. “mhm, she spills a little too much when she’s drunk-”

you covered his lips and did several clicks of your tongue. “i’m tipsy! not drunk but tipsy! are you spilling tea about my life to that jerk?”

he scoffed lightly. “of course not! i didn’t tell him anything.” he lied.

you pinched his cheek. “i doubt it. you’re a talkative donkey! they should cast you to be part of shrek musical next fall!” you giggled and tried to keep yourself awake from all that drowsiness. your eyes dropping to slumber.

“m’lady.” he fixed you on his side and you were now carried on his back. “jaehyun doesn’t know a thing.” he cooed, giving jaehyun a wink to zip his mouth shut regarding the topic.

small sobs began to bubble out from you, you clung onto hendery. “ah jaehyun? you know that jerk called me impudent? he said i always cause troubles but what choice to i have? i don’t want to be betrothed!” you wailed and mark and johnny raised brows at jaehyun as soon as you said it. “hendery he called me impudent! he’s just like dad and i hate them both!” you leaned on his shoulders.

“but do you really hate jaehyun?” johnny smirked as he enjoyed how open you were compared to being sober. jaehyun noticed where this was going and tried to stop him but the tall lad shushed him when you spoke.

“yes!” you slurred with a lopsided smile and narrow brows, which looked strange as they couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad thing.

“i hate him because he’s so prideful! ‘jeong jaehyun, veterinary medicine student’ my butt. i should’ve been one too but daddy said no.” you pout, soon knocking out. “i hate how.. handsome that jerk looks-”

your friend hopped slightly and quickly got out of the bar so you wouldn’t cause a scene any further. “i’ll bring her to my place, it’s just a block from here. you guys can go ahead.” he told the guys to call it a night. “i’ll take jet and cash to my stables at home. see y’all tomorrow.”

they got on the car and started the engine. jaehyun read the atmosphere among them, he fixed the front mirror and saw mark and johnny with questioning looks. “what?”

“did you really call y/n impudent?” mark played with the buttons of the window.

jaehyun stepped on the pedal to head to your place. his friends bombarded him with what if’s and was too tired to respond. but just to shut them up, he replied.

“i was angry when i said that. i didn’t really mean-”

“do you think she meant it when she said you’re handsome?” johnny asked to cut off the weird vibe lingering while mark propped his fists to rest.

“she’s drunk. not like she can remember it anyway.” jaehyun clenched on the wheel.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you woke up in hendery’s bed with a tray of breakfast on his desk table. you slid it towards yourself to eat when a folded paper fell from underneath.

i saw jaehyun at the grocery store earlier, he asked me to pass this breakfast to you. also! he said he’ll be at the barn’s loft. now go meet him. ~hendery

great, he pissed you off yesterday and he was the last person you wanted to see today. what was his plan now? he prepared breakfast and yet what was the use of eating the meal when it has gone cold? you tied your hair to a top bun and wore your glasses, quickly grabbing your coat, onto to jet’s back and went to the barn.

the sun’s heat was enough to make you warm on the way there. jaehyun swung his legs while he waited. he stared at the ground when a shadow appeared, you stood at the entrance asking him to come down.

he did that, but there was a different air around him. it was the same air as those four days of silence between the two of you. “at least you’re not late.” he slid his palms into his back pockets.

“did you want to talk to me about something?” you asked with a slice of bread in your mouth. he nodded with intense eyes. “then make it quick. i have to make my rounds-”

“i’ll go with you.” jaehyun suggested and you choked on your bread.

“what?” you gulped on the huge piece stuck in your throat and stopped him from walking. “why not tell me now?”

he pulled you to jet’s stall and pushed your back to mount on the saddle. “‘cause it’s better if they don’t see us talking normally when we’re supposed to be at each other’s throats.”

he’s definitely up to something..

jaehyun rode a bike, leading you and jet through woods and up on a hill where its summit towers part of your family’s lands. from here you could see your house and tiny figures you assumed were his friends. you haven’t gotten a clue why jaehyun was being nice again. and if he was, why today? why bring you all the way here to have this conversation? you couldn’t think of anything at all and maybe you should’ve eaten the meal he prepared for you.

when the winds blew, jaehyun spoke in a soft voice. he was awkward, you could tell that, but what he did was something you didn’t expect. he leaned back with his palms on the grass. “i’m sorry i called you names.”

hm.. you better be.

that apology alone pierced your heart, in a good way. if he was tired from all the negativity and endless banters, so were you. it had been fifteen days after all. maybe this was a cool break before continuing with the pact. “which ones?” you copied his position and counted your fingers one by one. “there’s ugly.. shorty.. lazy ass.. a no brainer-”

“i didn’t call you tha-” he paused, his lips forming an ‘o’ until he pursed them together seeing you mimic him on his laptop. “right. i implied it when you wanted me to teach you equine studies. anyway the bottom point is, i’m sorry for calling you impudent.”

you chuckled, but to him it sounded more of a scoff. “haven’t heard that in ages. never expected i’d hear that again.” you looked at him, he did too, there was a stare down before you spoke again.

“but yeah. i guessed you did that to fulfill your part for the pact. the guys were probably nearby and you thought of that to spark up the conversation. are we done?”

jaehyun rested his arm on his knees. “no that’s not what i meant- i’m being sincere here.”

“okay? then tell me what’s on your mind. you brought me up here. it’s gotta be something worth my time.”

“i feel like the pact just brings the worse out. and whenever it does, i don’t feel myself anymore. like this is not me.”

he picked up a dandelion, letting the wind take its soft pieces. he wished his feelings weren’t easily swayed like the flower’s petals. he knew he was easily hotheaded, stubborn and mr. perfect, but should he always be like these?

“then who is the real you?” you caught some flying pieces of the flower before looking back at him for answers.

“a studious douche who got his heart broken by his ex.” he shrugged and waited for your bicker, but you sat there with shocked eyes and struggled to find what to say. “yeah, in case you’re still surprised, i do have a heart for people.”

“i heard you.” you flicked his temple.

he held back fists from hitting back. “hey why’d you hit me?”

“it’s my way of being affectionate.” you laid on the grass and while he copied, you thought that jaehyun had a point, how the pact seemed a good approach yet with deteriorating results.

“by being violent?” jaehyun moaned as he asked. “ever thought that a pat in the back would be better?”

you glared at him. “let’s continue what we’re doing with another condition.. no personal or evil intentions whatsoever, or maybe a slight hint that we’d start dissing. we’re doing this for ourselves and..” you cleared your throat. “..helping out a friend.”

it made total sense, because he knew how much of an effect it did when the purpose of the pact was done unconsciously and naturally. he let out a tight and breathless sigh between his lips. “i’m your friend? after calling you all that?”

“i just needed something to describe you. would calling you a douche make you feel better after you apologised?” you stood up and headed downhill.

“well you did call me ‘handsome’ last night.” jaehyun singsonged and carefully walked down the stoned steps.

you froze at how stupid and blabbermouth you could be whenever you went to the bar. “i don’t remember, since i’ve been studying the things you taught me.”

“you can ask the others if you think i’m lying.”

“y’know what? i take back the condition i said.” you quickly hopped on jet to head back. “don’t bother me!”

“what do you mean studying? you’re planning to pursue vet sci? hey!”

“yeah.” you made jet walk in circles around the confused man, and your one-word response had jaehyun confirming you already decided to tell your father about it.

and it’d be on christmas eve too.

—

for almost half an hour marg couldn’t contain her feelings after you told her what had happened. marg squealed and you quickly covered her mouth since the door wasn’t entirely closed. she squeezed the pillow and hid herself behind it.

“he apologised?! such a gentleman! i mean mark didn’t really tell me the details but jaehyun really felt guilty?” she put the pillow down and crawled next to you on your bed.

as to why she reacted this way remained unclear to you, you figured it was probably she watched too many rom-coms with johnny in the past few days. “i admit, it was considerate of him to do that. but it doesn’t prove he’s already a good man.” you fixed your files and past researches of veterinary science. “sometimes an apology isn’t enough.”

your sister nudged you in a force causing you to stumble in your stance. “ey you’re too mean. him apologising is already enough of a sign that he’s a good one, and raised well.”

“i don’t know marg.” you slumped on your bed. “my head’s hurting because of him.”

she raised a brow and gave you a teasing look. “by thinking of him or he just couldn’t get out of your head?” she kicked her feet to escape your balling fists.

“why are you reacting if it’s not true?!” her giggles grew in volume as she brought out her phone record your reaction.

“get out of my room!”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

jaehyun walked around the mart in response to yet another order from you. it had to be a day before christmas eve too. he should be feeling the very essence of christmas and because of you, he didn’t. people who happened to pass by him swore they saw a walking corpse, while some sensed a spreading dark cloud hovering above him.

his demeanour quickly shifting and changing as if the clouds blocked his rays of sunshine. he was mumbling to himself and those who stood close by took careful small steps away from jaehyun, for he sounded like he was enchanting a spell.

he thought about it a lot— whether it there’d be a difference between the two of you if you hadn’t taken back that condition. because now that he was controlled like a pawn again, he wasn’t going to back down or lose to you. at least for the past few days since then he saw an improvement. you weren’t as violent, not a single word of hate from you nor were they intentional. it was obvious you were helping out. a small smile managed its way to resurface until he saw a reflection of himself looking like an idiot. jaehyun, you’re a fool. you shouldn’t be feeling this.

ignoring his subconscious, he turned a heel at the next grocery aisle when a voice attracted attention, at least to him it sounded like hendery. hearing your name from an unfamiliar man’s lips had him peeking secretly at a distance. “i suppose y/n’s behaving well with jaehyun?”

“better than everyone expected.” hendery followed him with hands deep in pockets. “aside their petty arguments, she gets along with him, mr. y/l/n.”

“that’s good to hear. i knew the jeong’s would never fail my expectations. their son is in vet school, yes?”

the mentioned name chilled him to the bone. he wasn’t to supposed to be feeling in this manner yet the very presence of your father already had gotten his shoes glued to the ground. hendery nodded and continued to walk along with him. “i hope he doesn’t encourage her about it too much. having y/n marry him would keep her quiet about ever continuing vet school.”

jaehyun’s back grazed the products he lightly leaning upon and stood still in his thoughts. he wasn’t the type to eavesdrop on others, let alone your family issues. although he was briefly told about your rocky relationship with your father and couldn’t hear much of the conversation, he shouldn’t care or meddle with it but.. did mr. y/l/n really think that?

and he remembered how you told him you’d pursue veterinary.

he fished for his phone with certainty that he would tell you what he had heard. he nearly dropped his phone when it rang and your name appeared as the caller. staring at it for a while, never in his life had he ever hesitated before— given that he was a straight forward person, he wanted to tell you.

and he didn’t know why he decided to keep his mouth shut and stayed behind, instead of doing the opposite. hendery noticed him beside the hundreds of chocolate chip buckets. “oh jaehyun!” he greeted, making your father turn his head around. “come here!”

jaehyun pressed his lips for being caught, steadily and unwilling to go them. he wished that now would be the appropriate time to be walking on super glue, he really didn’t have the mood to talk to your father. it wasn’t the right time as their conversation about you would probably escalate from there.

“hello mr. y/l/n, i’m-” he greeted, unknowingly staring at him longer because you were his carbon-copy.

“i know you’re jaehyun and i’ve been updated enough that i wouldn’t have to be physically at my residence to know your good qualities.”

“glad to know someone’s giving you the correct information.” jaehyun smiled, subtly gazing straight at hendery with more pressure on the tone of the name. hendery then clamped his lips to a close, regretting he should’ve minded his words carefully.

mr. y/l/n nodded with a chuckle— even hendery rarely saw him doing so, ever. and this only proved that there wouldn’t be a better groom fit for you other than the son of his childhood friends. “i like your personality. mind joining me for tea?”

jaehyun read the situation, and what your father was up to. he had to listen for another half hour even though he felt his phone continually vibrating then stopping. he knew it was you, but how could he answer when the person you grew to hate was with him at this moment? one word from him through a phone call would make you go berserk.

anyone could see that jaehyun was fighting a mental dilemma. for anyone it would be an easy question to answer; free food, you’re in. his future father-in-law asked for company, sure why not. jaehyun felt like he only one answer, and it had to be a correct one. he gulped and though he eyes wavered, he agreed anyway. “i don’t mind, but y/n would probably be moody if i don’t return immediately.”

“mhm, no worries. i won’t keep you long.” mr. y/l/n said, and jaehyun didn’t know why he had a small heart attack on what possibly could follow.

he lead him to a restaurant, hendery nudged the troubled-looking dimpled man. “sorry dude. he likes snacking on things but i’ll try to divert his attention so you can go to y/n asap.”

—

the relieved sigh didn’t last long when looked up from the ground. jaehyun spotted you crossing arms with a slight worrisome look. your fingers then pointed at the kitchen window and it looked like his soul left his body and his footsteps on the ankle-high snow. the curtains indoors brushed to one side with his parents facing back from the windowsill at the upper balcony.

his heart was beating his chest as if it wanted to go out. he planned to tell you what he and your father talked about, but in that previous hour he missed out your text messages and calls— not knowing they were that important. now he knew why they were.

you took his phone and clicked on the lock button, he didn’t check your means to reaching him. they were still in the lockscreen. “i know you’re a seenzoner but you shouldn’t ignore important calls! i was calling you an hour ago because your parents came so suddenly. did you know about their change of plans?”

he gave you other paper bag and made his way inside. “no they were supposed to arrive tomorrow.” to you jaehyun seemed grumpy for doing groceries, but it was obviously not the case when kept looking elsewhere. he bit his inner gums in question as to why he was venting out his irritation at you instead of the revelation that was told to him.

you followed him in and began bring out the items to set the remaining food on the kitchen island. something told you not to go overboard with the planned argument you had in mind, but you couldn’t handle the way he was acting now, as well as giving you the sudden silent treatment. behaving this way was such a wrong timing and you decided to cut the silence before it made you feel worse than you already were. “you good?”

“y-yeah.” he tilted down to take a quick look at you while realising lately how you hadn’t been sleeping well. the puffiness under your eyes was proof. he cleared his throat. “uh, i should be asking you but have you been studying.. lately? or have you been staying up all night?” he asked, changing the subject.

he twitched at your outburst excitement with your palms rested on his arm, shaking it vigorously. now that he reminded you, you gestured him for a whisper. “i found another way to stop this marriage without us hurting each other.”

what? his eyes grew big.

“aren’t you hurting me now?” he cleared his throat, referring to the reddening spot on his skin from your grip. he knew what you meant. he knew you’ve been sitting in your bed the whole day, reading e-books and going over past lectures documents.

“if i tell my dad that i’m pursuing vet school again, i think this time he’d let me. i’m confident because i do have a degree in equestrian sport science. imagine the benefit if have a degree in veterinary?” you opened a carton of milk to drink. “i wonder if my credits’ still applicable?”

“you sure you wanna do that?” jaehyun held the top your head, gripping it as if it were a basketball. “it’s gonna take you years to finish.”

“scared to have a competitor in the field, jaehyun?” your voice challenged him.

he wasn’t scared at all, he loved competitions as well as proving he could do things. but, he was scared for you. he knew the outcome of all this because it was already planned out. he was told by your father during tea break before he arrived here.

chills slowly went down your spine with that one, subtle, short silence from him.

“i’m not scared. it’s just that..” you shot up your head at his remark. he trailed off and shut his lips seeing your parents enter the living room with his beloveds.

“just what?” you stared at him with a long hum.

he had to lie and keep his opinions to himself. “are you able to take on hard words in that tiny brain of yours?” jaehyun scoffed, leaning in closer to provoke an argument with his hands patting your head.

“hey! you’re insulting my height, not my brain!” he heard your innocent whines as if they were precious— too precious that he wanted to protect you than to fight you; just for tonight.

and for the first time he was laughing sincerely at you.

week three had you imagining things, that he would look at you so differently. instead of horns they’d be halos, softer looks than tensed ones, and most of all you wonder what changed him within a day. it was confusing that he would show another side of him, then go back to what he was when you first met him.

but tonight? his possibility of change soon went void.

during dinner, whether or not it was right, that choice you made became one of the two things you regret to do and say. your father said his ultimatum in a low voice by the hallway, isolated from everyone enjoying the celebration.

“dad, please. i’ve done what you want. i think it’s time you’d allow me to do what i want.” you kept your head low in all hope this would be your final time to ask. “i’m successful as an equestrian, i hope to be more so as a veterinarian. please let me continue. i don’t want to get married yet-”

“still holding onto it, y/n?” he scoffed and took quick glances at his surroundings. “i’ve done everything for you to be known, raised you to be the best rider out there-”

and he too, held with the same stupid reason. “no dad! i raised myself to be the best because heavens knows how much damage it’ll cost me if i failed you-”

“this is the last time i saying it, you’re never going to be one.”

“but dad! you know how badly i want to be a vet-” you whined and hoping you wouldn’t cry because you promised yourself you wouldn’t.

“y/n you’re marrying jaehyun solely for that reason!” he whisper-yelled, making your heart squeeze tight because you could see how your complaints have pissed him off. “he seemed to be agreeing with me after i invited him for tea.” he fixed his hair.

w-what did he just say?..

he loosened the top button of his shirt; his gaze still scared you like it did that night. he held his temples to reason out with you. “discipline yourself tonight. i do not want hear anything from you about this matter ever again.” the impact of his tone shattered you. not only your mood but with how you perceived jaehyun as a whole.

you couldn’t remember much afterwards, anger roamed around your head and as much you kept your composure, jaehyun has a sharp eye. you’ve been quiet since coming from the hallway, hours have passed too since your father called you upstairs.

“are you alright?” jaehyun leaned on the refrigerator while you took some fruits from it. figured that you were completely ignoring him, he grabbed your favourite sweater to snap you out of your clouded feelings. “are we doing the pact now?”

it was getting suffocating being next to him. the audacity of what he did disgusted you. “hey tell me-”

you shut the fridge’s door with much force, held your breath and went to the sink to wash them. “i’m not doing it. and what’s there to tell you? just because i opened up to you that doesn’t mean we’re already close.” you coldly answered with a irritated look.

jaehyun was abruptly taken back, his hand let go of your clothes. “why are you’re suddenly like this?”

you began washing the apples as well as peeling their skin. “you’re not born yesterday, jaehyun. this is my usual self.”

“no y/n, i’m not talking about-”

“what the hell is your deal?” jaehyun could hear you mumble even with the loud blasting of holiday playlists.

“i just want to know if we’re starting the argument,. it seems like you’re doing your part-”

“you knew all along, didn’t you?” the sound of peeling almost excruciating to your ears but nothing more than his reaction to your question. ‘that my dad would refuse my plead.”

painful as it was, his expression changed. he was colder than the snow outside, heartless as a predator and unresponsive like a dead man. he just stared at you straight, acknowledging it with soft wavers of his brown orbs.

and that alone was enough to break you to pieces.

[stxphxn-strange]

will you hold this? (it’s my heart)

a/n: i wanted to write some sad fluff, like well everything is going to be ok, but is it? and it’s kinda just me sharing my experience via college AU!tony.

Of course they could talk without saying anything out loud. They’d been inseparable almost from the first day they met, their childhood codewords evolving into a serious language of gazes and expressions. They could have an entire conversation just by looking into each other’s eyes, far away from anything else that was going on around them. Sometimes their conversations were so fast, you’d miss them if you so much as blinked. Anthony knew Stephen like the back of his hand (and vice versa) and could read him like a book. To be fair, Anthony was of the opinion that reading Stephen’s facial expressions and their subtle changes was more interesting than most books. And that was, in a weird way of arriving at the conclusion, part of the problem.

It wasn’t Stephen’s fault, in fact it had nothing to do with him whatsoever, but books and articles and journals didn’t hold Anthony’s attention sometimes. It didn’t matter how passionate he was about the subject matter, sometimes his brain just didn’t want to absorb anything. He’d stare at the wall, or sometimes at nothing, following a thought process that didn’t always make sense. More often than not, it was just an avalanche of one (1) idea after another, leaving him confused and upset. How come he could sing an entire song in his head or invent a new product, but not focus on the pages in front of him?

And of course Anthony didn’t want to give himself too much credit, he wasn’t that brilliant and his thoughts/mind weren’t the only thing that distracted him. Sometimes he’d click open a new tab and follow internet discourse.

Sometimes he’d scroll through old texts.

Sometimes he’d send some new texts.

Sometimes he’d stand abruptly and wander aimlessly for a few minutes. What he did tended to vary, but his focus consistently left the task at hand. If he was listening to someone, or trying to listen to someone, he’d bite his lip, touch his face, tear at the hole on the knee of his jeans, or something similar just to deal with the realization that he was occupying his body. He was too often gripped by the realization that he was a corporeal being, leaving him desperately needing to feel the environment around him, just as a reminder that he was alive. Sometimes he wondered about how and why he still existed, but today wasn’t one of those days.

Anthony hadn’t asked himself any questions relating to his mortality in awhile, and he didn’t want to. He could deal with fidgeting as a reminder that he was a living thing, he couldn’t deal with wondering why. All of his anxiety was, ironically enough, focused on the fact that he couldn’t focus on a damn thing. There wasn’t time to let his mind wander into any dark corners, but Anthony didn’t know that he’d be able to collect his thoughts if it did. So after picking up his phone for the third time, just to play a quick game and see if Rhodey texted him back (he didn’t, because he was in a lecture and Anthony knew that but still checked his phone every few minutes), Anthony subtly shoved his phone in Stephen’s direction.

Stephen looked up as he saw Anthony’s hand in his peripheral vision, fingertips lingering near the top right corner of his notebook. That was one of the clearest signs that he wanted or needed something but was hesitant to bring it up.

“What’s up Ant?”

“May I ask a small favor?”

Stephen rolled his eyes fondly. “There’s no limit to the things I’d do for you, but go on.”

“Will you hold my phone in your bag?” Anthony asked, a bit sheepishly. “I’ll take it back once we’re home.”

“Sure,” Stephen replied, not thinking twice about the request. He brushed his fingers lightly against Anthony’s as he grabbed his boyfriend’s phone.

Anthony let out a sigh. “Thanks.”

“What’s wrong?” Stephen asked, holding his hand properly.

“I just can’t really focus,” Anthony confessed. “I should’ve finished all of this ages ago, but my mind is just elsewhere. I must be distracted because you’re too pretty.”

“I’m fucking gorgeous, but that’s not why you’re distracted and we both know it,” Stephen replied, his tone firm but sweet.

Anthony shrugged. “I don’t really know what it is. I just can’t seem to concentrate, even as I’m trying to do multiple things at once. I’m trying to make up for lost, wasted time I guess? But I can’t focus on one (1) thing, let alone four (4).”

Stephen frowned at the look of distress on Anthony’s face, letting go of his hand for a moment just to brush his hair back. He smiled as Anthony leaned into the caress, relaxing just a bit.

Every bit counted! But beneath Anthony’s little moment of bliss, he was unsettled and frantic. Stephen reached for his hand again, sending Anthony a knowing smile as he began to draw circles on the back of Stephen’s hand with his thumb.

Anthony cocked his head to the right and frowned, tapping his pen on the desk with his other hand. A look of fear and regret flashed in his eyes as he let go of Stephen’s hand. “I didn’t mean to distract you too.”

“You know I can’t resist you,” Stephen replied teasingly, trying to convey that he wasn’t actually upset.

But Anthony wasn’t convinced, crossing his legs nervously and looking at Stephen with guilt-stricken eyes.

“I’m not actually upset or annoyed or anything like that,” Stephen assured him. “I promise.”

Anthony just nodded and slouched uncomfortably in the chair he’d been sitting in for the past few hours. He eyed the stack of papers in front of him with disinterest, trying to convince himself to just finish reading and start this damn essay. He knew that looking at the articles wasn’t going to help him absorb the information, but he wasn’t getting anywhere by trying to read and it was so FUCKING frustrating.

He sighed and opened his laptop again, mentally committing to just getting the outline of his paper done. It wouldn’t be that painful, right?

Actually it could. Even though Anthony stood up to stretch, walked to the bathroom, got some water, and doodled just to keep his mind busy while he tried to take some notes and start his outline, nothing worked. And again, it was REALLY fucking frustrating.

Beside him, Stephen quietly closed a book. “Want to head home?”

Anthony hesitated, looking for a minute like he was going to decline. Eventually he nodded, feeling a little like he was admitting defeat. He’d come back to the essay later, he always finished his tasks... but he hated how long it took him to do them.

“Come on,” Stephen said gently. He stood up and reached out to hug Anthony against his side. “What should we make for dinner?”

++++

Anthony was uncharacteristically quiet for most of the night, which worried Stephen and their housemates. Stephen knew Anthony was upset and that he always dimmed himself when he was lost in his head, but he was rarely this eerily silent. He didn’t touch his work for the rest of the night, trying to make sense of his day and watching Stephen and Carol argue about movies once she and Pepper came over.

Stephen would glance at him every now and then, finding obvious stress in his tired expression. Even though Anthony seemed relaxed, sitting next to Rhodey and occasionally adding a joke to their conversation, he was tense and edgy. Sometimes his sleepy facade would sort of slip, and Stephen could see how much stress he was hiding in his tired eyes.

After spectating a Mario Kart tournament for a few rounds (Pepper insisted on challenging Rhodey with everyone present, raising the stakes of the competition), Anthony slipped over to the other side of the room where Stephen was. While Stephen was still sitting, Anthony hugged him, clearly enjoying the reversal of their height difference.

Stephen found he didn’t mind it as Anthony rubbed his back and softly kissed his hair. With a smile, Stephen looked up at him and pressed his chin into Anthony’s shoulder. “Hi. I’m surprised you aren’t gloating about being taller than me since I’m sitting down.”

Anthony just shrugged. “I didn’t come over to brag. I think I’m going to bed, though. I’m tired.”

“I’m surprisingly not,” Stephen remarked. “But I don’t blame you, weren’t you up late last night?”

“Yeah. I almost fell asleep in the kitchen trying and failing to write that damn essay,” Anthony muttered.

Stephen frowned. “Go get some rest, love. You deserve it, and you need it. I’ll probably come to bed soon.”

“Sounds good,” Anthony replied, kissing the top of Stephen’s head again. He addressed the group then, saying a quick goodnight and hugging Pepper and Carol before wandering towards his room.

Overcome with tiredness and a need to be close to his boyfriend, Stephen left for bed not 30 minutes later. Anthony was shrouded in the scent of vanilla and residual steam from the shower, his damp hair tucked away under the hood of an old sweatshirt his mother had given him.

He was curled up near the center of the bed, resting on a pile of throw pillows he hadn’t bothered to move, his eyes following the screen of their TV.

“Villager hunting? Who moved out?” Stephen asked, realizing that his boyfriend was playing New Horizons.

“Filbert,” Anthony replied, his avatar running the hell away from some wasps. “I’m looking for Pietro now, Clown Town isn’t complete without him.”

Stephen rolled his eyes. “I still can’t believe that’s what you named your island. I think I have some extra tickets I can give you if you need.”

“This is my first mystery island, but I might take you up on that,” Anthony said, with a soft smile.

++++

“Did you come to bed at all last night?” Stephen asked, resting his cheek against Anthony’s shoulder.

“Yeah, don’t you remember?” Anthony asked softly.

“How would I? I was asleep,” Stephen reminded him.

“No I know, but you do this cute thing whenever I come to bed late, I guess it’s a subconscious thing, where as soon as I lay down you always reach for me and end up holding me,” Anthony replied. “It’s adorable. Kinda like this spooning thing we’re doing right now, except not because I’m usually facing you.”

Stephen smiled, hugging him closer. “Well I do sleep better with you.”

Anthony blushed, amazed that Stephen’s affection could catch him off guard sometimes. “I love you.”

“I love you too, dumbass,” Stephen replied. “Although I still can’t believe you didn’t take Raymond on the last island you were on.”

“I’m not looking for him. If I’m going to bring a smug villager to Clown Town, it’s going to be Pietro!” Anthony said, laughing quietly at Stephen’s sudden outburst.

(Actually, that was only the beginning of Stephen’s outburst.)

“Raymond is my favorite villager, and you know it! This is a betrayal, the greatest disappointment of this century, and I’m so upset,” Stephen complained, exaggerating every word. “I’m absolutely devastated!”

Anthony knew he was joking, but he started to wonder if Stephen could be disappointed in him for not trying harder to concentrate. He shelved that thought for a minute, running in a circle around another villager. Instead of voicing what really bothered him, he asked: “I thought Dizzy is your favorite villager?”

“Dizzy is my favorite on my island, Raymond is my literal dream villager,” Stephen explained. “I was going to visit him on your island! I feel so betrayed, Anthony!”

“Raymond is alright I guess, but—”

“He’s the best villager in the game! And he kind of reminds me of you,” Stephen cut him off.

“Ah, that explains why I dislike him for some reason,” Anthony quipped.

“Anthony.” Stephen changed his tone, his voice soft and loving in contrast to how bitter his boyfriend sounded.

“What? I’m just saying. Nothing that reminds you of me could possibly be a good thing,” Anthony explained.

Stephen frowned, hugging him even closer. “I call bullshit. I’ve never come across anything I think that’s ‘bad’ that reminds me of you. Only good things.” 

Anthony scoffed. “If you say so. If nobody moves to my island by tomorrow, will you give me some of your NMTs?” 

“Of course,” Stephen replied. He paused before speaking again. “How are you feeling, by the way?” 

“Tired,” Anthony said, saving his game and putting his Switch away. He saw Stephen frowning again, this time at his absence, and quickly returned to bed and his boyfriend’s arms. “And also discouraged. Sorry I insisted that you held my phone earlier, I was thinking if it was out of sight I wouldn’t be distracted and it didn’t even work so all I really did was bother you when you were reading and I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, remember what I always tell you? It’s never bothersome to support you and be around for you,” Stephen replied. “I know you don’t always believe it, but I’ll just keep telling you. And I’m sorry you had a hard time today.” 

“It’s not just today, Steph,” Anthony remarked. “I’ve been thinking about it kind of a lot recently, and I’ve had trouble sitting still, concentrating, not getting distracted, etc. since third grade at least. I’ve just noticed it more recently and it’s made me more anxious since I notice it more.”

Stephen just hummed, softly kissing his cheek. He knew Anthony wasn’t done talking, but always liked to silently offer support/affection/reassurance.

“I don’t have my thoughts together very well, I just feel stupid for not being able to focus,” Anthony continued. “Today I couldn’t focus on more than a sentence without a distraction, and I’m not sure if I hate myself or if I want to be forgiving just this once.”

“Be gentle with yourself,” Stephen urged. “I know you’re trying. You thought about how to minimize your distractions, and I know you like to plan your time. It might be hard to follow your plans, or to keep from getting distracted, but you’re doing your best.”

“I’m going to talk to my mother about this tomorrow,” Anthony said. “Maybe she has some advice on how to deal with it? Is it stupid to hope that I’ll be able to fix myself with just some advice?”

“You’re not broken, Anthony, so there’s nothing to fix. But for the sake of your analogy, no. You are an engineer, after all, and a problem solver. Just promise me you’ll try to be kind to yourself?” Stephen asked.

“No promises. I really fucking hate myself for not completing something as trivial as that essay,” Anthony muttered. “It’ll get done eventually. I guess that’s reassuring.”

tags: @stark-strange-love2 @ah3m @thespacecryptid @chocopiggy @kiwidino @ironstrange-chaos @majesticnerdynerd @spooky-n-spunky @doctorstephenvincentstarkstrange @maya-custodios-dionach

[spilledkauffie]

Sammy Support System

Pairing: Sam Winchester x college!reader Word Count: 2.1k T/W: anxiety? fluff! A/N: This was actually stupid hard to write, but it’s solely, and slightly embarrassingly, a therapy fic !

Vigorously the keys of your laptop clicked and ticked with every tap and push your fingertips gave them. It had become such a common sound over your college career that you had hardly noticed how long the continuous clicking had been going on for, let alone that the sun had gone down without you noticing either. There were papers and extra credit reports to write, group projects you knew no one else was going to actually do, emails to send and so on. 

With the numerous things calling your attention, you hardly noticed your boyfriend lean in through the doorway to check on you. He found you just as he expected, and just as he had left you three hours ago, sitting criss cross on a chair in one of his hoodies, some plaid pyjama pants and white fuzzy socks, huddled at your computer, devoutly working on your homework. A clutter of papers and notebooks swarming you at every angle. Pens and highlighters of all different shades were clustering under loose leaf pages. Leaving you wildly upturning every piece of paper until you found the correct colour for further highlighting. 

“Where did I put-“ you mumbled to yourself, scanning the table for your favourite highlighter. 

Checking the clock on the wall, which was ticking in between the clicking rhythm you were making yourself, Sam decided to give you another thirty minutes before intervening. Aware of how stressed you had been acting and feeling lately, whether you’d admit it or not, Sam wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself regardless of the taxing demands you put on yourself for a degree. He always tried his best to back off when it came to things you felt you needed to handle on your own, but one thing he would never give up on is taking care of you when you refused to do so yourself. And finding you in the same position after four hours, nearing one a.m., was not up to his standards of a healthy self care routine. 

Returning after thirty minutes, which seemed so much longer to him and so much shorter to you, he decided to take action. Clearing his throat and entered the room, he walked over to the desk where you were preoccupied. Head switching between a book you had a strict finger holding open and the laptop screen your free hand was making words appear on.

“Wow,” Sam said, staring you down, an amused smile playing across his lips when you didn’t even acknowledge him. 

You truly hadn’t heard him, and were far too focused on your work to have seen or heard him come in. 

“Wow!” Sam said a little louder, simply trying to gain your attention. 

Jumping a little in your seat, you lifted your head to find Sam sitting opposite of you across the small table you had so easily filled. He reclined back in the chair, waiting for you to say...something. 

“Hey,” you quietly said, it had to have been hours since you actually talked to another person, not just mumbling to yourself. 

“Hi,” Sam leaned forward, elbows resting on the table, gentle smile as he heard how small your voice sounded, “do you have any idea what time it is, Honey?”

Looking to the corner clock on your laptop you winced, knowing he wouldn’t be very approving of how long you had been at it, but more so how much longer you intended to stay working as you were. 

“It’s late...ish,” you tried to be cute and ignore the bigger problem he was alluding to. 

Over the past few weeks, you had been pushing yourself and pushing yourself to the point of  exhaustion, both physically and mentally. You didn’t sleep reasonable, human hours, you ate maybe a meal a day and hardly left the bunker for anything other than classes. As much as he loved  your enthusiasm for college, he hated seeing you self-destruct over it. Mentally blocking every natural resting plea your body gave, you pressed on nonetheless. 

Ducking his head, Sam didn’t want to come across too parental, “it’s, yeah, it’s... late.”

“I’m fine Sam,” you assured him sweetly and proceeded on with typing. 

“But you’re not-” he countered only out of concern, frustrating you slightly as you glanced up to glare at him, “I’m just saying,” he retreated his hands in defense, “I haven’t seen you get up to refill your water, you haven’t said a word to anyone and you-“

“Sam!” You interrupted, fanning your hands across your keyboard, as he tested your nonexistent patience, you took a deep breath, “don’t worry.”

“It’s kinda my job to worry about you,” he lifted his shoulders, “I mean, is something going on that you’re not telling me?”

“No, nothing,” you tried, to utter failure. 

“Y/n, what’s going on that you’re not telling me?” He repeated, in such a soft, caring tone you swore he could draw every emotion you’ve ever had out from you. His puppy dog eyes didn’t help your resistance either, Sam genuinely was concerned and lying to him would only further his anxiety over you. 

“I just,” you avoided eye contact, “need to do this, okay? I need to finish this, start the next project, schedule my next classes: Spring, Summer, Fall. I need to prove that I can do it.”

“Prove what?” Sam asked, “to who?”

“That I can do it!” You repeated, the beginnings of tears from seemingly a million different emotions filling your eyes, “I have to prove I’m worth something...even if that’s just a degree.” 

Sam furrowed his eyebrows, seeing you upset always hurt the worst. Wanting to help or to fix whatever was wrong always seemed easier on the other topics. He knew he couldn’t stop this, it was something you’d been relentless about since day one.

“I’m so tired of getting told to slow down...and you don’t need to,” your building anxiety caused a hiccup, “you don’t need to,” you blinked, letting a heavy tear slip passed your eyelash, on the brink of a breakdown you could feel yourself shaking, “but I want to, why doesn’t anybody care about that?”

It was like a knife to the heart when your eyes met Sam’s, now knowing you felt no one cared on the matter. And the moment you allowed yourself to fall apart and cry, Sam came to your side. Crouching down so you could hug him, you tightly wrapped your arms around his neck.. Feeling his strong arms around your waist made you feel like a child, but you didn’t care at this point. It was days, weeks, months of continuous tension, stress, lack of sleep and nutrition all coming undone. 

“Sam,” you breathed, eventually pulling back from his tear stained shirt, “if I can’t do this, I don’t even know who I am anymore. This is all I’ve ever done.”

Nodding, understandingly, his lean fingers pushed back some hair that had fallen down from your twice dried shampooed bun and  into your face. He listened to you, knowing you just needed someone to truly listen, not to scold you for your aspirations, but to hear you out. 

“I’m nothing if I can’t prove this,” you wiped your eyes, reverting to a more reclusive position of anxiety, isolating yourself away from him, “I’m just a failure.”

Sam’s arms still held you, despite your retreat, “hey, hey,” he caressed your cheek lovingly, and you embarrassingly leaned into it, a touch you had truly missed in your absence of his presence, “look at me.”

You hardly wanted to be seen at all right now, but you did as he said, slowly meeting his gaze. His ever sparkling eyes made you feel a bit better, especially accompanied by his smile of reassurance. 

“You are not a failure,” he told you with a convincing stare, “you never have been, and you never will be, okay?”

You rolled your eyes, looking away, with a few stray tears falling down your cheek. 

“You can do this, you are doing this,” he explained, “I fully support your goals and dreams, but I cannot support how you’re treating yourself.”

“I’m fine,” you turned back to him, wearily shaking your head. 

“You’re really not; you’re just saying that so I’ll leave you alone,” he corrected you carefully, “but that’s just not happening. I care way too much about you to stop.”

“Yeah, I know,” you nodded, pushing at your hair and looking down.

It was a brief silence between the two of you. 

“C’mon,” Sam stood, holding your hand, “time for a break.”

“Sam,” you sighed as he gently coerced you into following his loving pull, “I can’t, I have to finish this group project.”

“If it’s a group project someone else can work on it right now, come on, Babe,” his tone a little more stern and his point valid. 

Knowing that if you said no again he’d just pick you up out of the chair, so you stood to follow him over to the couch. Lazily you walked behind him, hand still holding his. He sat at the end and you followed suit, sitting at an angle into his side, your feet slightly tucked under you, but still spread out toward the length on the couch. For a moment you breathed. It was quiet, no tap of your keys, no rustling of paper-  

“Well, good break,” you said and quickly made an attempt to return to your desk.

“Uh, yeah, no ma’am,” Sam leaned forward and grabbed your hips. To your frustration he brought you back down, this time seating you across his lap, “that was not an adequate break.”

Groaning reluctantly, you felt him secure his hold on you. One arm reaching across your thighs, the other settled around your waist. You gave up and gave in, slouching into him, resting your head against his shoulder. Fiddling with your hands in your lap, you looked down. The scent of his cologne made you feel safe, as you nuzzled the bridge of your nose against his neck. His hair tickled where strands of it brushed against your forehead. You hummed when you felt him sweetly rub your back.

“Sam?” You started, closing your eyes. 

“Yeah, Baby?” He answered bringing his hand up to tuck your hair behind your ear as he looked you over. 

“I’m so tired,” you finally admitted in a sigh of defeat, which told him that you were officially calling it a night.

Trying not to laugh at the very obvious statement, Sam smiled, “yeah, I bet you are,” slight amusement slipping out. 

“Don’t laugh at me,” you pouted, looking up.

“Promise I’m not,” Sam raised his eyebrows, watching you struggle to keep your eyes open in his arms, “you’re just really adorable when you’re tired.” 

Finally breaking into a smile, you closed your eyes, realising how much you’d been missing out on even the littlest of things. Caressing the side of his neck with your hand, you brought yourself up a bit, met with his gentle eyes, that were almost asking sweetly, “what do you need?” You just stared for a while, until your eyes dropped and you brought your lips to meet his. It was soft and sweet, but when you pulled back, you still wanted more. Knowing your body language, Sam slid his hand up to the back of your neck, carefully bringing you back in for a deeper kiss. Practically melting into his kiss, you wrapped your arms around his neck. When you decided you needed air, you pulled back, resting each other’s foreheads together.

“I love you so much,” Sam said, still stroking your neck.

“I love you more,” you smiled, showing you were really getting sleepy, “thanks for putting up with me, Sam.”

“For that I love you most,” he hugged you closer.

You bit your bottom lip, about to ask him to carry you to bed, when you were interrupted by a familiar voice, making you turn your heads immediately. 

“What the hell?” Dean almost yelled out of shock as he picked up a random piece of paper off the table you had been working at, “what is this?”

The genuine confusion and disgust of Dean’s tone made you laugh, burying  your head against Sam.

“That is her homework,” Sam answered with a smirk, not shocked at his brother’s behaviours.

 “No, no, even Einstein couldn’t figure this out,” Dean stated.

“Dean...that’s not even math,” Sam corrected with a witty smile, as if saying ‘this is why you didn’t go to college.’

“Well...whatever,” Dean shrugged, taking a hand out of his pocket, “get off my couch anyway!”

[aka-indulgence]

Why Oh Why

Woops, got sick from lack of sleep and made the wonderful decision to go to work on a cold, autumn, rainy morning… and now that I get the chance to sleep my body’s just… up kfjdks

sorry bout any typos if they are any -u-

Summary: You can’t sleep… And Sans’ not leaving you alone like that.

You groaned.

You’ve slept a grand total of 1 and a half hours today- sleeping at sunrise and waking up soon after. You had work that day, after all.

And while you were there… Good lord you were tired. So ungodly tired- you fell asleep while you had one of those sessions where a boss would come in front of everyone to teach a business strategy- which, honestly was quite helpful but… Not with your state of mind like that today. You fell asleep for god’s sake- that barely happens with you. It was only 15 minutes or so but still. Rare.

You were lucky you went to a forgiving workplace because oh man- you had started to dream while Mr. Camber was explaining about persuasion and succession and pizza and beds… Wait.

There you went again, your mind felt like it was more of a… Weird malleable goop instead of the solid mass of brain it was.

Coming home you feel that sleep deprived mind struggling to keep up with the wind brushing your face as you cycled home- wishing you were driving instead. The autumn winds had seeped through the fabric of your clothes and with your heating up body, that was anything but pleasant.

When you got home you found that Sans hadn’t turned home yet, so you took a quick hot shower and quickly changed into your nughtwear, eating carbonara pasta at the table when Sans came home from his work at… The hotdog stand?

“end of the day… i gotta get my rewards.” he’d explain.

“baby, you practically didn’t sleep yesterday. let’s go to bed soon, ok?”

You’d agreed, you had been wanting to sleep since the moment you cracked your eyes open from the blarring alarm that summoned you to work… How you wish you’d have called sick today. Sans had told you you should just call… And you did promise him you would… But your weak mentality had stopped you from pressing that call button after you pressed the contact on your phone… And you’d hastily rushed to work.

Without eating or even cleaning up your face…

Needless to say, you were happy to be back on your bed with your skeleton snug beside you, giving you a goodnight kiss and settling beside you. You had smiled, snuggled next to him and…

… here you were, about an hour since you’d gotten to bed, watching the clock of your phone and groaning as the seconds ticked by and your sleep deprived mind making your mood go all the more worse.

You’re goddamned tired, exhausted, and aching al pver from the weird position you’d slep the morning earlier- but your body was just. Not. Going to sleep.

What the hell- I’m in bed with Sans what’s wrong with me?!

… and while you were at work, where you needed to keep your eyes opened, you felt like you coul sleep if you’d just close your eyes for a quarter of a minute. And now- why can’t you switch the two with each other?! You wanted that head drooping-heavy eyelid sleepiness you had this afternoon. You hated thinking of tomorrow and the fact you’re going to sleep less than what you wanted to- namely 12 hours if you could. It wasn’t healthy but it was just one night and you really felt you needed something like that for now…. while you saw the hour ticking past 9 PM… 10 PM… 11…

Argh… it was still a weekday tomorrow… please PLEASE let me sleep.

You sighed for the 10th time after checking your phone for… anything, you weren’t even sure what, peeling the covers off you a little and turning over to-

“Gah-!”

… Sans was awake. His white lights trained on the ceiling, arm folded on top of the covers. He didn’t even make a sign that he’d noticed you like that.

“… Sans?”

“yeah sweetie?” He raised his brows little, still looking at the ceiling.

“… Why are you awake?”

“why are you awake, love?” He finally took his eyelights away from the ceiling to give you a gentle,, loving look. “thought i told you you should sleep earlier… after that stunt you pulled behind me.”

“I… I’m sorry, I got nervous ok??” You argued, even if you inew he’d win mst of the arguments when he thought it came to your health. “You remember when they didn’t let me take a sick day off last spring.”

“that was last spring, (y/n). and you’ve called in sick to work after and before that, without problems, right?”

… well yeah, but-

“I’m scared if… he ’s going to answer the phone though.”

Sans’ soft grin twisted at the notion of him… a crab monster named Red Claw (wow, how creative!) That’d always be hard on you, pushing you around when he had more work and not holding back when he had an ‘opinion’ to tell you- often gicing some racist remarks to you.

Now Sans understands the tiny albeit uncomfortable rift that settles between humans and monsters- most of everyone doesn’t feel it but some people do… and Sans has gotta be honest, humans have done some pretty shit things…

But at least, don’t look for trouble when there isn’t one. You were a sensitive, soft little human that never had anything against his kind- even when Sans had been hesitant to get to know humans- and you, more.

“ah, is he bothering you again, baby?” San asked, though the both of you were pretty sure of what he was planning to do, “because i’m going to have a little… talk with him if he is.”

“W-waight,” you fussed as soon as you heard the words leave his mouth, “You’re not going to do anything to him, right?”

“what do you mean, sweetie?” Sans lidded his sockets as he looked up again, the image of Claws appearing in his mind’s eye and a dangerous look on his face “i said i’m just gonna… talk with him. nothing more, nothing less.”

Hm… you knew Sans was twisting around his intentions but… you couldn’t exactly stop him. He’d always think you as one of his top priorities.

“if you’re nervous of calling work, i’ll do it for you, love, if it makes anything easier for you.”

“What- Sans you don’t have to di that-”

“-oh fuck it, i’m just gonna do it. (y/n), you’re not going to work tomorrow. you got it?”

“Wh-huh-”

You felt a blip in your hand, like a bit of untouchable gel enclosing around it and- your phone was in his hand.

“W- Sans give it back!”

“nope.”

“Saaaaaaans!”

“not happening.” He made it a point to tuck your phone somewhere behind him, out of reach from you.

“Sans, why?”

“because you slept only an hour today, love, and right now i can see you’re having trouble sleeping, and i’m not letting insomnia and work mess your health up.”

'I- uh- grh.“ You slumped your hands in defeat in frontof you. "Fine, Sans.”

“now that’s my good girl, hm?” Sans lifted a brow at you a he fixed the covers arouns, turning his body o he was facing you, leaning his skull on one of his hands, elbow propped on the bed.

“'Good girl’, yeah yeah…” you mumbled, turning to him and crossing your arms in mock anger, looking away from him. He’d open his arms out at you, making grabby motions.

“c'mon.” He said in a whisper, eyesocets lidded at you. God.. he looks so handsome (And sexy???) like that.

You sometimes really want to slap him across the cheekbone when he looked so smug like that, like you would listen to him amd 'give it’ to him…

… but unfortunately (fortunately) for you, tonight you wanted to be held by your skeletal husband and lulled to sleep.

You scooted closer to him until his arms reached you and pulled you closer to his chest, touching with yours, and aking your heart amd his soul hum in unison. You put your hands over to his back and hugged him more as well.

Phalanges had automatically settled in your hair, brushing it soothingly as he gave you a quick kiss in the cheek, then on the mouth.

“now you’re caged, baby, you din’t have a choice but to stay here with your skeleton in the closet all day tomorrow.” He teased playfully, chuckling a little.

“Oh no, ah- Sans! But what if I et better by tomorrow morning?”

“mmm…” Sans feigned thoughtfullness, putting a hand on his chin and tapping on it with a phalange. “no. you’ve worked hard enough, love, it’s time for you to get some good fucking rest.”

“Hngh…” you groaned, then sighed, burying your face in your chest. “I don’t know how this all will help me sleep now, though.”

“Also- how’re you awake, Sans? You always sleep so fast- anytime, anywhere!”

“true,” Sans confirmed. “but i’m not leaving my favorite human alone in the dark of the night like that. i don’t like seeing you stressed like that, you get me? i wanted to wait unil you’d fall asleep.”

“Ah-” you blushed, for a second. Before you started again “Oh Sans- I didn’t mean to keep you up! You don’t have to wait for me, Sans…”

“oh but (y/n)-” he put a hand on your cheek;, stroking it a bit. “you know when i get to spend more time for you is treasure to me, baby.”

…

How did you find a man for you so smooth like thst?!

“Arggsg-” you jerked a bit, Sans chuckling at you. “Ok ok ok, enough, I’m going to sleep now.”

“go ahead, be my guest.” He nudged your hesd with his skull. “you know i’ll be hear if you meed anything.”

“Thanks, Sans,” you said as you felt that oh so familiar drag of your eyelids drawing close. “I’ll just… go now, then…”

…

With Sans just brushing your hair and rubbing your back soothingly like that, your souls so close and combining their hums together in harmony like that, sleep had claimed you quickly.

Sans sighed, giving you a kiss on the crown and letting his eyesockets closed, happy you were sleeping relaxed tonight.

“i love you, (y/n).”

[lighteyed]

undeniable // peter parker

summary : seemingly unapproachable expectations weigh down even the best and brightest at midtown, especially during exam/regents week. you’re no stranger to the stress that comes hand in hand with studying. this year, it’s causing you to withdraw from normal, day to day life, much to the concern of longtime friend and crush, peter parker. 

( requested by @iusethistoreadfanfics thank you for requesting :))) )

word count : 2.3k

author’s note : being a high school student in new york where you have to take multiple final exams + regent exams is so fun !!! i’m pretty sure it’s only nys that is required to take them. love this new yorker life .

   Ink was smeared across your fingertips, significant frown lines were beginning to appear in that strained space between your eyebrows, and a dark, hazy cloud had seemed to take up a permanent residence above your head. A figurative cloud, of course, but a nuisance nonetheless. Nothing, absolutely nothing, would ever cause you more stress than the upcoming exams, exams that were less than a week away and causing an absolutely frantic wave of utter distress to wash over the students at Midtown. 

   You were running yourself ragged with all the studying you were doing. You had review classes two hours a day, every day, after school. On weekends, you holed up in your room for hours with piles of textbooks and a multitude of web pages pulled up on your Mac all corresponding with what topic you were cramming for that night. You were more than panicked about your finals. There was a final for every subject, in addition to the regents examinations for Chemistry, Geometry, and Global History II. 

   Failure, you were beginning to think as you sat up at midnight once again with your notes in scattered piles in front of you, was inevitable. All this studying was making your brain go numb. You could barely concentrate in class, you fell asleep twice in one English lesson, you were skipping lunch to sit in the library with your earbuds crammed in your ears as you tried to reteach yourself nine months’ worth of Chemistry notes, and your social life had effectively slipped into the deepest pits of Hell. 

   Stressed and exhausted were no longer the correct words to use when describing your current mental state. You were pretty much a walking ball of anxiety. 

   This was a fact that, just for the record, did not go unnoticed by Peter Parker. He was attentive like that. He was also surprisingly good at reading people. Well, not everyone. Mostly just you, and sometimes Ned. Ned was easy to read in general, though. You were harder to crack, but he always got there eventually, and he was nothing if not determined to get you to open up to him. 

   “Hiiiiiii, Y/N,” he sang, that bubbly grin plastered on his face as he slid into the seat beside you in the cafeteria. His grin faltered at the sight of your own frown, a look that seemed to never leave you these days. Your fingers pinched the bridge of your nose and you were squinting at the pages open in front of you. “Hey, are you okay?” He waved a hand in front of your face. You blinked, seeming to snap out of whatever trance you had slipped into. “Maybe you should take a break,” Peter took the book out of your line of vision, but you grabbed it back before he could put into his bag. 

   “No, no, Peter, I’m fine,” you insisted, finding the page you had just been on and propping the book up in front of you was once more. “Just gotta study.” You gave him a smile that was less than convincing. 

   “You look exhausted.” 

   You turned your cheek away from him, slightly embarrassed. You knew the dark circles that had rooted underneath your skin were beginning to look pretty scary, but you thought you had covered them well enough for the day with the make up you had bought at the drugstore for that specific purpose. “Wow, Pete, you’re quite the charmer these days, aren’t you?” You replied dryly, rubbing the drowsiness from your eyes as you flipped the page. You let out an involuntary yawn, quickly covering your mouth. 

   The tips of his ears turned red. He wasn’t trying to be rude, he was just worried. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.” You did, didn’t you?” He placed a hand over yours, the one reaching forward to turn another page. “Tell me one thing you just read on that page before you flip to the next.” 

   You panicked. “Uh- um, well, you know, something about, like, the- um, the, you know, kinetics, and, umm, equilibrium?” It was a good guess. 

   Or, rather, it would have been, if the book that was opened was a Chemistry textbook and not a Geometry one. Peter raised his eyebrows, showing you the cover of the book. You groaned, covering your face in your hands, elbows propped up on the table. “That’s it. I quit. I’m gonna fail and go to summer school and then I’m gonna fail summer school and drop out of Midtown before I turn sixteen and be disowned by my parents who expect so much and have to work in a brothel in Germany and live out the rest of my days alone and stupid.” He heard you sniffle, though it was a soft and muffled sound. 

   Trying to make you laugh, he said, “I hear Germany is really nice these days.” 

   This was the wrong to say, naturally. 

   You lifted your head, a glare to rival the wrath of even the angriest God upon your face. Peter slowly slid away from you. “You’re so dumb sometimes, Peter.” You shook your head, running a hand through your already messy head of hair. 

  He went to protest, then didn’t. “Yeah, you’re not wrong.” He resumed his seat beside you, closer than he had been before. His fingers tapped against the top of the table as he cast anxious glances at you every few seconds. Finally, he said, “Okay, I’ll just say it right now. I’m worried about you.” Peter slid his hand into yours urgently. You didn’t move, keeping your hand perfectly still. The feeling of his warm, surprisingly soft palm in yours wasn’t unfamiliar. Peter was a notorious hand-holder. He held your hand so often it was almost strange to find him not doing so. This time, though, he wasn’t holding it to joke around about not being able to cross the street without a hand to hold, or because he needed to drag you off quickly so he could show you something ridiculous and slightly time-wasting. 

  In fact, it probably hadn’t been necessary to hold your hand in this moment, but he held it anyway, secure, and that was what made it different. That’s what made your heart jump oddly in your chest and your stomach clench uneasily. This was uncharted territory. 

  “You don’t even know what you’re reading right now,” he said in a quiet manner, always gentle with you in moments where he knew you were in a fragile state of mind. “I think you need to take a break. For yourself, not ‘cause I want you to. You’re gonna burn yourself out like you always do. I know you and that’s what always winds up happening so could you please just take a breather?” He pried the textbook from underneath your free hand and managed to get into his own bag without a word of protest. 

   “Yeah, all right,” you sighed, rubbing your aching temples. Your skull never ceased its pounding these days. The ache of it had become an unfortunate constant and while it was now a familiar part of you, it never stopped being irritating. “I’m pretty tired,” you admitted, defeated. 

   “See? Stop trying to hide things from me. I know you too well,” he gave you a warm smile, like the sun beaming down on your face, and then realized your hand was still encapsulated in his own. He looked at you to move first, but neither of you did. 

   “Whatever,” you scoffed playfully, shrugging your shoulders. “I’m just gonna sit back and accept my failure. Seems to be the only option.” 

   Peter shook his head adamantly, taking both his hands and placing them on your shoulders. “Y/N, you’re being ridiculous. You are the single smartest person I know. If anyone is going to pass their exams with flying colors, it’s you, you beautiful genius. You’re incredible at literally everything you do. This isn’t going to be any different.” He usually saved his fair share of gushing for the confines of his bedroom when it was just him, Ned, and the growing adoration he had for you tingling in the air between him and his best friend as he did nothing but talk about of you. He figured now was as good a time as any to reveal that he thought you were the amazing person to ever grace this universe with your presence. 

   In another moment, perhaps, you would’ve flushed with pride and grinned your brightest grin, given Peter the tightest hug you could manage, kissed the lovely boy on the cheek and tell him that you thought the world of him and more. But you just couldn’t. It was those words that were making you stressed, because it was the same thing your parents thought of you, what your friends thought of you, your teachers, your classmates, everyone just expected greatness from you because of the high levels of your typical academic capabilities. You pretty much sat there staring at him for a good second before starting to cry. 

   Peter, frantic, rushed to put his arms around you. He didn’t know what the hell he said to make you burst into tears but what he did know was that he was even dumber than he thought he was, at least in social situations. “Oh, God, Y/N, I didn’t mean to make you cry oh my God I’m really sorry I just think you’re so smart and I have so much faith in you I didn’t mean to make you upset I’m sorry,” he said quickly, his voice muffled in your hair. He rubbed your back in a slightly awkward way, but you knew he was trying. 

   “Not- not your fault, Peter,” you mumbled, pulling away. You wiped your face. “Sorry... ugh, I’m really sorry. It’s just so stupid,” you cried out miserably, taking the sleeves of your sweater and wrapping yourself in your own protective embrace, sort of missing Peter’s. 

   “C’mon,” he touched a hand to your shoulder. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. “Your feelings are valid and you can tell me anything and I’m really worried now so, please tell me what’s going on.” Sweet, caring Peter. 

   Before you could think better of it, you blurted it all out, spilling your heart out to the boy in front of you and hoping he wouldn’t brush you off like you knew anyone else would. “Well, it’s just that everyone has such high expectations of me and everyone thinks I’m just automatically gonna pass everything and that I don’t need help and that everything just comes so easily to me, like I just sit down at a test and automatically get an A which isn’t the case. I bust my ass to get the grades that I do and I’m not a natural genius like you are, I have to study for hours to score the grades that I do and I work on essays for weeks before I turn them in so I know that they’re perfect. I work really hard and no one thinks that I do and everyone assumes I’m going to be perfect and everything but I’m not I’m like dying over here and I’m drowning in school work and I don’t know how to ask for help because I’ve never had to before and I don’t wanna admit it but I’ve burned myself out and I need help, Peter.” 

     You were so small in that moment, your voice quieter than he had ever heard it and so much more vulnerable than he had ever known you to be. Peter lifted his hand to your face, his thumb caressing it softly. Gentle Peter. Gosh, you adored him. “Y/N, I said those things because I know them to be true. You are- you’re the best person I’ve ever met, all right? The amount of faith I have in you is ridiculous. You’ve gotten through tough situations before and you’ll get through this one, too. You’re not alone in this.” He took a breath. “You have me. Always have. Always will. Okay? You’ve got me. I believe in you. Your intelligence is undeniable.” Evidently, so were his feelings for you. 

    Absolutely undeniable. 

   Your hand met his, fingers curving around him. “That really means a lot.” His shy smile peeked out again as he brought his hand down, reluctant. “Peter, I-” 

   “I like you.” Your voices ran together, and the blush that slid across his cheeks was effortless. “Oh.” You said it again, together, as you did most things. You laughed at the same time, that pure elation that came from new love now pumping from your heart and making its way into your bloodstream. 

   Peter played with a strand of your hair that swept over your shoulder, his fingers twisting it around absentmindedly. Without looking at you, happy that you reciprocated his long hidden feelings but still nervous as ever to be with you, he asked, “Would you- would you maybe... want to go... on a date, with, um, with me?” He lightly tapped his chest. It was a silly question, maybe, because you had just told him that you liked him back, but he had to ask. It’d be improper of him not to.

   This time, it was you pulling him toward you, your lips hovering over his for just a second. “I would love to go on a date with you, Peter.” You leaned forward to press your lips to his, only for a brief moment. You didn’t want to make a scene in front of the entire school, not just yet.  

   His lips followed yours even after you pulled back. A slight pout fell upon him when you were no longer kissing him, but he recovered quickly. “Oh, wow, um, that’s great. That’s so great. Would you, um, wanna be my girlfriend, then? Maybe? Possibly? I just like you so much and I always have and being your boyfriend would probably make me the happiest person in the entire universe, which is really big, just so you know-” 

   You placed your finger on his lips, silencing his babble. “I’m all yours.” 

   “I think I’m gonna pass out from happiness.” A dork through and through, but nevertheless, your dork now, and your love for this idiot in front of you, his face alight with joy, was something inherently undeniable.