#calculating love

[twig-tea]

Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @telomeke and @waitmyturtles, thank you both for the tag!

Credit: this game was created by @thatgirl4815 as Thai BL Favorites Tag Game.

I want you all to know before I start that asking for favourites is biphobic so you're going to have to ignore the places where I bent/ignored the rules about how many choices I was allowed to have. Also, this is so long, and took forever, I'm so sorry:

Favorite Thai QL:

I could caveat this until the end of time, but I'm going to go with the definition of "favourite" that's "has a special place in my heart" rather than necessarily "best"; and that's undoubtedly Until We Meet Again. I got very not normal about this show. When it was airing, I used to rewatch every episode before the new episode, and then rewatch the newly aired episode at least once before binging the show to date again. And I've binged it several times since. Sometimes if I need to cry, I'll put on the first 10 minutes and ugly-sob. This show felt like an apology and catharsis for years of built-up bury-your-gays induced trauma from queer media, in addition to a balm for all of the external relationship drama tropes in BL. I think I've talked about it around here somewhere before, how this show sets up all of the tropes for things that go wrong for couples in BL, and then everything is fine, over and over? And it was airing during the very start of the pandemic before the world was calling it a pandemic, when I was so worried about everything and governments hadn't caught up to being afraid yet, and I felt so alone, and this show over and over again said "it'll be ok", at a time I really needed to hear that. Plus it's got the whole epic-love-story-across-lives and the family acceptance redemption arc that as a still-only-partially-out-to-my-family-in-my-30s queer absolutely destroys me. Anyway, there are other shows that I would agree are as good or better (shout out to He's Coming to Me, I Told Sunset about You, Bad Buddy, Not Me, The Eclipse), but UWMA remains my fave (and gets two gifs for being top spot).

Favorite Pairing: I have seen this interpreted as branded pairs & as fictional couple, so I'm going to take that excuse to answer both questions. I'm honestly not a fan branded pairs as a thing and agree with @lurkingshan's comments on this, I tend to prefer it when people continuously work with different actors. That being said, JoongDunk seem to be having a lot of fun with the whole fanservice game, which is fun to watch for as long as they're enjoying themselves and continue to be in on the joke, which seems to be the case.

Fictional couple? Right at this moment I am still thinking about Khatha and Dome from Midnight Museum. I think this one hit me in my Chinese epics button, because the story felt a lot like a danmei (not the least because you could argue it reads as censored bromance). But this show asks questions about fate, God, the devil, multiverses, and then has its characters choosing to reject all of the above in order to choose each other? SIGN ME UP. Legitimately it's the most fun I've had watching a tv show in awhile, it was bananas, and I loved the journey of Khatha figuring out who Dome was in relationship to Chan, and deciding to love Dome as Dome, at the same time that Dome was also figuring out who he was, and deciding he preferred who he was when he was with Khatha. But also just Tor + Gun are incredible actors (Tor having been a stand-out since Hormones and Gun of course since The Blue Hour) and I would watch either of them in anything, but together they were magnetic (and evidence for my earlier point re: branded pairs, as much as I enjoy Off & Gun together!).

Most underrated actor: I'm going to say James Teeradon. He had a few small roles in Hormones 2 & 3, Diary of Tootsies, and The Stranded, and he had the main role in Project S: Skate our Souls and in Great Men Academy. First, I should say, you could argue none of these classify as BLs. Second, all of these have trigger warnings, so please take care of yourself and feel free to ask if you want content warnings. But he's one of those actors who never looks like the same person in each role he's playing, and he absolutely gives me shivers. His performance as Boo in Skate our Souls was legitimately chill-inducing--this one in particular has serious trigger warnings, I put off watching it for a long time because I knew about the warnings and waited until I was in the right headspace, and it still messed with me for weeks. But oh man, oh man that show, it rewrote part of my DNA. I don't even know that under-rated is fair to say since there was buzz around him when he was in these shows a few years ago, but he was trying to make it as part of a band for awhile and he hasn't been in much since. If there's one person I want to see in something else who a lot of other people don't talk about these days, it's James.

Cheating and taking the opportunity to choose a second actor from definitely-a-BL series: Fluke Chinnathan from Second Chance the Series. While Second Chance had a lot of flaws, the acting by Fluke and Tong was stellar. Their micro-expressions and body language was unreal. I feel strongly enough about this that I wrote an ode to it as part of the BL-Bracket for best kiss scene. No idea what Fluke is up to or if he even wants to keep acting, but I'd love to see him in something else--he's one of the only other actors (than James, mentioned above) that I'll go in to MyDramaList occasionally just to check to see if they're in anything new. PS if you do give Second Chance a shot, please know going in that Run and Games, real life brothers who are both actors, are both in this series but never in a scene together, and their characters are similar, so a lot of people have trouble telling them apart without knowing there are two different characters in the show.

(Also, I 100% would have said Suar for this question before La Pluie, because he did not get enough credit for You're My Sky and I think he was incredible).

Favorite Character: Honestly, I've deleted my answer to this so many times now. Choosing one is so hard! I'm going to go with White from Not Me. Incredibly loyal, strong moral values (but willing to break the rules/law to fulfil those values because he understands that law ≠ morality), self-sacrificing, extremely competent in some ways, but also has serious blind spots in others that leads to him making very silly choices especially around who they trust, lacking in self esteem especially around whether or not people will want him around. The way he chooses to give up his privilege--not for his brother, because he could have found a way to go back to his old life after everything if he wanted--because he saw what was wrong with all of it and decided to do what he could to help fix it (and not participate in it) is something that really resonated with me. I also love that he is an absolute marshmallow who cannot hide that fact. Plus White being a disaster bi who wanted Sean from the beginning endeared him to me forever. And it doesn't hurt that he's played by Gun Atthaphan

Favorite Side Character: I have also started and stopped this section so many times. Natty and her absolutely terrible taste in women from Diary of Tootsies, Na being at some points the only reason I kept watching Tonhon Chonlatee, Namo being smart enough to know to pretend she doesn't know what's going on in Not Me, Tong the ecovillage owner from Bad Buddy, Daisy and their incredible gender and mix of self esteem + self esteem issues in Secret Crush on You.

Alright I'm giving it to Dream in Something in My Room. I don't have good reasons for this; her character was artistic, had supernatural powers, green asymmetrical hair, and was stoic with a hidden dark past, and I am a simple woman. I wanted to know everything about her.

Favorite scene in a QL: How can I choose just one?! I'm choosing three and you can't stop me.

Third place, Not Me, with Sean and White under the pride flag. It has everything: It's iconic, it's cinematic, it's cathartic, it's political, it's a critical character moment, it has great music, it's full of queer joy, and it brings me so much happiness every time I see it.

Second: Dean and Pharm in front of the Pra Aphai Mani & sea ogress sculptures in the aquarium in Until We Meet Again. Partially because I love aquariums so much, partially because this sequence is one of the first ones we really get to see the hints of Intouch in Pharm. The way he moves around that aquarium is nothing like how he moves at school or his condo, and it's one of the things that struck me so hard on rewatch; while that scene did so much work towards establishing their characters the first time around, the second+ time it has so much more meaning. The throwaway line by Pharm about relating to the ogress now gives me chills.

Plus the way the aquarium scene got called back in I Promise You the Moon makes me really happy.

But first and top, the one that will forever live in my mind for the way it made me feel in my body: Teh and Oh-Aew on the rug in I Told Sunset About You. That moment, my god. Butterflies. Chills. Chewing glass. Devastation. I don't know that I've ever felt any other scene so viscerally; it transported me back to being a teenager and cuddling in clearly non-platonic ways with my bestie and wondering what was happening. Thinking about it now still gives me goosebumps. Maybe a bit of a weird choice because of the pain but I don't shy away from some pain in my faves!

Favorite line in a QL: Honestly I could put one of several meaningful quotes in here, probably the ones I've thought about most being the one from Bad Buddy that a few other folks have noted ("I may not be able to change the world but the world can't change me either"); and "can't we just get a little bit of space?" from The Warp Effect that I mentioned in my Silvy appreciation post. but the first thing that came to mind was this cracktastic banger moment from En of Love: This is Love Story that runs through my head every time a character P-Nong's someone when they don't mean it like that (and especially when newbies get confused about whether characters are actually related):

"'P' but not brothers; the way 'daddy' [said in English] doesn't really mean father. You get it?"

--Param, being a little shit (affectionate)

But also I think special mention needs to go to this new and immediate classic by Tien in La Pluie:

Most Anticipated QL (& why): I am very excited for 23.5 and Only Friends, also WuJu Bakery (does that count if it's Korean but starring Thai actors?) but....This is niche and might never happen, but MindTrio announced awhile ago that they were going to put out Chemistry in Love, which was either a sequel or related to Calculating Love? Listen, this is a low-budget production company making a slightly quirky trope-filled shorts that tend to have pretty cinematography but falter a bit on plot and pacing, and in Calculating Love the main character hits on his love interest with a series of math/graphing equations and coffee. I fully acknowledge that I am a particular kind of nerd, but I just really, really want to see people flirting with their Extremely Geeky special interests. Some sort of of follow-up to Calculating Love has been a maybe-thing since 2020, so it's most anticipated by amount of time I've been waiting. I have a list of 290 "upcoming" shows that may or may not ever happen so I'll stop there.

Healthiest relationship in a QL: I was very persuaded by @waitmyturtles' arguments re: King and Uea, and I thought about My Only 12% and even wrote a whole thing about Tinn and Gun from MSP before deleting it.

But I'm going to use this soapbox to give a hot take and say, by the end of the series, that it's Nuea and Toh from Secret Crush on You. Both of them have secretly loved each other for the whole series, and shown it in their own very unhealthy ways: Toh by keeping a collection of everything that reminds him of Nuea, and Nuea by being extremely cool-guy persona around Toh. But by the end, both of them have aired their insecurities about their relationship, and have committed to working on their relationship together. Toh stops assuming that they will break up (which Nuea explained was hurtful to him) and declares he'll fight for their relationship in front of Nuea's parents, and Nuea allows himself to be seen as very uncool through his vulnerability, and is more open about his uncool thoughts and feelings. I remember them being surprisingly healthy about jealousy too, once they're together, showing trust in one another when that photography club kid shows up. Nuea also makes a really sweet gesture that I think gets misunderstood at the end of the show; Toh explains that his collection makes him happy, that Nuea is more important so he'll give it up if he has to but he really, really does not want to. So Nuea finds a way to make the collection about them rather than about him, so that he can embrace it too and be less discomfited by it. I feel like there's not enough "meeting people where they are", and too many makeover fantasies in romance for my tastes. Instead, Secret Crush on You said listen, people are weird, and we all just need to find the other weirdos whose jagged edges fit with ours. And it's work figuring out together how they will fit, and they won't fit perfectly, but that's ok. As long as everyone is comfortable, it can be a little weird. It may be less realistic than say the way similar themes are handled in Utsukushii Kare, because behavioural change (especially around self-worth) is hard irl, but the question wasn't about which relationship is most realistic lol SCOY also said embrace cringe culture and I am here for it even if it is sometimes hard to watch because it is SO CRINGE; but I respect it for living its truth.

Most toxic relationship in a QL: Oof. I am a strong believer in "if it works for them, that's their business", as is probably evident from above, but the reveal of what was going on with King and Peat in Love Area (parts 1 & 2) was really next level BS and managed to be both toxic and ableist, so it gets a special mention and no gif.

Guilty pleasure series: I don't really subscribe to feeling guilty about liking things, but I have a bunch that don't get a lot of love and I fully understand why lol In addition to the example of Calculating Love above (which is like, a 6 on MDL, and TBH harsh but fair), I really enjoyed I Will Knock You. Maybe it was just the novelty but I loved the character of Noey so much, his vintage aesthetic, the amount of time spent around and in temples, and the most adorable closing credit sequence of all time (shows that have closing credit sequences that reflect the main relationship in the show is one of my favourite tropes!). The criticisms about it, especially the ones about the Thi character, are fully valid and I would not actually recommend it without a lot of caveats (e.g. warnings for blushing virgin trope + age gap, and sooort of glorification of gang membership?), but I had a great time.

Also maybe Y-Destiny episodes 9 & 10? Tohru and First as Kaeng and Puth, whew. I have a special place in my heart for storylines where the characters sleep together as friends with benefits and then have to renegotiate those boundaries because I've lived it more than once lol (Only Friends when?!). But the ending episode for the series was actually so offensively bad, I like to forget it exists.

Most underrated series: You're My Sky and He's Coming to Me have already gotten a lot of love so I'll just say YES to those. Would have said My Ride before this recent release to YT. Does Triage count if it's nominated for awards but nobody ever talks about it (probably because the distribution was so messy)? I think My Only 12% doesn't get enough love because of the pacing of the last episodes, but the rest of the show was SO good.

But I'm going to take this opportunity to get on a sandbox about Diary of Tootsies (spanning S1, S2, and the movie sequel Tootsies and the Fake).

This show is not BL; it is decidedly queer. There is no single love story, and if there is, it's undermined. And yet, because it's a comedy, it also gets overlooked in the lists of Important Queer Viewing (which is fair, honestly, that is not a read). But it means my blorbo of a show often doesn't get hyped up, so I'm taking the opportunity.

This show I would argue sits squarely in the by/for/about queers category as per @wen-kexing-apologist’s by/for/about Venn diagram. Watching it feels like a group hug; it's so very clearly written by actual queer people (even if this wasn't confirmed everywhere online, the screenwriter is out and speaks about this, but it's also just obvious) and I recognize so much of my friends and people I've known in these messy queers. It deals with casual sex, drug use, HIV, adoption, being closeted at work, and more.

It is also so funny. I didn't think I liked toilet humour until Make it Right and Diary of Tootsies proved me wrong. I honestly think about the scene with Natty and the handbag in the car approximately once a month. And the opening sequence of the sequel film!! What a choice for opening credits. And these queer friends are mean to one another, even in the moments they're being supportive of one another, and it is both familiar and delightful (also reminds me of this post by @bengiyo about whether viewers still love us when we're mean). The found family tropes are STRONG in this one, friends.

There is some fatphobia, though I always struggle with how much to warn for that because this show also has one of the only fat characters in QL who gets a character arc, a love interest, and to be a whole person. And to dance! The dance sequencesssss especially in S2, oh my heart. So much queer joy in this show in general!

Last thing I'll say about this show is that it also gets left off people's lists because the "main couple" if you can say there is one is not the one most fans were rooting for--I will admit, myself included. But the narrative convinced me to be satisfied with what we got, which is honestly to its credit!

Anyway TL;DR Diary of Tootsies makes me extremely happy and I'm glad it exists.

OMG ok I am letting this go now. Tagging @redxblueihateloveyou because you've not been active for awhile so this way you'll see this whenever you come back, and @formayhem because we are newly buds and I'd be curious about your answers! At this point everyone else must have been tagged by now, so please just consider yourself tagged if you haven't done this yet and tag me so I see it! I've been loving reading everyone's answers.

[egophiliac]

bring your son to work day

[keferon]

Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.

Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao

Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..like…constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.

In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho don’t take me seriously I’m not good with graphs

[noideawhatidobutfit]

the zoro-being-good-at-math-while-luffy-barely-knows-what-two-plus-two-equals-to trope is actually canon yall

[jadecantcreate]

ouaw meme adjacent doodles part ivelostcounttheyhavetakenovermylifefreeme

edit: this is mostly just about them in general guys, they all care so much (too much, even)

[srslylini]

Mel Medarda is one of THE characters of Arcane and I'm tired of pretending she isn't.

who ever designed her, decided what her story will be and just simply who she is gonna be, will see heaven I'm so serious

[porrigens]

do you look like the devil, Brian?

[exerzist]

loving when ppl write toshinori (all might) as smart. like the golden retriever personality is his, but works scarily like present mics DJ persona- we've seen toshi get serious, we've seen him break down,, and we know he'd put his life on the line for his kids- yet he still manages to put on his signature smile. He's been a hero for a little around 35 years,, he obviously knows how things are run. He knows police procedures off the back of his hand, he knows how to learn everything there is about a person in 30 seconds flat, he knows the tells of a disaster in progress, he has the hero mindset to a Tee. If the dorky personality helps villains not notice the cogs turning in his eyes, it's just a slight perk.

Edit: upon seeing the reblog by @rurounivash I've realised that yeah lowk he goofs out on some things, sometimes he does just airhead his way through the day because damn, you can't expect the man to be vigilant 24\7 BUT, he does apply his godforsaken iq to learning how to do other things, i.e, teaching his kids

[bluerosefox]

Same As The Day I Lost You

I...

This came to me as I'm making dinner so I'll be quick.

What if we mix deaged Danny and twin/older sibling (either one works) Damian, AND he gets tossed to his sibling in a last minute escape.

Like what if he was fighting Vlad who was doing his whole "denounce your father and join me as my son Daniel!" Thing while in the Zone and knocks Danny into something that's floating in the Zone with the ability to deage or was hit by a new Fenton or Plasmius invention while fighting in town that accidentally deages him.

Danny, who in this was adopted, gets put back to the age of six. The same age he had been found by Jazz in a 'haunted' forest Jack and Maddie were visiting/investigating while also using that time as a family vacation. (They were shocked to see a little boy with a stab wound bleeding out and rushed him to the nearby town, almost completely forgetting about the glowing green tiny puddle they found nearby and bagged most of it as evidence when they heard Jazz's scream of terror over finding the hurt little boy)

The sudden revert into that traumatized age, along with the child response to a fight or flight scenario, and add Danny's deepest need/wish to be protected his child fogged mind wishes to go to the one person who always made him feel safe.

His twin/older brother.

Just as quick as it was with Danny being turned into a child, his ghost powers ripped open a portal and sent Danny to the person he wants to be with...

Only he didn't know that right at that moment his seventeen year old twin/older brother is currently fighting the League with his family's help (his mother was trying to convince him to return to the League and be it's heir) in Nanda Parbat (the very place Damian lost the last/only person he knew loved him without any strings attached.)

So imagine everyone's face when a portal opened up, some muttering its a new pit being formed before them or something, and crawling out of it is a very scared and confused six year old Danny.

[lgbtlunaverse]

Horrible thing to say but I think there's a real chance Jiang Yanli was both of her parents' least favorite child and knew it and just kinda. Had to go on with her life knowing that.

[ayakashiz]

Reposting this from my twitter thread because it hasn't left my head (and adding a tiny bit more).

Seen so many questionable takes lately about the ivantill kiss, and I know everyone is allowed to have different opinions and interpretations but.

No, Ivan didn’t just pretend to kiss Till for the show. And no, he wasn't trying to make Till hate him either or trying to trigger him over his implied SA to snap him into action.

I think the whole point of the scene (confirmed by the creators) is Ivan finally breaking his mask of perfection and control and giving in to his messy, all consuming feelings, being selfish for once.

Yes, by the end before the strangling starts, he appears more clear headed and now focused on the objective of manipulating the score. But he doesn't really look at it until AFTER he starts strangling Till.

The kiss itself wasn't part of the strategy, or at least not entirely something calculated. Ivan could have skipped the kiss and strangled Till right away and gotten the same result.

The fact that he kissed him AGAIN after he started strangling him, more softly and 'personal', almost like a goodbye or an apology (whether for his selfishness or for their past), tells me he wanted it.

I think a last selfish act doesn't diminish the love he had for Till, it just shows the tragedy of ALNST. Ivan is only human after all. And no matter what kind of mask he built for himself and what illusion of control he had over his life, when faced with the real, imminent possibility of losing Till, he crumbled and did something unexpected.

I have more to say about the Ivan and Sua parallels and how he finally understands her in the Confession comic etc etc but I think I've yapped enough.

I just don't like it when people try to mold the narrative because they're uncomfortable with an unconsensual kiss. It's meant to be painful and heartwrenching, a reflection on Ivan's one sided-feelings and his desperation at the moment —to be seen for the first (and last) time, to not be left behind, to convey his emotions in the only way he could when being seconds away from death.

After all the team confirmed that Ivan is clumsy with emotions and only knows to convey them in 'childish' ways (the nuzzling against his face, the picking fights with Till and teasing him).

I think some people like to think of the kiss as something purely calculated and selfless because it makes it more 'palatable', but in my opinion this take washes out Ivan's character and the flaws that make him just as human, vulnerable and complex as the rest of the cast. He was willing to throw away his life and his perfect image because he wanted something that badly.

[sweetlemondream]

made these in a frenzy... dale cooper says happy pride diva

[brawlmetaknight]

so obviously bosses are programmed to know generally where the player is, but something i really love about meta knight boss fights in particular is that he is literally always one step behind you. his movements are not erratic, they're directly tied to yours. even if you're on the other side of the stage, he will catch up to your last point of action. it's so cool.

[yangjeongin]

SKZ as DND CLASSES: WARLOCK FELIX

warlocks are seekers of the knowledge that lies hidden in the fabric of the multiverse. through pacts made with mysterious beings of supernatural power, warlocks unlock magical effects both subtle and spectacular.

[egophiliac]

WHO IS THIS PINK HAIR GENTLEMAN YOU JUST POSTED? HES SO PRETTY???

he's Hayate from Ride Kamens! 🦩 he is my bird son a very silly guy who's part of a superhero (well...hero-ish) group trying to take down a cult, although his real passion is lattes. also, he is very pink!

(the fancy outfit was just for a game event, alas, although I spent way too much time grinding to get the pink variant so now it is mine forever, mwahaha. >:)

[bibewilderedandbuck]

Imagine Buck saying “i love you” first and for the first time Tommy feels behind. He feels like maybe they are moving too fast.

Then he has a talk with some of his team. They’re not AS close as the 118 but they put their life in each others hand’s on the regular and that counts for something.

Andy asks Tommy about last week, when Buck was complaining about his apartment being so far so they started talking about moving in together? Aubree mentions how much he jokes about buying a ring for his beau, and Tommy sits back because he does joke a lot about (he hasn't spoken to Evan directly about it but anytime the kid does something sweet he asks him his ring size). Lucy mentions the time they spend talking and texting, she calls it nauseating with a wink, but Tommy doesn't remember the last time he wanted another person in contact with him at all times and who returned the feeling tenfold.

And after all, with their job they could die any day. He sits in his kitchen and replays the moment Evan said it again and again: "I know I'm dragging you through milestones like a cat with a mouse, and I want to let you know that you don't have to say it back. But I love you, Tommy. You mean a lot to me and I'm so happy we met."

Nine months is the longest relationship Tommy has ever had. And he still wishes he could spend every waking second with Evan.

By the end of the night he's barging into Buck's apartment and sticking his tongue in the younger man's mouth. He stands back and pushes his chest up and smiles and says "I love you too, Evan."

Buck is laughing, he's smiling and kissing his boyfriend back and hugging him tight. He can feel Tommy's heart racing when he puts his hand to Tommy's chest. He expected it to take longer. He'd heard about all the ways Tommy had been hurt before. But in the end it only took a day

then they hear a flush and Eddie walks out of the bathroom. He's smiling because Buck's loft is Not Big and he might have heard every word. For just a moment, they all stand in silence not uncomfortable per say but definitely charged.

Then Eddie says "I love you too, bro." Buck lovingly rolls his eyes and Tommy is cracking up. If it were anyone else he'd probably feel embarrassed but Eddie has shared friendly declarations of love before and its not uncommon for the L word to be passed around a 118 dinner party like hors d'oeuvres.