#but yeah i feel so bad im so bad at showing up like its been really hard for me to get out my door and i was worried everyone would have
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This only fits into my idea that Wolvie is demi. Sure he knows someones hot when he sees them but he dosn't really... feel anything.
He's been alive so long that people doing stuff to him just feels... kind of annoying at this point? Like yeah, okay, in Logan the drunk wife girl flashed her tits at him and he snorted, and rolled his eyes all embaressed but I don't think this counts as "hot and bothered." I think this counts as "omg lady calm down lol im just the driver lol" he did think it was a nice gesture but its an empty gesture and thats why it dosn't really do anything for him.
I think this is why he and Kurt get along so well (HERE ME OUT) Because one of kurts biggest "flaws" is that he is extremely touchy, and while the other x men cant touch logan much or lean on him, sit on him, etc, Kurt can full pearch on him and Logan dosn't care. Actually he does care. He's glad. He's happy that Kurt feels this safe with him. Happy that he feels comfortable enough to be around "the angry guy with claws". Happy that Kurt openly gives him affection without there being this weird "okay now we have to fuck" silent agreement. Logan is so tired of trying to get to know someone, cuddle them and hug them, without them immediately expecting them to sleep together. (*JINGLES KEYS* Stay with me!)
And i mean... no.. hes not sex repulsed clearly but it dosn't feel right in his chest. To fuck someone and then they leave. Wolverines mate for life so I think the thing is, what gets him hot and bothered is proving youll stay. Sticking it out with him through all times, telling him you're never going to leave him.
Then- Oh good golly then? Everything is horny worthy. You could just be sitting there and he'd get all pissy because now hes horny and mad about it. You could cassually bring him food and say you thought he might be hungry and he'll let the food get cold because hes too busy fucking you, and then eat the food after to show gratitude and appreciation.
Logan is not meant for hook up culture. He is made for "Our souls are so intertwined that seperating us would put a tear in the universe."
He could see someone whole ass naked and just blink and ask where their clothes went. You could tell him that you want him to do the dirtiest things and he'd probably just blush and think you have alternate motives.
I like to think that he does sometimes finally accept a hook up here and there simply because A. Why not. He hasnt been held in awhile and B. Why not he's literally gonn live forever might as well get some tail if they're offering.
But if and when he finds that person(s) he's locked in. Theres nothing no one else could do that would make him all hot and bothered. Someone could literally give him a lap dance and hed probably just sit there confused as hell, tell them stop, or just leave. It doesn't do anything for him at all.
Now litsen (at least in Finding Home Au, cause theyre married) Wade could come slip into bed with him, very gently rub his arm, kiss him goodnight, then cuddle into his back and Logan would automatically sit up and glare at him cause now hes hard.
"Why do you keep doing that?! Stop!"
And wades all confused "stop what?" Cause hes genuienly tired, but too bad cause Wolvie puts that baby to sleep a different way. (Best sleeps of his life btw)
Morph too, I feel like in 97 morph gets a lot of passes for jokes and touchiness. I also feel like that for the first week (maybe a month idk logan is dumb) or so logan thinks moprh is joking and dosnt actually care about him in that way, so morph starts saying more genuine and sensitive things to him and Logan now is actually blushing, still in denial but is catching butterflies, hoping that morph isnt lying but is too scared to make a move, worried their friendship will end.
Man idk what to say about storm. Logan was hot for storm the first time she punched him in the face. Idk what to tell yall, hes a simp for that woman and I am too so like I get it. Id be terrified to fuck storm though if I was litTERALLY MADE OF METAL like bruh he has more balls then me cause id be scared shed kill me after I ate her out by electrocuting me with my skull crushed between her thighs. ANYWAY
🫡🫡GLORRRY GLORY WHAT A HELLUVA WAY TO DIE 🪖🪖💪
I think Logan would be very difficult to get hot and bothered. Like. He's been through so much yanno?
Like flash a titty at this man and he'll probably be like, "what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Can't you take me to dinner first?"
#wolverine#logan howlett#logan james howlett#logan#xmen 97#kurt wagner#deadpool and wolverine#nightcrawler#moprh#kevin sydney#ororo munroe#storm#glory glory what a helluva way to die#thunder thighs literally
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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cw// implied character death, double life nonsense
because you are love itself.
#my art#trafficblr#double life#divorce quartet#<-- insane about how scott killed pearl in limlife.#this comic has been sitting unfinished in my files for a good month its def not finished to my usual quality but god it needed to be done#so uh scott... yeah. i like villain scott but not pure evil scott. i like a scott whos scared of being loved and manipulates others to spar#himself the pain. i like a scott who ditched pearl because their friendship was actually becoming real and when the server gods confirmed i#with DL he freaked out a bit and ran off.#ofc u can interpret this comic however u want but i was just thinking way too hard abt smajhor#i feel like often ppl get divided into scott did nothing wrong vs scott is pure evil alot of the time#which is understandable cus like i said with fanart/fic u only have so much space to show someones personality#but idk i like him all angsty. like i know im a bad person but to keep myself safe i need to keep being like this.#hes so blorbo *puts him in a blender*#i hate him *wraps him up in a blanket and takes him home*#cw implied death#cw implied violence#scott#pearl
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"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
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me when time moves forward at a steady pace: how the fuck is it more than halfway through july already. this fuckers rapidly sprinting when im not looking huh
#i have so many things i need to do#before the semester starts again this fall#i need to work on comms. i need to work on a project due the end of the month. i want to do artfight. i want to make art for myself. i want#to do art studies. i want to start an alt drawing more suggestive stuff. i mean what who said that mustve been the wind#and thats just the things related to drawing.#i need to organize my room. i need to learn [redacted]. i want to cook more. i want to socialize more. i want to play games. i want to-#watch and read and listen to so many things#yet i have a finite amount of time to do everything#and half of a day is consumed by me just snoozing#and when i do work on something i feel like im Not Efficient Enough.#i cant just chill in vcs i need to be productive and draw too. and if i dont make significant progress then I Have Failed.#i cant just watch New Season of Show. thats Time Focused on One Singular Activity. gotta do multiple things at once or ill feel bad after#because i know that once the semester starts back up then im gonna be 90% less online#back to the depths of graphic design hell making infographics and powerpoints and brand identities#not having the time to draw anything furry or for myself for several months#anywho its 5am#i should go to sleep#sorry for the ramble im just. only now realizing how little time i have#when i wake up i have to really lock in on drawing and stuff#ive wasted so much time playing a game this past week#if i hadnt played it idve made so much more progress by now and im kicking myself so bad mentally now that im like mostly done w the game#gahhh#anywho yeah sorry for the ramble ill post more soon#sho.scramblin
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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I get to go record harmonies for my friends album today :)
#im honored hes including me also happy to go see him and my other friend because i feel guilty i havent been around at open mics in Months#and he had to text me to make sure i was like. okay and still around and up for it#but in the new year i really wanna stop hiding myself away so much so this is a good start to get back to going out and seeing people#this is the friend that when i went to see his show after not being around for a while he played birdhouse for me and shouted me out#and i did feel like crying a little bit .#this is also the friend who is 65 lol#but yeah i feel so bad im so bad at showing up like its been really hard for me to get out my door and i was worried everyone would have#written me off so im excited but nervous for tonight im just gonna be honest
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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new rgg fans will never know what they missed back in ye olden days of the fandom (like, 2019), doubly so now that scott strichart's deleted his twitter and jon riesenbach's privated. twitter was so fucking fun and then whatever-the-hell at sega of america happened and caused a fucking snowball effect and now we have shitass localization and resulting discourse that makes every release nigh unbearable, misinformation, confusion, people complaining about "bad writing/mischaracterization" not realizing it's because of the shitass english loc, i'm sitting here like jesus christ these loc bitches massacred saejima's character voice, people will never see him as he was intended, as original yakuza 5 localization Correctly painted him, and now they're coming for kiryu. god help us. we used to be a proper fandom. before everyone was subjected to the remastered localizations and shaky eng characterization. no one had even played yakuza 3-5, people still called morning glory "sunshine" orphanage, kiryu was our only protagonist and people still called him "boring", it was beautiful...
anyway gaiden uses affective instead of effective because the current localization team is full of careless dumbasses who don't give a fuck about ensuring they're using correct english grammar and this is not an isolated incident
#ada speaks#ive been playing through the series again from 0-5 and. yeesh#it goes from LIFE IS GOOD. LOC IS GOOD. to. oh.#yakuza 5's original localization is near perfect and they couldve made it better but instead#they opted for the cost cutting approach and decided NOT to retranslate and instead#just fucking. re-localized the localization and SO much is wrong. so much.#im playing simultaneously with a friend (myself on ps3 them on pc) and seeing the differences#and it happens in y3r and y4r too where#the original line is localized > the remastered line takes it and runs with it bc they have no original translation context#ie. in 3 rikiya says he likes 'wild' dancers. (re: strip club) it gets localized to be him liking 'aggressive' dancers.#in 3 remastered he says he likes AGGRESSIVE DOMINEERING WOMEN and that gets his Gears Turning#or. in 5 shinada says that uno is 'a little sad up top' re: his hair. and 5 remastered he says 'kinda mopey'#because they misunderstood the original english loc and so. completely fucked up the line to mean something else entirely#its like broken telephone#the same is SOMEHOW also happening in 8... i dont know HOW but somehow it fucking is#meanwhile im revisiting zero and going OH YEAH GOOD CHOICE. THAT MAKES SENSE. GREAT WRITING. WOW THAT'S AN A+ INTERPRETATION OF THAT LINE.#i miss the old loc team so bad. bring me back.#its mostly frustrating because i can see the shitass eng writing and still enjoy the game beneath it (unless it's not voiced.) but#i feel so bad for everyone flying blind and forced to take the loc at face value#its been like this since lost judgment but the main story was Fine (if a bit rushed) because. scott was still doing his thing#the substories in lost judgment also felt like they were of the same calibre (shit.) as remastered and. idk.#it seems like its been a shitshow at SoA behind the scenes for Years#and it shows.
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#personal#headmate shenanigans#z: It appears that with your return home you've picked up some old Habits.#z: It's not a Bad Thing. But i worry.#i: :/#z: Yeah You're Fucked. Sorry.#j: i just want to finish stuff. i feel like getting organized to the fullest is a good start#j: being organized makes me feel good :)#z: It is good to be organized. Just try not to Over Do Everything.#z: You've Already Broke Once.#j: wait thats not fair it wasnt just meee#i: well 🥰 what can i say its been a while since i felt so much pain!!#z: Yeah its Not Surprising. This is a Terrible Place for You Specifically. I fear More Painful Nights are coming..#z: ugh. not to mention the coming months....#z: We will make it work.#j: I am just going to bury myself in work until the time passes by so fast were happy again#z: And Thats Whats Concerning the Most... Sigh.#j: im going to ginish the ref. i really want to show off to be honest and relate to the other DID OSDD friends#z: Don't get hurt if No One gives you Attention on it okay? i know that discourages you a little.#z: over time discouragement after discouragement you feed the... what the hell are Calling them. These Emotion Demons.#okay time for beb#zzzz
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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i dont think any other show has had an impact on me as huge as awae. that show consumed my entire life for months and months when i was 15 and nothing has changed its so so dear to me
#ive been rewatching it for the past little bit and omg.#im remembering why i went insane when i heard that the show was canceled for s4. i literally follow amybeth on insta and i see ppl in her#comments begging all the time for season 4 and im not saying thats not annoying and inappropriate but GODDDD. SO TRUE SO TRUEEEEE.#we were ROBBED!!!!!!!#i remember the billboard they put up to try and renew the show and i think it was just an issue with the dude who played gilbert. which in#hindsight yeah that makes sense i remember feeling rly bad for him back in the day#but good lord awae season 4 would have been crazy. obviously i was extremely mentally ill at the time of s3's release so thats why i was so#obsessed HOWEVER watching it now its still deserving of my obsesion. so good#i keep editing these tags but awae was the hugest hyperfixation ive had in all my time of existing. like ive been rly into other sorts of#media ie demon slayer and homestuck but im telling yall for about 10 weeks (awae was releasing one episode per week when they aired s3)#there was not a waking moment where i wasnt thinking about that show. and every sunday i would go into the canadian website using a vpn and#watch that show after i was done with my hw. it was like church for crazy people (me)#ok final edit but i think i filter myself a lot on here in comparison to before cuz i used to overshare wayy too much on tumblr#but this is the realest ive been in a hot minute
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im currently writing an atsugawa (I hate the name shin soukoku or whatever I'm sorry but I'm actually not. also I cannot pronounce soukoku {this is the real reason I don't use soukoku}) and I don't even ship it lmaoo
#maris bsd 🗞️#like its not a bad ship for my personal tastes#I like them alot more in trios tho I've realized#absolutely adore anytime atsu aku and kyouka are together#two disaters and a teenage girl going through the inexplicable horrors#my favorite#I also desparately wish more people saw the atsulucygawa vision.....#anyways the fic is actually more like before an establish relationship but you can read it as romantic if you want#you'd have to work extra hard though because their bickering isn't like#romantic bickering they're actually kinda getting on each others nerves#but then they have a cute moment talking about their respective agency co workers and realize they do have common ground and that's how muc#they love their lil found dysfunctional families#actually its mostly akutagawa talking Abt port mafia (IM SICK OF PPL SAYING HE DOESNT CARE ABT THEM IDC I wRITE CANON NOW TY) and atsu#realizing that akus never rlly been in a position where he could safely and openly show his affection for anyone#and the one time he did they left (dazai) (this is how the conversation starts)#(aku says smth Abt gin and atsus like “awhh you care alot :3” and akus like “no I don't” and then atsus like “ykw its okay to care Abt ppl”#and akus like “:(( but what if they leave again” and atsus like “but what if they stay?” and basically lists all the reasons why they'd sta#and then akus gets all soft and has a nice moment of caring about everyone he works with#(except maybe chuuya I cant rmb any times they've interacted and i cant think of anything fun or like core memory things they'd do together#and then aku is like “what Abt you and your family? how are they?” and then it's atsus turn to be all sappy about their family#and so then they end up having a way better day than expected AND they walked away from it with a new friend and an even better#understanding of each other and stuff#yeah#reminder I don't even ship atsugawa but wow I feel deeply abt them both.#maybe Id like them as like QPR??#I can see that alot better#but man atsulucygawa....#even they'd probably be QPR though imo#anyways pushing my “aku doesn't feel like he can allow himself to share his affection for people because he doesn't want them to leave”#agenda ty for coming to my Ted talk
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#here's some of the classics on that list i have beef with btw:#i have tried to read A Confederacy of Dunces several times and it's funny but it's also so cringe and Ignatius is so obnoxious#that i find it too difficult to finish like i just feel depressed and bad for everybody around him too much#i tried reading Infinite Jest like a decade ago and i got like 200 pages in and i remember thinking it felt like#such a slog the entire time because he's just so gd wordy and also i stopped liking DFW after i heard the abuse allegations against him#frankenstein i didnt read that long ago but i just remember finding it so boring for some reason?? i feel i might need to read it again#dracula ngl i feel like im cheating a bit saying ive completely read it because i loved the beginning and then HATED so much of the rest#the characters were just so boring and melodramatic hahaha i just liked the part where jonathan was doing a travel diary#and trapped in the castle tbh and after that i skimmed quite a bit#i almost flipped my shit when i saw ender's game on there because I ALWAYS mix it up with ready player one by ernest cline#which i bought the audiobook of a while back and hated every minute of it i dont think its good at all#but it wasnt that so phew my faith in this list is somewhat restored#i read most of the first game of thrones book and was disappointed tbh maybe because id seen the show already#so i was like 'this feels almost exactly the same except worse?' because i'd been expecting it to give me more depth and insight#into the characters but instead it felt exactly the same and i still didnt love any of the characters enough to feel attached to them#also i am fully aware me not personally liking or vibing with a book doesnt mean it doesnt deserve to be considered great btw#but i think if youre gonna be like me and force yourself to go through a bunch of lists like this very seriously then you also need to just#let yourself be like 'yeah not for me' without feeling too bad about it sometimes too#often times i dont particularly love the classics or 'important books' but at the same time#i still feel like im getting more out of reading them than just grabbing the newest hyped up books that also dont do anything for me#maybe not in a 'wow i loved reading this' way but in like a#'i now have first-hand knowledge of this thing that is so influential / so frequently referenced'#or 'this challenged me and i feel like i did a mental/emotional workout or gave me some new food for thought'#or 'made me more aware of what gaps in my knowledge and reading skills and what my tastes are too'#sort of way...#it really just depends on what you're reading for and why and what you're hoping to get out of it a lot of the time maybe#it's like the homework i give myself to go through these lists that i also intersperse with the stuff i read more just for fun#p
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:^(
#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^#thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too#n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but#also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH#n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl#just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh#to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha#anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE#but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like#an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse#its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow#i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee#but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others#like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺#im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh#instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some#of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess#idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad#for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow#and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea#YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future#whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now.#god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u#feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr#It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!
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😵💫😵💫😵💫
These sobs really limited my tags?????
I have so many more thoughts this is so so much less than 1/2. Broski. Big dislike
#its ‘i watched a tv show and i need to talk about it in the tags of this site im not on anymore’ time#ty to the void for always accepting my thoughts <3#so honestly its just me thinking about the andromeda tv show. i just finished it and it left me destitute bc i clung onto the first 2 season#s as a basis and had ten thousand questions i *assumed* would be resolved. spoiler alert: they were nto#not*. and the coda addition helps but like. not enough. it explains some of the#oh fyi if anyone is reading or cared there will be spoilers#anyways it explained some of them ex for the cosmic engine bit. seemed pretty relevant and then was never mentioned again#i also MUCH prefer that version of trance — i had speculation she was a sun avatar which i took as confirmation when i finally noticed her#tattoo when harper used it to remind himself he put that data in the sun etc etc but i much prefer the sun-as-consciousness-astral-poject-#ing-slash-dreamjng-itself-a-body / being a little devil. i think that feels much more true to what we got in worldbuilding early on and tbh#the bar is on the floor bc any explanation would be better than what we got. also im sorry but s5 i trusted SO hard that that whole virgil#vox bit in the finale was insulting. couldnt even tie up the loose end you invented at the last minute????? MY god. i understand getting you#r budget halved but like. broski. it would have been better to ignore it at that point imo.#anywhoodle. i also have just ISSUES w the lack of resolution & not doing justice to literally any character#listen. why would you sink SO much effort into tyr just to have honestly what i feel is a disrespectful end to that character. like#tyr required me to do a LOT of thinking bc i sympathized with his position in exile etc while thinking also bro thats real fucked up. bro#stop thats fuckinng e*genics again dude. tbh with the entire species (im not looking up how to spell that rn) bc like the foundation of#their entire race is e*ugenics. (sorry censoring bc im in the tags just venting about tv) which obviously is a terrible idea but i think the#so it was like i am fundamentally against the concept but in show universe theg obviously did it etc but for me provided such a huge like#context to the universe. i fundamentally am not on board with all the commonwealth stuff like yeah i get it the magog are bad and scary but#like the neitzcheans (sp??? idc) are also Right There bein scary. then theres the ‘enhanced’ debate re dylan beka etc that like. is the same#but ‘’different’’ i guess. 🙄 anyways that is just to point out like. the level of thinking this show put me through just to blindside me w/#no resolution. i had SO much hope. tyr selling iut to the abyss is disrespectful to all of the established work the actor did for him and#to the character as well even if i think the ideology is icky. he was shown to be even less and less self-centric survival guy as it went on#and also tbh i didnt understand the him stealing his kids dna thing. i really thought that was gonna gi in a different less bs direction#okay also while im here can i just say. that tyr and dylan had THE most romantic tension to me. everyone else felt very friendshipy and i am#NOT one to usually fall into a ‘they obviously should be together’ pipeline that the writers dont make themselves. but the back and forth (#and intense eye contact) had me sitting there like. it was made in 2000 i know they wont do it but for not doing it they sure did! not that#i think they’d make a good couple (they would not) but that there was definitely something there on the dl you know? something more than#‘mutual respect’ you feel? and tbh! they also ruined the tyr beka thing by making her the matriarch. big ew huge ick.
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