#but really id love to be friends i promise i am normal and not an eldritch cryptid like being (questionable)

[ickmick]

*ive had to edit this post about 4 times already, sorry for scuff idk if its fixed yet??

hey tumblr dot com heres some magnus archives (literally just jon) content i posted to twitter but with significantly less rambling (its a mess over there... i am trying to make tma enjoyer friends but am also bad at doing such and have resorted to rambling) /hj /silly

currently drawing jon as i see him in each season/arc so yeah... the other 2 things were me figuring out how i wanna draw him generally (im still not 100% sure)

rambles and outfit inspo under the cut!

i finished the podcast a mere 3 days ago after finally getting back to it after like a year or something, and i will never be the same /hj

im already considering listening a 2nd time, both to take notes for behaviors n shit but also just to like- return to it in full lol

anyways heres the photos from pinterest im using as inspo for that first s1 outfit (button up with a tie under a green sweater vesr tucked into black slacks with a some kinda built in belt... bro probably go those oxfords too what a loser /aff /silly

ive already decided hes going to wear a long skirt around *checks notes* probably s3, post police warrant or whatever you want to call that whole arc (i say, knowing full well what to call it)

the rest of the outfits will be a silly surprise for now but yes. thrive knowing he will be put in a lovely skirt and will grow out his curly hair and be ever so queer (its 2am im just saying words atp)

im now going to sleep, so goodnight and feel extremely free to message me if you wanna ramble about tma or jon or something of that sort, i have no friends who have listened to tma as far as im aware XD

[funlovinzara]

“Speechless” Turbo!ken and Okarun x reader

I didn’t know id cause so much trouble, but in the end i met someone who touched my heart…i don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love him.

Warnings: none really

A/n: im back divas 💜 IM SICK AGAIN

______

Okay, lets not start off with “im just a normal person, who attends a totally normal school.” Because its stupid and dumb and i really really just want to explain this whole situation. This school is weird. Ive been experiencing some supernatural things happening to me and i dont feel safe wherever i go and i think something bad might hurt me. I walk home after school one day and i notice the air getting thicker and thicker and i just feel the tense pressure of something following me

I rush home and all i can do is ponder about whats going on with me, am i mental?? Is this some of condition?? Im having nightmares and i cant take it anymore. I cant even talk to anyone about this because i hardly talk to people at this stubborn school…

Besides all the crazy things happening to me, theres this guy I’ve had my eye on, not romantically or anything i just keep seeing him wherever i go and he just sticks out like a sore thumb. I think his name was Ken….im going to talk to him, he seems like the only person who wouldn’t judge me.

I walk up to him and before i could even mutter a “hey” a girl comes first and speaks to him, it seems like they’re close. Suddenly everyone must have a friend besides me, thats so annoying. I’ll speak to him at lunch then. And as i expected, that girl was there again. So i guess i’ll just speak to him afterschool.

“Hey..” i tap his shoulder while walking out the gate of the school. He swiftly turns around looking at me in surprise and quickly blushing. “O..oh hello!”

“I wanted to know if you’d like to be friends…you look really cool and i thought it would be nice.” His face flushes even more “Cool..? Me? Oh- yeah s-sure we can be friends thats totally awesome! Yup! Cool!” He was geeking out, and it was really cute

“Can w-“ before i could speak again he cuts me off. “How about we talk together at lunch tomorrow or if we have the same class..? Its s-super nice to meet you. Im Ken takakura!”

“Oh im y/n l/n, sure we can talk tomorrow” he bows and runs off home, i mean at least i’ll be able to actually talk to him. I start to walk home and the sun starts to set, i really don’t want that feeling to come back again. But it’s not my choice is it..

While i walk home i start to feel it again, the feeling that im being watched. But no it’s way worse this time. My ears start to ring, and i hear footsteps slowly pick up behind me. I start to run home, it wasn’t far anyway, i could make it! I run into a neighborhood I’ve never seen before, but I’ll do anything just to get away.

A blue light appears above my head and i turn around to see 3 large men with a horrifying smile standing behind me. I turn again to sprint for it until they catch me in a millisecond. “What a fine specimen!!! We shall take your banana for inspection.”

“What the heck does that even mean??? Let me go!!” I hear another pair of footsteps and i see..Ken? And that other girl..

“Get em okarun!!” The girl exclaims, and before my own eyes i see okarun leap forward to one of the men holding me, transforming into something so unknown. The aliens are caught off guard and unhand me while i see that other running behind us, a big set of translucent blue arms emerge from her back and grabs on hold on one of the men and slams him.

“Okarun!! Take the girl somewhere else!! I’ll be safe i promise!” This new…person that is ‘okarun’ sighs in laziness “such a drag..” he picks me up bridal style and starts to speed away into a secluded area where the strange men were sure not to search. He lays me down on the concrete floor and i think i recognize this area, this is a part of my neighborhood thankfully!!

I look up at him in disbelief, “your…ken..?” He was prepping to sprint back to where the other girl was but he looks at me instead “in the flesh.” What was up with his lingo..

“..how are you able to do that?” It’s absolutely incredible, i was totally mesmerized, he’s beautiful! “Dunno, i gotta go. Stay safe babe.” He pats my head and then gets into a crouching start position to run, he sprints off and into the night he goes. What just happened, and he called me babe? How am i going to even talk to him tomorrow??

It takes me a minute to get back up and into shape, i make my way back home and i was later than usual. I make myself comfy, shower and change, and hop right into bed. I shut my eyes and start to recap.

‘Alright, what the hell was going on today. Ken is some secret transforming boy, and i guess his nickname is okarun? This other girl has magical powers and i almost got kidnapped by some disgustingly terrifying ‘men’. Based on what I’ve seen today, were those even men?? Im speechless..’ I continue to yap on in my head until i drift off into slumber.

—

I wake up the next morning trying to figure out if i should just stay home today, but then again i need answers. I quickly hop out of bed and get myself ready while having something small to eat for breakfast. I make my way to campus and i see Ken and that girl again, i really need to get her name..

“Hey Takakura.” While he was speaking to that girl he turns around to look at me, she gives me a glance and her face brightens, it seems like she recognizes me. “Hey y/n, is everything alright?”

“Um yeah no, what even happened last night?? That was totally insane! Do you guys know what was going on it freaked me out, and you turned into some creature and that girl had big arms coming out of her back-“

The girl giggles and cuts me off “okay i know it’s crazy, and I’m momo! What you saw yesterday wasn’t normal i know, it’s a long story. But those men you saw were aliens, thats why they looked so weird. Okarun here has this new ability to transform into something completely new, i have psychic powers.”

My face must have been absolutely confuzzled because they both started to giggle “Don’t worry, we’ll talk more about it at lunch! By the way whats your name?”

“It’s y/n l/n, nice to meet you.” She smiles and rests her arm on my shoulder “Sweet! Cmon okarun, let’s head to class!”

He follows right behind us and my smile fades a bit, that person okarun was…i can feel my heart start to strain. This isn’t good, i think i might like him but every-time i see Okarun and Momo together, they just seem like an unbreakable bond that stays together forever and i might be tinkering and getting in the way of that. I want to go home already.

“Hey y/n, matter of fact how about you come to my place after school? Then we can totally go over everything you’re confused about.”

“Oh, yeah sure! I don’t mind.” They day goes on as it fades into the mist of night. Her house is more larger than i thought, i enter and it has this calming feel to it. I spot Ken taking off his shoes and my hear starts to race a bit, this is making me insane. “Alright Okarun, show em!” I watch him transform again and i see that boy…wow he is so alluring. His droopy sleep eyes and tall slim frame would have anyone at campus falling head over heels

“So this is what you saw yesterday, this form is when he blah blah blah blah…”

I really should have payed attention but i was lost in his thoughtless eyes, and he was staring right back at me. I wonder does this form have the same mind as Okarun or is it someone else? While momo continues to talk, without her noticing he nods his head up at me in a “sup” motion, with his hands in his pockets. He was trying so hard to be cool and he really was. I feel my brain melt to my toes as i nod my head back at him.

“So do you understand?”

I snap back into reality, “Yeah..so what can he really do?”

“Well he can only run really fast, he has no good fighting skills yet.” “Wow, harsh.” He said while leaning back on the wall. Momo takes out her phone and looks at the time, she jumps and shrieks “its really late! Hey how about this, you can come over again tomorrow and we can go over how you’re able to see things like this. Okarun since it’s dark outside and you’re a fast runner, take em home!”

“whatevs, I’m the fastest yo.”

We head out the door and he lets me get on his back. “later y/n!”

Ken gets into the crouching start position again and speeds to my neighborhood “quick, where do ya live” I whisper my home into his ear and he quickens the pace all the way until the destination. He slows and gets down, allowing me to step off his back. I was hesitant to walk into my home and i turn around right before he was going to speed back to momos place.

“Cya on the flip side babe.” Seriously does he call everyone babe…but then i realized he was leaving and as he took off i managed to shout “See you tomorrow!!” I see him wave his hand in the air while he ran, this wasn’t so bad. I lay back in my bed ready to disclose for the night, this is crazy.

Will he be someone i can love or am i just going to be a nuisance..?

—

GUYS I JUST finished watching dandadan please i had to write something y’all idk it set something off in me for real!! bye DIVAS 💜

[ivysprophecy]

please please please

word count; 1644

summary; turning off your phone and shutting out the world isnt the best way to handle your problems but its what you do. and jjs had enough of it.

warnings; i dont think there is any? mentions of anxiety attacks? tagging @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

masterlist

prev. | next

divider by @bernardsbendystraws

"well hey there stranger"

i turn from my book to look behind me, seeing the boy id been actively avoiding for the past two days. carrying his surf board.

i shouldve remembered he'd come here to surf. i just wouldn't have guessed this early in the morning.

"hey jayj."

"oh thats all i get? 'hey'? no 'i miss you so much'?" he sets his board in the sand taking a seat next to me on my blanket.

guess im not finishing my book today. "oh my god jj! youre here! ive been dyingggg to talk to you! i cant believe youre really in here in the flesh! there. better?"

"oh dont be like that- cmon mama whatd i do?" i feel bad with the genuine concern on his face.

okay was ghosting him out of nowhere awful of me? probably. i just didnt know what else to do.

after that night at the bonfire i realized that with my feelings for him growing it wasnt a good idea for us to continue our casual... something. it played with both our emotions. it isnt fair to either of us.

especially after his 'i love you'. that really did it in for me.

"you didnt do anything jj. trust. i just... ive been in a funk. needed some me time thats all."

"well... do you still need your 'me time'?" he looked so hopeful. how could i say yes? where jj maybank is concerned ill easily fold every time. "cause you havent answered my texts so i couldn't ask you to surf with me this morning."

"... i dont have my board. but i suppose i can hang out with you for a little while."

"im honored," he smiles laying back on his elbows, "but really. are you good? i like to think i know you pretty well and this whole MIA thing was not normal."

turning to face him more, i sigh, what the fuck am i supposed to say? 'yea im just so in love with you i cant be around you' yea that would go over really well.

"i dont know. just gotta lot of stuff goin on. you dont have to worry though. im good."

"well do ya wanna talk about it?"

"trust me jay you dont wanna hear about my problems. theyre trivial at best."

"what are friends for if not for listening?" he nudges me with his shoulder urging me to talk. i really dont think i can do this. i was not prepared.

"youre not a very good listener," i point out, to which he immediately takes faux offense. jaw dropped and everything.

"oh thats just not true! i can listen!"

i run a hand through my tangled hair in frustration. this cannot be how i tell him. it just cant. i came here to get away from thinking about this and now hes right here in front of me acting so unserious while im spiraling.

"jj i really appreciate how eager you are to help me but its really not necessary. i didnt really prepare myself and its just too much-"

"prepare yourself? mama what the fuck are you talking about? does this have to do with that night after the bonfire? i mean obviously it does who am i kidding you havent talked to me since then. did i do something wrong? was- was it bad?" he leans in closer, lowering his voice thats laced with worry and guilt.

oh my god that is the absolute last thing i expected him to say. shit i really fucked this up. and honestly just not true.

"what? no! no jj you didnt do anything wrong and it was perfect. promise," i try to reassure him but i know deep down hes gonna over think this whole thing if i dont tell him straight up

i may love him but i never said he was the brightest in the bunch.

"okay so whats the problem?"

"the problem is that it was perfect," i cant help but let out a sigh before hiding my face in my hands as the words leave my mouth.

god my heart is racing, im not ready for this conversation. maybe if i pass out i wont have to. yea if he has to call an ambulance then we can avoid this all together. but an ambulance is also like five grand so...

shit.

"... youre mad at me because you had a good time?" his face contorted in a weird fixture of confusion.

"no! no- god youre so dense sometimes!"

"mama i dont have a fucking clue what youre saying! how does that make me stupid??"

i hide my face in my hands again trying to compose myself because what the fuck kind of confession is this?

"jj im avoiding you because ive been developing feelings for you and i cannot in good conscience keep being so casual with you and sleeping with you knowing this and i know that you do not want anything serious so i figured id just make it easier for the both of us and just take myself out of the situation entirely so that nothing bad happens and i cannot stop fucking talking so please for the love of god say something or do something because i feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest and-"

oh my god im getting my book moment. he just kissed me to make me stop talking!!! oh my god hes kissing me.

is this where i kiss him back?

of course i kiss him back!! what the fuck!!? and oh my lord does it feel nice, so so so nice.

the way his tongue presses against mine, the way he cups my jaw and pulls me close to him. it was slow and confident and loving and everything he knows i like. his hands find my hips like muscle memory, pulling our bodies together, eventually having me on his lap. where he takes my hands and places them on his chest so i can feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths.

“… mama you need to learn to breathe.”

“that’s not funny right now jj. im actively having an anxiety attack, horrible thing to say really."

"what're you so anxious about? i think we're havin' a pretty calm conversation, dont you?"

"i mean yea- but thats not-" he interrupts me while shaking his head with a shrug.

"listen, i get why youre a little nervous to say that, all things considered. but i thought it was pretty obvious i was into you, i just didnt wanna push you because you made your boundaries clear so i just took what i could get."

my eyes bug out of my head in shock. am i the dense one? i mean yea hes a really good kisser and i can feel he cares deeply about me when we do stuff and makes me feel safe and supported but that doesnt mean-

yea im stupid. he all but outright said it. actually he has. thats what started this panic.

"... okay yea- maybe. but you agreed they were a good idea so i figured that meant you wanted them there too. and i dont know- it just kind of got overwhelming and i didnt wanna be one of those girls who expects something huge after sex so... you know what i mean? and truthfully youre not what i expected for me."

"what does that mean?" his face showed a little offense.

"i just mean- ya know. for one i didnt expect to love my best friend. and then on top of that i didnt think id love a guy who was a treasure hunting, or- adrenaline junkie i should say."

he leans back putting some space between us, "is that supposed to be a bad thing?

"no! no jay im not saying this right- i-... youre a fighter and youre adventurous- a lot of things im not. if that makes sense. all im sayin is a few years ago i wouldnt have expected to be here. but i like it here. love it here even," i smile at him teasingly trying to ease his worries. the last thing i need is to say the wrong thing right now.

"so what youre saying is that you love me?"

"youre such an idiot."

'but do ya? because i think you do mama."

i roll my eyes chuckling, "yea. yea i do maybank," i press a small kiss to his cheek leaning back into him.

"does this mean youll let me make you a maybank mama?" his eyebrow was quirked up as he teases his question.

"lets not get ahead of ourselves. how about we take this slow?"

he looks down at my button up shirt i was wearing over my bikini to shield me from the ocean breeze, and i could tell he was debating taking it off of me. giving me that same look he always does.

"slow? mama i dont think we're gonna be too good at that."

"all 'm sayin is we dont have to jump the gun, we both admitted it, doesnt mean we gotta change the way we act or announce it or nothing. we can just enjoy this ourselves ya know?"

"you embarrassed of me mama?"

"not at all baby, just want you all to myself. is that too much to ask for?"

he shakes his head leaning up against me, our faces inches apart, "nah i dont think so. i like the sound of that."

i meet him the rest of the way pressing his lips to mine, smiling into it. pulling him as close as humanly possible. i need him under mind skin, in my blood, you know?

"i do too, so we agree? we'll keep this between us for now?"

"whatever you want mama. yes maam."

[modelbus]

Ahem- hey- uh- I-

…NOW I FEEL LIKE TOMMY TUBBO WILBUR AND RANBOO IN PART TWO- HELP FFJYTFJHTYTFTH

SOOOOO- HI THERE ITS ME ✨🌌🌙 ANNON, THE DISAPPEARING ANNON- LOOK- I-

OKAY SO EXPLANATION TIME, I HONESTLY THOUGHT MY CRAPPY REQUEST WOULD BE IGNORED- I ALSO HAVE NOT BEEN ON TUMBLR SINCE LIKE A WEEK AFTER I SENT IT- I COME BACK TO READ SOME STUFF FROM OUR GOOD OLD LORD AND SAVIOR MODEL, TO SEE; ONE IT WAS RECENTLY YA BIRTHDAY! (Happy late birthday-) AND TWO.. MY REQUEST WAS TURNED INTO A MASTER PEICE OF AGES WITH TWO WHOLE PARTS, I APPARENTLY HELPED GET YOU OUT OF A WRITING SLUM- AND PEOPLE ACTUALLY REALLY LIKED MY CRUMMY IDEA (Thanks to your POGGERS writing)

so basically- THANK YOU ‘O GREAT MODEL FOR HEARING MY PLEA AND DELIVERING GREATNESS!!!

also I am gonna try and be more active on tumblr now so like- yey.

ALSO ALSO, I may sometimes send in requests of my silly little ideas cuz like chaos cut fed my soul and I am now the ✨ H a p p e h ✨

ALSO ALSO ALSO, part three of chaos cut???, we are at home and get messages asking like “Yo we good now? You forgive us for being assholes??” and we say smth like “you gonna respond to my messages? Then sure” some kind of tweet is made could be as vague as “shes gonna be in videos again yayyy” or could be the group admitting to what happened?? *eyes* maybe responses from other friends?? Ofc that is a suggestion for if you decide to further continue.

wether you decide to continue it or not or you decide to use this or not, thank you so much, chaos cut was all I wanted it to be and more.

I’M BACK BABYYY!!

-All the love, ✨🌌🌙 Annon.

You live!! And I’d love to receive more of your amazing little ideas :) honestly, I’d write 500 parts of Cut Chaos

I probably formatted this weird because of the messages part and the Twitter part but Oh Well.

Pairing(s): cc!Ranboo, cc!Tubbo, cc!Wilbur and cc!Tommy x Fem!Reader (Platonic)

Cut Chaos Part 3

The day you spent with Ranboo, Tubbo, Wilbur, and Tommy after the store might’ve been the best day you’ve ever had. You’re finally able to breathe again, to laugh again. Smiling had started drifting away from you, but suddenly you were smiling so hard your cheeks hurt.

You almost don’t go home. It’s tempting to stay with Ranboo when he offers up one of their many spare bedrooms (and you do mean many), but you decline. Heading back home, closing the door to your bedroom is easier than it’s ever been. Just living is easier than it used to be.

Collapsing onto your bed, it only takes you a second before you start grinning like an idiot to yourself. Things are back to normal, back to how they should be. Sure, you could still be mad at them for what happened, but you were tired of not being around them. Tired of people being pissed off.

It takes you a full three minutes before you roll onto your side and unlock your phone with Face ID. There’s a plethora of notifications waiting for you, from a group chat that you thought was a ghost town. It makes you grin all over again.

Wilbur so we’re all good now?

Tommy yeah, u forgive us for being assholes??

Tubbo Becuase we r super sorry

You You guys gonna respond to my messages from now on?

Ranboo I promise on Tommy’s life

You Then yeah

Tommy HEY

Laughing to yourself, you swipe out of messages to open Twitter and scroll on it. You aren’t afraid to open it, not like you used to be. Random tweets would remind you of what you lost, of the various people confused why you lost it, but now you’re just giddy. Overjoyed.

Part of you wanted to announce the plans you made with Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo. Scream from the (metaphorical) rooftops of Twitter that you were back. The chaos squad was back.

But, as it turns out, Tommy beat you to it. Of course he did, he can’t keep his mouth shut for the life of him. In a loving way, of course.

tommyinnit ﹫Tommyaltinnit guess who is BACK in the NEW VLOG

|_ You ﹫Yourusername me BITCHES

|_ Nia ﹫randomfanpersondontworry OMG OMG OMG NO WAY !!! CHAOS SQUAD ISNT DEAD FUCK ALL OF YOU IM WINNING TODAY

You grin, scrolling through the replies to Tommy’s tweet—including Tubbo and Ranboo’s—then realize the group name is trending. With wide eyes, you switch what you’re scrolling through to read the new tweets.

Annon ﹫StarStarMoon Anyone know what happened between the chaos squad??? Like they all drop her and now she’s back?? Something definitely happened…

|_ Real Person ﹫RealpersonIcreated THIS! Why did nobody talk about it. I wanna know fr fr

|_ Max ﹫Myfriendsnameisbeingused I think they all dropped her over those rumors ages ago. Makes sense to me tbh

|_ Charlie ﹫Myotherfriendsnameisbeingused Totally on her side if something did happen honestly lmao

Oh, fuck. You hesitate, not sure what to do, then ignore the tweet and its replies. Things were good, you didn’t need to dwell on when they were bad. Let people be people and let them speculate all they want.

This was your life and your happiness. Returned, at last.

[chososchalupa]

HII is it alr to ask for jealous ranpo x reader😭😭

Basically the reader has this friend and calls them "sweetheart" and stuff (like how alastor treats charlie idk if you watched that) and steals her attention, love you🔥

ofc! sorry this took so long to get to, i've had the worst writers block,, ilysm! Hope you enjoy <3

Pleasure to meet you

contents,, F!Reader x Ranpo, slightly toxic!Ranpo, splash of Hazbin Hotel references (watch it, its so good), fluffy ending <3 not proofread ofc

WC- 821

You sat in a booth at your favorite cafe listening to your boyfriend and coworkers laugh and talk loudly, nothing was out of the ordinary until you heard your name being called from a familiar voice. You spun your head around to see an old friend from your previous job giving you a bright smile. You quickly got up from your spot and ran over to wrap your arms around him.

“How have you been, dear?” He asked, wrapping his arms tightly around you.

“I’ve been great! This new job is really fun. I’ve made tons of friends and even-”

“A boyfriend, I see” He laughed, staring over your shoulder.

You looked over to see Ranpo glaring intensely at the two of you. You gave him a small smile before turning back around. 

“He can get a little jealous sometimes. Come on, I’ll introduce you” You smiled, dragging him with you back to your table. “This is Dazai, Yosano and last but certainly not least, this is my boyfriend, Ranpo” 

Your friend gave a smile to everyone before going to shake Ranpos hand, “Pleasure to meet you”

Ranpo gave a fake smile, “Quite”

Your friend gave a small chuckle before looking back to you, “I must get going now but we should get together if you’re free this evening?”

You agreed and gave another small hug before waving goodbye and sitting back in your seat besides Ranpo.

“Well he seems pleasant” Dazai smiled

“Oh yeah. He seems great” Ranpo muttered, his words dripping with sarcasm.

You rolled your eyes at his pettiness before excusing yourself, “I have to get back to the office. Kunikida has been blowing up my phone about an unfinished report.” 

・❥・

You assumed Ranpo would be back to normal by the time he made his way back to the office, but you were incredibly mistaken. Despite his fake smiles, he would barely speak a word to you.

“Did I do something wrong?” You asked, stepping into the elevator beside him at the end of the day.

“No” He responded, keeping his responses as short as possible. 

The walk home was silent, the only sounds being your soft footsteps and Ranpo sighing, clearly trying to show he was upset without actually saying it.

Once you both were inside your home, you spun around to look up at him with your arms crossed.

“Yes?” He asked, his emerald eyes staring down at you.

“Why do you keep pouting? Ever since I saw my old friend you’ve been acting jealous!”

“Did you ever think maybe I am jealous?” He asked, blinking slowly.

Your eyes widened, “Of what?!”

“I don’t like him” He responded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Why?”

“He’s tall, he’s handsome. You clearly enjoy being around him. I just don’t want him to take you from me and he’s trying to!” Ranpo explained, his bottom lip jutting out in a small pout as he finished speaking. 

“He’s certainly not trying to take me from you, my love. I promise”

“Yeah? And how do I know that?”

“Because Ranpo, He-” You started but were instantly cut off by your cell phone ringing. 

Ranpo looked down at the caller ID before scoffing, “Of course” he sighed, seeing your friend from earlier calling.

You glared at him before answering the phone on speaker,

“Hello, darling!” He started, causing Ranpo to glare towards your phone. “I unfortunately have to cancel our plans tonight, something has come up with work” You glanced up to your boyfriend, seeing a small smile form on his lips, “But I would love to invite you and Ranpo over for tea this week. My partner and I would love to have you”

You watched as the color drained from Ranpo’s face, causing you to let out a small giggle, “We would love to! I miss both of you”

“Wonderful! I will message you when we have a set time. It was lovely seeing you today” 

You quickly finished up your conversation, hanging up the phone and glancing back towards Ranpo.

“As I was saying, he already has a partner. And even if he didn’t, I will only ever love you. You make me happier than any person on this earth” You smiled, hugging your boyfriend tightly as he sighed. 

“I’m sorry I was wrong. I didn’t mean to get so jealous” He spoke, pulling you tighter to his chest.

“You were what? Could you say that again?” 

“No.” He replied with a small laugh. “Can we go cuddle?”

“Of course,” You smiled, pulling away from the hug. “I’ll get snacks, Go put on a movie”

Ranpos eyes lit up, “I love you so much” He spoke, kissing your forehead before turning towards the living room to put on a movie. 

You smiled as you watched him walk away, you felt so lucky to have him, even if he was an idiot sometimes.

[delusinalandpassionate]

So hello...I kinda disappeared for a moment after Don's Canto was announced. After seeing that, I immediately remembered my list, and I wanted to remake it to be ready for her Canto. However, when I started to do it, and then I read shit tone of theories about her, and everything became confusing, and I am kinda procrastinated everything. But I'm back! And well, that's the mini list. It's all shady things that happened with Don in our main story and events. To save some time and energy, I only mentioned things that are definitely shady, and I'm certain 99% will play a role in her Canto, but it's still pretty chaotic.

I am also going to make analysises of all her IDs and EGOs in two separate parts and what I think they will lead to.

I didn't write a lot about any theories because there are A LOT of them, but I would love to hear your personal favorites and promise to give my best opinion about them

Also to the person who wrote to me about Discord, I tried to find you, but it well there wasn't enough information for me to understand how, so if you are still interested in talking about Don, please just write me in Messeges.

Okay back to the List

.

1. REDACTED

That thing appears in her character description, in a list of particulars , and none of the other characters has anything like this. Also, her list mentions Delusional of Grandiore. However, she does not show any symptoms (yet)

2. Ferris wheel and Carnival

We already saw a Ferris wheel in form of windmill on her character art and carousel in the window of her persinal EGO art and now with a cover for her Canto, we can with certainty say that she has something to do with this theme. The closest thing to Carnival we saw in the City idb Oswald's 8 o'clock Circus. Which is extremely fucked up place and if Don is really was part if it I would be surprised that she looks so normal(both physically and mentally)

Oswald's ideology also has a lot of about wishes and performance, which could suit her character arc quite well, but with him being dead, I am not sure who is left to control Circus.

3. Eyes and dance

Two little hints from second Canto from which my obsession with Don began. We still have no idea what that could possibly mean.

I should mention that there was a theory that her eyes are cognito filters, but I doubt that.

(There were also theories that she's blood fiend, which is interesting.)

4. Deal

In Canto III Episode 10 we get a first mention of mysterious deal that Don Quixote made with Vergilius. It's important to mention that while he beat shit out of her she still argued about her point, but only he mentioned that "deal" she immediately backed up.

Second mention of a deal happens in Canto IV Episode 28 where sinners wonder outloud about their wishes that brought them to the Limbus and Don only gets "...". Which is fucking weird, because there were other sinners who didn't say anything, but only Don was singled out.

Also it seems like a person with whom she made a deal was Vergilius, which I'd already unusual because it's Faust who does this kind of job.

5. Old friends, rampages and distortions

Canto III Episode 19 where Don Quixote beats Sinclair to bring him to his senses and than says "Pardon my rash action. Often I would find myself overcome by fervor, rampaging much the same as a riderless horse. At such moments, mine old friends helped me to come to myself—by beating me senseless. ‘Twas, at times, the only remedy to the fever that had overtaken me."

And well, that's only time she speaks about her past, giving us this little story. And it sounds horrible. However, we can not deny that this type of therapy works in Project moon world really well. I mean, we just finished Canto, where we beat Heatcliff to bring him to his senses.

Actually, if you think about that, most of "rampages" in these games( excluding "panic" from Lopotomy) happen while characters experience Distorting or EGO corruption and surprisingly Don Quixote have some sort of experience with Distortions?

In Canto IV Episode: 53, when we see DongRang Don Quixote is the first to understand that he's experiencing Distortion. And then, in Risk Levels & Classifications, she mentions that Moses(the DISTORTION detective) sounds familiar to her.

Which makes us wonder if she or someone in her past experienced Distortions?

6. Miguel

Don Quixote's quote "Sueno Imposible" is a direct reference to the musical Man Of La Mancha, and Miguel is a main character of this musical author of the story of Don Quixote who trying to live up to his heroic life.

Also, at old sprites, she had MIGUEL written on the bottom of her coat, but it was removed from the model now. HOWEVER, on her official stand, there is still written MIGUEL.

And that kind of makes us wonder if her character arc could be more inspired by musical than book, or if her real name would Miguel. We still not sure, but it definitely should play a role in her Canto.

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen, i just followed you and this is really random but ive seen some of your posts helping younger people and it really struck a cord and i need to just let the words fall out of me.

ive been having issues with my girlfriend she cheated on me but this situation is very complicated and we're both fucked up people but i know she still loves me and i really love her. but my anxiety and our lack of communication is really bad right now and im so worried she might not love me the same anymore

ontop of this im 18 and for the past id say 5ish years my mental health and family life has been getting worse, getting diagnosis is hard especially with mentally ill and just overall bad parents that somehow dont understand or believe. i know im deppresed and have been i have anxiety, sever paranoia maybe bpd and bipolar and autism and everything is just so much. now the one person i had is something thats making everything hurt more and i just don't know where to go, im trying to get help but its so slow in this country and i feel so lost and tired i barely eat now and when i do its ether rare or unhealthy and everything is so much i want to collapse.

i hope this isn't to much to randomly send anonymously but you just seem really kind and helpful. thank u for your reply if you do

HI and please accept my apologies for the delay on answering this. I am sorry you are going through so much. My kids are adopted from foster care and I had many kids in my home for up to 5 years who eventually went back home. That is to say I have a lot of experience with mental illness, the systems that treat them, trauma and kids who came from unstable home lives.

At the ripe old age of 18 you have plenty of time to find love and contentment but right now might not be the time. I understand there might be odd circumstances that caused your girlfriend to cheat on you. If you feel betrayed and lost trust that is a feeling that is next to impossible to overcome for people with no comorbidities let alone a teen trying to figure herself out and deal with navigating the broken mental health/care system.

It is actually quite normal for young love to change and get redefined into friendship even when the circumstance are the best. Her cheating on you might very well be a sign that your relationship is in flux and not what you thought it was. A romance that has run its course is not a failure, relationships do not have to last forever to be important and real and worth having had.

It might be scary to think of not being with her, of not having your "one" person that you can count on but I do believe you can get farther working on yourself if you put time and energy into you and not dividing it up between you and her.

There is a lot of precedent set for women to set aside their romance and intimacy in order to be just friends while one or both does some work on herself. Sometimes it is necessary to stay involved for emotional support or financial support, that is just the reality of our world. Living single can be very difficult.

Please consider letting go of the relationship in its current form and putting your energy of yourself. Letting go of the stress of trying to repair what you had with her will remove so much pressure from you and from her that you will feel much more ready to tackle your mental state.

I promise. You are not a failure, she is not "the bad guy" in this story. Take all the wonderful things you shared with her keep those with you when you want a reminder that it loving her was worth your time even if it didn't end like you planned.

Seek mental health help but starting small. A therapist can help you begin to talk through things and often she can help you find additional resources like a medical Dr, public subsidies for insurance or free clinics to assist you in getting medication and mental health support. Most counties have a social services office and those employees are a wealth of information.

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

please tell me all about in the blood (no pressure, i am genuinely interested though!!!!!!)

AHHAHHAHHHHHAAAA YES OKAY THANK YOU ELI

OKAYYYY SO in the blood, doctor who extended universe book, i think it takes place pretty soon after the Silence in the Library arc cos that's mentioned quite a bit, and Donna's husband Lee (who was, i may add, i think going to be canonically trans but they weren't sure how to show that in a split second without it being confusing but he's trans in my heart) from the simulation is on Donna's mind a fair bit so my guess is it's pretty soon after that ANYWAYS, fairly standard doctor who plot, big problem with technology and people on earth and of course it's because Aliens. specifically its that internet trolls are dying and ofc The Internet gets worked up about that, but as more and more people start venting their anger online everyone gets more and more angry and they become hysterical and sometimes die. which obviously is a big problem they have to solve, i won't give away the plot but its fairly average dr who stuff.

BUT. OHH BOY THE CHARACTERSSSSSSSASASSaSSASaSAS i mean i love ten & donna anyways but they are written SO WELL like SOOOO WELL it's SPOT ON and it's so perfect because they do the same things they always do - the doctor is fully prepared to die (well. very painfully regenerate) just as he always does and uhhh actually maybe it's better if i take pictures there was a lot of frantic margin scribbling & underlining hehee

uhm. spoilers below. and very long post

my handwriting is nigh-on-illegible here i know but it says 'she remembers the Arachna-things [one google search later - Racnoss] from the Runaway Bride she knows he has killed people & that people get killed around him but... [long pause here as i thought of what to write. how do you justify that? greater good?] yeah i can imagine it really is easier to not think about it'.

this is just such an interetsing thing that they couldn't have shown in the show right, you can't show 'she didn't even really like to think about it' visually with the same impact. but like.... yeah. she saw him kill all the racnoss & still travels with him. moral grey areas flawed characters but.... the companions must do some serious mental gymnastics NOT TO MENTIOn the Doctor coping mechanisms or lack thereof.

^^but then there's this!! the hope!! he really can't stand people dying even when he is surrounded by it!! he has to hope!!!

^^ platonic doctordonna moment!!!!! i love them so much heheeee but also Lee.... oughhhhh

^^ SUCH A DOCTOR MOMENT he HAS to carry on for the sake of THE WORLD even when it means Donna is at risk

^^handwriting id - 'see THAT is such a Doctor moment - just like ' 'yeah i knew for ages', lied the Doctor' - he doesn't tell people things b/c he doesn't want to upset them & he hopes that if he doesn't mention it it wont happen. if you see your own grave you have to be buried there etc. & it's maddening for everyone but also kinda tragic'

the doctor was hiding that what Donna thought was going to fix the problem wasnt going to work b/c then she's get upset & angry, which spacey stuff blah blah is whats currently killing people - but Ten (teh Doctor in general) does this A Lot, not saying everything he knows because he thinks it's going to upset/panic/hurt people/

^^ THIS!! he needs his best friend!!! without saying anything & over the phone, Donna can tell!! ajsnjansh i just love them so muchhhh

^^ (they were back in london in present day) the Doctor feels guilty about pulling Donna from her normal, safe life, even though like she wanted to he probably couldn't have said no to that if he tried - and putting her in mortal space danger - but also completely removed from her normal life. she doesn't live like Clara, who fits weeks of time travel in time to show up to work, she's missing out on Normal Life. she's not at home. Sylvia knows she wont be staying for dinner.

sorry a lot of this is kinda depressing BUT i promise you there are joyous bits too! the Doctor is canonically a Kate Bush fangirl!!! and donna has to stop him drinking coffee cos he'e hyperactive enough as it is lol. and -

hehe

[antisyscourse]

idk if u usually answer asks like this im just rambling but!!

for like 5 years i have been questioning the fact that maybe im an osdd system w basically multiple parts (i prefer parts language to alter language) that are essentially myself at different ages freeze framed in different eras of different traumas ive experienced.

ive been struggling with this for a long time because i have only been diagnosed with cptsd so i thought for a while that it was just cptsd emotional fragments but my parts have distinct personalities and opinions that differ from my own as the anp (apparently normal part/host) so thats the part im hung up on that has me thinking it must be some form of osdd.

sucks because i only very recognizably/dramatically switch like once every six months or when i go into an episode and rapid switch for like a month straight so i feel crazy when i front for like months and i think ive made it all up.

i dont really know how to broach this topic with ppl i know and i dont really know how to confirm or deny if i probably am struggling with osdd without going to see a professional (im autistic and struggle w this for reasons related to that) uurrrggg life is just hard haha

ahh i'm so sorry you're going through that!!! i know how hard it is to be a questioning system with no real resolution, we went through that experience for a long time. the best advice i can offer you is that you aren't crazy for not switching very often!! some systems don't switch for months, if not years, on end. it may not be talked about much, but i promise it happens. sending so much love and hugs my friend :)) 🫂

[ID: STOP! this is a syscourse free blog! it is a safe space for all systems, so please go away if you intend upon stirring up drama!]

[riverbeatsaber]

i am so good at media analysis

Image ID and deranged ramblings under the cut:

[Image Description: A chart titled "the Greater Witwicky Polycule," centered on Alex and Dorothy Malto. It has lines to connect many of the characters from the show, and the lines connecting them are labeled with the relationships, real or headcanoned, between the two characters connected. Dorothy and Alex Malto are connected with a line labeled "Married" with a heart emoji. Alex Malto is connected to Mandroid and Bumblebee. The line from Alex to Mandroid is labeled "and how do you two know each other?" (exes), and the line from Alex to Bumblebee is labeled "cute little gay crush," and is a one-way-arrow from Alex to Bumblebee. Bumblebee is connected to Breakdown with a line labeled "definitely something going on here." There is a gay pride flag emoji after it. Breakdown is connected to Knockout with a line labeled "boyfreidns?" The misspelling is intentional. Knockout's box on the chart is labeled "(please please please pleas epleae)." This is also intentionally misspelled. Dorothy Malto is connected to Megatron with a line labeled "Partners." Megatron is connected to Starscream with a line labeled "oh god.", and to Soundwave with a line labled "bitter exes" with a broken heart emoji. Megatron is connected to Optimus Prime with a line labeled "previously divorced (working things out)" with a rainbow emoji, a black heart emoji, a hands-forming-a-heart emoji, a robot emoji, and a sparkly heart emoji. Optimus Prime is connected to Elita-1 with a line labeled "can't explain it but. theyre lesbians" with a red heart emoji, a trans pride flag emoji, a face-with-three-hearts emoji, an emoji of a car facing right, an emoji of a truck facing left, and a two-hearts emoji. The car and the truck are positioned to look like they are kissing. End image description]

some context:

this was a collaboration between me and my older brother who got me into transformers. we're so normal about this i promise. quote from him: "is some of what's in the show just ship bait? perhaps. but they expected to catch a fish and not a kraken. and boy oh boy i am pulling this boat down with me"

"Greater Witwicky Polycule" is from the memes about the "Greater Seattle Polycule"

Dot and Megatron are referred to in the show as partners. headcanon they're in a qpr type thing. amica endurae

I know Knockout isn't technically in Earthspark. but. hear me out. He Could Be

Optimus Prime gets so many emojis because he would like them. i chose kinda randomly though. except i did go omg this truck emoji is facing the other way... trucks kissing... love wins

Alex has a celebrity crush except the celebrity is living in his house and is friends with him

Bumblebee and Breakdown in the show are described as "really close friends. like brothers" and we all know what that means don't we. something lgbt is going on here

why are Optimus Prime and Elita-1 labeled as lesbians? yuri is when theres themes and motifs. "you will never understand a warrior's bond" sorta situation

[slaythespire]

im sorry my tumblr followers who dont know me im mad rn, im just rambling mad under a readmore again thanksss

listen its not that i need to be dating someone im just chilling. in fact rn i would not want to date anyone.

but i HATEEEE HATE seeing people say shit like "You dont need anyone, you should learn to be happy without someone else in ur life! why do you need someone else! just be happy without that!" well damn sue me for wanting someone to deeply love me who i deeply love back!! why is that such a bad thing to want!! obviously if you cant function without being in a relationship that's not good, but people always say that shit to someone going "i feel unlovable and like no one will ever want me" and it feels so meanspirted!! damn!!

its been like almost a year since i got ghosted and i know its annoying to hear people complain abt the same thing over and over again. but its just HARD bcus i feel stupid, and used. i really thought my ex was like, THE person, we talked abt getting married and how we'd combine our last names, abt moving in together, supported each other through everything. when i was in inpatient this person called me almost everyday i was there to say hi and check in on me. i thought my future involved them and then they just dropped me without even an explanation. never in a million billion years did i think that would happen (outside of my bad brain telling me it would, which, well i was right so LOL) bcus they were my best friend of 8 years!!

and its scary bcus it makes me think there must be something wrong with me/"how could anyone ever love me when even the person who dated me for 6 years didnt". and people always say things like "you haven't met everyone who will care about you yet" but what if i have, and my one chance at having a relationship i was so happy in was ruined bcus the other person is a self-obsessed asshole who lied to my face abt so much for who KNOWS what reason. WHATEVER.

i feel like when i make posts like this i come off as an insane person in the "no wonder they broke up with you" way, but i promise im actually normal ive just been very emotionally ripped to shreds by a very bad breakup. barely a breakup bcus it was over TWITTER DM. whatever im just gonna be one of those people that obsesses over fictional characters so much i think were in a relationship.

i just rlly rlly wonder what their reasoning for doing this to me was and if they feel bad abt it. or if they think its funny, or if they just dont care. i also wonder if they think they can just message me one day and apologize and think itll be okay (i dont think this will happen, i used to but i dont anymore)

i lean towards they just dont care, i doubt they even think about what they did lol. i mean i HOPE they feel bad, but i dont think thats true. id be shocked if i ever heard from them again which is just, crazy. 8 years of knowing someone and it ends like that through no fault of your own. i wish i had a screenshot of the break up dm id post it in a heartbeat so anyone who actually read this far would feel whiplash like i do. (filled to the brim with "i love you so much" "i feel horrible for hurting you and i hate that im doing it" "i really care about you" "i hope you stay in my life bcus youre my best friend").

and it makes me really sad bcus OFC we would have stayed friends, i loved them so much that while id be sad abt breaking up i would still want them in my life. (WE EVEN TALKED ABT HOW IF WE BROKE UP WE ALWAYS THOUGHT WE'D STAY FRIENDS). but even in my fantasy world where they reach out after a few years all apologetic and guilty i just couldnt do it anymore.

one more but i don't understand what would compel someone to say all that knowing theyre lying and dont give a fuck about you, like it only comes off as evil and fucked up and cruel to me, so how else am i supposed to take that.

[dedbuny]

hi :) im bunny and im a chronic maladaptive daydreamer :)

ive been doing it for about eight years now and im curious to see how many others do it too !

my (only moderately depressing) maladaptive daydreaming story/timeline is below the cut, if that interests u at all :) id love to hear urs as well in the notes !

my first memory of maladaptive daydreaming (aside from playing house and stuff as a kid) was in 2014 when i was in sixth grade. my friend and i would pretend to be certain characters throughout the whole school day, even writing the characters’ names on our schoolwork and calling each other by those names. the most common characters were always sam and dean, which is .. something . sometimes it was the 5sos members. then as the years went by the chosen characters changed depending on my hyperfixation at the time.

in grade eight i had moved on to kpop. this is the worst it gets i promise. mostly the same continued, except this year i realized something revolutionary: i could include myself in the daydream ! so i started pretending i was whatever kpop idol i was interested in on any given day’s friend, every day, for the next five to six years. this is where it became an addiction i guess.

grade nine was more of the same but with some drag race girls sprinkled in. grade ten was more of the same but with some video game characters sprinkled in. as those five to six years went by i continued daydreaming about myself and any chosen person or character i liked, except i realized one other extremely important thing: i could also just make up my own characters…..

so i did . technically the first original character i ever made was in eighth grade, named jacob. as much as i’m now trying to slowly distance myself from the maladaptive daydreaming and all the characters that were born from it, jacob really feels like my friend. they’ve evolved with me every step of the way — they’ve gone through a whole appearance change, their personality has changed, their gender and pronouns have changed, their world views have changed, all alongside my own, so it really does feel like i’ve found a lifelong friend who just gets me. and upon realizing that i’m purposefully creating my own blorbos from my mind to perfectly match my needs and wants and behave exactly like i want them to, i started feeling extremely self conscious about it all.

over the last five to six years i’ve created roughly 23 different characters, all with intertwining relationships and backstories and personalities and interests and styles. it’s been really fun actually, to be able to essentially create an entirely made-up friend group and make up their relationships with each other and watch them all grow. the issue lies in the fact that i’m spending more time imagining i’m them and/or imagining i’m with them than i am actually being in reality.

because all these characters behave in the exact ways i want them to and understand me perfectly inside and out, i’ve become much more easy to irritate. i find myself having a much shorter temper with my friends and family. my ocs know what i’m thinking and always have the perfect answer, because they are me. they know what makes me uncomfortable and avoid doing so, because they are me. they never question anything i say or challenge any of my beliefs, because they are me. in other words , uh oh .

this has all made me extremely paranoid, extremely insecure, extremely anxious and extremely depressed. it’s gotten to the point where i don’t really know who i am anymore, because i don’t really feel like i’m the one who has evolved or grown over the years. i feel like a side character to all the ocs i’ve made who are living my life for me. it feels like all my decisions are made by whoever it is i’m daydreaming as in that moment. i’ve had multiple breakdowns due to remembering that none of this world i’ve built in my head is real, and none of it ever will be. but it all feels unbelievably real. and i feel like if i ever stop i’ll be punched in the face with the consequences of letting what is essentially my imaginary friends control my life for six years.

i’ve thought it might be either evolving into or had initially stemmed from schizophrenia or ocd or did or something similar but i don’t even know anymore. right now it just seems like a combination of having autism, depression, severe anxiety, an extremely vivid imagination, and being chronically lonely.

i truly feel like i’m suffering alone here. i know there are other people who maladaptive daydream but i’ve never heard of anyone who does it like me. if anyone reading this understands what im going through i’d love to hear from you !!!!!

if u got this far into reading, thank u for hearing me out :)

love, bunny (...and jay and marcus and darius and veronica and luca and hiroki and minki and advik and hannah and hanna and nayeon and shauna and joslyn and thomas and christian and jack and claire and marion and peter and frances and oskar and felix and frederick and svante and shaelynn and heather and more)

[whorewithagodcomplex]

sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

[kakashihasibs]

Out of curiosity, why do you feel like you’re aromantic? I only ask because I’ve been very seriously thinking that I’m aro, but I keep second guessing myself. I think it would help to hear why another person is aro, but I just don’t encounter a lot of people or bloggers who talk about it.

Feel free to ignore if you want, people irl and on this site are still really weird about aros, so I totally understand not wanting to get into it

Ooougha okay so i have thoughts™ and you are about to get them all good luck lol i get to how i feel in terms of being aro towards the end. I promise this is all building up to that even tho it'snot gonna seem like it at 1st x_x.

(tl;dr: it took me 5 years to feel like i loved my husband and I'm not even sure the love i feel is romantic or not bc it feels the same as how i feel for my friends but overall I'm not even sure what benefit there is for me, personally, to ID as aro bc what's even the purpose of labeling our sexualities, political or personal? (it's a mix of both)

There's, from what I've seen, really two purposes to labeling one's sexuality.

1) political coalition building. -> Hi i am a Gay man and you are a Lesbian we are not The Same but we have political interests that are The Same and we are more powerful and safer together let's have each other's backs. And when there's an issue that affects only you I'll still show up for you and when it's an issue that affects only me you'll still show up for me.

And

2) community and communication. -> hi i am a gay man and you are a man also interested in men (gay/bi) lets be in a community and/or relationship

(Please dont come at me these are both huge over simplifications! I'm build up my thought process to a more complex idea!)

Neither of these things are mutually exclusive, of course, and these are only sorta loose ideas I've seen some people express here and there.

I only note them bc people who focus on number 1, political coalition building, are more often (not always!) a little more down on "micro labels," whether they are exclusionist or not, bc it, they argue, in some way muddies the waters in terms of coalition building. If there's so many niche labels now and we're creating more and more niche labels then we're creating more and more divides and not focusing on keeping each other safe under the same umbrella.

I've also seen the argument that making more and more niche micro labels is related to individualism and commoditization under capitalism. Like "look you too can have ur own special flag and identity! Now buy all this merch to show it off! Give us money!!!"

Which, for both of these concerns, i am sympathetic to to an extent. (Except out right exclusionists, fuck them.)

People who focus more on number 2, community and communication, are generally, in my experience, much more in favor of micro labels. Say ur like me, I'm asexual but I'm also gay but maybe aromantic, but then where does the gay fit in? Oh geez idk. But wait! There's a sexuality that breaks being gay while also aroace down! I have a word(s) for myself! Which inarguably feels good. It makes me feel understood and normal. And now i can find other people who experience sexuality just like me. I can find a small community to feel at home in. Right?

---

i have laid out these two general ideas. The possible purposes i might have for naming/labeling/understand my sexuality.

I approach my sexuality from a political standpoint AND from a personal standpoint which I think most people do bc again they're are not mutually exclusive.

I am in some way not straight (and not cis but not talking about that right now). I have faced violence and discrimination for my sexuality. I want to name my sexuality in order to identify myself with a political movement. I name my sexuality so when I take political actions or make political demands, it is understood by others that i am doing so in solidarity with other people who have face similar oppression. I want to name my sexuality so i can better articulate the problems I face. So other can go to bat for me (and I will go to bat for them even if the issue isnt mine!)

For example, back in the day when ace ~discourse~ was much much worse, I was threatened with corrective rape (irl for the record) but instead of anyone standing in any sort of solidarity with me, i was told i was misappropriating corrective rape. (Which still just fucking blows my mind but besides the point.) This is why exclusionist can fuck off btw. Instead of anything productive they just were yaknow evil. Ugh anyway

I also faced discrimination at the doctors when asked my sexuality. I was honest and said asexual which lead down a whole rabbit hole of bullshit. The coalition building purpose would look like, "i have faced discrimination at the doctors for my sexuality and so have you so lets team up and support a bill that protects patient autonomy and rights"

And on the personal side i can talk to other asexuals who have faced the exact same problems i have. I can find empathy and understand in a way i might not from an allo cis gay guy (that's not dunking on any allo cis gay guy! For the record. We just have different experiences and very similar ones too!).

So you can see the benefit of either approach right? Maybe i just wanna call myself just queer or just gay or just ace and be done with. I have my coalition and maybe my community it still very broad but it is there.

Or maybe i wanna figure out why it took 5 years to feel like i loved my husband. Or why maybe my love for my husband doesn't really feel any different than my love for friends? Should the love i feel for my husband even BE different from the love i feel for my friends? Am i actually even feeling love? We've been together for 12 years what different does it make now anyway?

I feel like I'm probably aro but i also feel like I'm not and I'm "only" asexual.

Things that affect aros affect nearly all of us. We're all impacted by amatonormativity. We all struggle with getting next of kin rights with our chosen family, just to name a couple things. Discussing and supporting aromantism will benefit us all.

But what about discussing someone who is ace aro and gay? Maybe? Idk? Does being aroacegay bring anything new to the table? Or is it just another flag to profit off of for some fucking corporation? I dont know!

For me, is there even any separation between being ace and aro and gay or is it just the same part of me being looked at through too many lenses?

And all of this is what i think and feel when i think or feel like I'm aro x_x which is to say bud i have no fucking clue lol.

All i really know is i will fight for anyone under the queer/lgbtq+ umbrella regardless if it impacts me and i hope and pray that when people like me need the same kind of support everyone else will also fight for us too.

I think I'm done now. Sorry u got this whole ass mess lol. x_x if you have any questions comments or concerns you can DM or anon me any of them :3 I'll happily address them

[alto-tenure]

[Image ID: A bingo card, dark blue with gold squares. Text is in white and all caps.

First row: They are horrible for each other (horrified); Enemies to lovers to friends to lovers to weird exes to friends to enemies to lo; Facebook status it’s complicated; I want what they have (up to interpretation); Romeo and Juliet part 2 Electric Boogaloo

Second row: This is such a normal healthy normal relationship I promise (lying); I want to smash them together like Barbies; If given the opportunity I would become god to erase this ship from existence; I could write a three page essay about how I feel about this ship and I would never be able to encompass all my opinions on it (neutral); One of them is great. One of them I am throwing off a cliff

Third row: What is wrong with the people who made this ship canon; Childhood friends to unresolved sexual tension forever and ever [smiling emoji]; Free space; They are horrible for each other (interested); Listen. Is it really subtext at this point or can we just call it canon already

Fourth row: The amount of crack in this ship is enough to send a man to the hospital; Why the fuck did you ask me about this ship; I guess I ship it? Whatever; Only in highly specific situations; The fandom has ruined it

Fifth row: Give it twenty years and maybe theyll get their shit together; How dare you they are (friends, spaces between each letter) not in love; Bestest most perfectest pairing no notes; This is a trap and I refuse to answer this question your honor; It was love at first sight

/end ID]

Anyways I made a ship bingo card because I didn’t like the other ones floating around

Here go crazy

[onmymasa22]

Pepple loved shells and corals in these galleries

Why?

Because its in the Mediterranean sea but very deep and hard to cut away

When u tell a friends who stops by that u just camt get urself to wake up these days. For two weeks u have just wanted to be in bed all day and are awake but cant get urself out and about. Amd ots really frustrating cuz ur a person who likes to start ur day at 7 or 8. And 9am wake up is a nice vacation. I like the morning. I like cool air. I like to start off slow so that by 9am im good and happy and excited about the day. So this friend said to take a walk to wake up and get going

When ur friend drops by with some

My day:

Friend stops by with homemade honey for me

When ur friend stops by with homemade honey and u explain how for weeks youve been having issues with waking up in the morning. So

I want the guy who loves me unconditionally. I want to be in love with people and everyone. Hashem please bring love into my life. Bring me happiness and truth and love. I dont sleep around with losers.

I just need to say this.i am so happy i dont sleep around. The idea of sleeping with guys who dont love me just doesn't do it for me. I think i tried to see if it culd just be me. But id rather have a toy or something to get off until i find someone who loves me the way i deserve. Why would i want to get off from someone who loves me less than me if i could be loved by me- someone who doesnt do something not ok, is always listening to my heart, would neber touch me withour care. I would never hurt m3 or abandon me. I am the one who is here till the end. So the only people who can touch me is me and someone who promises to be there till the end.

Home

My parents

My grandparents

My families here- hodaya odeya lav garin zabar california taglit mygarin yadbinyamin yahelsfamily sahi enosh- pashut lehiyot, the class- elish saroosh avishag tali neta

Apartment- elishevas family

Tali perla

The girls in school

Noa

Jsc

Trees

The seasons

The beach

Coffee

Guitar

Looking up at the sky

Ballerina

Saxaphone piano guitar

The 80s music

Movies

Movie quotes

Traveling europe

Painting i made of the rabbi and soldier

Manis friedman

Yy jacobson

Charlie harary

Rabbi wallerstein

Jill kaseman

Holocaust

Grandma sima

Van gogh ear

Lady diana

Ariel

Adhd

Sandwiches

Friends, will and grace, anne Hathaway, izzie, this is us

Stand up

Monet

Degas

Oil painting

Bob ross

Beaches with different colored sand

The grunge and the pretty

Sabrina the teenage witch

Balconies amd sitting outside and reading vogue

Wicked

Looking for alaska

Tell the wolves im home

Books movies music art places traveling food drink flowers sports instruments languages philosophy culture fashion spirtually people in my life.

Can we make it normal to start saying to people and ourselves: you're pretty. But not just pretty. You're pretty and smart and funny and oh so loved. Now go out in the world and be your sparkly self.

My day

Took my meds

Signed my contract for my new dream job... this lady gets a pension now!!

Celebrated by thrift shopping, im such a sucker for anything with red flowers, and pants that are elastic on top, because you only live once, y b uncomfortable.

Coffee and dead poets society... because vibes

Calligraphy class aka kabbalah therapy

An art lecture, something about seashells in renassance paintings (it's only like my favorite sance)

When you take a walk in the city, walk into a building that turns out to be a museum, put on funky glasses, and next thing u know, ur in the beis hamikdash. Then u check out the gift shop and find out admission was 60 shekel. Sweet. So, next time i want to visit the beis hamikdash, ill definitely pay the 60 shekel.