#but people are so hard and im too autistic to do any of it right no matter how hard i try

[alchemiclee]

when you really want to talk to someone about something that you find fun and exciting and interesting, but you feel like you're being the most obnoxious person alive.....even if they're nice about it.

[poor-man-s-productions]

.

[drchucktingle]

sometimes buds ask’ what is it like to be a neurodivergent artist?’ and this is great summary: the charts can look like this, and at same time people will be endlessly posting on how you are ‘not real’ or ‘a bit’. you can hold bestsellers in slot 1 to 4 and still not be 'serious'

i am ultimately ok with this. i love my trot and would not have it any other way, but i think it is worth investigation. when irony poisoning has seeped into everything, how many times does a neurodivergent person have to say ‘actually this is NOT so bad its good. its just good’

when you are autistic, or queer, or both, how much proof do you need to be considered good art? or good business? what do the charts have to look like for me to be a ‘real’ author? or allowed my face mask at a library association conference? or one person not a group of writers?

im coming up on a decade of writing tinglers soon, and people are still talkin about my ‘serious’ works vs my ‘joke books’ and at every turn, as kindly as i can, i shout from the rooftops: THEY ARE ALL SERIOUS BOOKS. THIS IS NOT A BIT.

but its hard when buds have had ‘the correct way to be a writer. the correct way to be an artist. the COOL way to react to a book that is TOO weird’ pounded into their heads by internet culture. 'kill it with fire' they say. 'i need eye bleach' they say without thinking. a line.

heres the thing, the tide IS turning. theres buckaroos jumping in and saying, ‘I want to be a part of this’ and for that they are being rewarded. the publisher who took me seriously is lookin pretty dang good right now with these charts and these sales. i am honored and moved

over time there will be more buds who shed that irony mask. the tide of sincerity is powerful, and the tide of love is inevitable. it is difficult to stand strong in our uniqueness but it also pays off, and I hope to be a shining example. eventually THE TIMELINE BENDS TO YOU

so this is not a thread to complain. i have been trotting long enough that these things do not really bother me. being made fun of and disparaged as ‘not legit art’ while also being objectively successful at the things im made fun of about is kind of the ocean that i swim in.

no. my point of this is to say THANK YOU to those of you who have been trotting by my side over these years. THANK YOU for proving love to me. im so honored by your support, and you should know that YOU have seen beyond the irony poisoned veil that stops many others. YOU get it.

and to those with their own unique perspective on creation: look what you can do. yes there will likely be a lot of resistance to something different, but there is also a LOT of reward. YOU can trot a new path. YOU can prove love is real, not in MY way, but IN YOUR OWN WAY

anyway thank you for reading buckaroos. thank you for your support. LUCKY DAY comes out next summer and it is probably as FAR OUT and existential as the tingleverse has ever gone. you can preorder it here

[lara-cairncross]

my personal sonadow headcanons in no particular order bc im procrastinating on writing a research paper right now and its either do this or throw myself off the roof:

Shadow is a few inches shorter than Sonic, but ONLY if he takes his shoes off. cue many years' worth of shenanigans with Shadow doing everything in his power to avoid going barefoot in Sonic's presence because he knows if Sonic finds out he'll never hear the end of it (hes right)

T4T SONADOW

Sonic was able to get top surgery, but Shadow's body healed itself too quickly for it to work on him. flash forward to when he gets his Black Doom abilities and one of his first orders of business is to fuck around with them until he's able to give HIMSELF top surgery

Sonic hates coffee beans (too bitter) and Shadow hates chili dogs (too heavy/savory). they've broken up over this enough times for Rouge to lose count

Sonic is so good at flirting with everyone EXCEPT SHADOW. HE GETS TOO FLUSTERED. HE TRIES SO HARD AND IT NEVER WORKS BUT SHADOW IS TOO DOWN BAD TO CARE

Shadow grew up on a space station, with no biological reason to eat, and no access to fresh food or a kitchen. Sonic literally raised both himself AND TAILS. Shadow is NOT the cook between the two of them please everyone keeps saying otherwise and i dont understand it you cant convince me shadow knows how to boil a pot of water PLEASE SOMEBODY AGREE WITH ME

Sonic ages. Shadow doesn't. 50 years down the line somebody asks Sonic if Shadow is his son. Shadow immediately gets payback for 50 years of short jokes.

they are both so smart and so capable and so dangerous by themselves but if you put them in the same room in any context outside of a life-or-death situation they become the two dumbest motherfuckers you've ever had the displeasure of engaging in polite conversation with

shadow bottoms what who said that

okay this one might be silly but I feel like they would both be good at chess??? like Sonic is surprisingly well-read and more observant than people give him credit for, and Shadow probably had a lot of strategy training from GUN + played games with Maria on the ARK. idk i just feel like it would be a fun way for them to challenge each other outside of just racing/combat yknow

they both wear jewelry with each others' colors :] i usually make it earrings but i think Sonic having bracelets to mirror Shadow's rings would be really cute too

autistic Shadow and ADHD Sonic yes please yes yes yes

Sonic is the most verbally affectionate and Shadow is the most physically affectionate IM RIGHT YOU CANT ARGUE WITH ME ON THIS ONE IM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN GOODBYE

they like to beat each other up a little toooooo much and its kinda toxic maybe but also theyre both having fun so like. maybe its just a love language 🫶🫶

Tails is so, SO disappointed with Sonic for his choice in men. like he actively considers holding an intervention when he finds out that Shadow and Sonic started dating

theyre both somewhere on the aromantic and asexual spectrums because uhhhhhh so am i and i can project if i want to

Sonic is a chronic yapper and Shadow is a listener BUT. HEAR ME OUT. IT STARTS TO SWAP AS THEY GET MORE COMFORTABLE WITH EACH OTHER. shadow comes out of his shell and feels more at ease talking, and sonic appreciates having someone who doesnt expect him to be at full energy/optimism 24/7 and lets him be silent when he needs to be

[cator99]

top 10 long-term psychiatric lockdown facility patients:

#1. "DJ B-Rad": severely hyperactive autistic 11 year old. Looked and acted like some sort of elf. Would only respond to DJ B-Rad. Spoke and conversed pretty much exclusively in outbursts of classic youtube poop quotes. The other kids thought he was schizophrenic but I understood him and appreciated the humor he brought to what was often a quite dour situation. The place held I think 30 kids at a time– 10 per wing, divided by the risk-level associated with their interactions/how much care they needed. I was in the "low risk" section... in a room beside DJ B-Rad. He would frequently beatbox while partaking in the enjoyment of punching or hitting himself. Not in a depressive or self-haming way, nor in a "the voices made me do it" way. He just seemed to genuinely enjoy it. #1 because I have never met someone with such jouissance before or since. (and also because I wanted to start this off on a high note.)

#2. really charismatic stylish fat girl, maybe 15 or 16, who told everyone she was autistic. all professionals dissuaded her from mentioning it since that didn't seem to be her problem and really she didn't seem to have any beyond claiming to be autistic for no appparent reason. It became clear very quickly that she was self diagnosed and had her autism refuted by every professional she had come across. Regardless– she didn't seem to know why she was there either. She genuinely came across as normal, confident, well-adjusted, healthy family life, so why was she there? I had a bit of a crush on her and she had lesbian moms so i kept my fingers crossed that she would self diagnose herself as some flavor of kweer. I didn't think too hard about it back then because in all honesty I hadnt the faintest idea of what autistic even meant and no one seemed able to give me a straight answer. In hindsight... my conspiracy theory is that her moms initially took her to a psychologist because she kept telling people she was super autistic and back then that sort of claim carried massive weight (non zero chance tumblr played a part in her autism proclamation, but she was way ahead of the curve seeing as this was like... early 2012. in canada. I wasnt really online back then so idk when this sort of thing started to pick up steam but judging by how 2013 unfolded im gonna guess that it was right about then...) so maybe they thought she was like having some sort of very pressing identity issues or psychosis maybe muchausen and decided to ship her off without delay... A genuinely normal girl adamant on having a disability that was considered (especially back then. especially after DJ B-Rad.) debilitating must have seemed so insane..... until suddenly it wasn't lol (even normies I know nowadays say things like "everyone is a little autistic") . She arrived a few weeks before my graduation and at that point almost all of the people I spent my time with were gone and the place was full of randos who I otherwise didn't gaf about which meant I was able to spend more time getting to get to know her, trying to understand why she was there and what autism meant. Unfortunately, her timing could not have been worse. No one had time to entertain her autism claims. She had arrived almost immediately after the grand spergfest that was DJ B-Rad's graduation dinner. the bar was high. If you were gonna be calling yourself autistic, you were gonna have to prove it. She didn't seem at all bothered, nor deterred, nor invalidated by the professionals refusing to entertain the idea of her being even slightly on the spectrum... she was certain they were just ableist. During group therapy, when trying to get to the bottom of things, the "why" of her stay here, what issues she may have been dealing with, anything really... There didn't seem to be an answer. She most often took on a supportive role for others that came across as slightly tone deaf because she was trying to tell trauma patients to just keep their chin up and stay positive... which on paper could be possibly bad faith interpreted as "socially autistic" but no it more so came across as out of touch, as one of the rare patients who didnt have a background involving trauma, poverty, neglect, mental illness, etc. But to be honest, most people seemed to appreciate just having a truly unbothered, kind, and optimistic peer around– her intentions were, at the very least, pure. And for someone with low-level munchhausen, it didn't seem as though she was doing it for attention, nor did she fake any symptoms, or do anything really beyond say "i am autistic" and continue on with her day which I'm sure was extra confusing for the professionals dealing with her to wrap their heads around at the time.

#3. The Escape Artist: 14, caring and emotionally intelligent when she let her guard down, but typically quite guarded. Screwed up from her life on the rez. Always kept it real– I had some of my best discussions about life in general with her. By the time I got there, she had taken on a sort of mythical status as the unapproachable girl who had almost escaped the facility, and as a result had her stay extended "indefinitely". The minimum (and typical) stay was 4 months... by the time I arrived, she had been there for over 6 months, and she was still there when I "graduated" 4 months later. The story was that not long into her stay, she was being led back inside with the rest of the herd following a highly-supervised game of soccer in the fenced-off field attached to the back of the facility. To get outside at any time, you have to go through two (or 3) sets of locked doors. Beyond that... I mean, this place is in the middle of nowhere. This isn't some city psych ward shit. But security wasn't as tight as the staff let on. She had been plotting and waiting for a chance to escape for weeks– it was almost all she thought about. As the crowd was ushered along, distractions and misbehaving children were plentiful. While the staff were suddenly very wrapped up in dealing with whatever pressing issue had begun occurring, she realized that the door behind them had not closed properly. She somehow slipped out unseen, and managed to get a 10 minute head start before they realized she had vanished. She had run out the back, climbed the fence, hurt herself in doing so, but booked it down the highway regardless. She was in the middle of attempting to board a bus at one of its very few stops between this nowhere-place and the nearby city, when suddenly she was tackled down by staff who had been frantically driving around looking for her. Every kid there joked about plotting their escape– so of course she was a legend for having gotten that far. However, her response was always to roll her eyes at anyone who even joked about it: "Dont be stupid. Just do your 4 months. It passes like nothing." While she tended to be withdrawn from other patients, she had close relationships with all the staff there- including the ones who caught her- and often admitted that she wasn't sure anymore what she would do if they told her that it was her turn to graduate. Her entire support system was there. She didn't want to leave. At some point the program director decided she was making good progress and tried to push her on the path of the family reintigration stage. First time she went out for a brief day-pass type visit with her family, she stabbed herself in the stomach. Spent some time in an actual hospital. Upon her return, she played it cool and acted like it was no big deal, even tried to warp it into a badass thing while she showed us her stitches. But we all knew it was fucked up and that the next group therapy everyone was gonna have to sit back and give her the front and center even though she wanted to brush it off. She otherwise did seem happy to be back, even as she was placed back on "indefinitely stay" status. She was one of few I kept in touch with... which became very difficult very fast as she proceeded to dissappear for months and then years at a time, with the only indications of what's going on being people posting to her fb page asking if she's out of jail yet.

#4. Future Millenial Cringe Tiktok Star: 17, Baddie of the low-risk wing. She always had the most useful insight to offer during group-therapy (split by sex– sorry4tangent but of course as a fresh ftm I asked to get put into the "boys" group– was talked out of it by a staff member who assured me that it was an absolute shitshow in there and that yeah I could go down that road and maybe succeed but I would 100% regret it. I talked to some of the guys who told me it was just 2 hours of total retardation and anger outbursts often leading to physical fights and restraint-room utilization, all to the soundtrack of DJ B-Rad yelling "Pizza Time!" "PINGAS" "You Must Die" "Sos" etc. lol)... I always admired her maturity, level-headedness, and ability to tell off the dipshit dudes there in such a way that the staff had her back, and I often asked her how tf to handle this shit while maintaining my sanity. She was certain that you don't, but that's alright– comes with the territory– and if your sanity is reliant on being kept in here then you're not going to know how to cope on the ouside– she frequently said that hating it there and wanting to leave was a good thing (as you could imagine, her and Escapee had a strained relationship, and while Escapee would directly bring these things up with her, she saw the topic as dead on arrival since she was there solely for herself and knew it, and kept form boundaries between herself and other patients, which isnt to say she didnt engage with others but I could tell she was... I guess just way more self aware than the rest of us, likely due to her being the oldest one there), but sometimes people challenged this idea by positing that she was just saying that to justify her negativity, since it "wasn't that bad" there. She assured them that it wasn't normal to be locked up in a psychiatric facility, and that not treating it like a vacation wasn't a failure on her part– she was there putting in hard work to sort her shit out, and thought that it was a waste to just sit around waiting for it to be over. Oh also staff low-key knew she had snuck a phone onto the wing but didn't care really, because she was a model patient (phone was snuck in during her "family reintigration" period nearing the end of her stay, where the program gives patient families the opportunity to visit and go out for the day– and more rarely but sometimes even overnight, depending on the patient. All of this was pretty rare tho because kids often came from idgaf-families)... not much else to say except she was dope and it's weird seeing her getting dunked on online for calling herself clumsy in a tiktok. She once ran for some political position while also being open about the fact that she was a stripper. She almost got voted in too (small town politics moment)I honestly wish she had because she has always seemed very intelligent and driven...

[adventuringblind]

Hi ! Idk if im doing this right, its my first time sending a request…

Anyways, I loved ur autistic!reader x Oscar fic and i was just wondering if you could write more about them :)

I would love to read something about how she would interact with the other drivers / how they would interact with her!

If you don’t want to write that then you don’t have too! I love your writing and would love to read anything you post <3

Have a nice day, bye 😊

Grid Encounters

Oscar piastri x Autistic!reader

Genre: Fluff

Request: Yes, and with the amount of people who want to see Oscar and his Autistic partner, I will potentially make this a series:). Also, I'm still open for requests

Summary: Shenanigans on the grid take place when Oscar and his girlfriend are there

Warnings: idk I don't think there is

Notes: Trying a new format, let me know what y'all think!

Masterlist

It didn't take long for some of the drivers to catch on

Others were completely oblivious

Oscar and Lando both found it incredibly entertaining when she struggled to filter her thoughts

Her opinions and comments about things making them laugh hysterically

When someone told a joke she didn’t understand and gave them a blank stare, the reaction to them was funnier then the joke.

Oscar always swooped in to save her

Explaining what everyone found so funny in a way that made it all click for her

Max became close with her easily

She listened intently every time he started Maxsplaining or info-dumping

It was obvious to her when he was joking

He appreciates her laughing at his jokes

Charles is absolutely clueless

The two often staring blankly at the other

No thoughts, head empty

Until they figured out their shared interest in music

Then they wouldn’t shut up

Lando appreciates her tastes in food

Specifically the lack their of

Finally he could go out to eat with someone who understood him and his pickiness

Much to Oscar’s dismay

Daniel is very sweet with her

He tries his best not to shout in her ear and if he knows he’s going to be loud he’ll make sure to warn her

He gets defensive whenever someone gets insensitive

He’s always ready to tell someone off if they aren’t listening to her and what she’s saying she needs

Lewis was always wanting to know as much as possible

Learning to help make people aware of the hurtful stereotypes

It was refreshing to see and she openly answered any questions he asked

The reporter and journalists on the other hand, had yet to learn their lesson

It became a game among everyone who was regularly in the paddock

A game they called “which journalist would be getting a blunt answer today”

They always wanted to know why she did the the things she did

In which they would either receive a blunt and unfiltered answer

Or a sarcastic remark

“Is this the new style?”

“Sure. But I just find it comfy.”

“Do you ever get annoyed by things around the paddock?”

“That’s a stupid question. Don’t you have a degree for this stuff?”

“How do you and Oscar celebrate?”

“We party really hard. Drink a lot… of water. Lay on the floor. I’m always exhausted after.”

Speaking of the floor

She had a habit of always being on it

She determined that some floors were better then others

Oscar loved to indulge in her experiments

Rating every floor she was willing to lay on

They once were judging to tarmac on the circuit

Other drivers were doing track walks

Eventually they joined in

The journalists were confused at why half the grid was laying in the ground determining if they could sleep on it

It was a nice change, being around people who didn’t label her and accepted all of her quirks

Oscar was glad she felt at home around the paddock

He loves her for who she is

So seeing her smile about her environment and being accepted into his grid family made him smile too

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 6

Propaganda:

Kiriwo -

"Seems innocent at first and he's just a guy with a special interest in magic items, but watch out."

Arjuna -

"MASKING KING!!!!!! ok joke aside one of his biggest things is that he's super scared that if anyone gets too close to him they'll notice he's not perfect/has a 'secret darkness' (that's literally just a guy) and overall a lot of his storyline is a strong parallel for being neurodivergent and becoming more comfortable with accepting it. he's also super strict and hard on himself for any sort of failure that isn't in line with what's socially appropriate but at the same time he doesn't always have a good grasp on what that is which is how you get stuff like him blowing up a forest to try and impress someone. it also runs in his family bc his brother is autistic as hell too."

Sherlock -

"God, where do I start? I mean what Holmes adaptation, even if he's not the main character, would this be if he were not autistic coded? And our combo of autism and ADHD is absolute perfection, all tied up with a pretty, excitable face. Hit him with the crime hyperfixation and do not make him wear socks."

Apollo -

"Not canonically autistic but he has ZERO volume control plus he scripts/repeats stuff (“I’M FINE!!!”), sometimes mimics other people’s speech patterns (like replying “ja” to Klavier), sensitive to loud noises (stayed backstage at a concert cuz it was too loud) and bright lights (complained about the stage lights being too bright at the same concert + screamed when opening the hatch to the bright stage at magic show), and has been really into space since he was a kid, which could definitely be a hyperfixation (not to mention how he read every single one of Phoenix’s old case files back when he admired him). Plus he’s a little TOO normal, to the point where it circles back around to making him the odd one out, which is absolutely what masking feels like for me. Even when he tries to be fun and weird he gets strange looks/made fun of for not being weird in the right way. The list of autism symptoms is just a checklist for him at this point."

Heiji -

"90% of the cast in detective conan is autistic but heiji is the most autistic of them all."

Urara -

"Another alien who is so excited to dance with everyone that he does not understand that his intended purpose of inviting people to dance via water communication is brainwashing them into dancing and is causing extreme chaos. He nearly causes an apocalypse by being so excited about dancing but he apologizes and tries to make friends with Yuki at the end of the story. He is extremely soft spoken and try, finding it difficult to begin conversations and fidgeting."

Shu -

"speaking specifically about the first season but he was the "explains everything so the audience knows whats happening" guy. he was pretty antisocial (not sure if thats just how he was or if he lived alone [which was fucked up cause he was 11]) . im trying to think of more but my brain goes hghghhhggggh im just a big fan of him."

Vash -

"ain’t no way i’m the only one who’s submitted him. go look at the gif of him crawling in the dirt like a bug while he dodges bullets and get back to me."

Hyakkimaru -

"Due to a terrible curse he has lived his whole life without several body parts including his eyes and ears. Because of this he is often overstimulated and awkward in new situations (when he doesn't do what he does best, killing monsters and samurai with his sword arms) He can't say or express much, and often comes off as strange and creepy, but he is actually a cutie patootie full of emotions, has a big heart, a keen brain, endless inner strength and loves the people close to him! This adorable, cursed, demon slaying boy deserves everything!"

Kei -

"He has the tbh face. Also he canonically has sensory issues and gets sensory overload. He constantly wears earbuds. He has an extremely rigid sense of morality and considers himself a savior figure. He has a hard time relating to other people and is a bit awkward in his interactions."

[obscure-nonhumancultureis]

hi hi hi hello :3

I'm Maxen :3 Im a butterfly alterhuman and I do NOT see enough obscure alterhuman posts...so here we are :3

I use he/they/it pronouns!! I am a part of @thehaunteddollhouse-sys if you wanna casually talk to me you should go there instead

This blog is for alterhumans / nonhumans, which include really anything under the umbrella!! Therians, otherkin, uhh other terms I definitely know (I am willing to learn), this could also work for pet regressors if you regress into an obscure pet (I think that's how it works, if not just tell me and I'll fix it) and any systems as well :3 Questioning and curious humans welcome too, if you need advice :3

I do NOT want any discourse on this blog. the only dni/s are: homophonic, transphobic, nsfw, anti-alterhuman (which includes anti-therian and anti-otherkin). others will be added as time goes on (and i remember them)

I really hope this blog goes well because I just want to connect with people like me :3

I am autistic and I have a hard time knowing if what i have posted is wrong/right (and i have a hard time without tone tags so if you post sarcasm without /sarc i will take it as genuine), i also have a really bad memory :(

[halitis]

Teen Roy Harper and Oliver Queen shenanigans? I usually just see grown up Roy with Ollie but I crave more of a father - son bond.

ty for sending through the ask! they send me fucking INSANE!!! i love complex parent-child relationships and i think a lot of people see roy’s speedy era with ollie as just. all bad. but it isn’t! ollie is a good dad overall, yes he has had horrible moments and made lots of mistakes but he did work hard to fix his wrongs (n-52 ollie and roy's first re-meeting can go suck my left tit).

(sorry i took so long to respond! these posts actually take quite a while to type out, and get my thoughts down.)

the first time roy got sick while he was with ollie, ollie was stressing. he’s not ready for this! stitches? easy. girl troubles? no problem. but a fever and runny nose? oh god oh fuck. he’s relying on what he’s seen parents do in movies, so he decides to read roy a story! roy is certainly too old for this and also Doesn’t Love reading, but he bears it because it’s kinda funny for a bit. after like third time ollie tries, roy just goes “pls. you don’t have to do this. lets just watch a movie or something.”. now it becomes a tradition that whenever one of them gets sick, the other will just chill and watch movies with them. they don’t need to talk, the quiet company is much better.

roy genuinely looks up to ollie, so much. he admires the man in everyway, roy grows as a person in ollie's presence. roy developed his sense of justice and ethics from ollie (you can see it through how they both prefer to try and change the system over the individual). i think for the longest time, ollie could do no wrong in roys eyes, which is why their relationship fell apart so harshly because roy had unrealistic expectations of the man and ollie wss just... Not being a good father in this moment. it took a while to adjust his self worth to not be based off his perceived value to others.

[continued under read more]

ollie may be a lot of things, but he is Not dumb enough to not give roy the sex talk. is it the best? probably not. but he was VERY serious about having it when roy moved in, because he remembers himself as a teenager and is just like "oh god. oh GOD..." (he likes to think hes not like regina georges mum, but he deffo is.... ur getting old dude :/ sorry to tell you)

(DONT COMMENT ON THE FACT THAT HES WATCHING PORN. IM AWARE. I DONT QUESTION ANYTHING THIS MAN DOES ANYMORE)

when ollie first starts going out with someone, roy goes and gives ollie the exact same talk. in front of his date. ollie is just like "ahaha.... kids right?" roy has to spend the night at hal's house hiding out from him. (not out of any serious fear of repercussion, more playful).

i know the stereotype is that ollie's always getting into fights over politics, but it is actually so incredibly both of them. these two only increase in energy and passion when with each other. catch ollie going "YEAH THATS MY BOY!" when roy is chewing the fuck out of someone.

to me? they are both so autistic... idc no one can convince me otherwise. ollie doesn't realise till he hits his late teens, and even then hes in denial about it. he comes to terms with it a bit better after the island, so when he starts to recognise the same things in roy? he is quick to give that boy all the support he needs. he refuses to even let anyone talk shit or about it near roy, because he is so petrified of the the same internalised ableism he had manifesting in roy too.

ollie gets a small tattoo for roy, nothing big. probably just a little one on his back or ankle or something. he didn't even really plan to do it? it just happened. he sends roy a pic after its done and roy is just. emotionally wrecked.... he does not know what to say.... how does he even express what this means to him? its a permanent commitment to him. (he ends up just messaging back "looks ugly :/", ollie can read between the lines well enough to know what he means).

the first near death experience roy has with ollie he gets Fucked Up over it... he's already lost 2 other father figures, he can't lose another. he doesn't say anything about it, but hes attatched to the hip for ollie for at least 2 weeks... ollie didnt even realise why till he mentioned it off handedly to diana and shes like.... thats a child. hes scared. Fix It. they still dont talk about it, but ollie stops getting snappy at roy for following him around.

okay i have more to say, but im actively about to get in the car so i gotta go!!! anyone feel free to send another ask if they want me to finish up laterz!

aND FOR U ANON... WHO WAITED 50 YEARS FOR ME TO FINISH THIS.....

I <3 U

[matchakuracat]

chronically ill/physically disabled people, how do you deal with doctors appointments? what do you say/do to advocate for yourself? im autistic and not diagnosed with a chronic illness yet and i really struggle to know what to say to get them to listen to me and understand so that i can get the help and care i need. even if i bring someone with me, they also need to know what to say and i don't know anyone who understands well enough to explain to the doctor for me, which means that i have to tell them what to say before going. but that's the problem since i just don't know.

i have chronic joint pain that ive had for years but has only gotten worse over time. i also have hypermobile knees which are the worse they've ever been right now. i'm chronically fatigued and barely have the energy to eat and do basic hygiene. i have a few friends that i talk to fairly regularly and im very thankful for them but i still struggle so much with maintaining a social life when i cant even maintain my own physical wellbeing. i only go outside when i absolutely have to/when my pain is low enough and i have enough energy. on average i probably leave my house about once or twice a week, usually to go to medical appointments, to an internship i have once a week or to go grocery shopping. i usually try to do both at the same time if i can (like going grocery shopping after my internship) but most of the time i have to ask my parents to get me groceries since i dont have enough energy to. all i want is to be able to go outside just to take short walks and enjoy nature and the fresh air but i can't do so without the right treatment/a mobility aid. everything im doing right now is bordering the line of too much. im constantly tired and overwhelmed and everything feels like a struggle, even the smallest tasks most people do everyday without thinking twice about it.

i have almost only had bad experiences with doctors and other medical professionals like physiotherapists, which has given me a lot of extra anxiety on top of my already pretty bad social anxiety. i really struggle to make appointments and even more so to go to them, and when i bring myself to do so i really struggle to express myself and explain how i feel and how i want them to help me. i almost always get shut down and offered no actual help with any of my problems. i just don't know what to do anymore.

if anyone has any advice i'd really appreciate it. i know that i can't give up because my life right now without accommodations is too miserable, but i also don't know how to move forward.

sorry if this was hard to understand. i really tried my best to explain but im having a bit of a hard time expressing myself right now due to feeling worse than usual.

[urautismdiagnosis-wistie]

Please give me your headcanons/ideas on Ranger Marsh, and my life is yours🙏 (He's my favorite old man yeehaw squeeeeeee)

YEAH HE IS

Ranger marsh is THE FATHER OF ALL TIME to me because listen-

I live in Florida. Whenever they talk about manatees or red tide or the effects of a cold snap im like YOOO I KNOW ABOUT THAT!!!

I need yall to understand 🙏 hes part of the fcking ecosystem.

He understands the needs and behaviours and everything about the everglades and its creatures. He knows how to talk to them and they know him and love him. He chooses to go out and help right away with this " I gotcha dont worry about nothing!" attitude

Hes so connected with it and its beautiful-

Its just that sense of community hes got with all the creatures in the everglades that makes me 🥺 hes got such a kind heart and he seems like the person to choose to do something because someone has to yk?

Alot of people would be offput by all the bugs and heat and etc, but he just goes oh well and keeps going along and I think that is SO special

And im gonna be honest here. Alot of people ARENT. Like at all, and they do the dumbest sht

One time my dad and I were on a board walk near a river that had gators in it and there were signs about it too. We saw this??? Fcking guy in a whole business suit with his kid wanting to give a little gator fcking store bought chicken nuggets??? 💀🙏 we like kindly explain uhhh heyyy don't do that cuz u don't want gators to associate humans with food or (gestures broadly to all the many reasons u shouldn't feed wild animals)

And then we continued our walk, but when we turned back we fcking saw a mini crowd (with several small kids leaning THROUGH THE GAP in the railing) surrounding a guy with a kiddie fishing pole trying to??? Idk feed the gator the chicken nuggets.

There were signs about not disturbing the wildlife.

I didnt exaggerate a single aspect of this btw.

Like thank fck gators are ambush predators and not chasers cuz those guys can run and climb like nobody's business... and hide under cars

SIDE TANGEANT ASIDE alot of people just aren't in tune with and have like a totally unrealistic and detached from reality expectation of that kinda nature. But ranger marsh (i headcanon that his first name is Rover btw cuz not only is that a flooding guy name but cmon- RIVER MARSH?!!) Is always so patient about explaining that kind of stuff to the others in the show

Hes got an understanding and a system on how to handle things.

Also I do appreciate how he struggles with understanding technology and prefers old fashioned ways. Because while there are alot of folks like that, alot of people can be... very aggressive about it if u disagree with them :(

But ranger marsh, while he can't understand, he still does come around and appreciates it the best he can yk? Like sure he doesn't get WHY and he sucks at it, but he comes around and appreciates it, even if it isn't always for him

The awe he felt when the gup k went under water and he saw the world he loves from an entirely new angle? Oh my god my heart-

He would absolutely take in any stray creature that needs help, he feels like the kinda guy that would've tried to help a wild animal heal up in the garage when they were a kid and everyone else told him not to touch it 🥺

Also personal headcanon time:

I dont think this guy could keep a secret for the life of him. Like this guy doesn't even realize, he feels like the guy would would see something weird and then go " well ill be i never did see anythin as strange as that before" to a fcking bush or the sky

He sort just has this factual way of speaking that reminds me of people who go "well yeah well when ya go n talk her dont mention x and x cuz I'm pretty sure she's suspecting her boyfrens been cheatin on her and oh I wasn't supposed to share that was i."

Also I feel like maybe I'm just projecting and making him autistic but like??? Has a hard time dealing with change??? Likes being in the wild with a bunch of creatures??? Probably needs his "two hours of contemplating on the back porch" every day ????

Hes absolutely the type to want to dig in the mud for hours thank you, he absolutely went fck living a normal life in society I want to be friends with the animals under my porch

I desperately want him to basically go "hm ok ur staying here for tonight" to calico jack who is the equivalent of a (very kind and gentle) feral stray 🙏

I'm gonna make a post about their dynamic later lol

Cuz likes its an old funky pirate cat with isolation issues thats probably scared of gators and Caimens for I lost me leg reasons and hasn't had like a normal meal in probably over a decade at least

(Cj probably can't handle dairy but he's gonna try (and fail) ranger marsh probably makes delicious mac n cheese)

also cj literally uses a peg leg that can NOT be good for his back, like there's so much special care needed if u have a proper prosthetic but a peg leg is like 💀🙏 so bad

I feel like CJ is this very kind and gentle soul, but the second he meets someone his age (cuz they ARE around the same age) he just becomes a wet gremlin, ill yap more about it on their dynamic post tho

As for the question of "ayyo whats up with ranger marshes wife or rather tweaks mom what's up with that"

I dont think tweaks mom died or anything, I think they just divorced when she was in like middle school and then he got her legos to try to help her feel better 😭

probably just cuz of personal differences... but yk some people can get kinda :| during divorces and stuff

I feel like they were probably high school sweethearts that got married before they even grew as people

It seems to me like tweak was probably homeschooling and definitely was skipping grades and whatever

I liek to think she has lego models of all her gups and that she had an emo phase in middle school 🙏 she still has the spirit in her soul but let's be real she's probably too busy elbows deep in an engine to upkeep that stuff anymore lol

(Ik we saw a younger tweak before in the show but like who says it wasn't at a different point in her life lol)

I dont think she was necessarily into emo specifically as a way to rebel her own parents btw (at least not her dad) but just because she liked the culture lol and was probably on my space as a teen

She 100% tried to take her dad to a monster truck show at least once and he absolutely did not understand the hype 😭 but tweak was inspired to take inspiration from the mix of animal designs and unique shapes into something more eco friendly and versatile tho

Like the gup k is just a wetland monster truck 🙏

She absolutely had years of trial and error with all sorts of gizmos that exploded at least a few times before she got the hang of engineering

Probably tried to make all sorts of things to help the little critters her pa took care of

Might be part of the reason he doesn't understand tech that well because when ur a kid without alot of money u gotta work with what u have and sometimes that doesn't always work out XD but hey restriction of choices can lead to alot of unique and creative solutions!

idk the exact reason why ranger marsh and his wife would've divorced,maybe it was just a difference in how they envisioned their life styles and the fact ranger marsh seems a bit too "introverted and quiet" for a more social life and environment with a normal job tbh

(Cough autism cough they are both autistic in different ways cough)

but the everglades have always been tweaks home and I doubt she wanted to leave. I think she still talks to her mom and stuff but just... not that much

I dont really think ranger marsh would've tried again in that type of relationship, hes too busy being busy with life and enjoying the small moments

And hot cocoa from the machine that tweak gave him as a gift

He absolutely helped her keep her room organized and tidy as a kid tho, but look at her room into he octopod now XD

Also SOMEONE MAKE HIM SAY " BLESS THEIR HEART" PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THATS THE NUMBER ONE SOUTHERN SAYING-

Like 🥺 idk if yall know but bless ur heart can mean alot of different stuff depending on the context- it can go from "oh my goodness thats awful I can empathize with that and I wish them the best" to "well.... that person has no FCKING idea what they're doing but.... bless that idiots heart hes trying😂 🙏"

[dirtsoilmulch]

I saw ur tags on my post and consider….Autistic Nick…like high functioning, smells and gross stuff being sensory issues, having stims like smokin and fidgeting with his gun and/or rings, his shirt being silk cause texture issues etc etc. but curious about ur takes about the gangs neurodivergence! :3c I think Ellis being ADHD is canon for sure lol

WOOOO I GET TO YAP ABOUT MY FAVS HUZZAH:

nick:

definitely picky sensory-wise, but decent and high functioning socially. maybe a bit too blunt but it comes off as he's just a bitch instead of he's just autistic (those two ideas coexist btw. he's a autistic bitch)

arguably the world's number one hand sanitizer fan. but still particular about the kinds he'd use even in an apocalypse, just because there are some that don't dry right on his hands, don't smell good when opened, etc etc

EXTREMELY particular about his clothes. no wonder he complains about that 3000 dollar suit whenever he gets shit on it, it's the 'safe' one

(also only one considering the situation but shhhhh)

(i'm sure pre-apocalypse he had like 5 different pairs of the same suit)

fidget king. turning his rings on his fingers (definitely comfort items even if he doesnt admit it), unloading and reloading his guns, unbuttoning and rebuttoning his jacket. there's so much he would fuck with

he can make rings and shit when he smokes it's impressive

(i had a lot to say abt nick oopsie)

ellis:

my glorious adhd king

"I don't know what hd is but my doctor said I had 80 of them bitches"

he thinks too fast for his mind and body to keep up with so he'll just say shit (that's not even a headcanon he just does that)

IF we are entertaining the autistic ellis headcanon as well (we are) his special interest is cars. both mechanical stuff and stock car racing (nascar and the like)

((i may or may not have an f1 nellis au in my brain because l4d2 and f1 are my fav things rn... idc if a nascar au makes more sense f1 is more epic))

collects the mini hotwheels stock cars. just hotwheels in general. look at him he would

can and will list of everything he knows about any given subject he likes, but he'd get distracted making a reference nobody understands and then explaining it with another reference nobody understands

im projecting idc

struggles socially just because he lacks the ability to understand subtle social cues. you have to say it directly to his face and Then he'll get it

nothing is a sensory struggle. he fucks w literally everything even the weird shit. maybe the textures and smells of certain foods (probably fish)

rochelle:

honest to God i don't think she realizes that her dear survival team are all neurodivergent (but I doubt they even realize it themselves)

token neurotypical it's a hard job but someone has to do it

accidentally mimics the actions of the people around her (intentionally just to give them shit for it, but it becomes habit overtime). nick will fidget with his rings, she'll mess with her bracelets. ellis will stand with a wide cowboy stance, she'll copy.

would also be the type to respond for someone else just because she knows what they'll say, but in a very bad imitation of their voice

just rochelle imitating ellis' fuckass accent. (literally everyone imitating ellis' fuckass accent. nick does it in game bro)

nice enough to pick up on the tiny things of everyone else and offers little trades for preferred weapons and such

coach:

oh coach... how I love you...............

adhd

a similar vein to ellis where he just has a lot going on in his brain at all times, but since he's grown (possibly medicated) he has a better grasp on it

definitely talks to himself under his breath tho, it helps him lock in

struggles with volume level definitely not based on me and my friends playing with the loud coach friendly fire mod but he tries his best and will shut the fuck up when asked

coach telling dad jokes.... not even a related headcanon its just on my mind

really elaborate ones but he loses it midway thru and remembers like 4 hours later (but forgets the intro to the joke)

(now it's related)

would attempt to help ellis manage his adhd better but that guy does not listen (or care to listen)

this was an accidentally very long post (oopsie). send more asks l4d2 fandom i could yap for DAYS

[marcusbrutus]

I feel like I have a tumblr anon in my brain…. Like a tiny cop. But it’s an chronically online anonymous weirdo. And every thought I have, I get “anons” telling me how it’s problematic and I should kill my self LOL The other morning I saw an RFK sign and I thought doesn’t he have brain worms, someone running for president shouldn't have brain worms. maybe apply for literally any other job. and the anon was like ummm ableist much? Like WHAT. I turned off anon on tumblr a while ago, so even if I post something “risky”, someone will have to tell me what they think to my face. They can’t hide. Even posts I think are innocuous can be wildly misinterpreted, and someone will probably call me problematic. But even if no one says anything, I still hear it. In my brain. Sometimes I delete things because the thought is so strong. I’m probably not gonna make it to any heaven or enlightenment because I can’t forgive yourfaveisproblematic. In my mind, Tumblr was great before then, or at least it felt that way, and that blog sewed the seeds for cancel culture in the future. That stuff sticks to my brain, even if I don’t want it too. When you put sins like "said disabled people shouldn't be alive" on the same level as "has a tattoo in a language they don't natively speak," it is very confusing to a people-pleasing undiagnosed autistic 14 year old. I felt/feel like I can’t like anyone or anything because it’s ~problematic~ I worry it will never go away, because it affected me in my developing years, 14-19 I want to get better, but it’s hard. I wish I could run from the internet, but I can’t. It’s a part of life now. It’s how we stay connected. But it’s also like…. Idk. The internet used to be my safe space, right? Deviantart. Early tumblr. Seeing weird people like me made me feel less alone. I was a weeb surrounded by “preps” for lack of a better word, not that I didn’t have friends but NONE of them were into what I was into, you know? And no one became as obsessive about things like books and anime like I did, except online. But now it’s like, idk, corruption of the garden of Eden. But instead of me eating the fruit, the garden/internet ate the fruit. The world is too different now… I can’t keep up. And it’s not just because I’m getting older. Things happen faster now. Trends will last half a year when in the past they would have lasted a decade. I hate knowing everything all of the time. I hate that my garden is now a cesspool.

I’m just angry that people on tumblr and lefty spaces online are so blind to their own propaganda, and calling it out is “hate.” Like idk, I guess I expected better from people who are supposed to be ~intellectuals~. Well, if YouTube video essays have taught me anything, style over substance goes a LONG way. And they’re like “oh we’re so compassionate and we want a better future” but they tell everyone to kill themselves and laugh when red states get devastated by natural disasters it's not just that but it's like…. if you're not constantly aware of everything, you're ~part ofthe problem~ #wakeupamerica. silence is violence, blah blah blah. it's just hard because i grew up with a strict dad so learned to be a people pleaser. i'm extremely sensitive to guilt and shame. and all most of the internet has done since 2014 is shame everyone for everything. you're either with Us (good, pure, morally righteous) or you're with Them (problematic, evil). you don't want to be gasp problematic, do you? you don't want to have a callout post made about you and lose all your friends, right? well, keep you nose clean and reblog all the right posts so we know which side you're on an maybe, maybe we'll leave you alone. i have the stress of someone in debt to a mob boss. nah it's more like… i have the stress of everyone in the scarlet letter and im hoping everyone will keep their eyes on the Villain of the Week and leave me alone there's a decent video called "how to radicalize a normie." i say decent because it treats radicalization like a right-wing only issue and the "answer" to right wing radicalization is, of course left wing radicalization. "Even though they're on the bad, evil side, there's still hope because we can get them to our good, morally righteous side!" That kinda bs, and I say bs not in a left vs right way. According to my dad I'm a full blown communist! I'm saying it in the sense that the answer to radicalization isn't "just radicalize them to the other side." That's not at all helpful. You might as well tell an alcoholic who likes jameson to just switch to jack daniels. It's all poison, it's all harmful. ANYWAY, he talks about how most people don't set out to be radicalized, the politics comes to them. That happened to me - but on the left. And I'm sure if I left a comment on his video saying as much, he'd say it didn't happen or say it was a good thing. On tumblr, I came for anime. And for the first year, I got anime. But then I got really intense political stuff. "silence is violence." "i see you not reblogging this." "if you're not angry, you're not paying attention." I was 14-15, sheltered as fuck, I don't know anything about the world but now tumblr is convincing me that I know more about political issues than anyone. And it changed me. And it fucked me up. and I want to get unfucked. But I don't know how. I feel like an internet alcoholic. Like, even if I do stop using it, it will still be there, haunting me, forever, you know? because all my friends use it, not just you guys but irl friends. and the internet is effecting the real world. I miss the days when there was the internet, then there was reality. but now the internet is the reality. That's why I also fell so hard for the [REDACTED] stuff. Tumblr made me think everyone was [REDACTED] because like 99% of tumblr is [REDACTED], and I was worried about it because god help you if you question anything or show the slightest bit of concern. God help you if you're not full steam ahead on everything. I want to escape the matrix. I hate the hypocrisy…. And I hate even more that I’m also a hypocrite. I fall for group think and propaganda but act like I’m above it all. I hate social media but use it every day. YouTube too. I guess that’s why I get so mad when I see them act like that. It reminds me of me. People think the consequences of social media on a teenage girl are like "omg I was feeling good about myself….. but then I saw a model on Instagram… alas. I will never be her. I weep."

But it's more like: Oh my gosh, I just saw a post asking for mutual aid (aka MONEY, BABY) and I scrolled past. What if they died because they couldn’t afford food because I didn’t reblog their post? But what if I DID reblog their post, but it was a scam, and I led my followers to give money to someone who didn’t need it instead of someone who did?

I was hoping to share more examples, but I'm worried someone will misinterpret, and even though anon is off, the anon in my brain is on. always. on. i keep going back to the internet because i keep expecting it to get good again… like how it was. for some reason, i can't accept that it will no longer be my safe space. i wish i had a massive angel to keep me out, or something. like the actual garden of eden. I have to accept that it will never get better. I have not only an addiction to the internet, but to the obsessive thoughts it brings. By wishing it will get better, and continuing to use it, I am chasing a dragon. That is to say, I'm hoping for the same feelings I got from initially using the internet. No one ever catches the dragon. anyway, if you read all that... thank you so much! i'm taking a break from the internet, until mid november at least. maybe by then, it will be better. or not. we'll see.

[ithurtsogood]

everything here is fantasy and assumed between consenting adults

minors, do not interact

this is an adult content focused page and might contain some very hard kinks, either in likes as in interactions, some of them roleplaying situations that can actually resembles someone’s trauma

if this is you: i am so so sorry and i see you and you are valid and you have the right to feel whatever you do about this thing i do here, my advice for you if that’s the case though is blocking pages like mine; doing that they already stop appearing for you, there’s no need of reporting and stuff pls i dont want to be nuked 🥺

and for our community: put CWs on stuff is not that hard (one day i’ll elaborate this further i’m becoming talkative and at this point i’m tired lol) (self-critique, i need to do it with my content. i will be when i have time, i didn’t thought on my acc as something public at first lol)

on my account i am talking about lots of simulated non-consenting, degrading scenes and language in general and some mid body restrains - sore (no blood, though - i have my limits, too; check them below) go somewhere else if that kind of subject causes distress on you.

under #safeplace you can find my sfw/wholesome side and aesthetics

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

polyamorous, bi/pan, probably hypersexual, GMT -4 -3, english as second language, autistic, sub-leaning masochist

28y cunt, 5’4 (1,64) 🍒: 36E

needy slut in any language. brain leaked between my legs, it’s amazing you should try

dms are open, but i will stalk you i mean check your ✨vibes✨ before knowing how/if i want to interact to you; any delay on answering is not personal, i just have a life outside this lol

feel free to send fantasies and visual content (for self pics, ask first. again, ✨vibes✨ ~better chances if we are already mutuals but still, ask first. and i will not show my face here - well, except if i want to)

in general im very very sub leaning (at a point of when i did my last bdsm.org test i didn’t even answered questions designed for dom/me side), my list of kinks and their color coding was written on my thoughts of being receiving part/bottom. but since lately i’ve had some fun exploring my (very subtle) domme side, i made a parallel list of things i feel would be into on giving a sub (though i guess i prefer to study each individual ones, it’s part of the fun for me) ;they will appear in bold in my color coding list below

might appear often/ i’m really into

cnc, rape play, free use, gang bang, object inserting, inspection, spanking, impact play, sensorial deprivation, choking, sonmo, body worshipping, feet play, overstimulation, multiple stuff inserted in my holes omg i <3 to feel fulled, bondage, pain play (clit and nipples punishmennt hmnn), kidnapping, being kept in a dungeon as a sex slave, humiliation, degradation, spit, slap, fisting, school authority teacher/detention (bullying scenes, my beloved), objectification, body writting, pet play

praise and objectification in a more psychological way

under certain conditions/ with specific people

blood, age play, public tasks irl, ddlg, misoginist roleplay, piss play (swallowing is red zone though), electric play

i wouldn’t and i prefer don’t see content about

scat, puke, permanent body changes, gore, feederism/ food control, bestiality, pregnancy, raceplay, incest (and sorry folks, even the fauxcesty mommy/daddy language makes me uncomfortable, but this ones is more a personal thing than an actual judgment), actual misoginy or any kind of talking that demands degrading an entire group of people*, not only those to agreed to participate (i want to eventually elaborate that concept)

* ik i have some ftm degradation posts saved, but i wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that to someone, it’s just.. situations i imagined myself being under, before seeing the tag (which might not make sense since i’m cisgender, but well, my imagination is fertile) and was so well written to not save (i’m not always checking the source page from where i save stuff, sometimes i’m just scrolling the feed and like spamming; but if i ever interact in a post of yours in a way you’re not comfortable, or if your page is a cis people dni, feel free to tell me, and i step back, unlike and offer my sincere apologies. // tl;dr: this page is and always will be trans/nb ally 🏳️‍⚧️

if you read this till the end and Agree on Terms of Use™️, start your dm with said emoji sequence, so i can assume your awareness (and you let me know you’re capable of respecting real life boundaries/ safe words)

❌🍑❌🍑

• #safeplace for kink unrelated stuff/ safe for work content

• #kinkeducation #outofcharacter for some meta thoughts (in process)

• i have the intention to map some of the most frequent kinks and interactions but still doing #askhurtsg #challengehsg (in process)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for being harsh to my friend who was asking me for reassurance over anxiety

I (21F) have a friend (21m), who we'll call Sam, who is very anxious and is autistic. Sam has a tendency to take everything I do as a sign that I secretly hate him, even when it has nothing to do with him. It's honestly a bit suffocating. Previously, hes gotten upset about me not being on my phone while I was studying for an exam, he's gotten really upset with me when I said I couldn't talk right now because I was really hungover, etc. We've had discussions about this before, and I've been like "look, if I hated you we wouldn't be hanging out at all dude, please stop reading everything I do so negatively." It hasn't really improved the situation.

Two weeks ago exactly from when I write this, there was a death in my immediate family. I was there when they passed, and I've never seen anyone die before, and it really hit me hard. I want to grieve alone. I don't want to talk to anyone for a while, as I process things. I told my friends, and Sam specifically, that I was going offline for a while as I grieved. Everyone, Sam included, told me to take the time I needed.

It's been a hectic two weeks, and I've not had as much time alone to process as I would have wanted. People, including Sam, have checked in on me and I've told them im not doing good and I'm not ready to get back online.

Yesterday, Sam messaged me (all of this took place on Snapchat so I don't have the exact messages anymore) saying that he knew I said I wasn't talking to people but that he felt neglected and ignored. He said that is RSD was playing up and he was convinced that I hated him, and he wanted reassurance that I didn't.

I was absolutely furious with him when I got that message, I'll be honest. Inwardly, I was like how fucking dare you make this about you. How dare you ignore that I literally told you that I wasn't speaking to people because of MY OWN metal health and that it was nothing to do with you. I was (and still am really) so, so angry.

I knew, however, that it wouldn't do any good to say that to him. Instead, I said that my life does not revolve around him, that I hadn't thought about him once since our last text, and that we were good friendship wise on my end but that I was not ready to talk as I was really not doing well.

He said I was being mean to him, and guilted me into a 3 hour conversation to sate his anxieties. He thinks we're good now, but I'm so fucking angry with him for this. Fuck me, I suppose, my one fucking request to be left alone means nothing. Fuck my mental health. Fuck the fact I just watched a family member DIE, Sam has decided that I hate him again so I must drop everything to reassure him. AGAIN!

I'm too angry to see this situation clearly; I have no idea whether I'm an asshole or not. Was I mean? "My life doesn't revolve around you" might be mean.

What are these acronyms?

[drdemonprince]

hi devon! love your work so much and also just rly want to take an edible with you and shoot the shit but my actual question is as an autistic person who was taught to orient around other peoples needs how can i re train that laser focus to kind of hone what i need/like/desire? i feel really lost and spend so much time thinking about what other people may like or want i have no idea what i want even at 29

oh my goodness, my entire next book on Autism is all for people like you! I believe that part of unmasking requires that we learn how to disengage from the opinions of others, widen our distress tolerance, get more acclimated to the possibility of change, learn how to initiate the activities we like more, and just generally get more in touch with our bodies and our desires. this is a lot of work but it's all in the realm of skills that can be practiced... which is why i'm currently trying to sell a book that is entirely research, examples, and exercises around these things. i will also be publishing lots of small tastes of this work pretty regularly on my substack in the next few months.

in the meantime, i would encourage you to start reallllly really small, by taking greater notice of what you don't like. and i mean really start out with miniscule declarations of negative feeling. "i dont like this song, can we change the channel on the radio?" "i dont want to eat at the olive garden actually" "im cold, can you turn up the heat or tell me where the blankets are?" "this bar is too loud, i'm going to have to leave." REALLY small stuff. even stuff of that scale probably feels TERRIFYING. start with these things, and ride out the initial discomfort or embarrassment that arises when stating a need or preference.

you'll notice that each of these "no's" is actually getting you closer to figuring out what you want as well. you're saying you dislike something, or that you are uncomfortable -- but you're also practicing articulating a thing that you actively do want, whether that's a blanket, a more comfortable place to spend the evening, or something better to listen to or to watch. it's hard to ask oneself massive existential questions about who you truly are and what you want out of life. but asking yourself if anything small in your immediate environment is uncomfortable is far easier.

the great thing about this method is that you can practice it all the time. any time you're in a new space or situation, just take a moment to ask yourself: what would i change? the goal is to always find something you could advocate or ask for. this flips the masked autistic instinct to never ask for anything until you're in absolute agony completely on its head. you are LOOKING for things to request, LOOKING for sources of mild discomfort to voice -- and youll get better and better at noticing what you like and what you dislike the more that you do this.

with time, you will be able to articulate far greater wants. i dont want to spend my weekend at my grandmother's house. i dont want to live in an apartment with someone who is constantly criticizing me. i want to live by the water. i want a job where i can control the temperature of my workspace at all times. i want dogs. i want to be able to go running in the morning. i want a bathtub. i want to paint and listen to music. i dont want to marry this person. and so on!

this is a massive oversimplification, but there you go. a little bump of the full supply that hopefully will hit bookshelves early 2025 if i play my cards right