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cassyapper · 4 years ago

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Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves

#THIS IS SO MESSY IM SORRY I DIDNT PROOFREAD ANYTHING #uhm but yeah these guys. drive me nuts!#jjba #jojo spoilers #nothing too heavy but just in case #cass cries #iwannagrill

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itsalliepg · 6 years ago

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Drabbles - Mark x Renata (MC) - Part 1

SUMMARY: An anthology about Mark and Renata (MC)

PAIRING: Mark x Renata (MC)

RATING: Everyone

WORDS: 1803 divided in 7 drabbles

NOTE: Hey! Here some drabbles I made based on this post here. I divided in two parts. English isn’t my native language. I write to practice and learn, so please sorry any mistakes. I hope you like it, and if you do, I’d appreciate if you like/comment/reblog!Tagging @seawhite-seafair @maxwells-nut@writtenbycandy @teamtomsato @endlessly-searching-for-you @thedepthsremember

1. “This has to be the second best day of my life.” Words: 317

After a day of working at Net4U, Renata came home and found Mark in the kitchen. He was putting something in the oven, and she could already identify the smell.

_Mmm…lasagna…my favorite…- Mark turned to her and smiled.

_I know – she approached him and he caught her lips in a passionate kiss – I went to the grocery today, and decided to cook something special for my beautiful girlfriend – she grinned – so, how was your day?

_It was great! – Renata said excitedly, and Mark’s eyes widened in surprise – my last article had the record of clicks, Leah and I realized we already have enough money to hire another Net4U collaborator! – she took a dress from the bag in her hands – I went into a boutique, because of this gorgeous dress, and I found out the only dress they had was this one, that was in the shop window and was my size! – he giggled – and now my amazing boyfriend is cooking my favorite dish!

_How lucky you are!

_I know! This has to be the second best day of my life! – Mark turned to her, arching an eyebrow.

_Really? – he wrapped his arms around her waist – and what’s your first best day?

_Well, obviously the day Net4U won that prize… - Renata wrapped her arms around his neck.

_Of course – he kissed her forehead – which is also the day our relationship became official, right?

_Oh, yeah? I don’t remember that – she said innocently – if it wasn’t for the award, this would be the fourth or fifth best day of my life – Mark rolled his eyes, but kissed Renata deeply. She pulled back panting.

_And now? – he smirked.

_Well…now it’s the third one – she winked.

_Oh? So I guess I’ll have to do something after dinner to make you change your mind – they shared a sly smile and kissed again – I love you, Renata.

_I love you too, Mark.

2. “Your hair is the softest thing I have ever had the blessing of touching.” Words: 269

On a Saturday afternoon, Mark and Renata were sitting on the couch watching TV. At some point, he lay down on the couch and rested his head on her lap. She laughed.

_It’s me who usually does it – they smiled and she stroked his hair, as he did when she lay on his lap. After a while, he sighed.

_If I tell you something you promise me you will not be angry?

_Of course no, Mark! – she widened her eyes – why?

_Well, my shampoo was over and I used yours…

_...and?

_Was it. I used your shampoo.

_Mark, did you really think I’d be mad at you over of a shampoo? – she tickled his stomach.

_It’s yours, Renata. I used it without asking permission.

_Well, you don’t have to ask permission to use my things, okay? – she enlaced her hand on his and kissed his knuckles. He grinned.

_Thanks. But I must confess I’ve always wanted to try on your shampoo – Renata chuckled.

_Really? Why?

_Well, your hair is the softest thing I have ever had the blessing of touching – Mark put his hand to her hair and stroked it – I’m not so vain, but I wanted to see what it would do to my hair – she laughed.

_You’re lovely, Mark Collins – she turned her head and kissed his hand – and I think you should use my shampoo from now on. Your hair is significantly soft.

_You think so? – he smiled broadly.

_Definitely – she smiled back.

_There’s another thing I love about this shampoo: it smells like you – he caressed her cheek. Blushing slightly, she bent to kiss him.

3. “I don’t know, go eat a cabbage or something.” Words: 203

_Nata…- Mark sat beside Renata in the bed, and softly tucked her hair behind her ear.

_Hum? – she asked, still looking at her laptop.

_Come play video game with me? – he asked, almost begging.

_I already said we can do it later, baby.

_Pleeeease? – he pouted, looking at her with puppy eyes. She finally looked at him.

_I’m busy, Mark. I have to finish this article, review and post today.

_Aaaah, I hate when you bring work home…what am I going to do until you finish?

_I don’t know, go eat a cabbage or something.

_What? – he grimaced – you know I hate cabbage! _Exactly. You’ll be pretty busy trying to eat something you don’t like. Who knows you end up liking cabbage – she arched an eyebrow to him, and he laughed.

_You call me a dork, but so do you – he kissed her cheek.

_I know. It’s daily living with you – Mark rolled his eyes.

_I don’t know if I’m offended or flattered – Renata brushed her nose against his.

_Believe me, it was a compliment – he smiled.

_Thank you – he sighed – okay, I’m not going to bother you anymore.

_Thanks – she returned to her article, and he picked up his phone and earphones.

4. “Leaving me alone was everyone’s first mistake.” Words:249

_Hello, Mark! – Renata greeted as he locked the front door. She walked to him for a kiss – how was your day?

_It was…interesting. My room is being renovated, and I have to share a room with three interns, who kept talking all the time. I was getting very annoyed and didn’t know what to do, and finally they left the room to do, I don’t know what. When the room finally fell silent, I noticed how my head was aching.

_Oh, poor Mark – she massaged his temples – but dit you get to work?

_Well, I took advantage of my solitude and I worked on the plot for a new game.

_Oh, that’s nice! – she smiled – so, can I see the drabbles you did?

_Actually, the drafts are almost ready – he showed the graphics on his tablet.

_Mark! Did you do all this in just one day? – Renata’s eyes widened.

_Leaving me alone was everyone’s first mistake – he grinned proudly – I found out when I’m annoyed I feel more creative.

_So I think you should hire some interns to bother you from now on – they burst into laughter and shared a deep kiss – how about we order a takeout to celebrate?

_Great idea – Mark hugged Renata and kissed her again – and I think your hands are magic, my head isn’t aching anymore.

_Oh, you know very well how powerful my hands are – she winked.

_Mmm…I think I’ll have to see this more closely later – he smirked and they kissed again.

5. “So, funny story, I might have done some not so intentional redecorating when you were gone.” Words: 314

Renata got home after going to the gym, and noticed something different in the living room.

_Mark? Are you there? – Mark came out of the bedroom.

_Hey, baby – he smiled and kissed her – did you see the wall? – he pointed to a landscape painting hanging above the couch.

_Yeah, I saw the wall, the rack, the chairs…what happened here?

_This painting is too beautiful to hang in our bedroom, so I decided to put it here. But the best place was this wall, so we could see when we got home. But it didn’t look good above the TV, so I had to put the rack there – he pointed out – and of course, the couch and the chairs had to move places too, or we couldn’t watch TV! – she giggled – I didn’t mean to change everything, I just wanted to put the painting here, and when I realized, the living room was completely different. So, funny story, I might have done some not so intentional redecorating when you were gone – he took her hands – so, did you like it?

_Actually, I liked this setup more than the previous one! – Renata grinned – it was a great idea to bring the painting here! And here I thought you were into Feng Shui or something…

_Feng…what? – Mark grimaced and Renata shook her head, smiling.

_Never mind, it’s nothing. So, what do we do now? – she wrapped her arms around his neck.

_What about we take advantage of this change of positions in the room and try new positions as well? – he blinked in surprise – sorry, this sounded better in my mind…

_I love the idea! – she interrupted, laughing – but I have to take a shower first, I just left the gym.

_Well, I need a shower too. I’m all sweaty from dragging the furniture – he smirked before taking her in his arms and walking to the bathroom.

6. “That fish looks like me! Look! We have the same distant cold stare.” Words: 280

_Okay, what kind of animal do you want, Nata? – Mark asked s they arrived at the animal shelter.

_If you don’t mind, I’d love a cat. I always wanted one, but my sister is allergic – Renata smiled when she saw a Siamese cat in a cage and walked over there – awwww, aren’t you the cutest thing in the world? – she approached and the cat bat its paw in the cage – I think she likes me!

_How do you know it’s a girl?

_This little sign here says her name is Lola…I like that – Renata opened the cage and took Lola in her arms. The cat snuggled up and purred – Mark…

_I think it’s fate. She has to come with us, right, Lola? – he smiled and stroked Lola’s head, and she moved closer to his hand.

_She likes you too! Oh, my God, she’s the one, baby! – Renata bounced, holding Lola tight – let’s go to sign the adoption papers!

_Sure, let’s go – Mark took her hand and they walked over the counter. Next to them, she noticed a bunch of aquariums and stared at them for a while – did you find something interesting?

_That fish looks like me! Look! We have the same distant cold stare –Renata pointed to a golden fish. Mark looked at it, attentively.

_Mmm…you’re right. It looks like you when you’re working and ignore me – he smirked and she pinched his cheek.

_And Lola looks like you when I’m working and you want to cuddle – she looked at the cat in her arms. When Renata said that, Lola stretched and snuggled even closer to her. They giggled.

_I have no doubt she’s the perfect pet for us.

7. “You know what, I don’t really feel like getting tortured today, can you just let me go with a stern warning.” Words:171

Mark was leaving the apartment to go to work, when Renata appeared in front of him, arms folded.

_What?

_You forgot to do the dishes last night – he tapped his forehead.

_Sorry, babe. I really forgot.

_This will have consequences for you, mister – she remained serious.

_Oh? – he widened his eyes – what kind of consequences?

_Bad consequences.

_ You know what, I don’t really feel like getting tortured today, can you just let me go with a stern warning? – Renata sighed and rolled her eyes.

_Okay, I’ll give you a chance. If you don’t wash tonight, you will sleep on the couch – she arched an eyebrow, trying to suppress a laugh, but she let out when he tickled her – this is unfair! I can’t get mad at you!

_Believe me, I know – he kissed her deeply, and she pulled back grinning – don’t worry, the first thing I’ll do when I get back from work is wash everything.

_Okay – she smiled – I love you so much, Mark.

_I love you too, Nata.

Thanks for reading!

Let me know if you want to be tagged in future fanfics!

#lovehacks #lh #mark collins #mark x mc #mark x renata #fanfic #choices fanfic #choices #playchoices #long post

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bloody-hands-pure-hearts1329 · 7 years ago

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There is no time for us...

TMNT Crossover Resident Evil Its playing at the time of last chapter.

Part 1 of my new series enjoy!^^

New York Manhattan suriviors 13999 and my brothers and me, the name is Raphael and we protecting them.

Ten years ago we where only the guardians of the city. The heroes in the shadows how the media called us. Our enemies where the Shredder and his foot clan or some other scum from the streets.

Only the police and our few friends knew about our existenz and what we really are. Life was fine this time only some fights against the Shredder and other scum nothing to serious.

We enjoyed life the fullest well as much you can enjoy your live living in sewer and walking by night.

But all changed as the daughter of a rich man got sick and he tried all to save her. To our bad luck he found the t-virus.

At the beginning this virus was like a blessing it saved many lifes and healed many sick people but his shit had real bad side effects. The people who where once healed died and mutated to undead bastards. All they want now was FOOD!

Who got bit will sooner or later die and mutate to the same shit!

As hell broke lose we managed to save a really smart part of the citizen of NYC. My smartass brother Donnie and us started to build gigantic walls with the help off umbrella at this time we didnt know that this bastards where the reason for this shit.

But Donnie came behind it and we kicked their asses, we started to give the suriviors a new life behind the big walls we protect every day and night with soldiers and polices help.

April is the only friend we have left beside the chief. She helps where she can, even thought she misses Casey her lover really much.

We lost dad and Vernon while we build up the city to some lickers fuckers with long tongues hate them like crazy.

This fucker infect them and because no one could do it I killed them! It was not my father anymore okay and not our friend they died and became real monsters!

The people accepted us quick because we are their only chance to survive this hell. Donnie kept on building things and weapons who help us against the undead and the flying monsters who are after our asses.

Mikey keeps the kids busy and plays with them while flirting with every girl who comes to close to him.

Leonardo is the leader with the major of the city, the police chief and me.

Yeah I became a leader of a special team. We go out every day searching for food and other much needed things. Our most important goal is to find other not infected surviviors and bring them in to our little city.

"Hey boss its time to go!" a voice familar voice calls me I stop writing and hide the book in a box full with some weapons. I grab my sais and put some guns and a winchester in the holder on my back shell before I open the door.

"Hey scarface are the others ready to go? " I ask one of men he is a ex-marine soldiers with scars all over his face thats why he gave himself this name.

"All ready" he saluted before me I nodded and followed out of my half destroyed house.

We walk over to the others. I have a team of ten men we where more but umbrella killed some with their fucking traps all over the city, this fuckers tried to destroy our city!

"Okay you know the plan like every day if one gets bitten you will kill them no exceptions!" I reminded all before they got in the two special cars and I jumped on my bike. Mikey and some other men let the gate down for us.

"LETS GO!" I shout and start the motor.

We drive for a while through the streets as I hear a scream of the flying bastards but they dont attack me but a car before me.

The beast pulls up the car in the air I drive faster and take a car wrack like a ramp to jump up in the air hitting the fucker with my motorcircle making it crash down while I land behind the car with the surviviors inside it.

I pulled the guns out and shoot at the flying fuck and jumped on it stabbing it a few times. I turn slowly around as I hear voices.

One of a woman the other of a man. He discussed with her and suddenly opened the door and throw her out.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK LIKE THIS TO ME! I AM YOUR HUSBAND YOU SWORE ME YOUR LOYALITY!" he shouted at her.

I couldnt help but stare at her. She has light brown wavy hair reaching wild over her big breasts d cup breasts or more. Her eyes where green or blue I couldnt decided it from the distance. Her face is round with full red lips or is it because it is bruised? She wears only a blue tanktop with black highwaist jeans with some holes in them and a holder around her left tight with a big steak knife inside it. The girl has killer curvers her waist was thiner than her big hips and butt, her legs long she had boots with iron heals on them and spikes on the tip.

"I tired of being with you I have no reason to stay with you my family is dead! I only stayed because we where better together and had more chances to survive! But if you treat me like this I prefer dead or a life as infected over being one second more with you!" she said loud back at him.

"YOU WILL NOT LEAVE ME!" the man shouts and gets out walking over to her it looks like he was about to hit her but then I heard a gun shoot.

She screams and holds her leg. "YOU WILL...." before he could shoot her again one of the fyling fuckers grabbed him and fly off with him screaming "ZOYA!"

"KIRILL!" she yells back and starts running after them. I run to her and grab her pull her against me my hand quick over her eyes as I see another flying bastard come flying towards the one who has her husband and both started to ripp the man in two pieces to devour them.

"ATPUSTI!" she screams tries to get away I let her go and the woman turns around staring at me.

Silence, then we hear the flying fuckers screaming and she runs to the car I jump in behind her.

"Who...."

"NOT THE TIME BABE! DRIVE!" I growl at her and she starts the motor and we speed off. The fuckers following us.

I growl as one of them gets down ready to attack us I smirk and pull a granate out of my bag beside my sais holders and throw it in to his fucking face! He swallows it and his head explodes.

I laugh while she screams and stops making me fall through the window. I look at her pissed before I look back before us was the big krater.

"Fuck okay babe slowly backwards" I told her she nods and drives backwards one more flying fuck want to attack but my team shoot him and he explodes in the air. I smirk looking at scareface and get back in beside the goddess.

"NO FUUCK!" I scream as I see her sitting there unconcious from the fucking blood loss I quick ripp a piece fro my mask and put it tight around her leg grabbing her and getting out with her. Walking her over to scareface. "She needs help!" I told my team Kiara the only woman in my team when April is not with us nods and helps me to get her in the car.

I walk over to my bike and growl how bad as I see my motorbike. "Fuck this!" growl and collect the pieces I throw them on to the truck and get up. "Back home!" I order my team and scarface starts driving off.

We make it back and I grab her and run with her to Donnie breaking in to his room and tell him to take care of her.

I stay beside him watching my bro pulling the bullet out of her leg and taking care of her wound.

"We need to talk with Leo to decide where she can stay" the egghead explains to me I pull her up in to my arms.

"She will stay in my room until we know that"I decide and carry her out with me in to my house. I smile as she sighing nuzzles herself closer to me.

"You safe here" I promise her and kick the door to my bedroom open and carry her over to my bed. I lay her down and pull her boots of her before I put a blanket over her.

Then I sit down on my chair and watch her laying there in my bed. She is not the first women I brough her but the others where sluts who wanted to only try out how it felt to fuck a mutant.

She is different in a good way I could feel it the way she looked at me.

A knock on my door rips me out of my thought I get up open it to see fearless.

"Where is she?" he asks me and looks over my shoulder at her.

"Her name is Zoya, she will stay with me until you have a place for her" I told my brother and followed him out in to my living room.

"There are bigger problems coming for us, Donnie cameras captured this tonight" he explains to me and shows me some umbrella and foot soldiers with big as tanks and a army of infected bastards behind them.

"How long until they arrive?" I ask him growling.

"In two days we need to prepare ourselves and get all ready in case we need to flee down in to the sewer" Leo decided I nodded.

"Are you nuts this people dont wana rott in the sewer thats their city our city Leo. We have the weapons to fight back!" I protested against his decision.

"Our weapons are not as strong as the one Umbrella and the Shredder is sending against us! Raphael! Are you blind? Even if we can stop this five tanks and the army of infected coming in to the city. There will come more of them. They will overpower us! And as one of the leader of this city its on me to decided what is the best for this city the human choose me not you for this place!" fearless growls at me.

"Do you really think the citizen are this weak? They been through hell like us as we lost Dad, Casey? The nerd Vernon. We are lucky that we could save April and all this people. They are counting on us Leo! Look what they build up they have food they have clothes and houses and they can walk free around without fearing that some fucking monster attack them! We have no right to take this away from them! " I yell at my brother as I hear footsteps.

"Sorry I dont mean to disturb your discussion but I am really thirsty and..." she falls back I quick catch her and pull her up sit her on my old couch.

"I will get you something stay here with my brother" I order her and quick go to my kitchen to get her some water.

As I come back seeing Leo kissing her hand, I growl as he walks over to me. "We will talk later Raph" he tells me while walking past me out of the room.

I roll my eyes and make my way over to her and give her the bottle with water. She starts to drink it greedy taking big sips.

My eyes following her brown wavy locks down to her her baby face to her neck down her breasts waist, hips to her longs legs and her wound. I see her bandage slightly rosé from her blood.

So I decide she will not walk around until her wound is healed.

She stops and looks at me. "Thank you for all but I dont want to be a bother for you so if they find a place for me I will..."

"You can stay as long as you want!" interupt her quick dont know why but the thought of her leaving made me do it.

"Okay thank you I can cook food for us" she offers me I cant stop myself imagine her staying with her back to me cooking something nice while I walk over to hug her close. Taking in her sweet scent. The thought makes me churr.

"Are you okay? What was this sound?" she asks me worried and I look back at her feeling my face heating up.

"Nothing!" I tell her quick looking blushing away.

What the hell is happening to me?!

#TMNT Crossover Resident Evil #Raph #oc zoya lebedew #tmnt 2016

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teamkaiforever · 7 years ago

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FRIENDSGIVING

(requested by anon) Kai Parker x Reader word count : 3 093 summary : Reader and Kai are friends and go together to celebrate Thanksgiving at the Salvatore’s house. * gif by phantom-evil keep reading after the cut _____________________ Kai got up early and walked to Y/N’s house , ringing the doorbell. Usually he’d sneak into her house through her bedroom window but not this time. It was his favourite holiday and he wanted to do things right for a change. A moment later Y/N’s dad opened the door , letting him inside. “I think she is still asleep but you are welcome to wait for her downstairs until she wakes.” said her dad. “Thanks.” said Kai smiling , putting his hands on her father’s shoulders. “But I think I will go upstairs and wake her up myself.. and you are not going to come check up on us.” and the next second he whooshed himself upstairs in her bedroom seeing her door was cracked open. He smiled and pushed it in , seeing Y/N curled up into a ball , semi hanging off the bed. Kai walked inside , sitting on the opposite side , pulling her towards him. “Wakey wakey.” “5 more minutes dad…” mumbled Y/N pulling the covers over her head. Kai laughed at her words, tickling her through the covers. “Not your dad sweetheart , though you can still call me ‘daddy’ if you want.” Y/N pulled the covers over her head finding Kai grinning over her. His eyes sparkling with excitement as he tapped her nose. She glanced at the clock noticing its barely 7.25AM , then back at Kai. “What ? H-how did you get in my ro- bed?” “Front door. Weirdly your father is not on vervain. I wonder who got him off of it.” said Kai amused. “Oh right. I did.“ he laughed. She couldnt help but smile. Kai might be dangerous around everyone else but not around her. Y/N got to see a side of him no one else did. He was charming , funny and sometimes annoyingly cute but she loved him just the way he was with all the good and the bad. "Should I be worried you made sure my dad can be compelled or ?” “Nah … Don’t worry. I just wanted him to allow me to sneak into the house whenever I want without interruptions.” he said smiling. “Now , get up. It’s THANKSGIVING !!! My favourite day of the year !” “What about Christmas ?” she asked yawning , rubbing her forehead with her thumb and index finger. Kai was like a little kid on Christmas morning. The most dangerous thing about him today would be how much food he’d try to get her to eat. “Christmas is fun but I like Thanksgiving best.” he grinned. “Come on , get up !” he pulled the covers off her , pulling her hands until she was in a sitting position. “There is so much to do - turkey , cranberries , stuffing OH and those glazed carrots !!” “I know , I know … Caroline already send me a whole list with chores the other night.” she said getting up. Her friends had invited her to Friendsgiving and of course everyone had chores to do and a schedule to stick to. Kai looked at her confused. “What does Candice had to do with today ?” “Didn’t I tell you ? Sorry … classes and all. Must’ve slipped my mind.” she laughed nervously. “Caroline invited me over to celebrate Friendsgiving … well Thanksgiving at the Salvatores…and you are coming as my plus one.” Kai stared at her as if she had just dropped a nuclear bomb in the middle of her bedroom. Her friends didn’t like him and he didnt really feel like spending the day with them , but he also wanted to spend the day with Y/N. He liked being around her , talking or just sitting together doing nothing. “Lose the sad face.” she tickled him. “Smile. There is nothing to be nervous about - I’ll be there and -” “They don’t like me. What if -” “No , no , no. No ‘but’ or ‘if’. “ she said wrapping her hands around her best friend. “You are coming or I’ll be very very sad … and mad at you.” “You know I cant say no to you.” he smiled. “Now , where is that list Candice sent you? I dont want them to hate me for ruining Thanksgiving , also I make the best stuffing. Literally to die for.” said Kai excitedly. “Ah well thats perfect because stuffing is our responsibility.” smiled Y/N. “Fantastic !” said Kai grabbing her by the waist and tossing her over his shoulder making her laugh. “Lets go sweet cheeks. I am making you breakfast.”

* * * A few hours later they stood in front of the front door of the Salvatore’s. Y/N had put on her favourite knee high dark blue dress , matching what Kai was wearing. It hadnt been on purpose , just happened. Y/N held the casserole with the stuffing while Kai rang the bell , moving the flower bouquet in his other hand. He couldn’t help but smile seeing the decorations on the door and the twinkling lights. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who loved Thanksgiving a bit too much. “Was I supposed to wear a tie?” “No. You look absolutely perfect.” she smiled back at him. Kai always looked perfect - his eyes , his smile , everything about him was absolutely perfect and sometimes it drove her nuts. He always knew what to say or do to cheer her up or surprise her. Y/N knew he felt nervous about coming with her , but she really wanted her friends to see the good in him just like she did and what better opportunity to do that than celebrate Thanksgiving together. Kai smiled back at her and started to say something when he heard someone coming and a moment later Stefan and Caroline opened the door. “Happy Thanksgiving!” said both Y/N and Kai. Both her friends looked frozen on the spot. Stefan looked confused as to what Kai was doing there while Caroline shot Y/N a death glare. None of them appeared to be thrilled to have Kai there , so she decided to keep a little secret to herself. “We brought stuffing. You will LOVE it!” said Y/N handing Caroline the casserole with the stuffing Kai had made with her help. Well , he had made it while she was standing near by drinking wine mesmerized by the appearance of Kai wearing an apron. “Thank you Y/N.” she replied , passing the stuffing to Stefan. “Oh-kay…” he muttered , “I’ll go now , leave you to it.” heading towards the dinner table. Caroline crossed her hands on her chest starring at them. Her eyes kept darting between Kai who was smiling widely and Y/N who looked a little nervous. “Why is he here ?” “Kai is my plus one. Also Thanksgiving is his favourite holiday and -” “I promise I am not here to stir trouble -” “Said every person about to do just that.” interjected Caroline. “- I am here because Y/N invited me and also for the turkey dinner.” he sniffed the air lightly. “Which smells great by the way.” Y/N’s eyes pleaded with her friend and Caroline reluctantly stepped aside letting them in. “This is for you.” said Kai giving the flower bouquet to her. Caroline gave him a small smile , grabbing Y/N’s wrist and pulling her aside. “Have you lost your mind ?! He is dangerous , Danger with a capital D every single time!” said Caroline in a hushed voice. “Why did you bring him here ?!” Y/N sighed. “No , he is not. If you don’t trust him , at least trust me.. and I already told you ‘why’.” “Your ability to see good in people will get you killed.” sighed Caroline. “Admit it - you like me more for it.” teased Y/N catching up with Kai in a few seconds. Kai’s eyes drifted all over the room seeing the orange leafs decorating the walls , twinkling lights and orange / red flowers. Y/N held onto Kai’s hand and both of them headed into the living room. Everyone was already there , well almost - Tyler and Liv appeared to be running late. Even Jeremy had come back for a visit. Their eyes widened seeing Kai there , specially Bonnie’s who got up and walked out of the room nearly knocking Kai on the ground. A few moments later there was a loud sound of a door being slammed shut. Kai looked a little worried for a moment but then he saw Y/N looking at him and he relaxed a bit. He had expected her friends not to be thrilled about having him there , but the fact she was next to him inexplicably calmed him down. “Who invited him ?” hissed Damon taking a step towards Kai who was smiling widely at everyone. Damon gulped his drink at once , almost breaking the cup in his hands. “I did… and if you plan on hurting him in any way I will tell Elena about -” Damon ran in vamp speed towards Y/N and pressed his hand on her mouth smiling innocently at Elena , hoping his surprise won’t get blown. “Tell me about what ?” wondered Elena shifting on the sofa with a glass of wine in her hand. “Fine , he can stay.” sighed Damon shooting a warning glance at Y/N. “I’ll go rearrange the seating chart.” muttered Caroline heading to the dining room. “Is she always like this?” whispered Kai looking after Caroline. “Pretty much. Yeah.” she laughed. “So what did Damon do ? Must’ve been pretty serious if you could get him to back out.” he asked curious. “I’ll tell you later.” said Y/N knowing there were enough supernaturals with sensitive hearing and she didn’t want to risk it. “Hope Caroline seats us together.” Kai smiled wrapping his hands around her from behind for a moment. “Me too.” Stefan came back from the kitchen with a platter with cupcakes - some of them decorated as a turkey , others with chocolate figurine leafs and another with pilgrim tiny hats on top of the frosting. Clearly a distraction sent by Caroline. “Oh yumm , cupcakes.” said Kai reaching for the platter Stefan had just left on the fancy table where Damon keeps his alcohol. “And they look so cute. OMG I love you.” he mumbled to the turkey decorated cupcake. Y/N couldn’t help but laugh , watching Kai swipe his finger across the frosting licking it right after. He was like a little kid , his finger swiped across the frosting again , wiping some on her nose. Her friends had fallen silent , starring at Kai as if he had pulled out a knife instead of reaching for a cupcake. “We are ready.” called out Caroline and everyone headed towards the dining room. Sure enough she had seated Kai and Y/N together. “If everyone would gather around the table and take their assigned seats … we will each share something we are thankful for in 100 words or less.“ Kai pulled away Y/N’s chair waiting for her to sit before lightly pushing her chair towards the table and sat next to her smiling widely. Everyone stared at Kai with puzzled expressions. “What ?” he asked a little confused. “Do I have frosting on my face ?” “No , we are just … a little surprised to see you acting this nice.” said Stefan. “Oh-kay.” interrupted Caroline.”Lets just stick to our schedule …” Bonnie sat as far away from Kai as possible next to Jeremy. Stefan sat with Caroline and Damon and Elena sat opposite Y/N and Kai. Just as everyone had taken their seats Tyler and Liv came rushing into the dining room , being late both of them freezing on the spot seeing Kai there. "Hey sis. Happy Thanksgiving!” said Kai smiling. “Ah its so nice to be around family for the holidays.” “There would’ve been more of us if you hadn’t … Oh what does it matter.” sighed Liv sitting next to Jeremy. A few minutes passed and no one was saying a word , the atmosphere was so tense you could cut through it with a knife. “Okay … who wants to go f-” “Can I go first ?” asked Kai interrupting Caroline , taking a glass with wine from the table. Everyone glanced at each other and then at Kai who had taken the silence as a 'yes’ and stood up turning towards everyone but mostly Y/N. “It’s been a long year and I know most of you don’t like me , but I am thankful you decided to let me spend the holiday with you.” Caroline rolled her eyes and Bonnie groaned in frustration. Damon had clasped his hands on the table while Elena gulped a whole glass of wine glancing at Y/N who couldn’t tear her eyes off Kai. Jeremy was typing on his phone and Stefan had a thoughtful expression on his face , listening to Kai and glancing between him and Y/N. Liv rubbed her forehead and Tyler leaned in to whisper something in her ear. Kai kept talking , exceeding the 100 words limit but no one seemed to care. Caroline gulped two whole glasses with wine by the time Kai was finished. “But most of all” continued Kai. “I am thankful for having someone as incredible as Y/N in my life. Thank you for seeing light in me , however small the spark is.” He leaned in kissing her cheek making her blush. “Yeah …” said Bonnie starring in disbelief at Kai. “As if there is -” “Can we not do this right now?” interrupted Y/N turning towards Bonnie with pleading eyes. One evening and her friends couldn’t let it go just for a few hours. She was starting to get worried if it had been a good idea to come in the first place , but Kai didn’t seem to care at all. “Cheers.” he said taking a sip before sitting back on his chair , pinching Y/N’s cheek to get her to laugh. “Fine.” said Damon , getting up to go next. “I am thankful for .. having Elena and all of you in my life … except you creeper.” he smirked raising his glass , at which point Kai laughed taking a sip from his wine glass while holding onto Y/N’s hand under the table. “Funny.” Damon kept talking for a few minutes longer then Tyler took his turn. They went around the table until it was Y/N’s turn. She got up , a glass in her hand while with the other she fixed her dress and pushed away a strand of hair from her face. “Wow you guys.” she started smiling , glancing around everyone until her eyes fell in Kai. His eyes looked different , even bluer than usual. He gave her a small smile , not taking his eyes off her. “All my life you have been my friends and … my family really.. and now there is someone else who became a part of it. I am so grateful to have every single one of you in my life. Thank you for opening your home for Kai on this most special days. That meant a lot.” Caroline and Elena smiled at her while Damon glanced at Bonnie rolling his eyes. After Y/N was Stefan’s turn and last went Caroline. Most of her friends just chose to ignore him , while Damon , Bonnie and Tyler kept glancing suspiciously at Kai the entire night , waiting for him to do something. Instead he was being cute and charming and way caring towards Y/N. He wouldn’t take his eyes off her and his smile would never leave his face when she looked at him. Everyone appeared to love the stuffing best , considering it was the first thing to end and Y/N winked at him. Afterwards everyone kind of spread out - Tyler and Liv left , Bonnie couldn’t get out of the house fast enough and the only people left there were Damon , Elena , Stefan , Caroline and Jeremy who had decided to crash at the Salvatore’s for the night. Y/N stood by the fireplace , watching the flames burn when Kai wrapped his hands around her. He knew what she was thinking without her having to say the words. “Your friends are nice - ish… and don’t worry , we are getting along.” smiled Kai. “Like a fuse and a match.” she muttered , making him laugh. He noticed Elena standing a metre away , shortening the distance between them in a few steps. “Hey , do you want another cupcake?” asked Kai , resting his chin on her shoulder. “Um yeah … but only if you do.” she poked him in the stomach , making him laugh. “Oh-kay. I’ll be right back.” he kissed her cheek and left her talking with a very surprised looking Elena. “What have you done to him ?” asked Elena. “He seems so …” “Not murderous but charming and super lovable and cuddly ?” asked Y/N laughing. Elena laughed too. “Not how I would’ve put it but yes.” “It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Kai is pretty amazing. You should’ve seen him this morning when he sneaked into my bed- room” Y/N cleared her throat. “He was so excited about today - all dimples and smiles and -” "You like him don’t you ?” “Me?” replied Y/N pointing at herself , her eyes wide in surprise. “Psshhtt … no.” Kai picked up two cupcakes - one with the chocolate leaf ones and one with the pilgrim hats. He licked some frosting off his fingers and looked up seeing Stefan watching him with a curious expression on his face and a small smile. “Hi.” smiled Kai. “Alright. What is it with you two ?” asked Stefan pointing between him and Y/N. “Wh-what do you mean ?” asked Kai. “Nothing’s up. Just enjoying Thanksgiving with my friends …frenemies.” “Right …” replied Stefan nodding as if he didn’t believe a single word. “Tell her before someone beats you to the punch.” Kai stared at Stefan wondering how he knew. Was it really that obvious ? “Why do you care ? You don’t even like me.” “You are right. I don’t. She does.” said Stefan taking another sip of his drink , both of them glancing at Y/N who was smiling at something Elena had said. _____________________ note : (to the anon who requested it) I tried my best (we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here , so it’s all what I’ve gathered from movies and TV shows). Hope you still like it tho.. ______________________ MASTERLIST March / April 2017 MASTERLIST MAY 2017 MASTERLIST JUNE 2017

#fanfic : mine #kai parker #kai parker x reader #kai parker imagine #kai parker fluff #kai parker thanksgiving #thanksgiving #malachai parker #malachai parker imagine #malachai parker x reader #tvd #tvd imagine #the vampire diaries imagine #the vampire diaries #vampire diaries #vampire diaries imagine #kai!fluff #fiction #fanfiction

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molecloth26-blog · 5 years ago

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My Manifesting Experiment: How I Got What I Didn’t Know I Needed

Photo courtesy of alexnoiret.com

Kelly Martin is an assistant editor at goop. She’s the most skeptical yet most open-minded person on our team, and that’s why we love her.

Afternoon light is streaming through a westward-facing window—a floor-to-ceiling window in fact. The walls are exposed brick; the bookshelves are packed with Michael Pollan, Stephen King, and stacks of authors that make me feel smarter. And outside my West Village apartment, just across the street, there’s a café serving the best pain aux raisins this side of the Seine. This afternoon, I’ll grab one—plus a mocha—on my way to class, where we’re studying urban food policy. And later, I’ll have my hands in dirt, teaching kids about carrots in a local school gardening program. By 8, I’ll meet up with my boyfriend (who’s perpetually awash in a golden light) back at the café. We’ll have something French and delicious. And then I’ll go to bed with a book and Taz, my Dutch shepherd.

None of this is my real, of course, save the dog and the bedtime reading. But I’m manifesting it. I am imagining my dream life as if I’m living it now. As if I can smell the pain aux raisins in front of me.

This is the last leg of a three-part sequence called the Ziva technique. The three parts—mindfulness, mantra-based meditation, and manifesting—are more than spiritual alliteration. The technique was developed by Emily Fletcher, who promised me this trifecta would be the answer to all of my dreams.

If you mixed zest and charm you’d get Fletcher. Considering her large, devoted following, one might be inclined to think Ziva is a personality cult. Fletcher, though, attributes its success to the effectiveness of the technique. She would know. After a decade working as an understudy on Broadway, Fletcher was run-down, anxious, and unable to sleep. Learning meditation turned around her mental health and, according to her, solved her insomnia in a day. Just one. So she left Broadway, moved to India for three years of teacher training, and founded Ziva Meditation—her studio in SoHo. The goal—and it’s a lofty one—is to use mindfulness, meditation, and manifesting to rid the world of unnecessary suffering.

It may seem Sisyphean—but to Fletcher and her students, it’s totally reasonable. So far, Fletcher’s guided several thousand budding meditators, including a client list of Oscar winners, professional athletes, Fortune 500 CEOs, and people who you’d otherwise assume are too busy to meditate. And Fletcher’s new book, Stress Less, Accomplish More, makes her technique easily accessible for the first time. The book is a discounted point of entry; you can become a self-sufficient meditator for the price of a hardcover. This is a good deal, considering what the courses cost. Ziva charges $399 for its online course, and the in-person price is kept secret until you’ve sat through a two-hour intro talk. If you need a hint: It’s more than $399.)

I took Ziva’s fifteen-day online course, which promised, repeatedly, to make me “good at life.” The first day, I learned to breathe (in a deeper, more meaningful way than I’d been doing for twenty-three years). The next, I learned to feel my feelings. I live in Los Angeles, where I’ve been drinking mindfulness through the (much-maligned) tap for the last five years, so this part was as easy as it was blissful.

Then, over the course of a few more days, I chose a mantra (sorry—it’s private) and bounced it around in my head, marinating in Fletcher’s recitations of all the ways stress was ruining my life and how meditation can fix it—if I practice twice a day, every day, for the rest of my life. (No, she assures me through my screen, this is not a cult.) And it works. I feel good. Really good. Don’t-need-that-second-cup-of-coffee good.

And finally, Fletcher brought the Ziva trifecta to a close with manifesting—what Ziva thinks of as its dessert course and what I came to think of as serious magical thinking. If mindfulness and meditation build calm and focus, manifesting asks: What are you going to do with it?

We see our future as a shiny object. We turn it over again and again. We hold it up to the light to see what it reflects. And the imagination we apply—okay, I apply—to the future is highly imprecise. Happiness! Success! Cash! More cash! And while these might work as general targets, Fletcher says, they’re vague, and how are we supposed to get there if “there” isn’t an explicit destination?

Fletcher wants to change that. Take your shiny object, she advises, and look for the light it casts around it. The nicks in its surface. The measured angles at which it’s cut. In other words, your dream life, if it is to be universe-sanctioned, requires scrutiny. What you want and why you want it, defined with precision, inspected daily.

Meticulously plotting a dream life, for me, is like trying to define the cosmos in a single adjective. It’s not that I don’t know what I want to do; it’s that I want to do everything. Like, after I’ve solved world hunger and my debut novel wins a Pulitzer, maybe I’ll cure diabetes, hike the Pacific Crest Trail, and open a bookstore-slash-café that lands itself in goop’s essential guide to Paris. But for the sake of practice—and fingers crossed, it could punt me in the right direction—I homed in on an immediate goal: graduate school.

This focus was not arbitrary; I had applied to Columbia University’s master of public health program only weeks before. For months, I had made GRE prep books my nearest, dearest friends—geometry problems were my morning routine, vocab flashcards my gym buddy, and practice tests my big nights out—and fallen asleep at night with a personal statement in one hand and a red pen in the other. This was a future, if there were any truth to Ziva’s most enigmatic step, that I could bring into being.

Months later—and deep, deep into my mindfulness/meditation/manifestation practice—my selected dream life came knocking, via email. One breathless call to Mom later, I was New York–bound.

Or so I thought.

What I expected from that afternoon’s meditation was bliss. A manifestation that I could reach out and touch, now unburdened from make-believe. The dream apartment in full color, Columbia’s campus dressed in crisp autumn colors, and visions of my best friends—budding New Yorkers themselves, in real life—towed along for wide, gooey slices of pizza out a shop window at 11 on a Tuesday night.

But in all this internal dialogue, reality rang its gong. When I sat down to meditate and manifest, none of this dream came to me. Instead: a great big nothing. After four weeks of consistent daydreams of my triumphant return to school, I couldn’t conjure it up. I ran through Fletcher’s incantations: “Consciously create a life you love.” “Imagine your dreams as if they are happening now.” And on and on. I don’t know what it is in your head that’s in charge of manifesting, but every time I tried to nudge its great big nothing in the direction of any teeny anything, it simply refused. No, it maintained. I’ll stay right here, thanks.

I started to question whether I was going about this wrong. What does it take to make the shoe fit? A magic spell? Should I chop off my toes? I couldn’t find the answer in Ziva’s online modules, so I called Fletcher herself.

I was not doing this wrong, Fletcher reassured me. Manifestation, she clarified, is never about the goal itself, but the feeling that you imagine achieving it will bring. And when you manifest, you can revel in the experience of that success even if it’s not really happening. In other words: It’s future happiness you can enjoy now. It allows you to let go of the idea that happiness lies on the other side of goals that—as she expects, and as I experienced—are likely to change.

Change of mind validated, I did what would have been unthinkable a few months earlier: I turned down my dream grad program. And the future, having been shaved to a point over the past few months, ballooned back up into the thousand things I hope it could be.

My manifestations, now, are less elaborate. Fletcher advised me not to try so hard (letting go: my toughest nut) and instead to go with whatever would bring a smile to my face in that moment. The books are still there. The dog is still there. But the rest changes daily, and sometimes I don’t picture anything at all. But I feel, as Fletcher swore I would, better at life. Whether it’s the one I’m living—or the one I’m dreaming about.

Source: https://goop.com/wellness/mindfulness/my-manifesting-experiment-how-i-got-what-i-didnt-know-i-needed/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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mettic · 8 years ago

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Thoughts on dawn of war 3? Give me the real indepth shit, dont be some baby memer, actually tell me what you think and specify stuff. Personally I enjoy it, seems like a bigger scale dawn of war 2, though I kinda dislike elite units as they seem too powerful and I feel like whoever is the first to get the powerful ones is the ones that'll ultimately win the match, though I've experienced upsets -treeheadgay

Hitting it with a whopping “IT’S PRETTY NEAT!”

My biggest issue with it is tbh an issue with the DOW series as a whole and thats that controlling things can just be a pain in the fucking ass. It’s nowhere near as bad as the absolute unresponsive animation locking hell that was DOW2 but still more frustrating than DOW1 (I think anyways. it’s been a while since i played DOW1). The idea of using Gorgutz’s spin to win move to to block ranged attacks on my own backline is pretty neat if it wasn’t stupid hard to keep my ranged units inbetween gorgutz and the enemy units.

I think elite units are an interesting mechanic that needs some refining, they come off as the thing that you’ll look back on their vanilla versions after like 3 expansions and years worth of patches and be like “why did we play a game with this.” There’s some really fucking fun ones, like I think the Big Mek absolutely rules and with some tweaking you could actually port that into a moba and be a cool moba hero, and I thought the drill hole mechanic from Deff Dread hero was really cool and gives you a lot of options, but then there’s heroes like Gorgutz which just kinda feels flaccid. I dont wanna pretend like I know anything about the actual balancing of this game cuz im sure everything i think will be wrong but I dont think elites are that nuts EXCEPT for the fucking deathwatch elites. Those guys are infuriating, SM get them almost immediatly and it makes trying to fight SMs early super hard because they’re basically getting a free space marine squad at the near start of the match with a really fuckin good ability in the vuln grenades. Big Mek is my boyfriend and I love him.

Im glad that they’re bringing back buildings and they’re implemented much better than even DOW1 I think. They’re still nowhere near as well done as Starcraft base building in how you can use them but waaagh banners are pretty neat. The changes to reinforce mechanics (AKA can’t reinforce without being near a building, but you also can’t retreat like in DOW2 to get back to base quickly) kinda forces you to build forward bases to reinforce squads without having them have to walk super slowly back to base. Kinda wish Orks got a smaller building that could do that, like having WAAAGH banners reinforce instead of just regular buildings but what do I know. IDK if SMs/Eldar get a building like I just theorized I didn’t play them at all.

I think the new main gamemode is okay. I think the concept is decent but it sorta streamlines how you have to win the game. I also think the second point super fuck you laser is ass because it just halts early game pushes because that thing just melts early game units so you just kinda have to fuck off, hold resources and get a higher tier army before trying to actually win. I think first point is okay and the core seems kinda unnecessary for 1v1 when you coulda just made it your default base but I guess it’s important for 2v2s.

I cannot even pretend that I even noticed Tactics doing anything.

Hope the game goes even more in depth about tutorials because the hardest part of RTSs is just trying to figure out what the fuck everything does. I still dont really understand the scrap and waaagh mechanics. The closed beta had realyl good tutorials with videos and shit about the elite units and after watching them I had a much better idea of how they all worked and I hope they put out more stuff like that, especially for your regular units and race specific game mechanics.

really fuckin gorgeous game. animations in particular are all really fucking pretty, I especially love the animations of the Ork buildings, they’re filled with tons of personality. Would also love to make a big shoutout to that fucking stupid jumping animation that Taldeer gets, that thing is so fucking funny I hope they never change it to something cool.

Game needs a concede button. Im really surprised the game didnt have this because I know when I lost at times and I dont wanna just close the game so I dont have to keep wasting my time playing a lost match.

Pretty Good. Hope people who are good at RTSs tel me how to actually build properly soon

#Anonymous #long post

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thebarbieblogzzz-blog · 5 years ago

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The Stepson, a Short Story by Barbie H.

It was a cold days for that rock climbing competition. And there are only two competitor staying in that very competitive seconds. The Duke of Kamperland is there. This final rock climbing competition will let the winner have a place to get in the winner to attend a Royal Sport Ceremony, the most prestigious sport award at the kingdom. All the athletes will get free trained and when they done their training they can have a spot as a Kingdom Athletes and they got monthly salary from the kingdom, without even doing anything, even after they retire. There is a lot benefits. A lot of Athlete is really taking this seriously. After a lot of man down in the Rock Climbing Competition, there is this two athlete in competing, so harshly , while duke many times been shoted by the camera.

Sarah Albertman, the Senior student of James Patterson Hıgh is taking the lead, she is a tough sport this is her first time in the competition but as you can see she has the talent for it , plus she got mad coach that haunts her in every competition, and right below her is the Three- time second- winner champion of Rock Climbing competition, Mr. Mıchael Hancock-Pitt. He’s been three- times almost winning the huge jackpot of his life, and without backing out or be ashamed, he is still in his best willing to win the first place and get his first win trophy. He is three rock away from Albertman to win the RCC Cup, that he’s been held record to win in a row with. Now there standing 3 m of upwards him a teenage girl who just found out she could climb a rock very fast, and that is her first time being here, and he’s there, below the girl. This sight is very interesting of course for the Jury and the announcer to see, a champion of three times and his view full of a teenage girl’s feet. And finally it’s only three seconds away, and the race is finished. The winner is immidiately announced, “We got the winner... the third-time winner in a row, Mr. Hancock- Pitt!” Yes, by that split second the man is finishing his game to win by a split second by ms. Albertman. Everyone first wanna boo Hancock- Pitt, but then they were impress how he gave them last minute surprise. The crowd went wild and cheers. Mr. Hancock- Pitt gets his trophy. He is really red, and he is actually quite surprise that this is it. Just when hes getting used to be always an almost wining, he just won. He gave his best smile, and all the crowds went nuts. The announcer announce, “And the winner is the tree times second place, Michael Hancock-Pitt! “ and the announcer continues while he gets his trophy, have a screentime spotlight after the winning, “Finally... Hancock- pitt after 4 times competing with us, he get his 1st place, we congratulate him!” And all the people in his group gets to him, congratulates him, and is manager, especially, and his sponsor, they’re smiles and congratuliations is blows up for him. The couch, makes a “I’m proud i’m your coach” smile, and the producer, makes the “there goes the run for my money , i’m gonna get a huge profit” smiles, and his manager, where his smile is “I knew it you were great” smile. He smiles back, and his manager told him to go ahead and makes himself fresh again , lead him to the vip room he usually are, and enjoys his win more there. Mr. Michael Hancock- Pitt , not goes to his room, he goes to the changing room. He sees the girl, Albertman, is chocking herself a full bottle of water and wipe off her sweat. She finally notices mr. Hancock-Pitt in the room, looking at her. She’ve said nothing. “Impressive game out there” suddenly, he try to get her attention to him, while also tearing up his sweat, they both look fresh from the game, swim in sweats. And by that saying of the man, of course the high school girl didnt expect that. “Thank you” she replies and then continues, “And congratulations for your winning, Mr. Hancock- Pitt”. “Well, it was a great game” he said, she didnt expect at all a pro athlete talks to her so nicely, he looks very serious and comptetitive, it even surprise her more than even being in a split three seconds for a thrid time champion. “You’re the best first- timer I’ve ever seen, keep it up, one day, you might win it- i believe this” “Thank you” the teenage girl is just smiles. And then after he says that he just dissapears. Leave here thinking alone in that room and his words actually kinda lifts her up, she knows she will work harder, and harder so she’ll earn that trophy. Mr. Hancock- Pitt in the other hand, is changing himself in his own room, it is almost like his own dressing room at home, “thats what you get for being a pro athlete”his manager ever said once. And after that thought Sarah just continue to shower in the common room. In the shower she cant help to feel a little bit relax from all the muscles tense she produced after the game. She doesnt want to think more of the competition, but her mind just automiccaly do it for her, doing the flashback. How she climbs on that, the feeling, it tingles her body again. and then the split by only 3 seconds away, she doesnt believe she almost won. She should feel bad, but then again, she doesnt. İt doesnt about the winning, she thought at first it is, but she began thinking maybe it wasnt itl but there she goes, 3 seconds away from getting the most prestiguos Rock Climbing Championshiop, and it was still feel she’s winning. Her manager immidiately walk to her after they announce her get 2nd place, her manager said “It was impressive that you could even be for 5 seconds up from MHP, but then you shouldve won by 3 seconds only – it were only 3 seconds- if you were to do more pushup like i told you too- i guess your feet woulda jump for you to reach it by three of a heartbeat“ Her manager is never really satisfy. But then again- she doesnt wanna gave up her relaxing time of shower thoughts- thinking about what her manager thinks. She decides she will be just relax- and tell her self she did great.

After the Bath- she goes to see her coach- Coach Ari, she knows she supposed to met her right after the game, but she is too worked up to hear her pushing words. She knows she did great, but her coach might not think so. She mets her in the big arena cafe. She just sits down while Coach Ari is having eat fast a giant sandwich. Sarah just sit down in front of her. “Oh, it’s you 30 minutes late” “Im sorry i just go to locker room and take a shower” “Of course, great game, do you want a sandwich?” “No..” “Please have a sandwich” Actually she already bught it for her so she just hand it down. “Thanks” “Yeah sure, do you know why i bring you here?” “Im not sure” “It was impressive game sarah” “Thanks coach” “Even though... “ sarah cut her, “If i have more sit up i could get the three seconds awy from mr. Hancock- Pitt, “ The coach just shut up. She sure know what she gonna said to her. And sarah still continues,” Coach, hes a pro athlete, besides he said to me it was a great game, and he belives i might win next time, isnt it great” “of course, it’s great. I said you were really tough. But you were lose it what can we do about it” “Can you just-“ “Look- sarah, you were a scholarship kid- the founder has been funding every penny for you to raise to be this big and all they wanted was a trophy” “Well I was getting second place- and i can get a chance of win next year” “There’s been a change of plan” “What do you mean a change of plan?” “They dont want you to get that trophy no morE” “What do you mean ? ” the coach just shuts up for a min, “ They’ll give you a second chance” “What ?” “Now this is what you got to do- all you got to do- is , get yourself in to that Sports Award Cermony” “You mean the Kamperland Sport Annual Awards?” “Yes. “ “But i cant get in... second place winner is not invited” “Well find a way to get in!” the coach just screams at her, but not too loud. Cuz people will hear. “Look, i give you one idea, in how to get to that ceremony awards, Hancock- Pitt is the first winner, right?. And he will be able to bring one partner, rather it his Girlfriend, Brother or even Mom or Grandparents, he can bring one partner” “You think i suppose to go with Mr. Michael?” “Well i just gave you one idea, you can try to enter anyway you want, but the thing we care about is, you get in, you can even force yourself to get in the trespassing way, but if you get in to crime, we just not gonna help you. You know we wont give our company a bad name- the thing is- if you wanna still be funded by us, you have to do this. You have no choice. Or, you can go to orphanage,maybe somebody will take 18 years old – or you can get a real job and pay for your living and school, but we will hand you off, for good. You got me?” Sarah just out of words. She knows that everytime she sees her coach it wont be good news.

She just lay down in her bed in the funded apartment. At 7 pm, she will go to the Gym , at 1st Floor, everyday she goes to GYm, but to day she just dont feel like it. She just cant help to think how she will get the ticket to get in thst ceremony, and how the hell could she sees mr. Hancock- Pitt again its impossible that he want to take his competitior tp the Awards, well unless hes nut enough to do that. “ “How the hell did i get that invitation?” Sarah just mumble to herself. She knows, first thing first she got to find the way in how to meet Mr. H- Pitt firsts. She doesnt even know where he lives! Oh yeah, she can ask her friend, Myriad, she is one of the insidider of the competition. “ Do You know where he liveS?” “Of course not... even if i know i can gve that out its private information” “Im really desperate to find his adress” “Waht you gonna do? Kick his ass for beeatingyou? Hes wayyy too strong for you to do that” “Of course not- are you crazy” “Then, why?” “Well, I just... oh, do you know if he might be attending an after party or something?” “Sure- of course, there’s an afterparty just tonight, but it’s almost ended- and im pretty sure youre invited, why you dont come?” “Oh my godd!!! İm so stupid!!! How the hell did I didnt get the invitation?” “Well, you shoulda now that it was common knowledfe, and im pretty sure they announce that... “ “Okay, no time , i gotta rush!” Sarah just get to her closet. “Oh m g! İ dont have any good dress... everything is an athlete thing, how the hell can i go to a party?” and then she have nly one dress, that her mom ever get her, it still fits, but its just so simple and a lil bit like old dated, but she doesnt have a choice. She had to get herself to the afterparty. The party is alrady starting like 2 hours ago... but thank god it still on... The guards were asking her ID “Im sarah Albertman, im one of the contestant for RCC?” “Oh.. sarah, sure, come in, youre late” “I know...” so sarah just gets in and people has been checking her Old dress and some of em is just laugh at her, but she dont care. She needs to find the winner of the game of this year. Just before she think it will be tough to find him, She just saw him. And now she startruck how the hell was her plan, now after he find him? This is bullshit! Now she just hold back a little bit, she dont know what to do now. What will she do ? just ask him straight away? Of course it cant be that easy! . Just before she had to take the first step. Mr. Hancock pitt already notice her. “Oh, Sarah!” she just shocked but she just smiles. “Hello... i thought u never came” She still dont know what to say. “Wow ! nice.. dress” he said . “Thank you” she seems nervous now, not like before. She never know shell need anything from this man but there she goes, she will get kicked out of her apartment if she didnt get in the cermony. “ Congratuliaons, again, on your winning” she starting to regtret what she said, but she doesnt know what else to say. “ “Thanks. Youre a fair player” “Yeah... its nice that you will get to attend the ceremony “ Mr. Michael just laughs. “Do you already decide who you gonna go with, mr michael? “ He seems confused, and Sarah doesnt know what possesed her lately but shes just gonna do a ride or die. She had to know/ “Well i didnt think of anybody yet” “If you would, id love to go with you” Mr. Hancock- Pitt just laughs. “HAHA. Sure... IF nobody in my place will, the spot is yours” “Really? I mean, thanks, just let me know” “Yea... Ill let you know “ and he laughs again for sarah directness. But wowwww Sarah just cant believe it wa that easy. All she has to do is wish her luck that nobody in his place wil go, she will pray . “Do you would like some toase?” “Well.. i dont drink” “Right... “ The walking waiter just go to his plave, “One martini, and one cranberry juice please” “I’ll have a toase, for me finally be a first winner, and now, the one in my spot, a tough high schooler, that almost get me into second place, again, lets toase for sarah!” “for sarah!” Then the party is starting again...

“You can go sarah, But, in one note” “Yes?” “Dont wear the dress like you wear in that party...” “I ... sure... of course, its my mom’s ... ill do the shopping” “yea, you know, i just dont rweally like to be to stand out... not tooo mention that ill bring a competitior, its gonna be weird” “I know,,, but you wont regret it... ill be as invicible as i can be” “Okay, then , see you at the ceremony sarah” “Thank you so much, Mr. Pitt” the phone are off.

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jayundergod-blog · 6 years ago

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Ultimate fear to me.

Say ive smoked some marijuana and im those thinker type when i smoke the chiba. Well suddenly im surrounded by only those bearing tone of demons prophane barbaroc behaviors. I dobt want to go to hell, and this fleshed out before my eyes is the nature of my worst fear. I am not only God Fearing, but damn nervous because Ive nearly awakened what I call the real me, an innervoice guiding. And i have begun eliminating distraction. I have cleared my thoughts and sight of many distractions. And have started to have a certain space for any almost all items under my use amd home. One thing that adds to another frustratoon os not remembering drawers or table or nooks random/common items did put that buisness card? Or it could just be a real pressue on moment and those 3 like mechanical reaches with your hands and ready to go in 5 seconds. I am comparing this new day 1 moment for me to Change from within. In order to make positive impact on future sitiations and various choices given, I have to jump way out of familiarity. I dont know how to make a friend where drugs and alcohol arent at least in the introductio. Its been over 20 years outside of my sponsor in an AA run since I have made any friends outaide of Getwasted Land. And its alnost like some of these people down here might be animated workers of a divine purpose. . Another reason my greatest fear revolves around Hell is Part A: my consistence in screwing up my life and Part B: randomly manipulating in or believing the reason for myaelf that My heart is attatched the right way, I believe God intended to place a mountain of pain shame and addiction and pride, occourances 1 after another saying put down the beer weed dream. Its not working. Test? bad test? CRASH collisions. wrecks.. Sexual imoralities that put me in only tighter, I like to think of as an irrational coat of shame. Switching schools over 20 times social bonding just seemed to naturally wade into the wastelabds. It was cool to say **** things, skip class and sneak a J. So still part B: reason for my greatest fear sometimes i worry my desire to fight evil with fire kind of mentality of a grey angel badass has to often and with any levels of sincerity been ... non supportive of God, and a compmete self failure. I am a highly successful failure. The tides of life had been decided to ensure have a livable income for life. All my lab blood tests come back good. Inspite of ludacrouis unprotected promiscuity and abusing chemicals alcohol included at very high danger quantities and lengths of time. To paranoid to bruah my teeth, and involved with the addict community they really do mess with my toothbrush when i let them know they can not live in my spare room area or you've got to go period. So the balance of pride and shame are big with me. Im simply putting it this way. I am very smart. Like, words don't automatically limit my perception and i discover ideas, inventions, ways to improve systems namely in buisnesses etc. But i believe i may have discovered a few awarnesses in the light of creation that had been considered. And i flow with innovation so much i didnt even write inventions down anymore. But im starting too now. I dont know if tbere is evil in my motives to understand, and my motive to protect the earth with my creative discoveries within the gift of life here. Glory all goes to God. And i feel pride and shame when i point something out like "this motivated by my naturally good heart amd my true self is a divine discovery. I am probably the first to say Ive beaten Lucifar hands down on 3 areas very simple. 1: there is guarenteed 1% of love within this entitty from the bible, And Lucifer is afraid of this within himself. He fears the capacity in his heart. Lucifer fears himself. And that tiny igmored reality of love is capable of seeking forgiveness and apologizing to his creator. Yea i could be nuts but 2: humans, generally any life form brought into light given the breath of life to seek the water of life, are conditioned, refined, we are born with lack of understanding and in time develop sincere amd forced pursuit of underatanding. I take it Lucifer just suddenly came into light an angel with uncomparable tangible working knowledge with math, music, stars, and whatever elae. Put Satan up against a regular devloped human and there is much to gain from the journey in being. Where satan just woke up with his bed made and an attitude similar to mine perhaps. "This can be better". Is where i stop the line. I assume God ridicule came from the statue with emotions and knowledge. Who should be a professilnal liar if he believes himself that his strength and power are not extensioms of God to begin with. Have to be a wicked bad liar to claim pride and ownership of anything whatsoever under the light. And finally 3 i feel im going to remember the 3rd way I checked the scariest guy in hell. But yeah no? assuming the story true, wouldnt the capacity in hiz heart be to close to deny and create fear and the most depressing "what am i going to wear today" moments? Before showing the tear in his eyes emotions. this waa a really long stretch of a first blog in life. Im considering Blog 2 to be straight down to the knit. My **** and my luster. None of you will likely know me so ill drop down my guard and even get into the pride/shame like. yes i was on that crack like they were infinity packs and the only translatable view to the edge lf my heart beyond the mountain God may have intended to be in my way. And yes for sure real sexual absurditiesn have been a matter if exploration and i found the most go to being ones least condoned like im straight but a few times on thjs other drug, the only reaskn the drug would be any jse to me if I went straight tranny freakazoid fk or even longer than 12 straight ( kind of) hours. I made a bjg ordeal of it too because i live in comparing to a waizt to shoulder hi body of water like fear. Im always nearly always in fear of something. Even if its just in a house all alone I am watching my tone and volume to not disturb the entity or embarrass myself. And theres usually a lot of BS running around my zone too. But anywhoo, scared of the SwaT teams and demons in a hotel, after the first usual 3 hours of eyes attatched to all directions i can notice without moving i said im going to max this **** out right here yeeaaaaa and i was doing poses for the potentials whoever stands at a second floor hotel window for 3 hours. You catch the drift. Sure part of the freaknicity invomved is mentally appealing. Im nkt going to lie. The flesh of a woman looking jedi equipped i mean has to be no sembalance of a male but thats neithr here nor anywhere for me because this isnt like, my hearts reach in any way. Since the last time i freaked off i encountered sexual encounter with an at the time friend lady and then almost a second time with the hottest coat rack breast formation i ever need to remember. Well she pulls out the money for intercourse part and now i am in not only great confliction but with a prepared spirit for the one of the highest priority lessons I could learn or be corrected on. And just then came a foundation of knowledge and vision. Flesh perveree barbaric using eachother like another drug or relieving some pain or just sheer addicted. Ive never had a time i can remember where there is something between us not being impprtant to me in the sack of awesome goods. If there is no relation there to me now more than ever, then jt is absolute perversive use of the flesh and body. I hope i dont get some effect of a born habbit and tranny zerg away my problem and enhanced self confliction. Hey that was mostly because damn new drug new coping mechanisim, and there are countless survielance vultures and sure there are good birds too but ive raised a lot of attention. I just let go on the FBI something about FBIs mom too. And maybe i just want the 3rd particles in good hands but I cant trust a comey supporting organization who are either ignoring the messed up bridge and back up the lies or they are beings without common sense. Plus some other group(s) i may or may not belong too. Im an expert **** up trying to move out of this world vast potential into a framing of the only way i see contributing chance to 5 generations from now to be atleast alive bearably. But no the world unison is buy what they say to buy no matter what healthier and bio friendly lower cost solutions are hidden from us. What would evolve in systems and technologies supressed by our ROTH oppressors fancy dress night club, is probably far beyond any imagination. But we want to say its cool ill stcik with gasine and everything else unto death. Whats a future generaton? I dont see blood on my hands yet. Not my problem. Or worst yet of the whe set is the sad existance of knowing that better is a controlled possibility removed from possibility by a few tactics to keep humans focused on other problems like, never never represent the problem with details about the CIA plane crash bringing cocain into america. Dont put on the news 24,311 bombs were dropped on other countries. Like is it 100s or thousands of oilline breaks per year? Either way they don't want you to see the pentagon lost 6.5 trlion bucks whoops . And tobaccoo being a substantial source of tax revenue. Whatever moneys not the problem here. Its how ks your FDA cool with 6000 known additves to a ciggrrate? and youre good with modified organism (gene manipulated plant life namely fruist and veggiesbyou can claim intellectual rights to tomatoes now by altering its DNA) that most consumers would lome the right to know but man its over with. Im either going to just die one day... Or I'm going to dye knowing i threw down a few sparks that reached a storm the ROTH associates will have to get stepping. Go buy your own planet or island of youre so obsessed with being king lizard man. Destroying the offspring futures chance of a liveable world and potential of decent m humanity instead of 10 billion people having to suddenly adjust with the last forseeable year with petro fuels or stop kilming the world. stop taking more grip over our societies industries and market lkke..... I know allegedly 90% media is slapped into air by atleast 1 out of just 6 mega corps. Sl is that lime our clothes are probably boiked up to ROTH brands? ummmm blog 1 i might S sell have gave an essay i worked on a year in the American college system at the podium with the XYZ or funny stain black shirt liike.... Yea l make this mire worth while and if it fails me or i fail i might even try a second blog life. But i realoze the value in these blogs being revved around free introduction to inventions. All the way up to a new style of buildings. lkke really hard to see as anything but futuristic, easier, and better in at least a few distinct ways. #1 perk of this technology given we are not on unlimited resource world but ements kf the housing structure are intact by such a way that it can be reutilized and ultimately there is potential for a no waste technology that reaches every door in the earth thats been done up the new way. Syria Afghanistan ans in general the countries that had devestated ways of lives of countless individual lkves of family members pretty much need to be rebuilt by this building technogy unseen. And the speed should be quicker as well. blog1 the ramble of death. the simplicity in taking base technology and enhancing them with personal and ho.e life is not only missing from our choices but unbelievable how eaay it would seem to accomplish the evidence of .mmm It only seems impossible because its not on tap at any restaurants we know. Partly why i have arranged a vision of my most hoped for life one without its core an office and a desk but one built from the potentials of imagination. Imagination being in part most crucial in expanding reality. Alright next one will be shorter sweet cut and dry. The facts in my peraonel history. ps im paranoid schizo like pretty much everything frim swat teams, demons, and ritualistic annual sacrifice held secretly in the depth expanse of a tunnelways descendance into reality where only one hope has life, that is Lord God mercy.

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ilygsd · 6 years ago

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110918

the only reason i even like this ugly fkn cunt is because we’re so similar. or at least were, he’s grown a bit more than me so i obviously appreciate his help and experience and knowlege or whatever.

but fuck him in the fucking asshole, not only is he a white man, not only does he get triggered by ”i hate whites/men” and ”ppl listen to u cus ur a white man” and takes it SUPER PERSONALLY and accuse me of fucking attacking him and shit. hes acting like a fucking dick when we’re fighting and the thing is……. HE REFUSES to admit when i say we’re similar in the way we fight??? he’s like ”no, im not” and im like YES BITCH YOU ARE YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING CHILD

he’s so fucking aggressive, manipulative, guilt tripping and just…. COLD. i swear what the fuck is wrong with him? i’ve met him 3 times, and we’ve fought 2 times. ive known him for like 2 weeks and we’ve already had 2 major fights??

the only reason im not fucking murdering him on the spot is because 1. im not a fucking idiot. i know my limits. i CANT control him, i CANT manipulate him. i dont have any power over him and 2. i fucking like him?? if i dont apologize he’s going to go on for fucking ever and eternity??? i like him and im actually genuinely sorry that he’s hurt even if he’s a fucking pussy who got triggered over smth as petty

like excuse ME!! the way he fights is REALLY triggering for me??? the first time i was terrified. it was like flashbacks and shit i cried for a whole day and i hadn’t even met him back then. i was SO SCARED and SO SHOCKED. because IT IS I who usually have his position. it is I who usually put people in their places, NOT the other way around. i HATE being scolded, feeling like a worthless little piece of shit

i knew that i should’ve blocked his ass because that can really be SO damaging to me. also there’s a risk im goong to explode as well and we’re just gonna trigger each other and fight to death…. but i didnt because i was too god damn curious of what he had to offer. is it really possible for me to be happy as well? is it really possible for me to heal and grow like him? ERHM well obviously he’s not in his ”complete form” yet, fucking psycho when he get angry, but he’s pretty happy and kind and positive generally

i worried so much about me draining him with my anxiety and issues but he said he wouldnt let me drain him. he said he always put himself first and the he basically would leave if i try to pull anything on him. why the fuck did i even worry about him when he’s trying to manipulate and guilt trip me?? I AM SO PISSED. HE REALLY TRIED TO DO THAT THAT STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

during our first fight it worked because i was SO SHOCKED, as i said. and i was SCARED. but fuck him in the asshole he really- he really tried to FUCKING DO THAT TO ME

he accuses me of being disrespectful of his limits when he goes fucking bananas, everythings happening so fast i cant even process what just happen, i dont even have the time to apologize cus hes all over and everywhere. and he’s so fucking threatening. he’s like ”if you dont…..” and he doesnt realize what the fuck he’s doing?? i apologize because 1. i hate these fights and 2. i like him i dont want to hurt him but he’s like ”i have nothing to apologize for”

STUPID FUCKING CUNTBAG YOUR UGLY TECHNIQUES ARE WAY OVER MY LIMITS, YOURE DISRESPECTING ME 101919X MORE THAN I EVER DISREPSEXTED U BY CALLING U A WHITE MAN.

(also can we talk abt how this motherfucker understabds that whites and men are privileged but he still doesnt get why reverse oppression isnt a thing and that it is GROUPS that are privileged and NOT individuals??? like he’s that fucking dumb)

that shit actually HURT!!!! i think he’s really immature during fights, i think he’s really fucking pathetic and i’m glad i’ve come to that conclusion rather than beating myself up. yes, i now understand that this is probably what it feels like for the counterpart when im fighting with them and im fuckig sorry that im acting like this psycho

BUT!!!!!! what really HURT was that he HONESTLY TRIED TO MANIPULATE ME. if i hadn’t called his ass out this time he would have gotten away with it AGAIN

bitch, he’s fucking 23 years old. he’s 4 years older than me. he also KNOWS!!!!!! i have a stupid crush on him and he STILL!!!!! TRIED TO GUILT TRIP ME, TRIED TO MAKE ME OBEY AND SUBMIT TO HIM, GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG

im so pissed and a part of me wish i would just have exploded but i couldnt because it was fucking 1 am and my family was asleep and i couldnt fucking shout at someone over the phone. also it actually made me feel a bit superior and mature when i was all calm and he still was upset (even though he wouldnt admit it, stupid proud brat. his voice changes distinctly). okay YES, i MAY have patronized him a little but also NOT!!! i was just really tired and sad and i still liked him so like….. i was just upset and trying to calm him down

its kind of hilarious how i had to tell him to stop sounding so aggressive and he was like ”im not” and i was like ”yes you are” and so he actually KIND OF stopped and it was easier to talk to him. wow i feel so powerful lmao. omg in really not any better than him am i? i know im not because no matter how much he denies it…….. im literally exactly the same when i fight 😔😔 i tell myself i wasnt like that because i didnt WANT to, because i want to be MATURE but a part of me honestly thinks its just me knowing my place. i like him more than the likes me, he can use that to his advantage, there was no reason or possibility for me to dominate him.

im still very pissed though and just because i like him i still REFUSE to follow him like a little puppy. ive been so worried ALL this time that i wouldnt be able to keep up with him intellectually, that he was too good for me, too smart and too kind. PFFFFFFFT!!! im sorry but i swear i was just idealizing him or smth. its his fucking voice and scent, its like a drug it makes me all calm and dizzy but objectively…. dont fucking let him manipulate you. if he ever makes you feel like yo should apologize and that tou did wrong, ask yourself WHY. an east escape is not the right answer. call him the fuck out. i think and hope he avtually would appreciate it as well……. even though he’s so fucking stubborn and proud OMG HES SO PROUD I CANT, I AM PROUD TOO BUT NOT TO HIM. or maybe a little since i now refuse to fucking message him, maybe a little bit manipulative but no, im still mad, the way he acted lady night was fucked up. why does he have to be so proud with ME???? is it because he doesnt feel as emotionally connected to me as i do? yeah probably

that stupid motherufcker…. when i told him ”instead of threatening me that you’re gonna hung up if i dont ’respect’ aka BEHAVE accordingly…. you could just say ’hey im not comfortable talking right now, i need to hung up’ AND HE WAS LIKE ”but we’re not that close-/but we’re not that emotionally-” or something like that and i was like……. is this dipshit clown really serious?? ”uhhh its more like COMMON SENSE AND RESPECT” and he was like ”yeah maybe…” YEAH MAYBE? NO YOU KNOW IM FUCKING RIGHT

god that piece of shit really thinks he has me wrapped around his finger or something. im attracted to him but what he doesnt understand is that he’s still a plain white man. he had NO IDEA how much im controlling myself by even letting myself fall for a white man. does he really think he can like…. i sont know?? i fucking asked him. because i said ”i dont demand or threaten you” and he was like yeah i know. and i was like woahhh…. wait a second….. ”do you think i dont because i like you? do you think i would just follow you whatever?” and he was like ”im not gonna answer that”

oh my god he really thought didnt he. stupid ass white boy really thought i would choose him over myself or any of my siblings of color. smh poor jack.

im going nuts. okay…. if he EVER pulls something like this again i wont be so sure i’ll be able to handle this on a mature level. the worst thing is though that i HAVE TO. because even when i DO, he’s so fucking ptronizing. like te WHITE MAN just jumped out???? if i were to lose my shit……. ITS SI FRUSTRATING AND ITS EXACTLY WHY I CANT BE WITH A WHITE MAN. i was avtually very fucking calm and he STILL managed to make me feel like i was the ”bad guy”.

ughhhh im fucking insane. this…… whatever the fuck our relationship is cus this boy is apprently only interested in me what the fuck that now even means?? okay so we can like hang out and be physical and cuddle and shit but we’re not a couple and its NOT limited to being exclusively us. apparebtly i should still feel flattered though?? cus he doesnt find anyone attractive and he needs some sort of chemistry??? im sorry boy but i am NOT flattered. you do you, i get it, it takes time for you to fall in love with someone but im obviously still much more emotionally invested. that not your fault. thats my problem. my abandonment and attatchment issues. honestly im so fucked i cant even differ my feelings. my feelings for him are strong but idk what they are. some days i feel like platonic friendship, other days an older brother, a romantic partner and sometimes even a dad/parental figure. like im that fucked up i just need a STRONG BOND i dont care what

i low key hate myself for how i ended the call yesterday. thanks to that, now i cant bring this up again. its too late. the fight is ”over”. i was like ”i still like u bye goodnight sweet dreams” but now im like ”i hate u ugly bitch”.

god my head

#diary #jo

0 notes

colorfulsuitdestiny-blog · 6 years ago

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If i cancel my auto insurance before the 6 months are up will i get money back?

"If i cancel my auto insurance before the 6 months are up will i get money back?

i gave 730 dollars for 6 months of insurance in april and it expires in september...but im selling my car an not driving it and want to take the insurance off....will i get money back after i prepaid for 6 months even tho i didnt use all 6 months?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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i'm 17 and will soon be recieving a car from my aunt. it's a '92 poniac bonneville se. i want to figure out some insurance rates but some of the information they are asking for i'm not comfortable putting on the internet (like my soc. number). are there any teen drivers or parents of teen drivers would would be willing to share their rates and companies with me?

What kinds of cars are expensive to insure?

im 18 and looking to buy my first car under my parents' insurance. what cars should i stay away from? i am most likely going to buy an mustang gt coupe (1960-1990). what factors make cars more expensive to insure? ive heard things like, type of car, how easy it is to steal, and even color color affect how much i will pay for insurance. i dont just want to know the categories, i want to know what to avoid, ei, stay away from red cars. stuff like that.""

California renters insurance?

I reside in california and i am going to rent an apartment. Is personal liability required in renters insurance or is it optional?

Driving without car insurance.?

Im 17, I have had my license for 2 months and my uncle gave me his car and i was wondering if i could drive it because he is still paying for the insurance on it, but I dont have any insurance of my own.""

What are the average car insurance rates for a 16 year old and for an 18 year old?

How much is medical insurance?

How much would medical insurance cost in Ohio (approximately) for 2, 30 years olds and one baby?""

Should i have the right NOT to buy health insurance?

i could have saved close to $4,000.00 in the last 29 months by not having insurance""

Is it possible to get temporary car insurance?

I don't have insurance now but I am looking to visit somebody (in Los Angeles) who has a spare car and I want to be able to drive it insured. I'm visiting for less than two weeks.

How much is car insurance?

I know it depends on a lot of things, but whenever I mention me getting my license, they have the same excuse over and over... So what's an idealistic amount for a young teen w/ 3.0+gpa and a sports car be? In california.""

""How can I find affordable health insurance that covers chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, or both?""

I live in Colorado. I only make slightly above minimum wage. I am not eligible for health care benefits through work. I have a chronic issue and am in pain if I do not go. I spend $250 on chiropractic and $250 on acupuncture for a grand total of $500 a month. Is there a health insurance plan that could cover either one or both kinds of treatments for less than $500 a month? If not, I will just continue to pay out of pocket although it is very expensive.""

What would be the cheapest way to get a car insurance?

Car insurance rate for 24/m honda accord 03?

Just wondering if anyone could guesstimate a car insurance rate for me? I recently graduated college and just got my first job making 32,000 a year. I am thinking of buying a 2003 Honda Accord EX Coupe. I havent gotten a ticket or been in an accident, ill be commuting 20 min to work every other week (carpool) and i have ok/good credit (no co-signer required). Any guesses? Thanks!""

How much insurance for a 16 years old boy?

in california

Looking for best LIC insurance for Child?

Hello, I am new to this insurance/policy stuffs...i am looking for best LIC policy for kids... Please share some sites where i can get basic education about insurance policies... thanks""

Why do insurance companys ask how much you paid for your car?

When they don't want to pay that amount out ! Although you pay that premium.

What good are healthcare insurance brokers?

I called one two weeks ago & he was going to email me different quotes. He never bothered to, and so I called him & asked where they were. He said he forgot. Meanwhile I called another health care insurance broker & she too sent me some quotes. I attempted on line to apply for one, but there was a problem with the form allowing me to go further. I not only called the broker like she said I could if there was a problem, but I also emailed her about the problem. She didn't return my phone call, and as of yet has answered my email. It seems to me they must not want to make a commission, so is it just best to contact the health insurance companies on their own? In the past a broker was able to tell me if I would qualify if there would be a mark up above standard rates. Now they say just apply on line and see what happens. Everything has to be on line which always obviously doesn't work. So, what good are health insurance brokers? They need to just do away with them if they aren't going to work.""

I think my short term disability due to giving birth got messed up?

So I want on leave on May 20th due to best rest. I used all my vacation and leftover sick time, and the rest is paid by short term disability, a total of about 9 weeks total. I stayed home 6 weeks after my baby was born since my work doesn't cover any of my pay. I work in a very small private business, just 3 of us. My boss had never handled maternity leave before, and I think he did it wrong. A few weeks after I gave birth he said he got a check from the disability insurance agency, it was made out to his business. So he cashed it and wrote me a check for the total amount from his business account. There was no explanation of how to dole it out, so he just gave me the total amount. Then, just now, 3 weeks later, I got another check mailed to my home from the insurance company?? What happened? I should of only got paid for the 3.5 weeks I believe from short term disability because I was paid for the rest. The insurance company is not open until tomorrow so I cannot call them yet.""

Cheap Insurance For Teens.?

I am 17, and I live in KY. Know a cheap company?""

Car insurance!! help?

I'm 17 years old and live in the UK. I want to buy a chevrolet camaro 2010 v6 when I am 19 but I'm worried how much insurance I have to pay. My friend told me it's going to be more than the car, and the car cost around 30,000. Can anyone tell me which group the car belongs to and how much insurance I would need to pay? I want this to be my first car but I want another car to gain experience. Please give me a good car that would look nice for a 18 year old. I am quite tall and I don't really like small cars because it feels uncomfortable for me? please suggest a good car that would suit a tall guy. thank you""

What is the cheapest way to get insurance on my first car.?

I am 18 and am buying a 1.2 corsa. I need to know the cheapest way to insure it. Even if I have to go on a relatives insurance. Please help

How much would insurance be for a Mazda MX5 MK1?

How much would the insurance be for a Mazda MX5 Mk1 in the uk. I know the car doesn't cost that much, and its quite old! I was just wondering what a 17 year old male would have to cough up :) Any useful website links would be nice aswell""

HELP!!!! CAR INSURANCE?

If you studied car insurance quotes previously you will know that a Q.B.P. accurate quote takes this many minutes?

Insurance help! Tennessee?

My bf moved here from west virginia... he has to big health problems one life threatening... He needs cheap insurance but i dont know anything about insurance. hes 23. can anyone help me or know of any type of insurance??????? It would be appreciated..

""Car insurance, Drive any car?""

My insurance certificate says that I am allowed to drive any privately owned vehicle as long as I have the owners permission to drive it and it is roadworthy and I still own the car I have insured. So even though I own a small and slow car, my insurer will quite happily allow me to drive a 250,000 ferrari as long as I have the owners permission to do so? How does that work out?""

If i cancel my auto insurance before the 6 months are up will i get money back?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/question-interest-whole-life-insurance-ethan-carpenter/"

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askacreatorfbooksandcomics · 7 years ago

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Comman Tool (FairyTale FanFiction: GrimmoreHeart, dragons layer X Guildless God Slayer)

(Qoutev: Nikkky Don’t miss out on the rest of the story!!) Second chapter! Have fun!!: I was liked around town, looking for the one place I felt home, other than my home. Olma’s Fabric Store. Olma was the old lady who ran it. My stand-in mom. I felt tied to the place, for good reasons, ever sense she saw me, she has been teaching me to sew. To see the magic and brilance in the world that in witch we live. Her herself was a kind elderly woman, who had magical abilities. She had Summoning magic, in witch she had passed down to me, she had no real kin. As I walked in the first thing I smelled was that smell you normally smell when you walk into your grandma’s house, tho no one knows what it is, and it wraps you into a bundle of joy and love. Olma greeted me like normal, and I walked around. I found very nice fabrics I wanted to use and bought them, tipping highly. It was a traddion. I would tip her she would tip me, I just wanted to tip her, but when I do she does to. Olma has a key to my shop cause I trust her highly, and even tho she’s old, she still with kick you lazy but if you hurt anyone while she is around. She comes to my shop every Sunday, and gets some coffee and I help teach her my ways of cooking, even if I don’t use magic I have been told I have the best baked goods in the world. I feel that they overexsgerate tho. I smile again as I finally get Olma to roll the dough right and sugar it. She rolls it again, and when it’s not stick but still firm, I put it aside and she starts try into whip up frosting. A Ding comes to the door, and I go out not bothering to clean up my apron and just dust off my hands. “You owe me.” Alec says, I scoff, “No I really don’t I didn’t want anyone hurt, if anything I should blame you!” He glares at me and I hear clattering in the back, and Bang and a puff of flour comes out of the door, and Olma does to cover head to toe with the white mixture. “I DONT KNOW WHAT I DID WROUNG?!” She says and I chuckle, “Did you mistake the ManaFlour for the normal flour again?” I say raising an eyebrow, She stands there for a min. Just starring at me. Then goes back into the kitchen. “You have to it ALL over again!” I hear cussing in the kitchen and laugh. Alec chuckles and brings me back to were I was, “ALSO YOU SPRAY PAINTED MY HOUSE!” I yell, “WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME MABY IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE FROM OUR GUILD!” He says not relizing the trap, I smirk, “It’s still the guild you fly with, your family, your resposible for it, meaning YOU OWE ME!” I chuckle and he looks as if he was going to kill me. I sigh when I hear another Boom And this time wrinkles come out of the kitchen, “YOU DIDNT REDO EVERYTHING DID YOU?!” I yell back, she stays quiet I smile in triumph, “Sorry but again were closed please leave before I call the cops.” I say and watch him stomp out the door. I sigh and head back into the kitchen to help. -Time skip- Olma had gone home after helping clean up, I take the cake off her hands, and tell her that it takes time. And she leaves. I take this time to run up e stairs and change into snowed weather close, witch for me is a heaven long sleeve sweater and thick pants, and snow boots. I grab my backpack and fill it with the normal stuff, and start my shuffle. My magic… It’s Diffrent in a way, to dilute it I place Musci and snack on sweet things, this having side affects, I can’t eat normal food, only sweet snacks. And it’s placed a toll on me, but if no one knows why let them? I silently walk out into the colder air than normal, it was around 1 AM and it was snowing. 4 in. Layer apon the ground, and I had no Truble running to the near by park in witch I sat down under the slide, giving the water free area the draw in. I get out my Hot coco, Mint pokey and sketch book, I loved art, and started to draw the snow, dancing around as if it was alive and having fun, the only problem about me drawing is I get so wrapped up in it, I turn off everything but what I need the draw, this being someone snuck up on me very easily. “You never seemed like someone who would like the cold.” Alec in witch now was dressed with a winter puffy black jacket and a long black scarf around his neck snow boots and snow pants on who looked like he detested the cold. I laugh, “Hello to you too.” Alec shrugged and sat under the big slide with me after shaking off the snow and gazed at the picture in my hands, I shrugged looking at the okey sized line I acsadentaly drew when he scared me, I knew what I had couldn’t fix it so I poked Alec with it and handed it to him, “When you suddenly came behind me I messed up, so here.” He laughs, “I tryed yelling at you but you never even blinked, I honestly thought you were dead…” I stopped listening and started a knew drawing, just something in my head, but this time not even I RELISED what I was drawing. This time when my seances thought it was good enough I looked at it, it was snowy there was a park and in that park was two animals a dragon and a cat, they were sitting under the slide, I tryed to hide it but was to late. Alec looked at it in awe of the perfect lines and all. I hid it into my book and he just looked at me, and I looked at the sky, “Nice day right?” I ask, He nods slightly muttering something I didn’t hear.I look up at the sky and some smell hit my nose and before I could react I was passed out cold. When I woke up I was in a hudge room, with a king bed rapped around in plush bedding and a thousand pillows of silk. I noticed Alec and his head master Hades talking quietly not noticing I was up. I wanted to know we’re I was nut I now had guess, so I silently got up and shushed Hades and crept behind Alec. Pop Hades burst out laughing and Alec just stood there. Shocked I just popped BOLTH of his ears, and he couldnt hear anything. I was laughing and Alec was just schocked unroll he got his hearing back and turned to face me fuming. “What. Was. THAT.” He yelled I just kept laughing Hades put a hand on his head still laughing, “You must let her stay, She should join! Keep you in check!” I stopped laughing when he said I should join, I know knew why I was here. I grew quite mad. But neat her noticed my sudden silence and or clenching fists. ’ Guilds are Just Army’s with power, your nothing but man power.’ Hades stopped laughing and looked at me, at first with a jolly smile, then a confused frown, “Are you okey?” He asked. Alec stepped away, “Iym?” I could hear the voices calling me, telling me, I fought them off, I wouldn’t hurt anyone. But one voice I couldn’t fight and one thing two things slipped, a sly smile, and “Join?” And felt myself go cold, I again was hit with the force of gas that brought me here, “I brought her here top let us burn fairy tail but if she doesn’t want to we should just kill her in her sleep!” Someone stepped out of the shadows, with a gas mask, but I couldn’t be put to sleep, I wasn’t the one in control, Luna smirked, “I don’t believe we all have met! I guess I’m Iym, your The guy who gases people, I know your the headmaster, and you must be the second in command Alec,” power surged off of me but even I couldn’t get out of her trance she had me in. And I disappeared, I came back to control, and found my self back at the park, with my stuff, in my outfit I had on before. This is why I hate my magic! Even if I try one person can Always use me! I hate guilds! Their use little army’s with more powerful man power! Your not respected! Your just a pawn! I stomped back home, unlocking and locking the door, and going up to my room, took a shower and went to bed. Too many things are going on at once! I just wanted rest before my head exploded! Ps: at first I uploaded this to my second blog!! >~< srry!

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allshe-needed-waslove · 8 years ago

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My names kitty, I'm 16 years old. I am an addict. And yes I'm aware that I'm stuck deep in addiction, the first part of recovery is knowing you're an addict. The first step is about where I'm at. It's all started over the lose of my first love. He was handsome, sweet, and caring and everything I've always wanted. At 15 me and him decided to move in together, let me tell you. (First mistake). This man of mine I thought was so in love with me. He tried to have kids with me, dropped 5 bills on housing stuff for us to get our own place. Gave me a promise ring, *on one knee* I was in love and vulnerable. What can I say. I believed every single lie that came out of his petty mouth. (Second mistake). Turned out I was being used for my body. Forgot to mention this man was 21 and I, 15. I'm going to keep this short but just no I could go on forever about this Man. I thought we were so in love and I had found my king... so there comes his idea about king and queen matching hand tattoos. (BIGGEST mistake). Clearly wr aren't together anymore. Well when I moved into his basement with him wr started drinking. blah, blah, long story short he became very emotional, depressed, and filled with physical aggression. I no longer new who he was. I was 7 months clean off blow the whole time me and him were together. As someone that's very deep in addiction I am always addicted to something that makes me feel good. And.. he did. Little did I no it was a disguise. This man, I never saw as a creep for dating me at only 15. I never saw the problem cause "we were so in love" . I'm just glad we didn't end up with kids, although we tried for the whole 7 months. He promised to marry me. I belived him. Hes the first man i was 100% faithful too but thats mostly because i was in love and grew up. Im writing so much about my ex man because he was the root of the start to my addiction. I would have litteraly killed for this man. Well him being an ex addict himself, he had lots of stories, drugs, crime, Exc. I liked them "Older bad boys" and I wanted to be everything he wanted. Shortly I became everything he didn't want even near him. I didn't think he was a creep for dating a 14/15 year old until I saw a side of him I'm scared from. I found out he was talking to 13 year Olds trying to hookup and "get to no them" more and more often, this was when we were on a break I belive. I later turned 16 and he completely lost interest in me. Fully. At one point I was begging for him to stay with me all the way to his house to see a bunch a little kids from 13-17 chilling in his house and in the backyard. At this point I didn't fully notice he's not all right in the head. At 16 I guess I aged out for him. He no longer told me he loved me. No longer kissed my forehead and scratched my back before bed, he no longer rubbed and kissed my belling praying to creator that theres life inside me.Slept with his back facing me. Drank, hungojt with other people all the time. Hid his phone, changed his passwords. Only intimancy and feeling of love was when we would have sex. I was just so comfortable with him, more then my own family. He was the first guy to make me orgasm, and that was a sense of comfort for me (Besides my new love now that I'll mention later on). That's all he ever wanted to do, it was all about sex and booze at the end there. But sadly enough for me it was alchol and speed. He would force me to send him nude pictures and bugged and bugged to the point where he broke up with ne because I wouldn't send a twerk video and because I didn't send nudes when he wanted them.. I still went out of my way to try to make him happy, to keep the spark going. I'd bring him back a chocolate milkshake extra large every single day I got off work.. I wouldn't get a smile, a thankyou or anything. Most I'd get is a "put it right here". I dont really want to get to much into the topic but during sexual intercourse he would hit me, and chocked me till I went blue, you will all think "yea he's just into kinky stuff". But listen, every trust I couldn't breath.. he got satisfaction out of it. And then he took what he would do in bed to doing on a regular basis. Including the slapping and choking.. and I can't say I liked it because he had evil in his eyes, he meant to hurt me . Not please me. I was young and confused when I tried to leave he'd grab the biggest kitchen knife and start to slit his arms or neck. I was manipulated to shit. He left me a day after my birthday, I can't know forsure but I know it was sometime in June. I didn't know why, and I still don't know why I love the man. He's abusive emotionally and physically, and all around. I put up with being called ugly and fat everyday. He told me he bought me makeup because I am ugly underneath. He ruined my confidence. Not a good guy. I say he was the root of the start to my addiction because he really was. Stupid enough as it sounds I wanted to walk in his shoes.. see what he's saw, for me to understand why he is the way he is. We were very off and on around this point. First breakup I went out to grab beer, to short form this I ended up running into a girl I knew that I used to have mad beef with,.. and we ran into some guy I used to know that ended up being a drug dealer... she was addicted to meth, she has a beautiful daughter that I call my niece, we ended up at rock bottom together. We both lost everything. Both our family's gave up on us for months. MY ADDICTION AND WHEN AND HOW IT STARTED: I have been doing dope since I was 13, Xtc was my drug of choice, then it was molly,lean,cocaaine, any pills I could get my hands on, alchol. Basically anything that got me fucked up. Why did i start? I cant answer that, ever since i was young ive fantasized about escaping reality and just always feelings good, I was clearly depressed but instead of perscribed meds i chose to self madicate using street drugs, witch left me with psychosis, bad depression, anxiety, panic attacks and i was recently diagnosed bipolar. I didn't get on hard shit till I turned 16. When me and this man were on what i called a break, and i was out getring beer like i mention i ran into this girl then we hung out and ran into this guy. At this point i didnt no she did meth, until she took a rail infront of me. I was mind blown i thought meth made you completly differnt. This older man we ran into, ended up hanging out with us for the night, blah blah blah he sold a belt for dope, we took a taxi from the whore house , ditched it outside an apartment (that reeked like throw up) went inside and he had us work for him, well he was waiting on his buddy (dope dealer) to come by so he could sample his new re-up. He had me and this girl post adds on Craigslist as escorts. (Only in intentions to rob the guy) but we still had to use pictures of ourselves. I was having a cooler. And drinking a 1L 9f vex well everyone was waiting on their dope, I never once thought I'd be doing meth and especially the amount I consumed that day. Buddy guy gets bad starts until packing his pack pulls out stolen checks,IDs, bankcards, alchol, batteries, dope scale. Just a bunch a random things. At this point I had a buzz just a buzz I was totally aware of my surroundings and in control of what I was doing though. Buddy guy pulls out his meth pipe and starts to scrape the rez using a Bobby pin. He got a bunch of bumps set up one for each of us... including me. He wasn't aware if never used meth, but he also wasnt trying to convince me not too. Actually he was convincing me to just take it "its just a small bump" he said. I saw this girl and him both take their hot rails ive heard about them before from my ex.. hotrails are how he got into dope too. And dam did i ever think it was cool as fuxk to see smoke come out well snorting and no feeling the burn od it in my nose. I told myself just once, yes ive seen the comercials but did that stop me? No. Because i didnt no i had addixtion issues at that point. I was 7 months clean, but of course it was all my doing usuing that night. As soon as i took that hot rail. I was fucked, i knew id be hooked. I ended up buying 8 points nit knowing how much the prices are i gave him 40$ a movie giftcard and my bran bew expensive box mod. I was desperate to not come down. If i could go back to that day i first used, i would have went home when my mother called me to come home. Me and my man ended up getting back togther, he was the first petson i tild about doing meth that night, i met up woth him in the morning and he called my mom. My mom balled her eyes out so confused on what to do. Her daughter is doing meth. How could a parent take that in.. but nono that wasnt it katie ended up causing 2000$ worth of damage in her bedroom. Pretty sure i put every body part u could think of through the wall and breaking everything in reach in my small bedroom. I have even pulled of the blinds from my window and my head through the wall more then once that we now need to replace the wall. I smashed a picture of a cat in a frame and used the shards as weapons on myself and others. I went nuts, and this was all over drugs and a boy. Parents ended up calling the cops and they picked me up under the mental heath act and had me put in general psychiatry for 2 weeks. At this point my "man" ex man let's say, moved on.. well I was getting better and staying clean to get him back he was laying with other bitches. He hated me. I don't no why. I dont no what I did, never did and never have. I never got closure.. and let me tell you that straight fucked me up to this day. He won't and hasn't talked to me until recently I made a new fb cause he blocked me on everything and asked if we could be civil he said ya and we had a short talk. But yet, I still don't no why he left. But this gets better when I got clean in hospital I texted him and let him no I'm clean and the respond I got made me loose all hope. He replied, "I don't care go back to dope". And he not only once but multiple times told me to end my life. And I wanted to o oh so fucking wanted to . Death and dope. I wanted them bad. I went on doing meth more and more, hanging with the street people n drug dealers more and more that getting high became a chore. A need. And at this poiny i didnt no i was an addict i was just "doing it for fun" me n this girl were in and oyt of the local whore house cleaning and organizing junk for dope. We always managed to have dope. The more dope I did the more my tolerance went up. The more I needed more. Snorting it wasn't doing the trick for me anymore I was up for days and decided to start smoking it, but I was home in my room without a pipe so I tested put the old tinfoil and hooter method. It worked . A whole new rush, slightly different. And then from there on out I only smoked it and took hot rails. I ended up getting kicked out of my family home to the streets. All my stuff left in the front of the house because I wasn't coming home for curfew or I was coming home high and I have younger siblings in the house. But she did what was best for her and kicked me out. Still there for me . Just taking away the roof over my head and hot water to shower in out of my life. Because those are privileges. That was it. I wanted to be indepented, she tossed ne the ropes.. i then needed to make money. So i msged buddy guy and asked him for help and tips on how to make money, he then told me to come over. I went over and we discussed work. Was it legal? Maybe 13/100%. At only 16 I was moving product that shouldn't even exist. I first became a secretary and worked his phone, then I became someone who bags the dope (let me tell you it's hard being an addict in front of so much dope) I then ended up doing runs for him, then the higher ups met me and took me for a few days to transfer large quantities of dope.. and thats when i first tried fentanyl. I was transfer with a higher up guy and my clueless ass didnt no wtf he was tossing me on tin foil, i thought it aas speed at first. That hit me pretty good. But not once have i over dossed. At that point i was moved into the "trap" or the "shack" I always had dope, everyone wanted to be my frriend. Of course thought. Drugs make us like that .it's like we're conected by magnets were always were the dope is. I got picked up by a higher up dude one night and I was told to pick up our hard (crack) at this point I was doing crack Fent and meth. I'm lucky to be alive. There was this other kid that hung around he was a intervenes user a year younger then I am, doing the same shit, making sales to keep his high up. When I went out I was brought to this really dirty shack, I was helping this guy work by scaling and bagging and labeling, it was a weird house. I heard muffled screams behind this curtain that separates the room as he was showing me weapons.. like weapons to torture.. anyway this guy I guess was really feeling me I ignored the sound of the muffled screams because on speed and Fent I felt immortal I wasn't scared of anything or anything.. this guy tried to get with me and obviously in the situation I was in I said no. Then he tried making me do ghb with him witch is one drug I'll never touch. I ended up staying way later with this guy then I should have, he had me start working his phone and wouldn't let me leave his place. Finally I convinced him to let me go and he got a driver to bring me back to where I was staying by the time I got there I was already super fucking late with the dope I got an 80 rock of hard 2 points of down 2 points of Fent and 4 points of side for working that night. They loved me cause I was an innocent kid with no record. I got there and I was so fucked up on Fent and meth that I was being loud as fuxk trying to get my body over the balcony railing on the first floor into the apartment. (We went through that way) and when I walked in everyone was posses straight pissed. That they didn't get their dope like 5 hours ago. Lots of shit happend in that house I lived at but the most fucked is when I came back with that dope everyone was pissed at me n in a crappie mood the kid younger then me needed his Fent bad and literally threatened me with a dirty used dirty. I ran to the bathroom Sar on the floor and balled my eyes out. I just worked hard and had to put up with this buddy all over me just to get threatened and told to kill myself. I then left the washroom and gave him his dope he shot up 5 ps of meth then a point of Fent he ended up going into straight psychosis. The people there didn't no what to do he was gouging out the skin on his neck and his knee bleeding everyone. Him being totally capable of anything I was the only one that stepped in dragged him to the couch and help him in my arms well he's balling in complete bad trip mode yelling and saying "please don't "persons name" I'm sorry" thinking he was getting attached by this person he earlier almost got a rock to the dome from. Blah blah blah. Okay, the house owner wakes up that morning me n this guy are past out on the couch me still holding him with his arms restrained and she walks out to a bunch of needles thinking I was shooting up too she then threw a plate at my head through all my shit out her front door kicked the shit out of me. Held a knife to my throat leaving scraps from the blade. Me being a careless bitch saying "Do it, fucking take my life then" with a sharp blade and shaky hand to my jug I then got my dad to pick me up. My mom ended up showing to and she called the police, wasn't worth my time to charge her. I don't rat, for even atempted murder. She got off Scott free. But the cops told me I would have to go to the hospital if I didn't give him a video taped report on her. So off to the hospital I went again.. I don't rlly remember much after that my long term memory is fucking fried. Well skip a month or so, I started selling for myself with my best friend as a partner. We were bomb ass little hustlers. Let me tell you. Did that for awhile they my best friend went off to detox and I started flipping dope with this guy "her man" and making him stacks everyday, oh yah I also got fired from my job before that cause I got into heroin, buddy doesn't hire heroin addicts because they just do the dope. I found myself a new job but before flipping with my best friends man i was a runner for the "higher up" guy. I was selling people meth, crack, heroin, Fent, oxys, pills of all kinds, cocaaine anything u could think of I had it for you. Do I feel good about it? No at all. I could have been the one to sell someone dope to have them od and die. I feel like a straight piece of shit for my selfish actions. Lucky enough no one od-d on my dope. When I was selling for my best friends man i ended up get into poking (needles) and to this day I haven't quit yet. There something in the rush that I love. I've been in and out of hospital for drug use none stop. The doctor put me on extended leave with 7 conditions. Not taking meds and no drug use are the hardest ones I have to face. I'm an addict. But right now I'm a recovering addict. Was 9 days clean . 1 slip last night. long story short I went to off to treatment almost a month ago and I was there for 2 and a half months I met a guy he's from van I'm from abby. Fell in love all over again. This guy gave me hope for the future . But we ended up awoling (running away from treatmemt) And going down town east hastings for 2 days getring fucked up.. me doctoring him. Witch I feel so fucking shitty for. Got kicked out of treatment brought back to abby to stay in a youth shelter witch I didn't stay at got back on the streets again witch I forgot to mention i lived on since July and even stayed in a tent with a guy at one point. I really hit rock bottom but now I'm learning to swim to get back to the surface. I can do this. The guy in treatment I was dating ended up leaving me because people told him I'm cheating on him witch I never in the world would do. I never wanated to loose him. Then day after we break up he's in Abby fucking my so called best friend. Dropped them like bad habits. I ended up relapsing last night I'm admitted in the hospital rn so I'm high with nothing to do so I thought I'd write my story for future me and my kids one day. There's always hope

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