#but oh god what a good and gay one man it was

[daydaydayrk420]

𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚅𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚎?

𝚂𝚝𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝙶𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚡 𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

⚠️ happy gay men in a happy healthy relationship oh nooo⚠️

🚨 minor's and girls do not interact 🚨

I practically speed run this one so I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense or something like that.

Steven has been single for a long time.

in fact, so long that he forgets he's not single anymore.

So imagine his surprise when he got a text from his boyfriend asking where he is because his shift ended an hour ago.

"Crap crap crap-" Steven panted as he hurriedly made his way through the busy streets of London. Why are there so many people?

The streets weren't this busy yesterday. What's so special about today?

"Happy Valentine," Some guy said to his girlfriend as he kissed her cheek and handed her flowers.

Steven froze on the spot. Valentine?!

Steven was so busy talking to his statue guy friend that he didn't realize that there were so many flower stands and Valentine's decorations around him.

"Oh my gods!" He whisper-shouted at himself and looked around in hopes of finding any open shop or a stand. Why do the shops in England close so soon?!

Steven panics. As if he wasn't already.

He hurriedly gets his phone and tries to google any nearby stores that could still be open.

Once he finds a shop he quickly makes his way towards it. But when he gets there someone buys the last batch of y/n's favorite flowers.

"No...No no no no..." Steven was filled with apprehension.

He sighs and leans on the nearest wall. "What do I do now... I'm already late... I can't come home with an empty hand.." He talked to himself.

"Where are you, Steven..." Y/n sighed as he covered the pot of garlic pasta that was no longer fresh or hot.

He walks into the bathroom, where he has a hot bubble bath filled with rose petals and heart-shaped candles.

He crouches by the tub getting ready to blow out the candles.

"Y/n? Darling?" A shaky British voice calls out into the apartment. Y/n immediately stops what he's doing and hurries out of the bathroom.

"Hey Ste-" Y/n's words come to a stop when he catches the British man wide-eyed, still out of breath, holding what looks like hand-picked flowers as he stares at how their shared apartment is now covered in rose petals and candles that are halfway burned out.

"Wow..." Steven breathed out. When he notices how burned out the candles are he gets filled with shame. If he wasn't so late the candles would still be standing high. "Love this is amazing." He said as he looked around.

Y/n smiles and leans on the doorframe of the bathroom.

Steven finally looks at his boyfriend.

"I uh... Brought these..." Steven said shyly as he looked at the flowers he picked in the park. Half the petals are gone. "Oh..." He mumbled sadly feeling ashamed again.

Y/n smiles sadly in understanding. He walks closer and takes the flowers. "They're beautiful." He said softly before going to the kitchen to get a small vase. Once the flowers are in the water y/n walks back to his boyfriend.

Steven is fidgeting with his fingers and looking at the floor. He looks like a scolded puppy. Y/n looks at him with a sad smile. He walks closer and lifts Steven's chin.

The British man's lips parted, and his cheeks tinged with pink.

Y/n smiles and looks over Stevens's face. He cups his cheek and pulls him into a gentle kiss.

Steven gasps in surprise. God, how could he have forgotten that he has a boyfriend when his lips taste this good? He soon relaxes and wraps his arms around y/n's neck. Is he doing this right?

"Relax Steven. It's just a kiss." Y/n said with a smile. He knows that his boyfriend can be forgetful and shy. But every time they kiss it's like Steven is kissing for the first time. But y/n takes it as a compliment.

He loves seeing his boyfriend so giddish from only a kiss.

Steven smiles in a way that could light up the whole world. "I know. I'm just really happy that I have a boyfriend like you."

Y/n smiles. He leans in again, and this time, Steven meets him in the middle.

Steven wraps his arms around Y/n's shoulders.

"You seem hungry. Let me set you a plate." Y/n said as he reluctantly pulled back. He can't help but chuckle when he sees Steven pout from the loss of contact.

"Oh gods that was delicious love. Thank you." Steven said as he patted his full stomach. Y/n chuckles and nods. "I'm full too." He said as he stuck his belly out jokingly.

The British man chuckles.

"I'm happy you liked my cooking," Y/n said with a genuine smile.

"I'll always like your cooking," Steven said in the same soft tone that y/n used. Y/n smiles and leans over the table to kiss his shy boyfriend.

It doesn't take long before the sweet loving kiss turns lustful and hungry. Y/n walks around the table and lifts Steven into his arms.

The British man doesn't hesitate and wraps his legs around his boyfriend.

But this time it's Steven who starts the kiss. And Y/n happily returns it.

Y/n carefully carries Steven into the bathroom. There, he carefully sets him down on the sink and takes his time undressing him.

As he undoes Steven's shirt he leaves trails of kisses on every newly exposed skin.

Steven flushes so red even his shoulders are dusted with pink. Especially when he feels Y/n's lips on his abdomen.

But when he looks down he has to cover his face with his hands in shyness. Y/n is looking up at him as he gets comfortable on his knees. His eyes are filled with love and passion.

He removes the belt and then he undoes the button and the zipper.

He slowly tugs Steven's trousers off. But without a mistake, his lips follow after his hands. He showers Steven's thighs in kisses, then his knees, then his shins, and then his feet.

The British man is as red as a tomato.

Y/n chuckles and stands up. He checks the temperature of the water in the tub that he filled an hour ago. Cold. Of course.

He drains the water and carefully takes out the heart candles.

Steven suddenly gets filled with shame again. He looks down at his hands. His boyfriend worked so hard to set all of this up and he forgot what day it even was...

"Steven" y/n snaps his fingers in front of the British man's face. "Sorry..." Steven mumbled.

Y/n frowns and cups his cheek. "What for?"

"For everything.. For forgetting so much... For being such a shit boyfriend..." Steven said with a sigh as he buried his face in his hands.

Y/n smiles sadly and gently takes the British man's wrists to pull his hands off his face. "Steven."

Steven can't do anything else but look into his boyfriend's eyes.

"You don't have to be sorry. Your life is different from mine and so is your mind. Your love language is different from mine too. Okay? So even if I build a cake for you and you come running home with a single daisy. I will still appreciate it. As long as you don't avoid me, ignore me or neglect us. I will always love you. And your weird little mind." Y/n said with a smile.

Steven teared up. He practically pounced on y/n to pull him into a death-gripping hug. Y/n of course doesn't hesitate and returns the pressure and adds a few kisses to the shoulder.

"I love you too," Steven said through a hiccup. The other man smiles and wipes his boyfriend's tears away before pulling him into a gentle kiss.

"Now come on, I gotta undress too so we can enjoy what used to be a bubble bath," y/n jokes as he tries to pull back from his boyfriend's death grip that he calls a hug.

Steven chuckles but doesn't let go. "Let me help you." He said as he traced the hem of y/n's shirt.

Y/n considered it. "Alright, pretty boy."

And just like y/n. Steven takes his time undressing his boyfriend. But without the kisses. He's more of an admirer type than a kisser.

"You're so beautiful, love." Steven murmured under his breath.

Y/n smiles. He likes when Steven gets like that. It's as if Y/N was an art piece in a museum and Steven is the visitor admirer.

As Steven gently traces the outer shapes of his boyfriend's chest, y/n takes the time to admire Steven's face.

He smiles when he sees his boyfriend's cheeks tin with pink. So he looks down to see why he's blushing, and it's because Steven's hands have reached y/n's pants. He chuckles and gently puts his hands over Steven's. "Let me help you."

The British man bites his lip as he watches y/n move their hands to undo his belt. "You're always so shy when we undress." Y/n teased. "You know it's not the first time right?" He joked.

Steven Huffed. "It's not my fault you look so good."

Y/n laughs. "You're so adorable Steven." He grinned and let go of his hands to cup his face instead.

"Look at you. All flustered from just undressing." Y/n said with a smile. Steven pouts.

The other man chuckles and kisses his boyfriend. "So cute." He mumbles between kisses.

Steven flushes red and returns to kisses. His hands tremble as he pops the button on y/n's pants.

Y/n pulls back and watches how Steven continues to strip him with shaky hands.

With a soft thud, y/n's pants pool at his feet. He steps out of them.

Y/n cups Stevens face and pulls him into another kiss. Steven wraps his arms around his boyfriends shoulders and tries to pull him closer if that's even possible.

The other man quickly gets rid of his underwear before picking the British man up and walking towards the tub. He gets in first and then he pulls Steven against his chest.

They let the water fill the tub a bit more before shutting it off.

Steven immediately relaxed in the warm rose petal filled water and closed his eyes.

With his full weight leaning back against y/n's chest he realised how tired he was.

"It's alright darling relax. I'll take care of you." Y/n murmured as he rested his chin on the British man's shoulder.

Steven nods and lets sleep take over his body.

And as y/n promised. He washed and cherished Steven's body.

And once they were done with the bath, y/n carefully dried his British boyfriend before dressing him in some PJ's and taking him to bed.

They both slept in each other's arms as if one would let go the other would disappear.

[juchily]

Yellowjackets S3 Ep1 thoughts

Spoilers below ⚠️

not them buttering us up with the cute fun scenes like them playing tag so they can hit us with the horrible stuff later... I see you showtime

edit: MARI CALLED SHAUNA GAYWAD WHEN SHAUNA TACKLED HER?? ALSO JUST IGNORING THAT SHAUNA IS COMPETITIVE IT WAS INDEED VERY GAY THE WAY SHE WAS MANHANDLING MARI

Taivan taivan taivan taivan!

taivan broke up after rescue 😞

Travis is one of the girls ✨🧚

Shauna's freaky as shit... But like 🙇

That whole scene with Melissa and Shauna was gold, "You have a personality?"?? Be fr the extra gets her first real line and the writers write in a character pointing it out this is so funny

Melissa being so eager to suck up and impress Shauna, two girls telling each other "yeahhh", Melissa wants that cookie. Genlissa shippers it's OVER

what do we think Nat got arrested for when she was 24?

Love Callie for that... I've never hated her be real she's too much of an icon to hate

Im going to be real, when those girls talked about the girls eating pig blood and then having a druggy orgy I did infact go "we all wish" because do we not?? The writers KNOW what we want at this point lol

did Shauna know pre crash that Lottie was schizophrenic? Did she find the pill bottle post crash? If she knew this, would this be a fuel for her hate for Lottie because of her visions, miracles, etc

Lottie being a therapist... God she's too much of everything I can't even begin <3

Lottie and Travis as a duo are so cute (AS NON ROMANTIC, I HATE THEM ROMANTICALLY THAT)

...i thought Van and Tai were going to go at it in the restaurant bathroom ngl, dining and dashing and fucking in an alley is cool too

also that scene in the restaurant where Van seems to be feeling weird... And then right after that the waiter guy dies (supposedly) and we see that onscreen effect go away... Just saying

Id eat the shit (read: spit) out of that soup...

Mari and Shauna getting treated like misbehaving dogs... They low-key are. Poor Mari honestly. And Shauna gaslighting...

SHAUNA AND CALLIE BONDING OH MY LORD CALLIE'S A MINI SHAUNA AND I DONT KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD BE SCARED OF THAT

i can believe Ben finding a war/apocalypse prep container especially considering Cabin guy's insane amount of ammo, but I find it odd that the case is pristinely clean despite being covered in a pit of dirt and dust. Maybe they just didn't bother making it look weathered and I'm looking into it too hard.

NAT HALLUCINATION PLUS CHERRY BOMB 💥💥🎉

Honestly I think Walter may have lied to Misty, on the other hand Van and Taissa were getting down and dirty and Shauna was actually bonding with her kid for once

they make memorial for Javi, then Jackie, then Wilderness baby, im just confused on the fact they don't mention Laura Lee? Especially that Lottie of all people wouldn't mention her. Also the five lanterns I still think that's a clue to a death count this season (past and present, maybe just past timeline)

Ben is up to some evil shit... I don't think Mari dies in that hole though from some of the teasers we've seen

callie pocketed that tape... Didn't anyone tell you not to open other people's mail young lady 🤓

CAKE, they played CAKE, oh I can die happy

Ending thoughts:

Wtf is that sound Travis heard? Does the sound have something to do with being drunk? He hears it first when he's high, and the other girls hear it after the feast (they had like wine or something).

The no eyed man... come on let's get a good look at 'im

Who left the letter? Will the other Yellowjackets get a letter like the one that was supposed to go to Shauna?

What will happen to Mari? What is Ben's purpose of making that trap and what does he plan to do now that he's catched one of the girls. Furthermore, this would prove he knew they survived the cabin fire. Will this lead to the girls finding where Ben is?

Laura Lee erasure... 😭

[wu-wakfu-undertale]

Re-watching wakfu for the first time in years and s1 Yugo was so silly???

dude discovered he could make portals at will and his first thought after actually acknowledging it is "i can do so many cool pranks with this"

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Well, at least Fukuzawa got his wish granted, I guess.... he's finally inside Fukuchi <3

[mishtershpock]

.

[poems-of-a-lover]

god i need straight ppl to be fuckin normal abt gay intimacy like right now

[neverfruit]

Actually my real thoughts on six feet under is that Nate is an awful person. David is such a classic progressive gay character 2001 style (which means it's genuinely kinda bad in some areas but it's the thought that counts) and that's Claire and Brenda are my favorites which I wouldn't have guessed season one but I truly love them and I think they deserve the world.

Also Russell was raped. Like the show does not take that stance and it really blames him but that's not on him. It was very much rape and I think everyone should have been much kinder to him about that

[hauntingblue]

de la tula

[azure-clockwork]

So we are one singular support cutscene into Edelgard’s route through Three Houses and holy shit, she’s gonna fuck me up so badly. As much as flirting with Dorothea would be fun and all, Christ the cross, the angst. She’s going right to the top of the ‘unhealthy obsession with traumatized women’ right below Harrowhark Nonagesimus. Does she beat Riza Hawkeye? Remains to be seen

…I may have a problem

[bumblingbabooshka]

Strong choice for the Voyager writers to make TNG-Q a misogynistic creep. It didn’t pay off at all and actively made me hate his character but hey, it was strong.

[this-charming-primevalmusic]

EXACTLY

one big thing i think people outside fandom (like, all fandoms, fandom in general, not any particular one) tend to misunderstand is they know it's a subculture of people who are weirdly deeply invested in fictional media, and they hear about drama caused by people in those subcultures being unhinged in not-fun ways, and they think the unhingedness comes from the fact of being overinvested in works of fiction.

which is a natural assumption, but in my experience that's not really the case? like in my experience the drama llamas in fandom are usually not the ones who are just genuinely very deeply into the fiction. i've known people who are basically thinking about star trek or x-men comics or supernatural pretty much 100% of their free time and ime that type of person is usually very nice and surprisingly functional in their regular life. when someone's a constant nexus of fandom drama it's usually not that they are obsessed with the actual work of fiction the fandom is about, it's at least one of the following:

what they're obsessed with is not the source material but their unhealthy parasocial relationships with one or more of the people who created it

what they're obsessed with is not the source material but some elaborate shared-universe subset of fanfic about it that's only barely related to the original at this point, and/or an esoteric reading-against-the-text reinterpretation of the source material (often if the canon is active and ongoing this leads to becoming actively hostile toward it for its inevitably increasing failure to conform to their preferred fanon)

what they're obsessed with is not the source material but the fandom itself and gathering clout within it, so that the source material basically only exists to them as a tool for scoring points in increasingly arcane fandom disputes

and very often you get the same person doing 2 and sometimes even all 3 of these, and that's where the trouble really starts

[exopelagic]

I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3

[lizardsfromspace]

I do have to impress on anyone who wasn't around for it how batshit the reality boom of the 2000s could be. Especially on Fox.

Here are some 100% real 2000s reality shows:

Who's Your Daddy? A woman has to guess which of eight men is her biological father. One of them really is, and if she guesses right she wins $100,000. If one of the seven fake dads convinces her to guess them, he wins $100,000.

Black. White. A white family learns about racism by living a month in blackface, while a black family spends a month in whiteface. The black family was a real family, but the white family was just some actors hired to put on blackface to prove racism exists

Without Prejudice? Five strangers decide which of five strangers gets a cash prize based off clips and their answers to political questions. Cancelled when one of the choosers openly said he'd eliminate all black contestants

Welcome to the Neighborhood. Three conservative white families in a Austin subdivision decide which diverse family gets to move in. Unaired due to being literal housing discrimination

Seriously, Dude, I'm Gay. Two straight men try to pass themselves off as gay and whoever seems more gay gets $50,000. Unaired due to. Due to. Due to

Playing It Straight. A woman tries to find love among fourteen men, half of whom are straight and half of whom are gay, and she must eliminate two men she believes are gay each week. If she ended up picking a straight man in the end, they'd split a million dollars; if she picked a gay man, he'd win a million dollars

Boy Meets Boy. This was Playing It Straight but starring a gay man and he had to eliminate straight people

Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire? He wasn't a multimillionaire. He didn't even have a million dollars in liquid assets. He had a battery conviction Fox claims they didn't see. Because it was the 2000s, somehow this ended up with the woman he won being widely vilified and turned into a national punchline. How dare she complain about a massive corporation tricking her into marrying a lying abuser, good thing Matt Lauer's there to take her down a peg

The Swan. A "ugly" woman is given plastic surgery and wins a prize if she's the hottest at the end of the season. If she's not hot enough by the show's standards she's eliminated and called ugly on national TV

The Biggest Loser. Overweight people engage in competitive crash weight loss that often led to awful health complications. Studies showed basically everyone on the show regained any weight they lost once it was over and they didn't have abusive trainers demanding they take huge health risks to win a competitive weight loss competition. Like the others, this one was cancel-oh, it was a massive hit that ran for 18 seasons? Yikes!

Wife Swap and Trading Spouses. These were the same show and had a wife from one family go to another family that was different politically, racially, culturally, religiously etc. Most famous for the God Warrior

At the time people focused on the likes of Fear Factor but looking back it's wild how many of the worst shows toyed with politics. So many of these shows have a premise that's like "what if we exposed these conservatives to these people they hate?" or hyping themselves up as Important Experiments. Then they'd freak out when they got the kind of viral bigoted freakout they were trying to construct the whole time.

There were also a bunch of horrible reality shows, thankfully this time mostly unpopular, in the 2010s that based themselves around economic themes as a response to the market crash, but that's a story for another time

[henry7931]

Chase:

Today is a really weird day and I didn’t know how I would feel about coming over to my best friend Bryce’s house especially after the incident.

Bryce and I have been friends for over 12 years now and him and I have always been a couple of scrawny gay nerds. We both love Minecraft legend of Zelda, just about every video game you can think of and one way we really bonded was figuring out that we are both gay.

Now for years, I’ve always known that Bryce had a crush on me. For me it was never that I didn’t like Bryce or I was never interested, but I never wanted to ruin the friendship. But then you have Walker is older brother. Walker is a few years older than us. He’s super handsome, athletic, charming, he could basically date anyone he laid his eyes on.

The truth is Walker was my sexual awakening for years. I’ve stayed at their house and spent the night and it wouldn’t be uncommon to see Walker come out and nothing but basketball shorts hell I don’t even think he would wear underwear sometimes.

I can remember the way seeing him made me blush, and I tried my hardest not to stare at him. I don’t know if Walker could tell that I was checking him out. Or maybe Walker was just used to people checking him out shouldn’t be any surprise that his little brother‘s gay friend had his eyes glued to him.

And somehow he continues to keep getting hotter and hotter and hotter…

So several weeks ago, Bryce and Walker’s family went on vacation to some tropical island. And something very strange happened while touring an old temple. How Bryce explained it to me was that they had a sign up that specifically said, “ please do not touch artifact.”

Bryce can be such a stickler for rules and I can almost see it in my head. It all went down. Bryce told Walker not to touch it. Walker likes to get on Bryce‘s nerves Walker reaches for it and then shit got real quick. Because Walker and Bryce have now switched bodies.

When Bryce was explaining all this to me, I really thought it was bullshit. I mean, who would believe that that sounds like something from a movie and yet even hearing Walker‘s voice, I can tell just by the tone that it’s Bryce.

So today is the first day that I have seen Bryce since he swapped bodies with Walker. And that’s why I feel all kinds of weird.

Now Bryce and I have stayed with each other like 1 million times and it’s really not unusual for us to be basically naked around each other. OK maybe not completely naked but like at least in her underwear.

And I have tried really, really hard to make him feel comfortable and I think I’m doing a really good job but having him standing in front of me in just his brother’s boxers is driving me a bit insane.

I’m sitting on Bryce‘s bed and walks back into his room just to ask me if I wanted anything from downstairs like something to drink or maybe a snack. I can barely get out the words because I can’t stop staring at the chiseled God in front of me.

“ chase you’re staying the night right?,” he asked me.

“ oh yeah, of course I’m staying the night as long as that’s OK.”

“ yeah man of course it’s okay! You know it’s okay man. No one cares you stay the night. You’re like basically family sides. My brother isn’t going to be home tonight. He’s wanted a lot of space since the whole. I’ve got his body thing. And both my parents are out of town so it’s just gonna be us,” he says with a side smirk.

“ well if it’s just us what do you wanna get into tonight?,” I say trying to make conversation.

I’m holding my eye contact directly at his face and I try my hardest not to look anywhere else, but he takes his hand and start scratching his balls and I can almost feel my whole cock twitch.

“ I mean since everybody’s not here tonight, we can always break into my parents liquor cabinet, whoop whoop!”

You know I am probably the most innocent 18 year-old alive, I don’t wanna attend parties nor do I really sneak around my parents but I feel like alcohol sounds like a great idea right now. I mean it I might be able to calm down a bit.

“Hell yeah! That’s sounds fun!,” I say with some enthusiasm.

“Bet! Be right back!”

I hear as heavy feet running down the stairs and all I can do is try to think of something that would totally turn me off like anything taxes, my grandparents, just something…

And yet all I can think about is how hot it would be if I could suck on his toes. I’ve had a thing for feet a while now and it’s taking me a little bit to accept it and a part of that I blame Walker for him because he has some sexy ass feet.

I can remember clearly the smell of his feet after he would finish football practice and he would pull off his shoes. Shit! Fuck! I’m so hard right now. I feel like I’m gonna have to sneak away and beat one out in the bathroom just to clear my head.

And then here comes Bryce with two glasses in his hand and a bottle of wine for the both of us just super eager.

I reposition myself to where I’m laying flat on my stomach so he doesn’t notice.

Bryce hops on to the bed with me and try’s his hardest to navigate a wine opener.

“Geez, I have no clue what I’m doing here…”

I eventually take it and started twisting in. I try to pull it out but struggle.

“Here since you now have all of the muscles.”

He rolls his eyes at me and tugs it out.

“Success!”

“Good team work there he-man,” I say playfully.

Bryce’s pours both of us a glass and at first I thought it tasted awful. But the second glass… now I see why people like it. I feel so warm inside and relaxed.

We both lay back in his bed.

“Is it super weird for you?,” I ask him.

“What?”

“You know… being in your Walkers body.”

“Um… yes. Yes and no I guess. I feel like everything has just moved so quick since the trip. I feel very different in public, like I’m so much more noticed. girls hit on me… so do guys. It’s a lot to take in especially since you and my family are the only ones who know about it.”

“What about Walker’s girlfriend?”

“Oh he broke up with her, thought it would be less weird. Although he had to do it over text because I refused to call or see her in person.”

“Damn! That’s crazy.”

“Yeah but she was like his girlfriend for the month, nothing serious.”

Of course…

“So is this pretty permanent?”

“Yeah I think so, unless you know of any other magic objects than can reverse it haha.”

“No, not off of the top of my head,”I say jokingly.

“Well… that answers your question. This is my body now. This is the new me I guess,” he says looking his muscles over.

I look them over as well and then my eyes draw this briefs… he’s got a hard on…

Bryce catches my eyes and says, “you wanna touch it?”

“What?!?”

“Come on Chase… don’t play games with me. I know you and I know you’ve had the hots for this body. I’ve known for years now.”

I take a deep breath… I feel my nervous all over again.

“It’s okay, I know you like this body. It’s my body now. And I want you to touch my massive dick.”

“But Bryce!”

“Shhh! Chase I’ve had a crush on you for years and I know you would never fool around with me. And now I have the body you’ve been lusting for years now. TOUCH MY MASSIVE DICK PLEASE!”

“Fuck, okay.”

I start touching it from the outside and it does feel huge!

“You know I love you Bryce, you’re the most important person to me. I just never wanted us to loose our friendship. It’s why I never tried anything with you.”

“I know. And listen I know you weren’t trying to go after my brother. I know what he looks like. Everyone does. But now I have the body and the personality so, I’m giving you no choice but to date me. Got it?”

“Ugh fine,” I say rolling my eyes.

“Now can you do me a favor?”

“Sure!”

“Can I see your feet?” he says to me.

Wow! Wasn’t expecting that!

“Wait why?”

“I hope you don’t think this is weird but I have a thing for them.”

“Shut up! So do I!”

“You do?!?”

“Yeah especially…,” I eye down to his feet and wiggles his toes.

“Oh my god! This is about to be a wild night!”

“Wait, can I kiss you?”

“Please!”

Part 2 Coming…

[hyperizzation]

ok but. that is NOT how they’d respond to being asked their pronouns. it’s 2008 and they’re middle aged

house: [looks at you for a second] [homophobic gay voice] yes i’m so glad you asked good to know my boob implants paid off. what do you think i use genius

wilson: uh… pronouns? like, he, she, that stuff? oh… just- just he. is… oh, god, is house telling everyone i’m gay again? not that it’s a bad thing im just not gay and he keeps telling everyone im ok i have to go

cuddy: hold on one second [is on the phone] what? um, she. is house telling people i used to be a man again? tell him to knock it off

foreman: i’m a male.

chase: what? my what? like, he and she? um, he? why would you even ask? [australian]

cameron: oh, she, i guess. 

taub: i’m…. a man. he..?

thirteen: she/her. why? are you gay?

kutner: just, like, the guy ones. [kills himself]

park: i’m a girl!

[sunderwight]

Thinking about how lucky it is that Shen Qingqiu (SY version) never gave Luo Binghe the wrong impression that he wanted a harem.

Like imagine they've having a conversation and Shen Qingqiu makes some offhanded comment about a harem is all well and good, but he thinks it should definitely be of a manageable size, hint hint, with individuals who get along harmoniously and support their primary spouse, hint hint, and marrying almost everyone you hook up with is just bad form because it's inevitably going to cause friction and it'd be nearly impossible to properly look after that many extra spouses, hint hint.

Luo Binghe picks up on the hints but draws the entirely incorrect conclusions. Combined with his previous inquiries into what kinds of women his shizun likes (SQQ, not wanting to ever be seen as LBH's potential romantic rival and eager to free himself of the original's lecherous reputation: I have no interest in any women whatsoever!) and some subtle inquiries about when a person should settle down (SQQ, with unexamined anxiety at the prospect of his dear disciple heading out into the world: not too soon! a man should establish himself well and figure out what he likes first, and take his time!), Luo Binghe concludes that his master has been biding his time and is building up to constructing a reasonably-sized harem of malewives.

Because apparently, Shizun believes that a man in a position of significant power should inevitably want such things. And disciple Binghe isn't thinking of "a position of significant power" as "effective god-emperor of the whole world", his current ideas of such things are more along the lines of "peak lord" really. Also why should Shen Qingqiu make so many comments about how Luo Binghe must surely be anxious to start taking lovers or daydreaming about having a billion wives unless he just thinks that's the standard for everyone? Because that's what he wants?

It was chaotic enough when just one of these guys was bracing himself for the inevitable harem-building, but if Binghe also expected he was going to have to supply Shen Qingqiu with a stable of other men, hoo boy. Binghe telling himself that he's fine with it. As long as he's first wife, Shizun can have others. Getting particularly vicious towards new guys Shen Qingqiu meets, like okay he's resigned himself to Liu Qingge, and probably maybe also Yue Qingyuan, and in those cases definitely having to fight them tooth and nail for primary spouse position (his plan is to become the undisputed master of the domestic sphere and thereby outrank them on that front, even if he can't beat their peak lord credentials), but anyone else is someone he can potentially chase off and Shizun will still have his reasonably-sized harem. If Gongyi Xiao wants into the harem he's going to have to earn it, and he's getting bottom of the pecking order!

Binghe, after they finally get together, trying to have frank discussions about the inevitable harem. Shen Qingqiu putting on a brave face because he, of course, thinks Binghe's talking about his own harem. Getting confused as to why Liu Qingge is suddenly factoring into the conversation. Then reaching entirely the wrong conclusion because oh right, Binghe is gay now and Liu Qingge is extremely pretty. Makes sense! Definitely not what Binghe means but it makes sense!

Actually this would be a hilarious way for bingliushen OT3 to happen. Just a complete comedy of errors where bingqiu are both trying to secure Liu Qingge for each other without ever concretely establishing that either of them wants him, even though they think they have.