#but now im drinking water (which is good!) but also a lot of pop and snackies

[raethethey]

figuring out i have an oral fixation. this is kind of frustrating but also not surprising.

[allylikethecat]

113F????? Ally where tf are you, the Sahara??? I’ll be sending you virtual ice packs this week 😭

I live in the Southwest United States 😭 in addition to it being stupid fucking hot my entire state is basically also on fire right now (like literally actual forest fires) but it's "fire season" and that's "normal" so it doesn't even really warrant media coverage outside of our immediate area. I feel so bad for our hotshot crews every time they get a fire at least partially contained another one seems to pop up. Between waking up at 4am everyday to ride Pop before it gets *dangerous hot* and then it getting up to 100+ degrees out every day I have been struggling I just basically sit on my tile floor in the AC while working on my laptop - my brain feels like it's melting. Luckily I'm going to be heading East for a few weeks in July and will be getting a nice break from the heat (it can't come soon enough!)

Thank you so much for the symbolic ice packs and the well wishes 😭 it's too hot to exist if I'm being perfectly honest 😭 I hope you're having a good weekend and that you have a great rest of the week! I also hope it is significantly cooler where you are!

❤️Ally

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

*jingles keys infront of your face*

Hi guys

Having a strange night again but I suddenly remembered Frank Sinatra exists and my brain went nuts for a second and I remembered one very specific song that reminds me of Angel Dust and also this brings me to my topic of how to write what Episode 4 was trying to do without being shit.

Song for your listening pleasure~

Alright *cracks knuckles* let me tell you how my brain is working.

Poison is meant to sound like a generic romance pop song about a bad relationship on the surface but the audience is supposed to know it’s about something much worse. Now lets flip that around real quick.

“My Way Of Life” is a romance song.

At least I think it is? I’m under the aromantic umbrella and I don’t pick up on this stuff good.

BUT try listening to the song while imagining the wording to be more hostile and literal.

A few standout ones are these in my opinion

—————

Gotta have you near all the time, with your dreams wrapped up in mine.

Gotta be a part of your soul and your heart all the time.

You are my way of life.

The only way I know.

I’ll never let you go.

Because “I love you so.”

You are my way of life.

The only way I know.

Make me your way of life.

Don’t ever go.

Nothing in the world that I do means a thing without you.

Im just half alive, in my struggle to survive without you.

Never let you out of my sight.

Be it day.

Be it night.

You belong to me.

That’s the way it has to be; wrong or right.

—————

Colour coding this by which characters I feel represents these best by the way. Angel-ish ones are pink and Valentino ones are red.

When you look at them in a tone like that with certain lines being possessive, and fake (ie. “I love you so”) and the others being despairing, self-loathing, you can hopefully see how I mistook this for a much more unhappy song when I first heard it.

If you look at a song like this thats so dramatic and intense and full of emotion, it’s going to be better than some generic pop song like 99% of the time. The music also make sense for the time period Angel died since Sinatra was popular in the 1940-1950’s which I personally think adds more.

How I imagine some kind of music video for this would play out, I’ll probably end up storyboarding it sometime, but bear with me till I do. would be a lot of Angel doing day to day things and tapping more into what ADDICT did with flashbacks and hallucinations and so on without shoving rape in our faces. I touched on this in my original Episode 4 rant so I’m going to vaguely recap on that. There are times where very simple things can trigger unpleasant memories, I think everyone knows that. But for some reason, Vivzie seems to think the only way to show SA actually happened is to deliberately show us since every other character thats been sexually assaulted or sexually abused has it played off as a joke. Yes I am fucking talking about Sir Pentious.

Angel having a flashback or hallucination doesn’t have to be of it happening. It can be something as simple as sitting next to Valentino. Someone pronouncing something the same way Valentino would. A specific piece of trash on the floor like a cup showing up somewhere else. Reminders can be tiny have a massive impact. Sometimes reminders for shit I’ve experienced is something as small as a hat, water, or a nickname. Even a day of the month can be nerve wracking.

Im about to start listing a bunch of ideas and stuff so this may end up being the entire song, brace yourself for reading all this.

0:00-0:32

I feel like this would start with Angel in his room staring at a wall, probably drinking after work.

“Gotta have you near all the time with your dreams wrapped in mine.”

Is less of a willing “gotta” and more of a “I can’t do anything else.” with the talk of dreams alluding more to the fact that Angel’s original wants from the contract are long gone and noting that Valentino is controlling his career, future, needs, wants, “privileges”.

“Gotta be a part of your soul and of your heart all the time.”

Is once again about the contract of Angel’s soul.

0:33-0:51

“Nothing in the world that I do means a thing without you.”

In the original song I assume this is meant to be like “Life is so dull without you” but for the way I hear this song, it sounds a lot more like “Nothing that I do holds any meaning without your name attached to it.” in a kind of corporate way. I imagine this part with Angel walking down the street and seeing posters of himself but all of them have credits to Valentino somewhere on them. Angel likes his job but obviously the job that he previously enjoyed has turned into a dangerous and traumatic one. Posters like this can both be seen as a reminder that Angel is no longer in control of his own life and as some kind of intrusive thought like “I’m only famous because of you. I gave up everything for this.” AKA Valentino manipulating his way of thinking about his situation.

“I’m just half alive in my struggle to survive without you.”

Once again calling back to Angel’s contract. This part to me is more of what I stated in another rant I did a while ago. Honestly if I ever did this it’d likely take place after or during season 2 under the assumption Valentino dies. This is more of what I said in the linked post, but it’s a lot of Angel processing everything that’s happened to him. Everything suddenly hitting him all at once. “Struggle to survive without you” doesn’t mean that Angel is struggling because Valentino is gone, health struggling because he was there in the first place. Angel is dealing with and processing severe trauma and judging by ADDICT, dealing with vivid flashbacks and hallucinations as well.

0:52-1:15

A lot of this section reminds me of how I processed my emotions when I first realised that I had control over my own life again and I feel like Angel would feel very similarly to how I did.

“You are my way of life. The only way I know.”

After so many years of sticking to this strict regime, enduring so much pain and stress, it’s so hard to just suddenly snap out of it. That was your reality for years and it’s over, but everything that happened is still clinging to you so harshly it feels like its still happening, but when you prepare for a previous habit you picked up from that time and it doesn’t happen it can be so jarring it’s terrifying that you’re still so used to it. My best example in this setting is going to hang up a call and saying “Hey I have to go do something” and you expect to have to lie about why you’re leaving or prepare for the other person to get mad and then they just. Don’t. And you can hang up normally. I know some people wont get this but that kinda stuff is such a specific feeling of realisation.

“You are my way of life. I’ll never let you go.”

Can be taken as either Angel talking to himself; saying he’ll never let the memories and trauma from Valentino go because it’s so engrained into his mind, or, as Angel remembering Valentino explicitly stating he will never let him go. Even if Valentino is dead by this time, it could still be done with a flashback or auditory hallucination like Angel had in Episode 2.

I don’t think I’ll be diving into this entire song, but it really hit something in my brain. I had to quickly sketch a possible frame for a video if I did ever make one:

It’s a bit basic, but hopefully you see what I’m going for. This was for the 0:52-1:15 section mostly, but I can see it being used in various other places.

I hope this was at least a little bit interesting for you all and if not at least maybe I could introduce you to a really good Frank Sinatra song! Usually my really long posts like this don’t get much traction, but I hope this one at least sees a glimpse of daylight because it really is an interesting idea to me. If you have any thoughts, questions, or ideas for this please tell me I love when you guys ask me stuff. I am hopefully going to knock out now because it’s 2:44 AM at the time of writing this, so whenever I post this, please enjoy.

[being-addie]

hi girl, how are you? I hope ur fine and that everything's perfectly okay, i got some questions, if u don't mind answering.

so on September it's my freshman year, im so excited, and especially bcz im going to a new school, which means new people, new experiences and stuff.

Ik high school isn't as perfect as i see it in movies, and that my skl won't take us on a road trip and leave us all alone so we can have fun 💀 but i was wondering if u had any tips for high skl.

I also kinda wanna have a glow up, both physical and mental, during summer, and since ur a whole glowup guru I thought u could give me a "program" to follow so i can look, think and behave better, especially cz my mom doesn't allow me to go out so no gym or activities outside, and she thinks im too young to have a skincare or follow a diet yk.

thank u so much in advance, i absolutely love ur posts, and if u can't or don't have time to answer, that's perfectly fine, stay safe hun<33

hello love,

sorry this is late. classes have been insane. congratulations on your new school! it's always exciting when you try something new, and I promise you're gonna love it.

now, im assuming you're 15/16 years old, since you're a freshman. Before I say anything about having fun in high school, I need to you remember that while TV and movies glorify high school as this really crazy time where you party and have fun (yes, you will have fun I promise), its important to keep in mind that these four years will help you decide your future and get into college. So work hard, and party harder.

Okay, now that I've said that, let's tackle this bit by bit.

How to have fun in high school:

Have sleepovers: They're a fun and easy way to bond with friends. Order tons of junk food and stay up all night.

Picnics: My favourite activity. Dress up and have a themed picnic, and have a photoshoot.

Pool party: If someone you know has a pool, go have fun in the water!

Hang out: Honestly, this was the most fun I had in high school. Just meet at someone's house or at the park, and just chat. Or bring an activity to do together (crochet, playing cards, etc). Buy some snacks and play some music and it's the most chill vibe ever. You will love it.

Start a band: If you play an insturment/ sing, start a band! It's so much fun to practice and perform with friends!

Join a club: You can make lots of like-minded friends at clubs at school. Pick something you really like to do.

How to glow-up for high school:

Workout:

There's no rule that the gym is the only place to workout. When I was 15, I wasn't allowed to the gym either, so I had to make do.

Youtube videos: There are tons and tons of great workout videos from people with a large following. My favourites are Caroline Girvan, growingannanas, Pamela Reif and Madfit. Go get sweaty!

Makeshift weights: You can water bottles filled with water/sand as weights or buy ankle weights to put around your wrists as you get stronger.

Run: This is an amazing source of cardio. I gave up a while back on this because I detest running, but it really does work. Plug in your headphones and go for a run in nature.

Dance: Dancing is a really fun way to workout. Try Zumba, hip-hop or K-pop routines. Hell, even Just Dance has some good ones. Join a class if you want to stay accountable.

Diet:

Honestly, I can't give a lot of advice to you here, because I'm not qualified enough. Go to a nutritionist to see if there's anything you can do. If not, make sure to eat plenty of protein and fibre, limit your junk food intake and drink lots of water. Make lots of salads and fruit bowls. Overnight oats are healthy, filling and delicious.

What I like to do, is eat everything in moderation. Say I've had a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. I won't deny myself a nice bowl of ice-cream (again, not a sundae, the key is moderation). But if I've had greasy food for lunch and takeout for dinner, I'll probably settle for fruit instead. Know that you can eat without punishing yourself, but remember not to go overboard. Food is fuel, remember.

Other tips:

Skincare: Don't make it too fancy. I know influencers and the like have those weird 15-step skincare routines, but it isn't necessary. I use the Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser, and the most basic Cetaphil face lotion I could find along with an organic lip balm my mom buys. It works like a charm and itsn to too fancy. I also take an ABC smoothie (Apple, Beetroot, Carrot + some water.) This is such a game-changer.

Abundance mindset: I like to think of the universe constantly working in my favour. It's always looking out for me, and I'm the luckiest girl in the world. What you think is what you attract. If you think negatively, you will begin to see only bad things around you. Stay positive.

Wardrobe: Go thrifting, or DIY some old clothes. Pinterest has tons of amazing ideas. Paint your T-shirts, dye your skirts, make cute jewellery at home. There are no limits.

Makeup: I don't recommend it honestly. I'm more or less anti makeup to the point where I only own two pieces of makeup(eyeliner and lip gloss) and even those are used sparingly. Don't get used to your painted face. Your natural beauty is beautiful; and should not be hidden. There's something so amazing in someone who is confident in their own skin. Own yourself, and people will love you more for it.

This post became incredibly long lmao, but I hope I was able to help. DM me if you want more tips. You got this xoxo

<3

[tonberry-yoda]

Hii first of all i hope youre doing great! Make sure to drink water‼️

So i saw that your requests r open but idk if u can do matchups so feel free to ignore this if u dont

But if u do, i was wondering if u could do a jjba matchup from parts 2-7 (any gender idm)

Some info ab me:

Im agender but i use any pronouns, im aroace (! Aroace ppl can still feel romantic feelings js limited, just letting u know bc ppl get confused🥲!)

Id like the matchup to be romantic and some characters i wouldnt rlly like u to include r stroheim, kira, pucci and funny valentine

Okay lets get to the main stuff

My personality is pretty confusing even for me tbh

I can be very serious at times but i can also be very js energetic and yk goofy ig? My energy gets drained quickly after that tho so yeaah

I get told pretty frequently that im harsh but im just honest🤷‍♀️

I prefer saying whats objective and truthful rather than sugarcoating stuff

I can be very supportive tho dont tske this the wrong way

Im an ambivert and idk if yk mbti but since it might help im an Intj e3

Also im a night owl so yeah i love staying up and stargazing from my window💁🏻‍♀️

As for how i act in daily life well, i always try my best to get everything that im assigned done and most of the time i do. I strive for perfection and success in whatever i do and i am very ambitious🏃🏻

At times tho i feel like i need breaks so once in a while i like to just stop and relax, to do absolutely nothing

I like to read books every now and then but i dont have a good attention span and i zone out A LOOOTT

Not just while reading, if im doing anything at all ill just zone out eventually

I really enjoy being in my head with my own thoughts its like my safe space even if its not safe ykwim

Im just a very brain-ish person yk i like thinking i spend hours in my head its like my comfort place

I also like being productive it makes me feel alive

Like doing stuff

Im also a result/success oriented person so yeah

Also other than reading im also into make up and i like to listen to music if u consider that a hobby

I have a very mixed music taste but my friends say its good

I really like lana del rey and indie music but I also love rock and grunge like ac/dc, nirvana, pearl jam etc.

I also listen to stray kids sometimes their music is cool (kpop) but i also listen to j-pop and classical music (ascends me to heaven fr)

I also listen to 90s hiphop. Yeah.

Thats a lot of stuff I KNOW but i told u its a mix

As in fashion i dress either very y2k-ish or like my friends always tell me i look like those 2 girls from mean girls (my clothes)

I like to dress coquette-like though too!

Id also like to be a gothic lolita but i cant so thats sad

I also have brown hair and brown eyes and im average heigthed

My friends say i have the best style so yeah

I dont really have a type but i do have a preference for either people who are like me bcz yk they get me

But i also like funny people like very energetic funny people

We can be like sun moon dynamic idk😭

I like every love language ngl

I have a slight preference for gift giving though

I mean thats the one i use so

The fic is up to u idm what it is

Tysm for ur time, ik that was a lot, feel free to ignore if u dont feel like it have a nice day/night <3

notes: omg hi!! I am finally doing your matchup <3 I feel like it has been in here forever omg. but i am so glad im getting to it today!! i literally have the PERFECT character for you tee hee so let's jump in <3

the character I chose for you is...

GYRO ZEPELLI!!!

you and him have a very similar personality. you can both have a serious front, but goof off with each other, which is the most fun

it makes you a super successful couple too because you both know when it's joking time or not

though you will find him making stupid jokes more often than not

he likes that your harsh/honest

it just really shows that you know who you are and you cant take certain stuff

it just means your strong-willed and that's what he loves about you

there is nothing wrong with being harsh and he tells you that all the time

you and him are very supportive to each other and it really helps the relationship grow

i feel like gyro is honestly a morning person, so you wont find him staying up with you late that often

so while he sleeps next to you pet his hair

but he will 100% stargaze with you while you talk about life and cuddle

you get shit done and that's what he loves about you

and when you two are together, you're literally unstoppable tbh

as ambitious as this man is, he is also lazy, so he will ask you to just sit and cuddle him so you can take a break

and who are you to deny gyro??? i would cuddle in those arms any day

doing absolutely nothing sounds amazing to him, so please stay wrapped in his arms

just know he will fall asleep

since you love reading, but zone out a bit, this man will read to you

he loves to read to you

even if you zone out, he will catch you up

he overall just enjoys reading out loud a lot, so you're going to hear a lot of it

while you're just thinking, he'll be right beside you

you are your own comfort space, but you begin to feel that he is becoming your new one

he is also a mixed music dude, so yall listen to whatever

HE LOVES THE WAY YOU DRESS OMG

literally force him to dress up to and you will be walking ICONS

do his makeup

LITERALLY

he loves when you make him all pretty

he'll braid you hair if you braid his

he is super energetic and funny, so you have the literal perfect man for you

and he will provide every love language, just expect a lot of words of affirmation from him and way too many cuddles

and if you give him gifts, he gets all flustered and blushy

and then he'll get you gifts too :)

and now for your fic :)

You stayed up on the edge of your shared bed with Gyro and watched the stars from your window. You lived in a nice enough area to see all the stars and you were very thankful for that. You couldn't go to sleep, so you decided to open the window and get a breath of fresh air along with your view. Your boyfriend slept quietly next to you, his arms hugged around his own lanky body. You watched his breaths for a moment. In. Out. In. Out. You smiled and ran your fingers through his long sandy blonde hair before looking right back to the window. "Darlin?" You heard from Gyro, making you jump. "What's up?" You asked, seeing his long arms stretch in front of him as he sat up. "Can't sleep?" He asked, avoiding your question. "No, not really. Just wanted to do some stargazing." "Come here," he said, patting his chest. You gladly laid your head on your chest, having an even better view of the stars as he petted the top of your head until he fell back asleep.

~~~~~

matchup rules | pinned post @tonberry-yoda

[fatuismooches]

SMOOOCHES!!! Hiii darling! ૮꒰˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ꒱ა

This isn’t a story but really just me coming on here to talk so I hope you don’t mind! I’m sorry if it’s ever a bother or disturbs you! But I finally finished with all my exploration~! Well, I actually finished on the 10th of July (aka this month) BUT I felt a little shame to just come on here and say that I had finished I was too embarrassed;; but how has everything been? I hope you’re staying fresh in this blazing summer (it’s literally like 115° every single day here it’s unbearable for me and my dog) and also making the most out of it! I’m dreading going back to school in less than a month I’m not ready!!! (Leaks mentioned: ALSO HAVE YOU HEARD OF A SUPPOSED NEW DOTTORE SOUNDTRACK? It sounds so good AND IT MAY BE A CUTSCENE kinda like Kazuha’s friend or Makoto’s in the Archon Quests! I’m really hoping we get more lore on our boo boo Dottore he’s just so interesting!!) I also just recently read a VERY lengthy character analysis on him and oh mygskkd. It really helped me get to understand Dottore as a character and how it disapproves of many misconceptions of himself. (Like being a sadist for ex.) if you ever want the link I can send it since it was on tt. And the day I’m writing this it’s Childe’s birthday, which ironically enough my mom also shared a birthday with him LMAO. (She’s only aware of this bc of how much I dawn over the chars 😭) and to answer your question from one of the recent brainrots I had made “who are you saving up for” I’m actually saving up for Zhongli cons! He’s at C0 rn but in hoping to at least get C2 or C3, but I also won’t be spending my almost 400 wishes on him since I really want a lot of the Fontaine characters, and I’m still hoping for Dottore to become playable soon 😭 (this is me trying to cope) but I hope you have a wonderful day and week!! But before I end this off, can we agree the Dottore pictured in Nahida’s cute story with Wanderer IS ADORABLE?? Like i sometimes just wanna write about the little creature because it’s so cute. Is he ugly? A little but he’s ugly in the cute way!!! I swear I would just want to hug him to sleep. (Many ideas with fragile reader come to mind now LMAO) but anyways !!! I give you so many chu chus n cuddles n a lot of love!! Make sure you’re staying healthy and drinking water in this scorching heat. I give u so many kisses your heart explodes!!! ><

- from your boo boo bear 🎐 anon!! ૮ ྀི◞͈ ˔ ◟͈ ྀིა

🎐 ANON!!! I MISSED YOU AHHH!!!!

It's more than okay i love talking to you!!! And OMF I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!! I know it was such a grind and probably a bit exhausting at times but I'm so proud of you 😌💖 Giving you lots of kithes and hugs!! Mwahhhh!!

115 DEGREES??? HOLY- I thought it was hot where I live 😭 I'm barely surviving like every other summer but omg I'm so sorry 😭 And you have a dog?? How cute! What type of dog do you have, if i may ask?🥰 Though i have been unproductive all summer unfortunately, the heat makes me not want to do anything haha

AND YESSSS IVE SEEN THE LEAKED OST MY EYES POPPED OPEN AT THE POSSIBLE DOTTORE APPEARANCE 👁 IM SO EXCITED I WANT HIM IN FONTAINE BADLY!! Also i think I've read the same character analysis on tiktok like you, was it called "Sadist or Scientist" and had many many slides? With the character and design analysis? If yes i too read it and it was so good! I love seeing analysis on him especially since there are not much crumbs on him. Oh and happy belated birthday to your mom! I hope you had fun with her!💖

Omg almost 400 wishes??? I havent had that much since the time I've saved for Wanderer 👏 I really hope you get lots of cons for him! I also love Zhongli sm but that man has avoided me on all three banners. First banner i didn't have enough primos and missed him, second banner i lost to Qiqi, third banner i lost to Jean lol. I forgot he is coming so i will try to get him again for the fourth time 🤣 Manifesting hard for you 💖🙏 (Dw I'm also coping on playable Dot😭😭)

AND YESSS OMG I LOVE THE LIL STRANGE DOT CREATURE SO MUCH. I need someone to make a good quality plushie of that creature so i can cuddle it 🥺 HYV was probably intending to make the creature look unsettling, but nah, i wholly think it's adorable. I would hold its little hand. (Always ready to listen to your fragile reader ideas tho 😌🤞)

Hehe I'm giving you lots of more cuddles and kisses!! 🫂 I hope you're staying hydrated as well!! We shall get through this heat together 💪 Smooch smooch !! <33

[alexandraswords]

F*CK NORMAL

An overdue ending to a (un)well decorated drinking career.

Introduction

Friday, June 9, 2023 9:28 AM

Today is one of those days where I am just tired, and a bit bored, but mostly tired. I am exhausted. Mentally at least. I have really been putting my all into my sobriety to the point where my day revolves around meetings but im starting to lose momentum. I have a headache, the dog wont stop barking, i'm trying to pop the zits on my face. Basically being alone with my discontented ass self is not something I'm great at... yet.

I should meditate or journal or text another AA member. But I just want to sleep and be normal and relax. But fuck normal.

I thought drinking was normal. I thought my diet of vodka and water and the occasional box of cheez-its was adulting. I thought I was mature and well refined and socially acceptable because I drank, just like everyone else, because, you know, drinking is normal... right?

Wrong. Not for me. I am NOT normal. So I have to do abnormal shit to keep my addictive eating disordered alcoholic riddled ass self sober and happy. I have to keep listening to other people because me making my own decisions landed me in a crack den sharing a room with a friend I would consider a sibling, whom which a fought with constantly to the point where I dragged the mattress from our third floor apartment (if you consider that uninhabitable shit hole, an apartment) down out side below out kitchen window so if I jumped maybe the universe would send me a sign saying that it is or isn't time yet. Okay so I didn't actually do that, but I sure as shit thought about it... a lot. Like a lot. I mean i couldn't even barely walk to the bathroom let alone haul some shit down the stairs. Hell, I wouldn't even walk across the street to get my own liquor. I would bribe my roommate by telling him if he went for me and took my card he could buy something for myself. I just didn't care anymore. I hated everything. I hated that I had to be loaded to be able to walk because my shakes were so bad. I hated that I had to drink to even feel sober and functional and not hallucinate and vomit and dry heave bright green bile. And worst of all I hated that I had lost control.

My eating disorder and my alcoholism made my reality disappear. The food temporarily until my life became a cage, and the nicest word I can think of to name it would be a vomitorium because it was actually that repulsive if you could see inside the walls of it. The alcohol took control over me so I didn't have to deal with food, but also made it so I didn't worry or care about ANYTHING. 

So I guess this is how I'm going to start this ... whatever rant of words form a book. Where I'm at right now. Because right now is all I have. Yes, I am in full self pity mode, but if there's one thing I've learned from AA it's that I need to take action, and never have I ever felt worse after going to a meeting. So,lets go fucking make our bed, and meditate or some shit and get ready for today. So, yeah, Fuck Normal.

So, Why the fuck not?

I got most talkative in fifth grade. The english section of my English SAT’s, I aced. People (my boyfriend) seem to like my writing and have told me If I don’t do something with it, then they’ll publish it themselves… which I’m pretty sure falls into the lines of plagiarism but lets be honest here. I am probably one of the biggest procrastinators when it comes to doing something that is actually good for me. Why? The fuck if I know. Maybe because all I’ve known has been chaos and panic since, like,  forever, that when it comes to the real things, like happiness and joy and pride in work that I’VE DONE… well, I'm just not used to that type of thing.  But I figured, fuck it. I can write a book. All i have to do is elaborate on how awesome I am at self sabotaging and add in some very few lessons I picked up and am still learning day by day. Basically I’ve decided its time to just put all my shit in one bound piece of parchment instead of having to explain my life story to everyone as if its my first day with a new therapist. 

But alas, melodramatic Alex is bored and avoiding meditating, to keep her shit together and be healthier, obviously,  because that would actually be beneficial to my well being. So for now i’ll just throw it in one of the corners in the back of my mind while it slowly simmers into a pot of anxiety attack soup while I try and explain to you (briefly before the pot starts boiling) how fucking insanely delusionally fantastically fucked my life is, and how I got here, and why I wouldn’t change one second of it for anything. But I mean, there’s forwards and shit in books right? So can this be like a PS after the main intro forward? ‘Cause This sober bitch has to go meditate before a meeting so I can stay mindful in my sobriety and not add homicide to my list of criminal activities. (That was a joke) So for now, just for today, Namaste Sober. 

P.P.S- enjoy the buffet of garbage that hopefully is not similar to mine. But if you can and most likely will relate if you’re reading this (most likely because my clever title struck a chord in your twisted little heart) then just know, you're not alone in this shit show, but no one ever really puts the shit show on the ‘gram now do they?

[definitelynotshouting]

Do not apologise at all for responding late!! Holiday burnout is so real, theres sm to organise so I understand completely 😅. I hope youre getting some rest between xmas and the new year, or that at least whatever you have planned isnt too hard on you :)

I am 100% willing to believe you blessed my flight lmao, hopefully it works on the way back as well :D

Is it weird to say i dont think ive ever had a blackberry before?? Idk i might have had one when i was a kid but when you mentioned the blackberry jam I completely blanked. So um. Hope it was good?

Oh no your cat!! D: Hope he's all better now

YES I WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT MALAYSIAN FOOD!! I would show u pics but um 🧍->🏃‍♂️💨. Ur gonna have to google it king LOL. The first day back my dad and I went out to a mamak stall (basically just a restaurant for malay-chinese-indian food), and I had roti canai (a type of flatbread with curry) and teh tarik, which I have missed dearly. I dont typically like normal english breakfast tea so getting to have authentic teh tarik was SO GOOD. Teh tarik (translating to "pulled tea") is made with condensed milk and gets its name from how after the drink is mixed it gets continuously poured over and over from one container to another until it gets super frothy.

I've also been getting reacquainted with my favourite fruits 🥰 that you cant get in Australia like mangosteen and jambu air (ai-yer). Mangos and dragon fruit you can get in australia but. um. Theyre bad. They just taste like sweet water. Also unfortunately for me rambutan i havent been able to find rambutan 😔😔. Those look similar to lychee but they taste pretty different, less tangy and sweeter.

Ive gone out with a friend to have cendol (c promounced as a "ch") which is a cold desert with coconut milk and rice jelly, along with other toppings should you choose it. Im also in the process of convincing my bff to do a 3h road trip with me specifically for food in a city called Ipoh 😭 wish me luck.

AND, im getting one of my relatives to teach me how to make rendang and char kway teow. The rendang specifically because the one she makes i prefer over what's usually made in restuarants. I think it's a state difference in recipes or smtg? So the ones you'll find in restuarants are KL/Selangor rendang and she makes from Kedah. Thats just a theory tho im not actually sure.

🧍 i realise this ask has become like 70% about food so i apologise. But. In my defense you asked >:) /j

ANYWAY. I hope youve gotten a break from the holiday work or at least have one coming up <33 Take care of yourself; indulge in your cheeses :D

-☀️

SUN ANON HELLOOOOOO im so excited to hear you got those desserts, those sound AMAZING...... also i looked up all the foods you mentioned and MAN THESE LOOK GOOD.... im a shrimp lover im gazing so hard at the char kway teow...... 👀👀👀👀👀 also holy shit these fruits look so cool???? Thats WILD ive literally never heard of these before and im having a lot of fun looking them up online and reading about their flavours and stuff!!!! Incredibly curious about mangosteen, i was not expecting it to be white inside when i looked it up and just like, the contrast of the purplish rind vs the white insides is SO neat to look at, like that feels really good on my eyeballs if that makes sense JSDBEKDNMDD also also teh tarik sounds and looks amazing i want to try that SO bad now omg

Its so funny you say that about blackberries bc where i live we have them literally growing everywhere on the side of the road AKDNWKDNKWDN in the summer when they start putting out fruit one of my roommates will sometimes go out and just pick a bunch for the whole household, and they always taste SOOOOO much better than the store-bought ones. Im genuinely not sure how to describe the taste of blackberry other than like. Its very sweet but also very tart (i go for the slightly less ripe ones tbh bc i prefer tart things to super sweet) at the same time, and sorta pops in your mouth a little bit when you chew it. Honestly its one of my favorite fruits i would highly recommend them if you can find em anywhere!!!!

My resolution this year is a bit silly but i wanted to go for a very fun easy one, so its to use every sticker i own this year :] ive already started by putting a few on the creeper minifridge that my roomie got me for xmas 😂😂😂😂😂😂 and i have some scrapbook ideas as well to use my fancier ones that my friends have gotten me!!!! Also you are so valid about the writing-- tbh if you wrote more than expected then it sounds like you succeeded instead of failed, so thats awesome!!! :DDD

I hope you're doing well on your travels, sun anon!! And when the time comes may your flight back to Australia be as peaceful and pleasant as the one you experienced when you left it :]

[mariska]

hello tumblr friends who live in my phone i just wanted to pop in real quick and let everyone know that I Am (somehow) Still Alive since i mentioned being very sick last month and did not want anyone 2 think i had finally Expired. wish i could say i'm doing better this month but while im definitely nowhere near as miserable as i was in April, i've been spending this month trying to deal with Sickness Aftershocks that have been making all of my long term autoimmune diseases/health issues in general flare up randomly really bad at pretty much completely random times and i also have a whole new fun set of similar feeling but definitely different and 100x worse physical health problems and its been extremely difficult to try and power through all of it like i'm used to doing for the 26 years i have been alive 😔 but i'm still hangin in there. idk how at this point lmao. subconscious fight or flight survival mode i guess. i'm like 99% sure i somehow caught one of the new covid mutations in April unfortunately despite the lifelong Agoraphobia and 3+ years of effort i've done to do literally everything in my ability to stay protected against it but. thats life i guess, u leave the house one or two times masked up hand sanitizer ready to go sweating from being overheated wearing clothes that cover as much of ur skin as u can stand and other people just Dont. so. i knew it would probably happen to me eventually i just was really hoping it would not! but. i will continue surviving as best i can because i dont have any other option or choice. but that is why i've unintentionally been distant here and online in general. it was already extremely difficult getting myself out of bed and taling showers and changing clothes and brushing my teeth and remembering to eat food and drink water before but now its reached a difficulty that i literally can't have any control over most of the time and its a lot of physical/mental/emotional effort to even tap reblog on a post online or respond to a text more so than it was previously. which again was already. very difficult to power through.

anyways! uh! yeah. life update i guess. i hope you guys are genuinely doing much better than i am this year and i hope you're all able to stay safe and as relatively healthy as you can. and please please please please at the very least wear some form of a face mask in public even if you're outside and not in a tiny building. i dont say that to shame anyone here i just feel like there are a lot of well meaning good people who arent fully aware that in the US at least the pandemic is very much not over and people like myself are suffering and dying because of that and we cant be the only group of people that are still doing our best to stay protected when we have to leave the house. if you're able to get some i highly recommend N95 type face masks because supposedly they offer one of the best chances of protection as long as you're wearing it correctly and it fits your face well; there's a really great non-profit organization called Project N95 that has an official website and a huge list of various face masks in a bunch of different sizes and types to order if you don't know where to find some high quality ones and they also have a form you can fill out and submit to request an order of free masks if you can't afford to buy them; their money donation pool goes towards providing masks (and some air purifiers i think?) to low income people/organizations/work places that doesn't have the funds or resources to constantly buy expensive batches of masks and their website is super detailed and well organized and has a long list of visual and written resources and information about different mask types, ways you can help keep yourself/your community safe, etc. so i highly recommend them if you are like me and are very stressed and anxious and confused about all of that information all the time. their site should be the at the top of the search results if you google N95 Project, it has a dot org site url so thats another way you can tell its the official site.

[eggjaculations]

i wanna talk ab this bc i finally feel confident enough to even say anything at all on my weight but lemme go. in hs i felt the most beautiful i ever did at 135 lbs. i’m 5’3”, so that really was the perfect weight for a 17 year old as active as i was, on birth control, and considering everything else in my life. i wasn’t bony, i wasn’t by any means overweight, and i knew it! i’m very very glad i had that experience, too, because after i turned 18 i started dropping weight really quickly. i had sort of slowly tapered off my amount of exercise until it was solely how much i worked everyday and danced every night. by the time i was 19 i was completely underweight at ab 105 lbs. i looked really skinny and a lot of people commented on it. a lot of people also told me they wished they were me. a lot more people told me that. pretty much only my family worried about my weight loss and tried to help by maybe not the best means, but all my friends were envious. and i am absolutely not blaming them, that’s the point of this post actually. they just saw what models looked like and assumed that’s the peak. it’s really not. im not gonna lie, i looked really “good” that skinny! it was the “right” amount of hip bone and the “appropriate” amount of shoulder and collarbone sticking out. and i hate that now. i hate it so much that we convey this idea of skinny women as so “peak” that we subconsciously starve ourselves even when we look like this because it’s “kinda hot tho.” i’m 23 now and i’m back up to about 105 lbs. yea. back up. it did get worse, and this past july i was 97 lbs and looking healthier than i had previously. i don’t know exactly, bc i avoid scales at all cost anyway, but i can predict i got down to about 90 lbs. i was literally skin and bones. depressed. addicted to multiple substances. i wanna say to anyone who does see themselves in this post (if anyone sees this post) that it gets better and it keeps getting better. i’m 107 lbs usually, and if i’ve eaten and exercised for a good period i’ll get up to 112 lbs! sometimes i get down to 100 lbs if i forget to eat. i just didn’t get “hungry” for literally years unless it was to harmfully binge and then puke it all up, but now it’s moreso “why is my stomach growling tf is this empty feeling” and then drinking water and eating some chocolate until i can make myself something i enjoy and savor (which is a fantastic hack for anyone struggling with making/eating meals btw!!) but it feels weird to have to train myself to enjoy eating the way i did before. but i do now :) i indulge very mindfully by making tea and eating things like graham crackers with curd and different jellies. trader joe’s has amazing things you can just pop in and really enjoy. i love eating i love indulging i love gaining weight in my face and arms and the sides of my butt and my thighs and i even love that i kinda have cankles again!!! i love it all!!! i’m gaining weight in weird places and i feel really sexy and hot and soft and pretty and cute and womanly and filled out and full and whole!!! and i want every woman and man and person no matter how you present or identify yourself, but most importantly no matter your size, perceived or actual, all y’all, i want every single one of y’all to all know rn that you are capable of having this, perfectly deserving of it, and that it just genuinely takes a long time. you might not even notice it’s happening. i been on the up and up for a couple years now!!! and i’m only just noticing the progress those two years have been, despite the many times i felt like or truly had taken a few steps back. i have made progress, and i still am, and so are you!!! right now whether u realize it or not, every moment is progress. you see, your body simply can’t help it!!! on some cells at work type shit rn, your physical body is always trying it’s best to protect, heal, and defend YOU, and you don’t even have to think about that all the time :) so next time you think ab that cake, eat it. your body told you it wanted it for a reason. have some. savor it. you deserve it.

[merrrrrrrrry]

hiiii 🫶🏻

that sounds like so much fun!! it’s so cool that you get to do that for your internship and that you enjoy it so much!!

so i was studying accounting but to start i was doing like a bunch of business classes and the law class i took was super introductory and focused primarily on contract law (i think) and so that’s how i was able to take it even though i wasn’t studying law!! i still don’t understand why my professor wanted us to go to a hearing as part of our final but it was interesting regardless 🤷🏼‍♀️

as for the tumblr edits i looked through your tag and i think they’re really nice!!! that sounds super frustrating honestly. it’s horrible to be so enthusiastic about something and have the people essentially running it not put in the effort to keep it enjoyable for everyone 😔

oooh i’ve never heard of that before, what is tiffin? it’s nice that you got to enjoy lunch with a group of good people!! and i love that for you!!! a good sandwich is always a bright spot in any day 🥹

it sucks you’re having trouble with the book and completing the review, but i’m sure you’re doing a good job regardless!!! hopefully it’ll all get easier along the way as you become more familiar with your area of study 🫶🏻 you were able to get into your program without any preparation so you must be considerably more prepared and capable than you feel right now 💗

okay some things about me..genuinely would spend every waking minute doing crafts if i could. like i don’t even care what i’m doing i just like creating things 🥺 my favorite drink is genuinely so boring i just really like water dhshshs like 9 times out of 10 if given the choice of drinks im gonna pick water! as for music i try to listen to a lot of different genres but i generally stick to pop (mostly bc 1d and the boys are pop-y) and then whatever like 4/5 songs im obsessed with!

good luck on your assignment, im sending you all the spare energy i have 💗💗

-✨holiday pal✨

(i hope this sends okay because i wrote it out in my notes app and copy pasted it bc it was getting incredibly long djshshs)

Hellloooo 💕💕

I'm so so so so so so sorry for the late reply

I do the same thing of writing in notes and copying here sometimes 🤣🙈

That's really cool. Contract law will be introduced as a subject to us this coming semester. I could talk to you about it!

Yeah, just today the posts I made which they approved was supposed to be posted and a few hours before posting time, one of the seniors suddenly had a problem with it and I had to do one of the things all over

Tiffin! Omg I keep forgetting it's such an Indian thing. So this is the Wikipedia definition - Tiffin is an Indian English word for a type of meal. It refers to a light breakfast or a light tea-time meal at about 3 p.m., consisting of typical tea-time foods. In certain parts of India, it can also refer to the midday luncheon or, in some regions of the Indian subcontinent, a between-meal snack.

For me midday luncheon is the best word for it. You'd eat breakfast at home, then have tiffin during break time at school and come back home and have lunch. But right now I'm working the whole day, so i take my lunch with me to court in a tiffin box(mine is just like an off-brand Tupperware kinda thing) and that's my tiffin.

I had Poha today in the morning and chicken curry and pulao for lunch. Sunday special!! What about you?

Thank you so much for that. I pray you're right and i finish my work on time. "Tumhare mooh mein ghee shakkar". It literally means may your mouth be full of ghee and sugar but actually it means what you said was very sweet and may what you said come true.

Water is my favourite drink!!! Oh god, I love water. And I love analysing how different the tastes of water in different places are, not out loud, just to myself.

I admire people who do arts and crafts soo so much. What kind of crafts do you do? The max that I can do is cross stitching.

Have a beautiful day 💕💕💕

[troubleabroad]

STRANGE & UNUSUAL

Could really get used to waking up to the manhattan skyline everyday. We walked down a few blocks from the apartment to the chelsea highline. The chelsea highline was once home to part of the railway system of new york, however it has now been converted into a little over 2km of urban parkland sitting above the hustle and bustle of a section of manhattan We got the usual fuel to start our trip, street vendor hotdog, and started the walk along the old train tracks of the highline. Its quite impressive what they’ve managed to do with just an old train line. Its full of gardens, greenery, little stalls with food and drink options, art installations, views of the city and hudson river. Quite a peaceful place amongst the craziness that is manhattan. We strolled along the tracks until we reached the end, and our next stop, the Chelsea Market. Some of manhattans best and most popular food can be found here. From high class sushi, pizza, tacos and even pasta bars that roll the pasta in front of you! We had a look at a couple of the little pop up stores they had there, then it was time for the main attraction. Food. For me, it was straight to the seafood merchant for a lobster roll. Ive never had a lobster roll before, so the idea of a maine lobster roll really got me going. The restaurant, if you can call it that, was super impressive, with its own fresh oyster bar next to a fresh sushi bar and then up the back the lobster station. People were tucking into a bit of everything, but most had gloves on and were attacking lobster claws like they were going out of fashion. I made it to the ordering counter and ordered my lobster roll. First impression, a lot smaller than i was expecting. But size isn’t everything, As i know all too well. It was delicious. Mix of sweet and savoury, with a nice bun holding it all together. If they weren’t megabucks back home i could make it a staple of my diet.

Buggalugs not being a seafood eater was not taken by anything on the menu, but that’s okay as she was set on hand pulled noodles. So further into the market we went, where ewe found the noodle merchant and its mile long line. But this is what were here for, so we took our spot and waited for our order to be taken. Once at the front, buggalugs placed her order, while i felt like a garbage guts, so headed back to the seafood fellas for some sashimi. We reconvened with our food and dug in. If the lobster roll was excellent, the sashimi was perfect.

The lady over charged me, so threw in some extra pieces. Bless her cotton socks. The hand pulled noodles were also excellent. Good amount of heat, chewy, fresh and really nice lamb with it too.

Rolling out of the market we decide that the 30-45 minute walk was not going to be possible. So it was into and onto the New York Subway. Has not gotten any cleaner since i last rode it. But there’s something about the combined smell of urine, stale water and dirty train brakes that makes it feel safe homely. We boarded the train and made it back to time square in one piece, we even somehow got off at the right part of the station and made it street side! Not far from where we got off was the official ticket sales desk (for tightarses) for broadway shows. Theres always something happening on broadway, but as an experienced broadwayer, I’ve seen a lot. (Im artist you know), we decided on a new show, Beetlejuice! Thats right, your favourite Tim Burton film has been adapted into a stage show. Which is written by Australia’s own Eddie Perfect! (The same man who played warnie now writes broadway shows). Theres not much point detailing the show, you’ve either seen beetlejuice, or you haven’t. So you know the story or you don’t. I don’t need to retell it. What i will tell you though, is that it was exceptional. Casting, writing, length, costumes, scenery was all 10/10. I highly recommend getting a ticket (get a ticket to new york whilst you’re at it) After the show we walked the blocks of New York back to get some more late night pizza, then to CVS (The local pharmacy) to purchase some drinks. Because this is america, and you van buy alcohol from the pharmacy. It truely is the land of the free! We’ve got a relaxing day tomorrow, buggalugs is off to the museum, whilst I’m hitting up greenwich village.

[etherealyoungk]

hey 🥰 could i please request [anything] about shy/jealous jihoon? like op starts getting close to another member and jihoon feels kinda weird (yeah hes jealous :p) and cant stop thinking abt that. later on he tries to show to op what he feels (subtle touching hands, sitting closer on the couch, asking for opinion about his new song, idk, just wanna see he shyly expressing his feelings🥺) then he just cant stand it anymore and kisses op. pls lots of shy jihoon and red cheeks cause im feeling sad lately

hi anon! no but jealous jihoon would be so cute fr. also i hope you're feeling better today, don't be sad, i hope this cheers you up a bit, take care <3

let's say you were with a few of the members in the studio and since jihoon was busy, you occupied yourself with talking to seungkwan about a movie which he happened to watch and you were glad because you had ALOT of thoughts about it, so you and seungkwan were in your own world ranting about this movie. when jihoon decided to take a small break from work, he turned around, only to see you laughing and giggling so much while talking to seungkwan and something just clicks in him. he's watching you closely now and when you lean in to whisper something in seungkwan's ear, he grips the handle of his chair, his eyes sending silent death threats to seungkwan. the last straw is when seungkwan hugs you goodbye and he is seeing red. he knows it's stupid in a way but he just can't help but get a little jealous of the other members when they get a little too close to you because he likes you.

it's been a few days and jihoon just can't stop thinking about you or that incident. so when you pop your head into his studio, giving him a wave, he's caught off guard but also so happy to see you. it's just you and jihoon in the studio. he comes to sit next to you on the couch and he purposely sits closer to you, causing your legs to brush against each other. you reach for the water bottle, but he reaches for it at the same time so basically he just grabbed your hand and he goes red, quickly pulling away, mumbling a soft apology as he tells you to take a drink first. he watches as you take a sip of water, when he slowly leans in, causing you to almost choke on your water.

"there's an eyelash on your face", he says and gently brings his hand forward to remove it, all the while being so close to you and he's just trying so hard to NOT look at your lips jsjsj and he's just hoping his face isn't red.

"can you maybe...listen to the new song i'm working on? i'd love to know your thoughts", he asks you shyly, rubbing the back of his neck out of nervousness. "sure!", you reply and he's trying not to smile too wide.

he lets you sit on the chair and he stands over you, both his hands on either side of the chair, while he peers from the side as he searches for the file and plays the song for you. little does he know you're malfunctioning because of his actions hshshs. you listen to the song, and he's looking at you like an idiot with a big grin on his face as he watches you slowly bop your head to the song, while you're unaware of his gaze on you.

"this is really good jihoon!", you praise him, earning a shy smile from him.

"really?"

"yeah, if this is the demo then the song is gonna be amazing i know it, you're so good!", you say, your words adding more blush to his cheeks.

"i-", you start but don't finish because jihoon is kissing you, cupping your cheeks and he pulls away, looking shocked and he just doesn't know how to explain himself.

"listen..i...i like you y/n....", he says, still cupping your cheeks, looking at you intently, waiting for you to say something.

"jihoon...i..like you too", you admit and he's smiling so wide his cheeks hurt and kisses you again.

bonus: a seungkwan walks in the studio right at that moment and sees y'all kissing like

"hey jihoon did you-", he's stopped mid-sentence, looking between you both in shock, covering his mouth and he backs out telling y'all to continue what you were doing and closes the door, telling everyone not to disturb this room jsjsjsj. is forever traumatized.

[meetmymouth]

ooh I think #7 and #17 from the blurb list would fit very well together! if you want!

THANK YOU LINDS <3<3

prompt list here, send a number!!

#7 If we both want to fit, we’ll have to cuddle

#17 Sleeping in the same bed for the first time

THIS IS 3K IM SORRY I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF SO PLEASE REBLOG LMAOOOOOO!!!!!

"This is my room," comes a gruff voice behind you as you keep looking out the window, taking in the greenery and the beautiful ocean.

See, you knew he would be here.

You knew, because Harry and Mitch were attached at the hip, and you didn't mind. You didn't mind seeing your ex every time you were invited to hang out with MitchandSarah & co, except when said ex decided to be an evil arsehole.

Perhaps, calling him an "ex" was weird, seeing how your time alone only consisted of you both getting high, mostly naked as he whispered the filthiest things in your ear and promised to make you feel good, be the best you've ever had. Other than that, though, he was an insufferable bastard. Since you never hung out with the man without your friends around–getting rat-arsed and high... and the activities that followed aside–, you didn't know if he was always this annoying.

He seemed to be getting along just fine with the others, especially Sarah and the other girls, so you had no problems scratching off the "women hater" off your list. And you can't ever recall him being this insufferable while you both were fucking which was, in his case, miserable. So, it was definitely annoying. You weren't that interested in him to think that he was being mean because he was secretly in love with you. That was a myth, a pathetic myth, wasn't it? No, you wouldn't steep that low. He was just an arse, full stop.

You turn around with an eye-roll, and within seeing his face, you nearly clench your fists like a ten-year-old. "Do you live here?" You ask, hoping the boring expression on your face is also detectable in your tone.

It's certainly not a surprise when Harry scoffs.

"I don't, but I picked this room first. Since, you know," he looks around, and walks further into the room, finally stopping at the feet of the bed. "You were late. As per."

"Oh fuck off. This isn't summer camp. Besides, I don't see any of your shit around. The room was empty when I arrived."

"If you bothered to look inside the wardrobe..."

Seriously, you find yourself thinking, how the fuck did you ever end up with this man. Naked.

There's a commotion downstairs, so you both turn to the door, but much to your dismay, there's no one coming to check up on you and hopefully, save you from Harry Styles' pathetic gob.

You turn towards the window again, eyes squinting briefly at the last bits of sunshine that's glinting from between the branches.

"Well. You shouldn't have left then. You weren't here when I arrived."

Harry shakes his head, and you swear you can see his nostrils flaring if you look carefully. Though, you just watch him with a smug smile on your face as he walks to the wardrobe and pulls open the white doors. True to his word, his clothes are there, perfectly folded, and for a moment you feel a pang of guilt before you look back up at his face and see the furrowed eyebrows.

"See. My clothes. I'm sure Sarah will sort it out for you, find you another room or summat."

"There's only three bedrooms. Can't sleep with a pregnant woman and her boyfriend, can I?"

"What about Rachel and David? Aren't you best friend's with her?"

"Harry, you're ridiculous. Just–" you wipe the sweat off of your forehead, feeling yourself grow hotter and hotter each passing minute. "–just sleep on the sofa. This is my first vacation this year. You go on holidays every week or so. Let us commoners have this."

"Oh, please. Didn't you have a girls weekend getaway or whatever the fuck in Soho Farmhouse two weeks ago?"

You can't help the scoff that leaves your mouth, and a raised eyebrow follows. "How do you know about that?"

"Because," he rolls his eyes, and slams the wardrobe shut. "You post seven hundred stories every day."

"You're a stalker."

"You sleep on the sofa."

You smirk, noticing how he avoided your previous statement.

To be fair, you hated posting on your story. Though, knowing Harry followed you on Instagram made posting on there fun, and seeing his username on the list of who watched your stories pop up at the very top every single time whenever you posted a story almost made you let out a mingy little laugh and rub your hands together, and scream "gotcha!".

"I won't."

"You're getting on my nerves."

"What a coincidence," you ignore the stare he's sending your way and walk towards your carry on, and start taking the contents out one by one, laying everything on the bed.

He watches with a scowl on his face, arms crossed across his chest, and a satisfied smile paints your features as you take out the toiletries bag next.

"Are you seriously unpacking right now?" Harry cranes his neck so he can see better. He looks ridiculous, standing in the middle of the room with arms crossed, but you refrain from saying anything.

In fact, you don't even answer him. Perhaps, you find yourself thinking, it was silly to unpack your underwear first. It wasn't as if you brought super "sexy" shit or lace everything. You can definitely feel his gaze watching your every movement as you take everything out carefully and place them on top of each other. With most of your underwear in hand, you get on one knee in front of the bedside table and open the drawer, placing everything inside and it's surprising how he hasn't claimed the bedside table yet.

"Look," he sighs. "I'll talk to Sarah, maybe you can sleep with her and Mitch–"

"–don't be stupid we're not making them sleep with other people because you can't be a gentleman and sleep on the sofa."

"Oh for fuck's sake," he growls, and you finally look at him, eyebrows raised in hopes of making him feel as stupid as he sounds right now. Unfortunately, though, he continues, "Okay, damn it, I'll sleep on the floor."

Fool.

"Common sense, Harry. Always pick sofa. No matter what."

"Were you born to make my life a living hell?"

"Look," you sit on the bed, and look around. "This is boring me to death. I'm sleeping on the bed. If you shut your gob, you can sleep with me on the bed."

Harry lets out an obnoxious laugh. "Just admit I was here first and you didn't bother checking the–"

"Yes, I didn't and what about it? I'm here now, aren't I? I'm on the bed, babes. Anyway," you get on your feet, and with one last look at him, you start walking towards the door. "I'll see you in a bit. I guess."

You both manage to avoid each other as much as you can throughout the day, and really, it wasn't that hard considering the good company of your friends, good food and good alcohol. You mainly helped Sarah and Rachel in the kitchen as the men lounged on the sun loungers, Mitch handling the grill and David helping you guys with the drinks that came in and out of the house pretty quickly with the way you lot consumed them like water.

You spend the night eating, laughing and drinking, sometimes singing along to whatever song played on David's fancy Bluetooth speaker, and everyone begins ushering inside with full bellies and most of them–except the very pregnant Sarah–with a tipsy smile on their faces.

You leave before Harry though, leaving him smoking his last cigarette by the pool while you run up the stairs and into the room, closing the door behind you. You quickly get rid of the romper and get your favourite pyjamas on, eyes searching for the orange makeup bag so you can take off the remaining makeup before bed. You knew it was silly not to do your night routine, but you still zip the bag closed with a sad expression on your face, not wanting to see your toner and night cream any more than you needed to as you throw it on the floor next to your bags. It's pathetic really, how determined you are to get in the bed before Harry can that you forego your whole routine and stick to some cotton pads. Though, plugging your charger and getting between the cool sheets make you forget all about it as you let out a sigh, and unlock your phone to do your nightly scroll before falling asleep.

As you double tap on a selfie, the door opens, and you hear him scoff, again. You keep scrolling though, and try to sneak a few glances at him as he makes a beeline for the wardrobe, and to your surprise, begins to undress. You try to stay calm, and not to think about how domestic this whole thing seems; being in the same room as him as he gets ready for bed.

Right, getting ready for bed.

You keep your eyes on your phone as his clothes hit the floor one by one, and when you look up briefly, he's got a pair of joggers on, and he's throwing the clothes he had on in the wardrobe.

He turns around, and find your gaze, and he rolls his eyes.

"I knew you'd be in bed, here, as soon as I heard someone running. Forgot you were a literal five-year-old," he mutters under his breath, loud enough so you can still hear him. "I'm not sleeping on the sofa."

"I love how you're basically arguing with yourself."

"Like I said, I'm not sleeping on the sofa. I didn't come all the way to sleep on a bloody sofa."

"Suit yourself. I guess we're sharing. Unless," you lock your phone, and place it on the bedside table. "You want to share," you shrug, adjusting your pillow and sigh at the cool fabric against your hot cheeks.

You can feel him thinking, the wheels turning in his head, and you finally hear the floorboards creek underneath his feet as he walks closer to the bed, and pushes the sheets off of you. The whole thing.

You blink in surprise. "Stop it, dude! What the fuck."

"I'm getting in! Fuck's sake, be quiet."

"You did that just to annoy me."

You're both quiet for a minute, Harry taking his rings off and then comes his socks, and he finally copies you, laying on his back on the bed. He covers the both of you, though you know it's not intentional since he couldn't do it without covering his own body with the duvet, and then he lets out a strangled sigh.

"The bed's too small."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"What?" He turns his face to you, and perhaps it's the first time he's looking at you– really looking.

His brows are furrowed, and lips turned downwards in a pout.

"I'm taking the piss, Harry. I know you're not calling me fat."

"Good," he says, though his voice isn't exactly soft. "I wouldn't."

"Good."

Silence.

It's unbearable.

Despite the hot weather, you feel yourself shiver, and you wish you were the only one in bed so you could do the whole burrito technique with the duvet. Alas... you stay where you are. You both do.

A dog barks in the distance, the high-pitched bark coming through the open window, and you can feel Harry breathing too fast beside you. You want to shout at him, tell him to fuck off and... not breathe too fast, though it sounds a bit too rude even for you, so you stay silent and wait for the dog to pipe the fuck down.

You try to turn on your side, because you could never see yourself fall asleep laying on your back like a vampire, but you almost fall, not anticipating the tiny space you've got going on. It's bad, and you know you're not going to get a good sleep. So, you find yourself contemplating about getting up and sleeping on the sofa because honestly, fuck him.

Harry shuffles next to you, presumably trying to find a good position to sleep in himself, but he lets out a groan and it startles you.

"What's wrong with you!"

"The bed's too fucking small."

"We've established that."

He sniffs, hands clenching the sheets around his body. "I don't sleep on my back. My back hurts."

You don't say anything, hoping for him to just get up and leave, go sleep on the sofa. He doesn't, though. It's another fifteen minutes before you let out another sigh, trying to get comfortable on the bed, and Harry copies you. You both turn on your sides, facing each other and Harry groans when your knee makes contact with his thigh, making you cringe in embarrassment. A quiet sorry leaves your mouth and he shakes his head, then turns the other way, facing the door.

"Fuck," he spits after a minute. "If we both want to fit, we'll have to cuddle."

"Cuddle? Fuck no."

"Just," he turns to you again, but the bed is too small for you both so his knees touch yours. "Just come closer. Either that, or go sleep on the sofa."

"Why don't you–"

"You're so stubborn! Come closer, I won't eat you or fall in love with you. Fuck."

You groan, but oblige for some reason, feeling your heart beginning to beat faster for some ridiculous reason.

It's been a long time, you find yourself trying to convince your heart. It's been a long, long time since you've been this close to a human being. Too long since you've cuddled with someone, so obviously you were going to feel a little excited, and weird. Yes, definitely weird.

You get closer and he lifts up his arm, you both sharing a look before you roll your eyes and place your hand on his wrist, placing it on your hip. He's quiet, eyes searching yours, and the crease between his brows are gone, and you want to laugh, because who knew it only took your skin against his to wipe that stupid grimace off of his face.

"I still think you're annoying," Harry mumbles, clearly sleepy. His hold on your hip becomes tighter as his thumb strokes your skin over the fabric.

"I know. Just shut up and sleep."

[lilikags]

when you have a stomachache

⌦ zhongli x gn!reader, kamisato ayato x gn!reader

⌦ headcanons

⌦ fluff, established relationship

⌦ i had a stomach ache today so im writing this. also you know who im brainrotting rn... also should i start an ayato taglist just because ik im gonna be posting a lot now that im putting VoT on hiatus and that my matchup event is ending

Zhongli

❏ Zhongli takes just a bit of time to notice what's really going on. When you tell him it's a stomach ache, he knows exactly what to do.

❏ If you don't have medicine at home (which is rare, because when they run out, Zhongli restocks commonly used medicines) he'll quickly stop by Bubu Pharmacy for it.

❏ He spends the whole day with you. It doesn't matter that it's a work day, and unless an emergency pops up, he's staying right by your side.

❏ He brings you water and encourages you to drink some. It's warm water; it's better, he says. (I can agree with this statement, as someone who went through a month of stomachaches straight one time)

❏ He's good at cooking, and he'll make whatever you want, as long as it's within reason. (No, he won't make you fried chicken. He'll make you anything as long as it's easy to digest)

Kamisato Ayato

ꕥ Ayato notices before it starts to get really uncomfortable. He asks you, "Love, what's wrong?" from his desk, putting down his pen and looking up from the piles of work to be done.

ꕥ When you tell him it's just a small stomach ache and that it'll pass, he'll sigh and say that if it starts hurting, he can get medicine for you.

ꕥ You agree to let him make lunch instead of the servants; he says that he can make rice porridge just fine. It isn't bad, really. It's not what the chef can make, but it's warm and you can feel the love he put into it. When you ask about the work he's been almost ignoring, he pretends it doesn't exist. "Work? There was work to be done?"

ꕥ If it gets worse, he'd definitely put aside all the work he has to do to stay beside you. If you try to get up from bed, he'll join you and keep you there. "Love, you need to rest."

ꕥ Don't bother trying to get up and do your own work, because he'll make sure to talk his way into keeping you from working. He just wants you to rest so that tomorrow, you'll be all better.

ꕥ It's warm, and he intended it to be. The air outside the blanket was cold, and it was much preferable to stay under the covers. You can feel his arm wrapped around you and your back against his chest, and it's warm. It felt like hibernation; you stayed in this spot until the air got warmer. Except, the air wouldn't get warmer, so you'd have to get up later...

"Hmm..." Ayato tightened his hug just a bit. "Already leaving, my dear?"

"Aya, it's already morning," you giggled, giving him a quick kiss.

[420technoblazeit]

Anon who just woke up when they got the news and wrote a long goddamn essay, back with another one! Prepare to read!!!

Ive been doing better now. I confided about what happened to my parents who were both, surprisingly, supportive and understanding about what happened which definitely helped me a lot.

I then checked in on friends who I knew also liked Techno to make sure they were okay

After, I started scrolling through the technoblade tag, seeing all the art, everyones thoughts, his friends comments about him on twitter also helped me as I didn't feel alone in what I was going through

I still feel weird now though. Like I said in my og essay, Techno helped dragged me back into the Minecraft fandom, as I took a break when it was becoming less popular. He truly was a comfort cc of mine and to know hes gone is upsetting. I was and still am a major SBI fan. I enjoyed the family dynamic the four of them created so much. I used to joke with my close friends, who I regard as siblings now, that we three we specific members of SBI. I was Will, my sister was Tommy and my sibling was Techno (The Phil role was whoever had the braincell at the time (WHICH IS MOSTLY ME- /lh)). Hell, the whole reason I started referring those two close friends of mine as my siblings is because techno and the rest of SBI helped me truly understand the idea that family is more than just blood. Funny how the blood god taught me that

I will miss shouting 4/4 SBI whenever the four of them just so happened to even be in the same twitch chat. I'll miss being excited to see any of the duos be together. I'll miss Technos witty jokes and dry sense of humor that I feel in love with. I'll miss Techno, Alex, Dave, whatever you want to call him.

I want to keep his legacy on though. I actually wanted to try and get good at pvp recently and Im not giving up on that. I was one of the many voices in his head and its my job to keep his blood god legacy going, even if Im bad at it

To anyone who made it this far in my second essay of this topic, congrats, remember to drink plenty of water, eat and rest well, and I'm giving you all a big virtual hug.

And a big thank you to you, 420Technoblazeit, the dsmpblr community and any techno fans within/outside it. You all gave me a place to feel accepted when twitter was hell and now you've given me a place to be able to peacefully mourn a beloved man

You are all beloved nerds <3

it's great that sbi helped you connect with your siblings! it helped me connect with my brother too. i think it'd be really cool if you started doing pvp, keep me updated on that! i'm always open to talk if you want to pop into my inbox or dm me. it'll get better broski, hang in there