eggjaculations - Tumblr blog

eggjaculations · 13 hours ago

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Genies can only grant wishes that are things that an ordinary person could do, just better and faster. The jinn are the creations of a divine being, and so they are part of the divine plan and cannot defy the natural order of things; a wish granted by a jinni can’t turn the day into night or the sea into yogurt, but if you wish for a temple to be built, a jinni will build it by hand, the way men do, and have it done in a day.

If you need a wish granted that defies the natural order you gotta catch a leprechaun, because no god was involved in their creation whatsoever. They just kinda showed up one day in the nineteenth century. The Aos Sí have no idea what their deal is

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eggjaculations · 13 hours ago

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eggjaculations · 13 hours ago

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99% of nose-blowers quit right before the one rip where they hit their sinus cavity's resonant frequency and spend a solid 15 seconds blasting a thumb-sized wad of yellow phlegm straight out of their pineal gland and can suddenly smell colors

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eggjaculations · 14 hours ago

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Wiggle

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eggjaculations · 14 hours ago

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if the for you page shows me this atrocious post one more time im going to bomb it. throwing his cum ??? inside your pussy??? THROWING IT???

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eggjaculations · 3 days ago

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we need to give this tweet more credit for im pretty sure coining "die mad about it"

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eggjaculations · 3 days ago

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this messed up vintage cat sewing pattern has tormented me since i saw it & like some other folks have done in that post - i tried my hand at tweaking the pattern to resemble the illustration (and my personal tastes) a little more. i've ended up with this. i bestow it upon you nice folks now 👐

(update 2, added instructions & it's also on my Kofi!)

go forth and make weird little beanbag kittens! pls show me if you do!

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eggjaculations · 3 days ago

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this is actually like my third or fourth rodeo so i sort of get it but sort of dont

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eggjaculations · 3 days ago

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eggjaculations · 3 days ago

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#i know we all hating on it bc it’s kinda giving privileged trad wife #BUT BOY WOULD THAT SMACK DOWN SO FUCKING GOOD YERRRRR

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eggjaculations · 3 days ago

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eggjaculations · 3 days ago

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#can we all please apologize to that girl who wore the denim shorts/pants look now #bc she kinda ate and it’s got historical reference now

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eggjaculations · 3 days ago

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random anecdote for father's day: one time during a long car ride my dad asked me, "you're familiar with Murphy's Law, right?" and i was like "isn't that the one about how anything that can go wrong will go wrong?" and he said "yeah, exactly" and i said "why do you ask?" and he went "well, have you heard of Cole's Law?" and i said "no, actually, what's that?" and he said "it's mostly lettuce and carrots with a little dressing mixed in"

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eggjaculations · 3 days ago

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i agree we should talk about women’s menstruation more just like in general but i don’t like the phrase “always gush ready” at all.

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eggjaculations · 4 days ago

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tim curry i would still bounce on it jsyk

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eggjaculations · 4 days ago

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eggjaculations · 4 days ago

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there is nothing more important than a dear friend you can be a huge fucking asshole hater with

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