#but now i dont know
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GUYS
so, i sat down to watch the orchestra allstate concert with my choir, cause we were required to
my crush was sitting in the row behind me, sandwiched in the middle
THIS ABSOLUTE IDIOT SAW WHERE I WAS SITTING AND SAID "HEY, STAY RIGHT THERE, IM GONNA COME SIT NEXT TO YOU"
AND PROCEEDED TO GO THE LONG WAY, STEPPING OVER THE MOST PEOPLE, TO SIT NEXT TO ME
I
IM GOING TO CRY
HES TOO SWEET
HE LITERALLY WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO SIT NEXT TO ME
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#A WIN FOR THE LOSER THAT IS ME#HES LITERALLY SPENT THE LAST TWO DAYS WITH ME#I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST BECAUSE I WAS SEEKING HIM OUT#BUT NOW I DONT KNOW#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#WHYYYYYYY IS HE SO SWEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTT-
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YALL HELP.
I WENT THROUGH THIS WITH DILUC AMD KAEYA AND IM NOT DOING IT AGAIN.
IS YUNMENG SHUANGJIE(?) PLATONIC JIANG CHENG & WEI WUXIAN. OR IS IT CHENGXIAN.
I CANT KEEP LIVE LAUGH LOVING UNDER THESE CONDITIONS PLS-
#yall make it very hard to tag right on this hellsite#cuz i was under the impression yunmeng shuangjie was just bros being bros#BUT NOW I DONT KNOW#AND YALL GOT ME FUCKED UP#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#not tagging dynamics bc now u guys have me scared#also oop genshin jumpscare#srry yall thats my hyperfixation rn and yall r stuck with me🫶#dw my friends hear even more of my shit than u guys do#be grateful#Day 241 of hiding from my friends#mdzs#oopsie daisy
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i have decided to question my gender again.
i thought i had decided that i didn't care enough about my gender to actually think about it, but i was horribly wrong!
i got a haircut that looks femme if i use hair products. but if i leave it alone i realized i look like a teenage boy??? and in the past when i look like a guy i freak out a little because i don't want to be a boy. at least i thought so. except i was like admiring myself and thinking i looked great and everything.
anyway i may or may not be genderfluid? except the issue is i don't want to be associated with men except i want to be a dude sometimes maybe? like he/him pronouns but in a clear "that is a girl" way idk. or like that is clearly a teenage girlboything.
but perhaps i just want the freedom to dress masc/femme depending on what i feel like? and it's less abt gender and more abt expression?
if any genderfluid ppl out there see this, please illuminate me on how the fuck im supposed to figure this out
#previously i thought i was agender cuz i didn't give a shit except for the fact that didnt want to be a boy#but now#but now i dont know#i dressed like a teenage boy tje other day and it felt gloriously silly#but like i dont want ppl to see me as a boy unless its in like a queer way?#like i want it to be clear that i'm appropriating teenage boy culture#for so long i was anti he/him for myself but now im going a little crazy#but perhaps i just want to be butch sometimes#im so confused i thought i got over this#anyway please helpe me out#genderfluid#genderqueer#genderfluid questioning#the life and lies of a panini sandwich#panini's diary#dear diary
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the thing is, if we get a medieval kit, we’re never gonna get a medieval stuff or game pack..
#i was going to beg everyone to vote for medieval#but now i dont know#we're never gonna get sims4 medieval are we#im just sad now#again
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backpack dog
#i figured kks' hair out once but now i have to draw it a different way :/#no i dont know why i specifically went for post 4th war#also narutos hair looked good to me at first#but now i dont know
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"you're the writer, you control how the story goes" no not really. i wrote the first sentence and then my characters said "WE WILL TAKE IT FROM HERE" and promptly swerved into an electrical fence.
#now im watching their whole lives fall apart on google docs#i dont know whats happening but by god im excited to see where it goes next#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writeblr#writing#bookblr#creative writing#writing life#writers and poets#novel writing#my characters#original characters#writing stuff#fanfiction#darkacademia
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hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month
#shush jesse#EDIT from future me: this post was about astarion but im fully a galegirl (gendy neutch) now so idk what that says#he's also my type for what its worth#this post abt astarion#hes just so painfully on brand for me#i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane#but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers#so like.....secondhand blorbo right now
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when i was a kid i wanted to be a famous youtuber like dan and phil so that people would gay ship me with my irl best friend and we would be sooo weirded out by it and laugh and make videos joking about it but secretly it would make her realize her repressed gay crush on me and i'd help her through her gay crisis and then we would have a sickeningly sweet sappy romance and read fanfiction about ourselves together... anyways just found out she's married to a guy in the mafia now so i probably don't have a chance
#dan and phil fanfiction changed me#come into my lady door#and teen me saw that and went “i need to be that so fuckan bad”#i wanted to be dan but now that im a mature adult i understand that phil is better. phil guy 5ever nowadays#do i tag this as dan and phil. i still dont know tumblr site tagging norms and im like a year in now#dan and phil#dnp#phan
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yeehaw, baby!
#if u know me u knew this was inevitable#kon el#conner kent#tim drake#timkon#im gonna ramble after the boring tags ok#dc comics#fanart#western au#superboy#OK !!!! ITS TIME#so kon. obvs is a cowboy here#definitely a bit of a magnet for trouble but not an outlaw#still not the sort of person the son of the drake family's supposed to be talking to but yk kon's gonna try anyway#on tims end it pretty much follows the same events as the comics bc if it aint broke dont fix it#<- in terms of the whole sneaking out at night to do his own secret detective work thing at least#i have a whole silly story for the rest of it but im not gonna get into it all here lmao#but yeah i love cowboys and actual cowboy history vv much so this probably wont be the last u see of this au ദ്ദി ˉ꒳ˉ )✧#for now this post's rlly just for goofing around with design ideas#my art
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DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one
#i've been listening to icarus by bastille#and for some reason my brain fills in 'this is how it feels to take a fall' as 'this is how it feels to take off all your skin'#and like fuck man#and I KNOW that’s technically not a misheard lyric but my post my rules cope#anyway my line now#also probably phrased this poorly but its ok#im allowed to be incomprehensible#as a treat#and then fuckin#from we sink by of monsters and men#the original line was 'please look away dont look at me'#and i kept hearing it as 'please learn a way to look at me'#anyway#shoving this post in the queue but please be aware that i am writing it very late at night#q
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.
#so my supervisor told me that my boss told him that i was supposed to meet with hr today for some reason#(he was asking out of curiosity)#only i know absolutely nothing about this#and the only thing i can think of is that it might be for the position i applied for#it was a few weeks ago and i hadnt heard anything so i assumed i didnt get it#but now i dont know#and I'm trying not to be too positive because id already resigned myself to not getting the job and disappointment sucks#but i genuinely can't think of any other reason they would want to talk#and if it was just so say i didnt get it it probably wouldn't be with hr#it would just be the head of that department#but it still could be something else#or my boss could've been confused (this happens often)#because i still haven't heard anything on my end so i have no idea#but im just like can someone just tell me please I'm going insane#edit: several hours later:#didnt get it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#which i was mostly expecting#but annoying that she asked to meet in person because it was more personal or whatever#email would've been fine#I'm really fucking tired
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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out#i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity#but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed#at the thought that others might want to see me working#if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do#catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries#for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk#not in the slightest#but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior#that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation#this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age#and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative
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Who’s coming to the cookout?
#bruce wayne#tim drake#damian wayne#cassandra cain#batman#red robin#dc robin#batgirl#dc comics#batfam#batfamily#roppie tries to draw#WE ARE GOING TO IGNORE that comic where bruce seems to be able to cook now#bcs this has been in my drafts for literal years lmao thats how slow i am w these#this comic is also known as ‘wordless communication: how well your family knows you’#dont think too much abt the particulars abt any aspect of this ok 😃👍#i had fun playing around w how i color thinngs i hope its not too messy!!#WAIT DOES THIS SAY COOK-OFF I MEANT COOKOUT!!!!!!!!#(its not a roppie piece without a typo but please OTL read that as i intended im on the ground
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if we could stay connected, just like this
#ok last orbit niigo post im emubrained again and also i miss leoneed#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#mizuki5 spoilers#proseka#mizuki akiyama#mizu5#nightcord at 25:00#hurray !#meltdown released an amazing translation of the event so i read it and had my final cathartic transgender cry about it#and now i have ~4 assignments due on friday so i have to stop drawing mizuki. sad.#i recommend everyone watch meltdown's translation#please. its very good and better than the mtls floating around#i Get why people wanted to see it translated asap like i Get it i didnt understand half of the wordplay or kanji but like . wah#its so crazy how this event breached containment n how many people are rooting for mizuki even tho they dont play the game so i just#think its a shame that the translation everyones reading isnt really accurate/lacks the nuances.. Ok sorrynits a good event.#ive just been thinking abiut that for a few days and i love talking in tags. Adios#real Orbit heads will know this is an Heartorbit reference (that tarot card sketch i did almost 2 years ago and said i would finish)#(i havent finished shit)
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so like is it specifically planets the solver craves or can it get by with just eating dirt off the ground
#thank you those people in that one server i havent been there long enough to remember names#for bringing up the idea#is very funny#god i have genuinely no idea what to do for n's dialogue boxes. cannot think of a gimmick whatsoever#suprise attack by the artstyle change. i am imploding right now#cannot settle on any style whatsoever. genuinely changing by the hour#so strangely proud of ns hand in this one i dont know what it is about it but i really like it#hats still pisses me off though. why so difficult to draw#murder drones#art#murder drones uzi#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones cyn#or its#murder drones absolutesolver#who knows at this point#murder drones skig#still fighting tooth and nail for the tail to be named skig. it fits so well#iz go attack glitch headquarters for me#i think its late enough i can keep this unspoilered
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posting across the targetverse here bc it did numbers on twitter
#across the spiderverse#spiderverse#miguel o'hara#hobie brown#im posting my art here from now onnnnn#maybe ill make a sideblog thats art only who knows.#bastardibujando#< thats my art tag btw. no i dont remeber what it was before so whatever art i have posted here is gone forever#hi for the love of god hello anyone wanna talk about spiderverse.#og post
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