#dan and phil fanfiction changed me

[mybreadsmybutters]

when i was a kid i wanted to be a famous youtuber like dan and phil so that people would gay ship me with my irl best friend and we would be sooo weirded out by it and laugh and make videos joking about it but secretly it would make her realize her repressed gay crush on me and i'd help her through her gay crisis and then we would have a sickeningly sweet sappy romance and read fanfiction about ourselves together... anyways just found out she's married to a guy in the mafia now so i probably don't have a chance

[mbat]

before i pass out for the night. since my brain is back on dan and phil as if its 2016 or something i need to put this out into the world. this isnt some sort of important life changing post, just a personal funny thing

so when i was 13 and fixating on dan and phil, i read a lot of fanfics. like, i guarantee that even after all these years that, if i had the statistics, that fandom was the one i read the most fanfics for and constantly. i couldnt tell you what nearly any of them were about, and i have a feeling that many of them are probably lost to time by now. i also dont know if i need to mention that yeah, a lot of them were shipping, and yes ive long grown out of that. (the dnp fandom is actually what made me grow out of that)

anyway all this to say that over the last 6 years after i stopped fixating on dan and phil, one fanfic stuck with me and i just. i think about it every once in a while. its been over half a decade. it wasnt a groundbreaking fic, i dont remember any quotes or specifics, just the premise as of at least the first few chapters. idk why it stuck with me

it was literally a fic about. if the world had gotten to a point where almost every child was born as like, a science baby instead of a natural baby, and phil was a science baby, but dan was a natural baby. and there was somehow this like, thing where the science babies would bully the natural babies for some reason idek, and this was a highschool setting and i think dan was a new kid in school. and what gets me about the fic is that dan was some small shy scared kid and phil was some mean jerk bully. and how wild that is compared to how they are in real life

this isnt me trying to find the fic or the person who wrote it or any of that, this is literally just. i remember this fic at least once every few months and i needed to get it out of my brain somewhere

[thunderbottle]

Top 10 (or 5) fandoms you’ve been in?

Ranking is mostly vibes based no one yell at me. Also if you remember my old account for sanders sides no you dont also shhhhh

10. Voltron (being in this fandom shaved decades off my life but at least it got me to draw every day for months on end. worst online fan space i have ever experienced. i didnt even really watch the show because i liked fan-made stuff better. dont do this.)

9. Deep Space 9 (i would list all of star trek here but shes the most important to me so. i love u deep space nine. Very warm little plave in my heart. Never got into online spaces tho so i never really felt like part of the fandom)

8. Penumbra Podcast (society if the penumbra podcast was more popular and i got to pump more fanart and fanfiction directly into my veins. I still need to catch up on a lot of it but god what a fun series. I still recommend it frequently)

7. Sherlock BBC (this would be ranked higher (my first real fandom, my first fanart, my first fanfiction, etc etc etc) if it all hadnt crashed and burned so bad. I still have really fond memories of it all tho. and the series is still fun to watch)

6. The Magnus Archives (great series. i got into it at the perfect time. life changing shit. i just wasnt super active in the online fandom which i always regretted. i wasnt confident enough to jump in and play with everyone else)

5. Dan and Phil (dan and phil :3 i love)

4. Homestuck (homestuck :3 i love)

3. Sanders Sides (this is some real tbottle lore but my first popular fanart on tumblr was sanders sides (on a different account) and i got to talk to other fans a lot and it was very fun. Some of the worst years of my life but this funny little webseries made it better and gave me a true, deep passion for drawing.)

2. MCYT (the passion i got for drawing from sanders sides got focused like a fuckin magnifying glass. i got into philza's hardcore stuff my first year of art school and dsmp the second. and tbh i think i would never have reached the level of skill i have now without them. like cmon. in terms of sheer life improvement not much compares)

1. Supernatural (this show kept me from killing myself in middle school and high school so that compares actually. nothing will ever beat supernatural. ever)

[hotwritergf]

Get to know you tag!<3

I was tagged by the lovely @oatmilk-vampire and I tag @finntheehumaneater @stevesjockstrap @edsbug @stevesbipanic @succubusmunson @stevethehairington @henderdads @excaliburstark @ticklishraspberries @eddieunbanished @unclewaynemunson @munsonluhvr ♡ (yes I tagged random users but pls don’t feel you have to do this!!<3

Who was your first fictional crush?:

I have a hard time remembering my childhood but the earlier crush I remember vividly was Beca Mitchell from Pitch Perfect. Anna Kendrick is a pretty little thing!

What's the first colour you think of when I tell you to think of a colour?:

Red??

Which fanfiction emotionally scarred you and still makes you shudder to this day?:

I had a lot of friends into Dan and Phil when we were teenagers but I never really got into them, but I had a friend read me a fanfiction of them and it involved a hamster and it was weird.

I'm coming to your house for dinner, non-negotiable, what are you making me?:

I am a terrible chef. Absolutely awful, but I make a good teriyaki stir fry!

Do you prefer lions or kangaroos?:

Kangaroos!!

Which fictional villain do you brush past the glaringly obvious issues for because you really like them?:

Henry Creel or Kurt Kunkle. Cursed by the need to ignore the biggest red flags for pretty boys..

What would accompany your picture in the Burn Book in Mean Girls?:

Mimi is addicted to flavoured air, painfully bisexual and writes below average fanfiction. PS- her hair is dyed red and she has a septum ring.

How many days would you last in the universe of your favourite fandom?:

Zero. I’d die from having no rizz but surrounded by hot people.

Have you heard of Mischief Theatre?:

No? Should I have?

Do you feel sorry for Medusa?:

Of course. She’s a victim.

Which song makes you think of your OTP?:

Obviously you’d have to change the pronouns for Steddie but Jackie and Wilson by Hozier ♡

Which song makes you disassociate and daydream the fastest?:

We’ll never have sex by Leith Ross it’s so beautiful I zone tf out<3

[k4tisblog]

08 MEDIA DIARY: Dan & Phil & Privacy

HELLO INTERNET!!!!!!!! If you didn't know me in 2012-2017, you might not know about my little fixation on these two British men on YouTube. Meet Dan Howell and Phil Lester. They started out as teenagers making silly videos in their bedrooms. Dan inspired by and a fan of Phil, made his own content and - come 2009, ended up meeting Phil.

(Moral of the story: Parasocial relationships work! Sometimes!)

Chaos ensues, they bond for life.

Now you can never really think of one without the other.

Without getting too much into it, yes. You know the internet. There was HEAVY speculation on their relationship and sexuality. I never got into it myself, but it was a huge part of the "phan"dom in the early days. Inescapable. Them openly denying that they were gay while their fanbase wrote insane erotic fanfiction (think: hamsters, peeling of skin), made "evidence" edits, and leaked footage from their private lives - It was a wild ride, and dare I say invasive at times. They did come out as queer at the end of June 2019! In Dan's 45-minute-long video titled "Basically I'm Gay", we get to know a lot of his personal battle with his sexuality, yet while still barely scratching the surface of it all.

"Obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And the relationship we formed at that point was something that I needed in my life. We are real best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates." is what Dan says about Phil, choosing not to elaborate further. He sets a boundary with his audience, stating that he wants to keep his personal life private (and so does Phil).

I respect that dearly, and I am glad that the fanbase has matured a bit more over the years to abide by that boundary (at least from what I've gathered. I hope... Looking up their names seems to say otherwise). Learning what to keep private and what to turn into content is a fascinating practice. Especially when you're a celebrity whose entire brand revolves around your person, stories, and hijinks. There will always be people who you can't control - those who view you as a commodity, a story to unpack and watch unfold. I feel like none of us are built to be seen by this many people at once. On a personal account, everytime I've encountered a brush of virality I go a bit cuckoo and I find myself withdrawing into a shell. It really does take a certain strength/dissociation to be perceived by so many.

Anyways, they uploaded a video on their shared gaming channel recently! "A Fan Perfectly Recreated Our House in Roblox". Self-explanatory, and also not clickbait! It was fun seeing their old apartment perfectly recreated as they occasionally showed clips of videos, reminiscing about their old content.

...Pretty jarring to see their real street views outside their windows, though! (O_o) ( 8:38 ) A bit funny, but also not funny at all. I giggled, had a bit of a haha hehe, but I also worried. There are definitely people out there who stalk creators by going to places they frequent, or even their own homes just from clues online.

Everyone is a content creator to some extent, so we need to be mindful! Digital footprint, guys! Moral of the story is shut your blinds and throw away your phones and delete yourself off the face of the internet and change your name and live off the grid and. I'm kidding... I also wrote this at 1.25am and am unsure how to end it. GOODNIGHT INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Goodnight Chris.

[lesbianphan]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers

💕💕💞💕💖

- @philsbrownquiff

Somehow thought I replied to this and forgot! Better late than never

1- Cats!!! I am a crazy cat lady to my core, I stop to say hello to every cat, I wanna be their friend and ally always!! cats!!

2- When you write a sentence and you edit it to perfection and it flows in a pleasing tingly way in your brain and you're like YES I wrote that!

3- when you read a sentence that has the same effect as point 2 and you're like AHHHH this changed my brain chemistry forever! YES! it's EXACTLY what I needed

4- Fanfiction in general! We just write stuff and share for free!!! wow?? in this capitalist society?? might be the one good thing left, u go fic writers!

5- Dan and Phil finding each other in a world of infinite possibilities and building this entire universe.... Dan and Phil loving each other so much it's impossible to miss if you have eyes. Dan and Phil making me believe in love and happiness.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Including Real Celebrities (2) Masterlist

part one

Close to Bad Decisions (ao3) - phangelica

Summary: Dan leaves Phil alone at a party and Phil accidentally gets too drunk when Chris Hemsworth hits on him.

fall without a sound (ao3) - queerofcups

Summary: Dan hates The Space™.

for she had eyes (and chose me) (ao3) - phanetixs

Summary: And because Phil is so much more honest, a whole lot more delirious in love and unashamed to show it; privately to an audience of one, “I miss you. So much.”

Or, five days without Phil.

full speed, swerve off track (ao3) - iihappydaysii

Summary; Nick Jonas tells his fiancé about the time he had a crush on YouTuber, Dan Howell.

Golden Morning (ao3) - internetakeover (nymhciv)

Summary: The morning after Dan and Phil win the Golden Headphones they wake up on Nick Grimshaw’s couch, and find themselves lacking both the restraint and motivation to hide their relationship.

How I Met My Boyfriend on Queer Eye (warning: super gay) (ao3) - danhoweiis, twoheadlights (fizzfic)

Summary: au where dan is a hero on queer eye and accidentally falls in love with one phil lester

If My Complaints Could Passions Move (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan, Phil, Louis and Harry have a fanfiction club. Everything is great.

It’s a Joke (don’t hurt me) (ao3) - Bandom_Squirrel

Summary: Based on this conversation I had with my friend:

“The last two men in your camera roll are your dads.”

“That would be Dan Howell and Mikey Way. I guess Phil has been replaced.”

“No, it’s like a four-way between Dan and Phil and Mikey and Pete.”

“I don’t think the timeline of that works out.”

“Shh, it’s an AU. Hence the mpreg.”

“Ah, I’m gonna go write that now.”

Of Paparazzi and Succulents (ao3) - worriedpeach (skeletonflowers)

Summary: Actor!Dan is running away from a mob of fans when he runs into a flower shop. There, he meets a quirky florist who has an absurd liking towards succulents, seeming to think they have feelings of their own.

Party Poison (ao3) - your_starless_eyes

Summary: Dan and Phil get a bit too drunk during a party...

...the next morning it bites them on the arse.

Realized I Can't Not Be with You (ao3) - whoops_ima_dannie

Summary: dan and phil are crew members on fall out boys tour

Remember, Everything Will Be Alright (ao3) - luvliv2004

Summary: Dan's life is forever changed when his plan to have a child at the same time as his best friend Harry goes awry. The community Dan finds in his newlywed husband Phil along with Harry and his boyfriend Louis is what gets him through his roughest holiday yet.

save me from the ghosts and shadows before they eat my soul (ao3) - barboletta

Summary: It’s not like Dan imagined his life to be at twenty. He was an aspiring lawyer, (though he’d prefer actor, if everything were ideal). He was to have the life of a normal student, balancing partying, and studying--learning new things and meeting new people. He kind of does the latter part, but just not exactly how he’d expected.

or the one where Dan is a first-class thief, Phil isn't opposed to violence and they try to survive

stars guide the way (ao3) - yoongioss

Summary: Dan and Phil meet new friends at the Star Wars premiere that make them a bit less nervous and a lot more hopeful.

The birth of a phangirl (ao3) - dodo3000

Summary: One time during the radio show Dan seemed to be kind of mad, and my mind just went from there haha! And I am obsessed with Jameela Jamil, she's just so awesome.

The Curiosity of Dan Howell (ao3) - Raven052

Summary: Well... What can I say?

Dan got curious...

The Human Requirement to Breathe (ao3) - philsdrill

Summary: It’s a difficult life for Dan. Being famous and recognisable isn’t easy when you’re walking through a crowd of people… especially when you’re claustrophobic. Phil runs a coffee shop and an unusual customer ends up meaning more to him than he ever expected.

There's no way you can change the rolling tide (ao3) - rollingtide

Summary: ”Phil threw his head back laughing. And Dan felt a huge urge to kiss him, which made him feel a little bit taken back. In his 23 years on earth he had met many gorgeous men whom he had felt attracted to. But never had he felt like he needed to kiss anyone before. And he couldn’t pinpoint what the difference with Phil was.”

or

A famous/non-famous AU where Dan is hopeless and Phil can’t make coffee for shit.

Xmas Day (ao3) - luvliv2004

Summary: Dan's life is forever changed when his plan to have a child at the same time as his best friend Harry goes awry. The community Dan finds in his newlywed husband Phil along with Harry and his boyfriend Louis is what gets him through his roughest holiday yet.

"We are Too" (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Pete, Patrick, Dan, and Phil are all in an elevator and some secrets spill out.

You're The Only Thing I'll Never Let Go (ao3) - makingdemands

Summary: 5 times Phil Lester was Absolutely Not Jealous, and Dan was distressed over it because his relationship with Phil is and always will be #Complicated.

[manhaterturtles4jb]

Hi

This is my first tumblr post that isn't a rebblog. I'm still figuring out what name I want to use here, but, for the meantime, I am 21 years old, I go by she/they, I'm an art student and I live in south america. My first language is spanish, I've been fluent in english since I was around 12, and I really want to learn another language, but I don't know which one yet. But, getting to the point, I've always had a lot of reflections about everything around me, I'm constantly thinking and wondering about existence, change, mental health, the universe, etc. I don't mean to be pretentious btw, it's just that I truly get hit by these sorts of philosophical questions all the time and I think it's starting to bother me just keeping them all in. So I want to start writing about those things here to just get it out there, and maybe it can help me to know myself better. I am not the best writer by far, I actually struggle quite a lot to put my thoughts into place, so if you see I've made a mistake of some kind I would appreciate it if you let me know, I want to get better at this :D please be kind tho.

I will post about other things too, things I found interesting, stuff about my day, idk.

Since I am a photographer, I would like to post some photos here and maybe share ideas/tips with other photographers! I want to post some covers (when I record them,,) and original songs (when I write them,,,). I'm really into boygenius and their individual music as well, but I do have to admit that phoebe and julien hit harder for me. Do I have a huge parasocial crush on julien baker? Maybe (I started reading fanfiction again after like 6 years because of her). Am I not over seeing phoebe bridgers live in 2022 yet? Definitely not. Oh, another thing. I. LOVE. MADOKA. MAGICA. Seriously, I have a tattoo of homura's grief seed on one arm. Love dan and phil, love fleabag, plushies, pink mugs and 31 minutos. Other than that, I really like fashion and make-up, tho I'm sort of having an identity crisis when it comes to my looks :P

I think I should also mention that I'm a feminist and pro-choice, just in case.

Well, that's about it. If you're seeing this and you like similar stuff, you're welcome to stick around. Have a great day/night :D

[hoybero]

bored so imma do this:

📷whats your lockscreen: me and @benschwartzcinematicuniverse 's hands

🍫cheese or chocolate: chocolate. i dont like cheese.

✨do you have a nickname: hoybero counts as a nickname i think

🎵last song you listened to: couldve been me by the struts, currently listening to a playlist tho so itll change when i finish this lol

✏️have you written fanfiction: so many. too many. not enough actually.

😏are you on discord: i am. lol

💛do you have piercings: nope

🐰what do you think says the most about a person: idk what says the MOST about a person but their favorite dracula adaptation says a lot.

🍪what kind of cookie would you be: the cookies renfield made in the movie. i am a murder cookie. yes.

🐶dogs or cats: cat. both are evil. but cats.

🎧headphones or earbuds: HEADPHONES.

🌼last thing you said out loud: you should listen to this song.

🙃strange fact you know: queen ants bite off the other ants genitals when theyre born so they can stay the queen. . . i like ants.

🦉morning person or night owl: does it count as being a morning person if i didnt sleep?

🧸favorite place to nap: idk. like. boxes and stuff. really small spaces. very nice to sleep in.

🏳️‍🌈are you a part of the lgbtqia+ community: yup. very much.

🦋three words to describe yourself: tired, sleepy, and asleep. (dan and phil reference right there.)

👖jeans or sweatpants: jeans are more comfortable in my opinion.

🥤go-to starbucks order: ive never been there. idk.

🧡least favorite color: i like colors idk. i dont know if there is a color i cant stand. maybe just super bright colors.

💎most prized possession: my matching bracelet i have with dan rudd(boy hero) <3

☕️coffee or tea: never tried either...

🦖favorite extinct animal: i cant think of any specific extinct animals. what animals are even extinct IDK.

🌙howlong have you been on tumblr: a bit over a year

🌴desert island item: no idea. probably my tape recorder because thats interesting. found footage but its just audio and the person was stuck on an island. very interesting.

🐸describe your aesthetic: sad strange little man aesthetic.

🔮dream job: bassist. or getting to be renfield in literally anything. yea.

💙relationship status: complicated?

🌿favorite outfit: people have favorite outfits????

🎤a song you know all the words to: there are a LOT of songs i know every word to. too many.

🤎hair colour: a bit darker than that heart

💌do you talk to yourself: in my brain constantly but speaking out loud is strange and unusual in any situation

💄do you wear make-up: sometimes

🌸best compliment youve recieved: any time frnd crcl puts one of my covers of their songs on their story. :3

💕tag your favorite blog: @benschwartzcinematicuniverse

👁👄👁 hello.

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

ok byebye

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

🍫 Cheese or chocolate?

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

🎵 Last song you listened to?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

😏 Are you on discord?

 💛 Do you have any piercings?

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

🎧 Headphones or earbuds?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants?

🥤 What’s your go-to Starbucks order?

🧡 A color you can’t stand?

💎 What’s your most prized possession?

☕ Coffee or tea?

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

🌴 Desert island item?

🐸 Describe your aesthetic.

🔮 What’s your dream job?

💙 Relationship status?

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

💞 @ your favorite blog.

Reblogs are appreciated!

[homo-sex-shoe-whale]

Online shipping, the fetishisation of gay men, and the romanticisation of queer trauma

An essay by me!

Word count: 2.8k

A link to the Google Doc version of this essay.

A big thank you to my friends Nathan @themeerkatnate, Mav @not-mavv , and Duke @dukedark-ness for reading this essay and giving me their thoughts as mlms on the topic. Make sure to check out their blogs and give them a follow!

So I was on a lovely website by the name of Twitter.com yesterday, just scrolling through while having my afternoon cup of coffee, when I saw that viral post of a girl reading a Larry fanfic through a classroom projector. I'm sure most of you have seen it. It's gone viral on Instagram, TikTok, and likely Tumblr too, and if you haven't come across it I'm positive you will soon.

Now, after getting through my initial reaction to that post which was, holy fuck, that's so embarrassing, I had a second reaction of... wait, this ship is still around?

And after I had some thoughts on the incredible permanence of some online ships and the weird obsolescence of others, I did get to thinking of how lots of these popular ships seem to stem from the same types of perceived relationship dynamics and homophobic stereotypes.

These online fandoms often seem to have an obsession with objects of queer trauma, such as having to hide a relationship, lying about sexuality for self-preservation, and even social rejection. So, after some opinions from my followers and the great archive that is the internet, I've decided to discuss some of the most popular examples of online shipping and the particular nuances they came with.

NOTE: Out of respect for all these people, I won't be sharing viral images or videos of them in perceived romantic proximity (or even kissing, as is applicable for some examples), but I will be describing certain moments I deem to be relevant. So even if you're unfamiliar with them, you won't be confused as to what I'm talking about.

NOTE 2: Although not all people within these fandoms were/are toxic, this essay is focused on the overall toxicity of the fandoms, and how they are toxic more so as a "hive" than as a group of individuals. When I refer to a fandom I don't mean every person involved in the fandom, but rather the collective impact of the group.

 1. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson 

This is arguably the most popular example of online shipping. The absolute permanence of this ship, and how its fandom never seems to fully die off even beyond the lifespan of One Direction as it once stood, is downright impressive.  

I'm going to be the first to admit I was never in the loop with this fandom. My childhood best friend was actually a massive Larry shipper and asked me to beta read one of her fics, but that was before I even knew who tf Harry and Louis were! Not because I avoided the fandom or even because I rejected the online shipping, but just by coincidence, I delved into the world of pop punk music right when One Direction began gaining its popularity. I bought my first ever album, Riot by Paramore, in 2011- only a year after One Direction made their X-Factor debut. So, this fandom just bypassed me by a sort of weird coincidence.

But I don't need to be in the loop with this fandom to know the astronomical obsession with these two men, no, these two BOYS, was extremely toxic. In 2010, when One Direction made their debut, Harry Styles was only 16 years old. And Louis Tomlinson wasn't much older at 19! This made the two of them incredibly young when this unprecedented wave of shipping hit the internet, and although that must be traumatising for anyone, I cannot even fathom how overwhelming it must've been for two boys that young.  

I'm 18, almost 19 now, and I cannot begin to imagine how scary it was for the two of them to have their every interaction nitpicked within an inch of its life by thousands upon thousands of people online. I do not know this myself, but from numerous recounts by some of my followers, this massively impacted Harry's and Louis' nondescript relationship in real life, seemingly driving the two previously close friends apart. 

Now, before we move on, there's something we need to talk about. And that is the obsession with the dominance/submission dynamic within the world of gay shipping. 

With almost every popular mlm (an acronym meaning man-loving-man) ship based on real people, it seems that fandoms have a particular fascination with power imbalances in these relationships. You don't even need to look at the insane amount of fanfictions based on BDSM to figure this out. In almost all of the examples I'll be citing today, there is an age gap within the perceived relationship and a person the fandom has seemingly decided to be the top/dominant figure. 

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are 3 years apart in age. Although it isn't all that relevant now, an age gap of 3 years when you're in your late teens is a lot more significant. In 2012, for example, when this shipping really started gaining traction, Harry Styles was 18 and Louis Tomlinson was 21. That power imbalance, albeit not that significant, is enough for a fandom to latch on to. We'll see this a lot more in the coming example with Dan and Phil.

 2. Dan Howell and Phil Lester

It's impossible to have a discussion about internet shipping without talking about Dan and Phil.

 Dan Howell and Phil Lester, although being popular YouTubers individually, are arguably one of the internet's most iconic duos. The two creators published their first videos together in 2009, and while their relationship was already a motive of speculation back then, the peak of the "Phan" shipping definitely came in the 2013-2016 era of Tumblr.

Now, I'm going to admit… I was actually on Tumblr when that happened. 

The 2013-2016 period perfectly aligns with my middle school days (I started middle school in 2013 and high school in 2016), and I was not only on Tumblr back then, but I was on Wattpad too! Again, this wasn't a fandom I had much contact with as I had a huge anime phase in middle school and I was on Tumblr posting mainly photography and Soul Eater content more than anything. 

But I did watch some of Dan and Phil's videos! And the occasional "Phan" content did not completely evade me as one of my closest friends in middle school had a fanchat for them. I wasn't involved in the fandom myself but they were actually one of the few English-speaking YouTubers I watched once in a blue moon (back then I watched mainly Brazilian YouTubers). One thing I did in fact notice over the years, around 2014ish perhaps, was that the two of them seemed to grow increasingly "awkward" around each other, in a way that many folks on the internet thought was reminiscent to Markiplier/Jacksepticeye, two YouTubers who also dealt with extraordinary amounts of shipping.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. The change in Dan and Phil's relationship, at least to the outside world, was clear to almost anyone who watched their videos for a while. I cannot blame them at all. The shipping was nuts. Between the countless fan videos, speculative comments, and insurmountable number of fanfics, there's no way the two of them didn't feel the weight of the shipping. The term "demon phannie" made its way into internet vernacular and there it stayed for years. Even Shane Dawson, who was one of the largest creators on the platform at the time, made several videos speculating on the nature of Dan and Phil's relationship and their sexual orientations. 

There was even porn made in which actors with similar appearances to the creators were made to have sex on camera. 

Now, this is actually a rare example where the two people involved in the ship actually came out as gay once the shipping seemed to die down. I'm incredibly happy Dan and Phil both reached a point where they were comfortable being publicly out, but I hate to say I'm shocked this day ever came. If I'd gone through what the two of them did, I don't know if I'd ever trust the internet. 

And again, this ship's fandom definitely had an obsession with the power dynamics they thought existed between the people within the ship. Dan Howell is 4 years younger than Phil Lester, and was only 18 in 2009, when they started making videos together. From my personal understanding, the shipping was often quite focused on this dominant/submissive dynamic especially in discussions from their early relationship. And this is in no way exclusive to Dan and Phil.

This general fascination with the older man/younger man dynamic, in my opinion, plays into the homophobic stereotype that gay men are predators. The idea that gay men usually seek younger men, and somehow "convince" them to engage in homosexual relationships, is popular homophobic rhetoric. The popularisation, exaggeration, and fetishisation of these power imbalances, in age and/or in relationship dynamics, is directly harmful to the mlm community. 

Not only that, but the romanticisation of a "hidden/forbidden relationship" is also detrimental not only to gay men and the mlm community, but to queer people as a whole. Queer people face huge trauma having to hide their relationships; queer attraction is already a societal taboo. And acting like this is good, or even desirable, is harmful to queer people as a whole, regardless of whether or not it's actually applicable to the people being shipped. It normalises this trauma not only to cisgender, heterosexual people, but to impressionable queer youth who grow to believe this type of trauma is to be expected. 

3. Frank Iero and Gerard Way

This is another example where the perceived power imbalances between the two subjects of the shipping were directly exploited online. Now, this ship did precede the others mentioned above. If we're looking at this topic chronologically, this particular ship did come first in the shipping timeline. It's closer to the origin of the shipping extended universe, if you will.

In case you aren't familiar with them, Frank Iero and Gerard Way are both members of the American emo band My Chemical Romance. This ship is the first one here of which I don't recall the full popularity. It really peaked in popularity around the late 2000s, circa 2008. And I don't remember this moment online as in 2008, I was only 6 years old and believe it or not, I wasn't really all that concerned with rumoured homoeroticism as a first grader. 

However, the popularity of this ship did carry over into the 2013-2015 Tumblr shipping boom. The emo fandom (or "bandom" as it was called) involving not only My Chemical Romance but other similar bands such as Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, and Pierce the Veil, found its hub on Tumblr. 

During this time, I did in fact listen to this style of music, but was focused a lot more on the anime side of Tumblr as mentioned earlier. Of course, I wasn't 13 years old like, "hey, this type of content might be harmful and can inadvertently perpetuate homophobic stereotypes," I just happened to care more about my silly little anime and ended up not getting involved. 

This ship does involve a discussion that the others don't, however. With Frank Iero and Gerard Way, there is quite often a certain sentiment of, "Oh, they brought this upon themselves!" as the two band members very famously kissed during a show in 2007. In my opinion, though, this doesn't really justify all the obsessive shipping. If you look at Green Day, a band often grouped in with MCR as another famous pop punk group, the members don't follow too different of a trajectory. Billie Joe Armstrong has, on numerous occasions, kissed both of his fellow band members onstage- particularly Tré Cool, the drummer. And Billie Joe Armstrong is openly bisexual, which none of the members of MCR seem to be but some, or even all of Billie's bandmates, are too. 

You'd think Green Day would face a lot more shipping as the more persistent onstage homoeroticism and Billie Joe's openness about his sexuality would warrant more "substantiated" speculation. However, Green Day faces nowhere near as much shipping as My Chemical Romance. Why is this? I actually don't know. It might've been because Green Day has been around for over a decade longer and generally has an older fandom, but I really am not that sure. 

 It could also be because of the lower lack of potential for forced relationship dynamics. The members of Green Day are all less than a year apart in age and are even similar in height. However, Frank Iero is 4 years younger than Gerard Way, who is not only the frontman of My Chemical Romance, but also considered to be the group's intellectual and creative "leader". Even beyond that, Gerard Way is quite visibly taller, and the perceived power difference between the two of them definitely did not elude their fans. 

This difference could even be partly due to the lack of a "mystery" with Green Day. There's not as much to speculate as, well… the members of Green Day are already open about their sexual orientations. It might be that shipping in the Green Day fandom has less of a forbidden appeal for most people. 

Of course, I won't just keep repeating myself, but my previous points about forced relationship dynamics still stand.

4. Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch

Better known for their roles in BBC Sherlock as Sherlock and Watson, Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch unfortunately had their roles follow them well into real life. This is the example I know least about, so have these thoughts from a follower by the name of @indubitably-a-goblin, who had the following to say:

"the main issues i had with it were:

a) they were both married at the time, freeman to amanda abbington and cumberbatch to sophie hunter (in which both had children)

b) the main reasoning for it was their chemistry in the many projects they've done together. which is, shockingly, their Whole Job. They're actors! That's what they're supposed to do! if they weren't good at interacting then they wouldn't be good actors! i don't know how people can't understand this.

c) they're real people. we don't know them. we aren't friends with them. we aren't their family members. we have zero right to be pushing this onto them and ruining their friendship by doing so. (this one relates to most of the ships you've mentioned though)

d) healthy friendships between two men are ignored so plainly in most medias and in fandom. its obvious that these two men have a relationship, but that doesn't mean it's a romantic one.

e) its fine to ship their characters, but actors shouldn't be treated as less-than-human or some sort of prop. they're doing a job, and once they are off-screen, they aren't here for your entertainment."

I believe she did a great job of summing it up on her own, and for the sake of avoiding redundancy, I'll leave it at that!

5. Corpse Husband and Sykkuno- an emerging yet subtle example

I am absolutely positive you remember how popular the game Among Us was a couple of months ago. And with the popularity of this game, some of its most prominent content creators became the targets of online shipping- as is the case with YouTubers and streamers Corpse Husband and Sykkuno. 

Although the shipping involving these two creators is nowhere near as strong as it was/is with the examples above, I do think there is once again a reemergence of a common theme here. Whilst Sykkuno is known for his happy-go-lucky, almost "innocent" persona, Corpse Husband is the antithesis of this, known for his much darker and moodier personality. 

Do I even have to mention what the common theme seems to be?

Again, although the popularity of shipping - at least with real people - seems to have died down a bit since the Tumblr shipping boom of the early to mid 2010s, I do believe this example is worth mentioning. Even though the creators are still close, they have in fact expressed discomfort regarding the shipping, and I can only hope the internet as a whole lets their friendship blossom and exist naturally without obsessive speculation. 

My final thoughts

As explored in the essay:

The romanticisation of objects of queer trauma as a part of online shipping normalises queer trauma to both cishet and queer youth. 

Online shipping, especially at a high intensity, can end up negatively impacting the very relationships they pine over. 

The relationship dynamics often forced on mlm ships perpetuate homophobic stereotypes about non-heterosexual men. 

If anyone else has thoughts on this matter, do share! This essay is moreso an opinionated observational piece and isn't meant to be taken as fact but rather just as my thoughts on the matter. I hope it was useful as a reflective piece regardless!

Date of posting: June 16th 2021

[te-quiero-verde]

Okay here we go: my answers to ALL of the asks I reblogged 🙄

Thank you SO MUCH @ginny-lily 🙄

This was so fun 🙄

Describe your favourite shirt

Don't care about clothes enough to have one

If you could, would you change your eye colour?

No

Name of an artist you think is underappreciated

Emy Taliana

Favourite flower?

Dandelion

Preferred type of weather?

Storms

A poem you think describes your closest friend?

Hmm let me write one: PURE EVIL. BUT I LOVE HER. THE END.

Do you keep your fingernails long or short?

Short (for climbing)

Favourite sea animal?

Don't have one (it's not sharks. I don't have favourite animals)

Favourite land animal?

Again, I don't have favourites. I have absolutely no preference for birds, moths and shieldbugs. I love all animals equally.

Are you religious? Spiritual?

Religious? No. Spiritual? Not really

Can you fold a fitted sheet?

Umm? I can fold sheets?

Are you part of the lgbt+ community?

You know what? I think I might be xD

What's saved as your phone's lockscreen?

Do you thrift?

That's an American word. I'm skipping this question

What's your natural hair colour?

Brown

Have any pets?

No

Would you ever try going vegetarian or vegan?

Already vegetarian; would consider going vegan one day (but would probably fail)

An animal you wish hadn't gone extinct?

Uhh, all of them?

How many languages do you speak?

English and un-fluent Spanish

Do you care for clothing brands?

Not at all

Favourite scent on a person?

Coconut? Or nothing?

Have you ever been camping?

Yes, many times

Do you play an instrument?

Used to play the piano

Gold or silver jewellery?

Gold

Any piercings or tattoos?

No but I wanna get tattoos! And maybe get my nose pierced as well

How many pairs of sunglasses do you own?

One

Would you ever want to play a game on television?

I'd be too scared of getting things wrong on a quiz game, but things like Total Wipeout (do people know what that is??) look so fun!!

Have you ever lived on a farm?

No

If you had the option, would you choose to move to another country?

Of course! I'd go and live in Rome with my sister!

Relationship status?

Single

What is your best school subject?

Spanish or English

Any unpopular opinions?

As you know, my opinions on food xD

Another name you think would suit you?

I've been told my name suits me very well?? But imagine if I was called Moon or Rain or Ocean...

A subject you enjoy learning about?

Ancient Siberian tribal rituals involving fly agarics 😏

A -core you enjoy?

Is it just me who doesn't understand all this aesthetic stuff?? I don't know 😂 I really don't know

An TV show you used to love? (AN TV SHOW???? WHAT IS THAT???? ARE THERE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WHO DON'T REALISE THE LETTER 'T' IS A CONSONANT???? IT'S *A* TV SHOW)

My parents never let us watch normal kids' TV when we were little, so all we used to watch were cartoons like Tom and Jerry and Bugs Bunny 😌

Any interesting family stories?

This is the best I can come up with:

You know those blocks with letters of the alphabet on that you have when you're little to help you learn how to write? Well apparently my dad used to spell rude words out with them 😂😂 and of course I had no idea what they meant so he could get away with it (he is just generally the most immature person ever. 😝 For example, EVERY time we eat melon he makes jokes. Every time anyone mentions buttering toast he makes jokes. Every time anyone says or does anything remotely innuendo-sounding, he makes jokes. And honestly I love him for it 😂)

Do you wear your socks mismatched?

I prefer to walk barefoot everywhere, but yes, when I have to wear socks they're ALWAYS odd

Your thoughts on magic - does it exist?

Maybe... ✨

Form of art you enjoy doing?

I can't art 😝

Any sideblogs?

Nope

YouTubers you enjoy watching?

Jonna Jinton, Keara Graves (IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE, YOU MUST WATCH THEIR VIDEOS!!!! THEY'RE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH), Dan and Phil, Frank James, and my group of cringey American YouTuber friends (the AMP squad)

Do you have a type?

I can have more than one type right? I love people with red hair, goths, weird people...

Twin beds, queen, or king?

Queen? I think?

Do you have strong feelings against the colour pink?

No

A food you've never tried?

I don't think I've ever had steak? And I probably never will

Dogs, cats or fish?

Dogs

Do you collect anything?

Let's just say I went through a phase that I'm not proud of, and I may or may not own about 30-50 lip balms 🙈

Earbuds or headphones?

Headphones

Jean jackets?

I... have nothing against them? But I've never owned one?

Have a job?

Nope, too lazy 😇

Kill the spider or take it outside?

Make cute eyes at them and tell them how adorable they are, then either leave them to it or take them to my room

Do you think you can sing well?

Amazingly 😉

Favourite flavour of gum?

Mint?

Shuffle your playlist, what's the first song that comes up? (that should be a semicolon 😜)

Enter Sandman - Metallica

Icecream or cake? (ice-cream!!! Hyphens exist!!!)

Cake

Can you do your own makeup?

Nope

Ever written fanfiction?

Surprisingly, yes

How many blogs do you follow?

341

Do you brush your teeth before you eat?

You mean before every meal???? I don't do that! But I normally brush my teeth before breakfast

Type of phone you have?

Samsung Galaxy S20 5G apparently

What's your first choice at the vending machine?

BBQ Mini Cheddars (or crisps, to be less specific)

Beach or pool?

BEACH

Least favourite condiment?

I don't know? I think I love them all?

How much sugar in your tea/coffee?

None because I only drink chamomile tea

Ever broken a bone?

No

Rings or necklaces?

Necklaces (but I very rarely wear jewellery because I forget it exists)

Do you still play Minecraft?

I love Minecraft!!!! But I usually only play it at Christmas

Ever ridden a motorcycle? (MOTORBIKE 😡)

No

Favourite holiday?

Christmas ^^

Opinion on 3-in-1 body wash?

What is this question?? 😂

Practical, but I don't trust it

Do you follow politics?

Not really. I like taking online quizzes though so I've done this a few times, and that's as far into the world of politics as I'll go xD (WHY AM I NOT FURTHER LEFT??? I SHOULD BE FURTHER LEFT?? THIS CONCERNS ME??)

Your instagram handle?

I'm not sharing it on here! I've been thinking about giving you my normal insta though, Fransiska (if you want it)

[mandydontknow]

About the Crystal Abidin quote which is particularly about influencers “queerbaiting:” I remember I knew I was going to write about queerbaiting, but was unsure in which media-scape but this quote immediately reminded me of Dan and Phil and the Phans. I even thought she may have been referencing particularly them. Since they had come out already, I was interested in rebutting her statement if two people who are just in the closet can “queerbait” if they’re just being themselves —skipping over whether real people can queerbait at all. The discourse is ridiculous.

Which gets me to a now point. At tit, one of the lyrics in the final song is “is it queerbaiting or homoerotic friction?” Which is followed by “endless greed.”

And I do believe this is less of a now-question and more of a past question that we had but also them. Like why is it that Dan and Phil and Phans were so comfortable doing things like reading/reenacting fanfiction, but at the same time were inable to say gay?

While the answer lies more in how we’ve grown and changed to accept our identities —ones that are more 3-dimensional and confident—I also think it would have been weird for Dan and Phil to have been “the gays” of the old YouTube. They wouldn’t have reaped the benefits from having teenage girls endlessly speculate their sexualities and an ambiguous relationship-status. There wouldn’t have been that extra flavor beyond the skinny jeans and fringes.

Ik Dan has joked before that Phannies are scholars, and he is absolutely right. In 2021 I wrote a college gender studies final on Dan and Phil real-people queer baiting and whether it can ever be done intentionally.

Here are my favorite excerpts:

“As influencer culture grows, their audiences grow apprehensive of what may pass as in-real-life queerbaiting…In his coming-out video, "Basically, I'm Gay," Youtube celebrity Dan Howell explains the context of his relationship with the other half of the iconic internet duo "Dan and Phil."… he is quick to follow with a statement about his and Phil's preference to keep their personal life "private" for people that share their lives on the internet (Basically, I’m Gay). While respecting Dan and Phil’s reasoning for remaining closeted at the height of their Youtube careers, it is to be acknowledged that the duo profited on the speculative nature of their homosexual behaviors of their online public relationship. Along with Dan Howell's content, which deprecated his insecurities and mental illness, and AmazingPhil which was light and fun, Dan and Phil engaged a massive community of LGBTQ+ through the display of their closeted sexualities which caused constant, inevitable speculation. “

“Dan and Phil’s Youtube personas and scheduled live streams created parasocial relationships between themselves and their audience. A parasocial relationship is defined as the “pseudo-intimacy” developed between an “audience and media personalities,” often taking the role of a good friend (Ramassuen)…Social and physical attraction are shown to have a positive relationship regarding their importance to parasocial relationships (Kurtin). Dan and Phil’s majority demographic, at the time, were teenage girls; fans often labelled themselves based on who they found more attractive: “Dan” or “Phil” girls…Dan and Phil, although promoting a platform where they “took responsibility” for their fans through a parasocial relationship (Green), benefitted from remaining sexually ambiguous as their fan base, it could be argued, was attracted to either member of the pair.”

“Dan and Phil's 2016 USA tour, "The Amazing Tour is Not On Fire,” contained a segment where they enacted fanfiction on stage based on the audience's reaction to pre-scripted scenarios. During the show, Dan and Phil performed two blatantly homoerotic sketches which cut-off before any physical explicitness. In this situation, the duo is relying on the homosexual subtext of their relationship to please their viewership…If Dan and Phil were to kiss as part of their stage show, their fans may have considered it their “coming-out.” "The Amazing Tour is Not On Fire" is just one example where they took advantage of their crowd’s obsession with the nature of their relationship while keeping the door of the closet locked for safety (from their audience and from themselves).”

“From video titles such as “Giving the People What They Want,” which features a thumbnail of Dan holding Phil’s shoulders and smiling widely, “What Dan and Phil Text Each Other,” and “Taste Our Rainbows,” there are numerous examples of the duo intentionally teasing their homosexuality and showcasing their emotional closeness. On the topic of queerbaiting, Crystal Abidin says“ Vlogs in which not-(yet)-out Influencers display 'homosocial tactility' (Morris and Anderson [26], 1201) and overt discursive intimacies with same-sex Influencers are sometimes deliberate attempts to fan viewer speculations about an Influencer's sexuality”(Abidin)…fans scrutinized the often suggestive way the pair would look at each other which they dubbed “Heart-eyes Howell” and “Love-eyes Lester.” Inevitably, opportunities to engage in speculation of the nature of the pair’s relationship increased the overall attention Dan and Phil were receiving toward their Youtube content.”

“While it may or may not be deliberate, the pair was certainly aware of the advantages of all the queer speculation brought to their careers. In Dan’s 2016 “Diss Track,” a song about his flaws, he says “the only reason you get views is because you’re another white guy that people ship with his friend because they think it’s [cute]”…In this case, Dan is making unintentional, but self-aware gains from teasing his sexuality through self-deprication while also shutting down the possibility of a romance with his roommate, Phil.”

“I LGBTQ+ youth are more likely to experience mental health hardships as well as loneliness at a young age…In a livestream in the early 2010s, Phil accuses Dan’s fans of being dark as opposed to his which love suns and lions. In response, Dan accurately explains that they are the same fans, but that they particularly express themselves more openly with him. There is an argument to be made that Dan and Phil’s audience strongly consisting of LGBTQ+ youth is a result of their open expression of their other attributes - awkwardness, anxiety, introvertedness, and depression, rather than specifically their queerness. Their friendship is what links the pair together and adds excitement for the audience.”

“Dan Howell’s coming-out video is a 45 minute docu-short which tells a vulnerable story of his history with bullying, the word gay, and his sexual orientation on the internet…[In the video, Dan] disapproves of “aggressive speculating” or “forced outing” for the purpose of entertainment, as there could be infinite, valid reasons why an assumed LGBTQ+ person is not out (Basically, I’m Gay)…sharing the story of a difficult journey with his queerness and intimacies with his internet partner on supports the argument that Dan and Phil could not be “queerbaiting,” as queerbaiting is taking deliberate actions to draw-in LGBT+ audiences while safeguarding from homophobia. Any of their actions that may be perceived as queerbaiting was an accidental and inevitable result of the true nature of Dan and Phil’s relationship and online content they created that happened to resonate with young queer people at the time.”

“Reflecting their young gay audience, it took time for Dan and Phil to grow comfortable with their sexual orientations…The pairing of Dan and Phil on-screen inevitably —as if it were a consequence for existing as queer men online in a trial period— “queer-baited,” in an untraditional context, the audience as the content is homoerotic without the disclosure of sexual orientation that the duo ultimately benefitted from to their knowledge.”

[gayasher77]

Hello hello! My name is Asher! I wanted to introduce myself!

I am 19 years old, turning 20 in November.

I am trans(non-binary umbrella), use he/they pronouns, and hope to legally change my name to Asher when I can!

I live in Southern Canada, but am saving up to move out of the country.

I love to write, and have just recently finished my first book(a fanfiction, but still).

One day, I'd love to be an interior designer.

I hate fish. It's like a thing with me lol.

I don't have a normal sleep schedule[it is currently 7:34am lmao].

I'm obsessed with knowing random facts that will never come up in normal conversation.

I've been on a "mission" for the past five years dedicated to finding the best bath bombs.

I have anxiety tics and my favourite tic is me yelling BEETROOT. My best friend is so used to it that she yells it back.

I'm TERRIFIED of spiders[I say this as a FUCKING SPIDER JUST CRAWLED ON MY ARM]

Fun fact: I'm scared of all bugs. Anything that crawls or squirms creeps me out. The only insect I like are flys.

And my favourite things!!

My favourite show is Supernatural.

My favourite book series is Hush, Hush.

My favourite movie series is Harry Potter.

My favourite online duo is tied between Dan and Phil, and Tubbo and Ranboo.

My favourite food is lychee pudding.

My favourite game is tied between The Sims 4 and Minecraft.

And my favourite beverage is coffee, specifically cold.

I am lgbt+ friendly so I don't want any homophobia on anything I post. Thanks and good day!

Don't be afraid to talk to me, I'm very friendly!!

[20xbetterthanu]

Hi and welcome to my blog! I'm Ally and I originated as a Glee/Broadway blog, and now I am a floating orb in the community, often absent, always there. I am twenty years old.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch enthusiast.

Pronouns are she/they

I am AllyThePotato on the Archive!! I haven’t written much in a while, but there’s a lot to check out.

My ask box is always open!!! Send me anything!!

best friend and partner in crime: nico. idk what the hell his account name is now. it changes with the seasons.

My interests are: Glee, broadway, twenty one pilots, dan and phil, florence and the machine, taylor swift, panic! at the disco, fall out boy, hozier, red queen, the darkest minds, sex education, the good doctor, grey’s anatomy, i am not okay with this, dread nation, bo burnham, shameless, the umbrella academy, andrew garfield, alec benjamin, harry styles, olivia rodrigo, nina simone, conan gray, noah kahan, bridgerton, john green, hank green, etc

Sometimes I write poetry.

This blog supports everyone and is run by a black woman. Do not interact if you are a TERF, homophobe, racist, exclusionist, pedophile, or sexist. I will block your ass.

Here is my Fanfiction Masterlist

Here is my Klaine Fic Rec Masterlist

Here is my Fanart 

Here is the link to my Tumblr Family Tree

[angelmichelangelo]

1/2 nah foh with the homophobia argument thats such an odd and sad cop-out when it comes to someone having a different opinion to you... i also would hardly call myself a phanti at this point i just get so??? when ppl post abt dnp being 100% in love and blah blah like. alright! im of the opinion that i wont post any of that shit until they want us to fully know theyre together which they clearly dont. like yes ppl can read between lines i know but they still .. havent said it and dont start

right off the bat, i really don’t like the tone of this ask but yknow i’m gonna give you the satisfaction of me answering this so we can have a... somewhat civilised conversation about this, since i did invite anyone with their own “phanti” opinions to come give me their reasonings.

the homophobia explanation is definitely not a cop-out for someone having a different opinion to me. like i said, i really do not care in what you believe when it comes down to dan and phil. it just truly baffles me as to why phantis wanna come onto our side and get flustered when we start talking about it, like? do you not have your own fandom spaces to make those kinds of posts? you clearly know that a majority of us here are not gonna agree with you. but, i digress.

dan and phil, a long time before coming out, lived in, what a lot of people called; a glass closet. so, obviously they weren’t actually out out, but they insinuated. they got comfy with us. they let us, the viewers know, and that’s why we have a somewhat.. relaxed relationship with them. they consider us more than just “fans” (a word they don’t even like to use) because yet. the whole “they know we know” DOES matter. dan’s mentioned it countless times before, that his audience helped him overcome certain things in regards to his sexuality. he’s said that because of his support and of our understanding, it helped him come out.

anon, if you don’t want to believe it. i really am fine with that. it’s not my job to change your mind. for whatever reason you’re so against it, then... idk. i hope you figure that out. dan and phil aren’t gonna scold you for thinking “hey! they’re cute together!”

the most interesting thing to me is, how a lot of people like yourself always try to... i guess, defend? dan and phil? and. yknow. i guess your heart is in the right place! you don’t want them to get hurt or upset and i get that. but dan and phil are quite literally grown men.

it kinda links into the argument of “why do you write fanfiction about real people thats so gross!” and when it applies to real people who have opposed of having fanfiction written about them, then sure i guess. but dan and phil have mentioned a bunch of times that they’re fine with us writing smut and drawing them in any which way. and that ties in with discussion their relationship. they’ve liked fanart before that has them being “couple-y.” phil’s read out comments before that joke about relationships. dan’s been VERY open on stereo lately (see, story about phil’s bare ass) and from what i can gather, they really don’t have a problem with that. the things dan mentioned in BIG about people prying, is in reference to things like people stalking his brother for information, or when people found phil’s private facebook and starting sharing his personal things around. THAT, yes is too far. but from what i’ve seen since i’ve been here? none of that. we just have a good time and get to look up to two queer icons and celebrate their love! why not be on that side!! it’s so much more fun, i promise!

i can assure you anon, if we’ve stepped anywhere we haven’t been allowed, dan and phil are very capable of telling us. there’s a trust between them, and their audience. that’s why they’re finding it easier and more enjoyable to be more open with us. that’s why they’re celebrating their forever home with us. so if that’s what you’re worried about, you really don’t have to. dan and phil are dumb but they’re not idiots.

[nostalgicpixie]

hello

hello there again tumblr

I got through my adolescence scrolling you, getting stuck into the fandoms, reblogging photos of dan and phil and harry potter fanfiction, discovering what it means to be LGBT+ and finding my place within the community. i learned a lot about myself here and a lot of my personality was formed by you. and then i hit an age when tumblr was ‘cringe’ so i stopped using you for my social standing. ~ you introduced me to bad traits too, bad habits and feelings of wanting lifestyles and friendship groups that i would never be able to find in my real life. i spent so much time on this site that i didn’t quite understand how to adjust to the ‘real world’. i neglected school work and didn’t reach the potential that i could have.  that wasn’t your fault, tumblr. that was my fault for not having the self control. for prioritizing escapism and what not. no hard feelings, tumblr.

i’ve changed a lot since that blog. i haven’t looked at it in a while, but it still exists.  now i have returned, and my blog content is going to be different. i think i just...want to grab at any parts i can of my teen years. i’m having a difficult time accepting that it’s getting time to grow up and that i can never go back to life how it once was. i’m after that escapism again. longing to interact with people online again.  maybe i’m hoping you can help me find who i am again, like you did all those years ago.  because right now i’m feeling lost in life.

i have all of the elements in life to not feel lost but feel lost.