#but not something i would recommend in good conscience

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

This is my story and I'm sticking to it

I will continue sticking to my theory PREDICTION that I have been holding onto since before S3 premiered, since S2 as a matter of fact

This book spoils the entire plot (not just Sydcarmy).

Now, after having watched S3 and knowing that, as of right now, they are only yet to shoot S4's ending, the last 2 eps, which is going to be the series finale (they haven't shot it yet because they wanted to avoid spoilers and are still working on the final drafts of the scrips as I mentioned here months ago), I can safely say that means it's all still pointing at what the book is hinting at → a huge game changer midseason and an even huger setback right after that makes us all think the game is over. But it is not.

Overall, S3 was a big setback for the whole plot, so now all that's missing is the last-minute turnaround the book talks about.

IMO the game changer will be "The Sydcarmy confession" / "Clairmy break up", not sure in what order but would make more sense to have Carmy break up for good with the C person BEFORE coming clean with Syd, not after, but he's messy so IDK about that, all IK is that it's gonna happen and that's enough for me. I also think Carmy will not do it alone, he will get help. That is why I came up with my Cyrano theory, my Sydcarmy team for the gold theory, etc. All those theories can basically be summarized in the ones who could help him are Luca, Sugar, Richie, Jimmy, and EVENTUALLY, not at first, even Emmanuel and Donna. I wanna believe that Marcus and Tina will be Sydcarmy's cornerbacks, HOWEVER, that may be in the restaurant but outside the restaurant, Richie will be Carmy's voice of conscience because that is what he already is:

And probably Marcus will be Syd's.

Again, IDC about the minutia, I just know they both will need everyone's help not to give up on each other and they will get it one way or the other, and at some point, it will look like it's over, but that's not gonna be the case. Ultimately it doesn't really matter where the help comes from, but as the book says it's definitely gonna be a TEAM EFFORT, he won't grow a pair all by himself, he will need nudges and pushes from ppl who know Syd is the best thing that ever happened to him.

Anyway, that is not gonna go well. And then... at the end, last minute just like the book spoils: They are gonna win!

Sydcarmy team for the GOLD!

That is code for → they are getting the star and they are endgame.

I have been beating this old drum for a while now:

Related note

This summary of all this material I had was brought to you by a convo I had with @only-one-brain-cell that inspired me to check my own #Gingerpovs archives. There's much more material there and in my other tag #TheBearSeason4Gingerpredictions which I encourage you to check and RB if you find something you are interested in there.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

Storer already told us, it's all in there

Always follow the heart.

❤️

And it's gonna happen at the last minute when we think we have already lost the game.

[kushanna]

i post so much stuff about oniisama e (manga) that it must give the impression to those who haven't read it that it's good

[burningcomputerpersona]

i hate questions where they have two different options on each end of a scale and ask you to pick anywhere in between. like those are not complete opposites and my answer can't be boiled down to a certain point on the scale. either ask me two seperate questions with a yes/no scale each or just don't ask me at all

[longlivechips]

A drabble on what if Arthur repealed the magic ban while Merlin wasn't there. I like the idea of Arthur thinking Merlin will be mad, he said magic has no place in Camelot afterall. And Merlin being like shit I'm gonna have to start telling the truth.

A fic where Merlin goes to visit his mother for a few weeks. It's Yule and he misses her.

While he is gone a child comes to trial. Hardly 12 and clearly terrified. She had been caught using magic.

She swears she didn't mean to, that it just started happening one day and she was so scared of what was happening to her.

The law says she is to burn.

But Arthur just can't seem to make the call. He can only think of the girl Morgana used to be when he looks at her.

He speaks to Gaius and Geoffrey about what Camelot was like before the ban. How people square magic. He learns, for the first time, more than his father had ever let him.

He's thinking of......well not reversing the magic ban. But this girl can't be evil surely.

He wishes Merlin were here, his advice is often quite sound. But Arthur is unsure if Merlin, who has been so outspoken against magic in the past, would agree with such loose laws.

But it comes down to this. Arthur cannot in good conscience kill that girl. And he can not have her as an exception. So he changes the law.

Merlin hasn't spent this long in Ealdor since before he left. He finds it quite lonely without Will to cause trouble with.

But he finds he is not ostracized like he was when he was a boy. In fact, more often than not he has to dodge mothers pushing their daughters onto him as prospects.

He is in his mother's house trying bundles of herbs to be dried and taken back to Camelot when his mother rushes in.

She stairs at him for a moment. Eyes wide, something clearly about to spill off her toung.

"Mother?" Merlin says moving closer, " What's wrong what happened? Has goodie meridan gone into labor?"

"Merlin. My boy. We just received news from Camelot. Gaius sent a letter. I....." Her face is flush. She doesn't look scared but Merlins heart drops anyway

"Arthur...." Merlin starts

"He's fine, he's fine" Hunith walks towards her son, cupping his face in her hands.

She laughs. Full belly and full of joy, her hands on his face strong, they almost hurt.

"He repealed the magic ban Merlin. Oh my boy by royal decree"

Merlins knees nearly give out.

"Surely you aren't serious....." Merlin gasps. "Do you have the letter?"

She hands it over and he reads frantically.

My good Hunith.

I write you instead of Merlin for reasons that will become obvious.

I also just request more of that dried lavender you sent last time, it does not smell the same from the north.

How is your neighbor Gregory fairing with his leg? My tonic recipe helped I hope, I would like to hear how it went.

There is news from Camelot. You might have heard, it will make fast news I'm sure.

A girl was brought to court for magic. Hardly 12 summers, she swears she did not train for magic, that it came naturally and she has no control.

Arthur was hesitant to burn her, despite the law, and tasked me with examining her.

I explained my findings, you know my friend how truly common it is to have magic as the girl does. Arthur listened well, and I sent the king off with what recommendations I could.

There are few books left on the subject but he spoke to Geoffrey. I assume he found some enlightened reading.

The next day, his verdict was as follows.

"The law of the land, as set by my Father King Uther, is that magic has no place in Camelot. I quite agree. Magic is dangerous, it has raveged my family.

But I can't help but think these laws might create more enemies. I cannot kill a girl for a crime she did not willingly commit. But I cannot banish her and create an enemy."

The council spoke on formal matters and specifics but Hunith, it is looking well. I feel hope I haven't had in decades.

Arthur has repealed the magic ban, in part. There are specifics to be worked out, and it is unclear if it would apply to Merlin. It certainly wouldn't apply to myself.

I will write again when I have more details.

I wish I could see the boy's face when he hears the news. Give him my love

Gaius

Merlin reads it. Than again. The third time he skims it he is tearing up. Looking desperately for any sign that Gaius tells a lie.

When he finds none, and there is no answer but that Gaius's words are true.

Merlin weeps. He falls to his knees and weeps.

Hunith cradles his head, spilling some tears of her own.

"oh my boy" she says. "What news. I knew Arthur would be a good king." She presses a kiss to her son's head.

Merlin cries, and wonders why he feels more scared than ever.

[crimeronan]

house md is wild cause it feels like in creating a show based on "irreverent doctor who is garbage, unlike the saint docs on all the boring medical soap operas rn" they completely accidentally created one of the most compelling and important concepts of all time, in "disabled chronic pain doctor distrusts medical institutions because of his experiences with addiction and disability, therefore he is constantly breaking the law and hospital administrative policy rules to get marginalized patients care that they would otherwise be denied, and the show uses this as a way to spotlight various forms of institutional patient inequity"

but BECAUSE the writers lucked into this concept by accident and have no idea WHY it's important, half of the show is Also "doctor commits constant heinous malpractice on vulnerable patients and treats them like shit and traumatizes them and this is considered a normal good protag thing to do because it will always be shown to be retroactively justified, because actually the patient always Was lying or being unreasonable, and this doctor is so so so smart and special that no rules ever apply to him, and no consequences will ever be shown" which is obviously. eaugh

so when it's good it's SO SO SO SO SO FUCKING GOOOOOD but it's also like. not something i can in good conscience recommend to Any other chronic illness people. u feel me.

[achillean-heartbeat]

Hey friend!!! Can you recommend any good fics for Teen Wolf?

I'm about to start watching it this weekend, and kinda want to supplement it with the fics..

Thank you in advance

HELLO TO YOUUU!!

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!! i would absolutely fucking LOOVEEE TOOO!!!

First of all, thank you so much for this ask. Can't believe you just gave me a reason to recommend some of my fave teen wolf fics.

second of all, IT'S AWESOME THAT YOU'RE GONNA WATCH IT!!! It is a shitshow of a show (hah) BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOYY!!<<<<33333

third, a little disclaimer, i mostly read sterek (stiles x derek) and thiam (theo x liam), so this list is going to be mostly them. However, i do read any and all ships as long as its fun and i like the tropes of the fic. So when you start watching it and there is a particular ship you liked that is not mentioned in this list i would love to rec u more stuff!!!<<33

fourth, i will also be putting at the end a list of fics i plan to read soon and have not read yet, cuz why not.

fifth and finally, i'm pretty sure i don't have to say this but i just thought i'd give you a heads up just in case: in some of these fics there are certain triggers, certain kinks, so please make sure not to miss any surprise tags, especially 01001in the short fics.

OKAAYYY NOW THAT THAT'S SETTLED HERE WE GOOO!

SOME FICS I HAVE READ AND LOVED:

LONG FICS: (>50k)

THIAM: Airplanes by Captinmintyfresh (236k) what still grows in darkness by eneiryu (137k) To be Led by a Liar GoldFox99 (79k) Tethered by Tonytones(85k)

STEREK: Put Down in Words by paintedrecs (200K) Windows by dr_girlfriend (83k) Foxgloves by formeldehyde (71k) To The End by formeldehyde (181k) Strange Turns That Bring Us Closer demonicfairie2009 (100k) Sex Therapy by Asterekmess (51k)

SHORT FICS: (<50k)

THIAM: i loathe you i love you by tonytones (30k) here in the twilight it's all hearsay by eneiryu (2k) Craving Every Part of Your Raw, Wild Soul by ksbbb (29k) you can say that we are nothing, but you know the truth by pansexual-puppy-pack (1k) i think i left my conscience on your front door step pansexual-puppy-pack (8k)

STEREK: we are tangled by drunktuesdays (5k) Lock All The Doors Behind You by entanglednow (25k) I don't know why, but I guess it has something to do with you by LunasCanisLupus_22 (17k)

Choice by Omni (8k) Last Lovesong of a Dying Lemon by wldnst (10k) Romance In Progress by Asterekmess (32k) here is the deepest secret nobody knows by owlpostagain (22k) How To Be a Normal Person by drunktuesdays (8k) Five Days of Dickings by mklutz (17k) I Wanna Take Down The Walls With You by drunktuesdays (10k) bigger, longer and uncut by drunktuesdays (4k)

BONUS: Theo/Josh/Corey/Tracy/Hayden we ain't ever getting older (6k)

FICS I HAVE NOT READ YET THAT ARE IMPATIENTLY CALLING OUT FOR ME FROM MY ENDLESS OPEN TABS:

LONG FICS: (>50K)

THIAM: "Where no Hope is Left, is Left no Fear" ( No mere Human can Stand in a Fire and not be Consumed) by ksbbb (71K) Take my heart (and put it somewhere safe) by not_carrying_on (172k) Consequences of Our Past by xTarmanderx (70k) All About Control Universe by EquallyLoyalAndLethal (152k) Handle With Care by Attempted Eloquence (190k)

STEREK: Predators by Hedwig221b (74k) Words Cannot Espresso How Much You Bean to Me by isthatbloodonhisshirt (68k) Not So Boring by beerwolves and isthatbloodonhisshirt (69k) yes chef seaweedwater (228k) You're stronger than you know by littleredridinghunter (234k) Getting Better by thebadassisin (205k) A New Perspective by Asterekmess (323k) The Moon's Gonna Follow Me Home by turningterrific (82k) Home by thetypewritergirl (167k)

SHORT FICS: (<50K)

THIAM: I Love You as Certain Dark Things are To Be Loved, in Secret.” by ksbbb (46K) Sweet talkings by captainmintyfresh (28k) i'm not ready to die yet, should i pray? (i'm wasting time, haunted by the ghost of you) by petitommo (6k) when oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than i ever can by likelightninginabottle (8k) you're my head, you're my heart Or: The Shameless Thiam 'verse by likelightninginabottle (20k) loving you's a bloodsport by THENINTH09 (21k) a thing with sellable skin by Attempted Eloquence (22k) a shot in the heart (doesn't make it unbreak) (4k) it gets so hard to breathe when i think of you (thinking of me) by wingsoutforshin (5k) Too Afraid to Follow Through by dangerouscoffeetheorist (14k) i know about things i wish I didn't - the not yet a corpse series by yikeshereiam (29k) Absence makes the heart grow fonder by laheysmythes (11k)

get him back! by marymacgf (21k)

STEREK: Together, Apart by justanotherbusyfangirl (14k) Spellbinding Mishap by isthatbloodonhisshirt (45k) Untouchable by Hedwig221b (17k) the feral wind that lit him ablaze by quackquackcey (37k) Which Con at Witch Con? by quackquackcey (10k) Stilinski's Speakeasy by sinna_bon (10k) the way our horizons meet by dumpac (3k) Even Greenberg has a Soulmate by beerwolves and deancebra (22k) red hoodies and bronze daggers (the secrets you keep glow in the dark) by patolemus (19k) Ground Me With Your Touch by asterekmess (7k) Let Me Take My Time With You by asterekmess (6k) Whispered in the Sound of Silence by dr_girlfriend (7k) always the sidekick by mirrorkill (49k)

BONUS: Stiles x Theo: Partners in Crime by snaeken (2k)

Okay i'm done!

oof sorry for the long ass post!

i'm not gonna lie, the story and writing is kinda wonky in some places, but the characters are so loveable it's impossible not to find them endearing in some way or another.

but no matter the outcome, i hope you enjoy it and have a great time!!

i hope you have an amazing day!!

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

We Are and the evolution of Thai BL tropes

The QL discord started a rewatch of My Engineer a few weeks ago, and damn, has it been an interesting experience. At the time I originally watched My Engineer, there was little that stuck out to me, because so much of what happened felt so incredibly common in a lot of the (admittedly rather limited) number of BLs being produced. It felt like pretty standard fare.

But going back and watching it in juxtaposition with We Are airing has been so fascinating. This genre has been evolving, y'all.

As much as we all joke about always getting more university BLs, there is something to be said for a format that can be used as something of a metric for the genre. And though there's only four years between My Engineer and We Are, seeing them both at once gives me such an incredible appreciation for the direction the genre is going in, the impact of having more queer voices involved in the creation of QLs, and how there's a lot of good we can find in seemingly simple spaces.

Obligatory disclaimer: This is just my perspective and subjective interpretation of what I have seen as a BL viewer of some time; also I don't have time to go in and do a university deep dive, so this isn't a real analysis, but more of a brief writeup of observations.

Trends are not black and white, of course, there is a spectrum. I'm sure we'll suffer through more Dinosaur Loves. At the same time, having such predominant production companies as GMMTV putting effort into hiring queer creatives and subverting old cliche tropes is an encouraging thing. (Especially as they were the creators of the original university trendsetting BL with Sotus).

Note: For newer QL viewers, I highly recommend @absolutebl for brushing up on trope history. For university BLs in particular, this post and this post are great starting primers.

Let's talk tropes!

Ok, one more note - some tropes are being what I would consider subverted, some more adapted to a newer framework, and some just played with - I'm going to talk about how they appear to me, but I'm not going to be super pedantic over it, because this is just for fun.

Trope: Bullying/hazing behavior

This did not age well in My Engineer, and I would guess hasn't aged well in a number of BLs (and other media, because the whole "he's mean to you because he likes you" bullshit has been around forever). Not just because the behavior was shitty, but because it was played off in the script as cute, and implied that it was completely justified for the seme to do whatever he wanted in his pursuit of his uke.

(There was also quite a strong tone of internalized homophobia, with the lead feeling more comfortable in expressing his interest through harassment than honest emotion, but the show never actually engaged with that in any meaningful way.)

We Are sets up a very traditional enemies to lovers/bullying start to the story, with Phum taking advantage of Peem's economic situation to make him his "slave".

And yet... there's some important elements here that make this more than the standard use of the trope.

Phum keeps it pretty light in his bullying behavior, and clearly is using it more to keep Peem around as company, versus the kind of bullying in My Engineer, where Duen is literally hit by a car, and yet still expected to keep jumping to Bohn's whims.

As soon as Phum realizes he really upset Peem by leaving him waiting at the mall, he genuinely feels awful about it. It's clear that his intent is not to cause harm, and that he has a conscience. He wrestles with his feelings on it quite a bit, and it ends up being the thing that gets Phum to finally express an honest emotion with Peem.

And most importantly, the script does not let him off the hook. His behavior is bad, and is identified as such by the writing. Peem pushes back and is shown to be right to do so, Beer openly says he disapproves.

So instead of a cliche story beat that's used just to start the action, or a seme who's allowed to do whatever he wants because "passion" (blech), we're seeing it used for characterization, giving us important beats about who both Phum and Peem are in how they engage with each other through the use of the trope.

Trope: Obsessive/jealous behavior

Oh, this one was painful in My Engineer. Duen couldn't even talk to another human being without Bohn getting jealous and angry and dragging him away.

Phum gets jealous, particularly around Kluen, but what makes it feel so subversive here are two key things.

Phum's jealousy has a purpose here, it's not just for drama's sake. It's not the cliche seme doing whatever he wants and being treated as justified. It's deliberately being used to explore his insecurities, and give him a challenge to overcome. Phum doesn't stomp over and drag Peem away, he retreats, he hides. When his jealousy causes him to lash out at Peem, he is immediately aware he fucked up.

And again, the script is making it clear that this behavior is not ok. Peem chides Phum when he acts unkind to Kluen, and Beer makes it clear that the solution is not petty behavior, but actually figuring out a way to communicate his feelings with Peem before he misses his chance. This is portrayed as a barrier for Phum to overcome in order to be with Peem, not an expected part of a romantic relationship.

Trope: Friendship group

There are not enough words to express how much I love the friendship group in We Are. To be fair, this is one of the better historical tropes. We've gotten a lot of amazing friend groups, even in mediocre BLs.

But it's still different in We Are, for one simple reason. In most university BLs, the friend group is a supporting structure. But here?

The story lines may be about the romance, but the point of We Are is the friendship.

I will die on this hill, y'all.

I don't have enough time to go into it fully here, but this show is a love letter to friends. It's a tribute to finding the people who see the real you and have your back unconditionally. Who cheer your successes and commiserate over your defeats, who pick you up when the world knocks you down, who call you out when you make mistakes, and push you to be better.

And romance is lovely, but all of these budding relationships are about being friends first, and then lovers, because that friendship is just as important as everything else, if not more.

Trope: Pink milk

Lol, ok, kinda kidding, kinda not. I know we all got mad over the drink wastage, but also check out these visuals - it's about diversity baby!!

TanFang speed round

My two little trope-busting bebes. These two are already so beautifully non-traditional in their composition, but I love how frequently they are used to make fun of and play with tropes just on their own.

Introduced as pining crush/friend's older brother pair, but actually secret enemies to lovers.

Grumpy/sunshine pairing, where the sunshine used to be a fighter, and grumpy smiles when he thinks no one is watching.

Wound-tending where they keep poking each other instead of acting soft.

Openly mocking the jealous boyfriend trope.

Setting up the possessive trope when Tan doesn't pick up Fang's calls, only to immediately have Fang question if he's being unreasonable.

Setting up their own cute eating scene for kicks.

"First time" sex scene making it clear this is anything but their first time.

Tan holding Fang down in the cliche possessive pose, only for Fang to take the agency of kissing Tan. (And overall saying eff off at the cliche top/bottom roles old BLs were such a fan of).

In Summary

I'm sure there are more tropes that will come to me, and we do still have 5 episodes left of We Are, so there are some potential trope uses that I am keeping an eye on. This is by no means an all-inclusive list.

But I wanted to write this, because I was genuinely shocked to realize how different my My Engineer watching experience was this time compared to my first time. How over the last few years I'd come to expect more thoughtfulness in my QL media, even in the ones that seem shallow on the surface.

Considering how fast and furious the QLs are coming these days, it's easy to forget how recent it was that we were much more starved of content. And I think sometimes we forget to take in the big picture, of how far we've come in just a few years.

Critique is always going to be important, of course, it's part of what helps us make progress. At the same time, it doesn't hurt to take a moment to look around and see some good in where we are.

@sailorbryant thanks for the push to get this written! Feel free to add thoughts!

[lilacstro]

Moon in 8th house

Just like how moon shines the brightest in the darkest sky

Well, at the suggestions of @cyberstrangerballoon under my astro observation 6, I will be making this post :))

Moon in 8th house, is a very self contradictory position in my opinion. Most of the astrologers say, its an uncomfortable position for the moon, but I believe its just much more than that and people with placement have some kind of gift, if they realize it today or when they are 80.

People with this placement are often attracted to occult sciences and I can understand why, even if they are unaware, there is a desire to understand everything, especially the hidden and misunderstood because you yourself are quite these things. Its a self projection of some sorts, discovery of self.

I read a chart for someone a few weeks ago, and that guy was seemingly "logical" person and was coder-designer of sorts. When asking for career recommendations, I found something that indicated interest and attraction to occult and dark, I mentioned that to him, though he seemingly showed no signs of interests in such things and he was wooed, he said nobody really knows about this and was super surprised.

And the major reason, why I see people with this placement have some kind of psyche, not necessarily the occult but even esoteric sciences, and metaphysics is because moon here grants you the ability to "feel" through. yes, feel. and now it can often translate into having no logic for your emotions. feeling things INTENSELYY even the slightest things, and often seemingly being disconnected from your emotions because though you can feel a nudge, you just feel it, and have no understanding or logic at times or I must say, most of the times.

This actually grants you the power to see through other people, literally, see through. I would suggest a thing though I would recommend using your conscience ofc, but whatever is your first intutive nudge about something/1st strong feeling about something, believe it please. If not consider it strong and firm, because the first flare of feelings is right, more than you can think. A feeling that it wont end well with someone, A feeling that you should/shouldn't go here, avoiding someone, follow it even if it makes no sense. Please.

People with this placement are polyglots in understanding people. They can literally speak your language, the one you understand, and can have several flairs to them. This can often cause a lack of identity as in who i really am?

There is a desire to understand someone deeply but a desire to be understood as well, and most of the times, just by feels and not having to explain, because you do it for others, and want that once to yourself, but you have to understand everyone does not have this in them.

Pay attention to your dreams that feel different, and encrypted. You might dream a lot as well, so I would just say pay attention to the ones where you feel something after waking up.

There is a desire to be understood, but hide. Hiding in yourself, your conscience. A fear of betrayal, to be able to trust. People with this placement often come from hardships I have seen, closing them off to people most of the times. But, my suggestion is, let people you desire come in, let them hurt you if they choose to, they get what they have done for, but you will transform, and rise, like a phoenix always. ALWAYS, you will find yourself bouncing back, it would be a storm and madness but it would be the brightest sun afterwards.

Learn about this psyche of yours through people. Learn or you will still hurt/get hurt through the one person you trust after a lot of time. It is good to see who wants to understand you, and who is just enjoying being understood. People with this placement, YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO BALANCE THE INTENSITY AND YOUR EMOTIONS and that will only happen if you practice, through meeting people and letting your guards down when you feel nothing is wrong, Dont confuse overthinking and refusal to your intution.

Heard somewhere "anxiety screams, intuition whispers". Hopefully this will help you discrete between your feelings.

Journal. Journal everything down, because at the end of the day, the person who would get your nerves would only be you, someone can just get closest.

Also, I would suggest stop acting on being high on emotions. It isn't helpful in long run. Control this tendency, though your placement nudges you and it would feel hard and binding, but do it, its a suggestion.

Even if you don't reveal your past to people or reveal yourself to people, judge the ones who you can if you wanted to, its important.

This placement in fact can get mental health issues and issues of isolation if unchecked, though these kinds of people, again as a contradiction, are self aware of this. The problem lies in controlling, it feels binding but you need to control your thoughts and impulses.

remember that even if you feel alone inside frequently, it isnt like so. Your light shines bright and people feel it, even if they can't explain it. Just like how moon shines the brightest in the darkest sky. Don't feel otherwise <333 i love you

Thats it for this post :) I hope it resonated. paid readings are open <33 love you all

[thehopelessromanticclub]

WONWOO FIC RECS  I

💋- smut // 💗-fluff //🥀-angst //💌-personal favourite

Series

introduce me a good person - @taeyegu (friends to lovers au) 💗🥀

“if there is a nice person, please introduce him to me. sometimes like water, sometimes like fire. someone who can love me sincerely. i hope he is someone who is mature and faithful…”

I found love in your smile - @wonlouvre (royalty au, arranged marriage au)💗🥀

The shattered camera - @puppetwritings( celebrity au, paparazzi au)💗🥀

Wonwoo already had enough on his plate as it is—proving his parents wrong, making a living, fighting his just conscience—and with you in the picture, nothing could possibly go more wrong. Or could you be his ticket to the good life that he wanted?

Drabbles/one-shots

Healing hues - @thedensworld (Slowburn, friendship au) 💗🥀

Exhausted by the monotony of his life as a celebrity, Wonwoo makes a pivotal decision to return to his childhood hometown and embark on a heartwarming project: building a small library named 'Healing Hues.' Little does he know, this journey will lead to a series of unexpected and transformative events.

Ruminations - @waldau 💗💌

[08:41 pm] - @jjuniehao💗💌

Deluxe version - @darl-ings💗🥀💌

in which you and Wonwoo spend some alone time together.

Bedtime routine - @yikesmary 💗💌

where you loved times like these with your boyfriend, Wonwoo.

Two umbrellas - @hanniology💗💌🥀

Wonwoo doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but you do after meeting him.

Flustered - @waldau💗💌

Take a chance - @wonwoonlight💗💌

and they were newlyweds - @viastro 💗💌

in which Wonwoo builds the Ikea couch, but something... doesn’t look right.

conclusion number three - @wonwoonlight💗💌

you have a hypothesis you'd like to prove. a/n- this one was sooo Wonwoo-coded

The regular - @trblsvt (bakery au, college au) 💗

Wonwoo couldn't really recommend anything at the bakery he worked at, he couldn't even handle going in a couple days a week. that is until he found his new favorite customer.

Chocolate rum cookies - @wonwoonlight (non-idol au, friends to lovers au) 💗

Play again - @shuarush💗💌

after ten years of not seeing your high school crush you find yourself partnered with him at the company you work for. Since you've been rejected before, you try your best to not let any feelings flourish, but Jeon Wonwoo's charms make that attempt especially hard for you. a/n - totally an all-time favorite.

first kiss with seventeen: wonwoo - @etherealyoungk💗💌

"stay there. i'm coming to get you." - @dokyeomin💗💌

wedding weekends with wonwoo - @suhnshinehaos (fake dating, non-idol au)💗🥀

jeon wonwoo, the perfect man. kind, smart, successful career, and not too bad on the eyes. all his friends are getting married and everyone’s aunts, mothers, and family friends are trying to set him up with their friends, sisters, brothers, nieces, and nephews at every wedding he attends. he’s tired of it. what better way to solve his problem than to employ your help, someone who’s having the exact same one?

Thank you authors for all your amazing works.🤩

If there are any fics that anyone would like to recommend feel free to do so🤗😁.

( also the dividers were from @cafekitsune and @baexywth. they have really cool dividers. do check them out.)

[would-this-pokemon-be-a-friend]

How about Typhlosion?

I’m afraid this one isn’t going to come as much of a surprise for anyone, but a typhlosion would not make a good pet for a vast majority of owners. Like many large fire-type pokémon, Typhlosion require a very specific environment to thrive without posing a threat to themselves or any humans or pokémon around them. As much as I like this pokémon, I can’t deny that it is perhaps the epitome of a walking fire hazard.

Before we even get into the fire risks inherent with adopting a typhlosion, I must address the species’ size. Typhlosions are quite large at five and a half feet tall. These pokémon would not be comfortable in a smaller home where they don’t have plenty of room to run around and play. Typhlosions are able to get around both quadrupedally and bipedally, indicating to me that they like to move around and might behave somewhat like real-world bears, who need large territories to thrive. At over 175 pounds, transporting them might be a little difficult without the use of pokéballs: its not like this is a pet you can easily carry around or even lead with a leash without some real effort. While a pokémon of this size isn’t necessarily disqualified from being a good pet, it will put them out of the running for many owners.

Since the evolution line that typhlosion comes from is commonly used as starter pokémon for trainers in the Johto region, we know that typhlosions respond well to training and are generally friendly creatures. They have a documented history of getting along with humans, which is a huge plus. However, training to take part in Pokémon battles with a trainer and training to live inside a human home are very different things.

This species’ biology, unfortunately, makes them a very poor candidate for pethood. These pokémon appear to have a large, open flame on the back of their necks, which alone can pose a fire risk in a smaller home. This flame is actually blazing-hot fur (Silver), which can, in certain circumstances, burn so hot that “anything that touches it will instantly go up in flames” (Gold). In the wild, typhlosions use this natural heat to hide themselves in battle with other pokémon: according to the pokédex, typhlosions “[obscure themselves] behind a shimmering heat haze that [they] create using intensely hot flames” (Ruby/Sapphire). When this pokémon gets angry, they burn even hotter. In order to safely keep a typhlosion in your home, you will need to invest quite a bit into flame resistance furniture that won’t cause a blaze as soon as an energetic typhlosion rubs up against it, either when play-fighting or agitated by whatever stressors may appear. This is, obviously, beyond the means of some owners.

The danger of keeping a typhlosion doesn’t end with the risk to your home, it includes a substantial risk to you. Keeping a typhlosion requires a keen awareness of their mood. As previously mentioned, when these pokémons’ tempers flare, the heat they generate can be extremely dangerous. In the hopefully low likelihood that your typhlosion lashes out and attacks you, you might be in very big trouble. They can use several moves that could easily pose lethal, like Flame Charge, Lava Plume, Flamethrower, Inferno, and Overheat. Additionally, the pokédex warns of this pokémon having an ominous “secret, devastating move” that may have something to do with their ability to cause explosions by rubbing their fur together (Silver). While there is a way to tell when a typhlosion will attack by observing the way their rising heat affects the air around them (Crystal), the safety risk of living with a typhlosion is simply too great for me to recommend them as a pet.

Safely adopting a typhlosion would require a large living space and costly investment in fireproofing, and the additionally safety risk they could pose to you and others is immense. As popular as this pokémon is, I cannot in good conscience recommend them as a pet to anyone but the most dedicated fire-type carers.

[happylittleshrub]

Rocket Plushie Review

My thoughts on Rocket plushies! I only own some of these so for those I'll go into a little more detail, but most of this is just based on vibes lol

This isn't in any sort of ranking or order

I love this one! His fur feels so soft and he sits on my desk and keeps me company. Reminds me of Pokemon's "Sitting Cuties" line of plushes. Sometimes he'll fall over a little but that's really only if he's sitting on a more uneven surface like a bed or sofa, on my desk he sits fine

This one looks like one of those Littlest Pet Shop toys. So many of the other Rocket plushies look good I don't know what happened here.

Sweet, sleepy boy I love to cuddle him ❤️ Both huggable and snuggable. My sleep has improved 120% since getting him 10/10 would recommend

This is my son my precious little child I love him I want the world for him he is the greatest thing in all of existence. He is so very soft and the perfect size to hug and to hold. ❤️

This is the first Rocket plush I ever got he is very special to me 🥹 I like the chibified design, very adorable! He does have a hard time sitting up on his own because of his disproportionately sized head, I usually have to lean him against something. His ears are velvety soft!

Tiny gremlin, an actual creature. He is full of bad ideas. I like that he comes with a tiny gun

This one looks kind of like a dog more so than a raccoon. Maybe it's just this picture. Idk he still cute tho

This one is good but something about his eyes feels a little off. I don't know if I trust him

Absolutely adorable! He has Animal Crossing vibes. I would buy him but he's over forty dollars 🙃

This one is cute but uh... this is legally distinct off-brand Rocket Wolf not Rocket Raccoon

He is 100% friend shaped I love him I want to give him a hug

"I can't believe I'm taking orders from a hamster." -Some Nova Corps Guy. I like this little dude, he's smol and squishy like a marshmallow!

This one is cute, but I do kinda wish his face wasn't so flat, otherwise no notes

This is so adorable wth you can carry Rocket around on your back like he's a sleepy little child I love it

Bro's lookin' like a finger puppet. He's very small and cute!

This Rocket looks like he needs some love. Well, that's all Rockets but especially this one. Looks like he'd be standing alone a street corner somewhere. Someone needs to bring him home and make him soup

I feel like this one should be the reference image next to the word Blorbo in a dictionary. This is the embodiment of blorbo and all other blorbos should bow to him

Shadow the Hedgehog wannabe. Gritty 90s reboot edgelord

This Rocket is smiling but I feel like he's screaming on the inside while this rando pulls on his ears

Football Head here stares into my soul. He can and will beat me up

Cute but not the best. I'd probably put him in a B-Tier (Shrub, you said you weren't going to do rankings!)

Adorable little guy! He has tiny magnets in his hands with which to hold batteries and other stolen items. You can also buy little outfits for these types of plushies so 20/10! During the colder months I let him ride around in my hoodie ^-^

This one is up to no good I love the mischief in his expression lol

I love Disney Tsum Tsum so this little peanut is an absolute winner in my book

"Until a second ago I thought you were a build-a-bear."

"MAYBE I AM"

He's so sweet and adorable would absolutely bring him home and love him forever (would be even better if he came with sound like some build-a-bears do)

WHO PUT HIM IN THE DRYER???

The way they did his eyes reminds me of Spiderman

He's a sweet boy he just needs someone looking out for him and to be his conscience and stop him from stealing batteries 💛

FERAL

Bro's got them sparkly anime eyes. Also sideburns

Alright I've reached the photo limit so that's all for now. If you read all the way down here thanks for checking out my silly ramblings!

[pedrointofolklore]

Long story short

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: weeks had passed since your steamy kiss with joel, and you wanted more. sequel to this is me trying.

warnings: smut 18+ mdni, oral (f!receiving), unprotected p in v, creampie, joel miller has a big dick, emotional sex, brief mention of sex as currency (as part of reader’s backstory), allusions to depression and suicidal ideation, lots of fluff with a bit of angst, enemies to lovers (they’re in their lover era), extremely soft joel, joel is so disastrously in love, self-loathing due to a guilty conscience, lots of swearing, age gap (unspecified), no use of y/n, ellie era (ellie is only mentioned)

word count: 3.4k

a/n: hey y’all. so part one did way better than i ever expected. thank you to everyone who has supported it. if you haven’t read it i highly recommend you do before reading this. if you have read it: enjoy part two! the title is once again a taylor swift song.

It had been weeks since you kissed Joel.

Neither of you acknowledged it. After the shitstorm that was Kansas City, your focus was making it to Wyoming on foot. Addressing one kiss wasn’t high on the list of priorities.

But you still thought about it. A lot. And it seemed like Joel did too.

Joel Miller wasn’t nice as a rule, but he was good to you. He confided in you, asked for your input, and did what he could to make you feel like your presence was important. Whether or not it was actually important, you just appreciated that he was trying.

And you were trying too. You were doing your best to be present, focus on the positives, and take a breath before sprinting headfirst into danger. Just as Tess would have done.

You couldn’t have predicted that Ellie would end up inspiring you. There was something about her that reminded you of yourself (which was ultimately cause for concern), but she was different in the ways that mattered most. She was funny and resilient and excited about things, even in this vile world she was living in.

You wanted to be more like her.

There was an abandoned, isolated cabin somewhere between Kansas City and Kearney—you weren’t sure exactly where at this point. It was a corroded, rotting structure, with shattered windows and wooden panels threatening to collapse, but it was better than sleeping outside in the middle of nowhere.

There were two beds and a couch inside. Ellie passed out almost immediately after calling dibs on the bed upstairs. The poor girl was exhausted. Meanwhile, Joel laid down on the couch and shut his eyes, pretending to go to sleep. This was clearly an act; he wasn't going to sleep, he was going to keep watch.

You hadn’t slept in a bed since the QZ, and though this bed was old and musty and probably infested with microscopic bed bugs, it somehow felt like the most comfortable thing in the world. This was the first time in so long it didn’t feel like you were in a rush. You could just exist and let your mind wander.

Letting your mind wander was something you typically avoided, but instead of your thoughts leading you down a trail of despondency, they led you to Joel. You pictured him sitting upright on the couch, scanning the area through fractured windows, clutching a shotgun and trying to stay awake. You wondered what he was thinking about.

If you still want it later, you can have it.

That was what he’d said to you. It was such a new feeling; wanting Joel, wanting anything. You thought about the kiss again, and a warm, tingly sensation spread throughout your entire body like ink seeping into wet paper.

It was later, and you still wanted it.

Joel was awake.

This wasn’t new. Joel hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in 20 years, but it had gotten worse lately.

He’d failed everyone in Kansas City, but most of all Ellie. It left him in a constant state of unease, just waiting for something else to go wrong. Even sleeping stressed him out now.

Then, there was you.

As everything around him gradually fell into shambles, it felt like he needed you more everyday. You were good and clever and really the only person in the world who made Joel feel like he could do this, and that terrified him. You were trying so hard, but he still had this paralysing fear of losing you.

Joel hadn’t forgotten what happened, and he hadn’t forgotten what he said.

If you still want it later, you can have it.

He wasn’t even sure what ‘it’ was referring to. Was it that he’d fuck you if you asked? He would, but he didn't think that was really what he meant.

He also wasn’t sure if you wanted it. Maybe the kiss had been just a random moment of weakness for you. Maybe you woke up the next morning and realised that Joel was the last person in the world you could ever want. The thought gnawed at him; infected him like some faceless monstrosity with razor-sharp teeth.

But if by some chance you wanted it—wanted him—he would give you everything he had. He didn’t deserve your forgiveness, and certainly not your admiration, but you deserved to get whatever you wanted out of him. He would let you come to him, and he would do anything you asked if it meant keeping you here.

The sound of your door clicking open jerked Joel from his anxious ruminating. His eyes followed you as you sauntered over to the couch and plonked yourself down next to him, crossing your legs with an air of forced nonchalance.

“What are you doing up?” Joel asked.

“Couldn’t sleep,” you said. “You’re also up.”

“Just keepin’ watch.”

“We’re indoors in the middle of nowhere, Joel,” you replied. “I think you can sleep for a bit.”

Joel didn’t say anything. He couldn’t get into this with you. He didn’t want to ruin the newfound trust you had in him by letting you know what a mess he was.

“Unless there’s something else keeping you up,” you spoke in a nervous whisper, like you were testing the waters to see if Joel would actually entertain this conversation. 

Of course he would. There were things Joel didn’t want to talk about—anything that had ever happened to him, for example—but the only thing stronger than his propensity to never let anyone in was the urge he had to never deny you.

“Just been worried about you, I guess.” 

Your mouth formed a constrained smile. It didn’t quite reach your eyes. “We talked about this. I’m fine now, Joel.”

“One talk can’t solve everything.” Or one kiss, for that matter.

“I’m not asking you to solve anything,” you replied, your tone becoming heightened. “Worry about the important things, like Ellie and finding your brother and—"

“You are important.”

He felt a rush of anger, but not at you. Never at you. He was angry at himself. Of course you felt unimportant when he’d spent so long making you feel that way. It wasn’t fair that he got to wake up one day and decide to stop being an asshole while you still had to live with the consequences of his assholery.

You sat there not saying anything, and Joel was certain that you were about to walk away from this conversation. The irony wasn’t lost on him; for two people who hated heartfelt discussions, you couldn’t seem to stop finding yourselves in the middle of them.

“Joel…” Your voice came out breathy and desperate. It was completely unexpected. He couldn’t describe the feeling of hearing you say his name like that. All he knew was that he wanted to fall to his knees at your feet.

“What do you need?” Joel asked. He hoped that he already knew the answer.

“I need you.”

He let out a shaky exhale—relieved and nervous all at once. “You have me, sweetheart. You know that."

Being naked on a grotty mattress with a fully-clothed man above you should have been horrifically vulnerable, but you couldn’t muster up any uncertainty with Joel. All you felt was an excited kind of anticipation.

You never expected Joel to be so affectionate, but he held you like you were something worth caring for. He took his time, kissing you slow and undressing you bit by bit until you were bare for him. You felt the same heated intensity you had that night in the woods, but without the crushing sense of urgency.

Your breath hitched when Joel trailed kisses from your chest down past your navel. He stopped at the lowest part of your belly, looking up at you with lustful, imploring eyes. “Can I taste you, sweetheart?”

“Please…” You already sounded embarrassingly wrecked.

Your body jolted when Joel dragged a finger through your soaked slit, gathering up the obscene amount of wetness that was dripping out of you and spreading it over your aching clit.

Then, without a word, he pushed himself up and off the bed. You looked at him in dismay, about to berate him for teasing, but your voice caught in your throat when he crouched down at the end of the bed and grabbed you by the hips, pulling you forward until your ass was lined up with the edge of the mattress, and your legs were thrown over his shoulders.

The sound that escaped you when Joel sucked your clit into his mouth was borderline feral. You didn’t know you were capable of making a noise like that—something between a pathetic gasp and a wanton moan.

“Oh f—Joel! Feels so good. What the fuck.” You were breathless and shaking and grabbing a fistful of his hair.

“Ssh, sweetheart,” Joel hushed. You clenched around nothing when his warm breath hit your drenched core. “Need you to be quiet. Can you do that for me, baby?”

He didn’t even wait for you to try and compose yourself before devouring you again. He had a lot of audacity to think he could tell you to be quiet as he tongue-fucked you senseless. And then, like he was trying to get you to scream, he prodded a finger at your entrance and slipped it inside.

“That feel good?” Joel asked, curling his finger as he pumped it into you.

You whined and pulled his hair harder. He let out a low groan and continued flicking his tongue over your clit, and it dawned on you that he wasn’t just doing this to make you feel good—he was doing it because he liked it.

He added another finger, and this time you did scream, but not before clasping a hand over your mouth to muffle the sound. It was too much now. His mouth and fingers were unrelenting, as if worshipping your cunt was his only purpose on this earth.

“Joel—F-fuck—I think I’m gonna come.”

“You can come, baby. I got you.”

Those three words were all you needed. You came hard, sobbing and writhing and crushing Joel’s head between your thighs as you tried to clamp them shut. He could not have given less of a fuck—he continued his onslaught between your legs until you were twitching with overstimulation and pulling him off by his hair.

You threw an arm over your eyes, trying to catch your breath and recover from that earth-shattering orgasm. You heard the faint clink of a belt, followed by the soft sounds of fabric hitting the floor. You opened your eyes when the mattress dipped, revealing a very naked Joel Miller.

This took you by surprise more than anything else. You never thought that Joel would take his clothes off for you, and you wouldn’t have asked him to—he’d done it of his own volition. He wanted to bare himself to you like you had to him.

Plus, he was hot. You would have been attracted to him no matter what, but he was so undeniably sexy. His arms looked like they were carved from marble. He was broad and strong, but still had a wonderfully human softness about him. And his cock. Your mouth salivated at the sight. It was thick and long and beautiful. You wanted to drag your tongue along the vein that ran down his shaft and taste the leaking precum at the tip.

“You done starin’?” Joel asked, blushing at the way you were blatantly ogling him.

You giggled and climbed into his lap, your knees settling on either side of his hips. “Stop being so pretty if you don’t want me to stare.”

Joel let out a genuine, light-hearted laugh—something you’d only witnessed him do a handful of times. You wanted to bottle the sound and keep it forever. “I’m pretty, am I?”

“So pretty.” You leaned forward and kissed him, painfully aware of his hard cock pressed against your inner thigh.

You reached down and wrapped a hand around his length, teasing the slit with your thumb and spreading the dribbling fluid. You pumped him a few times, noticing the way his belly tightened as he sucked in a sharp breath.

“You’re so good, sweetheart," he spoke with a low, sultry tone, "but I really need to fuck you now.”

Joel had you pinned under him in a second, hiking your legs up around his hips while his cock bumped your entrance.

“Ready?” Joel asked.

You nodded eagerly and repeated what you told him earlier, “I need you.”

Joel lined the head of his cock up with your wet heat, stroking it through your folds and teasing your sensitive clit. He leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on your lips as he finally pushed into you.

The stretch stung even with how wet you were. You dug your nails into his back and tried not to wince, all while Joel planted comforting kisses around your face.

“It’ll feel good in a second, baby,” he whispered against your cheek. “Tell me to stop if it’s too much.”

“It’s okay, Joel,” you assured him. “Don’t stop.”

He paused when he was buried to the hilt, giving you a moment to adjust. You weren’t completely inexperienced, but the sheer size of Joel was a lot to take.

But it wasn't long before the sting started to morph into pleasure. You felt keyed up and desperate and so incredibly full. “You can move now.”

His hands settled on your thighs as he pulled his cock out and slowly pushed it back in. Your walls fluttered around him, spurring him on. He did it again, this time plunging it harder and faster.

You gasped at the feeling, gushing around his cock and wrapping your legs around his waist to bring him closer. He set a steady, delicious pace, pounding into you the way you hadn't even known you'd been craving.

“You’re so fuckin’ tight, sweetheart. Shit. So good. So fuckin' perfect.”

You moaned at his slurry of praise, angling your hips up so he reached even deeper. You ran a hand over his back and down to his plush ass, giving it a firm squeeze. Joel chuckled fondly and traced affectionate nibbles along your jaw.

It hit you all at once that you had never been this happy before. Having Joel in your arms, buried inside you, giving you everything he could was beyond euphoric. You didn't know if you would ever feel this good again.

And suddenly, he stopped. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Fuck. You were crying. “Nothing. Just don’t stop.”

“I need you to talk to me, sweetheart.” He made a move to pull out, but you panicked and tightened your legs around his waist to hold him there.

“It’s nothing bad. I just can’t believe this is happening,” you told him. Warm, pearly tears leaked from the corners of your eyes, but you smiled in spite of yourself. “It feels so good, and I’m just…really happy it's you.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Joel cooed, kissing your tear-stained temples. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? So fuckin’ sweet. Gonna keep you forever, baby. Don’t worry.”

His mouth caught yours in a kiss that was both fervent and impossibly romantic. He tongue slipped past your lips, licking into your mouth with a tender intensity that had you mewling.

Joel resumed thrusting into you. His pace was slower, but his cock was hitting deeper. The warmth in your belly was quickly turning into a burning fire—a fire you wanted to keep on raging.

You were so close, and you knew Joel would never come before you did, but you were determined to hold out; to hold onto this rapturous intimacy as long as you could.

“It’s okay,” Joel said, as if he was reading your mind. “You’re okay.”

You couldn't stop it. Your walls tightened like a vice. You arched and trembled and clawed at Joel, muttering broken curses as he fucked you through your orgasm.

His hips faltered, his thrusts lost their rhythm, and you knew he was about to come. He probably needed to pull out. You probably needed to tell him to. But he just kept plunging his cock into you, and you kept letting him. His eyes were dark and pleading—he was begging you to let this happen.

You wanted him to do it. “Please, Joel.”

He growled a deep, rumbling ‘fuuuuck,' cock twitching and painting your walls with thick ropes of come.

He let out a contented sigh once he recovered and collapsed on top of you, burying his head in the crook of your neck while your fingers sifted through his damp hair. 

This would be over soon. Before Joel could give in to his exhaustion and fall asleep on top of you, he would remember where he was: in a decaying cabin at the end of the world with two people who needed him. Soon enough, he would stand up, dress himself, and go back to keeping watch.

You wished you could have this with him all the time. You wished you could fall asleep with him, wake up with him, and spend your days together with some semblance of peace. You didn’t want much, but you wanted that.

“Was that your first time?”

The thought only occurred to Joel when everything was said and done and he was cleaning you up. It made sense—you were young when the outbreak happened, you’d been relatively alone until you met him and Tess, and he could tell by the way your body reacted to him that it wasn’t used to such an intrusion.

“No, but it felt like it,” you replied. “It’s the first time I’ve ever wanted to.”

Joel’s heart plummeted into his stomach. His mouth went dry, his jaw clicked the way it did when he was enraged, and he felt just about ready to kill someone.

“Not like that, Joel,” you said quickly. “I agreed to it. It was...I didn’t have anything else to trade.”

Joel was destroyed, but it wasn’t even a shocking revelation. He didn’t judge you for it—he’d turned to a lot worse in the name of survival—it just made him feel sick that you were ever in that position. You deserved to be cherished and taken care of, not used and discarded.

“Do you still do that?” He almost wanted to ask if you’d ever done it for his or Tess’s benefit, but he feared the answer would crush him.

“No. Not for years,” you replied. “It wasn’t that bad, honestly. It was only a couple of times.”

That’s still bad.

Joel held you close, stroking your hair and kissing your lovely face. Maybe it was because you had told him all of that while you were both still naked, but he felt like he needed to remind you that he adored your body, as well as the soul it carried.

He also felt like he needed to apologise. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“What for?”

“Just…everything. I hate the way I treated you.”

“I already forgave you, Joel.”

Your words should have been a relief, but they felt like a hot knife piercing right into his chest. “Why?”

“You apologised, and you changed.”

“And that’s enough?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because I hurt you. I made you feel like you shouldn’t be here.” His throat ached as he swallowed down the emotion rising in him. He didn't want to sound as devastated as he felt, because he knew you would comfort him if he did, and this wasn’t about him.

“You didn’t make me feel like that, Joel,” you spoke with gentle reassurance. “I felt that way for a long time. Before I met you.”

“Okay, but I didn’t help.”

“No, you didn’t, but that’s over now. I don’t want to keep harping on it.”

“What do you want?” Joel asked. It was a heavy question, and one you hadn’t considered in so long—he knew that because he hadn’t either.

You snuggled into him, so cute and cosy it made him ache. “Just this. Can we have this?”

Truthfully, Joel was terrified, and he knew it wasn’t going to stop. He used to think that having you close like this would make it harder, but there was a strange sense of relief in having this with you. He didn’t have to worry from afar anymore. He could hold onto you, and look after you. He had you right there with him.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

Joel laid with you until you fell asleep. He wanted to stay like that all night, sleeping with you curled up in his arms. He hoped that one day he would get to.

Right now, he needed to keep watch.

a/n: im so awkward about writing smut so if that came across while reading pls forgive me. im overall pretty happy with how this turned out. i might write some drabbles about this relationship down the road, but im leaving these two here for now. thanks for reading! p.s. in order to stay true to part one, im sick again posting this. (why do i keep getting sick??)

[butterflydm]

I was watching some older Star Trek meta videos on youtube by Steve Shives - very good, would recommend - and something he said in an Odo video ("how Odo actually became Deep Space Nine's complicated conscience") really struck a cord with the issue that I have with CoT-onwards Mat. Steve calls it "the fantasy of the neutral observer" and he's describing it in the context of explaining how Odo and DS9 subverted it.

Basically, the fantasy of the man who lives by his own moral code and can be respected by both oppressor and oppressed because he "doesn't pick a side". Odo stands by justice and the law, so both the Cardassians (the occupiers) and the Bajorans (being occupied) can respect him.

But as Steve talks about - and what the episode of DS9 is about - is how placing yourself in the middle ground between oppressor and oppressed is not the moral high ground. The moral place is siding with the oppressed. Especially in the case of Odo, since he was enforcing laws... that were made by the Cardassians. And the episode is about exploring that idea and showing how Odo failed to actually live up to being a moral man by being so rigidly legalistic and how the fact that the Cardassians were willing to trust him was not a good thing, because he 'earned' that by enforcing their unjust laws.

But, yeah, it really made me kinda go 'ping' and go... yeah, that's the thing that vibes so wrong about Mat after Winter's Heart. Previously, he was a man who picked a side - he would complain and grouse and say that he hadn't, but it was clear in his actions that he supported the downtrodden and those who were in most need of his help. Siuan makes the comparison in book 3 about him being like her uncle, who went back into a burning house to save children, and that's absolutely Mat... until Crossroads of Twilight.

In CoT, though, Mat just really begins indulging in his self-pity but instead of that being coupled with him continuing to make the right choices and help people who need it despite his words to the contrary, he's just... lost up his own ass and pretty useless to everyone around him.

And once he emerges out of his ass, he seems firmly mired in this kind of fantasy of the neutral observer, where he can pretend that fawning over Tuon doesn't mean he's endorsing her worldview (because he basically just tries to pretend that she isn't a slaver except during the scenes where she rubs his nose in it and forces him to acknowledge it by her direct actions), where he treats the sul'dam and the Aes Sedai as if they're two rival football teams who just need to cool off in the showers after a tense game instead of oppressors and oppressed.

The way I put it before was "Mat has become a 'both sides have their flaws' asshole" but "fantasy of the neutral observer" works pretty well too. Mat pretending to himself that he's being a neutral observer only hurts the oppressed while helping out the oppressors (as we see in Tuon's own PoV, she is very much "take a mile if they give an inch" in terms of how she deals with other people).

Trying to stand in the middle means that you've stopped protecting the people who need protection.

In WH, Mat sees that people need his help and he goes out of his way to help them, endangering his own escape plan in the process. In CoT, he acts like Tuon is the most vulnerable person here*, despite her great position of power in her society, the way she continues to treat the people around her**, and the fact that she is literally walking around with her own personal slave at all times. He treats slavery as if it were a neutral moral topic that we should all just avoid talking about for the sake of being polite, and it's Setalle Anan (off-screen) who has discussions with Tuon about slavery. Morally, Mat acts like a coward in CoT & KoD and it's especially jarring because while he sometimes thought/talked like a coward in the earlier books, he acted like a hero.

(*this is a situation where maybe Jordan originally planned for Tuon to genuinely be vulnerable during CoT/KoD but then changed his mind when he decided to write the Outriggers, so we ended up with a situation where Mat still behaves as if Tuon is going through a character arc that doesn't actually show up on the page at all; there was a really weird disconnect in CoT & KoD about how the Seanchan were treated as a great threat in the female characters' plotlines but as an acceptable partner in the male characters' plotlines that, wow, really left a bad taste in my mouth about all three of our ta'veren dudes. But, yeah, that weirdness of "Mat acts like Tuon is undergoing character growth" when that supposed character growth isn't at all apparent in her behavior or her own internal narration is so baffling to me, and maybe even more so because so many fans seem to take Mat's words as gospel on every subject, even as they say that they love him in part because he's an unreliable narrator)

(**Mat watches as she abuses people under her power more than once during their time with the circus, with the two biggest examples being Tuon's abuse of her power over Egeanin/Leilwin, and the horrifically gross collaring scene that was the Definitive Moment that killed any possible interest I could have ever have had in Mat & Tuon as a pairing)

Now, one possibility is that all this was meant as Mat's 'dark night of the soul' and Mat was always eventually supposed to regain the morality that he lost during his attempts to court Tuon* (I guess in the Outriggers). The problem for me, as it is with Mat in all the books past Winter's Heart, is that the writing doesn't hold up. Mat's characterization takes such an abrupt turn in CoT that it damages any possible story that Jordan was trying to tell. Because I love 'dark night of the soul' stories! I love corruption arcs! I love characters being driven to choices that they hate making! Find all those things deeply fascinating. In general. But in the specific case of Mat Cauthon, the way that it was written was mostly annoying and infuriating.

(*the main pieces of evidence for this idea lie in the Jordan-dictated epilogue, specifically at word choices like Mat having 'forced' a grin at hearing that Tuon is pregnant; and the one-sentence about Mat for the Outriggers that we're aware of being him drunk in a gutter having lost everything, which doesn't sound like a 'happily married' royal living up the high life with his 'beloved' wife the Empress)

And I think a lot of that comes down to Jordan's impatience, which is something that we see a few other times in the series. Sometimes, Jordan wants to move the story along but the characters aren't there yet, so he just skips to them Being There, emotionally, without writing in the part that takes us from Point A to Point B (another example being how Rand & Aviendha are a great slow burn enemies-to-lovers romance... until it feels like Jordan got tired of writing the storyline and had Aviendha abruptly give in so that he could move along to the next plot beat).

Jordan needed Mat to get in line with his prophesied marriage in order to move the plot along, so he adjusted Mat's character to force him to do that. But he didn't have any in-text reasons for Mat's character to change so abruptly and Mat does his face-heel turn in the course of a single week off the page, and when we catch up with him in CoT, he is already treating the sul'dam and the Aes Sedai as two rival groups who need to be goosed into getting along, rather than the sul'dam having been actively torturing (two of) the Aes Sedai only a week ago -- Bethamin in particular was Teslyn's head torturer, who had just ordered that Teslyn's mistreatment be redoubled into order to break her more quickly and thoroughly.

Mix Jordan's impatience to get to the plot beats that he wanted to do between Mat and Tuon with his decision to have the Seanchan societal collapse happen in the (destined to never happen) Outriggers, and we get the mess of Mat's characterization in CoT & KoD because Mat is no longer allowed to have any kind of narrative effect on Tuon, so their relationship is entirely one-directional. And one-dimensional.

Mat's attitude at the beginning of CoT would frankly make a lot more sense if placed at the end of Knife of Dreams (aka after Tuon has worn him down to a hollow shell of the man that he used to be, rather than Mat just voluntarily becoming said shell in-between books), though I would still find it a very depressing storyline for him. Ultimately, I would have always been unhappy about Mat going from "a hero who doesn't believe he's a hero" (EotW-WH) to "immoral jackass who ignores the harm his wife does instead of standing up to her" (CoT/KoD) but the journey could have been much better written simply by being written at all instead of jumping immediately from Point A to Point B in between books.

Anyway, this is all about Mat in the Jordan books, because I do feel like the Mat-Tuon situation in the Sanderson books ends up being mostly a different kettle of fish. With some of the same issues, but Sanderson's take on them is different and, for me, actually worked better on the emotional side of things but had distractingly impossible logistics in terms of timeline and geography, and was probably equally bad on the 'letting the Seanchan off the hook for being invading slavers' side. So, it's a mixed bag but a different bag than the Jordan books.

[burningcomputerpersona]

i hate questions where they have two different options on each end of a scale and ask you to pick anywhere in between. like those are not complete opposites and my answer can't be boiled down to a certain point on the scale. either ask me two seperate questions with a yes/no scale each or just don't ask me at all

[truths33k3r4]

Day 11- Forced to Go to the Doctor/Medic/Hospital - SIW

Lotus stretched out her arms as she sat cross-legged on the couch, groaning and wincing from the tightness in her limbs left from another restless night. It was far past morning now, slowly creeping into the afternoon as the light of warm rays peeked their heads through the grates above the sewer tunnels. 

Leo had already come through the Living Room earlier, asking about how Lotus slept, to which she replied with a simple, “Fine”. As per usual, he didn’t let her curt answer slide, and pressed her for more details.

What, am I supposed to have a full essay on my levels of sleep ready? Is that a normality in this household? It’s flipping five AM. He’s lucky I’m cognitive enough to speak.

Following a pointlessly draining argument about “being honest” and “not letting her feelings go unchecked”, Leo finally walked back to his room in a huff.

Nice. Not even six in the morning, and I’ve already ticked someone off. This is going to be a great day.

Time drudged past as she remained on the couch, trying to daydream. It was always her go-to at the labs, so she might as well use it here. Daydreaming is like having normal dreams, just without the hassle of trying to sleep. It’s a one-way ticket to blissful unawareness.

“Good morning, Lo!!”

Lotus flinched and groaned as her cold, exhausted form was blinded by the blaring sun of Mikey’s voice. Slowly turning around in an unkempt lump, her eyes fell onto her way too chipper brother bounding into the room like Bambi. His infectious smile fought every muscle in her body to lift her stagnant frown. 

“G’morning, Mikey.” She groused, “Going by the fact that you’re bouncing like a caffeinated rabbit, I’m guessing you most likely slept well.”

Mikey’s smile faltered, and his eyes quickly swelled with something that Lotus couldn’t quite classify.

“...And going by the fact that you’re as sour as Sensei’s tea, I’m guessing you had nightmares… again… I’m sorry.” 

Lotus huffed a mirthless chuckle. It made Mikey’s frown fall deeper.

“Nah, can’t have nightmares if you didn’t-”

Lotus’ tongue tied itself in a knot as she watched the bright ray that was her little brother smother into a dulling flame. There were no tears yet, but there would be soon if she didn’t change the subject now.

“-Uh. I-I mean, I wasn’t sleeping on the floor, so yeah! Sleep was great! Five stars, would totally recommend spending a night on a mattress.” Lotus backpedaled, stammering and stuttering as she attempted to breathe comedic oxygen into the dying flame of Mikey’s smile.

Unfortunately, her kind of comedy didn’t always match her little brother’s.

“Why.. Why would you be sleeping on the floor??” Mikey asked carefully, his pupils growing in size, as his flame continued to shrink into a flickering spark. The compassion in his heart quickly shifted into protective anger. “What the shell did they do to y-”

“-OKAY, I’m gonna go now. It’s fine, I’m fine, I’m here, everything’s fine.” Lotus rapidly spoke, holding up her arms in defeat at her now battle-ready brother. “Just forget it.”

Lotus slinked off the couch, briskly attempting to make her exit from the awkwardness that she caused once again.

Shoulda just kept my mouth shut. Now I broke two brothers in the span of one morning. Fantastic.

Just before she reached the hallway, her conscience ruthlessly beat at her heart. Her swift movements froze as her hands clenched into fists. 

I can’t leave him like that. Just- just try to make him feel better. I have to at least try.

With a sigh, she released the tension digging into her sore muscles, allowing her shoulders to slouch and her fists to slide open. She turned her head around, just catching the disappearing form of her brother walking into the kitchen.

“Mikey?”

Her spotted brother’s head shot up in alert as he turned around to face her.

“Yeah?..” 

Lotus pushed back all the lies lined up to leave her lips, and settled for as bright a smile she could muster.

“I’m alright. I didn’t sleep great, but it’s getting better… I promise I’m okay.”

Mikey’s downcast and concern-filled expression regained some of its warmth by Lotus’ words, as he too mustered a simple but appreciative smile on his face. His small spark grew as it breathed in the air of Lotus’ somewhat good news.

“Okay. Thank you for telling me, Lo. I’m.. I’m glad it’s at least not getting worse.”

“N-no problem.” Lotus shakily spoke, as the foreign words of encouragement and optimism found their way on her tongue. She gave an unconvincing thumbs up with her crooked smile, resulting in Mikey chuckling with a confused look on his face.

“Dude, we need to work on your smile- You look like a teacher returning from summer break.”

EXCUSE ME????

Lotus’ smile quickly sharpened and contorted into a snarl.

“EXCUSE ME????” She bellowed, fully twisting her body around to face her brother, who was now stiff as a board, and slowly edging his way further into the kitchen.

Oh I’m SORRY~ Guess smiles don’t come so naturally to someone who’s been through hell and back. LEAST I’M TRYIN’ HERE!!!

As Lotus’ last frick was given, she launched herself into a sprint headed for her shrieking brother.

IT IS WAY TOO EARLY FOR THIS.

All of Lotus’ limbs ached and begged for rest, but her wounded pride remained at the helm. All throughout the lair she ran after Mikey, leaping and dodging over furniture and even nearly knocking over Raphael. Instead of rebuking her for her temper, Raph simply burst into a fit of laughter, and held his peppermint tea up in a “go, make me proud” motion. 

Not like I needed your permission, but m’kay.

Unfortunately, Mikey’s cleverness won out against Lotus’ brief distraction. Tailing her brother into an unknown sewer tunnel, she screeched to a halt to find he had vanished. 

DANG-FRIGGIN-SON OF A NINJA TURTLE.

Lotus dashed into the shadows looming throughout the tunnel, crouching and waiting for her prey. 

Mikey may be the greatest at hide n seek…

…But he’s the worst at patience.

She positioned herself at the tunnel that led to the kitchen. 

Not even five minutes later, she heard him approaching, humming to himself. The sound of his voice melded with something else… wheels?

She didn’t let the questions stop her. In one quick motion, she leapt out of the shadows, effectively blocking him. 

What she didn’t realize though, was the speed at which Mikey was skateboarding towards her. Before she could shout for him to stop, he collided into her in a screaming explosion of chaos. The air in her lungs shot out of her mouth as Mikey’s elbow slammed into her plastron full-force, leaving her gasping and panting. Her vision flashed white as her head slammed into the concrete. 

Everything went dark.

~ ~ ~

“--otus?!?! LOT-S?!?! -AKE UP!!!!!” 

The world spun as if her head was placed in a washing machine, coiling her stomach with waves of nausea. Her ears rang with pitches that made her wince.

“Ughhhhhh…” 

“LOTUS??? Are you okay!?”

The growing nausea snaking around her tongue forced her to mumble an affirmation rather than speak it. As she tried to move, a hiss squeezed through her clenched teeth by the stinging burns clawing at her knees and elbows.

It.. is way too early… for this.

“Whereee did that train come fromm?” Lotus slurred as she rubbed at the back of her aching skull. A headache had already begun forming, pulsing at the base of her cranium.

“ME? WHAT ABOUT YOU?? What’s with hidin’ in the dark? Are you okay!?” Mikey panicked, gesturing his hands at Lotus’ collapsed body. His shrunk pupils grew in concern as he took note of all the scrapes and bruises scattered over his big sister. Especially the bruise forming at the back of her head. Fortunately for him he remembered to wear his knee and elbow pads, with his gear mostly taking the brunt of the collision.

“MMMmmm f’ne.” Lotus mumbled as she tried to stand, resulting in another strained hiss. 

“EH-EH! NO. BAD. STOP MOVING.” Mikey commanded, kneeling down and gently pushing Lotus back to the ground with his hand on her shoulder. “You’re not speaking right, and you hit your head. Leo’s gonna freak if you just start movin’ around after you got a concussion!”

The thunderous migraine in Lotus’ head was pushed aside by the growing panic creeping from the shadows of her memories. 

~“Hold her still.”~

No.

~“Breathing appears to be normal.”~

No, please no…

~“HOLD HER DOWN!”~

I can’t…

~“This will sting.”~

“I’m gonna try to carry you-” Mikey whispered, squeezing Lotus’ shoulder, and then shifting to reach underneath her. “Leo will want to check you ou-”

“NO!” Lotus choked out in a shattered scream, flailing her arms and legs to deter Mikey from carrying her. The movement only inflamed the sting of her scrapes and bruises, but that didn’t matter. She was not going to do this. Not if she had a choice.

And now she does.

“NO. I’m FINE. Lay off, Mikey.” Lotus growled under her breath, riding out the swirling tides of nausea in the depths of her stomach. “I’m fine. I’ll walk it off.”

Mikey’s expression hardened into a pout of defiance. Concern still filled his soul to the brim, but there was just enough room for exasperation at the very top.

“Ah, no. Not gonna happen. I’ve been in enough wipeouts to know that’s not gonna fly, sister.” Mikey spoke as sternly as he could, shifting his voice so that it left no room for argument.

“I. SAID. NO.” Lotus ground out, barely finishing her sentence because of the creeping nausea making its way up her throat. 

The world was still spinning. Her legs and arms ached, and that pain was only intensified by the scrapes and bruises. The argument with her stubborn little brother wasn’t helping her migraine either.

“DUDE!! He’s just going to check to see if you’re broken- THAT’S IT! Last I checked, he’s not planning some nefarious scheme in the Medbay!” 

He didn’t mean that- he doesn’t.. know what he’s saying.

“Fine.” Mikey huffed, pulling back his arms and pushing himself off the ground. He began turning around. “ I’ll just go and get him, and he can carry your concussed butt to the Medb-”

“N-no..” Lotus whimpered, wrapping her arms around Mikey’s torso from behind him as she knelt on the ground. “Please, Mikey..”

The spite on Mikey’s face vanished as he felt Lotus’ body shake with frightened tremors, uncontrollable sobs escaping her in fragmented shards.

“P-please….I… I can’t..” She brokenly pleaded, nuzzling into Mikey’s carapace. “I just can’t..”

“...Why are you so scared of him?” Mikey whispered, gently gripping onto Lotus’ quivering arms around his waist. 

“I-It’s n-n-not hi-im…” Lotus hiccuped, now releasing her sobs freely despite her pride. “I-I-It’s what he’ll d-d-do.”

Mikey’s brow tightened as his eyes softened. He carefully pulled Lotus’ thin arms off him, followed by kneeling down and twisting into an embrace with his shivering older sister. He stayed silent as Lotus softly wept into his shoulder, speckling his jade green scales with her misty blue tears. When it seemed she had finally settled, he spoke.

“I go in there all the time. It kinda looks scary, and smells weird, but I promise Leo’s the best mutant turtle in the medical business. He’s always careful. And gentle.”

Lotus’ grip around him tightened.

“He’s not goin’ to do anything that will hurt you unless he has to. And if it comes down to that, he usually won’t do it until you’re ready.”

...And what happens when you're never ready?

Mikey pulled Lotus away from him just so she could see his face. His thumb delicately rubbed away her tears. He smiled.

“He’s not like them, Lo.”

More tears brimmed over Lotus’ eyes.

“Leo loves you. You’re not some science project to him.”

The panic and fear in her mind slowly began creeping back into the shadows of her past.

“He takes care of you cause he wants you to be okay.”

Lotus tried to rub the tears off her face, but they kept coming. She tried to forget the ghosts of her past but they kept flashing back. Despite the power the shadows held over her, Mikey’s soothing voice and words restrained them. They were still there, whispering and reminding her of what she’d been through, but their ghostly voices were drowned out by an overwhelming shine of warmth.

She took a breath.

“O-okay. I…I’ll g-g-go.” Her voice still shook in terror, but her words echoed of her bravery, newly blossomed by her little brother.

Mikey’s smile shone the brightest it had that morning, as he nodded. Before Mikey’s arms slid under her again, she whimpered one more plea.

“M-mike- Please move slow…s-so...nauseous…”

Mikey’s eyes widened as he gave an understanding nod, making sure to move carefully as he picked Lotus up. Thanks to his more gentle motions, Lotus’ head only mildly pounded inside her skull as he began walking to the Medbay.

The whispers of her past screamed with all their might, demanding her to run, to be afraid, to cower. But the love of her family far exceeded her past.

She knew she was safe.

She knew she was home.

THE END 

Thanks for reading! :)

~ Melissa

~ TMNTember Prompts List ~

[apenitentialprayer]

How do you get back to relationship/ talking to God when you know you’ve been distant and living without working on the relationship? How do you build the habit of talking and listening again, just involving God intentionally in your daily life? How do you start that again when it seems you just keep making the same mistake over and over and have to keep having the same apologies all the time and never get anywhere further in the relationship? How do start again and not slide back?

Well, I'll start with the last questions.

The bad news, anon? We should "expect temptation to the last breath." The vast majority of us are going to be struggling with the same sins or making the same mistake over and over and making the same apologies.

But, some good news: our relationship with God is grounded in God's faithfulness, not ours. I'm not saying that you should put no effort in, to be clear, but ultimately God wants to spend eternity with you, and as long as you genuinely want the same, He will work with what He's got. Pope Francis says, "Each time a person, performing the last examination of conscience of his life, discovers that his shortcomings far exceed his good deeds, he must not feel discouraged, but entrust himself to God's mercy" (x). You should probably just read that whole general audience that quote comes from; it's not very long. It's about the murderer on the Cross next to Jesus, whose only 'good deed,' so to speak, was entrusting himself to Jesus. God is willing to work with something as little as that.

As for the rest of what you said, about the distance, I would start again, but slowly. If you feel like you focus too much on your sins and personal failings in your dialogue with God (and if that's functioning as a 'block,' of sorts), this is what I recommend instead:

In the morning, talk to God about what your plans are for the day, and ask Him to accompany you through them.

If you have a break during the day, take a minute and pray for your needs or the needs of others.

In the evening, find at least three things to be grateful for, and thank God for them.

Confession of sin should be part of prayer, but if you find that this is the only form of prayer you're doing, to the detriment of your prayer life, you gotta break that loop. The above is just a suggestion to start with, but if you have a priest or spiritual advisor you trust, I would bring your concerns to them and listen to whatever they say instead.