#but its so clear that hes hurting
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I honestly don't know if anyone else picked up on it since I haven't seen it mentioned, but there's a bit of a generational trauma theme in ATSV, and you see how it divides the characters.
Most of those that side with Miguel (and are aware of the Canon events, since its kinda established that not everyone knew) are those that are older while those that sided with Miles, or at least eventually did, are all younger, mostly teens and young adults.
It kinda shows how the different generations perceive suffering too, where the older generation sees it as necessary or inevitable where younger generations are more prone to pointing out what they see as needless suffering and break the cycle.
What I find a bit hilarious is that Miguel doesn't see the evidence that Canon isn't absolute right in front of him.
Mayday.
this this this.
I think for Miguel specifically, he is trying to justify his suffering, and the problems he causes, by saying suffering is necessary, that all spiders must go through a specific set of traumas. does this justify what he's done? no, but, it definitely explains his actions. older generations are notorious for this, trying to justify what they went through by insisting everyone has to go through it too. at the end of the day it's kinda heartbreaking, for both parties; one perpetuates not only others pain, but their own, the other faces all the consequences.
that's why I need the teens and Miguel to make up, so Miguel can start to heal, so he can let go of this mindset, cause no one should be stuck like that, even if they backed themselves into that hole, for everyone's sake.
my "canon events" theory is that, Miguel is only half correct. a dimension has predetermined events that would happen without some form of higher intervention; whether you know the canon and go out of your way to stop it from happening, meeting someone outside of your canon and having it lead to having a baby that would otherwise not exist, someone being in the wrong universe at the right time allowing you to save 2 people instead of one, etc. for some examples. breaking these events, on top of other things like opening unstable portals or having unstable anomalies in your dimension, stresses your timeline, and enough stress can cause breaks or even collapse. the big but, where I think Miguel is wrong, is that timelines can rewrite themselves, so long as they're given time to heal from the stress and the damages it caused go a dimensions structural integrity. so for example, mayday, a child who should not exist, was born, changing the timeline, but ultimately, the timeline recovered and no harm was done. I believe that Pavitrs dimension would be fine, so long as spots black hole (at least that's what I think thats what was going on in that scene, I've only seen it once, and I got lost on some scenes 😅) is removed, his timeline can heal, and everything will be (mostly, probably) fine. that would allow miles, mile 42s situation, and mayday to exist without breaking their dimensions.
#I need the generational trauma/pain of the spiderverse to be addressed cause its hurting my heart#I hate seeing them all suffer#like sure#miguel o'hara#may not be a great guy#but its so clear that hes hurting#that he is attempting to bend the world around his perceived understanding of the world in an attempt to cope#if he heals#those around him can heal/escape their soon-to-be trauma#atsv#across the spiderverse#spider man: across the spider verse#dont attack me if my theories wrong#I'm not super well versed on this stuff yet#im just trying to make sense of what we saw in the movie#we know dimensions have collapsed#in miguels case it was because he was a long term anomaly that was constantly changing the timeline#so I think my theory covers all the bases#hopefully#anywho#hope this was coherent#I just started my summer job at a camp ive gone to/worked at for years now and spent all day with 7 year olds#im not completely coherent right now 😃👍
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i honestly don't think grian betrayed scar in the finale at all, even by final killing lizzie and jimmy
grian was abundantly clear from the start who his alliance was with: scar, and scar alone. he outright told scar on multiple occasions not only that his friendship didn't extend to scar's allies, but even that he still intended on killing jimmy as revenge. scar knew full well where grian stood with his teammates; if he didn't know, it was because he was being intentionally ignorant about it.
grian kept his promises. the closest he gets to a betrayal is when he first sets up the trap and says "we could get a triple kill," but even then, he doesn't. he goes to great lengths not to kill scar; after scar has lost his final life, he laments as to how the bloodlust made it so so tempting to just kill scar, but he couldn't because their alliance was "too strong." grian avoids using the bambunker trap until after scar is dead, and says "my only issue with this trap was that i was going to kill scar."
grian didn't betray scar. he went out of his way not to. he lived up to every single promise he made, and he didn't even force scar to feel it. because he knows how badly it hurts to watch everyone you love die in front of you. so he made his intentions clear, and in the end, he even managed to spare scar the survivor's guilt that clings to his hands like blood and gunpowder. a small mercy that was, perhaps
#i just think it's unfair to act like grian was pulling some long con with scar here#he wasn't. his bond with scar was one of the last open honest and genuine things left in his possession in the end#he didn't want to hurt scar#so he kept making it clear. “this doesn't include jimmy. you know that right? just making sure”#idk i just love their dynamic in wl its been so healing for them. they were in a good place so to see it soured like this :(#grian#goodtimeswithscar#gtws#gtwscar#wild life spoilers#wild life#wild life smp#wlsmp#trafficblr#desert duo#scarian#life series
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reassassination swap AU... fuckin.... unassassination idfk
#zeno's art#ocs#reassassination#vivica de la crux#octavia krankenstein#dr rigor krankenstein#lunette strikewhite#WEEE this one is fun#vivi is obv swapped with octavia#so she's less skittish and crazy and eager to please and more calm . still judgy as fuck tho#octavia is swapped with kranken so instead of being cool and badass she's got several screws loose#triesto seem calm and collected but really shes obsessive n overworked and unstable and a littttle bit of a total freakazoid#kranken is swapped with .... idk. lets just say the krankenstein clinic takes the role of the clear crucifix org#like instead of a clinic its a whole hospital now where kranken does crazy experiments and shit and isn't questioned cuz hes so respected#i think he was prob like canon krank before lobotomising himself so now hes just scarily quiet and soulless#but still a sadist lol#like hurting others is the only way he can feel any emotion now#lunette is swapped with umm ONCE AGAIN IDK!!! oh well. her cult replaces the clinic here#her personality is the most similar to canon shes just a bit more desperate and a little insecure#for other characters - onion is like ummm idk a wannabe scientist#if octavia is kranken's apprentice onion is octavia's#hmm idk#but i love this AU#in fact ive had it for a while i just never posted about it i dont think#but redesigning everyone was fun esp vivica's outfit its my absolute fave
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more clone^2 thoughts
you know who i just remembered ALSO has long hair? Vlad. Vlad Masters. Danny's worst enemy and biggest pain in the ass ever since he sent those vulture ghosts after his fucking dAD. Danny having long hair would make Vlad so inSUFFERABLE. Like look!! Proof that you are much better off as MY son. We have matching hair lengths! Come be my son! I will make you a halfa like me and we will become powerful allies together!
Danny almost chops it off out of spite. He ends up not doing it because he likes his hair long, actually, very much so and he's not growing it out again just because you're crazy! He's attempted to take a pair of scissors to Vlad's hair though -- THAT was a fight that got ugly. Danny's go-to threat whenever he sees him after that is that he's going to chop off vlad's hair when he's not looking - just you watch, Masters. He'll do it. HE'LL DO IT.
And if Danny wasn't keeping it a tight secret, he'd turn around and taunt Vlad about being a) a clone and b) a clone of BRUCE WAYNE. he'd say stuff like:
"How's it feel knowing my parents cloned a man richer than you"
"you're just mad that bruce wayne is more my dad than you'll ever be!"
"it could've been you that my parents accidentally cloned instead of Wayne, but instead you fucked off for twenty years instead!"
but also its a constant question Danny asks himself how he and no one else ever figured it out sooner that he was a clone. He doesn't understand how Vlad of all people didn't realize it when he went to college with the man with his parents and was also stinking rich, before remembering that he doubts Vlad remembers anyone who wasn't his parents in college, and has been a rich, recluse loser this entire time.
its a good thing though, danny's pretty sure vlad would attempt a hit on the man if he found out out of pure jealousy and indignant rage. And then he'd get his ass beat by Batman and his army of children.
All in all, Dany is a pure menace towards Vlad whenever he gets the chance, as is normal, and then Vlad's suffering gets doubled after he makes Ellie - of which she is even worse than Danny because she's the halfa that Danny Is NOt and thus has the powers to break into his house easy peasy and wreck shit. She steals his obsidian black card and goes on a shopping spree. This is a regular occurrence.
(and for anyone who isn't aware - Ellie is the same age as Danny in clone^2 bc i thought it'd be fun)
And then it gets tripled once Damian joins the family and gets caught up to speed on all of Vlad's tomfoolery and whoops, Damian's got better stealth skills than Danny and looks like Ellie has a partner in crime whenever they need to sneak into vlad's house to cause him grief.
Vlad's walls are the first canvas for Damian to test out his new spray paints on once he gets them :)
next up
Wes weston! i love this guy, he's so funny and he definitely knows danny is the Phantom in the clone^2 au. it's not as easy to figure out as it is in canon since its not just a simple colorswap, but perhaps he sees Danny taking off his mask after a daytime fight. and after that he becomes determined to reveal that quiet, strange fenton is the vigilante phantom.
he's putting some real,,, detectiveness? stalkerish? skills to use because catching photos of phantom is not as easy as it is if he were a halfa. He can't just snap a few dozen photos of fenton and phantom and then color compare the two of them either - Phantom wears a mask, and works primarily at night or in evenings, and typically avoids the living during the day. And he doesn't speak to the living either. Wes has to put in some extra work into his investigations and evidence.
He also makes the dumb mistake of cornering Danny in the bathroom one day early on and telling him he knows he's the Phantom -- now that Danny knows that Wes knows, he's going to be even more careful not to get caught. He puts in a little extra work in both Fenton and Phantom - another layer, perhaps a jacket, as Phantom, and baggier pants and boots he never wears as Fenton. His hood stays up in the daytime.
He was already putting in some extra effort to appear creepy and unsettling as Phantom - things like crouching low, tense movements, fluid movements. If he's perched on something he does a kinda-crawl like movement - think a mix between a bear and a gorilla crawl. It's weird, creepy. And he stares. Danny's mastered the art of not needing to blink for long periods of time, so if he sees you and sticks around he stares. It doesn't help that you can't see his eyes that well through his mask - its just two piercing green.
It helps endear him to ghosts and his enemies though - the annoying little human boy is engaging in ghost culture! That's eliciting some form of begrudging respect from his enemies.
And then compare that creepy, almost cryptid-like behavior to Fenton who, while considered a freak, really isn't anything more than just some dorky weirdo with occasional heart problems. He's kinda unsettling - he has those 'stares into soul' eyes - but its leveled by the fact that he's kinda just... dorky. It reads as normal, awkward kid behavior, and then gets disregarded completely as he gets older and it bleeds into 'very chill teenager'. Fenton being Phantom doesn't compute that much.
Paulina: you think Phantom is Fenton? Wes: I don't think, I know he is! I have proof-- Star: Just because they both have black hair doesn't mean they're the same, Wes. That's like saying Paulina and Manson are sisters because they also have black hair.
Wes's attempts to out him as Phantom means that Danny is a little more wary of him than he is in canon, since his vigilante identity isn't an entirely different ghost form its just him, so he has to be careful about where or when he takes off his mask in case Wes is around. Especially during daytime fights.
But other than that he has a lot of time messing with him. Wes is trying to convince his table group at lunch that Fenton = Phantom (again) and Danny just so happens to be within earshot of him and starts making fun of the idea.
"You think I'm Phantom?" and he's got the most disbelieving grin on his face that's only partially convincing. "That's totally bogus, man. The Phantom famously doesn't get along with my parents, why would I be a ghost hunter and not work with them?"
He has this most shit-eating, delighted look in his eyes that Wes knows is pure manic glee at being able to mess with him and get away with it. Wes is going to strangle him.
"Besides, dude, did you forget I have a heart condition? I can't be chasing around ghosts - my heart would give out from all that running and jumping."
Although Danny can get really serious at the flip of a coin if need be - especially with Wes when he gets too pushy about him being Phantom. A notable instance is when Wes cornered him in an empty bathroom to again talk about him being Phantom.
Except Danny, who had been working on a really difficult cold case about the death of a child, and hadn't gotten much sleep in the last 72 hours, plus a plethora of other stuff (like recently acquiring Damian, fighting ghosts, etc), wasn't in the mood to entertain him. It ended with Weston getting pinned to the wall and lowkey threatened by Danny. He apologizes for it afterwards but it's not forgotten.
Additional note: Wes Weston having a crush on Danny Fenton is a hilarious trope to me so Wes absolutely has a crush on Danny and the only one in denial about it is him. Everyone else - except Danny because he's more focused on the fact that Wes knows his identity, and has other things to worry about - knows about it, and everyone chalks up his obsession with Danny as being part of said crush.
Wes' friend: you know usually when you have a crush on someone you normally confess, maybe ask them out, pine from afar....
Wes: i dont--
Wes's friend: not accuse him of being the local ghost-fighting vigilante. Seriously, wes! His parents are ghost hunters!
Wes: i do not have a crush
Wes's friend: and ghosts aren't real! everyone knows that's a lie!
next up
Dan! Or Dante, but i'll call him Dan for the time being. Even if I dislike the name with a passion. Much like Wrath from my Childhood Friends au, Dan here is pretty different from his canon counterpart. Mostly because I wanted to experiment with Dan and different interpretations of him, and I thought; hey, where no better than an au where Danny has no powers?
so, dan? Dan is not a combination of Danny and Vlad's ghost halves -- now, don't get me wrong, danny still ends up under vlad's custody care after the death of his family, but he just doesn't fuse with Vlad's ghost.
So, what happened? What happened is that Vlad convinces a grieving Danny that he should let him make him a halfa (despite the fact that he has no idea how) because the he could go find his family in the ghost zone. Danny is in no mental state for any kind of experiments, but his hope and want to see his family and friends again gets him to agree.
It backfires. Vlad doesn't make Danny a halfa, he just ends up killing him completely. Danny comes back instantly as a ghost however, and enraged over being lied to, betrayed, and murdered, ends up killing Vlad in furious cold blood. He doesn't fuse with his ghost half, there's no ghost half to fuse with.
So a grieving ghost, Danny flees into the ghost zone. And, in this iteration, doesn't end up destroying the world. So how does TUE end up happening? Well, ten years later - with Danny remaining a forever 14 year old ghost - Dan ends up finding out about time travel. He finds out a way to travel back into the past, and he does.
So he can take over his past self's life. Danny just thinks he's fighting a weird doppleganger ghost, but ends up getting overshadowed. It's like being in a weird limbo, and Danny's not really sure what's happening - but his friends figure something out. After all, its been ten years since dan saw his friends, something has to give.
And that episode happens. Danny ends up meeting clockworth, beats Dan. But, well, it's not really happily ever after - somewhat. Ehh.. sorta. Danny's been traumatized by Dan's overshadowing - making him realize that despite everything, there are things ghosts can do that danny simply cannot and he needs to prepare for it. Onset paranoia, anyone?
Dan tells them his whole tragic backstory - there's a chance for redemption here, for him. For forgiveness. Not immediately, not yet, but its there. And he doesn't want to go back to the future - he's alone there. He's tired of being alone.
But he ends up being convinced - he needs to learn to look forward, not cling back. He can build himself up again, find new family. He doesn't have to be alone. So Dan goes back to the future.
"But come tell me if Vlad's giving you trouble --" and he smiles something wicked, "I'd be happy to handle him again"
and finally
not so much as any concrete thoughts as it is just me being emotional over Danny and Damian's brotherhood in this au and also Danny's hands. Again.
lIKE.. I put it in the tags of my reblog of my "danny's scarred hands' ficlet but im putting it here and its just?? Danny grabbing the blade of Damian's sword. Him grabbing the sword multiple times despite the fact that he knows it will hurt, that he will hurt himself. That he will keep hurting himself until Damian himself stops.
its just like??? whats it mean to spill your own blood just so that this little boy you've just met won’t have to ever again. he doesn't know any english and he is hurting you and yet you take him home and get him new clothes. he runs away and you go looking for him, every single time. you teach yourself arabic first so that you can converse with him.
this boy is a clone and so are you. you're a clone of his father he's a clone of your son - by nature of your existence this is your child. except its not your child, you don't have one, its just a little boy who happens to share the same dna as you. and you take him home and he becomes your little brother.
what's it mean when its you whose been hurt rather than him? whats it mean when you’d hurt yourself again just so that he can start to heal, so that he knows that he’s worth it? you cut your hands on his blade, catch its swing, just so this boy can know, can learn, that there’s someone who will bleed for him. that there's someone who will scar their hands just to make sure that you wont scar yours.
you’re a bleeding heart and its spilling out onto your palms. you take bloody fingers and wrap it around your little brother’s and say "its okay. it’s okay. you’re safe. no one will hurt you here. i promise. i wont let them. no one will hurt you so long as i'm around."
"put the sword down. i can show you how. let me show you how."
and damian in this au just reminds me of the song "eight" by sleeping at last. like?? the lYRICS. he is sO "eight" coded
'show me how to lay my sword down for long enough to let you through.' 'here i am. pry me open. what do you want to know?' 'im just a kid who grew up scared enough to hold the door shut and bury my innocence' 'but here's a map. here's a shovel. here's my achilles' heel. im all in palms out. im at your mercy now and im ready to begin. i am strong enough to let you in.'
"by nature of our existence we are father and son, but by choice we are brothers. we are brothers we are brothers we are brothers. and i love you"
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp dc#dp dc crossover#dpxdc au#dpdc au#ITS JUST. THEM. IM SORRY BUT ITS THEM AND I LOVE THEM.#damian's guilt of hurting danny and the consistent conversations they have from that. danny always tells damian he forgives him.#'i hurt you' 'i know' 'im sorry' 'i know'#'one day i hope you forgive yourself just as much as i have forgiven you.' 'repeat after me: its not your fault'#'youre my brother and i hurt you and im sorry. i love you.'#i should get around to making a post about the batfam meeting them but i just!!! I love damian and danny i love their dynamic#and i know that i was the one who decided that its years before they meet the batfam after meeting each other but its still just a choice#that im stil so happy about because they become brothers! they meet the batfam and they're expecting baby damian to be like how damian was#when he arrived in the manor but he's not. he's not. he wears funny graphic tees and his older brother is bruce's clone and its so clear#that they love each other. bby dames steals his brother's flannels and gets chased around by him. and they roughhouse like brothers do#and his older brother is bruce's clone and he throws damian over his shoulders and calls him 'dames' and 'dami' and 'my boy' and its so#so obvious that this clone of bruce utterly adores damian.#and i had the idea before writing this that damian's first english word is 'star' and he turns to danny and calls him star when he wants#his attention for something. he points at him and says 'star' and he doesn't do that much anymore now that he knows english#but its one of the first signs of him trusting danny when he first arrived.
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Obviously a lot of season 2 focuses on Jinx's compassion and love and kindness, what with Sevika's new arm, getting her family back, and everything with Isha. But one scene that really struck me is when Ekko tries to talk her off that roof. She pulls the trigger again and again before he can even speak cause she knows he'll change her mind. But what struck out at me was that, when he complains about being blown up, she opts instead to throw herself from the roof. She had it all planned out but would choose to improvise rather than harm someone who considers her a loved one.
#LEAVE MY GIRL ALONE#SHE JUST WANTED TO BE LOVED AND IT WAS ALL RIGHT THERE FOR JUST A SECOND WHY IS IT DENIED HERRRRRR#idk if it's cause he called her old friend or not but that doesn't make it less heartwrenching it honestly makes it more so#UGH and the fact that he succeeded in talking her down using powder's lesson#ugh she had everything for just a little bit#peace and even love with her sister. restoring her dad's mind. a daughter who made all that even possible for her. love rekindled with Ekko#and then it was all snatched away#honestly i kinda prefer her dying. like i get why she faked her death. too many memories still hurting her#but idk i like the narrative conclusivity of her sacrifice and what it means thematically#but i also like the other one so pffffft#jinx arcane#powder arcane#do i like her cause her story is incredible or because shes basically just harley quinn? the answer may surprise you#both the answer is both#jinx#arcane league of legends#arcane lol#arcane netflix#ekko arcane#tw suicide#tw self harm#god i love how every detail is just so precise. remove one piece and it cant work the same#like not only is episode 7 necessary to make their story work but also its SO BEAUTIFUL#that stromae song and fantastic are my favorites of the whole show's soundtrack#and like so many pieces of media will use licensed music but the artists will clearly have no idea what their songs are actually for#so they just make whatever. even spiderverse just kinda winged it with the music and what went where#but it's so clear the artists involved in this show knew exactly what they were making music for and man i couldn't be more grateful for it
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star flower just makes me sad, man. shes a tragic character. shes clearly a smart and charismatic cat on her own, but she spent her life being used by her dad. i dont care what the writers say, whats written on the page speaks louder, and she was somebody who obeyed her father in all manners. she wasnt just loyal- she was obedient, even when he promised her to a creepy older man, even when he killed.
and when he was gone, she was lost. despite his manipulations (if not outright mental abuse), she still loved him, wanted to bury and grieve him, was angry with his killers. but without him, she didnt know what to do. she couldnt fathom living on her own. she found a man in a position of power, one who was controlling and cruel to those around him, one who was “strong”, and presented herself to him, did everything to make it clear to him that she would never betray him, would obey without question.
she was an abuse victim groomed and primed for her next abuser, and i think its what makes her relationship with clear sky uncomfortable to so many people, even those who excuse the series other questionable relationships. its real in a very painful way.
and people blame the victim in this situation.
#stellatalks#warrior cats#star flower#dotc#abuse tw#im an abuse survivor who found myself in many friend groups where i would be traumatized over and over.#its hard to break away from something you ‘know’#and i wish star flower could have gotten a happier ending#anyways. mauling anybody who blames star flower for being in a relationship with clear sky#the guy so controlling and manipulative he already got one wife killed and drove away a second#clear sky has a HISTORY of hurting his mates#and people gave him more grace
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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God the jonelias dynamic really is insane huh. What if you'd spent your entire life being blamed for things you didn't do. What if you'd spent your entire life very aware people didn't want you around, that you hurt people just by existing too close to them. You are constantly under the impression you're being judged or mocked or excluded. Everyone else is laughing at a joke and you have no idea what it is. So you sit away from everyone and you pretend you're smarter than them and they just don't get you, so you don't have to admit they just don't like you. Because you don't know how to be likable and you don't think you could be. So clearly they just don't understand what you're saying. Obviously.
And you're searching for answers, for safety, for some way to defend yourself against what could be anywhere. What could just catch you and steal you from yourself and ruin your life, again and again. And someone died in front of you, and you couldn't do anything. You can't shake being that small. That helpless. Sitting on the sidelines, not knowing how to do anything. You want, so badly, to be at the center where you can fix it. Where you won't be small and scared and always hurting. So you join the magnus institute and you meet a man who sees through you.
He treats you like you're special. Like you aren't some stupid, annoying know it all who fumbles through everything. Like you actually know what you're talking about. He takes you seriously. He's dismissive and cagey but he seems fascinated by what you have to say, seems to enjoy prodding you for thoughts. He seems to be interested in you. Really, truly interested in you. You love it. You've never impressed the authority figures in your life. You've never made them think you're special. You are beginning to realize you love feeling like you actually know what you're talking about.
And then he promotes you. You know you aren't qualified. You know your friend could do so much better. But he's so sure that you know what you're doing, he's so sure that you can do this, and that you're the only one who can, and it makes an awful selfish little part of you preen because deep down you want that. You know you shouldn't accept it. You know you absolutely cannot do this and everyone's going to find out, but you want so badly to be taken seriously, to stop being the punchline or the helpless little kid outside that damn door. So you take the promotion, and suddenly the knowledge of all the worst things in the world is at your fingertips. It feels wrong and ugly and it feels right. You don't know how to feel about it.
You learn more about him. He is not a good person. He would kill, willingly, if it meant he got what he want. He sees you terrified and crumbling and tries to put you together again. Like you're something precious. Praises you just for being alive. (How do you deal with that? You always seem to survive on accident. You always seem to survive at the cost of someone else. Yet he smiles at you, like you're incredible, like you deserved it. Like he's impressed with you. You think about it a lot, whenever you can't fall asleep.) He's either soft and professional or cruel and biting. You hate him more and more. He is the only person you have. You desperately wish he wasn't, and you go to him anyway. He could make all of it make sense if you just could push him. But you can't, and he doesn't. But he gives you this approving little nod whenever your humanity slips through your fingers. You think you hate him more every time. You think you hate yourself for being relieved he's not scared. For not blaming you. And then you hate him again for making you this.
And then he's gone. He turned you into something else. Something that nobody wants, that not even the kindest person can put up with, and then he just left you alone. You're starving and you're scared and he's gone and he could make it make sense. But he doesn't. And you think about it. Again and again. You think you hate him for leaving you. You used to wish you'd never see him again. You think there might be something wrong with you.
You finally see him again. He's proud of you. You hate him for it. You demand his guidance, his patience, his anything like you used to. He gives it so much easier than before. Because he's proud. Because you've earned it. Because you're ready. You think you hate him. There's something else, too. Something painful. Something twisted and desperate and born out of the urge to survive and nothing more. It isn't love, but it isn't not love either.
You escape. You're free. You open a statement.
And congratulations. You're special. He favored you. He was intrigued by you, adored you, shaped you with his own hands, all to ruin the world. He tells you it isn't your fault as he uses you to destroy the world. You were the joke the whole time. He used you, like you knew he would, and it was so much worse than it ever imagined. All that fascination, all that adoration, it was all- it wasn't even fake. It just was for the worst reason it possibly could've been. You hate him more than you ever have in that moment, as he praises you, as he's so so proud of you, as he tells you you'll get used to it. You hate him. You hate yourself so much more. You want him dead.
He does not hate you. He finds you as fascinating as he did before. He talks about you like you're a work of art. You might be sick. You think you almost wish he was a good person, that he was anyone else, so you could love it. You think a part of you does, sometimes. That dumb little part of you that never went away. That will always be that starving man that just wants to be taken seriously. You think you always wanted to be the center of attention. Maybe this is his twisted form of love, translated through layers of fears and wanting to hurt.
And even in his last moments, he doesn't hate you. He fears you. He is so very afraid. He doesn't want to die. He begs for his life. But his last words are just....good luck. That's all. Nothing more. The one person you hate more than anything. The one person you wish you never met. And he is the only person who looks at you and feels no anger, no blame, nothing at all. He looks at you stealing everything he's ever worked for, and just says "Good luck." The one person you hate more than anyone else, who ruined your life more than anyone else, and he is the only person who has never blamed you for anything. He is the only person who has ever forgiven you for every horrible, unjustifable thing you've done. He is the only person who looks at you at your worst, betraying everyone you have left, and understands. In some horrible, cruel way, he understands. He does not hate you. You don't know how you wanted him to react. But he's dead. He's gone. And you do not have time to feel about it until you wake up somewhere else.
They don't know yet another reason why you're so upset. They don't know that the only person who could ever truly forgive you, could ever truly understand why you did what you did, was the worst man you'd ever met. And you can never unknow that.
Which I mean. First off, gay. But second off how do you even begin to unpack that. Jesus christ.
#jonelias#tma spoilers#JON HAS DONE HORRIBLE THINGS. AND JONAH THOUGHT THEY WERE ALL BEAUTIFUL.#JONAH SAW JON BECOME A SHELL OF HIMSELF THAT HURT SO MANY PEOPLE#THAT CAUSED EVERYONE AROUND HIM SO MUCH PAIN WHETHER HE MEANT TO OR NOT#and he thought hed grown. that hed become something beautiful. do you GET IT#and its like. to be clear. i am fully an apologist for everyone in this podcast. i Get why people were so pissed at jon#*i* was pissed at jon at a lot of points#but fuck man. do you ever think about how this wouldve just reinforced everything he viewed himself#and his situation as#and how his trauma and his relationship with elias are directly connected
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totally don't imagine little Aegon, maybe 7 or 8, playing with his toys while Sunfyre watched on, pouncing on castles carved from stone and gnaws on little wooden soldiers.
don't imagine him play-fighting with his boy. Aegon and his training sword fighting against the merciless beast that is his little golden fledgling, gently attacking playful claws and flapping wings and nipping beak, parrying when the dragon gets too close. or Sunfyre finally tackling his boy, mocking dragonfire when he screeches in his face, before nuzzling his boys cheek.
don't imagine them curling up in the sun, out in the grass or in a windowsill. Sunfyre spreading his wings over his boy to bask in the light, burying his face in the warmth of the crook of Aegon's neck.
don't imagine the hatchling perching on his bonded's shoulder. don't imagine Aegon sneaking to see him when he was sad or angry. don't imagine Sunfyre crying out in distress, restless in his den when he could feel Aegon's distress but could not get to him
don't imagine the fledgling finding his way to Aegon's window, sneaking in and curling up next to the boy as he laid drunk and miserable, coping as he wrapped around him. don't imagine him perching on the roof of Aegon's chambers, crying to him when he got too big to enter.
don't imagine his sweet little chirps and songs. don't imagine Aegon's little giggles and chuckles. don't imagine the nuzzling of white hair or the scratching. don't imagine them being happy
#they were both children once. innocent and and sweet. not yet tainted by the world around them.#and while Sunfyre held onto the light and kindness in him. a good and loyal dragon till the end of his days#the same cannot be said of Aegon#but at one point they were just a babe and a hatchling#they played with toy soldiers and cuddled with one another#they grew beside each other#Sunfyre was the light of Aegon's life and always had been#they had been *good*#||#Aegon's innocence and infancy is an aspect of him I find so interesting and I find its best explored through is dynamic with Sunfyre#Aegon was not always a monster. he was not always a cruel man who took what didn't belong to him. he was not always a sleezy drunk#and that line between good and bad. innocent and unforgivable. boy and monster#and its best explored via Sunfyre because Sunfyre never stopped loving him. he never stopped loving Sunfyre. their bond was never tainted-#by time or age like everything else in his life#you can truly see what Aegon once was vs what he became brought into clear contrast when you look at him snd Sunfyre#its so interesting and heartbreaking and makes Aegon's character hold so much weight#it makes the weight of what he became so much more discomforting and hurtful#aegon ii#aegon ii targaryen#aegon targaryen#aegon the elder#hotd aegon#sunfyre#Sunfyre hotd#hotd
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side-by-side
#mitsuai#persona 3#p3#mitsuru kirijo#p3 aigis#i have THOUGHTS and FEELINGS about the potential of mitsuai as a dynamic#emotions even#just. listen. they are the only two who can never stop fightjng shadows. who will never have peace and never leave the other world behind#everyone else has a choice. maybe akihiko doesnt feel like he does maybe he feels like he has to get stronger and keep figjting#so that no one he knows will ever get hurt again. but its a DECISION on his part to stay fighting shadows. and everyone else has left their#fighting days behind. but aegis and mitsuru??#aegis is a shadow suppression unit. she was created to fight shadows and even if she has a life and feelings and friends she will never#NOT be a robot made to fight and kill shadows. she can never stop. it is a part of her forever.#and mitsuru theoretically has a choice but. does she really? does she really? the moment she awoke to her persona she was cursed#now as the last kirijou alive she has a burden no one else could possibly bear. no one can take responsibility for her grandfathers sins.#nor for her fathers. nor for every person who worked at kirijou ergonomics no matter their innocence. no one but her.#she cant stop fighting shadows until the kirijou name is clear of guilt. and that will never happen until shadows stop existing#everyone else who survived sees have the option to put their weapons down. whether they choose it is on them but they CAN choose#mitsuru and aegis will never be so lucky#just. G-D! G-D! gnaws my arm off
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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On my walk home from the cafe I was thinking about Sanji (as one does) and how every influence in his life for 19 years screamed at him to hunker down, stay silent, and never appear weak.
As much as I love Zeff and know he loved Sanji, it's clear he has such a straight-laced and unflinching view of masculinity and what it means to be a man. The environment on the Baratie was an extension of that.
It was a machismo world where affection was hidden behind kicks to the head and insults. The kind of environment where cutting your hand or something gets a response of "what? You call that an injury? Don't cry over nothing". Where outright kindness has to be dragged out of people, and then immediately covered up with a half-baked insult.
Throw into that environmemt a little boy who is desperate to prove he's not the failure he was told he was, and out pops a man who wears his heart on his sleeve for "acceptable manly emotions" but who hides real emotions behind anger, and hides pain (physical or emotional) altogether so as not to seem weak.
Tack onto that the idea that the only surefire way to show love is through self sacrifice (his mom + Zeff), then of course Sanji will be all sorts of jacked up.
We see throughout the series how Sanji is so unwilling to be vulnerable or to even admit he's feeling hurt at all. Plaster a smile on, make some comment about loving women, and voila! He's the man's man everyone expects. No need to worry about him. After all: he's strong.
...🥺
#op meta#the news coo latest#sanji#i have like 10 different sanji-centric fics rolling around in the ol' noggin#but every single one of them features at least one scene where someone (Zoro) sees through his hyper-masculine bullshit#what really interests me is when sanji is forced to confront that fucked up view of the self he has#like for example: Zoro gets hurt and allows himself to rest or something and is unapologetically fine with being 'weak'#sanji so desperately wants to rib him for it but zoro is so stoic about it that he starts to realize 'oh...its ok...to not be ok? publicly?'#imma sit here and stew on this for awhile#Anyway the coffee from the cafe is good but now I need to go read as much Sanji trauma dump fic I can get my hands on lol#to be clear btw: i dont doubt zeff cared for sanji when he was down but i feel sanji had to be in a bad way to get the 'real emotions'
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So was anyone going to tell me Faust is a bigger menace than EVERYONE in the game put together or like. Was I supposed to play the Impossible Choices event (Vincent and Charles ver) myself. I LOVE that he's the definition of: 'being smarter doesn't make me more mature or helpful, it just makes my inherent lust for chaos/entropy all the more unstoppable' This shit FUCKS
I think this is the first time I've ever seen a character make Shakespeare's life a living hell and the latter didn't expect/see it coming, that was AMAZING. Mf was out here like "What the hell??? You lot don't make me suffer I make YOU suffer. Let a man obsess IN PRIVACY" and then nobody cared. Peak comedic interaction, no notes everyone pack it up
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp faust#ikevamp shakespeare#i got issues with his main story route (the problem is me to be clear--also god i cant stand catholicism)#but i gotta say he's hilarious in other events#im so used to incredibly intelligent characters being wooden/mature/stoic#but this guy really out here like 'What If I Made Everything Worse. As A Treat.'#and sincerely i love it for him--mad scientist is such a limiting label#i also find it fascinating he just casually said 'don't stress out the butler' to charles#WHEN ALL HE DOES IS ACTIVELY STRESS OUT THE B U T L E R IN HIS RT#aight to be fair its prbly actually favoritism considering he [insert sebas rt spoilers]#but in my defense that was not clear until like chapter 20 out of 25#i still remember being like 'faust you are arguably one of the hottest 2d men ever conceived. HOWEVER. if you hurt my nerd friend ->#and fellow ace icon i will be most put out with you.'#and then as soon as sebas was better i was like 'aight we fk heavy let's go'#also love that shakespeare lowkey wanted the company despite grousing he's just like me fr
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steel wool has the hugest opportunity in the world for a sb 2 like. vanny cassie plotline of her having been manipulated by mimic to be its new minion by framing Gregory during the elevator scene to cut off her one support system. gregory vanessa and freddy protags fleshing them out with dialogue as characters but also their motivations and what theyve been doing for years. have their long absence in games period but also in universe from helping the glamrocks/setting up mxes be explained by showcasing their fear and trauma by them just wanting to get away and they thought they were safe but they werent. have cassie be the reason they have to jump back into the fray and realize no matter what they do theyll have to kill mimic for good to be truly free even if they're afraid. plot of the game is Gregory trying to convince cassie he didnt do it and that shes being tricked and it takes all campaign to get through to her, probably after an intense dramatic climax. have Roxy be there by Cassies side to show how Freddy abandoning them at the Plex affected her and the 2 sides of the same coin the 2 of them have going on regarding sentience and their relationship with the characters they were designed to be with Freddy who got to be free and roxy who didnt. the actual vanny comes back as a big betrayal towards mimic after killing glitchtrap in hw2, either to become an antihero or to try and take over as mastermind. superstar duo reunite and names cleared. throughout the campaign Gregory finds out about ggy and its revealed in a room with documents about patient 46 and tapes where a final tape is found and Gregory speaks in it or is addressed by name. he grapples with it and not remembering it. btw setting is a modern day fallfest which is like amusement park size instead of small festival. boom peak game
#this is isnane wishful thinking but i think some of these could happen hopefully#like vanny cassie seems like such a clear direction for the story and the framed plotline with Gregory works with it so well#plus roxy being there and interacting with freddy could be a natural way to explain why 3 star fam didnt help them#and give more insight to their characters and motivations and their fear#i just feel like. if they portray 3 star as being afraid in and out and their absense isnt just an absence and#they could actually explain it and also enhance their characters at the same time#itd work so well#they were absent from the story and games for so long bc they tried their hardest to be#they were afraid and wanted to just be free and live normally and not face the mimic#so they just trapped it in a room with help from mxes#(the hw2 candy cadet story about not buying the family meal)#and then the mimic came back because they DIDNT kill it out of fear (everyone dying when they didnt by the meal)#and thats their arc is that their arc gives all the insight we could need about how sb affected them#and vanny and vanessas abuse and gregory and freddy and their family and how close they are but how afraid they are too#and that this game would be when theyre forced to confront the mimic after putting it off bc of fear#which is literslly the story the hw2 candy cadet stories tell basically#with cassie being the 'casualty'#but cassie gregorys bff being hurt and caught in the middle is what forces them to finally face their fear l#and kill the mimic#like. this makes so much sense. its such a clear direction and lines up with everyrhing#gives a genuine explanation for why cassies dad was so involved. its bc 3 star wasnt on purpose#has the foundation to flesh out everything we could possibly want to see about them#PLEASE ZTEEL WOOLLLL. PLEASE IM BEGGING. JUST SOMETHING SIMIALR TO THIS EVEN A LITTLE BUT#some things like roxy and freddy and ggy and the fallfest stuff might be wishful rhinking but like#the entire thing with 3 star and cassie and mimic is just so vivid and clear to me. it could so easily be the direction#but im so prepared for them to do something completely different and be lowkey disappointed#thoughts#theory#pre security breach 2#<-courtesy of dawko bc hes calling the idea of this game sb2. ill change it one day
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Thinking thoughts about those from Cuivienen and how they later treated the Valar, especially after Cuivienen was destroyed.
I imagine a foundation of sorrow and a layer of betrayal and pettiness. They had promised safety. And how did it turn out? Kin of Tata and Tatie their first leaders, slain in Valinor by the Dark Hunter from which the Valar promised protection in Valinor.
And then, the War of Wrath comes and with it the destruction of Cuivienen.
If any of those were re-embodied in Aman, I wonder if they make it a point to always turn their back to Valar and Maiar. I wonder if they only speak in the tongue they had first devised all those millennia ago and spoke in Cuivienen before time and different kindreds changed the tongue, not Sindarin or Quenya from the Great Journey's time or later. I wonder if they sing songs in their ancient tongue, songs about the beauty and unsullied health of Cuivienen every time any of the Ainur are near.
I wonder if the Valar feel any shame when those who they once looked upon in wonder and love gaze back at them with indifference or disgust.
#i am so normal about the elves of cuivienen feeling the betrayal worse than anyone in aman including feanor and co#they PROMISED safety from Morgoth and orcs. they PROMISED beautiful lands without sorrow. they PROMISED all that and down the line#decided Mogoth had played pretend well enough to warrant him probation during which he immediately killed again#returns to the east and sullies what beauty had been left. and then even from afar he manages to hurt those from cuivienen with the WoW#dont get me wrong i think the cuivienen elves knew there had to be war against Morgoth for him to be defeated. but the fact that the valar#decided not to only abandon those of beleriand for over 5 centuries before that AND once the war is won also abandon#those of cuivienen to watch their beloved lands drown without as much a warning must sting.#i want there to be a concious decision of 'you abandoned your promise to us twice why should we ever trust you again even in your own lands'#a 'you promised our people who folowed you safety. you didnt deliver. you promised us freedom from morgoth. you didnt deliver. in fact your#inadequacy and decision to let him loose made everything worse for us in the east. why should we ever listen to anything you say'#and thus a concious effort to shed association with Aman as the Valar govern it. they cant leave. the way is shut. but they can establish#a sticking to their own tongue and traditions without the interference of the Ainur. they've done enough. not enough and yet quite enough.#the avari are welcome should some be reborn.#i never know if i want those of cuivienen to be reborn in aman or fade into unexistence entirely both have merit and sexy hcs#but if any were reborn i think they would get along fairly alright with the exiles. kinslaying exiles? 50/50 depending on repentance#but anyone who does not believe the valar's words and respects their decision to not ever be associated with them is welcomed neutral-warmly#they teach them songs about cuivienen. the sweet waters. beautiful meadows. the birdsong that sounds extra cheerful. fish in abundance#and in turn they get taught songs about beleriand. bewitched forests. victorious battles. wild rivers. frothy shores.#it is seen as an honour to be taught a song about Cuivienen by the people who sat by its shores once. in their language/dialect/whatever#instead of in sindarin or quenya. some millenia into the 4th age tou have a surge of ppl speaking cuivienen dialect#it becomes a clear distinction of who still has fondness left for the valar and who would feel indifferent if they vanished suddenly.#this tag essay has gotten way too long again. sorry besties it will happen again.#tag essay longer than the fucking post???? help#tolkien headcanons
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the girls are fighting !!!!!!
pt 1. of 'argument'.
THUNK
for context on their fight, this takes you to the initial comic that started it all
#I spent so long on this I am a LOOOSSSEEEERRR#but ive enjoyed experimenting and developing my comic style#its fun to keep making and trying#when is pt 2. coming?? idk#kenstewy#kendall roy#stewy hosseini#college kenstewy#stewy x kendall#kendall x stewy#the last panel was me trying to capture that awful feeling#of anxiety/shame/regret/hurt when someone is mad at you and they're not responding#like ive had it and it feels like im gonna vomit. especially the silent treatment where you have to wait it out#the anxiety gets crazy#ALSO nobody cares but I was thinking of a plot at work and im implying stewy got so mad at ken-#for sleeping with rava he got drunk and like ahem gave head to a couple of guys at a party and like made out with a girl#its probably not clear but I tried to imply it with 'busy. I heard'
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