#but it’s so so important not to surround yourself with negative people

[sunsbleeding]

Thanks you to all of you who have been so kind lately, I know we don’t know each other personally but I feel like I have a lil family and I’m not alone in being treated like shit by someone who pretended to love you ❤️‍🩹 big hugs to all of you, and also all you going through a depressive episode, a dark time, or struggling with substance abuse of any sort, I see you, I understand, and there will be people you find in this life that will see you too

[drdemonprince]

any advice for coping with being on the receiving end of a public callout ?

Oh yes:

Do not acknowledge the callout publicly. It will only further its spread, lend it legitimacy, cause you to be interpreted as guilty, and convey to anyone who bears you ill will that you are rattled and feeling socially threatened.

Do not act out of urgency. One of the ways that cancelled people get themselves in far worse trouble is by spiraling due to anxiety and rushing to issue a statement about what has happened, or to attempt to socially manage public impressions about what has happened. Do not do this. Anything that you say will be picked apart and used against you. The situation is truly not as urgent as it might feel. A lot of times, doing nothing and being quiet is the best way to proceed, and the dust will settle better if you do.

Do not issue a public apology. If you truly feel that you have wronged someone, that conflict should be worked out in private with the people you have directly affected. You do not owe the anonymous public audience a damn thing. Do not apologize for something you don't honestly believe that you have done wrong. Take time and really think about what happened, and seek the counsel of people whom you trust in PRIVATE.

Do not attempt to disprove the callout unless you have crystal clear, smoking gun evidence that the person who accused you is actually victimizing you. And even then, probably don't do it. I have only seen a disproof of a callout work ONCE, and that was when Juniper Abernathy revealed the person cancelling her had been abusing her. Even if the facts are on your side, acknowledging the accusations will only make more people aware of them, give your detractors ground to criticize your every word, and will muddy the waters and make people find the situation confusing and troubling rather than clear.

GET THE FUCK OFFLINE. Delete your social media apps for the time being. Turn off notifications. Turn off DMs requests. Change your settings so that you only ever hear from people you already follow (I do this, on the advice of Philosophy Tube). Get away from the computer.

Connect with IRL friends. When you're wrapped up in a cancellation, the negative opinions of a handful of foaming at the mouth freaks loom way larger than they actually are. And social media dramatically skews our sense of social priorities such that the approval rating of complete strangers starts to seem more important than people we actually know, and trust, and who actually know us. Go get a meal with a buddy. Watch a dumb movie. Talk to your grandma about her plans for her garden. Surround yourself with real people you care about and focus on their life and problems, to help put things in perspective.

Find distracting, active, rewarding activities that bring you out of the digital space and into physical reality. Not everyone is talking about you, not everybody hates you, most people have no fucking clue what has been said about you, and most people do not give a fuck about you (that's good). There are so many areas of life that are completely fucking untouched by what a bunch of social media power users have to say online. Go volunteer to clean up a park, run some errands, take an exercise class, foster a dog, regrout your bathroom, knit a hat. Even if the worst case scenario happens and a cancellation sticks, it's really only among a certain very vocal group of miserable fucking people. There is a whole world around you that will not ever care, and you will have a life outside of this.

Good luck!!

[ceesimz]

Daydream

You go on vacation with Alexia, Mapi, and Ingrid. (Autistic reader)

Set after Wilted, which covers the journey to the UCL final. Other parts of Reverie can be found here. This is a very long but fun one!

Contrary to popular belief, travelling was something you adored - flying especially. Being 36,000ft up in the air, literally having the best view in the world with absolutely zero responsibilities or expectations? Heaven. Working in an industry that took you not only around Europe, but around the world too, really was a dream come true. And it just so happened to be that the Champion’s League Final you would hopefully be playing in, another dream come true, was hosted in one of the few countries you were yet to visit.

Portugal. It had been high on your travel list for a while, and the moment Mapi had suggested a couples’ vacation in said country after the biggest game of your life, there was no way you could say no. 

Initially, you had your doubts though. Going on vacation straight after such a high-profile game, the most important one of the season, might not be the best idea. You had faith in your team, just not in yourself. And with so much at stake, it was difficult not to worry anyway. If you lost, you’d most likely want to lock yourself in your apartment for a week before the utter embarrassment wore off. But at the same time, if you did win, the whole experience would probably be so overwhelming – in a good way, of course – that after endless celebrations, you’d most likely just want to recharge your social battery in bed. 

However, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity that you simply couldn’t pass up on. Recovering from a harsh loss on some of the most gorgeous beaches in Europe sounded like bliss, or exploring a whole new country after winning the most prestigious tournament in the footballing world might be the best reward possible. 

So, after some in-depth discussions with both Alexia and Ingrid, the vacation was booked. The first couple days after the final would be spent in Lisbon, two of the best rooms booked at a five-star hotel that allowed for plenty of time of rest and recovery after god knows how many celebrations. Then, from there, the four of you would make your way to the astounding island of Madeira, the main place that attracted you about the country. 

And when it came to the long awaited day, the dream scenario occurred: not only did you play in the Champion’s League final, you scored in the Champion’s League final. It was the winning goal too.

Football didn't really get much better than that. 

The feeling was euphoric to the highest degree, something you hadn't experienced before. You were addicted to it, wishing you could ride the adrenaline wave forever. This was why you played football, why you got out of bed in the morning, and why you chose to live even when it was difficult to want to.

To top it all off, you were surrounded by the best people whilst achieving your dream. In the changing rooms, a medal around your neck and champagne being passed around the room whilst people danced arm in arm to the music blasting from a speaker, you looked around and let it sink in that these people were your family now. They knew you, truly knew you, and even with all that knowledge they carried on loving you anyway.

You looked back on all your memories so far, when it was so terrifying to be stood in the same building as these football giants, nevermind the same room. But, nearly a year down the line, they were family. You stood in their presence, adorning the same iconic crest and the same gold medal as them all, feeling like you belonged.

That realisation winded you a bit, because it was something you had struggled with all your life. For so long, deep down, you worried that if you did achieve your dream, you still wouldn't feel worthy of it. Yet, that feeling was long gone. There was no negativity dragging you down, no voices pulling you from the moment and suffocating you in anxiety. All that was there was complete and utter joy.

So, when that sunk in, you sat down in your cubby and slumped back against the wall. The festivities continued around you, but you wanted to take a moment to capture it and live in the present. You could enjoy it later, for now you wanted to see it from the outside before you got lost in the celebrations.

You just wished one person was beside you, rather than being stuck with media commitments down the corridor.

"You okay?" Esmee had come over to sit next to you at some point, having noticed you were a little subdued.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm okay. It's... it's crazy, isn't it? To be here, with this team, this medal. I'm just taking it all in." You explained, watching everybody lose themselves in the glory high.

"It is crazy. I remember feeling overwhelmed the first time I won it here. It's amazing but a lot to take in. Don't feel... embarrassed, or something, if you need to step out. I can come with you if you'd like." The Dutch girl told you, suggesting an idea that sounded like something you could do with at that moment.

"I think I will. I'm going to go see what Ale is up to, see if she's finishing up anytime soon. Thanks though, Esmee. I appreciate you a lot." You stated sincerely, pulling her in for a brief hug.

"You too, MVP." She grinned, giving you a gentle shove as you stood up and walked away.

Just as you turned the corner out of the locker room, you bumped into the one person you were looking for.

"Oh, engel, is everything okay?" Alexia asked, her hand holding onto your hip to steady you.

"I'm okay, just getting a bit much in there. Esmee said it best, I think I'm getting a little overwhelmed so I was just going to..." You trailed off, unsure what you were actually going to do next. You didn't know the stadium well enough, nor did you know where you were actually allowed to go.

“We can find somewhere to go. Come.” Alexia took your hand in an instant. 

Little things like this, Alexia saying ‘we’ and opting out of celebrating yet another trophy with her team in favour of helping you, they weren’t little. They meant the world to you.

She led you through a few corridors, smiling and waving at a few people she walked by that lit up at the sight of her. But you were more important to her. A few polite rejections later, and you had made it to a more secluded side of the stadium where the only people there were workers. The midfielder spotted what looked like an empty office, sparsely decorated apart from a desk and some chairs. 

“Are we allowed in here?” You wondered as Alexia ushered you in and closed the door behind her. She shrugged and smiled at you when you sat on the edge of the desk. “How was the media stuff?”

“Same as always.” Alexia answered, taking a seat in the chair opposite you, shuffling it close enough that you could rest your feet on the edge of it. “How does your leg feel?” 

“It aches a bit but it’s okay.” You told her, smiling bashfully when she leaned forward and started gently massaging the underside of your thigh, the one that you injured a couple months ago and had only recently come back from. “Thank you for taking me here.”

“No problem, mi amor. It does get a little crazy sometimes for me too. I’m more than happy to be here with you. You just won your first Champion’s League.” Alexia stated with a proud grin, unable to stop herself from laughing with you when you giggled at the ridiculousness of her statement.

“You just won your fourth.” You reminded her with a shake of your head only for the woman across from you to shrug again.

“Winning it with you, it feels like my first all over again.” She said simply, as if the sentence wasn’t one of the sweetest things you had ever heard. “Did I tell you how amazing your goal was? I’m pretty sure I had the best view in the whole stadium. It was really incredible, engel.”

That compliment didn’t just mean a lot to you because it came from your girlfriend, but because it came from the world’s best footballer. Two time Ballon d’Or winner, two time FIFA Women’s World Player, and so many other awards that would take too long to name, was gushing about how good of a player you were. She complimented you all the time, but this particular moment tugged at your heartstrings so much you felt like tearing up.

“I love you.” You replied, because those three words seemed like the only ones in the world to convey your gratitude as intensely as you felt it.

For some time, the pair of you sat in that room together, in the stadium where your wildest dreams had come together to exist in one space, and relished in the present. Some minutes were spent talking, about everything and nothing, whilst others were spent in silence, simply enjoying the other’s company and coming down from the adrenaline rush that the day had been.

The only downside was that you couldn’t spend forever in an empty office, which you were reminded of when some rushed Spanish caught Alexia’s attention down the hallway outside. It sounded awfully like some of your teammates, and your girlfriend took that as your sign to leave. She told you just as much, though as she got up and headed to the door, you were glued to the wood underneath you.

One thing about falling in love with Alexia is that, over time, it’s become so much harder to hide things from her. Your resolve collapsed so quickly around her. And you were beginning to realise that you loved it. Not only did it make your life quite a bit easier, but you loved that you had a person so dedicated to you that you could be completely yourself around her, that you had a safe place for the bad to go in hand with the good. You hadn’t ever experienced that before like this.

She took one look at you and saw straight through the flat expression you wore when something was plaguing you.

“Cariño.” Alexia hummed quietly, catching your attention properly as she stood by the door with her hands on her hips. “There is something on your mind. What’s wrong?”

“I… I don’t know.” You mumbled with a shrug. Alexia moved then, coming to stand in front of where you still sat on the desk. “I guess…  I am worried about the vacation.”

“Why?” She wondered, and you sighed. It sounded silly to say that, considering you had just achieved your dream yet there you were worrying about your vacation. Luckily for you, Alexia always knew what to say exactly when you needed it.

“I have been on vacation with Ingrid, multiple times. I’ve never been on vacation with you or Mapi before. So… I’m scared, I think, of what you both might, um… think of me. Seeing me in a different light, a different environment, for two weeks straight. That’s a long time.”

Of all things, Alexia couldn’t ever have guessed it was that which was making you so anxious. 

A frown quickly formed on her face, hating that even after months of being together, you still had doubts when it came to your own relationship. If she could take them all away and carry them for herself, she would. She hoped that, one day, you would be able to understand the depths of her unconditional love and realise there was nothing about you that would drive her away.

She delicately cupped both your cheeks and tilted your head up as she towered over you, before she leaned in to firmly but tenderly kiss your forehead. A combination of physical touch and words of affirmation, your two favourite love languages, would have to do for now. 

“I mean it when I say I love all of you. I promise you don’t have to worry about Mapi and I judging you. I have been so, so excited for this vacation because I get to spend time with you away from our busy lives. Away from the pressure and the stress. We can be just us on vacation, we’re not footballers or ‘celebrities’.” Alexia said that word with such distaste, a slither of an amused smile formed on your face. “I normally find it difficult to fully switch off and relax on vacation during the summer break. But I have a feeling that it will be easy this time, because you help me relax. Did you know that?”

“No, I didn’t.” You admitted. Alexia smiled and ran her thumbs along your cheekbones.

“It’s true. When I am around you, it is like all my thoughts disappear. All I can think about is you and how… calm I feel when you are around, like everything is as it should be. How happy you are, how carefree you can be, I love it so much. I’m so excited to wake up with you every morning, to go to sleep every night with you, to spend every day with you. You are my favourite thing in this world, engel, nothing could change that.” 

Her voice was so soft and sincere, it left no room for any more of your doubts. All you could think about after she finished talking was the adoration in her voice when she spoke about you. 

“I’m excited to spend every day with you too.” You whispered shyly, a sheepish smile on your face. 

Alexia beamed with a smile then, and her hands dropped from your face as she sat back down in the chair from before. With confusion etched all over your face, Alexia chuckled before she carefully slid you off of the desk and onto her lap, sitting you sideways and turning your head to face her with one hand under your chin. The other arm wrapped around your waist to keep you secure in the position, and when she knew you were comfy, she leaned in and kissed you. It didn’t last too long simply because of the smiles on your faces.

The blonde rolled her eyes as you laughed quietly, a grin full of unbridled joy on Alexia’s face as you rested your elbow on her shoulder and started combing through her hair in a soothing gesture. You hoped the minor action would communicate how grateful you were for Alexia and how she always knew exactly what you needed to hear, even if your words couldn’t get that point across.

“We will have the best two weeks ever.” Alexia sighed in contentment, her eyes falling shut as her forehead fell forward to rest on your cheek.

“If I carry on doing this, you’ll fall asleep, won’t you?” You teased after a moment of quiet, shaking your head when Alexia hummed noncommittally.

“No, because I am thinking about how I get to see you in a bikini everyday for two whole we- why did you stop?”

“I can’t believe after the conversation we just had that you would say that.”

“It’s the truth, I can’t wait to- ow! Don’t pinch me like that, cariño!”

—

A day as monumental as the Champion’s League final where you were running on adrenaline the whole time, it either led to an energy dump where you slept for twelve hours, or to a night where you didn't sleep at all. 

On this occasion, it was the latter. There were so many feelings coursing through your veins and, not even Lisbon’s top hotel with the comfiest bed you’d ever seen with your girlfriend beside you could lull you to sleep.

Sleep was something you'd always struggled with, even since you were a baby, so you were well versed in dealing with it. When it hit 7am the day after the final, despite the fact you and Alexia had only reached your hotel room after 2am, you got ready for the day and headed out on a walk.

The previous night of celebrations was the cherry on the cake of the biggest win of your life. Most of your teammates were so drunk, you'd be surprised if they even remembered their own names when they woke up, but you remained sober the whole time. It allowed you to take everything in, to bottle up the experience of winning the one title you had dreamed of all along so that you could remember the feeling forever. 

So you walked mindlessly around the city of Lisbon, looking around in awe at the sights and scenery around you, until you found yourself along the coastline. You found a bench and sat with the beautiful view and your thoughts. With the city waking up behind you as the waves lapped against the cliffs below, it was then that everything sunk in. You weren’t sure how long you stayed there, deep inside a daydream about how far you’d come. 

You thought about your time in Norway and all the challenges you had faced there. You thought about Germany and everything you overcame even when it seemed impossible. You thought about Spain and how much you’d achieved but not in terms of football, even though a quadruple was pretty damn impressive. Instead, you just smiled, because all you could think about was the fact that yes, you’d had meltdowns and days where you couldn’t physically bring yourself to get out of bed, but those were things that would happen no matter what. What was different was how open you were, how you allowed people in even when your brain tried to reject the vulnerability you desperately wanted. Those things and many others had enabled you to perform better than you ever have before, as well as letting you get close to your team in ways you never had in the past… literally.

It was only when you heard a certain Spaniard calling your name that you realised you had been sat there, watching the world go by for god knows how long, paying no mind to your actual life instead of the endless stream of daydreams going through your head.

“Hola, preciosa! What are you doing here?” Mapi slid into the space beside you with a cheerful grin, a pair of sunglasses seated on her nose with the string you always teased her for around her neck.

“I went for a walk, couldn’t sleep.” You told her with a smile, watching as she nodded before averting her eyes to the view in front.

“No, I didn’t sleep much either.” She hummed distantly, a hint of a smirk on her face that had you scoffing.

“I think I can imagine why.” You muttered, shaking your head at how her smirk only deepened.

“Sí, they have really great champagne at our hotel, you know? Makes for a fun night.” With a roll of your eyes, you elbowed the defender in the side and grinned at the yelp of pain she let out. “You are just jealous.”

“Sure. The only thing I’m jealous of is the fact that Alexia is back at the room sleeping still.” You grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest. Mapi’s excitement faltered a little then, a small frown forming on her face as she slung an arm around your shoulders.

“You did not sleep at all?” She wondered in concern.

“No. Not for a second.” You sighed, leaning into Mapi when she pulled you closer to her side.

“That is what vacation is for- staying in bed the whole time.” She said, before pausing. “Ay, I did not mean for that to sound… dirty.”

You rolled your eyes yet again, though you smiled regardless. You really valued your friendship with Mapi. She didn't have to be your friend just because you knew her girlfriend, but she chose to anyway. That wasn't something you took for granted.

“How'd you know I was here anyway?” You asked out of curiosity because really you had no idea where you were.

“I was going to get some coffee for me and Ingrid from a place a few streets away from here, then I saw your location so I came to check on you.” She replied simply, a sweet smile on her face that emphasised the kindness embedded in her words. “So, how are you?”

“I'm tired but okay. I'll live.” 

The defender to your right nodded in understanding, though the two of you fell silent after that. All that could be heard was the coastal city waking up behind you and the waves hitting the rocks below. It was peaceful, perfectly serene, and exactly what you needed after such an intense day. In fact, the landscape around helped to ground you. Not everyone has the chance to experience playing football in front of tens of thousands people packed into one stadium, which also means not everyone understands how strange it is to go from that company to this silence, save for the sound of the passing world. Those two contrasted each other so heavily, even after being in this career for over a decade, it was still hard to get your head around it. That was one of the reasons why you eventually decided that this vacation would do wonders for you.

It served as a perfect, necessary reminder of what your life actually was away from the football pitch when you were getting so wrapped up in the intensity for it. If you basked in that intensity for too long, it would do more damage than good. So yes, the vacation was a tremendous idea, because being sat there with one of your closest friends and taking in all of the calmness that the earth had to offer was so important to you and your mental health.

“What about how you feel after winning your first Champion’s League?” Mapi turned back to you and asked a question she hoped she would hear a positive answer to. Ingrid and Alexia had both been aware of your struggles with impostor syndrome and feeling like you belonged, so the query was a bit of a loaded one. She couldn’t have been happier for you when she heard your response.

“I feel good. I’m overwhelmed, but not… not in a bad way? Like, I don’t feel anxious at all, which is new. I just feel happy. It’s all sunk in this morning and I don’t feel like I’m drowning under all the new emotions I feel. I’m… happy. My chest doesn't feel suffocated like it does when I feel anxious, it feels light because I know I'm happy. And I'm proud of myself.” 

You were proud of yourself. 

That was a statement you had probably never made and meant it until that moment. But you were proud. You made this life for yourself and you allowed yourself to reap the benefits and thrive, anxiety-free. This might be the peak of your career and you weren’t even afraid of that fact, it didn’t fill you with fear or doubt. It filled you with pride.

“You should be so proud of yourself. I am so proud, Ingrid I know is so proud she could cry. She did cry actually, when we were walking back to the defence after you scored yesterday, I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes.” Both her arms came to wrap around you as she squeezed you tight, somehow resting her chin on top of your head despite being the shorter one.

“She's gonna be mad that you outed her like that.” You said, but there was love swelling in your chest at the thought of your best friend being so happy for you, she basically cried. That was unfathomable to you.

“Hm, well, she's done worse to me. She will forget about it when I bring back coffee and breakfast in bed to her. You want to come with me, get something for Ale? It is easy girlfriend points.” She grinned at you and it was easy to give in, not that it would have taken much convincing anyway. 

“Sure. You have to lead the way though, I have no idea where I'm going.” 

Mapi did lead the way, taking you to a café hidden away in a side street that had the most amazing pastries on display in the window. Even hours later, Alexia hadn’t called yet, which you knew she would when she woke up, so you took that as a sign that the blonde was still asleep. She’d had a few drinks at the party but not much, though you figured she would still wake up feeling a little rough. As you waited for Mapi to order, stood in the queue behind her, you smiled at the thought of Alexia still snoozing away back at the hotel. And as ridiculous as it was, you couldn't wait to get back to her.

A while later, you let yourself back into the hotel room, a cardboard drinks tray in one hand and a paper bag in the other. The door shut too heavily for your liking behind you, and you grimaced at the disgruntled huff that came from the bed in the main room. Though, you couldn’t help but laugh quietly at it as you padded your way over to where the sound came from. After placing everything down on the bedside table, you slipped your shoes off and clambered onto the bed. Alexia lay on her stomach, her arms crossed under her pillow as she hid her face to block out the light.

“Alexia.” You hummed, lying beside her and leaning up on one elbow whilst your other hand softly ran up and down her bare back, save for the sports bra she wore. “Wake up, Ale.”

“No.” She grunted, not moving an inch. You laughed again at her, to her annoyance, and she turned her head in your direction to glare at you with one eye. 

“It's ten in the morning, lazy bones.” You whispered, shifting down the bed and copying her position, your faces now right in front of each other.

“Shh. No hables.” She grumbled, closing her eye again and letting out another huff. “Sleep.”

“I can’t sleep, sleep is boring. Waking up to make your girlfriend happy is so much better.” You couldn’t see her mouth, but you saw the way the corner of her eye creased, a sign that she was secretly smiling. She unfolded one of her arms from under her and slung it across your back, pulling you a little closer.

“You did not sleep?”

“No.” You responded dejectedly a few seconds later. Alexia could hear the frustration in your voice, even in her tired state. “I went for a walk instead. And I got breakfast too.”

“Hm, what did you get?” She opened her eyes properly then, and you smiled at how sleepy and peaceful she looked, more than all the times you had seen her in the mornings beforehand combined. If this was the version of her you got everyday for the next two weeks, you weren’t sure you could let it go.

“Coffee for you, and some food. You can decide what you would prefer though it might be the end of us if you choose wrong.” The midfielder hummed and smiled over at you, her hand moving to cup your cheek and stroke the skin there with her thumb.

“You brought breakfast.” She murmured, looking at you so earnestly soft, you didn't know what to do with yourself under her gaze.

“And coffee. For my amazing, lazy girlfriend.” 

The blonde didn't even retaliate to your claim this time, she was too wrapped up in you. And as you turned over and sat up to reach over to the bedside table to grab the food and drink, a strong arm pulled you back by your waist.

“Good morning, campeona.”

She smiled lazily before surging up to slowly, tenderly kiss you. It distracted you, pulled every thought from your mind, and you gladly indulged in it, because you could. Because you were on vacation, and you had all the time in the world to kiss your girlfriend as much as you wanted for the next two weeks, just like she had promised. 

“What did you get?” She wondered when she broke it off, not a hair out of place meanwhile you were breathless and a little mindless at her actions.

“Um…” You breathed out. “I-I got you a coffee, and then some pastries and a smoothie bowl. Your choice what to have.”

“I think I remember you saying you will break up with me if I have the pastries so I will choose the smoothie.” She smirked, though rather than sitting up she simply just laid back down again. “But I would prefer to lay with you for a bit because I think it is unfair that you left me before I woke up.”

“Unfair? I got bre-” You were cut off by two hands carefully pulling you further down the bed and a body landing heavily on top of you. “Ale, what about breakfast?”

“Breakfast can wait. I want to cuddle with you.”

There was a part of you that knew these next two weeks could quite possibly be the best of your life.

—

The couple days in Lisbon were exactly what you hoped for them to be. A lot of time was spent relaxing, whether that be beside the pool or in the spa or in your hotel room. On the final night, the team held a celebratory dinner at a nearby restaurant that was as chaotic as anyone would expect. All of them went out afterwards to some bar or club, but you decided to slip away quietly with nothing more than a simple text to the group chat and another to Alexia. However, just as you rounded the street corner to get back to the hotel, a hand grabbed your arm and scared the life out of you.

When you turned around, there Alexia was. 

“You didn’t tell me you were leaving?” Alexia frowned, a little breathless from running as she came to stand in front of you.

“Those things aren’t really my scene. I thought you would have wanted to stay and celebrate with the team.” You said shyly, crossing your arms over your chest and looking anywhere but at her eyes. If you had been looking at her then, you would have seen the utter confusion on her face as she frowned impossibly more. 

“No, amor, I want to celebrate with you.” She stated firmly, gently pulling you into a tight hug and kissing your cheek. “You are part of the team, you are my family. I am pretty sure you are my soulmate, so of course I want to celebrate with you. There’s no fun going to a bar and watching them all get drunk when I know I could be with you. You are always my first choice.”

You couldn’t help the bashful smile that forced its way onto your face where you rested your forehead on her shoulder, and you unfolded your arms from between you both to wrap loosely around her waist. Despite the guilt you felt at dragging her away from your teammates, you couldn’t help but revel in the fact she had chosen to stay with you instead. Even if it was just another evening spent in the hotel room, neither of you could deny that it was so much better than being surrounded by twenty-something drunk people, especially with a flight to Madeira the next morning. 

Said flight was painful for a certain Spaniard, and it wasn't your girlfriend. You and Alexia arrived bright and early at the airport, checking your bags in before heading for breakfast at one of the restaurants they had there. About half an hour after you arrived, Ingrid showed up with an amused look on her face, which was initially confusing before a rough looking Mapi rounded the corner. She had sunglasses on, headphones, a hat, and her travel pillow around her neck. You and Alexia couldn't help but laugh.

“Don't annoy her. She's threatened to cancel the villa booking since it's in her name.” Ingrid murmured, sliding into a chair beside you as the defender slowly made her way over. 

“Oh, she wouldn't dare.” Alexia grinned, and you could tell by the glint in her eyes that she was about to fully take advantage of the situation approaching her. That situation being a very grumpy, very hungover Mapi León.

As soon as the shorter woman sat down, Alexia patted her on her back in ‘greeting’ before slinging her arm around her shoulders and yanking her headphones off. It only got worse from there. 

The seats for the flights were in pairs, two in one row and another two behind them. Rather than sitting with you, Alexia quickly side-stepped Ingrid and took her seat next to Mapi. This side of her was something you didn't see often, but you couldn't lie and say you weren't loving it. She had turned into a menace towards her best friend, there was no other way to describe it, and if Mapi wasn't so annoying like Alexia was now all the time, you and Ingrid might have felt bad. But you didn't.

In fact, the in-flight entertainment provided by your captain was better than any movie you could have watched. You knew Mapi would get Alexia back when she wasn't feeling like she'd been run over by a truck, but you kept your mouth shut for your own selfish wishes to see them both bicker it out for two weeks. Ingrid barely blinked an eye at the two’s behaviour, she had seen it for the past four years she'd been at Barça, whereas it was still a novelty to you and you thought it might always be.

“I’m not sure those two will make it out of this vacation alive, nevermind as friends.” Ingrid commented, making you laugh as you heard Mapi scold Alexia once more whilst your girlfriend pleaded her non-existent innocence. 

You both watched the pair of them for a little longer before you dived off into conversation of your own, leaving those two fools to their own accord. It was a fairly short flight, so a little over two hours since you found your seat, you were heading down the steps with Alexia behind you as Mapi stormed off ahead. 

Not that you were entirely surprised, the taxi ride to the villa was mostly silent, even when you arrived outside the beautiful house that had been rented for your time here. The shorter defender gave a very brief, mumbled explanation of the layout before trudging away to the bedroom she had apparently designated for her and Ingrid. The door slammed shut behind them, and you had a feeling they, or Mapi at least, wouldn’t resurface until the evening. That left you and Alexia to your own accord.

Your girlfriend was glancing around the room still as you looked over at her with a shyly excited smile, your hands fidgeting with the straps of the rucksack on your back like a child on their first day of school. Alexia took in your silence and sensed your gaze, so turned to look at you, a grin of her own forming.

“I think it’s about time we did some sunbathing, hm?” You suggested, noticing the glint to her eye much the same as the one back at the airport and giggling as she nodded emphatically. 

“And I think you should let me choose which bikini you wear.” She murmured, reaching out to link your fingers together and nodding her head for you to lead the way to the bedroom. 

It was beautifully decorated, exactly as you pictured a Mediterranean AirB&B to look like, and the view outside was even better. There were some sliding doors leading directly out into the backyard, where there was an outdoor kitchen you could already imagine Alexia and Mapi fighting over who was the chef, as well as a pool and some garden furniture you wouldn’t mind having in your future home one day. Hopefully with Alexia. And maybe even in Barcelona, permanently.

A small amount of unpacking was done, but you both were honestly too eager to transition into vacation mode to focus on boring details like that. As promised, you let Alexia choose which swimsuit to wear and she ushered you into the ensuite to change whilst she picked out one for herself. You finished up before her, so you opened the door to find her staring out the glass at the view of the ocean beyond the garden whilst she finished tying the last knot of her bikini bottoms. She hadn’t heard you, as far as you were aware, so you quietly padded through the room to come up behind her.

Gently, without spooking her, you wrapped your arms around her bare torso and settled against her back, sighing contently. Your hands sat on her hips where there was only a small string separating you from her soft skin, and her larger hands covered yours when she moved them. Neither of you spoke, both more than happy to indulge in the silence and the company of the other. 

This, you could quite confidently say, was bliss in all its entirety.

Hundreds of miles away from home with nothing planned but to spend time with your girlfriend and two of your closest friends. Doesn’t get much better.

—

“Alexia, for the last time, hurry up!” You groaned whilst pounding your fist on your shared bedroom door. 

You, Alexia, Mapi, and Ingrid were all set to go for dinner on the third night, finally deciding to actually spend time as a four rather than staying in separate sickeningly-sweet loved up bubbles as couples. However, Alexia had kicked you out of the room as she finished getting ready, leaving you stuck in the lounge with two women that could hardly bear tearing their eyes away from the other.

“What is she doing in there?” Mapi asked in amusement, a smirk to her face that only added to your frustration.

“I have no idea but she is going to make us late.” You sighed, slumping down on one of the sofas. 

Still, a few more minutes passed by and there was no sign of Alexia. The three of you could hear her in the other room, yet you were left alone with two women that looked like they wanted to jump each other’s bones everytime they caught the other’s eyes.

“Can’t you guys stop eyefucking each other for more than five seconds?! God.” You scoffed, shaking your head as Ingrid blushed and Mapi grinned manically. 

“I cannot help it. Look at her!” The defender argued, only for the bedroom door to open as she was talking.

“Look at who?” Alexia wondered, trying to hide her smile when everyone in the room turned to her, especially you. “We can go now.”

“Finally.” Ingrid grumbled, grabbing Mapi’s hand and leading her outside where the taxi was waiting. 

Meanwhile, you were still hung up on the sight of Alexia. More specifically, the dress she was wearing. There hadn’t been many other occasions for her to wear something like she was now, considering you had gotten together in the Winter and had been busy with the tail end of the season… until now. Maybe your behaviour was a little objectifying but you knew she wanted that reaction out of you. Well, she had gotten it.

“Engel?” She hummed, trying to avert your attention back to her eyes. “Oye.”

“Hm?” You blinked up at her, rather gormlessly. Then you snapped back into reality and out of your… daydreams. “Sorry! You just… ugh.”

“I guess that is a good reaction?” She smirked when you dropped your head into your hands. 

“When the hell did you buy that?!” You exclaimed as you abruptly stood up, eyes almost bugging out of your head.

“After the Madrid game! You were in bed next to me when I was ordering online!” Alexia laughed at the situation she found herself in; deep down, a tiny part of her was weirdly proud of herself for guessing that you'd react like this. She was learning, something she worried about. Even if this occasion was unrelated to it all, and only about your… attraction. To her.

“Well, I- it's ridiculous! Ridiculous that you are dressed like that! And I thi- this is unfair! Taking advantage!” Safe to say, your mind was in overdrive. 

“I'm taking advantage? I had to tell you to look at my face!” This back and forth, it was addictive. It wasn't arguing, it was a love language.

“Because you look too fucking good for me to react normally!” You pinched the bridge of your nose and took a deep breath, attempting to regain some composure. All it took was one look back at Alexia for it to fly straight out the window. “Okay, we have to leave, like, right now.”

At that, you turned on your heel and started marching towards the door. Only, there were footsteps following behind you that sounded awfully faster than your own. That thought became a fact when a hand grabbed yours and stopped you in place by the front door. Before you knew it, a body was in front of you and two hands were on your face, tilting your head up as lips crashed against your own.

It was the kind of kiss that melted your mind completely, your mouths moving together in a perfectly rehearsed harmony, charged with hunger. You didn't have time to think as Alexia controlled it, deepening it and suppressing her grin when you whimpered desperately. Dinner was the last thing on your mind at that moment, but the same couldn't be said for your girlfriend, who pulled away just as you had caught up. 

“Come on. Let's go.” She said simply, using her thumb to wipe away a bit of smudged lipstick before turning to open the door. You were frozen on the spot still, since your world had stopped turning when the blonde had kissed you and it was taking a little while to start spinning again. 

“You… kiss me like that again and we'll never get anything done, ever.” You replied breathlessly, staring up at her like she was the only person that existed apart from you.

“No, I can think of many things I would do.” Alexia shrugged, the corner of her mouth twitching with her stupid smirk.

“The universe hates me.” You grumbled, pushing her out of the way to open the door and storm out.

And it was just your luck that you opened the door to the taxi and the last seat available in the back was next to Mapi. Alexia had already taken up the front seat beside the driver.

“Can't you guys stop eyefucking each other for five seconds.” The shorter defender mocked in a high pitched voice under her breath, yelping and almost scaring the driver when you elbowed her sharply in the side.

After that incident, the four of you made it to the beach-side restaurant thankfully unharmed. When you arrived, the sun had just begun to set, turning the sky a hazy orange colour that perfectly matched the beautiful set-up of the restaurant. 

Your table was right beside where the golden sands of the beach began, trailing off into the distance where the calming ebb and flow of the waves began. You knew, as you took your seat so that the view was on your left, you would most likely spend more time gazing off into the horizon than partaking in the dinner conversations. What was even better, though, was the fact that none of the three you were with expected anything less, yet they still chose your company time and time again. Alexia sat beside you to your right, and once the starters of the meal had been decided, your eyes immediately averted to the left. It didn’t take long before a hand settled on your thigh, palm facing upwards for you to hold with one of your own whilst the other took turns fidgeting with her rings, her bracelet, or just mindlessly tracing shapes across her already tanned skin.

There was something so comforting about being in a group of people that were your closest friends, knowing that the rest of them would happily take up slack of the conversation whilst you sat and listened. It was weirdly relaxing, being surrounded by people you love, and who loved you enough to let you unmask and bask in their company in whatever way you wanted to that day. Turns out, you were in a quiet and content mindset, having let go of the inhibitions that held you back in most other settings and being whole-heartedly yourself. Not for a second did Ingrid, Mapi, or Alexia shy away from that, and whether you were in a mood where you could talk for the whole of Europe, or you just wanted to mindfully enjoy the setting you were in with the presence of your favourite people in the world, they were happy because you were happy. 

Shortly after the dinner orders were placed, the starters came and went, the other three passing their dishes around for each other to try them whilst you were more than content with your own… even if Mapi did try and steal some off your plate. It was then that one of the waiters came over and said the main meal might be a little longer due to it being a busy evening, something that didn’t bother any of you, not much could in such an incredible location. But, you decided to come up with an idea to pass the time after seeing others scattered up and down the beach doing the same thing.

“Ingrid, come with me to take some photos on the beach. The lighting is perfect.” You suggested, your best friend nodding eagerly and immediately standing whilst reaching for her own.

Before Alexia and Mapi could get a word in, you and Ingrid were already out on the beach, shoes slipped off and left behind as you walked closer to the sea. The two Spaniards allowed the silence to sit between them as they both watched the women they loved, separate soft smiles on their faces that held the same meaning. They let it be for a while, occasionally sipping from their wine and laughing at something you and Ingrid did, until Mapi spoke whilst her eyes stayed glued to her girlfriend.

“Those two are something, no?” She commented, Alexia humming in agreement as her smile grew wider, cheeks starting to ache. Mapi turned to look at her then, though there were no teasing tones to her voice, only sincere honesty. “I heard a movie director say something once. He said that time goes on but friendship doesn’t age. When you have known someone from when you were younger, no matter how old you turn, when you’re together again you instantly revert back to being the ages you were when you met. Those two met when they were teenagers, and when they’re both in this mood together, it’s like they’re sixteen all over again.”

Alexia looked at her friend, her eyebrows raised a little, not expecting the defender to say something… quite so profound. She’d hit the nail on the head with it though, because when she turned back to her two favourite Norwegians, all she could see was a joy that wasn’t quite childlike, but something strangely akin to it. The realisation made her heart ache, unknowingly raising a hand to rest over the organ that had been unnoticeable to her before you came along. You had stoked the fire and made it come alive, she believed, even if that made no sense at all.

“Since your girl moved here, I have seen a different side to Ingrid. I feel like I have fallen in love with her even more because of it.” All Alexia could do was nod, because she was truly speechless. Anything she could say in that moment wouldn’t live up to the pricelessness of the conversation.

Meanwhile, some hundred metres away, you and Ingrid were none the wiser.

“What is happening over there?” You said to Ingrid, distracted by the two left back at the table as they… stared at each other? 

Ingrid, behind the camera as she photographed you in front of the ocean and the setting sun, stood up straight and turned around. She huffed in amusement at it and shook her head, turning back to her phone to look at the photos so far.

“They’re probably in some kind of stand-off. Idioter.” You smiled at the Norwegian term directed at them both, but it didn’t exactly seem like they were arguing.

“No, it looks like they’re both in some American movie, like they’re about to stand up and dramatically hug the life out of each other. Like it’s the first time they’ve seen each other since coming back from the war or something. So dramatic. I’m weirded out, and a little scared to go back over there.” Ingrid laughed and you did too, laughing at the ridiculousness of your words and whatever was happening back at the restaurant. 

You joined them not so long after, the Spanish pair seemingly have gotten over whatever it was that was happening and brushing it off. You figured that it didn’t matter and forgot about it as soon as your dinner was placed in front of you later, though Alexia had pulled your chair a little closer when you had sat down, something that had you blushing unnecessarily, which Alexia didn’t miss. 

However, Mapi’s words had sparked something in Alexia, adding fuel to the fire of a thought she'd had for a while already. You could tell there was something on her mind throughout dinner, when you weren't distracted by the scenery around, but you decided to leave it until you got back to the villa later. 

The thing is, from the moment Alexia realised that she might actually have a chance to love you, she was worried that she wouldn’t be the right partner for you. So she made an oath to be the best version of herself, the most selfless and dedicated and caring partner she could be. It had worked out so far, though she was only human after all. The doubts still crept in, sometimes keeping her up at night, anxious that she didn’t know enough or that she wasn’t trying hard enough. She worried, overall, that she wasn’t enough. If only she knew.

“Alright, what’s up with you? What’s on your mind?” You hopped up on the bathroom counter later that night as Alexia stood in front of the mirror to take off her makeup. 

“Nothing, why?” She brushed it off, saying the one word that meant the exact opposite to what it tried to convey.

“You have been oddly quiet since dinner, Ale, I wanna know you’re okay.” You told her, watching the tiny frown that tugged at her lips at how she’d been caught out. 

She washed her face quickly, drying it afterwards on the towel before sighing and turning to lean back against the countertop as she figured out what she wanted to say. Opening up about months worth of anxiety wasn’t what she planned for vacation, she had spent so long shoving them down and hiding them, she never really… planned for them to become a shared thing. Just a burden she didn’t want to drop upon anyone else. 

“You don’t need to hear it, it’s nothing, really.” She shrugged. You saw right through her, like always.

“No, what I need is for you to be okay, and not encumbered by thoughts that would be much easier on you when you can tell me. A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.” You told her, smiling softly when she turned her head to look at you. She nodded then, and you didn’t miss the gulp when she averted her eyes away again.

“I make you happy, right? I… am I a good girlfriend?” Her voice, even in the quiet of the bathroom, could hardly be heard. But you heard it all, from the vulnerability and fear in her tone to the gravity of her words.

“Come here. Stand in front of me.” Even though she was confused, she did as you said and stood between your legs, unable to stop herself from leaning into your touch when your hands settled on her cheeks. “I can’t fathom that you have these thoughts, Alexia, because loving you and being loved by you is the best thing to ever happen to me. Nobody makes me feel the way that you make me feel. Nobody makes me feel more seen, and… normal. Like I’m more than the label I got stuck with. You don’t make me feel like I’m childish for needing more help with things than most people my age, you don’t make me feel stupid for not being able to cope with certain environments, and you definitely don’t make my meltdowns seem so scary when… I know you’re there to help me pick the pieces back up. You make me the happiest I have ever been, and, to me, you are the best person in the world.”

Alexia didn’t quite know what to do with herself, under your gaze as you spoke the most meaningful words she thought anyone had ever said to her. Her eyes burned with the threat of tears, and to hide that, she turned her head to quickly peck your palm before moving forward and wrapping her arms tightly around you. She carefully slid you closer to her on the counter, so you crossed your ankles behind her back and returned her heartfelt embrace, knowing it was the one thing she could do in that moment to try and express her gratitude.

One conversation wasn’t enough to entirely dispel her doubts, you both knew that, but Alexia was caught off-guard at the effect your words had on her. Then again, she was always happy to be surprised by you and each unravelling of your character, because like Mapi had said earlier that evening, she just fell more and more in love with you.

“What would I do without you?” She breathed out into your neck, smiling when she felt goosebumps rise on your skin. 

“Well, maybe you wouldn’t be a four-time UCL winner, so that’s one thing.” You couldn’t help yourself, and it was worth it when the blonde lifted her head up and laughed. “But, really, please don’t hide these things from me. I can handle it, all I want to do is help, and I don’t like the thought of you going through stuff like this alone.”

“I know you can handle it, engel, I don’t doubt that you can. Sometimes, being open like that doesn’t come so easy to me. I’m not really… used to it.” She looked down as she spoke, her hands on your thighs messing with the hem on each leg of the shorts you wore.

“I know. And I don’t take it for granted when you are, it means a lot to me. I just want to help you and care for you in the same way you do for me.” The midfielder glanced back up at you and smiled, her thumbs tracing light circles on your sun-kissed skin.

“You do. You really do. I love you.” Alexia stated with a glint in her eyes that told you exactly how she was feeling… as did the fingertips that slowly started making their way higher up your thighs.

“Te amo, Ale.” You hummed against her lips as you linked your arms behind her neck and quickly pecked the corner of her mouth. When you went to move back, there was a hand under your chin that gently pinched your cheeks together and pulled you in for a mind-numbing kiss like the one earlier. You weren’t quite so willing this time. “You taste like garlic.”

“Qué?” Alexia breathed out, eyebrows furrowed as she looked at you in confusion. You just shook your head which Alexia responded to by trying to kiss you again, only for you to cover her mouth with your hand. The blonde tugged it away by your wrist and you had to stifle your laughter at the outraged look on her face. “I can’t kiss you now?”

“Absolutely not. I hate garlic and that’s all I can taste. Disgusting. Brush your teeth please.”

“I have to brush my teeth to kiss my girlfriend!?” She exclaimed, huffing and cursing under her breath as you finally laughed at her.

“If you want to have sex tonight, then yes.” You grinned cheekily at her whilst she glared at you, eyes wide with nostrils flared and all. At that, you hopped off of the counter and scurried away back into the bedroom, leaving a somewhat frustrated but mostly amused Alexia in the ensuite.

—

With this vacation, there were perhaps two things you didn’t think about. The second thing settled a little heavy in your chest as the vacation neared its end, but the other was a welcome distraction. That being that Mapi didn’t really think before she acted sometimes, a trait that was funny… most of the time.

“Wake up, wake up! You will make us late for this hike, and I will not b-” As soon as she was one foot in the room, she cut herself off with a sharp gasp, slapping a hand over her mouth before laughing giddily.

“Fuera! Fuera ahora mismo!” Alexia shouted, clutching the covers tightly against you both so that Mapi didn’t have to see anything else she really didn’t need to see.

“Vale, vale! Lo siento, por favor! Mis ojos, dios.” The defender quickly backed out of the room, shutting the door with a heavy slam. “Get out of bed and get ready!” 

You and Alexia stayed silent as the footsteps ran away from outside your room, until you knew the coast was clear. When you knew it was, Alexia slowly pulled the sheets away a little and looked down at you, grins on both your faces that quickly turned into full-blown belly-laughing. Your cheeks were red, completely and utterly embarrassed by what had just happened, whilst Alexia ducked her head into your neck where her lips had been before the interruption. It wasn’t your proudest moment, being caught by Mapi then of all times, but that was long forgotten when Alexia’s mouth resumed her ministrations, only she began moving lower this time.

Another example of Mapi’s spontaneity was when she was so bored out of her mind, seemingly having had enough of R&R, that it meant that nobody else could have an ounce of peace until she was entertained. Really, the three of you should have realised this before the inevitable happened. The previous day had been a long one, the hike was much more difficult than any of you expected, probably as a result of the burning hot Portuguese sun. It had been decided that the day after it was solely designated for recovering, since each of you had aching legs and a healthy side of sun stroke too. Mapi wasn’t best pleased at that decision.

One moment, you were heading inside to get bottles of water for everyone, the next, you were in the water. You had stepped out of the open doors that led into the backyard and thrown two bottles over to Ingrid who was on one side of the pool, a magazine in front of her that she was flicking through, and another two to your girlfriend. She was on the other side, laying on a sun lounger, the one beside her empty where you once sat. The grin on Mapi’s face should have been enough warning for what was about to happen.

Alexia watched the scene before her with a quiet laugh, knowing you would try to fight for her to be on your side, whilst Ingrid barely blinked an eye at it all. Meanwhile, you resurfaced from having been pushed into the pool, gasping for oxygen that promptly left your lungs before being plunged into the warm water unexpectedly. 

“Mapi!” You shouted, pushing your hair out of your face and glaring at the shorter woman who was keeled over, laughing so hard she was completely silent apart from the sharp breaths in every so often. “I’m gonna kill you! Why?!” 

She ignored you still, so whilst she was thoroughly pleased with herself and distracted by her own hilarious joke, you got out of the pool and gave her the exact same treatment. You heard Alexia laugh behind you too, making you grin whilst Mapi flailed around in the water in the same way you had. Ingrid, unhappy with the commotion now and the splashes that had been sent her way twice already, closed her magazine and glared over at the two of you.

“Children. Honestly.” She grumbled, moving further down the sofa in the hopes of escaping the chaos and trying to stay dry. She had only washed her hair the day before, she refused to get it wet. If only.

“Wait, fuck, look at that over there, is that smoke?” You gasped, pointing off in the distance, immediately averting Mapi’s attention away like the toddler she was. With her focus elsewhere, you turned to wink at Alexia quickly before diving into the pool beside Mapi, a cannonball that sent water everywhere. 

Your girlfriend’s approval in the form of some of the loudest laughter you’d heard from her was well worth it, even when Mapi forced you back under by pressing on your shoulders. This back and forth of utterly childish fighting went on for only a minute, in which probably about a quarter of the water was thrown out because of it, and one person eventually had had enough. 

The sound of feet slapping against stone could be heard as Ingrid stormed off inside with a huff, Mapi noticing and immediately turning to look in that direction.

“Ingrid, princesa, where are you going?” She asked whilst you and Alexia shared an amused glance.

“To shower, because you two are so annoying.” All it took was two words for Mapi to shoot off after her girlfriend, leaving the two of you outside on your own as they slammed the doors shut behind them.

“Alexia.” You hummed, moving to the edge of the pool and crossing your arms on it. “Get in with me.”

Alexia thought she might have never been happier than she was in that moment, after diving in in the same way you had a minute prior and getting to hear the giggle you let out as she did so. Seeing you so carefree as your true self, not afraid of what anyone thinks, is something she cherished and hoped to witness for the rest of her life. 

The third and final instalment of Mapi’s behaviour was her delight in bickering with your captain. In any setting, any scene, she will find a way to push her buttons, and it never got old for you. 

On one of the last days of the vacation, when it was a particularly warm evening, it was decided that the outdoor kitchen would finally get used. Yourself and Alexia had gone shopping together to get everything for the night, and Alexia had been chosen as the cook. Something Mapi was not best pleased with. 

Throughout the whole duration of the night, you and Ingrid sat on the sofa outside and watched them fight over who did what. It quickly turned into a competition, of what kind you weren’t exactly sure, but it was enough cause for concern for you and Ingrid to come up with a plan that the Spaniards would probably get angry at. 

When the smell of burning slowly overtook your senses, you knew it was the right idea. 

“Why is there someone at the front door?” Mapi scrunched her nose up in confusion after hearing the doorbell go, meanwhile you jumped off out of your seat and ran inside to get it.

“You two are probably getting told off by the neighbours for being so loud all the time.” Ingrid told her, kicking off yet another argument between them, each one saying they weren't loud and that it was the other's fault. It was like a broken record was playing over and over, every time they spoke.

They went silent the second you stepped outside with two boxes of pizza in your arms.

“Here you go, Ingrid.” You beamed, heading over to the taller woman and handing her one of the boxes. Alexia and Mapi stared at the two of you like you'd just committed a truly awful crime. 

“La audacia.” Mapi gasped quietly, Alexia putting her bottle of beer on the countertop with a rather loud clunk. 

“No lo creo. Increíble!” Alexia exclaimed, shaking her head whilst you and Ingrid pretended to ignore them. 

“Why have you done this to us?!” Mapi shouted, her eyebrows so high on her forehead you wondered how they hadn’t shot off yet.

“María, open that grill. Now.” Ingrid said. Her girlfriend looked at her sceptically before doing precisely that. A not so healthy amount of smoke flowed out immediately. “You spent so long arguing that you burnt everyone’s food. I don’t know about you two, but we are not going hungry tonight.”

“And no, I am not sharing my pizza with anyone. Every man for themselves.” You smirked, purposefully meeting Alexia’s eye as you took a bite and groaned at the taste.

“I am never going on vacation with you again, Mapi.” Alexia grumbled, dramatically slamming down the dish towel that had been on her shoulder onto the counter, beside her beer, and walking away from her shorter friend. She came over to you and went to snatch a slice, only to have her hand slapped away and the lid of the box slammed closed before she could even try again. “Engel, this is not fair!”

“Hm, well, you guys should have thought about that before having an ego-off.” 

Mapi and Ingrid were left to their own devices as you deflated a little, watching Alexia roll her eyes and walk away back into the house. You couldn’t help but feel a little guilty, worrying you had perhaps taken it a step too far this time. Apparently Ingrid wasn’t so happy with your lack of determination to make a point.

“Hey, don’t go in after her, they have to learn!” She argued, but you shook your head and stood up.

“I have to do damage control, I’m sorry! My relationship is still fairly new, you two are like an old married couple! Ale doesn’t mind me being autistic but maybe she draws the line when it comes to food, who knows?” You rambled, only making Ingrid and Mapi laugh as they watched you run after Alexia.

The blonde was in the kitchen, grumbling under her breath and staring into the fridge like her anger was enough to kickstart a miracle in the form of a plate of food magically appearing in front of her. There was a small seed of anxiety beginning to grow, genuinely concerned you had annoyed her, but fortunately for you the solution for that was already planned.

“You are evil. You had no faith in me. Evil.” Alexia complained, closing the fridge and turning to you with an especially grumpy face. 

“Well, no, you don’t have any faith in me.” She scoffed at your smug face, though her attitude changed instantly when you reached into the microwave and pulled at a takeout container. You looked at her with a grin and passed it over to her, watching her reaction closely as she took the lid off and breathed out sharply.

“You got my favourite pasta? Even though Mapi and I were acting like stupid teenage boys?” She wondered, a shy smile on her face, seemingly having realised how ridiculous she had acted.

“I did, because my superstar footballer girlfriend can’t go unfed even if she did burn the food I bought.” You grinned. There was a pause, only briefly, until Alexia placed her food down and stepped over to you. Her arms were around you in an instant, sweeping you off the ground and hugging you way too tightly for what was just a serving of pasta. 

“So I found someone that finally puts up with my stupidity?” She murmured into your shoulder, nuzzling her nose in the juncture between your neck and collarbone. 

“You put up with a lot more than I do, so I should probably put a limit to my teasing at some point.” All she could do was chuckle into the thin material of your shirt and smile, because she was so overwhelmed with complete contentment that her mind was too high on that joy to do anything more complex than that. 

Yet, it was that point for you when you realised the second thing you didn’t think about before booking this vacation. The days passed by way too fast for your liking, and a thought you had never had in your life slowly became more and more prevalent.

 You didn’t want to go home. It wasn’t feasible in the slightest, but you wanted to stay here forever. 

That might not be strange to most people – it was to you. Every vacation you’d ever had, there was always a point where you started feeling a little homesick and burnt out. That couldn’t be further from the truth in this case. 

When you got back to Barcelona, you had two days before Alexia was off to international camp before the summer’s tournament, which meant you’d be stuck at home alone with nothing to do but get up and go to pre-season training everyday. Otherwise known as your least favourite time of the year. It was always a challenge to get through, and even though you had Mapi and a few others in training, it would still be lonely. And undoubtedly difficult. 

Normally, knowing that you always had football to go back to no matter what brought a great amount of comfort to you. However, on your last day in Madeira as you packed your stuff back into your suitcase, all you felt was a healthy mix of dread and anxiety. The sight Alexia walked in on after doing an emergency shop ruin exemplified that perfectly.

“Min engel, what is happening here?”

Packing for a vacation was something you perhaps weren’t so skilled in, especially when you were feeling how you were. The way you did it, it was an art form. It was a completely and utterly confusing thing for everyone on the outside of your mind, and Alexia received the full brunt of that when she walked in on a scene that could only be described as the aftermath of some kind of natural disaster, or a run-in with the Tasmanian Devil. 

You were sat on the floor of the bedroom, with what looked like every single item of clothing you had brought strewn around the room. Not to mention your suitcase, a new one borrowed from Alexia, was in front of you but completely empty. Why, Alexia wasn’t sure. 

“I am packing.” You mumbled dejectedly, which was enough for Alexia to feel alarmed.

“This does not look like it is going successfully.” Alexia commented lightly, regretting the words as soon as they left her tongue.

“You think?” You muttered, dropping your phone to the floor and bringing your knees up to your chest, crossing your arms atop them and resting your chin there.

“It’s okay, I can help.” She moved beside you then, glancing around at the chaos and quickly coming up with a plan to get this done as quickly and pain-free as possible. “We can do this, amor. One bit at a time. Do you have your list on your phone?” 

“Mhm.” You replied, though didn’t show any intention to pick it back up again.

“I’ll find everything if you just read things out to me, then we’ll figure out getting it all to fit. One step at a time.”

With her years of experience when it came to packing, a not so fun perk of her job, Alexia helped to get the job done in much less time than it would have taken had you done it on your own. You didn’t really do much, too clouded by the swirling cycle of thoughts running rampant through your mind, but Alexia didn’t mind. She never did.

“Bueno! It is closed, finally.” She let out a breath as she set your suitcase upright after taking a while to get it closed. You were sat cross-legged on the bed, eyes averted downwards to where your hands fidgeted with a thread on the cuff of your girlfriend’s joggers that you had stolen from her. 

“Good.�� You glanced up at her briefly and smiled for a second, before going back to what you were doing a moment ago. Now that the main task was out of the way, Alexia could finally focus all her attention on you. 

A quiet sigh escaped her as she sat next in front of you on top of the white sheets, her hand reaching for yours and pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles.

“Are you sad to be leaving?” She asked tentatively, and it surprised you a little that she seemed to already know what was disturbing you.

“Yeah, basically.” You mumbled, closing your eyes momentarily when her other hand gently tipped your chin up to meet her gaze. When you opened them again, you saw her sad smile, one that always managed to entice the words out of you, no matter how much you didn’t want to.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” The midfielder whispered. It was like clock-work; your thoughts came pouring out then.

“We’re going back to Barcelona, and we’ll have two days together before you go away for god knows how long. And it’s for football, so I’m excited for you, but I’m… I’m sad. I don’t want to be without you for the summer. It’s kind of stupid how much I’ve come to rely on you but I hate pre-season and when I get home I’ll be burnt out from this vacation even though it was perfect – like honestly perfect – and I’ll be alone and stressed and out of routine, and I just- I’m scared. I don’t want to do it.”

You were rambling, and there was a shakiness to your voice that wholly encapsulated just how anxious you were about it all. When you were finished, you let out a sharp breath and shook your head slightly, biting your lower lip to hide how it trembled. Alexia’s thumb carefully tugged it down to stop you from doing that, before stroking along the skin of your jawline. 

“You won’t be alone. I won’t be there in person, but I promise that you can text or call me whenever you need it. No matter when or what it’s about, just call me. And it’s not stupid that you ‘rely’ on me, that’s just what relationships are. I adore you too much to think you rely on me too much or that you’re clingy or whatever, I’ll happily take all that I can get of you because I ‘rely’ on you just as much.” She admitted, a comforting smile on her face now. “We’ll get through this summer, we’ll learn how to cope with the change, together, and then I’ll be back before you know it. Before I go, I will do anything you need me to do to help you adjust back into your routine at home, okay? Not only that, but the team will help you with pre-season too. As will Mapi and Pina and everyone else that will be there with you. You won’t be alone, engel, that I can promise too.”

You knew a lot of your anxieties were irrational, that was one of your most prominent traits. You’d dealt with them all your life, yet they still got under your skin every once in a while. This was one of those occasions, and thankfully it was the type where getting them off your chest lessened the burden of them. Alexia’s words were the bandaid you needed, a temporary fix for now, and some of the tension in your body left with the sigh you let out. 

Everybody needed a reminder, every once in a while, that the challenges that faced them weren’t quite as daunting as they seemed at first glance. That’s exactly what Alexia had done for you, and you had a certain feeling she always would. The love she provided you with was second to none, it was the greatest treasure you had come across. Being loved by her truly was an honour, just like you had told her when she was the one with doubts. She made you feel like her equal, like you meant something, which most people did the opposite of for your whole life. That wasn’t something you would forget anytime soon. 

There was one thing, however, that your doubts couldn’t dispel:  your humour, and for that, Alexia was glad.

“If you’re leaving me for so long, you better win the damn thing.” 

—

feel bad that this doesn't exactly have a strict plot point like all my other stories do, since this is just 12k of fluff and that's not my usual style (?) but i wanted to write it anyway so why not post it if it's being written regardless. it's definitely way too long than it needed to be and im not expecting it to be so well loved but i had fun writing it and it brought me a lot of comfort during two very awful weeks. a very self-indulgent one but i hope there's some people that enjoy it :)

[arielleslipgloss]

How to Reinvent Yourself!!

(none of these photos are mine!) “Pour yourself a drink, put on lipstick and pull yourself together.” - Elizabeth Taylor

Mindset!! This is one of the most important things that comes with reinventing yourself. Therefore that toxic, negative, insecure, and judgmental mindset has gotta go. Say hello to your new positive, secure, lavish, and uplifting mindset! Now, first thing you need to do is stop taking EVERYTHING so personally. Should you really be spending your whole day overthinking what this person says about you. NO! The only opinion that should matter when it comes to you, IS YOU. Next, think with a “so what?” type of mindset. Someone doesn’t like you? So what! Someone judges you? So what! Say so what, and move on. Lastly, take care of your mind!! You can’t create a whole new mindset if you don’t take care of your mind. So, heal whatever is making your mind stressed and fill your head with lots of good thoughts. You could compliment yourself, do shadow work, watch uplifting videos, just do whatever makes you feel good.

2. Set boundaries!! Not only should you set boundaries for yourself, but also for your relationships. Whether thats with a bf/gf, family members, or even friends. Whoever it is, they need to understand to not cross the line. Now, if they don’t understand then they obviously shouldn’t be around you. This year we are only surrounding ourselves around people who deserve to have access to us. Now, let’s talk about examples of having boundaries . First example, someone may be touching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable. For that reason you move a bit away from that person and clarify that they’re making you uncomfortable. If they call you selfish, so what? They need to understand to respect your boundaries. Second, someone is disrespecting you? Tell them that you don’t like their behavior and to stop. Last example, a stranger is using your belongings without your permission? Tell them that they should have asked and you don’t want them using your stuff. If any of these people don’t respect your boundaries, get them out of your life!!

3. Change the way you dress, talk, and walk!! I would like to clarify quickly, only do this if you want to. Moving on, I’ve learnt that slower walking and talking is better. Now I’m not saying to walk and talk in slow motion. Just slightly do it slower. This way, you can play attention to your behaviors more. It can be really important to observe yourself. Not only that but in a world moving fast, walking slow makes you stand out. Also make sure when you speak, it’s clear. That way people can understand you and what you’re saying. Finally, let’s go over the way you dress. Wear outfits that make you feel good, stylish, and fit you well. If you want to wear an outfit, don’t shy away. Wear it if it makes you feel happy! When you wear an outfit that makes you confident, the outfit is even cuter. Don’t forget, have fun with fashion and experiment with pieces.

4. Self-worth!! You need to understand that you’re an absolute BLESSING on this Earth. You are here for a reason and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. There is not a single flaw in you. You see your insecurities? Yeah, well someone out there has them too. Just because you have a few insecurities, doesn’t mean that should bring your value down. You should bring your value up and add taxes by realizing your worth.

“It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.” - George Washington

Love you dolls sm!! Remember to always wear a smile and stay pretty 💋

Pinterest: Arielleslipgloss

[novy2sirius]

ASTROLOGY NOTES - volume 8; ©novy2sirius

libra energy is often referred to as “ditzy” which is interesting because when you sit down and have deep conversations with libra placements you realize they’re much smarter than they portray. libra is the 7th sign and in numerology 7 is the number of intelligence. libra’s act dumb to be funny a lot of the times or sometimes portray themselves in a way that’s not their authentic self because often due to things that occurred in their childhood they are confused about who they really are a lot of the time and don’t have a strong sense of their true identity. this also happens because they tend to mirror others personas that they’re around a lot and forget who they even are (libra’s symbol is the two scales that are identical on both sides). once you peel back the layers you realize it’s all an act. words are very important to pay attention to (li)bra. libra’s lie a lot, even about who they are. i would say this could also apply to gemini’s and pisces in a way

jupiter can tell you about some of the best opportunities you’ll receive in life. jupiter trine mc for example could indicate having amazing career opportunities/gaining lots of success in life. it could even indicate becoming famous

your 9th house can tell the best types of people to surround yourself with in order to have more luck and opportunities in life. if your 9th house sign is gemini then surround yourself with more people that have prominent gemini or 3h placements in their chart

a woman’s venus/rising conjunct a man’s lilith can create an intense fatal attraction (especially from the man to the woman). this reminds me of what people describe to be a twin flame bond actually. intense ups and intense lows, but a strong lustful and intimate connection that’s very hard to let go of. this is because lilith in a man’s chart tends to show the women he craves but knows he shouldn’t have long term and in a woman’s chart lilith is more of a dark placement indicating the challenges of womanhood and being sexualized

lilith in the 1h/5h/10h can indicate being a sex symbol or whatever, sure. that’s what i assume most people want to hear when they ask me about it. however, it is very rough and not glamorous like many think. these people attract so much jealousy and hate. even stalkers at worst. they will simply exist and get so much hate especially the women with this placement. it’s interesting because often in society we see women getting the most attention from men get the most hate from women and these women also often have lots of men sexualizing them and flirting with them (obviously all women do, but these women the most)

the part of fortune in your chart is known to be lucky, but not many talk about how it tells the fortunes that will be fulfilled before you die. if your part of fortune is in the 2nd, 8th, 10th, or 11th house you will be guaranteed to have material success at some point in your life before passing

no planet is all good. even “benefics” aren’t fully beneficial all the time. the universe is yin yang, so there’s good and bad to every planet. however, planets like venus and jupiter do usually provide more benefits than challenges. a negative way venus may manifest is in envy since in greek mythology venus (aphrodite) was a very envious person in relationships. scorpio venus’ for example tend to struggle a lot with being very jealous when dating

unevolved signs tend to be like their opposite signs negative traits. i was discussing this with @cupidlovesastro and we noticed the people who had sagittarius placements in our life that were unevolved were huge complainers and didn’t stop yapping about negative things or were gossipy. yapping a lot and gossiping tend to be negative traits of gemini’s more so than sagittarius’

unevolved cancer placements will never get over you hurting them even slightly. since they’re overly sensitive when unevolved they tend to become obsessed with victimizing themselves in order to make you seem like the bad guy. they will want to make you look bad to everyone so they can receive praise. the evolved cancer placements tend to be more emotionally stable though and use their emotions toward a creative outlet

mercury can also be a lucky planet similar to jupiter since the number correlated to it in numerology is 5. 5 is the second luckiest number. jupiter’s number is 3 which is the luckiest number in numerology

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

♡︎𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓴 𝓐 ����𝓲𝓵𝓮: 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓛𝓲𝓯𝓮 𝓘𝓷 2025♡︎

Disclaimer: 2025 is going to be an intense year. When you open your reading, please don’t expect it to be entirely positive. We will be entering a nine-year cycle, which brings a significant focus on endings and resolution. Many past issues from the last four, five, six, or even ten years will resurface. This includes personal, social, and global concerns that have remained unresolved.Expect to see a resurgence of social and activist issues, challenges with the law, and government-related problems. Long-standing societal struggles will come back into focus. On a personal level, there will be a notable increase in breakups and divorces as people confront unresolved dynamics in their relationships. Situations that have been unclear for years will finally come full circle, and hidden truths may come to light, offering long-awaited clarity. This will not be an easy year for many of us. It’s important to understand that this isn’t just about negativity; it’s about depth and transformation. For many, this will be a time of purging old patterns, renewing perspectives, and creating space for new growth. The energy of 2025 demands that we face these challenges head-on so we can reach a more evolved state. Globally, it will be a year of heightened awareness around major issues, as events and revelations push humanity to reassess and adapt. This year will be wild, chaotic, and full of change, but it will also offer opportunities for meaningful renewal and progress if we’re willing to engage with its lessons.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

In 2025, the year will be centered on sociability, relationships, and social movement. It will be a time of connection, celebration, and bonding with others. You’ll find yourself rejoicing with friends, meeting new ones, or spending more time with those you already have. You’ll be in many social situations, not just surrounded by people but genuinely having fun and enjoying yourself.

This year, you’ll be engaging in outings, spending time outdoors in nature, and celebrating milestones such as baby showers, weddings, and birthday parties. Family will play a significant role, both your family of origin and, if you’re a parent, the family you’ve created. You’ll likely focus on strengthening your home life, bringing your family together, or even creating a family. For some, this could mean planning for pregnancy or expanding your family.

Parents will find themselves doing more with their children, creating meaningful experiences together. If you’re not in a relationship, 2025 holds the potential for new romantic connections. You may meet someone through friends or while socializing, and these relationships could progress quickly. Engagements or serious commitments may happen within months of meeting someone.

Relationships this year will have depth and emotional richness. This could lead to moving in with a partner, getting engaged, or even getting married. Relationships are placed on a pedestal, and they’ll be a major focus for you in 2025.

Interestingly, for some, an ex may return, offering an opportunity to deepen your bond. Past conflicts or ego battles could give way to peace and emotional reconnection. Similarly, family members or friends with whom you’ve had disagreements may also return, bringing a sense of togetherness and reconciliation. It will be a time of healing old wounds, letting go of ego, and fostering an agape love—a love that seeks connection and peace.

While your relationships flourish, other areas of your life—such as career, school, or daily routines—may face challenges. You might encounter delays in completing projects, missed deadlines, or setbacks in work or academic goals. Progress in these areas could feel slow or stagnant, which may leave you feeling frustrated or out of balance.

Physical energy may also be a challenge, and health struggles could arise, impacting your ability to stay motivated and productive. Financial issues may surface as well, whether through overspending or a lack of sufficient income. You may find it difficult to budget effectively, leading to stress around money matters.

Legal matters could also pose challenges, with potential delays or unfavorable rulings. This could leave you feeling as though life is unfair or that obstacles are constantly in your path. Fear and overthinking may also hold you back from taking decisive action, further contributing to a sense of stagnation.

There’s a possibility that you might need to take a break from work, school, or other responsibilities due to circumstances beyond your control, such as health or financial struggles. Some may find themselves unemployed for a time, taking a pause in their studies, or unable to afford a semester in school.

While 2025 will be a year of blossoming relationships and emotional growth, it will also be marked by delays, setbacks, and stagnation in practical aspects of your life. Your relationships will bring joy, connection, and healing, but challenges in career, finances, and personal progress may require patience and resilience.

Pile 2

This year will be one of immense growth for you. It’s a year where you will step outside your comfort zone, abandon your usual routines, and embrace significant changes. This will be a period of substantial spiritual growth, as well as development in how you take action in the world and choose to live your life. Your creativity will flourish, and you’ll grow in how you pursue your passions and ambitions. Resilience will become your strong suit as you continually push forward, regaining energy and momentum despite challenges.

By the end of 2025, you’ll likely feel like you’ve grown more in this single year than most people grow in five. It will be a busy, monumental year filled with new beginnings. You might travel, relocate, or completely pivot from your current plans. It’s a year of major transformation and self-discovery.

However, the year won’t be without its difficulties. You’ll face challenges in a romantic relationship that feels toxic and unfulfilling. This connection seems to lack healthy communication, and there’s a pervasive sense of tension between you and this person. Conversations may feel surface-level, with neither of you truly understanding or hearing the other. Problems—both obvious and underlying—will strain the relationship.

Despite the difficulties, it appears that neither of you can let go. The relationship feels heavy and burdensome, yet there’s a persistent attachment. Throughout the year, there will be periods where you or the other person decides to walk away to focus on self-love and personal growth. However, even during these breaks, the connection remains intact, pulling you both back into the cycle.

This on-again, off-again dynamic will grow predictable. You might break up for a few weeks or months, only to find yourselves back together. The relationship may feel stagnant, but there’s an underlying divine connection that makes it difficult to fully sever ties. Both of you might hope that time apart will lead to healing and a healthier reunion, but the lack of true reflection and balance in your lives prevents lasting progress.

When you step away from the relationship, your life may become overwhelming. You’ll be “booked and busy,” with little time to truly focus on yourself. Responsibilities will pile up, whether they’re work-related, financial, or personal. You may find yourself working overtime, juggling multiple projects, or taking on extra hours to make ends meet. If you have children, they will demand much of your time and energy.

There’s also a possibility of financial struggles. Overspending, perhaps as a form of retail therapy to cope with emotional stress, could lead to debt. This financial pressure may further add to your stress, leaving you feeling ungrounded and out of balance. The lack of time for self-care, such as journaling, meditating, or healing, could lead you back to the relationship, seeking comfort in the familiar—even if it’s unhealthy.

The year may also involve struggles with maintaining your home or possessions. You might experience issues such as car troubles, broken appliances, or unexpected repair costs. Burnout is a significant possibility, especially if you’re juggling multiple responsibilities like work, school, and family. This lack of balance could prevent you from enjoying life’s simple pleasures or making steady progress toward your goals.

For some of you, this challenging relationship might not even be with a committed partner but someone whose energy heavily impacts your emotional state. Regardless of the nature of the connection, the relationship will weigh on you, making it hard to fully move forward.

Ultimately, 2025 will be a year of profound growth and learning. While you’ll face challenges in relationships, finances, and personal stability, these experiences will teach you resilience and push you toward deeper self-awareness. Despite the struggles, the growth you achieve this year will set the foundation for a stronger, more grounded version of yourself in the future.

Pile 3

This year, I see significant growth in terms of your personal projects. If you’ve been working on hobbies or creative endeavors, they are going to take off and pivot into something meaningful. Many of you will discover a new hobby that becomes a big focus this year.

I also see you spending a lot of time outdoors during the warmer months, truly enjoying yourself in nature. Leisure and relaxation will be key themes for you.

For some of you, this year marks a major milestone in motherhood. You may become pregnant or give birth, stepping into a new phase of life. Congratulations to those of you welcoming this beautiful change!

Some of you will also be buying a home, renovating your space, or completely transforming the style of your home or room. I also sense fashion and aesthetic changes—many of you will explore new styles and embrace a fresh look.

Mothers may find themselves adapting to new approaches to parenthood. For example, some of you will experience the transition of sending your kids to school for the first time, bringing a new dynamic to your life.

There’s also a strong focus on personal appearance and beauty. Some of you will delve into makeup and beauty, perhaps even starting a YouTube channel or creating content related to these interests. Many of you will experience a glow-up—those wanting to gain weight will achieve a curvier figure, while those aiming to lose weight will see progress through consistent effort.

This year will be action-oriented and filled with opportunities to pursue dreams you’ve always envisioned.

I sense that some of you will face health challenges this year, possibly related to burnout or hormonal imbalances, such as PCOS or endometriosis. Others might deal with recurring illnesses or mental health struggles, including depression and feelings of isolation.

This year will call for deep introspection. Many of you will seek out spiritual guidance or take steps toward mental health care, such as attending therapy or pursuing mindfulness practices like meditation. Some of you may explore religion more deeply or attend spiritual retreats to reconnect with yourselves.

Periods of burnout and exhaustion will push you to take breaks for emotional and mental wellness. You may feel overwhelmed and drained by life’s demands, which will require you to prioritize rest and self-care.

For some, this year will involve leaving behind a job, school, a church, or an organization that no longer serves your well-being. Lingering issues from last year may continue to resurface, urging you to seek independence and emotional balance.

There will be periods where life feels repetitive or stagnant, with a focus on routines that lack variety. Some of you may retreat into isolation to heal old traumas and confront unresolved pain. This isolation could be self-imposed or a result of being physically unwell, such as being hospitalized.

For mothers, the demands of pregnancy or parenting may lead to emotional and physical exhaustion. You may find yourself protecting your energy by setting boundaries and withdrawing from others.

Issues with a father figure or baby father may also arise. There could be tension, control issues, or a lack of growth in the relationship, leading to feelings of frustration or stagnancy.

The beginning of the year may feel energetic and action-packed as you tackle projects and new endeavors. However, by mid-year, there’s a shift toward stillness and introspection. You’ll find yourself needing to slow down, rest, and focus on internal healing.

There’s a strong emphasis on catching up on sleep, meditating, and clearing your mind. While this may feel like a pause, it’s actually a necessary phase for rejuvenation.

This year holds both challenges and opportunities for growth. While you may face obstacles, the introspection and spiritual healing you embark on will help you regain balance and prepare for a brighter future.

Pile 4:

For pile number four, let’s start with the positives of 2025 and then move on to some of the more challenging aspects of your year.

In 2025, I see you traveling and exploring new places. You’ll be switching things up, experiencing versatility, and embracing a sense of adventure and zest for life. This year brings expansion, with opportunities related to work, school, or hobbies—allowing you to focus on your craft or interests. Growth is a key theme for you, as you’ll be learning a lot and accumulating wisdom.

You won’t be idle; instead, you’ll take charge of your life, making decisive choices and taking intentional action toward your goals. There will be bursts of high, intense energy, driving your ambition to seize the opportunities that come your way. You’ll act swiftly and won’t let anyone stop you from achieving what you want.

Importantly, you’ll balance this high-energy drive with moments of self-reflection and rest. You’ll know when to rein it in, focus inward, and reassess your plans. This balance between action and introspection will help you make more calculated moves and ensure that your progress is sustainable.

There will be times when you feel stuck, as if nothing is moving forward. You might feel like the past is lingering, with unresolved issues carrying over into the present. You could experience moments where you feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick, encountering obstacles and challenges that slow down your progress.

One significant theme is the need to let go of something that no longer serves you. For some, this could be a job you know you’ve outgrown but are hesitant to leave. For others, it may involve unhealthy habits or lingering situations from the past.

Some of you might struggle with burnout due to overworking or not addressing physical or mental health issues until they reach a critical point. This could lead to forced downtime, such as needing medical care or being unable to work. There’s a risk of neglecting self-care and overindulging as a coping mechanism, which could result in weight gain or financial stress.

Financial challenges may arise, with late bills, debt, or difficulty managing responsibilities. Some of you might find yourself in situations where, despite trying your hardest, you fall into difficult circumstances. Job seekers might face delays or ghosting from potential employers, while those hoping for financial windfalls, like lottery winnings, are unlikely to find success.

Relationships, whether romantic or platonic, may also be strained. Past dramas could resurface, creating tension. In new relationships, misunderstandings or conflicts may emerge, leading to frustration. Some friendships or romantic connections might end unexpectedly, leaving you feeling isolated or unsure about whom to trust.

In terms of mental health, some of you may feel moody, reclusive, or overwhelmed, preferring to isolate yourselves rather than engage with others. You might find it hard to reach out or maintain consistency in your relationships, leading to moments of ghosting or pulling back from people.

This inconsistency may also manifest in your work and personal goals. Progress might feel slow at times, with a lack of forward movement. If you’re trying to pivot in your career, success will take time and perseverance. You may face periods of stress, questioning how to make ends meet, or feeling stuck in a rut.

Despite these challenges, there’s a silver lining. These obstacles will ultimately push you to take action and make changes in your life. You’ll grow tired of stagnation and decide to take the reins, reclaiming control over your circumstances. Through determination and effort, you’ll break out of this rut and embrace opportunities for growth, travel, and self-improvement.

By the end of the year, you may look back and recognize the growth and resilience you’ve gained through these experiences. While 2025 will have its ups and downs, the lessons and wisdom you accumulate will set the stage for future success.

♈︎♉︎♊︎♋︎♌︎♍︎♎︎♏︎♐︎♑︎♒︎♓︎ ♈︎♉︎♊︎♋︎♌︎♍︎♎︎♏︎♐︎♑︎♒︎♓︎ ♈︎♉︎♊︎♋︎♌︎♍︎♎︎♏︎♐︎♑︎♒︎♓︎

[pamicakery]

🎄You're checking outside because you don't have it inside and that's why you don't have it outside.🎄

If you are checking outside for proof it means that you don't have it dominantly in your mind. Why the 3d should reflect you having it if you don't have it?

Again, the universe is searching for dominant pattern.

🎄You don't have it in your mind

🎄You are searching for it

🎄You are desperate

🎄You are frustrated

Tbh, it's not the kind of feeling you would have if you have it right?

CONFIDENCE IS A BIG GAME CHANGER :

What makes the huge different between us and celebrities, Loa coaches is that they have confidence.

I've grew up with a mom a belittled me, or mocked me for fun in front of the family. Plus with a mom who thinks she is special and you are not, it's kinda difficult to have confidence.

If I am asking you :

'' Are you willing to get your desire life by 2025? ''

And you answering me :

'' Meh.. I think '' ☹️

'' no I don't think so.. ''🫤

'' I don't know ''🤔

'' Yes I will '' 🫡

It determine how you will act during the process.

But I am building my self confidence. Don't let the outside control you. It's controlling you because you don't have control over your mind and yourself.

Having control over your mind and yourself is protecting your frequency from:

-Negative people

-Negative thoughts

-Negative circumstances

-Repeating the old pattern.

If it's solid in your mind, your reality will solidify.

If you don't have that conviction in your mind that you will succeed, the reality will not reflect that because the universe is searching for a dominant pattern.

Why are you letting negative stuff influence your mind and your thoughts?

Look at your dominants thoughts, emotions and identity and look at your surrounding.

Is it matching? Of course it is. Because the reality is reflecting what you are currently thinking.

There is a reality when you have your dream life right now, it's a quantum possibility.

It's like planting a seed. You don't see the seed but you know it's here. And you know it will grow an apple tree if it's an apple seed.You just need to water it and take it under the sun.

You aren't always digging the ground to see if the seed is here right?

The physical realm is the least important step. The least. The thing you have to tame, control and master is your mind.

Because mind first, physical next.

If you don't control your mind, you don't control your reality, and if you don't control your reality, your reality controls you.

But

If you control your mind, you control your reality.

So.. For the one who is checking the 3d, who is controlling who?

[astrosamara]

Astrology Observations #5

🩵Venus conjunct Pluto have relationships in their lives that are very personally transformative for them. Their past lovers can also become very obsessed with them or vice versa. There can be power struggles and imbalances in relationships as well.

🩵Moon opposite Mars are very quick and prone to anger when they're feeling personally targeted or if their feelings get hurt. They can struggle a lot with irritability and getting annoyed frequently.

🩵The house Neptune is in can show the area of your life you frequently fantasize about, but can struggle making those fantasies a reality. There's a sense of illusion here, something you can't quite grasp and bring into reality.

🩵On the other hand, you can have a very strong sense of realism in the house Saturn is in. You're more disciplined and strict with yourself in this area, and with patience and maturity, you bring in more practical and positive results into your life over time.

🩵I've met so many Mars in Taurus that are super laid back and go with the flow type of people, but can become very intimidating to be around when they show signs of anger. It also takes a lot to make them angry.

🩵When Uranus transits over one of your angles, profound and sudden life altering change happens. Unlike Saturn, who restricts what it touches, Uranus disrupts. The positive or negative quality of the change really depends on the rest of your chart and transits. For example, I've noticed many celebrities who've experienced fame when Uranus went over their MC.

🩵Positive Pluto and Mercury aspects have very deep and thoughtful minds. They can have a strong interest in psychology and they really enjoy deep conversations with others. They don't shy away from the darker aspects of life.

🩵Libra Suns are very adaptable in group dynamics, so much so that their individual personalities don't shine as much when around others. Their focus is more on being perceived as friendly and likeable. I've found it hard to really get to know Libra's.

🩵Aries Venuses are so bold when they have a crush on someone. They tend to want to move quickly and don't have time for games. They know what they want and they go after it. This energy can come on too strong for some people though.

🩵Taurus, Libra, and Pisces Venuses are people that really love love. Being in a relationship is something that's really important for them and they're very romantic people. Also, men with these placements tend to attract a lot of attention from women because they can sense this softer side of them.

🩵Every Taurus friend I had growing up went through a horse girl phase lol. They tend to just really love animals and feel a spiritual connection to them in general. Also some of the kindest and most generous friends I've had. They're so down to earth. I love Taurus' lol.

🩵People who have any of their big 3 in your 1st house are the ones who make a very strong first impression on you. There's just something about their presence you find memorable and compelling. My memories of first encounters with people who have their big 3 in my 1st house always stand out to me the most compared to other people.

🩵Sagittarius moons are great story tellers. There's something special and entertaining about the way they perceive their lives and the lives of others. Their optimistic attitude makes them so fun to be around. They make great teachers as well.

🩵Chiron in the 2nd house can have great fear surrounding their personal finances. They can also heavily tie their self worth into how much money they make. Either very frugal or overspending on things they don't need, they struggle to have a healthy relationship with money.

[celestialtarot11]

🤍 Energies for 2025–What to release, bring in and future outlook! 🤍

Hi friends! This will be a chunkier bigger reading for yall. Please remember you control your life and any timing mentioned here is really a rough guideline, you manifest your life. Anything can happen when you’re ready to heal at your own time <3 including relationships! I hope ya’ll enjoy and found clarity and help through this. Feel free to like comment and reblog.

Pile 1: Hi there pile 1’s! For what you need to release to come into 2025 is heavier energies that have been weighing you down. I heard humiliation ritual—so I don’t know if someone around you or many people have been plotting on your behalf in a negative way. This could be them sending you negative energies, trespassing your boundaries. I feel you guys have been tense for a while because of it, it’s been unpredictable, chaotic and stressful. This release can look like crying, screaming it out, journaling your honest feelings even if you feel guilty about expressing them. This also may look like physically leaving your environment for a while. I heard “take that vacation plan or hangout.” Don’t underestimate leaving your town/home for a change! This can very well help heal you at this time. Even going to the park regularly for a few minutes can help. There’s also something about being surrounded by the color green (green is known to help signal to our brain health and wellness, and peace) so maybe getting a plant, or getting into gardening would be great! Plants also help to suck up our negative energy. Getting a snake plant or eucalyptus would be great. Set those boundaries and distance yourself from those people. If it is work related I see around Christmas time or just before you will feel this release. By then, a lot should calm down and will settle in terms of emotional trouble and work! Its also important to set boundaries and distance yourself from those kinds of people, and to put yourself first here. Take the time you need to express your feelings and thoughts. Whatever that looks like for you! I heard music can be incredibly healing for you too. So listen to the music you really like and spirit said no depressing shit 😭 like okay, ill mention this, when I get sad I listen to lady gaga and it helps because all shes doing is raving and im sad and it makes me laugh

Whats coming in for 2025: For some of you I saw getting into exterior design for houses would be something you love to do, or maybe it’s just decorating your house. Im seeing elaborate designs on the patio and a well made garden and fountain so perhaps for 2025, this will come true for those of you that have been working on this. It will be done! Anything house related and/or construction. Some of you also are starting a new job, business, hobby that will be bringing in money. I don’t know if in 2024 you took a year to start this new idea, project, etc. and in 2025 it will be paying off. For some of you, 2024 was the blueprint for this job/project, and by the end of 2025 you will build a legacy and receive the success you see. Lots of financial gains. Some of you may also have a family of your own which can be getting a new pet in 2025, or actually creating a family! So if you want that, spirit says yes this will go through. But I also see it hasn’t been easy on you financially either. Im hearing the past few years it was hard financially and you’ve been working for a long time to save up, to get out of a situation. 2025 will bring more than just getting out, it will bring financial relief, freedom, and emotional support.

For some of you, you’ve been waiting to hear from a friend. A best friend, or loved one, or whoever you know it is. Maybe a partner. You’ve been waiting for news to come in maybe a text, call. Or for spirit to show you a sign that they are watching over you. You will receive a sign, text and/or call in 2025 from your person! This could have been someone you grew up with, a parent or guardian very close to you. This can also be a romantic partner. I also see travel plans with this person, so if you’ve been planning a vacation, travel plans, 2025 will go through.

Thank you pile 1 for being here! Be sure to leave a like comment or reblog <3

Pile 2: Hi there pile 2! We have the classic case of overthinking your intuition and trying to analyze it. You’re trying to make sense of where its taking you. I heard you have to be lost in order to find your purpose, so perhaps this is how you’ve been feeling for weeks. You’ve been trying to plan your way out of this, or overthink how 2025 will go. But I see spirit wants you to fall back and trust the unknown—which obviously can feel like a lot because it is the unknown. Its what we can’t see, or perceive. I think its less about trying to see the end result, and more so about trusting no matter how it goes, it will fix itself. It’s philosophy in a way, although I can’t remember which philosopher suggested this, I believe it may be Taoism. But their advice was that eventually, “everything has to fix itself.” And that statement holds a lot of reverence and internal trust of the intuition and the power of the unknown. Letting the unknown work behind the scenes in your favor. Letting yourself release that pressure and stress, and letting the unknown serve you. If you have no idea what is happening, even better, there is so much room for creativity. Think of it as a void ready to be filled with your creativity, your manifestations, you. Release overthinking the unknown, it won’t always bring you the answers you seek. I see that you may also have a mother figure that was difficult, harsh and analytical of the intuition, and you may have wounds surrounding that as well. It’s okay to have wounds, i think its more so how we let that affect our individuality. Spirit says we have make room for our personality alongside others, because we aren’t meant to be carbon copies of one another. So, do whats different. Trust your intuition this time instead of overthinking it all. Some meditation can help you detach and relax from your mind. It may take more than one session! Spirit also says if you have trouble sitting up in meditation, try laying down. If you fall asleep, thats okay too. Tomorrow you can try again, thats why it exists.

Whats coming in 2025: Primarily, I see you trying to grasp spirituality. I dont know if you just got into it, or its been a long time since you dappled in the unknown, but there’s this cycle of releasing the mundane or “corporate” cycles. Where you only focus on the 3D itself and less on your inner world. But I see that this is happening to bring you full circle to yourself, releasing constant attachment to logic, analyzing and reasoning. Obviously, it’s helpful when needed, but now sprit is saying it is affecting your ability to hear your intuition. So for 2025, I see you battling a lot of intuition and trying to understand why it exists, its core value and purpose. I also see this as beautiful because this is the start of an inner journey and its not a destination. I see you refuting a lot of what you once knew especially if people taught you to second guess your intuitive nature. If you suffered a lot of losses in 2024, 2025 will be about bringing forth emotional changes to open you up. In terms of inner healing, expansion. A curiosity to understand yourself. But I also see resistance and I think it is because of what you went through and trying to keep yourself safe. Maybe there is apart of you that feels the more you get into spirituality the more you’ll see yourself for what you are, especially those hurt parts, so some of you distance yourself in hopes of protection. But i also see this manifesting as discomfort, emotional numbness, and a feeling of being lost. I do believe some of you are thinking, “I must be here for a reason even if I don’t want to face it.” So some of you want answers yet are anxious to know what it means. I do feel 2025 is about finding your inner purpose, which can always change, and its about finding solidarity in yourself. I see a lot of financial abundance and health, so your bodies health will improve. You will find more time for rest and creativity and clarity. So the answers you want are coming! I also see you’re getting a promotion or a better job in 2025, i heard climbing your way up. So you’ve been working hard. And now 2025 is about enjoying those financial successes. You may also move apartments or homes and will find a lot of peace which will help your understanding of your intuition. Some of you may meet a partner in. 2025 through work, and they may actually help you find that job. Some of you may meet a great mentor to help you, and perhaps its learning a native language you’ve been wanting to do!

Thank you for being here pile 2, your presence is appreciated!

Pile 3: Hi there pile 3’s! Im not sure if you’re dealing with two guys at the moment, two exes, two friends. Either way they could be giving lots of mixed signals, issues, disruptions in your personal life. One can be hotheaded, arrogant, impulsive. The other can be hypocritical, hide from emotions conversations and be avoidant. This could even be family members. But i see they bring lots of conflict and drama, and you feel stuck with them. You don’t know what to do. And spirit wants their energy scrapped honestly, because why continue the same drama for 2025? I don’t know if some of you have kept up the drama for appearances to have something worth talking about, if thats the case, spirit wants you to ask yourself why that is and to spend time alone to realize if that means more than your own health. Its time to start thinking and prioritizing your feelings. I get the sense no one has been listening to some of you, especially these two people. They’ve been only saying “i want this,” “i feel this,” and left you drained or shut out. So it’s time to put your foot down and end this! Let 2025 be all about you. Spirit wants you to start thinking: I have to set boundaries for my own healing, and not for the benefit of anyone else. This is something I have to do on my own. This could be deciding which person might be better for you and if you’re not seeing results in both people it may be better to be alone. This is to protect your energy. I also see spirit will be giving you clarity and the answers you need for which direction to go, whether its the go ahead with one person, or to leave them both behind for your healing. Pay attention to your dreams, gut feelings. And logic will help this situation. Compartmentalize your emotions for now and focus on what you do know and see coming from both people! What kind of mixed signals they’ve been giving you or one person. I see your inner child feels abandoned, alone and scared which is why they may be clinging to unhealthy partnerships to feel love. I heard we accept the love we think we deserve—so doing shadow work is necessary to release these energies. And remember to be kind to yourself too in this process <3 it can become overwhelming. But spirit says if you can pay attention to your core wounds and see how thats driving your behavior towards unhealthy partnerships, you can release this cycle for 2025 to come into an empowered state!

Whats coming for you in 2025: I heard the gift of seeing clearly. You’ll see past peoples lies, deceit, manipulation, ill intention. I believe you’re prioritizing less of a rose colored lenses outlook, and more of a sharp mind. I also see a lot of mental stability and strength from you in 2025 to work out anxieties, doubts. I think 2025 mentally for you is about allowing your anxieties and doubts to flow without it necessarily controlling your actions. Give it time to air out and settle. Its an emotional process, and yet a logical one right? Because you’re learning to sit with your emotions and process them in a healthy way, than to disrupt the cycle. And then you begin to see clearly, see better. In a way that empowers your choices overall. So, any boundaries that have been weak you will look at and try to understand why that is. Later on in 2025, id say march-april, i see a lot of emotional rejuvenation and success. I see you coming to terms with your human nature, emotions, and finding it easier to accept your anxieties and doubts and handle them. I see you being okay with being single if you are, and working life out on your own. This will only resonate for those of you not in w committed relationship! But for those who are single, I see you manifesting and enjoying your work and being able to find peace around march-april time. Its a very important time because you’re giving yourself what you wish you had and its here. I feel that you’ve been balancing giving and taking in relationships and now you’re giving to yourself. Everything you looked for is within you and you can see it now. I see work going great, lots of success! And funnily enough all piles have this same message of financial success yet their struggles are all different :) so, there is relief for you on the other side of fear in 2025. You may go through a wardrobe change and choose a refined, comfortable look. You may have events which require to wear fancy outfits! You’ll look great. I also see a lot of body neutrality and coming to embrace your body for all it does and how it works, rather than trying to force body positivity. I see divine femininity being embraced, and theres an ease and flow of energy! You’ll be better able to manifest too. In terms of relationships and romance I see a lot of fear and doubt which will take time to heal when you’re ready, but I see you standing strong regardless. Saying “you know what ive got fears and doubts and I don’t necessarily want a relationship right now, because i need the time and space to work on myself” and thats how you’re embracing it :) If you are manifesting a relationship, there will be lots of healing done before you come into one in 2025. I see a possible relationship towards the end, but please don’t let me tell you how you should live your life. Timing is whenever we choose we are ready. And thats entirely up to you.

Thank you pile 3’s <3 your likes comments and reblogs are appreciated!

Paid Readings 🤍

[wisteria-lodge]

Why do female protagonists complain about their looks? I was reading a novel a friend recommended and within the first few pages the narrator is complaining that her eyes are the color of mud, her hair is boring and brown, she has freckles, etc. Is this supposed to make them relatable? I don't particularly like my freckles but it's not something I think about more than once or twice a year. It's just annoying and a downer when the character does this.

It's because girls in books (... and girls in real life...) are supposed to walk this tightrope where of course they are beautiful (because beauty = value.) But they can't seem like they're trying to look beautiful (because trying to be beautiful = vanity, shallowness, a kind of girly femininity that's either childish, pathetic, or sinister.) The Stepsisters are trying to be beautiful. Cinderella just is beautiful. Dress her in a potato sack and roll her around in mud, she'd still be more beautiful.

This is where the "protagonist who doesn't think they're beautiful" thing comes from. Obviously if they don't think they're beautiful, then they're not trying to be beautiful, with all the negative junk surrounding that. So you get these annoying descriptions where a regular or even cute-sounding person will say "ugh, I have eyes the color of mud and hate my freckles," not "I have brown eyes and freckles." (Bet you five dollars the love interest thinks her freckles are adorable, and gets lost in her deep, dark doe eyes.) Also - "mud colored eyes" is such a strange thing to think about yourself? If the author wanted to commit to writing about someone who actually had body image issues - then the internal narrative would be my skin sucks and I'm too fat. But that's a little too real: the reader can't actually think the protagonist is unattractive.

Which is too bad, when you have a female protagonist who is just isn't very attractive, that can be fantastic. In Jane Eyre, it's important that Jane is sort of unfortunate looking - it effects how people treat her, the sort of jobs she can get, but it also lets her fly under the radar and be invisible in way that would be impossible if she were more beautiful.

I tend to prefer descriptions that stress - how people move, or what they're wearing, because that reveals character in a way that "brown hair" just doesn't. I want to hear about a character's attractiveness if they are so remarkably attractive (or unattractive) that it affects how other people treat/perceive them. Same way someone might treat a character differently if they had a dramatic scar, or looked a lot younger than they actually were, or were a different ethnicity from the rest of the cast. Just give me a handful of their most distinguishing characteristics, and you don't have to do it on the first page.

[daretoassume]

watch how you talk to yourself and how you talk about yourself.

and i say this because many people talk badly about themselves as if they are not the operant power of their life. if you are on this journey long enough, you know that words are powerful, even as a joke. and if they are so powerful, why not use them in more powerful ways?

"watch your conversations carefully; are they from premises of fulfilled ideas? if they’re not, go back and make them and make them actually correspond to the ideal you want to embody in this world." ♱ the coin of heaven, neville goddard

how you talk to yourself and about yourself comes down to your belief about yourself. that inner knowing that you have or are that "negative trait." even if you don't say it to yourself, if you have that belief, you will unconsciously downplay yourself when talking to others.

i am not saying you have to boast and egotistically look down on others. you can think highly of yourself and talk highly about yourself without doing that. you don't have to constantly tell people that you are this and that because your energy alone can tell it. otherwise, you are just simply disguising your confidence with narcissistic behaviors to seek validation from others.

how i changed my conversations.

as i have been working on my self-concept over the years, i realized one thing: if i want to be the person i desire to be, i cannot talk badly about myself and to myself. so, what i did is i actively catch myself when i am about to say something that doesn't align with me. i changed it to a more uplifting and powerful statement.

whenever i am having a conversation with others and i have the urge to downplay and talk badly about myself to appear "humble," i choose to stay silent or say something that people would not find boastful. (i say this because i am typically not surrounded by people who think highly of themselves yet, so they might find me boastful or arrogant.)

i understand that in order to talk highly about myself, i have to

think highly of myself

know that my natural self is divine

love myself unconditionally

these are the things that i realized as i work on myself. i am aware that if i change my inner beliefs and conversations about myself, it means i am deciding to choose to be the person who i desire to be. things come easily to me as i love myself more and more every single day of my life.

and it is so important to be surrounded by people who actually like themselves and think highly of themselves because if you are already that kind of person, you would not see each other as arrogant or boastful. instead, you will uplift each other more.

[y3sterdaysproblem]

black dahlia - c.s.

summary: confident stripper meets cocky drug dealer. that’s it.

includes: eventual smut, mentions of drugs, strip clubs, cheating, toxic relationship dynamics

wc: 1.5k

intro

-

The dim lights. The bass thumping. The haze filling the air.

It all felt like home.

It has been home for the last few years, the nightclub staff becoming your second family, even sometimes feeling like your first.

You’d been dancing since you turned eighteen, always finding the night life fascinating, knowing since you were a young girl that this was the environment that you wanted to surround yourself with.

The day after your eighteenth birthday you had auditioned for a shady strip club not far from home, hoping to get the job since it was within walking distance and you didn’t have the money for a car. You’d gotten it on the same day, the owner of the club telling you that you were perfect since you were still so young and ‘innocent’. He was a weird guy that definitely stared at his dancers for too long, but you couldn’t ignore the fact that he helped get you to where you are now.

Once you’d become confident enough to start branching out, you’d auditioned at other clubs, surprisingly landing your dream job of being a dancer at the most popular yet exclusive club in the Los Angeles area, something you thought you wouldn’t achieve for years. The cover to get into the club was seventy five dollars alone, something that people who just wanted to look at half naked women weren’t willing to spend. People came to spend money, and lots of it.

Your family never spoke highly of strippers or sex workers like most people, always having something negative to say when the topic came up, but to you it always seemed so freeing and exhilarating. When you saw a girl in a movie that was supposed to be the damsel in distress, legs wrapped around a pole as she danced to some sensual r&b track, all you saw was empowerment. She wasn’t helpless, she was in control, commanding attention, owning her space. The way her body moved with confidence and grace made you wonder why the world had such a problem with it. To you, she was free, unburdened by the judgment that clung to the job like a second skin.

You’d quickly became one of the most popular dancers at the club, making the most money out of any girl there, which caused some issues here and there but it never discouraged you. You loved a little bit of drama at work, especially if it revolved around how much money you made. Some of the girls said it wasn’t fair, that your bosses showed favoritism towards you, but you thrived off of it. It only fueled you to do better and to make more money. You had so many regulars you couldn’t even keep count anymore, so many men that wouldn’t even think about spending their money on the other girls.

None of them really caught your eye, though. Sure, some of the men were attractive, but they’d never have you anywhere close to breaking any of the rules you had set for yourself. The most important one being that you’d promised yourself in the beginning of your career that you’d never sleep with any of the customers, no matter what they offered or how attractive they were. No amount of money could buy you like that, and you’d stuck to that promise.

The first and only time you’d ever come close, the first time you felt yourself genuinely flirting with a man, was tonight.

The club was humming loudly with chatter and music, girls rotating every so often on the stages, some of the dancers sitting at full tables, giggling at the unfunny jokes that were supposed to charm them, doing everything they could to get a big tip. You’d just finished your set and spotted a table in the back, all of them disinterested with the world around them, which was odd considering the environment.

You couldn’t make out any of their faces from here, but your curiosity got the best of you and you found yourself strutting your way to the group, your thigh high pleasures dragging on the ground as you weaved your way through the tables. You were barely clad in a black, two piece set, the fabric only covering what it needed to, not that you cared. You were confident in your body no matter what you wore, especially when you were at work. You knew you looked good, and that’s partly what made you so successful here.

You finally make it to the table and lean your hands on it, catching the attention of everyone sitting. You take in all of their faces, seeing them all checking out your body, but your eyes land on the person right next to you, his eyes locked on your face as you stare down at him. His face is dark, the brim of a hat preventing light from reflecting on his features and the hoodie pulled over his head not helping matters, but it’s enough for your heart to speed up a bit. He’s attractive, very attractive, and he’s gazing up at you with every bit of boldness as you, neither of you wanting to break eye contact.

He reaches up to his mouth and pulls the blunt from his lips, sucking in a slow breath before exhaling, smoke clouding around his face for a couple of moments before it dissipates. He tilts his head a bit, like he’s waiting for you to say something, and all you do is smile down at him, turning your body a bit to face him. “Not interested in my set?” You ask, inching your body closer so his head has to lean back to keep his line of sight on you.

He laughs, and the sound sends a shiver down your spine. His smile is perfect, his teeth bright in the purple lights of the club. “I’m here for business,” he replies, bringing the blunt back up to his lips. Once it’s settled there, you reach out, pulling it from his mouth and holding it out of his reach.

“Business? I’d love to know what kind of business you run if this is the kind of place you have your meetings.” You’re towering over him now, almost eight inch heels adding a significant amount of height to your frame.

He rolls his eyes, but there’s still a smirk on his face as he watches you. “You really don’t want to get involved,” he taunts.

You bring your hand up to your own face, slowly bending over until your hand is on the back of his chair and your faces are inches apart, placing the blunt between your lips and taking a big hit, then giving it back to the man in front of you. You smile, blowing the smoke into his face before leaning your lips next to his ear. “You really shouldn’t be smoking in my club.”

His body shifts in the chair, mouth opening to speak, when you both are torn out of the moment by a shrilly voice speaking from the chair next to him.

“Chris, you never let me smoke your weed!” She whines, pout evident in her voice. “Why does this… whore get to do it?!”

You stand up straight again and move your eyes to the blonde, preppy girl sat beside him, seeing her glaring back at you. “Who are you?” You ask her, tilting your head and smiling down at her, amused at the sight of her, clearly uncomfortable and out of place.

She picks her chin up and tries to appear more confident than she is, but it just looks pathetic to you and you want to laugh. “I’m his girlfriend,” she says, straightening out her back.

You can’t help it, you do laugh, but only a little bit. It’s a small bubble of laughter that doesn’t go unnoticed by anyone. “His girlfriend and you can’t smoke his shit? He must not really fuck with you,” you comment with a shrug, and when you look back to meet the man’s eyes, Chris, you recall, he’s smiling like that’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. He was beyond attracted to not only your body but the confidence you exuded. It was refreshing compared to what he dealt with now.

The girl’s jaw drops in shock and annoyance, huffing loudly, but she has nothing to say back. She crosses her arms and leans back in her chair, clearly embarrassed by the situation.

You’re pleased, even though putting other women down wasn’t something you did for fun, it was something you enjoyed when it was initiated by them for seemingly no reason. You reach out to place a hand on Chris’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “Well, she’s annoying, huh?” You comment, and he doesn’t respond, just stares up at you while he waits for you to speak again. “You ever need a break from her, come see me.”

Chris’s lips curl up again and he offers a curt nod, signaling your dismissal. You take the hint and turn around, heading back in the direction you came. Another one of the rules you had for yourself was to never look behind you at all the eyes staring as you retreated, but something inside you was compelled to turn around today, and as you kept your stride and turned your head, a smile bloomed on your face at the sight of the blue eyes staring back, watching you leave him.

a/n: welcome to my new series ! this will probably be a mini series turned au so I hope you enjoy 🖤

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[angel-dustspo]

My guide to˚⊹.⋆𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋. romanticising life ⋆.ೃ࿔*

Life is truly the most important gift of all and I feel like too many people don't actually take it seriously enough or are just afraid of what anybody else might say if they choose to live the way they have always wanted to. Wasting the only opportunity to cherish this gift of life that we have been blessed with is the worst thing you could ever do for yourself. Imagine yourself 40 years from now, regretting that you wasted your teenage and adulthood years worrying about your looks, not enjoying good food, not taking care of yourself or being too careful of your budget and never getting the things you truly wanted. That's surely NOT how I'd like to spend my old age, and my ultimate goal is to think back and be happy that I lived my life exactly the way I wanted!

Romanticising life is all about turning every. little. moment. into something that makes YOU happy, no matter what society might think about it. It's a form of self expression that I fondly believe can help you become happy and at peace with your own self.

Here are some ways to romanticise your life:

ׂ╰┈➤ Stop consuming harmful media. Tiktok, for example, is such a bad place for your mental health and is constantly ruining your attention span and productivity, image of self but, most importantly, your HEALTH AND BEAUTY STANDARDS. It is also one of the causes of many mental health problems such as depression, eds, self h@rming or negative addictions, so try and avoid harmful social media as much as possible.

ׂ╰┈➤ Establish a morning and night routine. I promise this will make you feel so productive and in control of your life. Nothing fancy is necessary, just basic hygiene and skincare, having breakfast, maybe reading or journaling to wind down at night.

ׂ╰┈➤ Consistently work out. "Well Lynna how am I supposed to work out if you said to enjoy life??" Enjoying does not mean that you shouldn't take care of your body too. Find what works best for you and what makes you happy, don't jump into the youtube advanced workouts and then complain that you hate moving your body. Yoga and walks are such a good place to start, or 10 minute workouts a few times per week will make such a difference in both your mind and body. With just a bit of discipline and consistency you will start to love working out and move your body and tend to do it out of habit.

ׂ╰┈➤ Take yourself out for coffee or a pastry! Solo dates can be just as fun as normal ones.

ׂ╰┈➤ Spend more time with family and friends. Humans will not be with you forever and enjoying every moment with them is such an important thing in life.

ׂ╰┈➤ Buy pretty pajamas, light a candle, take long bubble baths, do a face mask, listen to calm music, read, paint, express yourself in any way you want.

ׂ╰┈➤ Clean your environment and surround yourself with the colors and furniture that you love.

ׂ╰┈➤ Dress the way you want to, not how everybody expects you to.

ׂ╰┈➤ Always try new things: that yoga class you heard from your friend, a new pastry that looked so good in the shop window, some book you saw online.

ׂ╰┈➤ Be open minded and present in your life. Live in the present and you will become happy with your past and future.

Although aesthetics do play a big part in romanticising, you can do it without spending a lot of money, effort or time. The need of making everything "aesthetic" is just as consuming and bad for you as not doing anything at all.

Learn to enjoy and cherish every little moment and that will bring you on the path of happiness. Please take good care of yourself, good luck on your wellness journey and thank you so much for reading this post!!

Love, L

[baldudiable]

the sun & your father

in astrology, the sun sign represents the father. the energy of the sign may be positively or negatively embodied by your father. in any case, the sign in which your sun is placed provides an indication of his possible behavior and its influence on your personality. here are some of these manifestations based on each zodiac sign.

if your sun is in aries

your father likely taught you to stand up yourself. he may have anger issues, which you probably inherited. his negative emotions were often violently expressed, provoking fear in you and your loved ones. this made you realize you the need to become strong in order to defend both yourself and the people you love.

he may have imposed restrictions on you, which is why you now hate being limited in any way.

your father is likely an ambitious man who has succeeded and who has reached the top of his field. maybe it isn't the case, and he hasn't accomplished anything significant. but he usually goes after what he wants, and expects you to do the same. he most likely has always supported your endeavors and made sure you had everything you needed to succeed.

if you sun is in taurus

your father either is extremely hard-working or on the contrary, very relaxed. he either fought to give you a sense security, or threatened it; often through his irresponsible search for pleasure. he can be good at managing resources or squandering them.

if he is more serious, he likely ensures that everyone at home has everything they need to feel secure and comfortable. he may encourage you to pursue lucrative paths to live lavishly. quality is of utmost importance to him; he wants nothing but the best.

he may be very generous with his possessions or very selfish; perhaps out of fear of lacking in the future. his focus on money and security has likely made these priorities for you as well. he can remain in unpleasant situations for too long, fearing the loss of the stability he fought to achieve.

if your sun is in gemini

your father likely is very communicative and witty, making friends everywhere he goes. he enjoys being surrounded by people he loves. if not, he may prefer pursuing his interests and honing his skills.

an intellectual, he is constantly learning and sharing knowledge with others. as a jack-of-all-trades, he has always encouraged your curiosity. he probably enjoys talking too and seeks to be close to you.

however, if he is more detached, he can be standoffish and focused on other matters. his personality is multifaceted, and you never know what to expect from him. it may be hard to understand him at times, as he is so unpredictable. he might also struggle to stay grounded and fulfill with his responsibilities.

if your sun is in cancer

your father likely has turbulent emotions. he may express them openly or on the contrary, keep them locked inside. either way, you can feel the intensity he carries.

he either encouraged your sensitivity or pushed you to repress it because it made you vulnerable. he might be domestic and solitary, feeling threatened by the outside world and its demands.

alternatively, he may work a lot and spend little time at home. if that's the case, you might wish he were more present to provide emotional comfort. if he embodies cancer energy positively, he may display a more maternal side and be a good listener who tries to maintain a close relationship with you.

if your sun is in leo

your father is likely expressive and open about most things, both good and bad. he may be warm and charming but can also come across as harsh and arrogant.

he likely embodies masculine qualities such as strength, independence, and assertiveness. he probably enjoys having control over his environment and, at times, over you. this might lead you to submit to him out of fear, or he may encourage you to carve your own path.

he is creative and applauds your inventiveness, providing the tools necessary for improvement. his support has likely fostered a sense of confidence in your abilities. however, his generosity and love may sometimes feel conditional. he can be entitled to people's time, energy, or resources and may think highly of himself, struggling to accept criticism.

he might be too proud to admit to his shortcomings or to accept help from others which can lead him to remain in difficult situations for more than necessary.

if your sun is in virgo

your father is likely very hard-working. he can be so focused on his work and responsibilities that he often forgets to take care of you or himself. he can be all over the place or he can have everything under control— there is no in between.

he might struggle with anxiety, as he carries the world's burdens on his shoulders. he's self-sacrificing to a fault, feeling best when helping others. but that selflessness often leads him to neglect his own problems, which only complicates them further.

he can be controlling at times, micromanaging you and criticizing your every decision because he prefers things done his way. this can make you feel insecure and inadequate at times. he likely encourages you to have a finger in every pie; he believes it’s essential for you to be skilled in everything so you don’t have to rely on anyone.

if your sun is in libra

the way you appear to other people matters a lot to your father. he knows how to play a role and maintain appearances, often going out of his way to please people and make them feel comfortable, even at a personal cost.

he has many connections and likely taught you the importance of having a strong network of people you can rely on. he encourages you to share with others and cultivate harmonious relationships. alternatively, he may have been selfish and focused only on himself, which might have led you to act in the opposite way by prioritizing others.

your father may have required you to take on many family responsibilities, such as caring for siblings while he was away. he is charming and has a natural way with words, which has likely influenced your communication style.

if your sun is in scorpio

your father is a mystery to you. he may rarely talk about himself, leaving much of his story untold. you might have indirectly heard about the trauma he has experienced, but he avoids discussing it openly. there's a lot about him that you don’t know, and you may not feel comfortable enough to ask.

he may have suffered betrayal from people he loved, which has made him guarded and suspicious. alternatively, he could have been the one to break someone’s trust, engaging in deceitful or unfaithful behavior. his aura is intense and commanding, often shifting the energy of a room when he enters; people may become quieter or uneasy around him. your father might react strongly to minor situations, which can be scary, or he may maintain tight control over his emotions, making him appear cold and detached.

he may struggle with boundaries, wanting to know about your whereabouts or activities, friends or even invading your privacy. however, if your father isn’t withdrawn or secretive, you may share a close bond with him. you might even consider him your confidant, feeling safe to open up without fear of judgment. this closeness, though, might make it difficult to distinguish yourselves from one another.

if your sun is in sagittarius

your father likely has trouble staying still. he may frequently travel or move, collecting stories along the way. he is likely a scholar or intellectual who loves to share his knowledge with others. he may have encouraged you to excel academically, pushing you to strive for constant improvement.

he might be religious, spiritual, or deeply philosophical — a strong believer in something bigger than himself. his upbringing of you may have been one of extremes: either highly restrictive or remarkably free. either way, it has made you averse to limitations of any kind. he may speak his mind freely, believing that the truth sets you free, or struggle to express hard truths.

people often turn to him for guidance, sensing his wisdom, or he may offer it unsolicited. he might seem lost or indecisive, constantly exploring new paths to find his purpose. this restlessness could also manifest as absent-mindedness or literal absence from your life.

if your sun is in capricorn

your father may not have given you much time to enjoy childhood. he might have pushed you to become self-sufficient early on, perhaps to help support the family. he likely discouraged fun, instead valuing your seriousness and maturity.

bringing tangible results, like financial support, is his way of showing love. his absence might have forced you to take on family responsibilities, making you the leader in his stead. he likely sacrificed his own youthful innocence to focus on work, and he wants you to avoid similar hardships by building a strong foundation for yourself.

he may avoid discussing his feelings, which can make him appear cold, though you know he feels deeply. if productivity isn’t his primary focus, family certainly is. he ensures your needs are met and works hard to maintain strong emotional bonds with you.

if your sun is in aquarius

having the sun in aquarius often points to a father who struggles to show emotions or build deep connections with his children. aquarius energy, especially in family dynamics, can feel distant and unapproachable. your father may prefer relationships that require less emotional investment, focusing instead on his work, social groups, or societal issues.

he is more logical than emotional when making decisions and may have encouraged your intelligence and sociability as a child. this likely shaped your focus on friendships and self-reliance rather than seeking emotional support from him.

if your father isn’t the detached and rational type, he might treat you as an equal or a friend. he likely takes an active interest in your experiences and supports your choices, especially if they align with his value of personal freedom. he is probably unconventional in some way, and this uniqueness is something he admires and encourages in you.

if your sun is in pisces

your father may struggle to see you for who you truly are. he is often too preoccupied with other matters to connect with you on a deeper level, leaving you feeling invisible or unloved in his presence. he may have been absent during your early years and might continue to be so.

while he is undoubtedly sensitive, he may not know how to express it effectively. he could have tried to shape you into his ideal vision, becoming frustrated when you asserted your independence. this challenging dynamic might have pushed you to distance yourself from him, seeking relationships where you feel more valued and understood.

alternatively, if your father embodies pisces energy positively, he might be your confidant, someone you can trust with your secrets. he may encourage you to pursue your wildest dreams and offer unwavering support. even so, he may find it difficult to trust your decisions entirely, often giving unsolicited advice or attempting to micromanage you.

[wheelie-sick]

as Christmas quickly approaches I wanted to give a word to people who celebrate. if you have people in your life who struggle to/can't eat for whatever reason please be kind and patient with them. Christmas is a very food-centered holiday so when you can't eat or have a hard time eating it becomes a very stressful and isolating holiday. when you are sitting at a dinner table surrounded by people eating it's often a cruel reminder of what you can't do and how you don't fit into the group. be kind to your disabled loved ones if they choose to excuse themselves from the dinner table entirely.

to the people who can't/struggle to eat, I know the impending doom of Christmas dinner is arriving. you are part of the group that you chose to celebrate with even if you can't celebrate the same way. it's easy to feel excluded from the group when you can't participate in a core part of the celebration but you are so important to that group of people. you are not obligated to sit at the dinner table if it brings up negative feelings for you and you certainly do not owe anyone making yourself sick for the sake of participating. dealing with gastrointestinal disease is more traumatic than people realize and you're allowed to have a complicated relationship with food that might even include not wanting to be around it. be gentle with yourself 💕

-> this post is about gastrointestinal disorders but people with other conditions affecting Christmas dinner are welcome to relate as well

[sonasi]

How to be confident ⊹₊ ♡ ˚｡°

1. Know you who are. 

When we are more connected with ourselves, we feel more sure about ourselves, our decisions, and make our intutition stronger. Find ways to connect and align with yourself, which can include yoga, meditation, self-care, and alone time! 

2. Walk with confidence. 

Walk around knowing you’re that GIRL! Straighten your back, throw on that outfit, and walk with your head held high. Even if you aren’t feeling confident, walking like it will boost your confidence!

3. Surround yourself with good energy.  

Always cleanse your energy. Cut out all toxic and negative energy that might be in your life - whether its a person, or something else, our energy is sacred. Toxicity will destroy your confidence, and you are your highest good. Do yourself a favor and cut out that bad energy!

4. Self-care. 

Prioritize your mental and physical well-being. You are all you’ve got, so take care of yourself. When you feel healthy, you will look healthy. When people search for confidence and beauty in others, they find it in health - glowy skin, bright eyes, soft hair - self-care will always be my go to confidence booster.

5. Stick up for yourself. 

Never let anyone walk over you. If someone disrespects you, say something. You have to show people that you know who you are, you know your boundaries, and most importantly, you respect yourself. Self respect is the #1 most important quality of confidence. Show it off! 

Love you all 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒