#but ill probably throw up due to trauma

[orcelito]

Tally's just a liiiiittle bit fed up with my clinginess today

Can't help it tho. She's my baby.

[zoe-oneesama]

On a serious note, why do you not like Derision? I mean, I can guess why, but I’m genuinely curious to hear your thoughts (if you want to).

What have they done to my boy?!

I guess we'll start with the whole "trauma" thing since that's how the episode starts - with Marinette going on a date with Adrien at the pool but constantly getting heart palpitations at the very idea of it. And not good lovey-dovey crush ones like Sabine thinks. The Actual Panic Attack kind.

This just feels unnecessary AND too late. Unnecessary because there are plenty of pre-established reasons why Marinette could be hesitant to go all in with Adrien (Being Ladybug, the 354th other times going for Adrien has failed or left her humiliated, Being Ladybug). So I don't know why they invented a trauma for her in the final hour and didn't think it was worth talking about before now?

They really came up with this whole scheme to explain why Marinette does Marinette things, like learning Adrien's schedule, planning out everything before she tries to make a move, needing to know everything about him, as if the show hasn't been mocking her for these exact traits and allowing them to blow up in her face over and over again. But NOW it's due to her TRAUMA. So...retroactively when her friends laughed at her or slapped their foreheads in frustration or the show framed her failures as a joke...we know it's actually from a tragic place and can't laugh anymore.

I mean, I was never laughing, but you get what I mean. They framed it like it was part of the comedy and now they're pulling the rug out from under themselves. How are you supposed to laugh when Adrien brings Marinette constipation medicine, or when her pictures of him are blasted all over Paris Television, or the *ugh* Statue Scene plays out and now you know that this is just adding to her pre-existing trauma? They have shot the show's rewatch value.

I never thought Marinette needed a "reason" act the way she was because those were always just kinda The Things Teenage Girls Do when they have a crush. I've admitted in the past to learning my crush's class schedule just to orchestrate running into each other in the hallways more often, and if their crush had public interviews and magazine pictures, I'm pretty sure most kids would also cut out their pictures to keep and would read and remember the interviews. I never really saw her behavior as that weird for a girl her age with a crush and recognize some cartoon exaggeration.

...Stealing his phone was a little weird, though, I'll give them that though Alya is the one who suggested it first...

SO, we enter a long flashback to One Year Ago (with Marinette now on her third Almost-Akumatization, good lord) and learn what life was like for Marinette pre-Origins, and oh boy. It's hell. She's making up illnesses to avoid school, avoiding all contact with anyone in the courtyard, having cockroaches put in her locker, having the Principal catch her "late" for class (after she had to clean herself up from a water prank), gets yelled at by the teacher for being late, sits in paint, mocked in class and then yelled at again by the teacher for pointing out the person mocking her probably planted it, and gets Saturday detention. All in one day. And when anyone tries to talk to her or even glares at the person responsible, they get threatened too.

The main reason this is hell is because Marinette is being let down by every single adult in her life. Sabine just laughs and tells Marinette that she only has a few weeks left with Chloe and it's not like she'll be in the same class as her next year.🙃 Well, why don't you make SURE she doesn't?! Maybe this is just an American vs French school thing, but where I come from, it's totally within your rights to request that your child not be put in the same class as someone else, they could at least put in a throw away line about her parents TRYING to move her, but Chloe's not allowing it JUST to keep Marinette close to her. And maybe take this a little more seriously, Sabine- your daughter is faking illness to avoid One. Girl. That should be concerning, not "lol my daughter is so silly for trying to get out of class."

Damocles finds Marinette and yells at her for being "constantly late" and praising the "anonymous notes" (signed by Chloe -_-) for always alerting him when she's behind, and then later gives her Saturday detention for...someone clearly planting paint on her desk chair? He sees a victim of bullying and punishes her for it. At the end of the episode he even suspends Socqueline for something that happened outside of school, yet in "Jubilation" she's pumping him up as The Best Principal?! Does this show thinks we're stupid or something?!

Mendeleiev also yells at Marinette for being late. She allows Chloe to make fun of Marinette for looking depressed when she comes in and allows Chloe to mock Marinette for sitting in paint, but when Marinette doesn't even stand up for herself but just accuses Chloe of putting the paint there, THEN Mendeleiev has something to say, and it's to Marinette? For "groundlessly" accusing the only person in the room laughing at Marinette, the one who was just making fun of her, the one who kept her eyes on Marinette so she could watch her sit in the paint?

Marinette tells Socqueline that all the adults are scared of Chloe, but that's not what I saw. Sure, at the end of the episode Damocles is afraid when Chloe pulls a "Lady Wifi" to force him to punish Socqueline for smashing Sabrina's phone, but the sequence of events played out more like the adults participating in the bullying. It wasn't like Damocles was sympathetic to Marinette and then Chloe cleared her throat, so he straightened up nervously and started berating Marinette. It wasn't like Marinette accused Chloe and then Chloe glared at Mendeleiev, forcing her to finally intervene. All the adults see what's going on and are either completely oblivious or don't care.

Also, Chloe totally unprompted says this:

GET A LIFE, what is your PROBLEM?! Like, why have a flashback episode and not have it explain what Chloe's fixation on Marinette even is?! It doesn't have to be big or anything! Like, have Marinette trip and spill something on Chloe in art class! Just do something!

And like, I totally get that irl bullies just choose their targets for no real reason and this is just another example of that, but to this level?! Just...get a hobby!

And then there's the big thing they did in this stupid episode. The unforgivable. The reprehensible.

This fucking guy.

It's been so long since we've seen Bully Kim that I was pretty sure he was left behind entirely on the draft floor. Sure, Kim is still capable of being insensitive or not thinking long-term, but he was a good kid. He roots for his friends and wants everyone to have a good time.

Hell, I could even buy that Kim was dumb enough to believe Chloe when she claims what he did was a funny practical joke that they'd all laugh about later...until Socqueline came up and yelled at him that he should be ashamed of himself.

And Ondine yelled at him in the present that he should be ashamed of himself.

And it's a year later and he should have realized by now that he should be ashamed of himself.

Kim is dumb, that's just a fact, but the way he doubles down and is so sure of himself that NO it's everyone ELSE who has a problem because they can't take a JOKE? Like...why?! Why did they co-sign on this character assassination?!

Just make him become akumatized because he's A S H A M E D of what he did now that he's finally sitting down and thinking about it a year later! He can keep the same look and motif, just have Monarch stroke the part of him that doesn't want him to be the jerk, the old Kim! It's totally normal, especially for a kid, to want to believe that they're not the bad guy even with all the evidence pointing to it, so I could even see the akuma being exactly the same.

But naur, it's KIM who talks like a right-wing podcast douche bag, complaining that you can't just speak your mind these days and everyone needs to get a sense of humor, they just don't GET it man, this is just how he IS brah, take it or leave it! His akuma's even named "Dark Humor", like edgy losers on reddit who make racist/sexist jokes and then get mad when he's downvoted and boo'd out of a forum. God, we just CAN'T TAKE A JOKE I guess.

I'm glad this is resolved by Ladybug gluing a toilet to his head.

I just...I feel like this could've worked in Season 1, or Season 2. Like...put it before Dark Cupid or before Syren or something. That way, Kim being a total douche is the starting point of his character arc, not the Season 5 Post-Hero Run point, ugh.

It'd also make this stupid line make more sense:

I'm sorry, the girl who got you akumatized after she humiliated you in nearly the same way you humiliated Marinette? I guess that was "just a prank bro" too, right?

Establish Marinette's problems with romance early, so she can overcome them or at least give them the proper context. It'd at least make the show look better if they hadn't made fun of her for 4 Seasons only to drop this bombshell on us at the end. You know...the thing that they just did.

This episode just isn't fun. I hated "Illusion" because all you get to see is the bad guys winning and outsmarting the heroes, but "Derision" is a marathon of seeing the absolute misery Marinette was put through, just to jump forward to the present to destroy a character that I really liked.

Would a kid even like this episode?

[somewhereinneptune]

Astrology Observations II

Note : these are based on experiences and personal observations. Observations mentioned may not accurately apply to everyone 🩷

🫀Someone's life path number could be the number which is strongly tied to that person's signature sign in their chart, either being the number of the house that originally rules their signature sign or a characteristic that is tied with that signature sign.

Examples: My signature sign is Aquarius and I'm a life path number 9 , life Path 9 is associated with being the humanitarian and serving the collective

My mother is a life path 3 and her signature sign is Gemini , which is originally ruled by the 3rd house. My brother is a life path 6 and his signature sign is Virgo, which is Virgo’s house. I also read about life path 4 being strategists and I've known someone who's signature sign is Capricorn which corresponds with such energy

🫀Unpopular opinion but if I had to switch the signs elements, I'd put Scorpio as a fire sign and Aquarius as a water sign. With Scorpio it's probably because it was originally ruled by Mars, Scorpio always gives me such a fire energy compared to Pisces and Cancer. Not exactly Scorpio sun but dominating Scorpio energy in the chart, i think it's also the intensity they ooze and the level of confidence and also self- assertion, they have such a commanding presence which gives me fire energy too

As for Aquarius, despite having the characteristics of being quite distant at times or having difficulty with opening up, it's usually for how intense they are, it's a form of protection. I've made the mistake in the past of seeing aquas as detached until they actually unfolded which shocked me, the amount of depth and intensity of emotions they hold is a 360 and I've observed the same in my chart. It might be due to them being a fixed sign,but definitely that depth doesn't give the air sign vibe. Another reason is how they tend to be more introverted or reserved compared to Gemini and Libra, it gives me that water energy too

����Chiron in first is such a difficult placement in my opinion. It either puts you in a constant self - conscious state or you project your trauma on every situation and blur reality from there

🫀Uranus and Neptune in third 🤝 mental illness. That's it, that's the post

🫀Pets and the 6th house man….Aries / Taurus on the cusp is a cuddly adorable pet but one that will literally not do what you say no matter what, also energetic asf and has attitude esp when you say no to them- oh and very reckless, will do things that will have you question your life choices and have a heart attack on the spot because they were curious about something like jump off a high desk and not care or run into something that would harm them, literally no brain cells just impulse

🫀The degree of the planet could indicate the age that planet unlocks for you , and weird thought but hear me out : that degree could stretch up until it's time for the next planet to unlock

Example : I have Jupiter at 24 and I'm turning 25 this May . Yes I've been in my Jupiter theme and actually it seems it's only going to properly expand even more. Now the only planet left for me is Saturn at 29, and I have the theory i’d be living the Jupiter theme until I turn 29 or untill I officially start my Saturn return

I  also have most planets at 5 too like Uranus , and Venus and Neptune at 1 : i was literally the calm kid that has a crush each time she gets (and sometimes is front about it without shame 😭😭 literally one time in second grade my crush's tummy was in pain and the teacher asked who knows their house to help them go home and i stood and said MEEEE in front of everyone and kept asking to be the one to take them home til i got yelled at 💀) i also had 4687357766 anime crushes as a kid and for Uranus , was the type to get mad and throw things on the ground when told no (I threw my tea mug once cause i didn't wanna go to school and slapped my kindergarten teacher cause she didn't let me go home with mom when i saw her visiting the principal 😭😭😭)

🫀Saturn in Aries 🤝 almost dying of cringe and shame at the thought of acting child - like and doing goofy stuff/ having fun

🫀 this is popular but Leo placements and secretly checking your own posts and stories and giggling at them lmao

[venusianc0mplex]

Children of Hekate

Children of Hekate are mysterious, intriguing, magnetic, and sensual artists who are forced to learn how to alchemize their pain into blessings and gifts for humankind, On the outside they seem to have it all; influence, power, charm, beauty, and success. However, underneath those layers of glory are usually whirlpools of pain that never cease to an end. The tragic but empowering lives of Hekate kids always make the most captivating stories to tell. 

Gifts

Sexy as FUCK and got rizz for daysssss

Naturally draw people in with their aura

Very gifted with magic and spells

Very intuitive people

Extremely creative people

Very in touch with their own emotions

They are very good at making you feel seen and heard

They spot people’s shadow sides very easily

They tend to know what the other person wants

People wants to get close to them or want to dig into their life 

They gain fans very easily

They are very emotionally understanding people

Good at making other people feel loved and cared for 

LOVED by the opposite sex

Exudes sex and can’t hide that

Their emotions really draw you in because they are very intense

They really care about the wellbeings of the underdogs

They are down to help someone for free

Their artwork speaks to people no matter what it is they put out there

Gifted astrologers because Hekate’s mom is Asteria

They are very good at turning their negative emotions into artwork

Takes good care of small animals and kids

Naturally protective and they are naturally fighters

They have the ability to walk out of any darkness imposed on them

They can fight through anything in life even if some people might take longer

They are some of the most empathetic people once healed from their traumas

A LOT of people want a piece of them

They can spot people’s shadow side very easily

They naturally have influence over others

Very gifted prophets

They have the power to push through any hardships in life

Common Themes in the Life of a Child of Hekate

They feel their emotions at an intensity most people don’t get to experience

Prone to developing mental health illnesses due to Hekate’s 3 form’s collective energy being overwhelming on the native

Experience the most emotional swings in life

Thoughts are so powerful they will always have a significant impact on their reality 

It’s best for them to not stick to one career path throughout their lifetime

Their manifestations are so powerful they need to be careful what they wish for

Extremely volatile self-esteem

Most of them grew up with fragmented families

Prone to negative thinking/bad self-talk

They need gentler treatment from people around them

Prone to victim mindset

No matter what happens in life, as long as they try hard, they will always be kept afloat 

They tend to get more help from people of the opposite sex than people of the same sex

Attracts jealousy very easily

They need to choose their romantic partners very wisely

Most of them are prone to falling for the hot but toxic partner

Their family can set them back for years 

They struggle with grasping the truth and getting a good sense of reality

 Maintaining good mental health should be their no.1 priority in life

They are either easily influenced by people’s dark sides or become the toxic one that influence others negatively

They are usually very genuine with their emotions

They are usually the black sheep of their family 

Probably made a contract to sacrifice their early childhood happiness for material success and magical powers

They usually got prominent sideral cancer, aquarius, and/or pisces placements in their chart. (usually a combination of cancer + something else)

Deep thinkers

Need HUGE amounts of spiritual protection to thrive in life

Treats animals very well

People who learned their lessons and worked on their shadow selves usually become VERY good parents

Extremely protective

Natural guides/protectors

A lot of them will always have a kind heart no matter what life throws at them

Challenges

Almost all of them face MASSIVE struggles with their mental health as they are influenced by all 3 of Hekate’s sides but that energy is often times too much for a human to handle

Extremely prone to escapism and unhealthy coping mechanisms

They are prone to drowning in their depressive feelings for a very very long time

They can be too emotional or vengeful to their own detriment

Prone to self-isolation or pushing everyone around them away

Prone to extremities 

They are usually born into dogshit biological families

Struggles with an intense amount of suicidal thoughts

Usually surrounded by bad influences in their early childhood

Too stubborn to change for their own good sometimes

Their negative thoughts can manifest into their actions very fast

“Becareful what you wish for”

They LOVE going for the popular boy/girl whos actually emotionally unavailable af just because it satisfies their ego (Medea’s lesson)

Extremely Stubborn 

Suffer from a lot of jealousy (at them or towards others)

Trouble expressing their vulnerabilities

Spiritually vulnerable and prone to being taken advantage of

People LOVE to disrespect their boundaries

Can suffer really deeply from sexual harassments

Prone to lashing out in very extreme ways that push people away 

Suffer a lot from betrayals, especially from their families

They have to learn to overcome a huge amount of darkness in life

They suffer a lot from the evil eye

Suffer from unwanted attention

Not the best at giving a good first impression

Controversial

A lot of them struggle with BPD, ADHD, Bipolar, and etc

People are usually dismissive of the emotions they struggle with are they are judgmental towards it 

They are usually not given the same grace they give to others

They tend to give to the wrong people until they learn their boundaries 

They attract a lot of problematic people to them 

Their vengefulness can cause them a lot of trouble in life

A lot of them face a horrible amount of abuse in their earlier life 

They have trouble putting their egos down to ask for help

Disclaimer: Everything written above stemmed from my own observations, I'm not claiming to be 100% accurate on everything

[pinesfamilyguidetotheweird]

Gravity Falls Thoughts: Ford and Trauma™ (Part 01; because I know I'm turning this into a multi-part series)

So...when you start to think about it, Ford has been through a lot. Because of Gravity Falls' nature as a 2-season Disney cartoon, I feel that we've only scratched the surface of all the crap this man went through.

And thanks to the fandom...good Lord in Heaven, all the flippin' Trauma!!! Sweet Moses...

I mean, other than Bill Cipher and Weirdmageddon, Ford has a level of trauma that not a lot of people have.

Of course, Ford isn't the only one with Trauma™. Really, all four of the Pines are traumatized in some way. I mostly want to focus on Ford for now.

Now, most of the trauma Ford is given is fan speculation/interpretation. The thing is though, is that these traumas would make sense if Gravity Falls was given a more serious direction. (sort of like Steven Universe, a show that is more emotionally driven)

Okay...first things first, nutrition.

In a previous post I've made (I think it was about the Feral Ford headcanon; which I may or may not go into further detail in this series), I said something along the lines of how Ford wouldn't be all that bothered by weird looking food or could even stomach strange food combinations.

While a part of me still thinks this, another one thinks of something else thanks to reading a lot of fanfics of his essentially living off of nutrient pills.

This is from Ford having to be constantly on the move to avoid Bill's reach during his travels. I'd imagine it's a rare occurrence for him to be able to sit down and have a decent meal, either at an establishment or even hunting for food. Not only that, but you have to remember that a lot of the places he went to probably don't have food suitable for humans.

So, Ford has probably taken to nutrient pills so that way he's always on the go, among other foods he's able to preserve and carry.

The thing is, living on mostly nutrient pills could only take you so far before it could be more of a bad boon. Nutrient pills wouldn't exactly give you the appropriate amount of calories a human adult male needs. Especially if they are constantly in danger.

This can lead to some malnutrition.

Yes. I took time to research this so we can properly make Ford's life more like hell.

Signs/Symptoms of Malnutrition (according to NHS)

(Other than the main concern of weight loss and BMI being low)

reduced appetite

lack of interest in food and drink

feeling tired all the time

feeling weaker

getting ill often and taking a long time to recover

wounds taking a long time to heal

poor concentration

feeling cold most of the time

...feeling cold most of the time...

"feeling cold most of the time"

...And who wears a turtleneck sweater/trench coat combo during the summer?

And, lastly, Low mood, sadness and depression.

Furthermore, it would seem that Ford would have developed a low tolerance to actual food (other than bland, mushy stuff) and is probably incapable of eating a whole meal without throwing up.

It's a struggle to be sure, especially if Ford already has a history to forget meals, even as a child (may or may not be projecting here as someone who forgets to eat)...not to mention the months of paranoia due to Bill prior to being sucked into the Portal.

I'm honestly imagining a scene in which Abuelita (bless her soul) tries to feed Ford when she sees how skinny he is...or at least what she perceives as skinny. And no one (no one) can say no to Abuelita Ramirez. And it's Mexican food. There is absolutely nothing bland about it. And Ford does his best to eat it...only to scurry into the bathroom after three bites. He didn't mean to be rude. It was honestly very delicious. Ford's body just couldn't handle it at the moment.

At least Abuelita is understanding of the situation and becomes Stan's right hand woman on his quest to help Ford with his eating habits.

...Great, another idea for an upcoming fic...I had a title in mind but I feel like I should call it *Trauma* Ford Edition.

[curly-my-beloved]

just some general info, maybe? it sounds serious (the illness)

oh dear. alright, let's try to keep it simple because i fucking dread this, honestly.

i have cotard's syndrome or something incredibly similar to it, mixed with several personality disorders (diagnosed with bipolar and borderline, my psychotherapist suggests more but it will take time to put proper labels), alexithymia (or, again, something very similar), depression, anxiety, autism and adhd. combine that with several types of emotional trauma and chronic pain and you get a real fucking rollercoaster on the daily.

the two that most people might not know two well out of that would be cotard's and alexithymia. let's start with the latter.

in short, alexithymia makes is difficult to feel and/or recognize emotions that you feel. a sort of constant apathy, nihilism. for me, it combines with bipolar and borderline, so it's incredibly difficult to handle it sometimes.

i am either nearly completely emotionless or overwhelmed by a hard to define mess of emotions and never fucking ends well. reaching an in-between point where it is somewhat possible to handle is incredibly difficult.

cotard's syndrome, however, is the primary antagonist to my ability to write. it's a rare mental disorder (i believe there's only around 200 cases properly documented?) that causes delusions which make the person believe they are dead, actively dying, missing organs or like they're decomposing. i personally can very often feel like there's maggots and/or worms crawling around my body or squirming around my eyes. it is very difficult to get a 100% diagnosis on it due to how little research could've been done on it and my country not being the most... caring about mental health, it's hell trying to figure it out.

to put it simply, i can feel my body dying, despite knowing it's not. thanks to a lot of work with my therapist and some of my mind's own defense mechanisms (mostly some really fucked up usage of humor as a coping mechanism), i am mostly able to somewhat ground myself into remembering that it's just delusions and laugh about it.

on a bad day, however, it is literal hell. especially when my other illnesses act up. i am unable to do anything. i don't want to describe the state i am in when that happens because it's a very difficult experience and talking about it too much might trigger it. the closest non-detailed description i can offer is a sort of pain and mental probably comparable to Curly's state after the crash.

especially now, due to my work, i have to monitor myself frantically, repressing myself and my mental health. most days, i am unable to think and i just run on autopilot, often not eating or not sleeping. recently, three hours of sleep is luxury for me. being able not to throw up after eating anything is a luxury.

not having the urge to fucking skin myself is a luxury.

so yeah. fun.

[thousandyearphantombunker]

gotta love that people will scream about how people like me are abuse apologists and that we defend abusers and how lack of empathy instantly makes you evil but like all I wanna do is point out that a lot of abuse recovery 'help' is ableist as fuck

Like they say people with autism shouldn't be allowed to have kids cause 'they throw tantrums due to emotional dysregulation and they lack empathy and can only care for children in a clinical way' and I see way too many people attack the shit outta severely disabled siblings for having the gall to need a care taker and for 'forcing their sibling to take care of them! So evil' rather than get pissed off at the parents who ACTUALLY forced the able sibling to take care of them and didn't properly care for either and acting like the disabled sibling doesn't exist at all and that any abuse a person with a developmental or psychotic disorder suffers is 'justified not only is putting up with you hard but also your too stupid and delusional to be believed and your natural naivety and psychotic makes taking away your autonomy necessary!'

They kick people with BPD out of groups because they interpret symptoms of BPD in the most abusive way possible and out right state people with npd can't be abuse victims and kick them out of groups because 'they're the abusive ones' like uh they can be abusive but none of npd or bpd's listed symptoms translate directly to 'abusive asshole' y'all make a huge stink about how there is no such thing as a perfect victim and how your bad qualities such as having a short fuse doesn't negate that but when you see a person with a mental illness or developmental disability you freak out- what the hell happened to 'no such thing as a perfect victim'? Personality disorders are caused by trauma and are essentially a bunch of unhealthy coping mechanisms for it- but I forgot they're not allowed to heal like you guys because they are 'bad people'-

you guys talk about how your damned if you fight back damned if you don't fight back and how frustrating it all is and how it's wrong and how there's 'no such thing as a perfect victim' but as soon as mental illness or disability comes into the picture you begin to start victim blaming or claim that they aren't victims- you guys scream no such thing as a perfect victim until the victim has a disability and now 'well she has bpd so she's lying or was acting emotionally unstable and therefore it was okay that she was hurt her dad who beat her was probably teaching her lesson' 'well he has an intellectual disability and is quite naive and over sensitive so taking away his autonomy is okay because he can't possibly understand what he wants! And if he gets hurt is his own fault not his caretakers'

I'm not an abuse apologist for calling out your bad behavior. I forgot 'no excuses' only applies to disabled people and never applies to people who were hurt in the past by disabled people! Wait didn't you guys say your parents/partners bad pasts and traumas don't justify their actions? Great then your trauma doesn't justify kicking people with mental disorders out of help groups unless they've actually done something beyond admitting they have a mental illness. Being a victim doesn't excuse being a dick. I'll also say if your high functioning being mentally ill or disabled it doesn't justify being a dick- I call out shit behavior that isn't being an abuse apologist or saying that you deserved to get hurt or that you weren't hurt. If your an asshole but you got raped or smth your still a victim who deserves help and I'm not gonna defend what your abuser did and I'm gonna wanna help you however I can but I'm still gonna call you out for when your trauma makes you an asshole to me- that's not abuse apologism. Acknowledging ableism in help groups isn't the same as apologism. Narcissists have feelings too, people with developmental disorders aren't braindead, unfeeling idiots unable to be traumatized they deserve love and no form of abuse is ever justified and psychotic people deserve to be listened too. I'm not ever gonna say someone isn't a victim of abuse because they fought back or didn't fight back hard enough or because they're an ableist asshole but I'm gonna call them out on being an ableist asshole or an asshole in general and abusing others back- that shit doesn't make me an apologist it means I'm standing up to bullshit and if you think being abused by someone with a disorder in the past or having trauma from having to take care of a disabled sibling or whatever makes it okay to hurt disabled people? I get to call that shit out. If you were abused and you start abusing others your an abuser too no excuses right? Well remember to apply that shit to how we treat disabled abuse victims-

if you wouldn't do it to a neurotypical person then what makes it okay to do to someone with schizophrenia or bipolar? Your trauma from dealing with disabled people doesn't make it okay to hurt disabled people! I won't ever justify your mom hurting you because she had a mental illness but I also won't justify you abusing someone else be they have a disability and you have trauma around disabled people.

Also depending on the severity of the disability I'm sorry they might count as a victim too and maybe they shouldn't be help accountable- the no excuses shit only applies if they're high functioning enough

If you can acknowledge that your mom or lover's past trauma doesn't justify how they hurt you then you have to acknowledge that your trauma doesn't justify how you hurt others- that includes people with disabilities like npd or autism. If your sibling was so disabled they needed extra attention or you where forced into a parental role your allowed to be angry and shit and to say 'im not gonna be held responsible for someone else, it's my life the system or my parents can figure it out' - cool your establishing healthy boundaries but as soon as you start demonizing them for needing that care I'm gonna call you out- you don't have to take of them but for the love of God don't go around demonizing other disabled people

Also start calling narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse- a lot of people who engage in so called 'narcissistic abuse' are actually not narcissistic or cluster b- heck a lot of them are neurotypical and not mentally handicapped or ill in the slightest.

Stop demonizing personality disorders

Listen to people with psychotic disorders and developmental disabilities

Stop saying people with severe cognitive disabilities can't develop trauma or be depressed or that narcissists don't have feelings etc

stop ignoring or justifying abuse against disabled people. Stop with the perfect victim bullshit.

people who think narcissistic abuse is a thing or that disabled people shouldn't have kids don't clown on this post

[trickstarbrave]

i am watching sulmatul's video on v:tmb and i have to say. i dont agree with her assessment of terese and jeanette's storyline

this isn't to say i think everyone has to like it. its a deeply upsetting backstory and how terese and jeanette talk about it isn't comfortable in the slightest. it can be very, very triggering for anyone listening. but i have played the game over and over and that was always my favorite part.

so uh. cw for: csa, DID, psychosis, murder, serious mental illness, self harm through risky behaviors, and verbal abuse. but i do wanna talk about my thoughts

--

sulmatul frames it as terese was openly being portrayed as a seductress being abused by her father, jeanette openly trying to seduce him in turn, and all being done for the sake of edginess with no care for how they portray such delicate subject matter.

i can agree it is a bit edgy and some parts are unnecessary with dark humor which doesn't take the edge off like the writers probably assumed it was but only gives it a trivializing edge in some parts. but upon first play-through i already grasped what was going on and more play-throughs only confirmed it.

terese and jeanette were never two separate people physically, i dont think. the painting of them and their father as two little twin girls was likely commissioned by terese and was to throw the player off. its clearly stylized anyways and not a realistic portrait. DID is typically formed due to severe childhood trauma, after all, and consistent sexual abuse a very common source of said severe childhood trauma, unfortunately (i have met people with DID who have openly admitted to developing it in response to CSA). jeanette was always terese's alter, and was originally to protect terese. jeanette holds all the negative feelings about their abuse, and all the negative thoughts terese has about herself. jeanette is the one who snuck out of the house to sleep around, which is not jeanette "being the classic whore" but instead a form of self harm by engaging in risky behaviors. jeanette figures if she has to suffer through sex, she might as well do so on her terms. meanwhile terese has convinced herself she's actually their father's "favorite".

jeanette openly despises their father. jeanette openly resents him. she says "father always liked terese more" when trying to manipulate the player and trying to inspire pity, but she's not really broken up about his death and instead takes a sort of sick delight in it.

jeanette only really specifies sleeping with him one time in particular: the night of his death. jeanette came back from sneaking out. their father came in drunk, and jeanette was still awake. terese it seems only has partially or emotional amnesia given how quickly she knows what jeanette has done and vice versa, and always seems particularly disgusted with how much jeanette sleeps around and with who because she remembers it, even partially. their father mistook jeanette as terese, and assaulted her. terese then wakes up, climbs out of bed, gets their father's gun, and shoots him in the head for "cheating" on her in a fit of psychosis, only to then regret what she had done.

terese was never not the victim, nor is she ever portrayed as a seductress when she is the primary victim. she is not a nymphet, nor is their father portrayed sympathetically as an abuser. when jeanette calls her a whore, its to hurt terese severely. terese hates openly talking about the abuse, ashamed of it, despite how much she says "father loved me more than you" listing off all the ways jeanette's behavior upset him. but its also clear they have built up their whole identities around what the other is most insecure about but tries to hide.

terese, is an uptight, direct, serious business woman almost in direct response to jeanette's deep seated fear and insecurity of never being taken seriously. and jeanette is a seductress who simply loves sex and sleeping around, either to manipulate people or just for fun, in almost direct response to terese's deep seated fear of being seen as a whore or unclean for being sexually abused.

i don't think sulmatul had any malice with summarizing it as such. it is not a story that handles sexual abuse with kid gloves on, with clear lines of right and wrong and holds your hand through it. in real life victims are messy and complicated. some refuse to admit they were abused and claimed it was all consensual. some respond with risky behaviors, horrible attitudes, and a general lack of care that makes them unsympathetic to most. oftentimes they are pitted against one another by an abuser who distracts them with jealousy and making them tear each other down. even for those who resent their abuse, after being subjected to it for so long, you begin to hate and resent those who are given special treatment and are seen as the "favorites".

i can see anyone who doesn't like engaging with that sort of storyline having a knee jerk reaction, and i can also see someone unfamiliar with the messy, disgusting feelings and behaviors of abuse victims to equally draw the wrong conclusion. but what is to one victim triggering and offensive is to others an outlet for being seen.

every play-through i try my damnedest to keep them both alive. they do love and support each other but are twisted by old wounds that continue to feed into a cycle of self harm, personal attacks, petty jealousy, and insecurity. they have been running from their trauma for years with only each other as their confidant, and neither has emotionally healed enough to handle it. they won't heal if they lose the other. it only validates the poor coping mechanisms the surviving sister has. but god is it hard to do so.

v:tmb doesn't have a lot of deep themes, but it is overall (at least in the early parts) attempting to explore the grotesque, messy parts of society people try to look the other way from. disease (including sexually transmitted diseases), sex, abuse, murder, drugs, nightclubs, sex work, all of it without glamorizing it, and cloaking it in the imagery of bad horror movies of the time.

[cyber-neptune]

11pm fem Megatron ramble post (sorta vent ish)

I project a lot of personal things onto characters that I like/find comfort in and Megatron just happen to be that character. Be it random trauma or mental illnesses, I like throwing it on Megs like one of those sticky hands. Always had difficulty explaining and processing a lot of emotions and personal stuff so it’s a great way to explain and understand things for me.

One of those things that I struggle with is my gender identity. I’m a genderfluid AFAB person and I’ve struggled trying to fit into what society deems “masculine” and “gender noncomforming”. Even being “feminine” is hard.

I know I should get this worked up over those things but it’s just hard. Feeling like no matter how I dress and act, I feel like a fraud.

I don’t mind trying to talk about it to people but It’s like I’m choking and suffocating on my words and my hands just got numb when I try to type about it and it all comes out like a nonsensical mess of letters. I also have difficulty with my self worth, always feeling like my problems are so small and insignificant, I end up just keeping quiet so I don’t “”bother”” anyone.

Started off topic af but anyway, I used to make jokes about Megatron being a girl/being feminine because it was like me trying and sometimes failing to appear more Masculine/gender neutral. In the end it’s like I was creating something I could “share” my troubles with without feeling like I’m bothering people.

There’s something about the way I’m headcanoning (is this a word??? It’s too late for this fhdj) Megatron as struggling to be seen by others as a girl/feminine, it’s kinda due to the way I look about which characters some people headcanon as “feminine” (Star.scream, Opt.imus, Sou.dw.ave, Knoc.kout, bumbl.ebee and many others). The way people draw/write them is, ig, interesting to me because it’s like they can accept almost every character as being girls/feminine except Megatron.

In a way this kinda led me to project more of my issues with my gender identity on Megatron. The feeling that no matter what I do, I’ll always be seen as something I’m not/not entirely and that I could never manage to be up to others expectation of what I “”should be””.

I’m thinking about other stuff so I’ll probably leave it at that and ig make an update or respond to shit in replies/reblogs, I’m too tired hfjdsj

[green-loser-lover]

Blossom!!

Hiiii!!! So i have my hcs for Blossom in my au but ITS SO LATE HELP ME IM GONNA BE WRITING ABT THIS THROUGHOUT NOVEMBER PROBABLY LOL

annyway back to Blossom im just gonna dump all my info about her below enjoy (this makes more sense if yk about the profs backstory but ill post that after buttercup and bubbles)

Body is an amalgamation of her own body, Blisses body, and random dead girl bodies Prof found somewhere (this is creepy be icked). She has no memory nor knowledge of her past life because Blisses ghost is preventing her. All of her body parts retain little bits of souls from whoevers body it was. So sometimes theyll sort of just,, take over if they want to (when i write this i want it to resemble DID alters). Usually though shes in control because the majority of her body is herself.

Loves to be in charge of everything due to her soul (which she is? idk ill workshop the logic later) retaining trauma from her death. When she feels powerless Blossom panics to an extreme, esp if plans go wrong (this makes it mega easy for the other soulds to take over). She knows the Prof favors her and doesnt like it one bit. Blossom is a bit manipulative and lies very well. Shes the leader. Dont even bring this up w/ her. WILL fight Butters abt that very aggressivly. Like dont test her she will throw a fit and trash stuff. Shes popular (eh.. liked) and keeps to herself a lot. LOVES SCIENCE. Goes with prof to science stuff since shes a fully reaminated corpse that was revived "with no magic" (this is not true.. or is it?) She reminds me of Sally from NBC looks wise. Her body parts prob fall off and stuff.

Oh the souls/alters can take over without a moment notice. Its not easy for them but its easier when shes panicked. She hates fire keep it away from her shell have a full panic attack.

When the souls take over she goes into a sort of headspace and can see them. She does not retain these memories. Highkey thinks shes crazy nd thats why she fights them so hard

[rumandstars]

It’s amazing how much better you feel when you aren’t throwing up blood every other week. Whew, those Ménière’s episodes were really wiping me out. I was ready for death just so I didn’t have to see/feel this ever fucking again: 🌀

I’ve had well over a hundred episodes the past five years, terrible, it’s hard to understand the level of medical trauma with this illness. Every episode = like being tortured mentally and physically, not exaggerating. Uncomfortable, painful, exhausting, disorienting, debilitating, scary because you worry about your esophagus getting long term damage from uncontrollable vomiting + there’s always a chance you could end up hospitalized due to dehydration. Ménière’s Disease, the illness that won’t kill you (probably), it’ll just make you wish you were dead.

This has been my best year in five (or six?) years…ahhhh. I’m so relieved ugh. Still have some symptoms like lack of balance, hearing fluctuations, and occasional dizziness upon waking but the extremely debilitating spells seem like they…*gulps nervously*…are starting to pass…

Eeee I wanna get back to living life. I’ve lost so many years to this illness! It’s been a hard road but I’m still here.

[stankycowboy]

10 & 20 🩸

10. what is the worst illness your muse has ever had?

Severen may have actually lucked out growing up in rural surroundings. He most likely avoided the worst of the communicable diseases of the age, but almost certainly had the measles as a child, and at least one of the lesser poxes. The worst illness he probably could have contracted and survived would be typhoid fever, but would only really have faced exposure due to his father coming home from the war, and he may have just escaped this as well. It was also to his benefit if he couldn't be seen by a "modern" doctor because a treatment of heavy metal tinctures and blood letting was often the main cause of death in those days where medicine was concerned (y'know after the horrible bacterial or viral infections). Considering that water was a scarcity, and easily contaminated, I would say he probably suffered from dysentery or hookworms (or another common parasite) more than once. Nothing quite speaks of the elegance of the late 1800’s then being doubled over with a raging fever in a squat. If that wasn’t a motivation to become an immortal, I don’t know what is. For fun, the prison brand he has probably got infected as an untreated burn, and I'll throw in he almost died from sepsis. It left a really nasty scar.

20. what is something your muse wants to tell others, but is too afraid to?

It is two things combined into one. After living so long he doesn't really have a "place in the world" and has no goals or motivations keeping him to time and place. He is purposeless. Because of this, Severen uses his connection to others to stay grounded. There are few remaining relationships to anchor him to stability, and with their lack it brings the resurgence of his singular focus, hunger. Sometimes Severen’s own hunger scares him. The more he feeds it the worse it gets. He can foresee a time when he it isn’t that he loses control, but that he simply gets tired of holding it at bay and just never come back from being the gluttonous monster he is. It is always there like a siren's song, escape through mindlessness. Should he lose his reason to stay "human", he thinks he'll just become a true beast. To admit this out loud means admitting he has no control, and that scares him more than anything else. Especially post-movie Severen who had a lot of his own fate decided for him by accepting the decisions of others. He keeps this a poorly disguised secret, even though those closest to him most likely have an inkling of some kind based on his reaction to the trauma of losing his family. To relive himself of this burden by admitting where he is weak would be a blessing, but his pride and stubborn determination get in the way, so he suffers as silently as he is able.

[quillheel]

⭐ !!

Send a " ⭐ " and I will list muses I would be interested in throwing at yours // always accepting!!!

Hi!!! I'm a little slower than I usually would be for this, but VERY glad you sent this in!! been wantin' to figure out some interaction ideas, so this is a verrry good kick in the tail to do so :] I'll be doing most/all of your blogs ( that I know of, anyhow! ) too since I might as well!!!

━ @manebloom ;; Funfact, part of why I picked up the Hunter slugcat from rainworld was because I wanted easier access to tossing muses over to furry blogs, namely yours! Thus, Hunter has an anthro verse which would slot pretty easily into Dandelions! Munkustrap, Rum Tum Tugger and Mistoffelees would also be pretty easy to make into anthro verses too now that I think about it! Cat v cat <3 Senpai in particular also has an easy 'in' to Dandie's mainverse by sheer virtue of being a Literal video game character, so her finding a funky game & it being Senpai's is very straightforward which could lead to an interesting dynamic, especially considering Senpai being part code part Mentally Ill Guy meaning he's just not the healthiest innately but could also lead to some interesting growth as they learn to deal with eachother since. well. unless Dandie pawned Senpai's game off to somebody else or overcame what guilt there'd probably be of permanently shutting his game off, they're stuck with eachother BKHGTBR

ofc, there's also my UT/DR muses! Chara, Asgore, Toriel, Kris, Ralsei, Jevil and Noelle all leap first to mind, with Toriel in particular radiating the potential to have an interesting impact in her life if given the chance. I do have higher muse for DR muses at the moment, but I also think there could be an interesting dynamic with Ralsei and Dandie, being so similar and yet so different in the same breath, and the same kinda goes with Noelle! Especially since by default, I tend to play her after the events of a half completed ( and in one verse, fully completed ) snowgrave run which offers an interesting aspect given her being a young girl trying to find herself through a time of hardship and anxiety and very fresh trauma, and Jevil mostly because I think it could be fun <3 plus, Dandie I've noticed sometimes gravitates to folk of their chaotic nature :]

And of course, FNaF verse has a very wide array! Monty, Spring Bonnie, Mangle, Marionette, Toy Bonnie, OG Chica, OG Freddy, Plushtrap, Vanny, I've a cavalcade of options to throw at her, should any gel in particular!

━ @crvptd ;; admittedly, I'm not all that familiar with creech. however! I do think putting her in a box with Kris, Frisk or Jevil perhaps might be interesting, seeing the WIP state of a UT/DR verse in their carrd! Andy the Apple might also be neat sheerly due to the odd corrupted 'existing despite not being supposed to' situation he's in mirroring a cryptid status. Potentially Modeus, Karin or Anatoly could also be interesting; Modeus because of their aspect as a demon, and Karin + Anatoly as being VERY tied to the forest & folklore by sheer virtue of their story ( essentially being about a group of people fleeing from a country take refuge in a cabin and slowly starving as a storm prevents them from leaving, with the owner of the cabin having ties to the baba yaga ). there's some options!!!

━ @lncanting ;; ofc, theres the Wizard who I've already tossed at'cha in the past, and who I'm DEFINITELY open to expanding upon dynamic wise, but I also think there could be an interesting dynamic between Dustfinger! Dustfinger specifically stands out because in his case, he's a book character who was read out into modern reality and is struggling to cope with it in a world lacking the magic and fantasy of the world he came from, which could be VERY interesting and mesh very well imo with Noel!! I also think there could be something neat with Chica, Freddy, and Marionette with her, given how they're some of the oldest animatronics. Perhaps finding them out in the street after being scrapped between FNaF 2 and 3?

something with LN's Hunter or the Lady, or even Evren from Sacritice could also be neat, just based on vibes! Actually, Klaasje and Noel in particular would also be very fun, less because of the witchy aspect and more because just like. fucken girlbosses, i feel like Noel would like Klaasje's attitude or at the very least Klaasje would like Noel's BHKGBTR though, honestly Skullkid, Artemis, Ares, Hypnos, Zagreus, WD Gaster, the Doll, etc etc could all work n be very inchresting!!! Ranging from Skullkid following the same concept of a child lost in a forest becoming a creature to straight-up accidentally invoking Zagreus from the Underworld be it by invoking his name or via magic, they could all function vv well!! its verrry flexible!!

I know I kinda just rambled alot here, namely bc im tired irl rn, but if y'want to expand on shit, just DM me and I'll give you a brief summary of the gist of all the characters I listed + roughly what I think could work plotting wise when i can, so yeah!!! hope this helps with getting the ball rolling <333

[catchingbigfish]

🤔

🤔 - What's the inspiration behind my WIP

ohhhh thank you for asking! i kept promising to eventually make this post for So It Goes but never got around to it because i felt like it was verging on trauma dumping to do an unsolicited breakdown of this. i'm going to go into the sad stuff at the end, but it's under a cut! @indecentpause, @thelittlestspider, and @brazenlip also sent this emoji so tagging for ref!

so, first off, i read Slaughterhouse-five by Kurt Vonnegut in middle school. one of the perks of growing up in Indiana is that you're really hammered away at about how important Vonnegut is (he was an Indianapolis native) and there's even a super cool museum about him. i was blown away and absolutely loved it. it was required reading later in high school and i loved it then too but yeah, it was a huge impact on me. the reason this is relevant is because throughout the novel, whenever someone or something dies, he writes, "So it goes." just like that. and the first time i read it and came to the scene where (iirc) someone throws a paper ball and it misses the trash can, and he says, "So it goes", i burst out laughing.

this also factors into the Sad Girl Shit you'll read in a second if you're curious, but i might be the world's biggest mac miller fan. not really, but i actually was in his like top .5% of listeners in 2020 on spotify, so close. his song So It Goes factors into the sad shit, but i just love the song.

okay so i'm going to write the rest of this under the cut and specify a content warning for potentially upsetting topics related to deaths of relatives and friends!! just a heads up for anyone who's sensitive to that. i'm totally comfortable talking about this and i don't need anyone to tell me how sorry they are for me -- it's just a matter of fact now and i'm totally used to talking about it, but i feel bad when i share it with people and they get sad because of me. you don't need to!! i'm fine!! don't be sad on my account!!

alright so historically speaking i've dealt with like… a lot of death. most of it was clustered in my teens and early 20s, but without getting too far into the weeds i'll say i probably lost around 20 relatives and friends before i turned 22, and i lost my dad when i was 21. only a handful were due to illness/expected, the vast majority were accidents, overdoses, and violence related.

what really sparked SIG, though, is when a few years ago i was walking home from the bus stop after work and heard the mac miller song, then learned about a death.

before i move on, let me tell you about a friend of my sister's. i'm going to call him Isaiah, because that's why Isaiah-the-character exists -- this friend.

Isaiah was an absolute joy. sometime earlier in the year, i ran into him at his job, and it just filled me up with the warmest happiness to see him. you know those people whose existence just makes you feel a little better about the world? yeah. anyway, he was working at a starbucks and took my order and when i reached the window he gave me the goofiest smile and asked if i was who he thought, and i said yes, and he told me i should let him know it's me next time and he'll give me the family discount. it was sweet. i went home and texted my sister about it and made a joke about how i never want to find out if he did something wrong (we'd learned some dark shit about people in our lives recently) because i didn't want my memory of him tarnished.

so that day in 2019, probably close to a year after he served me coffee, i was walking home and heard the song coming from a car and felt a little uneasy (it's a sad song, considering mac miller's untimely death) and i got home and my sister called me, and yeah. Isaiah had died. he was shot, they still don't know why or by who, but despite how much death i've dealt with in my life that hit me fucking hard. it was right around the 5th anniversary of my dad's death and somehow, Isaiah's passing hit me harder than my dad's that year -- a testament to how much time had passed since my dad's death, but also a testament to how cruel i felt it was that Isaiah was gone. i told my therapist i felt like the world was a little sharper after that, like things were just slightly meaner. let me be super clear and say i wasn't Isaiah's best friend by any means; he was a close friend of my older sister, and i was often assigned to keep her out of trouble, so i was around him but not that close to him. but something about him just made the world feel a little lighter.

so, yeah! that's what happened. i came up with the idea for SIG in 2020, and it percolated over the years, and finally in nov 2022 i started writing SIG to purge all of the deaths i'd experienced and i knew from the start Isaiah's would be front and center. in the first draft, the final scene of SIG is an almost beat-by-beat remake of what happened in real life, up until marisa sees death sitting on her couch but embraces sophia instead. i needed to believe in that -- that even despite Isaiah's death, the world was still kind, and love still existed. it definitely does, by the way! like i said, i'm fine these days -- his was actually the last death i've experienced -- and i really don't need anyone to feel sad for me!

[briamichellewrites]

35

Brie was home from doing a small talk show tour across the country for three months. She refused to wear anything that showed her stomach because she hated how it looked. Mike was doing his best to understand her body image issues. She was not ugly or unattractive, but her mind was louder than their opinions. They met with Chester, Phoenix, and Linsey to talk about her signing her rights over to Phoenix and letting him adopt the twins. She felt like a failure of a mother.

No, she didn’t know that her hormones and mental health would be the way it was. She was asking for help and that was extremely hard to do. It wasn’t her fault. The girls would understand when they were older. She wiped her tears as Chester wrapped his arms around her. Thank you. The babies were four months old and were more vocal than they were before. They could smile and laugh.

Whatever they grabbed went directly into their mouths. That meant they had to be extremely careful about what was around them. Mike loved sitting on the floor with them and watching them. He wanted to be their father legally, so he mentioned the possibility of him adopting the babies with Phoenix. Linsey didn’t know what the law was, but she encouraged them to consult an attorney to see if the three of them could adopt the babies.

Maybe Mike and Chester could adopt them as fathers and Phoenix could adopt them as a stepfather. They didn’t think about that. Yeah, they would look into that. They all wanted to do it before the babies became afraid of strangers. Even if Chester couldn’t adopt them, they could still set up a custody arrangement with him. Did he sign away his rights? No, he didn’t think he did. Mike and Brie couldn’t remember, either.

They discussed it but they couldn’t remember if he did or not. Then, he probably wouldn’t have to adopt them. Mike got up and went to the office, where they kept everything. He was meticulous about saving important documents. Just in case.

He found the documents related to the IVF procedure, the birth certificates of the twins, and whatever else he thought would be helpful. After bringing them out with him, he sat down and started going through them. He joked about Brie being on his ass about not throwing anything away. They laughed. No, he did not sign away his rights. That’s what Chester thought he remembered, but he wasn’t completely sure.

They would have to bring that file with them when they went to the lawyer. How was Brie’s mental health? She was diagnosed with postpartum bipolar disorder. When did that happen? She got the diagnosis the other day. Her parents were aware of the diagnosis.

“They thought it was a good idea for her to sign custody over to Phoenix because of her mental illness.”

“What happened to your grandfather? You mentioned something about him before”, Phoenix asked.

“He was an alcoholic and drug addict with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Bruce and his sister were exposed to that growing up. I think he was also abusive but I’m not one hundred percent sure about that. I’m at risk of becoming an alcoholic because I have the genes already. He doesn’t want the babies to be exposed to that.”

Linsey didn’t know that. Was she drinking? Just occasionally but with her depression, Mike could see her self-medicating with alcohol. The following afternoon, Brie and the guys went to a lawyer with the babies. Yes, the three men could become the legal guardians of the babies. Who was the biological father? Chester raised his hand and stated that he was. He was the biological father through IVF but he never signed over his rights.

First, Brie would have to sign away her rights to the biological father. The lawyer would process the paperwork for that and send them a court date. Why was she asking to surrender her rights? It was due to mental illness. She was diagnosed with postpartum bipolar disorder and she wanted her babies to be raised in an environment with mentally stable parents.

She also had childhood trauma that she was receiving help. The lawyer had compassion for her. She sounded sincere and not just wanting to give up her babies for selfish reasons. To her, she could tell that she wanted to be a mother but she couldn’t because of her mental health. The lawyer stated that there was a possibility that she and her husband might have to divorce for him to claim custody. The court didn’t recognize open marriages. They would discuss that when they got home.

At home, Mike hugged her tightly. They didn’t want to divorce but it looked like it was legally necessary. He kissed her forehead and told her that no matter what, he would always love her. She started crying and nodded. Chester put his arm around her shoulders to comfort her. Thanks, Chaz. She would give him whatever he wanted, including the house. He didn’t want anything from her.

After some negotiations, he agreed to have the house since it already had everything the babies needed. Phoenix offered to go upstairs with her and help her pack. Chester would stay with Mike.

Mike and I are getting divorced. – Brie

After getting everything packed up, she called Elisa to ask if she could come over. Yeah, they would love to have her! Before she left, she let them know where she was going. Mike hugged her one last time and they told each other I love you. She also gave him her ring. Divorce was going to be hard mentally, even though she knew why they had to do it. She would always love Mike and he would always be her best friend.

When she got to Brad and Elisa’s, they hugged her because she was upset. They went into the living room and asked what was wrong. She and Mike were going to get a divorce. They were stunned and asked why. She explained everything, including the visit with the lawyer about him, Chester, and Phoenix getting custody of the babies. Legally, they had to divorce because the legal system didn’t recognize open marriages. How was she doing? She understood why it had to happen.

It just sucked, especially since they still loved each other. Brad hugged her. Thank you. Who was getting the house? She was giving it to him, as it had everything the babies needed. She just thought that was fair to them. What about her? She didn’t know. For the moment, she could stay at a hotel until she found a new house or an apartment to rent.

They helped her look for a studio or one-bedroom apartment with an immediate move-in date. She booked a one-bedroom suite at an extended-stay apartment. It had complimentary high-speed Wi-Fi, house cleaning, a pool, a cinema, nearby shopping, and a fitness center. Elisa offered to go with her. Brad hugged her and let her know that she was more than welcome to come over whenever she wanted. She thanked him. After they left, he called Mike.

Yeah, he confirmed everything she said. How was he doing? It was hard, he had to admit that but he knew why it had to happen. Phoenix and Chester were with him and the girls. Was Brie with them? She just left with Elisa. They helped her find an extended-stay hotel apartment.

Okay. He was relieved she had a place to stay. As were they. If he and the girls needed anything, he and Elisa would always be there. He thanked him. Maybe they could come over the following evening. He could use the company. Yeah, he would talk to her about that when she got home. He would let him know. After ending the conversation, they hung up.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia @boricuacherry-blog

[see-arcane]

Ohhhh, so much to cover in this entry, here we go.

-  First and foremost (to me), vindication for my favorite Victorian solicitor man! It was the doubt of his own senses that was messing with him, not just the Dracula trauma itself. Mina may be more forgiving of that liminal line between ‘Am I Mad? VS ‘Was It All Real?’—she accepts that whatever happened, something traumatic occurred and it was powerful enough to deal a heavy blow to her loved one—but Jonathan was gutting himself over and over and over due to the fact that he did not know which to believe. It left him with the worst of both options rather than allowing his mind to settle; so, now knowing the Count and his supernatural menace are reality, he’s no longer floundering. His mind and sanity are locked in: Your nightmare was fact. = Dracula is fact. = It’s time to fuck up Dracula.

-  Oh, physiognomy. One of those fun old pseudosciences that declares skeletal/skull structure somehow translates to mapping your personality and intellect. Hence Jonathan and other characters’ weird fixations on the minutiae of facial composition and expression. Writers of the time were notably in love with the idea as a quick way to 1) drop in a character’s physical description to get it out of the way and 2) foreshadow that character’s whole deal by what seemed (at the time) to be a reliable visual cue.* (*Or, you know. Just assigning traits to a person willy-nilly due to [INSERT BIASES AGAINST X GROUP HERE]. “This person has Bad Person-face! This one has Good Person-face!” You get it.)

- Van Helsing: “Your wife is amazing! A true 10/10 of a woman!”

Jonathan: “She is a 20, but go on.”

-  Van Helsing is once again filling in a recently-vacated paternal role for yet another young person. First Art loses his dad, then Jonathan loses his father figure. Also once again, filling in a niche that appears to be the Un-Dracula; having such powerful Good Vibes that this young ensemble cast is falling over themselves to join his cause and be his grateful, heroic ducklings. I’ve mentioned this before—Abraham Van Helsing is 110% of a heroic bent among likewise valorous youths. He’s an oddball, but he’s also willingly throwing himself into paranormal peril to help others and putting Knowledge is Power to benevolent use versus Dracula’s longstanding abuse of others’ ignorance.

All of that said, my 21st century sensibilities still mark out these gushing interactions—and future interactions which will be…A Lot—as distinctly weird. It’s theatrical to the point of seeming absurd, and feeling, at best, like Bramward Stoker is abusing his authorial powers to make his characters swoon and applaud and give weeping thanks/adulation to his character insert (who is named after him, no big deal). Which is a straightforward enough reason for the behavior.

…But, because I’m me, and because of [REDACTED] scenes coming up much later in the book, I can’t help picturing Van Helsing as exercising just a smidge of hypnotic influence/cues to make things glide by a little smoother with all these young people. If only because it would also be in line with paralleling Dracula. Not done out of malice, perhaps not even done consciously, but adults, young and respectful and Victorian though they are, simply Do Not Act Like This towards random kooky strangers entering their lives, no matter how nice and helpful they are.*

*Even with Hawkins still raw in his memory, I especially don’t see Jonathan being so immediately 100% on board with Professor Eccentric Old Occult-Intelligent Man (Let’s keep those Dracula flashbacks at bay! Deep breaths, Harker!). 90%, maybe. Even 99%. But certain [REDACTED] scenes-to-be will show he’s probably the only one out of Team Fuck-Up-That-Vampire who shows any kind of true dissent against Van Helsing. Because if anybody knows the risks that come with being led around by the nose, (for good or ill) it’s him.

- Jack Seward is having Quite a Fucking Grieving Period :) :) :)

- Jack: Hey, so, what are we going to do about this unconscious kid we found?

Van Helsing: Well, the right and sensible thing to do is approach the police and give a detailed explanation as to the hows and whys of us being in the graveyard at night.

Jack: Really?

Van Helsing, already ditching the kid at a street corner: Ha ha, fuck no