#but id rather do it if the only time i’ll ever see them is on my terms with a lot

[inthewild-flowers]

i should be banned from music that reminds me of home goddamn

[koiir]

SWEETEST LOVER

Blue lock boys who are the BEST lovers ( I’m bias) Relationships with them { not proofread }

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ Chigiri, hiori, reo, isagi, kurona

CHIGIRI H.

Chigiri is the definition of “best friend and partner” he’s rather open to you (having known for years) and also being the person who’s the best boyfriend you can could ask for.

The advice he gives is one of harsh criticism yet the most truthful, many would be surprised by how blunt he can be with you although it shows in how he cares and truly only wants the best for you. If opening your eyes with a hard truth will help then he will take that route.

Although of course, he isn’t heartless. He comforts you with a warm smile, heart beating at how attentive he becomes with you. Giving you the princess treatment one would die for. He knows comfort can differ in various ways, so he will always try and communicate on what you need.

I feel as though chigiri struggles with communication concerning his wants, so he tries to grow in order to be the best version of himself he can give you. Yet there will be moments where this can “problem” can arise and he will always realize his faults.

Other than that, his knack for his wellbeing swells into you as well. Hair is rather important for the guy, so when he comes to you with a grin about a new hair secret, expect a days worth of hair care. The two of you are seen as rather “gossipers” yet you two just find anything and everything interesting. Really, anything with chigiri can turn into an interesting conversation. Thus making him an amazing boyfriend and best friend in one<33 ( I could go on about him but I’ll save that for later)

HIORI Y.

SO UNDERRATED I LUV HIORI. Ugh he’s the sweetest I mean cmonnn…

With his already calm and polite demeanor, falling in love with him is that of a warm spring that flourishes into a bond greater than words can say.

A quick learner, can easily pick up your moods and will give it his all for you! Very much a giver and will cherish whatever you give him, hiori becomes emotional seeing how much you give to him, already viewing your love the best thing he could every ask for.

From his childhood, he was told he was loved, although feeling it would come and go. Yet when you come into the picture, it’s as if he experiences the feeling of being loved for the first time ever. His past one of hallow that now with you, it beams with hope and joy, making him the more doting on you with showing how much he truly cherishes what you have given to him.

The type of guy who would let you drag him anywhere, as his face is filled with adoration for you, soft smile evident as he lets your body take the lead as he follows you to no end. Out and about, would definitely rub your wrist gently before crossing the street whispering a faint “be careful” that causes your heart to race in seconds.

Can’t forgot how he would definitely, want you to game with him. Even if you don’t he finds a way for you to be near or engage with him. Whether that be you seated next to him or him lying across you, the peace hiori has in being close to you is infinite. A safe space he never wishes to let go of.

Seems squishy (don’t ask)

ISAGI Y.

GREEN FLAG I REPEAT ULTIMATE GREEN FLAG. Might be bias but cmon it’s isagi

The boyfriend who literally will do ANYTHING you wish for (as long as it’s reasonable ofc) Follows you around like a lovesick puppy as he comments on places he thinks you would like or you two should go to. Will love to get stuff where it compliments the other, almost as if something that matches.

He once asked you what you were going to wear and showed up with a similar color combo, mind you he bought you two the same shoes for days where you want to match.

The kind of guy who will hold eye contact whenever you talk, even if you can’t hold it with him because of how intense his gaze is. He will continue looking at you as id you’re all he can stare at. How can someone make you flustered without anything at all?? That’s isagi for you

Isagi is someone you admire, someone you learn from even as you two grow in the relationship. His kind heart giving you the courage to try new things as he supports you all the way, words of encouragement making a hue of light shine in your life.

Overall, a loving caring guy who always has your back and a cutie

BACHIRA M.

Bachira just like anyone has his…quirks. Although nothing severe to the point of destruction or hurting you. If anything he’s the most loyal and treats you with such care, fearing that one day you might perish or realize he’s not so called normal.

His insecurities one that you know from the beginning, tending the wounds he has held from years of the past. His reluctance to thank you with the best he can give you, his affection and loyalty to you one of scarce of losing you. He can’t fathom this, you with him. Together. So it’s only natural he wishes to show you what others cannot see.

There’s never a dull moment with him, his vibrant persona melting into you as you intoxicate in the newfound confidence he gives you. Bachira is the type to move you out of your comfort zone, making a break to see you in a new light that he’s lucky enough to see and be the cause for.

His affection spreads throughout every aspect, in public he resembles a dog that clings onto its owner that holds eyes filled with adoration.

His warm hands allowing for yours to bask in his warmth, feeling more as he squeezes yours and grins from ear to ear viewing your flushed expression. “There’s that face I adore oh so much!”

Eyes wander to your figure as bachira sees the shiver in your figure, cold winds swirling around causing you to feel the cold sensation of the winds. His embrace eternal, fitting like a puzzle as he snuggles up behind you swaying your bodies side to side. The norm would be teasing words, yet for now he embraces the delight with you in his arms.

Ah bachira

KURONA R.

Cutest boy I mean cmon he has shark teeth

No matter the time being, kurona can’t fathom that you’re truly his, his mornings being filled with a lovesick smile at the thought of you.

His teeth hold many stories, the most memorable being how insecure he is because of them, smile showing less due to this fact. But the day you tell him to smile, hands on his cheeks as you gaze into his eyes, the crack in his lips breaking as he smiles at you softly.

It’s only natural for kurona to want to be the reasons for your smiles, indulging in what will make your smile come to fruition so he can also gift you with his smile.

His adoration for sharks weaves into you, no matter what he makes a correlation between you. Expect matching trinkets of any shark related item. Plushies that greet you in a pair that hold eachother, his lips spilling the words of “look, it’s us”

What may come to a surprise is his ability to make you swoon with his words, maybe not directly, but on paper. The reassurance kurona needs is spilled onto messages late at night, showing his vulnerability on text because he cannot bear with how you might respond. He knows you would comfort him, although he knows his heart will experience speed to limits unknown.

So when morning dew comes and you wake up with his messages, your heart grows fond seeing just how much the boy wants you to know, his heart is all yours and he wishes to hold it for the eternity to come.

a/n; MONTHSS of not posting anything…prob cause I’m almost out of school and have inspo

edit; guys I’m sorry reo wasn’t added my ass was just tired after writing for bachira😞

[calcifiedunderland]

Pride and Prejudice: A TWSTed AU

The Keeper of the Underworld: I. Shroud

Introduction, or Pick another route!

Idia x GN Reader (they/them)

Warnings: P&P-level angst and miscommunication, some cringe dialogue, parties, possibly ooc Idia, I wrote this before playing Book 6 so I apologize if there’s any inconsistencies

Notes: The level of overthinking I put into these fics is unreal 💀 First and foremost, thank you all for your patience!! Idia was hard to write, but I hope you enjoy, shrimpies~

———

Well this is certainly something, you thought. Of all the things you’d witnessed at NRC, (even overblots), you didn’t think you’d ever see Idia Shroud at one of Kalim’s parties.

You sipped on your drink when a shock of bright blue flames came in the corner of your eye, contrasting the orange-red of Scarabia. Kalim lead Idia into the dorm, bright and sunny, compared to the look on Idia’s face. Poor guy couldn’t even escape, because Cater and Rook ambled in behind him, chatting happily.

It was like the beginning of a joke: A sultan, a card soldier, a huntsman, and a blue flame-headed gamer walk into a room.

Kalim spotted you and grinned, grabbing Idia’s hoodie sleeve and dragging him over too. “Hey (name)! I’m glad you could make it!”

You smiled at the Scarabia Housewarden, “Thanks Kalim! I-“ At that moment, Jamil reached him to drag him away, mumbling exasperatedly to Kalim about being careful. Kalim laughed Jamil off, “sorry (name)! I’ll see you later, okay?” “Alright then…” you trailed off and turned to Idia, who looked like a deer in headlights.

“So…” you rocked on your heels. To be honest, you didn’t know how to approach him sometimes. Sure, you’d gamed with him a few times (with heavy insistence from Ortho) and you weren’t on his ‘avoid at all costs’ ranking list, but Idia did have his odd moments. Some days, you two would get along like a house on fire. Other times, it was like Idia hated you - avoiding you even in tablet-mode, and ghosting your chats.

You’d like to think that your more friendly moments were the ones that Idia counted, but sometimes it was hard to get a read on the guy.

“I didn’t know that you’d be at Kalim’s party today. I thought Ortho said there was an event in… um…?” You finished, cringing at your vagueness. You might not have known much about the game he played, even though he’d made you play it when you came over to Ignihyde, but you knew he probably didn’t want to be here of all places.

Idia’s hair flared a bit, and he looked resigned and moody. He pulled out his tablet. Ya, the event dropped today but I got mobbed by kalim + the extroverts. “That sucks,” you said, “I got dragged here by Ace. Still, it’s nice to see you.” In the oil lamp lighting, you could’ve sworn Idia’s hair turned a bit pink.

You were both silent, and you opened your mouth to speak when Lilia yelled out from the front, “let’s get this party started!” Kalim started drumming wildly, and then electric guitar swelled. Lilia began screaming heavy-metal-style into the mic. Around you, everyone started dancing, and even you found yourself moving to the rhythm.

You glanced at Idia every now and again, but he looked vaguely annoyed and tired despite the liveliness. He looks so over it, you thought. Probably since Kalim maybe dragged him here. You looked around, biting your lip when you noticed your friends having a grand old time on the dance floor, and kind of wanted to go too. Still, it wasn’t every day you saw Idia, and you wanted to do something with him. Especially since he was… well, here.

“So, Idia…” Idia’s eyes snapped to yours, dull. You rocked back on your feet, “do you dance?” Idia rolled his eyes, and you felt your heart sink, for some reason. Obvi not, id probs distract everyone anyway. And also id just rather not if I can help it. Your smile wavered, “c’mon Idia, anyone can dance, even if it’s not good!” Idia typed rapidly into the tablet, i mean ur not wrong. Like literally anyone can dance but ppl only do it bc its wat normies do.

You opened your mouth, then squared your shoulders, words failing you. Idia shoved a hand into his pockets and opened an app on the tablet, scrolling. You swayed for a bit, feeling awkward while Idia kept his eyes glued to the screen, a frown creasing his brows. Finally you shrugged your shoulders, trying to shake that sinking-feeling off.

You stepped into the crowd of dancing people, swaying to the music and trying not to look over at the blue flames swaying in the corner. Unknowing to you, Idia glanced up from his tablet every few minutes, trying to catch a glimpse of you, before trudging back to the cold chrome of Ignihyde, back to his dorm.

———

Ugh, could this get any worse?

Idia flopped onto his bed, shoving his headphones on and opening the mobile game on his phone. Not only did he get a late start on the game event, but he flubbed a chance to talk to you. Even if you did want to dance like all the other non-introverts at Scarabia. Thank Sevens Ortho didn’t know he missed his chance, otherwise the little robot would’ve torn Idia apart.

Idia shut his eyes and went over the details. Doing this IRL was trash-tier. Why couldn’t this just be a good-old-fashioned otome game, or romance anime? First you meet the love interest, then you find things they’re into, then you talk to them more. Then finally you confess, and cue the outro. He’d watched countless shojo and romance anime’s, and that was the basic outline. Eventually, the ethereal, gorgeous, smart, kind protagonist (aka you) would fall in love with their love interest (aka him) and it would all work out. Boom. Happily ever after.

Ah, yes. He could see it now.

Cherry blossom petals rained around both of you. Where are they coming from, this campus doesn’t grow cherry blossoms? Whatever, don’t question it. Anyway, the petals fluttered past your beautiful, sparkling eyes as you stared up at Idia with adoration and love. Idia stared down at you with full-rizz, kabedoning you against the wall.

“Oh, Idia-senpai!” You’d cry, eyes turning into hearts as sparkles and pink flower petals surround you both. “You’re so cool and not cringe at all! I could never want one of those normies! You’re the only one for me! Please date me!” And then Ortho would set off the heart-shaped fireworks and you two would finally kiss-kiss-fall-in-love, just like the popular anime Our High School Has A Host Club And The Leader Falls In Love With Me?!

“Whee hee hee…” Idia stared off into the distance, giggling ominously to himself and hair turning pink at the ends. His character on the screen went into idle mode, and he didn’t even hear when Ortho floated into the room. “Big brother?” Ortho gently tapped him on the shoulder, yanking him from his shojo daydream. Idia jumped, hair flaring. “AAAIIIIEEEE-“ Ortho jumped back, eyes wide but not detecting any signs of injury on Idia.

Idia breathed heavily, wide-eyed. “Ortho! Wh-when did-? I wasn’t-!” Ortho analyzed his heart beat, noting that Idia had traces of blush on his cheeks and his erratic behavior pointed to- “Were you thinking about (name) (last name)?” Ortho asked innocently, his theory proven when Idia flushed and went pinker. The younger boy suddenly got an idea.

“You know, (Name)’s heart rate goes up when they interact with you,” Ortho watched his brother’s eyes widen, “even when you’re not there, when you’re mentioned, their heart rate increases by 45% and they are more likely to be in a positive mood. 82% of the time, they regard you in a positive way.” His eyes lit up happily with realization, “If my calculations are correct, they have feelings for you!”

Idia sat there, thinking. What were the odds you would like him back? Sure, you made him happy, and more importantly made Ortho happy. And it was actually nice talking to you. And he never felt exhausted after interacting with you. And maybe you did enjoy the artificial light of Ignihyde to the spring sun above, and maybe you would like being with dreary, nerdy him.

Ortho could see his brother lost in thought, noting that Idia’s heart rate spiked when he mentioned you. “I also overheard them telling Grim about finding a partner,” he said casually, omitting that you’d been wanting a partner in Alchemy, and not necessarily a romantic partner.

That seemed to fire Idia up. Ortho could see the metaphorical cogs in Idia’s brain turning, an entire blueprint of a plan being made in his mind. At last, a wide cunning grin spread on his face, and he opened his arms, “well, who else but a genius could be partners with the MC?” He said arrogantly, “it’s not like just anybody can woo the protagonist!”

Ortho beamed, cheering, “all you need to do now is confess!” Idia immediately began sweating, freezing up. “H-huh?!”

——

You frowned at your textbook, rubbing your temples as you read through the alchemy procedure. Ugh, this couldn’t get any more confusing.

As you turned to begin writing, the door burst open. You flinched and immediately locked eyes with a frazzled Idia. His golden eyes were wide, and he was panting - he even looked sweaty. Somehow his blue fire hair seemed just as frazzled as him, looking pale-blue in shock. Could flames somehow look poofy?

“Prefect!” He squeaked. “Idia?” You questioned, what’s he doing here? It was odd that he’d be out of his room at six in the afternoon, not to mention he looked afraid of you. It wasn’t like you were a stranger, even though as of late, he treated you like one.

He stared at you from the door for an uncomfortable amount of time, then sped-walked to stand in front of you. You looked up at him from your seat, tapping your fingers. You awkwardly asked “do you wanna sit down?” He shook his head quickly, the ends of his hair were turning pink. You frowned, “…dude, are you okay?”

Idia flinched. He pivoted on his heel, “no, no, can’t do it, not today-“ he scuttled out of the room and slammed the door, screeching to himself and pulling his hood over his head. You stared at the door, vaguely hearing Idia freaking out to… was that Ortho? You heard the little robot boy’s voice through the door, probably calming Idia down, along with an odd spraying sound.

It went quiet and you assumed they’d left. Whatever, weirder things have happened at NRC. As you went back to writing, the door slammed open again. You jumped, heart beating wildly. Idia stormed over to you, hair blazing a trail behind him. He slammed his hands down on the desk, and your eyes watered with the scent of overpowering cologne bodyspray.

“Prefect! I need to tell you something!” Idia’s eyes steeled in determination, and he looked you dead in the eye. He was breathing heavily, and his flamed hair blazed and curled more than usual, turning deep pinkish-red near the ends. The last time you saw his hair similar to that, was when he was rage-playing during one of your gaming sessions. How pissed is he? You felt your heart leap into your throat.

“Idia,” you began, freaked out, “I think you should sit down-“ Idia blazed on, “this is honestly a horrible decision for you and definitely for me. I don’t even want to think about what Mother and Father would say, not to mention how this’d affect Styx.” He was tunnel visioning now. “Plus you don’t even have magic and this might not even work out anyway ‘cause I don’t see us working out TBH…” Slowly his hair began fizzling out, voice getting quieter and quieter as he mumbled to himself.

This was a terrible idea, Idia realized. After everything that had happened with Styx, not to mention everything you had to deal with personally, it wouldn’t be good to get involved with him. You could be in danger, especially as a non-magic user. No, it would be selfish of him to ask you to be with him. Why would you, anyway? There were other guys at NRC, not to mention the entire Sage’s Island, who would be a better fit for not. Especially ones who didn’t kidnap your friends and Grim. Especially someone like Idia.

No, he concluded. He shouldn’t have come.

You frowned deeply. “Idia, what…?” Your alchemy work definitely wasn’t done yet and Idia was making zero sense. He sighed, as if tired all of a sudden. “Nope, no… this isn’t going to work.” He stood abruptly and sped-walked out the door, brushing past Ortho. You overheard the boy try to get his brother to come back, but Idia didn’t stop. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears. So that’s what this is about? Idia didn’t want to be friends with you anymore? All because you weren’t… what? A tech whiz? Good at gaming? Magical? Your heart dropped. Because you were just too different from him? So you weren’t good enough to be even friends with him?

Your eyes stung at the thought. Fine. If Idia wanted to be that way, then fine. You shoved your books into you bag and headed back to Ramshackle. You doubted you’d be able to focus, anyway.

———

Poor Ortho was confused.

After running simulation after simulation, scouring the Internet for any clues, and piecing together what Idia said after running out of the classroom, he just couldn’t understand what happened. That was a first, considering it was Ortho.

Idia had ran out of the room in a hurry, mumbling incoherently. “Brother! What’s happening?” Ortho flew to him, scanning his vitals. Idia seemed to be ok, but his brother seemed… strangely melancholic. “Ortho, it won’t work out,” he said dejectedly, not wanting to talk about it.

Ortho called after him, trailing behind “What did (name) (last name) say? There was a high probability they’d accept your-” Idia sighed in exasperation, shaking his head. “It won’t work. I should’ve never left the dorm…” As Idia trudged back to Ignihyde, Ortho was left with more questions.

He hovered for a moment, before heading back to the alchemy room for you, only to not find you there. Ortho thought hard, thinking back to what Idia said. ‘It won’t work out,’ was what he said - not a flat-out rejection from you. So that meant…

He began floating back to Ignihyde, determined. I can still save this!

———

You were taking overthinking to a new level.

You bit your lip, staring at the game’s chatbox in front of you. Idia was online, and probably didn’t realize you were too. You leaned against the Heartslabyul common room couch (curse Ramshackle’s lack of internet!), and hit send.

Hey is everything ok??

You watched Idia’s game icon immediately switch to “online less than 1 minute ago,” and groaned.

Cater exited the kitchens, leaning over the couch back. “Hey~ what’s got my fave frosh so worked up?” He chirped, looking at your phone. “Ohh, isn’t that the popular game that’s been trending? Wait, didn’t you say Idia got you into it?” Cater immediately had his phone in hand, “that’s supes adorable, playing with friends is so fun-“

You cut him off, throwing your hands up, “that’s it! Idia just doesn’t want to talk to me! He- he just-!” You grabbed a throw pillow and smashed your face into it, groaning. Cater patted your shoulder sympathetically, “well, we’re playing at another one of Kalim’s parties tonight, you want in?” You sniffed dramatically, thinking. “Well, I guess. Sure, why not?”

Later that evening, you stepped into the Scarabia mirror. You and Cater made your way to the food table. As you both munched on Jamil’s cooking (damn, the guy made a good curry), you watched everyone dancing. “Y’know, it was weird seeing Idia at a party,” you commented, while Cater nodded. “Yeah! We decided to bring him along that day, it was fun seeing him.”

You sighed, “yeah, it was, but… it’s not really often that we can hang out in person. I kinda wanted to dance with him last time, but he sort of… blew me off? I guess maybe it wasn’t the best idea.” You winced, while Cater’s eyebrows rose. “You didn’t tell me that. So, he did that and also told you he didn’t want to be friends?” You nodded, frustration flooding back, “Yeah! And I just don’t understand how he can be so conceited about him being so high and smart, and not like me because I don’t-“

“Prefect,” Cater cleared his throat. You looked up mid-rant, meeting Ortho’s eyes, and jumped. He just snuck up on you both like it was nothing. Did he hear you? Hopefully he wouldn’t be mad. In your mind, Idia started it.

“Hello (name) (last name)!” Ortho said pleasantly, so you assumed he hadn’t heard you. Great. “I didn’t know you’d be here! What a coincidence!” That was a lie, Ortho overheard you and Cater talking about the party when you were walking to Scarabia. He absolutely knew. And he dragged Idia here because of it.

“Yep,” you smiled at Ortho, “it’s nice to see you.” Ortho mentally readied himself and remembered every bit of acting advice Vil gave him. “I almost forgot!” His eyes widened, while your eyes narrowed. Ortho was a robot. He didn’t forget shit. “Big brother is here, and he wanted to ask you to dance!” What? Your neck snapped around, looking for Idia’s bright blue hair. Cater elbowed you, bringing you back to reality.

“I-well, I- had not-“ you stammered, fumbling for an excuse. Ortho’s eyes shone at you like puppy eyes, and your anger at Idia cracked. “…yeah, sure,” you watched Ortho rise a bit in the air happily, “Yippee! I’ll go get him!” He zipped off, and you rubbed your temples. Cater twisted a strand of his hair, eyes wide. “Yikes…” “tell me about it,” you groaned.

A few minutes later, you both looked up when Kalim tapped the mic. You didn’t miss Ortho hovering a ways behind Kalim. “Hey everyone! Thanks for coming!” When the cheering died down, Kalim continued, “We’re gonna try something different! Everyone, find a partner and join the dance floor!”

Cater glanced at you, mischievous. “Welp, I can’t leave them hanging~ TTYL, Prefect!” And he left faster than you could say ‘Magicam.’ Sweet.

You hesitantly stepped to the dance floor, half expecting Ortho to float up to you and sheepishly tell you Idia left. Your mind drifted back to that day in the alchemy room. I guess it wouldn’t work, anyway.

To your surprise, a finger tapped your shoulder. You turned, seeing Idia with a with a flushed expression, wearing a casual-but-chic blazer. His hair looked a bit tamer than normal, and cascaded down his back in a low ponytail, bangs flickering over his forehead. Undoubtedly, this was the work of Ortho, who definitely got pointers from Vil.

You both stared at each other, unmoving, until slow music began playing. You averted your eyes. Idia gulped, eyes widening until waving caught his eye. Ortho was flying upwards a little ways away from the slowly-crowding dance floor, gesturing wildly at you. As if that wasn’t enough, he projected words above his head: DANCE WITH THEM!

Idia was lucky that everyone else was more interested in dancing with their partner than Ortho. His eyes snapped back to you, “s-so I guess you wanna-“ he swallowed thickly, eyes shifting to the dance floor. You shrugged, feigning nonchalance and looked ahead. Idia looked back at Ortho, who was pointing wildly at the words. He thought to himself, this is fine. It’s just the mandatory side quest. It’s not fighting the boss. It’s…

It’s charming the love interest. It’s solidifying your route!

Idia steeled himself and forced your hand into his. Your eyes shot to his in surprise, and he walked stiffly to the dance floor. Your hand clasped his, and you both swayed gently to the soft rock from the stage. Your brows furrowed, but Idia locked his gaze onto you, focusing only on you.

Yes, he thought. This is just the player’s pov on the screen, and he was only focusing on the love interest. The other waltzers didn’t exist. The party didn’t exist. It was just you and him.

Meanwhile, you were at a loss for words. While Idia seemed taciturn, you glanced up at the stage. Cater, Kalim, and Lilia were in their own little bubble jamming out, so that wasn’t a lifeline. After a little while of swaying with Idia, you hummed, “I haven’t seen you in a while. Since that day.” Idia’s hands felt clammy, and in the dimmed lights you saw a small pink dusting Idia’s cheeks. You saw him swallow heavily, but he didn’t say a word.

The tension grew between you two, and despite feeling hurt, you felt a little bad. Still, you wanted some answers out of Idia, after the incident in the alchemy room. “Y’know, you never used to be this… odd around me.” Was it the crowd that made him quiet, or… You felt a lump in your throat. Was it you?

Idia’s eyebrows shot up, thinking fast on what to say. Why can't conversations irl have ready-made dialogue?! “I… we c-can talk about wh-whatever you want? I guess?” He tried, kicking himself internally for leaving his tablet with Ortho. You bit the inside of your cheek as you stepped with him, that’ll do for now. “Scarabia parties are a little much, but they’re more pleasant than the Pomefiore mock balls,” you tried “wouldn’t you say?” After an uncomfortable pause, expecting a reply, you mumbled to yourself, “I guess we can stop talking now.”

“...is it like a rule for normies to chat while dancing? Isn’t the act of moving enough?” Idia mumbled in exasperation, hand tightening a little on your own. You bit your lip, your eyes burning. “No, I prefer to not talk to my friends at all and tell them we can’t be friends. It’s so much fun, right?” Idia’s eyes widened, and he scrambled for words, “I- I didn’t mean…” You stopped swaying abruptly, both of your clasped hands in the air. “Why are you here, Idia?”

A chill went through Idia. “T-To be honest, I didn’t even want to come to this stupid IRL dance,” he rushed out, “TBH Ortho had to make me come ‘cause he told me you’d be here-“ “You didn’t want…?” You cut Idia off, heart dropping. The other dancing couples swirled around you, but all the commotion around you felt like nothing more than idle chatter. Hurt flashed in your eyes, and Idia seemed shocked, which made you angry.

“I guess you wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who’s magicless, especially since you have STYX right?”

Idia’s eyes were wider than the Heartslabyul tea saucers. For once, he didn’t have a smart-ass reply. “Um, what? Obvi, I’m kind of stuck with STYX-” You let go of his hand and took a step back, almost bumping into a waltzing couple. “Yeah, wouldn’t want me to mess things up. Make any bad decisions and all that, right?” You felt your eyes water, despite yourself.

Furiously balling a fist and wiping your eyes, “Since you said we wouldnt work out n’stuff.” Idia suddenly remembered everything he’d muttered to himself, from the moment he’d stormed into the room to when he’d left dejectedly. When he’d made his choice and left before you could even get your word in.

Like a coward.

Idia’s heart pounded but shakingly, he reached a hand out to you. “P-prefect, I-I-!” You dodged the crowd, and ran out of Scarabia. You didn’t look back until you crashed through Ramshackle’s door, raced up the stairs, and fell onto your bed, Grim yelping in surprise as you tried your darndest to forget everything that just happened.

Back in Scarabia, Idia somehow stumbled off the dance floor, staggering to a table and breathing heavily. Mentally he replayed everything that just happened. Ortho floated over to him, “Brother? I don’t understand, why would (name) (last name) not accept your feelings?” Ortho went over the footage when he was observing you both dancing, and frowned.

“My senses indicate that based on their body language, they were upset with you. What happened?” Idia swallowed heavily, “I-I said it wouldn’t work out between us c-cuz they don’t have magic,” he stammered, eyes wide, “a-and STYX and-...” Ortho’s eyes widened, then narrowed, “That shouldn’t be a problem! You know that!”

“I meant for them, Ortho.” Idia sighed heavily, sinking into the chair. “I don’t want them to get hurt. Not when…” his mind wandered to Ortho, before NRC. He fell into deep thought. “In the end, I couldn’t even tell them...” He frowned deeply.

Ortho fell quiet, computing. Idia stared at the table, dejected, until Ortho spoke. “You know (Name) (lastname) doesn’t back down easily from a challenge.” That’s true. From playing games with Idia to taking down overblots, you weren’t someone who ran away when it mattered. Maybe that’s why Idia liked you - you were like the protagonists in animes, who found a way to make the world their own.

“You shouldn’t make (name) (last name)’s decision for them.” Idia looked up at his brother. Ortho continued, head angling to the side, Idia shook his head dejectedly, “it won’t work-”

“Your lil’ bro is right, y’know,” Cater walked over, shaking his hair out with his guitar slung over his shoulder. “Sry, I overheard you two,” Cater could piece together what happened. He did see you blow up at Idia (although he couldn’t hear you), and after spamming your phone with no reply after you ran out, now he had an idea of what was going on. “Y’know, if you didn’t tell them how you felt, then how could you know you were making the right choice?”

Idia looked down. Ortho piped up, “Cater Diamond is right.” Idia shut his eyes, then stood up, hands tightening into fists. Cater jumped back as Idia’s hair flared up bright blue, and the Ignihyde housewarden headed straight to the exit. Ortho called out, “thank you, Cater Diamond!” and floated after Idia, “Brother! Wait!”

“Lets go, Ortho,” Idia’s golden eyes steeled in determination, “I can fix this.”

—----

A knock on the door jolted you from your reading of Prejudice and Pride.

It was early morning. Somehow, even though it was the weekend and you’d stayed up all night, you still woke up at an ungodly early hour. After being unable to fall asleep (totally not because of Grim’s snoring and sleep-munching) you decided to go to your living room and read. You were sure that you didn’t have a guest coming, so why would…?

You got up and opened the door, expecting Ace or Deuce or something. The annoyed look on your face turned to shock when you saw Idia standing on your porch. In one hand, he held a bouquet of pomegranate-red roses and some flowers you recognized to be asphodel.

You both stared at each other, unwilling to move. “Idia,” you breathed, “why are you here?” Idia shuffled awkwardly, “I wanted to see you.” You crossed your arms, looking around. “Where’s Ortho?” You were sure the little robot boy made his brother come. Otherwise, why would Idia be here? Idia rubbed the back of his neck, “Ortho isn’t here. I… I wanted to see you,” he repeated.

Wordlessly, he thrust the flowers into your arms, and you wrapped your arm around it instinctively. “I- um,” you looked everywhere but Idia, who was staring at the Ramshackle doorway. “Idia,” you cleared your throat, “about what happened-” “Prefect, I… I wanted to apologize.” Your eyes widened, but Idia continued.

“I… I didn’t mean what I said that day.” Idia looked bashful, face turning pink and the ends of his hair turning a deep blush. He kept talking, rambling on and fighting he urge to grab his tablet and let the device speak for him. “I… really like being friends with you.” The words came out quietly from him, and even though he looked like he wanted to sink into his hoodie, Idia didn’t shirk away.

A lump rose in your throat as you didn’t make eye contact with him, instead playing with the flower bouquet, “I like being friends with you too,” you bit your lip, rubbing an asphodel petal, “I like you, Idia.”

Idia’s eyes widened and went rigid. Both his face and his hair went deep pink. Your own eyes widened at the color, and you felt your face grow hot. So that’s what it meant…? Not anger…?Wordlessly, without thinking, you dropped the bouquet. Your body moved on its own, and you flung yourself at Idia, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and squeezing your eyes shut.

Idia staggered back from the momentum with a squeak, but wrapped his arms around your torso with an iron grip. You gripped his hoodie tightly, finally understanding what had gone on for so long. Your cheek was pressed against his, and despite the early morning chill, you both felt warm.

High above, Ortho hovered in the distance over the tree canopies from afar. He zoomed in on you and Idia, and behind his face mask, he beamed. In midair, he did a heart-shaped loop-de-loop in happiness, and hovered back to Ignihyde.

After a few minutes, you leaned back in Idia’s arms, the both of you chuckling in happy disbelief. You looked up and saw a little blue streak leaving a smoke trail of a heart, and laughed to yourself. Idia turned around, seeing his brother above, a soft reminiscent look on his face.

“…guess Ortho was right.”

~END

——-

Fun fact: the beginning is inspired by idia’s school uniform vignette!!!

Me, while writing this: wow Idia and Cater’s dialogue are unique, they’d be hard to write

Also me: *puts both of them in this fic and suffers*

Writing Idia was SO HARD but I hope I managed to get him right-ish. Trying to balance his reactions with the dialogue was hard 😭

anyway thanks for reading~ please leave a comment/reblog!! <3

Taglist: @cerisescherries, @eclecticprincecollector, @ars-tral, @thehollowwriter, @twst-eeps, @casperandcats, @ttokkisbee, @mitsuriswaifu, @parad-ice-lostandfound, @sad-sie, @moyo5653

(If your user is in bold, I wasn’t able to tag you properly)

[marnerparty]

moth to a flame

Mitch Marner x reader x Auston Matthews

warnings: mentions of sex, infidelity

————————————————————————

The first time it happened was supposed to be the only time. Y/N told herself that she truly did love Mitch. After all, there was a reason that she was marrying him.

But then there was his teammate. Auston.

And as much as she hated to say it, she couldn’t help but gravitate towards him. And now anytime she was around him, she couldn’t say no.

“Like a moth to a flame, I'll pull you in”

———

“This is so wrong.” Y/N sighed as Auston’s lips found the sweet spot on her neck.

“Then tell me to stop.” He threatened as his mouth moved lower and lower. All Y/N could do was look at the ceiling of the empty conference room. She wanted to stop. To tell Auston this was a bad idea, and that they shouldn’t be doing this.

But this was the best she’d felt in a long time.

“Don’t stop.” She said, her voice barely above a whisper. Auston momentarily stopped his actions as he looked the woman in her eye.

“Are you sure?” He asked as reassurance, knowing her relationship with her fiancé, and his relationship with his best friend, could be over. She shook her head ‘no’ before leaning in and kissing him.

———

All was quiet in the house except for the buzz of the hockey game on TV. Y/N watched intently as the Leafs were taking care of the Candiens just fine.

She would usually travel wherever her fiancé, Mitch, would be, but that drunken night with Austin weeks ago, and all of the times after that, stopped all of her travel.

She knew she should be rooting the most for Mitch, but whenever the camera panned to Auston, her heart fluttered.

The ring of Y/N’s phone pulled her from thoughts. She wondered how long she’d been spacing out as she looked up to see the game was over. The Caller ID on her phone read the name of her fiancé, and a small smile grew.

“Hey Mitchy.” Y/N breathed out. She could practically see his eyes role at the nickname.

“Hey babe.” He responded easily. “How’s my girl?”

His girl. Was she his girl?

“I’m good.” She said as she cleared her throat. “I watched the entire game. It was amazing, I’m so proud of you! 98 points now!” Y/N said sincerely. He laughed on the other side of the line, no doubt blushing.

“God, I love you, Y/N. I can’t wait to make you my wife.” Y/N nodded to herself, unsure of how to react. She should be happier than ever- she’s marrying the man of her dreams. The boy she dated when they were young. The kid she grew up with.

“Y/N? Still there?” She heard Mitch ask as the tear she didn’t know escaped rolled down her cheek.

“Right here love. Sorry, just, uh, thinking.”

“God, I know.” He said. “I’ve been doing so much of that. I can’t wait to have the perfect wedding. It’s still so surreal.” Before Y/N could get another word out, there was commotion on the other line. “Sorry, Y/N/N, but I gotta go, babe. There’s a couple guys flying back tonight so we have to leave early for them. But I’ll see you in 2 days, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too, Mitch.” She responded before hanging up the phone. She hated constantly lying to Mitch. While she’d only hooked up with Auston once, there were many times they’d see each other to hang out or talked to each other until early hours of the night.

“But does he know you call me when he sleeps?”

———

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours? You’ve been quiet.” Y/N heard Auston ask through the phone. She sighed as she played with the strings of her hoodie.

“What’s wrong, Auston.” She said a bit harsh. “Is the fact that I could be sleeping with my fiancé right now, but instead I’m having a secret conversation on my couch with his best friend and teammate because that’s what I’d rather be doing.”

Y/N knew Auston was smirking on the other side because of the hold he had on the girl.

“So he doesn’t know we talk eh?” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“You know he doesn’t. How could I tell him that?” She complains as Auston lightly laughs at her frustration.

“I’m just teasing, you know that.” Auston says before sighing. “I don’t like this either. It makes me feel like shit. I think I lo-”

“Stop!” Y/N says a little too loud. “You can’t be saying that, Auston. I can’t be-” Y/N heard the bedroom door open as the soft stomp of Mitch’s footsteps filled the house.

“Babe?” He asked through the dimly lit living room. Auston could hear his voice too as he tried to hang up, but stayed on to hear what was said.

“I’m sorry, Mitch.” Y/N responded. “My sister needed to talk. She’s been drinking.” He nodded, too oblivious to not believe her. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” He shook his head and made his way over to kiss Y/N’s head.

“It’s not a big deal love. Family comes first. I’ll head back to bed and wait for you.” Y/N smiled and nodded watching Mitch walk all the way back before putting the phone back to her ear.

“So now I’m your sister?” Y/N hoped Auston couldn’t hear, but knew she wouldn’t be so lucky.

“You’re my nothing, Auston. We carried on this little relationship, and it was clearly a mistake. End of story.”

“If it’s the end of the story then why are we here on the phone right now?”

———

Y/N was taking advantage of Mitch at this point. That was clear. Taking advantage of his relationships, of how close he was able to allow Y/N to get to the team, and most of all, his time away.

Mitch wasn’t one of the guys coming home a day early from the roadie. But one of the players who was? Auston.

Y/N hadn’t known he flew home early until she was tanning by the pool in the back of her and Mitch’s house when she heard the gate open. She knew she put the lock on it, and knew Mitch wouldn’t be coming home, so she jumped up from her spot and grabbed the nearest item.

She tiptoed over to the side where she could see the gate, and she let out a breath when she saw was Auston walking in.

“What the fuck, Matthews?” Y/N yelled. “I thought someone was breaking in!” She huffed walking back to her chair. She became aware of the small bikini she was wearing and tried to pull it down in the back before Auston could stare.

“I’ve already seen it all, princess. No need to hide.” Y/N rolled her eyes as she tried to get herself comfortable again.

“What’re you doing here Auston?” Y/N asked in a flat tone. He took the opportunity to come up next to her and sit down in his own chair.

“Well, I know Mitch won’t be back until tomorrow, and you’re all alone in this house …” He trailed off, hoping Y/N could catch on to what he was insinuating. She took this time to pull off her sunglasses and get a good look at him. His facial hair was slightly longer than usual due to them being on a long roadie, and the tank top he was wearing showed off most of his tattoos, which Y/N was a sucker for.

“Haven’t I made it very clear that we aren’t going to sleep together again?”

“But why!?” He fired back. “We already have this weird thing, and it’s not like either of us want it to stop! I get that you care about Mitch, but-”

“There can’t be any buts, Auston! He’s my fiancé! We’re getting married for God’s sake. And he’s your teammate! Don’t you respect him more than that?” Y/N asked fully turning to face Auston. His gazed stayed fix on the girl, thinking of anything to say.

“Are you really telling me you don’t feel anything else for me?” Y/N stayed silent. She knew she was lying to herself. She felt amazing with Mitch, but Auston made her feel … different. He made her feel like she was perfect.

The silence was all Auston needed to move from his position in his chair to hovering over Y/N. She didn’t cave in as he leaned in close to her ear and whispered.

“If you feel nothing else for me, then you’ll tell me you don’t still have those Polaroids.”

“But does he know the pictures that you keep?”

———

Y/N didn’t know how she managed to do it, but while they were vacationing in Mexico with a few of the guys, Mitch believed her when she said she wanted to go shopping as some alone time.

What shopping really meant was that she was sneaking away to Auston’s hotel room.

Y/N truly felt bad. Mitch was about to become her husband and all she’s shown is how to be a piece of shit. She knew whatever was going on between her and Auston had to stop, but right now, she needed him.

When she arrived at his room, she made sure there was nobody around to see her go in. She knocked quietly and within a second the door flew open. She couldn’t help but smile when she saw the man in nothing but a pair of shorts.

The lights in the room were off besides a small lamp beside the bed. A soft hum of music came from the bathroom as Y/N entered to see a bubble bath filling up.

“What’s this Matthews?” She asked as she wrapped her hands around his neck. He leaned down and gave her a kiss before pulling back with a smile of his own.

“I thought we could just hang out, but, you know, naked.” Y/N couldn’t help but let a laugh escape her lips at Auston’s bluntness.

“I’d like that.” The pair got undressed, stripping away all of their clothes, before Y/N got in first. She poured 2 glasses of the champagne Auston set out before telling him to join.

“Wait.” He said, shifting his mood. He seemed almost nervous as he reached into his bag and pulled out a Polaroid camera. “If I promise no one will ever see these, will you let me take a picture of you?” Y/N couldn’t help but find his nervousness sweet as she giggled and nodded.

“As long as you don’t kill me, sure.” She joked. He then rolled his eyes and snapped a couple of pictures of her in the bath. He couldn’t help but admire her beauty as he began to remember she really wasn’t his.

“I wanna take one of you.” Y/N said through the silence. Auston immediately shook his head.

“Look at me, Y/N. I’m out of season, so I’m not as buff, and my hair’s a mess, the facial hair is out of control-” Y/N abruptly stood from the bath and tracked water across the floor to get to Auston. She grabbed the camera from his hands and set it down before giving him a sweet kiss on the lips.

“I think you’re gorgeous.” She whispered, looking him dead in the eyes. That was all she needed to say for Auston to kiss her again with everything he had.

“If you stand in the mirror with me I’ll let you take it.”

———

Y/N never got rid of the pictures. She couldn’t. She loved them. She loved Auston. But there was no way she could do that to Mitch. It would be worse to break up with him for Auston.

“I have them.” Y/N admitted to the man. She could hear him swallow hard, clearly not expecting her answer. “I want you right now, Auston. But this has to be the last time.” He didn’t hesitate to pick Y/N up in a quick motion and bring her inside. He all but ran to her bedroom where they wasted no time tearing off each other’s clothes. The kisses they shared were full of hunger, and lust, and passion.

The exact opposite of what Mitch’s kisses were like. They were loving, and gentle, and sweet. Everything Y/N wanted, but sometimes not what she needed.

When the night came to an end with her and Auston, they lied in her bed in silence.

“What are we doing?” Y/N spoke. Auston let out an airy laugh.

“We’re fucking behind your fiancé and my best friend’s back. And he doesn’t deserve that.” Y/N nodded but stayed quiet.

“This has to end.” She said, not fully believing her own words. Auston nodded knowingly, but not wanting to accept it.

“One more night?” He asked facing the girl. She turned to face him too, taking in how peaceful he looked in the moment. She sighed. If she wanted her relationship with Mitch to work out in the long run, it needed to end. And although it wasn’t what she wanted, she made a commitment to Mitch first.

“One more night.”

[terramous]

don’t let this darkness fool you

fandom: agatha all along relationship: agatha & teen word count: 2.6k title: noah kahan - call your mom bad things happen bingo - hurts to breathe !! suicide attempt, panic attack !! AO3

Agatha is elbow deep in the sink washing dishes when her phone rings. Ignoring it, she lets it ring as she continues to scrub a stubborn smear on the plate in her hands. She’s been scrubbing for so long that she contemplates just throwing the piece of crockery at the wall and disposing of it that way. 

The phone stops ringing and she shoots it a satisfied look. She turns her attention back to the washing up and finally sets the plate aside to be dried, it is spotless. It clinks softly against the glass already sitting on the bench, its clear structure covered in trails of bubbles. 

She’s down to the last few things, a measuring spoon and some cutlery when the phone rings again. With a frustrated sigh she pulls her hands out of the water and suds and wipes them on the tea towel she has hanging on the open cupboard. 

Finally picking up her phone she sees the caller ID, Teen. 

This time she actually swipes up on the call button and presses the phone to her ear. “Hello?” she asks, albeit a little sharply. 

“Agatha,” something in his voice is a little rough but she breezes right past it, eager to get this phone call over. 

“What is it?” 

“Can I come over?” 

She pulls the phone away to check the time, 1:17am. “At this time of night?” 

“Please?” 

Furrowing her brows she sets the tea towel down and leans her weight against the bench. “Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” he says but his voice is still weird. Agatha doesn’t entirely believe him. “I’m just a bit lonely, I guess.” 

“What about your parents?” 

“They’re out of town for the weekend, plus I think they’d nail me to a cross for ringing them after midnight.” 

“And I wouldn’t?” 

“You like me too much.” 

“Not that I’ll ever admit that,” she says with a soft chuckle. “Don’t you have that boyfriend of yours?” 

“We broke up.”

That’s a surprise. From everything she’s heard about the infamous Eddie, the two of them seemed pretty solid. The kid even adjusted to the whole telepathic witch thing easily enough. She suspects he was the one who broke it off, Billy was utterly smitten on him. “Oh, I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah…” he says. He definitely seems a bit downtrodden now that Agatha thinks on it but teenage breakups will do that to you. She remembers her first, a young girl named Elizabeth with hair spun like white silk. After she broke up with Agatha due to her family finding out, Agatha had wandered down to the river with the intention of throwing herself in it and never emerging. Only to get knee-deep in the water and deem it far too cold and perhaps an overreaction. So she trudged home with a half soaked dress under the cover of the waning moon. So she’s been there. “So can I come over?”

Agatha sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose and screwing her eyes shut for a moment before speaking. “Look, it’s late and I’m headed to bed,” she says. 

That doesn’t earn a reply.

“But I’m free all day tomorrow so why don’t you come over and we can, I don’t know, watch a movie?” she supplies, hoping that she hasn’t hurt his feelings. Hurt his feelings? She’s the ‘witch killer’ and all of a sudden she’s caught up worrying about some kid’s feelings?

On the other line she hears a relieved sigh. “Okay, thank you. I’ll see you then.”

Another pause. 

“Bye,” he says, rather hurriedly.

“Bye.” 

And then he’s gone. Agatha sets her phone down and returns to washing dishes, content that she’d dealt with her teenager and she would see him tomorrow to make sure he was really as okay as he said he was. 

After drying and putting away the dishes, Agatha sets her sight on her bed and trudges up the stairs. She’s remarkably good at navigating the house in the dark, probably because she spent three years walking around it without really seeing where she was. 

She changes into clothes more comfortable for sleeping and unlatches her locket from around her neck, setting it carefully in the drawer of her jewellery box where it would be safe. 

Returning to her bed she situates herself under the covers and turns the lamp–that she had to replace after Billy broke it–off, snuffing out all light in the room. She never feels like she can relax if she isn’t in the dark. No one can see her, not even herself, and there’s no expectations of her. She is completely alone and after spending so many centuries that way maybe she has grown to prefer it.

Pulling the blankets further over herself, she is smothered and comfortable, her breath unable to escape and warming her face with every exhale. 

She doesn’t know how long she lies there but she is almost asleep when she lurches with the force of an emotion she has not had enough time to recognise. Her heart is running a mile an hour and she can’t quite seem to catch her breath, every attempt hurts. The weight on her shoulders can only be described as grief. 

Something is wrong. Very wrong. 

She sits with the emotion for a minute, trying to figure out what spurred it on and even as her fingers fist in the material of her shirt she can’t quite put it into words. 

A few more moments and she gets a word from her subconscious. 

Billy. 

Grabbing her phone from the nightstand she turns it on and despite the blinding screen, scrolls through her contacts until she finds the one she’s looking for. Her breaths come ragged and desperate like she’s drowning, swallowing gulp after gulp of water, and she presses the phone to her ear. 

It rings. 

Once.

Twice.

A third time. 

“Hi this is the voicemail of William Kaplan–leave a message!” 

She can almost hear his smile and her stomach twists.

It’s enough to kick her into gear and she’s throwing the blankets off of herself and getting to her feet. Locked in on this feeling she doesn’t even bother to put clothes on, heading out into the hallway in just her underwear and an oversized shirt that used to belong to Ralph. She hurries down the stairs, careful not to trip but not careful enough not to stumble and awkwardly catch herself by the handrail as to not take the last six steps headfirst. 

She scoops her keys out of the dish by the door and she unpulls the chain and twists the deadbolt and she’s away into the night. 

Under the cover of moonlight she jogs down the path to where her car is parked on the road and unlocks it, sliding in without so much as a thought other than “I need to get to Eastview.” 

The drive between towns has never before felt so long.

She sees maybe two other cars during her drive which makes it easier for her to push the speed limit to its, well, limit. 

The streets of Eastview are quiet as she hauls her tiny rollerskate of a car through them, frantically searching for the street she knows Billy’s house is on. Her heart is still pounding violently behind her ribs but she pays it no mind. She knows she needs to get to him, damn everything else. 

She finally pulls onto the street but realises that in the dark it is nearly impossible to spot which house is blue or if the mailbox says 47. The streetlights don’t do much to help and she laps the street twice before finally spotting the house. 

Racing up the steps to the front door, Agatha grips the cold metal in her hand and shakes the handle. It doesn’t budge. 

She lets go and leans back for a second before waving her hand and grabbing the handle again, there’s a click and the door falls open. Thank god for magic. 

Agatha has never been to the Kaplan house but she sees the staircase and immediately starts climbing with a horrible ache in her gut that she’ll find him in his bedroom. She opens every door she comes across, parents’ bedroom, linen cupboard, hot water closet, then his room. He’s not there. The bed is made nice and neat and the posters on his wall hang in the low light but something about them is taunting Agatha like they’re speaking to her, telling her that they know something she doesn’t. 

Turning away from his bedroom she just knows that she is not going to like what she finds. 

The next door she tries is also locked. The bathroom, she assumed with a sinking feeling. This time she is quick to magic it open and she pushes it in. The room is small and harshly lit. The tiles are pristine and pale white. 

Billy is lying on the floor, his head resting on his folded arm. His eyes are closed and Agatha can’t tell if he’s breathing. 

She scrambles into the small space. “No, no-” she falls to her knees next to him. There isn’t much space, the blue bath mat is plush underneath her. She picks up the pill bottle from Billy’s hand and throws it at the wall. It makes a satisfying crack and rattles in pieces into the bath. “No, kid, no,” she mutters frantically, rolling him onto his back. His head lolls into the motion but he doesn’t stir. 

Holding her shaking fingers underneath his nose she begs to feel something, anything. Her heart stutters in her chest and only picks up when there's a soft brush of air against her fingertips. He’s breathing but it’s too slow, too shallow. 

Taking his cheek in her palm, her fingers glow purple. “C’mon, Billy. Come on!” 

It takes a few seconds but eventually he startles awake with a gasp of air. His chest heaves with every breath but he’s awake, he’s breathing. 

His dark eyes scan the room and eventually fall on her face. “Agatha?” he asks, breathless.

Agatha’s fingers crackle violet and she almost wishes she could strike him for giving her a heart attack. Not that she ever would. “You’re a fucking idiot, did you know that?” she bites, her fear draining and being replaced by a burning anger. 

Billy looks stunned for a second, propping himself up on his elbows, his mouth agape. “What?”

“A boy breaks up with your and your first course of action is to kill yourself?!” Agatha yells. It’s too loud for such an intimate space but she can’t reign in her emotions, they have taken control of her. 

“I-” he stutters. “I didn’t-”

“Shut up,” Agatha snaps, picking her phone up off the tiled floor. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

He grabs her wrist before she can even turn the phone on. “I’m fine, I promise.” 

Tapping on the call icon, she coldly shakes off his touch. “That’s the magic. It won’t last long.”

🏰

Agatha looks up from her phone to see Billy take another small sip of his gigantic plastic cup of black sludge. He swallows it and grimaces. “This is disgusting.” 

“You should have thought about that before you confused sleeping pills for Tic Tacs.” She knows she sounds angry but it is nothing compared to the rage she is feeling. She is letting her young friend microdose the wrath of a centuries old witch. 

Billy looks down as if his lap is the most interesting thing in the world. He’s on the bed in his pyjamas, a black t-shirt and chequered pants dotted with witchy symbols. The triple goddess, moon phases, pentacles and runes. They were a gift from his now-ex-boyfriend. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Upset me?” she asks incredulously, dropping her phone in her lap and sitting up straighter so she can properly stare down this teenager who seems to think scaring her to death was a good game plan. “You tried to kill yourself!”

He shrinks in on himself, clutching the drink with both hands. This might be the first time Agatha has ever seen him without a plethora of rings, but he’s still got his signature chipped black nail polish. Some things never change.”You weren’t supposed to find me.” 

That makes Agatha bark out a harsh laugh. 

“Yes, because you disappearing from my life only for me to find out that you’re dead was going to be soooo much kinder. Thank you for your consideration.”

Flinching at her words, Billy trains his eyes on the charcoal. It looks like some kind of potion Jen would brew with the pure intention to make someone miserable. Agatha hopes it’s working. 

She feels bad for upsetting him further but every time she blinks she sees him on the bathroom floor. Her chest aches something fierce.

They sit in silence for ten, maybe fifteen, minutes. Agatha sits with her arms crossed tightly across her chest glaring down her nose at Billy while he takes small infrequent sips of the drink in his hands. 

“I think you’re supposed to drink that faster,” she notes with a raised eyebrow. 

“It tastes awful,” he mumbles listlessly, still staring at it. 

“This is all your fault, y’know? Consequences of your actions and all that jazz.” 

“I know,” he says in a small voice. Something pangs in Agatha’s heart and she regrets being so cold towards him. He’s just a kid after all. She did stupider things when she was his age. Well, not exactly, but you get the point. 

She clears her throat, unfolding her arms. “So why did you do it?” 

He doesn’t answer her, he just stares at his drink that doesn’t seem to be getting any emptier. 

“Your boyfriend?” she asks.

He pauses as still as a statue for a few seconds but then he shakes his head. 

“Then why?” 

There’s a pause then he lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t know who I am,” he says before taking another sip. Not because he knows he needs to but to hide his face from Agatha’s piercing gaze.

That stops Agatha in her train of thought and her words catch in her throat. That is not what she was expecting. “Of course you do, you’re Billy.” 

“I’m supposed to be William,” he argues. 

“You can change your name to ‘Teen’ legally for all I care. It doesn’t matter what your name is, it matters who you are,” Agatha says in a shocking moment of honesty. “Is this why your boy broke up with you? Because you’re not William?” 

“I broke up with him.” 

“...because you’re not William?” 

He nods. “Because I’m not William.” 

Agatha puts her face in her hands. 

Teenage emotions are fickle and often utterly ridiculous. “He doesn’t care about that. He loves you.” 

“He loves who he expects me to be.” 

“Didn’t you meet him after the crash? He doesn’t care if you’re William or Billy, he loves you.”

“I don’t know.” 

“Call him when it’s not-” she casts a glance to the clock hanging on the wall behind Billy “-4am and ask him.”

Billy looks down at his drink again. “I think you might be right,” he says before taking another sip.

“I always am.” 

They lapse back into silence for a while longer, Agatha watching Billy drink the charcoal with a mix of intangible emotions bubbling inside of her, the only one of which she can identify being relief. 

As he finishes the last dregs of his life saving yet disgusting potion, he speaks, “are you going to leave?” 

“Never.” 

[youthinluv]

i know you

I'll quiet down if it's what you want I understand I'm not the only one For you I'm here regardless of the pain Don't ever tell me to go away From you

sypnosis ; following his childhood bestsfriend's heartbreak, he decides to take the risk and come clean to her. [bonus chapter of this oneshot]

pairing ; gyuvin x fem! reader

wc ; 2,395

genre ; angst, non-idol! & highschool! au

tags + warnings ; swearing, unrequited love, one-sided pining, hurt no comfort, mixed signals, love triangle (kinda), zb1 members featured, mainly in gyuvin's pov, gyuvin's jealous and insecure and probably maybe has an inferiority complex

playlist ; i know you - faye webster, she likes another boy - oscar lang,

author's note ; RAHHHH even more angst and love triangle !!! i kinda hate how this turned out tho LMAOOO

the story's title and how it's integrated into the plot is actually more subtle than i'd like but i really wanted to push through w the ideas i had i mind w/o changing the title even tho it came out mess in the end saur don't mind that pls tysm

———

Gyuvin has hated Ricky on three occasions.

Or that’s what he likes to think, at least. They were the only times he acknowledged those harsh feelings anyways.

It wasn’t a feeling that lingered anyways, he didn’t actually hate him, of course. If anything, they were on good terms. It’s one of those times where you feel hate towards someone in the spur of the moment because of a situation.

The first time was when he was alone in his dark room, the dim light coming from his PC screen illuminated his face as he watched himself die in game for the nth time again, resulting in their team’s loss.

He sighs, unable to focus on the game he was playing with Gunwook and Hanbin. Glancing at the time, he noticed that it was getting rather late and you haven’t sent him a message yet.

“Hey man, you okay?” Gunwook’s voice broke him from his train of thoughts as he realized he was zoning out, and that his friends had actually been trying to get his attention for the past few minutes now. “You’re acting differently today, is something wrong?” Hanbin adds.

“Yeah, just tired. And a little distracted, but I just don’t think I'm in my best condition right now.” he runs his hands over his face. Gunwook tells his friends that he’ll be leaving to do homework, and Gyuvin doesn’t miss the chance to call him a nerd. As he leaves the call, Hanbin takes this opportunity to talk to him with no filter.

“It’s about Ricky and Y/N, isn't it?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“If they knew the whole story, yeah.”

The call falls into silence as Gyuvin stares blankly at his PC screen. As he opens his mouth to say something, his phone suddenly rings.

After seeing the caller ID, he tells Hanbin he’ll be muting to answer a call and rushes to answer his phone.

“Y/N, hey! How’d the whole thing go? Did you profess your undying love for him yet? Did you two kiss? C’monn tell me!”

Gyuvin teases, trying to make sure it didn’t seem like he wasn’t about to die of worry over you earlier.

“Girl, shut up! I just got home, it went pretty well, but that’s not why I called. I actually wanted to ask you something.” you shush him.

Gyuvin gulps. “Uh– yeah, shoot.”

You seem to hesitate, and shifting could be heard from the other side of the line.

“Um, so Ricky told me that he, along with your entire friend group, thought we were dating? And he mentioned that you’d act weird whenever they’d try to talk to you about me.”

Gyuvin goes silent, and you take this as an opportunity to elaborate and ask him more questions.

“Are you… embarrassed of me? I’m not mad, don’t worry! If anything it’s kind of understandable so—”

“No, no!” Gyuvin sputters. “That’s not it, I swear. I just don’t want them annoying you if they actually knew who you were. The last thing I’d want is them making you uncomfortable.”

“...Oh. Uh, yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, I’m a little tired so I’ll go now. I’ll see you and let you in on what happened.” you nod, giggling at the last part which somewhat put Gyuvin at ease. The call ends and he could’ve sworn he almost collapsed back in his seat.

“Everything alright?” Hanbin asks as soon as he heard that Gyuvin turned his mic back on.

“Fucking Ricky!” Gyuvin couldn’t help but curse, frustration and rage slowly seeping in. “He told her some stuff about how I act whenever she gets brought up in the group and she thought I was embarrassed of her. She could’ve snuffed me out if she didn’t think that! Who does he think he is, causing misunderstandings like that?”

“Okay, okay, calm down. You and I both know he doesn’t think before speaking sometimes, he probably blurted it out without thinking about the consequences…” Hanbin tries to calm him down.

Gyuvin starts to be thankful that he came to Hanbin with this problem as he always relied on the elder, always having seen him like an older brother. 

Hanbin understands that this was much deeper than Y/N finding out about Gyuvin’s feelings.

It was about how he was always jealous of Ricky for having the things he wanted.

It was about how Ricky was so much more likable compared to him.

It was about how Ricky, in short, was perfect.

And it was especially about how Ricky was blind to not notice the girl pining over him. The same girl Gyuvin has been longing for the same way she does for Ricky.

The worst part was that it’s not his fault, and Gyuvin knew that well. 

Ricky had no control over those kinds of situations, he was just lucky enough to be born into a life where everything seemed to go his way. Even if it wasn't on purpose.

And Gyuvin knew that better than anyone else.

———

The second time was more of a buildup, in comparison to the first which was a burst.

But at the same time, he wouldn’t really consider it hate. Disdain felt more appropriate to describe it.

It started when Ricky and Y/N started to get closer, making them spend more time together, and less time individually with him.

It progressed even more the day that Gyuvin and Y/N spotted Ricky and Alexa together. 

While his best friend’s expression was unreadable, he could see that she felt uncomfortable and pained.

Why couldn’t he see that you liked him?

Over two weeks passed and Gyuvin found himself back in his room with you once again. 

“God knows what I should do! I feel like it’s too late for me to go back on what I’ve done since I’ve been ignoring them for days now and it’s a little embarrassing to talk to them out of nowhere.” you finish, taking a breath after the long rant you went on.

“Maybe it’s better for you to talk to Ricky and Ricky only. This way you can communicate, tell him everything and probably even confess to him. At the rate everything’s going, it’s now or never.” Gyuvin tells you, putting down his controller and watching you throw yourself on his bed face down.

After a brief silence, you mutter a muffled “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Getting up and grabbing your phone, Gyuvin sits next to you and watches you look for Ricky’s contact.

“hey. it's been a while. is everything alright? you’ve been avoiding and ignoring me all of a sudden. please let me know if i did anything to offend you and i hope we can talk again soon. i’m sorry.” it read.

He looks at you, seeing how you’re typing and deleting your message back and forth, you were finally able to send him a message.

“hi. I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened. are you free tomorrow? i was hoping to talk to you. does the nearby park sound good if ever?”

It took less than a minute for Ricky to respond, taking the best friends by surprise.

“oh my god, you responded. and ofc, it’s all good with me, i’m free tomorrow. i’ll see you then.”

You stared at your phone, rereading the short convo you two had. Getting up, you look over to Gyuvin to tell him you’ve made up your mind. 

“I’m confessing to him tomorrow.”

“Seriously?” He was completely surprised at this.

Fuck.  

“I mean– go for it! I can’t believe you finally have the guts to tell him.” he stutters out in hopes that the twinge of disapproval in his tone wasn’t obvious.

“Yeah. You were right about the now or never thing. I’m gonna tell him no matter what happens. The sooner I do it, the sooner I’ll get over it. It’s much better that way.”

You sigh and grab your bag. “I’m going home. It’s getting late.” “You want me to walk you home?” Gyuvin purses his lips

“Nah. I kinda need some alone time right now. Y’know, to figure out what to do and say tomorrow.”

“Oh okay, get home safe.”

You exchange goodbyes, and leave Gyuvin’s house. 

As he watches you leave, the boy is left behind alone with negative and conflicted feelings to your plans.

He plops down on his bed, slightly tearing up as he sends Hanbin a message.

Gyuvin: 

> it’s over for me

Hanbin:

> ?

>What happened?

> Do you want me to call or come over?

Gyuvin:

> eh

> she’s gonna confess to ricky tomorrow lmao

Hanbin:

>What? Really??

He tosses his phone to the side, ignoring the pings that followed.

Sighing, Gyuvin’s vision blurs as he contemplates everything that happened so far.

Would it have been better for him if you didn’t get close? Or meet at all?

Why couldn’t everything stay the same? 

Gyuvin pauses. Why was he even thinking like this? Shouldn’t he be happy you’ve finally gathered the courage after all these years? And then it hit him.

Ah. It’s because he’s scared that you actually have a chance with him. 

It’s the fact that despite everything that’s happened, there’s still a slight chance that Ricky can reciprocate your feelings. 

“I hate you so much.” Gyuvin whispers, unsure who he’s directing it to. Was it for you, Ricky or himself? Maybe it was all three.

Maybe he hated how you still tried to pursue Ricky even despite how things turned out. 

Hated how blind Ricky was for not seeing how he had someone who’d drop everything for him. 

Hated himself for being so frustrated and selfish. For how he felt about… all this.

Gyuvin eventually drifts off to sleep, dreading how tomorrow would turn out for all three of you.

———

Third time was when Ricky rejected you.

Initially, Gyuvin had mixed feelings. He thought about how this meant he still had a chance with you, before quickly shutting off the idea, feeling bad that he thought selfishly while you were still devastated.

He wouldn’t dare take advantage of your emotional state, right? Right?

Well….

A few days after you confessed, you actively avoided both Ricky and Alexa once again, especially seeing how often they’ve been together ever since. Gyuvin never missed the expression you bore every time you caught a glimpse of them, and one day, he decided he had enough of your state.

In the middle of lunch period, he grabs your arm and pulls you back as you were on your way to the cafeteria. “Hey,” he whispered. “Let’s skip the rest of school.”

You look at him with wide eyes before he leads you close to the exit, careful that no faculty member catches you. 

Once the coast was clear, he swiftly and quietly went through the exit, pulling you behind and now holding your hand while trying to keep it cool.

The both of you walked aimlessly afterwards, going to wherever your feet took you.

One free lunch later, you two spent the afternoon goofing off and exploring the city as much as you wanted. Then, the evening came and you found yourself enjoying the local fair with Gyuvin, before deciding you two were tired and walked home.

“Shit, I haven’t done that much walking in— well, at all, I think.” you sigh and Gyuvin laughs behind you, breaking the silence in the quiet, chilly night.

“Hey, thanks for today. Seriously. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time, so thank you.”

You turn to him and smile as you arrive in front of your house.

“Anytime. I kinda got sick of you moping around, so I figured you needed this, y’know?”

Silence hung between the two of you and you become unsure of what else to say.

As you turn to leave, Gyuvin calls out your name.

“Y/N. Can… Can I tell you something?” he hesitates, and you tilt your head.

He was unsure what possessed him to do this. He didn’t know if it was a spur of the moment thing, or because he felt that you two were still high on emotions, but everything he’d been keeping from you for years came out in seconds.

“I like you. I always have. And I have for years. I know now’s not the best time to tell you this, but after seeing everything you went through for Ricky, I genuinely couldn’t take it anymore. I hated how you were doing everything for him when I knew I could treat you better, but I didn’t want to ruin the years of friendship we had together. I’m so sorry.” 

Gyuvin confessed, the reality of the situation quickly hitting him as he watched your face morph into different expressions.

You were stunned, to say the least, and then you remembered what Ricky told you when you first hung out. And then all the signs you didn’t even notice before came swarming to you and everything made sense. In the end, you didn’t know how to feel.

“I’m– I’m so sorry Gyuvin.” you sputtered out, and you can see how his heart broke through his eyes. “I didn’t realize, I’m so stupid. I feel like an asshole now, I should’ve considered how you felt especially when I talked about—”

“It’s fine. Really. I knew I didn’t stand a chance with him anyways, so I kept quiet. I didn’t want to ruin the years we had together instead.” Gyuvin smiles sadly, as tears shone his eyes.

“Um, I should go. I didn’t mean to keep you this long, I’m sorry.” He turns and starts to walk away.

“Wait!” you call for him, but fall silent after seeing him turn.

“Hey, it’s fine, really. I didn’t expect much anyways. You know how you told Ricky it wasn’t his fault? It’s not yours, either. I understand I'm not the only one for you. So please, don’t beat yourself up over it. I might stay out for a while though, I need some time and space. But always remember that I’m here regardless of the pain, so don’t tell me to go away from you.”

Gyuvin takes a big breath to compose himself, before bidding his goodbyes. “I’ll see you around, yeah?” You couldn’t do anything else but nod and watch as he walks away, disappearing into the night and leaving you alone once again.

[3-pots-of-soup]

lil zoo keeper au fic:D im not great at writing dialogue and such, so apologies if you cringe + any feedback/constructive criticism is appreciated!!

wc: 663

tw: non

ships: non

Pearl’s day was off to an awful start; first she’d slept through her alarm, making her rush through her morning routine, then discovered her roommate and half brother Grian had drunken the last of the coffee. “This day *cannot* get worse.” Pearl said mid traffic jam.

Her day, could, in fact, get far worse.

She arrived to work thankfully on time and began her trek to the invertebrate house, on the other side of the zoo; she was so excited for the construction on the north entrance to finish.

When Pearl finally entered the invert house she was immediately greeted by loud chirping and a very frantic Mumbo “PEARL PEARL!! THE GRASSHOPPERS GOT OUT!!”

“WHAT DO YOU *MEAN* THE GRASSHOPPERS GOT OUT?!”

“I MEAN THEY HAVE ESCAPED THEIR ENCLOSURE AND. THEY. ARE. *EVERYWHERE*.”

As Pearl took in her surroundings she found that her coworker was right. The grasshoppers were indeed *everywhere*. “The zoo opens in under a half hour what do we do?” She asked in a panic.

“Scoop them up?” Mumbo suggested hesitantly.

“And put them where? It’ll take hours if we do it pick them up and put them back in the tank one by one- hold on how did they even get out in the first place?” Pearl questioned.

“Er, I might have forgotten to close their tank properly after I fed them last night.” Mumbo squeaked out.

Pearl stared at him blankly for a few seconds, then spun on her heel and began walking out of the building “Wait where are you going?” Mumbo asked in a panicked tone “Please Please don’t leave me alone with this disaster!!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back in a few, I’ve got a plan!” And with that Pearl bolted out the door

As quick as she could Pearl ran towards the nearest drink stand “CUPS!” She shouted

“What?” Replied the bewildered employee

“ANIMAL ESCAPE I NEED CUPS WITH LIDS!”

The employee, name badge reading ‘Shelby S.’ responded by quickly grabbing a small stack of plastic cups and a small stack of lids for them “this enough?” She asked

“That’s perfect thank you!” Pearl said grabbing the cups and racing back to the invert house. She returned to a sign on the door in rather poor handwriting that read ‘Building not opem’. When she attempted to open the door she found that it was locked, and when she reached down to grab her keys, she found that the carabiner that normally held them, along with her id, was gone “dammmnn ittt.” She groaned, dragging her words, and began to bang on the doors.

It was only a minute or so until she saw Mumbo race over one hand in a gentle fist, hurriedly opening the door to let her in “what’s in your hand?” Pearl questioned once inside

“A grasshopper.” Her friend replied.

“Here” said Pearl, rolling her eyes and placing a cup in his free hand “you can put a few in here, toss the lid on, and once we have a few cups, we can put them back in their tank all at once.”

“Have I ever mentioned you’re a genius?”

“Yes, but you could certainly do it more often; now let’s get bug catching!” With that the duo spent the next hour or so running about catching grasshoppers.

“I really don’t get why they keep the feeder insects in here and not in houses where they’re used.” Mumbo commented from his spot on the floor

“I agree, but I suppose it makes sense to keep all the colonies in one space, and if they have to be kept in one place, I can see the logic behind putting them with the other bugs, still, sucks *we* have to deal with them.” Pearl said, laughing a bit, “now up you get! We have to open this place up, there’s still like,” Pearl checked her watch and groaned “*eight hours* till closing.”

“Alright, alright” Mumbo sighed, pulling himself up “let’s unlock those doors.”

That’s all i have atm, my plan for the au is to write one-shots for various povs:D might have some shipping here and there (mumscarian my beloved) but it won’t be the focus! Again any/all feed back welcome, and thanks for reading!!!!

-🥘

[aurienneirua]

trying to think about how aurien would take castor’s death since i haven’t really articulated it quite yet . .

i think ill be using how blue diamond from steven universe take’s pink’s death as a bit of an projection onto aurien and inspiration !

well, ill start on how aurien was with solei’s disappearance . since me and @billwasnot actually discussed this before, i feel like i can articulate and word this much more then i usually do . ill also limit how long this is since that’s probably for a whole nother post .

( edit after finishing : wow im a really bad liar )

to put it into simple and hopefully straightforward words, aurien did not process solei’s disappearance at first, and her feelings about it in extension .

when they finally started to bubble up, she shoved them down . they poison parts of her in response, and she’s stuck in a cage and cycle of grief, slowly shutting down mentally and emotionally . even when she and solei reunite, she still has them shoved down .

now, finally onto cas !

for him mainly, id say she feels empty after his death .

she falls into a prolonged period of time where she either feels just . . empty, or all she can feel is pain and grief .

although she openly expresses her emotions now and doesn’t shove them away, she instead wallows in them, refusing to move on because she just doesn’t want to .

the words im referring to starting at 1 : 07 and ending on 1 : 16 being :

“ im sorry . im so sorry . i should have done more . ————— says it will all be over soon . i wonder what you would think . “

also think blue’s tone matches her exactly as well lol . quiet and low .

the words “ im sorry . im so sorry . “ transferring onto aurien in the way of how she knows she failed to save him, and “ i should have done more . “ being how she wishes that she could have, and regrets greatly how in the end, she did not .

also gonna put down some lyrics from what’s the use of feeling blue as well since that can also fit auri . .

“ why would you want to be here ? / what do you ever see here ? / that doesn’t make you feel worse then you do ? / and tell me, what’s the use of feeling, ( blue ) ? /

oh, how can you stand to be here with it all ? ( here with it all ) / drowning in all this regret ? / wouldn’t you rather forget ( him ) ? /

start looking forward and stop looking back, oh “

( formatting style originally by @sotogalmo ! )

ok, first, “ why would you want to be here ? / what do you ever see here ? / that doesn’t make you feel worse then you do ? / and tell me, what’s the use of feeling, ( blue ) ? / “ would probably be about her extreme unwillingness to move on ? and maybe also how as a result, she only feels worse and worse, inflicting pain upon herself because she feels she deserves it .

secondly and lastly, “ oh, how can you stand to be here with it all ? ( here with it all ) / drowning in all this regret ? / “ this one’s a more clear one for me . . she definitely is drowning in regret . another possible thing would be that the lyrics “ how can you stand to be here with it all ? “ can maybe be her actually asking herself that . .

how can she still stand here— why is she still here with everything that’s been going on ? she’s not special . so many people matter so much more then her . why does she live ?

anyways, i wrap it up here . . partly because i don’t think i have anything else to say, this post is already getting long, and im pretty disappointed about how this came out .

i came in with a clear mindset, ( which normally helps a lot when im trying to write things like this ) but it got muddled pretty easily . although i want to take more time on this, im not really patient with myself, and ive been having a lot of trouble wording things lately .

i don’t know how long it’ll take to “ word this right “, but i know it’ll be long combined with some other factors . I think I’ll maybe come back to update or expand on this though . . anyways, any thoughts about my depressed pookie aurien ?

( castor : @bluemoonscape )

( side note : lolol id love to hear your and possibly cas’s ( if he were still alive COUGH ) on this ! also i already have a little au in my head where auri and solei save cas . . and auri shoots and shatters a screen displaying kyo that was distracting cas mizi all in style . . may i know how he would react to this and hold up if they did save him . .

[ben-wisehart]

hi! do you ever feel like the bingqiu fandom is binghe biased? like a lot of the time its giving.. “wow binghe is our little precious bun who deserves the world and more! ..oh and stinky neet loser sqq is so blessed to have him lul” it feels unfair towards sqq :( it makes me sad hes no ones fave but thats okay like whatever right? but even when its bingqiu hes treated like an afterthought. like we have binghe fans criticising sqq for not doing more, sj fans are frankly delusional, sqh fans think hes “too mean” to their precious hamster, liushen fans only like him bc hes a good hole/dick for lqg (obligatory “not all men” lol) idk i only follow a handful of svsss twt accs because no one seems to like him, he feels either tolerated or treated as a gag character lol 🥹

i just dislike a lot of fanon bingqiu i think? i read all the books before hopping on twitter and i see some absolute rancid takes on there like the woobification of Shaun(tm) qinghua and jiumei.. which is easy enough to avoid tbf so whatever floats their boat idc. but when i follow bingqiu accs, it feels like OC x OC rather than ~bingqiu~ if that makes sense? like i LOVE the manipulative crybaby domtop x flustered thin face subby pillow princess they have going on!! and fanon bingqiu is just.. not it? and obv id never send hate or anything (i just block and keep it moving) but it makes it kinda sucky when the fandom is already teeny tiny and a large chunk of the fandom isnt what i envisioned/expected i guess which is so odd! when they essentially erase canon!! if it’s like some queerbaity ship or whatever, people can characterise them however they want but its like CANON how they act/are in bed/etc and its all taken away!!! idk im probably just whining sorry 😭

(i included all my thoughts here sorry for the spam!!)

hey, thanks for stopping by!! I definitely know what you mean with regards to SQQ, but I will assure you that there are very much still plenty of dedicated "sqq mains" out there. My sphere of influence on twitter is heavily biased toward people for whom sqq is their favourite character, so maybe I'm not getting a representative sample of the fandom overall, but he's definitely a very well loved character and has more than his fair share of people who do him justice in their writing and for whom he's their primary blorbo!! I remember posting this on reddit a while back and more than half of the responses (though admittedly a small sample size) had him as their fave. So, I don't think he's without appreciation!

But with that said, I do get where you’re coming from. I’m not gonna talk about readers who take his actions in bad faith and actively dislike him (HOW??), but as you’ve said, even among people who do like him, we don’t always understand him as well as we could. Most fans do get on some level that he’s an unreliable narrator, but it’s still very common for people to take him at face value and completely miss his depth. He’s a funny little guy with amusing narration, but he’s also kind and selfless, and he’s also smart and witty, and obnoxious and annoying, and frankly pretty insensitive, and deeply, deeply traumatised—and a million other things! He has layers.

I think all popular characters in fandom will inevitably start getting boiled down to a few key traits. And as somebody who’s been writing fic for 15 years, it’s really hard not to let your own biases colour your portrayal? I absolutely do it with SQQ!! I focus on his kinder, warmer aspects and downplay his flaws, I’ll readily admit that. We all get drawn to a favourite character for a certain trait, and that trait becomes the grit around which our interpretations form. If you’re somebody that likes silly characters, you’re going to write SQQ and dial his silliness up to eleven. If you like kind characters, you’ll write SQQ with emphasis on his kindness. None of these traits are OOC in and of themselves, but if you start to only read fanfic and don’t revisit the source material, you can get lost in what’s popular and forget all the depth that actually made them interesting in the first place. And once you’ve grown attached to a particular version of the characters in your head, it can be really hard to let go of it. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I'll add that I think protagonists are just particularly prone to this happening because they're usually the one the audience relates to most.

Idk if any of that really addresses the stuff you were talking about. You mentioned dom top Binghe/pillow princess sqq and to be honest I’m kind of reluctant to talk about this in depth because I’ve received negative comments in the past for supposedly being anti-bottom Binghe, when all I’ve ever said on this matter is that I think it’s a bit weird to insist that “I’m scared of hurting you so I might as well let you do it” is proof that Binghe is canonically a bottom. The fact that someone found that statement so threatening to their view of the characters that they would go to my ao3 page, click on the first fic they saw that happened to feature bottom SQQ and leave their holier-than-thou anonymous opinion there is just bizarre to me.

To be honest tho, it tends to be Binghe characterisation that puts me off moreso than Shen Qingqiu. The only SQQ characterisation that truly bothers me is when people write him as willing to hurt Binghe, or willing to do anything with underage Binghe, but there is a LOT of Binghe stuff that I’m sensitive too. Idk if you read this thread of mine but like, even my friends whom I love make “Binghe stalking/imprisoning/"atticwifing" SQQ” jokes and these bother me way more than any random stranger saying SQQ would get off on spanking Binghe.

And like, it’s kind of hard because objectively, Binghe is a very dark character, so it doesn't feel particularly OOC to say he would do those things, but it's about framing. It bothers me when the emphasis is on how fucked up he is and not how hard he's trying, because it implies a level of futility that I just don’t think is there in canon. To me the beauty of him is in how much doing right by SQQ doesn't come naturally to him, but he ultimately decides to do it anyway because he wants SQQ to be happy. (I feel it needs to be said that I don't mean this in a judgy "if you write dark Binghe you don't understand him and are a bad person" way. Just that I myself can't handle that, and I strongly disagree if you think it's where Bingqiu's relationship is headed).

but idk, I've found my corner and I'm very happy here. I actually don't read fic as often as you'd think, mostly because I am sooooo picky, so I totally get where you're coming from :) but the fandom is still decently sized and very diverse, so there are always going to be at least a few people who share your feelings, if you can find them!

[thatmoththoth]

Advice for beginner artists:

1: Many people can be very rude and unforgiving when it comes to art, but just because one person calls your art trash doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep trying. It can be very discouraging to see people hate on your art, but you know what? screw those people. They are needlessly spreading negativity and you are amazing and great and awesome. Keep making stuff just to spite them, be cringe, he free, draw whatever the hell you want (as long as you aren’t hurting anyone with it) and do it for your own enjoyment and to spite the jerks who think you aren’t good enough.

2: you don’t have to put “do not steal” on things. If someone wants to steal your art, I’m sorry but they are going to steal it despite that. Make a watermark and put it somewhere on your art that’s somewhat out of the way but still in a place where it can’t be cropped out, that way if someone does repost it it can be traced back to you. Just writing “do not steal” on it makes it so that it’s not identifiable only to you, so it doesn’t really help.

3: don’t fret if someone takes inspiration from a design of yours, if you see a character with similar elements that doesn’t completely rip off your design that is perfectly fine. Creatives are in a constant state of bouncing ideas between eachother and I’ll be honest, we’re hardly ever original with the stuff we make.

4: that being said, also don’t be afraid to take inspiration from other creatives! That doesn’t just apply to taking inspiration from artists, you can be inspired by music or stories as well. As long as you don’t copy them word for word with barely any changes, you are perfectly fine.

5: tracing art is perfectly fine as long as you don’t claim it as your own art and are doing in in order to learn. When tracing think about the way the lines go together and how they form to Lear as much as possible from it. Heck you can trace my art, I am perfectly a ok with that.

6: there are many actually good tutorials on YouTube, you just have to know how to look for them. When looking for something id avoid searching with question like “how to draw an owl easy for beginners” and rather use questions like “how to draw owl proportions”. The former will give crappy tutorials that don’t really show the process, and the latter will teach you the actual fundamentals. A really good channel when it comes to learning art is Winged Canvas. They have videos on Color Theory, proportions, etc…

7: don’t worry about “finding your style” just yet. As your art grows and improves your style will come naturally over time. Trust the process.

8: if you feel like you have a really cool idea but want to wait until you’re better at art to do it? Do it now. If you constantly are waiting till you are better at art, you will never do it. Do it now, and if you feel like it when you are better at art, then you can always go back and redraw it.

9: draw backgrounds. It sucks I know, but if you start now in your journey, you won’t have to go through this whole thing of being amazing at drawing everything else but backgrounds. It… it is not fun. That being said you don’t have to draw them all of the time because you’ll probably get burnt out it you force yourself to do that every single time.

10: be kind you yourself. It’s tough beginning a new hobby, you aren’t going to be as good as someone who has 10+ years of experience, so don’t compare yourself to other artists. If you stick with it and have fun doing it, eventually you will be the one with 10+ years in art, and when that happens, I can’t wait to see what you can achieve.

-sincerely, Thoth

[council--board]

Status of Requests -> Stimboards are: Open -> Doodles are: Open -> Icons are: Open

Doc w/ each anon and request

------

-> hello there. my name is Sebastian but you can also call me Kaizen. I switch names very often since I can’t keep using thr same names sometimes. I use he/him pronouns, please do not use they/them on me

-> I am a French Canadian user who’s primary language is French. I still struggle in English although I learnt the language when I was really young. this can make it difficult to find things

-> my interests for anyone curious. this updates from time to time + helps if anyone wants to request from anything I like

-> please be patient if youd send requests due to me sometimes taking way longer than usual to start on them. I am constantly tired due to lack of sleep but I can also sometimes be too busy to get to requests

------

-> my main blog is @paintedcomputer where I am mostly active on

-> I also run @ultrastim and @paintedpaws-stims. I run the second with a friend

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-> anons are allowed to sign off with either a Name or an Emoji which will be recorded on a Google Doc. sometimes I forget to add some anons since they were either here before I made it or I simply forgot. I sometimes ask for anons to provide pronouns and/or a name to me so I can refer to them as something else rather than the emoji

-> guide that I made to help but I don’t mind trying to help through text. the only problem I have is that it’s difficult to explain

I will do: -> Original Characters -> Oc x Oc / Canon x Canon / Oc x Canon -> Kin stimboards -> LGBTQ themed boards -> Animals -> Fandom characters [catified designs / your own designs are welcome!] -> Fandom specific [such as a board based off the game undertale] -> Gift stimboards which is you requesting a board for someone else

--

Fandom Specific would be asking me to create a stimboard based off Undertale and not a specific character from the game

ships are only welcome if they're fine to do. if you ever see me do a ship board where it's problematic, please inform me and I'll get rid of it. I try my best to do research on canon x canon to make sure nothing is bad

--

I won't do: -> Spiders -> Soap Cutting -> Slime [specifically water slime] -> IRL people -> Kidcore

--

• I won't be recolouring gifs because it's a pain in the ass so I won’t be able to match themes

• IRL people only applies to like actors, youtubers, etc. you get the idea. however, characters from a tv series or a movie is fine since I’m not directly doing the actor yknow?

--

Maybe: -> Bugs [it depends which ones]

-> this is a general stimboog meaning I will do absolutely anything ranging from media to original characters

-> when it comes to fandoms: I don’t give two shits what fandom you wanna request from. I won’t do what I don’t wanna do, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to have a list of fandoms I would not do since I’ll decide for myself. all I ask is that you Specify the fandom when requesting so it’s easier for research. even if I know it

-> when it comes down to kinboards, it’s pretty simple. inform me if it’s a kin and I’ll tag it as such unless I forgot. you are also allowed to ask me to write it down if people are allowed to tag it as Me/ID/Kin or whatever else people use [this also applies to general stimboards]

-> when requesting a ship, I ask that you format it as Character x Character rather than Character/Character so I can understand what it means without struggling a lot. anythign coming from Character and Character will be seen as strictly platonic

-> if you are wanting me to use a specific image of a character, please provide it to me since I would sometimes not be able to hunt it down with vague descriptions. you can either send the image through the ask or provide a link. I would prefer Official over Fanart since I would prefer that fanart is able to be used because of the creator allowing it [+ I’ll need the post]

-> please be specific with your themes! you are definitely allowed to not request anything and letting me go absolutely wild with the stims but it will require me to research about the character meaning it can take a while

-> three characters max on 1 stimboard

-> you are allowed to request multiple boards at once if you want to instead of waiting for me to finish everything. as long as my requests are open, I welcome you with open arms. you are also allowed to request thr same character multiple times or the same fandom multiple times, I don’t care

-> if I can’t find a gif or anything specific, I may change something you asked from me

-> I am allowed to deny any requests that I am not comfortable working on. I will not answer the request to say I am not doing it, instead I will simply delete it

“ I noticed you wrote [insert thing here] on the post. what doesnit mean? “

sometimes I will add in texts depending on what it is but often I don’t. these refer to things I made for myself specifically instead of a request or something generic

-> for my own benefit - these are boards I made for myself and only me, meaning I didn’t make it for someone else or just a random board. I will specify if I don’t want people doing anything on it

-> I know what you are - no this does not mean I’m calling you gay, this is some text I put whenever I know who requested it if they’re on anon but I don’t always add it

------

“ what do these tags mean? “

-> stimboard-logs - this is the first tag I created whichh was based off my original name for the stimblog. despite the new username, I decided to keep it so it’s organized and doesn’t require looking at two different tags to find general stuff. this is a tag for anything unrelated to boards but I also tag my boards with it

-> gabriels stimboard - only for stimboards I create get tagged with this

------

-> Stimboards: " hey could I request a Gabriel from Ultrakill stimboard with themes of wings, gold and swords? " can also be written as " Gabriel [ultrakill "

--

-> Ship stimboards: " hey could I request a v1 x v2 from Ultrakill stimboard? " can also be written as " v4v [v1 x v2 ultrakill] " -> if you write down their ship name, please specify the names separately for easier research

--

-> Kin stimboards: " can I get a Foxy from FNAF stimboard? this is a kin request "

--

-> Doodles/Icons: " can I request a doodle/icon of [character/oc] " doodles can sometimes be actual drawings instead of normal doodle if you request doodles/icons, I will obviously want to be given the ref of the oc

-> what are some requests you would deny? anything that makes me uncomfortable to work on or if it's problematic in some way then I'll deny it. I also avoid anything that wants me using bright colours or if the character is really bright [which might just be me putting an overlay on it] since bright colours gives me bad headaches

--

-> is there anything you won't allow for themes? spiders, water slime, anything on my " won't do " list really

--

-> could I make a blog inspired from yours? you don't have to ask, anyone is allowed to make a stimblog. I might look at your blog if you do make one though and I'm aware of it

--

-> can I ask for this specific thing again? go ahead! I don't mind

--

-> can you tag this for me? yeah, sure. make sure to tell me if it's a cw or tw because I don't know the difference :[

--

-> am I allowed to request a stimboard for someone else as a gift? YEAH!! please do, these are fun to make

[mambalae-s]

Hii, I’m a new follower so I hope I can join the event,, but your writing is so nice!!

My favourite chara is daishou!! (absolutely whipped for him omg (and his girlfriend OMG))

I’ll give you both something i love abt my self, and smth I’m still working on, I really love my tummy, idk what it is, it’s just so nice to me, not too flat, and very soft, I’ve got that healthy little pouch where all the organs are lmao :) whereas I’m still trying to love are the stretch marks all around my hips and down my legs (like they legit go all the way down the inside of my legs, it’s weird) I know they are completely natural, but I don’t see them on my friends a lot and it makes me a little self conscious :/ (but I’d rather just joke about them to others then admit this)

A little bit about me is that I’m a very easy going person, not wanting to be involved in drama, and im quite friendly and can get along with pretty much everyone, but a little anxious.

I’m a relatively quiet person when I’m a group, I’d rather just listen then engage in the conversation, but if it’s just the two of us? I won’t stop talking. When im comfortable with someone I turn into a menace tho, constantly teasing and joking, it’s how I show love <3

My love language (other that teasing) is quality time and physical touch, I love being around those I love.

As for NSFW,,, I’m a big fan of the idea of having my hands held above my head + some light choking, probably in missionary

My ideal date with daishou might sound a bit plain or boring but id want it to be something mundane and domestic- something like driving around at night (watching his face as the street lamps light him up in pretty colours) and then getting McDonald’s or smth to eat in the moonlight at a park. It doesn’t take much to make me happy, but the idea of this makes me so giddy for some reason <33

Thankyou in advance, I hope I’m not too late for this :) <3 enjoy your night/day wherever you are!

hello my dear! thank you very much for requesting by me and for following me! i’ll admittedly need to do a bit of research on daishou — it’s been so long since i’d seen him and i want to do the best i can!

//two videos into research: huh… i don’t think ive ever thought about his smug grin and those sharp teeth as much as i have today… what is this power that these volleyball men hold over us? is it sorcery?? witchcraft???

╰┈➤starlit wanderlust — daishou x bailey

╰┈➤ song — like your god by mehro

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 suguru’d gotten the impression that you were fairly quiet for someone managing a 2.v league volleyball team. while you took very good care of everyone, you didn’t ever pass much time with them outside of practice

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 even during group dinners, you seemed more than content to listen to all the players talk and enjoy laughs amongst themselves while you ate in silence. you’d just always seemed a bit polite and reserved, and he’d always find himself wondering after you and the things on your heart. he wants to know more about you, his curiosity coasting on liquid courage and the taste of cold beer, and he takes the first step.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 you smile at him as he shifts closer to you, and he’s so terribly startruck and he prays that it isn’t too obvious as he asks if you wanted to get out of the confined eating room. there’s some kind of relief he sees in your eyes that melts his smirk into something far softer as you both sneak through the sliding doors, thankful that the noise is covered up by his team’s cheers.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he sees you take this really deep breath, stretching your hands above your head as an invisible weight falls off from your shoulders. you explain to him that you’ve only felt a bit drained by the day’s events, all evident by the furrow of your brows and the relieved smile you give him as you tell him thank you.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 suguru doesn’t want the night to end just yet though. he’s eager to spend this one on one time with you, where he can perhaps see a bit beneath the layers of the kind and caring manager that quietly looks after her team, and he prays once more for that very same liquid courage as he asks if you’d wanna grab a bite. “it’s still pretty early, and i know you hadn’t eaten much while we were in there.”

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 you can’t help but wonder how long he’d been watching you, because you really were playing around a bit with your food while sitting with everyone. you hadn’t had much of an appetite at the time, but when suguru suggests burgers, you give in to your growling stomach and fluttering heart, and you let him take you by the hand to a nearby mcdonald’s

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 you learn a lot more about one another over shared fries and burgers dripping in all kinds of different sauces by the beach. laughter melts into the sounds of crashing waves and your eyes twinkle beneath the moonlight as suguru recounts stories of high school feuds. you offer him a side hug when he opens up about harder things, hoping that you can provide some comfort for this sweet individual who’d always kept his eyes on you.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 a friendship blooms there on beige brown sands, and overtime, it becomes frequent escapes after each closing meeting, both of you laughing with hands intertwined while the rest of your team watches you grow closer together until, finally, suguru takes one final sip of that bravery tasting like french fries and lettuce drowning in ketchup, and he bites the bullet and finally asks you out.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 the two of you are near inseparable! every waking moment is filled with a kind of playfulness that courses through your veins like a drug, and it feels like laughter and teasing remarks, smells like shared inside jokes that shine right through your chest until you’re weak in the knees.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 there’s always a blanket in the back of suguru’s truck for the two of you to have on your midnight excursions to a nearby fastfood joint, both of you huddling to the back seat and setting up one of your phones with a video or series playing while you cuddle up together and enjoy your meals

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he learns just how much of a silly little tease you can be during moments when you’ll suddenly slap his hand away just before he bites down on his burger! the first time you do, he’s so caught off guard that he stares in disbelief at your scrunched up grinx he’s struggling to fight off his own laughter, but it’s hard as he fails to question your audacity with an open ketchup packet in hand

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 how can he even remain too serious when you’re laughing like the sound of bells?! there’s no fight in him as you push his attacks away, purely wanting to make you laugh more until your thighs were squeezing together as you tried to warn him through joyful tears that you’d pee yourself if he kept going. all he has to say is that you shouldn’t have misbehaved if you didn’t want retribution

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he’d end up chasing you through the empty parking lot that night at 11pm. both of you will need to be up early for work the next day, but with you squealing and giggling as you try to wrestle out from his grip, tomorrow could stay away forever

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he’ll punish you by nipping and kissing your cheeks while he tickles you until you’re apologizing and begging him to go easy on you.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he’ll melt and forfeit only if you give him a kiss and share some of your fries with him! he’ll still let you cuddle up close to him despite your transgressions of course, but he’ll get you back by swiping ketchup across your nose while pretending to go in for a kiss. “didn’t feel too great now, did it!”

NSFW HEADCANONS

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 something that absolutely drives suguru wild is the way your body looks folded beneath his while your legs are wrapped round his waist. he thinks your tummy looks so damn cute that it makes his brain melt, especially watching how your entire body shakes as he fingers you through orgasm after orgasm while he bounds your hands above your head

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he can’t help the low groans he lets out while you’re screaming his name and begging him to slow down — the sheets beneath you are already soaked from you squirting over and over on his hand, but he keeps going, rubbing circles over your clit and slapping your pussy with his fingertips everytime you cum and make a mess.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 “uh-uh, stay right there, baby.. m’ not done with you yet.” he’ll tut at you if you start begging him and telling him it’s too much. “you can handle it, right? you have to, or else m’ not gonna give you my cock. gotta make you cream all over my fingers first.”

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 and he says that, but he’s fully aware of how cruel he’s being to you — you’ve already gone and made such a big mess, after all. your thighs and ass are completely covered in your cum, sticky and slick and glistening so prettily while your hole squelches with each push of his fingers, but he wants more still. he can’t hold back his own moans while he’s feeling how your pussy walls practically squeeze him down to the knuckle, contracting around those digits like a vice each time he presses the tips up against your g-spot. “so fuckin’ tight, darlin’. hm? want my cock that bad, don’cha? gonna take good care of this pussy, baby, don’t you worry that pretty lil’ head of yours.”

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he won’t give you his cock until you’re positively fucked stupid, till your brain’s nothing but mush and you start begging him mindlessly for him to fuck you. those pretty little cries of yours just get him going so much that it’s even hard for himself to hold back. his balls hurt and feel too damn sensitive with all the cum that’s just bursting to be let out inside your pretty little cunt, to the point where his erection feels too painful.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 there’s nothing in the world that can compare to the feeling he gets when he finally slides inside of you. his grip tightens around your wrist while his head hangs low, mouth wide open with dirty swears of your name. he doesn’t ever spare even a second before he starts pounding your walls — he’d held back for far too long, and he can’t find it within himself to hold back, not when this pretty little cunt feels so good wrapped around him.

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 he’ll drop one palm from your wrists to squeeze the flesh of your waist and hips while he fucks you into the mattress, your skin slapping together not loud enough to hide all those dirty moans that you let out beneath him. and he’ll make you cum on his cock over and over till your body writhes and you’re too overstimulated, because maybe he’s a little bit greedy and pussydrunk and keeps wanting to tip you over your limits again and again.

mamba celebrates 100 — jjk and haikyuu selfship event!

[robotstrategy]

Recalled • Part 2 • 9 - Roland

Previous • Series Masterlist • Part 2 Masterlist • Next

Talking about your past is hard, much when you're talking to new people, it’s not like he can talk about these things to people from his past. The fact is most of the people he knows from his past don’t know he’s alive anymore or they would lash out at him if he ever remet them. It’s alright now though he’s got a new friend now, Kate, who looking at her ID card now knows that her full name is Katelyn Marigold Foster, not that he’s going to try to use the name Katelyn anytime soon. He’s trying to make friends and calling someone by their preferred name is probably the right thing to do in this situation. 

“God, I’m like a Lemon Shark.” He groans out loud, making Kate giggle.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“They’re known for stealing attention away from other sharks when they recognize a diver, but I guess for me it’s just that I’m protective of my friendships,” Roland says, ignoring the fact that he only has one friendship so far. 

“Well if it isn’t Shark Boy, and this here must be Lava Girl?” Roland looks over to a group of guys who wander around the recall ward. They remind him of himself and his gang back in high school, except these bullies seem to be of the verbal type rather than physical. 

“Would you shut up! Ugh! You guys are so annoying!” Kate yells, the main boy ignores her, looking back over to Roland.

“Not gonna say anything McMary?”

Roland doesn’t respond, he knows exactly how the boy’s game goes, because he’s played this game time and time before, if he doesn’t respond he isn’t giving him what he wants, so the boy will leave him alone.

“Thought so, anyway.” Roland hides his smile as the boy’s group goes back down the hall. “I’ve been alive for a month and I already have an enemy, it’s a new high score!” He laughs, directing his attention back to Kate. 

“I still can’t believe you're alright with this! Aren’t you tired of him picking you, you know he’s convinced a lot of people here that… that you’re a Yin.” She tells him. Roland’s eyes shoot open in excitement.

“Oh, I haven’t that one before, maybe I’ll try telling others that I and him are datin- hmm, umm, actually, maybe not.”

Playing around with anything sexual gives Roland the ick, he can’t say he’s had any good experiences before, well maybe they were good to him at the time, but the recipients weren’t happy and now it makes him uncomfortable with himself, he’s hoping there was only two victims, a third and he might rip himself apart.

“You're going to a support group today, right? How are you feeling about that?” Roland pulls himself out of his thoughts to look back over to Kate.

“Honestly I’m kind of nervous about it, I’m one out of two Recalls there, the rest of the group is made up of Rewinds.” He says.

“You gotta think against Rewinds, Roland?” Kate teases him as he starts to panic. 

“No! No, of course not, I just don’t think I’ll be able to relate to them, I don’t even know how far along they are, for all I know I won’t be able to understand them at all.”

“Relax! I’m joking, besides if they’re able to go to a support group I’m sure they’re able to talk properly” She laughed.

A little meek dark sienna boy is peeking around the corner, he looks like he’s lost.

“Umm, I’m trying to find Roland McMary, we're supposed to go to the taxi up front.” He pointed back to the way he came.

“Well I guess that’s my queue to go, I’ll see ya for supper!” Roland waved goodbye to Kate as he followed the boy up to the front of the building. 

“So, what’s your name?” Roland asks the boy as they get settled. Looking at him more he has dark brown hair and brown eyes which is usually expected for some who are dark sienna. 

“It’s Matteo.” He mumbles, looking back at the situation Roland realizes that Matteo is quite shy, it reminds Roland of himself now. Long gone is whatever Roland was in the past, not like he wants to think about it. Instead, he’s just this tough-looking boy who will shatter to pieces about the slightest inkling of his past.

“That’s a nice name, my name’s Roland.” He smiled, he looked over to Matteo awaiting an answer, afraid if he looked away Matteo would say something completely unhinged at him like the last time Roland was in a car. Matteo doesn’t respawn, so trying to not imagine the worst Roland looks away and back out the window.

“I knew that, I was calling for you earlier.” Roland mentally smacks himself in the face as he looks back over to Matteo. It looks like trying to make a good impression got in the way of his intelligence. 

“Are you scared Roland?” Matteo looks to the floor mats as Rolans listens to him. “I mean about the Rewinds, I mean, I’m sure they’re okay but-”

“Yeah, I am a little scared.” He looks down to the floor mats with Matteo.

“But- umm, we’ve got each other right? We can do this…..” Roland nervously smiles as he cringes at every word that slips out of his mouth. The wording he’s using is usually reserved for someone like Lilian. 

Soon enough they make it to the support group building, it looks a lot like a State Ward, in fact, it's probably just the back of one Roland thinks to himself. Going into the building itself, the lobby is very sleek and modern, peeking into the hall Roland looks down to see something akin to a preschool, bright and colourful. Trying to go in he hears someone clear their throat, he looks over to see a woman at the front counter and Matteo now wearing a name tag with his name on it.

 “I’m guessing you’re Roland? Your support group is down the hall and to the left.” The woman doesn’t look up from her computer while holding out his name tag. Taking it, he reads it, Roland D. McMary, there’s a light blue square beside his name with the word ‘MODIFIED’ under it. Pinning the tag to his sweater he takes a peek at Matteo’s tag which has a dark blue diamond on it with the word ‘STABLE’ under the square. He shrugs this off before he and Matteo go down the hall together.

In truth he had already heard these terms and seen these icons; he had just never paid any attention to them until now.

Entering the doorway it seems they’ve been taken into another lobby, but this one is all colourful like the hallway. Roland looks over to see kids playing with a decently sized box, one of them sits in it while the other’s lightly push them around, they seem to be losing their marbles in fits of laughter.

Noticing Roland and Matteo enter the room, the one in the box stands up and looks at them.

“Come! Join!” They say.

Roland looks over to Matteo, who shakes his head, not wanting to seem rude Roland gets closer to the group.

“Sure, why not?”

Getting closer to the box he starts to second guess himself now realizing how big it is, before he can take a step back three of them surround him and push him into the box, giggling as they close him in.

‘Oh god! Oh no!’ Roland thinks to himself ‘It’s just like back at the graveyard!’. They start pushing him around and as their laughter gets louder and louder Roland starts shrieking in fear.

[milkywaygg]

Confidential Affairs Chapter 11

Cosma Interpretations belong to @eripops Enjoy!

For the next two weeks, Jules decided to grin and bear it as he continued his final days of work. Despite getting a bit overly emotional while handing Lesley his resignation, Jules also felt a warm feeling in the bottom of his stomach that he was making the right choice. Between the two of them, Euphemia made at least 4 times as much as he did hourly and did a much better job paying the bills on time and making sure everything was taken cared of, and he didn’t like the idea of his baby in a stranger’s arms rather than his own. He or she was supposed to be his and Euphemia’s baby, not theirs. They weren’t the ones giving birth.

As he buttoned his polo and finished getting ready for his last day of work, Jules’ phone vibrated off his nightstand, the caller ID showing a bunch of numbers that Jules has not recognized but started with his local area code. Curiosity killing the cat, he took a seat on the bed, picking up the phone.

“Hey hey!”

“Good morning! Am I speaking to a Mr Cosmo Primrose?”

“Oh I-I go by Jules, thanks. Who is this?”

“This is Dr. Winchester’s receptionist on duty. I see you have an appointment scheduled a month from now. However, we had tried to process your payment and it looks like your health insurance is no longer valid.”

“No longer valid? What do you mean? I should be under my fiance’s insurance plan? Can you look under Euphemia Cosma.”

“We did sir. According to your insurance company, it had expired last month due to non payment. Did you guys move to a different plan by any chance? I know some clients do that and forget to update their information. It happens all the time.”

“Not that I’m aware of...How much is my next appointment since I’m not covered?”

“Looks like it’ll be about $415 without insurance.”

“Wow haha…wow that’s crazy. Um..”, Jules stammered, unsure how to handle the unwelcome news, “Would it be possible to hold off on the payment until we figure something out. I-I mean I can pay out of pocket..but $415 just to see my baby is healthy? That’s insane.”

“I’m sorry sir. I don’t set the prices.”

“I-I know you don’t. I’m sorry. It’s just…wowza…I had no idea my insurance expired…um…you know what? I got to get to work, but I’ll talk to my girlfriend about it and figure out what to do from there. Thanks for letting me know.”

As soon as he hung up, Jules switched to Euphemia’s contact information, unsure of what was going on. Pressing call, he held his phone back up to his ear once more, only to get no response. Checking the time and knowing he had to go soon, Jules sighed in frustration as he shot Euphemia a text, annoyed at her cryptic attitude.

We need to talk sometime tonight. 

The final hour of his final shift; Jules would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t going to miss working at the flower shop. He had worked there ever since he had gotten out of college, hoping that one day, he would become the manager after Lesley had retired or moved on. Yet, as he swept up the fallen petals off the ground, he looked down and smiled at the belly bump forming inside him. He’d give up anything for his little one, even his entire life. 

Although there was a sense of peace in knowing that he was making the right choice, there was also a nagging feeling of dread as night time approached, getting closer to the talk he wanted to have with Euphemia. He really, truly wanted to believe her when she said everything was alright, but the piled up bills and now canceled insurance said otherwise. He didn’t understand why she kept letting it all pile up, regardless of how many times he talked to her.

All of the sudden, the doorbell rang as a customer stepped in; Jules feeling a cold aura flow through the store as he heard the clicks of her jet black heels approach the counter.

“I have a pick-up for Athena-oh. Cosmo. I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Jules please, thanks.”, Jules said nervously, squirming as Athena glared at him, crossing her arms.

“I don’t recall that being your name. Now, pick up for Athena. I don’t have all day. Severus and I have a reservation we can’t be late for. Chop chop.”

“Oh-of course.”, Jules stammered, handing her the bouquet of roses, without so much as a thank you, “It’s just, that’s the name I prefer.”

“But it’s not your legal name. What kind of child still uses nicknames? Quite frankly, I don’t see the point.”, Athena said, sneering at Jules’ frown, “Ugh, and the attitude, my lord! It’s no wonder why you left Euphemia. You’re so obsessed with your poor lifestyle, you couldn’t understand what a catch she was.”

“Wait wait wait-woah! Hang on!”, Jules squeaked, loud enough for Athena to stop in her tracks, “W-what do you mean I left her?”

“Well, she told us the news over dinner the other Monday  night.”, Athena said, “I know it must be hard to deal with and I bet you’re just heartbroken, but you leaving her was the best thing you could have done for her.”

“Wait…s-she told you? I-I don’t understand…She’s usually working late.”

“Yes, well the one good thing that came out of her losing her job was that she now has a pretty free social calendar.”, Athena said, looking at Jules with a somewhat interested look as she watched him turn white as a ghost, his head spinning in different directions.

“She lost her job??? W-what wait…I..”, Jules began to shake as he collapsed down, grabbing his head as his entire body went into a straight panic. Upon watching this episode however, Athena noticed the silver and emerald flower ring that rested on Jules’ ring finger. 

“What the fuck???”, Athena screamed all of the sudden, slamming her bouquet of roses on the nearest table. “Why do you still have that ring on? I thought she returned it?”

“I-I-I don’t know. I really don’t know what’s going on…oh my god…”, Jules’ breathing sharpened as tears flowed down his face, all other noise blocked out other than his crying and Athena’s screaming. As she continued to berate him, deep in his thoughts, he was able to connect the dots. Her job provided the health insurance and now that she was unemployed, they didn’t get that benefit anymore, and her losing her job explained the piled up bills. Yet, if she wasn’t working, then where was she going? What was she doing all day and night? Was she..no…she wouldn’t do that to him…

Feeling as if his entire body could explode and molt into lava, Jules threw his olive green apron onto the ground and made his way through the door, accidentally shoving Athena gently on the side.

“Watch it, you clumsy-”

“Fuck off!���, Jules screamed, making Athena freeze as she watched him leave, standing dumbfounded as the man stormed off. Euphemia had absolutely no idea how lucky she was that he was pregnant. Otherwise, he would love nothing more than to zap her into oblivion right now. Cutting two corners, he finally made it back to their town home and unlocked the door, slamming it behind him as he scanned the room, spotting Euphemia’s bee-hive swirl in the middle of the kitchen.

“Oh hey sweetheart.”, she said, putting her briefcase down with a tired look on her face, “Was wok ok? My day was a killer.”

“Oh really? I’m sure it was.”, Jules sneered, “I had a pretty interesting day at work myself, dear. It just so happens that I ran into your mother. You didn’t tell me today was their anniversary.”

“Oh…oh yea, I guess it is. I uh…kinda forgot. Why do you ask?”

“Well she and I just had a splendid little chat. She said you lost your job, which I think is kinda crazy because if you did, you probably would have told me, right?”

“Uhm..”, Euphemia stammered until Jules interrupted her.

“AND I guess she’s losing her mind on top of it all to, because she made up this crazy story about how I left you and you had returned my wedding ring.”

“I…well…listen Jules, I can explain.”, Euphemia said, reaching her arms out, only to be shoved away, “Baby, darling, honey pie, there’s a reason I had to tell my mother those things. See, when I moved out, my parents agreed to help me pay for the rent if I took care of the smaller bills, since um…they figured that I couldn’t make it on my own B-But when I lost my job, my mother had cut me off, so I had only lied to them in order to get back in their good graces.”

“B-But I…I don’t understand…why did you have to lie about it?”, Jules asked, her breathing still frantic but the tone getting slowly more exhausted as his anger consumed him, “W-Why did you fucking lie to me about everything that was happening? I’m about to be your husband! I-you can’t just hide these things from me! I….can we even afford this baby? I don’t give a shit about the wedding right now, but our baby?”

“I…well I do have some money in my savings, but it would be a struggle.”, Euphemia said sadly, “I’m truly sorry Jules. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I-I just didn’t want you to worry and hurt while you’re pregnant, or at all. My mother had always taught me that it was my job as the woman of the household to take care of all the finances and make sure we had a roof over our heads.”

“Euphemia, look around you. This isn’t your parents’ time anymore. Things change.”, Jules’ voice softened as small tears dripped off the corners of his eyes, “If you would’ve just…talked to me, we could have figured this out. We could have waited to have this baby, o-or just gone to the courthouse to get married instead of a wedding, but no.”

“I thought you wanted a baby and wedding?”

“Of course I do, but not if you and I are going to struggle!”, Jules yelled, “It’s not even about the fact that you lost your job. It’s the fact that you lied about it, especially towards the person you sleep in the same mother fucking bed in! I..”

“Jules I…you know I only did what I did because I wanted to take care of you.”

“And look where that got us.”, Jules sneered, before turning his back, coldly, “I’m going to bed. Don’t disturb me when you climb in. I-I need some space right now.”

[aftonfamilyvalues]

I genuinely need therapy, because my mental health is so bad like I trauma dump a lot and I don’t mean to and have a lot of compulsions and addictive behaviors and lack community… i act compulsively a lot. I need to sleep but I’m scared to and don’t really know how to let go/don’t feel safe enough to sleep, I’m constantly afraid of being violated, but it seems like for good therapy you need to pay out of pocket. I’ve never had a therapist in a clinic that wasn’t mediocre and project misogyny onto me and stigmatize me and judge me and make me feel worse, some have flat out been malicious and when I gave them feedback they didn’t like, they will blame me for their bad behavior and gaslight me. A lot of them have invalidated or even minimized my experiences being abused, even sexually abused. They’ll be distracted. I’ve spent a lot of time doing emotional labor (I think a lot of therapists are codependent.

I think a lot of women are socialized to give care but there’s a lot of misogyny in mental health. I was searching for feminist therapists on psychology today, just to see if maybe I could vet out someone who focuses on women’s issues because my trauma is a woman’s issue… I don’t need a therapist gaslighting me as to why I can’t get over my trauma and trust men, that’s not why I’m in therapy to heal so that I can jump into a relationship, I get so panicked when therapists do that because it’s so devaluing.

A lot of them aren’t grounded in reality, like when it comes to male violence and how the system works and ironically a lot I’ve had to explain how narcissism works… and one had never heard of negging; j feel like these are things a therapist should know. It seems like their only purposes is to label and perscribe medications and a lot actually don’t know how trauma works it’s bizarre?

I search and I see “kink positive.” This shit makes me want to die, like kinda feels hard to heal and find connection in a patriarchal system. I feel like I’ll never get out of poverty. Im going to be 32 in April and just now going to school, kinda feel like it’s hopeless hoping I can heal and have the life I want like it’s endless 😅

I’ve only found radical feminist spaces and actual feminist spaces helpful but I try not to trauma dump, sharing trauma in therapy is weird.

Since I’ve been around 4 I’ve wanted to die, I’d be terrified telling my mother I wanted to go home. She hated me for being a victim and denied any sexual abuse and acted so clueless; I blacked out most my childhood and she laughing shared with me that when I was 4 I was crying about wanting to go home. Like I was suicidal at 4 years old and I always hoped that would change but it only gets worse the older I get but then I’m also scared of dying.

Not sure what the point is when things keep getting worse; how do you find “your people” like sane people? I miss when feminism meant something, most people are untrusty.

It’s always felt like hell on earth and Tbh sometimes I miss being delusional and believing in god and heaven.

im sorry youve had those experiences. i think theres a strange over saturation of therapists nowadays. maybe not directly, but of people who really shouldnt be therapists. im thinking of the types of people ive seen want to go into/have gone into therapy and really, so many are not the types of people who should be trying to help others with their issues. i mean, my friend was forced to go to therapy in high school and the only feedback the therapist ever gave was "yeah, your life sucks, id hate to be you"

a lot of them dont really focus on healing but rather "fixing" especially with women. they dont want to validate you, they want you to be "normal" per se and to go back to be useful patriarchal cogs. i think theres a problem on therapists not recognizing where peoples trauma comes from. how can you help someone whose problems stem from poverty if you dont understand how poverty works? from misogyny and patriarchy? from racism? from homophobia? from the establishments which are built upon and utilize these oppressions? the worst are the ones indoctrinated by these systems, that work to strengthen them, like the "kink positive" ones you mentioned. all theyll do is push traumatized individuals, mainly women, back into traumatizing situations.

but overall, i dont really know how to answer your question. ive always had a sane dependable immediate family to fall back on. but there are people out there

[imnotbitteranymore-imsyrupysweet]

What Pride feels like to me.

lonely, dark, and heavy. hopeless humanity is all i can see through tear-filled vision, with no hope of ever living for me fully.

claustrophobic, agoraphobic and getting worse with every joke or post i see that’s homo/transphobic.

i’m scared to go to pride for mass shootings or bombings, so i think i’ll push myself past it but as i tell my parent i love them to get ready to go i’m suddenly overcome with the fear of everything. i swallow down my tears for moments more - turning back from the door, give excuses as to why that don’t force forth the cry. so i don’t sound dramatic when i say i was just afraid id die.

but i see it in their eyes too, i feel it in the tension of the room and the forced positivity for the rainbow under such clouds of gloom. they were just as scared, they just want me to be safe. Like any parent should want, right? their baby not to be scared to walk, day or night, that they don’t have to hide and could go outside the house as themselves without landing them in a life-or-death fight.

but the world is a scary place. but what they don’t get, see, or feel for me is, one less chance turns into yet another year of fear. another year of me, alone, crying in the very bedroom of my childhood home that i learned it all in. every single piece of me that i turned over in my tiny hands. the very ones i clasped every night praying it away, along with any people showing kindness of saying that who i was was okay.

the very bed sheets i muffled those cries into. the ones i bunched up to feel like i knew what it felt like holding someone in the night, too.

i wish sometimes to wring them thin, i have but not like this - i want to drain them of every tear. i want each and every one of them back. every drop of heartache, silent shatters for others hearts sake, every ounce of blood sweet and tears that it has come to collect.

i’m not sure why, or what i’d do with it.

perhaps, i could bottle it, and then see - see all those years of pain in silence, wasted, behind me.

maybe that’s it, maybe then i could move on from what haunts me. if i could just see it, make all of that hurt something physical to show me, validate me in all of it so i could let go of any of this.

i keep thinking i have and then im right back.. here. i still dress certain ways and am afraid of my natural ways. don’t be too loud, don’t draw attention, deepen you voice, talk proper non of that girly shit, walk straight, talk straight.

to be hyperaware of every aspect of myself even for the only thing i really leave the house for, walking my dog, is tearing away any bit of mental health i build. i thought- god, i don't know what i thought.

i guess i thought i’d never be back here. that by now, i would be in a place, at least of mind, where i was free to be me. but still i look in the mirror and so rarely just see me. rather, accompanying, always it seems, is every glare, every passing remark, every lonely day at school choosing that over getting made fun of or letting someone close enough, every time i averted my eyes, instead, looking to the ground when passing anyone in this god forsaken town. --------------

(sort of separate/i wrote this portion below, first, then once i started crying at the end of this i went back up and wrote all that.. so.. yeah. i feel a bit better now though) 

every time this month comes along all i can see are the thumbs downs out weighing the likes of articles for us

 i feel like a whale strung through with a harpoon they cruelly tie weights to once i’ve enough blows to fashion rope around.

i try, i really try, every year, if i’m honest, almost every second of the day to embrace myself and let go of all their hate. i try to focus on the love and the ones out there that accept us... but at the end, i always end up feeling that crushing feeling of hates weight, pulling down on me.

i want to be proud of who i am and exactly as i was made. how i am when i let go of the hateful, close-minded people out there and focus on only the peace i come to make in here. but i end up hunched over even alone, it comes infectious, seeping into my home. and again, i find myself hating who i am because even if i love me and they hate me, and i’m fine with that, but what gets me every time is the hate that others receive greater than mine, because i hide away. i’m a quiet gay, you could say.

i can go around and be just fine for the most part, but on those off days that i come to feel so comfortable in myself exactly as i’m made and i want to dare to wear something fashionable in a more fun way, i instantly wonder if i will be okay. if i’ll make it home or if someone will hit me, kill me, abduct me and release all their hate unto me rather than just through the violently, hateful words.

i don’t get it, i never will. i’ve been on both sides, explored so many faiths and philosophies to see everything from every angle, but i still will never understand why some people choose to hate, to hate another human that is merely loving, loving another human or themselves.

to love this self that you say is created in gods image, and whom this god loves so dearly that he killed his only son for. just like you, he loves us in our sin. if you must call our love this.

but, let me just say this. as much as it hurts, i gladly will die and i cry in my sin of true love. i just hope you one day can see that you will die in your sin of hate if you don’t reflect and change your ways.

my heart, overcome with love for all humans exactly as they are in their good and bad, makes me weep, it always has. and i don’t pray, least not in that way, but i do pray that i keep hold of this, this heart, as soft as a baby birds despite all the hate it gets. and i pray that yours too may soften, and actually hear the truth that sings throughout all of time and space; that, above all we should love, and as challenging as it may be, everyone from you to me, that is the whole human race should love no matter what they face. it’s terribly hard but i am grateful for all that i’ve gone through thus far for it has made my heart grow, my mind too, in order to love all humans the way in which i do. i only pray, or wish whatever suits you, that you receive this grace too.

(It seems, pride is still fear. And that i don't know any other way to be)