youthinluv

[youthinluv]

god i'm not ur strongest soldier,,, i can't fight ur toughest battles pls (starting a new fic)

[youthinluv]

the psychology of strawberries — [s.qr].

SYNOPSIS. besides being your friend, kim gyuvin also holds the existence of being the worst matchmaker in history. the last guy he set you up with ended with a permanent ban from the arcade. the one before that caused you to file a restraining order. which is why when he tries to set you up one last time with his best friend, you understandably shut him down.

the problem is— why the fuck didn’t gyuvin tell you that his best friend is actually the prettiest man in the world? the most charming idiot to have graced your mortal existence? maybe if he did, you wouldn’t have to resort to pavlovian tactics and strawberries just to bag him. if he did, then you wouldn’t have to hide the fact that you’re kind of balls-deep in love with his friend.

PAIRING. shen quanrui x female! reader. GENRE. college! au, (anti) matchmaking! au, strangers to friends to lovers, eventual secret relationship. romance, humor, fluff, suggestive, older! reader, this is just lovelicky propaganda. sue me. WARNINGS. swearing, explicit language, mentions of sex, making out, making out in public, an almost car crash, stalking (not from any of the leads), erratic behavior (mostly from our lead), ricky in a floral shirt, black haired ricky and bathrobe ricky jumpscare. WORD COUNT. 21k.

TAGLIST. @lovialy @sarang-ae @khaelscafe @jenodreamer @lovelyrickyz @ciaoui @spjhyn @chwesuh-imnida @kgneptun @hanstarrs @dvalitaes @younxii @haesunflower @cyberpunksunwoo @tlnyjoong @bobabunhee @elavin @sassybakaaa @wishfulthnking @lvieee

NOTE. there is evident lack of plot in this. unless you consider thirsting over ricky as plot, then there’s a lot of plot. you’re welcome. feedback and comments are always appreciated, and i hope you enjoy!

AT SOME POINT IN YOUR LIFE, THE PROSPECT OF MEETING A NEW GUY STOPPED BEING A POINT OF INTEREST OR ANTICIPATION. It has now become a harbinger of horror, an inevitable car crash simply lying in wait. Gone are the days where you’re looking forward to the first kiss on your porch and doorstep— now, you don’t even care if you share the same hobbies or not, if you click well or not, neither if your personalities match or not.

Your only hope is that they don’t end up being a stalker or a slob or someone with severe anger issues. And there’s only one culprit for this seemingly permanent shift in your psychology.

“I’m not going on another date! At least one that you’re setting up.”

“C’mon!” Gyuvin clings onto your arm, preventing you from leaving the classroom. He’s crouching on the floor. Your face crunches up, looking down at him like he’s a piece of gum stuck on your boot sole. “This will be the last time. Please? I showed him a picture of you and he thinks you’re cute.”

The sole reason why Kim Gyuvin can get away with anchoring you by the arm with his entire body weight, why he can get away with setting you up with douchebag after douchebag, is because he’s a family friend, and you’ve known him for eight whole years. These tantrums are normal, but the sudden growth spurt he had in ninth grade makes him occasionally forget that you’re still two years older than him. You were already walking before he was even born. This bitch thinks he can make you do what he wants.

“Get off! Are you trying to dislocate my shoulder?”

The moment you raise your free arm to a fist, he releases you from his clutches and puts his arms up innocently, still crouched on the floor. You click your tongue with a sneer, brushing down your sleeve. Anyway, does he have amnesia? Has he forgotten how the last blind dates went? 

“Your friend Jaeryeong also thought I was cute,” you start. “Really cute, in fact. To the point where he wouldn’t leave me alone and I had to file a restraining order against him.”

Now, he’s finally looking guilty. Gyuvin clear his throat and jumps back up to his feet, straightening his clothes and not daring to look you in the eye. “He—he had some issues that I wasn’t aware of and I’m sorry for that— but Ricky is different! He’s not some weirdo! I promise you that he’s a good guy and he’s good looking and—”

“You said the same thing about Do Hajun,” you cut him off. “Sure, he was pretty good looking, but he got so mad at a claw machine and started assaulting it in public. I got banned at the Game Plaza, Gyuvin. I’m not allowed there anymore. I was the top scorer at DDR there. I can’t maintain my rank there anymore because the last guy you set me up with had problems with his temper.”

He looks even more guilty now. Your glare softens because it’s not entirely his fault. But this time the guy’s name is Ricky. That sounds like a fuckboy’s name. A fuckboy who probably wears snapbacks and jeans a little too low. You’re not taking any fucking chances.

“Okay,” Gyuvin breathes out. “I understand that I may have made some bad matches—”

“Some.”

“A lot of bad matches,” he corrects, sheepish. “But that’s just because so many people want to date you! If you think about it, it’s your fault for always attracting weirdos! I’m just the connecting bridge and messenger! I’m sick and tired of my friends asking me to set you up with them too!”

“So why the hell are you trying to do it again?!” Man, you’re getting tired. You asked him to meet you in your lecture hall after class because you wanted to check up on his project, but the moment he came in, he tried throwing you into the sharks once again in an instant. 

You dig into your bag for a piece of candy, unwrapping it and popping it into your mouth with an unamused expression as Gyuvin tries his damn best to market his friend to you. “This will be the last one, I promise! Ricky is my best friend and I can assure you that he’s a decent guy. He’s hot. He’s got a car. Didn’t you say before that you wanted a hot boyfriend with a car?”

“If he’s so hot then why are you so desperately trying to sell him off?”

You weren’t born yesterday. Hell, you were born earlier than this matchmaking scammer and he regularly forgets about that. “Well,” he starts, clearing his throat. “He’s my best friend, but I need my solo time too! If he gets a girlfriend, then maybe he’ll stop showing up at my apartment every Friday night and—”

“That’s enough.”

You stuff a piece of candy into his mouth, promptly shutting him up. His eyes are wide, shock quickly morphing into a grimace when the flavor finally kicks in. Durian. Serves him fucking right. 

“Go set your friend up with someone else. I called you in here for a different reason, Kim Gyuvin.” Nothing like dropping his full name and reminding him that you’re still his upperclassman as a cold splash of water to the face. Gyuvin flinches, suddenly straightening himself. “How’s your project going? You only have two months left to finish it. I hope you didn’t forget.”

His face tells you that he forgot about it, but not totally. He’s reluctantly chewing on the candy you force-fed him. “I’ve— I’ve already picked out a place. Hadong Country in Gyeongsang. I’m planning on going there next week.”

“Alright, good.” You leave him with a pat on the shoulder. “Tell me once you’ve set the date. You should worry about your term paper instead of mine or your friend’s love life. Getting us to date won’t pull up your GPA, Gyuvin.”

“But—”

“No, that’s enough,” you shut him down. “I’m not dating this Ricky guy. That’s final. Nothing you can do or say will change my mind.”

Famous last words. Little did you know that you’d be eating that very statement by the weekend.

ONE OF THE PRIVILEGES YOU’VE GOTTEN FROM SUCKING UP TO YOUR PROFESSORS SINCE FRESHMAN YEAR IS HAVING FULL LIBERTY OF USING THEIR OFFICE AS A HANG-OUT SPOT. The air-conditioning here is better than the classrooms or students lounge. You can even raid their snack pantry as much as you want— grabbing a handful from the candy bowl, now filled with pink wrappers of some strawberry hard candy— and stuffing them into the small pocket of your bag to restock your portable stash. 

“Does Prof Yoon know you’re the one that keeps vacuuming his candy bowl?” 

The question comes from Hanbin, who’s just as shamelessly making himself a cup of coffee with the faculty’s machine. The both of you are regular freeloaders at the office. A well-earned privilege, you’d like to say.

“He knows,” you reply, snatching a box of pepero for good measure. “He lets me get away with it because I’m his favorite student.”

There’s one more freeloader. Hao is sitting on the cushy sofa set funded by the student’s tuition fees, sharing a conversation with Mrs. Lee, and the two of you join him not long after. “You three are supervising some of the freshmen this year, right?” your professor asks, and her question is met with a set of artificial positive responses. “I guess I can look forward to some of their outputs then,” she leaves with a hearty laugh and a hard pat on Hao’s back. You wince.

“Why is an old lady so strong?” he laments once Mrs. Lee is sure to have returned to her cubicle. Hanbin is feeling and probing around his spine in case it got broken.

“I hear she’s a member at the gym Jiwoong goes to,” you say. “Scary woman. Thank god we’re on her good side.”

Complaining about your professors in hushed voices while being in their office is a rare skill the three of you have mastered over the past two years. The two elicit murmurs of agreement with your statement. “Speaking, how are your kids doing?” asks Hanbin. Kids, referring to the eighteen to nineteen year olds under your care for their term project.

Hao takes your pepero stick offer before grumbling. “I don’t get why we have to supervise the freshmen when he have our own assignments and projects to deal with.”

“Because Mrs. Lee will give us extra points for our class with her if we do,” you remind. “Gyuvin is doing the bare minimum. At least he now has a location settled down.” The project is for their required course in community development. The freshmen are tasked to select a rural area in the country and do a needs-based assessment survey on it. You did the same when you were in your first year. Mrs. Lee is also the head of the university extensions office. You three have theorized that she’s just using this annual assignment to update her data inventory.

“Gunwook is too passionate. He wants to go all the way to freaking Mokpo.”

“At least he sounds hardworking,” you say, disregarding Hanbin’s stress over an inevitable five-hour drive. “Why can’t Gyuvin be the same? All he does is set me up with terrible men and barge into my family dinners.”

You say that, but everyone who knows you knows that Kim Gyuvin, despite being generally annoying, has burrowed a soft spot in your heart. Unlike Hanbin and Hao who missed a 40-point quiz for Mrs. Lee’s class to join a random play dance competition at the plaza (they won), you didn’t really need the extra points merit, so you had no intentions on volunteering to be a supervisor in the first place.

But when you caught whiff of the news that your poor, poor younger friend of eight years still didn’t have a senior-supervisor for the project, you somehow found yourself in front of Mrs. Lee’s office cubicle and signed up at the last moment.

Which is also why you’re up at 5 a.m. in front of Gyuvin’s apartment building on a weekend, no breakfast in the stomach, just to accompany him to Gyeongsang for this god forsaken community development project.

“Morning.”

Gyuvin greets you with a yawn and a heavy ruffle on the top of your head, to which you respond with a side kick to his ass when he walks past you. “You’re late,” you scold him, and though you want to continue berating your dear friend, two more familiar-looking people emerge from his building’s entrance. 

“Oh, this is Taerae and Matthew,” Gyuvin informs you offhandedly. The two give you a mix of polite nods and smiles. You sort of know Taerae because you shared a class with him last semester. Matthew is just the guy you see at the campus coffee shop at least once a week. “They’re going to be my survey assistants. More people means more ground to cover at once.”

“How’d he scam you two into agreeing?” you ask.

“He’s buying me lunch for a week,” Taerae replies.

“I just wanted to go on a road trip,” Mathew says in a tone too bright for five in the morning. 

You let out a huff of air. Your backpack is getting a little heavy on your shoulders, and all you want is to finally reclaim your lost weekend. Meaning, getting on the road as soon as possibly is priority number one. “So, are we commuting?” you ask. “We should get going then.”

“Oh, no,” Gyuvin replies. He’s already noticed your impatience, and has found himself standing behind you, taking your bag off of your bag so that you don’t snap at him for the next statement he’s about to say. “Actually, we’re waiting for one more per—”

A car horn cuts him off. 

“Well, nevermind. He’s here.”

At that moment, a way too expensive looking car drives up to the porch of Gyuvin’s college-level priced apartment building. This is looking way too out of place. Matthew lets out a whistle when the car stops in front of you. “This kid just got his license exchange and the first thing he does is show off,” Taerae snorts. What...what does he mean? Is this your ride? Is this the (at least seventy-thousand-dollar) vehicle that’ll be driving you all the way to the outskirts of Hadong County? 

The variables don’t click, but your surprise doesn’t end there. Because the person that emerges from the expensive looking ass car’s driver’s seat is— by far— the prettiest person you’ve ever seen in your twenty-one years of life.

Whoa.

Not even those thick, dark shades can obscure that god-sculpted looking face. They only make his nose bridge look even sharper, and you’re trying your damn best not to stare at those full and cherry-painted lips. Holy shit. Platinum blonde has always looked tacky to you, but now you have to re-evaluate. Oh my god. Kim Gyuvin has a friend that looks like this, and all he’s done is set you up with guys that can’t even fucking compare.

Walking statue of a man closes the car door behind him with a click. “Get in,” he says. Holy mother of god, you’re light-headed. Your brain is fuzzy. You’re about to pass out. 

“Ricky! You’re late! How dare you keep the madam waiting?!” 

Things start happening a little too quickly.

Wait a second—

“Shotgun!” 

That name.

“Fuck off! Let’s play for the seat!” 

Sounds Very.

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Rock, paper, scissors—”

Very—

“Paper, scissors— shoot!”

—familiar.

“Dammit,” Matthew grumbles in defeat, joining Taerae in the backseat. You stare at the fist you have held out since earlier. Rock. Rick. Ricky. This guy’s name is Ricky. Isn’t that also the name of Gyuvin’s best friend? The best friend he was trying to set you up with? This is Ricky? This absolute god of a fucking man who’s looking at you with an ounce of confusion, still holding your fist up after somehow winning all rounds of rock, paper, scissors with nothing but a rock, is the Ricky you turned down a date with?

You were correct to assume that his name gives off fuckboy vibes. The problem is, he looks like a really, really hot fuckboy who you don’t mind ruining your life in exchange for three months of fun. Shit. You think you just made eye contact with him through his thick-ass sunglasses. He nods a little with a small, awkward smile before disappearing back into the driver’s seat. 

Fuck. He knows. He definitely knows you wrongfully rejected his ass without even meeting him. Gyuvin, that snitching son of a bitch.

“Hey.”

With a heavy grip on his shoulder, you stop the said snitching son of a bitch before he can escape into the backseat. “What?” Gyuvin raises a brow. The audacity of this guy.

“What was your best friend’s name again?”

“Ricky Shen. Shen Quanrui. Shim Cheonye. Pick one.”

“Is that...the same…?”

“Yes, that guy is Ricky.” There’s an impatient honk from the car. You pay no mind, more concerned about the absolute fucking catch you totally drove away, and that regret is seeping through you expression, failing to wiggle out from Gyuvin’s notice. “Why do you ask?” Are you regretting turning down my offer last week? his face seems to say. You want to hit him. Yes, you are fucking regretting it, but there’s no way in hell you’re giving him the satisfaction of knowing.

“It’s just a little awkward,” you say. “Can you switch with me?”

“Matt hyung’s gonna throw a fit if I take your seat,” he simply hums, opening the door to the front seat on your behalf with a courteous bow that drives you further into annoyance. “Now hop in. We’re already behind schedule.”

You’re the bigger person here so you decide against throwing a tantrum. Begrudgingly, you enter the passenger’s seat, trying to ignore aphrodite’s reincarnation sitting right next to you, and prepare yourself for the three-hour drive or torture because you totally screwed over your chance of having him.

“Woohoo! Road trip!”

“We’re here for my project, idiot.”

“Please tone it down, I’m trying to sleep.”

It’s fine, you cross your arms, wiggling uncomfortably on the soft seat. It’s totally fine. None of Gyuvin’s friends have been decent so far. Yes. You shouldn’t judge positively too quickly. Maybe the only thing this one has going for him is his face. Maybe his personality is just as shitty as the last ones and you’ve completely dodged a bullet.

A very pretty bullet. The pretty bullet is looking at you through the rearview mirror. Oh god, why is he looking at you? He’s got his sunglasses down and those eyes are practically staring into your soul.

“Um,” Ricky clears his throat. “You should put on your seatbelt.”

That rasp shouldn’t be as attractive as it is. Fuck. This man is a walking heart hazard. “O—oh, sorry!” You’re stupid. Your brain is fried. You fumble with the dumb seatbelt, forgetting how it works, and mentally swearing at yourself in the process.

“Do you need any help…?”

Fight or flight instincts kick in. You smack away Ricky’s attempt at a helping hand. His eyes are wide in shock. Your eyes are wide in shock. You want to throw yourself out of this vehicle right now. “It’s—it’s fine!” Finally, you manage to put on the seatbelt. Ricky is a mix of confusion and offense when he starts the car, more on confusion, but that’s alright. The aftermath of him pulling a k-drama move and helping you with the seatbelt would have been worse. You would have disintegrated right then and there.

Your only source of comfort is the backpack that you’re hugging for your dear life. The entire ride is excruciatingly awkward because the three boys at the back have fallen asleep— a state you also wish to be in right now, but that’s quite frankly impossible because you’re a million times more conscious about your physical appearance right now with a literal angel next to you. 

He’s not asking why you’re pressed so far up against the door. For safety reasons, you tell yourself. The air around him just subconsciously feels a lot hotter despite the air conditioning literally blowing cold air to your face.

“Would...would you like some?”

But that doesn’t mean you could stomach this awkwardness, either. Two hours have passed and neither of you have said a word to each other. You’re a fistful into your candy stash and it feels rude not to offer anything to him when he’s been driving for so long. 

You have a cautious arm outstretched, a pink wrapper dangling between your thumb and index finger. Ricky peers down for a split second, a rumble from his throat before saying, “N—no, it’s okay.” The candy disappears into the crevices of his car. You dip your head down, trying to feel around for it, and Ricky continues talking. “Um. I mean. You don’t really have to force yourself to get along with me, seonbae. I already know that you don’t really like me.”

At that moment, you snap your head up. “What?”

Maybe you should’ve been more careful because you scare the shit out of Ricky and the car swerves off the lane.

Screech!

“Ah,” he exhales, parking the car at the edge of the road after nearly killing you all. “That was close.” How the three kids in the back are still asleep is beyond you. They’ve got their necks twisted in all the weird places and you’re pretty sure Matthew is drooling.

But the source of your adrenaline right now isn’t the near death experience.

“What do you mean you know that I don’t like you?”

Translation: what exactly did Kim Gyuvin say to this guy?

“You...turned down the blind date Gyu tried setting up,” he says. Well that’s because Gyuvin never showed you a picture of his face! Instead of using useless words to try and convince you to say yes, he should’ve just sent you his instagram and called it a day. “This car ride must be awkward for you, sorry. I’ll try to get to Hadong as soon as possible.”

He’s sweet and polite too! God, you’ve completely screwed it over. You spend the rest of the car ride overthinking and feeling sorry for yourself. The moment you arrive at your destination, you eject yourself from the car instantaneously. “Alright, we’re wasting daylight. Let’s get moving!” you clasp your hands together, hurrying your barely-awake lackeys into the town. 

With five people, the surveys and interviews get done quicker than expected. At one point, while you were surveying a marketplace owner, your attention got inadvertently distracted by spotting Ricky from the corner of your eye helping out an old lady with a cart and you nearly had a meltdown. Again, why didn’t Gyuvin introduce you to him before your impression of his friends got screwed over by Jaeryeong and Hajun and all the fucking rest?

“What a sweet boy,” says the marketplace owner. He is a sweet boy. That sweet and insanely handsome boy could’ve been yours (not guaranteed).

“Hey!” Gyuvin snaps you out of your daze. You look up, crouched underneath the shade of a tree. One of the locals was kind enough to give you a tour of their plum fields in the village, but you’re a little too rattled to actually appreciate the green scenery. “The ahjumma gave us some plums to taste!”

“You’re a bad person,” you suddenly say. Gyuvin’s face distorts in offense.

“Well, if you don’t want any plums, you can just say so, meanie.”

Maybe you are a meanie, but you’re still not over everything today. While the four boys are fucking around from a bit of a distance, you’re still crouched down and absentmindedly petting a stray cat and moping. Matthew says something you can’t hear, and the three burst out laughing— only the three at first, because Ricky looks lost for a second, blinking with a dumb smile, before joining their laughter only a beat late. 

Oh no, he’s cute. Oh god, you’re falling. Oh man, you’re a goner.

“Time to go home!”

It’s around four in the afternoon when you finally finish. You’re all gathered around Ricky’s car again, ready for another grueling drive back to Seoul. “Go sit in the back. I’ll drive this time,” says Taerae to Ricky, and there starts another rock, paper, scissors battle for who will take the front seat.

Unlike earlier where you won without even realizing there was a game, you lose even after praying to all the gods you know.

“Nice!” Matthew cheers, not even giving you a shot of negotiation because he quickly disappears into the car. You’re looking at Gyuvin, painted in shock and disbelief. Before you know it, you’re wedged into the backseat, in between the two men you’d like to be around the least at the moment. 

Yours and Ricky’s shoulders are touching. This is worse than earlier. He looks just as uncomfortable as you are— arms resting on the open windowsill, head uncomfortably craned away from you and giving you a full view of the tattoo trailing down his neck. Something snaps in your brain. This is your nth breakdown of the day.

“Let me in your candy stash.”

Gyuvin gives himself the liberty to zip open the front pocket of your backpack while you’re hugging it in your seat. The sound of you swatting his hand away seems to catch Ricky’s attention, so you give up defending your property and let Gyuvin snatch a handful of the strawberry-flavored sweets from your bag. “This tastes gross,” he says with a grimace. “So artificial. Blegh.”

You suddenly hear a gasp from your left. “How can you say that?” You’re shocked to find out it’s from Ricky. He’s been relatively quiet all this time. Gyuvin sure knows how to get into everyone’s nerves. “Take it back.”

“I’ll take it back if you dye your hair black for a day.”

A harmless fist zooms in front of your face. “Now way.” Ricky is hitting Gyuvin.

“Gross, this is so gross.” Gyuvin is hitting Ricky back.

“So what.”

“I’m telling your mom about this.”

Your existence is forgotten and your breathing space in between these two relatively large men has significantly diminished. Your face is burning. You can’t do this anymore so you clear your throat, causing Ricky— who’s leaned a little too close, fist in the air mid-punch— to suddenly tuck himself back into his side of the car. 

It becomes quiet again when Matthew and Gyuvin slowly doze off to sleep.

Gaze flitting to the front, you notice that Taerae is quite preoccupied with swearing at another car that just overtook yours. You take this as an opportunity.

A slight nudge to his arm, you hold open your palm without looking at Ricky. It’s a handful of the strawberry flavored candy he was so staunchly defending against Gyuvin earlier. He might’ve rejected your offering earlier, but you’re damn bent on ending this day by fixing his impression of you, even if it’s just a miniscule improvement.

He’s got his head trained down, staring at your offering with a face laced with a mixture of surprise, confusion, and uncertainty before a hesitant hand plucks out a single wrapper from the pile. “Thank you,” you hear him say softly, and you don’t miss the tiniest smile playing on his lips when the sweet touches his tongue, poking against the inside of his cheek and you feel somewhat offended because a damn piece of candy can elicit such an expression on his face when you can’t. 

It’s not stiff like the numerous bouts of awkward eye contact you’ve been sharing without end. It’s not forced. It’s not uncomfortable.

It’s an expression that makes you feel all the more regretful because you probably won’t be seeing him ever again after this.

“Did you see that guy?! He honked at me! He fucking honked at me!”

But maybe that’s a good thing. Because maybe then, you’ll be forced to stop lamenting the chance you completely wasted. 

MAYBE YOU SPOKE TO SOON. It’s the afternoon of a Friday, not even a week after your one-day trip to Hadong County. And Fridays are your cheat days to take a dip into your allowance for some well deserved milk tea at a bougie cafe next to your university.

What isn’t part of your usual Wednesdays is the inexplicable, one in a million chance that you’d be bumping into Ricky Shen again.

“Oh.”

You’re about to enter. He’s just about to leave, pushing open the door with one hand and holding a bright pink drink with so much whipped cream which looks particularly out of place against his all-black ensemble. The only common denominator between the both of you is the look of surprise you’re both sharing.

Ricky recovers before you do. He steps aside, giving you space to walk in while holding the door open. How the bare minimum is making you weak in the knees, you have no idea. “Th—thanks,” you give him a smile and walk forward, before putting yourself to a stop and spinning around. “Oh, wait. Have this.”

You dig into your pockets and drop three pieces of strawberry candy onto his hand. You don’t miss the way his eyes sparkle. “Thanks. See you around.” He leaves. You feel like you’re on top of the world.

From now on, you’re gonna stuff all your pockets with strawberry-flavored candy (courtesy of Prof Yoon from the faculty office) until Ricky gets brainwashed that your presence doesn’t bear awkwardness or discomfort, no— you are a good person. Your presence brings with you strawberries and sweetness. That one psych class you took last semester is finally proving itself to be useful. Ricky will fall in love with you through Pavlov and classical conditioning.

Is this ethical? Probably not. Will this work? You don’t bet on it, but his cute smile makes it all fucking worth it.

That is if a miracle happens that you somehow end up seeing more of each other. You sigh, waiting for the buzzer to receive your order. You remember that Ricky is a freshman, meaning you have zero chances of sharing classes with him, and your only mutual friend is Kim Gyuvin. You’d rather kill yourself than give him the satisfaction of knowing that you have a crush on his best friend.

Well, there’s also Matthew and Taerae. After your trip to Hadong, you somehow got added to a group chat with the two of them. “Same age friends have to stick together!” says Matthew. You’re not sure if you’re already at the point of calling them friends, but you are having dinner with them later, so that’s something. But no matter how much you want to gush about your feelings for the light-haired boy, you don’t think you can out yourself to those two just yet.

The buzzer vibrates in your hands. You stand up to get your order, only to be stopped by a familiar face that you’re not quite happy to see.

“I—I didn’t follow you here, I swear!”

Your expression sours. That last time you saw him was approximately three months ago— when you threatened him with a fake restraining order after Gyuvin and Hanbin helped you move into a new apartment.

“Jaeryeong.” You feel your blood pressure rising from the mere utterance of his name. “Is a restraining order not enough for you? Do I have to put you in jail so you can finally learn your fucking lesson?”

He looks rattled. “I heard— I heard from Siyun that the document is fake!”

Well, damn. You click your tongue. You thought it’d work for a little while longer than this. Maybe you should get a real RO next time. “So does that give you the right to keep stalking me, you damn creep?” You’re getting a headache. This guy’s appearance just makes you miss Ricky even more (gentle remember that Ricky probably doesn’t give a shit about you, nor does he think about you as much as you’ve thought about him within the past six days of your acquaintance).

“I really didn’t follow you here! This was just a coincidence!” 

“Sure,” you wrinkle your nose. “Was breaching my privacy and following me all the way to my parents’ place a coincidence too?”

Maybe riling him up is a bad idea, but you’re not exactly the best at interpersonal relationships (case in point, Riky Shen). But this is also a public place, so if he does pull anything dangerous, one of the cafe patrons is likely to take a video which you can use against him. Jaeryeong has his jaw clenched, visibly grated. “Look, I came up to you today to try and clear our misunderstanding, but if you keep on being a little bitch, then—”

“Then what?”

You’re surprised to hear a much welcomed voice from behind you.

“What are you gonna do?”

The last person you expected to swoop in and save you from this clingy freak is your senior who’s been out of reach for months now because he’s dying in post-grad. 

Kim Jiwoong suddenly tucks you behind him, wearing the facade of intimidation to scare off Jaeryeong— which, for some reason, ends up working because he runs off without much of a fight. “I’ll— I’ll talk to you later!” he says before leaving. Jiwoong lets out a sigh and turns around, looking at you with both disappointment and concern.

“You shouldn’t provoke guys like that. Who knows what could’ve happened to you.”

“I could’ve handled it even without you, seonbae,” you tell him. His gaze softens. You give him a bright smile. “It’s nice to see you, too.”

You know that Jiwoong is incapable of getting mad at you. The both of you catch up in the cafe once you’ve finally gotten your drink without any further interruptions. Whatever Gyuvin is to you, that’s who you are to Jiwoong. He was your project supervisor when you were a freshman, randomly assigned by a roulette, and somehow, you two still keep in touch two years later.

The both of you settle on a table inside the cafe. “How are your classes?” he asks. You reply with a bitter grunt, and that’s enough of a response for him to laugh and understand.

“By the way,” you rouse, spinning the remnants of the drink in slow spirals. “Seonbae. You’re close with Gyuvin, right?”

If your memory serves you right, you’ve seen them talking a couple of times with each other before, eliciting your utter confusion before ultimately finding out that apparently, they attended the same local dance studio before along with Hanbin and Hao for a period of time. “Well, sure,” is Jiwoong’s reply. That was just the lead-in question to your actual main question, which is—

“How about...his best friend?” you add. “Are you close with him too?”

You can see it in his face. He’s connecting the dots. You’re fiddling with your drink cup, nervous. The moment things click, Jiwoong unleashes a knowing grin.

“Are you crushing on Ricky?”

Well, damn. He didn’t need to be so blunt about it.

“And—and—and what if I am?” Smooth. Very smooth. You clear your throat, tugging on your collar to let some air in while Jiwoong stirs his americano with the straw, chin resting on his palms, evident amusement playing on his face. “So, anyway. I’m taking that as a yes— you are close with him.”

“Sure,” he hums. You want to sock him in the face.

“Well, is he anything like Gyuvin’s other friends,” you question. “Like Jaeryeong, or Hajun, or that one guy that told me to ‘sit pretty and shut my mouth’ because that’s what a woman ought to do?”

“No, no. Ricky isn’t anything like that,” he replies. “He looks a little intimidating, but he’s a nice kid. I don’t even think I’ve ever heard him raise his voice at anyone.” Ricky does seem pretty soft spoken and it’s hurting your heart. This doesn’t go under Jiwoong’s radar. He laughs at your misery and your shoulders slack. “His only flaw is his overconfidence, I think. Next time you meet him, you should compliment his face.”

No, but confidence is attractive. Overconfidence must mean extra attractive, right? Yes? “Thanks for the tip,” you grunt. “But can you not tell Gyoob that I sort of have a thing for his friend?”

This brings Jiwoong’s brows to a furrow. “Isn’t he hell bent on marrying off Ricky?”

“Yes. Well. There was a situation.” You don’t intend on telling Jiwoong about the said situation for the sake of your pride. He looks curious, but thankfully he doesn’t try to prod. The only thing that matters right now is that Ricky is Jiwoong-approved, and that’s good enough of a reason for you to pursue him under Kim Gyuvin’s nose. “Anyway, please keep this a secret.”

“What’s in it for me?” he asks.

“The continuation of my respect,” you flatly reply. Jiwoong, again, laughs and assures you that his lips are shut and sealed.

SOMEHOW, YOU’RE INVITED TO A BARBECUE DINNER AT MATTHEW’S BACKYARD. How long have you known him? Two weeks. Who else is invited to the dinner? His friends of two years the least. You’re not sure how you ended up here. Maybe you’re more charming than you thought. Maybe that’s why you keep attracting weird men.

But Matthew isn’t weird. He’s a little loud and a little too energetic for you to keep up with sometimes, but he’s nice, he’s polite, and you’d introduce him to your cousin if he’d let you. 

You show up to his front door step with a convenience store bag full of canned beer. You’re still not sure what the occasion is, but alcohol is always a good gift. “You made it!” Matthew greets you with a half-hug, and upon entering the premises of his home, you spot Gyuvin giving you an unabashed look full of judgment while Matt takes your present out of your hands and into the cooler in the backyard.

“Since when were you two so chummy?” Gyuvin asks with narrowed eyes as he leads you to where everyone else is. 

“Scared I might replace you in your friend group, Gyu?” you taunt.

“No. I’m scared of being the middleman again if Matthew hyung falls in love with you,” is his painfully honest answer. The yard is smoky and warm, familiar faces here and there— Hanbin being one of them, who graces you with a look of confused concern upon hearing Gyuvin’s words. “Hyung, you don’t understand my pain. I keep setting her up with my friends, but they’re never good enough for her. At this rate—”

At this rate, you’re gonna be needing a warning whenever Ricky suddenly appears in front of your vision— one of the people you preemptively deemed ‘not good enough for you’ only for it to bite you in the ass.

In fact, he may be too much for you, because for a second there, you had the presupposition that he might be walking up to you. That delusion is quickly evaporated into the barbecue smoke because he’s looking at Hanbin, not you.

“Hyung,” he says. “Woong hyung needs help with the grill.”

“Oh, I’ll be right there.”

In between, Gyuvin has somehow disappeared, leaving you alone with Ricky and the unreasonable amount of feelings you have for him. It’s been a good week since you’ve last seen him. He’s wearing a thick red jacket and that same look of awkwardness whenever you’re around. “Hello,” he greets you softly with a nod.

“Hi,” you do the same. It’s excruciating. It’s painful. There’s a sizzle in the air, music from the stereos, and the loud, rambunctious noises expected from a group of eight, nine boys. Yet it’s everything quiet in between the both of you. 

But after that tense greeting, there’s a shift in his gaze, a change in his posture. He’s clearing his throat, balancing himself on the heels of his feet with tightly pressed lips resembling that of a smile— almost as if he’s expecting something from you.

Oh, you realize. Oh, he’s too cute.

Without much of a thought, you dig into your coat pockets. 

“Hao!” you call out in a hurry, running off to the long picnic table where the rest are all gathered. Your heart is racing. Your heart is racing like crazy. “There’s still two faces I’m not acquainted with yet. Who’s this?”

While Hao introduces you to Gunwook and Yujin, your eyes flit over to the spot you’d left behind. Ricky is still standing there. He’s staring down, eyes trained on his cupped palms. “Ricky, come carry the cooler!” Taerae yells out for him, snapping him out of his daze. There’s a faint tinge of pink painting his ears when he strides off, fists closed with the same shade painting his knuckles. Your pockets are a lot lighter now. If you were him, you would have quite honestly fallen for yourself. 

Dinner starts. You ask Yujin why he’s friends with a bunch of old men. “They’re obsessed with me,” is his reply, and you can’t debate with that. Not when five of them are suddenly yelling at Jiwoong for saying you should all play some drinking games to heat things up. It gets settled when Yujin and Gunwook are given glasses of apple juice, and the word ‘gorae’ is now being repeatedly thrown over the table.

One thing you’ve noticed is that Ricky is always a beat and half slow. It’s stupid adorable. Gyuvin passes the never-ending whale baton to him and he just continues the beat without saying anything, looking around like a lost cat, before letting out a noise and collapsing against Hanbin the moment he realized he just lost.

That’s it. You can’t take this anymore. He’s pocket-sized. You’re stuffing him inside your pocket. It doesn’t help that his flushed face makes him look exactly like the strawberries he loves much— matching the red of his jacket, and it’s driving you insane.

“You really do have a massive crush on him.”

Jiwoong invades your alone time once things have settled down a bit. You’re in the living room, sitting cross-legged on the floor right in front of the sliding doors to the backyard. No, you’re not sitting here because it gives you a nice view of Ricky chasing Gyuvin around with his jacket as a makeshift weapon. That’s not true at all. “Say it louder, will you,” you grunt when he takes a seat next to you, hitting the corner of your beer can with his before he takes a swig.

“I don’t have to. Not when you’re already practically outing yourself with your staring.”

You frown. “I’m not that obvious.” You double take. Then bite the inside of your cheek. “Hey. I think I’m screwed.” 

Jiwoong shakes his head with a laugh. “Ricky is cute, isn’t he?”

Case in point, him doing that scrunchy face, gummy smile, when he suddenly bursts out laughing. You nod somberly. All Jiwoong does is make fun of your demise. 

Still, you think you’re being subtle enough. Ricky is slow. He told you this was his strength and weakness when Gyuvin asked you to tag along with them on a shopping trip one time. But for someone who’s usually programmed to be in slow motion, he sure is quick to catch onto things when you don’t want him to.

“Seonbae.”

His voice is soft, unassuming. You’re both standing in front of Gyuvin’s apartment one late Friday afternoon. You’re holding open one of his hands, cupping his knuckles from underneath— something you’d never have anticipated to have the privilege of doing maybe three, four weeks prior— dropping five pieces of candy onto his palm without much of a thought. 

“Yeah?” you hum. 

He closes his hand and stuffs the fistful into his coat pocket, a completely blank and innocent face, before asking— “do you like me?”

Now, this wasn’t in your monthly fucking bingo.

You stifle back a choking noise, completely caught off guard. “H—huh?” Jiwoong was right. His only flaw is his overconfidence. You have no idea how to slip away from this unscathed. “What— what makes you say that?”

Ricky blinks at you. “You always give me snacks.” You’re pretty sure candy doesn’t qualify as snacks, but you digress. “Don’t...don’t they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach?”

Unfortunately for him, you’re swearing by a different psychological tactic. “W—well, I always have a lot of candy with me! For my blood sugar, you know?” you sputter out the first excuse you can rummage from your short-circuiting brain. “And...and after finding out you liked strawberries a lot, it would be rude and selfish not to give you any if I have them, right?” 

Right? Please agree. Please stop asking any more questions. Ricky is pondering over your words, seemingly deep in thought with pursed lips, until those said pretty lips part open to say, “Oh. Oh, I get it.” You don’t know what he gets, but you roll with it. “Then again, it also doesn’t make sense if you like me.”

The fuck does he mean that it doesn’t make sense if you like him? You’d kiss his face right here and now.

“You turned down that date, after all.”

Insult to injury. He doesn’t know that was the biggest regret of your life. You bite down your tongue and exhale sharply. “Ah. Don’t overthink it, Mr. Shim,” you tell him, finally knocking on Gyuvin’s door after standing in front of it for a good ten minutes. “Overthinking causes stress. Stress will give you wrinkles.”

“It’s okay,” he says, turning over the door upon hearing a click. “I’m still handsome when I’m stressed.”

You breathe out a sigh. This is the man you’re down bad for. This is the man you’re helplessly pining for.

“I think you’d be more handsome with black hair.”

Surprisingly, that statement comes from Gyuvin and not from you. He opened the door just at the right moment— an unimpressed look on his face upon seeing his unannounced visitors. “Why have my Friday night invaders tripled?” he laments. Tripled? You don’t ask and let yourself in despite his protests.

“I’m here to check on your term paper,” you inform, kicking off your shoes at the entryway.

“I’m here to play games,” says Ricky, doing the same.

“I’m here to play games too.”

For some reason, Gunwook had the same idea as you two to terrorize Gyuvin’s sacred Friday nights of solitude, but managed to act on it before anyone else. He’s already settled on the floor of the living room like it’s his own, legs outstretched, switch controller in his hands. “Hyung, let’s play!” he calls out to Ricky. Gyuvin reluctantly tells you to sit down before he grabs you two drinks from the kitchen. 

“You know what, I forgot to ask.” Gyuvin settles down two glasses of juice onto the coffee table with a suspicious eye directly zeroed in on you. “Why were you two together outside?”

“Seonbae and I happened to meet each other downstairs,” explains Ricky. Which was true. You did somehow bump into each other at the building lobby, Ricky nearly closing the elevator in front of your face in the process.

“Right. I told you I’m here to check on your paper, and I’ll be off once I do exactly that,” you tell him, mentally thanking Ricky for the save. “You had a month to write so it better be decent. Give me your laptop.”

Gyuvin smacks his tongue, but does as you say anyway, while the other two boys loiter around the floor and fuck around with Gyuvin’s switch that’s connected to the TV. They’re playing a Mario game. You pay them no mind, ignoring the non-human noises they make once Gyuvin reappears with his laptop. He warns you that this is still his first draft, but you didn’t need that premise. The first page isn’t even formatted correctly. You’ve got your work cut out for you.

“Hey, hey, move over! Let me play—”

Again, you pay no mind to the noise. It’s mostly coming from Gunwook and Gyuvin because Ricky is quiet when he’s focused— in this case, focused on hopping over some goombas. He’s got a thin pair of glasses perched on his nose, lips pursed unconsciously into a noot noot, and fuck he’s so cute, and — no, you’re not paying attention to him. You’re paying attention to your junior’s paper. You’re proofreading. Simply proofreading. You highlight some errors here and there, marking some corrections. 

Yet again, you don’t pay attention to the noise Gunwook and Gyuvin are making—

“Ah. I’m killing Gyuvin’s brothers.”

—but Ricky suddenly makes a quiet remark, and you snort very, very loudly in response.

You slap a hand over your mouth. That wasn’t funny. That wasn’t funny at all and the other two didn’t even seem to hear it. “Why are you laughing?” Gyuvin looks at you, offended by the sound you just made. “Did I write something wrong in the analysis? Why are you laughing?”

“N-no, it’s just—” Your throat rips into a cough because it’s not easy to suppress a fit of chortles. Ricky looks so proud of himself, you’re going to cry. You’re near choking and Gyuvin hops onto his feet and makes a beeline for you in a flurry.

“You’re so mean! Give me back my laptop!”

This isn’t a misunderstanding that you intend on clearing up, so you let him run off with his laptop back into his room to revise in private after you’ve disrespected his work. Gunwook stretches up too, saying that he’s off to buy some snacks outside. “Do you want anything?” he asks. Ricky is feeding you his juice and patting your back because you can’t stop coughing. “Okay. Ginger candy. Got it.”

Gunwook has left. Gyuvin is holed up in his room. And the fact that you and Ricky are alone in the living room right now isn’t helping the state of your lungs. “Are...are you okay?” Ricky, the sweet, sweet angel, asks with those giant boba eyes and soft voice. You want to bite down your sleeve and chew it right off.

“I’m—I’m alright.” No, you’re not. You’re sitting way too close on the floor, knees bumping, and the game over screen being reflected on the television right now is a perfect rendition of what’s going on inside your head right now. “Whew. I’m fine. I’m perfectly okay.”

You honestly have no idea how you’ve managed to keep it together these past couple of weeks. You don’t know how you haven’t jumped this guy yet. The video game is forgotten, and Ricky is scrolling through his phone. He’s wearing a melon green sweater which, objectively, is an ugly ass color, but Ricky somehow pulls it off and looks extra fucking soft in it and you’re not god’s strongest soldier.

He lets out a soft laugh, notices you staring, and tilts his phone and scoots closer for you to see a dumb Tik Tok video. Your shoulders bump. You make a comment that fails to register to your own ears. “By the way,” he starts. He places his phone face down on the tabletop. Whoa, this is a little dangerous. He shouldn’t be pouring all his attention into you like this. “Are you free this weekend?”

You blink. Your brain is jumping into conclusions. “Why?”

“Well,” he fumbles with the tips of his sweater paws. You’re going to eat him. “My uncle’s resort is opening a new branch, so there’s an opening party. Everyone else is coming, including Gyuvin. It’d be nice if you can come as well.”

“Oh,” you open your mouth. You’re a little surprised. “Thanks for the invite, but I don’t think I’m fit for those kinds of events, you know?”

This is quite a bit of pressure. Ricky tilts his head, failing to understand what you mean for a second, but when he does he exclaims, “oh! Don’t worry. We don’t have to join the formal event. We can just eat dinner and mess around at the beach. The actual party will be boring, anyway.”

“Ah.” He’s an angel. He’s so sweet. It hasn’t even been long since you’ve somehow been absorbed into their tight-knit group. You’re not sure how it even happened.

Well, you were already friends with half of them separately. Gyuvin has been buzzing around you since he was eleven and you were thirteen. Hanbin and Hao have been your academic ride or dies ever since you met them in the first week of classes. Jiwoong has been a force you could lean on the moment he took you under his wing for your first major project in university.

And Ricky— 

“Tell me if you want to come,” he smiles. “So I can reserve a room for you.”

Maybe this was bound to happen eventually.

“I’m done!”

Gyuvin has finally emerged from his room, stomping back to you and Ricky before slamming the laptop on the table before you. “I edited it. No more errors now. Praise me,” he says proudly. You give him a suspicious glance, sliding the device closer to you. “This one’s good, right? Tell me it’s good. Don’t laugh. Laughing isn’t constructive.”

Ricky is curious and pokes his face closer to yours, and you flinch. “You misspelled ‘debilitating,’” he says. You gasp. Ricky, once again, looks so proud of himself. Gyuvin wants to die.

“Give it back—” 

He snatches the laptop once more and starts aggressively typing next to the both of you. At the same time, Gunwook finally returns with a bag of miscellaneous snacks. “Seonbae, here you go,” he tosses a full bag of ginger-honey candy to you, which you now have no use for because you have stopped coughing.

“Thanks,” you gruffly say. When you stuff it into your bag you notice Ricky staring at you. “Do you want some?” you ask. He doesn’t answer your question but says something else entirely.

“You don’t need that anymore.”

Your eyes widen when Ricky snatches the bag of candy from you. He promptly opens it— moving quicker than you’ve ever seen him before, and rips open a piece before tossing it into his mouth. 

You’re in shock. What is he doing?

“Hey, that’s not for you!” Gunwook protests. Ricky responds by simply pelting him with another piece. Gunwook is speechless. Then retaliates by throwing a candy bar from his 7-Eleven bag to Ricky’s chest. It bounces onto his lap. Ricky grabs another piece of candy to flick at Gunwook. They start fighting. Gyuvin notices the fun and abandons his paper to join in. 

This isn’t how you planned your Friday to end up like. Then again, you didn’t plan on developing a crush on your friend’s best friend either, so you can’t really say anything else.

HANBIN HAS BEEN WAITING IN YOUR BUILDING’S PARKING LOT FOR A GOOD TWENTY MINUTES NOW. You’re already late for the event, so might as well make the most of your tardiness. I’m still getting ready, you shoot Hanbin a text. You keep messing up your fucking eyeliner, and there’s no way in hell you’re showing up to that damned, bougie ass event in front of Ricky with assymetrical eyeliner. His are always perfect and you don’t want to lose to that.

“Dude, we might miss the buffet!” 

It’s Matthew yelling at you when the tinted front seat window rolls down as you sprint— heels on, mind you— to the car. “The place is a resort! They’re never running out of food,” you yell back while throwing the backseat open and then throwing yourself inside.

You’re breathing quite heavily. “Are we ready to go?” asks Hanbin, and you shoot him a thumbs up. You’re too busy catching your breath to notice Yujin also co-occupying Hanbin’s car. 

“Noona, how long did it take for you to get ready?” he asks.

“Three hours,” you reply with a grunt. It’s a little hot so you open the windows, letting some air in. You can’t risk your makeup melting. You need to be extra pretty tonight to stand a chance against all the rich people flooding that place.

“Really?” Yujin does the same. “I can’t tell.”

You’re speechless. You hear Hanbin swallow down a giggle. Matthew isn’t even trying. This highschooler just roasted your ass. You need to put him in his place. “Why are you out here on a weekend?” you click your tongue. “You should be using this time to study.”

“I study enough already,” he protests.

“What was the Gyeongbokgung palace used for during the Joseon Dynasty?”

Yujin freezes. “Wow,” he says robotically after a significant pause, just as mechanically turning his head to the window. “The night air is so fresh.” 

You don’t grill him further because Yujin is right— there’s something different about the wind wafting through the atmosphere tonight. You let yourself sink into the carseat, let the breeze cool your cheeks, eyes fluttered close, until you reach your destination. The resort is far off from the city— the seaside, obviously, but you don’t see the shorelane just yet. Only a towering building illuminated with warm flushed lights as the car drives up to the entrance, surrounded by ferns and foliage and an air of complete refinement.

The foyer floor is so shiny that you can see the chandelier reflecting from it. Are you allowed to step on this? Is this legal?

Upon entering the function hall however, your nerves become nothing. You already see a handful of people being completely, strikingly, and obviously out of place. All for different reasons.

You see Gunwook near the live band, somehow holding a conversation with two men that appear to be twice his age. Gyuvin and Jiwoong have comparatively way too much food on their plates as they camp right by the buffet. Hao is currently talking to a security guard while a suspicious looking vase is sticking out of his pocket. The only person that would be blending in well right now would be Taerae— if he wasn’t wearing that bright purple suit ensemble.

Damn. You shouldn’t have been worrying so much about being a fish out of water. These guys are way worse than you.

“I thought you weren’t coming.”

But of course. There’s one guy that looks like he’s completely at home. 

Matthew greets Ricky’s arrival with a half-hug, and the other two boys do the same while you respectfully stand and stare. Respectfully. Yes. You pay no mind to that dangerously unbuttoned-button down under than dangerously low-cut blazer. You are the embodiment of peace and serenity and giving him your business as usual smile. “Hey,” you say. “Sorry we’re late.”

When Ricky returns your stiff smile with one of pure ease and kindness, you swoon like a fucking loser. “Yeah,” Yujin inserts. “She was taking so long to fix her face.”

Your smile stiffens further. “I did not take so long, haha, what are you talking about.”

Yujin gives you a look. “You said you took three—”

And there goes your hand over his mouth to shut him up. “Haha. Let’s go eat, Yujinnie. Didn’t you say you were starving?” Yujin muffles something out. You pinch his arm. “Thanks for the invite, Ricky! We’re off to sweep the buffet now!”

“Wait—”

You book it. Well. As fast as you can book it with these damned heels and with a large shoulder bag weighing you down because you’ll be staying here overnight for free. Does the bag match your dress? No, it does not, but you don’t know where your room is and you’re not well enough to talk to Ricky at the moment, so you suck it up and stress-eat at the buffet table with the Yujin you kidnapped. “Why were you so embarrassed, noona?” he innocently asks while stuffing his cheeks with some meat skewers. “You look pretty tonight and it’s all thanks to your hard work.”

Who has been teaching him these backhanded remarks? Who has been negatively influencing this child? You grunt and put a scoop of mashed potatoes on his plate, much to his displeasure, and continue eating your own damned meal.

“Hey, can you take a photo of me?”

The moment you’re done with your not so pleasant meal, you’re skewed away by Matthew who wishes to hire you as his photographer. After that barbecue dinner last time, Matthew swore that you take the best photos of him and his entire IG feed for the past month is credited to you. 

You look at him, displeased because you’re not wearing the appropriate attire to lay on the floor to ensure the best angles. “Go stand by the window.” Still, you take his phone from him and make do with what you can. “What’s your password again?”

“Hao hyung’s birthday.”

“Got it.”

Now, stretching your legs and getting into various lunging positions aren’t easy to do when you’re wearing a long and silky dress. But you are a woman of commitment, and your bag is weighing you further to the ground as you take a low-angle shot of Matthew. “Okay, now hold your necktie. Now look away— perfect. That’s it. Next one.” When you try to get up, gravity decides that it hates you. You wobble on the stilts of your shoes, nearly stumbling back, but you feel someone grab onto your arm and pull you up before your ass kisses the ground.

“Whoa, please be careful.”

It’s Ricky. Of course, it’s him. When you look up, he’s got his eyebrows knitted together out of concern, strands of light wavy hair perfectly falling over said eyebrows and your breath hitches in your throat a little.

He’s got his other hand held out, and he’s probably expecting you to take it to balance yourself to your feet, but you refuse to be a predictable woman.

Instead, you give him Matthew’s phone and help yourself up. “Thanks. I’m fine. Just slipped a little.” You have no idea why you’re acting coy right now. Maybe it’s because he’s being a little less cute tonight, being a little more dangerous instead— flinching the moment you feel his feathery touch on your shoulder as he removes the weight of your bag from your person, before passing it to an attendant that he calls over with a single look.

“Can you bring this to Room 207? Thank you.”

No, no, no, this is too much. This is too much for you. Why is he trying to be smooth? Why is he trying to swoop you off your feet without taking any responsibility?

“Hyung, I’ll take your photos instead,” he says to Matthew, who’s been watching the spectacle unfold and you pray to god that your unsubtle thirsting wasn’t too noticeable. Matthew doesn’t say anything about it, though. You assume you’re in the safe zone because all he’s doing is complaining when Ricky takes way too zoomed in photos of his face. “This is a new trend. Just trust me.”

“Sure? Okay, go on.”

You take this as an opportunity to escape, only to be called by Gyuvin back to the buffet table because, “have you tried their gambas?! This shit is fire!”

When an old guy took the podium, you all took this as your cue to exit— scattered off either to the beach, bar, or your Ricky-sponsored rooms. You have an entire room for yourself because there’s no way in hell you’re sharing a room with any of those stinky boys. Your exhaustion is aching for a shower, and so you grant its request, and by the time you’re done freshening up and changing into a more comfortable set of clothing, you receive a text from Hanbin that they’re all gathered at the beach.

“Ah. The wind is cold.”

Wearing a thick jacket out was the right choice indeed. You stuff your hands into your pockets for warmth, feet sinking into the sand as you watch the mess before you. They’re all either running around, drawing things on the ground, or lounging on a picnic blanket under the starlit horizon. “Sit,” says Jiwoong, tapping the empty spot next to him, and you oblige with a yawn. “It’s only eleven. Can’t believe you’re sleepy already.”

“I’m getting old,” you tell him, letting your head drop onto your shoulder as you hug your knees. The rest are by the shore or in the water. You have no energy to join in at this point.

Jiwoong makes a distasteful noise at your statement. “What does that make me?”

“A fossil.” You yawn once more, craning your neck to bury your face into his arm. “I’m so tired.”

He chuckles. “Are you fine with Ricky seeing you like this?”

“Please be quiet.” This time, you sneeze. Right into the sleeve of his shirt. Then you sniffle. “He’s not even here.” Jiwoong is disgusted. He tips you off, picks up your wrist, and uses your hand to wipe off your ‘germs,’ or so he says.

“You’re lucky he didn’t see that. Where is he, anyway?”

The question is answered by Gyuvin when his energy finally gets exhausted from splashing around, flopping onto the blanket next to you and Jiwoong. “He was still in our room when I left,” he says, out of breath. “I think he wanted to rest for a while.”

Gradually, the rest start to gather too. “We haven’t taken a group photo yet,” Hao brings up. “He’s gonna sulk if we take one and he’s not here.”

It’s as if you just got recharged with a full eight hours of sleep.

“I’ll go get him,” you say, promptly standing up. “I need to pick up something from my bag, anyway.” Total lie. Jiwoong sees right through your bullshit and his teeth are showing through his smile. You flip him off and start making your way back, stumbling when Hanbin asks if you want him to accompany you, bringing back the hop in your step when Gunwook tells him, “she’s a big girl, she can handle it herself.” You’ll get back at him for that later.

Two-one-three, two-one-three, two-one-three, you repeat the room number in your head as you go down each door in the hallway, ringing phone glued to your ear to inform Ricky that you’re going to barge into his room, but he’s not picking up. Maybe he’s asleep? Probably. There’s no response when you knock on the door and slot in the key Gyuvin gave you, and you’re met with dim lights and an eerie silence the moment you crack open the door.

“Ricky?” you call out. There’s no response.

The light from the hallway leaks in to illuminate an empty bed. Huh. Where is he? What rouses even more questions is the odd positioning of what should be a bedside table, for some reason positioned at the foot of the bed and a few feet away from the open bathroom door. There’s also a mishmash of things stacked on the table— books, folded shirts, magazines, and some of which have fallen and scattered to the floor.

But those aren’t the only things on the ground. 

You quickly bring a hand to your mouth. “Oh,” you wheeze out. “Oh my god.” You try to cover it up with a cough, but it’s too late. A snort managed to slip through. 

“Stop laughing,” he protests from the floor. How could you hold it in when Ricky is right there, lying curled on the ground while hugging what seems to be his knee, bathrobe-clad, with papers and magazines scattered around and on top of him. A memo sheet is stuck on his cheek. His back is turned to you. His buzzing phone with your contact name on it is next to his head.

How the hell did he end up here?

“Are—are you okay?” you manage to say as you crouch down next to him. He doesn’t budge when you try to roll him back. He lets out a grunt and tells you to leave him alone. “I can’t, I was ordered to pick you up. What are you trying to hide? Why won’t you look at m—”

When you finally roll him to his back, you realize why. 

“Oh no.”

Ricky’s got a hand hovering over half of his face— the wrong half because you can very clearly see the red gash running down his right temple, but that’s probably not what he’s intending to hide. He’s got his brows in a sad and shameful furrow, glaring eyes refusing to look at you, and you can see the shades of pink coral and pink on his cheeks, slipping through the gaps of his fingers. 

He’s pink. He’s so pink.

“Don’t laugh,” he grumbles. “It’s not funny.”

You might as well eat him whole, holy fucking shit.

“N—no, you’re right. It’s not funny. I’m not laughing.” 

You’re damn near about to break into a coughing fit again with how hard you’re trying to suppress your giggles. Based on the evidence laid down at the crime scene— namely his still damp hair, scanty bathrobe, misplaced furniture, and the mess of it all— Ricky was likely trying to take post-shower thirst traps while Gyuvin was still out so he wouldn’t be made fun of. 

Slipping and hitting his head on the table’s edge in the process was probably not part of his calculations. You fear you might’ve been the unintentional cause of this because you gave him a surprise call earlier.

“Let’s get you up, big boy. Grab my hand.”

Begrudgingly, he lets you pull him up. You instruct him to sit on the bed while you call room service for a first aid kit. The wound on his forehead doesn’t look serious, but you decide to apply some ointment and put a bandage on it just in case. He winces when you clean the dried blood off with water. God, he’s too fucking cute. Your gushing is ruined by an incoming call.

“Hanbin,” you greet, wedging the phone between your ear and shoulder because you’re still trying to patch up the poor boy. He scrunches his nose when the ointment touches his wound. “We’ll be there in ten minutes. A minor accident occurred. No, you don’t have to come up here. Ricky is physically well and alive.” You can’t say the same about his emotional state though. He’s been quiet and frowning this whole time. “Say hi, Ricky.”

You pass him the phone. He looks at your phone wielding hand, a contemplative expression, then takes it. “Don’t come,” is all he says to Hanbin at the other end of the line— a little too gruffly for your liking— before tossing it off somewhere onto the bed.

Ricky’s eyes snap up to look at you. Maybe you’ve been taking this situation a little too lightly.

“Is it done?” he asks in that same tone of voice, and— oh. Oh, no. You’re in a tight spot. Figuratively and literally because Ricky is leaning back against the bed, you slightly leaning into him because you’re simply, very innocently trying to bandage up his temple, and the most comfortable way to do it is having a knee propped up on the mattress, face hovering dangerously above his. 

When you unavoidably make eye contact, you flinch and feel your bones rattle.

Oh. 

Your gaze falters and your swallow down your dry throat, watching as the bathrobe slips down from his left shoulder in real time. That’s it. You’re gone. Your brain has stopped working. You’re starting to miss cute Ricky who gets excited over your strawberry candies. Where is he? Where did he go? This Ricky is a little dangerous. This Ricky feels like he’s going to fucking eat you alive.

“Y—yeah. One sec.” You’re not sure if you even managed to secure the bandage on his wound because the moment your skin touched his, you immediately flung yourself back from a ghost burn. “Did...did you hurt yourself anywhere else?” you ask. He shouldn’t be looking at you like that. Why is he looking at you like that?

The brief silence that follows swallows you whole. 

“I’m not sure. Can you check?”

Then spits you right back out because crazy fucking bastard— what the fuck does he fucking mean by can you fucking check? 

“Oh, um.” Dry. Your throat is dry. Does he want you dead? Is that it? Does it not matter whether or not you get out of this room alive? You don’t like this— whatever this is because you don’t know what’s wrong with him tonight. Did he get a concussion when he fell? Do you have to go take him to see a doctor? 

Maybe it’s you that needs to go see a doctor. Because you’re pretty damn sure that this heart rate is nowhere near normal.

Knock, knock, knock.

“We’re coming in.”

Karma acts quickly because you stumble back and nearly collapse into the floor as well. The door cracks open and you grab onto the nearest thing for balance, which, in this case, is a curtain you almost tug off from the window out of sheer force. “Ricky slipped and hurt his head,” you blurt out the moment Hanbin and a few others enter the room. Ricky’s face drops into betrayal. Self-defense. You needed a diversion.

Taerae and Gyuvin are the ones that came with Hanbin, the former taking a long look at the room and its inhabitants. “Oh,” he says after acknowledging the mess on the floor and the bandage on Ricky’s forehead. “Okay, Humpty Dumpty.”

Gyuvin lets out a snort. Ricky chucks a pillow in their direction. Thank god for their interruption because you don’t know what would have overtaken you had they come five minutes later. “No wait, did he really slip?” Gyuvin asks, a little too giddy and giggly about the whole ordeal. “Dude, did you fall over while taking thirst traps?”

And you’re subsequently kicked out of the room while Ricky gets dressed into something more decent and gets made fun of by Gyuvin and Taerae. 

“Took you guys long enough.”

You’re all back at the beach now with a grumpy Ricky in tow. Gyuvin immediately runs off to snitch on his best friend’s misfortune to the rest. He’s sulking, you notice, face down and hands stuffed in his pockets as the cool breeze flutters his hair in its embrace. “Quit making fun of him!” Hanbin scolds, and you spot Jiwoong’s expectant expression to tell him what you were up to alone in Ricky’s room.

Nothing  You were up to nothing, you send the message through your glare. You could’ve been up to something had those three not interrupted, but would you have survived that? Your eyes flicker over to Ricky, who’s trying to push Gyuvin off him— traces of the tension and danger from the hotel room completely gone without a trace that you fear you might have just been imagining it out of the sheer feeling of want you harbor for the guy.

“C’mon, let’s take a picture!”

Before you know it, you’re gathered by the shore in a bluf, feet sinking into the sand, and you feel yourself bump into Ricky at the very moment the camera flashes to capture the scene.

“Hey, this one came out nicely.”

It did. You’re not sure about the rest, but this photo deserves to be tucked into your wallet and kept in a capsule. 

Ricky is standing next to you, the tight frame leaving no gap or space in between. You’re both smiling a little awkwardly. It’s cute. You keep staring at it until your attention is pulled away by the very man himself.

“You owe me something,” is Ricky’s introduction when he saunters over to you. You raise a brow, closing your phone. Looks like he’s finally gotten over what happened earlier. Gyuvin has finally stopped teasing him by moving on to messing with the sparklers Gunwook brought. You can hear their shouts and laughter from afar, but it’s all muted down.

“What do you mean?” you ask. 

He takes out one hand from his pocket, an open palm outstretched. He’s looking at you expectantly in wait. You break out into a soft laugh and shake your head. Maybe your candy-related scheme worked a little too well.

“I didn’t think I was contractually obligated to do this now,” you hum, fishing out a few pieces of candy from your sweats before dropping them onto his hand. “Maybe I should stop.”

“You can’t just start something by yourself and suddenly stop all by yourself. That’s not fair,” he complains, accepting your offer. “You have to take responsibility.” Only if he takes responsibility for your poor and shriveling heart. His tone is light, a smile playing on his lips, and at this point— you’re sure this isn’t just a crush anymore. You might just be a little in love with Ricky Shen.

YOU HAD NO IDEA HAO WAS SO INFORMED ABOUT PROF SHIN’S MAKEUP PREFERENCES. It’s her birthday this upcoming week. You three freeloaders need to keep sucking up so you can maintain your office privileges, so you decided to buy her a present. Hanbin is unavailable, so it’s just you and Hao browsing the boutiques downtown, and you narrowed down your scope (and budget) to just buying her makeup.

You pull out a bright red lipstick from the display and show it to Hao. “What about this one?” you ask. Hao puts on a look of disapproval.

“She doesn’t like wearing bright colors. Maybe something more on the nude side would be better.”

Well damn, okay. You put the rejected stick back with the rest of its friends. The next one you pick out is also rejected because it’s glossy. “Prof Shin prefers matte,” he further reasons. And now you’re starting to question exactly how and why he knows this. Hao doesn’t humor your queries, though. You settle with a nude Laneige matte lip and a matching blush as a bonus.

“We’re done here, right?” Hao asks after you two pay for the gift.

“Hold on.” You’re stopped by a certain item on display near the check-out counter. You’re convinced that you’ve definitely gone off the deep end at this point. The thoughts blurring inside your head the moment you laid eyes on the strawberry-flavored lip gloss for sale are a little too insane, even for you. You’re not buying this. You don’t even use gloss. This is crazy.

“Thank you, please come again!”

You exit the store with your gift for Prof Shin and a new lip product. You are stressing yourself out.

The buzzing of your phone forces you out of your existential crisis. It’s Gyuvin messaging the group chat. “Hey,” you tap Hao upon reading the message. “We don’t have anything else to do right? You said you have extra gift boxes at home.” When Hao asks why, you show him Gyuvin’s message.

[gyubie cutie: no one wants to send off ricky at the airport with me? :( damn i really am his only friend].

You reply that you and Hao are on the way. You know that Ricky is leaving for a quick vacation to Shanghai today (two weeks before the semester ends, mind you) after an impulsive decision involving alcohol the other day with you and a few of the guys. At one point they suddenly became all emotional and the topic of their families were brought up. Ricky woke up the next morning with a splitting headache and a phone screen that tells him his flight has been booked. 

“Well, I guess I’ll just go,” he said over hangover soup and aspirin, as if he doesn’t have exams in two fucking weeks, and as if Shanghai is just a bus ride away. Sometimes, you’re surprised with how easy going he is. The flight is at an awkward time— Thursday mid-noon, so it’s no surprise that no one else is free to see him off. You didn’t mention anything about wanting to send him off and neither did he ask you to, so you thought why the hell would you do that unless you want to expose your ass full of feelings. But Gyuvin presented the opportunity. Who are you to turn it down?

“Over here!”

You spot Gyuvin waving at you two from a distance with outstretched limbs. You preemptively grab a handful of candy from your pocket— battle ready because it’s been getting harder and harder to pass these to him subtly as of late with the amount of eyes constantly on you— but you don’t find the mop of blonde anywhere, even when you’ve finally reached Gyuvin’s spot.

“Has Ricky left already?” you ask, brow raised. You’d be pissed if Gyuvin baited you two here only for the guy to have already left.

“No, no. He’s here,” he assures. “He’s around here somewhere. He bought some snacks not too long ago, but some girl stopped him to get his number. I lost him because seeing him get hit on made me gag so I had to look away for my safety.”

Well, that’s both assuring and not. Then you remember you have no right to be jealous because Ricky Shen, as suspiciously as he may be behaving as of late (case in point, accidentally seducing you in a bathrobe the other week), he is still not your damned boyfriend.

“Oh, there he is.”

Ricky who is not your boyfriend arrives, and the first thing he does is make you feel so fucking sorry that he isn’t.

“Whoa.”

No wonder you weren’t able to spot him right off the bat. His attention-seeking light hair is gone. No, he hasn’t shaved it— he dyed it freaking black and he looks so fucking good. “Oh, uh,” is how you greet him. The words have completely dried out from your throat. Ricky is looking at you expectantly. Your mouth is hanging open pathetically. “Wow.” Your eloquence is award winning.

He laughs. He wants you dead. “Does it look weird? I needed natural hair for visa requirements.”

“N—no,” you sputter out. Gyuvin goes on to brag that he was right that Ricky would look great in dark hair and Hao proceeds to try and touch said hair, only to get his hand smacked by the hair-owner, while you’re still temporarily incapacitated to say or do anything. You don’t get to say anything, because the clock strikes twelve-twenty, and Ricky has to go

“Have a safe flight, dummy,” Hao bids Ricky off with what you can only describe as a glomp, only to be assaulted by Gyuvin immediately after. You’re standing there awkwardly like a fourth-wheel, hands tucked behind your back because you can’t find the timing to say your farewells, and you missed the timing to pass the candy to him earlier after being so rudely jumpscared by his new look.

When Ricky finally manages to swat and push them both off, his eyes flash over to you. Your mouth curls into something sort of a smile— you’re not completely sure. Ricky takes a step forward to engulf you in an embrace.

Oh. Oh, so we’re doing this now, you think, eyes flying wide open in surprise with a pathetic squeak. “Thanks for seeing me off,” he murmurs softly, and you can feel his voice vibrating into your skin and penetrating your bones. You can’t even reciprocate because he locks your arms tightly against your own body, and you feel his fingers unclasping yours behind your back, allowing him to take the strawberry pieces you intended to give, before pulling away with a dumb grin. “Want anything when I get back?”

You try to blink away the violent shock tremors you’re feeling right now. “I’ve— I’ve always wanted to try the sun cakes there.” Deep breathes. You’re normal. You’re totally normal.

Ricky takes his carrier from Gyuvin, sending you a small smile. “I’ll buy you a hundred.”

“Don’t overdo it,” you let out a breath. God, he drives you insane. “Safe skies. See you when you get back.”

The moment Ricky boards the plane, Gyuvin turns around to ask you two what you should have for lunch. “Why are you so happy that your best friend is gone?” you ask with narrowed eyes the moment you three settle with the first food place you see at Terminal 1 of the airport. “Do you secretly hate him? Is that it?”

“He’ll be gone for two days max, give me a break,” he grunts. “And tomorrow’s Friday. That means I can get the whole evening and weekend to myself without anyone barging into my apartment.”

Your friend’s joy is reflected with how energetically he’s inhaling the bowl of stew. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m gonna do a progress check on your paper tomorrow.” Gyuvin sets down the bowl, looking at you like you just sentenced him to prison. Hao is minding his own business and enjoying his meal. “What? Don’t tell me you forgot that your deadline is in two weeks. I’m checking it tomorrow, so make sure it’s at the very least decent.”

When Gyuvin tells you to stop nagging because it reflects your age, Hao had to stop you from throttling the man.

Anyway, the day passes and you’re at Gyuvin’s apartment to check on his paper. 

“Why are you smiling at your phone? Damn, she’s finally lost it,” he says over another meal. You finished giving him your feedback and decided to just have takeout dinner with him. While eating, however, you received a text from Ricky— a photo of his own meal and a thumbs up above the plate of skewers. It’s been a day, but you can barely feel his absence with how he’s been texting you every hour from the moment he landed.

[ouricky: (photo attached) touchdown ✌️].

[ouricky: (photo attached) this looks like u].

[ouricky: are u asleep yet?]

[ouricky: gyuvin told me ur at his place. tell him to eat shit for me].

[ouricky: (photo attached) dinner w my sister 👍 our meal is better than yours].

“What the hell, did you get a boyfriend?” You look up from your phone to find a very judgemental Gyuvin. “After rejecting all my attempts to set you up for romance? This is a personal attack. You’re buying ice cream later.”

If only he knew you were texting his best friend. Not that you have any intentions on telling him.

“Hey, why do you smell like strawberries?” Gyuvin asks after your meal, right when you decide to retouch your makeup as you ready yourself to leave. “Is that the candy you always bring?”

“It’s my new lip gloss,” You show off the pink bottle. “It tastes like the fruit too.”

“Whoa, that’s cool,” he snatches it from you, examining it a little too close to his face to sniff it. “Where’d you buy it? Do they have one in mango?”

While trying to convince Gyuvin that he should maybe purchase actual mangoes instead of planning on eating an entire bottle of mango-flavored gloss, you also try to convince yourself that you definitely did not make this purchase yourself to try and seduce his friend. Ricky isn’t even here. You’re not wearing it for him. You’re wearing it for yourself.

“I’m off! I’ll take you to the store next time.”

When you defend yourself and your new lip gloss against Jiwoong’s judgment the next morning, he tells you that Ricky probably doesn’t feel the same way as you do. That you probably shouldn’t think too much of it and hurt yourself with your expectations. But at this point, it’s reasonable for you to start overthinking, right? Right? What does Jiwoong know, anyway? He’s not Ricky’s mother. Ricky’s mother is on a yacht with him right now, and you know because he just sent you a video and you’re damn near the precipice of falling headfirst into the depths of thinking he might just like you too.

“I just don’t want you to get too ahead of yourself and end up getting hurt.”

Assuming you’re right and Ricky does like you back— when the hell could it have started? The barbecue at Matthew’s? That one evening at Gyuvin’s apartment? That night in his uncle’s resort? You have no idea, much like how you have no idea how you somehow got absorbed into their mess of a friend group.

But a few little texts and inexplicable bouts of skinship here and there isn’t enough to set you way too far off-the deep end. The way he looks at you might just be your imagination. Jiwoong could still be absolutely correct and you’re just tripping over your own assumptions.

You’re not that quick to listen to your intrusive thoughts. You’re still a little reasonable. That’s why you haven’t fallen to your knees and blurted out your insurmountable feelings for him yet.

What does set you off to state beyond help, however, is a sudden phone call later that same Friday evening. 

Morning, rather. Specifically at four in the morning— waking you up from your sleep by its incessant buzzing. “Hello?” you groan into the mic, voice still croaky and eyes barely open. “What’s up? Why aren’t you asleep?” You have no idea why Ricky is calling you right now. The moment you hear his voice through the line however, you feel all five of your senses suddenly snapping wide awake.

“I thought it’d be a waste to spend my time here asleep,” he says with a soft chuckle. Oh, holy fuck it’s too early for this. You’re not mentally prepared for this kind of voice from him yet— low, almost a deep rumble, reminiscent of thunderstorms and clouds, only amplified by how he’s practically whispering into the core of your being through the phone. 

You pull your blanket down and roll over to the side to give your heart a chance to breathe.

“Yet you decide to call me at four in the morning instead of doing something more worthwhile,” you click your tongue, and you only hear Ricky laugh in response. “Are you planning on extending your trip? When’s your flight?”

“No, I’m leaving later. I still have to prepare for finals,” he replies. “Flight’s scheduled at 11 p.m.”

“Ah, that’s too bad,” you say. “I’m pulling an all-nighter at the library tonight. Deadline to catch. I don’t think I can see you at the airport this time.”

“That’s alright,” he hums. “Next time you can just come with me to Shanghai.”

You pause. Wait. Wait a minute. “Haha, yeah, it— it would be nice to visit your hometown with the rest of the guys, yes.” That’s what he probably meant. You probably meant all of you— many, plural— not just you and you alone. Haha. Of course.

But when Ricky takes a while to reply, you start to overthink, start nipping on the skin of your lip so hard that blood might draw.

“Yeah,” he says after an awkward beat. “With the rest of the guys. Yeah.”

You really need to hear Jiwoong’s voice of reason right now. Because all you’re hearing is the sound of your own heartbeat inside your ears like a hyperactive drum.

“Anyway, you must be tired. I should let you sleep now,” says Ricky after ruining all your chances of falling back asleep. You can’t. The best you can do is get up before the sun and go on with your busy day so as to not think about this conversation too much.

“You should be the one sleeping,” you manage to reply. “Don’t forget my sun cakes.”

“Mhm. G’night.”

Crazy. This man drives you fucking crazy.

You don’t return to sleep after that.

“Okay,” is Jiwoong’s expert opinion after telling him what happened later that same evening, having dinner with him at a McDonald’s near the city library. He’s put his kiddie meal on pause while you were telling him about Ricky Shen and his demonic antics at four in the morning. He’s got his elbows on the table, fingers interlocked, and staring at you with a look so serious he might as well be diagnosing you with a disease. “I think you’re right,” he continues. “Maybe he does like you.”

The shriek you let out is almost inhuman. 

Jiwoong’s lips quirk into a smile and he goes back to eating. “I told you! I told you I wasn’t overthinking things! My lip gloss purchase is justified!” you proclaim. Jiwoong tosses a fry into your mouth to sedate you, and it works for a few chews until you start yapping again. “But, god, now what? He’s returning later or tomorrow. I have no idea how to face him.”

Your phone vibrates a message. “Is it Ricky?” he asks in an attempt to tease you, but all your face does is turn sour upon reading the text. “No? Who is it?”

“Woong,” you say, setting your phone on the table. “Are you busy this evening?”

He furrows his brows. “I was planning on writing my paper. Why? Is there a problem?”

“Great. You can work with me at the library the whole night.”

When you slide your phone over across the table, Jiwoong understands. 

[jaeryeong: can i see you tonight? please? it wont take long. i just need to make things right]. 

“He’s a persistent fucking cockroach.”

You grunt, taking back your phone. “You should report him,” he says, and you’ve completely lost your appetite. “Screenshot his texts and block his number. I’ll accompany you to the station if you want to handle this legally.”

“No, it’s fine,” you scrunch your nose. He’s a wimp, according to his ex-friend Gyuvin, so you’re sure he isn’t gonna hurt you or anything. And your exams are coming up, so you don’t want to deal with processing this entire thing while you’re already academically burdened as is. “Be my bodyguard for the night. If he tries anything, I can just throw you at him and run away.”

Jiwoong doesn’t approve of your methods, but doesn’t argue anyway. After eating you both finally head to the library where you’ll be cooped up the entire night— tucked in the corner in your own respective cubicles. 

Your friend’s worry starts stirring whenever he sees you check your phone every hour or so. He pulls back the desk chair upon noticing the serious look on your face, turning over to your direction in concern. “Is Jaeryeong texting you?” he asks. “Did he follow you here? Should I call the police?”

“No,” you reply. “Ricky sent me a photo of him at the airport. He’s wearing ear muffs. He’s so cute. I can’t do this anymore.” 

Jiwoong’s face falls to an expression reminiscent of death and stops talking to you after that.

Well. You have been receiving texts from Jaeryeong, but you haven’t opened them in case he gets motivated by the fact you’ve read his messages. You still don’t know how he and Gyuvin ended up being friends, but then again, Gyuvin was friends with a group of delinquents in high school. He wasn’t part of the group. He just thought their vibe was cool.

“Hey.” 

It’s twenty minutes past twelve, Ricky is probably still on the airplane, and you haven’t eaten anything since your 6 p.m. dinner. You poke Jiwoong’s arm, to which he blatantly ignores. “I’m gonna get something from the vending machine. Keep ignoring me and I won’t buy you snacks.” He says nothing but follows you when you get up, and you sneer at the man following you with a silent tantrum. “Quit sulking,” you tell him as you punch the numbers for coffee on the machine. “You’re not cute enough for that.”

“I’m sorry for not being Ricky,” is the first thing he says to you after two hours of silence. “You’re wearing that scheming lip gloss again, but he’s not even here.” You frown. He laughs and takes your place in front of the vending machine by cordially bumping his ass into yours the moment your drink falls down the chute. “Your phone’s flashing by the way. I think Ricky’s calling.”

You look down, bringing up your phone, and sure enough calling ID “ouricky” is giving you a call. 

He’s calling. He is calling you.

Your eyes flash back up to Jiwoong, widened in surprise. 

Why is he calling you?

“Did he send a message in the group chat that he arrived?” you ask, suddenly panicking as the phone relentlessly vibrates in your hand. “He didn’t, right? Why would he call me first? What time is it? Wasn’t his flight just an hour ago?”

“For someone who’s been pretty confident that Ricky likes you back, you’re sure acting funny,” he hums, leaning against the vending machine and taking a sip from his cold brew while you’re having a mental breakdown. “Answer it. Go on.”

“‘I’m scared!” you exclaim. “What if instead of saying hello I end up blurting out that I’m in love with him and ask him if he feels the same way?!”

You take too long to make a move so the phone line gets cut off. But when Ricky calls again, Jiwoong wastes no time to snatch your phone from your hands, click answer, and put the damn thing on loudspeaker for the entire fucking world to hear. What the hell are you doing? your scrunched up face says to him. Doing you a favor, his arrogant eyebrows reply. You attempt to snatch your phone back, arms in a desperate move to retrieve to device—

“Hello?”

—but they freeze mid-air at the sound of Ricky’s voice blurring through the speaker.

Jiwoong grins. You slowly get your phone back and press it to your ear. “Yes. Hello. What’s up?” You give Jiwoong the nastiest glare you can muster, but flinch back the moment you hear Ricky’s voice again.

“Are you still at the library?” he asks.

“Yeah.” You elbow Jiwoong when he laughs at your sudden switch-up. “Why?”

“Come down.”

What?

“I’m outside.”

It’s almost stupid how your body starts moving on its own. 

The cold air bites your skin the moment you break past the doors, met by the dim sky and muted sight of the empty plaza square outside the library entryway. But it’s not completely empty— no. Ricky, who’s supposed to be still on the plane ride back to Seoul, is standing five feet away from you, eyes flickering up from his phone the moment you arrive, a slow, soft smile blooming on his face and cheeks.

You see the suitcase next to his feet. Jiwoong’s words echo in your head— maybe you’re right, he said, maybe he does like you. It’s not just a maybe anymore. It’s not just your mind making things up.

Ricky, who is supposed to be in the air halfway between Seoul and Shanghai, went straight from the airport to the city library just to see you.

You’re usually the one doing dumb things because of him. This time, it’s not you. 

It’s him.

“Hey, are you crazy? Did your flight schedule change?” You stomp towards him, closing the gap between the both of you with big strides and quick steps. “Why didn’t you update us? Jesus, you gave me a scare when you said you were here.”

Ricky’s only reply is a laugh, and your intent to scold him more gets stuck in your throat and you stumble a little when you abruptly halt right in front of his feet. You look at him, batting your eyes in an attempt to blink away the possible pink and hazy filter you’re seeing him with, but it doesn’t work. He is just this pretty. He is just this dreamy. He is just soft and soft and soft when his eyelashes flutter above his big, dark irises as he looks at you, when his stained hair frames his face a little too perfectly, when the corners of his lips lift ever the slightest to resemble a smile.

“That’s not how you usually greet me,” he says. “Aren’t you going to give me anything?”

Your heart stirs. “What?” Aren’t you supposed to be the one asking that? He promised to buy you a hundred sun cakes, and you’re pretty sure those won’t fit inside his one suitcase. “Oh. Oh, wait.” You pat around your pockets, only to realize you left all your candy in your bag back with Jiwoong. 

“Sorry,” you tell him, feeling a little guilty. “I was in a rush to get down. I wasn’t able to bring any with me.”

Instead of responding with disappointment, Ricky just hums and leans a little closer. “Really?” He suddenly nudges his face into yours, noses bumping, and your eyes widen in surprise. “But you do have something else.”

He’s close. His face is hovering a little too close to yours to be smiling cheekily unaffected like that. You can feel his warm breath on your lips and you’re starting to feel dizzy. 

“It smells sweet,” he says and you think— oh. He’s not good for your heart.

Maybe it’s because he’s officially driven you to the breaking point of being crazy, or maybe it’s because the cold has completely frozen all the sane parts of your brain, but the words you’d usually keep tucked between your thoughts and confidentiality suddenly come stumbling out of your mouth before you can stop yourself.

“Do you want to know if it tastes sweet too?”

You gasp after realizing what you just said. You look at Ricky with a face aghast with surprise, jumping back because holy fuck— why did you say that? Why? You’re crazy. You’re stupid. You bite down your bottom lip and taste the dull flavor strawberry mocking the tip of your tongue. You’re insane. You have officially lost it.

If you were Ricky, you’d probably call yourself crazy too, but he doesn’t do that.

Instead, he does something even crazier by taking your offer and pressing his lips against yours.

It doesn’t register that Ricky just kissed you until after the fact, and you’re staring at him with wide, blinking eyes, lips feeling fuzzy, head afloat beyond reach, and him— at an arm’s length away— eyes averted with pink strawberries dusting his cheeks, much like the color slightly glazing his lips, as if he wasn’t the one who just pulled your trigger.

He ran his mouth about taking responsibility the other day.

You’re going to show him responsibility with your mouth.

“S—sorry, that was too sudden, I just— mmph—!”

Two months of pining after him come crashing down the moment you pull him by the collar to finish what he started and god— his lips are softer than you thought, sweeter than you thought, and it’s not just the strawberry lip gloss smudged between your teeth and tongue, melting into what you can only describe as the best fucking kiss in your entire life.

Ricky pulls away to breathe. You chase after his lips once more in a short-winded daze, only to stumble into his chest and he catches you by cupping your face to press another kiss to your mouth. “Ah. This is bad,” he murmurs between barely parted lips. “I don’t think the candy is gonna cut it anymore.”

For a second there, you thought he was gonna say that you’re a bad kisser. 

“You should greet me like this from now on.”

YOU WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING VIA SUFFOCATION FROM THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AND A TEXT MESSAGE FROM A PESTERING RAT. Blurry eyes and barely conscious, you try to roll over on the bed but physically cannot with how Ricky is squeezing your torso with his arms, his nose buried against your nape as he curls up into you from behind. 

You cannot move. You try your darndest to wiggle an arm out because your phone is incessantly buzzing on his bedside table— the only thing from your belongings that you brought with you last night because your haul to the library was left behind with Jiwoong, who’s probably the one texting you right now for ditching him.

When you finally retrieve your phone however, it is not Jiwoong who’s texting you.

It’s Jaeryeong. Squinted eyes read [how could you replace me with a grey-haired twink???] and [don’t even dare try contacting me, bitch] and the first thing you feel is confusion. Then you remember that Jaeryeong is a freak and probably followed you to the library that night, and saw you making out with Ricky in front of a public educational building.

Well. At least that stopped him from bothering you again. The question now is whether or not you should tell Ricky about this. 

“I’m going to kill him.”

You do tell him, in between washing his hair in the bathroom to get the remnants of spray stains out of his hair because Jaeryeong’s comment pissed you off. “I’m gonna kill him the moment I see him,” says Ricky with a lovely towel wrap on his head. You’re looking at him through the mirror and the scary face he’s trying to put on is promptly negated by his spa-day look.

“Do you even know what he looks like?” you raise a brow, freeing him from the towel head to reveal a damp mop of light hair. You throw away the muddled towel and grab a fresh one to dry his head.

“I’ll ask Gyuvin,” he says, face covered by the towel, and you snort.

“I think we’ll have a problem with that. I was kind of hoping to keep this secret for now.”

Ricky suddenly throws his head back, causing the towel to fall to the floor and the top of his head bumps into your stomach. “Why?” he asks, upside down, big brown eyes staring right into your soul like a premeditated attack shooting you square in the chest. He can’t pull this move. That’s illegal. 

“Be—because Gyuvin is annoying and he won’t let me hear the end of it,” you manage to say. You’re not going to fold. You’re not going to give in. “You know how I turned down that blind date with you right?”

The mention of it prompts a frown to tug on the corners of his mouth and it’s the second onslaught against your heart. “Right,” he huffs, lifting his head up to turn around and face you, looking up with a displeased expression, yet his actions say all but displeasure when he tugs on the hem of your shirt, pulling you towards him so he can lock you in place with his arms around your waist.

“Quit pouting,” you tell him. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. You’re not sure if you’re gonna last a month with him being like this.

“Gyuvin said you thought I was ugly,” he says. “That’s why you said no to the date.” 

All the adoration you feel gets extinguished in an instant.

You have never heard a more blasphemous statement your entire life.

“I never said that!” you shriek. “That’s not true at all! I didn’t even know what you looked like until we met for that Hadong trip that day!”

Ricky winces at your sudden volume and you’re quick to simmer it down and apologize by hugging his head to your torso. “Oh god, I’m so sorry,” you say. “I turned down the date because your best friend has traumatized me with all the previous blind dates he’s tried setting up. Jaeryeong isn’t the only disaster I’ve experienced. Every single guy he’s set me up with has been trash, so I thought you’d be just like the rest too.”

Maybe this isn’t a conversation you should be having in the bathroom of his apartment, but you digress. Ricky unburies his head and looks up at you once more. “So, am I?”

Again. You’re going to fucking eat him one day. “No,” you cup his face. You’re perfect, you’re an angel.” Maybe if you’d given him and Gyuvin a shot that day, then maybe your first meeting wouldn’t have been as awkward— but either way, regardless of the situation, you’re pretty sure you’d still somehow eventually find yourself falling for this loser.

You lean down, ready to dip into a kiss, only to hear an alarming noise outside the bathroom door.

“Ricky! Why didn’t you tell us you were back?!”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

You’re pretty happy that Ricky is quick to listen to your request because he immediately scrambles to his feet and tells you to stay inside the bathroom for the time being. “Hey, he’s not in his room,” you hear Gyuvin’s voice from outside, followed by Yujin suspecting that Jiwoong lied to them, followed by Gunwook saying that Ricky is definitely around, evidenced by his unmade bed and half-unpacked suitcase. 

“I—I think I’d have to lock the door,” he mumbles to you, holding the doorknob and ready to leave. “What if they suddenly barge in?”

“It’s okay. You should go out before they actually barge in while we’re both still in here.” 

Cue heavy knocks against the bathroom door. “Ricky! Are you in there?” Ricky grumbles out a swear and quickly slips out of the bathroom, a click on the knob, and you’re officially locked inside your boyfriend’s bathroom within the first twenty four hours of dating him.

Now, this is just great.

You have the privilege of eavesdropping into their reunion through the muffled audio on the other side of the door. “Who were you talking to?” you hear Gunwook ask.

“My...myself…” Ricky answers, and you feel excessively sorry for him so you decide to repent by cleaning up his bathroom. The problem is, even after you’ve finished cleaning, you’re still stuck inside because for some fucking reason, those three have no intentions of leaving.

“Hey, should we order some food?”

“Oh! Sounds good!”

“Let’s watch a movie, I’m bored.”

[ouricky: i’m so sorry they just won’t leave 😭]

You slump to the floor, back sliding down the shower glass. Maybe...maybe this is your karma for turning him down the first time and asking him to hide your relationship. Honestly, you should have known it wouldn’t be easy to keep things hidden from seven pairs of eyes (Jiwoong knows and has sworn secrecy in exchange of being his research lackey). It’s especially difficult considering you’re chronically touch-starved and must always have Ricky Shen around you to hold. So when you have another barbecue dinner at Mattew’s the weekend before your finals, and when Ricky— out of a newly formed habit— tries to greet you with a kiss on the face right in front of his fucking friends, you panic and end up shoving the poor boy, causing him to kiss the floor instead.

Your mouth is wide open. “Oh. Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Hanbin and Hao hear the very distinct thunk and start questioning.

“Why...is he on the ground?” Hao looks down to see Ricky’s half-alarmed, half-confused face as he half-lifts his body off from the floor. Your face is burning. Oh god.

“He’s repenting,” you say through your teeth.

Ricky tries blinking away the shock.“...Yes...I made a mistake.”

You’re going to lock away your strawberry lip gloss from now on. It’s too hazardous. Hanbin tells you that “friends should get along” and asks you to help him set the table, leaving behind Ricky who’s being pulled back to his feet by Hao. When you see Jiwoong, who saw the whole thing, at the table looking at you with an insufferable look on his face, you flip him off.

“Are you in a bad mood today?” asks Hanbin as he passes you a stack of paper plates. “You keep butting heads with the boys.”

You’re speechless. You can’t even defend yourself if you wanted to so you resign to mumbling out a bitter apology and equally bitterly start arranging the plates on the table, much to Jiwoong’s pure and raw amusement.

When you guys start eating, you even make sure not to sit next to him. You are instead sitting next to Gyuvin, and Ricky is sitting in front of him. They’re both bickering over something again— chopstick-fighting against each other over the table while you half-listen to Matthew who’s sitting on your other side, complaining about Prof Shin and her impossible exam coverage as you clean off your plate.

“You took her class last year, right? Which lessons did she focus on?” he asks.

“Review the most recent ones. I think she just took five or six questions from the earlier lessons,” you reply, grabbing a slice of the gyukatsu you bought and heated up as a potluck, and absentmindedly place said slice on Ricky’s plate.

It gets quieter all of a sudden.

Ricky, Gyuvin, and Matthew are all looking at you— one more alarmed than the rest, and the realization drains all the blood out of your face.

“Yujin, you should try this too!” you try to play it off, placing another piece of gyukatsu on Yujin’s plate, who’s sitting right in front of you. And for good measure you do the same to all of the plates within your arms reach, all while swallowing down the desire to bury yourself into a hole, never to emerge ever again.

“Whoa, thanks.” 

This whole secret relationship thing is harder than you thought, and Ricky is very visibly sulking that you’re giving away his current favorite dish to just about anyone. Looks like you have a grown man that needs to be coaxed back into affection tonight.

Jiwoong tells you that you should just come clean and stop making it harder for yourself. You firmly refuse because even though you are having a lot of trouble and even though you definitely want to kiss Ricky and his pretty face without the fear of getting walked in on by his friends who don’t know the concept of privacy, this set-up is still better than the bane of your existence, Kim Gyuvin, making fun of you until the day you die.

The said bane of your existence treats you all out to another dinner because he finally got his grade for his community development project. He says you have no choice but to come since you’re the reason he got an A.

It’s an easy dinner. You and Ricky even agreed to arrive at separate times with him tagging along with his hyungs, and you chaperoning the children while waiting for the rest of their arrival at the chinese restaurant. The problem comes when they arrive. Specifically, when Ricky arrives because for some god damned, unplanned reason, he arrives wearing the same distinctly floral-patterned short-sleeved button down you’re wearing.

“Oh.”

He doesn’t even fucking wear florals. Why did he decide to switch up today?

Never had you thought that the day would come where you’d be begging to bring back toxic masculinity, but here you are— mouth agape, aghast, and awkwardly standing from your seat at the round table because the shirts are way too obvious to be left unnoticed. 

“Take it off,” you immediately demand. “This is absurd. Take it off and quit copying me.”

“Wow, are you two couple-shirting?” Taerae’s comment stirs a faint blush on Ricky’s cheeks. Why is this idiot blushing? 

“I’m sorry to inform you, but Rik wears it better,” says Gyuvin.

You’re thankful that the same-shirt fiasco ended there. You try to ignore Ricky throughout dinner, but god damn it, Gyuvin is right— that shirt does look pretty damn fine tucked into his slacks and framing his broad shoulders like that and it’s making you angry.

Ricky catches you checking him out from across the table and you catch him subtly smirking. Oh, what a psycho. You’re not letting him off.

“I’m going out for a bit,” you announce, standing up quite loudly with how your chair scrapes against the floor. “Need fresh air. Be back in a bit.” Thankfully, they don’t stop you when you retreat to the cluster of grass and trees and plants tucked in one corner of the outside parking lot of the restaurant. When you take out your phone and prepare to send a message, the person you intended to message has already walked into your field of vision.

Ricky leaves the restaurant not long after you did, looking around the lot until his eyes land on your little corner, a sparkle in his eyes, and he jogs his way right over to you. 

“Ah. Not today.“ 

You hold up a hand in front of your face and Ricky’s nose bumps into your palm when he leans in to get a bite of your lips. 

He scrunches his face, wincing backward, confused. “You have wronged me tonight, Mr. Shim,” you say, dropping down your hand to complete your cross-armed display of beration. “You should reflect on your actions before trying anything funny.” All Ricky does is blink at you with those pretty brown eyes and no— you’re not going to give in. You’re biting down your tongue very hard so you don’t get swayed by those dangerous weapons (said pair of pretty brown eyes).

Ricky takes a step closer, or maybe he tugs you closer to him because you suddenly feel a pull on the belt loops of your trousers, face hovering just a few inches away from yours, pressing his lips together into a pout as he tries to get you to give in to his whims, but you are immovable. You are a mountain. You are this close to squeezing your eyes shut because he’s making it very hard for you right now to not kiss his stupid face.

When that doesn’t work, he resorts to his other weapon. That is, being sickeningly shameless.

“I didn’t mean to wear the same shirt as you,” he says, voice low. “Should I take it off?”

That’s it.

You hit his chest with a closed fist. “Ow!” Then you use the same hand to grab a fistful of that darned shirt and slam your lips against his because who are you kidding? You are not god’s strongest soldier. If Ricky bats his eyes at you and tells you to jump off a cliff, you might just do it.

When you hear him grunt into your mouth— something snaps. You pull him in deeper, other hand fixed on the back of his neck, the taste of strawberries mixing with spit and short breaths and the only time you’re letting him off is when you get lightheaded from the lack of fucking oxygen.

You pull back with a gasp. Ricky is flushed scarlet and his eyes are out of focus. “Wow, um. Uh.” You wipe off the smudged lip gloss from the edges of his mouth. He looks like he’s about to pass out.

“You two are so fucking disgusting.”

The sudden sound of Taerae’s voice feels like a bullet to the head.

Your face freezes. Your neck creaks, turning to the right, and you see Taerae standing a few feet away from you two, arms crossed with a face wound up in revulsion and sheer judgment and now you feel like the one passing out. You feel five years of your life getting scraped off against a sandpaper bed in real time. You want to fucking die. “H—hyung,” you hear Ricky say. “What—what are you doing here?”

“The guys are wondering where you two went, so I went out to check,” Taerae simply says, scrunching his nose before continuing. “I really did not need to see that.”

You feel the heat running up to your forehead. Oh god. Maybe you should’ve learned your lesson the first time you got caught making out with him in public. “I—” you start, a single syllable falling out of your throat before your mouth completely dries up. What are you even supposed to say in this situation? How do you explain to Taerae that this is not what it looks like— even thought this is exactly what it looks like?

“It’s alright. You don’t have to explain. I knew all this time that you two have a thing.”

“Haha.” You’re sweating. You’re sweating so bad. You feel Ricky squeezing your sweaty hand. God, you’re totally screwed. “What are you talking about, Tae?”

“I heard your conversation in the car on our trip to Hadong like two months ago.” 

Well, shit.

“I woke up when Ricky nearly killed us all on the road. You two are the most unsubtle people I’ve ever met. Quit looking surprised. Do I have to mention the way you eyefuck him whenever you’re in the same space? Girl, you’re not fooling anyone.”

You peer at Ricky and he looks a little too happy to hear that. You’re dizzy, you’re nauseous, and you want to sew Taerae’s mouth shut right now. “Does…does anyone else know?” you ask, scared, and you tug Ricky out of your unhelpful corner and start heading back to the restaurant before someone else comes out to look for you.

“Well. I’m not so sure. They’ve never brought it up when you two aren’t around so I don’t think so,” Taerae replies, and you let out a sigh of relief. “I think Gunwook is onto you, but Gyuvin for sure doesn’t know.”

“Oh, thank god.”

Taerae raises a brow. “Why are you even keeping it from him? It’s not like he’s gonna disapprove or get mad. In fact, it’ll be his dream come true since he’s been trying to sell Ricky off since last year.”

The restaurant’s lights get brighter as you walk towards it. “I’m not hiding it because I’m scared he’ll get upset. I’m hiding it because he’s gonna rub it all in my fucking face and I have way too much pride to deal with that, thank you very much.” Ricky laughs. You shoot him a dirty look.

“Okay. I get it,” says Taerae. “You’re not a normal person either. No wonder you get along with everyone.”

“Hyung, that includes you too.”

“I know,” he huffs. You’re in front of the restaurant entrance now, and you make sure to wedge Taerae between you and Ricky for an extra safety layer. “I don’t think doing that is going to help, but whatever. This is none of my business, so you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone that you and Ricky are dating—”

“You and Ricky are dating?!”

Well, shit.

Maybe you’ve been out for too long. Because there’s suddenly seven people right in front of the restaurant doors, probably on their way to look for you, only for you to come walking back and getting absolutely fucked in the ass in the process.

Gyuvin was the one who made the very astute observation. His eyes are wide and his mouth is hanging open in disbelief. You shoot Taerae a look. He presses his lips together and feigns innocence. “Oh. What are you all doing out here?” he says. So much for not telling anybody.

“You!” Gyuvin ignores him to point an accusatory finger at you— “and you!” —doing the same with Ricky as the shock completely penetrates his facial muscles. You swallow, eyes flitting over at Ricky and the both of you share the same guilty look. “What do you mean you’re dating? What?! How?! Since when?!”

Gyuvin throwing a fit aside, what bothers you more is how completely unfazed the other six are— even Yujin. What the hell? Jiwoong is given. He looks like he’s having the time of his life. But why the hell is Matthew looking at Gyuvin like he’s about to laugh? “C’mon, man. They’ve been together since the first barbecue dinner obviously. How could you not notice?” he says, and now you’re just as alarmed as Gyuvin is.

“Seriously?!” your poor friend looks betrayed, but you’re in a state no better than him because what the fuck is Matthew saying? He’s way off the mark but have you seriously been this fucking transparent all this time?

“I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure they started dating when we went to the resort,” inserts Hanbin, and you’re absolutely at a loss. “The phone call, disappearing off together like tonight— the hotel room. I’m surprised you didn’t catch on, Gyu.” Hao agrees. Yujin nods and says “why else would you spend three hours just getting ready for a lame event,” and you want to melt into the ground.

You can’t do this anymore. You want to go home.

“No!” Gunwook butts in, refusing to be left out. “They’ve been together since that one night at Gyuvin hyung’s apartment! I bought noona a pack of candy for her cough and Rick immediately got jealous. They even showed up together. I’m telling you. They’ve been together for longer than you all think.”

At this point, you have no idea how to diffuse this situation. They’re all arguing about when or how you and Ricky got together. Jiwoong is laughing his fucking ass off. Taerae is trying his best to act like he’s had no part in this. Gyuvin looks like you’ve just twisted a knife into his back. 

“Can...can I say something?”

It’s Ricky who speaks up and puts everything to a halt. They all look at him. You look at him. He clears his throat, slipping past Taerae so he can reclaim his rightful spot next to you, and makes your face flush a thousand degrees when he shyly hooks his pinky finger around yours and says, “You’re all wrong,” he says softly. “It’s only been sixteen days and twenty hours.” 

Oh.

It’s quiet. You can’t look at him. You have your face turned down in a heated embarrassment. You physically cannot look at him and everyone else and the fact that none of them are saying anything is making things all the more worse.

Kill me. Just kill me now.

“Hyung, you’re so lame,” Yujin breaks the silence of dread. And just like that, they go on as if nothing just happened.

“Hey, did we split the bill?”

“Oh, Gyuvin paid for it all.”

“I’m riding in Bin hyung’s car!”

“Thanks for the meal! You three get home safe!”

You’re in a daze. These fuckers just gossiped about your ass and called it a day. 

You’re not sure if you should be relieved or offended that they didn’t dwell any more on the topic of your relationship. They leave you behind with Gyuvin and Ricky, who’s legally obligated to drive you both home, and it’s so eerily quiet that you want to die. “I’ll—I’ll sit in the back,” you say, oddly reminiscent of your first meeting with Ricky, and Gyuvin simply sits in front without speaking a word to you. You fear he might actually be upset that you didn’t tell him.

Oh no. You make eye contact with Ricky through the rearview mirror as he starts driving. Do something. What should I do? I don’t know! I don’t know what to do either! and you cut your conversation short the moment you hear Gyuvin scratching his throat clear, and you jolt and straighten yourself in your seat like a guilty convict on the way to the station.

You end up not doing or saying anything until you finally reach your apartment. Ricky attempts to get out of the car to walk you to your door, but you stop him with one look because you feel bad enough as is to leave Gyuvin in the car alone. “Thanks. You two get home safe,” you say before shutting the door. The moment you close it, however, the passenger door clicks open in its place.

“Hold on.” 

Gyuvin is out of the car, and you stop in your tracks to turn around and face him, pressing down your lips together because god, you feel so fucking bad. He should be making fun of you right now, not looking all serious! He should be gloating and rubbing it in your face that you should’ve just taken his offer!

He’s got his arms crossed and looks disappointed. You see Ricky peeking out from the rolled down window in concern, ready to step in in case things get ugly. “I knew you’d be into him,” Gyuvin finally says. “I told you, he’d be different.”

Wait. Wait a minute.

Suddenly, he’s grinning again. A stupid fucking devious grin and you feel your soul escaping from your body. “Did I scare you?” 

Oh no. You’re not dealing with this shit, you’re absolutely not dealing with this shit at all.

“I’m going inside. Good night.”

“You should’ve just taken my offer the first time!”

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up.”

“And you should’ve told me you changed your mind. Maybe if you did, you wouldn’t have had to wait for two months before you started dating him—”

“I’m not listening, I’m not listening!”

“This is what you get for not trusting me!”

“Leave me alone!” you shriek, stomping up to your building entrance while Gyuvin happily chases you down, and you struggle to press the right numbers on the keypad so you hiss out a swear. 

“No way. This is too good. I’m telling your mom about this,” he grins. You want to cry. “Oh, and I can take the bus from here. Ricky, come out of hiding and help your girlfriend get inside her building! She looks like she’s having trouble opening the door.”

It’s almost ridiculous how the urge to throw yourself onto Ricky overtakes you the moment he shows up, but you’re not giving Gyuvin another reason to make fun of you until the day you die. You tell Gyuvin to fuck off and he tells you to not have too much fun before finally going away. You’re tired. You’re absolutely tired, and you let out a groan into Ricky’s chest and let yourself sink into his warmth the moment you’re sure Gyuvin has left the premises. 

“It’s open,” he says, prompting you to get inside but you don’t budge.

“Your friend is annoying,” you muffle into his shirt— the damned floral shirt that started tonight’s cataclystic mess. 

“He’s your friend too.” You let out a grunt. Ricky soothes circles on your back and lets you throw your silent tantrum a little longer. “Gyuvin is right though. You should’ve just said yes the first time— ow!”

Ricky’s appalled confusion when you land a hit on his chest almost makes you feel a little better. The problem is, you did the same thing earlier and pulled him into a scandalous kiss immediately after, so he’s once again staring down at your lips like he’s waiting for it. Holy shit. Your psych class didn’t warn you about this. This is a little insane.

Your powers are too strong. The power of strawberries is too strong. But you’re not thinking straight right now, emotions at a high after the events that unfolded— so you don’t think and give him exactly what he wants, ending the night with the sweet taste of tart, and another breathless exhale brushing over his now swollen lips. “I think I’ve brainwashed you,” you say in between bated breaths. “Maybe it’s not me you like. Maybe it’s the candy and the strawberries. You should cut off on the sweets.”

“That’s not true,” he grunts, pressing in another kiss, pulling away with his teeth grazing your bottom lip with a tug. “I liked you from when Gyuvin told me about you. I like you. I like this.”

Well, that’s one way to drive a woman mad. Gyuvin was right. Maybe you should’ve taken that first chance when you had it, but it doesn’t really matter anymore because either way— you’re certain that the outcome would be the same.

“Oh, what the fuck? Gyuvin just texted.” The door is still still left hanging open, and you’re still pressed up against him when you look down to check your phone. “That son of a bitch— he sent a photo of us just now to the group chat. Is he still here?”

“Leave it.” 

Ricky pulls you back when you turn and try to look for the nosy bastard who’s probably snooping around. He tips up your chin. “One more,” he says, leaning in for yet another kiss as if your lips are the candies you always give him in bulk, like he can’t function without it anymore. 

“You’re getting greedy,” you say.

“You keep spoiling me,” he mumbles, feeling his lips graze over yours for the nth time. “You make me lose control of myself.”

Whether you met him earlier or later, you’re pretty sure you’d still end up falling horrendously for Ricky Shen. And you’d still end up doing all the same dumb things you did just to get to kiss him like this over and over again.

the psychology of strawberries. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

[youthinluv]

Gyuvin FF? Maybe a holiday fanfic of baking cookies together but in the end covered in flour and frosting? 😂

baking with gyuvin !

pairing ; kim gyuvin x gn!reader

wc ; 248

genre ; fluff, christmas/holiday theme, established relationship

warnings ; food

a/n ; omg my first ask ⁉️ i'm keeping this as a drabble bc i'm p unmotivated rn, which is also kinda why this took a while. writers block is so 😓 enjoy tho !!!

To put it simply, the kitchen was in the messiest you've ever seen, and it didn't help you knowing that it was Gyuvin's family's kitchen.

"Gyu, stop that!" you exclaim, clicking your tongue as you caught him gathering a handful of flour in his fist, ready to launch at you.

He pouts, lowering said fist and looking down.

You two were supposed to bake cookies, mainly for Gyuvin's younger siblings. However...

Gyuvin was clumsily handling the ingredients the entire time, from having flour fall out while sifting it, to tipping over the frosting bowl.

It eventually ended up being messy because he started playing with the ingredients, getting them on you.

As a result, after play fighting and throwing as much powdered ingredients as you could on him, the kitchen counters were covered in them... as well as your faces.

"I'm sorry." Gyuvin says cutely, and you already know full well he wasn't serious. You could only side eye him.

Gyuvin scoops a small amount of frosting and smears it on the corner of your mouth.

As you reach up to wipe it, about to give him an earful, he leans in, and places a kiss on the same spot he smeared frosting on.

He pulls back with a cocky grin.

"Smooth, but I still hate you, you know." you try to play it off, avoiding his gaze and moving to clean up.

"Really? If I were you, I wouldn't say that seeing how red your ears are."

[youthinluv]

PROMISE ME…!

“when you don’t tell your boyfriend you’re sick and still perform!”

pairing: idol!bf!ricky x gn!idol!reader

genre: fluff, tiny angst (?)

warning: mention of headaches, blurry vision, nausea and similar symptoms, softie bf!ricky, that’s it i think?

notes: ty to nonnie for requesting this!! i got a little carried away but i got into a pretty good flow writing it so i hope you enjoy 🥹🫶🏻 also!! this is my first time writing idol!reader so i hope it feels somewhat realistic…? as realistic as it can be i guess 😵‍💫

word count: 1.8k (😵‍💫 how and why…)

five, six, seven, eight.

five, six, seven, eight.

five, six, seven—

“y/n, are you okay?” the voice of your leader rips you out of your trance, your tired eyes meeting in the mirror. you nod and put on a bright, although fake smile in hopes of being reassuring, though you’re not sure you were being all too convincing — either way, none of your members pry, because they understand. they understand the need to push through, especially now with all these end of the year award shows happening; you simply can’t afford to be sick, to fall behind and to be absent from such huge events. so, you decide to push through the dizziness, nausea and pain. you’ll take some medication later, it’ll be fine. (at least that’s what you’re telling yourself when you catch yourself stumbling from the dizziness when you get ready to practice your solo entrance.) even though there is a silent understanding between you and your members, there still is one person you know you won’t be able to convince, no matter how hard you’ll try — your boyfriend and professional overthinker in regards to your well-being, ricky.

it’s quite cute, the juxtaposition of his public image and the way he tends to worry. did you eat? does your throat hurt from vocal practice? did you trip during dance practice again? (a question that’s especially annoying considering you told him about tripping once, roughly six months ago. he refuses to let it go.) he sends you teas and throat sprays to make sure your voice is taken care of, secretly checks the soles of your shoes to make sure they aren’t getting slippery, somehow manages to pack you little snacks you can munch on when you haven’t eaten anything before practice again. he’s very rarely stern, much too soft-spoken and gentle towards you to speak to you in a more serious manner when he’s worried, so he shows his care and love through these things — which makes you feel all the more guilty when you straight up have to lie to him when he asks if practice is going fine, if you’re feeling well, and letting you know how excited he (along with gyuvin, he mentions) is to see you perform in person up close.

you try your hardest to get better before the performance, you really do. well, as much as you can between hours and hours of practice and barely any sleep, at least. all your efforts seem to be in vain, though, because the day of the performance seems to be the worst day yet — if you had a choice, you would bury yourself under every blanket available and not leave your bed for at least a week, that’s how awful you feel when you and your members are picked up from your dorm during the wee hours of the morning.

unfortunately, the little perfectionistic gremlin that lives at the back of your mind refuses to let all these weeks of practice go to waste, so you muster up a brave smile through your shaking pupils and tell your worrying members that you have everything under control — you’ll smash this performance just like all the other ones, even if you have to do it while being a little dizzy. it’s no big deal, you’re a professional after all.

your stylists is making some last minute adjustments to your outfits when a gentle knock sounds through the room, a very familiar blonde head of hair popping in. you rush over to ricky, his arms snaking around you immediately. “hey, handsome,” you mutter as you observe his face, a small grin playing on his lips. “you’re not looking to bad yourself, hm?” his voice is smooth as he brushes some of your hair out of your face, careful to not interfere with your hairstylist’s hard work. you’re thrown off your balance a little when another dizziness spell hits you out of nowhere, the look on ricky’s face immediately morphing into one of concern, “are you okay?”

you muster up a smile and just nod, eyes blinking rapidly to dispel the black dots bouncing around in your vision, “yeah, i’m just a little nervous,” you reach up to adjust his collar to avoid meeting his worried eyes, “i’m fine. just freaking out a little, that’s all.” you can tell ricky doesn’t entirely believe you, but he trusts that you would come to him if there was something wrong — so he reluctantly lets the subject go. he steals a quick kiss to your lips, whispering a “good luck, i love you.” before he turns to leave to make any last preparations for his own performance.

your first wave of regret overcomes you when you stand ready beneath the stage, you and your members getting into position to perform the intro to your performance. your head feels like it’s about to split and your hands are shaky, but it’s too late to turn back now — as queen sunmi once said, the show must go on.

your second wave of regret comes when you’re actually on stage, all the lights, the music, the screams and your in-ear monitor feeling less like the dream you’ve worked so hard to achieve and more like your own personal hell. your group having your own amazing entrance with one of the stage elevators excited you at first; unfortunately, right now you’re preoccupied with managing your expressions to make sure you won’t let any irritation or discomfort slip.

your third and final wave of regret comes when you stand in the middle of the stage in this massive venue, tens of thousands of eyes on you as you start to perform your solo part of the song — your head is pounding and you can barely hear your own voice through your in-ears anymore, your steps are shaky and imprecise, your vision is blurry. you manage to push through, somehow, but it’s clear in the way your chest is heaving once the lights go out that you’re not well.

the atmosphere is very much tense in the part of the audience where your fellow idols sit, all of them having to cover their very obvious concern with faux excitement — you pulled it off well enough, but it’s clear to every single one of them that you’re sick and that you probably should not have performed. ricky especially has to keep his expressions in check, because the mix of worry and concern but also frustration and maybe a little anger is raging heavily inside him right now.

the worry and concern are obvious, the last thing he wants to see is you being sick, much less performing in that state. the frustration is bubbling inside him because he knows that you know better, that even the chance of you hurting yourself even worse by performing while sick is enough reason to sit out one performance. the anger is entirely directed at your staff and maybe some of your members, your leader at least — they must’ve seen that you were unwell, no? and they still let you on stage? is that not what managers and leaders are for, to take matters into their own hands and to know what’s best for their members? it all comes to a head when your members join the other idols in the audience while you’re nowhere in sight.

ricky is getting restless, his hands sprawling against his dress pants, occasionally pinching the fabric to keep his mind occupied. gyuvin and matthew both gave him little reassuring pats on his back but neither did much to comfort him, his mind entirely preoccupied with worrying about you and counting down the minutes to when he will finally be able to check up on you backstage.

it’s about an hour later when the award show is finally over, and for once ricky is the first one to rush backstage, a little ahead of all of his members. he swerves past staff and security and doesn’t even bother knocking on your group’s dressing room, ripping the door open to find your shocked but still very exhausted eyes staring up at him in surprise, “ricky?”

he’s in front of you in the blink of an eye, squatting down to meet you eye-to-eye, his hands gently cradling your face, “are you okay? for real, this time?” his brows are furrowed and you feel a little bad for thinking that he looks pretty handsome all serious like this. you nod sheepishly, apology ready to spill from your lips when he squishes your cheeks together to silence you, “shhh, you listen to me. never do that again, okay? do you know how scary that was, watching you perform like that? what if something had happened, you know you could’ve—,” he stumbles over his words a little, clearly worked up, “i don’t know, fallen off stage or something. you could’ve fainted! or you could’ve broken something or— i don’t know, just, promise me, don’t do that again.” ricky’s once so stern voice turns soft towards the end again, never really able to keep up his serious tone for long, especially towards you.

“‘m sorry, just didn’t want to let anyone down,” you mumble, leaning into his touch. his cold hands on your face feel incredibly nice, a stark contrast to your feverish face. he sighs and one of his hands comes up to brush your hair away from your face, his hand stroking your head softly, “i know, but still. don’t do stuff like that, okay? talk to someone when you’re not feeling well. your managers, your members, me — there’s so many people you can go to, okay? anyone, as long as you tell someone,” you nod along to him, and maybe it’s the guilt of making him worry so much or the fact that you’re overwhelmed from the amount of affection coming from him while you’re still a little delirious, but you feel like you need to lighten the atmosphere with a little joke.

“even gyuvin?” the gentle expression on his face falls almost immediately, replaced by a very unimpressed stare. you break out into quiet giggles, muttering a “sorry” before pressing a kiss to his cheek. ricky grumbles a little before getting back up, running his hand through your hair gently one last time. “i have to go back now but i’m ordering you some soup to your dorm later. you’re on bedrest for the next few days, you hear me?” he tries to sound stern again and puts on his best serious face, but his façade is broken when you smile up at him so tiredly, the exhaustion clear on your face.

“thank you, i love you,” you call after him when he turns to leave, ricky sending you a flying kiss before leaving the room, “love you too.”

(your fourth wave of regret came when you realised ricky formed an alliance with your members, all of them exchanging “y/n intel” to make sure all of them can keep an eye on you while you’re recovering.)

[youthinluv]

the psychology of strawberries — [preview].

SYNOPSIS. besides being your friend, kim gyuvin also holds the existence of being the worst matchmaker in history. the last guy he set you up with ended with a permanent ban from the arcade. the one before that caused you to file a restraining order. which is why when he tries to set you up one last time with his best friend, you understandably shut him down.

the problem is— why the fuck didn’t gyuvin tell you that his best friend is actually the prettiest man in the world? the most charming idiot to have graced your mortal existence? maybe if he did, you wouldn’t have to resort to pavlovian tactics and strawberries just to bag him. if he did, then you wouldn’t have to hide the fact that you’re kind of balls-deep in love with his friend.

PAIRING. shen quanrui x female! reader. GENRE. college! au, (anti) matchmaking! au, strangers to friends to lovers, eventual secret relationship. romance, humor, fluff, older! reader, black haired ricky jumpscare later in the fic, this is just lovelicky propaganda. sue me. WARNINGS. swearing, explicit language, mentions of sex, an almost car crash, stalking (not from any of the mcs), erratic and embarrasing behavior (mostly from our mc), may add more as i continue. WORD COUNT. preview: 1.6k | full fic: 15-17k.

RELEASE DATE. within december. TAGLIST. send me an ask/dm/reply to be added.

NOTE. this is an amalgamation of a number ricky drabble ideas, stitched together into one cohesive mess. yes, i know i've been releasing too many fic previews. yes, you have doubts about me finishing them all. but will release all three fics within this month even if it kills me. enjoy this preview of mc losing her mind over ricky shen (that's how the rest of this fic will also go).

preview under the cut.

“Morning.”

Gyuvin greets you with a yawn and a heavy ruffle on the top of your head, to which you respond with a side kick to his ass when he walks past you. “You’re late,” you scold him, and though you want to continue berating your dear friend, two more familiar-looking people emerge from his building’s entrance. 

“Oh, this is Taerae and Matthew,” Gyuvin informs you offhandedly. The two give you a mix of polite nods and smiles. You sort of know Taerae because you shared a class with him last semester. Matthew is just the guy you see at the campus coffee shop at least once a week. “They’re going to be my survey assistants. More people means more ground to cover at once.”

“How’d he scam you two into agreeing?” you ask.

“He’s buying me lunch for a week,” Taerae replies.

“I just wanted to go on a road trip,” Mathew says in a tone too bright for five in the morning. 

You let out a huff of air. Your backpack is getting a little heavy on your shoulders, and all you want is to finally reclaim your lost weekend. Meaning, getting on the road as soon as possibly is priority number one. “So, are we commuting?” you ask. “We should get going then.”

“Oh, no,” Gyuvin replies. He’s already noticed your impatience, and has found himself standing behind you, taking your bag off of your bag so that you don’t snap at him for the next statement he’s about to say. “Actually, we’re waiting for one more per—”

A car horn cuts him off. 

“Well, nevermind. He’s here.”

At that moment, a way too expensive looking car drives up to the porch of Gyuvin’s college-level priced apartment building. This is looking way too out of place. Matthew lets out a whistle when the car stops in front of you. “This kid just got his license exchange and the first thing he does is show off,” Taerae snorts. What...what does he mean? Is this your ride? Is this the (at least seventy-thousand-dollar) vehicle that’ll be driving you all the way to the outskirts of Hadong County? 

The variables don’t click, but your surprise doesn’t end there. Because the person that emerges from the expensive looking ass car’s driver’s seat is— by far— the prettiest person you’ve ever seen in your twenty-one years of life.

Whoa.

Not even those thick, dark shades can obscure that god-sculpted looking face. They only make his nose bridge look even sharper, and you’re trying your damn best not to stare at those full and cherry-painted lips. Holy shit. Platinum blonde has always looked tacky to you, but now you have to re-evaluate. Oh my god. Kim Gyuvin has a friend that looks like this, and all he’s done is set you up with guys that can’t even fucking compare.

Walking statue of a man closes the car door behind him with a click. “Get in,” he says. Holy mother of god, you’re light-headed. Your brain is fuzzy. You’re about to pass out. 

“Ricky! You’re late! How dare you keep the madam waiting?!” 

Things start happening a little too quickly.

Wait a second—

“Shotgun!” 

That name.

“Fuck off! Let’s play for the seat!” 

Sounds Very.

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Rock, paper, scissors—”

Very—

“Paper, scissors— shoot!”

—familiar.

“Dammit,” Matthew grumbles in defeat, joining Taerae in the backseat. You stare at the fist you have held out since earlier. Rock. Rick. Ricky. This guy’s name is Ricky. Isn’t that also the name of Gyuvin’s best friend? The best friend he was trying to set you up with? This is Ricky? This absolute god of a fucking man who’s looking at you with an ounce of confusion, still holding your fist up after somehow winning all rounds of rock, paper, scissors with nothing but a rock, is the Ricky you turned down a date with?

You were correct to assume that his name gives off fuckboy vibes. The problem is, he looks like a really, really hot fuckboy who you don’t mind ruining your life in exchange for three months of fun. Shit. You think you just made eye contact with him through his thick-ass sunglasses. He nods a little with a small, awkward smile before disappearing back into the driver’s seat. 

Fuck. He knows. He definitely knows you wrongfully rejected his ass without even meeting him. Gyuvin, that snitching son of a bitch.

“Hey.”

With a heavy grip on his shoulder, you stop the said snitching son of a bitch before he can escape into the backseat. “What?” Gyuvin raises a brow. The audacity of this guy.

“What was your best friend’s name again?”

“Ricky Shen. Shen Quanrui. Shim Cheonye. Pick one.”

“Is that...the same…?”

“Yes, that guy is Ricky.” There’s an impatient honk from the car. You pay no mind, more concerned about the absolute fucking catch you totally drove away, and that regret is seeping through you expression, failing to wiggle out from Gyuvin’s notice. “Why do you ask?” Are you regretting turning down my offer last week? his face seems to say. You want to hit him. Yes, you are fucking regretting it, but there’s no way in hell you’re giving him the satisfaction of knowing.

“It’s just a little awkward,” you say. “Can you switch with me?”

“Matt hyung’s gonna throw a fit if I take your seat,” he simply hums, opening the door to the front seat on your behalf with a courteous bow that drives you further into annoyance. “Now hop in. We’re already behind schedule.”

You’re the bigger person here so you decide against throwing a tantrum. Begrudgingly, you enter the passenger’s seat, trying to ignore aphrodite’s reincarnation sitting right next to you, and prepare yourself for the three-hour drive or torture because you totally screwed over your chance of having him.

“Woohoo! Road trip!”

“We’re here for my project, idiot.”

“Please tone it down, I’m trying to sleep.”

It’s fine, you cross your arms, wiggling uncomfortably on the soft seat. It’s totally fine. None of Gyuvin’s friends have been decent so far. Yes. You shouldn’t judge positively too quickly. Maybe the only thing this one has going for him is his face. Maybe his personality is just as shitty as the last ones and you’ve completely dodged a bullet.

A very pretty bullet. The pretty bullet is looking at you through the rearview mirror. Oh god, why is he looking at you? He’s got his sunglasses down and those eyes are practically staring into your soul.

“Um,” Ricky clears his throat. “You should put on your seatbelt.”

That rasp shouldn’t be as attractive as it is. Fuck. This man is a walking heart hazard. “O—oh, sorry!” You’re stupid. Your brain is fried. You fumble with the dumb seatbelt, forgetting how it works, and mentally swearing at yourself in the process.

“Do you need any help…?”

Fight or flight instincts kick in. You smack away Ricky’s attempt at a helping hand. His eyes are wide in shock. Your eyes are wide in shock. You want to throw yourself out of this vehicle right now. “It’s—it’s fine!” Finally, you manage to put on the seatbelt. Ricky is a mix of confusion and offense when he starts the car, more on confusion, but that’s alright. The aftermath of him pulling a k-drama move and helping you with the seatbelt would have been worse. You would have disintegrated right then and there.

Your only source of comfort is the backpack that you’re hugging for your dear life. The entire ride is excruciatingly awkward because the three boys at the back have fallen asleep— a state you also wish to be in right now, but that’s quite frankly impossible because you’re a million times more conscious about your physical appearance right now with a literal angel next to you. 

He’s not asking why you’re pressed so far up against the door. For safety reasons, you tell yourself. The air around him just subconsciously feels a lot hotter despite the air conditioning literally blowing cold air to your face.

“Would...would you like some?”

But that doesn’t mean you could stomach this awkwardness, either. Two hours have passed and neither of you have said a word to each other. You’re a fistful into your candy stash and it feels rude not to offer anything to him when he’s been driving for so long. 

You have a cautious arm outstretched, a pink wrapper dangling between your thumb and index finger. Ricky peers down for a split second, a rumble from his throat before saying, “N—no, it’s okay.” The candy disappears into the crevices of his car. You dip your head down, trying to feel around for it, and Ricky continues talking. “Um. I mean. You don’t really have to force yourself to get along with me, seonbae. I already know that you don’t really like me.”

At that moment, you snap your head up. “What?”

Maybe you should’ve been more careful because you scare the shit out of Ricky and the car swerves off the lane.

Screech!

“Ah,” he exhales, parking the car at the edge of the road after nearly killing you all. “That was close.” How the three kids in the back are still asleep is beyond you. They’ve got their necks twisted in all the weird places and you’re pretty sure Matthew is drooling.

But the source of your adrenaline right now isn’t the near death experience.

“What do you mean you know that I don’t like you?”

Translation: what exactly did Kim Gyuvin say to this guy?

the psychology of strawberries. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

[youthinluv]

shining excalibur | shen ricky

⇢ pairing: ricky x reader

⇢ warnings: royalty au, death, blood, mentions of bombing, angst, king!ricky, king/queen!reader

⇢ word count: 1.3k

⇢ note: in my abc headcannons for ricky i said that a royalty concept would fit him really well, so here's this! maybe i'll expand on this overall idea someday, who knows. also, i used quanrui instead of ricky because it sounds more regal to me!

"i won't let you go!"

the despair in your voice was hard to miss. you'd been begging him for what felt like hours not to leave the safety of your castle — he couldn't risk his life. you couldn't rule the kingdom without him. you couldn't bear the thought of him going out to war and never returning.

he sighed heavily, walking from his place near your chamber doors over to stand directly in front of you, hands coming up to delicately cup your cheeks and catch the new tears that had begun to fall, eyes searching your face in hopes you'd understand, but he knew he wouldn't get what he wanted. you grabbed his wrists, clutching them tightly in your hands, practically begging, "please don't leave me."

"y/n," he started, "i'm the king, you know i have to fight for our people. it'd make me look like a coward if i didn't and let others die for me instead." you choked on a sob that had been threatening to rip itself from your throat and collapsed into his chest, tears staining the fabric of his undershirt. he held you close, tears pricking the corners of his eyes now at the realization that this is what the war had come to.

he didn't want to leave, either.

"i'll do everything i can to make sure i come back to you," quanrui’s words were soft, his lips finding their home on the crown of your head. he closed his eyes, breathing in your scent and relishing in the last moments he had with you in his arms, "just promise me you'll keep the kingdom in order while i'm gone."

you nodded, not daring utter a single word as you balled your fists up behind his back. you let out a broken cry, body shivering as the sobs overtook you, and you felt your legs begin to wobble. this was beyond unfair. you shouldn't have to lose him because your opposing kingdom had an unresolved rivalry with your own. you shouldn't have to do this alone.

quanrui began to pull away, catching your lips in a desperate kiss, as if you make sure you knew how deep his love for you ran. you sniffled after it broke, uttering a soft, "i love you."

"i love you more, y/n"

quanrui began to dress himself in his suit of armor, sheathing his sword at his hip and settling his crown down on the thick, wooden nightstand beside your bed. he was almost unrecognizable as king, had it not been for the rich, royal blue arm covers that distinguished him from the rest of your army.

he hardly had the chance to kiss you for the last time. a deep, indistinguishable rumble sounded from the grounds outside and the screams of many of your townspeople were carrying through the wind. quanrui’s eyes grew wide, panic evident in his voice as he said, "we need to get you suited up."

"what? why?" you asked, bewilderment contorting the features of your face as he frantically dug through his chest to find your protective gear. he helped you get into it, securing it in all the right places, though the tremble of his hands was visible to you, "they're here."

a loud banging against your door was able to be heard, the person on the other side not bothering to wait for an answer as he barged in, making himself known. quanrui’s second in command, taerae, was standing in the doorway, the look on his face unable to read before he blurted, "king quanrui, they're bombing the villages." you felt your heart sink into the pit of your stomach, a deep sadness instantly filling your body.

quanrui’s face grew hard, his brows furrowed and his nostrils flaring out in anger, "we need to get y/n out of here," his voice was firm, "now."

quanrui grabbed your hand, pulling you behind him as taerae guided you down the hallway, the maids and butlers as well as visitors from other countries flocking to escape the castle as well. the halls were cramped with bodies, everyone's shrieks mingling with one another in the air, and you felt yourself begin to shut down.

quanrui glanced over his shoulder at you, motioning for taerae to take a detour down the hallway many people were passing. your vision was blurred with tears and it was difficult to know where you were going, but you trusted quanrui and taerae would be able to get you out of there unscathed.

before you knew it, the crisp, night air was flooding your nostrils, but the stench of gunpowder and lead was unmistakable. the village was engulfed in flames, bodies were laying limp in the grass, there was fighting and bloodshed in the fields. you knew the opposing kingdom was capable of terrible things, but you didn't think they'd blow up and entire village of civilians and children. your voice was shaky as you said, “our people.”

quanrui turned you away from the sight, instead having you focus on him, "listen, we're gonna be alright. i will make sure you're able to get out of here without a single scratch, okay? i just need you to-"

a sickening crack was able to be heard from overhead, and upon looking up, you were greeted with the sight of a cannonball making a new home in the side of the castle. debris was falling at a rapid pace, and without thinking, quanrui grabbed ahold of your wrist and began running forward, shielding your body with his own from any of the stone that threatened to hit you.

taerae was following close behind, his sword in hand as he kept a lookout for anyone who dared try to bring harm to you or quanrui, but he was too late. the king of the opposing kingdom greeted you with his own sword, piercing the flesh of your belly with the blade. you peered down in horror, your own blood soaking your hands and dripping down the dazzling silver.

quanrui completely halted, far too stunned to speak. instead, king hanbin spoke, venom laced in his words as he growled, "this is what you get for not playing by my rules," he shoved his sword deeper, a pained grunt escaping your lips, "next time, i'd advise you listen to me."

with that, he yanked his sword away from your body, a sadistic grin pulling the corners of mouth upward at the sight of his revenge against your king. he turned his back and began walking away, not bothering to look at you as you fell to your knees into the damp grass.

quanrui was quick to be at your side, pulling away the fabric from your wound to get a better look at the damage king hanbin had just caused. he was visibly sobbing, begging taerae to find something to create a makeshift tourniquet to try and stop the bleeding, but it was far too late. your vision was fading, tears falling down onto your cheeks once more.

you reached up and touched quanrui’s face, your blood leaving streaky fingerprints in their wake. you smiled sadly, silencing him when he tried to say something. instead, you spoke, your voice surprisingly calm, "i love you, my king."

your consciousness slipped away from you, hand falling heavily to your side, head beginning to lull around as quanrui clung to you, a wail erupting from his body as your soul slipped away. he pushed your hair away from your face, placing a gentle kiss in your forehead, whispering, "i'll come find you in the afterlife." anger took over now, and he commanded taerae to band your strongest soldiers together to take care of king hanbin once and for all.

if he didn't die from avenging you, he surely would from the grief he felt in his heart.

[youthinluv]

sleep baby, sleep.

↳ han yujin x reader | fluff

request? yes! a nonnie requested for yujinnie! 💙

having two separate personalities is hard, especially when your boyfriend is a sleepyhead while you’re a night owl.

most of the time, your dates end up in:

sitting on the bus, you and yujin chatted about the date you both had an hour ago.

“i know right? especially the food, that was like top tier!” you said, marveling at the photos you both took.

yujin hummed, head lying on your shoulder as you both browsed through the photos.

“the place was really pretty too—“ yujin said before his yawn interrupted his sentence, making you and him giggle.

“y’know what? just take a nap, we’ll continue later.” you snicker, patting yujin’s head while he held onto your hand, drifting away to dreamland.

[youthinluv]

i have so much time this december i'm hoping my motivation keeps up and i post another oneshot within the month HWAHAHAHS

[youthinluv]

film out.

while packing your stuff to move out, you stumble across an old, dusty box containing the memories of your first love. pairing: zhang hao x fem!reader wc: ? tags/warnings: none other than a whole lotta angst and some fluff, tiniest sprinkle of suggestive content. notes: this piece was inspired by bts' song "film out", as well as the confession by hao's old campus admirer i saw on twitter! made me tear up a bit but we don't talk about that. do enjoy <33 mwaa

it's your last week on campus, and packing your stuff up in order to move out is a complete nightmare.

you remember telling yourself to avoid bringing so much of your belongings from home over to your dorm room, and you did listen to your own advice, but everything just started piling up towards the end of your studies. most of it is from the multitudes of outings you've went with your friends.

on your bed, there's almost a whole stores' worth of plushies perfectly lined up. you recall the way you were hesitant to buy the stuffed toys since you know you'd end up cuddling only one of them to sleep, but your friends managed to convince you to spend your money anyway.

you sigh heavily, wiping off the sweat on your forehead with the sleeve of your shirt as you look around the room. you've only packed one whole box that's currently filled with your study materials, and as you stand in the middle of the room, you realize you have a lot more to pack. with a quick glance to your wristwatch, you decide to take your time since it's still early in the morning.

you push the already neatly packed box aside to make some room for yourself to go over to your closet. the wooden doors creak loudly, making you scrunch your face up. that's one thing you're definitely not going to miss once you move out.

as you go through your clothes, you spot a piece of light colored fabric hanging neatly in the middle of your other clothes. the sight of it makes you pause for a moment, and a gentle, nostalgic smile grows on your lips.

you pick the shirt out, holding it up by the hanger as you inspect it for a moment. honestly, you had almost forgotten you had this shirt - it's a matching piece, and the other half is over in another country.

at least, that's what you'd like to think. there's the possibility he might have already thrown it out, but you push the thought behind.

actually, now that you think about it, maybe it's time for you to throw his stuff out as well. it's been a few good years, and yet you're still finding his belongings in your room. you toss the shirt into an empty box, one that you're planning to either give away or just simply throw out, as well as the other few dozen clothes and accessories he had bought for you.

shirts, pants, pyjamas, rings, necklaces, socks, earrings, the bunch of silly emoji hairclips he'd always make you use - all of them are piling up in the box. you ignore the slight ache in your chest as you toss them carelessly.

once your closet is almost empty, another thing catches your attention. another cardboard box sits quietly at the back of your closet, but instead of being its original brownish color, it's painted white with a few messy drawings all over and some stickers. you reach over to the box, making a face when your fingers feel funny due to touching the dust that's accumulated on the box, before slowly pulling it out.

you turn the box around, and the slight ache in your chest merely broadens to the point you can barely breathe.

'hao hao and yn!' is written on the box in a handwriting that's not yours with a big, red heart at the end. the nickname makes you let out a small, shaky sigh, because you thought you'd never have to hear nor see it ever again.

you opt to sit down on the floor, doubtful of your ability to stand up straight judging by the way your knees feel weak. just like the array of gifts you were given, you had nearly forgotten about the box that's currently in your hands. it's heavy, and you know for a fact that it's because of the sheer amount of stuff that awaits for you inside once you open it.

should you open it? you're torn in half. a part of you protests, the part that doesn't want you to go backwards in your process of healing after you've spent so much time and effort to make sure that you'll be okay without him.

and the other part? this part misses him. it misses his face, his voice, the way his hair would feel in between your fingers and the way he'd look at you as if you were everything to him.

after what felt like an hour of sitting on the floor and staring at the box's dusty top, you decide to say damn it all before opening the lid.

you're immediately met with several other boxes inside, and a small laugh escapes from your lips. you don't remember making everything look so neat and tidy, but then again, it was probably all his idea. he was a bit of a perfectionist, you recall silently as you take out the first box.

once you open it, a bunch of handwritten letters sit neatly inside, and the smell of his cologne tickles your nostrils. you smile as you take one of the letters out, running your hands over the rough piece of parchment that has a few dried flowers on the surface, secured nicely with tapes. you go through the letters one by one - there's a letter for valentine's day, qixi festival, your birthday, some of them were written on random days where he had just felt like writing to you, and a few more letters for each year you've spent together. all of them have your favorite flowers stuck on the surface of the paper, and they smell like him too. you knew his cologne would last for quite a while, but you didn't expect for them to last for this long.

you let out of breath before placing the letters back in their designated box. you didn't read them, since you know you won't be able to stop yourself from crying. you place the box into the other cardboard box that you previously placed his gifts and clothes and silly emoji hairclips in - the box you're planning to throw out. you're not going to give them away, now that you think about it. there's far too much sentimental value in each item to give it to some other person.

the next box that you open feels heavier than the previous one, and you're surprised when you see a bunch of vcr tapes once you open it. they're all labeled, and this time, in your own familiar handwriting.

you stare at the first tape. it's labelled 'hao hao's first time in an amusement park!', and you're torn all over again - but you make a decision quicker than earlier. you pick the box of tapes up with you and place it on your table as you look around for the old player you own. you find it eventually, hidden in your nightstand, and you set everything up.

with the player in position, curtains drawn and lights closed, all that's left is to slide the tape in and let it play. you hesitate for a moment, wondering if it's worth it and if you're really going to set yourself up for another heartbreak.

you shrug, inserting the first tape into the player and making yourself comfortable on your bed as you wait for the clip to start. you're going to throw everything away for good this time anyway, and you'll never have the second chance to rewatch all the videos you had taken after this.

you'll allow yourself to be heartbroken by zhang hao just one more time.

i. tape one: hao hao's first time in an amusement park!

"hurry up, we need to try everything!"

zhang hao's voice is the first thing you hear once the tape plays. the camera shakes uncontrollably, wind sounds picking up in the audio as if the person holding it is running.

"hao hao, slow down!" you hear yourself in the tape, the voice of you several years ago during your high school years. "we have all day to try everything out."

zhang hao whines, eliciting an entertained laugh from you. the camera finally stops shaking, and there's a clear shot of zhang hao in his school uniform, hair slightly all over the place due to the all the running he just did. you reach over to him from behind the camcorder that you're holding, fixing the few stray strands of his hair. he smiles brightly, leaning into your touch as he looks at you rather than at the camera.

"look here, dummy." you scold him lightly, shaking the camera in your hands as if trying to emphasize your point.

"i like looking at you better," zhang hao grins. "why do you have to record this, anyway?"

"for fun." you reply after a while. "it would be nice to show our kids the memories we made when we were young, no?"

in the present, your heart squeezes painfully at the words of your past self.

zhang hao seems to be taken aback from the boldness of your words, eyes widening as he stares at you. the camera trembles a little, and you can hear yourself holding back your laughter.

"come on, silly hao hao." you reach out to hold his hand with your free one, lightly swinging them back and forth as you guide him along the amusement park, ignoring the way he stutters out his reply.

the rest of the tape shows mostly zhang hao enjoying his day, the sounds of his excited cheers whenever he wins a game and how he whines sadly if he loses. you watch silently as he tries his luck on a claw machine, a smile blooming on your lips when he manages to win a red panda plushie before giving it to you with the biggest grin on his face.

you turn around from your seat in the darkness of your dorm room, and your eyes immediately catch the sight of the very same red panda plushie sitting nicely in the middle of your bed. it's the one and only plushie you ever cuddle to sleep, despite the many other options you have.

the camcorder is placed on the table to catch the shot of you and zhang hao eating the variety of food you two had bought, ranging from colorful cotton candies to fried foods that might've just made your cholesterol levels shoot up that day. you feed each other in the shot, wiping the small mess on each other's mouths a few times and giggling away like the giddy high school students you were.

the first tape ends with with a quick goodbye wave from you and zhang hao, and he finishes it off with a kiss on your cheek before it goes black.

ii. tape two: exam week...

the second clip starts off with the familiar shot of your old high school's library. you're walking along silently before you pan the camera straight forward, zooming into the sight of zhang hao who currently has his head on his hands as he reads, or more like stares, at the array of notes on the table in front of him.

"ladies and gentlemen," you narrate the clip as you approach zhang hao. "if you look at this direction, you'll be able to see the cutest red panda stressing over the exam that everyone knows he'll ace."

zhang hao is pulled out of his trance when he hears your voice, eyes immediately finding yours before it goes to the camera for the quickest second. he pouts, letting out his signature whine as he tries to push the camera away when you shove it in his face.

"stop thattt," he huffs. "my face isn't in a good condition - i'm so swollen and puffy."

"you're still so handsome, though." you tell him, and you're able to catch the way his ears turns red. "but in all seriousness, why is your face puffy? what time did you sleep last night?"

when zhang hao doesn't reply and decides to look away from you instead, you opt to pinch his arm through the fabric of his school jacket, making him yelp.

"ow! sorry, sorry - i don't know what time i slept... i was busy studying and my alarm went off in, like, an hour or something."

"what?!" you yell, receiving a collective 'shhh!' from the other students within the library, and you can feel your embarrassment seeping through the projected screen. "you had an hour of sleep? hao hao, that's not healthy."

"i know," he sighs, placing his elbows on the table and cupping his own cheeks as he frowns. it's a habit that he does when he feels sad, you wonder if he still does that after all this time. "but i have to pass this exam..."

whatever you're feeling right now in the darkness of your dorm room, you're sure you were feeling it ten times worse when you were recording this video. you place the camera down, letting it face you and zhang hao who's still pouting with his hands on his cheeks. you watch as you scoot yourself closer to the boy, laying your head on your arm as you rest it against the table, your other hand tugging on zhang hao's sleeve to get his attention.

"let's sleep together for a while?" you offer. "then we can study all you want. you need some rest."

zhang hao blinks at you for a moment, but his lips quickly quirk up into a soft, fond smile. he nods and moves himself closer to you until he's unable to do so anymore before copying your position, placing his head on his arm against the table with his face turned towards yours.

despite the awkward angle, you can see yourself stick your tongue out at zhang hao, making him breathe out a gentle laugh. he leans in to give you a kiss on your cheek before closing his eyes, allowing himself to comfortably sleep.

the clip continues for a few minutes as you silently stare at zhang hao's face, and you reach over to turn the camera off once he started snoring.

iii. tape three: graduation day!

the third clips begins with a crackle, and you're met with the sight of your own face. you're all dolled up, make up done in a way you haven't used in so long and hair tied up neatly.

"hao hao and i are graduating today," you talk to the camera, and for some reason, it makes you smile. "i'll be seeing his parents later too, and i don't think i've ever been this nervous."

ah, you remember how you were feeling that day. you can basically see the nervous sweat collecting on your forehead before you wipe it with a tissue, the audio picking up the sounds of your labored breathing. this was the first time you met up with zhang hao's parents even when you've known him for almost the entirety of your high school life, so the anxiety is understandable.

the clip cuts to the graduation ceremony, and the brightness of the outdoor setting makes you squint your eyes a little bit. you reach over to lower the volume a little bit because you know what's going to happen next - the sound of your voice cheering, borderline screaming, zhang hao's name when he's called out to the stage to take his certificate fills the entire room. the camera zooms into zhang hao's face, and he manages to catch it as he walks off stage, sending a quick wink in your direction that makes you giggle behind the camera.

another cut is made, and this time, zhang hao's face is on screen.

"my baobei is up next," he tells the camera, and your heart squeezes. "let's cheer for her loudly."

zhang hao keeps his promise once your name is called and you walk onto the stage, his cheering rivaling the volume of yours earlier. his voice cracks halfway, and you hear him laugh it off behind the camera - the kind of laugh that he doesn't usually show to others besides yourself and his other loved ones. it's genuine, loud and a little funny if you had to admit it, but it makes you melt all over again. you wonder if you'll ever be able to hear him laugh one more time.

the clips ends with a shot of you and zhang hao, your hands occupied from holding the camera to face you and the other holding your graduation flowers, as zhang hao has his own arms wrapped around you from behind, chin rested on your shoulder.

"we graduated!" the two of your cheer together, the smiles on your faces as bright as the sun that shines over your heads.

"here's to spending many, many more years together." you say, and zhang hao nods at your words.

"i'll spend my forever with you, love." he smiles at you, rubbing his nose against your cheek before pressing the softest kiss on your skin.

the screen goes dark. you sit silently, letting yourself be swallowed up by the darkness of your room and the deafening silence. you feel an emptiness in your chest the moment the clip ends, as if reliving the moments you shared with zhang hao throughout all those years had somehow made you feel complete again, just like how he completed you.

tears pool up in your eyes before you could stop them. you knew it was a bad idea to watch the clips in the first place - hell, you should've thrown away everything in the box the moment you found it. but now, something is stopping you from doing so, an unseen force that originates from the part of you that's still very much in love with zhang hao restricting you from simply tossing away the memories you made with him.

the box filled with tapes stares at you mockingly. there's still so many of them, you've only went through three and you're already on the verge of crying.

you wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt before reaching out for the next tape, sliding it into the player.

might as well completely ruin yourself rather than stopping halfway, right?

iv. tape four: first day at university~

the next clip begins with your solo shot again, and you're giggling to yourself in the film.

"it's the first day in uni," you announce with a cheeky smile, walking along as you talk. "hao hao and i got accepted to the same campus, but i didn't tell him. i'm gonna surprise him by showing up to his room."

you climb up some stairs, slowing your pace down once you arrive on a certain level before peeking through the corner to see if zhang hao is anywhere to be seen.

in the present, you smile a little - you still remember his dorm room. the building itself is not far from the one you're currently in, and the memories of sneaking out for god knows how many times just to see him are still fresh in your mind.

you watch as you try your best to silently walk along the corridor towards zhang hao's room that's situated by the other end of the floor. the camera zooms in, and you can see that the door is open with a few boxes left outside.

"looks like he's still unpacking," you whisper into the camera. "i haven't started unpacking my own stuff - but whatever. i'll ask him to help me later."

you reach the room soon enough, letting the camera peek inside a little and it catches the sight of zhang hao with his back turned against you, hunched over a box as he takes his personal belongings out.

you take your shoes off before tiptoeing inside, gently placing the camera onto a table and making your way towards the unsuspecting zhang hao who's innocently arranging his stuff.

once you're close enough, you tap his shoulder from behind, making him yelp and jolt in surprise before falling onto his butt. you snort out a laugh, both in the clip and in the present due to the same reason - zhang hao is so easy to scare, it's almost adorable.

"baobei! what are you doing here?" zhang hao breathes out after staring at you for a good minute, and when you tell him that you were accepted into the same campus, he practically jumps up from the floor in excitement before wrapping his arms around you.

"you idiot!" he scolds you despite engulfing you in a bone-crushing hug. "you have no idea how sad i was when i thought we couldn't be in the same uni! you owe me milk tea later!"

you apologize through your laughter, arms wrapped around zhang hao's shoulders as he lifts you up from the floor, spinning you around excitedly.

the camera's audio doesn't pick up on his next words that he whispers to you, but you still remember them to this day.

"i'm so happy we're together again, it's like we're destined to be."

the clip continues for almost an hour, showing mostly the process of you helping zhang hao unpack his stuff before bringing him over to your own room to make him help you in return. even though you didn't catch everything on camera, you know for a fact that unpacking and arranging your stuff took nearly the whole day because the two of you wouldn't stop playing around. zhang hao was fascinated by your belongings even when he had already went to your house multiple times in the past during high school.

"you still keep this?" he asks, picking up the red panda plushie that you placed on your bed.

"of course," you smile. "i can't sleep without it. you won that for me when we went to the amusement park together, remember?"

zhang hao nods once, still eyeing the stuffed animal with a soft smile on his face before placing it back down.

the camera is turned off once you notice the battery is getting low. you wave goodbye alongside zhang hao, and as always, he ends it with a kiss on your cheek.

once it ends, you continue to slide in the next clip - then the next, next, and next. you don't even bother to read the labels by the time you've reached around the tenth clip, letting yourself watch them with a little curiosity on what it would show.

the remaining clips are mostly captures of the many firsts you had with zhang hao. you remember watching the first time you attend class together before going out to eat, the first time you spend the night at his dorm room and waking up with your clothes all over the floor and your left sock missing, the first time you surprise him at his dance practice and the first time you attend his first ever violin performance.

reaching towards the end, the clips are beginning to just have you as it's main character, and the realization hits you that it is almost happening.

it being the separation between you and zhang hao.

you had begun recording yourself ranting and sharing your feelings with the camera whenever things started becoming difficult between the two of you. you decide to skip the few clips that only contain your fruitless ranting, and the next clip is another first you had with zhang hao, but it's not as sweet as the others.

the label reads; tape nineteen: resolving our first fight.

you don't recall the reason why you had decided to record the conversation you had with zhang hao when you were talking out after the first fight you two had. maybe it's because you wanted to have some kind of material to look back to if you ever came across the same situation again so that you'd know what to do and how to make sure that you grow as a couple who understand each other.

whatever the reason was, you stop the clip halfway when you could hear zhang hao's tone starting to turn frustrated.

"i told you i'm busy with dance practice," he says. "we've spent so much time together already, what more could you want?"

you pull the clip out of the player. you remember crying after hearing his words, and even as he apologized to you and said he didn't truly mean it, they left a scar on the surface of your heart. it was quickly patched and tended to by zhang hao when you recall the way he pressed kisses all over your face, apologizing in between each kiss as his thumbs wiped your tears away.

you're unaware of the sun already starting to set by the time you're almost at the last clip. the ones you had just watched were random vlogs of your daily life with zhang hao, ranging from being only one minute of zhang hao tuning his violin to almost two hours of the two of you being silly in his room and giggling like children as you tell each other funny stories.

the room is pitch dark when the sun's light no longer seeps through the small spaces in between your curtains. you're finally at the last clip, the cold surface of the tape matching the atmosphere as you silently read the label. the handwriting is messy, as if your hands were shaking when you wrote it.

xxxiv. tape 34: our first goodbye

the clip crackles to life, and the first shot is of you in the bathroom of your dorm room. you're still in your pyjamas, eyes are red and puffy and you brush your hair through sniffles.

"hao-" your voice cracks, and you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. "sorry, uh.. hao hao is moving away. well, not really - he's just flying over to korea because he wants to pursue his stupid, stupid idol dreams."

you cover your face with your hands, groaning into your palms.

"sorry," you apologize to the camera again. "it's not stupid, his dreams aren't stupid. i just... i'm just angry, i guess. and sad. i didn't expect him to leave china entirely for his dreams. he.. he was supposed to be a teacher. he already has his teacher's license, damn it-"

you're sobbing all over again, tears falling down your cheeks as you try your best to keep quiet in the space of your bathroom.

"but he said he's not happy, and- and i hate it when he's not happy. my hao hao, he looks the happiest when he's singing and dancing, and i used to love seeing him up on stage." you suck in a quick breath before continuing. "i still do, i love seeing him perform with that stupid smile of his that i adore so much. i just wish he didn't have to go so far."

you sigh, reaching over to the camera to pick it up to inspect the condition of your face - puffy and swollen.

"i need to get ready now," you mumble. "i'll be sending him off at the airport. i'll be back later."

the clip cuts off, and it continues with a scene at the airport. the camera is positioned in a way that it perfectly captures your frame that's currently shaking in the arms of your first love. zhang hao holds you tenderly, and even though his face isn't caught by the lens, you remember vividly the way his lips moved against your neck as he whispered his apologies to you, and how he promised to return to you after he achieves his dreams.

"i'll never forget you, baobei." he mumbles against your neck, rubbing his nose against your skin. "i promise, i promise- i'm sorry i have to leave you like this."

you can only afford to sniffle, unable to form coherent words from the way you're sobbing against zhang hao's chest. the way the fabric of your clothes on your shoulder dampened with his tears is fresh in your mind, and your heart bleeds over the memory of zhang hao crying.

the camera continues to watch the scene of the two of you holding each other as if your lives depended on it, crying over the loss of a love that was supposed to last forever.

your sobs merely worsen when zhang hao pulls away once he has to board his plane. the lens of the camera, probably already forgotten during that time, catches the way your hands are shaking as they hold onto zhang hao's sleeve, afraid to let go.

"oh, my love," he frowns deeply, succumbing to your tears and pulling you closer to press a lingering kiss on your lips, hands gingerly cupping your cheeks. "please forgive me. i promise to come back, and we'll start over when that time comes. okay?"

you sniffle loudly, nodding afterwards.

"that's my girl," zhang hao smiles, even when his lips are trembling. "you have our clips together for you to watch when you miss me, remember?"

zhang hao reaches over to the camera and picks it up, making a little face when he sees how red his eyes are in the small monitor.

"look at my baobei," he speaks to the camera before moving it closer to your crying face. "poor baby. she looks pretty even when she cries."

with a kiss to your cheek, zhang hao continues speaking to the camera. you know he's staring into the lens, it's obvious, but you can't help the sob that tears from your chest as you look at him in the projected screen. you never knew you missed his face this much.

"to my baobei in the future," zhang hao speaks. "please be happy. i know i said you're pretty even when you're crying, but you look the prettiest when you're smiling. smile more for me, okay? you're probably rewatching these, and i hope our memories will bring you happiness. so wherever you are now, i love you. i will always love you."

your whole world crumbles down. you're full on sobbing now, hand on your chest as you try to calm your breathing, but it's all in vain. the clip continues to play, but you're no longer paying attention as you cry your bleeding heart out that's yearning for your first love.

the screen goes black, and the last tape pops out from the player. the room is silent save for your pathetic cries that ring into the night. you manage to gather yourself soon enough, reduced to a sniffling mess.

"you're such a liar, zhang hao." you mumble through gritted teeth, pulling the tape out and holding it in your hands. you stare at it for a good minute, watching silently as your tears fall onto the dark surface.

"i love you more." you whisper. "i'll wait for you forever, hao hao."

From all the memories stored in my heart

I gather up the ones of you, link them together

Gazing at them projected across the room

I feel you with every burst of pain.

[youthinluv]

juli's library ! ˖ ݁݁ 𖥔.

—zb1

➼ kim jiwoong

➼ zhang hao ↳ our beloved summer ➼ sung hanbin ➼ seok matthew ➼ kim taerae ➼ shen ricky ↳ parallel lines ➼ kim gyuvin ↳ i know you ➼ park gunwook ➼ han yujin ➼ ot9 ↳ zb1 as songs in my playlists (fluff edition) ➼ misc.

[youthinluv]

zb1 as songs in my playlists (fluff edition)

pairing ; zb1 x reader genre ; fluff tags + warnings ; fluff, established relationship, strangers to lovers, friends to lovers, confessions, non idol! aus, college au, highschool au, cafe au, brother's bestfriend au, petnames and tiny bit of angst in ricky's part if u squint, idk what else author's note ; i may or may not have gotten carried away with hanbin's part a little because too many ideas came while i was writing it so expect a full expansion of the drabble in like. a month or two LMAO 😭 enjoy though!

kim jiwoong — 何なんw - fujii kaze "…Don’t you say you didn’t wanna know it. I love you all the same, all the time. Though I’m here with you through thick and thin. You can’t see me, you ignore me, because I’m too close to you" The sun shone through the curtains hitting your face. Reluctantly, you open your eyes to be greeted with an empty space next to you.

Confused, you get up and walk out of the room and into the living to be met with the wafting smell of pancakes, soft music playing and Jiwoong behind the counters in the kitchen.

As he turns around, he gets caught by surprise seeing you awake. "Oh, good morning. You're awake already?" he asks and you nod as you walk over to the dining table where the food had been spread out.

He pouts at this, "I wanted to wake you up with breakfast in bed, but you got up earlier than I expected."

"Well you can blame the sunlight for that." you giggle, and Jiwoong's face lifts into a smile as he watches you.

"Happy 5th to us, love." he places a soft kiss on your cheek. Smiling, you look up to him and return the greeting. "Happy 5th to us indeed."

Comfortable silence settled afterwards as the song continued playing in the background.

"The regrets that made you learn a lot can be easily forgotten by living everyday life. With a fresh and empty resolve in your heart." the artist sang and you couldn't help internally agree with it, finding peace with the everyday life you've shared with Jiwoong all these years.

——— 

zhang hao — my eyes adored you - fujii kaze cover (original by frankie valli) "My eyes adored you. Though I never laid a hand on you, my eyes adored you. Like a million miles away from me, you couldn't see how I adored you. So close, so close and yet so far." Zhanghao was a good friend in your college department. He was wildly popular depsite being somewhat oblivious to this. And because of that, you've hidden your feelings for him thinking he wouldn't reciprocrate. In other words, he was so close and yet so far from your reach.

What you didn't know was that he reciprocated the feelings as well, and though he had many chasing after him, he had his eyes on you and only you.

And so, when Valentines came around and he was set to perform on stage for the event, he was really keen on having you watch.

On stage, he was searching for you in the midst of the crowd. When you two locked eyes, he smiled. Finally he could make his feelings clear to you and everyone else. Before his performance started, he was given time for a ment and he took advantage of this.

"I'd like to greet everyone a happy Valentines," Zhanghao greeted. "and although I've gotten many confessions today, I'd like to apologize as my heart and eyes are already set on someone else." he continued and you could hear cooing and disappointed sighs amongst the crowd.

You were ready to accept defeat when he finished up his ment. "And so, Y/N L/N, I hope you can accept my feelings for you."

The crowd cheered and the lights dimmed. Your senses blocked out everything and you carefully watched him in disbelief, wondering if this was a prank or not.

However, as he sang and carried out his performance, he stayed true to his words and only had his eyes on you all throughout his time on stage.

——— 

sung hanbin — fallen - lola amour "What if I told you that I've fallen, and I like the way you say my name? My heart skips a beat when I hear you calling and I like that it won't go away." You've become a regular at this small cafe soon after discovering it. Sure, the food and drinks were good, but that's not what you were here for. You carefully watched the barista make the drinks and place your order on the counter. Yeah. The cute barista was your main reason.

"Order for Y/N!" he calls out. The way he said your name always made your heart skip a beat. Hearing it roll of his tongue easily made the rest of your day better, so it didn't take much for you to become a regular.

You quickly stand up to collect your order, smiling at him as you approached the counter. "Thank you, Hanbin."

"Anytime. It's good to see you enjoyed the food." he smiled. As he was about to turn around, you called out for him, unsure of what took over you. "Hey, Hanbin!"

He hummed in response.

"Um... are you free this Saturday? We should hang out, or, something." you can feel your face burning up in embarrassment.

"Ah, yeah, I think I'm free that day. We should totally hang out then!" he replied, knowing he full well that he was—in fact—not free that day and he was willing to drop everything and clear his schedule for you.

"Really? Well, I think we can discuss the details when I swing by again tomorrow—"

"Oh, there's no need for that." he interrupted, writing something on a napkin before either one of you finished. "Here's my number, you can contact me here." he continued, handing you the napkin.

You take it, flustered and unable to say anything else. "I'll see you Saturday, then?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'll just send you a message here." you smile shyly at him.

"Great! It's a date then." he smiles back.

——— 

seok matthew — daydreamin' - ariana grande "It's the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you make me feel inside. It's in your smile, it's in your eyes I don't wanna wait for tonight. So I'm daydreamin' with my chin in the palm of my hands about you. You, and only you." Matthew was your older brother's best friend. He frequented your house, so you saw each other more often than not.

What stuck to you was how he treated you like his other friends, and he was nice about it. He seemed to make you comfortable the most amongst your brother's other friends despite the one year age gap.

Eventually, you developed feelings for him and you tried to hide it as much as possible, especially from your brother of all people.

But is it really your fault if you couldn't help blush whenever Matthew smiled at you, or act all awkward around him all of a sudden?

You also noticed that Matthew started coming around almost every day, and tried interacting with you as much as he could.

One night, your brother plopped next to you after seeing off Matthew. Wasting no time, he looked at you and bluntly said, "You like Matthew, don't you?"

With the way he caught you off guard, you couldn't even cover your face and mask your reaction.

"Please don't tell him!" you desperately plea, and your brother pulls away from you.

"Woah, chill. I won't. Besides, why do you think he's been coming around more often lately?"

——— 

kim taerae — melting - kali uchis "You've got some soft lips and some pearly whites, I wanna touch them in the dead of night. Your smile ignites just like a candlelight. Then somehow, I know everything's alright. Melting like an ice cream when you smile." You couldn't help but stare at Taerae as he laughed at Jiwoong's joke, a small smile forming on your lips as well as you see his dimples.

You couldn't thank the gods any more for making him extra smiley today, it made you feel better as well. You always loved it when Taerae smiled. It was contagious and you found it endearing, especially when you spot his dimples.

The conversation drifted to something else and he eventually caught you staring. "What? Is there something on my face?" he asks, and you giggled at him.

"Mmm, it's nothing, don't worry." you replied. "That doesn't sound very reassuring..." he pouts.

"I promise!" you protest, and his eyebrows furrow at this. "What, so you were just staring at me?"

You pause for a second. "...Maybe."

"Oh." Taerae lets out, the tips of his ear slowly turning red and you put your hands up in fake surrender.

"Sorry, couldn't help it. You know how I always melt like an ice cream when you smile."

His expression morphs into a sheepish smile as you engage in a conversation with the others to play off the situation, glancing at Taerae as he smiles to himself at your compliments.

——— 

shen ricky — for you - leehi ft. crush "Listen to me I am the man that you've been waiting for. Would you push the button that you've been looking for. With just one kiss, you're gonna need it more. Baby, I could give you what you want." Relationship after relationship, you were starting to doubt yourself after all the ones you were in turned out awful. Your self-esteem dropped for a while and you were close to swearing off on getting into relationships and dating.

That was until Ricky came into your life and made everything better for you.

He treated you better than you ever, reassuring and spoiling you as much as he possibly could. Sometimes, it makes you question whether or not you really deserve it.

"Hey, let's go out tomorrow night, my treat." Ricky suggests.

"Again?" your eyebrows furrow at him, "Didn't we already go out last night though?"

He stops in his tracks, slightly confused. "Oh uh, did you not want to...?" he pouts, making you panic.

"No! It's not that, I love spending time with you. It's just that... I'm worried you're doing too much for me."

Ricky looks at you incredulously, scoffing before placing a small kiss on the top of your head. "Baby, nothing's ever too much when it comes to you." he pulls away, booping your nose. "I could give you what you want, and it's what you deserve. Okay?"

He looks at you in a jokingly stern manner, which makes you giggle and nod.

"It's your turn to pick where we're eating tomorrow."

"Huh? Didn't I already pick last time though?"

"Shhhhh...."

——— 

kim gyuvin — say yes - ben & tan "I think my heart is beating me to death. I have got an arrow through my chest. I am so in love, so just say yes." "Y/N, I like you. Please accept my feelings and be mine!" You look at Gyuvin who stood flustered in front of you. Bewildered and surprised that he harbored feelings for you as well.

After giving it some thought, you smile at him. "Okay, I'll give you a chance on one condition." He nods, willing to do anything.

"I'll let you pursue me first. Then, I'll give you my final answer."

And so, weeks after that he's put in the effort to treat you the best he could, as if you two were already in a real relationship.

Gyuvin took you on dates, walked you home, gave you gifts and constantly looked out for you. He also took note of what you liked and disliked, bought things that reminded him of you, and acted like your actual boyfriend as a whole.

You found it endearing to see how much effort he was willing to put in, even though it was no guarantee on his part. In short, he was willing to do anything and everything for you, even if you didn't ask him to, and would do so without asking for anything in return.

To be fair, even if you liked him back, you wanted to test the waters with him first to make sure you were going to make the right choice.

And so, one day as you were walking home, you finally decide to give him an answer.

"Gyuvin... I feel like it's best if you should stop pursuing me." You start, feeling a little bad at how his face dropped.

"W—what? Why?" he stutters, quickly trying to calm himself.

"Why would you still pursue me if you're already my boyfriend?" You continue, putting a hand on your hip as a smile slowly formed on your lips, watching him figure out what you meant.

"Wait so... thats a yes?" Gyuvin sounded surprised and you smiled. "Mhm! It's a yes! I'll be yours."

You let out a yelp as he lifts and spins you around, and you two were giggling fits all the way home.

——— 

park gunwook — peaches - kai "Pretty girl, you're likе peaches. It's a soft embracе. A sweetness that spreads in my mouth. Feels good to be the bad guy" Park Gunwook always kept to himself. Despite his achievements in the debate club, dance club and as a member of his school's student council, he wasn't very popular due to his 'intimidating look' and he was fully aware of this. Not that he minded, of course.

When a new student was enrolled, he was assigned to show them around. He made sure he'd make them feel welcomed in hopes he wouldn't scare them off.

"Gunwook, the new student is here." A faculty member called out and he stepped inside the room to be met with them.

"Oh! Hello, I'm Y/N L/N. It's nice to meet you, I hope we can get along well. Please take care of me!" you bowed whilst introducing yourself.

"It's nice to meet you as well, Y/N. I'm Gunwook. Please, no need to be so formal and tense around me. We're in the same grade, after all."

You nodded and the school tour started. To Gunwook's surprise, you got along well with him and showed no signs of being intimidated of him. It was quite refreshing for him to be able to talk to a peer without them feeling like they were constantly walking on eggshells around him.

Eventually, days turned into weeks, which turned into months and you two became close friends.

"You know, I'm kinda glad you never found me intimidating." he starts as you two sat at lunch.

"Hm? What do you mean?" you shoot him a confused look and he continues. "People don't normally approach me because they think I'm scary."

This time, you look at him, baffled. "You? Scary? Really? I never really got that from you...."

He bursts out laughing and the topic quickly dies down. While you both sat at lunch in silence, he couldn't help but admire your features.

Gunwook always noticed how you had soft features, which was a stark contrast to his. He then realized why some people are surprised to see you two together.

"Have I ever told you how pretty you are?" Gunwook breaks the silence and you stop midway of a bite. "H-Huh?"

"You're really pretty." he repeats, making you even more flustered.

As the teasing continues, Gunwook silently wishes that things would change for the better. To him, your presence always felt like a soft embrace.

——— 

han yujin — can't stop - stray kids (seungmin, i.n) "I think I like you. Even I can tell when I look at myself. It is to the point that it is too obvious. I must want you so much no matter whatever I do, I can't escape it. I must like you a lot" The sun was setting, and after a long day out with friends, you and Yujin were left alone.

You two watched the sunset on a building's rooftop in silence—save for some music playing—and Yujin turns to look at you.

He couldn't help but admire how the sun shone on your skin, dying it an orange tone and how the light hit your eyes at a perfect angle, making them more beautiful than he ever thought.

He admired how the wind blew through your hair and the light made it look a shade lighter than it actually was.

"You're staring." you break the silence. He blushes and looks away. "I'm sorry."

Yujin had been in denial for the longest time now. He didn't want to admit that he harbored feelings for you, even to himself.

But despite that, it's become painfully obvious to his circle of friends. Even he can tell when he looks at himself. It's to the point that it is too obvious

"Is something on your mind?" you ask, and he turns to face you again.

'Your eyes probably have seen it all. Why did I pretend I didn't like you? Just the way they are, I'll express my feelings to you'. He thought to himself, taking a deep breath.

"I think I like you." Yujin blurts out. He carefully watches for your reaction as your expression seems to morph into a pleasantly surprised one. A smile instantly blossomed on your lips. "Really?"

"Yeah..." he looks embarrassed and you couldn't help laugh but at this. "Don't worry, I like you too." you reply.

You two fall into silence, staring at each other as the song playing comes to an end. "I (I) can't (can't) stop (stop) falling in love with you!"

[youthinluv]

mmmm idk if i should make a follow up for our beloved summer tbh LMAO 😭 i kinda want to but idek how it'll go nor do i have any ideas for it

[youthinluv]

i know you

I'll quiet down if it's what you want I understand I'm not the only one For you I'm here regardless of the pain Don't ever tell me to go away From you

sypnosis ; following his childhood bestsfriend's heartbreak, he decides to take the risk and come clean to her. [bonus chapter of this oneshot]

pairing ; gyuvin x fem! reader

wc ; 2,395

genre ; angst, non-idol! & highschool! au

tags + warnings ; swearing, unrequited love, one-sided pining, hurt no comfort, mixed signals, love triangle (kinda), zb1 members featured, mainly in gyuvin's pov, gyuvin's jealous and insecure and probably maybe has an inferiority complex

playlist ; i know you - faye webster, she likes another boy - oscar lang,

author's note ; RAHHHH even more angst and love triangle !!! i kinda hate how this turned out tho LMAOOO

the story's title and how it's integrated into the plot is actually more subtle than i'd like but i really wanted to push through w the ideas i had i mind w/o changing the title even tho it came out mess in the end saur don't mind that pls tysm

———

Gyuvin has hated Ricky on three occasions.

Or that’s what he likes to think, at least. They were the only times he acknowledged those harsh feelings anyways.

It wasn’t a feeling that lingered anyways, he didn’t actually hate him, of course. If anything, they were on good terms. It’s one of those times where you feel hate towards someone in the spur of the moment because of a situation.

The first time was when he was alone in his dark room, the dim light coming from his PC screen illuminated his face as he watched himself die in game for the nth time again, resulting in their team’s loss.

He sighs, unable to focus on the game he was playing with Gunwook and Hanbin. Glancing at the time, he noticed that it was getting rather late and you haven’t sent him a message yet.

“Hey man, you okay?” Gunwook’s voice broke him from his train of thoughts as he realized he was zoning out, and that his friends had actually been trying to get his attention for the past few minutes now. “You’re acting differently today, is something wrong?” Hanbin adds.

“Yeah, just tired. And a little distracted, but I just don’t think I'm in my best condition right now.” he runs his hands over his face. Gunwook tells his friends that he’ll be leaving to do homework, and Gyuvin doesn’t miss the chance to call him a nerd. As he leaves the call, Hanbin takes this opportunity to talk to him with no filter.

“It’s about Ricky and Y/N, isn't it?”

“Was it that obvious?”

“If they knew the whole story, yeah.”

The call falls into silence as Gyuvin stares blankly at his PC screen. As he opens his mouth to say something, his phone suddenly rings.

After seeing the caller ID, he tells Hanbin he’ll be muting to answer a call and rushes to answer his phone.

“Y/N, hey! How’d the whole thing go? Did you profess your undying love for him yet? Did you two kiss? C’monn tell me!”

Gyuvin teases, trying to make sure it didn’t seem like he wasn’t about to die of worry over you earlier.

“Girl, shut up! I just got home, it went pretty well, but that’s not why I called. I actually wanted to ask you something.” you shush him.

Gyuvin gulps. “Uh– yeah, shoot.”

You seem to hesitate, and shifting could be heard from the other side of the line.

“Um, so Ricky told me that he, along with your entire friend group, thought we were dating? And he mentioned that you’d act weird whenever they’d try to talk to you about me.”

Gyuvin goes silent, and you take this as an opportunity to elaborate and ask him more questions.

“Are you… embarrassed of me? I’m not mad, don’t worry! If anything it’s kind of understandable so—”

“No, no!” Gyuvin sputters. “That’s not it, I swear. I just don’t want them annoying you if they actually knew who you were. The last thing I’d want is them making you uncomfortable.”

“...Oh. Uh, yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, I’m a little tired so I’ll go now. I’ll see you and let you in on what happened.” you nod, giggling at the last part which somewhat put Gyuvin at ease. The call ends and he could’ve sworn he almost collapsed back in his seat.

“Everything alright?” Hanbin asks as soon as he heard that Gyuvin turned his mic back on.

“Fucking Ricky!” Gyuvin couldn’t help but curse, frustration and rage slowly seeping in. “He told her some stuff about how I act whenever she gets brought up in the group and she thought I was embarrassed of her. She could’ve snuffed me out if she didn’t think that! Who does he think he is, causing misunderstandings like that?”

“Okay, okay, calm down. You and I both know he doesn’t think before speaking sometimes, he probably blurted it out without thinking about the consequences…” Hanbin tries to calm him down.

Gyuvin starts to be thankful that he came to Hanbin with this problem as he always relied on the elder, always having seen him like an older brother. 

Hanbin understands that this was much deeper than Y/N finding out about Gyuvin’s feelings.

It was about how he was always jealous of Ricky for having the things he wanted.

It was about how Ricky was so much more likable compared to him.

It was about how Ricky, in short, was perfect.

And it was especially about how Ricky was blind to not notice the girl pining over him. The same girl Gyuvin has been longing for the same way she does for Ricky.

The worst part was that it’s not his fault, and Gyuvin knew that well. 

Ricky had no control over those kinds of situations, he was just lucky enough to be born into a life where everything seemed to go his way. Even if it wasn't on purpose.

And Gyuvin knew that better than anyone else.

———

The second time was more of a buildup, in comparison to the first which was a burst.

But at the same time, he wouldn’t really consider it hate. Disdain felt more appropriate to describe it.

It started when Ricky and Y/N started to get closer, making them spend more time together, and less time individually with him.

It progressed even more the day that Gyuvin and Y/N spotted Ricky and Alexa together. 

While his best friend’s expression was unreadable, he could see that she felt uncomfortable and pained.

Why couldn’t he see that you liked him?

Over two weeks passed and Gyuvin found himself back in his room with you once again. 

“God knows what I should do! I feel like it’s too late for me to go back on what I’ve done since I’ve been ignoring them for days now and it’s a little embarrassing to talk to them out of nowhere.” you finish, taking a breath after the long rant you went on.

“Maybe it’s better for you to talk to Ricky and Ricky only. This way you can communicate, tell him everything and probably even confess to him. At the rate everything’s going, it’s now or never.” Gyuvin tells you, putting down his controller and watching you throw yourself on his bed face down.

After a brief silence, you mutter a muffled “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Getting up and grabbing your phone, Gyuvin sits next to you and watches you look for Ricky’s contact.

“hey. it's been a while. is everything alright? you’ve been avoiding and ignoring me all of a sudden. please let me know if i did anything to offend you and i hope we can talk again soon. i’m sorry.” it read.

He looks at you, seeing how you’re typing and deleting your message back and forth, you were finally able to send him a message.

“hi. I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened. are you free tomorrow? i was hoping to talk to you. does the nearby park sound good if ever?”

It took less than a minute for Ricky to respond, taking the best friends by surprise.

“oh my god, you responded. and ofc, it’s all good with me, i’m free tomorrow. i’ll see you then.”

You stared at your phone, rereading the short convo you two had. Getting up, you look over to Gyuvin to tell him you’ve made up your mind. 

“I’m confessing to him tomorrow.”

“Seriously?” He was completely surprised at this.

Fuck.  

“I mean– go for it! I can’t believe you finally have the guts to tell him.” he stutters out in hopes that the twinge of disapproval in his tone wasn’t obvious.

“Yeah. You were right about the now or never thing. I’m gonna tell him no matter what happens. The sooner I do it, the sooner I’ll get over it. It’s much better that way.”

You sigh and grab your bag. “I’m going home. It’s getting late.” “You want me to walk you home?” Gyuvin purses his lips

“Nah. I kinda need some alone time right now. Y’know, to figure out what to do and say tomorrow.”

“Oh okay, get home safe.”

You exchange goodbyes, and leave Gyuvin’s house. 

As he watches you leave, the boy is left behind alone with negative and conflicted feelings to your plans.

He plops down on his bed, slightly tearing up as he sends Hanbin a message.

Gyuvin: 

> it’s over for me

Hanbin:

> ?

>What happened?

> Do you want me to call or come over?

Gyuvin:

> eh

> she’s gonna confess to ricky tomorrow lmao

Hanbin:

>What? Really??

He tosses his phone to the side, ignoring the pings that followed.

Sighing, Gyuvin’s vision blurs as he contemplates everything that happened so far.

Would it have been better for him if you didn’t get close? Or meet at all?

Why couldn’t everything stay the same? 

Gyuvin pauses. Why was he even thinking like this? Shouldn’t he be happy you’ve finally gathered the courage after all these years? And then it hit him.

Ah. It’s because he’s scared that you actually have a chance with him. 

It’s the fact that despite everything that’s happened, there’s still a slight chance that Ricky can reciprocate your feelings. 

“I hate you so much.” Gyuvin whispers, unsure who he’s directing it to. Was it for you, Ricky or himself? Maybe it was all three.

Maybe he hated how you still tried to pursue Ricky even despite how things turned out. 

Hated how blind Ricky was for not seeing how he had someone who’d drop everything for him. 

Hated himself for being so frustrated and selfish. For how he felt about… all this.

Gyuvin eventually drifts off to sleep, dreading how tomorrow would turn out for all three of you.

———

Third time was when Ricky rejected you.

Initially, Gyuvin had mixed feelings. He thought about how this meant he still had a chance with you, before quickly shutting off the idea, feeling bad that he thought selfishly while you were still devastated.

He wouldn’t dare take advantage of your emotional state, right? Right?

Well….

A few days after you confessed, you actively avoided both Ricky and Alexa once again, especially seeing how often they’ve been together ever since. Gyuvin never missed the expression you bore every time you caught a glimpse of them, and one day, he decided he had enough of your state.

In the middle of lunch period, he grabs your arm and pulls you back as you were on your way to the cafeteria. “Hey,” he whispered. “Let’s skip the rest of school.”

You look at him with wide eyes before he leads you close to the exit, careful that no faculty member catches you. 

Once the coast was clear, he swiftly and quietly went through the exit, pulling you behind and now holding your hand while trying to keep it cool.

The both of you walked aimlessly afterwards, going to wherever your feet took you.

One free lunch later, you two spent the afternoon goofing off and exploring the city as much as you wanted. Then, the evening came and you found yourself enjoying the local fair with Gyuvin, before deciding you two were tired and walked home.

“Shit, I haven’t done that much walking in— well, at all, I think.” you sigh and Gyuvin laughs behind you, breaking the silence in the quiet, chilly night.

“Hey, thanks for today. Seriously. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time, so thank you.”

You turn to him and smile as you arrive in front of your house.

“Anytime. I kinda got sick of you moping around, so I figured you needed this, y’know?”

Silence hung between the two of you and you become unsure of what else to say.

As you turn to leave, Gyuvin calls out your name.

“Y/N. Can… Can I tell you something?” he hesitates, and you tilt your head.

He was unsure what possessed him to do this. He didn’t know if it was a spur of the moment thing, or because he felt that you two were still high on emotions, but everything he’d been keeping from you for years came out in seconds.

“I like you. I always have. And I have for years. I know now’s not the best time to tell you this, but after seeing everything you went through for Ricky, I genuinely couldn’t take it anymore. I hated how you were doing everything for him when I knew I could treat you better, but I didn’t want to ruin the years of friendship we had together. I’m so sorry.” 

Gyuvin confessed, the reality of the situation quickly hitting him as he watched your face morph into different expressions.

You were stunned, to say the least, and then you remembered what Ricky told you when you first hung out. And then all the signs you didn’t even notice before came swarming to you and everything made sense. In the end, you didn’t know how to feel.

“I’m– I’m so sorry Gyuvin.” you sputtered out, and you can see how his heart broke through his eyes. “I didn’t realize, I’m so stupid. I feel like an asshole now, I should’ve considered how you felt especially when I talked about—”

“It’s fine. Really. I knew I didn’t stand a chance with him anyways, so I kept quiet. I didn’t want to ruin the years we had together instead.” Gyuvin smiles sadly, as tears shone his eyes.

“Um, I should go. I didn’t mean to keep you this long, I’m sorry.” He turns and starts to walk away.

“Wait!” you call for him, but fall silent after seeing him turn.

“Hey, it’s fine, really. I didn’t expect much anyways. You know how you told Ricky it wasn’t his fault? It’s not yours, either. I understand I'm not the only one for you. So please, don’t beat yourself up over it. I might stay out for a while though, I need some time and space. But always remember that I’m here regardless of the pain, so don’t tell me to go away from you.”

Gyuvin takes a big breath to compose himself, before bidding his goodbyes. “I’ll see you around, yeah?” You couldn’t do anything else but nod and watch as he walks away, disappearing into the night and leaving you alone once again.

[youthinluv]

head filled with jpop idol! reader x kpop idol! ricky and them not being able to see eachother irl often and out of nowhere ricky suprises them? :< thanks upfront btw :> - 🦔

surprise!

shen ricky x fem reader | 645 wc | fluff

note: this was literally so fun to write?? also, happy reading🦔!

warnings: terribly translated kr and jpn, a softy ricky (definitely needs a warning ❌)

secrecy, it’s hard. it’s the hardest especially if you are one of the biggest rookie j-pop idol who is dating one of the biggest rookie k-pop idols.

“안녕 자기야!” hello, baby!

ricky greeted you over the phone while you were getting your makeup done for a show.

“ヤホ愛!!” yaho, love!

you greeted back with the same enthusiasm, making your stylists giggle at you.

“how are you? i’m sorry i can’t be there.” ricky sulked in japanese, he made it a rule that he would speak japanese while you spoke in korean to him.

“i’m okay, and it’s okay! you can come when you’re in tokyo next month!” you replied, eyes closing as the stylists did their thing.

“oh about that, i don’t think i’ll be there.”

“hm? why? is the tour cancelled in the sky dome?” you asked.

he hums, “i heard there was a problem so the japan leg is canceled.”

that got you disappointed but you didn’t tell him. how were you supposed to react when you wanted to see the man you love the most to perform on the stage he wants to be on?

how were you supposed to react when that was the only chance where you both can post pictures with each other without fans assuming there is another meaning?

“it’s okay, ai. i’m sure there will be better plans for you and the boys.” you answered before the makeup artists were done.

“anyway, i have to go. i’m going to get changed before practicing for a few!” you told him while you were walking into the dressing room.

“okay, love! good luck and i love you! 電話してね!” call me, ricky says while smushing kiss sounds into the phone’s mic.

this makes you laugh before smacking one kiss into the mic, “i have to go, bye!” you said.

and let’s say you were in a sour mood after.

months later, zb1’s supposed japan tour came.

surprisingly, you were busy that month hence why there was no chance to even spare ricky an hour of your time. but of course, you never forgot to send him a few messages and voice notes ever so often.

a bouquet of flowers came to your dressing room, delivered in zb1’s behalf. another one came, delivered under ricky’s japanese name.

“best of luck, ai!” was written on the card with ricky’s name signing it underneath.

this made you smile and made your manager take photos of you with it.

yourusername

163,828 likes

yourusername : お花をありがとう！うまくやるよ！ @.zb1official 🐾

satisfied with the message full of thanks, you happily performed in your show along with your members, the flowers giving you a boost of energy.

right when the show ended, the manager came to you with a worried face as she went near you.

“there is something wrong, now come.” she said before hurriedly bringing you to the dressing room. you ran along with her with worry in your footsteps.

what could’ve gone wrong while i was on stage? have they found out about us? are they making me separate with ricky? such thoughts entered your mind before you reached your dressing room.

“go.” your manager said from beside you.

nervously, you cranked the door open before you flinched at a cheerful shout.

“surprise! congratulations, love!” a voice said from the dark room, the light suddenly shot open and you were met with a ricky with balloons and a cake in his hand, a huge smile on his face.

“ai!” you said in shock while walking in the room. laughing at you, ricky walked towards you with your cake in hand.

“surprise!” he giggled before kissing your forehead softly.

“why are you even here?” you said to him, still in the middle of a shock episode.

“why? can’t i be here for the best love in the entire world?” ricky said sweetly before kissing your cheek while you flushed red.

the surprise is a success.

© GUNFLEUR — ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[youthinluv]

since i finally posted the ricky oneshot heres a cutesy lil sneak peek for the next one (i'll probably disappear for a month again)

[youthinluv]

for the unsaid love in me

zb1 x reader (stable relationship)

“if i could write a song, it would be this.”

kim jiwoong

— arthur nery - happy w u

“what I would do to feel your heat, you turn a glow into a fire, my love don't expire, you're my lifeline, lifeline, you are all I crave and all I seek.”

zhang hao

— playertwo - that’s my baby

“I just wanna go and build a home with you, wanna lay down, front the fire with you and spend summer in June, takin' pics with you.”

sung hanbin

— lauv - paris in the rain

“we don't need a fancy town or bottles that we can't pronounce, 'cause anywhere, babe, is like Paris in the rain”

seok matthew

— cigarettes after sex - sweet

“it’s so sweet knowing that you love me, though we don’t need to tell each other, sweet knowing that i love you and running my fingers through your hair, it’s so sweet.”

kim taerae

— taylor swift - lover

“ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

with every guitar string scar on my hand, i take this magnetic force of a (wo)man to be my lover”

shen ricky

— kevin kaarl - es que yo te quiero a ti

“Es que yo te quiero a ti, yo te cuidaré cuando estés triste O bien contenta, corazón”

i’ll take care of you when you’re sad or really happy, my love.

kim gyuvin

— the neighborhood - compass

“you’re always there to help me when i’m down, i’m lucky you’ve been keeping me around. you’re the star i look for every night, when it’s dark, you’ll stick right by my side.”

park gunwook

— shawn mendes - fallin’ all in love

“baby, you are bringing out a different kind of me, there's no safety net that's underneath, i'm free fallin' all in you”

han yujin

— ruth b. - dandelions

“and I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime and i'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine.”

© GUNFLEUR — ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[youthinluv]

parallel lines

You tell me you love her, I give you a grin Oh, all I ever wanted was a life in your shape So I follow the white lines Keep my eyes on the road as I ache

sypnosis ; parallel lines never meet, they go on forever and never touch. same with perpendicular lines. they meet once but then they drift apart. forever.

pairing ; shen ricky x fem! reader

wc ; 3271

genre ; angst, non-idol! & highschool! au

tags + warnings ; swearing, unrequited love, one-sided pining, hurt no comfort, mixed signals, love triangle (kinda), zb1 members featured, ricky's oblivious but reader's also kind of a coward and insecure

playlist ; strawberry blond - mitski, yours - conan gray

author's note ; I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG RAGHHH 😭 the ending fell a little flat because i was really rushing to get this out since it was long overdue huhus. i kinda wish i executed this entire thing better but oh well !

——— “Do you ever plan on confessing or are you going to keep hoping he’ll somehow notice you?”

Gyuvin asks you out of nowhere, almost throwing you off from the rhythm game you were playing.

“You bitch! I almost lost my combo because of you!”

You punch his arm once you finish the round, trying to change the subject. “And keep your voice down, someone might hear you.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, idiot. I’ve known you long enough to know how your mind works.”

“Shut up! Okay, look. He doesn’t even know me like that even though we’ve been going to the same school for years now. Despite all that, we’re only classmates. See where I’m going with this?”

Gyuvin then shoots you a look of disbelief. You stare back at him and you both sit in silence. As he turns back to his food with a sigh, he seemingly spots something and immediately turns back to face you.

“Hey, don’t make it obvious but I think Ricky’s looking in our direction.”

At this, you immediately look his way and briefly make eye contact with him. As you lifted your hand to wave at him, your view was blocked by someone sitting in front of you.

“Hey! Sorry, I got held up. Did I miss anything?”

“Alexa! Don’t worry about it. You didn’t miss much anyways.”

you resist the urge to sigh, dropping your hand and focusing your attention on your other friend.

Alexa was a newer friend to you compared to Gyuvin, whom you’ve known since your childhood. 

She was a transferee and yet she was already considerably popular in school, which made sense because she was the full package. Pretty, nice, a straight A student, and well off. Still, she chose to hang out with you two, which came as a surprise for you.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N? Are you okay?” Alexa calls out, waving a hand in front of you. “Everything alright?”

“Ah, yeah. I was just thinking. Don’t worry about it.”

“Hmm... care to share with the class, then?”

At this, you look at Gyuvin, debating on whether or not you really should be honest with her. You look back at her and find her looking at you expectantly. You bite your lip, hesitating before deciding to tell her.

“Say… I don’t mean any offense to this, but why do you hang out with us? We’re like, nobodies compared to you, so it’s kind of surprising to me that you’d hang out with us instead of the more popular kids.” 

Alexa’s expression morphs into a surprised one, mouth forming an ‘O’ at the question and seemingly taking no offense to it, to your relief.

“Ah well… compared to them I can definitely be myself around you guys. It’s too much pressure to keep up an image for them, it‘s no fun…” she mumbles. You exchange glances with Gyuvin as he decides to change the subject to something else.

You start to zone out and block their conversation as you look back to Ricky, who was still looking in your direction, and you two lock eyes. Not knowing what to do, you show him a small smile and he returns it, before looking away and back to his friend group.

———

“Alright everyone, we have a dyad project coming up. This’ll take up a big percent of your grade, so you have to take this seriously. That aside, I’ll be selecting some students to draw a piece of paper with their classmate’s name and whoever they draw will be their partner for the project.”

The teacher states. 

One by one, he reads names off a list and they all draw their respective partners.

“Shen Ricky.”

He calls out, and you hold your breath. As well as like, 5 other girls in your class.

Everyone carefully watches him pick out a piece of paper and unfold it.

“Y/N L/N?” he calls out and your head snaps up so fast you could’ve sworn you almost broke it.

You wave him over and you can hear a few people grumble and sigh in disappointment here and there as he approaches you.

“Hi.” you smile at him politely.

“Hey.” he smiles back.

You look across the room to look at Gyuvin, who was paired with Gunwook. He lets out a chuckle at your wide eyes and wiggle his eyebrows in a teasing manner.

———

“So you’re Y/N? I’m Ricky, it’s nice to officially meet you.”

Ricky smiles warmly at you as everyone is left to discuss with their partners.

“Oh, please, there’s no need to be formal! We’re classmates, so don’t worry about it. It’s nice to officially meet you too.”

“Mhm. I don’t know if you remember, but I hope you didn’t find the little thing back in lunch earlier weird. I don’t normally do that.”

“You don’t normally stare at randos in school?”

You tease, amused at how Ricky visibly tenses up and gets ready to explain himself.

“I’m kidding, don’t work yourself up over it. If we’re working together, we might as well get to know each other a bit better. Or, something along those lines.”

His shoulders then sag as he relaxes and chuckles. You two hit it off pretty well and spend the rest of the period warming up to each other.

———

Your screams become muffled as you bury your face into a pillow, kicking your feet and thrashing around frantically.

….

“Are you done yet?”

Gyuvin plops down next to you, looking at you with disgust as you look up and stop.

“I don’t know what I’ve done in my past life to deserve this, but I can’t believe this is happening! I’m gonna get on my knees and start thanking all the gods above.” “Please don’t.”

You throw the pillow you were holding at him, as the exchange erupts into an argument.

“But seriously though, what are the odds that we’d get partnered up! It must be a sign.”

You grin as Gyuvin groans.

“Girl, please. Half of the school’s population is also crushing on him as well, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.”

“Okay, okay, yeah. But does half of the school have his number too?” You pull out your phone, showing him the contact you had saved for Ricky. He rises from his position and snatches your phone to get a better look.

“Holy shit, you actually have his number….”

Gyuvin mutters, handing the phone back after a quick scan.

“Still, is that really a flex? I have his number too, because, y’know. We’re literally friends? If you wanted it that bad I could’ve just given it to you.”

He laughs as you scoff. As you were about to hit him for the nth time that day, your phone suddenly lights up and you see that it’s a text from Ricky. Seeing this, you immediately shoot up from your position.

“Shut up! Ricky texted me, hold on…”

You trail off as you frantically fumble your phone around.

‘hey! hope this isn’t a bad time but are you free tomorrow? we can discuss the project details at a cafe somewhere  if you are. my treat :)’

The text read.

A pause came before you started shrieking in your pillow once again.

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up!” Gyuvin groans in annoyance, you sit up and quickly type a reply back.

‘hi! yeah, that sounds great <3 just send me the details and we can meet up by then.‘

———

“Hey, thanks for the free food, really. I should treat you next time as thanks.”

“It’s nothing, really.” Ricky places the tray down, setting their respective orders on the table. “I looked over the project and it seems easy so we don’t have to do much. We can honestly just use the time given as an excuse to hang out.”

“...You wanna hang out with me more?”

“Hm? Well— yeah. I dunno, I feel like I can be more like… myself? When I’m around you, which is refreshing to me.” he trails off, pausing to look at you.

“Was that weird? I’m so sorry, just ignore what I just said. Your boyfriend might get mad so—”

“Boyfriend?” 

You echo, flabbergasted and wondering who he was talking about.

“Huh? Yeah, Gyuvin? I know we’re friends but he hangs out with you a lot. We keep asking if you two are together but he avoids the question every time.”

Your eye twitches and you force a smile, horrified to think that anyone would mistake you and Gyuvin as a couple, let alone conceptualize it.

“Oh. No. Gyuvin and I aren’t dating. Like, at all. We’re actually childhood best friends so I guess that's why we’re always together.” 

Ricky’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape, nodding in acknowledgement. “Oh! I’m sorry then. He hadn’t really told us about you that much so we always just saw you as some mystery girl who he was always with. The fact that he’d just act weird when asked kinda left us questioning. That was also why I was looking at you that one time during lunch, so. ”

You nod, taking note of this. The subject changes and the little “date” carries on but Ricky’s mention of your best friend’s behavior still lingers in your mind.

You were to ask Gyuvin about it later that night.

———

Weeks passed by and you and Ricky quickly grew closer to each other. The cafe became your regular hangout spot and they constantly met up from that point on, even outside of school purposes.

“Oh my god, hey Y/N!” Alexa calls out and walks next to you as you return her greeting.

“Girl, I saw you at a cafe yesterday with a really cute guy. Is he your boyfriend?” She asks with a teasing smile on her face. Your face burns up, as you hesitate to answer.

“Ah, no… I got paired up with him for a class project, so we’re not that close.”

“Seriously? So is he single?” she tilts her head.

“I guess…? I mean, I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

You start to be more vague, not liking where this conversation was going. Alexa notices the change and your unreadable expression. 

As she was about to say something else, the bell rings and you use that as an excuse to rush to your class, muttering a quick ‘bye’ and leaving her behind, confused.

———

“So you just left her behind there?”

“Yeah, and I feel so bad! She didn’t even do anything wrong which makes me feel even worse.” you groan, head in hands as you and Gyuvin walk home from school.

“Well, why don’t you just tell her that you like Ricky? Maybe she’ll stay away from him if you do, she’s too nice to steal someone’s crush away.”

You look over at Gyuvin, a little frustrated trying to figure out how to handle the situation. “That would mean I have plans to pursue him, and he’s like, way out of my league. Man, couldn’t you think of something else?—”

Gyuvin abruptly stops in his tracks and seems panicked. Confused, you look to the direction he was looking over at and your eyes widened.

You see Ricky and Alexa laughing as they stepped out of the same cafe from yesterday, drinks in hands. Upon seeing so, you instinctively grab Gyuvin and pull him away from their view. You two try to discreetly stalk them as they walk in the opposite direction. 

Once they were out of view, Gyuvin pulls away and looks at you, unsure of what to say. You had an unreadable look on your face, equally unsure of what to make of the situation. In the end, you simply sigh and usher your friend to move along with a quiet “let’s go.”

———

Ever since that day, you started avoiding both Ricky and Alexa. They constantly sent you messages which you’d ignore, on top of pretending like you didn’t see them whenever they’d wave or look over to you.

However, you were unsure if that really was the right choice, because that only allowed them to spend more time with each other. In the middle of your avoiding and ignoring, you’d see them walking in the hallways and eating lunch together. Rumors about them dating have already started because of their sudden closeness and it became a hot topic pretty quickly.

One day, you and Gyuvin were over at his house to hang out and you couldn’t help but burst and rant after losing a round to him.

“God knows what I should do! I feel like it’s too late for me to go back on what I’ve done since I’ve been ignoring them for days now and it’s a little embarrassing to talk to them out of nowhere.” you finish.

“Maybe it’s better for you to talk to Ricky and Ricky only. This way you can communicate, tell him everything and probably even confess to him. At the rate everything’s going, it’s now or never.” Gyuvin tells you, putting down his controller and watching you throw yourself on his bed face down.

After a brief silence, you mutter a muffled “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Getting up and grabbing your phone, you look for Ricky’s contact and see his recent message from yesterday.

“hey. it's been a while. is everything alright? you’ve been avoiding and ignoring me all of a sudden. please let me know if i did anything to offend you and i hope we can talk again soon. i’m sorry.” it read.

Biting your lip, you hesitate, thinking of what to say. After typing and deleting your message back and forth, you were finally able to send him a message.

“hi. I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened. are you free tomorrow? i was hoping to talk to you. does the nearby park sound good if ever?”

It took less than a minute for Ricky to respond, taking the best friends by surprise.

“oh my god, you responded. and ofc, it’s all good with me, i’m free tomorrow. i’ll see you then.”

You stared at your phone, rereading the short convo you two had. Getting up, you look over to Gyuvin to tell him you’ve made up your mind. 

“I’m confessing to him tomorrow.”

“Seriously?” He was completely surprised at this. “I mean– go for it! I can’t believe you finally have the guts to tell him.”

“Yeah. You were right about the now or never thing. I’m gonna tell him no matter what happens. The sooner I do it, the sooner I’ll get over it. It’s much better that way.”

You sigh and grab your bag. “I’m going home. It’s getting late.” “You want me to walk you home?”

“Nah. I kinda need some alone time right now. Y’know, to figure out what to do and say tomorrow.”

“Oh okay, get home safe.”

You exchange goodbyes, and leave Gyuvin’s house. 

Unbeknownst to you, the boy is left behind alone with negative and conflicted feelings to your plans.

———

The park was quiet, which was unusual. It made you feel even worse than you already did, as if it was a reminder about your impending doom.

Thousands of scenarios run through your head and you can’t help but wonder if it was stupid for you to continue hoping that you’d still have a chance. That maybe, just maybe, he feels the same way towards you after everything you’ve been through.

You easily spot Ricky at the spot you decided to meet up at. It took you by surprise how early he was, but the feeling was quickly replaced with dread as you approach him. The thought of bailing crossed your mind but it was quickly erased when Ricky noticed you.

“Y/N!” he called out, and stood up, gesturing to you to sit in the empty space next to him. As you do so, he looks at you expectantly, trying to guess if he should go first or not.

“I am… so so sorry for the way I’ve been acting these past couple weeks. I should’ve at least tried to communicate with you instead of leaving you in the dark.” you start.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright, I promise. I was just worried that I did something to offend you, or that something happened. Don’t work yourself up over it.”

You nod and stare at him, trying to figure out what else to say to keep the conversation going and make it go your way.

“Um, so how’s life been going for you?”

The way his face almost instantly brightens doesn’t go unnoticed by you. You could feel your heart drop to your stomach as you could already assume what it was about.

“It’s been going well, actually. I started talking to this girl, Alexa was it? She’s your friend, right?” he asks and you almost couldn’t bring yourself to nod. At this point, you were just waiting for him to say it outright so you could confirm it.

“She’s a very nice person,” he continues and seems to hesitate and lowers his voice “you’re actually the only person I’m telling this to, but I actually really like her. I plan to confess and ask her out next week.”

Ah. There it is.

You purse your lips and abruptly stand up, interrupting Ricky and he asks what’s wrong. “Ricky, maybe it’s better for both of us to stop whatever this is. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Being friends?”

“Yes! If that’s what you think this is, then sure. Let’s stop being friends.”

Ricky stands up as well, you look up at him towering over you with a confused expression. You could’ve sworn he looked pained as well.

“Why? I thought we already sorted things out? Wasn’t that the whole point of meeting up here? Did I do something wrong?” 

He grows desperate at your silence and lack of response, voice slowly raising. The fact that he even cared enough to fight against the idea made things even more complicated. You thought it’d be easy, and that he wasn’t attached enough to actually care.

“What’s it to you anyways?” you couldn’t help but snap at him, a little mad that he had to complicate the situation.

“Because we’re friends! I genuinely enjoy your presence! Did all of that mean nothing to you? Can’t we just––”

“It’s because I like you, Ricky!” At this point, tears were spilling from your eyes. “I’ve liked you for fucking years now and it hurts to know that I‘ll never have you. I was always a nobody at school, and I was fine admiring you from afar. But now that I know that I was so close, yet so far pains me.”

…

Silence overtook the conversation as Ricky’s face softened, any trace of desperation leaving his face and being replaced with an unreadable expression.

“I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t. I can’t even blame you. You’re way out of my league anyways, you and Alexa are a great match.”

You sigh, wiping your tears.

“I’ll be going now. I’m sorry it all turned out like this, really.”

As you walk away, Ricky calls after you and you turn around, deciding to give him your last words.

“It’s not your fault, Ricky. It’s mine and only mine. Maybe I was just unlucky, or maybe I just gave myself too much hope. But all I know is that something about you made me feel a little more alive and far less lost. Thank you.”

And with that, you walked away and decided that from there on, you’d go back to being strangers to each other.