#but i wont bc thats shitty so im not gonna do that

[0rph1x]

good morning tumblr dot com im normal again bc we cut contact so just! expect regular nonsensical posting! =D

[solcarow]

orv adaption announcements …………..

[dandyshucks]

need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭

I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[agayconcept]

.

[snekdood]

why does it feel like...

ppl: believe victims!!

me: im a victim

ppl: actually u should be able to forgive and understand ur abuser and stop blaming them for being shitty bc they had a sad upbringing, actually, did u know,

as well as

ppl: yeah, fuck snake

someone else: yknow hes accused of being abusive too

ppl: omg yeah its probably 100% true and im not gonna question it further bc I hate him so much and i'm gonna act like its fine he was abused and my hatred and possible attempts to sabotage him is always justified in spite of doing abuser apologia earlier against him

[technicolorxsn]

I'm so fucking scared I feel like I'm gna throw up lol

[phagodyke]

completed the game btw 👍

laptop crashed on me trying to open elden ring the final straw 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[moonlit-dreamers]

Can you rate all Eclipse ships?

*rubs my grubby hands together* i abso-fuckin-lutely can

the lower they go doesnt mean "i despise it" (unless specified) its just that i dont find it interesting/dont personally ship it/never think about it. this also wont include poly ships bc then i just Wouldnt Stop. btw im not gonna edit this so if some shit is typed wrong then uh . sucks ig hjgfjhfh

eclipse/solar - 10/10 - nothing could be better than this. this is my otp above sun/eclipse. nothing can be improved upon bc it is perfect. learning to love urself by loving another version of urself? SIGN 💥 ME 💥 UP 💥

eclipse/sun - 10/10 - second thing i ever shipped (first was sun/solar <3) and its stuck with me ever since. enemies to lovers. wonderful. scrumptious

lord eclipse/sunvant - 10/10 i say this counts to be added to the list bc i fucking can. theyre also my otp. toxic codependency. sunvant having pure blind devotion to lord eclipse despite everything hes done to hurt him? GHOD

eclipse/sunbeam - 8/10 - grumpy cat x golden retriever. or maybe a yorkie with how much sun yaps ghdfghfgh. he'd probably act so fucking annoyed with how much sunbeam yaps but in reality he actually pays attention to all of it bc despite how little of it makes sense its actually entertaining

eclipse/moonshine - 8/10 - theyre nerds that kiss each other. they work on games and random projects together. theyre wonderful

eclipse/ruin - 8/10 - okay im actually writing these out of order and i was almost done THEN FUCKING FORGOT THIS. toxic yaoi at its finest. while ruin is still forcing eclipse to work for him he gets Silly™️ and just goes "i can do whatever i want and nobody will stop me" and ofc he does. if that includes torture or messing with him until his mind breaks then thats up to you. would this be accurate to canon ruin? absolutely not. do i care? fuck no <3

eclipse/dark sun - 7/10 - ADDING THIS IN EDITING BC I WAS FUCKING STUPID AND FORGOT THEM OTL. this the good shit. toxic yaoi. i have thoughts but theyre all gone rn idk wtf happened to them so imagine i made a shitty summary of a fucked up scenario

eclipse/old moon - 7/10 - gwuh creator/creation beloved. idk man. it could either be healing and fluff or angst and toxic. you pick <3

eclipse/solarflare - 7/10 - again. creator/creation. im unwell. AND YET ANOTHER COULD BE TOXIC OR FLUFFY. me thinks onesided pining from sf while eclipse is either oblivious or ignores it would be fun. OR they both use it as a chance to explore bc why not :3

eclipse/earth - 6/10 - not my favorite but its good for fluffy shit. idk why but every time i decide to doodle eclipse being flustered its always with earth. she just appears and makes it her job. idk what to do my hands just move on their own

eclipse/nexus - 5/10 - lower than old moon bc i just dont find it as interesting

eclipse/lunar - 5/10 - personally not that interested in it. but if you bring it up in the middle of a conversation another alter WILL come running over. he responds to it faster than his own damn name. ask him and he'd start going OFF.

eclipse/ballora - 4/10 never think about it but it could be fun

eclipse/bloodmoon - 4/10 - think it could be fun. again, could be toxic or fluffy.

eclipse/killcode - 4/10 - yet another "good ship but not personally interested". tho i think it could be fun. giant soft monster x angry small creature

eclipse/puppet - 3/10 - i like it more than puppet/foxy but thats only bc its eclipse added. i just. i dont like puppet. shes getting better but for a while she was SO annoying to me and i just. my opinion is tainted 😔

eclipse/vincent - 2/10 - i can see it? maybe? who fuckin knows lol

eclipse/anyone else - 1/10 - im just lumping everyone else into one thing so i dont go on forever. basically just the "never thought about it and probably wont continue thinking about it" ships

[lemonine]

might delete this post later but its 3am and i keep overthinking this so im just gonna ramble here about the seasonally appropriate topic of family members saying shitty things

so we were watching tv and there was this show on by this tv person who happens to be intersex. and my mom made this comment using their deadname so i was like. no mom theyre called [name]. theyve been called that for a few years now.

so my mom goes "but isnt her name just [deadname]?"

no mom. also its they not she. they use neutral pronouns.

and then she starts complaining because thats too hard and theyre all going a bit far with the pronoun business and then my sister chimes in to say hen/hun isnt grammatically correct

and then i get mad! and i tell them to say it right because even if its a person on tv, you should still be respectful and use the right name and right pronouns. my mom wouldnt like it if i suddenly started calling her by her full name right? or if i used 'he' to refer to her right? youre supposed to try to be nice. and at least Try to get it right.

but now im suddenly the LGBTQIA police and being too difficult and now were arguing and she keeps claiming "No i dont have anything against trans people! you can still bring your trans friends home with you because theres no way i would say anything bad about them!" (ignoring that time my friend came to pick me up and they were like Haha shes definitely a girl because she cant park)

and at this point i get upset and i know im not acting very nice or kind anymore but i just. Dont understand. why people always act like its Too Hard. no. fuck that. skill issue. just do it, even if you mess up sometimes. just Try.

and like. when im at a family birthday and my uncles start to complain about woke or something. i just go hide out in the kitchen for a while until that conversation is over. and i roll my eyes but im not gonna argue with em bc i know i wont win and i only see em like once a year anyway so im like. whatever.

but with my mom... i spend every day with her... and its always such a disappointment... she says its just her opinion and i should respect opinions but i dont feel like "im not gonna treat people with respect" is an opinion thats good or valid. its just mean. and then i try to rationalize it by going okay but theres a generation gap and shes just old but that doesnt make me feel any better. bc even a 5 year old can understand that you have to be nice to people and call them by their right names

idk man its not the first time this kind of stuff happens but it always makes me so sad. and mad. and then i turn into the most crabby person on planet earth so my arguments dont even sound valid anymore bc i cant phrase them in a nice way.

anyway uhhhh sorry about all that. if anyone knows how to deal with this id like to hear your thoughts but otherwise id like to send my hugs to all the people that have to deal with family saying dumb shit at thanksgiving/christmas dinners. stay strong pals

[pumpkinsy0]

If we could get the most CLICHE coming of age hcs for the two dorks (papercut) that would be amazing I'm living what I thought being a teenager would be like when I was a kid through them fr

i LOVE cliche things this is so perfect im basically just gonna describe an early 2010s coming of age movie if they were in it LMAOOO

•curly is like the mentor, but he only knows a LITTLE but more than pony, bc ponys naive he doesnt rlly notice that most of curlys advice is shitty

•theyre known as “those kids”, theyre not the WORST kids in school, but everyone knows who they r bc of how ODD they r😭, they try fitting it but it backfires and they show OUT, curly wants to b more popular like tim, ponys just trynna get through hs and curlys his bodyguard bc hes a shepard

•PLEASSEEEE let them get their first job together, curly totally didnt want the job, heee just wanted money, pony always ends up doing most of his work

•ponys like never invited to parties, curly is but its begrudgingly and he always drags pony along, they TRY drinking but they dont like it so they stick to drinking the shitty juice so nobody questions em

•once the cops came to a party and ponys track skills DEFINITELY saved his ass while jumping those fences, curly just hid but he was so mad pony “ditched” him he aint talk to him for half a day (he missed him)

•pony shows a LOT of interest in kathy and curlys soooo jealous, its even worse bc pony keeps asking curly for some advice. kathy kinda reciprocates and it gets curly upset, bc pony asks curly for practice on kissing, they sworreeee not to tell anyone else, and they didnt but pony got huge feelings for him, just tries to hide it

•ponys not safe either, curly hits on other ppl cause his crush isnt looking at him and hes a desperate hormonal teen, seeing curly hit on ppl annoys pony too

•does anyone know that one scene in superbad w the fake id and the TERRIBLE name “McLovin”, yea pony and curly git fake id’s and had fake names theyd totally look back on and think was so ASS

•pony just crushes on any girl (and lowkey guy) around him, he had the SMALLEST crush on her that curly found out about and punched him hard (on the arm) for, but it was a crush crush??? he didnt like her that much, especially w the way she would treat them during detention and they would try to sneak out, she would rip into him for no reason at all😭😭

•im telling u they totally hang out w this kid who has more money w them but they arent FRIENDS w them, just kinda using them for more things, pony thinks its a lil fucked up but doesnt think much about it cause curly says thats just life

•curly gets his first tattoo w pony and ill just say that is in fact something only a teen would get, curly told pony to get one too and after much pressure, pony decided y not and got a super small one

•summers have to b BIG for them, theyre always doing something much to darry and tims dismay, like just lay down sometimes. EVERY summer has a “remember THAT summer” story

•stole a motorcycle once and came home w a road rash, NOT even 6 minutes in to the drive, thats the one thing curly will ever say he wont try ever again (hes gonna try it when hes older)

•let these bundle of sticks kiss at the end of the movie damn it!!!!

[no-shxme]

Hi I saw you have TalEz on your won'ts for your commissions. Just curious can you explain why?

hi anon yEAH i can explain but like, to preface this, if you happen to like talez you're totally valid and dont feel like you have to dislike it or anything bc im gonna be a lil hater. people like what they like (and dislike what they dislike) and thats totally okay. this is just my own personal opinion. i wish i liked talez more bc its probably the most popular talon ship and im often starving, but i just dont and there's a couple reasons why.

i dont like the way its usually portrayed

im not the biggest ezreal fan.

imo there's better fits for both of them.

ugh this is going to be long so ill put it under the cut.

tbf, you dont NEED some complex reason to dislike a ship/character. like reason 2 is already enough for me to open and shut smth, but i do have complex thoughts about talez. and i am totally going to do a little hating below.

i think talez is so fucking anime that it lacks so much complexity. i dont really like anime. (i know thats a broad, loaded statement i just hate 99% of the tropes that pop up. not saying ive never enjoyed a shitty/tropy anime, but just--no) i think talez is broadly boiled down and portrayed by most fan-creators as 'edgy dark cloud + ball of sunshine' and i think thats so boring and lame for both of them. imo it reduces them to a really basic ship trope and there's nothing inherently WRONG with it, i just think its so boring. i look at popular fanworks and personally find it super reductive for both of them. it feels like talez happened bc at it's inception league needed an anime character ship. to be fair, you can reduce ANY ship to smth basic. talsett is just 'tall x short' but in comparison i think talsett has so much more complexity in theming. same with like, rhaayn for example. to me there's a lot more depth. i think the most depth you can get out of talez is related to ez's loss of family and talon's too + themes of belonging, but god. its not good enough.

talez is also usually portrayed romantically and i'm turbo aromantic and mostly romance repulsed and also hc talon as the same, so this already cuts out so much talez fanwork for me. :')

ALSO while we're at it, talon is such a bottom to me. even when he tops. and i hate him being portrayed as this like, idk, grim edgy SUPER TALL??? domineering top when he's like, as tall as katarina in the comic and was prolly malnourished bc he lived on the streets for years. tbh i would automatically like talez more if they were BOTH shortasses and switches as god intended. but noooo. i think if i literally just saw/read more ez topping talon then i'd be automatically more on board. but id also need an aromantic angle so its literally never happening.

i think when ezreal gets paired with talon both of their personalities get so fucked. his ass is not cuddling. ezreal is not some weak damsel or master of seduction either. i think a problem that not just talez creators but like, creators in general suffer from is erasing bad traits that characters have, unless they're 'cute.' talon has some cute bad traits, but he also has some seriously bad traits that loving or being loved wont fix. and ezreal is just reduced SO bad. so talez feels inherently ooc to me. fandom has done a number on him. there's nothin left in the pot. i think being with talon (in canon) is such an uphill battle and most of the time i dont see ezreal equipped to handle it in comparison to other people.

i dont really like ezreal. i think i've already made that clear before. he's fun to play and i like him on a surface level and ive got friends that really like him and thats totally fine but idk he's just not my blorbo. the only time i really like him is when he's with aphelios, where somehow my dislike of both characters cancel out. maybe i dont have room for him because i like talon too much, who knows. either way, often times when talez fanworks are created the focus is actually just on ezreal, and that annoys me as an ezreal disliker. (fanwork creators can create whatever the fuck they want ofc, godspeed do what makes you happy)

and my third point: there's better fits for both of them. i like ezphel and ezkayn more than talez. i think in canon there's a good chance talon might genuinely kill him. or ezreal might really overwhelm him and drive him away with his outward facing personality. and frankly there's a good chance ezreal also goes away bc talon is bad news and also doesn't have the charisma to keep him there. and ofc for talon i think talsett is the ultimate fit, or even talshan is right there.

THAT BEING SAID. i don't mind talez AS much if there's a third, though we still run into some of the same issues as above. like ive written talezsett before. thats nice! talezlux is okay too even if,, completely unfeasible... (i have strong opinions im sorry. as a crack ship its fun i think)

blah blah. i think i could like talez but i would have to write it myself. thats what it boils down to. there are ideas/concepts i like about them. ive juggled the idea of putting a talez fic on my to do list but i just dont think i'll write it in any way that actual talez fans would like, which means there's no point in writing it at all. i've plotted several, long and short, but i think everyone would hate it. talez isn't a strict 'won't write.' iirc it specifically says like: 'unless the idea goes hard' but no ones tried me pfppf, and im fine with it i guess.

there's more i can say but like, i dont want this to be too long.

the important thing to remember is that if you like talez... GOOD. im happy for you!! keep loving it, godspeed. these are just my personal reasons it doesnt click with me.

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ college spirit (chapter 7)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

Chapter warnings- okay so this is probably the chapter with the most warnings, there is a lot of alchohol, lots of swearing, theres themes of relationship abuse, physical abuse, manipulation, blood mention, we see jungkook btw (bc its party time) Taehyungs heart is in the right place but he does something bad. Kaito is a dickhead say it with me. dont read if youre sensitive to domestic abuse themes, this one was rough yall. also apologies for spelling errors.

A/N- So this is the chapter I would label as story changing, everything kind of takes a giant move in an opposite direction from here on out, Its crazy but hope you enjoy!!

-

Growing up, you thought that life would just magically align the moment you hit your 20's, you would be married with 2 kids living somewhere that provided everything you needed, and anything you wanted. You can laugh at yourself now for thinking, or even considering, that your early 20's would be any different from your teen years.

Because, with that said, here you were laying in bed with Taehyung as he slept, while your boyfriend was out doing God knows what. Granted, he isnt the best boy to use as an example, but just a few hours ago you almost kissed your best friend. You are a lot of things, but despite the shitty situation, you are not a cheater.

You could have yelled at him, you could have made a big deal about what happened outside, but you didnt.

You told yourself that this was taehyungs night to shine, so you dropped it and did what you both always do, forget it even happened. He is stubborn though, and snuck into your bed right before you fell asleep.

Its not unusual for you both to sleep near one another, but you would think he would get the hint that things needed to simmer down for a few.....guess not.

"youre awake?"

you turned your head to the raspy voice beside you, rubbing your eyes as you hummed. "yeah"

He smiled and stretched, burying his face into the pillow before reluctantly sitting up against the headboard.

"You sleep okay?" you ask

"yeah" tae chuckled, "Sort of have a headache..."

"ah" you reached into your nightstand and grabbed some Tylenol, handing the pills over to him along with your not drunk water bottle from last night.

He smiled graciously and took the medicine, sipping the bottle before clearing his throat. "thanks" the boy yawned. "any plans today?" he looked at you

You pulled down the sheet and sat up as well, groaning at the stubborn sunlight peaking through your curtains. "Um...yeah. shit I forgot....some of my friends are throwing a party and I said I would show up. I dont know why I agreed"

"what?" tae whined "just dont go"

"nah they will be pissed at me, they already called me a prude for working and being home all day after school" you shrug

Tae sunk into the bed, upset that you would be out and about while he stayed in the apartment. "I'll just make an appearance, then make my exit, okay? it wont be like an all night thing, swear" you rambled.

"can I go at least?" he pleaded with big eyes

sighing, you look up at the ceiling. "eh, Im not sure thats....I dont know if its a good idea"

"why not?"

"because you dont know anyone over there except from Chae and Dahyun...who youve only met a few times, and-"

"whos throwing the party?"

"...I dont know? Some kid named Jungkook"

"see? you dont even know whos gonna be there so whats the difference if I go?" he insisted

"Because I definitely will recognize people, we all are on the same campus, you wont know a soul"

"Pleaseeee" he jokingly whined and held onto your arm.

"tae"

"Is kaito going?"

"yes"

"then I will too"

you scoff and pull back, "youre going just because he is?"

He looks at you, "no, I just- whatever im going" he stands up and flairs his arms around dramatically before going into the bathroom to wash up, not giving any room to further the conversation.

you fall back against the pillows and sigh. You never wanted to go, but you thought perhaps you had a chance at having fun, now that chance was at like....0.0002%. You loved tae, but certain people in your life dont, certain people who will be at that party, certain people who told you not to bring him.

-

"Yes mom, i-...yes yes, I already said that" you paced around the kitchen with your cellphone pressed to your ear, attempting to clean off the counters while conversing with your mother who was back in Gwangju.

"Well im just saying, your birthday is next month and I would come to Busan myself but my back is still giving issues, doctor said no travel. Would love to see you and kaito come visit me"

You looked around the kitchen as you listened to your mom speak, eyes catching on taehyung who was eating an english muffin in the living room, writing an email to his mom about how he won the art contest.

"I'll talk to him, we both have crazy schedules right now and the semester isnt over until the end of next month, so-"

"its okay if you cant, im just throwing it out there"

"no no, i'll find a way, ok? I only turn 23 once, and Im sure Kaito will love to meet you too."

Tae took a bite of his food and cocked his head to you, raising his eyebrows as you silently shrugged in response.

"Ok....mhm. I love you too mama, text me, okay? ...bye bye" you sigh and put your phone down.

"early birthday festivities?"

"yeah....Im gonna visit mom in a few weeks and she asked me to bring the..boy" you giggle, making him smile.

"she doesnt wanna see me?"

"I think she just wants to meet my current boyfriend, youll see her on easter" you pat his back and walk into your room.

-

"I think Jungkook is cute" Dahyun spoke up, biting into her donut as she scrolled through social media, showing his photos to Chae.

"eh he is oka- woah, yeah hes hot" she leaned closer into her friends phone as Kaito sighed and handed over their coffees. "thanks bean boy" chae chuckled and sipped her drink.

"If you guys are gonna harass me on my shift you can go" he adjusted his apron before wiping off the counter. "do you seriously plan on waiting until I get off of work? you cant drive yourself to the party?"

"what else do we have to do? and....its raining" dahyun drank her coffee, turning to Kaito. "plus you only have another 30 minuets, hurry up"

Chae laughed and walked over to sit in one of the booths as kaito took a new customers order.

"dahyun cmere"

The girl walked over and sat with her friend, looking down at her phone. "whats that?"

"Its Y/N and taehyung" she snickered, scrolling through the collected photos you took last night on your instagram.

Kaito peered over at his friends, curious upon hearing your name brought up. "Oh, yeah, they had this stupid art thing last night, guess he won or whatever" he dried his hands and handed the customer their drink.

"this doesnt look like a art thing" Dahyun smirked

"what?" he came from behind the counter, walking over to see a video of you, drunk, at some bar with taehyung, eating fries.

"she said she was going home after" he pouted and took the girls phone into his hands

"hey!" chae snatched her phone back

"she lied to me" he scoffs and looks again at the videos. "this was last night? youre sure?"

"it says 18 hours ago, yes"

He scratched his head and silently walked back to his position, not speaking a single word until his shift ended. The girls sharing humorous yet worried glances at eachother.

-

"He isnt picking you up"

"what?" you walk around the lobby of your apartment complex as you struggle to comprehend your friend on the other line.

"He said he cant pick you up, but he would see you at the party" Chae spoke louder.

"why cant he pick me up?, where-, what is he doing?"

"I dont know, but thats what he said, ask him" she responded shortly before getting distracted by someone else and hanging up on accident.

You sigh loudly and walk over to taehyung who was resting on the bench. "so hes not picking me up, big surprise"

"what?" he sat up and faced you

You two had gotten ready quickly around 6pm and waited in the lobby for your boyfriend, who you thought would be picking you up.

"I dont know" you shrug and pinch the bridge of your nose,

"hey its okay, i'll go back upstairs and get my keys...ill drive us" he patted your back as you looked at your feet.

"no its not that, I just....he's been acting so off and different. I sent him a cute message last night and he texted me back all lovey dovey this morning, now hes ignoring me, I cant take his fucking moodswings"

"im sorry" he mumbled, looking around at the busy lobby. "maybe...maybe I shouldnt go, like, do you think hes mad that we hung out last night?" he asked

"I dont know anymore, man" you look back at him, "I think we should just go, im not gonna hide from him...maybe I can get him to talk with me" you sigh and stand to your feet. "Im okay with you coming just really...keep your distance"

"from you?"

"from him"

he nods and stands, "okay, just wait here i'll get my keys"

-

The house party was loud, maybe too loud for an on campus event, especially considering it was only 7pm. You practically felt the music blaring inside of you as you timidly stepped into the crowded house. You were immediately met with the mixed aroma of sweat, alcohol, bath and body works perfume, and incense.

"eugh.." you turn to Taehyung and carefully grabbed his arm, leading him out of the busy room. "Just sit, im gonna go look for Kai an-"

"Y/N!"

you turn your head to be met with an already drunk Chae, bringing you into her sweaty arms.

"oh..hey, uh-"

"you need to come with me, we are doing Karaoke upstairs, and Im winning" she yelled, alcohol evident on her breath as it smacked your face.

"you can win Karaoke?" tae mumbled behind you

"yes, yes you can!!" she pointed at him and grabbed your arm, "lets go bitch"

"wait y/n, dont leave me" tae pouted and grasped your other arm.

"I promise ill be right back, okay?" you offered a slight apologetic smile before being whisked away by your friend upstairs, leaving the boy alone in a room full of unfamiliars.

As you made your way into some cleared out room, your eyes were drawn to the huge Karaoke machine set up. "woah..."

"Yeah woah cmon lets go sing a celine dion song"

"chae hold on, wheres Kaito?"

"who?"

you sighed and looked around before grabbing her shoulders, "my boyfriend, Kaito, I need to talk to him, like now. Tall, black hair, you know.....goes by kaito." you dramatically explained as you watched your best friends eyes widen

"Oh yeah.... he is mad at you" she snickered and was quickly distracted by other people, running away before you could question anything she had just said.

"what the fuck" you exhaled, pushing through everyone to try and find kai.

Meanwhile, Taehyung navigated the party downstairs as he awkwardly made his way to the kitchen. There was no order of cleanliness, there was no organization, and the looks of all the mixed red solo cups scattered throughout the entire room kind of disgusted him. He didnt trust any of it, he lifted up a bottle of what looked like tequila and sniffed it, nope, definitely not tequila.

He gave up on finding something to sip on, leaning against the kitchen island as he peered around the large space that seemed too loud for his liking.

Perhaps this was how you felt last night in the art museum.

" 'scuse me" a voice came up beside the boy, making him quickly turn his head and try to figure out who was talking to him, the dim lighting making it difficult.

"what?"

"youre standing in front of the vodka. excuse me" the man repeated, only then did Taehyung understand and scoot over to the side, allowing access to the alcohol. "sorry" he murmured.

"dont think Ive seen you around" the man joked, smiling as he poured and mixed two different bottles into his cup. "whats your name?"

Taehyung looked down to his feet and quickly decided if he should lie or be honest, figuring that these were all college kids, and well, he was not.

"uh, im taehyung. Kim taehyung" he decided, holding out his hand in a gesture of a handshake.

The man looked down and chuckled, ignoring the greeting and looking up at tae. "yeah? you seem unsure"

"yes, thats my name. sorry, i dont usually do parties and shit"

"i can tell man" he took a sip of his drink, audibly wincing before smiling. "Im Jungkook"

Tae raised his brow in acknowledgment

"wanna drink? you look tense" jungkook patted his shoulder and offered him a sip of his own cup, which taehyung reluctantly drank from.

"eugh, jesus christ, that tastes awful"

"I know, but it will get you fucked up" jungkook shrugged,

"hey jungkook wheres Jin at? he said he wou-" a voice came into the kitchen, stopping abruptly when he stood in front of Tae.

"hey" taehyung swallowed harshly

well. he found kaito.

Kaitos eyes drunkingly looked over his figure, a look of disgust and only disgust is what best could be described as his reaction to him being here.

"ah no way, you guys know eachother?" jungkook looked between the two of them happily,

"sort of..." taehyung chuckled, feeling sweat develop on his neck and back.

"wheres y/n?" he asked, looking at him intensly

"Uh, I genuinely dont know...she went away with chae and-"

"wait, y/n is here?" jungkook interrupted, stepping between them both.

"yeah" they both said at the same time before meeting eachothers eyes again.

"dude.....where is she? shes hot as hell" he whisper yelled, peaking into the next room excitedly.

Taehyung glared at the boy, waiting to see kaitos reaction.

"I know, shes my girlfriend"

"no shit dude!" jungkook slapped kaitos back, now ignoring tae completely. "lucky ass"

"nah man" they both stood a few feet away from tae in the doorway, speaking quietly. "she got the worst personality, stuck up as hell. walks and talks as if she doesnt know the only reason boys talk to her is for her tits" he slurs and bursts out laughing

"damn thats harsh man... even for you"

"whatever, i dont care. you can probably have her next...." he sipped his beer quickly

Taehyung felt the anger course through his chest, he wanted to run up and say something, but frankly, he was scared of Kaito, and you had mentioned something about him when he was drunk. If this was it, yeah, its scary.

He immediately stormed out of the room and pushed through the crowd to search for you, the music now blasting louder than before. He quickly walked up to someone familiar by the stairs

"Dahyun, is Y/N around? is she upstairs?"

"taehyung!" she hugged him, "uh...I think? Chae is probably working her. shes ok im sure" she giggled and dragged him over to a lighter area. "look at my manicure! give me an honest opinion. Jimin said it wasnt work $80 bucks and I should just do them myself now, but I think its cute and-"

she went on and on about something that had nothing to do with him for what seemed like forever. Whos jimin? who cares its just a manicure?

he thought to himself as he smiled and nodded.

"they look good, gotta go" he quickly spoke, politely tapping her shoulder before making a dash upstairs. He checked each door, opening up a bathroom to expose two randoms making out.

"oh! uh, im sorry" he covered his eyes and slammed the door shut, walking to the other hall and entering a loud and packed room. "hey chae..." he walked up to the girl, who was in the middle a very intense just dance session with some other poor girl who fell victim.

"heEyy!!" she slurred and danced over to him

He smiled and caught her as she tripped, helping her up. "whats upppp?"

He laughed and made sure she was able to stand on her own before speaking. "do you know where Y/N is?"

"did you see my dancing?" she randomly questioned

"yes, I saw your dancing chae, very nice, now have you seen y/n?"

she looked around curiously before speaking, "oh, yeah, she went to the bathroom!" she yelled into his face

"great, thanks" he gave a thumbs up as he went back into the hall. well he knew which bathroom you werent in.

He trailed down the hall and walked into a bedroom that seemed to be empty, he gently called out your name.

"I'll be out in a second" you shout back, making him exhale in relief. He shut the door to the bedroom and sat on the bed as he waited for you to exit the restroom.

"oh, tae, hi" you mumbled, walking out to him. "you okay?"

"y/n, we need to talk, like...now" he stood up as you made your way over, standing in front of him.

You saw the concern on his face as he spoke, clearing your throat. "wh-whats wrong? what happened?"

"I ran into Kaito and I think-

the door slowly creaked open, a certain someones head peaking in.

"Oh surprise surprise, youre in here with her" Kaito opened the door and walked over, stumbling over his feet.

You stepped closer to tae, feeling fear seep in as you took in your boyfriends very drunk state.

"get out" he looked at taehyung

"no im no-"

"just get the fuck out" he bit

"Taehyung please its okay just go" your voice choked, eyes tearing up as you led him to the door.

"dont let him do anything" he whispered, as you shut the door in his face, making him take a deep breath as he paced through the busy hall outside.

You slowly turned to the boy, waiting for him to speak.

"so, I know that...maybe this is not the best time or whatever to bring this up, but im ready to just..." he began, pausing after words as his thought process was slowed.

"ready to what?" you fidgeted with your bracelets, keeping by the door in case he tried to touch you again.

"move on with my life" he laughed and looked at you.

"wh..what?"

"y/n lets be honest, you dont give two fucking shits about me anymore, so why are we doing this. you dont care, you never have"

you scoffed, "Kaito you are drunk...stop this please, you have no idea what youre saying! How dare you say I dont care about you when all ive done is worry about where you have been and why you are upset!"

"oh please" he stood up and walked around. "you wouldnt care if I died tomorrow, you would find the next boy toy to move on to."

"stop" you mumble, "im not like that, you are being an awful person to me right now"

he walked over and laughed, "why? because im calling you out? calling you out for being a whore?"

you bit the inside of your cheek to avoid breaking out in tears right then and there. you couldnt even speak, you were too afraid and frankly confused on what even caused this sudden outburst.

"you are the one crying? really? I should be upset, I am upset."

he shook his head as he looked at you, " I dont think theres anything left for us right now, so just leave it at that, yeah?" he mumbled into your face as you shoved you aside, allowing him to open the door.

You were shocked, you planned on coming to fix whatever was going on between you both, all of the stressing, just to for him to get drunk and break up with you in some random bedroom. no.

You carefully grasped his arm before he left, "kai, please dont do this" you whispered, his arm forcefully pulling away from you. "dont"

Kaito stormed through the people out in the hall, making his way down the stairs as your eyes met taehyungs. You avoided stopping to talk with him as you decided to run after Kaito.

You were embarrassed. You tried to convince tae that you were in a happy and loving relationship, the little lie was now unraveling as the night ensued right in front of him and your friends.

"wait, please" you called out, following your boyfriend into the living room where the music blared. you tried your best to weave through as best you could, finally catching up to the boy and attempting to reason with him once more.

"baby please can we just talk?" you ask loudly, facing his back as he stood in the crowd.

"No, dont call me that" he mumbled.

"Y/N!!! whats up!" Jungkook ran out of the kitchen to your side, smiling and hugging you. "nice to formally meet you, are you enjoyin- why are you crying?" he pulled away and took in your appearance

"Im sorry Im just dealing with something" you calmly tried to explain, kaito turning around to the both of you. "dont listen to a word this slut says" he bit, making you swallow harshly.

Jungkook looked taken back, his eyes meeting yours sympathetically. "hey, cmon man, dont....dont say that. youre having another beer?" he asked, genuinely concerned for his friends behavior.

Taehyung pushed through and made his way to the living room, eyes wandering for you. He assumed it was best to just leave now, unaware of what had gone down just a few moments prior. He found you standing next to Kaito and Jungkook, watching from afar as he contemplated going over and taking you away.

"dont touch me" kaito shivered away from your touch, making you sigh. "lets go home to my apartment, we need to talk and get you sober, youve drunk too much" you spoke, looking at jungkook for support.

"yeah cmon, listen to her. its probably whats best." he nodded

Kaito looked down with anger at his feet as you stared at him for a moment, you were hesitant to speak any further, but the boy needed help and never listened. He needed to get sober and then probably never drink again. this....wasnt kaito.

"lets just go please? I'll take care of you sweetheart its okay, I-" your hand gently reached out to hold onto his jaw, carefully caressing it as you tried to get him to pick his head up.

You werent sure what exactly had happened, all you knew is that one second you were reasoning with him, the next, the side of your face was burning in pain.

Kaito had pulled back and struck you to the ground.

before you knew it there was a crowd of people surrounding the incident, Jungkook pulling Kaito away as he spit words out at you, none of which you could hear. The music had faded out of your hearing, and the lights were hazed. Your face burned with shame as you struggled to stand up, eyes watching you with concern and shock.

You felt hands immediately pick you up to your feet, turning to see it was Taehyung. You tried to explain but you didnt even comprehend what was coming out of your mouth.

he looked pale, in more pain than you were. His eyes glanced over you and back at kaito as he felt rage fill throughout him, carefully setting you aside as he approached the other boy and suddenly punched him across the face, the room gasping immediately.

"hey- fuck! stop guys!!!" Jungkook tried to seperate them, but there was no use. Taehyung had kaito by his collar, fist repeatedly punching into his face as he fell to the floor, blood on his skin and clothing.

You stood back, unable to fully understand what the fuck was happening. Once it kicked into your mind, your feet were racing over to him, yanking on the back of his shirt. "stop!!! Taehyung stop!!!!" you screamed, other guests joining in to help stop it as well. Your friends stood in the corner, shocked at what they had just witnessed.

"are you okay, miss?" some random man came up, asking you as you realized how many people had been around, asking you questions, none you even heard or noticed.

Someone finally pulled Taehyung away from kaito, who had passed out against the cold tile, nose and mouth bleeding as you watched in horror.

"What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU?" you screamed at Taehyung, grabbing onto his shirt and shaking him, tears spilling as he looked down at you.

He didnt respond, he let you flip out as people tried to fix up the unconscious boy on the floor.

"you guys gotta go, fuck, the police were called" Jin ran out and spoke loudly, cueing the group of people to run out the door.

"we need to go" Taehyung spoke flatly, gently grasping your arms as he directed you out the door.

He led you to the car and put you into the back seat before getting into the drivers side. He didnt drive right away, instead he looked down at his bruised fist.

"why...why didnt you say anything to me"

You had curled up into the fetal position, tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to look out the window.

"all this time....all this time he was doing this and you never-" he stopped, leaning his head against the headrest and closing his eyes.

"im sorry" you choke out.

He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself so he could speak, let alone drive.

"we will have to talk, about all of this"

"what if you get in trouble?" you whisper

"I didnt do anything wrong, he fucking hit you. He hit a woman, they all saw it" he spoke louder, voice shaky.

you sniffled, the pain in your face and head suddenly becoming really obvious, making you wince.

"are you okay? shit, lets uh, lets get you to a hospital or something" he started his car

"no...I just need Ice"

"what if you have a concussion?"

you groan, "I dont, taehyung, he hit my cheekbone and jaw" you trace your hand over your face, hissing at the sharp sting.

"Im still gonna take you to a walk in clinic, im not risking it. we will go home and sleep right after, I dont want to hear you argue about anything tonight. Tomorrow morning we need to sit and talk." he sternly spoke, making his way down the street.

You didnt have the energy to fight, you were mad, but you didnt have the energy.

You were upset with Taehyung for making the situation worse, but you were even more mad with Kaito. you felt betrayed, he humiliated you in front of everyone you know. He put his hands on you, after saying he would never do it again, over what? nothing.

-

"there is no signs of concussion, but there will be signifigant bruising and damaged nerves." the doctor read over her chart as you sat in a hospital bed, taehyung by your side. it was late, you missed your bed, you missed Yeontan. You didnt think you would be here, especially for this reason.

"thats..good, better than having something serious" he exhaled

"do you wish to file a report against the person who did this to you?"

Tae opened up his mouth to speak, but you cut in

"no, its already being taken care of, thank you though"

She nodded sadly and walked off, giving you too permission to go home.

you felt over your cheek, now covered with bandages.

"Im so sorry" he whispered, looking at you.

"tae.."

"no, im sorry. im so fucking sorry. I know I shouldnt have done that, but I.....I saw him hit you. I saw him hit you, y/n."

"i know" you mumbled, looking down.

"when I saw it happening, I just couldnt control myself. It was wrong of me, I take blame, but jesus y/n...."

"I know..." you repeated, voice cracking slightly. "tae please I just wanna go home, okay? I dont wanna relive it right now"

He nodded softly, standing to get to your side. "yeah, lets go home." he held your ice pack for you, leading you back to the car.

The sounds of the city surrounding you infiltrated your ears. You really couldve been anywhere in the world tonight, but here you were, in this position.

You knew you shouldnt have gone to the party, you regret it with your whole being, because not only did you suffer, but you dragged Taehyung into it too.

You had yourself to blame. you wanted to cry and scream but all you could do is lay in bed that night once you got home as taehyung gently rubbed your back, reassuring you that it would be okay.

Yeah, about that thing you said earlier, about assuming your twenties would be fantastic and amazing......11 year old you needed a reality check.

taglist:

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[lillambiespasture]

more meth snake au (read w caution this could hurt maybe)

we left off with ace having ideas!! basically he was like "if snake likes booze that much what if i find somefin stronga" (his speech is fun to write sorry). ace is a guy who knows a guy whos cousins dogs friends hair salonists grocer sells drugs and he buys(eh..) a bit of meth

i think ace would pull snake aside and basically lie through his teeth like "just one time wont kill yah buddy" "sures i done this before. lookit me! i turned out fine" "juust one time" and snake cant rrly say no so yeah down the hatch it goes (idk what kinda meth it would be yet, its up to interpretation) and well one time turns into two snd two to three three to four four to BEGGING for more meth

basically ace is using meth to control snake.. and it works very well lol. no one else in the gang knows for awhile (he def planned on doing the same to them) even when snake starts getting aggressive (to the gang and to victims), or when he stars scratching like crazy, even when he kinda just stops talking to them (excluding ace obvs) -GRUBBER is the first to realize!! AFTER snake starts convulsing on the floor bc ace gave him a bit to much "pbbbht" "pff whaddya mean? snakes fine he dont need no hospital" newsflash yes he did and after a lot of convincing they took him and the doctors called them heros bc snake almost died! shock all around everyone's a lil emotionally scarred

anyway snakes fine hes out thehospital and hes okay! the end :)

jk, hes back to begging ace for more meth. but surely ace learned by now? nope, he gives snake more and its back to the hospital. NOW he knows better? again no he plans to give snake more meth when he gets out but now the gang knows and theyre all scared hes gonna die so ace decides he'll just stop (this is bad, very bad. ace is.. yk the rest)

snakes back again!! he wants more meth and ace is like "no" so snake freaks and practically tears the shack apart looking for the meth (that ace hid), when he doesnt find it he almost nearly beats ace up but the guys hold him back and THAT!!! THAT VERY MOMENT is where ace finally realizes what hes done was really shitty. so now what? how does he fix it? lock snake in a room bc they cant afford rehab. im so dead ass and im sorry

they just leave him in a room that locks from the outside only and feed him every so often (not too often bc he doesnt want food just meth) and this lasts for a month at most. like they have a whole system and everything so he doesnt escape, ONE PERSON stays near his room always like they can still do their things but they cant leave the shack when its their turn

back to "this lasts for a month at most" yeah it failed eventually because for a while snake is just so out of it he just sort of sat there and asked for stuff (mostly meth) for a bit, but as his clarity comes back more and more he starts scheming (uh oh thats how we got here) so he waits till its arturo's turn to watch him then he pull an ace

basically he lies to arturo and tricks letting him out and giving him meth "imss gonna burnss it all, destroy it ssso we can putss thiss behind uss pal" (oh yeah arturo knows where ace hides it bc he watched ace do it once, so yeah whomp whomp)

anyway snake obvs inst gonna burn it all but arturo is convinced and helps him and snake leaves

JFUEHFUHFKUWE i didnt realizehow much i wrote until now (AND THERES MORE) so ill make another post!! mostly so ur pretty orbs dont hurt

uhhh bye

[mj0702]

hi mom

sorry i didnt see your advice sooner i was in exams

i have tried to message her and ring her or even talk to her in school but she wont talk to me and idk what else to do really

like i get im a pain in the arse but i miss her and no matter what i do she wont talk to me i mean i stopped messaging bcs i dont want to annoy her or push her but the last message i sent was that when shes ready to talk to me again i will be here but i just dont know how long thats gonna be

im just worried about her and scared that i accidentally did something terribly wrong to hurt her

~edit anon

tbh edit....

at the moment you did everything you could... you did good in trying to talk about it with her - but sometimes people just need a little time off to sort themselves our before they're ready to talk... you did good okay - if she hasn't come around after the weekend try again ONCE more before leaving her to come to you.

You are a great person and you don't have to bend backwards for everyone - I get that you miss her and it's a shitty situation but you don't have to grovel when you don't even know what you did wrong

so give her time... try again ONCE after the weekend and then wait... as shitty as it is ❤️

love, dad

[wanderrlust0]

sorry i wont shut up about this but i feel so conflicted right now!!D; and maybe typing it all out will help???

and I highly suggest to not read this unless you want to be here for an hour reading nonsense LOL

im seeing my bestie friday so im gonna tell her everythinggg and get her opinion on all of this before i see him again in a few days.

i just started to hang out with a "new" friend but it makes my bf uncomfortable and idk what to do about it... and tbh im not going to stop being friends with them:/ ik that sounds kinda shitty on the surface but its like asking me to cut someone off right after getting to know them.

im gonna explain almost all of the context....

okay, so... 2020 was a ruff year. it was covid and quarantine. my mom was super super strict about it. once people began to hang out in small circles bc cdc said it was okay to, while still being careful, i was still not allowed to leave my house. i felt soso isolated and alone and it was def one of my lowest moments. me & my bf were basically in a long distance relationship.. or thats what it felt like. all we had was facetime. he started to hang out with his friend from school more often (i had stuff to say to him about that & its in another post). after a couple of months, my mom finally let us see each other.. but it had to be in my backyard only and we couldn't be close. it was okay at first but after a while we got bored and wanted more. he got impatient and petty about it. i understood where he was coming from but i was trying to be as optimistic as i could, even tho it was hard. its bc even for like the 1-2 hrs i got to see him, it made my day. (my friends were also starting to hangout in their backyards but i never told my mom bc i figured she wouldnt let me go.. but when i told her afterwards, she said she would have..??)

it was getting colder outside which made it harder for us to see each other. it was also just a sucky situation and it was creating some resentment. he wanted to talk with me on ft about it and i knew it would be serious. AND IT WAS. he did most of the talking and it was leading to a breakup. BUT (this is important) he couldnt for the life of him break up with me, let alone say the words.. SO.. he suggested that we do a break. neither of us have done that before but its obvious that it means its temporary and you use that time to figure things out and get some space (we DEFINITELY shouldve been clearer about it). he got emotional and i held mine in. he was saying all these good things about me and how he still wants me in his life and that we can get together again; that we would still talk everyday and be friends. at the time, weve been dating for about a year and a half. right after we hung up i bawled my eyes out and immediately facetimed my best friend in FL.

days go by and me and him are still talking everyday, only in a more friendly, platonic manner. eventually, he starts replying later and later, he turns off his location, and its like i feel forgotten about. im so used to knowing what hes doing that now it feels weird to not know and its hard to adapt to these changes.

I download tinder to find some FRIENDS to talk to (only for girls). he was barely talking to me and i was questioning our friendship relationship (situationship i guess). although i dont remember the details of my profile, i DEF made it clear that i was on there for making friends only. i had no intention of pursuing anyone for a relationship... bc i had my "bf" still. HE clearly went a diff route during our break....too much to unpack there but in the end, it just made him want to come back to me.

So.... Snow (that is their nickname ive given them for tumblr) was one of those people who i chatted with on tinder. theyre female but identify as they/them (i dont think they used those pronouns when we first started talking tho). they msgd first and our convo was actually really long-lasting so we followed each other on IG. (theyre also not the only one i've exchanged IG with so its not like i only gave it to them). Yes, I thought they were pretty when i swiped. sue me. i think many people are pretty. its just me acknowledging when someones aesthetically pleasing. eventually, we talked less and i also went on tinder less. After about a month into me and my bfs break, he begins to talk to me more like he used to. Then he asks if he can see me bc he missed me. Still cant leave my house with him but we hang out and its nice. HE ASKS ME IF I MET ANYONE NEW. i say no and hes like ...really?you sure? I ask him the same and he says no (while breaking eye contact,, literal red flag but i was blindsided). he tells me the truth over FT and that ruined me way more than i let on. (i think he's feeling a similar way now but for diff reasons)

we got back together after and the rest of the year (2021) was super fun. weve now been together for almost 4 1/2 years! since our BREAK NOT BREAKUP (not me @ ing him when he wont even see this) me and snow comment on each others IG posts now and again. for ex, ive said they looked so prettyyy & i would compliment their makeup skills. they would reply in a cute/flattery way. thats how they reply to comments. theyre also very embellished, like with emojis. theyve commented on my pics saying i look cute and hyping me up with compliments as well. it just turned into a natural, mutual thing; idk how else to describe it. its like having an online friend where you only interact thru the comments to show kindness. LOL IDK that sounds corny but yeah. girly things i guess. & then irl its so subdued.

so aside from the comments, we would react to each others stories like once in a blue moon. they posted about watching demon slayer so i said its a good anime. i posted me and my bfs halloween costumes and they said we looked so cute. fast fwd to the end of last yr... we said happy bday to each other and i brought up the idea of possibly hanging out one day if theyre down. so yes, i asked first. they said they would love to and that they were glad i asked bc they were too anxious to ask themselves (mood). im surprised at myself that i even asked but i guess i felt comfortable enough.

(i feel like im writing my own biography omg..) anyways, we get each others numbers and talk about our schedules. we were both very busy so nothing happened. we sporadically made small talk, as one does with their internet friend, over a couple of months. we talked on IG more & also thought about the plans for when we hang out. its now like almost summer and they text me asking if i was free last minute to hang out bc they were gonna be in my town but i was busy.

its now like a month later and i see them at the mall with their friend when i was with my bf. (i already spoke about this so i wont repeat it). after that day, we finally made a day to hang out. bf wasnt happy about it; i tried to reassure him; he saw and still sees them as someone to worry about; he thinks im gonna do something stupid and act out on any fantasies i may have. he knows im bi; he sees snow as someone who looks queer. he thinks that our intentions are to get closer to each other in a way that crosses a friendship.

he saw me listening to a playlist titled sapphic energy. it just consists of songs i enjoy by female artists and ive had that playlist for a long time now. i only edited the title.. but just now i switched it back to what it was before so thats ONE thing "fixed" to make him at ease.

he doesnt believe me when i tell him that my only intention and motive here is to make a good, new friendship. THATS ALL I WANT. AND THATS ALL SNOW WANTS. i can see how it can look like its more from an outside perspective bc of our IG comments but it was not like that in person at all!! it just felt like hanging out with a friend and introducing new things to each other like shows and foods. snow even made it clear that once someone is their friend, they cant see them any other way and that formed to protect their feelings. when we hung out there were literally no signs of feelings or anything that would cross boundaries. i didnt get that feeling i get when i have a crush and lose all my brain cells. by our second hang out we were past any awkwardness and it felt like a regular day out with a friend.

I did look cute that day but i always dress up!!! i dress up like every time i see my bf. i dress up for work. i dress up when im going out with friends. i enjoy fashion and makeup and looking pretty,,

last yr he was using bumble friends and he met up with a guy but they havent hung out since. ive helped him swipe on people before and i was okay with it, except when it was like an attractive girl.. would that be hypocritical of me tho?...idk. we def both get kinda jealous over these things. i can get territorial, like he is mine lol i am his. we would never be open or add a third and the thought of him befriending new females made me nervous. especially after what happened during our break. like idk, that still sticks with me and makes me think of bad feelings..and even more especially now after finding out about what he and his friend did.. but me feeling nervous about that is like what HE is feeling (T-T) I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP AND IT SUCKS. i dont think i catch feelings easily. i dont get butterflies over people easily. im not an openly sexual person.

like. am i being unfair by continuing this friendship? snow doesnt know how he feels about us. idek if its worth telling but im gonna wait till more time passes and see how things go. would him hanging out with us make him feel better?? would it be too weird? he already doesnt like the idea of snow so how would he be in a room with them.

i wanna fast fwd to friday so i can tell my bestie about it and then fast fwd to sunday so i can see him. he is still not back to his usual self when we talk on snap. he tries to save serious confrontations for in person bc he sounds angry thru text so even tho itll make me nervous, i still wanna work this out so it doesnt ruin our relationship.