#but i have the worst back and feet
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wish i could go out trick r treating rn but unfortunately i have the energy capacity of a sloth and my back already hurts from going around my block :D
#heart eyes <3#i cosplayed as lambchop from SND#the best part of being 'the big bar' house is that we get to take what we want before we set up our candy cauldron#mom wanted to be Ursula but unfortunately our decorations got recked and her costume came the wrong size#so she's using my old costume that was way too big for me#i remember i was basically falling every second in it#anyways wayyy sidetracked lmao#but i have the worst back and feet#literally cant do shit before i start feeling like im gonna die /hj#+ asthma - ability to not overheat = quadruple whammy pain#MATH#ugh headache rn#anyways gonna make spooky f/o art while watching ghost hunting shit
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#girl im in love w you#SOOO FREKAKING COOLL RRGAAAHG#begging to see her in every new panel#sry im so happy i havent felt this good in a while HELLOP#isnt tht insane .like if i have nothing to fixate onmy life feels so boring usleess awful#but when i do its like the dolphin jump out of water rainbow sparkle pic#like worst behavior 2 develop ever but idc im back onn that high#get uppp get on ur feet#dunmeshi#falin#dunmeshi 52#dunmeshi spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers#ask to tag idk what is popularly used;_;#kind of laughing 2 myself bc every time this happens its like im realizing it for the first tjme all over again#always in the spring tooHELPP 2022 yr of blp 2023 yr of trgn 2024 dunm LETS GOOO
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i think the diamond dogs should play improv games just bc it would amuse me, an ex theater kid, specifically
#ted and beard ofc are reading each others minds#trent is shockingly good at it but only when he forgets to be self conscious#also see: he does both best and worst with ted (best when he's not being self conscious#worst when somehow the prompt gets too touchy or 'romantic' bc Crush Crush Crush Brain Panic)#(please the image of ted in character hugging him or something and trent just. red. brain crashed. no longer improving just frozen. barely#manages to recover and even then it was not subtle. unclear if ted is a) genuinely oblivious b) teasing him and thinks trent knows that#c) something else(??) )#roy is too stiff most of the time but if he gets really into it he gets REALLY into it.#best way to get this result is to involve phoebe or another child#higgins did community theater at some point and is the one teaching them all the games. beard also seems to have done intense research#but higgins is the one with EXPERIENCE#not that i think beard and ted couldn't have done an improv duo in college or something but in this scenario they did not#nate surprisingly is pretty good at it once he gets into it like it takes him a second but#then he's like. really getting into it and he's very quick on his feet#new way to go mad with power (affectionate): the rush you get when you make the perfect snap back comedic line/acting choice#also while trent is so good paired with so many of them i think he and nate would be a hilarious duo. they're SO funny.#they complement each other well and are both quick & clever#esp if it's about a mutual interest (although one of them taking the lead on something else like nate and music while the other plays off t#em is also good) but like#please i just had the iamge of them basically doing a bit where they're like. those mean old gay muppets in the theater?#like trent and nate improv duoing as some bitchy reviewers just going back and forth and it's so FAST and SO funny#beard records it and posts it somewhere and it goes viral.#god don't even get me started on the idea of some sort of official richmond social media/the gang posting random clips on social media#bc the ideas i have are so funny.#also largely trent centric but what do you want from me okay i'm just a little slut.
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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shit is hard. partner of over 5 years broke up with me and im still processing it... i have no idea what i am going to do...
i knew it was coming, i was in denial. he finally broke down and said he wishes more than anything he was gay and he loves me but he's not. and apart from yknow the emotional stuff... i moved across the country with him and i have unfortunately been financially dependent on him and i just do not know what im gonna do
#i have time... i cant move back home but i dont know anyone here#i need to find a job and build up savings for the next six months#tbd#personal#extremely worst case scenario i move back home and live with my sister and nephew until i can get back on my feet
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photos taken hours before disaster (for one of them) i need to draw latte more
as always more in the tags 'cause i don't know how to shut up
#cookie run#latte cookie#espresso cookie#creme university au#espresso about to have one of the worst nights of his life#latte about to start her romance route with kouign amann#shoutout to the two mages for swooping the soccer stars off their feet#i hit espresso with a baseball bat and had a great time doing it#sorry madeleine it hit you on the back swing aaaa#i think latte is the only one that has not been hit with the bad times nor are there any plans to do so to her#love this for her stay winning latte#nobody else was free even the side characters got smacked#sorry alchemist it is ingrained in your character for potential family trauma
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[ID: a digital owl house comic spanning three images. Panel 1: The scene header reads "in the not so distant future, post hexsquad and C.A.T.Ts reunion" and features Luz, Lilith and Steve. They're in a forest and there's a tent in the background labeled "Camilla + hexsquad camp". Luz says "okay, so "owl house" is a game where King and The Collector reenact our adventures...using the people of the boilings isles sorta like NPCs in creatures and caverns...roleplaying as people from our lives!".
Panel 2: a close-up of Luz, resting her face on her hand, looking questioningly as she continues "hmm...but if everyone on the isle's been assigned someone from our lives to play in Owl House...then who's the collector playing?"
Panel 3: a shadow descends on Luz and she tenses up as a mysterious voice asks "isn't it obvious?"
The final "panel" is a full length image of the collector, dressed in Luz's season 1 outfit, floating above her menacingly as shooting stars and crescent moons swirl around him, the ground turning into a crescent effigy. White text sits above the collector, reading "I'm you". End ID]
Okay I had to post my predictions before we get a sneak peek. What better way to convince Luz her life is worth living than to have someone literally try to steal it!!
#the owl house#toh#for the future#luz noceda#lilith clawthorne#steve toh#i know those last two are just cameos but I like to imagine they're hanging out in the apocalypse#I've been holding out for lilith to be the first adult luz and the gang meet up with after TTT#bc i think it'd be cool for her and Luz to talk about everything that happened during elsewhere and elsewhen#i think Lilith's already had to live through the experience of doing the worst thing she'll ever do#and then having to get back on her feet and make amends#and she's not always perfect but she's trying and that's all anyone can do really#there might not be time and I'm content with the writers going other routes (I'm just excited in general!!)#but it's a neat idea ive been tossing around for a while. didn't get to show it here but know it's implied lol#anyway of course the collector would want to be luz if owl house was a roleplaying game! she's the hero! king loves her!#i have to go now but yknow what you get the idea
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Cringe ass oc x Morgott Valentine’s Day post
#AHHHHH#I am normal about them u guys#Ellaband is the worlds worst Elden lord because she loves to just ditch Lyndell and not tell any of the royal staff just to go foraging#she’ll leave her proper lords attire and crown to just dick about in Limgrave for rowa fruits#she mostly goes hunting for the materials to make silver pickled foul feet as it helps her worsening eyesight#this will almost always send the royal staff into a panic because they’ve just lost the fucking Elden lord#almost always leading to morgott having to chase her down and bring her back because by the grace of gold she needs to stop doing that#yet despite all that he will let her stay only for a bit#sharing jokes and talking about life’s more simple things in the Limgrave grass#if only for a little while#my art#elden ring morgott#morgott the grace given#morgott the omen king#ellaband the ever elusive#elden ring#elden ring margit#margit the fell omen#tarnished#tarnished elden ring#soulsbourne#valentines day
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oh wait pffff I have no power btw Helene took it when she stole the roof of my porch
#she also took the water pipes. bc the roof destroyed them#currently we only have cold water and are running a few thing on a generator#so since thurs night ive been hot and miserable#if it wasn't obvious i have internet thanks to the generator lol#may not get power back for another day or so :/#my heart goes out to the coastal folks who got the worst if it <3#i wish you all well and hope you and your loved ones can get back your feet soon <3#typing out loud#Helene Edition
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Despite everything, nothing in the last 2 weeks has caused me more anxiety than missing a phone call from my doctor (who's bad at keeping up with communication, takes DAYS to respond to messages or requests for calls back) because I dared to take a nap, and knowing that every second we're not in active communication is wasted time that needed instead to be carefully utilized or else I will never be able to get top surgery
#I was supposed to hear back within 48 hours and she waited over a WEEK so I wasn't expecting it#now I'm terrified because it feels like they're dragging their feet and making it difficult#if I can work with insurance to get approved before it gets banned I can still get it and have it covered#but I won't be able to at this point because the only surgeon in the state that takes my insurance (that I know) has a months long wait lis#and that's just for a consultation#and insurance approves the consult and the surgery separately#I was doing so much better but the idea that I'm going to be trapped in this body forever is dragging me back to the mental state I was in#before I fled my parents' house and started HRT#my chest causes me the worst dysphoria I'm so scared#even if rights for GAC get reinstated it'll be at the bottom of the to-do list so I'll be over 30 by the time I get another opportunity#if I ever do. I can't waste my life like that. I just want to be happy and comfortable and not dysphoric and fearful and suicidal#I feel so trapped
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i am hoping to never have to get another colonoscopy again (until i’m old enough to need to get them etc etc) but tbh i would very much like to experience the relief and comfort i felt when i woke up, was able to eat a warm meal (meatloaf + mashed potatoes, perfect comfort food (and it being soft was great bc i had had a endoscopy and broncoscopy done too so my throat was SORE)) for the first time in over 24 hours, got to wear super comfy anti-blood-clot compression boots, was on regular doses of IV tylenol and therefore the most pain free i had been in ages, and then got to sleep for the rest of the day. AND there was the joy of being told i didn’t have crohn’s. it was solid
#marzi speaks#the colonoscopy prep SUCKED and i never wanna do that shit again#4 liters of shit yourself juice that tastes like saltwater#(plus a couple extra cups of miralax bc i had been on a muscle relaxer specifically meant to get my intestines to move slower)#plus all the walking back and forth to the bathroom ended up causing so much blood to leak into the soles of my feet#that not only was i basically walking on bruises that were only getting worse#but my swollen blood vessels had started to pinch my nerves which put me in the worst pain i have ever been in in my LIFE#genuinely i was getting delirious from the amount of pain i was in. brain entered full panic mode it hurt so fucking bad#thankfully my dad was there and got them to get me a dose of morphine. which was VERY pleasant#and made me immediately understand the dangers of opiates#bc i had one dose months ago and if i was offered another. i wouldn’t take it but i would lowkey want to#morphine felt Great . killed the nerve pain and while my feet were still sore i no longer cared. it was beautiful#ANYWAYS i don’t miss being hospitalized and scared but i do miss the sheer level of comfort i felt right after that operation#i was so tired and i knew the worst of it was over now so it was just. pure relief. i melted. fell asleep and stayed asleep mostly
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Victoria keeps saying me and L treat each other like younger siblings
#she's the WORST sometimes#she'll scream at me and scream at me and. im not gonna take that#from someone five feet tall#so i scream back and we just get into shouting matches with vic in the back providing commentary#and i swear she ALWAYS starts it. she just chooses violence#and she'll go until im about to snap#and she has a fucking sixth sense for that i swear#cause that's exactly when she'll hug me and tell me she loves me#this is punishment for all those times i did this to my brother#im undergoing psychological warfare every single goddamn day#but sometimes she'll buy me a box of cookies and we'll be friends again#sometimes. u and ur friend are both the Eldest child and ur siblings arent around#so u make do with what u have#anways today was funnn tacos + cookies + staring at the ridiculously orange sunset#(it;s the air pollution)
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Made some important calls today, went over to let my sister into the family house because she accidentally locked herself out and then thought it was a good idea to groom Bats. I mean it was necessary, but I think all of that was a bit too much for one day 😅 My chest muscles are doing the "do you reeaallly need to be breathing in, that's soooo much work..." thing lol.
Anyway I'm hoping to finally be able to give Bats a proper bath in the next days. His coat is not in the best condition 🙄
#bats the chion#also there's still 2 feet that need to be groomed XD he just got fed up#nails are trimmed and knots are removed it's just trimming back the overly long hair#a purely cosmetic thing but I want him to look good again 🥺#also remembered to ask my sister to play Sammy-holder so I could trim his nails too#at least the remaining ones in the front that I can't do alone#I found out back feet after possible to do outside while he's still up in my arms ✌️#that just doesn't work with the front feet unfortunately so I still need a second person for that#but better than doing it at the vet where I have to pay for it#also I ordered the eye drops for Sammy as cheap as I could find but I just hope it'll work out somehow in the end#worst case I can't get groceries again at the end of the month but it'll probably be easier to find something to eat vs eye drops lol
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okay done whining about other ppl in ballet class, back to the biweekly pointe shoe distress
#whyyyyy are they dead 😭😭😭😭😭😭#the worst thing about how i break some shoes is that they like#don't even look dead in the traditional way#like the box is solid and the shank isn't folding in half (unless i push over it obv) (but tbf i can do that with most my shoes)#but i know by the feeling of how it's suddenly pulling me back from the box + the difference between them and my newer shoes#that they're dead orz orz orz#i feel like if shoes are only going to last me ~2 weeks i should at least get to enjoy the extravagantly bendy version of shoe death#but no#they just become bad#:(((#anyway i am once more looking at freeds and Thinking About It#even tho i know i don't actually like them#they're just such a temptation because the ones i have liked i have LOVED#(for the y'know max 3-4 hours they're wearable)#......what if i dragged out my last pair of freeds (that i hate) (and do not work for my feet) (and i have sewn and unsewn at least 3 times#personal#okay i think i have spent enough time decomposing#time for bed perhaps
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crazy how my mom did nothing for me except put me in situations that physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually traumatized me and created an environment where I was sexually abused by all the men and boys she allowed to be around me and left me alone with yet has the audacity to say she's a great mother like are you serious I almost let the neighborhood pedophile abduct me just to get away from you. You have the audacity to say daddy coddled me and babied me, insinuating that he made me weak, yet the “coddling” in question was just him being a good father and protecting me from you, who would hit me and strangle me and throw me against walls, your disabled and chronically ill child, just because my crying was frustrating you. I was crying because I was afraid of you, but sure, threaten to “give me something to cry about,” that'll definitely make the toddler with chronic pain from head to toe stop crying.
#tw csa vent#tw abuse vent#vent post#chronic depression#chronic pain#chronically ill#chronic illness#trauma survivor#actually ptsd#emotional abuse#actually traumatized#child abuse#abusive mother#she literally threatened to throw me out into a tropical storm because i wouldn't stop crying#mind you i was crying because i have severe sensory processing disorder and the storm already terrified me but my disorder made it 10x worse#imagine feeling like there's stones being thrown on the roof over your head in the midst of an earthquake that shakes the ground#beneath your feet every few minutes with the addition of a blinding white light giving you a mini heart attack every time it flashes#and the rain sounding like a rumbling avalanche while the wind sounds like a wolf howling and your own MOTHER telling you#“stop crying or im gonna throw you out there” in response to you being terrified. that's literally what it was like for me.#i'll never forget that moment bc that was the first time i heard daddy yell at her in defense of me. looking back on this memory#i share the same outrage as he had back then. my mother was the worst bully i've ever had.
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i would share my builds but. i’m gonna be honest i just go with vibes. weapon would look pretty with certain character? it’s theirs now. artifacts seem even slightly useful regardless of whether or not they’re the most efficient set? slap those bitches on. i play genshin like i play pokemon: with my favorites and while pressing as many buttons as possible until the enemy dies - teddy anon
OH YOU JUST LIKE ME FR FR
kazuha has the isshin sword even though i have an aquila favonia cause that goes to kaeya who i built because i like him, even when he did lower damage. i run kazuha as a dps even though he’s supposed to be support (i have a p well done diluc that does more normal attack damage but.. kazuha :] and kukis supposed to be like a hyperbloom driver i think but i have her as healer. my baizhu is currently using her set cause i like the burn reaction (w benny, who i still haven’t built properly (just a ton of er for burst stuff) and only use for pyro applications lmao) even though he’s supposed to be like. a sub dps. he and kuki probably work well together but i can’t hear that over the sound of my burst support childe who ran freeze with kaeya for an embarrassing amount of my early abyss runs. i still haven’t attempted floor twelve and unless i get my shit together i don’t think i will. strategy i hardly know her, i just go “unga bunga men pretty” and that got me to ar 57. i have yet to level my mona despite her being a great support (she does have a r5 dragons tales for when i want childe to look pretty against the pyro flower but that’s it) and my xingqiu still doesn’t have good artifacts. my team ‘comps’ are “dps dps.2 sub dps/applicator healer” and i have not strayed from this in my entire time playing. chongyun is objectively bad for my current playstyle but that has not stopped me from trying. i will get a freeze team with him xingqiu and maybe kaeya if it kills me
#m1d : [chats]#teddy anon#woo lotta tags watch out#this got long but i. feel a lot about this game#i have a lot of ’it works’ builds but only like one solid one which is awkward but not the worst thing#‘jack of all trades master of none; still better than a master of one’ right#(i didn’t use my fully built diluc for the longest time except when grinding cryo flower (chongyun) cause i don’t like overloaded)#(i have a kazuha.)#(and regularly cringe when he isn’t on my team)#ngl it’s embarrassing how dependent i am on kaz. he’s not there i don’t know how to get the enemies together. what do.#before him it was heizou and his burst and before that it was aether and his skill/burst#me when anemo amirite (has a lv 20 jean and sayu i haven’t touched in ages)#that’s a lie sayu helps w crystalflies and unusual hillichurls#and diluc does go on both of those trips too#unrelated but there’s a bird like three feet away from me#just. walkin about. you go little guy i hope you get all the worms (it’s well into the afternoon)#unrelated x2 but i have an au for a piece of media i like and it’s so annoying that only i and like one other person know about it. cringe.#please i want to consume fan content of my au but i’m the oNLY FAN IT SUCKS#birds back. hey guy. wanna hear about my [it technically spans three fandoms oh lord] au?#i do think this is a low point in my life#like i’ll go to be judged and the guy’ll go ‘you made these three medias touch’ ‘they hold hands actually’ ‘why’ ‘funny’#what do anime minecraft and marvel have in common? me baby#if there is no god to save you then you must make your own#fun fact i first wrote that like ten minutes ago and got a nosebleed right after#if there’s a god they certainly hate me. and that’s fair
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