#just. walkin about. you go little guy i hope you get all the worms (it’s well into the afternoon)

[m1d-45]

i would share my builds but. i’m gonna be honest i just go with vibes. weapon would look pretty with certain character? it’s theirs now. artifacts seem even slightly useful regardless of whether or not they’re the most efficient set? slap those bitches on. i play genshin like i play pokemon: with my favorites and while pressing as many buttons as possible until the enemy dies - teddy anon

OH YOU JUST LIKE ME FR FR

kazuha has the isshin sword even though i have an aquila favonia cause that goes to kaeya who i built because i like him, even when he did lower damage. i run kazuha as a dps even though he’s supposed to be support (i have a p well done diluc that does more normal attack damage but.. kazuha :] and kukis supposed to be like a hyperbloom driver i think but i have her as healer. my baizhu is currently using her set cause i like the burn reaction (w benny, who i still haven’t built properly (just a ton of er for burst stuff) and only use for pyro applications lmao) even though he’s supposed to be like. a sub dps. he and kuki probably work well together but i can’t hear that over the sound of my burst support childe who ran freeze with kaeya for an embarrassing amount of my early abyss runs. i still haven’t attempted floor twelve and unless i get my shit together i don’t think i will. strategy i hardly know her, i just go “unga bunga men pretty” and that got me to ar 57. i have yet to level my mona despite her being a great support (she does have a r5 dragons tales for when i want childe to look pretty against the pyro flower but that’s it) and my xingqiu still doesn’t have good artifacts. my team ‘comps’ are “dps dps.2 sub dps/applicator healer” and i have not strayed from this in my entire time playing. chongyun is objectively bad for my current playstyle but that has not stopped me from trying. i will get a freeze team with him xingqiu and maybe kaeya if it kills me

[eeveecryptid]

※ BORDERLANDS: PSYCHO EDITION

Various lines that Psychos have said through Borderlands 1-3 (not including the Pre-Sequel since they were called something else), feel free to change pronouns if needed. May include nsfw material.

“ Ahh, another victim! ” “ Another walking meat puppet! ” “ Come closer, I can almost smell you. ” “ I wonder what your face would look like on mine. ” “ I'm gonna squeeze you 'til you bleed blood! ” “ It's time to paint this body with blood! ” “ Just three more steps and I got me dinner. ” “ Keep walkin', keeeep walkin'. ” “ No, don't run away, I need your face! ” “ Strip the flesh, salt the wound! ” “ Why don't you come over here, I got a little present for you! ” “ Another story to sing to the cages at home! ” “ Bring me a bucket, and I'll show you a bucket! ” “ I can't wait to take your picture! ” “ I love you! ” “ Love me, hate me - It all tastes the same! ” “ I'm gonna beat you to life! ” “ I wonder, if I plant you in the ground, if you'll grow taller? ” “ I made you a salad outta worms! ” “ Let's agree to disagree! ” “ Look into my eyes when I stare at you! ” “ Look at me when I'm charging at you! ” “ Mommy dearest was the clearest until she lost her bearing, now she's rusted, and is busted, and out of sight and hearing! ” “ They told me to bring a pail lunch-- you look pale enough to me! ” “ This is prison and we're the guys in the shower! ” “ What does it all mean!? ” “ Will you marrow me? ” “ You smell like my little girl! ” “ My mommy's gonna be so mad! ” “ My mom looked at me that way, too! ” “ Mom always said to be thorough. ” “ I'm the one who knocks! ” “ For France! ” “ You can't kill me! I'm already dead tomorrow! ” “ STOP LOOKING AT ME! ” “ WHY ARE YOU YELLING?! ” “ NO NEED TO SHOUT! ” “ A flower? For me? ” “ I AM IMMORTAL! ” “ I like my victims like I like my coffee... in the butt! ” “ It's meat puppet master theatre! ” “ I can hear with my teeth! ” “ I wanna play! Just play with me! ” “ It's time for a good old fashioned slap and crap! ” “ I'll never stop until they flop! ” “ Just a drop! On my tongue! ” “ Slurp it! Drink it! Eat it! (sniff) Smell it! ” “ Slap the pancakes! ” “ Start the clock! I'm going to count every minute I get with you. ” “ Pluto's not a planet! ” “ Gimme my hit points back! ” “ I need a powerful man/woman! Right now! ” “ Wait! Come back! I won't eat you! Really! ” “ I see you! ” “ You can hide, but you can't run! Pussy! ” “ ​I think s/he's gonna play xylophone with my spinal cord! ” “ Bang-bang leads to smash-smash! ” “ Every time you shoot its head, another puppet loses its skin! ” “ Got my friend back! ” “ Time for a sleepover! ” “ ​Too much friendship! ” “ Mom says I can't see you! ” “ Bad friend! Such a bad friend! ” “ ​Ooohh, a shooting star! ” “ It's like a microwave meal! ” “ Weakness leads to deathness! ” “ That was my pasty cake! ” “ Goddammit! I had it all set up! All set up! ” “ Did I get some on my shoe?! ” “ No one touch that pile! It's mine! ” “ I feel like we grew apart since s/he died. ” “ But you'll miss tea time! ” “ High-five! Oh, you're dead. Sorry. ” “ If only my mom could see me now... ” “ No, you have a time out! ” “ Never gonna give you up-- ” “ End... quotes... death... gurgle... ” “ Bury me upside down! ” “ I've changed... I'VE CHANGED! ” “ I didn't do it! ” “ This isn't the last thing I'll say! ” “ My words will ring in your ears for miles! ” “ I regret nothing! ” “ I regret everything! ” “ My whole life was a joke. ” “ But the cakes we were going to bake! ” “ I cry every morning because the moon IS DEAD! ” “ I am a bad egg, and I came first! ” “ Now YOU scream! ” “ Who got your nose? ME! IN A MINUTE! ” “ Look at me goddammit! LOOK AT ME! ” “ THIS. IS SO. EXCITING! ” “ Look what I did! ” “ ABIDE TO MY VOICE! ” “ Are you jam? BECAUSE I LOVE JAM! ” “ For three easy payments of $14.99, you will belong to me! ” “ I planted a kazoo and it came out a vuvuzela...SKREE! ” “ I need some more zest for my lung salsa, cha-cha-cha! ” “ DID SOMEBODY ORDER ME? ” “ Such profit to be had! ” “ No! YOU'RE mostly crushed up children! ” “ Hope you enjoy my CASSEROLE! ” “ Give me a second and I'll take a whole hour! ” “ Hello little snail! WHERE IS YOUR HOUSE!? ” “ I don't believe in you! ” “ I'm not a cannibal, you're an animal! ” “ Make like a tree and...WHAT'S A TREE!? ” “ I'm going to make you shit so hard it'll stain your soul! ” “ Like a rock...BUT NOT! ” “ Don't stare at the entrance to my organ jail! ” “ Perishable by design, yet I still subsist! ” “ Fork this mask! I need a helmet! ” “ Oh... sis is going to shit all over you! ” “ And yet, I'm still sitting! ” “ Another shall be revealed to me soon. ” “I am older than you know. ” “ I'M NOT A DAMN CHILD! ” “ What's even real? ” “ I'm the face, and you're the mule! SCREW YOU, MULE! ” “ Remember to live life lightly! ” “ Though I shiver, my longing ends! ” “ You're a freak! ” “ Mister/Miss (name), tell me about the sky... ” “ I'm a basket made of gnomes! ” “ In my long sleep shall I awaken! ” “ Truly, all is permitted. ” “ Joke's on you, I soiled myself! ” “ I would have preferred a thank you! ” “ For (name), I would gladly shatter! ” “ It's a dog-eat-dog world. ” “ Put that experience to good use. ” “ This is turning out to be a real bummer. ” “ Good luck on your quest! ” “ That's it, you're out of book club! ” “ Circumstances dictate everything! ” “ See you in the sequel. ” “ Who dies screaming anyway!? ” “ Prison break...from the bone jail... ” “ Dream I dream and the construct shatters. ” “ My chili recipe dies with me! ” “ Tell my kids I wish they were born! ” “ So many things I never felt. ” “ I die, that the family may live. ” “ You fight better-- there, I said it. ” “ (Name)’s gonna drink soup out of your skull. Cold, like gazpacho. ” “ I get it now, we're all just a joke. ” “ I'm gonna live forever! ” “ (name) will protect me! ” “ This is gonna suck! ” “ Your scalp's my ticket to great wealth! ” “ You're out of your league, baby cakes! ” “ Present for you, you earned it! ” “ It's curtains for you! ” “ Fresh out of boom. ” “ The horror! ” “ This is gonna shit all over you! ” “ My suffering is yet incomplete. ” “ Sucker! Right in the kisser! ” “ You're gonna get purged, heretic! ” “ You look better with bullet holes! ”

[pluckyredhead]

Thanks for doing the RAICES fic fundraiser! It's inspiring to see people making art for good causes. Receipt: imgur(.)com(/)oGHPVPE Ok, so, Iron Fist was a mess but I love your Danny, you do a great job with him. So I'd like to request Danny-centric Defenders mini-casefic or team found family good-natured sass? Otherwise, if you're not good with that, I could go for some fabulous Pride lawyer silliness. Thanks!

I love writing Danny, thank you! (And thank you for donating!) This got…real silly, and ended up being as much about Jessica as Danny, and also Danny steered HARD into the goofball curve, but it was fun to write. Hope you enjoy!

Jessica had not been thrilled to be woken up by a phone call from Danny. Sure, it was two p.m. when he called - but on the other hand, it was Danny, and that didn’t seem worth getting up for any hour of the day.

But Danny had been insistent that she come over now, and so Jessica had pulled on her least stained jeans from off of the floor and sulked her way across town in a cab she fully intended on making her own personal Ralph Macchio pay for.

Now, as she stood between Luke and Matt, gaping at the thing Danny was holding in his lap, she was starting to understand his urgency.

“Is that…” Matt started to say, closed his mouth, opened it again, and shook his head.

Colleen, sitting on the couch, put her face in her hands. She looked tired.

Matt tried again. “I’m assuming that my senses are letting me down right now and that is not, in fact, a dragon?”

“It’s totally a dragon!” Danny said, beaming up at them. The green, slinky thing in his lap stretched and yawned like a cat before burping out a puff of fire. “Isn’t it awesome?”

“Sweet Christmas,” Luke said.

-

“Where the fuck did you get a dragon, Rand,” Jessica said, once she’d found some alcohol in Danny’s fridge - Mike’s Hard Lemonade because he was an actual child, but better than nothing.

“Farmers’ market,” Danny said, scratching the dragon under the chin.

“What,” Matt said.

“It wasn’t a farmers’ market,” Colleen said with a sigh. “I told him to meet me at the farmers’ market and he got lost and wound up at some weird street fair instead. With dragons, apparently.”

“You can buy dragons at a street fair?” Luke asked.

“No,” Danny said, in a tone like Luke had said something ridiculous. Well, like Luke had been the first person in the room to say something ridiculous. “I bought a dragon egg. I’ve had it for months.”

Jessica and Luke looked at Colleen. Even Matt pointed his chin at her.

“Don’t blame me for this!” she said, throwing her hands up. “This apartment has ten bedrooms! I don’t check them all on the regular for mythological beings.”

Danny shrugged. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I figured it was a scam or a dud, or just, you know, a really cool paperweight. It’s really hard to get dragon eggs in this hemisphere. But it was only a couple thousand dollars…”

“Oh, of course,” Luke muttered.

“…and even if it wasn’t a real egg it was so cool looking. You guys didn’t see the shell, it was neat. And the guy who sold it to me kept winking, like, hey man, this is the real deal. So I thought I’d stick it in a spare bedroom, crank the heat up in there, and if it didn’t hatch in a few months, that was that. But…” Danny gestured to the dragon as if anyone else had been able to stop thinking “HOLY SHIT THERE’S A DRAGON IN HERE” the entire time he’d been talking. “It hatched!”

“And then it peed everywhere,” Colleen added.

“And then it peed everywhere!” Danny agreed. Jessica had never seen him so happy.

-

If Jessica was good at anything, it was finding out weird shit on the internet. She sat down in Danny’s “office” - more like a sticker collection room than anything, honestly - and opened his laptop. “This is too nice of a computer for you to use for nothing but Neopets, you know,” Jessica muttered.

“I needed to make sure my little dudes were still alive!” Danny protested. “I was away a long time.”

Jessica rolled her eyes and started searching. “Are you going on the dark web?” Danny asked, craning over her shoulder. She put a hand on his face and pushed him away.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Luke said, then glanced at Jessica. “Are you?”

“No,” she said. “There’s this forum, Strange Tales dot com. People talk about weird stuff they’ve seen and heard, try to get confirmation of it. These days it’s mostly people debating whether it’s Avengers shit or not, but sometimes there’s sightings of, oh, a man in black backflipping off a roof. A guy punching his way out of prison.” A flying, super-strong woman, too, but she’d done her best to discredit those sightings with the several identities she’d created on the forum until she hadn’t been able to hide any longer. “If anyone knows how to get rid of a dragon, these nutbars do.”

“But I don’t want to get rid of Shou Little!” Danny protested, hugging the baby dragon to him. It bit him. “Ow. I love her!”

“Shou Little?” Matt repeated.

“The dragon I got my powers form is named Shou Lao. She’s much smaller, so…” Danny shrugged like it was obvious. “I just shrugged, sorry, Matt.”

“I know,” Matt said.

“How do you know she’s a she?” Jessica asked. If mystical kung fu monk training involved studying dragon genitals, she officially quit.

“I don’t, not really, but she’s pretty tough, so I just assumed,” Danny explained. The dragon - Shou Little, apparently, bit him again. “Ow!”

Okay. Maybe Jessica wouldn’t quit just yet.

-

“If dragons are real, what else is real?” Matt asked.

“My disinterest in this conversation?” Jessica asked, glancing away from the computer for a minute. Matt and Colleen were stretching side by side in matching and frankly implausible looking poses, while Danny lay sprawled on the floor beside them. Luke at least knew what furniture was for, and had commandeered the office couch.

“I’m asking Danny, not you,” Matt said. “Okay, we have dragons. Does this mean…unicorns are real? Pixies? Demons?”

Luke raised his eyebrows and lifted his hand. Shou Little hung determinedly from his finger. She had been gnawing on him for ten minutes, ever since he’d offered himself as a more durable chew toy than Danny. “Worried you’re going to get in trouble for biting the underworld’s style?”

“Look, we’ve already dealt with resurrection and now dragons. I’m just wondering if mermaids are next down the pipeline,” Matt said.

Danny shrugged. “Unicorns and pixies are western mythology. Shou Little’s a Chinese dragon. I have no idea if that means the European ones are real, too.”

“Okay, so what else is in Chinese mythology?” Luke asked.

“K’un-Lun isn’t really part of China per se, but, uh…fenghuang,” Danny said, glancing at Colleen.

“Nian,” she added. “Fox spirits. Spirits in general.”

“And mermaids?” Matt asked.

Jessica turned all the way around. “What is it with you and mermaids? You really into clamshell bras or something?”

Matt gave her that annoying deadpan look that meant he could be joking or just that weirdly intense. It was harder to read when he was upside down. “We live on an island! It seems like pertinent information.”

“I’d worry less about mermaids and more about water dragons,” Danny said matter-of-factly.

“Water dragons?” Luke repeated.

“Grawr,” Shou Little added.

-

It took Jessica thirty-eight minutes to sort through all the tinfoil-hat selfies and conspiracy theories to find rumors of an honest-to-fuck dragon sanctuary in Ghuizhou Province, eleven minutes of Danny and Colleen having two separate phone conversations in Mandarin to confirm that this place was apparently somehow for real, forty-seven minutes for Matt and Luke to go to the nearest grocery store with Danny’s gold card and buy all the fish they could carry to feed the little monster…

(“She likes gummi worms too,” Danny had assured them. “I checked.”)

…and going on two and a half hours trying to convince Danny that no, he could not keep a dragon in a midtown Manhattan high rise.

“It’s a big apartment!” he insisted, clutching at her. “She’ll have plenty of room!”

“Didn’t you say Shou Lao filled an entire mountain?” Colleen asked.

“Maybe Shou Little won’t get so big! Her name’s only Shou Little, not Shou Big!”

“You named her that! Today!”

“You have neighbors,” Matt pointed out. “Neighbors who will notice weird noises and floors shaking and the fact that you’re covered in blood from dragon bites all the time.”

“Says the guy who crawls half-dead into his own apartment four nights a week,” Luke muttered. Matt frowned. “What? You think Claire doesn’t tell me all your business?”

“Matt’s still right, even if he is also stupid,” Jessica said. “Do you want to be stupid like Matt, Danny?”

“Hey,” Matt said.

“No,” Danny admitted.

“Hey!”

“She doesn’t belong here,” Colleen pressed. “She was stolen. She needs to go home.”

Danny was clearly weakening, but he still clung to Shou Little. “But she loves me!” Shou Little bit him. “Ow!”

“Look, man, we can just get you a puppy,” Luke said.

“I’m a millionaire. I can have both.”

“Dragon might eat the puppy,” Matt pointed out.

“Dragon might eat you,” Luke added.

“Come on, Jackie Paper, give it up,” Jessica said. “We’ve been here for hours and I have paying clients to meet with…” Malcolm had her schedule. “…eventually. Probably.”

Colleen sat down next to Danny and put a hand on his knee. “Hey. Danny, talk to me. What’s the actual issue here?”

Danny frowned at her, then dropped his gaze back to the dragon in his lap. His eyes softened. “Look, I know she doesn’t belong here,” he admitted. “I do. But…I get what that’s like. Not to belong. And I thought that maybe if the two of us didn’t belong with anyone else…”

Matt’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s what this is? You’re looking for another fish out of water?” Shou Little raised her head at the word “fish.” “No, you had your dinner. These are metaphorical fish.”

“Stop arguing with the lizard, Murdock,” Jessica muttered.

“There wasn’t anyone like me in K'un Lun,” Danny said. “And there’s not anyone like me here.”

“You think there’s a lot of bulletproof dudes walking around this city?” Luke asked.

“Or people who can hear heartbeats?” Matt added.

“I carry a sword around a crowded metropolitan area,” Colleen pointed out.

They all looked at Jessica - well, except Matt.

“What?” she asked. “I’m completely normal. You four are the weirdoes.”

“See? And then there’s Jessica,” Matt said. Jessica flipped him the bird. “I know you did that.”

“That’s why I did it.”

“You’re not the only freak around,” Colleen said. “So why don’t you let Shou Little go back to where she belongs, huh?”

Danny sighed. Then he looked up at them and grinned. “Only if Jessica says she loves me just the way I am.”

Jessica crossed her arms. “Looks like we’re keeping the dragon.”

“Jessica.”

“What?”

-

This whole dragon thing was unutterably stupid, but Jessica wasn’t going to pass up a free trip to China if Danny was willing to cart all of them there. She’d take a week’s vacation in China over snapping dirty photos of cheating spouses any day. Even Claire and Misty and Matt’s fluffy lawyer friend had managed to get themselves invited.

Of course, it was entirely possible that Danny had invited them all because the kid was terrified of flying. He’d been deathly pale the whole way to the airport, and clutching the armrests of his seat long before they even started taxiing. Jessica was no good at comforting, so while the others kept Danny distracted and soothed up at the front of the plane, she sprawled sideways across some seats in the back, staring out the window and working her way through a few of those tiny bottles of hooch.

A scratching noise made her look up just as Shou Little - who Danny had given free run of the plane because he had a brain like a Hostess snack - clambered up onto her seat. Jessica sat still and wary as the baby dragon picked her way up over Jessica’s legs, her tiny claws poking through the denim. Shou Little sniffed at the bottle in Jessica’s hand, sneezed, then sat down and looked up at Jessica with shiny black eyes.

“What,” Jessica said.

Shou Little stared at her.

“Go on, go cuddle up to Danny,” Jessica said. “Or Nelson, he lost his mind over you.”

Shou Little didn’t budge. Jessica thought about dumping the thing off her lap, but…oh, fuck it, she wasn’t a total monster. And when was she going to get to chill with a dragon again?

“Fine, stay there if you want,” she said. “We’re landing in less than an hour anyway.”

She turned her head to gaze out the window again at the unfamiliar landscape far below. Shou Little inched closer, up over Jessica’s thighs and belly until she could peek out the window herself.

“What?” Jessica followed the dragon’s gaze to the ground. “That’s where you’re from. Whadya think?”

Shou Little stared blankly at Jessica, and Jessica realized belatedly she was talking to an animal like it could understand her. On the other hand, it was a magic animal. Who knew what the rules were?

Still, she dropped her voice so that the others couldn’t hear her. Well, Matt could still hear her, but if he tried to make fun of her for it later she had a list of burns as long as her arm that would probably make Lawyer Boy cry.

“Come on,” she said to Shou Little. “You didn’t want to stay in New York. It’s basically a pit. Way too many people and way overpriced. Plus you’d have to live with Danny and he’d probably make you do Mommy and Me yoga or something. You don’t want to sink to that level.”

Shou Little sank down against her and rested her head against Jessica’s stomach.

“Oh no,” Jessica said. “Don’t try to get around me. Better babies than you have tried. Malcolm…” Who she had eventually befriended and hired. Bad example. “Okay, Danny…” Who had convinced her to fly around the world on the silliest escapade she’d ever been a part of. “Whatever. Bambi eyes don’t work on me. And neither does cuddling."

Shou Little let out a tiny squeak of a yawn.

“…Ah, fuck it,” Jessica said, and gave in to the urge to pet the little monster, right behind her frilled crest. Shou Little closed her eyes and rested her head on her front claws.

“You’ll be okay,” Jessica told her. “Apparently there’s other dragons at this place. I guess even freaks of nature can manage to find each other.”

Something made her look up. Back up at the front of the plane, Danny was facing her, looking less pale than he had before, and Claire was leaning in saying something low and probably extremely sensible to him.

His gaze flickered to the dragon in her lap and then back up. Jessica scowled at him.

He grinned and gave her a thumbs up.

Jessica rolled her eyes and looked back down at the sleeping Shou Little. “See?” she whispered. “Even that dope. Even me.”

She looked out at the green, terraced landscape beneath them, growing closer every minute. “Yeah,” she said, running a finger down Shou Little’s spiny back. “You’ll be just fine.”