#I feel so trapped

[fairycosmos]

very hard living with the fact that there is no good version of the future

[accidentallyatekneecaps]

Guys you ever just wanna run away

Leave and never return

[grimfox]

drowning

lamenting mental ailments

pale and wan

longing my impalement

drawn and quartered

hoarded patience pawned

along with exultation

slender body failing

railing long against

defences wasted

fetters clasped at ankles

flanking dawn and drawn

to displaced hatred

never better options

only potioned calm

to drown your nascence

rampage mute and faceless

faithless dog

stalking fickle graces

[thenerdcommander]

Despite everything, nothing in the last 2 weeks has caused me more anxiety than missing a phone call from my doctor (who's bad at keeping up with communication, takes DAYS to respond to messages or requests for calls back) because I dared to take a nap, and knowing that every second we're not in active communication is wasted time that needed instead to be carefully utilized or else I will never be able to get top surgery

[fawni333]

i hate being in constant fear of my parents looking through my phone. i’m good, i have nothing to hide but they’ll always find a problem and assume the worst in me. it’s so exposing

[poppies]

abandonment issues but they're still in my life

[degenderates]

I feel so alone I feel so alone I feel so alone I feel so alone I feel so alone I'm so alone without you baby guitar noises

[teethcore]

you know. i was feeling bad today, convinced myself i was exaggerating everything and they probably didn't actually hurt me at all, and maybe i was just trying to make up things to be upset about. but then they violated a small boundary that i've expressed over and over again to them and when i pointed it out, it sparked a tense convo, which escalated to them pulling the "because i'm stupid and can't do anything right." then they yelled at me to not help them when i brought a tupperware over for their leftovers. now they're in the car "just to sit," but they brought the keys, which is the kind of thing they do every time we argue (that is, a gesture that implies they're not safe or they're on the verge of doing something impulsive to hurt themself). so at the very least there's definitely emotional abuse happening. right? that's what that is. am i crazy?

[mementio-mori]

why even bother living if the end is near anyways

[effervescent-fool]

aurgh

[kodocell]

in the past month or so i can count the number of times my roommate has gone to work on my hands. maybe 1/4 of the days hes been home hes been sick, the others hes 'making sure he uses his sick days bc if he doesnt use them he loses them'. theres literally still 2 months in the school year why tf would you be doing that, especially how often hes been """"sick"""" (i dont believe that half the time). my fiance thinks he got fired and is just pretending he still has a job and istg if thats what it is im going to lose it.

i hate that hes still here, i hate feeling unsafe in my own home, i hate that i cant talk freely without worrying he'll hear, i hate how much he distresses my fiance, i hate that he never cleans unless i tell him to like im his fucking parent, i hate feeling afraid of bringing up our friends when hes home. i want him to leave so fucking badly.

now that im working im hoping that will make it easier for us to get a new apartment. im so fucking tired man.

[youllalwaysfindyourwaybackhome]

why is every job in my town either in the care sector (that requires a car which i don't have), a prison, engineering and/or mechanics, or shops/hospitality (which i'm trying to get out of). or like, the army.

[clownpassing]

yyyuuppppp things are getting weirddddd i had to tell nick not to mention to johnny the price of the stuff i bought him or about the hundreds of dollars i've spent on him idk why like. i just don't want jonathan to know. i think that's what's been killing me bc every time i am having a really bad day in jon and i's relationship(nearly every day now tbf) i try to swallow it because i just need to make it to the 18th without having another breakdown since that's my first therapy appointment. but then like he'll say he's been feeling great and i just for some reason can't bring myself to tell him anything. and i know this will hurt him more in the longterm but i don't know like. i feel like i'm the only person making solid efforts. and him spending all this money on nice things has been making me anxious because yes gift receiving is one of my biggest love languages but it all feels so empty

[spottedbread]

i am losing my mind over here

[tuliptic]

So. The moon is currently in my 8H.

Not to mention Sun and Saturn, both of them are currently conjuncting my natal Saturn.

Mhmm, yeah, keep the stress coming hee haw

[bougainvilea]

want to scream