#but i feel it very deeply in my soul
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Need a girl to love me the way my heating pad and ice packs do
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#does this make sense idk#but i feel it very deeply in my soul#also yes im using both at the same time#i have many problems and some only like heat and some only like cold#and my entire body likes the temperature balance😌#im gay and i like sleeping
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Hey about the ghost Luigi au. But. Would he fade with time? Or would he be forced to watch everyone’s lives continue without him? Would he be forced to watch his friends and brother die? Cause that’s angsty as hell my dude
oh, he’s in it for the long haul. i think after time has done its damage, he would go from being inconsolable to a long period of complete and utter shutdown. who knows, maybe he takes to scaring folks in the end. at some point, that becomes the only thing a ghost can really offer, right? when connection is that temporary it loses its meaning. the only way he can touch the real world anymore is through fear.
or you know, he could fulfill his dying wish and ascend to the afterlife. i want him to have a happy ending in one universe or another
#unfortunately luigi has always had very little sense of identity on his own#he relies on others to essentially shape him because he’s so deeply insecure. he people pleases impulsively you know#without mario he doesn’t even know who he is#once mario is gone luigi feels utterly sealed off from everyone. in an emotional sense#as far as luigi’s concerned he simply does not exist without mario#and like. i don’t necessarily mean that in the “luigi is mario’s shadow” way [although that’s a small part of it]#i mean that in the way that twins who are that close have extremely codependent souls#and you need them to live. honestly#this makes it sounds like i believe luigi has no personality or goals or principles which is not true. yes he IS his own person of course#and it’s not like he COULDN’T reach his own true potential and find peace and contentment in a lonesome life!#but i don’t think he will. he’s just not equipped for it and honestly? i think he’s so absorbed in the grief that he just doesn’t want to#it feels too much like moving on. and how could he ever really move on?#uh. damn okay. this is making me need to call my twin bro. this is getting me in the gizzard a bit /lh silly#asks#ididntwantobeaglader#ghost luigi au#no id#giddly’s art#i didn’t even make this art for your ask btw i just had it lying around and was like “OH this applies to your question!!”#thank you for the ask!!!
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had a really incredible moment this evening. went to my campus art market where one of my friends was selling the tank top i'm wearing - another friend bought it for me and i'm so overjoyed to have it. usually a fit that leans more Traditionally Masculine feels like a costume but tonight it just felt deeply correct and honest and warm. took the opportunity to take some indulgent little pictures because i do not think i have Ever looked more like myself. so happy.
#im like. slowly gently exploring butchness & ... what it means to me & ... trying to release the idea that it requires Masculinity....#ive always felt pretty disconnected from masculinity as a whole but i'm starting to find points of entry that resonate really deeply#& along with that is like... esp when it comes 2 kink & leather & butchness - which r not intrinsically related but to me they r connected#theres this idea that like. i'm taking myself too seriously. and that nobody's gonna take me seriously. and that i'm too little too young#that im like#obviously inexperienced and a joke and failing and looking stupid .#but ... realized recently that . that's really just the trauma talking#and that i can just like. try shit out. and notice how it feels + what comes up#and then try it again if i so wish#and nothing i try has to be permanent or defining ... and that like . my desires and comforts and joys and needs Should Be Taken Seriously#soooo much of my like. impostor syndrome . has to do with worrying that im not doing it right when compared to other men#but like.... most of the kinky men / leathermen i see are 35+ and cis .#of course im not doing it like them .#so . looking to the queers i know. especially my fellow transmascs as well as lesbians . for like. reassurance and inspiration#has been very healing . & good for my heart & my soul.#:)#yeah .#i think i gotta go read butch is a noun. ... yeah#goodnight :)#speak#materialization#ok2rb
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guy having a very normal reaction to punisher max
#sorry to the artist guy getting fucking decimated for no reason other than being around. the artstyle just makes me deeply uncomfortable#i have a very bad headache................................................... maybe its not that bad and im just insane#for context i read somewhere that in the max series frank has another child with some episodic woman#and it make me irrationally angry. for some reason#like okay i cant tell you why right now because of the headache i genuinely can barely think#this isnt a jealousy thing okay trust me here. it just feels so wrong in my soul to have read that#I DONT THINK ITS AN ACCIDENT EITHER IN WHICH CASE LIKE OK FAIR ENOUGH IM PRETTY SURE HE DOES IT FULLY INTENTIONALLY#oughhh my head hurss ghan im gonna lose my minddddd#maybe ill wake up tomorrow and think about how this was a persona l problme but. god. eughhhhh that felt so wrong
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still a hardcore believer in the "totk was absolute development hell" theory btw, even if I know it will never be confirmed or denied, but all the signs are there honestly
#thoughts#totk#totk critical#when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#the fact that it does not take 6 years to make a game like this#that they used the covid excuse (the game industry took like a month to adapt tops)#that the game was postponed eight billion times#that there are very clear signs that there was a pretty brutal rewrite at some point#that no writers/quest designers are credited??? as far I can tell????#and also and that's... kind of impossible to prove or to pinpoint or rationally explain#but this game feels like burnout to me#it tastes like hollowed gamedev soul who switched off their enthusiasm and went “content mode” just to push through the finish line#OH YES also the lack of dlc#I have a hard time believing they have nothing they could potentially add if they wanted to --and maybe they just don't want to#it just... feels like exhaustion packaged around a genuinely brilliant feature#hoping its brightness would camouflage the thinness of everything else#again perhaps I'm projecting but the game *feels* deeply familiar to me in that way
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yknow, i dont even think about edizzy hornigold era. i think about bellhands hornigold era and how that leads into the decades of edizzy failmarriage
#this is the worst thing about me i think#hornigold era. very important to me!!!!! edizzy endlessly tied together for decades. the most important thing in my soul!!!!!!#the classic edizzy hornigold era concepts that all my edizzy friends have & even may other izzy fans hold dear? do not exist#oh; eds there alright. and fundamentally important to whats going on with izzy#but whats going on with izzy is Samuel Fucking Bellamy#i dont have nothing there but. its vague shapes. four boys bonded for life by unimaginable horrors#but sam is izzys life back then#nyxtalks#ofmd#bellhands#edizzy#honestly i just got too into figuring out how sam plays into everything for me that i made this detailed backstory for them#and sort of. erased the space for ed that most people make#but i love it. i wouldnt have it any other way#i need sam to have been the most important thing for him in that time#its what makes it hurt#it jades him#its why he does what he does with ed#with blackbeard#it gives them the same things that edizzy hornigold era does. just a different way#bonded in that feeling of betrayal#(im also just actually. deeply fond of izzy being indifferent to ed for a while. love when they take their time to find each other)
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My madoka magica hot take is I like sayaka/kyoko as a ship more than madoka/homura
#madoka magica#both ships are very very good and make me feral but god kyoko/sayaka really caters to me#i am biased cuz sayaka is my favorite character lol and i just want good things for her#but i mean we get them as enemies fighting to the death obsessively like sayaka gets so focused on proving herself to kyoko she cant think#of anything else and she wastes her energy fighting her instead of witches and just the foil like#both used their wish to grant something for someone else and kyoko lost everything as a result and decided that nothing good will ever come#of helping others so she should only look after number one and of course shed think that cuz shes all she has left#meanwhile sayaka refuses to take care of herself because she never wants others to suffer so she only exists for others#and both of them change their perspectives in pursuit of each other theyre literally red and blue#and i love seeing the development of their relationship and kyokos feelings i love her offering to kill ryosuke for sayaka#and how terrified she is in that moment when she sees sayakas lifeless body separated from the soul gem#or how she shares her story and remembers why she started fighting because of sayaka and fucking#THE WAY SHE ACTS SELFLESSLY AND STUPIDLY OPTIMISTIC TO SAVE SAYAKA FROM HER WITCH FOR#THE WAY SHE SACRIFICES HERSELF TO CONNECT WITH HER THE LOVE SONG#THEM HOLDING HANDS WHILE SAYAKA CRIES AND KYOKO IS THERE FOR HER AND THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER SO WELL#god fucking dammit these fucking gay people are ruining my sleep#yeah idk if its obvious but i have a specific type when it comes to ships i love when characters beat each other up and are the center of#each others motivations and go through the horrors together and come out the other side and love each other deeply#love each others flaws and theres understanding and tenderness#i haaaave to draw them but i also have to draw a lot of blorbos rn alkksk
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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(´･ᴗ･ ` )
#I really like the “We're the bad guys' enemy” line. For someone I generally despise Dazai has all my favourite lines in this show…#Idk I can't really vibe with the unbalance that there is between s/kk.#Like when push comes to shove‚ Dazai has the power to keep Chuuya alive or let him die.#I understand why they make a compelling dynamic in their complexity‚ but it just doesn't do it for me.#I'm a little sad my opinion on them hasn't really changed since I watched the anime for the first time...#Also; I really can't vibe with Chuuya allowing Dazai to kill Q. Yes I know Chuuya cares about his comrades deeply.#Yes I know it can be interpreted as Chuuya seeing himself in Q as a living weapon and being disgusted by it#(though I honestly don't think that was intentional of the author).#Yes I know Chuuya is a mafioso and kills people. No I don't think your personal issues justify you being a dick to other people I'm sorry.#Back to my main annoyance with the episode: I must have already talked about this but I hate hate hate the narrative#“the mafia works for the city” “the mafia deeply loves the city too” it's so so sickening and insulting please stop I'm begging.#Please visit any actual city with a rooted mafia presence for once in your life (signed: someone whose hometown was destroyed by the mafia.#The writers really don't know what they're talking about and‚ politely‚ it's offensive.)#Also b/sd keeping being extremely nationalist with Mori (who's largely depicted unsimphatetically for the first part of the episode)–#bringing up western thinkers and subtly mocking Fukuzawa for not knowing them–#and Fukuzawa (the righteous man. the noble spirit and just soul in this episode and Mori's antithesis)–#stepping forward to say that he knows strategists from the east (because who else would he need?)#I don't know if it's meant to symbolize the conflict with an hostile and invading foreign power (the Guild).#But it does come across as. A very isolationist way of thinking.#I know it's subtle but it's really evident for me. And I didn't want to talk about this any further…#But by bringing actual examples of this I hope I can better explain why I think that b/sd holds nationalist views–#and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything#That's it. I feel like I've been losing a lot of mutuals over my main recently due to not shutting up (sorry)#so I suppose it's only fair I lose them on here too pffttt.#Tune in next week for more bad takes#random rambles
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*typo: should be "I don't mind debate" not "I don't make debate"
#more elaboration on what I'm feeling#I guess#to anyone who argued with me about the dark souls stuff: don't worry about it or feel bad or anything#I'm actually using that example specifically because a lot of people responded with an intensity that surprised me but#it's one of the cases that ultimately didn't bother me very deeply or anything because my opinions about dark souls#are not very personally significant to me etc.
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so that surprise song mashup, huh
I AIN'T GOTTA TELL HIM I THINK HE KNOWS HE'S GORGEOUS !!!!! 😭😭😭
They are everything to me she has no idea but she did that for me I stg ✋😭
#AND I LOVE THIS SM 😭😭#AUGH I'M SO NORMAL (lie)#ugh the way they just are lover and reputation too like fuck#like reputation is hard shelled and mean and scary on the outside but on the inside she's so emotional and vulnerable and kind and loving#the hard shell is a facade and it gives me chazz how he was at the beginning like his inauthentic self he had to be around others#as a way to cope with the pressure from his brothers and try and accomplish what they demanded of him#but in actuality he's a really sweet kid and is such a hopeless romantic and is just such a vulnerable soul who feels very deeply#but doesn't understand how to express that or to recieve it from others because of how emotionally stunted and neglected he was for so long#like he's so reputation to me#and atticus being lover is just so right too like lover is happy and glittery and colorful and fun and there's so much love there#but is also anxious and scared of losing that love and it's a deceptively sad album#and atticus is much the same as a person like he's summer incarnate that's what I always say and he loves so much and cares for everyone#so so much to the point where it can be self destructive for him. but that's just it he destroys himself with his love for others#I go back to him saying that nobody needs him anymore and that there's no one to protect after everyone is taken by darkness in season 4#and how sad he is like he doesn't have a purpose anymore. he's afraid of losong the people that he loves#because they are his purpose for being at this point. he's been through so much and had his entire sense of self so shaken for a while#it's kinda fucked actually#but anyway.... atticus would also unironically adore ME!#hey kids spelling is fun indeed 😏#I didn't mean to go off like that was not what I was expectinf myself to do but okay queen go off akaksksk#ugh they are my everything 😭#yugioh gx#chazz princeton#jun manjoume#atticus rhodes#fubuki tenjoin#stormshipping#taylor swift#aberooski asks
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what was harumakigohan cooking w i cant be a beautiful girl cause on one level it feels like peering deep into his soul and it almost explains exactly why he feels resonance with tales of sapphic youth and beautiful tragic disillusionment but on the other hand my god this song is so trans . its so trans
#either way hes a genius#the song has an underlying melancholy as they tend to do but it also feels hopeful and personal and aaaa#harumakigohan i love u ur everything i strive to be as a creative i preordered the meltychan figure she will b treasured#vocaloid#kINDA#harumakigohan actually captured my childhood so closely to reality it terrified me#i have a bond specifically to futarino that drives me crazy and helps me remember times ive begun to forget#im not sapphic and i was mistaken in my estimations at that age but i definitely experienced the full harumakigohan package in my youth#it was kind of crazy#anyway this song makes me feel a lot#like 'i wonder if you had connections in your past that made you feel this way'#and 'i wonder what stories youve experienced and why if you did feel them deeply in your soul#they became tales of sapphic adolescence and disillusionment and fate and death and love#perhaps im not one to talk as someone whos about to write a whole lot of very gay very personal fiction in my future#but i am non parasocially intrigued as to what hrmkghn experienced to lead him here to tell stories the way he does#cause if it felt visceral and real to me#im sure it felt even more so to him
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066/365
#beta luz noceda#the owl house#toh#storyboarding consumes my soul and creativity#so this is what actual burn out feels like i guess?#it's all very hmmm#don't have enough time to contemplate it deeply which is for the better for now
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Loving all the Mine chat today! In a world where neither of them have Daigo to fixate on (for whatever reason) what do you think interactions between Mine and Masato/Aoki would be like? All your comics have them obv pitted against one another (always gives me a giggle gotta say!!) but I'm curious bout your thoughts on them/their potential interactions if Daigo wasn't part of the equation. I think they could be so evil together in whatever capacity. Real "I could make him worse" territory.
Sorry if this is a bit silly (I know removing Daigo removes a lot of other things too) I just love listening to you talk about guys ™️ lmao
i am a renowned Guy(TM) Talker this is a fair thing to assert
BUT honestly they'd probably like. not be friends or Sincerely get along but they'd probably use each other one way or another if given the opportunity: aoki wanting to exploit mine's skills, knowledge, and wealth, all the while mine At Least keeping an eye on aoki's influence (and if he wanted to do his homework probably keep tabs on the arakawas) and considering if it'll have potential use down the line. it's not like it's hard to imagine them having similar ideologies or morals either
mine'd absolutely loathe aoki's pride in his philosophy tho- even if it does align with his own somewhat LMAO
#snap chats#tl;dr they could be collaborators that hate each other#aoki'd prob be gaga over mine's potential use to him tbh lol#LIKE yes mine generally has a distrust of people and doesnt believe in them but at his core he also wants to#hence why he'd just. despise aoki's blatant narcissism LMAO its a gross mirror to look at#at the very least mine wasnt proud of his philosophy when he told kiryu about it. it seemed more of an unfortunate fact of life#very big difference compared to to aoki's enthusiasm and almost giddiness to use and dispose of people#all the while without harboring /too deeply/ of a want to connect with others#evidently we find out deep in his evil black little soul he did want SOME kind of connection and normalcy#but it wasn't as. so to say as much of a 'romantic' want as it was for mine#and i dont mean in terms of ACTUAL romance just in that. take mine joining the yakuza for example#he had a very romantic idea of 'the bonds between men' and so on and so forth#like ultimately his goal was sincere relationships- all the while aoki's goal was. ????#like i KNOW what it is but as a person.. scratching my head now that i actually have to label it#i guess he really did want admiration from others in the end and to not feel so 'weak' or 'broken' anymore#idk i guess the lines can blur if you try hard enough but im rambling LOL bye
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You cannot hide your T:RC music from me PMMM
#My ear for voices may have worn off in my time away from weebdom but those strings are embedded into my soul#I have listened to Synchronocity too many times for my brain to stray too far from that specific style for very long lol#Not even mentioning the amount of time I still spend thinking about Fai /Normal About Him voice#I knew it was the same artist I feel very vindicated upon looking it up lol#Finally properly diving into Puella Magi Madoka Magica after what? A decade and some change? Lol#I'm enjoying it :) I think I definitely came in too spoiled to be shocked by anything (and I keep reading the comments wegh)#But I like it :) I haven't been keeping up with magical girl shows in general for a long long time but I think younger me would've loved it#Oh gosh existentialism I don't want to think about how old I was when it first came out lol#I tried a few years ago and lost interest - yes despite knowing the twist - but I'm glad I hung with it this time#It's got a good strong aesthetic and interesting characters that feel like they can be cracked open and not Just in that way lol#Hoping to follow up with the movie(s) soon :) Well and properly finish the series lol#Good job bookending things writers ♪ A real show of restraint and as long as I'm not just reading into it too deeply-#Then again I still don't have an explanation I just had a hunch that ended up being correct lol#Magic and all that ✨#PMMM
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my daddy issues are so fascinating to me bc like i've said before we genuinely do have very similar personalities and in a lot of ways my core values are things he instilled in me but the way we approach these things is so radically different that we can't agree on anything. so it's just this weird situation where i'm always just like....... i agree with everything you taught me but we came to completely different conclusions about how to move forward
#idk that quiz just got me thinking abt my stubbornness and strong sense of justice and hard work ethic#and how these are all things i got from him#my mom has 0 of that god bless her soul lmfao#but it's just so odd bc i deeply feel that if he werent fucking awful#he'd be very proud of who i am now#and i don't know if i hate that or if i should let it comfort me#unfortunately for us all i'm a trans dykefag and he's a p******** so you know. irreconcilable differences and all that#dont rb i just gotta ramble sometimes yk
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