#this isnt a jealousy thing okay trust me here. it just feels so wrong in my soul to have read that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

insufferablelust · 4 years ago

Note

butterfly blurbs? maybe that's nor what you want but spencer getting jealous bc he finds out butterfly spends some time with one of his closest man but butterfly only wanted him to show her how to shoot so she could impress spencer?

Warnings ; smut, The use of ‘sir’ & ‘daddy’, Jealousy, overstimulation, Squirting, Tiny bit of degradation mainly by name calling, Possessiveness, Its.. um Filthy as many of you already know. Oh there’re fluffs like cute fluffs in the end, mention of sub/little space too. Please read at your own discretion. Set before chapter 2A of Lb!Au

MASTERLIST HERE.

gif credit to @imagining-in-the-margins thank you!

Being the don of the most powerful mafia chain around the country requires Spencer to have guards everywhere he goes, and those men are always there to protect you too. There are 4 of them; Your favorite is Morgan, the friendliest and warmest of them all, but definitely the flirtiest— in more than one occasion, Spencer had to threaten his gurard, or more like his best pal to stop looking at you the wrong way, then there’s Hotch, which is the lead command of his men, the one who controls the way around, his right hand almost, He doesn’t talk a lot you reckoned, though you rarely see him. There’s Alvez, whom you are second closest to, he’s pretty funny at times and definitely warm, and the last one is Simmons though you only met him in several occasions, seeing how he was always the one that Spencer commands to run his ‘business’ outside of town.

The 4 of them are all loyal to the don and the famiglia, has been since many generations of fathers and their fathers. When you came into the picture, you didn’t expect that someone is going to be guarding you every time you go outside or to leave for work or study— but Spencer insisted one of his men will always be assigned to watch over you, seeing that the threats of being closer to him might bring you harm. They’re always close by but not super close where you might feel stalked or ‘guarded’

It was nice to have someone to look after you, and the man he always choose to be close by you is none other than Morgan, your favorite out of all of them, you knew why Spencer insisted that Morgan was the one who will tend to your every need (security wise) even going as far as renting him an apartment suite not far from where yours are, just incase.

You grew close to Morgan, practically seeing him as your older brother, on nights where Spencer might not coming back to your place because of his ‘unexpected’ business, you always asked Morgan to accompany you play board games or watch something on your half functioning TV, or to just simply be there to have a chat with you. He’s nice and he makes you feel like you knew Spencer, told you small things about your boyf— sugar daddy. Now knowing that Morgan knows a lot, practically everything about the don, young Y/N just wanted to impress him— cause he had been so good to her all week, so so good, taking care of her and spoil her to the limits. So she asks Morgan on what could impress the infamous don of the country.

Y/N couldn’t lie that when she heard Morgan proposed the idea of shooting, that excitement would run through her veins like something has been injected— she has seen Spencer shoot his gun once or twice, she knew he could kill someone so so easily without batting an eyelash, he injured a guy whom looked at her the wrong way once for fuck’s sake. So the idea was enough to make her all giddy and say, “Please Morgan! teach me!” which he couldn’t help but to say yes, now he knows the protocols, knows how his best friend is so he didn’t worry about him having any sorts of problems with him teaching her but what he didn’t expect was, Spencer Reid might have a deeper feeling towards the tiny butterfly.

—

Hey daddy,

i’m going to spend some time with Morgan today, i hope you don’t mind if i don’t send an update so frequently but i’ll try okay? be safe, Mwah!

Spencer tried to calm down from his sudden bubbling anger that rose inside his chest, the voicemail had been left on his brick phone two hours prior and she still hasn’t responded yet. Being away from her is torture from him, he wanted so so badly to bring her here whilst he has business to deal with in Chicago— but he knew it’d be dangerous.

Though, hearing her heavenly voice sets his chest aflame with combined mixture of Jealousy and Longing, longing for her— missing her to the core and wanting so so bad to show her that she’s his and his only. Spencer knows he’s being irrational but he couldn’t help to think that his little Butterfly is spending too much— an awful amount of time with her bodyguard, his most trusted man amongst others.

With a lit of his cigarette and ruffle of his hair, Spencer made a quick call to Hotch to prepare for leaving, cause he’s going back home— for her.

She didn’t expect this when she came home from her practice that night, she didn’t expect him to be here so so early. a day early from his supposed come back schedule. Here he was, sitting on a chair in the dark corner of your bedroom with his thighs spread, and his fingers interlaced with each other, and a glass of wine sitting atop of the bed side table.

“D-Daddy.. i thought you won’t be home until—“ you started yet immediately cut off by the sound of his voice shushing you, “Shh, Come here. Sit on my lap.” He demonstrated by patting his thighs so you know not to fuck with him, not to act up. You muttered a small “yes daddy” before setting down your purse and padded towards where he is, about to straddle his lap before he let out a disappointment-like sigh then turns you around so you’re sitting down on his lap with your back against his front and his hand wrapped snuggly around your throat.

Oh whatever you’ve done must be terrible, and you would be lying to say that it doesn’t excites you one bit cause it certainly does.

“You look pretty tonight, butterfly.” He whispered softly against your ear as his other hand slithered their way around her waist to wrap them tightly so she’d have nowhere to go, “T-Thank you daddy.” She muttered, feeling so small all of a sudden, not knowing what she has done wrong and what should she say to make it better.

“Daddy i—“

“Y’know your daddy is a busy man, don’t you, bunny?” His voice tsk’d you, making you squirm on his lap, as his palm slithered down down down between your legs and rub toward your inner thighs. “Yes daddy..” You muttered, only gasping momentarily as his fingers slip inside your legging and let it rest on top of where your panties beginning to dampen.

“And yet here you are, making daddy cancel his plans just to come back and remind you.” His voice gets a little rougher now as he slaps your cunt softly, a warning perhaps so you’d stay still and listen to him. You let out a confused yet pleasure filled mewls as he slap your by-now swollen and sensitive covered pearl several times, “Daddy! please i-i don’t know what you mean.. oh!”

“D’you know who’s this cunt belongs to?” He whispered roughly before biting on the shell of her ear where she arched her back when he pressed his palm— grazing against her clit side to side, “Y-You! it belongs to you! mmh!” Your moans are cut out by the tightening grip of his hand on your throat as he snap the waistband of your panties before tearing the whole thing with your leggings down your legs.

“And who’s this body belongs to hm? who do you fuckin belongs to, butterfly?” His thumb made a quick work over your sensitive button as he rub it all fast and rough, causing you to squirm and let out spews of moans and screams at the feeling of pleasure. Somewhere alongside the pleasure, your brain was able to make a sense of why he’s here, and you can’t help but to feel all the butterflies that swarmed on your belly.

The don is jealous over his best friend.

“Daddy i— oh! i— Morgan was only helping me!” She tried to blurted out, as his thumb quicken its pace on her clit, up and down, side to side whilst his other hands played with her swollen shirt covered nipples, all sensitive and reactive to his sinful touches. Spencer lets out a growl, “Helpin you with what hm? is it that important that he has to take you way from me?”

Butterflies, your heart warmed.

“He— oh god.. i w-wanted to oh! learn how to shoot so i ask him.. mmh fuck daddy! ask him to help me so you’d be proud of me!” Tears streamed down your face by now, not because of his words but because of how close she is, god the way his fingers slip inside her slit so easily now that she’s wet— drenched, combined with his palm on her clit and her overstimulated nipples causing her to the edge.

“Is that so, princess?” He hummed as he lean back so he could tilt your head back to see your eyes, gleamed under the moonlight and glazed over with needs— “Yes daddy.. i s-swear—oh god i’m going to cum.” Your fingers were gripped tightly onto his wrist as his fingers works even faster and faster— making squelching noises throughout the room.

“Little minx, trying to make me all proud hm? My butterfly is so fucking adorable isnt she?” Spencer was close to coming inside his pants himself, seeing her like this brought him to the fucking heaven but hearing how she wanted to train because she wants him to be proud of her brought him to the fucking edge of orgasm— that he didn’t even care if hes going to cream his pants like a damn teenager.

“Yes yes yes daddy! just for you! please let me cum!”

with a hard and quick thrust of his fingers inside you, he mumbled deeply and breathlessly, “Cum now, pup. Show everyone that you’re fucking mine, cum for daddy— thats fucking it.” He growled and growled, as you let an earth shattering scream which you had no doubt that your neighbors would be able to hear it, before squirting all over his hand, his suit, everything.

“Thank you oh! daddy thank you!” You sobbed and trembled as you both coming down from your highs, Spencer presses small kisses all along the side of your face. “Good girl, ‘m so proud of you, my little butterfly. Gonna show me tomorrow what y’learned okay?” He mumbled gently as you weakly turned around to give him a kiss.

“Yes daddy, welcome home.”

—

LITTLE BUTTERFLY TAGLIST;

@bloodstainedsarsaparilla @drabigailreidblog @mgg-theprettiestboy @vanessagub @reidsconverse @maybankslut @pastathighs @geniusgub @90spumkin @trina2323 @70sreid @blxckhearthood @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @baby-pogue @sluttytears @187-reid @gubler2323 @flawlesslyexecuted @iamgonnaleaveroach @libidinexx @reidsbbg @dancestargia @agentadhd

{Message or comment if you wanna be tagged or removed! thank you for your support}

#spencer reid smut #dom!spencer #mgg smut #lilbutterfly!blurbs #littlebutterfly #mob boss!specer

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just-a-fangirl13 · 4 years ago

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Thoughts & Theories about MacGyver 5x10 [MacRiley]

HOLY SHIT!

This episode was absolutely INSANE. Im writing out my thoughts once and for all because I need to stop thinking about everything that happened (I highly doubt I will be able to but here's to trying)

SPOILERS FOR 5x10 OFCOURSE

Straight off the bat, I was screaming *internally* and yelling at Mac when he showed the diamond to Bozer. I suspected it yesterday when we got the snippet of Murdoc saying the words DIAMOND and RING with extra emphasis..(everyone on twitter said I was jumping to conclusions.. I thought so too honestly) But damn I did NOT expect them to actually do that!

Now here's why I am not mad about it anymore. [this is my interpretation you are free to disagree]

Firstly, when Mac told Bozer he was going to propose he didnt say I’m doing it because I love Desi or I want to spend the rest of our lives together or because she’s the one (doesn't mean he doesnt care for her ofcourse)

He said “Ever since I lost my dad & Jack, I have been thinking about the bigger picture and a commitment to make things work is exactly what Desi and I need right now. A grand romantic gesture.” He wanted to propose for stability so he could finally be on the same page with her. They never really defined their relationship before and this was a way for Mac to final bring it together. A grand romantic gesture is usually something people use to win their partners back which is what Mac was trying to do I guess. It almost sounds like he has to do it so he doesn't lose her again

(ill get to my second reason in the end)

Then ofcourse Bozer tells Riley about it so she can be prepared. Bozer is such a good friend. He is supportive of Mac AND wants to protect Riley. I love him for it! He really is doing everything to be the best friend he can to both of them. (Leannas death was so painful and I just want to hug him but thankfully Riley had that covered.)

Next we get the BIG REVEAL. The moment all of us had been waiting for.

The moment that SHOOK Angus MacGyver and CHANGED EVERYTHING!

Rileys Feelings!

“You want me to say it out loud? Fine. Yes I had feelings for Mac. There I said it. and yeah watching him and Desi together was breaking my heart so I moved out of his house. I should have said something to him a long time ago but I didn’t and now its over. ”

I had the opposite of a HEART ATTACK! (my heart rate was through THE ROOF!)

I have to say they really really outdid themselves on this reveal.

SIDE NOTE: If anyone comes for Riley and tries to call her a slut or a home wrecker? You will have me to deal with. Even after Murdoc played the clip of her confession she still tried to deny it and brush it off so it wouldn't complicate things for Mac and Desi. If Riley had wanted, she could have easily told Mac this to his face while he was dating Desi and then let things happen from there but she DIDNT. She kept that secret buried so deep she herself was in denial.

(also if anyone calls Mac a player or anything like that.. I will end you. He is doing his best to deal with everything that has happened to him and people keep giving him shit for it....)

Anyways, we see Mac’s expression & he is just confused and shocked and clearly not trying to think about it because it changed EVERYTHING for him.

[Murdoc saying I THINK IM ON TEAM RILEY was a HUGE HIGHLIGHT for me! I love him so damn much!]

Desi took it really well too actually. If they keep going down this road of growth and maturity for her I think I could actually like her again. (Russ too when he apologised to Bozer)

She didnt throw a hissy fit or say I knew it or look at Riley like she was the villain. She focused on the mission & I respect her for that.

(Riley does say, “the next thing you are going to hear on that recording-” and then gets cut off by Desi.. If this will come into play at some point later on or if it was just her trying to explain herself, remains to be seen.)

Then after the climax, we finally hear Riley say the words to Mac in real time and we get our FIRST MacRiley hug of the season!

At this point I thought they would agree to be friends and make the friendzone thing clear BUT NOPE. (you have no idea how happy I am about it not going down like that!)

I was also a puddle on the floor. SO

“Mac look-”

“You don’t have to say anything if you dont want to. Really.”

“I want to. Last year in Germany. I realised I was starting to have feelings for you. Real feelings. I didnt want to make anything weird between you and Desi. I didnt want to mess up our work or our friendship so I decided to bury it. Until the feelings passed.”

“Emotions aren’t a science. You can’t control them.”

Gosh they are so perfect together! The way they look at each other and the HUG! OH MY GOD THE HUG! Its just perfection.

Now we also see this from Desi’s POV. Again no anger or jealousy from her. I think it was an understanding. She realised that she and Mac were never going to work.. maybe a little pain but honestly everything that went down with her and Mac was her fault too. The lack of trust and understanding was always a problem for them. Sure, things were going well but she didnt seem like she was ready for a commitment if im being honest. If Mac had proposed I think Desi would have said no.(again nothing wrong with that)

She didnt want to label their relationship..they haven't said the words I love you to each other and I dont think they even live together. It really was way too sudden.(these are just things im assuming people define how well a relationship is going by.. I have no experience.)

Then ofcourse we have what im calling the goodbye scene. Its the break up before the break up in my opinion.

Desi tells Mac that they should pretend the last 24 hours never happened (that might actually include Mac wanting to propose but make of it what you will..) and that they should have a clean slate. But its very clear from Mac’s face and Desi sees it too that he isnt 100% onboard with it. He cant forget about it.

Which is when Desi says “Look Mac just do whatever you feel is right” and Mac looks confused.

She then gives him a goodbye kiss.

Look if you have ever watched any show/movie before where the characters are saying goodbye to each other or breaking each others hearts...THERE IS ALWAYS A KISS ON THE CHEEK. A final farewell of sorts.

That is what it seemed like to me. It was Desi telling Mac to do what he has to. Even if it inevitably leads to their break up.

Again real emotional maturity from Desi here!

Then we get the scene, Monica Macer (the show runner) tweeted about back in December.

Mac knocking on someones door. If im being honest? I thought it was Desi’s place and he was going to propose...

BUT it turned out to be Riley’s.

Mac clearly hasn't stopped thinking about what happened. I wouldnt either if my best friend who has put her life on the line for me and trusts me 100%, now has feelings for me? That would turn my world upside down too.

especially if I had feelings for her that I buried so deep that I never acknowledged them.

Also this is my scenario for how their first kiss goes down just FYI.. (Mac showing up at Rileys doorstep and finally confessing his feelings and kissing her *probably won't happen that way now though, but I still love it*)

Mac hesitates for a second before finally knocking on her door.

“Mac? Everything okay?”

“I can’t pretend like the last 24 hours didnt just happen. They did. So I gotta ask. Did it work?”

“Did what work?”

“Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did they go away?”

and I proceeded to pass out. My brain just checked out...

Now initially in all my freaking out I thought Mac was asking Riley about his feelings. If HE buried them deep enough would he still be able to move on with Desi but then I rewatched it and I realised he was asking RILEY if her feelings were still there, if there was still a possibility of something ever happening.

She never told him its all good now! my feelings are gone and it was a long time ago. She told him she buried it but he needed to know if a future with Riley was something tangible.

BASICALLY ANGUS MACGYVER ASKED RILEY DAVIS IF SHE WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM. *I think I need to go to a hospital now*

So this was my second reason for not being annoyed about the proposal. The writers used it to show what a huge impact it would have on Mac. How much Rileys feelings would actually mean to him. the GAME CHANGER it would be.

A friend of mine said it was kinda funny and a little jarring but I liked it. (I could have done without the proposal) But I understand why they did it. They couldnt have Mac and Desi break up the same day Riley’s feelings came out because then people would hate Mac. They had to make him want to take the next step with Desi but then drop a bomb on him, that would make him question everything.

Again this is what I took away from it.

BUT GOSH WAS THIS EPISODE AMAZING!

I do get that some people are not happy with this and some said it was too sudden *not like we’ve been waiting since season 1 or anything* but I think after 5x11 things will slow down again. Mac may break up with Desi only at the end of the season when he finally comes to terms with his feelings. (Some people are still cautious and I get it but after everything that just happened I find it hard to believe that Mac and Riley won't end up together after all.. not to mention the leaked script conversation between Mac and Riley from 5x15)

Now I dont know how the final scene ends.. they definitely dont get called away for their solo mission immediately after because Mac’s cheek injury is relatively healed in this stills, which means Riley does answer Mac’s question. She may try to avoid it or deflect but he is standing right there so...who knows.

Next weeks episode is a MacRIley solo mission and lets just say things definitely are heating up a bit..*wink wink*

YUP IM HYPED.

BRING ON THE SEXUAL TENSION AND THE ANGST!

#MacGyver #Angus MacGyver #riley davis #macriley #mac x riley #macriley is endgame #macgyver 510 #murdoc

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negandarylsatisfaction · 4 years ago

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[SUMMARY: Negan works on winning Everly back as his jealousy continues to rise.]

Fluff

Negan and Everly PART TWO

As the days went on Negan never left your side. It was hard to consider yourself suddenly back together with him after everything and you weren't afraid to let him know this. As stubborn as he was, he didnt care if you considered yourself with him or not. He knew he wasnt going to leave your side and he promised himself he'd show you that you could trust him. One thing you noticed was that you never really saw Daryl anymore. You missed his friendship and his company. He watched from afar but decided not to meddle in as long as you were okay. Until one day he spotted Negan on the porch by himself having a beer. The door of the house was open and he noticed you looking a bit uncomfortable on the couch. You winced feeling the baby begin to kick hard when Daryl headed towards the house. Negan looking out in the other direction never noticing Daryl making his way close to the door. Without stepping in, he peaked inside and heard you moan in discomfort.

"Ya alright"? Negan turned to Daryls voice, his voice instantly making you look up.

"Hey, yeah I'm fine. The baby is just kicking a whole lot today." You called out to him just as Negan leaned in to look over at you to make sure you were indeed alright.

"Shes fine, why dont you go worry about your pal Rick."

"Should make sure ya womans alright before going about cha business." He looked over at the beer bottle sitting on the floor in reference.

"Oh you're just waiting for me to screw up arent you?" Negan grinned getting very close to Daryl.

"Daddy fucks up so ol' red neck Daryl can save the day."

"Negan it's fine." You rushed to the door as fast as you could not liking how they both stared at each other. Daryl turned away from him as you stepped to the door and unhooked something from his belt.

"Here, I got cha these. Heard they good for babies or somethin'." Negan watched as Daryl handed you a small bag of blue berries making him scoff.

"You just dont give up."

"Negan he isnt doing anything wrong. Thank you, Daryl."

Negan didnt take his eyes off Daryl who eventually gave him a threatening glare in return. The two men slowly charging closer to one another before Daryl sucked his teeth.

"Ya ain't worth getting her worked up."

Daryl quietly walked away as Negan looked down at him in disapproval and watched him walk off the porch.

"Come on get inside." Negan turned back to you entering the house with you.

"What do I gotta do, get you some fucking blue berries for you to not be mad at me anymore." Negan muttered under his breath making you sigh.

"I'm not mad...I'm just hurt." Negan looked over at you with your response. A soft sight of guilt on his face, he knew he had messed up. He knew you had a right to feel how you felt and didnt argue back. You turned away with your hands on your lower back, today the pain felt worse than usual. You took a deep breath before suddenly feeling Negans hands on your back.

"Just relax, the asshole has a point. I dont need you upset." Truth be told Negan wanted to rip Daryl apart. He couldnt stand the way he would catch Daryl looking at you. He blamed himself for this as he knew if he had been around, no other man would've taken care of you the way he was supposed to.

The next day you woke up close to the afternoon, carrying a baby around was alot of work.

"What the hell is that?" You whispered hearing loud noise coming from the living room. Rubbing your eyes as you opened your bedroom door, you found Negan laying on the living room floor beneath what looked like a crib. Squinting your eyes in confusion, you walked towards where Negan was as he sat up and noticed you in the living room.

"You like it?" He grinned happily as he stood up.

"Where....? How?" Is all you could ask, never did you think your baby would be able to have a crib of their own.

"I went on a little run this morning, got a few things that I think you and the baby will need. Check this out." Negan spoke with excitment as he picked up a box showing you baby bottles and baby clothes he picked up.

"I got boy clothes and girl clothes cause shit, I dont fucking know what we're having. Some baby books here, I just took eveything from a day care."

Speechless you looked at Negan as he continued unpacking all things he found. A smile appearing on your face as you watched him show you toys he found as well.

"You did this all by yourself?"

"Do I look like the kinda man that needs any assistance?" He responded humoursly.

"I dont know what to say... I-" distracted by the bloody bandage on Negans arm you cut yourself off.

"Oh my gosh, what happened?" You rushed beside him taking his arm in your hand.

"Little bruised up, nothing I couldnt handle. I'm alright, darling." Negan watched as you observed the bloody bandage with very concerned eyes, you yourself realized how worried you became. Feeling him looking down at you, you looked up, the two of you silently staring into each others eyes. It had been so long since you had looked at him this way, in that moment Negan wanted to lean in and kiss you. Truth be told, you wanted it as well. But then, maybe it was those damn baby hormones making you feel all soft inside, abruptly you turned away putting your attention to the baby clothes. Negan could tell you were fighting it, he could tell you were still hurt as you had every right to he.

"Well these baby clothes are very nice Negan. I love everything, thank you."

"Better than them blue berries, huh?" Negan teased not being able to help himself. Laughing it off you walked back to the bedroom.

"I'm going to go sit out on the porch!" You called out to him as you changed into a comfortable casual lavender dress.

"I'm going to-" Negan heard you stop with a gasp.

"Youre going to what?" He called out a bit concerned.

"Everly?" Negan ran to your bedroom to find you with your eyes closed and your hand on your belly before you let out a sigh.

"Sorry, the doctor told me whenever I feel a sharp kick to take a deep breath slowly."

Negan was out of breath from his heart jumping in fear.

"God dammit woman, you okay now?"

"Yes, Negan I have it under control." You walked past him to make your way to the porch. Confident in the breathing techniques your doctor showed you, you lay back on the chair outside watching the people walk by. A few minutes later Negan came out and bought you some fruit.

"Mmm..these fruits grew amazingly." Taking a bite out of one you savored the juices that came out of it.

"The fuck is he looking at?" Negan whispered causing you to look up at him. Angrily he stared out at Daryl who was on the other side facing the both of you.

"Negan..." you whispered grabbing onto his hand. Daryl took two steps foward making Negan step down from the porch.

"Negan please dont start.." you called out to him, struggling to push yourself up as the two men walked to each other stopping face to face.

Negan distracted by the jealous rage he had for Daryl did not pay attention to you speaking.

"What the hell do you want? You think I dont know what the fuck I'm doing?" Negan stared directly at Daryl, his brows deeply knitted together.

"You think you can do better than me?"

Daryl didnt say a word, simply looking directly at Negan with disgust. After a moment, Negan broke out into a sarcastic smirk.

"Go ahead hit me, show Everly the big and bad man you are." He whispered in his face making Daryl make a fist.

"Go ahead, do it." He unexpectedly shoved Daryl.

"Negan!" You screamed feeling too exhausted to get to where he was when Daryl suddenly swung at him. With a gasp, you watched as the two men began to fight each other. Daryl swinging once again at Negan who ducked and speared him onto the ground.

"Stop it!" You screamed suddenly feeling a sharp pain like none you had ever felt before. The pain so strong it made you lose your balance and lean towards the fence.

"Everly!" Maggie called to you running to your aid, Negan held Daryl down when he suddenly heard the commotion behind him and looked back. His eyes widening at the sight of you wincing in pain, he released Daryl and turned to run to your side. Maggie stood by your side holding you up as the pain continued to linger.

"What happened?!" Negan ran to your side, his energy still pumped with anger.

"Let's just get her inside." Maggie suggested as Negan took your other arm guiding you into the house.

"Talk to me, what are you feeling?" Negan spoke low to you his hands holding you tightly. Just as you went to speak another sharp pain ran through you practically making your knees bend as you screamed. Maggie and Negan didnt let you hit the ground and held you up, his eyes worriedly looking at Maggie.

"Wheres that fucking doctor?" Negan asked as they took you to the bedroom and gently lay you down. Taking a deep breath you felt your water break, you knew this was it. The baby was on the way and their was no stopping it.

"Where is she?" Your eyes widened at the sound of Daryls voice in the living room. Negan instantly turning with a growl ready to pace out of the room before you weakly called out to him.

"Negan- please.." he turned back to you with a clear look of frustration. Daryl showed up at the door way, instantly you saw the damage Negan did to him.

"Everly....ya need anything?" Daryl asked not caring that Negan was right beside you. He didnt care that he had just got into a fight, being so concerned for you.

"She needs you to get the fuck out of here."

Daryl took a step in and that's when Negan went towards him, blocking him from getting any closer.

"Negan." Your voice out of breath, neither of them saying a word. Negan took one step closer and looked him directly in the eye with a mean mug.

"They will never be yours." His voice was low but stern. Daryl knew he was right, it angered him that he grew feelings for you that he couldnt control. Feelings for you that were not reciprocated. Letting out a cry of pain Negan quickly turned back to you, rushing to your side.

"I need to push." You cried, squeezing your eyes shut in pain Negan looked up at Maggie.

"Get that fucking doctor already before I drag him in here by his fucking head."

Maggie ran out to find him as Negan held your hand. Daryl watched as Negan looked down at you in concern, he watched him comfort you brushing the tears away from your face. The man was someone Daryl couldnt stand, he didnt understand how someone so gentle like yourself ever got together with Negan. But one thing he could not deny was the love Negan had for you. The guilt he could tell he had as a man for ever having failed you. Distracted by the doctor running in past him to attend to you, Daryl silently backed out of the room. He could hear the doctor instructing you to push, the sound of you in agony leaving both him and Negan distraught with being helpless. Daryl quietly stood by the main door way of the house not wanting to leave until he was sure you both were ok. Negan held your head up as you pushed for dear life, the look on his face of pity watching you go through this pain.

"The head is out, just one more strong push. Take a deep breath." The doctor instructed as Negan looked down at you.

"You hear that, baby. One more strong push, give it all you got." Negan motivated you noticing how exhausted you were. Quietly you nodded your head and with one last hard push the baby was fully out. The cries of the baby instantly bringing a smile to Negans face. Daryl turned back towards your bedroom hearing the baby cry, he could hear the happiness in Negans reaction. Without saying a word he left the house.

"You got yourself a girl." The doctor expressed with a smile as you cried with happiness. Maggie gently wrapped up the baby and placed her on your chest as Negan leaned over you looking down at her. The two of you looked at each other for the first time in a way you had never before. You knew you loved Negan, you always had.

"Do you have a name for her?" Maggie suddenly asked making the two of you turn to her.

"Oh I hadn't thought of any honestly. I-"

"How about Mary?" Negans suggestion made your heart flutter.

"Mary....yes," you smiled up at him as he looked down at you. Maggie smiled at the both of you, the doctor and her excusing themselves from the room as they could sense unsaid words.

"You know I'd do anything to go back in time and change what I did, dont you?" His eyes glimmered as he looked down at his daughter. His finger softly caressing her cheek, making her smile.

"I would never leave you two. Ever." His eyes looked back up into yours. The sincerity in his eyes were clear, Negan was determined to make up for any time lost with you.

"I love you," you whispered. How could you deny your love for him? He leaned in and softly pressed his lips against yours. Soon the doctor returned back into the room and Negan took Mary in his arms. He sat in the corner of the room on the recliner, he couldn't take his eyes off of her. Negan couldnt believe he was a father, you watched as he cradled your daughter with the softest touch. You didnt know what the future would hold with the way the world was, all you knew was that Negan was the man you wanted to face it all with.

#jeffrey dean morgan #the walking dead negan #negan twd #daryl dixon #norman reedus #the walking dead fanfiction #twd imagines #negan x reader #negan x you #negan x oc

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chocojjk · 6 years ago

Text

Heaven Knows

summary: im not even gonna try, yall know im bad at summaries

words: 2.7k

a/n: this forreal took me 6 hours i think im burning out ,, also guess what?? its not edited

you were chilling in your best friends dorm room without him being there, which is honestly just a normal thing

jisung was out with his friends which means he wouldn't be back for a while

apparently they needed to talk to him about something important

“an intervention, they said,” jisung says chuckling

“What would you need an intervention for??”

“I honestly have no clue”

which left you here, all alone, completely bored out of your mind

laying there in his bed scanning his room for something to do when something shiny on top of his desk caught your eye

with the amount of times you've been here before, you have never seen this object

and so your curiosity got the best of you

you walked over and saw that it was a CD, written on it were the words “for you” and a badly drawn heart, the messy handwriting clearly belonging to your best friend

you chuckle at this

you never knew jisung could be this cheesy

turning on his computer, his screensaver, which was a picture of the two of you, lit up the room

you see, you and jisung have been childhood best friends

your parents were best friends which just means that you guys saw each other all the time

but dont get me wrong, they never forced your guys’ friendhsip

the two of you just got along

growing up, you would always be by his side and him yours

you didnt trust anyone as much as you trusted jisung

inputting in the CD, his honey-like voice started filling the air

“hey, its jisung, haha, of course you know that since ive already given this to you”

you let out small chuckle, clearly enjoying how worked up your best friend sounded

you cant help but feel guilty for invading his personal space

but c’mon, it was you and jisung

personal space is a myth when it comes to the both of you

and so you continued to listen

“umm, ive been meaning to tell you this for a while but could never find the words to do so , so uh,, i-i made you a CD with all the songs that makes me think of you”

‘how cute’ you thought to yourself, ignoring the rising jealousy that you were feeling in the pit of your stomach

wait what??

pshh, youre not jealous

why would you be jealous??? he’s just your best friend

‘im just disappointed that he didnt trust me with this,’ you told yourself

yup, thats all, just clear and utter disappointment

jealousy? we dont know her

plus, you had a very loving boyfriend

“ok so this first song is just how i feel whenever we’re together, this is better together by jack johnson”

and as the song filled your ears, you can't help but imagine that this CD was for you

keyword: imagine

jisung has made it very clear that he only saw you as his best friend, heck, maybe even as his sister

you think back to the day where you joked around of a possibility of the two of you

“ji, what if one day you become my boyfriend”

“hahaha y/n, that’s a weird joke”

“why is that so weird??”

“uhm because were just best friends” he replies, stating the obvious

and ever since then you have pushed the thought of you guys as a couple in the back of your head

never allowing your feelings to surface for the boy

your thoughts were interrupted when you heard your best friends sweet voice again

“ok remember when your first boyfriend broke your heart? well this song pretty much sums up how i felt the whole time, and every other time you get in a relationship.”

“I could treat you so much better than them, you know?”

“why can't you see that??? haha,, anyways this is Better by Gabe Bondoc”

damn, whoever this girl was got jisung whipped as fuck

you started wondering who she was and how come jisung never told you about her before

was she part of your friend group? did you know her?

whoever she was, you hoped that she’d wake up soon and realize what a catch your best friend is and that she would have to be the dumbest person alive to not love him back

“okay uhm, were halfway in this playlist now. sometimes i feel like you feel this way too, but i don't know, maybe i'm just being delusional. this is Friends by Ed Sheeran”

okay so clue number 1, this girl is definitely good friends with jisung

what the fuck han jisung

who is she

“if they find out would it all go wrong and heaven knows no one wants it to,”

you dont know why or what happened, but when you heard that line of the song, you cant help but release all the bottled up feelings that youve been hiding

yes, you were in love with your best friend

yes, you got into relationships as a way to get over him

no, it never works

because every time you were left with a broken heart, he was there to piece it all back together

he was there wiping your tears, holding you, singing you cheesy love songs

he was there with his bad jokes that always brings a smile on your face, making you happy, making you whole again

jisung was always there, and you cant escape him

and now as you listen to a playlist not made for you, your heart begins to break

surely if this was for you, he would have given it to you a long time ago

just the mere thought of jisung caring for another girl besides you hurt your heart

you decided that it was time to stop

you scolded yourself for even listening to it in the first place

and so you took the CD out, and put it back where it belong

a couple minutes later, jisung enters his room, seeing your figure seated in front of his computer, your head rested on your hands as your shoulders shook slightly, a sign that you were crying

“hey, are you okay?” he says grabbing your hands, making you look straight into his eyes

“shh it’s okay, im here,” he continues, pulling you into a warm hug

and you can't help but be mad

why the fuck was he being so sweet to you when he’s in love with someone else

han jisung, this is not fair, not fair at all

and then you realized that you were doing the same exact thing

you pushed him away from you, which caused him to stumble back, hitting the desk behind him

“I-i have to go”

“y/n??”

running out of the room, jisung tried to chase after you however,,

“Woah woah woah why are you in such a hurry?”

chan and minho

“I-uh y/n just ran out and i-”

“y/n again?, jisung didnt we just talk about how you should see her less,” minho exclaims

“Yeah, this really isnt healthy for you jisung, you really should stop pining over this girl,” chan continued

“guys, shes my best friend!”

“Ok and she obviously doesnt wanna talk to you if she ran away, dont force yourself in places where you dont belong or youll just get hurt in the end,” the older guys continued

“I-”

“were just looking out for you jisung,” chan finishes

and so with his head drooped down, he made his way back into his room

and then he noticed it,,

the CD

‘fuck fuck fuck’

A million thoughts were racing through jisungs head

he was sure that you've heard it, why else would you react that way when you saw him

god, he should've never made that CD in the first place

was he that much of a coward that he couldnt just tell you he was in love with you in person

and now you know and obviously dont feel the same

‘Great going jisung, you just ruined your relationship with your best friend’

---

its been 3 days and there hasnt been any contact within the both of you

you ended up breaking up with your 4 month long boyfriend

“Its because of jisung huh?”

“i…,”

you racked your brain for a different excuse but then decided to come clean, this boy has always been so sweet to you, the least you could do is be honest with him

“how’d you know?”

“I see the way you look at him y/n, its like youre looking at millions of stars, i always hope you’d learn to look at me that way”

“are you mad?”

he gives you a sad smile, “no.. not at you, i always knew this would happen”

“im really sorry hyunjin”

“Its okay, i wish you and jisung all the happiness in the world”

“thank you,” you reply even though you knew that it wasnt going to happen since he liked someone else

meanwhile, jisung has locked himself up in his room

he was ashamed of himself for making that playlist

his friends have been asking him to hang out yet all he can do is mope around listening to the stupid songs that he has added and cringing at how dumb his voice recordings sounded

he missed you so much but he was so scared to reach out to you

3 days might not seem like a long time, but with you and jisung, 3 days felt like a whole year

Im not saying that you guys are always glued together, no, thats not the case

But you guys would always text each other

Sending each other memes throughout the day

But now the both of you was just left with silence

It really allowed you both to think

he figured you hated him and never wanted to see him again

So he never expected you to knock on his door

“chan, go away, just leave me here to cry”

“errmm, its not chan”

,,,

jisungs eyes nearly popped out of his sockets as soon as he heard your voice

and in one quick second he was scrambling to open his door

“you were crying???”

“no”

“whats wrong?”

“nothing, im glad youre here”

“umm, why wouldn't i be?”

“I-i just thought that after the other day, you wouldnt-”

“about that” you say, quickly cutting him off

*gulps*

“can we talk?”

“arent we doing that right now?” jisung jokes but as soon as he saw the nervous expression on your face, he shut his mouth and let you in , closing the door behind him

‘oh god, shes gonna tell me that she never wants to see me ever again’

“im sorry-”

“I didnt mean it-”

“what?”

the both of you having confused expressions written on your faces

“You first,” you say

Jisung nervously scratches the back of his head, refusing to meet your gaze

“the - the cd, i,, i didnt mean it” he says but the way he slightly bit his lip afterwards was a clear indication that he was lying

did he forget that he was your best friend? there was really no point in lying to you

however, you just chose to ride along with his little lie

“oh, well then i guess that makes what im about to say easier”

accepting the fact that you were about to break his heart, he nods at you, urging you to go on

“Jisung, im in love with you”

“its okay that you don't like me back, we can still be best friends -- wait...what?” jisung replies quickly, ending his prepared speech

You looked at him, stunned at his sudden confession

“You're in love with me?”

“You like me ??”

damn both of you guys are so dumb i sWEAr

“Well,,,, yeah,,,, didnt you listen to the CD? I literally say your name in it”

(⊙ˍ⊙)

(⊙＿⊙)

(@[]@!!)

“WHEN???”

“After the last song,” he says, like it was the most obvious thing on earth

“I-” you make yourself over to his desk, looking for the CD

as soon as you found it, you plopped it into his computer

“really y/n???? Youre gonna listen to it right in front of me as if i havent been embarrassed enough” he says with a pout

“jisung shuT UP”

you fast forward to the part where you left off of

“this next song is called Wait for You,, im sure you know this song as we always sing to it toegether, but yeahh ill always be here waiting for the day to come when you finally notice me”

The song begins to play yet you fast forward even more in rapid search of your name

“and, well this brings us to the last song,, god, i really hope you dont hate me right now, if you haven’t guessed by now, im in love with you. I dont know when it started or how it happened, maybe ive been in love with you ever since we were three, i don't know okay. But yeah,,, i fell in love with my best friend, god this is so cliche, but y/n l/n i love you”

you were shocked,,,

but at the same time, you felt like you can finally breathe

he loves you back

Han Jisung fucking loves you back

god reader, if you just stayed and listened until the very end, maybe this au wont be so long my brain cells are disappearing writing this

jisung wasn't making an effort to say something, not even to joke around

he was just sitting on his bed behind you, waiting for you to do something,, anything

we all know by now that he aint going to be the one to make the first move

the last song playing was the only thing that could be heard in the room

until,, you finally turned to face him, wearing the biggest smile on your face

you tackled him unto the bed

“oof”

“you're so annoying,,” you say, hitting him

at this point he has his arms around you as you were sprawled out across his body

“I love you too,” you confess, looking straight in his eyes

jisung doesn't know where he got his newly found courage

But he wasnt complaining as he reached out to your face, finally connecting his lips upon yours

“Ive been wanting to do that for so long”

“Why didnt you?”

“Well, you had a- dklfjasfkasjf,,,,, wait,,,,,, you have a boyfriend???”

And now were back to frantic jisung

“dont worry ji, i broke up with him,” you say a small smile on your lips

“wait, you broke up with him???

are you dumb????

He has like the prettiest face???

And like the nicest lips??

And hes so tall and he can dance so well!!”

“Jisung, if i didnt know any better, i would think you have a crush on him”

“shut up, im just saying,, that man is pReTTY”

“yeah youre right, he has everything i want in a man, maybe i should call him again, tell him i was just kidding about the break up” jisung pouts at this

“uhm, im sorry but you have a boyfriend now so you cant do that”

“oh really?”

“yep”

“who is he ??”

“y/nnn,,” jisung whines

“what?”

“will you be my girlfriend???”

“as long as you make me more CD’s” you say teasingly

“oh shut up”

1 year later

you and jisung are still going as strong as ever, and it was great

it was like you guys were always meant to be together, your relationship being the perfect balance of best friends and lovers

as you were cleaning out your bedroom, you spotted the CD, still looking as shiny as ever, in between a couple of your books, and you cant help but smile at the memory

you were so lost in your thoughts that you didnt notice your boyfriend enter your room

“babe whats that?”

“oh nothing, just a certain CD that this overly romantic boy made me,”

“oh god, youre never gonna let that go huh”

“I just didnt know you could be THIS cheesy, like you really were symping over me” you say

the CD became an inside joke between the two of you,,,

you would always tease jisung about how cliche it was

“I still cant believe you didnt listen until the end, like what kind of dumbass just starts a playlist and doesnt even listen to the whole thing”

“hey!, youre the one in love with me, so guess whos the bigger dumbass”

a/n: oops another one but the last song is called Best Friend by Jason Chen hehe

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thoughtfulpaperback · 5 years ago

Text

Charmed 02x08 Review SPOILERS!!!!

Sorry this took so long y'all. Family stuff just blew up in my face this month has been just terrible it's been terrible since the end of november to be honest, so I just wasnt in the mood to review. But I shall starts. In general i liked the episode 8/10 for me. I like the pacing, the general plot advancing. I liked it, but I have some complaints though. So let's just get those out of the way. So I'll do pros and cons by subject since there were things I both disliked and liked about each thing.

1. Hacy

Let's just get this big guy out of the way. So abby and Harry kiss was a big no for me, although it was hot for sure.

Now there has been a lot of back and forth about this so I actually wanted to compare to the things that bugged me about Macyx galvin and where I thought one does better than the other.

Communication

So like Harry and Macy do not communicate well with each other right now. I feel that thier communication issues though are better (or at least make more sense to me) than Macy x Galvin.

Macy while communicating with Galvin, as far as arranging things, was bad, but with her kiss on halloween she did make her interest in Galvin known. They both had an understanding that they were interested. So I thought the whole Summer ordeal was worse in that sense because, while the follow through was poorly done, Macy's interest was stated.

With Harry and Macy, it appears that neither of them have stated any interest to one another (neither has told the other thier feelings) and neither is aware. So harry kissing some one else isnt as bad to me as the Galvin x Summer situation because of that (speaking about this area soley).

The passive aggressiveness of Harry and Galvin in certain situation isnt comparable because Harry is doing it more.I felt Harry's reactions are more justified (we will get to the hypocritical portion later) in that he is going through the wringer, is hurting and confused, and self-deprecating and many of us agreed that the thought of Macy preferring Jimmy would be bad and hurtful to Harry and logically make no sense. But harry has more scenes than Galvin did in season one so he feel more passive aggressive than Galvin, but I attribute that to screen time and proximity to the Macy (he always there so more time and chances to interact). But also, for me, Galvin wasnt as passive agressive and his sometimes aggressive or snideness wasnt because of Macy. Outside stuff (problems with summer) would make him snap or his trauma also caused him to snap so the situations are comparable there but, again Harry has more screen time so his snapping feels worse to me because it happens multiple time in one episode versus one or twice in a whole season. Since the situation ( and right now I am speaking soley on the summer x Galvin situation) was different. I am up in the air I as to which was "worse" i think both situations are sucky and i think i am more bothered by Galvin x Summer because again Macy had actually expressed her interest (communication wise) but the hacy situation feels more full of that passive aggressiveness and that will turn it into something I really cant get behind. Right now I feel Harry is in a bad place and probably shouldnt be with anyone until he get himself settled personally.

Love triangle/square or whatever

So like with summer x Galvin it wasnt really a love triangle I mean kind of but not really. Galvin didnt pursue Macy while with summer and was generally nice during that time. Summer wasnt necessarily the jealous girlfriend stereotype she was nice, but did call out suspect behavior.

The abby xharryx Macy x jimmy thing is like aweful. It is the love triangle that I hate most at least where the abbyxharryxmacy part is concerned.

I mentioned it before but I hate when one or two people use another person as a means of getting release/relief when they are actually interested in someone else. I think it is cruel to both the used character and the main LI. Worse when both are using others because twice the cruelty. IDK what was going on in Harry's head. But I have never like that type of love triangle, and worse so because it is possibly the other type of triangle I hate which is (usually guy) caught between two ladies and one is clearly the villian (I thank novelas for this gem *sarcasm*) and it is mostly a lust thing.

Especially given that James Westwell was a serial cheater, apparently, this idea of "I love one person but am in lust with the other despite thier character" is like the worst to me. Abby is straight up an ambitious murder, and like I guess that maybe Harry's default type because Charity had similar qualities, but again for a guy who supposedly has strong feelings for Macy and was so confused and hurt by her attraction to Jimmy (which apparently wasnt attraction at all) the ease of him doing the very thing he was mad about , and the ease of being able to push aside his feeling for Macy and give in to that abby kiss was gross.

Sorry but although they werent together, for me, guys who can do that easily should be on our cheater radar. Knowing that James was a serial cheater just makes it worse imo.

While the summer x Galvin situation felt worse on the communication front (expressed feelings) it was better done than here because there is a lot more grossness in the dynamics of the love shape thing right now.

Overall, I get Harry isnt in a place to be with anyone and it's all confusing and he is lashing out. He has not told Macy his interest and neither has she so he shouldnt be held to the boyfriend standards. But still the writers are toeing the line here. What happens next will actually help me define whether this turns into a Galvin situation where I end up not liking the two characters together. If Harry tries to continue the passive aggressiveness about Macy and Jimmy. I'll be done. I mean if he does have feelings for abby and trying to move on, but still tries to pull that with Macy it will just be straight up manipulative. Right now I am like okay he was lashing out and I get it and the abby kiss is probably a big mistake. He can continue the mistake path if the writers wasnt to go there, but if he doesnt recognize that he did something hypocritical and still comes for Macy about Jimmy it will be very very wrong.

I think they for sure need to clear the air but if the writers wait to long or do too much damage I wont be satisfied with the clearing of the air.

I am not necessarily mad right now over the abbyx Harry thing because I am waiting to see how they will handle and present it, but I mean it is on that line and writers need to watch out. I dont think Harry was trying to be manipulative and the lashing out happened before abby kiss. As long as the lashing out (at Macy) doesnt continue I will watch and support the development and exploration of thier relationship and dynamic with the others.

2. Maggie

So like Maggie shows her naivety here and I am not that mad. Like she isn't pulling a "I am so in love and blind to the world" thing she makes her decision based on what she thinks will do the most good for the most people. It is still naive, but she is still maturing and you can see that. Her wanting her sisters to trust her judgment and not feel like they have to baby her is reasonable although again those insecurities clouded the main issues here. She is growing and I shall see how she continues to mature.

3. Mel

I think they tried to fit some personal development for mel here and it both worked and didnt work. I thought it wasnt done badly but at some points I was like....okay could this have been saved for another episode or done beforehand. I wanted to see it, just didn't think it felt in place, especially after leaving the wedding. She just had some development and then was like welp guess I am gonna stumble upon this amber. Like mel could have gotten her new powers before, I mean I felt they could have made the stumble upon the amber scene and new powers at any point before and it could have been more relevant and interesting placed somewhere else than this episode.

4. Abby/overlord/parker storyline

Abby was probably the best thing in this episode. I love her as a villian. I am here for it and I want it.

Parker got dark real quick and while I think he and Maggie shouldnt be together, I am glad he didnt die. Also glad abby clarified that his actions weren't caused by the apple. Because at least OG with Cole the tragedy (the first storyline) was that he made a choice to protect the person he loved but he ended up becoming the source and actually being taken over by the source so his actions were tinted by his OG love but corrupted by that force that possessed him. Where as abby tells him, that that jealousy and want for blood was all him. Maybe the apple and that power made him more likely to act on it than of he hadnt, but it wasnt the apples fault necessarily so. I am glad for the clarification, makes me not want Maggie and him together, but I like that exploration of power and choice. Even with Macy while the power amplified those insecurities she still was making choice which also made her choice to give up that power extra meaningful. Power is corrupting but you can still choose to fight that corruption or give in to it. I like that.

5. Jordan

I love this character to be honest. I am still figuring him out, but like dude is cursed and has been basically touched, punched, and robbed by these guys. He can't catch a break and like nobody even checks on him. Like he so far is a pretty decent although suspicious (like he doesnt trust others easily not like he himself is suspect) guy and I like him but he is getting some serious Darryl treatment right now. I dont like that, but I like him and want to see more of him. Plus, what the heck happened? Did they leave him passed out in the gym? Did they wipe his memory? What is going on?

Episode highlights

Jordan trying to defend maggie and get parker to leave

The power of Four looking fine as heck for a wedding

Mel as a fly talking to herself

Macy walking in on that kiss

#charmed remake #charmed reboot #charmed cw #the cw charmed #charmed #charmed 2018 #hacy #macy x harry #harry x macy #macy vaughn #harry greenwood #abigael caine #mel vera #maggie vera #jordan chase #paker caine

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kmelanin · 6 years ago

Text

Life After Murder- JJK

idol visuals-

AN- Okay, so ive finally decided to post this. I know I know, i was suppose to post the Prince J, but guess what! idgaf lol, plus this is ready and that isnt because ive decided to changed a few things. I hope you love.

Warning: Some of the things they will be doing is highly illegal. SEx?

Summary: You have entered a release program after complelting ten years of prison. Will you make it out into to the real world? Or will some officers put you back?

_____________________

One

Out of the window you were watching as trees go by. You sat on the boring tan bus with three other girls. You couldn't believe that you were actually out, finally.

Ten years ago, when you were 15 years old you found your best friend on her bed with a knife in her side. You freaked out because no one was home, you were meant to come over and hang out until your dad got home later that night, your mom never coming home. She had fell while trying to cut something. You remembered her words, ‘no, don't call my mother, she will never let me stay home by myself again.’ So you didn't. What you didn't know was that she was dying, the knife had punctured an important organ. You knew that the knife should come out and that you should call something. Her eyes were closed when you decided to reach for the knife and grab it, and in that moment her parents opened the door.

You didn't know she was already dead before you tried to reach it, you didn't know that the system would do you so wrong. They had no other evidence other than your finger prints on the knife.

They tried you as a adult, and you were sent away. You parents refused to visit you or talk to you. The only person that was there for you while you were locked up was your sister, she always sent you money, and made sure to visit you. But that stopped when she moved away with her boyfriend leaving you alone.

But now, you were out after ten years, you were ecstatic since you were suppose to serve fifteen. But since you accepted the offer to enter a three month program, you would be able to officially free.

You stood in front of the bus, in front of the building you will be in for the next three months. You stood in the middle of the two other girls. In front of you three were four officers.

“Good Morning. I am Officer Hyuna. I am the main officer here. You three have been chosen to be eligible for this program so don't abuse this chance. Including you three, there are four other groups of three from four other prisons making you one of fifteen.” She then pulls out some index cards from her pocket. “You will be assigned to your own officer, it's for your own protection and they will be a guide so you don't ruin your chance here. But they can only help you so much.” She passes them out to us, in no particular order. “Don't look yet. On the back of these cards you will see a name, which belongs to one of these officers.” She points to the cops next to her that barely moved the whole time. “Please introduce yourselves.”

In sync, they walk forward standing in front of you three. Then the first one goes.

“Hello,” He bows slightly. “I am Park Jimin, Officer Park to you, or just Park. I am 28 years old and Korean, and I'm here to make sure that you are ready to go out into the real world. I hope we don't have any problems. Good Luck.” He bows again. You had to admit, as you look at him, he was practically glowing, as his talked his blonde hair stayed perfectly styled and his teeth were blinding. You hoped his name was on the back of your card. You will admit, being in prison for ten years means no sex, or kissing, no touching. And so badly you wanted to be.

“Hi, I am Kim Taehyung. There are many Kims here. So you can call me anything, but I expect respect. I am 27 years old and Korean. Good luck in this program, I don't want to see you behind bars again.” He bows and nods his head. He was a different type of beautiful. Almost the opposite of Jimin, his hair was loose and ruffled. It was also a dark brown almost black. You couldn't understand how pretty he was. And when you looked down at the last officer, you knew that the next three months were going to be hard.

“I am Jeon Jeongguk, officer Jeon. I am the youngest officer here at the age of 26, and i’m also Korean. I am here to help and guide you through this program.” He nods a little and his eyes meet yours. You frowned a looked away. Just one glance and your heart was beating ten times faster. His hair was like Taehyung's but a little more put together, faded out all around leading up to the dark locks.

“Great, now Inmates. Introduce yourself, and don't forget to include your charges. Then flip your card over and say who you have” Officer Hyuna says.

You were interested in who the other girls where and what they were in for. The girl to your left, and in front of Park, begins.

“My name is Zhang Pomo, but you can Po. I’m chinese and black since we are telling each other what our race is. I’m 24, and I robbed a grandmother's home, which caused her to have a heart attack, so I was charged with Robbery and Murder.” Then she flips her card over. You and the other girl looked over, you were thrown off when you seen some symbols that you didn’t recognize.

“I might be asian, but I can't read Korean.” Pomo sasses.

“When those cuffs are on, you are to talk when allowed.” Hyuna says sternly. You almost forgot about the cuffs holding your wrists together in front of yourself. You were so used to them. “Yes its Korean, it’s their names. They didn’t want you to know who you got until the very end. Next”

When she was done explaining she looked at you.

“Inmate 56190, or YN. I’m 25 years old, my mother is Hispanic and my father was Black, and I was charged with Murder.” You kept it simple and bland. Being in a prison for ten years has taught you not to trust anyone or let your guard down. You couldn’t afford to get more time. You’ve already missed so much, as a convicted Murder,you could only do so much in life now. You then held up your card for the Guards to see.You looked at each of them to see which one you got. But they all kept straight faces. When they nodded, you put it down. When you looked back up you seen Jeon looking at you, but quickly look away.

“My name is Faye Winters, I am 29 years old and i’m cuban and white. I’m here for Kidnaping my daughter and for killing my ex husband.” She then hold up her card and pulls it back down.

“Okay and close your eyes.” Hyuna demands and you do. “Hold your hands out.” She says. “Guards, go to your inmate and take her cuffs off. When you feel them, you may open your eyes and find out who you have. After that. you may enter the building, he will show you your room, give you clothes to change into since you were suppose to take a shower before you came. Then you will eat and we will move on from there.”

You hear their footsteps move forward, you held your hands out and instantly a pair of hands grabs them and started to unhook your cuffs with a key. You slowly open your eyes and you had to use all of your willpower not to roll your eyes. Of course you got Jeon Jungkook.

“Congratulations, You are no longer inmates.” Hyuna says and walks away. You looked over and seen that Faye got Jimin and Pomo got Taehyung. When you looked up at Jungkook he once again was looking at you.

“What?” You ask irritated. He just laughs a little and shake his head a little.

“Oh nothing, let’s get you out of these stripes, yea?” He then turns around and enters starts to walk towards the building, you follow leaving the others behind.

“YN?” He asks confused. He was wearing black sweats and a red pull over, and his hair was all wild and had that ‘just had sex’ effect. Which made your jealousy boil.

“So we are going to right to your room. In this program, we don’t want to treat you like a prisoner, because you are no longer one. So don’t act like one. We do have cells in the basement to hold you if you act out.” You two walked down a long hallway until you turned on corner which lead to a area that was shaped like a square with one door on each wall. And a desk in the middle.

“This is where I or another Guard on a different shift will be.” He then walks to the first door. “This is your room.” He opens the door and you were smiling like crazy. Not only was it almost three times bigger then the cells you were in. There was a actual fucking bed instead of a metal bed. There was also a closed in bathroom.

“Since you were 15 when you were arrested. We were put in this unit, because in the other two door is a kitchen and a washer and dryer so you will be in there a bit and the other room is like a rec room where you do your indoor activities.”

“And where will you be?” You ask as your face settles into a frown. You’ve been told you had one of the worst resting bitch faces they’ve seen in the last 10 years. Just your face alone has started fights and gotten you put in the hole.

“I’m going to be right there most of the time. And the rest right next to you.” He smirks pointing back at the desk in the middle. You wanted to roll your eyes at the thought of him being next to you most of the time. It's not that he smells or his annoying, in fact he smells fucking delicious. And that's the problem.

Since you were in prison at the age of 15, you were immediately thrown into the scary adult world, since you were trialed as a adult. You were in the juvenile section until you were 19, then they put you in the adult quarters. You had a rude awakening, especially when your bunk mates would touch you or try to seduce you at night. As time went on, sometimes you let them do stuff because you wanted it. But you knew that you liked guys as well. Your 8th year in, one of the guards gave you a special gift. You weren't sure if you wanted it or not, but the next time you did. You would play games with them throughout the day, it would take your mind off of it.

Your tenth year, they were caught and sentences to twenty years each, and you were put into this fucking program.

Now, Jeon Jungkook was dangerous. All three of the guards were only because they were attractive and much younger then the guards inside the walls. You couldn't help it, you could easily seduce someone, and you so desperately wanted to find out how Jungkook worked, so you could figure him out. But, then you knew that if you wanted to get out, you had to be good.

“So, clothes?” You ask.

“Right, if you look in the closet their should be some shirts hanging up and some khakis folded. I'm not sure what color shirts you wanted so I got black and white.” He points toward the standing closet in the corner of the room, across from the bed. You nod.

“Anything is better than these stripes.” You walk over to the closet, and find exactly what he said. You were excited to see some sweatpants as well, and some bigger black tees. “I can wear anything in here?” You ask looking over to him standing in the doorway.

“I mean the sweats are your pajamas, but there isn't a rule saying you can't.” He smiles softly and nods, giving you the go that you could wear anything. “I'm going to let you get dressed, let me know when you are done then we can go get some food.” He nods and he shuts the door. You quickly changed, and you through the suit in the trash.

There were some simple black off brand converses. You slip them on with the socks they gave you and fixed your hair a little in the mirror. You thanked the universe that you got the black thick straight hair from your mom. Some of the colored girls end up getting dreads or cutting it off because they can’t give it the proper care. And you wouldn’t want that. But you could use a hair cut and deep condition.

When you opened the door again you seen Jeon sitting at the desk on the phone. When he sees you walk out he hold up one finger, telling you to wait. You shut your door and stood in front of it, like you were used to. He was on the phone for another two minutes, then he hung up.

“Okay, so this program is to teach you how to live a normal everyday life. The Basics. Since you were locked up at a young age, you were taught most normal way of life, only a prisoners way. So I just got off of the phone with Officer Hyuna and in the mall cafeteria, they are serving rice and pork belly.

Your family had moved to Korea when you were five years old. Your father was placed there. He served in the army, and he was at a really high ranking in combat until he got injured. He’s home now because of it, and he loved the Korean culture so we didn’t move. They made you go to a Korean school so you could learn the language. It was a requirement, to even try to survive, and have a normal life.

You’ve learned that when some look at you, they instantly think you don’t know Korean. So you try to play with everyone as much as possible. That has also got you in a few fights behind the walls. You were surprised when the guards spoke english. Did Jeon know you knew Korean?

( when you see “( )” that is korean. There will be english words in it, but just like imagine that person speaking Korean. Okay? Okay. )

“Can we bring it back here?” You ask frowning slightly. You’ve loved the fact that you could eat by yourself in your cell. You hated being around people who actually killed someone, or robbed or kidnapped. It didn’t help your anger any.

“No. if you want to eat then you have to eat with everyone else. Make friends Yn.” He frowns, confused to why you want to bring it back.

“Fine, then I won’t eat.” You almost wanted to cry at your own words. You haven’t have Pork Belly in forever. And they most likely have Kimchi as well. But you didn’t mind really. Most of the days locked up, the meals were disgusting. They had you Fucked up if they thought you were going to eat it. You got by with the food you could buy from the little store they have and when your mother bought food during visits that were approved, you could have it in your cell.

“What? Why won’t you eat?”

“I won’t and I don’t like eating with others. I’m supposedly somewhat free, why can’t i eat here? There’s literally a kitchen behind that door.” You cross your arms. You weren’t whining or anything, you were dead serious.

But he had a smile on his face, and he shook his head

“They told me that you skipped meals. And they made it one of my jobs to make sure you get three meals a day, everyday. So, Let’s go.” he says the last part a little more sternly. But you just scoff. Did they really? But then a thought came to mind.

“Will Officer Park And Taehyung be there?” You ask walking towards him. That caused him to frown a little bit nod. “Oh, I want to talk to them first. Then fine.”

You both walked toward the middle of the whole building, and enter a cafeteria, it almost reminded you of middle school. You see Park and Taehyung standing at the entrance welcoming people in. More like just guarding the door.

“Jeon, Yn.” Park says nodding.

“Hi Jimin.” You say stopping in front of him. “How is Faye? And How’s Pomo?” You ask looking over to Taehyung as well. “I really wish i got one of you, instead of him.” You pout a little. Of course half joking, but before they could say anything you walk in and going to the food line. You happily got a tray and got your food and utensils. You quickly find a seat, away from everyone else. More like a seat on the floor near the back wall.

As you ate, you watched the three of them talk and Park was laughing hitting Jeon on the arm. You were too far away to see what they were saying, but you watched at Jeon walked in. He looked toward the food line, then were the drinks were. You could tell he was frowning from where you sat. He then scanned the whole room, you realized he was probably looking for you. You continued to eat and people watch, looking over at Jeon walking around the tables looking at everyone.

You seen Pomo walk up to you and squat down.

“Jeon is looking for you.” She says smiling. “Is he as dull as Taehyung is? His voice is so emotionless and annoying” She huffs. You just smile and shake your head.

“No, I’m most likely the annoying one.” She laughs at your words and looks up.

“Good luck Hun, he’s on his way over.” She gets up and walks away. You quickly look up and see him walking up to your holding a cold water bottle.

“Stand up YN.” He sighs, you assumed it was of relief since he has been looking for you. You sighed yourself and stand up. You through your trash away in the nearest garbage and grab the water bottle he was holding out. “There are plenty of seats you know.”

“I'm not a friendly person Jeon, know that. If you ever see me smile at someone, it's because I'm getting something out of it. I might look nice and innocent, but I'm not. Now, can I take a nap?” You ask crossing your arms. He looks at you for a second, he had a slight frown in his brows, and you give him a second to understand and say something.

“We have to stock the kitchen and your bathroom before curfew, which is 8pm. So…” He looks down at his watch on his wrist. “It's 5, ill give you a hour.” He nods and you just walk past him towards your room, and he follows behind. You went into your room and shut your door, you take off your shoes and pants then climb into your new and much more comfortable bed.

Right outside of your room, Correction Officer Jeon Jungkook sat happily writing your grocery list. He wondered why your sassy attitude made him smile. He wondered why his heart jumped when Jimin said that he had a interesting three months ahead. He was also nervous, you were dangerous, and not criminally, but physically. He was definitely attracted to you, and that scared him.

Eventually you had to get up. Jeon sent you on the path the the neighboring grocery store. They had cameras in there that connected to the building, so he could watch you. He gave you the list and the money and sent you off. You quickly got everything you supposedly needed, from packaged Kimchi, to Ramen, to veggies and fruits. You of course got some things that weren’t on the list and Jeon laughed at that, only because the extra money you spend comes out of his paycheck.

Soon it was curfew and Jeon was getting ready to leave.

“I’ll be back around 6 am, wake up is 9. Officer Park will be doing a double shift, so he's taking over your unit until I come back. Behave please, I don't want to come back and see you in a cell.” He nods and walks off. He only says that because, it might be curfew, but you don't have a bedtime or ‘lights out’.

On the wall of your room, you seen a couple sheets of paper taped the wall. You looked at it, and noticed that it was a schedule. It was set up for a month, then towards the bottom of the last page, it says it repeats two more times. Tomorrow it says that you make breakfast, welcome meeting, and recreation.

It was suddenly like a weight was lifted off. You didn't have to stay in a cell for twenty three hours a day. You got to make your breakfast instead of eating cow shit. You got ready for bed and you climb in. You cried yourself to sleep, you were so happy, you felt like you could wake up at any moment and you would be back behind the bars.

The ringing of a phone pulled you out of your dreamless sleep. You were confused for a moment, wondering where the hell you were at. But once everything came to you, you sighed and sat up. You grabbed your sweats and slipped them back on and you made sure you didn't look crazy. You remembered that Park was working the desk, and when you looked at the clock you seen that it was only two a.m.

You went to the door and opened it slowly. You peaked out and you instantly thought this was a dream.

There sat Park at the desk. The desk went up so you could only see his shoulders and up, but with the one light that was on above just to light up the desk, it made his hair look golden and his face was shadowed, you were able to see his face clearly, but you didn't care, he looked beautiful. It made you mouth water.

“Mhmm, are you going to come out YN?” His voice threw you off a bit. It was different from Jeons. Much more softer, but still just as dangerous. You froze, of course he caught you. But did he know you were checking him out? His head turns toward you, looking up from whatever he was doing.

“Is everything okay?” He asks looking a little concerned. You were too stuck at looking at him to say anything, causing his frown to deepen.

He pushes himself away from the desk and he stands up. He moves away from the desk letting you get a full view of him. You throat went dry when you see a simple crew neck t-shirt version of his uniform tucked into his pants showing off his small waist. His arms were exposed more, letting you see the veins running up his arms.

“No. I’m not okay.” You pout a little.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks. You quickly nod and walk back into your room hopping on the bed and covering your legs up since you were only in a t-shirt and underwear. He comes in and shuts the door. You turn on the bedside lamp so he could see you a little better on your bed. He walks over to you. “What’s up?”

You pat the bed wanting him to sit down. His raises one of his eyebrows but instead of saying anything, he sits.

“Now, don't take anything I say the wrong way. But as you know, i’ve been locked up since i was 15. I had my first kiss at the age of 14. What i didn’t expect is to go into prison straight as a dry noodle, then come out as a wet one. I was forced at first. But then i just accepted it and learned to love women. But the thing is, i know I love men. But i’m deprived, i’ve never had the chance to be with a guy.” You couldn't keep eye contact with him the whole time. So toward the end when you looked back at him, he was looking down at his hands and he played with his fingers.

“You and I both know that nothing between us can happen.” He mumbles. He looks up at you, but he didn't look as bright eyes and cheery as before, instead, dark and concerned.

“Are there cameras in here?” You ask looking around. Maybe you shouldn’t walk around in your underwear.

“No, this whole area are your private quarter for the next three months. There are cameras, but only in the public areas.”

“Okay, so no one will know.” You push the covers back a little.

“Of course no one will, because nothing will happen.” He frowns and stands up. You follow easily and frown a little too.

“Please, just a little kiss.” You pout a little.

“YN, what? We can't…”

“Am I ugly or something?” You cut him off. You looked down and made your pout a little more dramatic. Jimin would be lying if he said his heart was beating like crazy.

“Of course not, you're actually-” He stopped unsure of what to say. “(you're dangerously beautiful.)”

What came out of his mouth really confused you at first, until your mind worked and you understood.

“(Then kiss me)” You say, a little butchered but it was still clear enough to make his head snap towards you. His face was hard and unsure still, he looked away towards the door, then back towards you. You could tell he was hesitant. You look down at his lips and you almost drooled at the thought of kiss his lips. You wanted to feel the softness and to feel his hands grab you.

You walk in front of him and grab his arms. You pulls them around your waist and you look up to him. “(Little one.)” You lean in towards his face. You knew you had him when he didn't move away, his chest was moving faster than usual. You reached your hand up and touched under his chin a little and that seemed to do the trick.

He jumped forward and smashed his lips into yours and he hands come up higher. He kissed you. It stunned you at first, at how quick he was to capture you, but once you start to kiss back he pulls you closer kissing you deeper. You opened your eyes slightly, watching his eyes as they were squeezed shut. Your eyes clamped shut when you heard a slight moan come from him as you raked your fingers in the back of his head. Your hands then trailed down and around his neck and down his chest. You grabbed onto his shirt, before pulling away.

He tries to chase you a little, and you look at his smirking lips. You looked further down at his wrinkled shirt, you smirked as well and you wiped away his wrinkles, straightening his shirt out.

Then a sudden sharp knock came behind you. It was like Jimin was set on fire, and he pushed you away, taking like three steps back. The door opens and Jimin looks at you worried.

“So, if you just put a hot towel on your forehead, it should get rid of your headache.” Jimin nods. He then looks over to who was at the door and then you finally looked. You were surprised to see Jeon standing there with a handful of blankets.

“Oh, what are you doing here?” Park says running his fingers through his hair.

“I forgot some paperwork and I thought of bringing some of my old blankets for Yn.” He looks down at the navy blue blanket. You walk over and grab at the blanket.

“Oh shit, this is so much better then the itchy ass ones you gave me.” You take it out of his hands and set it on your bed.

“Okay, well I have to piss.” He says walking out and leaving you and Jeon alone.

“You have a headache?” Jeon asks.

“Oh, Jimin and I were talking a bit, so it feels a lot better now.” You smile, then you remembered that you were only in a tshirt and underwear. Jeon walks over to you a little, you were confused to why he walked right up to you, you froze when his hand raised up and touched your lips.

“Yea, and whatcha talk about?” He mumbles frowning a little bit.

“Oh, just how annoying you are.” You swat his hand away. He scoffs and drops his hand.

“I have done nothing wrong, I even just gave you a blanket. You have no reason to think that.” He smiles and takes a half of a step back. You rolled yours eyes.

“Exactly that, you are too soft. You are a correctional officer. I don't understand why you are here at three in the morning giving me a blanket.” You jab at his chest with your fingers.

“You don't know me.” His voice suddenly a bit deeper and you felt the room tense up.

“No, but I do know that I have this sissy ass CO, while Pomo and Faye has some sexy ass-” He raised his arm up and he pushes you down by your shoulder. You were shocked at first at his sudden aggressiveness. You had to look up at him, as he stood in front of you looking down. You felt so little and you loved you. His facial expression was hard, and you could tell he was clenching his jaw. Your eyes trailed down, you see that he was wearing a big navy blue tshirt and some black sweats. You were lined up directly to his waist, and you couldn't help but to bit your bottom lip. You sneaked a look back up to him, and his eyes were lower, and darker, which made your body tingle.

Before you could do anything, he moves away from you and grabs your blanket, he starts to spread it out. You watch as his arms moves so easily as he lays the blanket on half of your bed like it was nothing. You look up at his face. His jawline catches your eyes first. You could tell he was still clenching his jaw, making it seem a bit sharper. His lips were just there, sitting on his face so pretty and pink. You became a little frustrated when you think about how much you wanted to touch him, you knew he wasn't going to be as easy at Park was. Or was he?

“Goodnight. Keep those lips to yourself.” He then turns around a leaves.

_________________________

If you have enjoyed what you read, make sure to show some love. Xx

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missnight0wl · 5 years ago

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Okay so I reread your Rakepick isnt evil theory and I wanna say that I only have a slight problem with it. Even if the cruciatus curse isn't lethal, it still relies on emotion and intent. Without genuine intent, the spell wouldn't work. If we are going off the assumption that JamCity didn't forget this fact, then we can also assume that Rakepick would of HAVE to genuinely want to not only hurt Merula but make her suffer. Why would she do that? Especially if it was just a cover?

“Never apologise for doing what you know in your heart that you absolutely must do.”

I feel like this quote of Rakepick might be used to explain it in a way. If she knew that it’s either killing one of the kids (according to R’s orders) or torturing them, I think it could be enough to cast the Cruciatus Curse successfully. I believe also experience might play some role here. It obviously wasn’t the first or even the second time she used the curse (she was also likely on the receiving end, judging by her descriptions in chapter 19). Now, I’m not suggesting that it made her capable of casting it in separation from the emotional aspect, but it actually might be why she chose Merula – because she cared about her the least from her apprentices.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to justify the usage of the Cruciatus. I’m just trying to understand, and the explanation where she chose the lesser evil (in her mind) and made it easier by picking a person she’s not attached to sounds more logical to me than her doing it out of spite. Because she had more motives to torture other characters. The first one to try and attack her was Bill. She could’ve tortured him because she got reasons for that: she spent a lot of her time helping him, and she seemingly got nothing in return. Even the fact that he trusted her wasn’t really meaningful as we didn’t see him try to convince MC to trust her as well. He was always like: “I trust her, you don’t, and that’s fine”. The next person to attack her was MC, and she definitely had reasons to want to make them suffer. Because she had to watch over them all that time when they were doing stupid things. Because they’re powerful hence also a potential threat to her. She even told us in year 4 that we’re further than she was at our age – so it could’ve been simply jealousy. She could’ve tortured Ben just so MC would feel guilty because of that. After all, we were the ones to decide about taking him to the Vault. Yet, she chose Merula – and it doesn’t make sense that she wanted to make her suffer when she was simply ignoring her for most of the fifth year. Sure, she said it’s because she was needy etc., but Rakepick herself made Merula believe that she’s her favourite during a couple of last chapters. I still assume there was a period earlier in the story when Merula barely liked her, not to mention admired her. This is not something Merula from chapters 27-30 would say, not in that tone and with that face:

For most of the time, they were almost indifferent towards each other. Rakepick likely took Merula to our team just so the Slytherin wouldn’t act AGAINST MC as she did in previous years. Then Patricia decided it’s enough. Only by the end, she started to actively work on her, and I just don’t see the point of that.

Another quite important thing to take into account here is that Rakepick is ambitious and rather goal-oriented. When she does something, she’s good at it.

If she’s truly evil, and she cast Crucio purely because of her sadistic nature, why she didn’t use it to make her job more effective? Even if we ignore the fact that she was allegedly supposed to kill one person (and wasting time on torturing was out of character for her in the first place), she could’ve used it to punish MC, to make them feel guilty. What was the point of the whole talk about choosing between Penny and Charlie, “so you can’t blame anyone but yourself should… something happen”?

I hope I managed to make my thoughts a bit clearer. I’m not absolutely sure if that explanation could actually have the right to be in the universe, but it kind of works for morally ambiguous Madam Rakepick, in my opinion. We saw in the books that you don’t have to be entirely vicious for the Cruciatus Curse to bring the results. Sure, Harry had good reasons to want to make Carrow suffer, but then we also had Barty Crouch Jr who apparently despised a spider enough to cause it pain. Of course, I realise that he was quite psychotic and a spider is not the same as a person… But I’m just pointing out that there’s some room for interpretation when it comes to different possibilities.

Honestly, I hate that they decided to use Crucio at all, no matter if Rakepick will turn out to be an evil villain or the anti-villain. Because in the first case, they basically scrapped her characteristic of a person who’s super effective at what she’s doing. And in the second case, well, there really are different means to convince the audience that a character is a bad guy. It’s like they wanted to make it absolutely certain that nobody will even question how Rakepick was being written for over two years, and make us feel sorry for Merula in the process. But it just… doesn’t make sense.

And I hate to think that it could’ve been better executed if people weren’t bitching about the fifth year to finally end…

#hogwarts mystery #hphm #hphm mc #jacob's sibling #patricia rakepick #madam rakepick #merula snyde #bill weasley #ben copper #about characters #analysis post #ask #honey leech

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rainbowdoom32 · 6 years ago

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So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

#aro #ace #aromantic #aromantism #asexuality #aspec #lgbt #lgbtqa

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ishqbaaaaz · 7 years ago

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Ishqbaaaz - Sept 19/17 - Episode 371

Alright guys sorry there was no post yesterday because to be honest with you, the episode was boring lmao. Aside from Shivaay and Gauri’s scenes and the use of “tu jaane na” which is one of my fan songs, it was shite

Oh my God Annika is gonna be back todayyyyy! Thank goodness its like the life was sucked out of the show

ok here we go

So dadi and Shakti talking about these papers and this raaz again

shes worried Pinky is gonna reveal everything

if they dont trust Pinky then why is she still in the house

It’ll bring a tufaan in Shivika’s life? How the fuck??

Ive had enough of tufaans I just want this damn wedding

Shivaay wont be able to handle it?

Lol remember when Annika thought the same thing and it fucked up everyone’s life?

Oh shit theres billu

she redirects it to the wedding

Shivaay is so utavla to see Annika

Hes waiting for Annika what a damn cutie

Gauri is at her first english class!

Okay ya’ll I was rewattching old epiosdes the other day and I came upon the episode where Gauri’s mom comes and shes all im sorry I couldnt help in you be more educated and all and Om comes in and defends her. Hes like she hasnt learned from books but shes learned from life.

DID GAURI FORGET WHEN HE SAID ALL THIS

HAS OM FORGOTTEN ALL THIS? THIS WAS LIKE BACK IN JULY WHEN THE BABY TRACK WAS HAPPEN

ugh rant over

Theres other people at this class too

lol why did i think she was going to be alone

My nugget is introducing herself

lmao this guy’s son brought an American bahu so he wants to learn english thats so cute

Teacher is laaaaaate

oh shit that other dude is the teacher

and hes young

IF THIS IS GONNA BE A JEALOUSY TRACK

ITS GONNA HAVE ME SHOOKED

IM READY

GIVE ME JEALOUS OMKARAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh hes one of those “im your friend and we’re equal” teachers

he asked Gauri to intro herself

he shook her hand

LOL HE HAD NO ONE ELSE INTRO

Shivaay wants to go pick up Annika what a nerd I love you

oh shit shes home

ANNIKA IS HOME LETS PARTY

THE JAAN HAS RETURNED

Hes like wtf i was gonna come get you

LMAO “Thank you”

shes still so mad bye

She came on the bus

she wont stop saying thank you this is amazing

he tells her she lost weight

shes like i didnt but thank you

THANK YOU

LMFAO HES LIKE ?????

Hes like lets go talk in our room

shes so mad

They both grabbed her bag

IM SO HAPPY ANNIKA IS BACK I CANT CONTAIN

shes walking away

WHAT A NERD HES STARING AT HIS HAN\D BECAUSE HE TOUCHED HER

She turned around and said thank you

hes like i fucked the fuck up

Dadi is all worried about Tej

im so confused about how im supposed to feel about Tej

i know all the past history, but now theyre writing him as a whole new person

Dadi leaves and Shivaay shows up

Annika is tense af

he asks her whats wrong

she says you never know what’ll happen in life. you should say how you feel or else time passes by and it never gets said

hes like fuck i need to tell her i love her

Omkara is so mad he doesnt know whee Gauri is

hes impatient

HE SEES HER ROUNDING THE CORNER AND HE RUNS TO HIS MURTI

shes so far off in her thoughts

hes like hm?

shes like you’re here?

LOL TUMNE MUJHE DEKHA HI NAHIN?

OMKARA IS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK LMFAOOO

How does it feel to be invisible BITCH

he asks her if she ate

shes like no you must’ve so imma go eat

HE DIDNT EAT

WHAT A NERD HE WAITED FOR HER

BUT SHE ALREADY LEFT

anOTHER FUNCTION?

Can we please stop JUST GET MARRIED STOP WASTING MY TIME

He wants Annika to feel happy and special with this function

Annika is hugging papers..girl u ok?

oh its prob the custody papers

shes so happy

SHES HUGGING SHIVAAY

fuck man thank god Annika is back LOL imma keep saying it all damn episode

Shes telling him that he gave her her brother back forever

IM SO HAPPY

LOL SHE SAID THANK YOU AND HE GOT CONCERNED

shes like chill i aint mad im happy

hes like pls stop crying

he tells her she gave him the biggest happiness ever and all he did was disappoint her

thats right ya bitch

she tells him he will never be able to say it

hes trying but struggling

shes like chill its ok just dont say thank you

she called him a bheegi billi

she tells him after what he did for her its ok if he doesnt say those 3 words

what the fuck no he better be saying i love u imma be PRESSED

SHES MOVING CLOSE

SHE KISSED HIS CHEEK

GOODBYE FRIENDS IM IN HEAVEN

SHE WHISPERED I LOVE YOU TO HIM AGAIN

HES FUCKED UP

HES SO FUCKED UP

AND SHE KNOWS SHE FUCKED HIM UP

SHE KNOWS SHE HAS THE POWER

ANNIKA FINALLY TAKING CONTROL

ALL I WANTED

FUCK YES

she leaves feeling all powerful

He says it she may not need to hear it but hes gonna say it to her because he wants her to feel what he feels when she says it to him

THAT SHIT IS SO CUTE

Ok Swety and Jhavni wtf is happening theyre still in this warehouse??

Swety has the video of him killing at dude from forever ago

thats the proof??? THATS WHAT ALL THIS HAS BEEN ABOUT?

oh hes protecting Jhanvi too

im forwarding i dont care enough

Package for Gauri from bareilly

MA NE BHEJA HOGA

HE SAID MA

MA!!!

OMKI

Gauri aint home

Pinky why.are.you,HERE?

Hes like why are you stretching this baat

go away no one likes you and everyone knows you’re a shit starter

Gauri is struggling in the class and is starting to panic

what the shit kind of teacher is this

bby says she isnt intelligent

class is done but they have to wait until rain to stop

JHANVI TOOK CONTROL AND IS GONNA FUCK SWETY UP

She made her tell her shes there for a painting

why the fuck does she need a painting???

well i cant tell if shes lying or not

Jhanvi tells Shivika and Om and theyre confused as fuck

this painting is a copy??

what is happening

she already has the painting? then why does she need to be back in OM?

All we know is something abut a painting and keys what the fuck

White guy is asking to stay because his car broke down and the teacher says sure

TEACHER IS PASSING OUT

why the fuck would you eat the sandwich if it had eggs and you were allergic

YOU CAN SEE EGGS AND SMELL IT AND TASTE IT ARE YOU GOOD?

is this their version of an anaphylactic shock...?

Om is worried about Gauri

Shivaay is like chill she’ll be fine time to go to the functionnnn

Rudra is sad im forwardinggg

Another function haye bas kar do

its to see who has a stronger and deeper relationship?

Ru is sad and Om keeps calling Gauri but she wont answer

Annika is like wtf why are we doing this i already said what you wanted me to say

I didnt say this before but damn Surbhi looks so beautiful

Look at Shivaay

Same bro

dadi says Shakti and Pinky are first

this bitch doesnt wanna play because she isnt in the mood

LOL SHAKTI “tumhara mood kab acha hota hai?”

LMFAO DADI ROASTED HER

shes like when we dont include you, you get mad, and when we do you have nakhrey

Shivaay is like i dont want any unpleasantness

dont spoil the mood because of others

LOL PINKY IS LIKE SAY IT TO MY FACE

MRS OBEROI

she tells him to stop calling her that her dil burns

bitch this ya own fault

LMFAO SHIVAAY WAS GONNA SAY THAT TOO

but Annika stopped him

he changes the topic

Shakti is starting

give your partner a flower that suits her personality

lmao please give her a venus fly trap or a dead flower

Rudy is leaving hes aint in the mooood

Shivaay makes him stay

This doctor is talking in english and theyre all confused as fuck

I bet this is a test

Swety and Tej nonsense

Gauri is taking control

she is googling

girl same

shes doing chest compressions

hes like sorry hes dead

Aw I actually feel bad for Tej and Jhanvi

maybe this situation is going to make him a changed man?

Aaaand the teacher is up

What the fuck kind of teaching technique is this??

Precap: Gauri and Om’s turn for the game

She has to find him blindfolded

YAS

Om looks mad though, probs because she wasnt answering his phone

#ishqbaaaz #ishqbaaz #shivika #shivaay singh oberoi #annika #gauri kumari sharma #omkara singh oberoi #rudra singh oberoi #rikara #ib update #ib sept 19/17

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