#but i do see people intentionally compare everything to something that (they think sucks) and then be like wow this sucks

[jingerpi]

some of y'all go out of your way to imagine yourself as Sisyphus. you didn't have to do that, you don't need to frame your life as a perpetual unchanging cycle. nobody is making you. imagine all the lovely new things you experience each day, and all the new places life will take you. be free

[teaveetamer]

It really sucks that you're getting harassed, but u should look back at the harassment you never really stopped to support and the harassment you avoid talking about too. Everyone sucks here, you're incapable of decrying the harassment coming from your "side" because you care more about blorbo discourse... Do you actually stand up against harassment if you don't say anything when it's from your "side" or at least people who enjoy your blorbo? If you only do so when coming from fans of the character you don't like?

I sincerely hope the harassment you receive stop, to be clear you absolutely do not deserve the shit you're dealing with, nobody does. But I hope you'll genuine look at yourself and the people surrounding you too.

Anon, I'm going to take this in the best possible faith, but holy shit this is so fucking terminally online. Like, you are aware that I'm an adult? I'm slaving away at an unpaid internship, I'm in graduate school, and I've got 20k words worth of academic papers to write and exams to study for. I'm spending time with my dying grandpa and I'm finding new and inventive ways to give a semi-feral cat heart medicine without getting my thumb bitten off. I'm not "intentionally ignoring" things going on, I'm just not an omniscent god who can keep track of 472 million Tumblr users at every given moment of the day and also have a job and a life. So if you've got beef and you think I'm not properly calling someone out then I'm going to need you to send me a link. I get maybe and hour of Tumblr time a day, and I don't actually follow 3H discourse because, shocker, I don't actually find getting into the exact same tired fights we were getting into 5 years ago all that fun or enjoyable. Isn't it wild though? It's been half a decade since 3H launch and I've spent like half of that with people stalking me and sending me death threats for no fucking reason!

Anyway, I could not give two tenths of a fuck whether or not you like my blorbo. I'm primarily concerned by the people sending death threats, actively defending genocidal rhetoric, stalking people, making false pedophilia accusations, et-fucking-cetera. I've done literally everything in my power to try and come to an understanding with the people inflicting the harassment and they're stiiiiiiill just doing it, years later, cuz I guess they don't have anything better to do. The only remotely comparable thing I've witnessed from "my side" in recent days, which frankly doesn't even come close to the level of vitriol and harassment of death threats, was that one of my mutuals called the genocidal freak (who intentionally tried to trigger me in the past) a mean name. And I only found out about that because a friend of mine saw it and talked to me about it. And wow look at that, if you actually go to the post you can literally see me telling that mutual to knock it off! And I spoke to them privately about it too! Which is something, frankly, I think I had every reason to not do given the way that person being insulted has treated me (And the lack of apology I've received from them for that). So like, not sure which kidney you want me to sacrifice to prove that I'm not actually cool with people stalking others and sending death threats.

[nick-close]

This is another scary rant but it’s not about last episode, it’s more about how I wish her character arc was going and why I’m disappointed in how it went so far- but Yknow, prefacing it here so you know what it’s about. It’s not hate but more story stuff

I’m gonna preface this with the shocking fact that I actually do like scary. I’ve been going kinda hard on her but like I do like her, she’s just been behaving really rude towards her friends and family and I don’t think that’s a healthy friendship dynamic for any of them. But as a character she’s very fun- it’s the same thing I feel about Ron? Like. He’s fun, but he’s really shitty sometimes and its frustrating. Overall I don’t hate any dndads characters tho!!! I like em all.

I think one of the things that I’m really disappointed about with her character is the way that she’s reacting to her home life situation though. Of course I’m projecting as someone raised by a single mother, but I was SO looking forward to scary getting all ‘I love my mom- we have never needed anybody else growing up, we don’t need anybody now’ and the fact that she’s instead like. ‘My dad left but I bet he was awesome and I wanna find him’ felt like SUCH a missed opportunity. I could’ve connected to her so hard but I hate the choice that her angst is about her dad who’s never been there- rather than the change in what she HAS.

I think that’s also why I like Taylor way more? Like, he had the exact same thing but also you could see his love for his mom above everything else. Like he loves her more than his dad who’s never been there, Yknow? And for scary we could’ve gotten something really strong with the idea of a new step dad coming in to mess everything up. But I don’t actually know why she’s upset at Terry? Her anger and angst keeps coming from the fact her dad was gone and not the new person in her life, which undermines the angst she has imo. I guess it’s just a weird character choice for me- because it makes how she acts towards Terry feel less understandable

In a talking dads Beth said she’s basically ‘looking for trauma to justify her angst’, which makes a lot more sense with her character- but also confirms that she is just angsty to be mad about something? She even expresses she isn’t really happy about her changes- she wants to play soccer again, all that. And so it’s kind of like, she committed so hard to this reaction that isn’t benefiting anybody. I do understand like, maybe she only started thinking about her dad to TRY to justify her angst, because she’s really upset over the big changes- but I guess it just never feels brought up.

I’ve seen her compared to Fig Faeth- but the difference is Fig very intentionally acts out towards ADULTS. She isn’t acting out against her friends in the same way Scary does. It allows her to be nice to her party and create relationships without sacrificing the edge to her personality imo. That said I also think they’re pretty different characters- but I think that’s a good reference to look to.

Scary started off as a character we weren’t really supposed to like. One of the first things she does is compare herself to Anne Frank- that’s how she sets the tone. I guess it’s just that 25 episodes into the podcast I was hoping for more from her character than that. She is set up as an angsty teen who sucks- that’s intentional from Beth, and she does a great job. She’s cutting off other people intentionally, she’s making all of these choices intentionally- she didn’t come in to make a likeable character. She came in with this idea that will develop over time. But so far she hasn’t really gotten that to me- she’s still stayed the same.

I think the reason it’s more important for scary than the others is the basis of her character too! Like. Taylor and Link don’t need heavy development yet because they aren’t negatively impacting the others in the group from it. Normal is developing somewhat, but he’s always kind. The hard thing is playing with a character who’s mean, that can only go on for so long before that genuinely impacts the friendship between characters. It’s very hard for her to bond with the others because even when prompted and reached out to, the character is not accepting those chances.

Scary having her little solo arc I’m hoping will genuinely change her- because I think this needs to happen. She needs to see the consequences of being a jerk to her friends, she needs to see the impact her actions are having, and she needs to see more to Willy so she can trust her friends more. I’m really hoping that Scary actually will let go of those things though and not just double down the moment she gets the tragic backstory she’s looking for. Those are all my thoughts, kinda disconnected lol.

[lastoneout]

I'm almost 30, believe me I was around for the Disney Renaissance and several of those shitty direct to home release sequels are genuinely among my favorite Disney films of all time. And I could sit here and explain that Disney has openly admitted they are explicitly doing this because they don't think diversity sells and all they care about is mass marketability, and how that's bad and racist actually, or how this isn't comparable to the deluge of shitty sequels in the late 90s/early 2000s because OTHER STUDIOS were making those while their main teams kept putting out original films(and thus were also not working on like 3 movies at the same time which is inhumane imo and leads to very bad films) but the real thing that's getting me about this whole situation is the way it's clearly pandering to the nostalgia of people my age rather than focusing on making new things for a new generation of children, and people are defending it from that nostalgia tinted pov.

I actually hate nostalgia now because I got to grow up with incredible films, the Disney Renaissance was unimaginably influential to my little brain, those movies meant everything to me and still do, but like...what do kids today get? Regurgitated versions of the films I loved that are worse than even the most incompetent old school Disney sequel? Sequels to movies that came out decades before they were even born? They should be getting new movies that speak to them that they can look back on in fondness, not fucking Toy Story 5. I don't WANT Disney to make movies for ME anymore. I'm nearly 30, I'm more than happy to pop in my Mulan or Incredibles DVD and relive my childhood for a bit, I don't need Mulan but live action and worse or The Incredibles 3, Disney should not be targeting ME as a consumer. They are almost primarily pandering to millennials and older gen z people who are adults with kids and a job now and I cannot stress enough that we should not be their target demographic. They should be making movies for kids. Toy Story 5 and Incredibles 3 are not for kids, they're for us, and I don't fucking want them.

Like I genuinely feel like pop culture fucking died in 2009 and now we just live in perpetual 90s Kid Mode and it SUCKS. The shitty sequel era has nothing on the current stagnate hellscape that is Disney today, because again back then they paid someone else to make their terrible pandering sequels and had their main teams focus on NEW STUFF. There was room for quick cash grabs AND fun new stuff, and the fun new stuff took priority. As it should. (And yes I know they have made original films in the last five years but those clearly did NOT take priority, the problems they have make it clear the teams were stretched too thin and subjected to immense studio meddling and seemingly intentionally botched marketing, and then that is used as an excuse to stop making new things even though DISNEY is the problem not the actual animation teams or audiences.) But now all they care about is parading the same characters I've seen year after year back out in front of us so they can take my money again and I am tired of giving it to them. I miss when stories ended. I miss when going to the movies was exciting because I'd get to see something new. It stops being exciting when I'm constantly seeing Buzz Lightyear's lifeless corpse being beaten like a dead horse until it spits out money.

One of my biggest pet peeves about society is when an older group of people won't recognize when their time has come and gone and step aside so the next generation can stretch their legs. And while this obviously isn't as high stakes as politics it still bothers me that Disney actively does not give a single shit about providing the next generation of kids the childhood I got to have because it's easier to just destroy my childhood for money. My mom and grandma and I all have different favorite Disney films based on what we grew up with. Kids today like the same movies and stories I did as a kid because there's basically nothing else for them to like and that's tragic. And yes Disney has always pandered to nostalgia to get parents to keep bringing their kids to the parks and whatnot but again, the kids were still getting NEW stuff to watch. New movies with new messages and new memories to be made. They got to watch Alice in Wonderland to share some nostalgia with their mom or whoever and then also go see A Bug's Life or Tarzan in theaters. Now all we can offer them is nostalgia but bad this time. It sucks. They deserve better.

Anyway Disney has always cared about money over everything else but that mindset has gone so far that now they are so uninterested in anything new they might as well be culturally dead. If an author spent all their time writing dozens of sequels to their hit book that were noticably declining in quality or just don't need to exist because the story has ended like five times then we'd all make fun of them for that. I'm not giving fucking Disney a pass on it. (And yes I know they are not the only studio doing this shit but imo they are the worst offender, especially after this. Dreamworks does make sequels that don't really need to exist but ngl even the most pointless Dreamworks sequel is still more coherent and watchable than fucking Frozen 2. I would genuinely prefer to watch Boss Baby over Toy Story 4.)

Also I cannot stress this enough if you suck so much that Family Guy is making accurate jokes about you that's maybe a sign things need to change. The answer to "y'all make so many stupid sequels it's funny in a pathetic way" isn't to MAKE MORE SEQUELS like????

So yeah, it's fine if you're excited about some of these films. I'd be lying if I said I am not at least a little curious about Zootopia 2, but "well they made a bunch of bad sequels in the 90s" isn't an excuse for them admitting that they think culturally inspired narratives(i.e. stories not tailor made to be relatable to a white american audience) just aren't worth making anymore because fuck diversity and creativity, we need to make our employees suffer working on 3-4 needless sequels at the same time that pander to 30 y/os instead of new stuff for a new generation of kids to fall in love with because money. It doesn't even matter if any of these sequels are good, we don't need to "reserve judgement" until they come out, just the fact that Disney no longer cares to make original stories for transparently racist reasons is something that should be judged!!! This is embarassing!! If I worked there I'd be humiliated rn!! The needless sequels completely taking over is shameful and says so much about them and I'm so sick of it that at this point they could offer me a full on 2D Treasure Planet sequel made by the original team and I'd still be mad they aren't willing to put their time and attention into something new.

This is bullshit and pathetic and I don't care how nostalgic you feel about it, Disney(and everyone else who pulls this oops all remakes and sequels shit) should be mocked for willingly admitting they are creatively bankrupt and want to take your money about it.

No shade to OP as a person but believe me, this is a sign that something is DEEPLY fucking broken. Like they announced ONE new IP out of like eight films. I genuinely think within the decade they're just gonna stop making original films all together. That's what they learned from Elemental and Wish, just don't make anything new if you can help it.

Like they've unironically turned into what people pretend Dreamworks is, a sequel mill. The real downside is that Dreamworks actually knows how to make a good sequel, Disney never really figured that one out, bar a couple of outliers, and I have no faith in them pulling any of these off. Absolutely soul-crushingly pathetic. Thank god other animation studios exist.

This is the saddest shit I've ever seen, truly.

[not-souleaterpost]

Napoleon and the positivity of negativity

So a few months ago, I wrote on how the Napoleon trailers sucked - cause they looked as if they made Napoleon into some generic comic book "epic" villian, like the blue guy from those Avengers movies people cried about to only forget about totally by now.

But then it turned out I was wrong - and people said it was worse - instead of a power fantasy it instead was a farce, basically making Napoleon into the biggest loser that doesnt weigh 300 pounds or more. I heard things like it was Anglo propoganda, that it Napoleon into a cerain word which I am tired of hearing on the net on yt videos with those poorly drawn white faces with various emotions of rage and mouth-openess, that it didn't even show any battles and claimed Napoleon was too dumb to win not by sheer luck, etc.

Oh also "historical inacuracy" - but I never cared bout that, cause I'm too smart- nah actually cause I'm too scatterbrained to remember enough details to be pedantic anyways.

So the question is - knowing all that I must not have watched the movie? Well I didn't, till a buddy wanted to go see it, rejecting my alternative suggestion of the Bob Marley biopic (someday…) And I thought "why not, lets see how shitty it is" And it started, me watching relaxed, with the lowest expectations, glib and cynical as if I was a 45 year old youtuber who can only make fun of other movies while giving up any artistic ambitions cause my intentionally bad movie was a bit too intentionally bad:

But then it started happening: Napoleon scared but determined, jumps on his horse, starts to ride on it only for the horse to get fucking shot with a canonball, Napoleon on the ground, literally shell shocked, his buddys saying "you alright", only for him after a moment of collecting himself, to run back into the battle, the frontlines and execute his cool anime plan.

Then I got what they (maybe) were getting at - the anime loser who becomes brave Napoleon, the Taxi Driver Napoleon, the internet shut-in Shizo Napoleon. Or the fight club Napoleon - cause Josephine at first was basically Marla or whatever her name was, just with less penguin's surfing around (well guess the dogs made up for that, French royals be crazy) But it wasn't then just some weird emasculation fantasy as you often see in the youtube comments on videos of cartoons that are made for kids - it kinda seemed at first, but then it genuinely became a kind of love story, one of two actually "baaaaaaad" people, who's ambitions turned into something real, even if twisted, and pathetic. The whole divorce scene with them crying - ofcourse one could read as "haha see how they are mocking Napoleon!" but what one felt was the genuine emotons and saddnes in them both.

And I could go on, but I ain't some 1million sub youtuber, so I cant just do summarys with vapid commentary - as Napoleon, I have to write something delusional and unhinged instead: So the thing is, if I went in, with no expectations, I probably would have missed all that - I would have been like all the whiners (no shade, I whine enough myself about everything, but its the best way of putting it):

"Oh Napoleon gets emasculated and controled by his wife who fucks the first guy she meets! Oh they are making him look scared and weird all the time cause they wanna make fun of him and people that think he was an interesting figure! Oh they have fake death counts to demonize him more than all the other royals who enslaved and killed people too!"

And I would have missed a movie that was pretty good. Not like a masterpiece, but compare it to that King Arthur movie by ol' Ridley from 2010 or whatever, this one atleast had some substance, had some artistic vision of reframing Napoleon as Raskalnikov while at the same time reconstructing him AS truly being bigger than life - cause you see how he struggles trough his weirdo excentrys, his various, as they call on here these day "neuro-divergencies" - but that he pushes thorugh them and makes himself magnetic - even if that magnetism pulls all them down into the same abyss…

So yeah tl;dr - Actually shitting on something is good cause either it is shit and then its justified, or maybe it makes it better once you got your expectations lowerd and preamptively delt with things which would have been devestating in the moment.

Also, I'm ofcourse being a bit tongue in cheeck, but if you still are angry or asking why I'm writting this instead on working on things I promised:

Yeah…Sorry

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Rocketear

The Rocketeer is a 1991 Disney movie set in 1930's America where a test pilot gets a jetpack and uses it to fight Nazis and— Wait, what? “Rocketear”? Oh, damn it!

Let's get into the eleventh (chronologically the seventeenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Rocketear.

We start off with Carapace and Cat Noir struggling to hold back some T-Rexes brought back to life by a scientist Jurassic Park style. Seriously, they reference the movie in the same scene.

Why wasn't this the plot of the episode again?

After managing to tame the dinosaurs with a whistle of all things, Ladybug notices something's wrong with Nino after he gives the Turtle Miraculous back to her. Apparently, he's wondering why Rena Rouge (who he knows is Alya) wasn't recruited with him today. Ladybug tells him that he was the only help she needed today. In reality, it's because Alya has adjusted to her new role of supporting Ladybug behind the scenes in her new form, Rena Furtive.

And I'm not a fan of the new form. I get the camo, but it doesn't really help her blend in when her suit is bright blue. I think it's based off the arctic fox, but that animal is able to camouflage itself because it's fur matches the snowy environment. I'm sure a bright blue jumpsuit won't stand out when she tries to blend in at all. Also, the fact that Alya can just change her hero form gives even less excuses as to why Ladybug's new form is only when she uses her Lucky Charm.

Alya is struggling to keep this a secret from Nino because they don't have a lot of secrets in their relationship. Marinette says she can kind of get it because she had to keep her identity a secret from her friend and has to keep keeping her identity a secret from everyone else. Basically, she's telling Alya to suck it up because this is what being a superhero is.

So the next time she sees Nino, Alya tells him she's no longer Rena Rouge, but not about Rena Furtive, which troubles her. The very next scene shows Alya showing Marinette pictures she took of her new costume and asking her which version looks better.

You could always try reviewing Akuma fights. I heard there's one blog that does it when they're not criticizing the famous director Thomas Astruc on social media.

Yeah, in case you can't tell, Alya was only able to rent her brain for a few episodes because she really doesn't seem as understanding about being a superhero as she was in earlier episodes. In episodes like “Optigami” and “Sentibubbler”, we saw Alya use more strategy and show discretion as Rena Rouge, seemingly taking her job more seriously, but then this episode just had to go and piss it all away. I also love how the first time the animators made Alya's skin the same when she's transformed is in a single frame for a joke.

Alya thankfully deletes the picture, but Nino overhears her talking about struggling to find more content for the Ladyblog, and decides to go to the movies with her to help take her mind off things. Nino, in turn, proceeds to give the same reaction to the in-universe Ladybug movie that Astruc gives to the PV.

Apparently, that movie's already getting a sequel and it has a teaser. So was the sequel animated at the same time as the original like Back to the Future Part II and Back to the Future Part III?

Nino gets pissed the next movie in the Ladybug Cinematic Universe will feature Rena Rouge and not Carapace... even though Rena Rouge debuted first. The teaser then shows Rena Rouge falling for Cat Noir (yet another creative liberty taken by the writers or something Astruc's self-insert threw in himself), and takes it like it's the real thing. Dude, the first movie said Ladybug was afraid of cats, and the director yelled at the person it was based on for judging it. He clearly has a hard time distinguishing fiction from reality.

Alya leaves Nino early so she can go on patrol, but Nino sees Cat Noir heading out as well. He then watches a video on the Ladyblog where Alya praises Cat Noir which is totally not Astruc projecting or anything.

I don't know what your definition of a prince is, Alya, and I honestly don't want to know.

So Nino takes this as evidence that Alya is in love with Cat Noir and decides to tell Adrien, who naturally laughs him off. And just before you think we have an episode where Adrien plays the straight man, Adrien decides to visit Alya because he's afraid he accidentally charmed Alya.

Yes, because Cat Noir is so charming, girls are just fighting over him, aren't they?

We then cut to a black and white film noir monologue by Nino (dressed like a detective with a fake mustache), who decides to spy on Alya. When Cat Noir asks Alya if she is attracted to him, she naturally laughs him off, though Cat Noir is thankfully a good sport about it, even giving her a hug to apologize. Unfortunately, Nino took this the wrong way.

The next day at school, Nino takes Adrien into his “office” (it's really an excuse to reuse the boiler room setpiece), and shows him the picture of the hug. Adrien says that Alya would never fall for Cat Noir because she's always dedicated to finding out the truth and telling her boyfriend everything. What's Nino's retort?

Okay, several problems with this bit. First of all, why would Nino even tell Adrien any of this? What would it accomplish? Why not say all this to Alya while confronting her about her alleged unfaithfulness? Second, Ladybug didn't give Nino and Alya their Miraculous at the same time until it was an absolute emergency. She outright said in “Hero's Day” that she didn't have time to recruit Nino and Alya separately.

Ladybug: I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. I know I'm revealing your secret identities but I don't have time to find a good excuse to give them to you separately. Rena Rouge and Carapace, I need you both!

Nino and Alya kept their identities secret from each other until then, with Alya even keeping the fact she knew who Carapace was a secret as well. Nino didn't find out because “they don't hide anything from each other” (which I plan to talk about later).

Other than that, I actually liked Adrien in this scene. It was really investing to see him try to justify the whole secret identities rule while Nino blatantly said there was an exception. This is the kind of stuff I wanted to see when it came to Adrien doubting Ladybug, not him destroying things in his anger.

While Nino rants about how Cat Noir “stole” Alya from him, Shadowmoth sends an Akuma his way, turning him into Rocketear.

And the design he has is just boring. It's just a blue jumpsuit with some black spots that look like teardrops, a teardrop-shaped head and a visor. I think the reason this season's been relying more on past Akumas and using more Sentimonsters is because DQ is terrible at character designs. I mean, compare this suit with Aigraon from Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger (his Power Rangers counterpart is Wrench from Dino Charge).

The design does so much more with the teardrop motif, giving him a perpetually miserable face with tear lines going all over his body. Add that to a more diverse color scheme, and you have a much more visually stunning design. And this was created in real life, not rendered on a computer. I'm not sure if this is a budget thing or a laziness thing, but if it's the former, you really need to do better, animators.

The powers are meh, giving Nino the ability to fling explosive tears at enemies. It's a clever idea, and it makes sense he gets a power that parallels Cat Noir's, but I think maybe it would have been more interesting if he couldn't control the tears at all. Like, imagine if he was constantly crying like Blue Diamond, and with every tear he shed, Rocketeer could send it at whoever he felt was causing him misery, mainly Cat Noir, all while serving as a metaphor for people who blame others for their own personal issues. Better yet, make him look like the detective outfit Nino wore for the second act. It would have made him more unpredictable instead of making his tears generic projectile weapons.

Marinette and Alya see the fight and transform into Ladybug and Rena Furtive respectively, the former summoning her Lucky Charm, a projector. Is it just me, or has this been happening with Ladybug a lot recently?

Back to Rocketear, we get a good moment where Cat Noir intentionally lets the Akuma hit him so he can get a chance to resolve things diplomatically. See, this is a moment where Cat Noir's self-sacrificing nature feels heroic and not selfish like when he does it without Ladybug's permission to spite her. Unfortunately, it doesn't really go anywhere as Ladybug shows up and plays the recording Nino took (Alya found his phone earlier), while Rena Furtive uses her Mirage to give the audio to what actually happened that night.

Rena transforms back into Alya and embraces Rocketear, who apologizes to her for his behavior. And then he just... rejects Shadowmoth's power while looking like it wasn't that much effort.

At least when Chloe and Alya did it, we saw them struggling for a little longer. I guess maybe it's because Nino is motivated by his love for Alya, but I think it should have been fleshed out more. So Ladybug purifies the Akuma, gives Nino a Magical Charm, and Cat Noir is still unsure about his feelings for Ladybug at the moment, though they still pound it.

Back in his room, Adrien ponders why Alya and Nino get to know their identities while he and Ladybug can't, but Plagg points out it's because she's the Guardian. It's brief, but I do like seeing Adrien start to doubt Ladybug's judgment, and it looks like it'll foreshadow future episodes. This is a problem I've had since “Hero's Day”, and I'm glad the writers are finally acknowledging this double standard. I just hope they don't end up blaming Marinette for whatever happens later on.

Marinette, of course, apologizes for what happened between Alya and Nino, and I have to say... yeah, no. It's obviously Nino's fault here.

Nino really pushed personal boundaries in this episode, much like Marinette's friends in “Gang of Secrets”. Yes, honesty is a valuable trait, but sometimes, people have secrets they want to keep to themselves. Nino's idea of “not hiding anything from each other” is somewhat controlling, like he's demanding Alya tell him everything whether she wants to or not. The fact that he immediately assumed Alya was cheating on him without giving her freedom to make her own choices doesn't make him look good. Let's be honest, a more realistic outcome would be Alya choosing to break things off with Nino or at least lecture him about how she can do what she wants and keep the secrets she wants. But instead...

And that's how the episode ends.

Okay, Marinette just said she trusted Alya to make the right decision, but I highly doubt she meant this. Marinette strictly said Alya had to keep Rena Furtive a secret, and now she's telling Nino this despite the risk? The whole reason Marinette and Luka broke up was because Marinette had to keep her secrets from Luka, but now it's okay for Alya to be completely honest? How is this not a double standard?

This episode was just dull, and there’s not even much I can really say about it.. There were a handful of standout moments, and the stuff with Adrien was somewhat compelling, but Nino's behavior was just insufferable and dragged the episode down. The Akuma fight was weak, only lasting about four minutes at most, and while the Lucky Charm was more creative this time, the plot was just frustrating. It's really one of the weaker episodes this season.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch the better Rocketeer.

[circethegoblin]

STAYING ALIVE MASTERPOST, FROM A BROKE TEEN WITH ADHD

here you go. some down to earth tips on how to not die metally nor physically.

tired of those "drink three liters of water everyday uwu" and "wake up at 5 am" and "buy a bath bomb and a fec mask and some other things you don't have the money for" shit? i'm here for ya.

1. NOT DYING

eat at least three meals a day, one of which m u s t be warm and above 300 kcal (it can be istant ramen with an egg added if you have to)

you technically should shower everyday, but we know how it is. A change of clothes is sometimes enough.

DRY SHAMPOO AND BABY WIPES!!!

keep bottles with water everywhere. On your desk, near that spot on the floor you always end up sitting on, near your bed, basically whenever you know you spend a lot of time. No need to get up and go to the kitchen will help. Obviously change the water in the bottles as often as you can.

Get some form of physical activity. It doesn't have to be much, you can for example replace scrolling on tiktok by walking around your room and scrolling on tiktok! Brilliant, isn't it? Obviously, running or doing those 10 minutes workouts from youtube is better, but you are still getting like an hour of walking.

Buy blankets. Steal blankets. Summon blankets from other dimensions. Just make sure you have a lot of warm, soft blankets in your house. You will thank me when you won't have the anergy to wash your sheets (just take them off and throw some blankets on your bed), or when the power goes out.

If you have pets, ALWAYS keep spare food that'll last for a week for them.

things to always have in the kitchen: milk, eggs, flour, rice, pasta, yeast, cheese, oil, a leafy vegetable, onions, tomatoes, apples, patatoes, some flavourful sauce, sugar, salt, spices and an emergency chocolate bar. You can make a lot of food with those. Just make sure you won't eat the chocolate too fast.

Have a lot of spare batteries. A lot.

Get urself a flashlight, a lighter, and a pocket knife.

Remember the apples? eat one a day. if you don't like apples or you can't eat them for any other reason, you can take a kiwi, banana, orange, basically something that will give you vitamins and non processed sugar.

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

drugs from that one guy around the corner = very bad time

2. NOT DYING INSIDE

Open the damn window.

Don't watch so many commentary videos. You are probably not even checking the sources, so you can easily make unjust judgement, and like. did you even hear of half of those people before?

make a discord server just for yourself. get into the habit of writing little things that happened to you there. rant about the fanfics you read. or the movies. vent there if you don't have anyone you can vent to. write your ideas there, write e v e r y t h i n g. make a section for passwords, for quick ideas, for your to do lists. you won't lose it as you do with sticky notes or notebooks. there is no risk anyone will see it. oh, and when you'll have a strong impulse to tell emily that you hate her? write that message in your private server and list all ur arguments. look at tat the next day and decide if you really mean that.

life sucks. come to peace with it.

cuddle ur pets if you have them

1 hour a day without a lot of sensory input. if you have to, reduce to half an hour.

if you find yourself scrolling endlessly through social media, make sure it's pintrest (just don't compare urself to the people here; if you have issues with that, tumblr may be better)

delete. twitter. from. your. phone.

influencers are lying to you; maybe not even intentionally. remember when you were watching that cute-aesthetic-productive morning routine, and you were wondering why your life isn't that pretty? why your room is a mess? why you cannot for the life of god be aesthetic 24/7? its the filter. don't worry about it, their lifes arent that nice either.

realize there's actually nothing stopping you from screaming as loud as you can right now. like there is no physical barrier. think about it. realize there's no actual physical barierr to many other things.

your body is your body. you can decide how it looks like; just remember it's in your greatest interest to keep it healthy.

3. BEING A LITTLE BETTER THAN JUST ALIVE

If you wear make up, take it off before you go to sleep.

moisturize your body; everything is better when your skin doesn't feel dry

have a one brand of cosmetics that you love and buy things mainly from it. they often have sets of products that complete each other. i like ziaja. it's a polish brand, it's surprisingly cheap and has nice quality

cleanser, moisturizer, face mist

of you can, change your sheets once every two weeks

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

do a deep house clean once a month (don't beat yourself up when you don't tho)

keep your workspace organized (it doesn't have to look organized to other people, remember)

sunscreen

cook your own food

keep a calendar

no money for scented candles? got ya. make a simmer pot: throw some apple peel, a couple of cinnamon sticks and whatever spices that smell good you have into a pot, add some water and simmer. boom. your house smells good, and you haven't spend 20 dollars.

If you really like candles, buy scented wax melts. it's cheaper.

Buy urself scented mists. they're pretty cheap and will make you feel A LOT better.

keep your clothes clean. if you aren't sure if that shirt thats on your chair is dirty or not, throw it in the washing mashine anyway. better be sure.

if you can, make your bed right when you get up

wear clothes that make you feel good. put some effort into your outfits. really.

4. OTHER PEOPLE

be nice to essential workers.

if you have money, give tips.

remember, you do not owe anyone love; it is not something you can force. even if they saved your life. even when they helped you in your darkest time. if you don't love them, you don't.

you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

if you want to, date! date everyone! date girls, date boys, date nonbinary people! date people completly different than you, date people from different countries, date them!!! just make sure they're kind and won't kill you. even if you don't end up in a relationship, you can learn a lot.

don't be afraid to piss off people that deserve it

smile to strangers :)

5. NOT FAILING SCHOOL

heard of dark academia? check it out

romanticize the heck out of studying

do not let your studying be just reading the same partagraph over and over again. it won't work. believe me.

seterra for geography, quizlet for everything else

try to make yourself intrestet in whatever you are studying (watch veritasium, listen to podcasts about weird history facts)

notes are for you and you only; don't worry about them looking pretty. doodle on margins, make weird metaphors, squeeze in as much info as you can.

when you're studying, listen to music without words/in a language you don't understand.

chew gum while you study

get the forest app, get attached to the trees, focus.

don't feel guilty for taking breaks

grades aren't everything, but they are important.

eat something in school

don't just use the cheapest pens. invest a couple dollars in something that will make writing enjoyable and smooth

those study with me videos? they're great

if you like to argue with the teachers, take care of your grades becouse. they may not like you afterwards.

be nice to your classmates and help them with homework. if you don't do your homework they'll help you

executive dysfunction won't let you study? been there. sometimes it's better to wake up ealier tommorow and do that homework then.

don't feel guilty for failing a test

go to the goddamn class

don't pull all nighters oh my god don't especially on weekdays

6. OTHER LIFEHACKS

don't get involved in the crime, and if you do always have a believable explanation why you were doing it

have different alarm sounds for every day of the week

set a daily limit of money that you spend

great hobbies that don't require a lot of money; urban exploration, writing, hiking and learning other languages

thrift stores

don't eat grapefruits while on meds

nail polish removers dissolve most strong glues.

if you have a cut on your skin, desinfect it. do it. please just do it.

always have pads with you. even if you don't get periods, at least one of your friends probably does

sign up in your local library. its free

[stromuprisahat]

black-rose-writings:

Not to mention Jesper went from 0 to a 100 ability-wise in the span of, what, 2 days?

He's not that powerful in the books, and I don't mean that as an insult.

Book!Jesper is a mid-tier telekinetic at the best of times. He makes those powers go far by being very creative with how he uses them, but he's also severely out of practice with intentional use of his powers due to his (very valid) fears. Intentionally curving a bullet is something that he genuinely sees as an achievement in the book.

In the show, he seems to do that on a regular, which I guess does somewhat explain the level of ability. That and his reason for hiding his powers (and possible minor mental block) being "caring about people will get me killed" instead of, again, very valid fear of being captured and enslaved or worse, so a pep talk and a bit of "convenient backstory reveal" drug trip did the trick.

But honestly, amputating Fruzsi's fingers with buttons, aside from being just kinda gross (like, if you're going to do that, just send one through her skull First Class style and be done with it. Why mutilate her first? Same for Kaz and Pavel in the last season, now that I think about it.) is not even that impressive? There's no creativity, no real sense of stakes, he's just using buttons as bullets.

Especially compared with his big creative kill of the Tidemaker is SoC (the one on Parem who isn't solid).

Jesper's Grisha arc in the books was great, IMO. It felt real, and I personally felt genuine happiness with him, whenever he successfully used his powers to save the day.

IDK if this makes sense.

I just feel like, aside from the fact that they killed the Loyalists, it didn't even work all that well as character moments. I get that they tried to fit as much as possible into this season because Netflix sucks, and there were some production issues due to Covid, so everything was going to feel rushed, but this feels worse than rushed.

Book!Jesper's arc was about self-acceptance and becoming comfortable with what he is, despite the trauma and constant fear he experienced as a result. It had elements of a coming-out story, as well as bit of neurodivergence acceptance, and it was rooted in external acceptance from his father and friends, as well as empathy for other Grisha and the realization that hiding won't make him safe.

In the show, all of the acceptance and empathy motives are gone, and it comes across less like a coming-out story and more of a weird hobby story, if that makes sense.

In fact, basically all of Jesper's external motives are gone, aside from his mother, whose death has been reframed as the main reason for his hiding, rather than being the catalyst for his father making him hide, which was a weird choice to say the least (it also briefly made me imagine a scenario where the Crows' season 1 plan gets ruined because Jesper runs into Leoni at the Little Palace and accidentally exposes them). Like, they simplified the story, which is understandable, but in the process made Jesper seem like an asshole.

And I just went on a lot longer than I wanted to. Sorry about that.

fiora-miriel:

I would also add that on the good side, we have only two casualties (Baghra who wanted to die and David who might still be alive).

Whereas the evil(tm) side was basically obliterated even though they had a lot of amplifiers. (Also Fruszi who seems to have trained her skills a lot losing against Jesper who has barely used his powers but is suddenly soooo proficient??)

#that was just so weird

it is ridicolous how fruszi and her companions get slaughtered by the main cast. like..jesper seems to be greatly enjoy hurting her. the narrative is so twisted. we are really supposed to be rooting for the "good" guys when they show reactions like that? sure its a fight scene, people die, people get injured, theyre on two opposide sides. but jesper..really...i..am speechless

[personuhh]

okay so awhile ago you posted something about Yosuke (crazy, right?) and in the tags I believe you mentioned something about how you don’t like Yosukes parents? Could you elaborate? bc I have not stopped thinking about it since you mentioned it (sorry this is so vague my memory is horrid skjdjfjgj)

OYSUEJGHHBKEJHDSGVDH oh my god okay SO. At first I just got ~vibes~ from him... like, I couldn’t quite pin down what made me think he had abusive parents, because obviously he never says anything to indicate it explicitly, but then I started noticing... small things.

I don’t want to say outright that I think they’re abusive (physically or verbally) and I also don’t think that Yosuke hates them, or necessarily even sees anything wrong with how they treat him, but I do think that their behavior has severely impacted Yosuke and led to a lot of the negative traits he displays.

To me, the most telling example is this conversation where he talks about Teddie being praised by his parents for being “thoughtful” very pointedly in front of him. It seems to be a reoccurring thing where they compare him to other people (primarily Teddie) and make him feel inferior. Yosuke’s a bit of a pushover, and frequently gets taken advantage of monetarily, and in this case he’s caved and lent Teddie a significant chunk of his savings for their trip to Tatsumi Port Island... only for him to spend it on presents to suck up to Yosuke’s parents which makes Yosuke look unthoughtful. Yosuke clearly sees it that way, even if Teddie hadn’t intentionally planned it out from the start as such (he calls Teddie “surprisingly shrewd”).

Yosuke gets told off either because a) he didn’t want to fight back/argue, and instead just took a passive stance instead of telling his parents that he was the one to lend Teddie the money in the first place, and thus didn’t have any left to buy them gifts, or b) his parents think so little of him that they don’t believe him at all. He specifically says he doubts his parents understand, which makes me think that he did try to explain the situation.

There are also several instances of a large Junes event being Yosuke’s responsibility, or at least of him thinking that he has to scramble to make things work, like the Junes concert, where he says he’ll have to move away if it doesn’t pan out; maybe this is his own thinking, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if it was something his dad said to scare him into helping, especially considering he MUST know that Yosuke is friends with Rise, or the time during the summer where he calls Yu and begs him to help out. Yosuke isn’t a manager, but he’s still got all the responsibilities of one, and even tries his best to work out other employees’ problems as well (look at his SL).

The Junes concert in particular really sent up some red flags for me, especially because Yosuke says this.

“Awfully nice for some reason”?

Yosuke’s got terrible self-esteem, there are countless times where he’s shown to be overwhelmed and embarrassed by completely genuine praise from his friends. In one of the drama CDs he mentions that he intentionally doesn’t try his best in school because he doesn’t want to disappoint himself by doing poorly while also knowing that he gave his all. It really makes me think that his parents just have an abysmally low opinion of him, and he’s adopted that same view of himself.

There’s also several scenes where he talks about his parents finding his porn (or Teddie showing it to them) and in his SL he says his mom “read the title out loud to [his] family” which on top of obviously indicating his family is pretty conservative about that kind of thing, also means he’s had to learn to be secretive with them to some extent. In Arena, Yosuke’s mother goes as far as burning the porn Teddie finds. Even if it's meant to be humorous, Yosuke's property is still being destroyed.

Now these next few things are more... abstract and can definitely be argued, but personally I still find them important to point out when discussing the topic.

Yosuke obviously struggles with toxic masculinity, and similarly to Kanji, feels like he needs to be the ideal, strong man that protects the weak, etc. Even without looking at specific dialogue, you can tell that Yosuke’s been raised to think he needs to be a “real” man, that displaying more “feminine” behaviors is a sign of weakness; because that isn’t just subtextual, it’s something he very visibly displays, it’s part of his arc. He can’t mourn and cry, he has to get revenge (because he couldn’t protect Saki at the time and he watched helplessly as she died, it makes it his fault), he says hugs are for girls (a common sentiment, but he had to learn it from somewhere), and any time he slips up and reveals his actual feelings, he has to overcompensate, let everyone know that he’s just your average teenage boy who’s definitely interested in women. Yosuke’s not the most masculine guy, he likes fashion and cares about his appearance (the bar is so low) and I’d bet that if he were given space to explore his interests without any expectations, he might actually find he’s into stuff that goes against what he’s been taught. He admits to liking crossdressing, then walks it back; not because he’s ashamed of it (on the contrary, once he realizes people found him cute, he openly brags about it), but because he thinks he SHOULD be ashamed of it.

It’s why he feels so threatened by Kanji, who completely takes him by surprise when he realizes his outer appearance and interests don’t match up. Now Yosuke’s got to compete with Kanji over who’s the manliest, show that he’s not like Kanji, because Kanji’s already accepted that side of himself, and it totally goes against everything Yosuke’s been taught to think is “normal”.

So then we look at lines like this.

On its own it’s nothing special, but it’s not just the slogan itself, it’s the way that Yosuke specifically says that his dad is still saying it. Combining this with what I mentioned previously about Yosuke’s behavior, and a few other tidbits, like Teddie mentioning that he watches violent war movies with Yosuke’s dad, it definitely makes me think he’s the type of guy who’d try and push Yosuke into being more masculine, being a traditional, unshakable, unemotional man.

Lastly, there’s the recently identified album on Yosuke’s shelf in arena, and what do you know, one of the songs on it (The Chain, by Mr. Big) has these lyrics...

In my mind, I see Yosuke’s mother as an incredibly controlling, strict woman who expects her son to be utterly perfect, and even when he’s good, it’s never good enough. Yosuke’s father is busy with Junes, and while he isn’t around the house too often, Yosuke sees him at work quite a bit, large and in-charge, not allowing anyone to see weakness, he leans on his son because he can’t bring himself to ask for help. Yosuke’s left to pick up the slack, and he’s taught by example that relying on others is cowardly, that being intimidating gets you further than being “nice”. Even though Yosuke obviously goes against this, he can't fully commit for fear of standing out and disappointing his parents, and that makes him passive; he ends up being a pushover, and neither of his parents are happy about that. He’s a “disappointment” to them, it’s one of his defining traits that everyone loves to bring up. It's something that's shown to really get under his skin, but he can never do much more than get angry, because he truly thinks he is a disappointment, he doesn't think highly of himself, even if he protests.

Maybe I’m reading into all of these things a little too much, but... I don’t know, I’ve said it before, but I just don’t see how half of Yosuke’s personality would have been shaped by anything other than his parents being Not Great.

[sepublic]

Thinking about Marcy Wu

           There’s just… A lot of grounds for Marcy to end up really bitter and jealous after all of this, when it’s said and done; Especially the longer she spends healing in a vat. One might say ‘green with envy’ even, if they were to be cruel…

           This all started because Marcy was about to lose it all. She was about to lose her home, life, and friendship with her two deep and intimate childhood best friends… Anne and Sasha may have had their toxicity that resulted in Anne’s birthday being somewhat ruined, but they weren’t going to lose anything. 

          Things would always stay the same for them, between them; Because I can see Marcy, in her admiration of them and self-loathing of herself, thinking that her friends wouldn’t REALLY miss her, that she values them, far more than they value her… And even if the feeling was mutual, well, at least Anne and Sasha had each other and their own social skills.

           And if Marcy spends all her time in Season 3 just healing in a vat, having lost agency, needing to be rescued and just being left out… It’ll suck. She doesn’t get to be cool, to become a powerful warrior who goes on adventures, the way Anne and Sasha do. Marcy doesn’t get to assert herself, to put herself out there in the world, to really leave her own mark and exercise her initiative, she’ll just… Passively wait. Passively wait and do nothing, be miserable and lonely.

           I can easily see Marcy becoming bitter over how Anne and Sasha got traumatized like her, but at least THEIR trauma came in the form of fun adventures with real friends, instead of just… Boring, crippling loneliness, floating around with nothing but her own bad memories and coma to keep her company; That and Andrias and his master, whose presence only makes things worse.

          Warning: LOTS of text below!!!

           Anne and Sasha get to be cool and confident, something Marcy always admired them for; For being something SHE’s not, because she thinks lowly of herself. Because she doesn’t like herself, it’s why she’s so excited about the idea of metamorphosis and change and becoming something new… Which is ironic, because she didn’t like the change her parents presented, and frankly, who would? Marcy wanted change but in a good way, of course- And hopefully with her motifs of metamorphosis, they’ll come to fruition with Marcy really getting to grow, heal, and recover into someone who can feel good in her own skin, just like the Anne she so admires and sang a song about how she’s finally herself and it’s no big deal with.

           Marcy’s friends get to be the charismatic leaders, the heroes everyone else looks up to; But Marcy, when she tries to be the same? She just loses things. She only becomes more pathetic. Anne and Sasha get to have real families, Marcy just gets betrayed and manipulated and is just as lonely, if not moreso, because now she’s lost her friends! Which would be ironic to think I imagine, because I feel Anne and Sasha would probably be much more willing to rekindle connections with and forgive Marcy, than towards one another… Well, at least Anne. Sasha would be willing to forgive Anne, because there’s not really anything she needs to forgive in the first place, she was the perpetrator…

           But anyhow, it’s easy for Marcy to be caught up in what she thinks her friends have over her, and in a lot of ways, she’s right! It’ll be important that she remembers what Anne said, how Anne admired Marcy’s intelligence, how she seemingly won the hearts of Newtopia’s citizens… But then, who there seems to genuinely care for and admire Marcy, the way Anne is considered a member of the community back in Wartwood, or Sasha’s own leadership? Will the people of Newtopia mourn Marcy, ask questions of her? It’d be so sweet if they did so, and Marcy found out that these strangers who she didn’t think she’d made an impression on, were dazzled and grateful for all of the little improvements she made to their life.

           Yet, even if Marcy still has/had some good things… It really would be easy for her to feel, and not without justification, that Anne and Sasha may have gotten traumatized- But at least they got to learn things and have fun along the way, make real friends in the process. Marcy didn’t get to do any of that, and got even more trauma than those two, more loneliness, in addition to the loss she was going to experience at home, the loss she couldn’t imagine THEM understanding;

          At least until Anne was separated from her own parents, Anne did lose that herself and Marcy needs to understand that. Anne did have something to lose, unlike Sasha at least. So yes, Marcy, Anne would understand… Because you ended up making her go through that same kind of loss, a loss that was arguably worse because Anne’s relationship with her parents is at least fully positive, a loss of her own loved ones and life at home, so you wouldn’t have to feel the loss of your friends who you considered home- Not that you really meant it, because would Marcy have really believed that the box would work?

           But still, Marcy didn’t truly intend it, which is in some ways worse, because now she has to grapple with the realization that- Not only did her attempts to preserve her life and relationship result in an even greater separation, as a result of the betrayal Anne and Sasha felt… But Marcy unwittingly caused Anne to also lose a life and loving relationship at home, too- Not just with the girls, but with her parents, losing her life back on Earth! Marcy just wanted to keep HER life, but she made Anne lose her own in the process… At least, until Marcy made things right by giving Anne that life back, in addition to keeping her own real friends, in the Plantars.

          And then Sasha has her physical scar, but Marcy’s wounds are even worse, and potentially debilitating for the rest of her life… If there are scars, they’re definitely worse than Sasha’s. At least Sasha’s scar was a lesson, in a sense. It was an accident, not necessarily intended by Anne, who just wanted to defend her family; And it came as a result of Sasha’s own very real mistakes in trying to kill Anne’s innocent found family. Sasha was the aggressor here, all Anne did was fight back and defend, and not even with intent to truly hurt- And Anne of course felt remorse at any of Sasha’s pain.

           Marcy was manipulated. She was gaslit, betrayed, and used. She was blamed for something that wasn’t her fault, by an adult who MEANT to kill her, who didn’t care, who openly mocked her in front of her own friends. Marcy got her scar from doing the right thing, for trying to fix her mistakes and be a better person, for actually listening to her real friends… Marcy was punished for doing the right thing, and it’s so easy to see why she’d become bitter over that.

           She was punished for reasonable things, for valid feelings, for understandable mistakes; Worse than Anne or Sasha, the latter of whom REALLY made mistakes, intentionally, but seems to have gotten off far better than Marcy for it! Not that I think Sasha should suffer more, no, Marcy should suffer less, and really none of them should suffer- But to Marcy, it really would seem bitterly unfair how things are effortlessly better for her friends, who just have things naturally better for them that way… While when Marcy tries to have the same, she just makes things worse, and apparently needs to be content with her lot in life or something? Even when that lot DOES get worse, because resisting that will only ruin things even more?

           It’s so cruel- Marcy wanted that new life more than anyone else, she welcomed it more than the others, embraced it most, arguably worked the most to get it; At least, she tried to get the box, that’s how she might see it. So why does it elude her most, compared to the girls who reluctantly went along with it, and at times outright resisted? Of course, Marcy’s situation started off in a lofty capital with a king who attended to her every need, so in many ways her situation isn’t comparable to Anne and Sasha’s… But then, Anne and Sasha got real friends and connections and weren’t manipulated and used, betrayed and murdered. Really, you can’t compare trauma like that…

           But to Marcy? Well, she just got murdered… And honestly, that could easily be considered just as, if not moreso, traumatic than whatever horrid things Anne and Sasha went through. Her world collapsed around her, she was impaled and torn down to the bone spiritually and physically; So yes! The suffering she was owed, when Marcy initially got off scot-free, while Anne and Sasha had to grapple with a dangerous environment- It DID arrive! And arguably worse, at least to Marcy, not that she’d fully admit it because she thinks she deserves it; Because she was beaten down for doing the right thing, for admitting how she felt.

           You can’t compare trauma, Anne and Sasha DID suffer, even if they got real friends; But then again… Marcy didn’t get real friends, and while she didn’t suffer at first, well- You could easily say that everything that transpired in True Colors, the genuine betrayal and wounding there, more than made up for that initial lofty easiness that Marcy had. Suddenly her luxuries compared to Anne and Sasha’s don’t seem as unfair, especially when Marcy was murdered, by someone who was never her friend, and never even got the family she desired.

           And even when this is all over… What about her life back home? Will those things change… Assuming her parents haven’t already moved without her? Her own blood family has left her beind, just like the found family Marcy hoped to have, if she ever had it at all to begin with- Either through Anne and Sasha, or Andrias? There’s nothing back there, besides her two friends… And they had been in Amphibia. But now Anne’s back on Earth with her blood family… But Sasha, does she have someone there?

           If Anne is happier there, if Marcy and Sasha don’t have anyone to go back to besides the girl who DOES have others besides them… Then, maybe those two can find solace with one another in Amphibia, together. Sasha didn’t seem all too eager about her parents, and seemed fine with staying in Amphibia forever… Perhaps, hopefully, her and Marcy can talk over this. They can bond over their loneliness towards Earth, and then Marcy can realize that she wasn’t so lonely after all… That the other girls DID understand what she was going through, or about to; Anne understood what it was like to lose a family and home she loved… And Sasha, well, she knows what it’s like to have nothing to go back to, not really.

           Maybe Marcy just needed to be brave enough to just trust and ask them, openly, up-front, since the beginning… To tell Anne and Sasha about her predicament, even before they were transported to Amphibia. But when she did finally tell them, it was too late, not by Marcy’s choice but by Andrias’ as a means to spite and belittle her further… And it just resulted in Marcy feeling at her loneliest and most isolated, most terrible and self-loathing, than she had ever been. Lonely but when surrounded by others who had each other, a cruel irony that makes it infinitely more terrible.

          So, maybe she shouldn’t have spoken up at all to begin with, or done it sooner; But doing it again, or any other time from now on… Honestly, it might be better if Marcy just kept things to herself, as always. Maybe she’s better off by herself, her own pain and insecurities and loneliess heard only by herself. But then, maybe, just maybe… There’s Sasha, who’s still in Amphibia, as someone who also wants to stay in a sense. As someone who like Anne arrived there against her will and hated it, but then learned to like it… And unlike Anne, has no reason to go back. Of the two other girls, the one who really has no reason to go back to earth and all the reason to stay in Amphibia, is the one who did stay there; With Marcy…

           In some ways, Sasha is also lonely like Marcy. She’s definitely got less found family than Anne with the Plantars, and Grime, while good in a lot of ways, is admittedly pretty imperfect. Who knows, maybe Sasha is there to rescue and save Marcy, as the girl most capable of understanding her in a sense, of appreciating what Marcy did, but also condemned, her to. Maybe Marcy can understand, if she doesn’t already, because she probably already does, that while the two girls found good amidst all of this, they didn’t really need to go through that trauma and risk and separation from their old home and family to do so, not without consent at least.

           Maybe if Marcy had been open and upfront about running away with the two girls, to begin with… Maybe things would’ve been different. Maybe one in particular would’ve agreed… Or they’d have both worked to help her out, to work something out. And Anne… Anne, she knows what it’s like to not want to lose that family and life of hers, she DID just go through that so Marcy didn’t have to, in a sense… But now, Marcy lost that too. So Anne understands, and even if she’s angry that Marcy accidentally projected that pain onto her, initially forced her to bear the brunt of it for her; Maybe Anne can understand, and make peace with that realization. To understand Marcy’s choices, in a way that still preserves Anne’s own autonomy of course.

           And that family that Anne did lose, or feared being taken away from… Maybe Marcy can be a part of that family, too. Maybe she can understand Anne’s fear in losing them, by learning to love them in that same way too- Not so she can also lose those people, but maybe, just maybe, Marcy can be included. They can both understand one another, and Sasha can understand them, all three towards one another, can truly get what the others are going through, while still standing up for themselves, and helping the others.

           …Even so; It doesn’t change how Marcy was betrayed, used, and murdered, and never got the family that her friends found. There’s bound to be some understandable bitterness there, and hopefully, Marcy can catch up to Anne and Sasha and not be left behind… Maybe she doesn’t need to make her own separate family of her own; Maybe all she has to do is share in the one her friends have made themselves. And, maybe it’s never too late to succeed in the first place- Marcy has met Yunnan, Olivia, and Maddie. Just because Anne and Sasha did it first, doesn’t mean Marcy won’t ever…

           …But it will suck to be left behind initially, especially if it ends for Anne and Sasha, just as it begins for Marcy. She just wishes she was there with them, instead of just having the same things –confidence, family, happiness- as them… Honestly, Marcy would prefer to be with Anne and Sasha, than to have those same things as them; But here’s hoping she can have both in the end. Here’s hoping, at least, that she won’t be lonely any longer… Even if it’ll hurt to see Anne and Sasha be together in ways that leave Marcy behind.

           Then again- It seems Marcy has things she can participate with in each friend, that the third doesn’t understand; Her and Sasha not having anything back at Earth, Marcy and Anne having that family and life they were torn away from. Each girl is also lonely in a sense, and feels like they’re left out and not understood in certain ways; Sasha and Marcy betrayed Anne, Marcy and Anne hung out together… They’re all going through the same pain, and if they understand what the others go through, and let the others know that they understand-

           Well, they might be able to reconcile. Because as Hop Pop said, actually talking about and confronting the problems you have, will allow one another to know about and recognize and accommodate those issues, to actually work with them. And again, Marcy was used and murdered and never got that chance to make connections, and if she spends so much time in a vat, will definitely be bitter over a lot of things she unfairly missed out on. But… here’s hoping the future can make up for all of it, and heal over the losses and loneliness of the past, and make the past’s pain redundant. Here’s hoping.

[wannabe-fic-writer]

All Over Again - Chapter 5

Summary: What was lost can be found. 

Warning: 18+ Smut, Language, Violence. 

Ch. 4

* * * * * *

Your foot taps repeatedly on the linoleum. Eyes surveying the crowd of people moving through the airport. 

That is until you hear your name. Pushing yourself up, you look towards the gate, an instant smile on your face at the young woman running towards you.

“Y/N!” Wanda flings herself into your arms and you catch her, the force causing you to turn a little.“ I missed you.” Her breath fans your neck.

“I missed you too Wan.”

Being in NC for a month has been amazing but your time without Wanda sucked. 

So the second her mission schedule cleared she flew out here to you. 

“I don’t know about much around here but there are some awesome places I want to show you and incredible people to introduce you to.” You tell her, arm around her shoulders.

As you two make your way out of NC Airport you’re constantly dodging people. With it being December there’s an even larger crowd of people about, most of them pouring from the airport. 

“The city is a lot like New York but you’ll find a few things that are different.” You tell her, sliding into the driver’s seat of the car. 

When you told Lena that Wanda was coming in, the woman insisted you use her car to go pick your best friend up, and it didn’t take much persuasion for you to agree to it. 

Just like you had, Wanda admires the interior, while replying to your words,“ I can tell.”

It’s incredible how just being in her presence makes you feel better. While you’ve just been feeling awesome in general(it’s because of Lena) nothing really compares to having your best friend around.

Said younger woman glancing over at you as you pull up to Luthor Corp,“ awe, introducing me to your girlfriend.”

Que instant blush. You don’t reply until you’re opening the door for her,“ she isn’t my girlfriend.”

“Cause you haven’t told her how you feel.” 

“I-” you stop to receive a guest pass from the receptionist, Wanda sticking it to her shirt, and continue to the elevators,“ I told you that I’m not in the place to be with someone.”

She sighs,“ you’re stopping your own happiness. I know that you and Natasha talked, she told me. There’s nothing holding you back from exploring things with Lena.” The doors slide open and she steps out,“ except you of course.”

You could totally blame this on her powers. But once again, it’s just Wanda knowing you. 

Internally, you could admit that you’re scared. Scared to be hurt again. Scared of being happy and having something step on that. 

Knocking on the CEO’s door, you wait for the all clear before stepping inside.

Lena’s face lights up with a smile and your heart flutters. 

She stands at the sight of the young woman behind you and rounds the desk to you. 

“Lena this is Wanda. Wanda this is Lena.”

They both smile at each other and shake hands. 

Wanda tells her,“ Y/n has told me so much about you.” 

“All good things I hope.” Lena sends a look to you and you smile brightly, the CEO blushing off that alone. 

Your best friend nods,“ good is an understatement. Y/n’s practically in-”

Hand quickly covering Wanda’s mouth, your smile turns nervous,“ it’s lunch time. You two hang out/work and get to know each other, without embarrassing me,” you poke Wanda’s side and she giggles,“ while I go grab some burgers and shakes from Noonan’s.”

With a glance at each other, they both smile and nod.

As you leave out Wanda watches the way Lena watches you and the younger woman can’t help but chuckle. There you are convinced you and Lena are just friends when the CEO is very clearly smitten.

“So, you like Y/n.”

“Wh-” Lena stops, jaw slack and eyes wide.“ How did you know?”

A squeal leaves Wanda’s lips and Lena’s eyes widen,“ you looked at her like she held your whole world and I bet it’s not the first time.”

Obviously the CEO needs to start controlling her expressions better. If Kara and your best friend can tell she likes you off one single look you had to know already right? Right?

“Don’t worry, Y/n’s oblivious.” Wanda gives Lena a gentle smile at the woman’s clear panic, then moving to sit on the couch.“ which is why you should tell her. She’ll never figure it out on her own and I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t want to be with the person they like.”

Lena sighs and sits next to Wanda.“ But if she doesn’t like me then I’ll just end up hurt and I can’t handle that again.”

“You’re more alike than I could’ve imagined.” Wanda murmurs, Lena missing bits of it. Speaking louder she says,“ you won’t know unless you try. Fear can be a protection but also a hindrance.”

A chuckle falls from Lena’s lips,“ are the wise comments an Avengers thing?”

“Nope, it’s a Y/n thing. Hang around long enough you’ll pick up on it too.”

Lena’s fingers wring together,“ if she’ll let me.”

Wanda can’t help but sigh at it. Part of her is happy to be a third party to this budding romance as she is privy to how you both feel. However another part of her just wishes it was you hearing this. 

She can’t think of anyone who deserves happiness more than you. Not just after what happened with Natasha but in general, you’ve saved so many people, done so many good things, for her and others. You’ve been giving more than you’ve received for a long time and Wanda can’t help but want better for you.

It’s been a mere number of minutes with Lena but something tells her the CEO could very well be the one to finally give you everything you deserve.

Reaching over, Wanda’s soft hand rests over Lena’s, and green meets green,“ I- just promise me that whatever happens, friends or more, you won’t hurt her.”

Suddenly Lena is incredibly curious. Who had hurt you before? To the point where your best friend holds such intensity over it. 

“Well I can't promise it won’t ever happen, but I promise I won’t intentionally hurt her.” And Wanda supposes that’s the best she can get, though she’ll be sure to keep her eyes open. 

Suddenly you're sliding into the office, carryout bags in one hand and drink carrier in the other.“ I got one flavor of each and I call dibs on strawberry so, fight to the deaths for the other two.” Both women look at you with amused smiles and you chuckle and shrug,“ fine fine, not fighting I got it.” 

They laugh as you hand out a meal and shake to them, you then sitting in the spot they make between themselves. 

As you eat you talk, Lena getting to know more about your best friend and the both of you telling Wanda about the core, that you eventually take her to.

Her eyes roam around the alien tech and she raises an eyebrow at you,“ this isn’t another Ultron situation is it?”

Before you can answer, Lena asks,“ Ultron? What’s an Ultron?”

“It- he?” You shake your head,“ Ultron was an AI in a robot body that wanted to cleanse earth of its impurities i.e. the Avengers. It ended alright but was definitely a horrible situation. That will not happen again by the way.” You look pointedly at Wanda.

She shrugs in an ‘I’m just saying’ kind of way, before continuing to look at the core.

Even though you explain the core to Wanda, she doesn’t really understand it. She does get that you plan to use it as a clean and limitless power source. 

“Wan, the tests we’ve run have been incredible. So far we know that this could power a small village, maybe some place even bigger. Obviously we’d have to find-”

As you ramble, both Lena and Wanda look on. They can’t get over the happiness in your eyes as you speak, Wanda noting that this particular spark seems different to the one you get as Artemis. 

It takes a few explanations before Wanda truly gets it. Which seems to make her interest in it go up. The woman asks you hundreds of questions about it and you answer with excitement. 

“Uh, Y/n,” Lena grabs your attention with a gentle hand on your arm,“ I have a meeting I have to get to and I’m not sure how long it’ll take.”

You nod,“ yeah okay. We’ll leave out with you, I have a couple things I want to do with Wan, just um, let me know when everyone is meeting up tonight kay?”

Green eyes crinkle in the corners as she smiles and nods,“ I’ll call you.” 

With a smile of your own, she squeezes your arm, and all of you leave out. Lena gives you a soft ‘see you later’ and watches after you as you leave with Wanda. 

Outside Wanda playfully nudges your arm with hers. Which makes you look at her with raised eyebrows,“ what?” 

“Nothing. Just, you and Lena are super cute.” You groan and roll your eyes but she continues.“ Finishing each other's sentences and nerding out together. I’ve seen you and Tony make suits together and you weren’t half as happy. Further confirming my ‘you like her’ theory.”

You choose not to reply. Instead shoving your hands in your pockets and focusing on the sidewalk ahead of you. 

Denying it has no point because it’s true. You like Lena. There’s no reason not to, the woman is truly incredible.

Wanda hooks her arm through yours,“ are you going to do anything about it?” 

“I don’t know. You know-”

“There’s a lot going on, you told me. But,” Wanda moves to stand in front of you, her hands now on your shoulders,“ it’s time you let your hurt go. I’m not saying to forget what happened with Natasha because it’s never that easy. You just have to forgive her and move past it. Happiness, true real happiness, could be right there in that building and you’d miss out on it.”

E/c eyes narrow at Wanda. When had she gotten so wise.

As if having just read your thoughts, she resumes her spot at your side,“ you’ve always told me not to hold myself back from happiness, I’m just recycling advice here.”  

While showing Wanda around, you can’t help but think about her words. 

She has just about every point there is to have. You are holding yourself back. There isn't any reason for you to not pursue Lena. The worst that happens is rejection, though it seems as if Lena likes you, how you aren’t sure but it could be romantic.

Wanda can tell her words are sitting with you and she’s hoping you listen. She can’t even begin to count the number of times your words had saved her, made her feel better, or encouraged her to want better for herself. This, hopefully, is her one chance to repay you for that.

The ringing of your phone sounds and you smile softly at Wanda before answering. She knows it’s Lena from the smile on your lips. It’s small but it reaches your eyes in a way she hadn’t seen in years. With a quick, ‘see you soon’, you hang up and stand.

“Ready to meet some of the most amazing people ever.” 

Wanda nods, standing after you and snatching up another nacho before following. 

It doesn’t take long to get a car and head to Al’s. Your best friend eyes the bar in the same way you had your first time here. 

“Best drinks ever, though some are incredibly strong, and,” you stop at the usual table,“ the best people in town.” Your eyes circle the table, landing on green. 

“Aww Y/n.” Kara smiles and hugs you quickly.

You return it before wrapping your arm around Wanda and bringing her closer,“ I want to introduce you guys to Wanda, my best friend and teammate.” 

As expected, Winn recognizes her. Had you not spent so much time with him over the last month or so you’d wonder why he follows the Avengers so closely but he’d told you how awesome he thinks your team is and that it’s just interesting. 

Subconsciously, you find a spot beside Lena. Your sides bumping with the proximity. With her sitting, you have to glance down at her. The way she looks up at you through long black lashes makes little goosebumps rise on your arms.“ Hi.” You breathe.

“Hi.” She replies. 

It’s the smallest step you could take but you find yourself wanting to, Wanda’s admonition in mind, so you open your arms to her. Sort of surprisingly, she accepts it, leaning into your side and wrapping her arms around your waist while yours circle her shoulders. 

You pray to god she can’t hear your heart pounding but you know she can, her ear is literally pressed to your chest.

When the hug breaks you catch the faintest of pink dusting Lena’s cheeks and mentally you’re pushed a little closer to believing she likes you. 

“So,” your hands smack together quietly,“ first rounds on me, what’re we drinking?”

Everyone gives you their drink orders(you and Mon-El teasing each other about his choice of two drinks) and you nod, heading to the bar with a wide smile to order it. 

Looking back at the table as you wait, you see Wanda getting along with everyone. Despite her usually reserved attitude, the group seems to be pulling her from her shell at least a little. Every so often she speaks and they all laugh or smile. 

A frown replacing the smile when you notice the lack of two people. Eyes scanning the bar until you spot James and Lena. The muscled man placing his hand on Lena’s arm gently, brown eyes softening. You feel your shoulders drop at the interaction. 

What’re they talking about?

Is it you?

Is it them?

Is there a them?

Why are you suddenly over thinking this?

With a sigh you rub your eyebrows and turn back to the bar. 

Not even a second later a hand is placed on your shoulder and you follow the appendage to find Alex. She raises an eyebrow at you,“ everything alright?” 

“Um-” You contemplate whether to ask her or not. She’s given you no reason not to trust her.“ I- is there something going on with them?”

Alex follows your nod to Lena and James.“ Use to be.”

Figures. 

It’s like you can feel yourself completely writing away your feelings. Storing them away. And you can’t stop it. Not that you should right? Your s/o being around their ex definitely fucked you over before. If you continue down the path of falling for Lena it’s practically a set up. 

Would you really be able to handle another heartbreak like that? No.

Is Lena worth risking it? You aren’t sure.

* * * * * *

Taglist: @username23345 @depressed-bi-bitch @fayhar @trikruismybitch @marvel-wlw @aznblossom​ @chicken-wang09​ @bitchtits15 @coxmicbabygirl​ @blackluthxr​

[4aloysius-porteu]

i really wish i hated you || tsukishima kei

masterlist | chapter 1 | 2 | 3

pairing: tsukishima kei x f! reader

sypnosis: It was an accident that (Y/N) met a certain tall, blonde male; a memory she isn't fond of remembering, but it is where it all started. And ever since, she magically makes her to his path. The image of the bespectacled man dwelled in her mind more than she thought. Tsukishima pushed away his softer emotions and denied their existence, or at least that's what he told himself. But then, he couldn't believe that this girl he labeled as a clumsy, unlucky creature who smashed his glasses is slowly bringing these strange emotions back to him. She might be irritating and dumb sometimes, but he couldn't get himself to completely hate her. Either that destiny was stupid, or he was blessed or cursed. 

genre: fanfic, fluff

wc: 1039

warnings: mentions of injuries such as being hit with a ball in the face

It was the graduation day of the 3rd years in Kitagawa Daiichi, which marks (Y/N)'s last day of being a junior high student. The ceremonies ended well and she bade goodbye to the few people who accompanied and treated her nicely for some times.

Since it's still early, she went back to her apartment, changed her school uniform to casual clothes and went to the park. The fresh spring air blew gently as people went by while the kids play different kinds of sports. The nearby gyms must be filled with scary adults, huh? She settled down on an unoccupied bench and brought out her pencil and sketch pad. And there, she started to sketch everything that her eyes can see. She continued doing do for several minutes, until a soccer ball rolled to her foot and a bunch of children came near her. She kicked the ball lightly to them to avoid unnecessary interaction and go back to her drawing, but they won't get the message.

"Nee-chan, come play with us! It must be boring to be stuck with that assignment." A girl with pigtails said.

"It's not an assignment. It's my hobby." She corrected.

"Yet you look so gloomy while doing it." A boy commented. "Why don't you play soccer with us? Bet it's more fun than that!"

She sighed. Can you please just leave me alone?

She stared at them with dead eyes in an attempt to get away from their request, only to be stared back with those large puppy eyes that annoyed the hell out of her. She hate kids and they are asking the wrong person.

"Please, nee-chan! Let's play, let's play!" They came closer and pulled her sleeves.

"I-I'm sorry kids, but I don't know how to play soccer so can you let me go—"

"You don't know how to play soccer? Uncool."

"Huh, now you think you're good at it? Did you know that you suck at passing? You can't even score!"

"What did you say?! Take it back!"

They started their little childish fight. They got louder and the commotion they attracted people's attention, which is another thing she hates. "Fine, fine! I'll play with you, so stop quarreling!"

They immediately stopped as if everything was an act to make her agree, "Really?"

"You heard me."

"Yay! Let's go to the goalpost over there, onee-san!"

She took her sketch pad with her before she let them drag her to a small soccer court steps away from where she was seated. I hope the basics I know can help me.

They kicked the ball towards her, waiting for her next move. She's actually embarrassed because kids can be very unforgiving if they see someone mess up.

"Alright, let me clear things first. Onee-san isn't an expert to this sport, so don't go hard on me when I fuck up, okay?"

"What's fuck up?"

"I'm sorry, it's only a word I made. I meant messed up."

"It's okay, as long as you play with us!"

"So... here I go."

(Y/N) lifted the ball up with her foot, let it bounce twice on her right then left knee, once on her right and left elbow, and thrice over her head before dropping it to the ground. She was surprised that she managed to do it perfectly until she met eyes staring at her in awe.

The boys gasped, "That's so cool, nee-chan! How do you that?"

"Please teach me too, onee-san!" The girls jumped.

She smirked a little. Don't tell me they suck at this more compared to me that they think this basic move is already cool? I might have fun.

And so they played for the next minute and she taught them the proper basics. There were times that she'll trip and they'll laugh at her first before helping her up and did the same to them. She was thankful that they weren't the demon kids she thought. But they would step on her shoes that will test her patience.

They were kicking at random directions that (Y/N) had to chase the ball everywhere. Very tiring, but she had to keep up since their stamina won't run out any soon.

"Protect the goal!" The other kid shouted.

It was her turn to score. "Get ready!" She warned and aimed to the goal.

But a mistake happened.

"Excuse me! Watch out!"

She kicked the ball way too hard and it didn't go to the direction she aimed at. She internally cursed as I ran to warn the person on the ball's direction, but it was too late. The ball hit him square in the face. She stopped running midway because of sheer embarrassment, but she had to help him.

"I-I'm sorry! I'm very sorry!" She apologized, stammering, "I didn't see you right away, are you okay?"

"Do I look okay to you?!" He replied in an irritated voice. He winced in pain as he covered his face, particularly around his eyes. She just noticed that he was wearing glasses and she realized how painful the impact must be.

"Tsukki! What happened?! Are you okay?" His friend rushed to his side.

"I-I was playing with the kids and accidentally kicked the ball to his direction, please f-forgive me..."

"Accidentally? You looked like you intentionally kicked it in my way! Do you even know how to aim the ball right? If you can't then you should stop playing the damn sport!" He spat.

She was so ashamed and mad at the same time. Everyone was looking at her and she wished that the ground would eat her alive in front of him, yet her feet froze on the spot. She knows she did something wrong, but he doesn't need to diss her like this.

"I'm sorry if I'm bad at soccer sir, but I didn't intentionally send it your way and I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience I've caused." She stated and bowed.

She went back to the field without daring to look back at his face to forget what happened. She was about to talk to the kids when...

"Hey." The blonde male called, "You broke my glasses."

The first part might be bad, but a story gets better as it progresses.

©4aloysius.porteu.2021. please do not repost, copy, or edit. plagiarism is punishable by law.

[ourloveisforthelovely]

A Perfect Storm Part 2

Harry Potter Marauders Era-Post Hogwarts 

Link to Part 1 

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M

Songs in chapter: Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons. Mr. Brightside by The Killers

______

Weep for yourself, my man. You'll never be what is in your heart. Weep, little lion man. You're not as brave as you were at the start. Rate yourself and rake yourself. Take all the courage you have left. And waste it on fixing all the problems. That you made in your own head. But it was not your fault but mine. And it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?

Evan lightly elbowed Regulus in the side before stepping into the room. You didn’t look up right away. It was clear that you were used to Evan just coming in whenever the hell he wanted. Knowing the sounds of your brother’s footsteps, you most likely felt no need to see who was coming into the room.

“Y/n, we need to talk.”

Evan started. Your face immediately looked up from the sheet music that you were so closely studying. The moment that you met Regulus’ gaze, your mouth dropped. Over the past few years, you had been playing this moment out in your head.

And he was there...as he always should have been.

You didn’t move or make any facial expressions. Regulus looked just as he always did only a bit more exhausted and done with everyone’s shit. He was still the handsome man that you had fallen in love with.

You have to stop. You have to protect yourself.

The “strong” voice in your head spoke warily. As much as you wanted to run to him and throw your arms around him, you weren't about to. Because of him, you had fallen into a soul-sucking depression that you almost didn’t make it out of. He hurt you. Regulus was the one person that wasn’t supposed to hurt you.

“Wow, Evan you were right. That didn’t take long.”

Evan winced as Regulus shot him a scowl.

“I kind of told her that we should expect to see you soon and well...here you are.”

Evan explained before going to the couch and sitting down. Regulus kept his attention on his best friend.

“Evan, leave us. This is about to be awkward enough.”

Evan shook his head. He didn’t plan on leaving the two of you alone only to come back to see the two of you screwing each other. The older brother in Evan wouldn’t let him.

“I have been waiting for this moment a long time and I won’t be robbed of it.”

Regulus shrugged before turning back to you, his princess. You hadn’t changed at all.

She’s only grown more lovely…

Regulus thought as you stood up and crossed your arms over your chest. You weren't happy with him and Regulus could see it. If you started throwing things at him he wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. You were hurt and it was all because of him (well, Ambrosia but Regulus would forever blame himself). The two of you were supposed to be married by now. You were both supposed to be happy with each other and have your own family. Regulus wasn’t supposed to be here begging for forgiveness for having a child with some horrible bitch that ruined your life.

“It didn’t take you long to come. One would think that as much as you claimed to love your wife that you would be home mourning her loss. Do me a favor, Regulus, go back home and be a good father to your daughter. Leave me out of it.”

Your words hurt worse than if you had given him the middle finger. Regulus blinked a few times before remembering that he could talk. He was not about to put up with this.

“You have to listen to me, Y/n. It was a love potion. She has been slipping me a love potion for the past five years.”

You started laughing hard at that before turning to Evan who was smirking as he lit a cigarette.

“Evan, you literally just said that.”

Evan shrugged.

“He’s telling the truth, sister. You know that, given the past few years, I wouldn’t take his side but Regulus drank veritaserum right in front of me. He isn’t lying.”

Your mouth dropped as it all made sense. Regulus’ sudden and complete infatuation with Ambrosia, the way that he just walked away out of the blue, everything. The knowledge didn’t stop the hurt though. Knowing that Ambrosia literally stole Regulus (with no input of his own) made you angrier.

That horrible bitch of a woman has literally ruined my life! She stole what was supposed to be both mine and Regulus’ future! I hope that she is burning in hell right now.

You knew that the thought was cold and if your mother heard it there would be the very real chance that she would smack you.

There was also the realization of just what Regulus was going through. Mad at him or not, you felt immense pity for your love. Your love...you could admit that. Regulus would always be your love. It didn’t matter how many men you went on dates with...none of them would be able to compare to the feelings that you felt for him. You could only imagine how he felt “waking up” from the effects of a love potion to find his life completely out of order and ruined. It was no wonder that he looked so exhausted and confused.

You didn’t know how to process all of the thoughts in your head at the moment. After spending so many years angry and bitter at Regulus, you didn’t know how to emotionally handle what you were hearing.

Moving to the window, you had to think about what to say. Regulus, meanwhile, moved closer to you. He was partially afraid that you would smack him but it was a risk that he was willing to take. Regulus was even willing to fight Evan if he needed to.

Regulus turned to his friend for a moment to see Evan’s reaction to everything. Evan was sitting with a burning cigarette in his hand as he watched like a hawk. His blue eyes were hyper-focused on his sister ready to jump in and protect you at any given time. Regulus gave him a simple nod. Had things been different, Regulus would have approved of Evan’s behavior. Today, however, Regulus wanted to tell him to take a pill and relax.

“Princess, I’m sorry for everything. You know that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I my dear?”

Regulus’ hand was on yours as you finally turned to look at him. It didn’t matter how nice it felt with him touching you again, you weren't sure where everything stood. Regulus didn’t seem to understand your confusion. Yes, he was apologizing, and that in itself was nice but were you mentally able to handle an apology and “everything would be okay?”

Your mind went to his daughter. Would you be able to look at this child? What if every time you looked at the kid you saw Ambrosia? It wasn’t the child’s fault, you knew this but that didn’t stop the pain of knowing Regulus’ daughter wasn’t yours. Would Regulus expect you to step in and love the child as if she was your own? The better question was did you think that you would be able to? You didn’t know. What if you did love the child? What if you fell in love with the little girl and something happened between Regulus and yourself? You would lose two people this time.

What did you know about being a mother anyway? Your mother was no pristine example of what a mother should be. She would shove Evan, Felix, and yourself off on nannies all the time. She only wanted to deal with the lot of you when it came time to show off how “good” the Rosier family was. How were you supposed to know what to do with Regulus’ daughter?

Pulling yourself from your thoughts, you turned to face Regulus. His eyes were locked on your face.

Merlin, he is still so intense...

“Do you not realize how difficult this is for me? Everything about you has changed.”

Regulus shook his head. Nothing about him had changed. He just had a few added bonuses that he didn’t have before.

“Nothing about me has changed. It's like I just woke up and missed a few years of my life. I’m standing here apologizing for everything. You’ve changed too but I’m willing to accept some of the new changes. How do you think it is for me to see what you do for a living?”

You figured the modeling would come up.

“I make good money and I am really good at my job.”

Regulus’ face was dark. He hated the thought of people, like his brother, seeing you nearly naked in magazines. Regulus was immediately jealous. Those “beauties” were meant for Regulus to only look at.

“You show people your tits and ass. You’re supposed to be mine.”

Regulus didn’t mean for the comment to come out as cold as it did but it happened. Your mouth dropped, noticing Evan in the corner of the room putting a hand over his mouth.

“It was nice knowing you, Regulus.”

Evan muttered under his breath as you turned back to Regulus.

“You lost the privilege of putting your thoughts in when you married that bitch! You were supposed to be my husband!”

“Well, fuck Y/n, I am standing here trying to fix it and you are bitting my head off.”

You threw down the teacup that you were holding. The house-elf, Curly, came running in with her dustpan and little broom ready to sweep the mess up. She had become accustomed to you throwing things and needing to clean it up.

Evan jumped up. He knew that this conversation was going south quickly.

“Okay, time for a breather. Regulus, what did you expect? Do you think that Y/n is going to run off to play house with you? Y/n is heartbroken over this whole thing and you are foolish if you expect her to just get over it and take you back as if nothing has changed. Y/n, he is honestly apologizing but, as I said, you don’t have to just get over it. You need to heal.”

You nodded, silently thanking your brother. Regulus, meanwhile, was scowling at Evan.

“I don’t expect her to come and play house with me. I am trying to fix what I destroyed!”

Evan nodded.

“Now that we all understand each other...Y/n, what do you have to say?”

You opened and closed your hands a few times.

“I think we are all bat shit fucking insane is what I think. Regulus, I can’t talk to you right now. I need some time.”

You snapped before turning and storming out of the room.

You had been in your room for around 15 minutes when there was a soft knock on the door. Not moving from your place on your bed, you waited until the door opened and closed.

“Y/n, we need to talk.”

You internally groaned hearing your mother’s voice. She sat down on the bed beside you and gently stroked her hands through your hair.

“Yes, mother?”

You replied.

“Evan told me about Regulus Black coming to see you. There is something that I would like to say about that.”

You rolled your eyes, knowing where this was going.

“Let me guess, you want me to accept his apology and forgive him. If he asks me to marry him, I need to say yes because this is a smart match and you know that I still love him so very much.”

You didn’t see the annoyed expression on your mother’s face.

“Well, now I don’t have to say it.”

You sat up and shoved your now messy hair from your face.

“Mother, he left me for another woman. I don’t care if it was under a love potion or not. He also has a child with this woman. Do you realize how hard this is for me? Do you honestly expect me to love something that came out of that woman? How could you?”

Your mother rolled her eyes.

“Y/n, you can be so dramatic. You have both the king and queen of chess in your hands and do not seem to realize it. This child is a girl and essentially has nothing to offer the Black family. You, my dear, can give Regulus a son. The Black family needs an heir to continue alone. We both know that Sirius and the werewolf won’t be able to produce that..unless something extremely unusual happens. Everything is on Regulus. No matter how adorable the little girl is, a daughter’s only real purpose is to be married into a well-to-do family.”

“Way to make me feel special, mum.”

You muttered as your mother gave you a displeased scowl. The last thing that you really wanted to think about was how sexist the pureblood world could be but here it was thrown in your face again. You knew what was expected of you and so did Evan (even though he didn’t seem in too big of a hurry to do anything.) You had it in your mind the Felix would be the one that would continue the Rosier bloodline. Evan was too busy and proud being a death eater. He didn’t even seem interested in any woman or man that came his way.

“You know that I am right, Y/n. As I said, you hold both the king and queen of chess in your pretty little hands. Maybe you should put them to use.”

(meanwhile)

Regulus stormed back into Grimmauld Place ready to kill some poor unfortunate soul should they get in his way. Walburga sat in her reading room and looked up when Regulus dropped onto the couch across from her.

“Well?”

Regulus was fuming. He had expected the conversation with you to go better than what it did. You essentially telling him to fuck off, was the last thing that he expected. Had it been years ago, Regulus would have been able to charm you with a few bats of his eyes. Today, however, there was no such thing.

“What do you mean, well?”

Regulus snapped in his mother’s direction. Walburga put down the book that she was holding.

“You know perfectly well what I mean, Regulus. How did it go with Y/n?”

Regulus snorted.

“A fucking disaster of epic proportions.”

“Mind your language in this house, son. Now, what happened?”

Regulus groaned. He really didn’t want to think of what happened again. All that he wanted to do at the moment was find a bottle of fire whiskey and go the fuck to sleep.

“She hates me.”

Walburga rolled her eyes.

“You’re so dramatic, Regulus.”

Regulus sat up straight. The rage that was going through him over the lingerie modeling was about to come flowing out like a volcano and his mother was going to be the innocent villager that was in the way of the lava.

“She’s a lingerie model now. Mum, she is showing off things that only I am supposed to see. Do you think that I enjoy knowing that other men are looking at her breasts? The answer is no. I begged her to forgive me and she said she needed time to think.”

Regulus jumped up and started pacing the room.

“Why would she want to get back with me? I hurt her and not to mention I have a child with the girl that made her life miserable. Why would any woman in the right mind want to take that back?”

Walburga knew well about your new career. While it wasn’t something that she would do herself, clearly you were doing well. It wasn’t like you were a pornographic film actress or a stripper. A model was a perfectly fine career and you were lovely enough for it.

“I don’t know what it is with the men in this family being so weak.”

Walburga replied. Regulus stopped and glared at her.

“I am not weak, mother! I can assure you that if you were in my shoes, with your world falling apart, you would be freaking out too.”

Walburga rolled her eyes again.

“Give Y/n some time to process everything that she has heard. This is a lot to one’s system. Look at your father, for example, he hasn’t said a word in three days...not that I am complaining. Try wooing Y/n a little better? I swear men are horrible at it.”

Regulus was silent for a moment as he considered his mother’s words. He was good at wooing you before. Why would he be able to do it again now?

“Wooing...great idea. Excuse me, mother. I have some things to do.”

Walburga held a hand up.

“Regulus?”

“Yes?”

Walburga looked up with an almost bored expression.

“Don’t buy her a lot of flowers, my son. No woman enjoys their home looking like a funeral parlor. Another word of mother's advice, you are the heir to this family. While I love Phoebe very much we do need a male heir. Things are upon your shoulders to keep our noble family going.”

Regulus didn’t let Walburga see the cold expression on his face. Of course, this is what Walburga would be concerned about. She wasn’t worried about Regulus’ happiness. So what if her son was a depressed angry mess as long as the family line was saved then nothing else mattered.

“Yes, mother.”

(the next day)

You sat at the table beside Evan. Your brother’s eyes were locked on the Daily Prophet on an article about “suspected death eater activity.” He looked up at you with a grin as you stirred your tea.

“I did this.”

He said with a grin. You raised an eyebrow and didn't speak for a moment. Even though being a death eater was perfectly normal in your family, you still worried about your brother.

“How surprising.”

You commented as an owl landed on the windowsill and started knocking on the glass. Evan stood up with a frown.

“Are you expecting anything?”

You shook your head as he went to retrieve the package that the owl was so eagerly showing off.

“Little show off.”

Evan commented before giving the bird a treat and taking the package away from its foot.

“I’ll be damned.”

You looked up as he came back to the table. Your mother shot Evan a disapproving scowl.

“Language, Evan.”

Evan smirked.

“This time it's excusable, mum. Y/n, Regulus sent you something.”

Your mouth dropped as you took the box from your brother. This was the last thing that you expected. You expected Regulus to remain in the shadows until you sent for him. Regulus would typically revert back to his introverted nature and not want to make the first move...but here you were.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

Your mother questioned as you tore into the box and a small velvet box landed in your hand.

Oh hell

You thought. If his crazy ass sent you an engagement ring, you would die right here at the breakfast table then haunt Regulus for the rest of forever for killing you. Looking up, you met Evan’s wide eyes.

“I swear to Merlin if that is a…”

Evan started but stopped when his mother pinched his hand. You, meanwhile, took a breath and opened the box to see a pair of emerald earrings in the box...a very pretty obviously expensive pair of earrings.

“Those are lovely.”

Your mother exclaimed with a happy smile. They were pretty. Pretty wasn’t giving them enough justice. Regulus always picked out the best jewelry to give you and this was no exception.

Evan looked relieved as well to see no engagement ring. This meant that he didn’t have to go into big brother mode and ask Regulus if he was bat shit insane.

“They are nice.”

Evan agreed. Your mother stood up to take her plate to the kitchen because Curly the elf vanished.

“Y/n, I want you to talk to Regulus when he comes back again for you. I am not saying rush to marry him but for the love of God hear him out. Remember what I said about chess pieces.”

Evan turned to you with a curious frown. You shook your head.

“Just a bunch of pureblood sexist garbage that we have heard all of our lives.”

Evan nodded going back to the article about himself.

(later that afternoon)

You sat in a cafe with one of your friends and Evan having lunch. When Sam, who was also one of the designers that you modeled for, called asking if you wanted to go to lunch you were thrilled. You asked Evan to tag along because he looked like he needed to get away from your mother as well.

“So, he gave you earrings? Fascinating. At least he didn’t send you some generic version of a rose bouquet.”

Sam commented, taking a sip of his martini. You nodded.

“I don’t want my room looking like a mortuary.”

Sam and Evan both smiled at that.

“If a man sends me flowers there is no second date. I don’t have time to be watering plants on top of my job.”

Sam added as Evan nodded.

“If I had any interest in dating anyone and I did something Regulus’ level of insane I think that I would go to the level of precious gems and jewelry too. I may make something with my two little hands.”

You snorted at your brother’s comment. Evan was making it very clear that he blamed Regulus for everything. Sure, Ambrosia smuggled him a love potion but Regulus should have never drunk anything that she gave him. That was asking for it.

“Evan, you don’t need to make anything. The last time that you made me a bracelet it was oozing hot glue from broken beads.”

Evan shrugged.

“I tried and you said it was beautiful.”

Sam was laughing hard by this point.

“Clearly, she lied.”

Before Sam could add more, you looked up to see Walburga walking over.

Fuck

You thought as your eyes landed on the little girl who had her hand wrapped around Walburga’s wrist. Evan muttered “fuck” under his breath as he clearly saw everything too. You were unable to look away from the child. Holy fuck, did this child look like her father. This provided some relief. You were thrilled to say that you didn’t see one trace of Ambrosia Parkinson in her. Everything about her screamed Regulus Black. From her curly long hair to her icy grey eyes. She was also dressed neat as a pin You had a feeling that Walburga was behind a lot of that.

“Y/n.”

Walburga said your name with her usual haughty smile. You forced a smile before getting up to hug her.

“Walburga, it's nice to see you.”

“Likewise, dear. I heard that you were back from Paris. Regulus asked me to send you his regards. He’s out of town for the next few days.”

Walburga had noticed the stranger sitting beside Evan so she decided to keep information at a minimum in case this person was an “undesirable.” She also watched as an expression of hurt at Regulus’ name crossed your face before you returned to your normally calm disposition. Walburga had always considered you a ray of sunshine for Regulus and she was not about to let this chance of a “relationship” go unmended.

“I see. Tell him that I said thank you for the earrings. I sent a letter yesterday.”

Walburga nodded, with a smile.

“It's waiting for him at home. We have to be going. I hope to see you soon, darling.”

Walburga gently nudged her granddaughter along. The little girl’s eyes were locked on you the whole time but you tried to ignore it. At the moment, you were trying to appear brave and put together in front of Walburga. You weren't about to let her see how internally you were feeling like a wildfire about to spread.

As they walked away, you heard the little girl as Walbura who you were. Your stomach almost hit your ankles at Walburga’s response…

“Hopefully soon to be your father's girlfriend.”

Both Evan and yourself gapped at each other as you managed to sit back down. Sam didn’t say anything. He knew well about Regulus and at the moment you looked like you needed some “quiet time.”

“Sissy…”

Evan started as the song on the cafe’s radio caught your attention….

Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine. Gotta gotta be down because I want it all. It started out with a kiss. How did it end up like this? .It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss. Now I'm falling asleep and she's calling a cab. While he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag. Now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick and it's all in my head. But she's touching his chest now. He takes off her dress now. Let me go and I just can't look, it's killing me. And taking control. Jealousy, turning saints into the sea. Swimming through sick lullabies. Choking on your alibis. But it's just the price I pay. Destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes. 'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

You quickly picked up your handbag, not looking at Sam or Evan.

“I have to get out of here.”

__________

@amelie-black @regulusslut @truly-insatiable @fandomsxxregulus @realgaytrash @lucasfilms77 @exhsle @quuenofblacks @jessyballet @knreidy1 @teletubiswszpilkach @mimisparkle12 @hazncalsgal @acciosiriusblack @whymyparentscheckmyphone @criminalyetminimal @bennyberry @rubyroscoe1 @fific7 @spiderxalmighty @brokencasbutt67-writer @authoressskr @fandom-trash-worth-it @hankypranky @summer-novak @emiwrites3reads @shaylybaby2032 @marichromatic @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @knight-of-gleefulness @stuckinsaudi1 @deanwherescas @sprnaturallover @untoldshortsofthefandoms @shitfaceddaniel @wontlookaway @mycuddlycorner

[eveningalones]

the garden

word count : 1,920

warnings : mentions of homophobia.

If Emily was to compare her life to the bible, she would be able to claim that she was Eve, her faith was Adam, and you, oh you, were the serpent. Sent to the church to taint her, to taint the garden.

You would be called vile and every action you took was one against god. Each and every move you made would cause the downfall of the garden. While Emily believed herself to be Eve, in more than one way, she was the garden; beautiful, peaceful, and so full of love it was sickening to you.

You, even if Emily would protest it, were less like the serpent and more like Adam; young, naive, and willing to do anything to prove yourself to those around you. That mentality put you in the position you were in in the first place. Not wanting to disappoint your mother despite having been away from home since sophomore year of college. She wanted you to find purpose and truly believed you’d find purpose with God, but all you found, and all you’d ever wanted since your arrival was Mother Prentiss. Her charming smile and charisma drew you to her like bees to sunflowers, or more like the Serpent to the garden.

You had only been living in the clergy house for a few weeks, not far off from the main church grounds. If you had believed in the God the priests praise so highly, you’d be able to convince yourself that this really was a punishment like your mother had said. Your mother had convinced herself, as did many other churchgoers, that being gay was a sin. The memory of her cursing you, packing your bags and shipping you off to the church. She knew a few of the clergy members and they set up what your mother called ‘the only way to salvation.’  You begged her to try and understand, to be forgiving and love you for you, but the woman was stubborn and cruel.

‘You’re what?!’ Your mother’s voice raised from the understanding tone that she had before you began spilling your heart out to her.

You took in a shaky breath. You could feel your chest tightening and the tears burning in your eyes. ‘I’m gay mom, a lesbian.’ The words falling from your lips again cause the woman before you to rise from the chair at the table, the feet of the chair scraping your dining room floor. It felt as though your heart was thumping out of your chest. Like every breath you took was made of glass.

That’s when the silent praying began before she sat straight up. ‘Okay, we can fix this–fix you. I’ll call the priest and we can get you set up to figure all of this,’ She waved her hand in your direction. ‘Out. Make it better.’

Hail marys and our fathers or whatever. You were never sure. You never paid much attention when you went to church to know the prayers. Nobody worth paying to, until you’d arrived at the church. At first, you tried so hard to fit in, to abide by the church rules, but then she arrived. Three weeks into your stay you met your first female priest and to say that it was the closest you felt to reaching salvation would be an understatement. Of course, there were women in the church, but none of them could ever compare to Mother Prentiss. Nothing could compare to the feeling you got when you looked at her or when she looked at you. That first time she saw you made you change all your thoughts in the whole religion thing, but it also changed how you went along with being there. You were barely obedient before, not many ‘yes Fathers,’ but eye rolls and scoffs which soon became ‘yes Mother’ or ‘of course, Mother Emily, anything.’ It’s not that you wanted to please her, at least not in the way you were expected to, but you wanted her to notice you. To see you. You just wanted someone in this dull clergy house to really see you.

It was like you had faded into the masses, the same mundane tasks, the same meals every day, and the same fucking faces until Emily arrived. She was so beautiful. The light at the end of this never-ending Catholic tunnel. You knew that she noticed you once or twice in passing always giving you a kind smile or short wave. She was placed three rooms down from you and you made it your mission to get her to see you outside of the clothes the church provided. You knew that Emily would return to the house late after securing the church, so you made sure to wear your shortest shorts and thinnest shirt to grab water in the kitchen, knowing that she’d be returning then. The same night as Sunday mass was when your late nights almost paid off.

You’d been in the cold kitchen for roughly fifteen minutes, having already grabbed a glass of water and now it was just a waiting game. You didn’t want what you were doing to be too obvious, didn’t want her to pull away. The kitchen was dark, dimly lit by the moonlight coming in through the window. Just enough to keep you, or anyone else, from bumping into any of the old wood furniture. You were ready to give up when you heard the door in the main room creaking open. You were grateful for how old the building was, making it so easy to know when people were moving in or out. You moved quickly to the sink, pretending to be filling the cup, back turned to the kitchen entrance.

‘You’re up late.’ You feigned shock and turned around to Emily. Bewildered eyes meeting Emily’s brown ones. ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. Is everything alright?’ You nodded, trying to ignore how Emily’s eyes raked up and down your body. A slight gasp when she noticed just how thin your tank top was.

‘Um–just couldn’t sleep, needed water.’ Emily moved closer to you, reaching down, pulling out a chair to sit at the dinner table. Never removing her eyes from yours. Something about the way she was staring at you, replaced the cold you felt being in the kitchen, with a warmth. Something all-consuming.

Emily continued searching your face for another emotion, trying to read you for some sadness. ‘Would you like to talk about it?’ You cocked a brow at her, not moving from your spot, leaning on the counter with a cup of water in hand. You’ve yet to drink from it.

You shrugged, placing the cup on the table and taking the seat closest to Emily. It would have been too close if you shifted even in the slightest, but you stayed at a safe distance, putting your elbows on the table and leaning forward, making a conscious effort to make sure if Emily wanted to, she could look directly down your shirt. You could feel that she wanted to but continued to make eye contact glancing down to your lips every so often.

‘I don’t think there’s anything to talk about. This house is just kinda creepy.’ Emily chuckled, leaning back in the chair. An action that should be simple, but your knees touched. Your bare skin touching her clothed knee made every part of your skin feel like it was on fire.

‘It’s old, yes, but hardly creepy,’ You pulled your bottom lip in with your teeth, shifting in your seat, pulling your knee back. A brief moment of disappointment in Emily’s face caused the corner of your mouth to curve up. ‘I always find that when people avoid sleep, something is on their mind. So, what is it?’ You leaned in closer on the table. You wanted her to look, everything in you wanted her to notice what you were trying to do.

‘Do you know why I’m here? Why I was sent here I mean,’ Emily cleared her throat, maintaining her composure. A quick nod, motioning you to continue. ‘My mom called Father Preston to tell him that I needed to be reconnected with God, but it was actually because I’m gay. I spilled it all out to her and she sent me here. No hesitation. Told me that she couldn’t love me if that was the life I choose. So I’m here.’ Emily sighed, eyes still searching for you to break. You knew that’s what she wanted, but you couldn’t give that to her yet. She then placed a hand on your knee, your next breath got stuck in your throat.

‘I am so sorry,’ She spoke your name softly. You never want anyone else to say your name again, this would be enough to satisfy you for life. ‘The church doesn’t hold those views, not here. If she had told Father Preston the exact reason, he never would have allowed it. No one should use the word of God in the way your mother did.’ You scoffed and Emily furrowed his brows in confusion. Her hand moved up your thigh as she shifted forward and you looked up at her giving her a long sigh to hide the noises you were holding in. How was she causing such a reaction from you?

‘I’m not angry about it, being here hasn’t been the worst thing to happen to me. It hasn’t been since you arrived,’ Emily was going to remove her hand, but you went to place yours above hers. ‘You seem different from the other priests. Kinder.’ She smiled at you. You took ahold of her hand on your thigh.

‘Every priest is different. I had a bit of a questionable past compared to the other guys. I think I’ve had more fun than they did.’ Her tone changed from pure concern to more playful. ‘From the looks of it, you like to have fun too. No one in this is house is up past 8:30.’ You laughed, remembering your water and using your other hand to take a sip, intentionally spilling some down your chin. The cold giving you chills as the water trained down your neck and through the valley of your breasts. Emily followed the trail, giving in to the temptation.

‘It depends on the kind of fun you’re talking about, Mother Prentiss.’ Her breathing hitched at the title. You wanted to test the waters by using your hand to slowly move hers up your thigh, over your hip, and lightly brush past the side of your breast. Her breathing became shallow, pupils dilating as she tried to keep her composure, You placed her hand on your cheek, leaning into her touch.

‘I don’t–I don’t think this is appropriate.’ Emily whispered trying to simply convince herself to move away from you. Emily then moved her hand to softly swipe her thumb on your bottom lip, then the top. You slightly opened your mouth as her finger moved, taking her thumb into your mouth and sucking slightly. Then Emily broke, pulling away abruptly, pushing the chair back as she stood. You remained still, looking up at her. Her frantic expression and quick breathing made you smile. ‘I have to go. I can’t–we can’t–have a good night. I’m sorry.’

Emily was quick to get upstairs, you sighed as you watched her go down the hall. You were so close and now you were left wet and on a mission.

[ignitesthestxrs]

Hello! I know you’ve left grishaverse behind. But the news of the second season has me comparing books vs show again. If you feel like it: what were your thoughts on the different characterization choices with Alina and the Darkling between both?

They just seemed like very different characters even though they were ostensibly doing the same stuff. And frankly I was pretty bummed out about it. I feel like they tried to make the Darkling more palatable, which kind of ended up seeming like they didn’t understand why he sucks? (like the discourse about making the winter fete scene more consensual when alllll the false pretenses kind of makes that consent pointless, she doesn’t know who she’s actually dealing with).

And just idk the whole thing with Alina being the cause for a bunch of people dying on the fold because she destroyed the reconnaissance/maps they had so she could be with Mal and the army. And… never addressing it or feeling bad about it lol.

Sorry I realize this is more me talking at you and if you have no opinions either way, no worries. I just got annoyed about how much potential both the books and show had all over again.

is anything ever truly left behind? aka i am incapable of letting go of the things i loved once even if i have a complicated relationship with them now that really isn't love but more nostalgia for the love i once had that has long since expired--

yeah lol the characterisation in the show was: silly. on multiple fronts! definitely the ones you have mentioned!

Alina: didn't like, have a character in the show? you get such a sense of her personality in the book (grumpy cat) and she's defensive and self conscious and unconvinced of her own worth, and the whole point is that she grows into her powers? you get none of that work in the show, and none of the meaner/ruder sides of her personality. there's no...indication of what she wants or what she's working for (which tbf could come from the book, but the book has its first person pov to support her personality in a way that a show just can't do. we'll never get in her head the way a book can, so the show needed to give us SOMETHING).

the show really just felt like 'things happen to alina so much and she reacts like :O each time and sometimes makes a concentrating face'.

and the darkling LOL honestly they so aggressively missed the point of his character that he is simply a different person. like, they made a fundamental change to his motives and made it seem as though he's really in love with Alina at this point, which just categorically doesn't make any sense? the whole deal with the darkling in the first point is that he's using her, and that's a part of the tension in their relationship. this is an older man intentionally seducing a teenager lol it's Problematique and that's the point! it's supposed to be a problem! you haven't fixed anything by making it more ~genuine~ you've just made it weirder actually.

and yeah the absolute nonsense of trying to add consent to a scene that is non-consensual by its nature?? having the darkling like, ask more permission or having alina girlboss her way through the kiss like - it does nothing to change the fundamental issue with the scene, which is that the darkling is actively lying to alina and keeping things from her that would mean she would not make the choice to kiss him if she knew about them! you don't get points for asking politely when you're actively grooming someone to be obsessed with you lol

(and also, the darkling telling her his real name at his stage in their story? again, it's supposed to sell the fact that he has real affect for her, which i guess the show thinks makes everything more palatable, but it's senseless - what reason does this powerful ancient man have to be really affected by alina at this point? he tells her his name in the books as a manipulation tactic, but also not until a point where they've done real harm to each other and are caught in this mutual obsession like, it has weight and meaning at that point! in the show it just comes up as a random Thing like ok darkles)

the tHING WHERE ALINA GETS ALL HER FRIENDS KILLED like oh man that would have been a really good and interesting change to the books and to making alina more of an active participant in her own story if! it had ever! been addressed again! but we get no indication that this has any effect on her or the world state or the story beyond the episode it takes place in, it's silly.

i also think they did mal a real disservice in the show, and i adored show mal. but like, the whole point of mal in the first book is that he's just a dude, you know? he's a dude that alina loves, and who loves alina, but he has to learn that he'd do anything for her, you know? that's why his second book arc is important and interesting the way it is, and why his third book arc makes sense at all. they've taken all the teeth out of his story by making him adoringly devoted to alina without questioning her choices or decisions or doubting her in anyway. and it feels like they did that in order to counter the book fandom tendency to just virulently hate him without basis, which i get, but it does make for a less nuanced and interesting character for him.

but yeah overall i found the show a slog lol, i only got through it because i was watching with friends, and i don't know if we're going to do the second season to ourselves or not. we'll see i spose!

[trashcatsnark]

WHY THE FUCK WERE UP SO LATE??? FUCKING UR SO LUCKY I CANT BEAT UR ASS OTHERWISE ITD BE KNUCKLE CITY

anyway, speaking about johnny boy i was thinking about him + nibbles and our like collective desicion that he is essiently a cat and it is really weirdly fitting that it just makes me like ???? so like cats themselves are a reoccuring motif within the game from the start, when u go to viks, when ur chatting up takemura and at the end with the rooftop that also doubles as like the millionith matrix reference. they follow v and they take up the role of the bakeneko, which i think in the game is defined by them appearing near death ? or just disaster. the obvious thing is that it is to do with v's inpending death and their whole sitation but like the general point is like the cat symbolises the death that follows v as the cat follows them. this puts johnny in an interesting sitation from his catlike nature to how he seems to like and get along with nibbles, he is linked with cats. he is also the parasite that is killing v. he is V's bakeneko. their signal of death. the events start because of his relic, jackie dies for him, and soon does most of the cast from act 1, and a large part of the death from then on is a direct result of them trying to solve the relic and johnny's whole presence is a signal for hey v ur fucking dying. he is death for them. the bakeneko.

makes me wonder if his catlike attributes were intentionally done cause that boy aint right or we just accidently walked on a really thematic fitting landmind

Spoilers within, again, also leave my sleeping schedule alone, I do not function. Additionally, I have a lot to say about Nibbles, omens, cats, and pets then how they all relate back to Johnny so congrats on opening a flood gate my friend!

 think the thematic thing with Johnny and cats and the bakeneko has to 1000000 percent be intentional, because he even sees a cat when Alt is kidnapped. And that goes back to Cyberpunk Red. Like that was used and utilized and then became such a large part of the story. 

Johnny is clearly meant to be a bakeneko; he’s actively next to the cat in that conversation, leaves when it does, see the same cat before Alt’s death, and is again the visual representation of what is happening to V. He is the symbol of their death, whether he wants to be or not. 

I think it’s also interesting to note, the Bakeneko, which is described as an omen of death and misfortune isn’t the only way we see cats used thematically within the game. Albeit, this way is more subtle and perhaps intentionally so. We also see the maneki-neko; the lucky cat statues are everywhere in game. In V’s apartment, Misty’s shop, Vik’s clinic. Everyyyyyywhereeeeee. 

So, we see two mythological cats from Japanese culture. One brings misfortune and one brings good luck. And Johnny exemplifies both. 

Johnny is a visual representation of all that is destroying V. His mere existence and presence a constant reminder that their death is around the corner. An ever present omen that V’s clock is ticking. He also often pops up to have a comment just before massive relic malfunctions and disasters. The end of every main game quest is punctuated with a relic malfunction and a lecture from Johnny. 

But without the chip and by extension Johnny, V would already be dead. If the chip hadn’t been the exact right place to be damaged and activated by the gunshot; it would have killed V right then and there. And while this wasn’t an active choice on Johnny’s part, he is the visual representation of the chip. Even then, he later does make an active choice to save V’s life. When V is hit with the worst malfunction yet; Johnny grabs them, “you aren’t dying yet, I got you” and he takes them to safety. He refuses to watch V seize and die in a puddle of their own sick in the middle of nowhere (for me it’s always at the sunset hotel, idk if this changes based on the order you do the events tho) So, he takes control, he eases their pain and takes them somewhere safe, somewhere that means something to him, and swears to die for them. 

Luck both good and bad. Fortune and misfortune. A sign of better days and an omen of death. A maneki-neko and a bakeneko. The time bomb in V’s head and the guy who saved their life. He is both. 

Now, stepping away from the mythological aspects. Lets talk about Nibbles the cat, Johnny, and pets within Cyberpunk 2077. Animals and by extension pets are considered a luxury in Night City. They’re taxed to fuck and back, generally only the wealthy can have them. Its also often brought up that real friends and family who stick by you are very difficult to come by. V becomes through Nibbles one of the rare people to have a pet. One of the other people who had a pet is, Barry their neighbor. 

Barry and his mission is one of the first you can unlock and see in the game. He’s V’s downstairs neighbor and his story is played out so fucking similarly to V’s. Barry lost his best friend, he’s quit his job because he can’t handle the weight of the NCPD’s corruption, and he’s thinking of taking his own life.  V has lost Jackie, its stated in game they get less work than usual because of Konpeki (cant be put on a crew), and very early on can say to Misty “be better off putting in my head”. 

But for Barry that friend ends up being a pet tortoise. And its clear what that tortoise represents; a constant companion, a safe place, and a comfort. Something Barry couldn’t find among his peers until later on when they learn just how much he’s been hurting. And this is treated as such a tragedy, that he only has a pet to turn to. 

And so V gets a cat, because they too are fucking hurting and having a little meowing bundle of skin running around their apartment helps. Something to come home to, something to make that apartment a little less empty, a little more alive. 

So, how does this particular aspect of Nibbles/cats/pets relate to Johnny, I hear you wondering (as well as wondering when Im going to shut up). Well, we know Johnny is linked symbolically with cats and thats the choice of pet for V. And we knows pets have been likened to support without judgement; a companion who you can tell everything too and they won’t abandon you. 

And while Johnny has heaps of judgment and is a dick. He is V’s only constant companion. I know a good junk of people don’t like him or his commentary; but imagine V’s life without Johnny in it through the game events. Imagine how lonely they’d be. 

Johnny is the only one who knows everything and is there with V from the start to the final moments in Mikoshi. 

Vik and Misty know, but they’re no edgerunners, they have no idea everything V is doing out there. Part of why as much as I do love Vik, his frustration with V hurts so much in the end because he talks like V hasn’t done anything to save themselves. Because, Vik doesn’t know what V’s been doing this whole time. 

Each part of the main quests in Act 2 are linked to an NPC; Judy, Panam, and Takemura. And not one of them know or are there throughout the entirety of V’s journey. Judy doesn’t get told the full details of what’s happening until later in and stops helping V one Evelyn is saved. Panam doesn’t learn the full details or anything really about the chip until much later. And her quests become her own personal journey once V finds Hellman. And then depending on V’s choices, Panam can come in to help at the end. Takemura knows V is dying and is there to help with the parade and then he’s gone; either dead or in hiding. He refers to anything that doesn’t involve him as V’s shady dealings and leaves it at that. He’s there to interrogate Hellman but he doesn’t know all V did to find him. None of them know everything, none of them have been there the whole time. And that’s not a condemnation of them, I do not expect them to drop everything to be glued to V’s side 24/7 but, I can’t fucking imagine how alone V feels. 

River has no involvement in any main quests and only finds out anything if V chooses to romance him. Kerry knows what Johnny told him and depending on the ending may even leave V. Again, wanna be clear, that isn’t a condemnation on his character. I understand why he does this and i understand his hurt and how it led him to that. 

But this is about how truly fucking alone V is in all of this. Not a single person there start to finish, not a single person knowing all that they have suffered, all that they have been through and are going through. 

Except Johnny. He tells V in the oil fields, closest to him by far, there 24/7, yet they don’t seem to hate him. And he’s that for V too; there the entire way, their demon never leaving.  Johnny knows everything happening; because he’s part of what’s happening. He’s been there through every struggle, every step, every slap in the face as V’s tried to save themselves. Has felt their pain as they lose themselves, has known the people who’ve had to die for them to get this far, as felt their heart break when all they found was betrayal by the Voodoo Boys, Ai Alt asking how V’s life is her problem, getting recommended a hospice by Hellman. 

And as dickish as he is, his comments help. V always has someone there, as much as he sucks. He always has something stupid or naggy to say to help keep some of that weight off their shoulders. Imagine if they didn’t even have that. If Johnny never talked to them, never showed his face. 

A constant companion, like a supportive pet cat except he can talk and did a lot of meth. 

And this is a sidenote that has nothing to do with cats specifically, but that through Samurai music this isn’t the first time Johnny could be compared to an omen. Its no secret that the music was largely created around the game and as such, many of his songs have direct parallels and messages related to the game. Never Fade Away while in universe written in regards to Alt’s death also has so much in common with his journey with V. This brings me to the song Black Dog.

“Black Dog inside my head, guiding me until the end.”

Black Dogs are figures in Irish Mythology  who much like bakeneko’s are talked about in game; are omens of death and misfortune. I just find it interesting I suppose, like Johnny is either a dirty alley cat or a big mangy dog, but either way he’s here cause someones about to die.

Okay this is well over a thousand words, Imma shut up now. This is probably a mess, but anyone here for coherency is in the wrong place.