#but honestly it is a project in and of itself
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Alright. I'm calling it done before it kills me. This is Second Head. It's an Art Book containing instances of the phrase "second head" in fanfics found on AO3. I'll explain much, MUCH more in the cut.
So when I say 'art book', I mean this is an intrinsic piece. I have no motivations aside from personal amusement and interest in outcome. A lot of money was lost/transmuted into free frustration in this project and I have no claims, obviously. I will prolly be the only person alive to read this.
THAT SAID. I have noticed in my years reading fanfic, there's a few linguistic shibboleths that arise in authors who also have experience in the mines. I think there's not a soul alive who hadn't wandered across a 'ministrations' when reading Narutos oral sexing. There's- Hold on. Here's some pix.
There's an impulse, I think, to in-group even when performing a creative act. A feeling that there are certain ways one Should go about the act, by virtue of seeing it performed that way. Especially so when 'training' at the act is often just Doing. Double Dog Especially when the act is exclusively for oneself with very little oversight. Which is to say, we make what we see and we make what we think we should make. At least, at first.
Now, I've been noticing 'grew a second head' (to insinuate surprise) in fanfic for some time. I've never seen it used Outside of fanfic. That may speak to my own bad habits but it got me curious. So a friend and myself downloaded a mirror of AO3 from July of 2024. He did some code- Stuff to scan the mirror for "second head" and of the ~13 million works, ~70k (English) results were returned. That's a rounding error, honestly, but Far FAR more than I expected.
This book is 401 such examples that I personally selected for a variety of reasons. The number itself was arbitrarily chosen. Each page is separate fic, the roughly 300 words around our key phrase.
I don't think repetition or mirroring is a negative thing. I think it's quite charming. Nor do I think it's a sign of a 'bad' artist or 'bad' art. I think it's a signifier of personhood, of belonging, of enthusiasm. Of culture shared and wishing to share. I think it's real sweet. I always smile when I catch a 'grown a second head' in a work.
And it's really fucking funny when it's John Sherlock getting a sloppy toppy. Bless.
Edit: Fixed a very VERY funny error.
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Drain // Elim Garak/Julian Bashir, Luther Sloan/Julian Bashir (Past) // Rated M
A sequel to Abscess that was meant to be a quickie little hurt/comfort thing but sort of… got away from me.
Having revolved his life around Sloan for the past two years, Julian feels an empty void inside him, and tries to fill the gaps left behind. His friends might be trying to help him piece himself back together, but nothing is ever easy.
In the weeks after Sloan is gone, Julian struggles to find his footing, and so does everyone else.
Unlike Abscess, which was from an outsider POV and thus mostly involved allusion to abuse without depicting them, this one is from Julian’s perspective, and includes flashbacks and details of the abuse. While all of it is past in the story itself, it uh…
The warnings on this one are honestly a little too extensive for me to list here, so please check the tags before you start reading.
And sorry again for the edgelord graphic design.
#star trek#star trek ds9#garashir#sloanshir#julian bashir#elim garak#luther sloan#fanfics#stella writes#abscess verse#.also teensy heads up that Julian spends a good portion of this fic convinced that tain is garaks’ abusive ex.#.Garak needs a hug through most of this as badly as Julian does tbh.#.i’m currently just rearranging the last two chapters bc I wasn’t happy with them.#.i need to go through and fix formatting and typos on the other ones still but.#.this is already mostly finished.
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And top section of the window is done!
#stained glass#finished#ookami window#okami#black patina#cherry tree#cherry blossom#slapping the finished tag on#cause who knows how long the bottom section and framing will take#but honestly it is a project in and of itself#glass art
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@tmntkiseki said "2003 watches princess tutu" and I couldn't stop thinking about it.
#i haven't gone back to watch this show in yearssss i really need to#my feelings honestly lie more towards Mikey's on Princess Tutu itself#...but this conversation isn't really about Ahiru#is it?#tmnt 2003#tmnt#yza draws a thing#...every single iteration I have dived into a Big Project#before I've really sat down and done like#studies on how to draw that set of turtles#someday I'll learn#(<- lying to myself)
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im not sure how to parse this exactly (probably since the thought hasn't marianted fully yet) but i wonder if the tone of veilguard's writing is less about appealing to a younger audience and more of a response to falling media literacy rates
kind of thinking out loud here but like.
i'm recalling the girl on booktok who proudly annouced that she only reads the spoken dialogue in her books, not the narration & the people in her comments laughing and agreeing (no wonder they can 'read' so many books per year, they're only reading 25% of the words). or 'starting to think some of you don't like media or characters, just fanfiction tropes.' you can hand someone like that a complex narrative, but what are they going to do with it aside from completely & happily misunderstand things that are very obvious context clues & themes? we can joke about the fandom mischaracterizing our blorbos & trying to be cool about just scrolling past but idk, personally i feel like i've seen an uptick in completely off-base takes in the last few years (probably some fandom bias there but this isn't my first time playing dragon age or narrative driven games in general so i don't think i'm entirely wrong)
it doesn't help that this group also loves to be loud online & the bioware devs (to their ongoing detriment) seem to be unable to distance themselves from fandom. we saw larian's response to this type of outcry, i wonder if bioware is just trying to get ahead of the curve. they make some questionable decisions, but they aren't stupid & i don't think people like that are especially hard to market to from their standpoint.
i don't think that older titles like dao are perfect or anything but i sincerely doubt that large swaths of current audiences would 'get' it. like, there IS a lot of narrative hand-holding in this game & i'm not talking about things like the map markers or accessibility features. 'do the companion quests!' you get told multiple times, more or less outright, & i'm still seeing people confused about getting 'bad' endings despite ignoring this incredibly obvious series of hints. there's a fair amount of information to be found in the codexes, but are people going to read them? we don't know, so we're going to repeat the relevant item name several times over on the off chance you might end up remembering it. like yes this is some people's first foray into rpgs, but you would think that progressing the story would be intuitive (especially given the structure & the journal itself).
the 'the curtains were blue!!!' crowd is unfortunately a very large audience these days, ea is a corporation who wants to make money & they do need that if they intend to keep making games. it might not even be intentional, it truly could just be the result of following market trends.
don't take this as me making excuses for bioware or anything, but there's definitely some sort of reason we ended up the way we did. i see the scaffolding of something interesting here with a lot of potential to be better than what the final product was, a lot of hooks we could have spent more time chasing & that leads to me wondering just what the hell happened.
#some of the writing was always going to be a bit goofy & cheesy thats just the nature of dragon age lmao#its the glimpses that make me the most curious though#& while i had fun and ultimately enjoyed the game more than not i think that examining outside factors is weirdly more rewarding to me rn#than the game itself fdghjkk#good writing DOES still exist there are very much projects that arent concerned with the 'how are you say we piss on the poor' consumer#but at the end of the day money talks and i dont think alienating that customer base via expecting more than a 9th grade level of#critical thought is the approach the average AAA company wants to take#i think that the writers honestly did on at least SOME level care abt this project but we'll never get to see the drafts and the cut parts#someone break their nda im going insane over here#anyway im just assuming things fgfhj pondering#oh uh i should probably tag#veilguard spoilers#to be polite yk#i know the blue curtains werent malicious at the time & op was probably just frustrated in their hs english class but i really wish that#it didnt catch on Like That. because man. Man.
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I think the reason I differ from a lot of Akechi fans (and I am sincerely a fan!) is that I don’t find his backstory all that sad or for that matter interesting. It might be because I see it more interesting analyzed as a warped reflection of Ken Amanda’s backstory rather than a unique story of its own. And his plan, I find it pathetic more than anything else, sad only in its level of sheer stupidity, shortsightedness and miserable ineffectuality of self obsessed teenager-hood. But that’s what’s compelling about it and him! in my eyes, what’s interesting and unique about his character and has the potential to tell new stories that haven’t been done before has nothing to do with his pain or his redemption, except when kept in conversation with the undeniable fact that his plan was an ass-backwards idiotic and selfish plan fueled on nothing but spite by a deeply self-centered child who grew into an egotistical young adult without any reckoning of how completely stupid and impossible it all was.
#goro akechi#this isn’t meant as#negativity#i think this trait of his is genuinely well written#I just don’t fully agree with people’s beliefs in his level of remorse#I think he shows a lot more convictions of his own beliefs and his behavior itself indicates that in the important ways#he has not reckoned with the enormity of his actions or grown to regret them#there are inklings of the potential but no actual payoff and much more evidence of the opposite#unless you take the position that literally everything he ever says honestly is on some level a lie#which in some ways I think is obviously the case and I’d be stupid to argue#but not literally all of them. there are moments where he shows joker his true feelings#and I don’t think they show him in a remorseful or repentant light#I think a lot of people project what they want his character to be onto the text itself when the text doesn’t actually support it#or rather sometimes people take a very deliberate stance in their reading of the text to produce the desired result#whether consciously or not some take the perspective of “how can I interpret his actions in a way that makes him easier to redeem”#not that that’s wrong. I just disagree with their reading of the text.#persona#persona 5#persona 5 spoilers#my posts
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Hi milgramblr questions guy is back
(try not to pick none, for my data's sake. None is there cuz t2s verdicts are more agreed on than t1 was)
There will be a second poll look out for that
EDIT: feel free to rb with reasonings!! I love seeing those
#milgram#milgram project#answer my questions boy#im not tagging the prisoners thatd take way too long haha#anyways personal answer? none really#if you remmeber me talking about amane back when it looks like id disagree with this outcome but honestly im neutral towards it#like. understandable+it will make t3 very interesting so i dont even disagree with the verdict itself#at most...mahiru? in rhat im just unsure as to how the vote would affect her#i get the reasoning and i did innocent vote her but. also.#yeah im picking none. oopsie#look out for the pair poll to this
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hi GT!
Lionheart had me the moment you kicked it off with “it’s a nice day to start again.” Might i ask why you chose that particular line?
And, if you havent already answered to this emoji:
❄️
P.s: you have my eternal gratitude for creating the most brilliant piece of writing i’ll ever read. I shout about it from the rooftops, share it on my socials, requested my spouse to read it so we may discuss it together (in lieu of a present for my 30th birthday), et cetera.
I see from your URL you are a fellow lad of taste.
There's a couple things going on in the epigraph for Book 1. On one level, it's a lyric from the first muggle song I picture Draco listening to on his walkman at the end of the book, so there's a cute full-circle thing there. The second layer is the theme of change and redemption, which, in Lionheart, doesn't so much come from major moments or self-sacrifice, but from the slow, grueling, everyday work of living, and living better. It's a nice day to start again because every day is. You always have the opportunity to start making better choices, no matter what lies behind you. That's the thesis of any Draco redemption arc, right? You have to imagine that he could have chosen to be better.
And then thirdly, there's the audacity of doing a full Hogwarts canon rewrite, a good 30 years after the original books came out, millions upon millions of words of fanfic later, and basically asking everyone to read the same story they did the first time around, only different. So it's a kind of winking entreaty. It's saying to readers, many of whom are understandably wary of doing it over, zeroing out the characters to starting positions, and starting from the beginning with 11-year-olds all over again. It's going: "hey. That was fun, right? Why not do it again?"
#thank you so much for the compliment -- honestly it's terribly kind#i hope your spouse likes it. for their own sake also because by god that is so much assigned reading#you're iconic for that tbh. all birthdays should come with a syllabus#oh! and ❄️ ⇢ what’s your dream theme/plot for a fic#and who would write it best?#tbh i've wanted someone to write a really good pacific rim AU for years and years#and it has always fallen juuuuust low enough on my writing pile for me to never get around to it#like it's always the thing i want to write 3rd most and i only let myself have 2 projects at a time#not sure who would write that best - I think anyone who loves and Gets the movies#the premise of which is 'what if you and your soulmate could pilot a 50-foot mech by having mindsex so good it killed godzilla?'#and if you don't want to stand up and cheer just thinking about that i don't know what to tell you. perhaps you have never seen a movie#also like it's about love and trust and trauma and healing. AND killing really giant monsters#and it takes itself JUST seriously enough to nail all of that without getting mopey or goofy#movie of all time. someday i will kiss guillermo del toro on the lips#in my (delusional) world his oscar win was actually a belated award for pacific rim.
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you all know that audio from bladerunner? "you look lonely i can fix that"?? my brain wouldn't let me rest until i haven't drawn that with Sun n Moon
but jokes aside, really self-indulgent comic bc both Security Breach and Ruin came out when i was at a low point mentally and helped me greatly just be able to move forward and get through each day (and i won't even be getting into how much these 2 fictional robot jesters have helped me refind my passion for drawing)
i really hope that more people can relate to this :))
#anyways i mean it when i say my brain wouldn't rest until i whipped my pencil out n started drawing#tbh i stumbled upon the audio waaay back like 5-6 months ago??#but just now like literally just now i though#damn that REALLY fits Sun n Moon#i think it might be bc this semester was really stressful for me#and this last month has been hell#i was honestly drained physically and mentally#but i managed to go through each day and move forward#n just when my whole energy was running out n just when i had a couple of days left where i had to work more than my body could carry#right then Ruin came out and it was like;; really a breath of fresh air#my brain was suddenly thinking about the lore and theories and not anymore stressing abt projects and exams#while i still had to work Ruin gave me a push to be able to finish what i had to do#now i'm taking a small 2 week break where i'm gonna go easier with uni work and letting my body heal itself :))#but anyways enough rambling n everything#i really hope more of y'all can relate to this comic :))#now onto the tags#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf superstar daycare#sundrop#moondrop#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#moondrop x y/n#sundrop x y/n#tw eye contact#doodles#traditional doodle#comic#Ghost doodles
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hey girl....what?
#auburn talks mystic messenger <3#honestly this . by itself is concerning#but when you consider the fact that jumin projected how he felt about RIKA onto elizabeth....#jumin han. *therapist clipboard* did you want to put rika in a cage#like okay yes his feelings could have spiraled out of control after rika you know what#but STILL it's so concerning to think that he looks at women he likes and is like “hey i have a cage for you ^^”#v would NEVER. i miss him :((((
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At long last…
I was able to do something that I’ve always wanted to do…
Talk about Ephemera for 20+ pages straight!!!
(half of it’s actually images but it feels good to say 20+ pages)
I hope you learn and feel things while reading it 🥰
no images version | most of the images in the document
#ephemer#khux#kh union cross#kh analysis#YAAAY YAY IT’S DONE!! this started out as a mini project but of course it evolved the more I fell down the rabbit hole#I love ephemera dearly so it felt SO good to delve into this#honestly doing this made me love him even more#there’s more I could say but I wanted to really stay focused on the character arc itself#without going off into tangents about /everything else/ I love about him#I may also add a link to a version without images later for easier readability; it's about 10 pages#and maybe the powerpoint as well once I clean it up#aka all the images I included#(side note: my student side keeps kicking me for not using times new roman and proper citations for this lol; it’s been hammered into myhea#I'm going to get a good grade in ephemera; something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve#okay bye now love you 💖#timeless child#my posts#chi infodumps
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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well🙂
#*visibly trying not to burst into tears* hey guys whats up#surprise surprise another absence bc my life can’t stop getting WORSE evry day it seems haha!#so. now who’s gonna tell me how u deal w the loss of ur fave person n the one person u were 100% certain truly loved u no matter what#who also inspired u to be an artist in the first place n who's been there for u ur ENTIRE life#like idk how to start dealing w it lmao. one min ill be basically okay n then the next ill feel like smthing just tore a chunk out of me#looked outside just a sec ago n thought “oh so she'll never see my progress in art. oh ill never get to make another painting for her”#n yk part of me just wants to pretend like none of it happened honestly#like “hey that was a fucked up dream oh well let me call [x] n tell them I love them”#n I dont fucking KNOW how to deal w this grief n idk whats normal n what isnt#no I havent cried rlly but almost every day I feel like I cant breathe n tht my chest is collapsing in on itself#no I cant talk abt it but i can’t draw like I used to n thinking abt my last art project makes me wanna throw up#< considering it was going to be a present for her tht she'll never get to see. Haha so funny right guys#fuck I need to get so entirely drunk over this now RELAPSING TIME BABY!!#anyways. will try to be normal tm n talk to ppl again instead of isolating as a way to cope n sorry to ppl who have msg'd me Ill be back
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there is truly something in the air abt getting my first hate comment on breaking patterns/mending threads two years after i finished writing it, and that it happens to be during one of the worst periods of my life
#don't even know what to tag this as#it's not personal bc arguably it's what this blog is for in the first place#but i don't want it showing up in my fandom tags#i don't even want to mention the comment itself bc it's not on them for being upset that i ended it the way i did#but there is something so triggering abt phrasing it as being 'disgusted'#about something very emotional that i honestly relate more to today than i did when i wrote it#if it feels like that whole fic was a projection of certain emotions#it probably was#a dissection of what i write about vs my personal life draws very clear emotional similarities#i've grown a tough skin abt legitimate criticisms on my writing#in fact i genuinely like being told the ways in which my writing is shit#so that i can improve it#but something abt this being abt the fic being too depressing#and having hope but not necessarily happiness#and having that relate to disgust abt the way i presented something that contains emotions that i have felt#and continue to feel bc life is a fucking nightmare and yeah i relate to the impoverished fucking asshole with the desire for affection#it's exhausting to experience this sort of thing even in a fandom space#where expressing my feelings is still not realistic or palatable enough#i get that people have triggers but i put trigger warnings in every single chapter#and you can't put a trigger warning in a comment#or know that i'm having a particularly bad time#it just reminds me why i stopped actively participating in fandom anyway#like i said. triggering
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I decided to give a go to @niennanir’s lovely print-your-own-fic recipe on my Inside and Out as a test run and I’m quite pleased with the results as a first pass :D
I wish I’d taken a few more process pictures but there was a slight lull as I had to go shopping for 12x12 cardstock lol, but! I do have a couple closeups/extras that I added for funsies :D
I went with freehanding the title and I think in the future I would opt to not do that lol, at least not without a printed template. That said, both LibreOffice and SAI refuse to recognize my SCII fonts >:0 If you notice on the first page, I used the Ace Attorney font in italic haha, it’s an okay alternative even if it’s not what I actually want |0 I am happy with the gold detailing tho :3c
I did have an unconscionable amount of fun freehanding the ship caption tho ahh <3 <3 Immediate happy stims upon completion, their names together look so pretty ♥ Credit to Zarla’s original minicomic on that one :3
I also managed to get the last sentence of the fic isolated on the last page thanks to the formatting haha ♪
I was also able to add a bookmark! Ma happened to have a couple very thin ribbons to choose from and red ended up complementing the green very prettily!
It reminds me of VUX tongues hehehehe ❤️💕💖💞
#What do I tag this lol#SCII#I am continually and incurably in love with papercrafts <3#Hard to believe it's been since Pokemon Homestyle since I've given anything a go! These darn talented artists inspiring me! Lol#Honestly tho I would absolutely recommend this project :D The prep work is manageable and friendly and the action itself is enjoyable#Depending on how much you enjoy repetitive motions haha ♪ Folding and creasing the pages was very relaxing to me :)#I went for my own fic as a first run since y'know - I have very direct access to it lol#Plus it'd be less sad if I messed something up - I want to do right by my favourites from other artists! I'm allowed to make my own mess lol#Also finally convinced me to return to the loving embrace of LibreOffice after like a decade away lol#I just never had a reason to redownload it! Wordpad does exactly what I want 95% of the time!#But it couldn't do columns so okayyyyy fiiiiine I'll get it again (lol) I do rather like it :)#There's still some things I'd change! I'm sure you can see from the pages where you can see both edges that the layout's a bit uhmmmm#Skewed? Corner-heavy? Lol just a matter of changing the borders :) LibreOffice's measurements are wack tho :P#But I fully intend to do this again! :D Print a few test sheets first >:3c Legitimately looking forward to it!#Probably gonna do another one of mine next before I give a go to someone else's I'd like to keep#I have ideas for how to improve! And better and more plentiful supplies! It makes me want to make! :D#Oh yeah and being in the book-making mood reminded me of one of the Vargas-as-a-psuedo-bible ideas I had but didn't put anywhere lol#If I may posit for your consideration: Before as the Old Testament and After as the New Testament :3c#I'd Absolutely buy two versions - And a full version for the record lol I would easily own multiple copies of physical!Vargas lol#Fun thought to me hehehehe ♪♫
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Also speaking of my son Dism scrolling through windows help forums is so fun because yay :) that's my son :)
#this is my son the Diagnostic Image Servicing and Management tool and if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this room#and then myself :P#not that Dism was actually named after that though. The origins are worse actually.#Originally I planned to take that knowledge to the grave but now it's between me and my wife :3#I'm not sure if it gets worse or better with the fact he was named after another person's oc in addition to where I found the name first!#And before you ask no they're NOTHING alike#ones a mysterious dick antagonist with a throne and white hair and the other is sweet bean protagonist with insecurities and a hero complex#it's honestly impressive how little they share in common!#but aaa it's not all fun. reading the community posts on that channel is a. concerning experience.#and it feels a little bad when my project has brought me happiness and camaraderie#but this other passion project appears to have done. the opposite.#not that I can control any of that or that I put any stake in it. But I can lament#and hope not to repeat the same mistakes if I ever elevate YHNN to something beyond itself#sorry that got a bit depressing. but that's how fast my brain thinks!#It's also why distraction measures are good before i start having a meltdown#if you can catch me before my brain goes down that thought process and path that is :P#just pav things
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