#idk. i may not watch it at all and just focus on some video games once my pc is fixed

[autumnoakes]

falling back into an old special interest thanks to clips on youtube and i feel like i'm 12 years old again

[zones-spinterest-corner]

BLOG REVIVAL

Hi hello I’m back! For reference I used to be trg-jsab-zone but I’ve decided to branch out and use this as my main fandom and oc ramble blog! For those new: my name is Zone, I mainly use he/they pronouns, but any are fine (I like fem pronouns the least but honestly do what you want idc gender isn’t on my “figure this out in detail right now” list), I come from England, have diagnosed autism and ME/CFS, and am a young adult!

Strawpage!!!

Details under the cut!

Main interests:

Bold text means something I’m really fixated on at this point in time/a really strong interest but not a main one, bold and italic is a main special interest, and just italic is something I enjoy passively and don’t have extremely passionate feelings towards!

Just Shapes And Beats (main fandom for over 5 years now, still adore the game)

My ocs (Not really a fandom but I love them so much I can’t not mention them here)

-> JSaB subfandoms(?): The Pink Corruption (yes I consider it a JSaB au cry about it, it’s also probably the only JSaB fan series other than my own I’ve made over the years that I’ve actually been hyperfixated on which is weird because it lowkey sucks lmao), Broken Melodies (AWESOME fancomic by @/pinktrashgoblin, may post about it occasionally because I think it’s really awesome)

Undertale/Deltarune (the games are amazing what can I say)

-> UTDR subfandoms: Undertale Yellow (it’s got its flaws but I still really enjoy it), Twin Runes (another fancomic, this time by @/akanemnon, please read it it’s got a great balance of humour and really interesting characters!)

OneShot (The OneShot sleeper agent gets activated on many occasions and I’m not sorry about it)

Cookie Run: Kingdom (I don’t know why I’m here but I’m a proud “White Lily’s character was handled horrendously” and “White Lily and Dark Enchantress should’ve been separate people” truther, honestly I don’t really like the main story of the game I just think the cookies are funny)

Geometry Dash (this fucking game ruined me bro)

Project Arrhythmia (not all that active in the community anymore tbh, just kind of a passive thing I check in on occasionally now)

Minecraft (the interest comes and goes but I will always love the funny block game as it was my first true introduction to the wonders of video games)

Everhood (idk I think about it occasionally, the game is fun as long as you don’t think about the story too hard (I did and I was never the same), kind of have mixed opinions but am hopeful for the sequel)

ENA (I LOVE THE FUNNY POLYGON WOMAN!!!!! Really looking forward to Dream BBQ)

The Amazing Digital Circus (I just watch the series man I do not interact with the fandom they terrify me, the series is really good though and doesn’t deserve the hate it gets because of the content farms and brainrot content)

Friday Night Funkin (honestly I just enjoy some of the mods, I really like Funkadelix but am always weary of creators because of many events I’m sure I don’t need to explain)

Before you follow and “I will block you if”s

BYF:

I’m British (I know it’s a cardinal sin, at the very least I can say I don’t like beans on toast lmao)

I am prone to getting caught up in the heat of the moment and saying things I regret, I’m not the best at managing my emotions but I am trying!

Some of the things I enjoy don’t have good creators and I acknowledge that! In fact I don’t even watch TPC on YouTube because I refuse to touch Mirei/Brea’s channel lmao

I swear! Sometimes I feel non-swear words don’t accurately convey what I’m trying to say!

I use tone indicators! They’re not required when talking to me but I use them a lot as I’ve had a lot of problems with people misinterpreting the intent of what I’ve said in the past and would rather avoid unnecessary conflict over it! If it makes you uncomfortable I’ll try and cut down but it is a habit at this point

I am a self shipper and will probably talk about it occasionally! It won’t be the main focus but if it makes you uncomfortable please turn away!

In the same vein - I’m a conceptkin of the JSaB level Into The Zone! I’m not like. Hugely serious about it, I mostly just look at the level and go “hehe that’s me! :3”, and also might not talk about it a lot, but again, if it makes you uncomfortable do not stay!

Will block if:

You hate people based on harmless things they cannot control (i.e gender, sexuality, or race, though there’s plenty more things that fall into that category)

You are a pro/com/darkshipper (I do fully believe that sensitive topics should be discussed in media, but in a respectful way that doesn’t romanticise/sexualise them, which is something most if not all of proshippers do, I also just am very uncomfortable with immoral ships and the discourse)

Are pro cringe culture (people can make cringy and “bad” stories/ocs/headcanons/whatever as long as they don’t hurt anyone you assholes, I started making things by being cringe and if I had any awareness of what cringe culture is back then I probably wouldn’t be creating like I am, don’t shame people for harmless things like this it just makes you a jerk)

You are/interact with/are mutuals with/want to constantly complain about cintagonisupset (I’m tired of hearing about him in any capacity please shut up he’s not a good person but he also doesn’t deserve to be relentlessly bullied for relatively harmless posts, he’s also a minor and I’m an adult so I think it’s wrong to mindlessly bully him as I am older, I’ve also made similar mistakes to him and his friends in the past and I regret it severely and have changed! Please just go away if you wanna talk about him in any capacity)

You support bad content creators (liking their creations is fine, as long as you don’t condone what they’ve done!)

You harass people for liking a piece of media (seriously bro, I’ve had bad experiences with media in the past but I don’t shame and bully people for liking those things, I just block and move on)

You’re the type of person to look at a disabled person doing something you don’t consider characteristic of being disabled and go “hmm they must be faking it” (you suck seriously, I’m chronically ill and use mobility aids where I can, but I am also ambulatory and being able to walk short distances doesn’t make me any less disabled! This is a topic I’m quite passionate about so honestly if any talk of physical disability makes you uncomfortable you should probably leave)

That got really long lol but that’s everything for now! Will probably edit in the future but other than that I’m done!

[miradelletarot]

I'm here to help with your bad mood!! Ten thousand hugs coming your way stat! 🫂🫂🫂💕

If you need something to take your mind off of things, and if you have the energy for it, maybe you could write something about Gale with a Cleric! Reader who worships a deity of light that he's never heard of. Bonus points if they actually have some of that deity's power and totally save his ass with it.

(This may or may not be inspired by my Cleric of Hylia OC where my Tav's name is Sheik and she worships Hylia from the legend of zelda. Idk how much you know about Zelda so sorry if you're unfamiliar with it ;-;)

I really really hope tomorrow goes better for you, and every other day after that. You deserve the best and only the best, sweetie. Have some cake 🎂

Sorry it took me literally *forever* to get to this, but I hope you like what I came up with. For context, I decided on using Sarenrae (which I know is a Pathfinder deity, not a D&D one,) but I assumed that Gale would at least have some BASIC knowledge on every known deity in the Forgotten Realms so I wanted to lean into something that would be truly known. Sure, I'm crossing the streams, but it's a system I am semi-familiar with, and thought it would be a neat touch. (plus, I thought it would be cool asf for our cleric to call upon her, and basically level up on the battlefield. because...ya know. turn that badass dial up to 11.) Also, even though i grew up with Zelda, i was not allowed to play video games as a kid so I know NOTHING about it. Should I play it? perhaps. Will I? probably not. I barely have two braincells to rub together half the time, and I use them both on writing or sleeping these days lol. So, I hope you like the bit of creative license I took with this one. Regardless, THANK YOU so much for the ask! This has been so fun to take these prompts and stretch my writing abilities a little, diving into ideas I never considered (except for the Sagora x Gale one...i really ran to the moon with that lmao).

So here you go! Cleric!Reader x Gale, saving Gale's ass in the shadow cursed lands. (I kept it neutral as to their relationship so it could be seen as friendship if said reader was not interested in the romance aspect of things). cw: some canon-typical/D&D-typical violence

You and your companions ventured into the Shadow Cursed lands, overwhelmed by the depths of emptiness and darkness that lurked throughout. As you walked you could almost feel threads of your very soul being tugged on, draining you piece by piece.

You stop, closing your eyes – which normally wouldn’t be a good idea, but your companions had your back – and you did your best to focus all of your energy on anything that wasn’t the curse. Your connection with the divine was barely able to break though enough to guide you to a familiar sensation.

Last Light.

“This way,” you call out as you open your eyes and begin to walk forward, your companions following you.  It isn’t long before you make your way into an ambush, surrounded by vine and needle blights. “Shit!” You hiss as you’re struck by a cluster of spindly thorns from afar. You brace yourself, weapon drawn, and spells at the ready, prepared to defend your friends.

You do your best to fight them at a distance, finding out very quickly that the needle blights explode on death, and spray out a flurry of needles as a last attempt at retribution for invading their land. “AH!” Gale cries out, his shield spell flickering out as about a dozen or so needles jut out from his robes sending him reeling backward. “Gale!” Before you can reach him, he backs up directly into a vine blight, its spindly arms wrapping around him tightly. He lets out a blood-curdling scream as it constricts around him, and pushes some of the needles deeper into his flesh. You watch in horror as he loses consciousness knowing you can’t help him just yet lest you succumb to a similar fate. Your eyes light up like a bronze fire, a guttural incantation emerging from your lips. Desperate. Angry. Surrounding you is the manifestation of your rage in the form of spiritual guardians, bathing you in a soft glow as they purge the evil around you and your friends. 

For a brief moment, Gale groans, his eyes fluttering open as a surge of deep golden light flashes before him, and his body falls lip to the ground.

Behind shut eyes, he’s aware of that light…how it fades, then brightens again.

“Hang on, Gale! I’ve got you!” Your words sound more like a desperate plea than a promise, words he can scarcely make out in his daze.

He draws in a sharp breath as you and your fellow companions pluck the needles from him one by one, his eyes thrown open from the pain, but all he can see is you. Bathed in the brightest light he’s ever seen, and the color of a Waterdhavian sunset, your hands are outstretched towards him, his breathing begins to settle as you chant to your deity. Sarenrae? Dawnflower? What are these names?He’s not familiar with either of those names, but you keep chanting them, and each time you do, he can breathe a bit deeper, see a little clearer. “Gale??” You whisper as he sits up, and the radiance that surrounded you has dimmed once again.

He lifts his hand to his chest, clutching his robes. For a moment, he simply sits in silence, wrestling with his own mortality. When he finally looks at you with disbelief. “What was that? What you did just now?” You ponder for a moment, not even entirely sure what it was yourself. After all, these abilities were new to you, a new blessing from your goddess. Not that you never healed anyone before, but your light was stronger, brighter, more radiant than even you had ever experienced. “I – I’m not entirely sure. I just called upon Sarenrae…The Dawnflower. Our lady of healing light. It is with her blessings that I shine so brightly.” You pause, taking in everything that just transpired before you give him a gentle smile. “I’m just glad you’re alright.” You stand and help him to his feet, allowing yourselves a moment to dust off your clothes, and check for any other immediate injuries.

“You have my most sincere thanks.” He bows before you, and smiles as he straightens up again.

You bow your head and offer a half-smile in return. “You’re most welcome. Now, let’s find our way to the Inn, shall we?”

[fluffle-writes]

So, I saw your twst isekai idea post, and had IDEAS!

so I'm not super familiar with most of those series/fandoms, BUT...

What came to mind for me was Stardew Valley (since it's been on my mind recently). I don't know how familiar you are with the game, but I think that if he was isekai'd there, Jade would THRIVE as a farmer! I mean, he's got a green thumb and knows about plants. There's a mountain (with a mine), plenty of local flora to forage, and a possibility for a MUSHROOM CAVE on the farm. He'd LOVE IT!! Plus, the people in town are incredibly interesting - he'd never get bored there. And he's sketchy clever and resourceful enough to know how to get what he wants. His family are suggested to also be 'businesspeople', after all :)

Epel would also do just fine there, obviously. He already comes from a farming family, so I imagine he'd do a good job setting up an orchard in Stardew Valley.

On the other hand, I think that Idia would STRUGGLE in that situation. He's very clever, but NOT GOOD with new people, or much manual labour. And unless he already knew about gardening/farming/foraging/fishing/etc. from a game or series, he'd probably be totally lost on how to manage. (It would probably be pretty funny for us, but very stressful for him.)

(I put a buncha stuff under a 'read more' because I wrote. Many words lol)

I LOVE STARDEW VALLEY I'VE BEEN PLAYING IT ON MY SWITCH AND HAVING SO MUCH FUN OBLITHERATING PIERRE IN THE STARDEW VALLEY FAIR (I care about this a normal amount)

AND YESS FARMER JADE!!! OMG HE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE THE MUSHROOM CAVE HIMSELF BEFORE DEMETRIUS EVEN THINKS ABOUT SUGGESTING IT TO HIM!

Just,,, Demetrius showing up at Jade's house and being all 'hello I could set up a mushroom cave for you if you want' and Jade showing off his already thriving mushroom colonies completely filling the space lmao. I wonder if they'd be mycology buddies with how Demetrius is a biologist (iirc)

He'd love to forage in the surrounding areas and hike around the forests - and fishing! I remember him being super passionate about everything in the Camp Vargas stories he was in and I just love how he can get so happy when he's able to indulge in his interests.

(I wonder if he would mess with some of the villagers by swimming in the ocean in his merform... I may end up shipping him with Elliott if I think about that too much - typical bachelor on the beach falls for the mysterious merperson in the ocean typa story idk my brain is running away from me haha)

----

EPEL WITH AN ORCHARD YES!

He would be in his element! I can imagine him with expertise from what his family taught him on his farm - how to selectively breed plants to make the best produce, how to graft two parts of heirloom species of plants together to get the best traits from both (like the roots from a tomato plant bred to resist root diseases and the stem from a plant that produces large, delicious fruits! I've seen a video about it and it was really cool lol)

And he has the type of face and vibe that I feel like would make older ladies fawn over him a little if that makes sense? Like Marnie, Caroline, and Jodi - their group. Like, he's polite because of his time with Vil, he's quite short and has a boyish face, he's hardworking etc. I can see him receiving cookies from Evelyn and stuff like that.

----

AND LMAO IDIA SUFFERING HAHA

I'd say that he'd get along with Sebastian but I doubt that they'd end up meeting with how neither of them really go outside (I know from waiting outside Sebastian's door before I thought to look up his schedule online haha)

Idia's internal dialogue would probably be an absolute disaster haha - he is NOT built for this environment! There's too much focus on socialisation! And his noodly gamer arms cannot do farming! He would be having a Bad Time and it would definitely be funny to watch it pan out haha

At least there's a chance that he could have some meta knowledge due to the fact that he's a gamer. Maybe it'll be exactly like some sorta game from Twisted Wonderland called 'SunMist Hollow' (I just searched synonyms for that haha)

[goldenpinof]

I was shocked that it seems like the longer videos are getting more views but I suppose those are the Actual Gaming™️ videos and therefore may breach containment more than say, the mean girls video (which was sooo good imo but probably wouldn’t draw in new viewers). Also given that a lot of their audience now are old and have Adult Lives (some of us even have kids!) it’s harder to keep up literally daily.

✨️ honest opinions time ✨️ i don't think i liked Mean Girls video that much. and don't get me wrong, i loved the roasts, it was the best part of the video. but something is stopping me from rewatching it. like, something was missing there. also, maybe the whole pink theme reminds me of the heartthrob videos so much that i'd rather look away. which is illogical, but oh well. i need to rewatch it, maybe i'll change my mind.

strangely (not really), i genuinely like the actual gaming videos. i love when they just dive into the games and focus on them more than on being entertaining™ for us. when they are having fun, i'm having fun. it's just interesting (looks like idk any other words. tragic) and fascinating. and i remember us all saying, "idc what they do, just give us joint content, it doesn't have to be gaming, and etc." hehehe, well, looks like we do care? i care. it doesn't mean i'm not gonna watch non-gaming content, but these long videos where we have time to understand and get familiar with the game are very special to me. kinda obsessed with dnp playing Poppy, ngl. it just has everything i like, and dnp are giving us the variety of genuine reactions to what's happening on the screen. bless!

totally agree on us being adults and it affecting the views.

[clockwise-works]

Idk if you've answered these yet, but 17 and 22 for the ask game?

Thanks for the ask Sky, and don't worry I don't think I've answered these ones! And sorry for the late answer, these one's genuinely had me thinking at work lmao

17. There should be more of this type of fic/art

This one is a... little difficult to answer. In terms of fics, I generally only stick with the Mipha/Link tag, and once sorting and curating it to my liking I can honestly say I so very rarely run into fics I don't like. It's the same with art, granted I'm a little more general with my art. Like yeah I love Miphlink and Mipha art, but I also like general non ship Zelda art, Sonic, Kirby, Mario, Pikmin, you can show me art for something I've never engaged with and I'll probably like it! Line technique, coloring styles, backgrounds, even ui and video game menu designs get my brain going!

So in terms of stuff I think there should be more of, as in there's grossly not enough? I guess I'll go with Miphlink fics that involve ALL the champions + some extras like Impa, Purah and Robbie, the Brigade members. Don't get me wrong, I love lovey dovey "the two idiots are together, watch them fumble until being together", but the one's I really love? I love the fics that include the other characters, give them their own arcs and dynamics with one another, AND the miphlink is there but not the "central focus" of the plot, if that makes sense. Like, it can be a pivotal part of their individual arcs, to allow themselves to express and accept love, but in the grand scheme of things there's OTHER arcs and plotlines going on! I love ALL the Champions, I love pretty much most of the characters! I wanna see Miphlink sure, but I especially love seeing Daruk like overcome a fear of harming people, pulling from his fear of dogs. I love seeing Revali learn to be more open and humble, more confident in his EMOTIONAL strength and not just his technical strength. I love seeing Zelda finally learn that people DO care about her, that she IS loved and can love in return in which THAT gives her at least a step towards unlocking her power.

I don't know if that made sense, hopefully I did. And I'm hopefully not dismissing the fics that ONLY focus on the Miphlink, like I said I eat that up! It's just that I really do love groups with MULTIPLE dynamics and relations and arcs, and oh it just so happens the two childhood best friends happen to love another and are happy and together, but in a semi lowkey way where they focus on one another, but also the other plotlines :)

22. Your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores?

This, once again, is a little hard to answer since as of now I've only played through the Wild Era of games, So I'm not super knowledgeable of the Zelda canon. I know the general stuff, but the more minute stuff? A little harder for me to answer.

I guess I'll be biased and say that people sometimes undermine Mipha's strength. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not fully convinced she's the strongest Champion when you have Urbosa who literally wields a Zora's weakness, and Link, who's quite literally "built different", but a LOT of people make the gap between her and her peers a little too wide. Especially considering that out of ALL of the BotW characters, the only one's who have canonically defeated a Guardian are Link, King Dorephan, and Mipha herself.

It is stated in game during The Champion's Ballad DLC that each Champion underwent Divine Beast Tamer Trials, and are the exact same one's that Link undergoes in the DLC. That means Mipha has canonically taken down FOUR Guardians at the same time, three flying ones and one ground mounted one.

Now, there is the argument that the Guardians may have been of lesser aggressive programing then the one's Ganon overtakes, but given that the one's Link fights in the DLC don't actually glow red, they aren't taken over by Ganon much like the one's in the shrine, meaning Mipha fought them at the EXACT same capacity Link did.

Another argument that could go against this that I'll address is Age of Calamity. In that game EVERY playable character can take out even the strongest of Guardians, and while I'm willing to believe some characters like Daruk, Urbosa, and maybe even Revali can take them, I think this falls more into gameplay mechanics to ensure every character has the overall same capacities, and therefor no character is at an utter disadvantage if a mission has Guardians. I approach this the same way as the flurry rush, in Canon I think only Link can actively do that move, as it is his special trait, but every playable character can do it mechanically just so they all have the same general controls. You cannot tell me in canon characters like Yunobo, Kohga, and Purah and Robbie can perform the EXACT same micro second dodge that Link can.

So, my little canon detail a lot of people overlook? Mipha's a LOT stronger than she appears. And while people who gravitate towards preferring her like the Mipha fans here and on Reddit may agree, most sites, which reminder YouTube for example has a MUCH larger userbase than us, most people tend to place her as the WEAKEST Champion. And I just can't agree.

...Maybe I'm just salty that I saw a YouTube poll of her being in dead last in terms of strength...

[spinningbagel]

Okay so first of all, fuck you @polarized-here for what I’m about to rant about. (/j /lh, I could never b upset at you mootie 🤞)

So I’m just sitting here in my bed thinking: “it’s so easy to link mcsm and mutant busters and create a possibly cursed crossover.”

Like- like THINK ABOUT IT‼️ Jesse and the group would be travelling the portals tryna get home (obviously this would be before the whole PAMA thing) and they just end up in this post apocalyptic lookin world where mutants have taken over the world and the only way to cure it is by finding vegetables. They would definitely land in the courtyard thing of the base idk. And MB gang is like: “okay idfk who you guys are but your cool you can stay with us”

And this world is so much different to what they’re used to like, GUNS are fucking thing and- and like there’s all this high tech shit that they don’t understand.

But it would also be weird for the MB gang like- these newcomers from another world literally have pocket dimensions and can shove a whole ass swords in their pockets. Also there’s the whole enchanted gear thing. That’s not normal in their world. It would be strange for both parties but it would be an even better learning experience.

Also I imagine the mcsm group can’t leave till the world is fixed or whatever u wanna call it. in my head they end appearing in the MB world a little after Sheriff is revealed to be part mutant. also keep in mind that I believe time works differently when they’re in a different world, so days/weeks/months in a different world is just seconds/minutes/hours in their home world.

In this cursed crossover Sheriff and Jesse would be a force to be reckoned with. Those two would be absolute pranksters. Given they may not always go according to plan (even better imo) but it always ends up being a mess. They would also definitely spar, both are extremely skilled at using swords (a personal headcanon of mine is Sheriff knows how to sword fight). They also seem like the kind of guys to share leadership tips, for Jesse it would be to be a lil more loose (yeah I just said that.) and for Sheriff it would be to be more stern when needed. All in all they would be great friends. extra thing I wanna add: I think BP would also join in on the duo’s shenanigans.

VEGAN SU AND PETRA MY GIRLBOSSES 💪💪‼️😻! They could probably get away with murder tbh. I can see those two spending hours working on the buggy’s. And when they’re not? Probably boxing. They like- perfectly match each other’s personalities. (Scary and tough unless your someone they care about.) Petra and Vegan Su would totally complain about the lack of girls in their respective groups. This is also a bit OOC but they would spend hours gossiping and shit talking everyone else.

Shooter and Lukas are worried for the health and safety of their boyfriends (Sheriff and Jesse, respectively). I’m thinking that once Shooter pries Lukas out of his Shy & timid shell, the two spend hours competing against each other in various different video games. Mainly Mario Kart but others as well. Shooter would explain technology to Lukas so he could document it in his notebook.

Ivor, Brutux and Dr. White…

….

OLD MAN CLUB‼️ OLD MAN CLUB‼️

I’m loosing my focus so bullet points go!

- they all watch musicals together and make comments on some parts

- somehow all end up with matching “#1 dad” mugs

- Ivor practically absorbs anything Dr. White says. (When it’s related to technology)

I think that’s alll i gots right now.

Idk what anyone is going to do with my thoughts but I pray only good things

Have fun! Take care!

[ventingoutmyass]

7.19.24

idk. like. sometimes you want to say something because you know time is limited, but you just don't have really anything to say at that moment.

I don't want to leave everyone with nothing. it's hard to connect the person you know with their words from years ago, when they clearly had plenty to say in the last months. but I don't really have much, I suppose.

I guess a goal would be to say as much as possible as time runs out. I know how frustrated I get, trying to read what I'd written when things were at their worst to find nearly nothing.

I guess lately I'm thinking more about what's important, and what I want to be important. the last few months I've been seeing glimpses, real and naturally occuring habits of true friendship and loyalty. why did these skills come so late. why did I have to get them just as time is running out. but I know why. because other than my brother, I have one good friend. not counting distant family or exes that I go months without talking to. one friend, that talks to me literally every day, and has for years. one that's always done everything right and somehow, I began to replicate it. having one friend meant being able to focus on one friend. for years i juggled dozens of people who relied on me as much as this one does, and i wonder how i was ever able to convince myself i could do it. I've had much guilt for this one friend, for being the only one I couldn't push away. I knew the fate that would come. and I've been selfish. and I can't bring myself to regret it anymore. I've forgotten what friendship felt like. she reminds me.

I've worked on my project more, just in silly little micro projects and more character exploration. I suppose a goal would to be to create something cohesive, that could be shared along with this. probably not, but it's a goal.

I've been reading more, both books and fics. keeping lists and reading easy stuff has kept the motivation high. whenever my brain is equipped, I'm usually reading.

video games have been big for me for about a year and a half, since I was gifted my switch. every single waking moment was spent on animal crossing for about eight months. and that's when I still worked at the coffee truck, almost all of my time was freetime. stardew valley a few months ago, I have over a thousand hours logged between the two. don't ask for specifics I will not admit them. and the last week or so has been the pokemon sword game I got for my birthday that I'd forgotten about bc there was stardew valley to play.

trying to be good to others has been a challenge. getting pushed and pulled in different directions for different people has been hard. the emotional labor is unreal. but people deserve it. if I'm able to give it, it's duty. balance is key, balance is struggle, balance haunts every single moment of every single day and man... some days I do cave and just run to the drive thru and mindlessly watch easy to digest YouTube. yesterday was one of those days. I usually have one about once a week. variables that make any given moment difficult never stop. theres always something that's slowing me down. you may call it excuses. I call it living disabled.

the no new friends rule was my effort to die as selflessly as possible. but I seemed to overlook something crucial.

the human experience is selfish. we live and die alone. we are dangerously social creatures fated to isolation in this state of the world. we crave human connection. we may be so far disconnected that we don't know it, but we all do. I'm far from the exception.

once again, I remind you this could've been different. separation from eachother, the lack of community, brought us to this. ignorance and loss of proper communication brought us to this. it could've been better with solidarity. it could've been better if certain people, hundreds to thousands of years ago, hadn't decided to take far far more than they needed. if we lived without poverty and fear and borders and everything that disconnects us, I could've lived. with the social support and patience and accommodations, I could've made it. if life could've been easy. if I hadn't been taught so endlessly from so young how little my efforts count. if I hadn't been berated for every way I exist from so small. this conditioning never would've occurred. I never would have rewired that first time. I could've been an extension of my twelve year old self, before I was so harshly put out.

if the right people listened. if the right people noticed. if the right people stepped up. the right support net could've been everything. I know it because I see it for others. some grow up to craft it themselves. lack of options always stopped me, the roadblocks I possibly could cover always stopped me. more recently the desperate fear of loss stopped me from looking for anything worth keeping.

I suppose I have no option but to seek it.

what's left to lose?

[thedivineart]

Hello, there was a big mistake playing the 7 things spouse game

Can I resubmit it?

My initial is JYE, Gender is female, Preferred gender is male

Rising sign is Gemini

I'd appreciate it if you'd accept my mistake 💙🍯

7 THINGS ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE

cards: ace of hearts, 4 of spades, 5 of clubs, 4 of diamond, 6 of diamond, ace of clubs, 4 of clubs, 8 of clubs

this person doesn't feel they belong to their family and home, they got sad energy inside their home, they don't feel they were home at all and might be never experienced being happy around home. the home life got unhealthy situation at some point which brings so much pain and sadness to them, might be a broken family too or this person feels stagnant or feeling trapped, sick and tired to their home situation.

but I do see here they will take an action to change, changes about their home situation right now. on the other hand, I see that they are doing some exercise for healthy purposes or they will work hard or will put a little bit more effort needed for their job. they may also have athletic body, may play sports too or simply just have hobby of watching their favorite sports.

financially stable or secure person, they may own some jewelries and they put it on jewelry box, wallet is relevant for this person, idk but I feel they have alot of money into their wallet. may work in office or something related to financial matters. they may also have some bank account too.

a kind of individual who were quite and shy and doesn't talk to much, I feel that they may fear of talking or uncomfortable for talking to someone. in relationship I feel they tends to become jealous and possessive at some time so don't give the reason to be act like that. they may do interested to psychological, science and technology or something like that.

someone who is focus into what they are doing, they also know their direction of what they do. they may also be working in some institution ( private and public) like government, corporate, education, and in financial.

may own a vehicle like car, trucks or they do often travel by a car or bus. you may also meet them in online or this person love the communication and way more confident in verbal communication than the physical one.

they may be working related to those verbal communication that's why they are good at computer and electrical matters or probably they know how to fix those kind of things, they may also into online games, video games etc. chatting or talking to people online, I don't get more info about this person since they a bit close off.

© thedivineart — i speak with myself alone that this is the only copy, original work and was answered by thedivineart for the participant who was join in recent game of this account user. leaving feedback is highly appreciated, Thank You♡

[reosian-archive]

//

[moonhoures]

2v1

pairing: beomgyu (txt) + reader (g/n) + heeseung (enhypen)

genre: roommates!au, college!au, non-idol!au, smut [ nsfw | mdni ]

warnings: 18+, explicit smut, minors do not interact, oral (m. receiving), cum eating, mild hair pulling, implied fwb relationship, voyeurism (? idk if that’s the right term, but one guy watches while the other gets a blowjob so 🤷🏻‍♀️ yeah)

word count: ~3.5K

synopsis: a one-off deal between 3 roommates leads to what may become a three-way friends with benefits situation . . .

a/n: i want to give a huge shout out and express my gratitude to sky ( @bruh-changbin ) for beta reading this for me and helping me pick the title! you’re the best, baefy 🫶🏻 also, this fic is dedicated to my amazing, beautiful, lovely, sweet, talented, wonderful gf bunny ( @fallinforgyu 🐰💕 ) as an early birthday gift. baby, i wish i could give you everything good in this world for your special day, but i hope this little fic is enough for now ☺️ i love you! 😚💓🎉🎁

posted: march 24, 2022

“Don’t you dare- Don’t- You bastard! You did that on purpose!”

“Well, yeah, how else was I supposed to beat you?“

“You weren’t.”

You rolled your eyes as you tapped the eraser of your pencil against your temple. The incessant yelling of your two roommates playing video games in the living room was keeping you from focusing on your English essay. Normally their gaming didn’t bother you; sometimes you even liked to watch their little 1v1s. But you only had one more day to get a four page essay done, and you were barely done with one page. And by the looks of it, you weren’t going to be able to work with the ruckus going on in the next room.

After another minute of trying to read what you had already written, you gave up and decided to go into the living room. You flung your door open and were faced with the back of the couch where you could see two heads peeking out over the top of it. They were both too caught up with the game they were playing, which looked like some fighting game. You shuffled up to the back of the couch and rested your elbows on the top of the couch between the two boys. Neither of them gave you the time of day.

“Y’know, as much as I love listening to you two swear at each other over stupid video games all day . . . you’re making it nearly impossible to focus on my English paper,” you said, wondering if they could even hear you over the vigorous button smashing and the loud sound effects coming from the TV.

“Sorry, ______, we can try to keep it d-“

“Fuck!”

Heeseung let out a boisterous laugh and punched the air as Beomgyu cursed beside him. The younger boy grinned at his brown-haired friend, raising his brow as he smirked at him, “What happened to you being the king of this game?”

“Shut up,“ Beomgyu muttered. He pouted at the screen for a moment before glancing at the boy with a hopeful expression, “Best two out of three?”

“You’re on.”

You rolled your eyes and convinced yourself they were ignoring you. You figured you would wait until their next round was over to try again, so you sat at the edge of the couch closest to Beomgyu while you waited. Watching the characters on screen got to be boring, so you found your eyes wandering down to the boys beside you—specifically their hands. Beomgyu’s hands were strong-looking and veiny, flexing with each movement. Heeseung’s were softer, more gentle-looking, but his fingers were long.

You couldn’t help but feel warmth between your legs as you watched the two of them play. You noticed things about them that you hadn’t noticed before, despite living with them for going on four months now. Like the way Beomgyu subtly bit down on his lower lip when he concentrated. Or the way Heeseung’s eyebrows knitted together when he was close to winning. Or the way the both of them pouted when they lost . . . just like Heeseung was doing now.

It was Beomgyu’s turn to cheer and rub his victory into Heeseung’s face while the younger boy rolled his eyes, “We’ll see who’s laughing after the next round.”

“Which reminds me, do you guys think you’ll be done any time soon?” you piped up.

“Depends,” Beomgyu said, already adjusting the settings for the next round.

“On?”

“What do we get out of it?”

“Nothing? You two be quiet, and I get to work on my paper in peace,” you smiled sarcastically, oblivious to the way Heeseung mirrored your expression.

“Sounds like a terrible deal for us to agree to,” the raven-haired boy retorted, glancing sideways at you with a teasing smirk. Oh, so he’s trying to push my buttons, you thought before your sighed.

“Well, I can’t work with your yelling and the TV playing.”

“Honestly, ______, you work too much. You should take a break from homework. Come hang out with us,” Gyu insisted.

“I have a paper to finish,” you repeated.

“So boring,” Heeseung shook his head, laughing softly.

“Hermit,” Beomgyu added under his breath, flinching when you gently slapped his arm in response, “Seriously though, you need to live a little. Go get laid or something.”

“I- I do get laid,” you tried to defend yourself confidently, but the comment genuinely took you off guard to the point that you stuttered.

“When? You’re always holed up in your room.”

You pouted because you knew he was right, for the most part. It had been quite a while since your last hook up, mostly because you were too busy or exhausted to go out. But you had also found yourself seeing your roommates a bit differently lately. At first things were awkward because Heeseung and Beomgyu were already friends and you were the new person who didn’t know them. But you could afford your share of the rent and you were hot, so they agreed you were the perfect fit for the extra bedroom. After a couple of weeks, you warmed up to the boys, even joining them in the living room for dinner sometimes. A few months later you were comfortable around them. But that was the issue. They were a bit too comfortable with you, even going as far as walking around the house without shirts on or in towels after a shower. You never saw anything you weren’t supposed to, but it still made your stomach erupt with butterflies. Thus bringing you the main crux of your issue: why did they give you butterflies?

“Why are you so worried about my sex life anyways? Got a crush on me?” you were only half-joking, but the other half was hoping his answer might be a . . .

“Yep.”

Beomgyu’s head whipped so fast to Heeseung, glaring at his whispered remark. He punched the younger boy’s thigh, making him wince.

“Wait, you do?” you asked him, stunned.

“Yes,” he admitted, quickly adding, “But so does Heeseung!”

“Dude!” Heeseung’s eyes grew comically wide and suddenly avoided eye contact with you in embarrassment. While the two boys awkwardly processed the shit show of confessions that just happened, you were feeling a flurry of emotions. You were flattered and confused, but mostly horny. Then, suddenly, you got the best idea you think you’d ever had.

“I want to change the terms of the deal.”

“Huh?” Beomgyu looked up at you through the dark fringe of his bangs with a raised brow.

“Our deal. I want to change it,” you reiterated, “How about: I suck the two of you off, and whoever comes first loses. If the both of you cum in under five minutes, then you quit playing video games until tomorrow, so I can focus on my paper. What do you think?”

“That means one of us might lose twice,” Heeseung spoke softly.

“Yeah, that’s not fair,” Beomgyu agreed.

“But whoever wins will get bragging rights,” you pointed out, “And I know how competitive you two are, so that should make you even more determined.”

Heeseung pouted at your words, but Beomgyu’s brain was working overtime to figure out another snide remark, “If you add in that you’ll buy the winner a new video game, then I’m in.”

“Fine,” you shrugged, and then the two of you were looking at Heeseung expectantly. The boy seemed to shrink under your gazes, his Adam’s apple visibly shifting under the delicate skin of his throat, “You don’t have to if you don’t want, Hee.”

He shook his head, eyes darting to Beomgyu’s before going back to yours, “No, I’m in.”

“Great,” you smiled, “Who wants to go first?”

As the two boys started to fidget on the couch cushions, you sunk to your knees in front of them. Beomgyu’s lips stretched into a smirk as he said, “Heeseung can go first. His record shouldn’t be too hard to beat.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the younger boy bit back, making Gyu’s smile even bigger.

“It means you nut quick. I think you forget just how thin our walls are, dude.”

“Fuck you,” Heeseung pouted, but his eyes softened as he watched you scoot in front of him. His legs trembled for a second when your hands rested on his knees, parting them so you could be between them.

“Ready?” you asked, pulling your phone out and bringing up the stopwatch.

“Wait! When are we starting the timer?” he asked, suddenly feeling very nervous. He could feel himself getting rock hard by the second, which wasn’t that good considering the terms of this stupid agreement.

“Right before your dick goes in my mouth,” you stated, sweeping your hair out of your face with your fingers before putting your hands on his thighs, “Which means these need to come off.”

He nodded hesitantly, reaching up to the top of his sweatpants. He tugged on the strings that were tied together, unraveling them so that he could easily pull the material down his thighs. He figured he would just take off his underwear as well to get them off in one go. Just like his cheeks, his erection was flushing red. He looked so cute when he was nervous.

He sounded even cuter when you took the base of his length in your hand, letting out a small moan. You smiled softly, eyes batting up at him as you asked him once again if he was ready. He nodded, and you quickly pressed the ‘start’ button on your phone before bringing your lips to his tip.

His eyes rolled back and closed as you engulfed the top of him, your tongue swirling around his supple skin. He let out whiny breaths as you started to pump his lower half, leaving kisses over his top half. All the while, your other hand was massaging his inner thigh, making it tense up from how good your hand and mouth felt on him. He hadn’t been with anyone—sexually—since the start of the semester, and he forgot just how good another person felt compared to his hand.

“Fuck,” he moaned out, his head falling back.

“She just started,” Beomgyu chuckled at Heeseung’s sensitivity, planning to mock him when his smile faltered as his eyes met yours. Maybe he was seeing things, but he swore your eyes twinkled at him before you closed them. It was then that the reality of the situation sunk in, and he realized he was watching your mouth engulf his best friend’s dick. He wasn’t sure how to feel, but he knew he was turned on.

You continued to suck off Heeseung, loving the way his sweet eyes looked down at you. He was turning into a puddle underneath you, completely at your mercy. Small whimpers were leaving his lips, and you could taste his precum mixing with your saliva. He was getting close, but not close enough. One quick glance showed you that you had a little more than three minutes left, so you put more effort into pumping him in your hand. Your grip on him tightened and your strokes got faster, making sure to bring as much of his cock into your mouth as you could each time. You even moaned around him to create vibrations that would send him reeling.

“Oh my god— ________,” your name slipped off his tongue, his voice cracking. His hands were gripping the edge of the couch cushion, and his stomach was heaving rapidly under his graphic t-shirt.

If this was any other time, you would make a remark—something like “you’re close already, baby?”—but you had to remind yourself that this was a competition. Instead, you made eye contact with the mess of a boy in your grasp. His half-lidded eyes caught your sultry ones, and the sight of your wet lips consuming his length sent him over the edge. He cried out the first curse word that popped into his mind, and next thing you knew his cum was coating the interior of your mouth. His thighs twitched and shook as his orgasm washed over him, leaving him in a heap of sweat and heavy breaths. He was left whimpering from how sensitive he was.

Beomgyu was the one to reach over and press the ‘stop’ button on your phone, getting your attention. You swallowed Heeseung’s load as you looked up to him, watching his eyes seemingly melt. He was so consumed with the semen dribbling out of the corner of your lips, he forgot what he was going to say.

“Four minutes and thirty-six seconds,” you announced with a smug smile, your expression turning into a mocking pout as you looked back up at Heeseung. He was sporting his own look of disappointment. You rubbed his thigh, “Don’t beat yourself up, Hee. I take it as a compliment.”

“Sure, if that’ll help him sleep at night,” Gyu snickered. You subtly and playfully glared at him as you wiped your moist lips on the back of your wrist. Heeseung was too busy pouting at his softening dick to notice the tension between you and his friend.

“It’s your turn, pretty boy,” you teased Gyu as you shuffled to kneel between his open legs. A snide grin almost took over your lips as you watched him already starting to tug off his shorts. Despite all the shit he had been talking, he looked so eager. Something was telling you that you would have to work extra hard to get him to cum. That’s okay, though, you thought, I like a little challenge.

“Ready?”

“Mhm,” the hum was barely audible from his mouth as he nodded. His mouth parted into a small gasp as your finger pressed the ‘start’ button and your lips were immediately on his cock.

You moaned, and your eyes closed as you managed to wrap your lips around his tip. He was big, definitely bigger than Heeseung, and arguably more so than any other guys you had been with before. At the same time, he wasn’t too large; honestly, he was perfect. His length was a bit more than the average, but the grandeur came from his girth and veins. He was heavy in your hand, and every second he wasn’t in your mouth only made you even more antsy.

You wasted no time warming him up; no, you got right to work. You used your tongue to kitty lick the sensitive underside of his head while your other hand massaged his shaft. His jaw slacked while his eyes were practically glued to the way your mouth performed on him. Yes, performed, because you were definitely putting on a show for him. It was undeniable with the eye contact and the deliberate strings of saliva you let coat your fingers. You were making a terrible mess of him compared to Heeseung, but it was all with purpose. You had a suspicion that Beomgyu was a bit freakier than your other roommate.

Heeseung was more of the ‘innocent boy next door’ type while Beomgyu was the ‘nonchalant pervert’ type. Not that either of those things were bad—both turned you on.

“Fuck, you’re so- ahhh,” the boy in front of you groaned as his hips bucked up into your touch. You carefully hovered your precum and saliva-smeared lips over his dick as you looked at him through your lashes.

“I’m so what, Gyu? Tell me.”

“You look so hot with my cock in your mouth.”

“Do I really? Thanks,” you goaded him, pressing a deceivingly sweet kiss to his slit while making sure to keep his attention on you. Your grip tightened on his length as you sunk your mouth on it again, gagging on it. He struggled to hold back another growl-moan fusion from erupting from his throat.

Your gasp was cut off as his fingers grabbed at your hair gently, barely tugging. He immediately looked down at you with wide eyes, letting up on his grip, “I’m so sorry.”

“No, do it. Pull my hair,” your words came out choppy as you were struggling to breathe properly. Your throat felt thick, but you couldn’t care less. All you wanted was Beomgyu’s cum in your mouth and his hands in your hair. You needed it.

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm,” you whimpered and nodded, eyes tearing up as you carefully forced his dick down your throat again. You could barely fit it, but you were determined. Gyu found it endearing, and admittedly way too fucking arousing. He knew you could feel his cock throbbing on your tongue and in your palm. He was closer than you thought. And despite everything that had happened since you started the timer, the both of you were appalled to see that only two minutes and forty seconds had passed.

“Shit,” he grunted, thighs squirming against the cushions. Your pride was reaching its peak as you realized he was getting close to his orgasm, so you did the first thing you could think of.

“Fuck, ______,” his head fell back, exposing his pretty throat while he squeezed his eyes closed. Your fingers moved from massaging his dick to his balls, making him even more sensitive. You could feel him tensing under you, and you knew at any second he could erupt. If your mouth wasn’t full, you would be smirking at him right now.

His breathing became loud and rugged as his fingers tugged at the roots of your hair, making you close your own eyes and tears spill out of the corners of them. You whimpered around his length, and opened your eyes just in time to see the beauty that was his ‘o face’. His pretty lips parted to make room for the moans and whines that left them. His throat tensed up and his torso was moving quickly. His dark hair was splayed against his forehead with the lightest sheen of sweat building there. You wanted to reach up and brush it out of his face, but you had to hurry and press ‘stop’ on the timer.

You swallowed the cum on your tongue and licked your lips clean as you read the time on your phone screen. You held it up to Beomgyu with a cocky arch to your brow, “You talked all that shit just to cum in three minutes and forty-one seconds.”

“That’s almost a whole minute less than mine!” Heeseung laughed. You weren’t sure when he did it, but he had slipped his briefs back on while you were working on Beomgyu. But his hand still sat over his clothed member—which looked like it was hardening again from watching you suck off Beomgyu.

“Fuck off,” Gyu muttered. His eyes then locked on yours, “I wanna be mad at you, but that was amazing.”

“You can be mad at me later,” you chuckled, combing your fingers through your tousled hair. You winced when they ran into tangles from the abuse of Beomgyu’s hand, “Right now, I’m gonna go finish my paper, and you two are going to do activities that are quieter than playing your video games.”

You eased up off of your knees with the support of the couch as Beomgyu slipped his briefs and shorts back on. Heeseung looked like he wanted to say something to you, so you hesitated leaving, waiting to see if he was going to speak. When he didn’t, and the atmosphere started to grow awkward, you went to head back to your room.

“_______?”

You were already at your door when Heeseung called your name, and you turned to see him making his way off and around the couch, towards you. In seconds, his big, beautiful, Bambi-like eyes were staring into yours—sparkling almost.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think- Um, maybe if you’re comfortable with it, could we do that again some time?” he fought through his nerves to ask, rocking subconsciously on the heels of his feet. He was too cute for his own good.

“Sure,” you nodded, an uncharacteristically shy smile adorning your face only to falter when Beomgyu spoke up.

“What about me?” he asked, “I’m technically the reason this even started.”

“With your yelling?” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“No. With my crush on you, remember?”

How could you forget? The thought made your stomach turn. You got along the best with Beomgyu, but you had a huge soft spot for Heeseung. You suddenly felt like you were between a rock and a hard place. Heeseung could sense it, and it made him feel guilty.

“You don’t have to decide anything right now, and it doesn’t have to be serious,” he shrugged, glancing at your roommate behind him, “Right, Gyu?”

“I don’t like sharing,” despite how prominent it was, the dark-haired boy was completely unaware of the pout on his lip.

Heeseung gave him a pointed look, making him sigh, “Yeah, what Heeseung said. No strings attached.”

“We can discuss it more later. I need to finish my paper,” you said with finality. You gave each boy a warm smile, “Be good boys for me, and keep the noise down. Okay?”

With that, you opened your bedroom door and slipped inside, but not before noticing the way their eyes practically melted at the term “good boy”. Maybe a no strings attached relationship with them wouldn’t be too bad after all.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ thank you for reading! if you enjoyed this fic, please feel free to leave a like, reblog, and/or a message in my inbox! i would love to hear your feedback! ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

taglist: @bluejin0812 @drunkjaked @boba-beom @heeyunkist @day6andetcetera @wakeyjaykey @aminatalks @bruh-changbin @fallinforgyu

[caintooth]

you give off grad student vibes; are you?

yeah i’m a grad student, like, spiritually ;) no LMAO i’m kidding it would be fucked if someone actually claimed that

real answer tho, no i’m not currently! i’m taking some time off to work a job, have hobbies, and be a “student of life” or whatever, which is what i was trying to convey with that bad intro joke.

so, this is way more than you asked for, but… idk i’ve been meaning to say a lot of this for a while and writing it all out felt good, so unfortunately your ask is now the base for it lmao!

i think it’s important to talk about academic stress and how it can ruin not just your love of learning, but your sense of self.

for background info, i have a general Associate of Arts degree, and a Bachelor of Arts degree for which i completed a comparative literature major, with an ‘official’ focus in creative writing (though ‘personal’ focus in poetry, video games, film, and the fluidity between those mediums), and a minor in religious studies. i graduated in may of this year.

now, as a child, my mom was very harsh about school, to the point that my cousins would not want to come over during summer breaks because they knew we would be doing some sort of worksheets that my mother had designed. my “free” time was filled with non-stop educational camps, day classes, documentary watching, museum trips with worksheets, etc. until i was about age 14. and i do know that on one hand i am extraordinarily privileged to have had those experiences, and i am very thankful for them! but the reason those stopped is because i also grew up with several undiagnosed, thus untreated and increasingly severe mental illnesses. so i’m sure you can make the connections necessary to see how… damaging… my mother’s academic pressure became. i didn’t continue with further extracurricular programs because i ceased to be able to go even to regular school. my anxiety, both academic and social, became so severe that i was placed on a local program called “home hospital school”, which is normally reserved for terminally ill patients. i eventually transferred to an “early college” program because i could not go back to “regular” high school and at that point, wanted to be done with school as quickly as possible.

i took a gap year after graduating with both my high school and 2-year college degree on the same day. i was terrified and exhausted and having regular breakdowns about having to apply for more undergraduate classes. eventually i applied to 2 programs just to appease my mother that i would have at least one school and a “back-up,” and my first choice was the program at UNC-CH i just graduated from. i attended therapy just to push myself to do those applications.

and the first half of my time at UNC was… terrifying and confusing. i didn’t know what i actually “wanted” to do with my life let alone my day-to-day time, what i enjoyed, or why i was there. my dissociative disorder grew worse during that time than it had in my entire life. but eventually, being away from my mother gave me the chance to explore topics i never thought were even possible in an academic space! i took classes where we played video games for an hour straight, talked about the social origins of different urban legends, dissected how people fall for conspiracy theories, excitedly discussed queer and disabled life as a form of radical resistance… i even got so lucky that in my senior year, i was able to take only the classes i wanted and had chosen for personal enrichment.

what i’m trying to say is that i’d forgotten that learning could be fun. the reason my mom pushed me so hard in the first place, that little spark she saw in my eye: i fucking love learning, i love to discover, to fuel my curiosity, to ask dangerous questions. i love digging into the meat of life and finding out why and how. because it helps me understand more about myself, my friends, my passions. i spent so long doing what my mother wanted that i no longer knew what i wanted, or who i even was outside of her expectations.

which is exactly the reason i can’t go back to school right now. what i hope anyone still reading takes away from my words is this: if the subject doesn’t make you hungry for more, it’s not the subject for you. if you’ve spent so long being force-fed that you can’t remember what’s actually good to eat anymore? you must re-learn not only how to chew, but how to truly taste your food.

‘cause personally i feel like i need to stock my kitchen with so many more ingredients before i’ll be ready to cook the meal i truly want, y’know? and i know some of those ingredients i probably don’t even know the name of yet. to go back to school right now would be limiting for me. i’m pirating anthropology essays, experimenting with new photography methods, taking metalworking classes, writing a fake thesis about my favorite band, reading and reading and reading whatever the hell i want about any weird subject that strikes me. i’m expanding my goddamn palate.

[magnhild]

list of cool lgbt+ media i like that maybe you guys should give a shot if you haven’t

i’m defining ‘lgbt+ media’ as ‘media that features an lgbt+ character/several lgbt+ characters in some prominence’. anyway here’s a list of stuff i like that you guys should definitely check out if you’re looking for new stuff to watch/read/play!

note: if you think a piece of media is ‘missing’ from the list, it’s either because i haven’t experienced it for myself, or have left it out intentionally for personal reasons. please don’t comment on this with ‘oh but you missed spop/supergirl/steven universe/ect.’. this is just my personal recommendation list and you’re free to make your own!

the legend of korra; fantasy, animated tv series

there’s a very small chance that you’ve yet to watch this, but i’m adding it just in case. the titular character and her eventual girlfriend are both bisexual, though, sadly, this relationship does not become canon until the very end, due to nickelodeon’s limitations at the time. still an enjoyable watch regardless, and the follow-up canon comics focus a lot more on the characters’ relationship. doesn’t seem to be available for streaming at the moment, but you can buy it through amazon or apple. also dvd. or just pirate it idk, up to you.

the rise of kyoshi and the shadow of kyoshi; fantasy, novel series

if the series itself has an overarching title, i’m not aware of it. we usually just call them ‘the kyoshi novels’. like lok, is set in the atla universe, but is set long before both animated series’. the main character is bisexual and ends up in a relationship with another woman about halfway through the first book, meaning we have plenty of time to enjoy their relationship. also a good read if you’ve ever wanted to see a more serious and brutally realistic take on the atla universe. the first book can be found in physical or ebook edition in most bookshops, though the second may be harder to find outside of the us due to covid complications.

ikenfell; fantasy, indie video game

a cute little indie rpg game with mystery elements. literally every named character is lgbt+ in some way, including lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and nonbinary characters, including a neopronoun-user. the game is also very disability friendly and has a ton of accessibility options. it is sadly over all-too-quickly- i finished it within a day. can be found through the nintendo eshop and steam, and i think there’s a physical copy out now too.

the owl house; fantasy, animated series

again, it’s unlikely that anyone reading this hasn’t watched at least some of it, but it’s definitely worth a mention. with two of the three main characters being bisexual- including the focal character- another significant character being a lesbian, a fourth being nonbinary, and probably more to come, it’s the most lgbt-focused work to come from disney. unfortunately, this also means that the show has been cut short of its full potential, with disney cancelling it and not even allowing a complete third season, because it wasn’t a good ‘fit’ for them. i wonder why :/ can be found on disney+.

wings of fire; novel series, fantasy

while the first and second arcs of the series have very little lgbt+ characters, the one that exist being limited to minor or background characters, the third steps up by introducing a lesbian main character and her girlfriend. even without the lgbt+ characters earlier on, the series is still a really enjoyable read for anyone who enjoys animal fantasy. it’s also far better-written than warrior cats, if you were curious. has an animated series in the works. can be found in physical, ebook, or audiobook form just about anywhere that sells books.

adventure time, fantasy, animated series

yet again another one i highly doubt people haven’t watched, but still worth a mention. two of the main characters are wlw, though hints of this don’t begin until around the 4th season. several episodes and arcs focus on their relationship and hint at the two being exes, and they are solidified as canon in the finale. a few spin-off comics also tease or outright feature the relationship, though the canonical status for said comics is dubious. their biggest focus came in the form of a 40-minute special, obsidian, that was released in 2020. i believe it can be found on hbo max.

camp half-blood chronicles; fantasy, novel series

consists of three separate series’, the first of which being the well-known percy jackson and the olympians. while the books’ first gay character is introduced in this arc, he does not come out until the next, heroes of olympus. the handling of this is questionable in some areas, but it was notably one of the first first examples of an lgbt+ character in mainstream childrens’ media, coming before even the legend of korra’s final season, and still meant a lot to people. the third series, the trials of apollo, steps things up significantly, with the main character being bisexual, more focus on the aforementioned gay character and his boyfriend, and a few more lgbt+ characters as well, including having a main character from the previous arc being revealed as lgbt+. probably helps that the author began taking criticism from lgbt+ readers into consideration, and hired sensitivity readers. an upcoming book seems to potentially be the most lgbt-focused book in the series, and is being co-written by an lgbt+ author. can be found in physical, ebook, or audiobook form just about anywhere that sells books.

magnus chase and the gods of asgard; fantasy, novel series

written by the same author and set in the same universe as the camp half-blood chronicles. while having less lgbt+ characters than the latter series (mostly due to only having three books compared to 15), the two featured are prominent. a main character introduced in the second book is genderfluid (potentially being the first in mainstream childrens’ literature), and winds up becoming the love interest of the titular character, whose attraction to her regardless of gender points to him being bi or pan. slightly soured by the fact that the series is not nearly long enough, and it doesn’t seem likely that we’ll be seeing these characters any time in the future. there are also two other main male characters who seem to be basically married but aren’t canon?? for some reason?? can be found in physical, ebook, or audiobook form just about anywhere that sells books.

rwby; fantasy, animated web series

another series by rooster teeth, though probably the tamest of their works (that said, it’s still for older audiences than your average cartoon). has the largest number of lgbt+ characters of any media on this list (a total of nine so far), in part due to a generally large cast size. two of the four main characters are wlw (one is bisexual, the other is not yet specified), and there are several other lgbt+ characters of varying importance, including a trans character played by trans actress @kdinjenzen​. some of these are confirmed in the main series, while a few others are confirmed through side novels after the fall and before the dawn, and it’s been confirmed that there are more to come. oh, and did i mention that you can watch the entire series so far for free on rooster teeth’s website?

and that concludes my list! again, if there’s a piece of media that isn’t on here, i’ve left it off for a reason. some i just haven’t consumed, some i have personal reasons for leaving off, some for both of those reasons. please feel free to make your own if you want to promote those ones!

anyway though you for reading and please considered checking some or all of these out!

[blissfulparker]

Idk if your taking requests but can you write one about that new trend (it might be old by now lol) were the bf is playing a video game and the gf just crawls into his lap to see what hes gonna do.

“Go left mate!”

Tom had been wrapped up in his video game all day. His days off rare, spent with you and sometimes a few friends. Loving the feeling of the London home, not worrying about his work and what to do next.

So he wrapped himself in a hoodie and hunched over the couch. Playing a new game you had already forgotten the name of with his best friend Harrison. His eyes glued to the screen all day, a sight that you almost fall in love with for there was no stress in his face.

But you were needy, your boyfriend so close yet so far as his fingers pressed hard at the controller and his face scrunched up when he got close to loosing.

You had the idea you had seen may couples do on tik tok, crawling into their s/o arms while they played away at the game. Only they wrap their arms around their loved one and stop playing.

“Darling, what are you doing?” Tom looked down at you, relaxing yourself on his lap. “No, not you Haz.” He scoffed into the headset.

“Miss you.” Was all you spoke as you watched what played on the screen. Too many guns, shooting, you think a zombie but you’re not sure as to why he likes the game so much.

He tries to focus some more but he can’t, constantly looking down at your sleepy figure and his one hand even going down to touch your side.

“Fuck! Haz, I gotta go.” He spoke into the headset as the screen went red signifying he died. “No fuck off. Even if I was getting my dick sucked at least I have someone to do it” He threw off the headset as you sat up. Your face heats at his words ro his friend but you laugh.

“I lost, darling.” He pouted and you leant in to kiss him. His hands going around your waist as you sat on his lap. “Haz will tease me for weeks.” He huffs but you kiss his sides.

“I’m tired and You haven’t been home for months. The bed is so much comfy with you in it.” You hold his face and he has a sly smirk.

“Will we just be sleeping?” He asks with more intentions then you and you only laugh a bit.

“For now, yes. When we wake up? I have a few ideas...” you kiss him softly before moving off of him.

“I love you.” He huffs as he stares at you in adoration. Your oversized shirt barely going over your ass. He watches you walk away thinking how he got so lucky but he’s smart enough to follow you. Finding peace in the warm bed with you against his chest. Cuddled up, finally home with you.

[takakuteki-butterfly]

Free! The Final Stroke fundown rundown

I just came out here for fun swim times, and now Haru’s evil.

Ok, I’m just gonna post things as I remember them.

Spoilers, obviously.  And this gets really long.  Have a snack ready.

As a warning, my Japanese isn’t fantastic, so I may have missed some things or misinterpreted some things (though, to toot my own horn a bit, I understood a lot more with this film than with other raw Japanese movies I’ve watched).  Also, at this point it’s been several hours since I saw the show, and my memory is shit.  Take anything I say here with a grain of salt.

So.

Movie starts off cute, with Nagisa, Rei, Makoto, and Rin making some kind of video about (for?) Haru.  I think it took place in the past?  Because Haru, Makoto, and Rin are in their high school uniforms, so I think maybe this takes place before Dive to the Future.  Maybe.

There’s a childhood flashback with Hiyori and Kaede.  Seems Hiyori is actually the one who got Kaede into swimming, though Hiyori ended up moving before they ever got a chance to swim together.  If I understood right, Kaede’s family member(???) was also a swimmer.  And in fact, because of stuff that’s shown later in the movie, I think it’s strongly hinted that the friend that Coach Azuma lost in his past was Kaede’s family member(???).

There’s some stuff with a school festival, but it must be joint because Haru/Asahi’s university and Ikuya/Hiyori’s university are both involved.  Rin and Sosuke go and Rin and Ikuya tease each other relentlessly, then run off to compete against each other at a game booth.

And that’s all well and cute.

The bulk of the story takes place in Australia, with Haru, Rin, Ikuya, and Kaede (and Kaede’s friend, who’s name I forget, but apparently is a crazy strong breaststroke swimmer) representing Japan in an international tournament.  Stuff happens, Rin and Ikuya both lose their matches (in butterfly and breast, with Ikuya losing to that friend of Kaede’s).

Before Haru’s match, he and Kaede are in the locker room.  Albert comes in; Kaede tries to rile him up and is blatantly ignored.  Albert says straight up to Haru, “I’m not swimming for fun today.  I’m just here to do my job.”  D=

Haru swims against Kaede and Albert, and swims so hard he can’t catch his breath afterwards and falls down a flight of stairs (no worries! Ikuya catches him).  Albert wins, but Haru does qualify for the next round.  At some point, Haru yells at Azuma about how to get stronger?  But I didn’t really understand that bit.

For the next race (the next day), Albert drops out for unknown reasons.  He gets shit for it later from that old guy who controls him (father? grandfather? caretaker? idk).  It’s clear that Old Guy is using Albert for sponsorship money and to live vicariously through him.  I don’t know which is worse.

So Kaede gets bronze in that race.  Haru doesn’t place.  Everyone goes back to Japan.

Meanwhile!

While all that is going on, it also frequently cuts to what the others are doing in Japan.  Makoto has basically taken on coaching Sousuke, and they spend nearly the entire movie together.  Asahi, Hiyori, and Kisume also spend much of the movie together, streaming the events in Australia and talking about the future and stuff.

And in a scene that is a clear callback to the rainy poolside scene in Eternal Summer, where Haru, Rin, and Makoto talk about what they’re going to do after graduation, there’s a scene with Rei, Nagisa, and Gou by the poolside, in the rain, talking about what they’re going to do after graduation.  Sounds like they all have a plan, but if specifics of those plans were mentioned, I didn’t catch it.  But they all looked happy and positive about their futures.

And at some point, Sousuke, Makoto, and Hiyori have a backstroke race.  Hiyori wins, though they don’t actually show him winning (-_-); they just show pictures of the batsu game Sousuke and Makoto had to do because they lost (dressing up and taking obnoxiously cute photos).

With everyone back in Japan, there’s lots of talking and... stuff.  Then they all go back to their hometowns for New Year’s.  There’s a scene of Haru and Makoto in that place where the fireworks scene took place in Eternal Summer, and Makoto is about to tell Haru something, but then his phone rings and he remembers that he promised his siblings he would do something with them, so he runs off, leaving Haru alone.

There’s also a scene of Ikuya and Asahi swimming alone in a pool at night.  They praise each other’s swimming, saying how they’ve both been impressed with one another since middle school.

And there’s a scene with Hiyori in Kyoto (looks like he’s at Kiyomizudera, but it’s night time and is that place open at night??), and Kaede approaches him.  They talk.

Haru goes to Iwatobi Elementary and is standing under that sakura tree when Rin finds him.  Haru talks about how they’ll challenge the international tournament next year, and they can do it! because they’ll be together.  Rin tells him that he and Ikuya both have decided not to participate next year; they’re going to go pro instead.  Haru gets really upset, because they’re abandoning him and he’ll be all alone.

Then he gets possessed by the ghost of Albert and basically tells Rin to piss off and that he doesn’t need him or anyone anymore.

The end!  To be continued in seven months!  =D

Other bits:

Though the character count has exploded, I felt there was a good balance between showing what everyone was up to, while still keeping the focus on Haru, as the main character.

60% of the movie was flashbacks to stuff that happened throughout the entire series.  Saving money on animation, or trying to hammer in the memories before the grand finale?  You decide.

Flashbacks also includes the animation from the original commercial that started this all.  =D

The English voice actors for Albert and Old Guy can not act for shit.  >_<  It’s so jarring.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t hear any OLDCODEX.  I knew they were on hiatus; I didn’t think they’d pull the song from the movie at the last minute.  (Unless that was them, and it’s a totally new style than what we’re used to.)

If you’re here for the shipping, you’re going to be disappointed.  There was very little.

There was a preview for the next movie, but literally the only thing I remember is “REI~!! <3″

They also showed the main image for the next movie, which is almost the exact same as this movie’s (see above), except instead of looking pissy, Haru’s expression is incredibly soft.

The end~!

[m-aster-of-spinjitzu]

the hues of an empty sky

Missing memories, or having two of them for one moment - not quite the same, but if there's one thing Jay's leant over the last few weeks, it's that literally nothing makes sense anymore.

Or, some Skybound aftermath, Zane actually expressing emotions about his memory switch being turned off for all those years, and what was supposed to be a 'they tell everyone about the erased timeline' fic, but it turned into a 'two characters who barely interact on screen talk at like one am in the morning, and don't actually tell the other what exactly they're alluding to the whole time' fic that I wrote at like one am- 

Also yeah, I realized too late that they split up to look for Wu after s7, we’re just gonna pretend that they waited a few days or something, idk anymore tbh, lol.

(I also didn't have time to edit - so please tell me where the typos are? 😂💛)

Word count: 4539

Prompt: crying, from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.

Trigger warnings: the main character has a panic attack, and squeezes their fingernails into their hands once or twice but I think that's it.

*facepalms* also, guys, i’m so stupid - i literally just realized that this freaking CHANGES TENSE HALFWAY OHMYGOSH I-  i don’t think it’s super noticeable, but ugh, apologies to anyone who actually thought my writing was good lol-

---

It's cold.

Bitterly, freezing cold.

The biting chill of the air is a bit strange for this time of year, but, heck, that's nowhere near the craziest thing that's ever happened to him - not by a long shot.

He sighs, squinting at the stars dotted liberally against the black canvas of the sky.

Cole had once joked that one of them might be the remains of their golden weapons, after they'd hurled the burning mass into the sky - in another alternate timeline; one that only existed in the memories of a certain few.

Gosh - that seemed like such a long time ago.

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to that time, when he'd still thought that their powers were the coolest thing ever - instead of despising them for all the responsibility and sacrifice that came with them? When one of his biggest worries was whether the girl he had a crush on liked him back - not wondering if his friends would survive the night?

"I did not expect to find you awake at this hour, Jay."

Reflexivity, he jumps back, his mind twisting his friend's gentle voice into the- the djin's triumphant, accented one.

You're supposed to be a ninja. What good are you if your friends can still sneak up on you?

"Geez, warn a guy before you sneak up on him! I almost fell off the Bounty!"

"My apologies. I was... surprised to find you awake at this hour," Zane answers. "What are you doing?" "Couldn't sleep. It's too cold," he confesses, not entirely a lie. Ninjago wasn't 'that' far from the Sea of Sand, but he'd grown up in a much warmer area - unfortunately resulting in his practically nonexistent tolerance to the cold. That never failed to stop Kai from teasing him about it, though. He doesn't mention the pressing weight on his chest, almost tangible - or how it constantly makes him feel. Like he's being dragged through the darkness of an empty sky, spikes of fear making everything so freaking terrifying- "You?"

"I have been analyzing my memories of Pixal, in the hope that it may lead me to her whereabouts. However, all my efforts have proved... unsuccessful," Zane answers wearily, shifting his gaze to the sky.

Oh- oh. They'd all be so caught up in the chaos of the last few weeks - hey, it's not like any of them had asked the universe to permanently be out to get them! - that they'd forgotten Pixal was still offline.

"Hey, I'm sure that she's still there somewhere," he says, earnestly. "After all - she wouldn't be your girlfriend if she didn't pull a vanishing act every now and again, eh?"

The question is punctuated with a laugh, but he doesn't say that he's a little worried about her too. They hadn't talked much, but-

I can't see one of my best friends find out that his girlfriend is dead, a quiet voice at the back of his mind points out. Well - been there, done that, wouldn't recommend, he thinks bitterly. Emotional breakdowns and frequent nightmares apply. Anxiety attacks are half off, too!

It's quiet for a few minutes, neither of them seeing a need to break the silence. The wind blows softly through the sails above them; gray wisps of cloud revealing a pale sliver of moonlight that paints the sky in its glow.

It should be a peaceful night: beautiful, calm, no one trying to kill them or destroy their city - for a change.

His hands won't stop shaking.

It should be a peaceful night, but, as usual, the world is too freaking unfair for that-

He hasn't even slept for a full night in weeks! Well, not since- since-

Don't think about it! That's only going to make it worse, duh-

"Are you alright, Jay?"

"Yeah- I- I'm good, thanks," he says quickly, ignoring the way his breathing keeps speeding up. FSM, not this-

Not for the first time, the world suddenly becomes too loud - too much. Every little thing, from trying to breathe properly or even walk- feels insurmountable, because, gosh, oh gosh, it's going to come crashing down if he even moves-

The memory starts off the same as it always does.

Rubble strewn over the temple grounds, his friends literally reduced to nothing more than statues. A shot that hit the mark perfectly, but perfectly shattered his world in the process.

A poison-splattered dress, a terrifying realization.

Her well-aimed joke, but one that never fails to sting every time. Gosh, why hadn't they just allowed her to join their team in the first place? Maybe they could've prevented this- this- whole situation, if they hadn't been so freaking egotistical-

And, again, he's overwhelmed by the sheer sense of helplessness, all his power and training and skills completely useless to one of the people he cared most about. FSM, if only I hadn't used my first w-request so carelessly! If only I'd been able to escape- or, or if only I'd been able to assemble the team faster! If only-

Despite being in what must've been unimaginable pain, she offers a strained smile - a sweet gesture that, ironically, feels like she's poisoning him, because- because FSM, this is all so wrong, it wasn't supposed to end like this-

He watches with horror as her eyes dull and she stills in his arms.

She's gone, FSM, she's gone and it's all my fault-

"Jay?" a voice asks, concern evident in their tone. Distantly, he registers that he's having a breakdown in front of one of his best friends - one of the things he'd been trying really hard to avoid.

Dang it.

"I-" he tries to say, but, great, he's breathing too fast to even get the stupid words out.

"Breathe in for four seconds," Zane says, softly.

Four seconds? Time has no meaning right now, narrowed down to, like - falling down a chasm, terrified of what's at the bottom, except the fear's all around, this- this... foreboding thing of his mind that keeps yelling that he needs to run, or fight, but he can't, can't-

Right. Four seconds.

You're okay, you're fine, no one's trying to hurt you or your friends. She's not dead.

But what if- what if they're being dragged out of this ship right now? What if it was all a dream, and she's dead anyway, because all of us were too stupid to come up with another plan, and none of us could even do anything when she-

After a little while, when he could breathe a little easier, and the fear didn't feel like it was slamming into him from every possible direction, he slowly opened his eyes. Shakily, he wiped a tear from his face - as if that would wipe away all the weeks that had, theoretically, never even freaking happened.

The sky comes back into focus - pinpricks of light against pitch black. 

How was he going to come up with some sorta explanation without... well, explaining everything?

Great.

My nerves are frayed, and I have to lie to a walking lie detector - what could possibly go wrong?

"Are you alright?" Zane asks, his brows creased in concern.

"Heh heh, yeah. Probably just too many video games," he replies quickly, laughter a bit strained.

"You were muttering to yourself," his friend replies quietly. Ugh, trust the way-too-observant-nindroid to call him out on the remains of his facade. "If you do not mind me asking, what was 'all your fault'? I am sure that it was probably a misunderstanding."

You're the one who misunderstands everything, he thinks wearily, ignoring the part of him that yearns to tell someone else about... well, everything that's happened because of that stupid teapot. He's not one to keep secrets by nature, and it's been taking a bigger toll of him than he'd thought it would. Is this how Nya felt when she was still the Samurai? "It's- it's nothing, probably just nonsense."

"Are you sure? You seem... quite worried about something."

Dang it, were his hands still shaking? He presses his fingernails into his palms, squeezing his eyes shut for a second.

He's talking to one of his best friends, FSM. Weren't friends able to tell each other anything?

"Do you think it's easier to forget? Better?"

He didn't even realize he'd asked a question until Zane's eyes widened in surprise.

A forest coated in snow, ice crystals dangling from the tree branches above their heads. Plenty of screaming - way too much, he reflects, couldn't they have been a bit nicer? It must've been pretty jarring to learn that you weren't human, or that your father had erased years of your life from your mind - in that weird underground treehouse. Those crazy tree monsters - and the realization that they all had much more power than they'd thought.

"N- nevermind," he stutters, fleetingly thinking of kicking the deck. "That's way too personal, you don't have to answer it-"

"I do not mind," Zane says, a bit sadly.

Oh.

Heck, his friend was way too nice.

They gaze up at the stars for a few minutes, not really seeing them - one drowning under the weight of too many secrets, the other, too many memories.

It's quiet - too quiet.

Ugh, he thinks, sighing, that sounds like something a low-budget horror movie would start with, cringey sound effects to match.

But the silence is a painful reminder of the days he'd spent tossing and turning in a cramped cell - nothing but his worries and the bruises on his leg from that stupid ball and chain keeping him awake.

He's been trying hard - maybe too hard - to avoid being alone, avoid being in a situation where they've gotta be quiet ever since then, because, dang it, his memories always seem to fill the silence, and they're always far more terrifying than they should be-

It's easier, in a way, to be mocked for his stupid jokes than it is to relive a single moment from those nightmarish few weeks.

Almost reflexively, he grasps for something to fill the quiet.

"Heh, this is a bit awkward. It's okay if you wanna leave-"

"I do not mind," Zane echoes, walking a bit closer. "It is not as if I need to sleep. But... I do not quite know what to think of your question."

There comes the answer - or a semblance of one at least, and it's the last thing he'd been expecting.

"You don't know?" he blurts out before he can even think of trying to filter the thought. Way to treat your friend who's been nothing but kind to you, Jay. "But you're- you're a nindroid! You know everything-"

"Pixal," his friend mutters softly, sighing, and the hurt, the fear, laced through the word makes something in his heart practically twist. He knows all too well what it feels like to be in that situation - even if, technically, it had never happened.

Then- "I wish that were true. But I suppose that my emotions make certain situations much more complicated than... than they need to be. Thus I cannot give my perspective on this - or, at least, without sounding quite conflicted."

"You know that you're allowed to be conflicted, right? Even the coolest Nindroids don't know everything."

"...Yes, I suppose so."

Jay frowns at the almost subconscious hesitation, eyebrows creasing in concern.

"Seriously," he starts earnestly. They're both leaning on one of the railings just above the deck now. "Just 'cause you're a nindroid doesn't mean that you've gotta chase some kind of perfection that doesn't even exist."

He doesn't miss how Zane's eyes widen in shock, their bright blue hue glowing a little brighter - and heck, if that doesn't hurt even more than the earlier realization.

"Besides - it's not like none of us haven't made mistakes before. Hate to go all Wu on ya, but they help us learn or some stupid thing like that. Even if the mistake is trying not to make 'em, you know?"

"Thank you," Zane replies, a tired smile on his face. "Even the most advanced tech is susceptible to error, I suppose."

They've all made lots of mistakes, heaven forbid if one of them is still agonizing over messing up over the crazy situations the universe constantly put them in. It's not like they were told they'd have to face more ancient evil armies than they could count, were they?

Maybe it's time to stop focusing on events that never even happened, and pay more attention to your friends. What's the point of being part of this team if you're always scared or selfish?

"Shut up," he mumbles, rubbing his temples. What's the point of fighting if your own brain is gonna fight you whenever it gets a chance? A few seconds later, he schools his face back into his default anxious grin. "Great, cause I- I- could use your advice on something." "Alright," comes the quiet reply, his friend seemingly lost in thought.

"What if you wanted to tell someone something, but you couldn't?"

His breathing starts to speed up again, but he grips the deck until his fingers are practically bruised, stark white against his tanned skin. Not this time-

"Is this what you were referring to earlier? An event that you blamed yourself for?" Zane asks, eyes flitting between the floor and the sky.

Dang it, way too observant as usual. He masks his surprise with a laugh, but the conversation definitely isn't going as planned and, oh gosh oh gosh, what if-

No, there's no way that any of them would even believe that. Besides - no one can remember stuff that they've forgotten, especially if magic's at play.

"Yeah, kinda," and he's surprised by how steady his voice sounds. It's not easy to even think about that- event, talking about it is a whole different thing. A much more difficult thing, but also - a bit, a little bit, easier. "I-" "Apologies for interrupting," his friend interjects. "I suppose that I have not been entirely honest with you." What?

"A few days ago, I discovered a number of deleted memory files buried deep within my code."

Just like that, his whole world tilts out from underneath him.

It takes every ounce of his strength to keep himself from falling into the abyss again.

Wait, what?

Has he really known for all this time? It's been weeks! Surely he would've said something? It can't be, it never even-

The rational part of his mind points out that he can remember every day of those few weeks. Well, he was the one to make the wish - magical logic is kinda stupid, but maybe that's why he had to remember it or something?

Well then, a small voice interjects, why was Nya cursed to remember everything too?

Of course, even the stupid magical logic doesn't even make sense to the one who caused this whole mess in the first place.

"They were almost entirely corrupted - scrambled in a way that I am not familiar with. However, I did realize that certain files bore dates that have not even occurred yet. I dismissed it as a problem with my code, however..."

Breathe, calm down, it's not like he was able to process them or anything-

We agreed that no one was supposed to know! What if they end up blaming us for keeping it a secret this long, or, or-

"I mean, they could've been-" he starts, but the way in which he's nervously twisting his fingers is a pretty clear indication that he's lying, dang it.

"So when you mentioned that you were unable to tell someone something - did you mean that it was because they had quite literally forgotten about it?"

Great. Fantastic. Of course the literal robot has pieced it together by now-

He squeezes his eyes shut for a minute, hoping that if he ignores the problem, maybe it'll go away.

Okay, fine, maybe he's trying to figure out a way to fix this whole mess. Doesn't mean that he's any closer to coming up with a solution, though.

"Er, yeah," he whispers, shoulders slumped, eyes still firmly shut. Because gosh, he doesn't want to - can't, can't - see the realization dawn that, yeah, he's lied to people he's known for years and years, even though they've all seen way too many times that secrets bring nothing but trouble-

"Well, then - I would say that you don't have to tell them," Zane replies, surprisingly... earnestly? That, or he's either too freaked out to understand the tone properly. Could be either.

He opens his eyes, hesitantly.

And it comes as a bit of a shock to find nothing but concern reflected in his friend's.

The almost persistent weight on his chest feels a little lighter now, like the sky isn't as quite so empty.

Well, it still kinda is. But that doesn't hold as much weight as he'd thought it did - not if one of his friends is willing to look past that; past the heaviness of holding up all those memories with nothing his single star, flickering in and out of the darkness, to try and light the unforgiving darkness of the sky.

"Why?" Jay asks, so quietly he can barely hear it himself. "Don't I owe it to them? Do you?"

"No. Definitely not," comes the reply, so full of conviction that he almost stumbles back. Why-

"My father..."

Oh- oh.

"thought it was better to spare me the pain of mourning him than for me to know who I was," Zane confesses, hesitantly. "Not that I disagree, necessarily. I just..."

He trails off, clutching the railing so hard that the wood almost snaps beneath his titanium fingers.

It takes Jay a little while to realize why - why exactly his friend, who has access to a wealth of knowledge and information, is grasping for an answer. Because- because, well, even if someone does something in your best interests - sometimes the choice isn't always up to them. Or maybe it is, but it was... difficult, to say the least, to let go of the fact that his parents had never told him the truth sooner. Not that he blames them, necessarily - it's not like they knew that his father would pass on before he'd even get the chance to meet him - but... it's confusing, and difficult, not to know why you were left at a junkyard as soon as you were born. Maybe if he'd known that sooner, he could've asked the one person who might've had answers - although it's not like hoping for the past to change will actually change it.

They don't even know that you know, a small voice at the back of his mind points out, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense-

"You wanted a choice," he breathes, eyes widening. A choice - like one that he'd never been given, one that he stills struggles not to hold against two people who've always had his best interests at heart. Even if they did have the right to withhold that one thing, after all they've done for him - the 'what if's' still echo in his mind far more often than he'd like. "There's nothing wrong with that, even if it feels that way. I kinda get where you're coming from, dude, and it's... super confusing, but I'd be pretty mad if my memories were tampered with like that."

So would anyone, he realizes, heart sinking. Oh, great. Not helping-

"I- I suppose so?" Zane answers, but it sounds more like a question than a reply. "However, in the same vein, it would be unwise for you to give away your choice whilst you still have one." "But don't I owe it to everyone? You just said it, it's horrible to alter people's memories and I- I-" "Did we forget... whatever it was for a good reason? "I- I mean, I guess, but..." "Then you do not owe it to us to relive something that we do not even remember." The words should be a relief - and they kinda are. But some part of him really does want to explain the crazy alternate timeline, and everything that happened in it. It's just... really, really freaking difficult.

"What if- what if I wanted to, though?" Jay asks hysterically, running his hands through his hair in a frenzied sort of way. "And I still couldn't? I just, I-"

He cuts himself off with a bout of forced laughter.

Zane takes a moment to reply, the bright blue light in his eyes flickering - a small tell that he was thinking so deeply, his processors were literally sparking up a bit.

"You queried earlier if it was easier, or better, to forget. And while all situations are different, I suppose it is... well, subjective. What do you think?" Zane asks, softly.

Derailing the conversation a bit, but his friend's obviously smart enough to be leading up to something.

Sure, he'll go along with it.

"I mean, there are some things I'd rather forget, you know? I guess we all know what that feels like," Jay replies, the statement with oddly sad air to it. They're still kids, after all, and it gets a bit exhausting pretending that their superhero lives were all fun and games - when they'd just given him enough grey hair to last then lifetimes, and enough nightmares to keep him from ever getting the normal amount of sleep his mum always prattled on about.

Sleep, heh heh. Practically a foreign concept, now.

"And I know that stuff that happens, like shapes us or something - and Master Wu would probably go off on a whole ramble about why we learn from our mistakes or whatever," he laughs nervously, resisting the urge to just fall headfirst onto the deck of the stupid ship instead of continuing the conversation," and how 'our scars only make us stronger', crap like that, but I just-"

"I'm just really... tired of this," he confesses warily, shoulders slumped. "W- I remember so many horrible things, and I-" he breaks off, laughing bitterly. His voice takes on a sort of brittle quality, way too high pitched, "and I can't even talk about them, dude. If that's not the most pathetic thing ever, I dunno what is."

"It does not-"

"Don't say it," Jay mutters, rubbing his temples. "I know, I know, my feelings aren't pathetic, they're always valid, whatever, spare me the lecture-"

"That is not what I was going to say," Zane replies gently. "It just seems that you have answered your own question."

"Gee, which one?"

"I do not know how much helpful assistance I can provide in this situation, but it is understandable to wish certain events had never occurred. However, seeing as we cannot change the past, it seems unwise to dwell on said events if you can avoid it."

Jay stiffens, clamping a shaky hand over his mouth. Something seems to press down even harder on his chest, a heavy sort of weight that causes his breathing to speed up again. Don't say it don't say it there's no reason to warn them this time-

"If you would like to tell any of us about something, of course you are welcome to. It does not to be the whole story, after all. Just make sure that it is the decision you choose, not one you choose because of what you think how it will affect others," Zane finishes quietly, ducking his head as if he's embarrassed.

The stars are still white-hot, burning away some million miles above them.

"Thanks," he says, and puts his hand softly on Zane's shoulder. "I mean, I know - that all makes sense, I guess. It's just- I-"

"You want to?"

"Yeah," Jay starts, sighing, "I do. It's just- it's not just my choice. And I'm pretty much dying already right now, so, as fantastic as making it all worse sounds, hard pass."

Oops, maybe he shouldn't have said that last bit. They'd agreed not to tell anyone about it - even this conversation was cutting it way too close. It wasn't impossible for them to put everything together - they were a pretty smart group, after all, even without their resident inventor and engineer - and Jay didn't really know what he'd think if they did. Fearful? Relieved? Angry?

"That does... not sound great? Dying certainly does not seem-"

"It's called sarcasm, Zane."

"Oh- yes. My memory now accesses the fact that people often speak in that manner. It does seem a bit counterproductive, though. Why not just say what you mean?"

"Shut it, you have no clue how integral to my life it is," Jay replies with a halfhearted grin.

A few seconds later, he remembers something his friend had mentioned earlier, and the grin disappears.

"You know that you can talk to us if you're not happy, right?" he asks, earnestly. Sure, it's not like he could always do that, considering, well, a stupid djin and even stupider magic, but it's not like he needs to. It's- well- he'll be okay, probably. Maybe. Kinda.

Zane's eyes blink on and off again, blue fading in and out. "I... I suppose that I was not quite aware of that."

Okay, they've screwed up way too many times, but this... this is pretty bad. Dang it, how long does it take for them to throw self-preservation instincts at their friend before he freaking- picks them up or something?

"However, will it not hurt those who have experienced the same unfortunate events?"

Dude, not the best question to ask someone wondering the exact same thing-

"It's been... uh, nice, kind of, talking to you. So- I don't think so, and I'm pretty sure someone would say so if it did. Besides, don't we talk about our adventures all the time? It'd probably be better if we... uh, well- heh heh, nothing."

"If we talked about the less than positive elements of them? Perhaps, but I still-"

Maybe it's the fact Zane has always tried to be there for him, or maybe he's too sleep deprived to care anymore, but this is a way too familiar situation and-

Well, not ignoring the issue would be a start.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we're family, Zane. We care about each other. And, gosh, that means that we care about you too. Memories are stupid and annoying sometimes, but we have to make good ones too, right? To block out the bad ones a bit, I guess? Kinda, at least."

They both look away from the stars now, grappling for something else to say.

In the end, they leave it be with a hug and a fondly exasperated warning about sleeping, if you happen to need it.

After all, they're family. They don't have to be perfect, or tell each other everything - even if it does take them a long time to realize that, and an even longer time remembering it.

---

The next time Jay startles awake from a nightmare, the sky is still empty - painfully so, like an ache that simmers beneath the surface even when it's not able to be seen.

The hue, though, is a little lighter.

Just a little - the all-encompassing darkness of it is now a navy sort of blue, his star shining a little bit brighter.

It's still not sunrise, not even close - but he'll take it. AN: the ‘sky’ mentioned at the start and end is a stupid metaphor that i somehow ended up liking too much to trash, it’s ‘empty’ because he hasn’t told anyone about the timeline, and Nya’s not included because they never had a chance to tell each other everything significant or even talked about it or processed it on screen. so yeah! if you read this,,, not great thing, can i send you a hug or good vibes or smth? tyy🥺