#and this last month has been hell
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you all know that audio from bladerunner? "you look lonely i can fix that"?? my brain wouldn't let me rest until i haven't drawn that with Sun n Moon
but jokes aside, really self-indulgent comic bc both Security Breach and Ruin came out when i was at a low point mentally and helped me greatly just be able to move forward and get through each day (and i won't even be getting into how much these 2 fictional robot jesters have helped me refind my passion for drawing)
i really hope that more people can relate to this :))
#anyways i mean it when i say my brain wouldn't rest until i whipped my pencil out n started drawing#tbh i stumbled upon the audio waaay back like 5-6 months ago??#but just now like literally just now i though#damn that REALLY fits Sun n Moon#i think it might be bc this semester was really stressful for me#and this last month has been hell#i was honestly drained physically and mentally#but i managed to go through each day and move forward#n just when my whole energy was running out n just when i had a couple of days left where i had to work more than my body could carry#right then Ruin came out and it was like;; really a breath of fresh air#my brain was suddenly thinking about the lore and theories and not anymore stressing abt projects and exams#while i still had to work Ruin gave me a push to be able to finish what i had to do#now i'm taking a small 2 week break where i'm gonna go easier with uni work and letting my body heal itself :))#but anyways enough rambling n everything#i really hope more of y'all can relate to this comic :))#now onto the tags#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf superstar daycare#sundrop#moondrop#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#moondrop x y/n#sundrop x y/n#tw eye contact#doodles#traditional doodle#comic#Ghost doodles
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the place me and my roommate were supposed to move into today was so disgusting and uninhabitable we just took our stuff and left and now we're gonna be staying at airbnbs and hotels until further notice/until we can find a new place hopefully quickly...........im in my homeless drifter era y'all!!!😍😍so if im not as active then thats why LMFAO
1 like = 1 prayer
#bro was literally trying to rent us a silent hill apartment#we already paid first and last too which was 2700k and he said hes not gonna refund us EVEN THO WE DIDNT EVEN MOVE IN!!#like first month i get BUT NOT EVEN THE SECOND MONTH?? all landlords go to hell#looking back at the og listing like.....yeah i can see why he never took pics of the outside......literally looks like a landfill😃#we're SO LUCKY that uhaul allowed us to keep our things stored with them bc if they insisted on our shit still being dropped off#we woulda been so screwed/forced to move in and then would have had to hire ANOTHER uhaul to move back OUT lol#AND I HATE MOVING the idea of unloading all of our stuff just to pack it again literally makes me wanna perish#but even tho i may be a homeless drifter rn that wont stop me from also working on my oneshot between searching for places😍#the oneshot has a smut scene at the beginning LMAO and smut takes me forever to write so id been putting it off#but now that im over that hump (pun intended) i think ill be faster now brrrrrrrrrrr 9k words so far#its probs gonna be like 40k LMFAO maybe longer... idek#but also ill be hella busy trying to find a home so LMFAO who knows...chat im so fucking TIREDDDDD🧎♀️🧎♀️#my moms trying to see if she can fight him and get our money back but it aint lookin good bros#if i randomly open commissions then youll also know why LMAO
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Although, such behaviors were deranged, Yoshihide still hold endearment much like any other human.
(Hell Screen, Ryunosuke Akutagawa)
#Finished reading Hell Screen last month#has been very not normal about the ryoshu was a grieving mother theory#IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE#AND A MOTHER WHO LOST HER CHILD STORY MAKES ME--#NGHGHUTHTUHHRJRTBSFJHS#I have cried multiple times thinking about this#Ryoshu goes up to my 2nd favorite Sinner after Ishmael#Project Moon#Ryoshu#Ryōshū#Limbus Company#LCB
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Today's Maid of the Day: Ami from Kanan-sama wa Akumade Choroi
#manga#ami#Kanan-sama wa Akumade Choroi#Kanan-sama Is Easy as Hell!#demon maid#maid of the day#submission#this has been sitting in the inbox since last month and I never got a notification#thanks tumblr#not
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perpetually suffering the tortures lately
#don't ever make a very complex/esoteric story based around a pre-existing fandom .worst mistake of my life#<-(the tortures)#half joking but the autism has been extremely agonizing lately in almost every way imaginable#.mostly just in the typical way of. it being impossible to believe i can actually be welcomed in any sort of fandom/community#and feeling horribly embarrassed about continuously pushing my posts into tags where people are trying to enjoy themselves#so. been spending the last month or so trying to beat my brain out of being hyperfixated on the blorbos to the point of embarrassment#<--putting this here mostly as an apology/explanation ig for not posting much lately .#trying to exile myself from the fandom + in general. it has been hard to do literally anything but lay in bed all day#also as well as just like. summer sensory hell + sadd moments#ough . the tortures
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guess whose eyesight got worse 👴👍
#i last got new lenses THIS JUNE!!!!!!#IT HAS ONLY BEEN FOUR MONTHS. HELP#-10.75 BABEYYYYYY#hell and death on planet tate#beeps
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was sucked back into the nikki hole 🩷
#I've been a nikkihead since day 1 babie#I remember when they changed bobos name lol#lunar was my absolute fav but I loved bobo and elle sooo much#I remember seeing lunars death scene on yt months before it released hoping to god it was just a fan animation 😭😭#I stopped playing after the event where nikki and elle were on the beach together#my kindle was on its last legs lol#but that event and the hell event with the gang before that where we hugged evil bobo and everyone has stuck with me forever#I downloaded shnk a couple months or so after it released but was more into other stuff so never really progressed#and I was logged in as a guest there lol so when I got the urge to play again I just decided to start fresh#feels so odd and cool that nikki is finally in the zeitgeist lol#lnduq ace#lnduq#love nikki#shining nikki#lnduq elle#doomed siblings I love you forever#I really hope they expanded on elle as a character I was so attached to her lol#that beach event was everything to me#lnduq kimi#lnduq nikki#shining nikki zoey#yexiao#lnduq bobo#shining nikki peppermint#jiang xitong#jiang beixi#chi xiaoyu
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i have no friends who care about me because my personality is boring and understimulating and i have no selling point as a friend and i am being left behind
#negative.#sometimes it’s like. oh i wish people liked me as much as i like them. lmao.#‘we should hang out!!’ ‘we should call!!’ ‘we should play a game!!’ okay but please actually do it :((#i feel like i take so much time to show love and care but maybe i’m doing it wrong?? do i seem fake?? is there something off putting??#i need better friends both online and offline because i’m socially starved#w the exception of like. two people??#every time i try it devolves into generic small talk#and there’s that autistic feeling that i’m saying everything wrong. i’m doing it wrong. they’re giving me that look or their text format#has changed and i’m being wrong#i can’t break out of it. i’ve just stopped reaching out these past couple months and like. genuinely no one said a thing#can anyone please show that they even think about me. like. god.#i go through hell every single fucking day and i have attempted suicide more times in the last year than the last decade#i’m not seeking attention i just?? would love for someone to give a single fuck for once. oh god.#the csa trauma that was triggered this year has been eating me whole. no one knows and no one cares to know#i’ve told two people now total now. even as i’m telling them it feels like i’m dumping it on them and making them uncomfortable#i regret telling one of them. my closest irl friend. god. should’ve kept it in. i can’t stop doing everything wrong.#anyways. i think…. i am going to go cry for a while lmao#man this sucks. mannnnnn this sucks#anyways.txt#(not a vague. never a vague)
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well, the new year is in a bit depending on where the fuck you are.
but what is everyone’s hopes for next year?
mine is much of the same,
“plz no more epidemic of the sars2”
“Plz can we have peace in our lifetime as promised by everyone”
“Plz can the government stop being bad”
“I hope crypto and NFT’s go defunct without people losing their life savings”
And probably shit tons of crying.
this year has been awful!
the next one we haven’t yet seen.
but I wish everyone a happy new year. (Tho Chinese new year isn’t until later, I can’t wait for it!)
let’s hope this one is marginally better!
Yay, 🎉 (:celebration emoji)
[IMAGE ID: a tiny tabby kitten with impact text that says, “I’m actually not even close to my limit, it takes a lot more than this to knock me down" END ID:]
woo, so much shit has happened this year.
yet we are still alive and we are still here, this is awesome fucking awesome!
shout out to our beloved moots
@crippled-peeper for being cool <3 you made us not hate ourselves because of being disabled you deserve the best, from one to another. next year will hopefully be better, and it will !!!!
@aguineapigcouldntdothis for supporting this blog tirelessly, and being genuinely so cool be proud of yourself! happy new year
@icedragonaftermath for supporting this blog and being cool
@aloeverawrites for everything your awesome
@snekdood for changing my (pop) thoughts on veganism and for being awesome
@blacktipreefsharkwizarding for coming back after being lost in the account move <3
@problematicpooch for supporting the blog!
@t-is-tobi for being genuinely so cool
@roots-system even though we don't talk much you guys are awesome
@75screamingtoads for being the coolest
@rin-and-jade for being one of the best peoples out there, you guys deserve all love !
@iosonounapersonamiao for being so kind and awesome! your the best
@valcaira for being awesome and supporting the blog <3 and just being around, your cool!
@ex-alias for being a huge supporter of this blog, shout out!
@asterz-playz-official for supporting the blog!
@emery-reblogs for supporting the blog!!!!
@sweaty-confetti for being a huge supporter of this blog!
@fishyyyyy99 for supporting the hell out of this blog!
@myhomeisamongthetrees for supporting the blog!
@adderall-jockey for supporting the blog!
@ultimatenutshackfangirl for supporting the blog!
@spark1edog for just being here, it's a joy to see you round!
@theelectricalcity for being a HUGGGGGE supporter
@head-of-sea-foam-the-system for sticking around you guys are the best
@shitpostingsystem who has stuck through thick and thin, you guys deserve the best, thanks for sticking around <3
@anarchywoofwoof hope next year is better, your the best
@atypi-cals you guys are great! <3 thanks for supporting this blog !!!
@pigeon-system-boys for sticking around and supporting the blog <3
@polychaeteworm for supporting the blog!
@todayisdeadinside for supporting this blog!!!!!
@midnight-soulless-system for supporting the blog!!!!!!!!
@solitairesys thank you for supporting this blog!!!!!!
@boxedupcryptixbeing for supporting this blog!
@tokyoterri2 for supporting this blog! your awesome!
@island-76 for tirelessly supporting this blog!
@808-bantar for supporting this blog!!!!!
@olivertheballer idk who you are, where you came from but you are the chillest guy, and we love seeing you around. your a joy <3
and many many more who I have zeroooooo energy to write.
I wish all of you a happy new year, and best wishes.
from the us-the-voices system,
may next year be kind on you!
#-pop/lena#us-the-voices talks#happy new year#2023 is over#this year has been fucking hell#like the last 4 years#cheers to this one being better!#ygfiyalcsgu;hidqgufdhiyidgu;vhwfqdhidhiwfeu#it still feels like we should have 3 more months of 2023 but eh it's next year soon#peace and love hopefully next year. and learning new things and maths probably
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On this birthday, there is one particular shout out I feel must be made.
To all my depression, anxiety, and mental illness:
FUCK YOU BITCHES!! I LIVE!!!!!
#maniacally cackles#HA!#been a hell of a year fighting you lot#probably be a bitch a time fighting you still#but I am still alive#Being able to make this poat helped push me through the last couple months. . .#Gonna go nap now...so freaking exhausted
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*looking at my history notes*
"Okay so this is 4.7k words long, I usually can read at least 40/50k words of fanfiction a day so I should be able to..."
#steel rambles#I can't do this anymore chat#I am very tired and I don't remember a thing#these last 2 months have already radicalized me#the next two are gonna determine the beginning of my villain era because what the fuck Italian school system#what the actual fuck#I am disappointed because i feel like I'm doing too little but burnt out because I'm also doing too much#but also the wrong things#and I have to see where I'm gonna live/do in September while I'm hitting my head against *checks noted* ah yes russian revolution#anyway since getting an ao3 account I've started measuring things in word count. which is hell.#it's like measuring the worth of things over 10 cents goleadors but now they cost 20 cents and my system has been broken by inflation#that's silly tho#I'm gonna pull another allnighter#i wouldn't sleep either way
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Before and after pictures of my biohazard bathroom. So y'all can see this particular Horror I've been dealing with lately.
#life of sponty#mold#mould#unsanitary#unhygienic#but yeah it's been hell#only thing left to do now is replace the moldy broken sealant on the bath and sink#which for the record has such nasty gunk in it that I've not been able to take baths in months#because the last two times i tried i got bacterial infections#needed antibiotics and everything#and given i adore baths and they're one of my major self care / mood improvement things#has not helped anything#also i have had a chronic cough from the mold for months now#just really not ideal#but i had a burst of actual executive function that allowed me to finally wrestle the landlords about it#so that's what ive been dealing with last couple weeks
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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Channeled my Not Currently Great mental state into a Din oneshot which I'll be posting shortly! It's a continuation of my Din x ND!Reader series and it was nice to return to that after a few months. It's very soft and hopefully it brings a little comfort to anyone who might need it rn :')
#writing#personal#internalised and externalised ableism has really been doing a number on me this week LOL#it's been rough but idk writing about the tin can man being understanding really does help#i've had more meltdowns in the last week than in probably the past two months combined it's been Hell... F in chat#just autism things#wish i wasn't autistic sometimes but then imagine how dull life would be without hyperfixationsand autistic joy LOL#like the neurotypicals will never understand the feeling i got unboxing that ucs lego razor crest!#i kinda feel sorry for them awww awwwwww
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Here I am! Returning to this obscure yet comforting corner of the internet with this. Paul and I actually spent far longer than 26,521 minutes together because s&g were my #2 artist and records make up about a quarter of my total music listening, but top 0.001% when my latest wave of the Bob Dylan invasion kicked off about 6 months ago (shortly after starting my new job — coincidence?)? I’ll take it, and better luck next year to Bob who will have to wait his turn.
#can anybody humble me and let me know they spent more time with Paul than I did?#I know Apple Music has a “you’re in X’s top 100 listeners” which sadly spotify doesn’t#but..can I assume that I am?#how the HELL has it been almost 5 months since I posted on here?#time certainly flies when you’re having fun#not that I’ve been having much of that since starting my job in London in June and being all but DESTROYED by the commute#anyway.. this won’t be the last you hear from me!#spotify wrapped#paul simon#s&g#bob dylan#paul simon spotify wrapped
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This is the spiritual successor to Four Seasons Landscaping. To me.
#the political career of rishi sunak over the past two years is something that is absolutely fascinating to me#mans kicks off the mass resignation of virtually everyone of relevance in the johnson government just for a shot at power#manages to climb over everybody else in the leadership campaign; loses at the last hurdle to liz truss#(the human embodiment of a soggy ball of iceberg lettuce you left in your fridge and forgot about)#when truss’s premiership imploded he was right there to… further cock things up?#his highlights include hiring back a cabinet minister who had literally been fired the previous day#after 18 months; his party finally got sick enough of him violently hydroplaning down the highway to hell that they threatened him#with a vote of no-confidence#so he went out in the rain and went straight to charles iii of all people to ask him to dissolve parliament. as you do#and called a general election WHILE STILL IN THE RAIN and while the most unserious music imaginable played in the background#because i guess he thought ‘if i’m going down i’m bringing all of you with me’ ?????#knowing that unless something absolutely bananas happens; he is essentially handing over the country to keir starmer mind you#and then today someone placed him in front of a morrisons sign in such a way that his big head makes the sign look like it says ‘moron’#and photographed him as such. i’m obsessed. no notes#i will not miss this idiot but i can’t say i haven’t been entertained. because i have#i’m like genuinely impressed with how much the tories have managed to fuck up in so many different ways#to be honest ever since david cameron resigned and walked off humming; nothing has been normal here#i mean things were bad before that but good god#personal
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