#and this last month has been hell
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you all know that audio from bladerunner? "you look lonely i can fix that"?? my brain wouldn't let me rest until i haven't drawn that with Sun n Moon
but jokes aside, really self-indulgent comic bc both Security Breach and Ruin came out when i was at a low point mentally and helped me greatly just be able to move forward and get through each day (and i won't even be getting into how much these 2 fictional robot jesters have helped me refind my passion for drawing)
i really hope that more people can relate to this :))
#anyways i mean it when i say my brain wouldn't rest until i whipped my pencil out n started drawing#tbh i stumbled upon the audio waaay back like 5-6 months ago??#but just now like literally just now i though#damn that REALLY fits Sun n Moon#i think it might be bc this semester was really stressful for me#and this last month has been hell#i was honestly drained physically and mentally#but i managed to go through each day and move forward#n just when my whole energy was running out n just when i had a couple of days left where i had to work more than my body could carry#right then Ruin came out and it was like;; really a breath of fresh air#my brain was suddenly thinking about the lore and theories and not anymore stressing abt projects and exams#while i still had to work Ruin gave me a push to be able to finish what i had to do#now i'm taking a small 2 week break where i'm gonna go easier with uni work and letting my body heal itself :))#but anyways enough rambling n everything#i really hope more of y'all can relate to this comic :))#now onto the tags#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf superstar daycare#sundrop#moondrop#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#moondrop x y/n#sundrop x y/n#tw eye contact#doodles#traditional doodle#comic#Ghost doodles
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the place me and my roommate were supposed to move into today was so disgusting and uninhabitable we just took our stuff and left and now we're gonna be staying at airbnbs and hotels until further notice/until we can find a new place hopefully quickly...........im in my homeless drifter era y'all!!!😍😍so if im not as active then thats why LMFAO
1 like = 1 prayer
#bro was literally trying to rent us a silent hill apartment#we already paid first and last too which was 2700k and he said hes not gonna refund us EVEN THO WE DIDNT EVEN MOVE IN!!#like first month i get BUT NOT EVEN THE SECOND MONTH?? all landlords go to hell#looking back at the og listing like.....yeah i can see why he never took pics of the outside......literally looks like a landfill😃#we're SO LUCKY that uhaul allowed us to keep our things stored with them bc if they insisted on our shit still being dropped off#we woulda been so screwed/forced to move in and then would have had to hire ANOTHER uhaul to move back OUT lol#AND I HATE MOVING the idea of unloading all of our stuff just to pack it again literally makes me wanna perish#but even tho i may be a homeless drifter rn that wont stop me from also working on my oneshot between searching for places😍#the oneshot has a smut scene at the beginning LMAO and smut takes me forever to write so id been putting it off#but now that im over that hump (pun intended) i think ill be faster now brrrrrrrrrrr 9k words so far#its probs gonna be like 40k LMFAO maybe longer... idek#but also ill be hella busy trying to find a home so LMFAO who knows...chat im so fucking TIREDDDDD🧎♀️🧎♀️#my moms trying to see if she can fight him and get our money back but it aint lookin good bros#if i randomly open commissions then youll also know why LMAO
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Although, such behaviors were deranged, Yoshihide still hold endearment much like any other human.
(Hell Screen, Ryunosuke Akutagawa)
#Finished reading Hell Screen last month#has been very not normal about the ryoshu was a grieving mother theory#IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE#AND A MOTHER WHO LOST HER CHILD STORY MAKES ME--#NGHGHUTHTUHHRJRTBSFJHS#I have cried multiple times thinking about this#Ryoshu goes up to my 2nd favorite Sinner after Ishmael#Project Moon#Ryoshu#Ryōshū#Limbus Company#LCB
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HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! here's some of my fave/most popular art I did in 2024 <3
#shroomer talks !#the last one is blurred because its spoilers#i wanted to finish it so badly before the end of the year but alas... i have a job#hopefully will be able to finish it tomorrow or the day after#anyways!! what a good run this year has been!!#its so funny most of these pieces were done in the last few months lol i did not like any of my drawings or even had any finished pre-augus#and then boom. south park happened.#and suddenly i was rejuvenated. like a fish in water#if ill be honest with you guys ive had some of the worst art block for last few years/been so incredibly unsatisfied with my art#and its only been since august where ive finally started becoming a bit more ok with the work ive produced#i dont necessarily think ive made anything that could be a magnum opus or whatever. i dont even think i can really go:#“yea. i did that. hell yea. this is amazing”#its more like a “yea. im starting to see growth. im going somewhere. i think.”#but thats way better than what it was before where i just straight up hated my art lol#i still kinda do hate it though but its starting to be less#or at the very least its in a more positive direction where im thinking “ok i hate it but im gonna try and learn from this”#anyways thanks all of you for sticking around with little old me <3#MORE SOUTH PARK CONTENT TO COME IN 2025!!#youre not getting rid of me that easily#south park#splatoon
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Today's Maid of the Day: Ami from Kanan-sama wa Akumade Choroi
#manga#ami#Kanan-sama wa Akumade Choroi#Kanan-sama Is Easy as Hell!#demon maid#maid of the day#submission#this has been sitting in the inbox since last month and I never got a notification#thanks tumblr#not
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was sucked back into the nikki hole 🩷
#I've been a nikkihead since day 1 babie#I remember when they changed bobos name lol#lunar was my absolute fav but I loved bobo and elle sooo much#I remember seeing lunars death scene on yt months before it released hoping to god it was just a fan animation 😭😭#I stopped playing after the event where nikki and elle were on the beach together#my kindle was on its last legs lol#but that event and the hell event with the gang before that where we hugged evil bobo and everyone has stuck with me forever#I downloaded shnk a couple months or so after it released but was more into other stuff so never really progressed#and I was logged in as a guest there lol so when I got the urge to play again I just decided to start fresh#feels so odd and cool that nikki is finally in the zeitgeist lol#lnduq ace#lnduq#love nikki#shining nikki#lnduq elle#doomed siblings I love you forever#I really hope they expanded on elle as a character I was so attached to her lol#that beach event was everything to me#lnduq kimi#lnduq nikki#shining nikki zoey#yexiao#lnduq bobo#shining nikki peppermint#jiang xitong#jiang beixi#chi xiaoyu
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perpetually suffering the tortures lately
#don't ever make a very complex/esoteric story based around a pre-existing fandom .worst mistake of my life#<-(the tortures)#half joking but the autism has been extremely agonizing lately in almost every way imaginable#.mostly just in the typical way of. it being impossible to believe i can actually be welcomed in any sort of fandom/community#and feeling horribly embarrassed about continuously pushing my posts into tags where people are trying to enjoy themselves#so. been spending the last month or so trying to beat my brain out of being hyperfixated on the blorbos to the point of embarrassment#<--putting this here mostly as an apology/explanation ig for not posting much lately .#trying to exile myself from the fandom + in general. it has been hard to do literally anything but lay in bed all day#also as well as just like. summer sensory hell + sadd moments#ough . the tortures
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guess whose eyesight got worse 👴👍
#i last got new lenses THIS JUNE!!!!!!#IT HAS ONLY BEEN FOUR MONTHS. HELP#-10.75 BABEYYYYYY#hell and death on planet tate#beeps
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….
#not that anything really matters or means anything on this hell site#but I am trying very hard to remind myself that notes on a post don’t really mean anything in the long run#because everything I’ve posted in the last month or so has been an absolute flop 🙃#and if I don’t keep telling myself that notes are not a signifier of worth I will get really upset lol 🥲#I don’t know if like my blog is shadowbanned (which is probably unlikely) or if my posts just aren’t good??#but like it’s a struggle just to get over 100 notes on anything lately#and again like such a dumb thing to be upset or frustrated about#but idk as someone who makes content I don’t know what I’m doing that’s making everything flop lately#and no matter how much I try to talk myself out of being upset it’s still kinda disheartening to have your content not do well 🫠#idk this is dumb and I don’t like how it makes me feel#and I like making content and doing things that make me feel good and pretty#but I would also like that content to do well too 😅#okay ramble over#ignore this#mine#text post
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i have no friends who care about me because my personality is boring and understimulating and i have no selling point as a friend and i am being left behind
#negative.#sometimes it’s like. oh i wish people liked me as much as i like them. lmao.#‘we should hang out!!’ ‘we should call!!’ ‘we should play a game!!’ okay but please actually do it :((#i feel like i take so much time to show love and care but maybe i’m doing it wrong?? do i seem fake?? is there something off putting??#i need better friends both online and offline because i’m socially starved#w the exception of like. two people??#every time i try it devolves into generic small talk#and there’s that autistic feeling that i’m saying everything wrong. i’m doing it wrong. they’re giving me that look or their text format#has changed and i’m being wrong#i can’t break out of it. i’ve just stopped reaching out these past couple months and like. genuinely no one said a thing#can anyone please show that they even think about me. like. god.#i go through hell every single fucking day and i have attempted suicide more times in the last year than the last decade#i’m not seeking attention i just?? would love for someone to give a single fuck for once. oh god.#the csa trauma that was triggered this year has been eating me whole. no one knows and no one cares to know#i’ve told two people now total now. even as i’m telling them it feels like i’m dumping it on them and making them uncomfortable#i regret telling one of them. my closest irl friend. god. should’ve kept it in. i can’t stop doing everything wrong.#anyways. i think…. i am going to go cry for a while lmao#man this sucks. mannnnnn this sucks#anyways.txt#(not a vague. never a vague)
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well, the new year is in a bit depending on where the fuck you are.
but what is everyone’s hopes for next year?
mine is much of the same,
“plz no more epidemic of the sars2”
“Plz can we have peace in our lifetime as promised by everyone”
“Plz can the government stop being bad”
“I hope crypto and NFT’s go defunct without people losing their life savings”
And probably shit tons of crying.
this year has been awful!
the next one we haven’t yet seen.
but I wish everyone a happy new year. (Tho Chinese new year isn’t until later, I can’t wait for it!)
let’s hope this one is marginally better!
Yay, 🎉 (:celebration emoji)
[IMAGE ID: a tiny tabby kitten with impact text that says, “I’m actually not even close to my limit, it takes a lot more than this to knock me down" END ID:]
woo, so much shit has happened this year.
yet we are still alive and we are still here, this is awesome fucking awesome!
shout out to our beloved moots
@crippled-peeper for being cool <3 you made us not hate ourselves because of being disabled you deserve the best, from one to another. next year will hopefully be better, and it will !!!!
@aguineapigcouldntdothis for supporting this blog tirelessly, and being genuinely so cool be proud of yourself! happy new year
@icedragonaftermath for supporting this blog and being cool
@aloeverawrites for everything your awesome
@snekdood for changing my (pop) thoughts on veganism and for being awesome
@blacktipreefsharkwizarding for coming back after being lost in the account move <3
@problematicpooch for supporting the blog!
@t-is-tobi for being genuinely so cool
@roots-system even though we don't talk much you guys are awesome
@75screamingtoads for being the coolest
@rin-and-jade for being one of the best peoples out there, you guys deserve all love !
@iosonounapersonamiao for being so kind and awesome! your the best
@valcaira for being awesome and supporting the blog <3 and just being around, your cool!
@ex-alias for being a huge supporter of this blog, shout out!
@asterz-playz-official for supporting the blog!
@emery-reblogs for supporting the blog!!!!
@sweaty-confetti for being a huge supporter of this blog!
@fishyyyyy99 for supporting the hell out of this blog!
@myhomeisamongthetrees for supporting the blog!
@adderall-jockey for supporting the blog!
@ultimatenutshackfangirl for supporting the blog!
@spark1edog for just being here, it's a joy to see you round!
@theelectricalcity for being a HUGGGGGE supporter
@head-of-sea-foam-the-system for sticking around you guys are the best
@shitpostingsystem who has stuck through thick and thin, you guys deserve the best, thanks for sticking around <3
@anarchywoofwoof hope next year is better, your the best
@atypi-cals you guys are great! <3 thanks for supporting this blog !!!
@pigeon-system-boys for sticking around and supporting the blog <3
@polychaeteworm for supporting the blog!
@todayisdeadinside for supporting this blog!!!!!
@midnight-soulless-system for supporting the blog!!!!!!!!
@solitairesys thank you for supporting this blog!!!!!!
@boxedupcryptixbeing for supporting this blog!
@tokyoterri2 for supporting this blog! your awesome!
@island-76 for tirelessly supporting this blog!
@808-bantar for supporting this blog!!!!!
@olivertheballer idk who you are, where you came from but you are the chillest guy, and we love seeing you around. your a joy <3
and many many more who I have zeroooooo energy to write.
I wish all of you a happy new year, and best wishes.
from the us-the-voices system,
may next year be kind on you!
#-pop/lena#us-the-voices talks#happy new year#2023 is over#this year has been fucking hell#like the last 4 years#cheers to this one being better!#ygfiyalcsgu;hidqgufdhiyidgu;vhwfqdhidhiwfeu#it still feels like we should have 3 more months of 2023 but eh it's next year soon#peace and love hopefully next year. and learning new things and maths probably
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On this birthday, there is one particular shout out I feel must be made.
To all my depression, anxiety, and mental illness:
FUCK YOU BITCHES!! I LIVE!!!!!
#maniacally cackles#HA!#been a hell of a year fighting you lot#probably be a bitch a time fighting you still#but I am still alive#Being able to make this poat helped push me through the last couple months. . .#Gonna go nap now...so freaking exhausted
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*looking at my history notes*
"Okay so this is 4.7k words long, I usually can read at least 40/50k words of fanfiction a day so I should be able to..."
#steel rambles#I can't do this anymore chat#I am very tired and I don't remember a thing#these last 2 months have already radicalized me#the next two are gonna determine the beginning of my villain era because what the fuck Italian school system#what the actual fuck#I am disappointed because i feel like I'm doing too little but burnt out because I'm also doing too much#but also the wrong things#and I have to see where I'm gonna live/do in September while I'm hitting my head against *checks noted* ah yes russian revolution#anyway since getting an ao3 account I've started measuring things in word count. which is hell.#it's like measuring the worth of things over 10 cents goleadors but now they cost 20 cents and my system has been broken by inflation#that's silly tho#I'm gonna pull another allnighter#i wouldn't sleep either way
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Before and after pictures of my biohazard bathroom. So y'all can see this particular Horror I've been dealing with lately.
#life of sponty#mold#mould#unsanitary#unhygienic#but yeah it's been hell#only thing left to do now is replace the moldy broken sealant on the bath and sink#which for the record has such nasty gunk in it that I've not been able to take baths in months#because the last two times i tried i got bacterial infections#needed antibiotics and everything#and given i adore baths and they're one of my major self care / mood improvement things#has not helped anything#also i have had a chronic cough from the mold for months now#just really not ideal#but i had a burst of actual executive function that allowed me to finally wrestle the landlords about it#so that's what ive been dealing with last couple weeks
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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Channeled my Not Currently Great mental state into a Din oneshot which I'll be posting shortly! It's a continuation of my Din x ND!Reader series and it was nice to return to that after a few months. It's very soft and hopefully it brings a little comfort to anyone who might need it rn :')
#writing#personal#internalised and externalised ableism has really been doing a number on me this week LOL#it's been rough but idk writing about the tin can man being understanding really does help#i've had more meltdowns in the last week than in probably the past two months combined it's been Hell... F in chat#just autism things#wish i wasn't autistic sometimes but then imagine how dull life would be without hyperfixationsand autistic joy LOL#like the neurotypicals will never understand the feeling i got unboxing that ucs lego razor crest!#i kinda feel sorry for them awww awwwwww
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