#but for the small things. where i am 100% reasonable and im asking for something so tiny i cant possibly back down. i just feel so bad yknow
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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transgaysex · 10 months ago
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i have to get better at confrontation especially for the smaller things
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themouthwashes · 2 months ago
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Ok but I would love to hear all the Sterkan lore even if it isn’t sfw because Sterkan Anya is uhhhhh 😳😳😳 I am looking as respectfully as I can
Well i don't think i can delve too much into them (at least not 100%, for obvious reasons and the nature of main acc) I also haven't finished writing or working on them, I'm taking my time so i can feel comfortable and 100% sure of what im doing is something i like. (I have the mistake of rushing species before because i got too excited about a new idea, and ended felling out of love with it, i don't want to do it again) But i can leave some general data: - Their society is pretty much mostly run by women, they are really dominant (but not mean, they care about their men, a lot, if you dare to say something mean to them or something consider yourself good as a pack of minced meat, the whole ¨He asked for no pickles¨ but it's a giant woman and her small partner). They probably have reached something near Utopia, nobody is left behind, and there's practically no conflicts or injustices done between themselves. - Their heights are as it follows: Men: 6.5 ft to 8.2 aprox Women: 9.8 ft to 13 ft aprox (but there are some that may be taller than that, Anya is probably on the smaller side) - Sterkan have really strong relationships between themselves, they are very caring and protective, they also extend that care to other species they may get to befriend, or have as a partner. Talking aboout that, probably Sterkan men are something people get very attracted to, as they are way more amenable and cuddly (and they will 100% respect you, no doubt on that). - Sterkan have superhuman strenght, they could probably tear up a tank with their bare hands, bullets of our world would no nothing to them, at all. Very sought after as comanders for militia, specially if it's women. (Can imagine one actually eating bullets like cereal because is metal, and they like that, and would find it funny) - Also, their diets require ore and minerals time to time, they have markings that accumulate particles during their life, horns and claws can do that too, it helps keep their skin tough too. They could take any just to keep themselves healthy, but they have personal preferences, either because they like the taste, the color, or are more helpful for their job (military Sterkan always choose the strongest materials). The most valuable one however, it's copper, there's not much of it on their homeplanet, so it's reserved for important things, rituals or simbolism, what may be not so worthy for us, it's probably worth a lot for them (also fun fact, but gold is very common). (Anya has copper markings, they considered her worthy for such important thing). - This one I talked to a friend, as i was making Anya's design, but they may have the technology and spiritualistic power (they have their own beliefs and stuff im also working on) to take someone back from the dead, but it may only be used under very specific circumstances, mostly the death of a child (because they have a very small birth-rate, they can't afford to lose them, deaths are rare bu may happen) or an injustice imparted to someone of other species they may stumble upon during their intergalactic explorations, but this requires a sort of permission from the soul, and if they want to come back, they will make them. The catch is being revived as a Sterkan, they may keep some features from their past bodies, like beaty marks, hair color, some of their facial structure, etc), and they only ask them to be with them for a while to learn how to live like one (and make justice of course), what happens after that is their choice, they can go back to where they belonged, or they can stay with them and build a new life on their society, a lot of them pick the later.
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aropride · 5 months ago
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saw ur recommendation for 3m aura n95s 👀👀 any advice on where to get them from? heading back 2 school in a few weeks and wanna stock up — tysm !!!!!
ok so!! my first recommendation is to see if there is a mask block near you, in my area it was CRANE (covid resistance action northeast), they're having trouble stocking and filling orders rn so mine took ~a month to arrive but the time would've passed anyway as they say . if ur in a more urban area ur a lot more likely to have one near u tbh, idk if it'd work but it'd be worth reaching out to the closest one even if they're not technically working in ur exact area just to see . here's a map of mask blocs worldwide- they're mostly in america (continent - but mostly in the US+canada) & europe (mostly in great britian) but there are some others too
otherwise the safest way to get some that are 100% not counterfeit is ordering directly from a supplier, but that can be expensive . project n95 is inactive now but theres still a list of suppliers there !! 3m is really good from experience . u can also get n95s/kn95s/p100 respirators from home depot if u have one near u- however the supplyaid kn95s they sell arent very good, i had them and theyre better than nothing but they only have a 67% filtration rate (as opposed to the 95% expected from n95s and kn95s - thats what the 95 stands for i was mindblown when i discovered this)
also while im thinking about it, part of the reason n95s are more protective than kn95s despite both filtering 95% of particles is bc the seal on the n95 is a lot more reliable than the kn95 :}
me personally ive been getting mine from amazon (not recommended) (i have gift cards there so im not giving them My money at least) and trying my best to make sure they're legit . i referenced the 3m n95 1870s i got using this twitter thread and they seem to be legit? on amazon it also usually says where it ships from and check the storefront, the reviews etc etc. i basically have to do an entire vetting process every time its very annoying ❤️ it is a lot less expensive though, especially if they have a sale going . (here are the ones ive been getting- the listings look the same as of rn but amazon changes them all the time so take this with a grain of salt, person i imagined reading this in 2027. link 1, link 2)
ive tried the holy trinity (new term i made up for the 3m n95 1870 (red straps), 3m n95 9205 (blue straps), and 3m n95 9210 (braided white straps)) -- ime the 9210 definitely has the tightest head straps and i have an abnormally small head on account of being 3 inches tall and born in a thimble all alone . so thats something to be aware of, if u have an abnormally big head the 3m auras might not be the best bc of the strap tightness .
SORRY I'M LIKE INFODUMPING AT U NOW ..!! i have more though . If you know anyone irl who masks asking them where they get theirs might help, they might know stuff locally. ALSO speaking of knowing stuff locally- i don't know if this is universal but i have a friend who's getting really into asian cuisine and a lot of asian grocery stores ive been to with her in my area have had masks. that's such a long shot but ive seen them five out of six stores ive gone to and never at, like, hannaford or market basket or whatever.
OKAY ONE MORE THING . when i got my free masks from crane (SHOUTOUT CRANE I LOVE YOU CRANE) they also sent a thing abt how to reuse them that i will add !! they can be used for like 40 hours if theyre not visibly dirty or the straps dont break or anything
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okay i am done infodumping now SORRY THIS IS SO LONG..!!! tldr: local mask bloc if it's an option is definitely the least expensive, project n95 compiled a bunch of links to buy from suppliers, home depot/other hardware stores are worth a shot, and amazon's an option especially if you're like me (poor but have money stuck in amazon gift cards) 🫡
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no-more-rqs · 3 months ago
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(Tone is confused but not upset) I'm someone radqueer-leaning but you seem like you actually think things through instead of just yelling at radqueers because we're gross or something so I hope it is okay for me to ask you this but I am a very suggestible person and I am starting to have a hard time with understanding why contact is bad with animals. I've seen videos and heard about instances where it is the animals that initiate sex, even at the very beginning, and I am kind of confused then why it is bad if the animal is the one initiating it. Right now I don't know what I think for contact stances but I guess that I wonder, if you acknowledge that an animal isn't going to weigh sex the same way a human will, why is it bad? And you seem like you might be able to actually explain it instead of just saying it's bad because it's gross or saying that it's abuse without elaborating. I hope this is okay to ask, thank you!!!
its very late rn but im going to explain this very quickly so i can go to bed since i didnt get to this ask until now
so basically, for one, the vast majority of animals are simply not capable of physically handling having sex with humans. their bodies are just not made for it. either theyre too small or differently shaped or for whatever reason, it will cause them a lot of pain and can be incredibly traumatic
for two, there is no way to 100% tell what an animal is feeling. an animal may be enjoying something, or it may not be- especially when it comes to sex, where the majority of animals get much more aggressive, which makes it even more difficult to tell what emotion the animal is trying to convey. even if you think that the animal wants this, it most likely doesnt (as ill explain in my next point), and you have no way to tell based exclusively on body language. there are no animals that are able to understand and communicate on the same level that humans can, which makes it impossible to consensually engage in sex
for three, the majority of animals do not want to mate with something that isnt the same species as them (with some exceptions, such as dolphins). for animals, mating is about producing offspring and that is the only point. animals want to mate with another animal that will produce the best offspring, they do not engage in sex for pleasure or out of love. because of that, they will not want to have sex with a human
for four, if you see a video or a post of an animal initiating sex with a human, that animal has been trained or otherwise forced to do that. many people claim that their animals "want to have sex with them", but that is simply not true. pets such as dogs learn to do things very easily if rewarded with treats and yelled at when they do something incorrectly- people teach their animals to have sex with them when the animal doesnt desire it the same way they teach their animals to stop barking even when the animal really wants to bark. however, teaching your animal to have sex with you is much, much worse, given the reasons i provided in earlier points
i hope that this helps explain things for you 👍
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transfemlogan · 1 year ago
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For the fandom ask game; 2, 10, 16
Positive Fandom Ask Game
a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!
that janus is loveless. i will say my hesitance didn't last very long and wasn't really hesitance, it was more "oh loveless janus is a hc? i can see how people can dislike it, but i love it." (so this option doesn't really count but i quite literally cant think of anything else)
there is a headcanon that janus is loveless/cannot feel love/doesn't love because he is a snake and snakes don't feel love. and as a loveless aromantic I absolutely love this headcanon.
i know people don't like this headcanon because people tend to view love as an inherently positive force and if you don't love or refuse to love that it's negative and offensive. & because people will try to use the lack of love to demonise janus, an already very demonise side. which... the demonising janus one is a valid reason to dislike it, the other reasons aren't.
i only ever consider patton to be loveless and i never see loveless hcs in fandom so knowing there's already a hc for janus being loveless makes me so so so so happy. i think there's something so sweet about janus not feeling love or choosing not to love or being critical about how society views love, but still being compassionate & caring towards the other sides & c!thomas*. that whether or not he loves them that doesn't control how he treats them. that his care isn't controlled by one singular feeling, but a multitude of feelings or opinions; he cares for the sides & thomas, because he knows they need it. & that idea means the world to me.
*obviously, loveless people can care & be compassionate. im loveless & im so compassionate to the people around me. but i mean more that, choosing janus 2 be loveless when he is literally self preservation & cares so much about the other sides & their health is soooo smart & beautiful. i know it probably originated to demonise him (or write aus where he "thinks he loveless but finds out he CAN feel love" eugh), but i like that you can switch it on its head & go "he doesn't feel love but that doesn't mattwe & wont ever matter. he feels so much compassion for the others" & choose not to demonise him.
i probably explained that all strange & worded it so bad i just woke up. BUT LIKE. YOU CAN CHOOSE TO DEMONISE HIM FOR BEING LOVELESS, BUT YOU CAN ALSO RECOGNISE THAT IF HE IS LOVELESS THAT LOVE DOESNT PUSH HIS CARING ACTIONS. HE JUST CARES.
also janus 100% would be loveless in the sense that he's criticising how society views love as the most "important thing" or as an inherently positive thing , as if people don't do horrible things bcuz of their love.
a blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter
UM. HOW DO I LIST A GAJILLION BLOGS.
i was gonna go thru & explain why they r on my list but thats 2 much effort so im just gonna rapid fire:
@sankiisides , @warnadudenexttime , @intrulogical , @edupunkn00b , @lovecorepatton & everyone i know on instagram. i was gonna list blogs that im not mutuals with but i am so tired & couldnt remember anyones blogs . ill just come back (<- is lying & wont come back)
the one blog i am not mutuals w/ that i can list rn is @we-all-horny-here :3
a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate
PERHAPS A REALLY SMALL DETAIL, but the way remus pauses & actually thinks about what is being said to him when logan is talking to him at the end of working through intrusive thoughts
maybe im crazy & insane & making things up bcuz i want them to be friends so bad BUT thruout the entire ending scene w/ logan & remus, remus is shown turning his back and reading a book and taking a cockroach out of his ear and eating it. very actively ignoring him.
BUT . IN THIS SCENE:
logan tells remus how he can see how remus can be helpful (albeit. thru gritted teeth.) & then asks him, "but perhaps, you can also see the merit in what I'm trying to do?"
& remus pauses.
he hesitates.
you can see him sit there and actually think about what logan is saying. & ofc he immediately goes back to ignoring him but it makes me crazed that logan tells remus that he can see why remus is doing what he is doing & that it can be helpful & then asks remus, straight forwardly, to try & see what logan is trying to do & remus stops in his little schemes and thinks about that. he has a little moment of hesitation.
though it could also be remus going "hmmm should i eat the tongue lollipop first or should i do the cockroach?" /j
im ill . im ill. im ill. im ill.
Positive Fandom Ask Game
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scorchrend · 1 year ago
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if u would like to share ur marx thoughts…… and make us all feel physically ill alongside u…….. this random anon is very much interested in hearing 👀👀👀
thats the problem istart feeling physically ill because i cant verbalize what i'm thinking it;s that bad. but since you asked this might be the push i need. UHHHHH marx thoughts. what are my marx thoughts it's like rummaging through my junk clearbook where everything is just placed anywhere and everything gets lost i do answer better and more coherently with specific questions.. btw.... hehe. Love Questions okay. random thoughts go
marx is a really attention seeking guy. thrives out of getting a rise from other people. pre super star though, i don't think he has any real friends despite being a common sight due to his tricksterisms and funny things. i don't think he's done this in canon really, but personally i like to make it so that marx used to work under dedede. you know. big castle, you think it has cool stuff, should give pretty good benefits to staff right? but then kirby's dream land happens and hes like Bro this Sucks and skedaddles. so yeah no meaningful relationships
i like the idea that marx is friendly with kirby pre kirby super star, but i don't think it's a relationship that can really be described as "friends" more than "staying on good terms and excitedly saying hi whenever you see each other, have a little small talk, and go separate ways." i mean, to kirby, they're friends. i don't think marx knows this when he asks kirby for help in milky way wishes, he's relying on kirby's helpful nature the trust is just kind of a bonus. as for why marx soul is like that i dont fucking know man these are random ass thoughts
thing is i think marx genuinely thinks kirby's a cool stand up dude especially after kirby's dream land but i think he just got Sooo Fucking Pissed thats why mww happens or whatever but i'm not sure either since i'm just spitting words. whatever his reasons are they always change in my head, marx is an enigma to me Even as a local marx enjoyer
as for his relationship with magolor it's the average They meet after Marx Blows Up and magolor is in the area and like Damn well i'm not gonna leave that guy out there am i. then bla bla friends (menaces) and puts the idea of nabbing that crown from landia. less of an intentional thing you know, but even if marx blew up he still kinda had something to show for it you knoe. the wings and the nova power. i can't say why they'd part ways (i don't know either) but basically before that they enjoyed some weird shit like pranking randos maybe Way Too Hard
anyways, after they part ways, marx probably goes planet hopping for a bit but eventually settles back on popstar. guys got the wanderer bones in him but i really think he thinks life on popstar is swell. he wanted to rule it for a reason i guess?? also the nearby planets he can fly to are Pretty Empty. I think.i actually genuinely don;t inow what im saying though im making a lot of this on the spot
reason for thinking marx has been hiding out on planet popstar: he's readily available in kirby star allies from the first dream palace. i know the dream rod summons them but like for my purposes i think it's just kinda like YOU. COME HERE.
okay but you know who else is in wave 1 that's right rick kine coo and gooey. i think they become friends. i think they're marx's first real friends (if you count them becoming friends while marx is disguised? they keep it up even after they find out. trying to be the kirby they want to see in the world or something.) like i got a little idea where its kinda like Damn i kinda wanna Fuck Up Everything but then he experiences laughing With people and not just Laughing at or Being laughed at and is like Fuuuckkk this is kindasick actually. UGH plans POSTPONED!! he is still 100% a shithead though these improvements dont really happen until marx drops his disguise after he meets magolor again (between rtdl and dream collection)
as for marx and magolor's reconciliation i feel like it's really smooth at first while magolor recovers from an arduous warp or whatever but when magolor starts showing discomfort at the ... hobbies marx has there starts to be tension because marx starts feeling like magolor is ignoring him and doesn't want to associate (even if magolor does want to keep being friends). however they deal with that is still up in the air but it required a lot of arguing, magolor apology to the dream team, marx blowing his "presumed dead" cover just to cover for magolor on something, etc. stuff that shows both parties really value their friendship even after they've changed and paths diverged quite a bit. fyi their arguments are so fucking bombastic because they WERE so SIMILAR that any insults they toss at the other is a double edged sword, and evidences some kind of self loathing
for marx's relationship with kirby i honestly think they're chill. but ofc marx exasperates kirby at times.
also marx has to get hisinfo from somewhere so i think he does in fact read stuff. only stuff interesting to him but he does read and when he does he Reads reads. thats how the Loser hatched his plan regarding nova anyways. somehow taranza finds outabout this and hes like Oh my god someone who understands media. Marx vehemently denies this (but cannot resist screaming at other people who have shit takeaways from x book he likes) (Marx has opinions on notoriously polarizing character Eon based on historical figure Aeon Hero) (not anything i consider important just something funny)
i could go on forever but for now i think my brain is all worded out. not even sure if any of this makes sense. here you go anon. enjoy.
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rin-and-jade · 2 years ago
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hello, cohost of a relatively newly discovered system here, i just saw a post you made in response to new system ask, and i was curious about how we would go about developing an innerworld.
i am led to believe we have aphantasia, so we cant "picture" anything in our head so i dont know if that prevents us from having a headspace/innerworld. i know some systems just dont have a headspace (a roommate of mine has DID and she has told us that she does not have a headspace, and she cannot communicate with her sysmates outside a discord server)
anyways, i was just curious if there would be a way for us to try devloping an innerworld or not after reading that post. ty
I can be of help to you, but this will heavily depend on yourselves as im here only capable of sharing what might work, from my own experiences.
To understand what makes innerworld an innerworld, by simple means,, it is a place that is reconstructed by senses mentally, vision (mental images) is one of them. You see where this is going.. right?
What if you try it by theory, i know you can't imagine, but im sure you know what it'll be like correct? For first advice, a small but functional innerworld will do because navigating in a big one whilst being 'blind' does not spark joy. Ok so, let's start the steps:
Using your other senses (tactile and hearing) as advantage: How do you want your floors,, is it solid, warm to touch and smooth? That could be porcelain. Straight ridges, un-even textures and cool to touch? That could be wood planks. Fluffy, scruffy texture and it damps noises? That could be carpet/rug floors. Now how do you want your walls,, is it wallpaper patterns you can feel by tactile? Maybe you want it the regular way that is painted smoothly? How thick or thin do you want it to be, enough to produce an echo from a knock or nothing at all? The rest then lies on personalization like furnitures and decorations,, i bet you can do this yourself. Also recommend you by practicing with little things for now and work from there, to bigger things.
Map it out: after determining which fits best, this is where the floor plan is arranged, you might want to draw it out physically (or use apps/webs its ok), from arial, or from side, or in 3d,, anything works. This will help you keep the world consistent as you can't see, as well as serving as a map to navigate around. I also have aphantasia where i can barely see anything as it fleets away so fast (i believe its in a spectrum, i saw it), leaving me having to navigate by touching the walls and guess the floor and temperature (i think windows make rooms feel hotter and in this case my living room has a big balcony). Do not over do the items as it can block your walking route leading to unnecessary bumps, if you want shelves or something hanged above, place them in a reasonable spot because bumping to it by forehead or elses is annoying.. i changed the height of my hanged shelf at the end and it never happen again. Especially if you don't have the innate 'gps' to navigate around.
Teamwork makes dreamwork: I assure you that you don't want to do this alone.. why not share some ideas of what the fronting room should 'look' like, or what the communal place should,, this is honestly done to make everyone feel at ease living in it, as well as sharing the work. You CAN do this yourself but it feels overwhelming and could lead to a burn out.. anyway, it'll take a while to properly build a world, so don't feel bad if its still going to be on progress for months,, no worlds are made perfectly in one try. Incase if you want to remodel the world to a new one at future, just repeat the steps.
Hope this serves you as an insight, this has definitely work for me, and i am not 100% sure it could for you, though, you still learn a few things from here. If you feel like giving up or see this as too much work there is no shame,, and so, i wish you the best luck.
- j
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𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍
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NAME : Andre! (aka Ya big boi Andre aka Andre 4000 aka the Monster of Miami aka Rico Suave)
PRONOUNS : He / Him
PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : Discord! Tumblr IM's are way too small for me to read at times due to my eyesight (bad enough to the point I'm not legally allowed to drive). Also Tumblr asks just wind up being way too slow.
MOST ACTIVE MUSE : The Boss as he is my only active Muse.
EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS : I've been doing Tumblr RP since I believe 2011, and that was a very loose and kinda wild form of it. I would kind of just wander around from places, whether it was brief stints in groups or indie, before finally playing SR2 and establishing Bossu's blog. From there I'd just pick up on a lot of advice and work on my writing till we come to today!
BEST EXPERIENCE : There are plenty of experiences that I'm absolutely fond of. And while this may sound like a cop out, I truly am happy to have made so many long-lasting friendships on the site that have been going strong for years now.
RP PET PEEVE : I could list so much shit that annoys the hell out me, especially regarding my eyesight since I know some motherfuckers really love turning up the saturation on their graphics. But I think my overall biggest pet peeve is one that I know a lot of people share, and that's when someone decides to act the fuck up over nothing and take what should always be considered a hobby way too seriously. Last thing anyone needs to deal with are freaks who are desperately trying to make up for their time in high school by acting like a shithead to others.
PLOTS OR MEMES : Plots are a definite preference for me. But I always want to stress the fact that when I say this, it's always very very light unless there's a clear need to get much more fully detailed. I guess that also comes from me messing around in what I'd consider an abandoned universe since the series has been rebooted. So I have plenty of ideas of where things could have gone, and I'd like to make sure any of my RP partners who want to involve their Muse with that world know what they're getting into. But memes are still good if I can sorta improvise on an idea! My only real issue is that sometimes I do worry about coming up with something that goes against a person's Muse or whatever. So I'd hate to step on any toes.
LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : Both are fine! Definitely depends on the thread and where things going. I'll just always make sure to mention that I hate unnecessary padding. So if a reply of mine might come up a little short, I'll always let my partner know.
ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES : Oh sure, absolutely. I'm running my own little gang down here in the mean streets of sunny Miami. My body count is through the roof, and I definitely want to expand my empire outwards. This is totally 100% real and serious, please believe me for I have no reason to ever lie to you. I'm a trustworthy person.
TAGGED BY: Stole it from Miss @bitterseadrop cause I'm a thief TAGGING: Your mom
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calowlmitygoddess · 1 year ago
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Ill fill the writing meme because i love talking about myself lmao
1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting? Standart arial, and don't care, tought i tried the comic sans trick a few times
2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil? Probably not, my handwriting is terrible, actually unreadable to anyone but myself. Ive used to write on papper back in highschool when i had to write basicly everyday, now i havent touched a pen in ages.
3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed? No standart ritual aside from needing music, anything else distracts me. The two songs i listened the most while writing is Respite on the Spitafields by ghost and Sacred Worlds by Blind Guardian
4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral? Can't think of any rn :^
5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true? I dont think i have any
6. What is your darkest fear about writing? That it all will be meaningless/no one will read what i do
7. What is your deepest joy about writing? Doing Something TM the whole, creation aspect
8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go? No dialogue, just write a piece of someone going trought their day, ive wrote a small exercise a while back that fit this.
9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know No. Unless i hear a Noise TM then they are very real
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you? All my unfinished things haunt me daily. So much promise and so far nothing real. I had to write a thing to help let go of their ghosts
11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve? Only when it fits the narrative. I dont like killing characters whitout a major reason, usually thematic, otherwise it feels cheap.
12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules. Have the skill needed to make my Big Project reality, Have it reach some form of Good greater recognition/popularity, the last one i would keep for later.
13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? Hard topics in general, big issues, relationships in any realistic way.
Literally just characters vibing, introspection, Over the top stuff.
14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back? No one ever asked for a book to me but id have no problem doing so. Im the one people shouldnt ever lend any books because i am very careless and would likely end up dropping coffee or something accidentally on it
15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends? I dont write in margins, but i did dog eared books in the past, and i use the jacket(?) of the book to mark my pages.
16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark? fuckenn... i dont remember tbh, again i use the jacket.
17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text. I have a post with a bunch of lore about the dragon species, i cant find it tought. But they are mammals that lay eggs, have no gender, their society mostly resemble that of bees, they have no currency, and the watsonian reason the main character goes by gendered terms despite not having one is because she thinks the words sound nice
18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage. I dont think theres any passages that have interesting enough backstories.
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going? My dream since childhood was to write a book, ive always liked to tell stories, read and such, i would dictate stories that my mom would write down before i learnt how to do so. But then i got really into drawing and started to foucus more on that, and ended up shifting the foucus from writing text to comic making since every artist with ocs does that. I also changed foucus on projects faster than light, so i would write 2 chapters and give up the next day, or change the entire story the next week and such.
I stuck with comics as my goal for like the past 6 years, and only early this year i came to the conclusion that i really hate the comic making part of making comics, and that i like writting much better. Im very rusty+ the fact im not as avid reader as i used to, and the quality is not really good, but im having fun.
20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch
Wip, finish the wip, thats all i wanted since i was 10, what even is the point of this question.
21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not? I just started writting 'seriously' so i dont want to quit just yet. Also i have a massive undeserved ego, i dont think even the most discouraging,awful negative review could make me quit doing it.
22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud? I have one google doc, with outline+ chapters as i write them, i used to have different docs for lore/outline/chapters but its easier this wau
23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.
In the inn i stay during the week and my actual room in my house are essentially the same place, Is my room, its messy and damp but its confy enough. My table is turned to the small window and during the morning the sun hist right in my face. The table is equally messy, with cups and glasses over it, pappers stained with coffee and tea cover its surface. My one company, a small succulent that rests near the window, and a carved small owl that i need to constantly clean because its constantly molding due to the dampness.
24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it? Idk what kind of prep work you would do. I just sit and write mate.
25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story? Godamn i cant think of any rn. Most of my Extremely well developed characters are from my BIg Story, but it literally doesnt exist anywhere outside my head yet, so idk what is and isnt relevant to it. For my current wip is a little harder since the characters are like less than a year old. idk...Orick looks like a cat person, i think he would like to own a cat.
26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place? I go "what would a person in this situation with this background do" and try my best to guess.
27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why? Any character thats like a stategist or planner, because its hard to make them look smart without making it look like bullshit or predicting the future
28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why? Meira. Her narration came very easy to me, guilt ridden but still professional and calm, also Big Gay.
29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry? I was never a very original kid, im a vampire that sucks the soul out of other things to fuel my own. My current Wip main characters are based out of HK characters they resemble nothing of. Im always on the prowl for new media to steal from be inspired by
30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?
Sort of. I've dreamed with plots before, and i usually do my best to remember, but while at the moment i wake up feeling like that was the best idea in the world, after a while when i think about it again, its just sort of nonsense
31. Write a short love letter to your readers.
Literally Thank you to anyone who ever gave me the time of day. Im still a little haunted by those i dissapointed by never fininishing stuff but the fact that yall liked enough to make me feel guilty for giving up is also good in a way <3
32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?
'sometimes a dream is enough' - the last line from one of my favourite books. In context it drives me insane, it makes me rabid. But out of context its just neat
33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate? Im a Drawer! also tried sculpting in the past. And YES, my current dream is to have an illustrated novel.
34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go: No idea what an oxford comma is and at this point im too afraid to ask
35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens? POV character being the protagonist, i just found it such a neat concept. Also the protagonist needing to be a Good Moral Character.
36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know? Dinossaurs, i wanna write a story about dinossaurs one day...
37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you? Gay. Also very into dragons
38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us? I dont have any Weird habits i think? I can only imagine some kind of complain about how their current food sucks.
39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up? Not to be dark in the funny meme but giving up would literally remove one of the things that give my life some form of meaning
40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.
idk how to write poems sorry
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lightyakami · 2 years ago
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HI gm happy friday for the ask meme, may i request in lavender haze, the ~negotiation in ch2 made me sicko in the window.jpg HOW did u do it
fic writing ask meme oh hello happy friday & also thank you for the chance to talk about this!!!
okay so that scene was one of the hardest to write both on like, a technical & an emotional level. i am going to put this under a cut both bc it’s long and bc it contains frank discussions of pornography/erotica. 
i will reveal myself a little here and say it’s a reflection of conversations i have had irl, both in a personal context & in that i worked in a queer centre for ~4 years. i feel like it’s a very vulnerable conversation! something that frustrates me is a lot of resources, even very good resources, talk about this conversation as if it’s fun and sexy and no big deal, which ime is just not the case. even with people you know and trust, it’s both emotionally demanding AND often super awkward, and L and light do not know each other at all. so i really wanted to show that.
also lavender haze is ultimately erotica so although i didn’t want the conversation to be sexually gratifying in and of itself i DID want it to create & participate in an erotic atmosphere within the context of the story. difficult to balance!! i decided to lean on the erotic nature of vulnerability. i feel like erotica & sexual gratification are often holding hands but they aren’t the same thing, and that scene became a lot easier to write once i mentally drew that distinction. (and tbc it’s 100% fine if people did find that conversation sexually gratifying/arousing/pleasurable etc — it’s just not like The Primary Goal, whereas there are other scenes where sexual gratification is in fact the primary intention. it can be taken either as arousing or not arousing and both options are intentional and accounted for by the author ie me. i hope that makes sense.) 
anyway, here are some specific things i was thinking about: 
L and light don’t know each other and they’re not especially open people in general. i had a couple versions of this scene where they talked in detail about their preferences, but ultimately decided it made more sense for them to stick to the bare minimum of what the other person absolutely had to know for this to be a good experience. for example: L experiences pain during orgasm & not just during penetration, but she didn’t actually want/need light to do anything about that, so she didn’t mention it even though it’s a very similar/linked issue.
they don’t talk very much about what they do like. ‘talk about your likes and not just your dislikes’ is common and imo good advice but idk this IS erotica and not a textbook and it felt sexier if light figured that out magically haha. it plays into the fantasy of light taking care of L & guiding this experience for her
example of the above: L has a very small clit & light extrapolates that she prefers to be touched on the hood rather than directly on the clit. irl it would probably make more sense for them to actually discuss this, even briefly, but i felt like light figuring this out on her own was within the bounds of reason
it was really important to me that L and light have had unpleasant experiences with people judging them for their sexual needs and that they have had these negative experiences with other women. (in L’s case, exclusively with women.) idk i feel like people sometimes talk as if being with a woman will magically make this conversation easy and that just is not true
deciding on the language for L to use was. so. hard. i wrote this like 4000x because i actually think she’d prefer to be polite/abstract with her words but there isn’t really a way to do that AND be clear. conversely light is imo in all universes incapable of talking explicitly about her sexual desires so she’s abstract to the point that L isn’t entirely sure what she does or doesn’t want. i initially had L pressing light for additional clarification but it didn’t feel right, so she just abstains from all touch. (director’s commentary: light was talking specifically about touch intended to create sexual gratification and she would have liked her hair to be touched, shoulders to be held etc. but she wanted that less than she wanted to Not Discuss It. which i think is a legitimate choice to make, esp with someone you don’t know.)
i wanted them to validate each other re: their sexual needs but i also didn’t want them to linger too much on it bc the idea is they a) don’t know each other and aren’t responsible for each other and b) are familiar with these concepts and find them important but not novel. director’s commentary is that light has much less sexual experience with L and this is actually her first time sleeping with someone who experiences sexual pain SO she’s a little nervous about doing something wrong and/or not being able to pleasure L without relying on what she’s used to, but she’s doing a good job of not projecting this onto L u know. also L’s quite sexually vocal so light figures out pretty quickly that this isn’t going to be an impediment haha
ANYWAY sorry that’s long but i guess the tl;dr is that this scene is like the clitoris ……………. u can see a tiny bit of it clearly but it secretly extends throughout the entire work u know. 
also i used several resources while writing this scene, which i will list: 
several autostraddle articles which i didn’t save but. good resource in general
girl sex 101: a book i would HIGHLY recommend. super trans friendly which is good in general but also relevant here bc (although this is not explicitly discussed) light isn’t a cis women; being a stone butch lesbian is part of her gender identity. there’s a bit of porn logic in that L is gendering her the way she’d want to be gendered re: calling her a girl and sometimes using masculine descriptors for her even though there’s not actually any way for her to know that’s what light likes but idk it’s a fantasy so i think that’s fine
fucking trans women: this is as u might expect specifically about trans women but it also has discussions about having conversations about sexual needs that can be emotionally draining which have widespread applicability. this is one of the few resources i’ve read which truly acknowledges that these conversations can be terrifying and exhausting even when they go well
the podcast ‘come as you are’
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vaguelypleasantwombat · 11 months ago
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info reblog for @am-i-the-asshole-official
okay i definitely left out waytoo much detail. thats my fault tho i shouldnta posted a rough draft i wrote while on the bus home from a 10 hr shift. i completely agree that i got wayyy off the original topic towards the end. also a weird amount of y'all are assuming like A LOT?? i mean fr do y'all's lil knees hurt from jumping to conclusions?
1. yeah, im being petty as all hell. but not for no reason?? like yeah i can be a dick, but never like just for shits and giggles, someone had to do something where I feel they deserved some wrath. also I WOULD NEVER EVER OUT SOMEONE NOT EVEN MY WORST ENEMY foh wit all that
2. i didnt know his name but he wasnt a complete stranger. and yes, i do know for a fact that he's a white cishet. 100% not queer and is in fact very queerphobic himself.
3. to those saying it was shitty to talk to him like he was "one of us" - omfg i literally talk like that to everyone!!! its just how i talk!!!!!!
4. damn y'all is hateful!! shoulda expected that it is tumblr 🤦🏽always assigning the worst possible intentions. but frfr some of y'all should try anger management/group therapy. im also f u k i n g dead at y'all callin me a bully, y'all sound like these butthurt old ass bigots from my post
aight here's the INFO:
so this guy, we'll call him Jared(40s-50s), was at the resort for close to 2 weeks total. i did what i did in the middle of his 2nd week. the entire first week he was there, he was learning to ski/snowboard. now i work primarily in the Learning Area (i run the conveyors and the gondola), so i saw A LOT of this piece o shit. not once did he, his friends, or his wife ever say or do anything remotely nice to me. i had bruises/cuts on my ankles to my shins from where he repeatedly smacked me with his equipment while getting off the conveyors. with how much he did it, and what he would say to me, it was on purpose. he'd said things like "pfft its [state] what do u expect 😒" when i politely corrected him on my gender, the first time. the next handful of times correcting him, he just ignored me and/or laughed in my face. refused to listen to me about the park rules, would only talk to my white cishet coworkers (YES IK FOR A FACT WHICH OF MY COWORKERS ARE QUEER, AND WHO'S NOT its a small fucking department), and would call me slurs under his breath when he thought i couldn't hear. well, i couldnt hear it, but ive lip read for over a decade, and i definitely know slurs when i read them, especially when theyre said wit such obviously venom. hes poured beer on my sleeves/gloved hands when it was in the negatives outside, because i was collecting his drink (ur not allowed to have alcohol or smoke in the gondola cabins). once, he finished a bar of weed chocolate (we're in a legal state), and then threw the trash on my feet when i asked him to hand it to me. his wife did that wit food wrappers, her half full coffee, and several hand warmers as well. the friends would also throw trash for me to pick up, but they had the decency to not do it directly in front of me. they all thought it was soooooo funny every time😮‍💨 and my job, we're fucking thee front line of customer service at our resort, so im not allowed to actually call this guy out OR really stand up for myself.
eventually id had enough!! id seen him, his friends, and his wife all call me slurs and make fun of my voice and how i acted (like, im a limp wristed, drag wearin ass twink. i have that stereotypical gay lisp, very pronounced too. they stayed makin fun of me all week) and they were being so so so racist (not giving examples on that😐).
the last straw came when he smacked me on the head & in the face (got a cut on my scalp) wit his equipment on the gondola earlier that day, after i told him to be careful cuz i was right there. so the next time i saw him, yeah i wanted to make him feel how he n his made me feel all fucking week. i saw him in his brand new ski suit for the 2nd day, and i just pounced. it was a gotcha type thing, like a "oh y'all're so hateful, treatin me like shit, but u still reppin my colors?" but i cant like actually be rude or shitty to guests so i had to be fake nice about it
and by "a week of hell" i mean he got verbally made fun of for like 3-4 days. and by made fun of, i mean whenever they all saw me they would (playfully, but rough cuz drunken) push him and go "oooooh look he's STILL wearing it😂" and "hahahhaha we should make him give YOU that suit" and, when the wife wasnt there, "lmao maybe he just wants to get with/has a crush you" so like. i was also still bein made fun of at the same time??? just felt better that he was also on my end of it for a while. like y'all he was more than rich enough to have bought a new suit directly after i said that (literally there was a store 500 yards from us), he was just bein a stubborn crotchety old man refusing to "give in to the woke agenda"
as for the "only assuming folks are queer", y'all do know worldwide society at large (specially here in amerikkka) will assume a person is Straight until proven otherwise right? and even then the proofs gotta be indisputable, and even then even then most times it'll still be ignored. so why is it so wrong that i do the opposite? hint: it's not. i dont need huge indisputable proof to believe someone is straight, im not gon ignore when someone says who they are, but im not one to go by the societal norms. to me, everyone is queer until stated otherwise. that guy who couldn't find his gf? was literally watching her live location for the like 3 minutes he and I were talking. its not like we were waiting on a search party or sum🤦🏽calm down. and ykw? the gf was so happy that i said "omg i LOVE y'all's matching bi pride suits🤗", she said they werent bi, but she picked them out cuz she loved the colors, we both agreed that it (the bi flag) looked like a beautiful sunset, like the one we were currently watching. we then gushed over how cute she looked in those colors, and she thanked me for teaching her something new. the only one upset was the bf - that I used they/them for his gf, and that i "insinuated" that he was gay. the "him" was an autocorrect i didnt notice, i only use they/them, or ey/em for folks idk the pronouns for.
nowhere did i insinuate either of these men were queer, i did not and do not out people, and the only reason these people felt "bullied" was because theyre queerphobic and didnt like that i didnt immediately assume they were cishet. so 🤷🏽 sucks to be a bigot tasting they own medicine ig?
Tumblr media Tumblr media
the bi flag suit was the design of pic #1, the trans flag suit was the design from pic #2 except the bottom half was solid black
AITA for telling a guest his snowsuit was the trans pride flag?
okay so i work at a super popular ski resort in the midwest, and most of our clientele are white Straights. im like very obviously a tranny. there was one day that this guy came thru, his snow suit was black with the trans pride flag stripes all over it. he was sat in a gondola cabin with about 5 other men. he came by, and i was in a weird mood ig. i gushed over how "cute" his pride flag snow suit and "omg hun where can i get one🤗" and his friends just started going in on him. it was kinda gross to watch, but idk it felt satisfying? they continued to make fun of him relentlessly for the next 3 days, especially whenever they saw me "yooooo look he's still wearing it🤣how hilarious is that"
i know I just put that man thru about a week of hell, but it felt so perversely nice to get one over on a straight white man.
ive actually started doin in to everyone i see in pride flag colors (its a crazy high amount of people???), and like ill only "assume" that folks here are gay
ex: this guy lost his gf on the mountain, and he didnt say her gender so I was calling her "your partner", "oh I hope you can find them soon!", "omg i hope ur bf gets to you asap :(" and he seemed rather frustrated with me over that but like. fuck em?
so. am i the asshole for "assuming" everyone is queer even if its obvious they arent?
What are these acronyms?
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coconutcows · 1 year ago
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I do not want to come across as rude to you. But I've been thinking of your #personals, #vents  etc. I am only sending this for your well being and to know I am here.
you should not be holding out this hope you have. You should be living your life, I'm sure this person is doing just that and you should be as well. Holding out hope only hurts you more in the end
Hello there anon, I want to jokingly ask if you’re my previous partner using the anon feature to try to gently let me know they’ve decided it’s 100% over but don’t want to tell me directly because they don’t want to hurt/upset me and/or are ready to move on themselves but will feel bad or guilty if they do knowing im holding out hope. If you aren’t well, I appreciate you reaching out anyway because it probably took a little bit of guts.
But the thing is, holding out hope that the One Person who’s ever made me feel desired and like I was possible to love, is probably one of the least reasons keeping me from “living my life”. Holding out hope is background noise in my head tbh, except in the moments where I miss them so intensely it bubbles up, which can happen because somethings too tall for me to reach to just missing their presence because it was a comfort. The fact of the matter is no matter how I feel I can’t and don’t want to control their feelings, and only time will heal or tell. They were my first and so far only love so they’ll always have a piece of my heart
More to the point of the ask here, what’s keeping me from living my life is……I don’t Have a Life. What’s keeping me from living my life is having no money, having no license, no car. I have two friends not counting my previous partner who is my best friend, one who just had a baby she’s obsessed with and another who is engaged, too busy working, and lives in another town. There are no job opportunities here, I already took what was arguably the best one in this town a union job cleaning at a hospital which was so bad it made me start to Ingest Industrial Grade Cleaners (only my counselor knew this up until now). This is why I finally went on antidepressants. I’m pretty sure my town is just becoming a drug den full of money laundering businesses. There’s no social events that happen here, and even if I did want to “move on” I’m related to every other person in this town. And of course the biggest issue holding me back from living my life is I am Myself, but I’m not going to go on a self deprecating spiel right now.
And truthfully I am living my life, there just isn’t anything to it. I live in a shitty small town, a town where someone was just recently caught on a shop camera taking a piss out in public in broad daylight with their bare ass facing the road as close to the outside dining area they could get to this business. The biggest thing I have going on in my life is Pokémon Go and Pokémon in general. I also have my dolls I collect, which don’t make me anywhere near as happy as they used to but also don’t worry if you criticize them at all someone will come yell at you for having an opinion. My knitting which while I’m extremely good at it and people tell me how great it is no one wants to pay what I’d charge for my plushies despite my prices still being far under the actual amount of labour I put in (nurses who make $20-30 and hour who think $50 is too much for my chicken and her chick which took me days to make). And everyday I go visit at my Aunts house which is usually just gossip and talk about whose recently died about people I don’t know. Once a month I go with my Aunt, Grandmother, and Cousin to the next town over because oh yeah there’s no places to shop here either. Oh yeah and we’re pretty much just waiting on my grandfather to die at this point (I’m not getting into this because this is already far longer than I meant it to be). And sometimes I go for drives with my Mom or my Dad when he’s down.
So that’s what it is, Anon. Truthfully I am living what I have to my life, and I know they are too because I talk to them pretty much everyday. And I can’t just stop hoping or move on because of who I am and because I lack most relationship skills that aren’t “by god do everything you can to keep this relationship going”. So I am sorry for the long vent/rant here, I didn’t mean it to turn into this.
And i don’t mean this as rude but Anon? If you or anybody else has any actual advice on How to actually stop hoping, please share it. Because I never got the experience to learn how to do that
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wooahaes · 1 year ago
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hii its tattoo anon again <3 i just wanted to update you i loved cheols part of uts and cheol is one of my biases and i am so in love with his part!! i found this series almost a year ago and its bittersweet now that it has ended. i am so excited to see what comes next for the poly fic and your new works in general. i also hope that u saw my last message!! also i wanted to ask because idk if i didnt realize it or missed it but did you ever reveal who gave mouse the little stuffed mouse? if im not mistaken was it jeonghan? i have been wanting to figure out who it was but idk if i got it wrong lol. have a good day!
omg hi lovely!! i 100% saw ur last message and meant to respond and then. either forgot or got busy w school stuff, im blanking on which is it which probably just means it slipped my mind :( sorry!!
im literally gonna copy it over here and answer both this ask + the previous one to make it easier so uhh long response under the readmore !! i hope that's okay :(
okie dokie ill address this ask first
hi!!! you've been following the series since like... very close to the beginning then haha which is v v sweet and ill sob rn!!
i think i mentioned jeonghan working on the lil plush mouse during cheol UtS but didn't address it further, but yes! it was going to come up during poly fic at some point where he made all of the plushies for each person as a way of like. giving ppl comfort, esp when they show up & don't join the group at first (so that they have Something there w them, im the kind of person who needs something in my arms in order to sleep haha so that's where it's mainly coming from).
and for ur last ask:
hi its me again the tattoo anon LOL. i just wanted to reply to what you said and im so glad that i made you happy with what i said and i genuinely mean it. this is a little vulnerable but ever since i started liking svt i think a major reason why i love them so much is because they are a big group of friends and i have friends, but not that many so stanning svt in general is so comforting because of the closeness of all of them but finding this fic was like. a fucking dream for me because them being such a big close knit group and it being like the found family trope is perfect and the way you write and portray them is so comforting. genuinely i meant it when i said its one of my favorite things i have stumbled upon in my life, i have shared this story with my friends and they love it too and when we watch some edits of seventeen or see something in general that reminds us of this fic we say “this is so under the sun coded” and its like an inside joke with me and my friends. you literally changed the trajectory of my life with this fic lol. when im having a hard time in my personal life i come back to this little world u created by either just thinking about it before i fall asleep or rereading it and i want to thank you for being a writer. i hope you enjoy writing what you write bc i know that i certainly enjoy it and i hope you are proud of urself. anyway i think selling subtle stickers would be so awesome and i will definitely buy them. also since i submitted my last ask i have thought about little ideas for a tattoo maybe?? like what about like a small drawing of a church and like 13 little people around it with a little sun?!? or flowers like you said OR getting little drawings of the animals each person has? i think that would be so cute. or like maybe a little sash blindfold?? anyway ur awesome i love u thank u
the first time i tried to answer this ask, my long response ended up deleted bc i switched tabs for a second to check something and then tumblr just... deleted it??? which was v frustrating, kind of makes me hate the new post editor a Lot!
but to be vulnerable as well, i think i started writing UtS at like... a difficult point in my life? not difficult as in the painful way, but difficult as in 'there's a lot going on right now and i've never felt more alone than i do now' i guess? it's like... i started writing it right before my final semester of college, and i'm an online student, so i don't get to go out and be in a classroom with other people. sometimes i call myself an introvert when i think the term 'ambivert' has always fit more--i don't detest being social, i do tend to enjoy it! but i still need alone time to make up for it since it's draining. and idk, i was lost for a while on who i am and what i want to do with my life?
and i feel like writing UtS has put me in a vulnerable position to like... question a lot more about myself as a person. i have friends, sure, but no one i go out to see in person since i'm not exactly like... in a good place for that kind of interaction (deep south bible belt, haha... makes not being straight something i struggle with sometimes). i think the important part of UtS is the acceptance they all have for one another, and it's something i personally wish to have a lot more of in my offline life. i think even if i had the idea without darl+ing, it would have ended up being a svt fic due to how close they are and how much they care for one another.
also tbh i just love the found family trope. i love the idea and process of choosing your own family in a sense and saying 'these are MY people and i love them' ig.
also u showing the fic to ur friends + the comment abt being like 'this is UtS coded' ill SOB!!! i will!!! thats literally so cute and sweet of u!!! (pls feel free to send me any of ur 'this is UtS coded' thoughts i would always love to hear them haha)
but like. this is why i write. i like being able to impact people and help them escape life and be happy for a while. its why it always means a lot to me when i get feedback on my work and see people be happy with what i write (... even if sometimes its angsty haha--moving people to feel is a huge compliment by itself!). im glad you have UtS. im glad i have it now, too.
i do enjoy writing, btw, and i loved writing uts. even with the frustration periods where i didn't touch it for a while, i genuinely enjoyed writing uts a lot. i think i owe a lot of that to people like you, who read it and show support for the series! its always easier to read something when i know there's someone who will enjoy it. i remember smiling hard when i rewrote the ending to cheol uts bc of how fucking stoked i was to share it tbh!!! also bc i messaged savv 'lol this is gonna be devastating (/pos)' at one point i think sdkfhsdf but i was genuinely excited to finish it and get it out to u guys!! i dont know who i would be if i didn't write, and despite like... all of the bad shit that's happened in my life that i've turned to writing to pull myself out of it, i don't think i'd ever give it up. i think it's too deeply a part of me to ever give up. maybe one day i'll get published lol
ill definitely put more thought into subtle stickers for UtS (and maybe some other series haha cant remember if i mentioned that last time but UtS felt like the bigger one)! might have to ask around my friend circle for tips on designing them >:3
ohh i like ur tattoo ideas :0 im not sure what would look good so i hope u consult a tattoo artist with ur ideas eventually!! the idea of the lil church w a sun + 13 ppl is rly cute? if u do the sash-blindfold thing, u could always have a lyric inside of it or something if u wanna play w that :3c pls feel free to keep me updated further!!
sorry i didnt get to this ask until now but i hope u are doing well mwah mwah have a good day ur awesome ily
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she-waves-at-cats · 2 years ago
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So I relate to absolutely everything in yr "quiet and hardworking" post, except the quiet part cos i talk more the more anxious i am but that's besides the point. What I am interested in is the reading eyebrow twitches because mine twitch A LOT and go all over the place without my awareness. Even if i try to, and feel like, im keeping my face as still as possible. I hate it and it makes me even more nervous cos nobody elses does. I am not diagnosed autistic, if anything i have the opposite problem of reading facial expressions [reading them "too well"/too much into them] but the ADHD doctor diagnosed me with ADHD after about 5 minutes cos he said he could tell by "how alive my face was". It makes me very nervous that my face is doing much more than other people's and Ive gotten paranoid that's why people dont seem to like me. Cos my face is saying things im not aware of and that might be interpreted completely wrong. It feels like yr supposed to have a blasé pokerface and I have the face of a meth addict. Naturally.[I'm not medicated for ADHD]
So im curious as to what you read from people's eyebrows? Do you prefer people with "talking eyebrows" & a face that's alive or does it make you nervous? How do you feel about greyhounds an other dogs with that type of eyebrows?
In short, facial activity (or neurotype) doesn't matter as much as whether your expressions match your true feelings. Some people just don't understand the ways and reasons we express ourselves and if you fight your expressions, that reads as false. This will turn away those who might want to be your friends. But then there are people and situations where we just don't fit in no matter how hard we try, and for those occasions i think it's good to mask. I'm biased here because a poker face is easy for me. Easier than "toning down". But being permanently masked is a miserable life. You don't get rejected but you don't get to experience anything good.
Hey, thanks for asking and helping me think about this. From here on out, it's a stream of consciousness. It's a long post, but you can take heart in knowing that I deleted most of my first draft.
First of all, I think it needs to be said that I haven't been diagnosed with autism or adhd, but at 35 I don't need to be. I've had enough of talking to psychiatrists in my 20s, getting traumatised by them and labeled with mental illnesses that didn't fit me on the basis of my masked behaviour in an artificial situation. Once I allowed myself to accept autism as the cause for my lifelong struggle, it all just fell into place. I was instantly healed of depression, for one.
I wish I was that sort of autistic who doesn't notice and doesn't care about social stuff. Life would be so much more manageable. Alas, I crave friendship and love. In an autistic way. Being loved is my special interest.
The eyebrow twitch was a metaphor mostly. It's about being consciously on the lookout for signs someone's tired or unhappy with me. I think we have the same problem of reading too much into other people's expressions, but it's the right thing to do if you don't want to risk being excluded.
Of course it's all part of a larger picture: what they say, how they phrase it, how they have acted around me historically etc. A single eyebrow movement is nothing, but on a person who has expressed contempt of me before, it's the first sign they're about to say something nasty. Maybe I can stop them if I stop speaking now.
Outside of my close friend circle, people rarely give status updates like "i liked when you did x earlier", "I'm tired of this topic, let's talk about my interest now", or even "I like you". You're supposed to just figure it out from small clues, and if you fail, you suffer consequences. In my experience.
What type of face I prefer? It depends. My two best friends have extremely lively faces, 100 expressions a minute. My husband is not very expressive unless he's actively laughing at a joke. None of these people try to force or fake expressions that don't fit their emotional state. When they emote at me, they are just being themselves, not trying to get me to do something or become something through subtle pressure. They are welcome to look me in the eye because they look with love and acceptance. All these people are great at asking rather than assuming things. And when I tell them something that is true about me, they believe my words.
My own face? I don't know. I think I've always appeared mostly sad and bland. I taught myself to express appropriate emotions, so much that people accepted me even if they instinctively didn't trust me. Now I know for most of my life I was deeply unhappy, so my true expression would've been a scream. Now that I'm no longer depressed, the amount of joy i take in simple things… makes me mask my expressions as well. Grinning like a maniac at a flower or bird or a chain of associations in my mind wouldn't get me any friends either.
I've always preferred to just not be watched. Keep my joys and sorrows private inside my mind or at least inside my house.
I also don't mind looking at faces per se, except when people look straight back at me. When they're busy doing something and telling me about it, or talking to others, I enjoy watching their expressions. It freaks me out when a film character breaks the fourth wall, but I'll allow that if it's really funny. I like looking at photos of others and myself where we're living our lives rather than posing, because faces just look nicer when the eyes are not pointed straight at me.
It's funny you ask about dogs. Being around a dog can be really tiring because they make me feel so observed. I can see the dog making judgements about me, deciding how to react to my words and actions. Their constant alertness to humans makes me self-conscious. The way they mirror expressions is unsettling. It's hard to believe that a creature can genuinely always want to be together and do what i ask it to.
Multiple dogs watching my every move? That would be just like retail. I'm not putting myself through that for less than fair minimum wage.
It's easier to relate to less social animals. Fish, birds, snails even. You don't feel judged by a snail. My cat is easy to care for, because he is very clear about what he wants when he wants something, letting me know with sounds, eye contact and movements, but when he doesn't need me, he does his own thing. We are aware of each other but with no demands.
This is also true about the people who are easiest to interact with. We parallel-play in the same room, text each other our random thoughts rather than demand instant attention. We talk without necessarily looking at each other.
I appreciate not being drawn into a game of just emoting at each other for no external reason, but if someone wants to share something big with me, or ask me for something I can give them, I'm there for them. If a year or two have passed since we last talked, that makes no difference. And if their face is easy to read, that's just a bonus.
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strawberrymilkgeorge · 4 years ago
Text
Part Nine. Minecraft Dating 101
warnings: swearing, mostly super freaking fluffy but some oopsies at the end (which is the barely-there angst that i mentioned before!!), pet names?? if that bothers you??? (like...... one or both of them might use baby.........) word count: 5.3k (not including pictures)
behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist
A/N: HEHEH SORRY ITS SO LONG SORRY hope you guys like it!!!! hope it lives up to your standards of minecraft dates lol also thank you guys all for all your suggestions!!! i loved all of them so much!!!! i would have added every idea except this was already 5k words so its much less “flirting” and more so “oh gosh im so nervous what am i supposed to do” from both of them so hehe i think thats more endearing anyway
**********
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The familiar sound of a FaceTime call connecting rang in Y/n's ears and she held her phone up to her face. "Hi, Karl," she sighed.
"Y/N!!" he said with a cackle. "ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR DATE?!"
"Shut up, I'm doing this for you."
"I already gave you the tour though so really you could back out. You're choosing to stay." His voice was teasing and giddy. "Why's that, hmm?"
Heat rose instantly to Y/n's face. "Because I'm a woman of my word?"
"OkaAaAyy," he sang. "Or because you liiiiikeee himmm."
"Shhhut up, Karl. No, I don't."
"Suuuure."
"Is this why you called me?"
He giggled. "Yeah, but—"
Y/n disconnected the call and set her phone down with a small laugh and a shake of her head.
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With her stream started and her chat greeted, the donation limit raised to $100 (both because she didn't want to be flooded with questions on the date and because she didn't want people to donate their hard-earned money), Y/n logged onto Dream's SMP and found the voice call Dream was in, George's name right under his.
After she clicked it to join, a small gasp emitted from her headphones before she heard Dream mutter something. "Get out, get out, leave."
George's voice was normal. "But I wanna—"
"GEORGE!" Dream yelled, making Y/n giggle.
"Fine!" George yelled back. "Have fun you two," he sang like Karl did before a sound from Discord told them that he left.
It was silent for a second before, "Hi."
"Hi." She giggled. "What was that about?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing. Just some last minute, uh, setting up."
She hummed, amused at the sound of his frantic voice.
"So, um... are you ready for our date?"
"I don't even know where you are. I'm still in my house."
"Knock, knock," he said with a laugh. Y/n turned to see green peeking through the cutouts on her oak door and she laughed.
She ran to the door and opened it for him, revealing Dream in a slightly altered version of his Minecraft skin. He looked the same, except the white blob appeared to be wearing a necktie of some sort. "You look ridiculous," she admitted with a smile. "Wait, is this a fancy date? Should I change my skin?"
"It's not fancy, I just wanted to look my best for the prettiest girl in the world."
"Ohmygosh," she muttered to herself, hoping that writing off his charming words and actions as annoying would make her face not heat up as much. So far, it hadn't worked. Two minutes in and she was already blushing like a schoolgirl whose crush asked her to play tag at recess. "So, I'm not underdressed?"
"No, you're always perfect."
She didn't comment, opting for an eye-roll instead. Truthfully, she wanted to flirt back with him, try to make his heart beat fast like hers already was, but she was worried her words wouldn't come off joking and that the true intention would be obvious, that he'd be able to breeze right past the jovial tone and hear the sincerity in her words. Wait, true intention? What was her true intention? Her true intention should obviously be to just joke around and have some fun, but deep down she knew the motivation for teasing him came from somewhere different, somewhere more meaningful.
She wanted to tease him because she wanted to be the one to make him blush, to make him trip over his words and not know what to do with his hands.
Why? Well, she was still figuring that out.
"If you're ready, follow me, ma'am."
"Where are you taking me?" she asked as she followed his character down prime path.
"Hmmm..." he mused. "A secret, obviously."
"Obviously," she scoffed. She noticed that he was several blocks ahead of her and she smiled to herself. "Hey, Dream?"
"Hm?" he asked, spinning to face her as he ran backward.
"I don't know how many dates you've been on, but usually people walk together. You know, gives them an excuse to maybe hold hands or at least enjoy each other's company?" She made sure her voice had just the right balance of teasing and seriousness, curious as to how he would respond.
"I, uh... oh."
"Unless you want me to just meet you there. I mean, you're practically running away from me."
"I'm just excited!" he excused, stopping briefly so she could catch up with him.
"But look at how many beautiful things there around us to look at while we get to where we're going!" she told him. "Well, maybe not that," she said with a laugh as she punched her fist towards Tommy's dirt house. "But other things."
Dream laughed and continued to walk next to her like she requested, pausing if he ever got too far ahead. "How can I look at all those when the most beautiful thing is walking right next to me?"
She's never rolled her eyes so hard in her life. "Shut up," she mumbled as she punched him.
"OW! BUG!"
"That was supposed to be a pat on the arm but Minecraft only has one level of hitting and it's a punch. Sorry."
Dream wheezed briefly before containing his laughter. "This way," he instructed, getting off the path and starting into the woods.
"Oh, really you're trying to kill me. That's why you didn't want me to wear anything nice. Didn't want me to ruin any of my fancy stuff."
"Foiled my plans," he joked lightly. "Okay but really, um, I was thinking—well, so you already have a house but I was thinking we could build one together. Or build something, I don't know. But you're really good at building and I know you really enjoy it so I thought maybe you could show—like, teach me and then later I'll teach you something and then we can have a little picnic dinner."
Y/n smiled at her nervousness. "Hey, that actually sounds really fun!"
"What? What do you mean actually?" He laughed. "What, did you expect me to plan something boring?"
She laughed over his dramatic pouting. "No, but I mean, I didn't know what to expect," she said shyly. "I do have to say, though, I'm not sure what you plan on teaching me. I'm pretty much a master at all possible Minecraft skills, so..."
"Oh, really?" he taunted. "Everything?"
"Mhm," she hummed, her confidence wavering at his smooth voice.
"We'll see about that..."
"Unless you mean you're gonna teach me how to code Minecraft. That's a Minecraft skill I will admit I know nothing about."
"No, no, nothing like that," he said with a laugh.
"Good, save the programming talk for later."
"For laaater, hmmm?" he sang flirtatiously.
"Oh my gosh," she said through a laugh. "You would think that's what I meant."
"Hey, you're the one that said you think it's cute when I talk about coding. Maybe you're into that."
"I was saying it's sweet hearing you talk about stuff you like, you nerd. Why did you immediately think—what, is your idea of dirty talk talking about... like... computer viruses?"
"WhAT?"
"Hey girl, lemme clean out your motherboard," she mocked in a deep voice. "You overclock my processor. Lemme program your, uh—uh...hAHA, nevermind, ew, no."
"BUG?! WHAAAT? What is wrong with you?" His gasps for breath between wheezes made her laugh with him. "Don't ever talk like that again, pleASE."
"I won't, I won't, I'm sorry. Oh my gosh."
"Is that your idea of flirting? You are bad!"
"No, no, no!" She laughed. "I was making fun of you. No, I'm actually really good."
She couldn't stop giggling to herself for a few minutes, embarrassed but also proud of the reaction she got from Dream. She loved hearing him laugh as if he would never stop, it made her heart so happy to hear, especially when she was the one who caused it.
Though she feared her horrible pickup lines, if you could even call them that, were already clipped, ready to be used against her for the rest of her life. Worth it. Probably.
They approached a cleared-out area in the woods and Dream stopped and turned to Y/n. "So, we're here. What should we build?"
"Oh, so now I have to plan? Wow, you are so underprepared," she joked.
"What, no! I originally... I wanted to build a, like, a house together because I didn't— I forgot you made your—your house already and—but since you already have one—"
"We can still build a house," she interrupted with a soft voice. Him fumbling over his words was very endearing but also very confusing. How serious was he taking this bit? Or was he... actually nervous? She was actually nervous but she had reasons to be: a huge live audience to entertain and not ignore, and the weird staticky, itchy feeling in her tummy every time Dream spoke to her. Both valid reasons to be nervous. What was his excuse?
"Really? You wanna build a home together?"
Heat rose to her cheeks at his wording and she hummed. "Mhm. You can be my secret lover I hide in my vacation home. Like a second life kinda deal."
He scoffed. "Oh, now I'm just your side piece, Bug?"
"Nah, you're my main bitch, baby. I just wanna hide you away to keep you for myself because I'm selfish."
There was silence on his end for a few moments, making Y/n's face practically catch fire as she thought about her words. Why did she say that?? How can he flirt all the time but as soon as she says something: dead silence.
"Well.... shhhhhit," he finally mumbled definitively.
"You wanted me to flirt with you, Dream. You literally asked me too!" She laughed, trying to cover up her embarrassment. It had been less than 20 minutes and she already made a fool of herself.
"I did, I did, I just—wow. Come on, that was... I didn't expect you to go from never flirting to calling me baby!"
"Too much?" she bit her lip as she waited for him to explain if it was a good or bad thing.
He paused again. "....no."
She laughed loudly, pulling her hoodie collar up to her face in an attempt to rid herself of the giddiness and heat on her face. Like anyone could see anyway.
"So, a house?"
"A house."
"What kind of house do you think we should build together, Dream?"
"Maybe...." he thought as he ran around the area. "Maybe, like, a log cabin? Since we're in a forest. It's fitting..."
"Very true, very true..." she thought. "I was thinking a castle was more suited for you, king, but a cabin works too."
"Bug!" he yelled, laughter bubbling up in his voice. "What is wrong with you?"
"What?" she said defensively, giggling.
"You're a handful today," he groaned under his breath and she smiled. Though his words said one thing, Y/n could tell he was enjoying her energy.
"So, a dinky, old cabin, or what?"
"Whatever you want to build," he sighed.
"You always this agreeable?"
"Only to you."
"Well, I honestly don't have much practice with building cabins and since I want to show off my skills, I mean, that's the whole point of this, right? For me to impress you with my skills?"
Dream laughed so she continued.
"I think we should build a treehouse."
"A treehouse?"
"Mhm. What do you think? I make a pretty bomb treehouse."
"That sounds awesome!" he agreed. "Oh, and it could go from, like, one tree to another and, like, connect with a bridge! Like, the living room on one and the bedroom on another."
"Yeah, exactly! Okay, it's settled."
"What do we need? What do you want me to do?"
"I'm thinking.... we use cobblestone?"
Dead silent. Literally no noise until a few moments later, ".......Bug. This might be a deal-breaker."
"I'm joooking! You think I'd build something out of cobblestone? Who am I, Tommy? No, what's your favorite wood?"
"Dark oak."
"GOOD. Me too. So.... we need dark oak. Or, wait! Okay, hear me out."
"I'm hearing..." Dream prompted as he pressed A and D on his keyboard back and forth, earning a giggle from Y/n. He character was bouncing left and right is excitement.
"Dark oak planks..." she started.
"Mhm."
"Stone bricks..."
"Go on."
"And green wool for accents."
"Well, now you're just pandering."
"No!" she laughed. "Not, like, lime wool. Green wool. It's close to you but not as... obnoxiously blinding."
"I trust your vision. I'll go get materials."
"Perfect, you're the best, Dweam."
"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled before laughing. "You pick out a tree you think would be best for the main part."
40 minutes later, they were nowhere near being done. Y/n had shown him how to make a good house layout after he placed the floor in the shape of a square. She had yelled at him for it first, of course. They also had the frame of the walls and one bridge but nothing on the other side of said bridge. Not wanting the stream to last six hours since this was only the first part of the date, Y/n made a suggestion.
"What if...."
"What if what?" Dream asked, pausing to look at her character, who had stopped fixing his mistakes. "Did I mess something up?"
"No, I was just thinking. What if we make this the whole house and do a little garden on the other side of the bridge? Or like a little cute thing."
"A little cute thing?" Dream laughed.
"You know, like a thing," she said, knowing she hadn't clarified anything. "I forgot this is only date one, you can't read my mind yet."
"Oh, so there are gonna be future dates? I thought this was just to pay off your debt?"
She paused, playing with her hoodie strings between her left hand. "Well, I guess we'll see."
Dream laughed. "So, what little cute thing did you want to make?"
"We could put a bench facing the sunset and have some potted flowers and hang lanterns and stuff."
"Oh, like a romantic spot?"
"I guess if you wanna think of it like that."
"Sounds cute," he said. "So, we have to change the layout in here then?"
"Nah, I mean, we can just not add a kitchen, we obviously don't need one anyway."
"True. Then all we need is to put our bed down, right?"
"Beds," Y/n corrected.
"Well, when they're together it looks like one big bed."
"Who said we're putting out beds together?"
"Buuuuggg..." he whined. "Come on... lemme put my bed next to yours."
She giggled again. What was with all the giggling, sheesh. "No. There's plenty of space, put it somewhere else." She placed her white bed down in the corner and went across the bridge to bring her idea to life, or, to Minecraft.
It only took about ten minutes and she finished when Dream spoke again. "I think I'm done."
"I am too! Let's take one final look around." She went back inside and immediately noticed his bed right next to hers. She stared at his character and he laughed.
"Whaaat?" he asked shyly and she just sighed, letting it happen. They took a look around and agreed that it was basically the best treehouse in the entire universe, both in Minecraft and real life.
"Bug, you're so good at building," Dream complimented as he ran around the house. "What's your favorite part?"
"Ummm...." She looked around before deciding on the bridge. "I like how you made the bridge. And I like the little touches you added to it. It's nice."
"Thanks! I think the 'little cute thing' you did is the best part."
"Shut up, I can't stand you," she scoffed. "But thanks."
"Hey, Bug?" Dream asked, leading her back into the house. He faced the two beds placed together and she prepared herself for the worst joke of all time. "Is this where all the programming talk happens?"
"I knew it! I knew you were gonna say that! Shut up!" She punched Dream as he laughed loudly and she couldn't stop smiling. "You're such a nerd. You're so annoying."
"OH! I have an idea, wait here."
***
It had been a solid eight and a half minutes of Y/n waiting for Dream and he showed no signs of returning. He was silent too, so she resorted to saying random things to get him to crack.
"When will my husband return from war?" she joked, her voice laced with sadness and longing.
There was a small suppressed laugh from his mic, but still no words.
"Sometimes I think I can still hear him laughing at me."
He must have gotten reeeaaalll close to his mic, because his next words, the first ones he had spoken in almost ten minutes, were whispered but she felt like he was in her ear. "I'll be home soon, baby."
Once again, she was so glad her chat couldn't see her because she literally shivered and her face was so warm she felt like she was glowing.
For the first time all stream, her eyes betrayed her and she looked at her chat as she pulled her hoodie collar up to her face.
user18: BUGSY BEIN REEEAL QUIET
user4: i think i just passed out
user11: wHAT ON EARTH DREAM ADKXKH
user7: BUGSY ON GOD BE REAL WITH US WTF IS GOING ON RN
user2: hey bestie i cant do this rn
user9: they can't talk to each other like that and say they're just friends pleASE
Also for the first time all stream, someone dared to donate at her limit (which, again, was ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS).
karakatara donated $100 I had to donate bc I just HAD to tell you how cute you and dream are! honestly my favorite couple ever and I was just wondering how long you've been dating??? love you and your videos!!!!!
It was $100. She had to answer it. Meaning, she had to use words after Dream said that like that and she wasn't sure that was physically possible right now.
"Aren't you going to answer?" Dream taunted.
"Wha—what, are you—you stream watching, you weirdo?" she forced out. "Why?"
"I wanted to read your chat, they're really funny."
"I haven't been reading it."
"What, why? They've been so funny this whole time."
"I've been too scared to."
"Too scared? Of what?"
Of the jokes that she wanted to be real? Of seeing something so cute only to break her heart when she remembers it's all a joke? Of seeing someone hate her for being so close to Dream? Many things.
"Of seeing something... that boosts your ego."
"What? Oh, come on. Hey, answer the dono. Someone gave you their hard earned money for that."
"Yeah, wait, chat, I had the limit that high so you DON'T donate! Why on earth would you—"
"You're avoiding the question."
"We aren't actually dating! Not actually a couple!" she said with a laugh, though something in her heart was very much against laughing at that fact. "Obviously not."
"Well, it's only the first date, so, we'll see I guess, but..."
"I cannot stand you. Thank you so much for the dono, though, Karakatara. You're insane for... yeah. Thank you so much." She turned her attention back to Dream. "Actually though are you ever coming back?"
"Yeah, what, I'm almost there. I see the you staring out the window. ."
When he got inside, he dropped a blue cornflower for Y/n and stepped back. "Okay, now, give that to me."
She followed, not understanding. "For you, Dream." She dropped the flower.
"Aw, Bug! That's so kind! Aw! Thank you! Here's a flower for you, too!" He dropped her a red poppy and then put two item frames on the wall above their beds. He put the blue cornflower above his bed and she followed by putting the red one above hers. "Now that's my favorite part of the house."
"You didn't want to use the real ones? What, did you lose my flower or something?"
"Hell no!" he defended loudly. "No, I just don't want someone to steal that one. It's in my enderchest for safe-keeping."
He said it so casually like it was no big deal, but her heart soared. She too had his flower in her enderchest.
"This," she said dramatically with a sigh, "is now a treehome."
***
"I already told you I'm the best PVP player out there."
"Bug, honey, I've seen you play Bedwars. You're trash."
"Hey!" Hehe, honey. Shut up brain.
"But that's okay! I'm here to teach you."
Y/n's character stood across a makeshift battlefield from Dream's, an axe in hand and armor that was definitely donated by DreamXD on her body. "This is kinda sexist of you. Assuming I know how to name a cute house but not fight."
"Oh no, that's not—crap. Bug, I'm only basing this off of your streams, which I watch all the time—"
Once again, he said something so casual and yet it still made her heart skip three beats and once again, she grabbed the collar of her hoodie and pulled it up to hide her face. This thing had to be stretched by now from how often it was yanked on in this stream alone.
"—and don't get me wrong, you're great! But you're also good at a lot of stuff and—"
"Dream!" she giggled out. "I'm teasing. I admit you're much better than me."
"I wouldn't say much better but... it's the only thing I could possibly teach you anything about because you're just so good at Minecraft." His tone was sarcastic at this point but she knew he was meaning what he said.
"Whatever. Come on, Dream, show me how it's done."
He actually had a lot of very useful tips that Y/n otherwise would have never thought about. I guess when you tryhard Minecraft, she thought, you learn a thing or two about pvp. It was a complete joke, but she still kept it to herself.
"I could basically beat anyone now," she said confidently.
"Yeah, basically. Except maybe Technoblade."
"Nah, even him."
"Let's see how good you really are. To the death."
"What?" She laughed. "You're gonna try to kill me on our date?"
"Yeah, scared?" Seconds later, a creeper exploded near Dream and he screeched, jumping back. Y/n lost it. She laughed loudly, clutching her stomach.
"Dr-Dream!" She laughed. "What the hell was that?"
"It scared me!" he argued. "Here, I'll protect you," he offered, running past her and killing a skeleton that was shooting towards her.
"I don't need protecting, especially from you! Besides, if you're trying to kill me, you'd let the mobs get me."
"No," he decided. "No one's allowed to kill my Bug."
She was literally going to explode. "Wh—"
"Only I get to."
"Dream!" she scoffed, running to kill the skeleton first. She succeeded and he pouted.
"Hey—I did more damage than you, you just had the final hit."
"Really? Cause to me it looks like I'm your knight in shining armor."
"Nuh-uh," he spat.
"Dream. F5 right now, you're covered in arrows."
There was a pause. "Oh whatever." He hit her once and that's all it took for them to start fighting, throwing jokes and taunts at each other the whole time, eventually resulting in a satisfying win for her.
Dream was slain by Bugsy
"WHAT?! HOW?"
<Tubbo> i thogt you were on a date <Ranboo> well definitley not anymore <Ranboo> is that canon <JackManifoldTV> WOMEN
"What was that about you being better than me?" Y/n teased.
"Oh, come ON! I still had damage from the skeleton, and besides, I taught you everything you know!"
"That just makes you a very good teacher, Dream," she said sincerely and he paused, probably expecting her to insult him instead of compliment him.
"Yeah, suck up now that you've murdered me."
***
They were finally at their final stop, three hours into the stream. Not too bad on time, though this was probably the longest Minecraft date in the history of Minecraft dates. Also the best, but maybe Y/n was biased.
There was a huge tree, obviously built instead of naturally generated, with lanterns hanging down and lighting areas of the dark world around them. Under that was a checkered pattern of carpet, a single chest in the center with a potted plant sitting next to it.
"The carpet is supposed to look like a, uh, what's it called... picnic blanket?" Dream explained as they approached the scene, clearly not happy with how it turned out. "It looks weird. Nothing compared to the treehouse you built."
"We built," she corrected. "And this looks awesome, Dream," Y/n complimented. "It's is also my favorite colors."
"Yeah, I had some help from Karl on that one."
She leaned back in her chair in real life and pressed her hands to her face. Oh, it was so unfair how cute he was when he was shy like this. She glanced at chat, which only made her face go from the temperature of molten lava to basically the sun. She was going to explode.
She hummed, a little giggle coming out as well. "That's cute."
She sat (crouched) on the picnic blanket (piece of carpet) while Dream put a disc in the jukebox off to the side.
"Is that a Tommy disc?" she giggled and Dream laughed.
"No, no, no, don't worry. There shouldn't be any continuations of wars interrupting our date."
"Shouldn't be," she emphasized, noticing someone approaching them from the distance.
Dream was about to speak when Quackity reached them and quickly joined the voice channel.
"Oh no," Dream sighed. "We've come so far."
"AYYEEE WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?!" Quackity yelled in his Mexican Dream voice, his voice bubbling with laughter. "IS THIS A DATE OR SOMETHING, MAN?"
"Quackity, go AWAY!" Dream ordered, punching the character who had stripped to his underwear. "YOU'RE INDECENT! THERE IS A LADY HERE!"
Y/n laughed, enjoying the scene of fancy Dream hitting naked Quackity away from their picnic dinner.
"I'm your waiter, I'm your waiter!" Quackity said in his normal voice, still laughing. "DREAM! WILL YOU STO— QUIT HITTING ME!"
This had turned chaotic very quickly.
"We don't need a waiter," Dream informed him.
"Then I'm the singing gram you ordered." He started singing a song and Dream groaned. "HEY THERE DELILAH WHAT'S IT LIKE IN NEW YORK CITY—"
"No! You're being a clout chaser, go away!"
"I'm honestly impressed we made it this far without anyone coming into the voice channel," Y/n admitted.
"I paid them," Dream joked.
"You did not!" Karl's voice suddenly came through and Y/n laughed. "We were all just being polite and staying away but we're getting bored! We've been so patient!"
"Yeah, hurry up! We wanna play!!!" Sapnap whined. "Dream, it's not fair for you to steal Bugsy from us for so long."
"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed with a laugh as Dream laughed along.
"Just ten minutes! Ten more minutes!" Dream bargained but none of them would have it. "Just so I can say goodbye!"
"No!" George insisted. "Right now!"
"Look, wait, wait, hold on—"
<Sapnap joined the game> <GeorgeNotFound joined the game> <KarlJacobs joined the game>
"—hold ON!" Dream begged, watching as the three boys ran and joined Quackity by the picnic blanket.
Y/n could not stop laughing at all the avatars around them. The date had been so peaceful and cute but all good things must come to a chaotic end.
"Wait, come on, Karl, Karl, Karl," Dream said quickly. "Come here. Bug, just a sec, please. Stay right there."
"Okay," she agreed, curious to see his plan.
Karl followed him and of course Sapnap couldn't help but also join them.
"Okay," Dream whispered loudly, clearly wanting everyone to hear his offer. He crouched and the other two copied. "Just give me ten minutes—"
"Ten?" Sapnap asked loudly.
"Shhh!!! Yes, ten minutes, to say goodbye and, you know, end the date."
There was a long, thick pause. "What exactly are your intentions with Bugsy Games," Karl asked seriously, matching Dream's whisper.
"Well, I wanna make sure she gets home safe, you know, so I'm gonna drop her off and, I don't know, see if maybe.... maybe she'll give me a hug?"
Karl and Sapnap both gasped dramatically and Y/n giggled, sparing a glance at her chat who were all freaking out.
"What the hell?" Quackity said while laughing. He and George were still standing near Y/n so they were just watching the goons with her.
"Bugsy is not that kind of girl!" Sapnap protested. "You think she's just gonna give you a hug?"
"Sapnap! Do you not know how to whisper???"
George let a loud laugh slip before slapping his hand over his mouth, which his mic picked up.
"Okay, Dream, wait, so you're gonna try to... hug her?" Karl clarified. "She won't even let me hug her. Good luck."
"Well, I'm not going to force her into anything but, I don't know, she said something about holding my hand earlier so I just thought maybe there's a possibility—"
"WHAT?" Karl yelled before going back to the whisper. "Okay, okay, don't panic, but that's huge. Dadnap, a word?"
He and Sapnap broke off from Dream and formed their own huddle, except their whispers were incoherent mumblings that weren't even English.
"Oh my gosh," Y/n groaned loudly, an unmistakable laugh behind her words.
"Okay," Sapnap said, rejoining Dream. "We'll give you five minutes but if you take any longer, we're barging in and killing you."
"Yes, sir!" Dream said. "Thank you, sirs."
"Mhm. Okay, break!"
They all uncrouched in sync before Dream ran back to Y/n.
"How did it go?" she asked as if she didn't hear the entire conversation.
"Bad news," he started. "Your dad's want you home."
"Shame, I was quite enjoying my time."
Dream slowly turned towards the boys as if to glare at them for ending the date before turning back to her. "Then, maybe, I don't know, we could do this again sometime?"
"I.... think I'd like that," she said slowly, trying to tease him.
He giggled and told her he was going to drop her off at her house, even though when the date was over, they were all probably gonna mess around together anyway so there was no point in them leaving the group. But it was the thought that counted.
He ended up taking her back to the treehouse, which warmed her heart. She also noticed when they faced each other at front of the door, she could see the four other boys watching them.
"Goodnight, my sweet Bug," he said poshly.
"Goodnight, Dream." He turned away but she stopped him. "Wait!" She moved to his side and made a loud, MUAH, sound before stepping back in front of him. "A kiss on the cheek," she clarified, not wanting him to think she gave him a real kiss.
"Cute," he said under his breath, almost like he didn't mean to say it out loud. "Night night." He turned away and ran down to the others, screaming the whole way. "GUYS, DID YOU SEE THAT? BUG GAVE ME A KISS ON THE CHEEK!! OMG DID YOU SEE, DID YOU SEE?"
Chat was gonna have a field day with that. Actually, with a lot of things that had happened. Oh, she could see the clips and edits now.... oh boy.
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