#but dear lord. its hard.
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i am grateful for many of the graces i have been given in my life but often i wish i didnt have emotionally constipated parents who only got full custody of me when i was 15. often i yearn for a gilmore girls type relationship where even if they dont know everything i can call them and feel less alone in the world. i want to cry and not have them flounder and not know what to do but tell me not to be sad
#its such a weird bizarre loneliness to be the only person in this whole world who ever experienced my mother#in the particular way she taught me to be meek and live out my existence prioritizing not bothering anyone with it#and then to have moved on to a family who loves me less wrong but has still always been confused about how to interact with me#and has mostly left me to my own devices#when i went off to college there was a while there where i didnt feel so alone in the world but now thats dissipated and im.#well im still here#clawing at the walls trying to figure out how to be seen and how to do anything and how to live and i feel like i know so much about book#learning and being cultured and know nothing about loving#i am so tired of this alone ness. circulating through my life#how many times in my life have been struck with the feeling of wanting to call#someone. anyone. and not knowing who.#im going to change this. i have to.#but dear lord. its hard.#t;
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im not american but some of you guys are just fucking stupid ong what do you MEAN youre not gna vote because you disagree with like one part of what youre voting for. like okay me when im fucking thick
#you guys are being FUCKING STUPUD#vote i actually swear to fucking god dont be THICK#“genocide joe” yeah i agree hes supporting a genocide thats a face#fact*#but hes three billion times better than trump in EVERY OTHER WAY???????#USE YOUR COMMON FUCKING SENSE#genuinely its not hard#“dont vote guys both parties are bad” ARE YOU STUUUUUUPID ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID IM GONNA BEAT YOU UP#would you rather a) have rights + disagree with one policy or b) be imprisoned for basically just being alive + disagree with every policy#YOURE FUCKING STUPID#like im not gonna force you to vote for someone or to vote at all but Jesus fucking christ#mate do you want rights or not#do you want the ENTIRE PLANET to suffer because of something you think gives you moral superiority (hint: IT DOESNT)#fucking vote#blah blah!#not 75 stuff#smart posting wow#should i tag#you know what i fucking am because youre STUPID#i dont CARE if you disagree with some of their morals. i agree the ones that you dislike are TERRIBLE but dear fucking lord#idk how to tag wait#kamala harris#joe biden#idk man#just fucking vote#us politics#election 2024#us elections#american politics
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Punisher Being Immune To The Penance Stare Is Stupid And Dumb send tweet
#ghost rider#my art#hyper-hellfire#cosmic ghost rider#frank castle#cw scoptophobia#cw eye contact#cgr is. So fun To Draw#but Dear Lord its hard to keep track of all the lights#digital art#@croatostrophee u have me Annoyed About This Again lmfao
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sometimes i forget not everyone knows athena cykes is one of my favorite characters from anything ever bc somehow i haven’t posted a lot of art of her?????? i promise if you saw every time i doodled her in math class it would rival the largest museum collections
#this doesn’t go for ppl who follow my side blog tho bc. there are so many athena posts there. she’s also the only character i’ve liked from#anything in the past 4 years that my dad knows & can remember the name of which rlly says something#athena cykes#ace attorney#ace attorney fanart#trying out that one more muted style again and dear lord it’s so hard not to saturate everything to its max#also her eyeliner is the color i use when i cosplay her :)#my art
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Fyodor/Nikolai/Sigma, domestic au, but they are painfully slavic and living their best lives, is something that can be so personal.
(this post took forever cause I essentially had to make it twice. I didn't look at what blog I originally posted this to the first time round. shoot me)
#the mixture of Russian. Ukrainian. and Polish would be so beautiful and so messy dear lord#they go to church at least every sunday if not more. Fyodor tunes into a radio midnight mass. Sigma veils when he goes to church#they all help cook so every night is fusion night. they scrounged up an *old* cookbook somewhere cause none of them had any family they-#close enough to to get an authentic grandma's cook book. so they make do with what they've got#they all speak all three languages#they believe in *every* slavic superstituion and piece of folklore. its actually like. hard to exist. they're bordering being annoying with#i say lovingly#breakfast is their favorite time of day. they make fancy teas and kiss and read the paper with the radio going#fyodor has a library of old slavic literature#fyodor and nikolai almost only go by fedya and kolya#nikolai lives up to the smoking/alcohol addiction stereotype and he's proud of it#this post is made by a polish slav that is only just starting to reconnect with the culture my family tried to bury so bare with-#the sparsity please. any suggestions would be lovely!#slavic is a blanket term#slavic#sigma#sigma bsd#sigma bungou stray dogs#bsd sigma#(implied) fem sigma#fyodor dostoevsky#bsd fyodor#fyodor dostoyevsky bsd#nikolai gogol#bsd nikolai#sigfoylai#siglai#fyolai#fyosig#bsd
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Me: I'm gonna draw NSFW! uhuuuuul! Horny art is so cool and fun! :D
Me drawing NSFW: @//////////@ IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY AAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY
#Im trying my best to fight the internalized sex negativity years of church gave me#but its hard#im enjoying myself but dear lord THE GUILT#can a friend please hold my hand and say its okay to be a freak
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euuiuuegehh left leg nerve pain essay due in class tomorrow 40 minutes to finish it film project due in class right after also like 40 minutes to finish it oh its sooo over maybe
#film project is majorly my fault bc i didn t get all the parts done in time and im gonna have to crunch or. potentially fail#an 100p TEST GRADE (head in hands)#its ok bc something is better than nothing and im amazing in every other class so the worst i get is like a C...#but still#dear lord#at least im on track for the essay but im dreading it#only got the intro + beginning of first body paragraph done#praying and hoping#that bc i take so long to write essay intros and body paragraphs treat me better once i get tha ball rolling#that ill be able to finish in time#whole class tmrw is just finishing the essay so its not that bad but goddddddd#back to back#then the rest of my classes r fun for the rest of the day but dude T_T sigh....#sry i dont usually complain abt life this hard i doubt anyones gonna explode me for this but uueue im just sleepy LOL#i should get some kind of editing done before i go to bed but its midnight nooowweee#cosmyisms
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penny from btb i am so sorry but the dadapocalypse happened so now my pfp is anthony burch dndads
#dndads#sure i’ll tag it#its so hard to tell who any of my mutuals are dear lord#its ok we got this#thoughts in the void
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a Jackie Walker from Pokemon Ranger and the Temple Of The Sea tumblr layout in warm/sunset colors for @hoodie-prince-kid!!
hope you enjoy!! it's so orange dear lird
💘 Free to use, like/reblog and credit if using ^_^ 💘
#THIS ONE WAS KIND OF. HARD TO FIGURE OUT JDHKFSJHFDJS#it's so orange dear lord.#tried to make a sort of ''psd'' for this but it didn't. work out as much? its just Orange#pokemon#pokemon ranger#pokemon ranger and the temple of the sea#jackie walker#jackie walker pokemon#icons#tumblr layout#layout#banners#edits#my edits#[💥] requests
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the vibes were fun but man were there a lot of jumpcuts. especially in a video like this please let me breathe
#i dont love the trend of cutting words so quickly together like. let people speak! and pause!#they don't need the cuts to be funny. or the breakneck speed#i think thats why its hard. cause theres qualified editors out there. but they need to understand the vibe. the purpose.#and theyre not there yet besties#the fact they did 3 whole rounds intro'd and outro'd in less than 10 minutes? jfc that is insane#im glad theyre working with editors bc dear lord i cant imagine how much work this is. but also. their lack of influence was noticable today#dnp#c.text#dan and phil
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I want you to know that I constantly think about that post/chapter of yours that posits the idea that Decepticon High Command in Animated just thinks the DJD is annoying as shit. It's so fucking funny. The idea that the DJD is exactly as terrifying and sadistic as they are in the comics but are just treated like annoying edgelords has me in shambles.
YES I'm so glad that's living on!!
Because like yeah!! If I had to work with a group of people who committed some serious horrific atrocities but were also edgelords I'd be annoyed too! What do you mean Tarn is constantly playing the same classical music over and over again?? What do you mean Kaon "accidentally" put you on The List after you made fun of him?? Why is Vos allowed to be a "linguistic purist" and make communications a thousand times harder??
Like yeah they're terrifying if you were an actual target. But obviously Decepticon High Command members aren't a target, and high ranking Cons also have the responsibility of planning attacks, managing resources, and keeping up appearances with neutral partners. Not everyone can go join a secretive group and just fuck around committing atrocities. Some of us have to actually work and get shit done around here!! No I don't want to hear about how you ground a mech to death or flayed a mech alive, I need you to explain how you spent all those credits we gave you in under three solar cycles!!
I headcanon that Strika has beef with Tarn not because he's a violent, barely controlled murderer, but because he doesn't do any administrative work. He doesn't do his financial reports, he never helps with maintaining trade routes, and he never keeps track of resources used. The last time she asked for his energon consumption report for the last quarter he went on a tangent about Megatron's early writings until she gave up and cut the call. She has since talked Nickel into doing administrative work behind Tarn's back just so that she has some records of their spending and consumption. She's brought this issue up to Megatron multiple times and yet he does nothing about it because after all they produce results.
#tfa#transformers animated#djd#decepticon justice division#its like when you have that one coworker who is super into hard-core horror#and talks about it constantly and how edgy they are#but also we have actual work to get done#so if you could stop talking about martyrs and hostel for like five minutes and fucking help with this#because i wanna go home on time#no i dont care how many times youve seen a serbian film just shut the fuck up and help me with this#i worked with an edgelord like that#idk if he actually committed crimes#but dear lord my patience for him ran out so fucking quickly
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hnggghhggg
#just realized a little too hard that im packing my entire life up into a single suitcse and hitting the road for a month. in a month.#im also turning 24 in a month#both of these things perturb me in some direction or another.#its also 1030pm but i am Vibrating unfortunately#also realized vividly today that ill be attending my college graduation less than 48hrs after landing back in canada#and that will be after 30+ hours in transit coming directly from a 12 hour time difference#so that'll be fun#not really how i imagined graduating when i started my freshman year?#actually dear lord i could not have fathomed Being Here when i was 19 and starying college#i remember hearing about the program im currently doing and thinking 'wow that's incredibly cool but im just not the kind of person#who can do that sort of thing'#i still periodically have moments where i just look around and have to be like Yes I Really Am Here#and yeah turning 24. in a month. that's far too grown up of an age for how i feel inside.#and yeah trvaelljng to 5 vountires in a month again? wild.#didnt think anything could top seeing the great pyramids for out of body wild experiences And Yet. we sure are gonna be going some places.#also being in a serious relationship huh. didnt think this was going to happen until i was 35 if ever.#skmeone needs to tell me why my brain decided to watch wedding dress youtube shorts today with a vague expectation that might be relevant#to my life within a decade.#so yeah all that to say my life feels fucking insane to me.#I Am Not Qualified For This Experience Help#(this is not entirely negative im just ??????)
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..
#god im so sorry for vènting so damn much there is something so wrong with my head right now#every bit of positive attention ive gotten recently or even just attention in general sometimes has made me want to shed my skin#and on top of that there are Things in my head and i am worried it may be ********* but im too frightened to do any sort of research into i#but also hooo boy do i feel like im faking because like jet come on thats a trauma thing. you just kinda got yelled at SHUT UP YOURE FINE#and thats probably the biggest thing fucking me up right now because like im probably wrong but what if im right. dear fuck what then.#ànd also im scared to talk about it with anyone that does experience ********* because i feel so shitty insinuating that i went through#something like that when i know damn well i didnt#like oh wow you had a weird childhood ok jet get fucked everyones got a weird childhood#anyway. i need to like#talk to a stranger with ********* so im not so grossly embarrassed maybe#fuck#also lìke i just wanna stop talking to everyone but i started a zine and i cant abandon that and its upsetting me#like i need to fade into nothingness but i cant right now :/#anyway . desr lord why am i like this. what is inside me. what is going on.#delete later#jet maybe you need to get hit real hard by a car and that will do a hard reset and everything will be ok#vent#ALSO MY PARTNER IS GŔADUATING AND I CANT FUCKING BE THERE.#was litèrally sobbing over that this morning. i am so proud of them and they look so happy but also i cant be there#all i want is to hug them and congŕatulate them in person and give them a big bouquet of flowers but NO.#anyway. UGH.
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okay i think i really gotta stop having scrambled eggs because oh god The Consequences
#🔪.text#fuckkkkk dude.#Why Did I Do That#when i've already been having Digestive Issues most mornings#fuckkkkk#i am not gonna tmi but oh Dear Lord.#scrambled eggs why do you hate me so much :(#i can have hard boiled eggs!!!#i can have fried eggs!! (most of the time)#WHY CAN'T I HAVE SCRAMBLED EGGS#WHY DO THEY MAKE MY STOMACH WANT TO REMOVE ALL OF ITS CONTENTS IMMEDIATELY#but it's not all the time!!!#it is probably like 70% of the time but there are times where i digest them fine!#AGH#I JUST WANNA EAT SCRAMBLED EGGS THEY ARE TASTY#UNFAIR.
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Everyone in the 2000s was nasty looking as hell and they still had the audacity to want women to be literal twigs
#the klock keeps ticking#like dear lord what was going on here#like i think beauty standards today are pretty bad but in the 2000s it was like#disgusting#like its so hard to watch stuff from the 2000s cuz the women are like what straight men find attractive#and they just look concerningly skinny and hairless like wheres the flavor#why so lifeless#and then the guys would be so damn greasy like disgusting and wear those damn baggy pants with untucked shirts GRRRR#just the audacity of it all like youre seriously putting women through all that when this is you?#cannot stand it the crustiness and the beauty standards
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Bandit laid in wait, hiding within pockets of dark shadow created from the algae-stained boulders of the cove. His watchful eyes remained on the Jolly Roger as they scanned for activity aboard the ship. The vessel had long since docked for the evening, as nightfall had found Neverland hours ago, and finally it seemed that the last of the crew were retreating to the safety of their quarters--at least, all except for one.
Who is THAT? He peered closer, leaning forward against the rough wall of rock and squinting at the unfamiliar form standing on the ship's deck. Bandit been aboard the ship plenty of times--between raids with the other Boys and sneaking on for other, personal thieving pursuits--and never once had he seen the lanky lad aboard. A new recruit, perhaps? The boy had a youthful--almost laughably cherubic--face, and gangly limbs that had seemed to have outgrown his torso. It was too far away to be sure--the boy was facing the ocean, his back to Bandit--but what kind of fool stared out into the ocean when the true danger awaited on land? There was no way this kid could be the one trusted on watch duty, truly? Out of all the candidates, surely there was a better option. Was this some sort of joke? Were the pirates testing him? He snorted. Typical, he thought. Not to mention stupid. Grown-ups always took advantage of the youth; they would come to regret it--if they ever found out here was here.
Leaving the cover of his hiding place, Bandit quietly snuck around the rock formation, the shadowed cloak of night surrounded him as crossed the distance to the shore. His trip was quick and silent, the soft sand beneath his bare feet smothering any potential noise.
Unfortunately, the pirates never made climbing aboard easy. What a shame that they hadn’t left the gangplank out for him! No matter; this was just the sort of challenge he needed to wake up his body and mind, to free him from the depths of emptiness that plagued him most nights.
With practiced hands, he felt blindly at the quiver on his back and pulled out an arrow with a length of hemp rope tied to its end.
Easy does it.
Prepping the arrow, he let out a slow breath, relaxing into the stance as he maintained tension on the bowstring.
Ready ...
…aim …
...FIRE!!
The arrow whizzed through the air, flying behind the lip of the ship and disappearing out of sight. The archer grabbed at the hemp rope with both hands, testing it with two sharp tugs.
Good enough.
-- Not that he exactly cared, really. Or did he? He gave a wary glance to the ocean at his side, waves lapping at his ankles; a tiny taste before swallowing him whole. So what if he fell in? So what if he drowned? Let it try and take him.
Taking a deep breath, he balanced his weight on the slippery rudder and began to hoist himself up the braided rope. He yanked himself upward bit by bit, releasing the rope when the top was within reach, grasping the edge with one hand and then the other. With gritted teeth, he pulled himself over the upper lip, arms aching.
When his feet touched the rough wood of the deck, he let out a relieved sigh, letting the whole of his weight lean against the railing. After a test like that, he would surely succeed in the next Battle with ease.
From here, Bandit knew exactly where he wanted to explore. And yet...
Perhaps it was curiosity, or mind-numbing loneliness, but instead of turning to cabins below deck, he made a new plan. Padding across the planks, arched-footed and light on his toes, he made his way over to the boy who stood at the stern watching the sea.
"Psst," he whispered in greeting, wishing not to startle him. "Hey, kid. What're you doing here?"
closed starter for @charliehearted
#i know it's probably insanely unrealistic to think bandit has never actually seen charlie BUT#i mean... since he hides below deck during raids?????#charliehearted#charlie#the funniest thing to me about this is#bandit not knowing charlie is actually a crotchety old fuck since he looks 19#also PSA I LOVE CHARLIE bandit is just Blunt im sorry he's rude#AND sorry i got carried away trying to figure out how nate actually gets aboard this ship in these excursions#please do NOT feel like you have to match length dear lord#sorry if this sounds like an instruction manual with all of the description. narration is hard.#and im sorry this too so long#and sorry its only one line of dialogue shapdjsodjdkkdld
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