#it is probably like 70% of the time but there are times where i digest them fine!

[aeons-domain]

Now I'm curious about something 🤔 Reblog this and put in the tags or comments what ideas or concepts did you scrap for your OC's lore/backstory.

I know an OC's background isn't always going to be consistent or concrete and that's fine! But do you ever have ideas that you either A) didn't have time to work on, B) found too complex to incorporate into their lore, or C) feel like it just didn't fit in based on the standards of whatever universe (canon or original) your OC is in? Or perhaps a secret fourth option, I dunno!

[knifegremliin]

okay i think i really gotta stop having scrambled eggs because oh god The Consequences

[auckie]

I think the things that offend me most nowadays in like, smaller interpersonal interactions rather than grand, sweeping trends in culture, are when people chose to not partake in a wide set of things. Like musical close mindedness, or refusal to try different foods from different cultures. Not watching an entire subset of films bc they’re ‘french’. Avoiding reading bc you say you have adhd and it’s too hard. Like dude I get it, I’m busy. I can be picky. Everyone can. But the willful ignorance of closing yourself off to those VAST portions of the human experience, and not having curiosity and a lust to learn and explore art that was made by someone worlds apart from you either in terms of their culture, era, whatever. I dunno man it just pisses me off so bad. I think it’s arrogant. Like oh you’re comfortable in your safe little bubble huh? And you’re enforcing its barriers with the excuse that you’re autistic and have sensory issues. With music made by black people?? lol okay. It is pretty presumptuous for me to assume malicious intent but I think those prejudices are borne from either the comfort of being someone who’s wealthy and probably white not feeling the need to learn past what they think is enough, or it’s a reflection of a society that’s taught you to prioritize what it shills— popular, current (white, depending where you live ig) artists who are making streamlined, easy to digest content. Often when I meet people with these issues they’ll have one particular ‘niche’, and it tends to be like. 70s music. Victorian literature. Anime and Japanese games. But they’re still not really investing beyond the media presented. Like there’s so much more to Japanese culture than liking some cartoons put out between 2010-2020. You don’t gotta become some sorta Einstein who learns the background of every little freak in FGO yeah. But don’t you wanna aim higher? Aren’t you interested in any of the historical figures? And nothings wrong with hopping onto a trend. You read Dracula bc of that Dracula daily thing. Cool! Read more. Some people will say they’re chronically ill or disabled and can’t get outside. That’s okay. The internet is full of things you can read other than fanfiction, YouTube has a shit ton of free music. There’s Wikipedia and free articles online if you have questions about things. Yeah nobody is spending four hours a day looking at the national archives website and studying art history but it’s imbued in the things around you, and youll absorb it ambiently as you go along. you dont have to be a jack of all trades and cover every major genre of every major medium, but it never hurts to try! I really love seeing ppl ask too. Bc it can be kind of humiliating to admit to what seems like some jackass hipster that you’ve never delved into, idk, Serbian films (lol not that one). And hopefully if whoever you’re asking will give you honest good recommendations and not berate you. I’m kind of berate a straw man rn I guess. The hostile tone def doesn’t lend to an atmosphere of sharing but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve rbed anything involving specifically jazz only to see someone rb and add the stupidest comment on the post, or in the tags, or go into my inbox to be like waaah I don’t like jazz bc it’s boring and old and for pretentious hypocrites who hate neurodivergent people! Like what are you TALKING about. Fine if you don’t like it but don’t try and rationalize that as a moral standing you shit lark. And just as they’re allowed to dislike jazz I’m allowed to not really enjoy people who don’t like jazz. Or country. Nautical knots. Knit wear. Watching urbex YouTubers get their shit rocked by squatters. Korean food. Pachuco fashion and stupid ugly low riders. Bollywood films. and they don’t want to try any of those things either yknow? The next thing I’m getting into is circuit bending.

[dathomirdumpsterfire]

For fun, I wanted to think through which organs Darth Maul is actually missing. This gives us clues as to which bodily processes he just doesn't have anymore, which ones he's using sith juju to make up for, and what Talzin or Death Watch might've done for him with the prosthetics. To be fair, humans have about 70 to 80 possible organs systems (don't ask), but who knows what zabrak have, and where they truly are located. We can only guess.

✓ Means he probably has this.

X Means he probably doesn't have this.

O Means he probably only has some.

(Checklist and conclusions below the cut.)

✓ Adrenal glands (above the kidneys)

X Anus

X Appendix

X Bladder

O Bones

O Bone marrow (spongy part of the bone)

✓ Brain

✓ Bronchi (tubes in the lungs)

✓ Diaphragm (muscle of breathing)

✓ Ears

✓ Esophagus

✓ Eyes

✓ Gallbladder

X Genitals

✓ Heart ( 2 of them!)

✓ Hypothalamus (in the brain)

O Joints

✓ Kidneys

O Large intestine

✓ Larynx (voice box)

✓ Liver

✓ Lungs

O Lymph nodes

O Mesentery (Nerves, vessel, & fat storage in gut)

✓ Mouth

✓ Nasal cavity

✓ Nose

✓ Pancreas (hormones/enzymes)

✓ Pineal gland (in the brain- hormone production)

✓ Parathyroid glands (hormones, in the neck)

✓ Pharynx (back of the throat)

✓ Pituitary gland (in the brain, hormones)

X Prostate

X Rectum

✓ Salivary glands

O Skeletal muscles

O Skin

O Small intestine

O Spinal cord

✓ Spleen (big blood filter)

✓ Stomach

✓ Teeth

✓ Thymus gland (immune training, in the chest)

✓ Thyroid (hormones, in the neck)

✓ Trachea

✓ Tongue

O Ureters (Kidney to bladder tubes)

X Urethra

O Ligaments (connect muscles to bones)

O Tendons (connect bones to bones)

✓ Blood cells

✓ Hair (Uhhh... horns? I guess he has eyelashes?)

✓ The vestibular system (of the ear)

X Testes (unless zabrak locate them internally)

✓ Nails

X Vas deferens (testes to genitals tube)

X Seminal vesicles (semen fluid production)

X Bulbourethral glands (makes preejaculate)

X Penis

X Scrotum (if zabrak keep the testes externally)

✓ Parathyroid glands (neck, hormonal)

O Thoracic ducts (Where lymph flows into veins)

O Arteries

O Veins

O Capillaries

O Lymphatic vessels

✓ Tonsils

O Nerves

O Subcutaneous tissue

O Olfactory epithelium (nose)

✓ Cerebellum

Long story short, besides just his legs and genitals, Maul lost most of his digestive and urinary systems.

He actually kept almost all of his life-critical organs, so whatever sith voodoo he was doing to stay alive on Lotho Minor was probably focused on fighting off sepsis (due to the unclean end points of his digestive system. Remember he got cauterized by a lightsaber so assume he had to make... new holes. There may have also been some self-done surgery to reconnect what remained of his large and small intestines.)

The loss of his testes, if he indeed had human typical location for them, could have proven a growing problem, considering that they make 90% of a man's testosterone, and that's needed just to have normal amounts of energy.

The digestive track is also a problem, as the gut microbiome is where a lot of neurochemicals are produced. For example, 95%~ of the body's seratonin is produced in the gut. Lacking huge chunks of his small and large intestine means that Maul had poor absorbtion of nutrients, and probably needed to eat all the time just to get a fraction of the calories and nutrients from his food.

So. He lived on the edge of starvation due to a truncated digestive track, had low energy, mood imbalances like you wouldn't believe, and constant sepsis. I'm sure the acid rain being the only source of fresh water was also just, so helpful.

I assume, by the lack of black veins on him afterward, and (sort of?) stable mood, that talzin might've regrown some of his gut and fixed the end point issues. Later on, Death Watch (being mandalorians) might've given him more robust life support systems that included testosterone replacement and cybernetic genitals. Seems like what they would do for their own people.

Possible lingering complications? I assume he has a VERY weird relationship with food. He had spider legs for twelve years, so bipedal motion probably fails him sometimes. Back pain. Phantom leg pain. Nerve junction issues. Immune system weirdness (from all that missing marrow, and a long stint with sepsis). Issues storing fat. Talzin yoloed his brain back to sane-adjacent, so mental health is... I mean. Yeah. Triggers. Teeth prone to chipping and cavities (from malnutrition and acid water). Possibly goes to the bathroom once a day and urinates like a race horse. Issues with being touched, myriad phobias, and a squirrelly libido.

Did I miss anything?

[raineyana]

What is your normal grocery list? I’m about to be living at a dorm and I am looking for stuff to stock up on, I can’t really keep frozen foods though

i actually dont even cook all that much so i dont keep a lot of frozen foods either. this is my regular list when i go, usually weekly.

FASTING FOODS

okay so youre probably like. raine you arent supposed to eat anything when you fast. hear me out bc this is how i consistently fast a 20-4 schedule everyday, with a lot less binges than before, AND getting all of the benefits of fasting. and yeah, i still binge from time to time, but my binges are far less because my stomach actually cannot handle being fed over 1000 calories anymore, especially not all at once.

these are my ESSENTIALS so theyre pretty much the only things i consistently buy weekly.

cucumbers

chicken broth (0cal kind)

seaweed snacks

pickled ginger

tea (any, but i like trying new flavors ! my favorite is lemon ginger because it helps digestion, and green tea because it speeds up your metabolism. also a lot healthier than diet coke with the same amount of caffeine, also less likely to spike your blood sugar and kick you out of ketosis- which will make your cravings for food much worse)

...dont get me wrong i couldnt live without diet coke. but sometimes ill go for the healthier option.

why i eat these foods while i fast

these are foods that have extremely low cals and carbs (like less than 2 grams per/serving) so they wont kick you out of ketosis (which is the major benefit to fasting, where your body burns fat at a higher rate). when youre in ketosis, your body stops sending you as many cravings, which is why sometimes it feels easier to fast 24 hours after you last ate as opposed to 3 hours.

because i spend the majority of my time fasting, (and i would never be able to do that without these foods) i go through these items pretty quick.

but otherwise i only have to buy other healthy foods on a biweekly or even monthly basis, because i wont eat them as fast ! heres some things i rotate through depending on how sick of them i am lol.

regular food

built bars - essential for me. tons of protein, less sugar than other bars, and relatively low cal.

somebody on here introduced me to these and im soo glad they did. i dont remember who but if youre seeing this ilysm.

tuna creations packets - rly good for on the go, tons of flavors, lots of protein so they're really filling for only being 70-90cals depending on the flavor

blueberries + apples - so hard to over eat these two items, plus fiber

rice cakes - self explanatory

pistachios or sunflower seeds - great for curbing hunger, but im a little sick of them rn

a low cal air popped popcorn - i forget which brand i have rn, but its pretty good and has a lot of fiber.

chobani yogurt + yogurt protein drinks (50cal) - the fact that these r 50cals amaze me for how good they taste. the yogurt drinks are my favorite bc theres actually a shit ton of protein and taste pretty good without actually having to make myself a protein shake. the cookies and cream and peaches and cream are my favorites ive tried. good for breaking a fast with.

thats all i can think of atm ! sry for the fucking essay i hope this was a little helpful at least.

typing this out manically made me realize im a little crazy. i cant say with my whole chest that you should listen to me and my d1sordered thoughts, but i think everyone on here knows that already so... uh

please be kind to yourselves. take ur vitamins (even while fasting) i genuinely love you all every one of you fucked up bitches like me.

goodnight <3

[downforthegas]

HOw... How has it been MONTHS, almost a YEAR, AND YET I still have my little mega crush on Wa//lly Dar//ling (Or Wa//lly Brapling as I like to call him). And yeah, still thinking of cute, new ways to make him miserable and relating it all to digestion and farts💖with that being said, I have a few ideas (pulls out a list):

cw: farts, tummy aches, omo, heartburn mention

Wa//lly borrows clothes from Sa//lly, wearing one of her bellbottoms. Those things are real tight on the stomach (especially back in the 70s) and Wa//lly's not used to that, but it gets especially bad when he gets a stomach ache from gas. There's no way you can hold anything back when your stomach's getting the life squeezed out of it, and he ends up ripping a loud, bassy fart in the jeans, no matter where he is. He ends up having to explain to Sa//lly later why her jeans smell terrible

Wa//lly eats something that gives him a really bad case of heartburn (I imagine him clutching his poor throat or his chest). Maybe someone's about to get him some medicine, only to realize there's no meds in the house that can help, so Wa//lly has to kinda ride it out. (It's late at night and How//dy's bodega is closed, so Wa//lly has to sleep with a burning throat)

Wa//lly weighing himself on a scale and seeing it go up slightly the last time he stood on it. He's confused until his stomach gets a big cramp. He doubles over with his arms around his stomach, which pushes out two loud burps and *ahem* the sound of someone blowing really hard into a trumpet, and the scale goes back to the original number (and his tummy feels better hehe)

Maybe Wa//lly's the kind of person who can't burp, like his throat is too small for it, so he drinks a little big soda from How//dy's and is confused when Ba//rn and How//dy are burping up a storm and his stomach is just filling up with bubbles, so much so his cardigan starts to feel snug. He's having the worst stomach ache of his life and Ba//rn has Wa//lly draped over his shoulder as he pats his back, trying to get him to burp, but nothing's happening and Wa//lly's getting frustrated. Then Ba//rn hits Wa//lly's lower back just right and a loud, long fart bubbles out, reddening Wa//lly's face. But now the floodgates are open and all the little peanut can do is helplessly rip long bubbly farts as Ba//rn and How//dy laugh (not at him, but at how loud and long his farts are from the soda)

Wa//lly being desperate to pee but there's no bathroom available for him. His bladder is at FULL capacity and is bulging and aching a little lot, he's THIS close to wetting himself. Luckily, Ba//rn has a solution: peeing outside (bc of course he would). Wa//lly's not sure, but with how badly his bladder's aching, he's willing to pee outside maybe just this once

Uhhhh that's it for now. I might expand on these ideas later but I REALLY wanna DRAW THESE little ideas. And I think I'll probably do that later but I just wanted an excuse to share more scenarios. With a little bit of sadism from my side (been in a big dom mood lately)

[beardedmrbean]

Ah the rumors are true (and these gaming companies coordinate)

https://x.com/xbox/status/1785308276063633588?s=46

I already figured out given last year Xbox revealed Star Wars outlaws and next day we had a gameplay reveal at the Ubi forward

Remember that leak AC red menu I sent? Well that was taken down to copyright, but I think that was a Xbox not a Ubi move.

Because the leak show the build being April third and most press conference game builds are usually a few months old as they are the most stable

So I heard original red would have it reveal in May 31st…hmmm if that still true

May 31st- a press event where we get a pre render cgi trailer, proper Yasuke and Naoe reveal, details, in game screenshots. And title reveal

June 9th- Xbox will have a gameplay demo showing off the capabilities of Xbox (and if Xbox bribed them enough. Ac red will be the first day one ac game on gamepass as the last three ac rpgs on it)

June 10th- a story trailer and “bts” video where they show how yes finally we are going to Japan and their ideas and inspirations for it

With probably the nice explanation why Yasuke was chose for the second playable character

Because people want red to be reveal at Ubisoft forward…but people need to digested Yasuke at first

Like my theory craft on how to use Yasuke in a what if continuation is interesting…but modern writers are not exactly smart.

Also there a fundamental difference between my black teen dad Jrpg idea vs writers who have critical theory plaguing their minds

Not to mention they think having more non whites will bring black people into fantasy games.

When the last time they went to the cookout? The vast majority of casual players only enjoy playing Cod, GTA, tekken and other fighting games, and the occasional license hero game

Okay okay fornite

Like here my pitch

Hey casual black gamers (who barely desire to play Normie games. WHAT I still deal with it) you remember Afro samurai? Well here a game where you play as the weapon bearer Yasuke in this game Assassin Creed Shadows (that is what some people saying the game is going called) where you help a secret ancient order unify Japan. And there more it’s a RPG where you can spend over 100 hours into and explore the beautiful recreation of feudal Japan!

Warning your dumbass might become a pseudo historian and desire more knowledge

(Or you might be interested in more ac games. Hmm here an Egypt one! Now might give you more! HEHEHEHE)

And noting bad wait- okay probably will be 70 dollars…..oh great a season and battle pass!….wdym online only?!

Ubi you now got 5-6 months to reform red market system (most ac game comes out on October or November) because you seen how your own game skulls and bones and SS kills JL flopped

Ugh why I had to be born during the hard times of gaming?

Maybe in May I get more leaks

Also college educated students, people do like organic diversity.

But white people don’t like the demonization of themselves from people who make more money they do in their lifetimes

Seriously what the fuck is the culture in California and New York where it socially acceptable to treat white people like fictional characters

June 10th- a story trailer and “bts” video where they show how yes finally we are going to Japan and their ideas and inspirations for it With probably the nice explanation why Yasuke was chose for the second playable character.

This all was the official timeline then, nice of them to post it, probably gonna be a few more leaks tho

Like my theory craft on how to use Yasuke in a what if continuation is interesting…but modern writers are not exactly smart. Also there a fundamental difference between my black teen dad Jrpg idea vs writers who have critical theory plaguing their minds Not to mention they think having more non whites will bring black people into fantasy games.

They need to stop with all the tokesism crap, even a MC can be a token if it's all just stereotypical nonsense. Then again certain parts of the audience that's all they want.

Gay guys need to be flaming, lesbians are lipstick or mega dyke, Latinos are gardners, and black people are thugs or you're doing it wrong.

If Yasuke breaks into a Undercover Brother type monolouge at some point I would laugh and cry.

When the last time they went to the cookout? The vast majority of casual players only enjoy playing Cod, GTA, tekken and other fighting games, and the occasional license hero game.

Oh I miss the cookouts, had a few friends that would invite me to different ones, damn fine food. Sometimes I acted extra white just to be funny too.

Prev and Warning your dumbass might become a pseudo historian and desire more knowledge (Or you might be interested in more ac games. Hmm here an Egypt one! Now might give you more! HEHEHEHE)

I like it, I also like tricking people into learning, makes things fun and interesting.

And noting bad wait- okay probably will be 70 dollars…..oh great a season and battle pass!….wdym online only?!

Grrrrrr

Ugh why I had to be born during the hard times of gaming? Maybe in May I get more leaks Also college educated students, people do like organic diversity.

There really was a golden age for it, late late 90's till the 10's when things all started to go online, get really good complete games and y you could hit up gameFAQ's if you needed help with something (used to have to know someone who knew or call the Nintendo Power hotline at $1.99 a min if you were stuck.

Think most college educated people like that too, it's just the loud ones that are the issue.

Seriously what the fuck is the culture in California and New York where it socially acceptable to treat white people like fictional characters

Speaking as a Californian let me say, fuck those guys doing that.

this is more like it

[unpassive-viewer]

Hi Barbie!

Saw Barbie this week, as everyone else probably did as well. Seeing everyone in hot pink was very wholesome.

The movie itself was... a lot. Not something I'd watch without the fanfare. Two hours of staring at hot pink was overwhelming, to say the least. It was definitely something I had to digest afterwards - it was like a two hour fever dream. The best thing I can liken it to was a very long SNL skit with incredible acting. Seriously, the actors in this film were pulling all the stops. Kate McKinnon in particular was great as Weird Barbie. Onto the review ~

The good:

The acting, obviously. Ryan Gosling was giving "Brad Pitt cameoing in Deadpool for the price of a coffee" - the man was LIVING. Absolutely setting the theatre kid in him free. Margot Robbie's crying scene was very real and emotional, I almost forgot I was watching a movie about a toy. America Ferrera is a goddess, I think she was perfect for her role.

The set design and costumes. Oh my goodness was the whole movie so fun. I might get crucified for this, but in terms of matching the whole set, this film reminds me of the 2003 Cat in the Hat. Unhinged and yet very well assembled.

The cinematography. The film was incredibly well shot. I loved the transition montages going between Barbieland and the real world, they were very different. I also liked the wide shots of Barbie, especially at the end. Also, as Alan from CinemaTherapy will tell you, the most versatile tool a director and actor have are close up shots of the actor. This movie employed that tactic expertly.

The comedy. Really well written, and clearly very often improvised. I felt like it drew a good balance.

The less good:

The pacing. While the monologues were amazing, I didn't feel like the movie gave viewers time to root for any of their characters... except Ken. I would have liked if we got more time with the humans beyond the car chase scene. I simply did not feel there was enough character development. Ken is... well, he's just Ken. He's simple and funny. I think I would like Stereotypical Barbie's narrative more with a second watch, it was just a lot to process on a 70 foot screen.

The theme. Do not get mad at me for this, please. I spent a lot of the film trying to figure out who the target audience of this film is, because all of the feminist overtones were so... obvious? America Ferrera's monologue in particular. Women already know all of what she said - it is born into us and moulded for our entire lives. And the part where the Mattel CEO tells Barbie to get back in the box... that felt like low hanging fruit. Was the purpose to make women feel seen, or was it an attempt to communicate something to a non-woman audience? Because that demographic has been touch and go with this whole production. It was a fun way to see it articulated, but I am still confused. Especially since Greta Gerwig's other films also touch on remarkably similar topics already. Who is this for?

Overall I think the societal reaction to this film has been more dramatic than anything contained in the movie itself. It does not make egregious statements - if anything it's a bit of a dumbed-down feminist message. Even the lyrics to the music makes is as easy as possible to comprehend the message that's being delivered. Greta Gerwig is not doing subliminal messaging, she wanted the whole audience to know EXACTLY what she was communicating... and somehow so many people still missed the point.

However, it has really seemed like the perfect storm in terms of timing and marketing reach. The fact that a message like this would get this big right now in the wake of all that is happening to women in the world - specifically the western world where this will be the most popular - is kind of incredible. I feel like Greta Gerwig is executing a Taylor Swift-level master plan.

Honestly, the most insane part of this to me is seeing all of the men who have complaints that Ken was "dumbed down" and cries of "not all men" as if there is not an obviously unproblematic man represented in the film. If you align yourself with Ken and not Alan... buddy do I have some news for you. But all of those arguments have been made already, so I will leave it at that.

Basically, go see Barbie. It's fun, it's a good balance of comedy and gut-wrenching grief for your girlhood and for your sisters, and the cult activity of everyone wearing pink to the theatre is like... my favourite thing. This was my Star Wars, people committed to the bit.

As a final thought I'd like to thank the guy who was sitting behind me in the theatre who was crying laughing at all the jokes, I think you brought me back to life with that.

[the-firebird69]

Derek Lunsford Wins The 2023 Mr. Olympia | GI News

I noticed a few things I'm a lot bigger working out and I pumped up and stuff and I looked and I wasn't very big but I've been proportion I don't know where the hell the muscle mass went and tried to poke up and stuff you know this place is weird he's sitting there the same size the whole time okay big and small and big and small really different probably a hundred pounds and I lost 70 lb before competition have to cut down he really wasn't fat I don't know what the hell happened I was eating too like a horse and digestion gets weird when you start to get hungry he says it's getting weird for him a little when he's hungry I noticed that too it says his poops are huge and just pooped like three times one day and said I ate normally get a little nervous about this place we're testing the water and it looks normal and the food looks normal it says it might be the air and I guess that would be me and the crabs are far away but still it might be something weird like that then exhaling chemicals come out strange chemicals okay I'm wondering. Phosphate levels are high and that's one of the biggest problems these chemicals come from the crabs are just nasty and they are causing people problems and works might be one of them it affects the skin and we can't get air I mean this is a disaster waiting to happen and the ship is not helping at all he said the problem will go away if the ship wasn't there even the crap in the water but this crap in the water bugs in the aquifer and you can see it even in purified water is a little and you might have be a mutants so it might be affecting our friend here it is hormones I mean this is a weird place it's like the Galapagos and I was only about 5 ft 9 in competition people are laughing I was about 280 and they're saying if he bolt up he'd be your size and I started saying shut up. You get tested when I'm real small testy when I'm real small and for crying out loud is testosterone we have to chart I guess it has been for a long time but really this place is really sick if you add it all up it's horrible they were fighting each other we have a huge fight to go we need motivation some of these Stone ships up I mean everyone's taking them back and forth we're going to publish but I'm saying that we have to stop the sickness I said tomorrow might stop in those craps might come out the crabs Tommy f

[tech-network]

Fissure-in-ano & Fissure-in-ano treatment in banglore

A small tear in the delicate, moist tissue that surrounds the anus is known as an anal fissure. The muscle aperture where stool leaves the body at the end of the digestive system is called the anus. Constipation, straining, or passing large or hard stools during a bowel movement are common reasons of an anal fissure. Anal fissures frequently result in discomfort and bleeding during bowel movements. Spasms in the anal sphincter, a ring of muscle at the end of your anus, are another possibility.

Diagnosis

Your doctor will probably inquire about your medical history and do a physical examination that includes a light examination of the anal region. The tear is frequently apparent. This examination is typically all that is required to identify an anal fissure.

A more recent, acute anal fissure resembles a paper cut or a fresh rip. A chronic, or long-lasting, anal fissure most frequently has a deeper tear. It could also have fleshy growths on the inside or outside. If a fissure persists for more than eight weeks, it is deemed chronic.

Anoscopy.

Flexible sigmoidoscopy.

Fissure-in-ano treatment

Warm baths are relaxing and may aid in the anus’s relaxation, which may lessen pain.

A lotion or ointment with an anaesthetic like lidocaine may help to reduce the discomfort. This should only be used for brief periods of time (up to 5–7 days). The anaesthetic may irritate or sensitise the area surrounding the anus if used for a prolonged period of time. One of these lotions or ointments is available with a prescription. Some of these products are also available at pharmacies without a prescription. Before using the restroom, apply the cream or ointment.

Blood pressure medications to help relax the anal sphincter, such as nifedipine or diltiazem. Although these medications can also be taken orally, they are typically administered to the skin. However, their negative effects could be more severe if taken orally. When nitroglycerin is ineffective or has serious adverse effects, these medications may be administered.

Avoid straining or spending too much time on the toilet.

A common non-surgical method for treating chronic anal fissure is Botox injection. Most persons who use it experience at least some pain relief. After six months, it can be easily repeated and is successful in roughly 60–70% of instances.

If you are looking for best piles treatment hospital, I suggest Sharada Surgery & Cryo Sugery Centre, They provide best Fissure-in-ano treatment in Banglore

[aestherians]

Choice or Chance?: Exploring voluntarity and categorization in the otherkin and therian communities

Under the cut is the full script for my Othercon 2021 lecture, in which I examine the way we categorize nonhumans based on the perceived amount of choice they had in their identity and how this practice is detrimental to both questioning people and our community as a whole. At the end, I propose a new way to define otherkind and otherlinkers to hopefully move our community forward.

Reading time: 30-40 minutes.

The focus of this lecture has changed a bit since I started working on it. My earliest idea was to discuss the grey area between otherlinks and kintypes - in fact one of my working titles was Grey Zones and Silver Linings. And I still plan on talking about this, though not in the way you might expect. I originally wanted to argue that those who found themselves in this grey area should be able to choose how they wanted to refer to their identity, but the more research and thinking I did, the more I realized that this would still leave a bunch of people torn and confused and wouldn’t solve any of the greater problems in our community. It also seems like such a water-is-wet statement with how the conversation has developed… and you know me, I’m only happy when I’m starting controversies.

So I went looking for the root of this whole categorization debacle.

The nonhuman community, as we know it, didn’t always exist, and though we often say it has roots in elven communities from the ‘70s, that’s only half the truth. While the Elf Queen’s Daughters and related successors such as the Silver Elves are the earliest known organized nonhuman communities, they’re by far not the only pioneers.

Because nonhuman identifying people have always existed, and our numbers have always been relatively small, some of us ended up grouping together without even being aware of the other groups that existed. And of course, all these independently formed groups ended up with their own cultures and traditions and philosophies.

Mailing lists, like the Elfinkind Digest, were generally open for anyone to join and read. But they also weren’t widely known or easy to stumble upon for folks who didn’t already have an interest in these kinds of spirituality and identification. This resulted in a culture where people’s self-identification was generally respected, and they would only be questioned if they made extraordinary claims.

Compare this with the newsgroup Alt.Horror.Werewolves, which was open for anyone to access on Usenet, and which was originally created as just a place to discuss werewolf media. On AHWw, the therians (or ‘weres’ as it was back then) would frequently have to defend their existence against strangers who just found them by coincidence. This would lead to a culture more focused on appearing respectable, which in turn would lead to grilling of new members and shut-downs of “fluffy” topics.

Other independent groups, such as Alt.Fan.Dragons, which was centered around dragons, or Always Believe, which was centered around unicorns, had their own cultures as well. For example, AFD generally accepted dragons from modern fiction, which would not have been tolerated on AHWw.

The Silver Elves is another semi-independently evolved group of elves, fae and similar beings that still exists to this day. They only represent a fraction of our community, but for today’s discussions I find their writings very illustrative. They’ve written about choice of identity on multiple levels. For starters, they believe a lot of elven spirits have actively chosen to incarnate into human bodies. More provocatively, and more interesting to me, they’ve stated multiple times that simply wanting to be an elf means you are an elf.

This is in contrast to the therian community on AHWw, where there was a big focus on involuntary shifts and theorizing on why some people were born with and animal side. I think it’s reasonable to assume this focus on involuntary experiences is due to the werewolf narrative that the community stemmed from. In werewolf media, a person’s wolfish side is rarely, if ever, a choice, while in new age and spiritual communities, like that of the Silver Elves, there’s a greater emphasis on choice of spirituality and subsequently on choice of identity.

It wouldn’t be right to say that every therian back then shared the same idea; however, the idea that involuntary shifts are a core trait of therianthropy does seem to persist in the AHWw’s userbase. Nearly all introduction posts include a line about involuntary shifts. Another idea that repeats itself is that the therian either had a “sudden awakening” or “just always knew” they were animalistic; contrasted with the Silver Elves’ idea that simply wanting to be an elf is enough for you to be one.

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There are two main ideas about origins that seem to persist in all of this: That one is either born nonhuman or becomes nonhuman. Both are equally true. The ‘born-this-way’-narrative is quite a bit more common than the ‘becoming’-narrative, though that’s not to say that the idea of becoming nonhuman is rare, or even all that controversial in most communities - with a few caveats, that is.

The idea that one can become nonhuman tends to rest on the idea that what we become is outside our control. On the more metaphysical side of things there are stories of people being spiritually transformed into an animal after encounters with an animal spirit, or of having a shard of a god put into them. And on the more mundane side, there are stories of imprinting on a species during early development, or of taking on the experiences of a character after being engrossed in a piece of media. Most people I’ve talked to don’t have a problem with these ideas of ‘becoming’ as something outside your control.

What really gets people’s goat is when someone describes specific choices they’ve made on their journey, which ultimately led to their nonhuman identity.

This finally leads to the theme of this lecture: The topic of choice itself and how we categorize others based on the perceived amount of choice or chance there’s been in the development of their identity.

Questions I’ll discuss include: What kind of choices do we have regarding our identities? What the heck does ‘choice’ even mean in this context? And how does the idea of choice (or lack of choice) affect the way our community functions?

There are many kinds of choices that we inarguably do make on our journey of self-discovery. Probably the first universal choice is to undertake the journey and to seek out a nonhuman community. Choices that naturally follow include choice of labeling - whether we want to call ourselves otherkin, therian, fictionkin, nonhuman, and so on - and the choice to accept or reject whatever feelings caused us to seek out a nonhuman community in the first place. In this line of thinking, being otherkin is a choice - you choose to label yourself as otherkin. However, the feelings, on which you base your decision to label yourself, are not a choice. The feelings that pushed you towards the community were already there.

Another choice that follows pretty naturally in this line of thinking is the choice to strengthen whatever connections you already have. This is something I’m intimately familiar with, as I’ve been doing it since I awakened as a bison. Before I even became aware of my species identity, I knew I was nonhuman. I’d been having simultaneous bison and gnoll feelings for a few years, but couldn’t separate them, and had, without much introspection, decided that I must be some weird kind of wolf. I think a lot of us with uncommon theriotypes have gone through a phase like that.

However, one day I experienced a very strong flashing image - basically a flashback - of being physically a bison. The vision was so vivid and tactile, I immediately knew what it meant, and for the next few weeks I ignored every experience that wasn’t quite bison in nature, and just examined the recognizably bovine feelings. This helped strengthen my bison identity, and in total my questioning process only took around 2 months.

Though I’ve settled in my identity as a bison, and I’m comfortable referring to myself as a bison, I never quit reinforcing it. While I didn’t create the original bison-like feelings, I’m very conscious of the fact that I do choose to connect every trait to my bisonhood that I can. Whether I see the traits as a cause of my current bisonhood, or a result of it, things like being stubborn, preferring physical fights over verbal ones, and even liking the taste of those Beanboozled jellybeans that are supposed to taste like grass… all these traits, that any human could have, are things I connect to my identity as a bison.

I’ve experienced some pushback towards this idea from a few therian communities. A very common rebuttal I’ve run into in introduction threads and grilling threads (which, introduction threads should never be grilling threads in my opinion, but that’s another story)… a very common rebuttal to considering these kinds of traits part of your nonhuman identity is: “Isn’t that just a regular human thing?”

I have so many problems with that question, I’m honestly not sure where to even begin. Yes, those traits are experienced by humans all the time. I think some of the only experiences in the community that regular humans don’t experience are, perhaps, species dysphoria and shifting. But if your identity began and ended with having dysphoria and experiencing shifts, it would hardly qualify as an identity. Treating an identity like just the sum of its parts, rather than a whole and complicated construct, is reductive and it doesn’t just hinder discussion, it stifles discussions.

I don’t know, maybe I’m the odd one here, but my whole nonhuman identity can not be encompassed by my horn dysphoria or the fact that I sometimes feel more like a prey animal than an apex predator. My identity is so much more than that. It’s how I view the world and how I view myself in relation to the world. It’s how I react to things, what I like and dislike, and what I want out of my life. When you envision an identity in this way, as a way to describe who you are, rather than a summary of every individual thing you experience, you absolutely will see some overlap with humans, like it or not.

Another reason I dislike the question “Aren’t those just human traits?” is that it’s often asked in communities where the consensus is that you were born nonhuman, and that your identity is somehow more real or ‘valid’ if it can be corroborated by childhood memories.

While looking back at your childhood and seeing how your current identity might have formed or changed throughout the years can help paint a picture of the identity as a whole, that kind of reminiscence should always be secondary to what you are currently experiencing. Your identity is not based on the fact that you played dog when you were a toddler. Pretty much every human child has played dog or been obsessed with cats or wished they were a dragon. It might be related to your current identity, but if those were your primary nonhuman experiences you would hardly consider yourself nonhuman, nor would you find a home in the community.

No, your identity is based on who and what you are right now, and what you’re experiencing this moment. The validity of your identity should not be judged based on the number of times you pretended to be that creature in kindergarten. Your kintype should be determined based on your current experiences. And if your current experiences include things that humans can also go through, that should have no impact on the validity of your identity.

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Alright, back on topic: Hopefully, we can agree that there’s no shame in strengthening your connections, reinforcing what traits you already have, and in drawing connections between a nonhuman identity and seemingly human traits. Which is a nice segue into a statement that might ruffle a few feathers:

Linktypes are typically based on preexisting traits that are reinforced to fit a certain narrative or ideal. A copinglink or an otherlink is rarely if ever pulled out of thin air. You just can’t craft an identity from nothing. Yeah, crazy, I know?

This parallels otherkin identities, which, as I mentioned earlier, are based on preexisting experiences and connections that one chooses to give a name and to strengthen.

The process of becoming a linker usually starts with recognizing certain traits that one either wants, or already has but wants to reinforce, by focusing them through a linktype. For example, wanting to become better at handling stress can be difficult to accomplish on its own, but is made easier by thinking about what a specific character or animal would do in a stressful situation.

But you can’t just establish a connection to any given character. There needs to be a resonance between you and the linktype, and if you don’t already have that resonance with the character, it’s impossible for you to craft an identity around them. And in that sense you could easily argue that there is an involuntary aspect to linktypes.

Once the prospective linker has recognized a connection with a character, they will begin the process of reinforcing the identity, which can include anything from writing fanfics in 1st person to wearing clothes reminiscent of the character to asking people to treat you like the character. All things that an otherkin or fictionkind might do when first establishing their identity.

A key trait of linking is that a linktype should fade away once you stop reinforcing it… Linktypes are supposed to go away if you just ignore them and push them away long enough. They’re built to be temporary.

However, a significant number of linkers or former linkers have talked about their linktype becoming an inseparable part of how they view themselves - even the ones who might be able to force their linktype away would at this point become completely different people if they did so.

In other words, their linktype has become an inherent part of who they are as a person. This integrality can appear regardless of how much effort they put into creating the linktype in the first place, and regardless of how nonexistent the linktype was before they created it… What I’m getting at is that some people describe creating an identity from scratch by their own choice, which later becomes an irreversibly ingrained part of them. It’s an experience completely contrary to the idea that we are born nonhuman. I’ll refer to these people as ‘linkers-turned-kin’.

There are a few regular rebuttals I’ve seen to this idea: That linkers-turned-kin just had a late awakening. Or that, perhaps, they felt compelled by their inner true species to seek out the identity. Or even that they were actually born nonhuman, but just didn’t realize until later.

All these rebuttals are disrespectful of the linker-turned-kin’s experiences and intelligence. I won’t even try to hide it: They make me angry. The rebuttals ride on the idea that the born-this-way idea of nonhuman identities is a fact rather than a common belief. I know that for a lot of people the born-this-way narrative rings true. I see you and I am not trying to invalidate your beliefs. Instead, I want you to acknowledge that others may not have the same belief as you. For several people in our community otherkinity is an identity that develops in response to certain traits they have - for some, those traits are inherent, something they’re born with. For others they’re traits that developed later in life, or that were worked towards. And I want to argue that, for some, these traits were expressly chosen.

The reason these arguments against linker-turned-kin make me so angry, aside from the fact that they’re built on the idea that linkers-turned-kin don’t understand their own experiences, and the assumption that your idea of how nonhuman identities work trumps someone’s lived experience… Another reason the arguments make me so angry is that they prescribe more importance to the why than the how of our identity. When you define otherkin by the way our identity formed, you’re basically saying that the cause of otherkinity is more important than the experience of otherkinity.

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We can’t talk about this without also exploring the community’s animosity towards psychological beliefs.

Through my years in the community, I feel like I’ve had to handhold some folks through the concept of religious tolerance. I remember a little over 4 years ago someone on tumblr asked me my opinion on fictionkind - it would be another 2 years before I had my own awakening, so my response was basically that I was fine with fictionkind, though I didn’t understand their experiences and the only way it could fit into my own worldview was as a psychological phenomenon. Even after my awakening, the latter still holds true. My fictionkinity is primarily psychological. But yeah, somehow my statement that I didn’t believe fictionkinity was caused by past lives got twisted into me saying that fictionkind were all just roleplayers.

Rereading the whole debacle that ensued, this twisting of my words had little to nothing to do with my own personal beliefs - it instead exposed a widespread antipathy towards psychological otherkin. When I have talked about my current experiences as a gnoll, my shifts and my flashbacks and my hiraeth, people generally accept it without a second thought. But when I mention that I believe it’s caused by various psychological phenomena, I have on multiple occasions been told that it must not be a real identity. Some people have even treated my parallel life as just an elaborate fantasy, rather than something that’s completely real to me. I have, word for word, been told that there’s no way I could identify as a nonhuman, or be another species than a human, without believing I have a nonhuman soul. A direct quote: “To say “I am fae” when [you] don’t believe in fae is illogical.”

What I take from these kinds of responses is that a subset of people within our community take it for granted that whatever beliefs someone has about the origin of their identity are objectively true, rather than understanding that our beliefs about our origins are just that: Beliefs. Whatever conclusion we’ve reached based on our experiences, reincarnation or imprinting or something else entirely, and no matter how much we believe in it, it will always be a belief and never a fact. I’m fully convinced that my bison identity is caused by a past life, and that my gnoll and Ben 10 identities are caused by various psychological phenomena. But if that doesn’t fit into someone else’s worldview, they have all the right in the world to explain it away however they want. I have friends who believe my bison identity must be caused by something psychological, and I have friends who believe my gnoll identity must be caused by something spiritual. That is their prerogative.

It doesn’t matter how people make sense of my nonhumanity, as long as they’re respectful towards my own experiences with my identity and don’t try to impose their beliefs on me. If you have to quietly believe that someone really has a faerie soul in order to accept that they’re really a fae, so be it. As long as you don’t try to deny the reality of their current identity. As long as you don’t try to claim that they aren’t really nonhuman, just because they have the quote-unquote “wrong” beliefs about their origin.

There is another, more recent and more prominent, example of the animosity towards psychological otherkin that comes to mind. I will not mention the term itself for fear of people harassing its creator. For the purpose of this lecture, I’ll refer to the concept as “nonhuman by birth”, which is essentially its meaning. If you know which word I’m talking about, I ask that you please don’t mention it in the chat. If you need to know, you can DM me. Also, don’t misunderstand this as me hating on people with past life or soul beliefs. Remember, my own bison identity is based on a soul from a past life.

So, last year a rather old community member on tumblr coined a term, separate from ‘otherkin’, to refer specifically to those who believe they have a nonhuman soul. Which wouldn’t be a problem in and of itself. After all, terms like animafidem and cerebrumalius have been around for half a decade with no issues. However, “nonhuman by birth” is specifically described in its coining post as a “less bastardized” alternative to the word ‘otherkin’. What this post describes as “less bastardized” is spiritual experiences, and specifically those spiritual experiences that are based on soul transfers and reincarnation. Essentially “nonhuman by birth” defines all other beliefs as bastardizations of what otherkinity is supposed to be. All beliefs, including spiritual beliefs that aren’t based on souls or past lives, psychological beliefs, beliefs of becoming nonhuman, beliefs based on magic, neurological beliefs, and archetypal beliefs… None of these are quote-unquote “true otherkin” according to the “nonhuman by birth” concept.

The word thankfully never gained much traction off tumblr, but I have seen individuals use it, and it always, without fail, makes me feel unwelcome, and unwanted. Not because there’s anything wrong with a strong belief in past lives or souls, but because those who choose to use that label specifically believe themselves to be the only true nonhumans. Because the term itself is not based on a respectful, individual belief, but on what its coiner believes to be an objective fact. Because this subset of our community has an almost-evangelical conviction that all nonhumans have nonhuman souls, and those who don’t have nonhuman souls are not nonhuman.

And like I mentioned earlier: The cause of otherkinity can affect the experience a lot. That’s why we have these discussions in the first place - we come together due to our similarities, and we try to understand each other and ourselves by discussing our differences. And this is exactly why proclaiming any version of nonhumanity as the One True Kind of Nonhumanity is so damaging. It completely stifles any exchange of ideas. It makes it impossible for us to understand our differences, and it leads to more and more narrowly defined subcommunities that all believe themselves to be more real than the others.

To define is to limit. We need some limitations, otherwise a dog is a cat and no words have meaning. But we need to be extremely careful where we want those limits to be, otherwise we end up with a community where psychological otherkin are bastards, and only those who are born with nonhuman souls are really nonhuman.

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The next thing I want to discuss is subjective truth… Subjective truth is one of the most important concepts to understand and really internalize if we wanna have fruitful discussions and respectful experience sharing. In short, a subjective truth is something that is not real because it can be proven to exist through scientific measurements but is instead real because a person experiences it as real. If I make the claim that tea tastes better than coffee, for example, you cannot refute that simply because you think coffee tastes better. We have to understand each other’s experiences and accept that we experience the world in different ways. It’s equally true to say that coffee is better than tea and that tea is better than coffee. This is what I was talking about when I said that the “born-this-way”-narrative and the becoming-narrative are equally true.

So, how does subjective truth apply to this discussion?

A phenomenon in the community I’m sure we’re all aware of is kin memories. If you’re somehow not aware of them, in short they are images, episodes, sensory information, and similar experiences that are thought to stem from another life, usually a past life. They have all the qualia of a memory, except they didn’t happen to the body currently recalling them. These experiences, though, are not restricted to those who believe their nonhumanity stems from a past life. They aren’t even restricted to spiritual otherkin. Plenty of folks with psychological beliefs, mixed beliefs, and other beliefs report the exact same experience: Images, episodes, and sensory information that does not originate from this world or from this current life.

For decades there’s been a lexical gap in the community to describe these memories that aren’t memories. Which is where I can’t avoid tooting my own horn a bit. I have an extremely rich and detailed parallel life as a gnoll, from which I can quote-unquote “recall” events, people, traditions, names, and so much more. It’s all integral to my nonhuman identity.

However, because I believe it all stems from some deep unconscious part of my brain, and because it feels like a parallel life, not a past life, I never felt right calling these things memories. So almost two years ago at this point, I undertook the quest to fill that lexical gap. And after looking through dozens of obscure web pages and dictionaries and articles, I found something useful: The word ‘noema’. Noema is a rarely used Greek word that translates to concept, idea, perception, or thought. And I’ve been very happy to see the term catching on in my corner of the community, where it’s often used as a broader alternative to ‘memory’.

In philosophy, a noema is defined as “the perceived as it is perceived.” At first this might sound a bit vague or esoteric, but when looked at through the lens of subjective truth it suddenly starts to make sense. A subjective truth is something that’s real just because a person experiences it as real. A noema is the perceived as it is perceived. So when we’re using noema as a substitute for memory… when we’re discussing memory-like experiences in the community and we explicitly refer to them as noemata, instead of referring to them as memories, the actual cause of the noema is then irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that it’s in one way or another perceived as a memory. When talking about noemata, it’s completely and utterly irrelevant if they’re real in any objective way - the only thing that matters is that the individual experiences the noema as real. Essentially the word ‘noema’ makes the cause irrelevant, so we can instead focus on the experience alone.

And I think the fact that this word has caught on (at least on tumblr) hints that our community might be moving in a positive direction. I at least dream of a community where we care a lot less about our origins, and a lot more about our actual presence in the world.

-

I had a conversation with a friend a few months ago, about this community-wide worry about the origins of our identity. And just to reiterate, I’m not saying your spiritual beliefs are irrelevant, because they can be really important when forming a whole picture of your identity. I’m more so saying they can be a bit of a distraction. In my opinion, the whole discussion about spirituality vs psychology is a red herring. Most of us didn’t seek out the community because we had certain spiritual beliefs. We sought it out because we felt not-quite-human, and it was only later that we reached any conclusions about why we feel nonhuman.

So, my friend and I talked about the role this discussion of origins plays in our community, and we reached a few interesting conclusions. For starters, it’s really upsetting to some folks to have to earnestly consider the idea that reincarnated souls are no more real or ‘valid’ than psychological imprinting, or any other non-spiritual beliefs for that matter. That’s part of what started the whole ‘nonhuman by birth’ idea I mentioned earlier. And it seems this uncomfortableness stems from a place of insecurity.

At the risk of offending some folks, I’m gonna draw a parallel to the trans community. In the trans community there’s a discussion of origins that parallels the one in the kin community and is likewise an attempt to draw lines between the quote-unquote ‘real’ trans people and the so-called transtrenders - which are supposedly people who pretend to be trans for clout. Those who attempt to draw these lines proclaim that being trans is a medical condition that they wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy, and one that’s marked by intense dysphoria and stress. They’ll also regularly state that being trans is only real or ‘valid’ because it has been proven through MRI brain scans that some female-assigned people have supposedly male brains, and vice versa.

(And just to make things clear, those brain scans are not real. It’s malicious pseudoscience spread by people who want to ‘cure’ transness by preventing trans kids from being born.)

But I think this attempt at validating your identity - in this case with science - stems from a dislike of one’s own traits, or more likely from the outside world’s dislike of those traits. When certain trans people try to prove themselves more valid than others in the eyes of the public, it’s not because they just hate those they deem ‘not trans enough’ - it’s because they’re afraid of being rejected by the rest of the world. These people are basically saying: “I didn’t choose to be trans. This is how I was born, so you have to accept it because it’s unchangeable.” It’s a cry for acceptance in an unaccepting world. And all this is not to say that some trans people aren’t born trans; I really think most trans people have a narrative like that. I’m more so trying to get across that, someone else’s narrative of choice should have no impact on your narrative of involuntarity. Both are real ways to experience being trans. And in many ways, having a narrative of choosing to be trans is necessary for the community, because it closes the doors for eugenicists who would try to eliminate quote-unquote “the trans gene”.

Viewing transness as a purely medical phenomenon where you need to meet certain requirements to get a trans diagnosis is a really reductive way to look at identity. Like I mentioned earlier: An identity is not just the sum of its parts, and it cannot be summarized by being forced to feel dysphoria. The fact of the matter is that we don’t know trans people are real because we have brain imaging technology, or even because certain people meet the medical criteria for having gender dysphoria. We know trans people are real because there are real people who identify as trans. We should be able to trust that people are trans when they tell us they are. And I think we need to look at nonhuman identities the same way.

Before I move on to the conclusion, I want to explain why this topic has become so important to me. A couple of months ago, after a good year or two of introspection, I realized I had created a hearttype. Not a kintype, but nonetheless an equally integral part of how I view myself and engage with the world. And changing something so fundamental about myself sent my thoughts racing.

When I was a kid I picked up a fear of spiders. It wasn’t bad enough to give me panic attacks, but it was bad enough that I couldn’t pick up a spider and carry it outside, even though I could do so with other bugs. I was around 10 years old when I decided that this was dumb, and I wanted to change it. So as a tween I quickly started on my own exposure therapy, looking at photos of spiders, reading about them, photographing them in nature, and after several years it had gotten to the point where I barely had a reaction to seeing them. But as I continued on, getting used to the idea of holding them and touching them, something changed in me.

Where I had previously felt fear, I started to feel admiration and love and a sense of familiarity. I wanted to surround myself with these animals, I wanted to work with them, and I started spending a not-insignificant amount of money on terrariums. And now, after more than a decade of rewriting my own thoughts and changing a mild fear into a love so deep it affects my sense of identity itself, I feel confident saying I created a hearttype. It was not an easy process. Like I said, it took more than a decade. Changing your entire mindset like that can’t be done with just a snap of your fingers. But evidently, some people are able to do it.

Though I have to add that, even here, it’s very easy to argue that there was some level of involuntarity. I already had an emotional response to spiders when I was scared of them. I don’t think I could form this kind of relationship with something I’m completely indifferent to, like, I dunno, a Toyota or a Marvel character. You can’t really form a relationship from nothing. And I appreciate this argument, because it really highlights just how confusing the entire concept of choice is, and how it doesn’t make sense to define ourselves by our lack of choice, when we can’t even define what counts as a choice.

But yeah, realizing that I created a hearttype, an identity that at the time was considered involuntary… realizing that I didn’t just play a part in creating this identity, but that I did create it, period. It sent my mind spinning, and I couldn’t stop thinking about what else might be possible. If I could create such love in myself, could I also do the opposite and tear down my own hearttype and recreate the phobia? Not something I want to test. But I think I could. And which other identities could be created like this?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the creation process has no impact on the nature of the identity itself, and I ended up posting a really controversial thing on tumblr. In hindsight I understand why some people got so pissed off about it, but I still stand by those thoughts. I’ll read it to you in full: “Theoretically I probably could force myself to not be otherkin. But it would take a decade or more, the way my hearttype creation did, and it would require constant work throughout those years. However, I see no way I wouldbenefit from that work, the way I did when I unintentionally created a hearttype in the process of getting rid of a phobia. It would just rid me of a part of myself that’s intrinsic to how I recognize myself. That’s not something I in any way want - and because I don’t want it, and because the choice would have to happen continuously on a timescale I can barely comprehend, I couldn’t make that choice in practicality.”

A very long and very complicated discussion came out of this post that I’d need a whole separate lecture to recap. But a few important ideas were developed, which I need to mention here. For starters, when discussing shadowwork and the Jungian archetypes, Jasper accidentally coined the term ego alteration. Through that discussion we ended up defining ego alteration as the process by which you proactively alter your conscious mind, your self-perception, and your thought-patterns. It’s not something to be taken lightly, as you’ll essentially be changing your sense of self by it. And it’s also not something everyone has the ability, desire, or drive to do. To integrate something into your sense of self, or to remove something that’s currently a part of your sense of self is serious business, and, like my hearttype creation, is something that should be thought about on a decades long timescale. I don’t have time to get in-depth about it here, but to consciously change your identity and your sense of self is definitely possible for some folks, and it’s nice to have a name for the concept.

Something else that came of that discussion is my own thoughts about how we define otherkin. The most common definition I’ve seen is “to identify, wholly or partially, as something nonhuman on a nonphysical level, by no choice of your own.” … I suggest we drop the last bit.

Okay, it’s a bit more complicated than just deleting a few words. In order to drop the “by no choice of your own” bit, without losing the meaning of otherkinity completely, and letting kin for fun take over, we’d need to rethink that entire definition.

Instead of defining otherkin by the amount of choice we had in the formation of our identity, I suggest we define otherkin by how integral our identities are to us. It was briefly mentioned on in one of the other panels (though I forget which one), but a pretty big source of conflict is that kin for fun just don’t understand the gravity of otherkin identities. If we define otherkinity as something that’s inseparable from who we are as individuals, it would not only make it clear to kin for fun that this is, well, not for fun. It would also get around the problem of people who worry that their identities might be invalid because they’ve made certain choices.

Your otherkinity is inherent, and by that I mean you would be a fundamentally different person if not for your kintype. At its most basic level, your kintype is what you recognize yourself to be. It’s the kind you belong to, rather than, or in tandem with, belonging to humankind. You kintype is an intrinsic part of you, and even if you could get rid of it, it would fundamentally change who you are is a person. If you chose not to be otherkin, you would also choose not to be you. In that sense, I suppose otherkinity is involuntary, in that you yourself can’t choose not to be otherkin, because as soon as you make that choice, you aren’t you. Though you could also argue that it is a choice because you wake up every day and choose to be you. And thus, the topic of choice leaves us running around in circles like it always has.

Being otherkin… being otherkind has never been about being forced to feel species dysphoria. It’s about being of another kind. It’s about knowing and recognizing humankind, and accepting that, in one way or another, that does not describe us.

And all this is not to say that copinglinking shouldn’t be a concept, but we need to rethink that as well. From the very few copinglink writings that exist, one topic I’ve seen several times is the idea of copinglinks becoming inseparable from you. This is not the point of links, and those who do go through a change like that find themselves more at home in the kin community than the link community. I don’t want to impose myself on linkers, but if we want these two words to make sense and have a use, we need to redefine both. I suggest defining copinglinks and otherlinks by their lack of integrality or by their ability to be dropped when necessary.

The line that has been drawn between otherkin and copinglinkers doesn’t help anyone as it is. There are far too many nonhumans who straddle the line, who feel torn between either community, or who only call themselves linkers because they feel pressured to do so. There are far too many nonhumans who don’t feel like they have a community they can call home.

So, I’m gonna propose a new and much more inclusive definition: To be otherkin is to identify as something nonhuman on an inherent or integral level. There you go, clean and simple. No more caveats or nested sentences.

[rainbowstrashpile]

It’s a Terrible Habit preview

For some reason my nightmare brain decided to recap the whole fucking show but people are enjoying it so I’m gonna keep doing it. Anyway, here’s a preview of the Celeste episode.

He is still digesting the Guillermo killing Carol thing when fucking Benji Everet shows up. To his credit Benji isn’t like, the worst or anything. They had had some good times together in the 70’s. Lots of boogieing the nights away while Benji looked for virgins. But you can only keep a familiar alive so long before they start asking when you’re going to turn them. And, well, he just didn’t see himself wanting to spend that much time with Benji. He was like the guy you talk to at work because he’s friendly but you don’t think about him when you go home to your real friends. Besides, it sounds like he had had a wonderful life after Nandor ditched him. He has a wife and children! Who still talk to him! What the fuck would he want to be a vampire for if he has that? 

Perhaps the worst part is that the whole time he’s going on and on about how much fun he’s had or whatever, he can see Guillermo’s expression swiftly turn sour and he just knows there is going to be a lot of talking between them later about this. According to his unwanted guest he’s already had Guillermo as a familiar one year more than he’d had Benji. And as wheedly and whiny as Guillermo can be sometimes he’s admittedly very very good at his job, not like he would ever tell Guillermo that and let him get all big headed about it. 

In retrospect, maybe it had been a mistake to leave Benji to Guillermo. It’s probably what put terrible ideas in his silly little bumblebee brain. Benji finds his way to Nandor’s room, and contents himself by nattering on and on about what it will be like when he’s a vampire too, and Nandor is doing his best to ignore him, polishing one of his many daggers and hoping he will shut up and go away. Thankfully, Guillermo comes to his rescue and asks for a private audience. He’s more than happy to grant it, especially if it means getting Benji the fuck away from him for five fucking minutes.

It is not the reprieve he was hoping for. Benji is truly a terrible influence on poor Guillermo, because he manages to back Nandor into a corner. His terse little mouth asks the dreaded when will you make me a vampire question. When Nandor snaps his customary “I told you before we will talk about it later!” Guillermo doesn’t do that thing where he bows his head full of lovely warm curls and scurries off, big doe eyes watery in a way that make Nandor feel some slimy feeling he would rather not think about. Instead, Guillermo says he has a better off. 

He is posturing. Speaking the bullshit to try and goad Nandor into bending to his will. There is no better offer because out of all the vampires in New York Nandor treats his familiar the very best, and he is being horribly thankless about it right now! Fine, let him go to this “better offer”. See if Nandor cares at all. He will come groveling back, realizing how great he has had it here in no time! He can already tell by the quavering in Guillermo’s voice that he is regretting his decision. In the meantime, Benji is back and can take over Guillermo’s duties. Benji can do anything Guillermo can do, certainly. And he won’t miss Guillermo’s soft voice or fuzzy sweaters or sweet smells or all the games they play together at all! It’s totally fine! He can go do this “better offer” and Nandor won’t miss him one bit! Everything will be okay-a! And maybe, as Guillermo is storming out of the room, he murmurs that he’s being stupid, hoping it will make Guillermo realize that he is, in fact, being very stupid. It doesn’t work, and Guillermo just…walks away. 

Walks away like they hadn’t spent damn near every waking moment together for the past 11 years! Like he hadn’t held Guillermo’s soft, fragile, delectable human body in his arms with only the utmost care and hadn’t even once taken so much as a nibble! You don’t find that kind of restraint in other vampires, you know! If he gets drained dry back at that stupid Panera Bread or whatever that’s fine! See if Nandor cares!

As the moon rises the next evening, Nandor awaits attendance. But the footsteps that greet him are all wrong. The fingers grasping at the wood of his coffin are clumsy, out of practice with the sticky latch. When the lid finally opens there is no round, smiling face hung above him like the sun. Just fucking human guy Benji. In the following days the idea that perhaps, he had been a bit harsh with Guillermo, begins to solidify in his mind. Guillermo is gone, and with him it seemed he took all of the good things in the house. His sweet, virginal smells no longer tickle Nandor’s nose every time he passes by. His shimmering amber eyes are no longer here to gaze at him softly as gentle, deft hands brush his hair. The steady heartbeat that had been his faithful lullaby now for over a decade is missing, and his slumber suffers for it.   

Benji is certainly no help. His old joints are no longer filled with succulent collagen, and his very limited range of motion is of no use to Nandor. His smell doesn’t remind Nandor of afternoons spent in an orchard at his palace, the singsong voices of his wives and children all around him. Instead he smells like the humans at the end of their life. Like sloppy wet foods and fake teeth glue. It makes him want to gag. And on and on he natters about grand kids and jolf! And fuck, how did a loser like Benji manage to hang on to a wife and kids, to the point he has an intelligent phone full of pictures of them? Fuck this. He needs to find Guillermo.

He’s heard through the ether that there’s a new vampire named Celeste who’s poaching everyone’s familiars. She’s apparently staying in the home of her sire’s while they’re away. In his head, he will burst in just in the nick of time to save Guillermo from being devoured by a coven of significantly less handsome vampires. And Guillermo will be so thankful he will promise to never again leave his side. That he will be a good, obedient familiar for all time and never ever change or make demands or get snippy and shout at him. Unfortunately what happens is…less satisfying. 

As a vampire, he has to be invited in. He knocks, and politely waits to be let in. The person who answers the door is a young woman. She’s lean, with sharp cheekbones and full red lips.  Her midnight black hair is in a modern, stylish bob. And when she smiles Nandor sees sharp little fangs. She must have just fed, because she looks and smells remarkably human. The perks of being freshly turned, perhaps. That aside, she’s definitely the dirty thief who stole his familiar. But he’s not going to get in with that attitude. 

“Er, hello. I was wondering if Guillermo is around?” He asks awkwardly, bobbing his head a bit to see if he can spot Guillermo inside.

“Oh, are you his previous master?” She asks, smiling at him. “Yes. I am Nandor the Relentless. I’m sure he’s mentioned me many times.”

“Oh, probably. But we try not to talk about previous commitments here.” She boldly states, briefly  pressing her hands together as if in prayer.

“Er, okay. I guess. Is it cool if I come and talk to him?” 

She thinks for a moment, glancing back into the loft. “I suppose. But be quick. We've got a lot of furniture to move.” She turns and goes back inside, and begins shouting orders. 

The invisible barrier that kept him out now gone, Nandor steps in. The place is terrible. It’s so fucking white and empty it burns his eyes. Have fun cleaning blood off of any of this shit.

Sorry, that’s all you get. I’m writing it out of order so I don’t even have the Simon part finished. Can’t even guarantee this will be the next chapter. ADHD makes things very hard.

[mmmleckerlecker]

Heart Pangs - Egress (Part 29/70)

Read this story on Wattpad - Read this story on Ao3

Table of Contents - First part - Previous part - Next part

Summary: Lux attempts to exit with Camille, unfortunately there’s just one hold up.

Contents: Lux being charming (but also a little commanding); vore - post-vore, m/f, size difference

Wordcount: 1,921

* * * * * * * * * *

The moment Lenora is out of sight, Lux lets out a long sigh. She suspects him, he knows she does, but it’s too late to turn back. Cecil probably suspects him as well, but Lux doubts he’d be smart enough to figure out the truth. Lenora on the other hand....

Lenora is a Facility worker who shows up on time every day, does her job, and goes home for the night. Nothing more, nothing less. Lux isn’t sure where her allegiances would lie if it ever came down to him or the Facility. Either way, putting her at risk is beyond his intentions. He hopes she doesn’t go digging any deeper or they’ll both be in trouble.

By the time Lux arrives at the main entrance to the Facility, Camille seems to have calmed down. Most likely exhausted herself. If he concentrates, he can feel her breathing, heavy and irregular. She’s either sobbing or hyperventilating. Probably both, but unfortunately there isn’t much Lux can do about that.

Normally, at this point in his work day, he’d go to his office to start digestion. It’s illegal for Facility workers to leave the premises with live prey. He’d always relished the hour or so he had to himself in there. The quiet and the privacy would make up for how quickly he had to digest in order to get home at a decent time (although sometimes if his prey had been a particularly abhorrent criminal, he would spare a little extra time for his stomach to work them over).

Tonight, of course, is different. He can’t go to his office to relax. He can’t let Camille digest. He needs to get her out of the Facility as quickly as possible, alive. That last part will be tricky and have severe consequences if Lux can’t pull it off just right. His plan for getting her past the security check is half-baked and relies mostly on the status and influence he bears.

“Good evening, Lux!” the guard calls with a friendly smile when Lux comes into view of the checkpoint.

The guard is an older Facility worker by the name of Eric Kline, and he always mans the entrance during late night shifts. He’s worked there for decades, possibly longer than Supervisor Bakula himself. The man knows and greets all the other Facility workers by name. As far as Lux knows, Kline has only ever worked security. He doesn’t know what it feels like to be an Extractor or Disposer. But surely, he has to have some idea what it means to hold a prey, what it’s like to digest one.

Lux flashes a grin at the guard. “More like good morning this late into the night.” He laughs and squeezes his abdomen tight, keeping his prey as still as possible.

Kline checks his watch and raises a brow in surprise. “Guess you’re right,” he says.

“It’s easy to lose track of time in here,” Lux reassures him as he steps into the scanner.

“You can say that again.”

The scanner emits a sharp beep and a red light goes off. Kline blinks in surprise.

“Hold up a moment, Lux,” he says, tone suddenly serious. “We’ve picked up an extra heartbeat on you. Your prey’s still alive.”

Lux slowly turns to face him, expression a little sheepish. “I was worried about that,” he admits. “I didn’t give it as much time as I normally do.”

Kline frowns. “Well, you know the rules. You’ll have to wait inside a bit longer.”

Lux’s shoulders drop and he allows a look of irritation to cross his face. “I’ve been working all night,” he says, keeping his words short. He draws himself to his full height, bearing down on the guard. “And the drive home isn’t exactly short. I’m not sure how much energy I’ll have left for driving if I stay much longer.”

Kline shifts uncomfortably. “Of course I don’t want you to be driving home dangerously tired, sir....” Then he clears his throat, “But I’m sure someone of your prestige can be ready to leave in another ten minutes or so.”

Outwardly, Lux smiles at the subtle, if manipulative, compliment. Inwardly, he scowls. For once, his reputation within the Facility is working against him.

He moves closer to the guard and leans in closer to his station. “Listen, Kline, I must admit, it’s actually more than that.”

The guard’s eyes narrow in suspicion.

“This prey I’m holding now?” Lux says, voice smooth. “She’s— she’s different than the others. I’ve been waiting a long time for this day, and I was hoping to enjoy her for longer than just ten more minutes. It’s important to me that she lasts as long as possible. You know what I mean, don’t you?”

Kline doesn’t speak, but the tightening of his lips tell Lux he knows exactly what he means, even if he doesn’t approve. But who is a mere security guard to tell Lux Feuerbach what he should or should not do?

The corners of Lux’s mouth curl upward. “I knew you would. And I also know that you understand I wouldn’t ask this of you unless it was of the utmost importance to me. I’ve never asked this of you before, and I swear I’ll never ask it again.

Lux pauses at the guard’s still uncertain demeanor. “Besides,” he adds, leaning in a bit closer, “you know this is something I’m good for. I’ve held the fastest digestion record for what? Three years now? This isn’t something that will keep me from being clear to work tomorrow.”

“It’s not that I don’t think you’re good for it,” Kline says, his voice sounding smaller than usual. “It’s just I’ve never let anyone through without passing the check before. If Bakula found out...”

Lux interrupts with a biting laugh. He feels Camille brace herself against the sudden movement, followed by an angry jab. Lux only squeezes her more firmly in place.

“You really think I would do something like this if there was even a whisper of a risk for either of us? You think I would risk my entire career over something so trivial?”

The guard shrinks a bit at his words.

Lux’s voice is dangerously low as he speaks, “Bakula isn’t going to find out.” He leans in so that his face is only inches from the guard’s. “Let me through, Kline.”

Kline’s jaw is tight and his spine stiff. For one tense moment, Lux is afraid he’s failed, that the old guard will hold strong and refuse to let him pass. Then Kline throws a fleeting look over Lux’s shoulder towards where he knows a single security camera watches them. With a movement so casual and natural that even Lux barely notices, Kline flicks a switch on the control panel before him.

“Why don’t you try going through again, Lux?” He speaks with a barely concealed anger, masked heavily with politeness.

Lux gives him one last look, searching for mutiny, then eases back. He keeps an eye on Kline as he passes through the scanner again. This time, it doesn’t go off.

“All clear,” Kline announces, words short.

“Thank you,” Lux says, dropping some of his formality. He hopes he hasn’t just made an enemy. He’d always enjoyed Kline’s cheery demeanor at the end of a long night’s work. “I swear to you this will stay between us only. You have nothing to fear.”

The guard’s gaze is hard as he says, “This is a one time only deal.”

“Of course, of course,” Lux insists. “I know what you’re risking for me, and I promise it will not go to waste.”

The look Kline gives him is tired and disappointed. Lux feels a tinge of shame for how he’s manipulated the old man, but he refuses to let it show.

“Just... enjoy your meal, sir,” Kline says. “And have a good night.”

Lux regards him for a moment then nods and says, “You too.”

The relief Lux feels as he walks back to his car is marred somewhat by the anxiety of what he’ll be walking back into tomorrow. He’s left a trail of witnesses to his out-of-character behavior tonight. Though he knows it would be highly unlikely for them to collectively work out the bigger picture, Lux fears for what would become of him if they did.

As he unlocks his car door and lowers himself inside, he pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind. He doesn’t have time for them right now. There’s still so much that must be taken care of tonight.

He moves the driver’s seat back to make room for Camille. Once seated, he leans back and closes his eyes. He lets out a long sigh and carefully runs his fingers over what little of her form he can feel. He wonders how much of his conversations she’s overheard. It’s always impossible to hear anything from a prey inside, but he knows sometimes prey can hear what their consumer is saying if they speak loud enough.

Even as he reclines, still in the silence of his car, Lux can feel how impatient his stomach is to begin breaking down its meal. He’s so full and he’s so tired and Camille fills him up so completely. His exhausted mind ponders idly over how peaceful and good it would feel to simply let go and start digestion. The process is as natural to his body as breathing and right now he’s been holding his breath far too long.

Lux’s eyes flicker open

But he has control, he reminds himself.

He sits up straight and opens up the glove compartment. Resting at the front is a bottle of neutralizers he’d grabbed from the very back of his medicine cabinet that evening. He picks up the bottle and looks it over.

It’s definitely expired. He bought the bottle long ago, at the beginning of his career at the Facility, back when he thought he could still practice safe consuming on his off hours. That hadn’t lasted long.

Lux opens up the bottle and pours a few of the white pills into his palm. He’s not sure how many he should take. Back in college, one had always been enough to tide him over, sometimes two if he knew it was going to be a long night. But now? His stomach is immeasurably more powerful.

Hoping he doesn’t make himself sick, Lux pops five pills. He feels Camille shift as he does so.

He waits impatiently to see if the pills have any effect. After several minutes, that all too familiar deadening sensation creeps its way into his stomach. Lux had forgotten how terrible it feels. However, it’s not as strong as he remembers. There’s the tiniest bit of life still fluttering at the edges of his core. It aches longingly for prey, but it’s so weak, Lux can shut it down with nothing more than a passing thought.

Expired pills or not, Lux is sure Camille will still welcome the relief. Even the ambient acids in his stomach would be severely unpleasant on her already irritated skin. This way, she won’t be suffering so completely and Lux won’t be struggling to hold back digestion.

He shoves the remaining neutralizers back into the glove box and revs up the engine. The hum breaks the silence and re-focuses his mind. He has a long drive ahead of him and that’s just the beginning of the journey. He may as well get started now.

Next part

[passionate-reply]

This week on Great Albums: the first hint that Cabaret Voltaire had a future on the dance floor, and weren’t meant to make hissing tape noises forever. Find out how The Crackdown took them from the industrial underground and into the (relative) spotlight. Full transcript below the break!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, I’m taking a look at Cabaret Voltaire, one of the most important acts in the development of “industrial music” in the late 70s and early 80s. They came up right alongside groups like Throbbing Gristle and Clock DVA, and their earlier work is strident and subversive, full of harsh, hissing textures, and dense compositions that almost dare you to make sense of them. This era of their career came to a head with 1981’s Red Mecca, an album inspired by political turmoil in Western Asia, and often considered their great masterpiece.

Music: “Spread the Virus”

While this earlier work was extremely influential, sowing the seeds of all manner of noise and industrial music to come, Cabaret Voltaire didn’t stick with this sound forever. That’s where their 1983 album The Crackdown comes into the picture. After founding member Chris Watson left the group to pursue a career in sound engineering for television, Cabaret Voltaire were reduced to a duo of Richard H. Kirk and Stephen Mallinder, and on this album, the two of them would push their sound into significantly poppier territory.

Music: “Animation”

Listening to the surprisingly bright synth effects on “Animation,” you can start to see why Cabaret Voltaire are sometimes remembered as more of a New Wave act, in spite of those rough beginnings. Much more focused on digestible hooks and melodies, The Crackdown saw significantly more mainstream success and appeal than anything they had done before. Still, it’s selling this album a bit short to position it as a straight-up pop record. It’s really kind of a transition point between their more avant-garde work and their more dancefloor-oriented output later in the 1980s. “Animation” is definitely a bit of an outlier, sonically speaking, and it’s also a bit buried in the tracklisting, only appearing at the end of the first side. By contrast, the album opens with “24-24.”

Music: “24-24”

“24-24,” and other tracks on The Crackdown, really lay out what I’d consider the “classic” Cabaret Voltaire compositional structure: they center around these repetitive grooves, which are quite funky, and catchy in a dark way, but also somewhat unsatisfying to listen to, never quite resolving like a pop song, but smoldering in the back of your mind. They’re just oppressive, smothering, lingering around like pestilent miasmas, weighing you down like something you’ve got to haul on your back. While a lot of the lyricism of Cabaret Voltaire tracks is pretty inscrutable, I’ve always thought of “24-24” as a representation of the withering grind of working life--where there once was “the old 9-5,” here we have the all-consuming “24-24,” a shift with no room for rest. There’s a similar theme of inescapable, constant pressure on the album’s title track.

Music: “Crackdown”

The title track of The Crackdown is also its closing track, and it’s yet another in the fine tradition of closing tracks that get to bask in a substantive runtime and spin an almost cinematic narrative. While “24-24” wears the listener down with its cyclical, repetitive, hamster-wheel structure, the title track is jumpy and uneven, giving it an unpredictable quality. Its theme appears to be that of the surveillance state, and the stress of living in a world of tension and paranoia, where the punishment of the titular “crackdown” could be lurking around any corner. Not only are individuals watched from above, by the force of authority, but also by each other, among themselves, enforcing conformity by ratting out their peers. But perhaps the most effective take the album has on that “oppressive” song structure is “Just Fascination.”

Music: “Just Fascination”

While tracks like “24-24” and the title track pit individuals against the larger mechanisms of society, “Just Fascination” translates that sense of struggle to something completely internal, portraying a battle between the superego and the id. The “private fascination” described by the song could be deviant sexual urges, morbid curiosity, or, really, any sort of vaguely heretical thoughtcrime you can think of. It’s pointing to a universal experience of nagging thoughts that hunt you down and refuse to leave your mind, and I think that deep relatability gives it a lot of power.

On the cover of The Crackdown, we see Kirk and Mallinder portrayed as photographers, and their lens is turned, quite defiantly, to look at *us.* This image plays with the roles of the observer and the observed, giving us a vision of artists who are not simply here to be seen and serve as entertainment, but rather choose to gaze back. When combined with the title, “The Crackdown,” and the theme of surveillance, one can read the tripod-mounted camera as an icon of the Panopticon, the classic symbol of authority’s watchful eye. The image appears both off-center, and washed over in lurid, unnatural colours, reminiscent of a photographer’s colour test printing. This effect adds a lot of general visual interest to the cover, and makes it stand out quite a bit more than it would otherwise, but it also casts Cabaret Voltaire back into the role of being observed, as the subject of photography themselves. It also hints at the way mechanical reproduction can fail, or be inadequate--the world doesn’t really appear in this colour palette, after all. Or at least not to human eyes.

Another bit of symbolism on this cover I find quite interesting is the compass, which appears on the right-hand side. While the compass visually rhymes with the tripod, it’s worth noting that it also has a long history as a symbol of God as the creator and architect of the universe, and divine order and symmetry. It’s also sometimes invoked as a representation of the need for proper conduct, and staying within the rules of good behaviour. Because of these associations, compass imagery has often been used by various ritual societies, most notably the Freemasons. Cabaret Voltaire’s usage of this symbol is probably as subversive and tongue-in-cheek as their use of the “all-seeing eye” of the camera.

Earlier, I mentioned that The Crackdown serves as a transition point for Cabaret Voltaire, and that their later works would see them push further into making dance music. If you’re in the market for more of that, and this album is still a bit rough around the edges for your taste, I’d recommend their 1984 follow-up, Micro-Phonies. Featuring tracks like their arguable greatest hit, “Sensoria,” Micro-Phonies puts more emphasis on that bouncy, funky, bass-heavy groove, and in many cases starts pushing closer to something like verse/chorus structure.

Music: “Sensoria”

My favourite track on The Crackdown is “Talking Time.” Between its whispering hook, “don’t touch,” a sample asking us to wait “five minutes,” and the fact that it ends in another sample that’s apparently clipped off mid-word, “Talking Time” really feels like a track that’s aware of the fact that it’s dragging us along as listeners, and toying with our expectations. It also has one of the bounciest synth sequences anywhere on the album, surprisingly enough. That’s all for today--thanks for listening!

Music: “Talking Time”

[thebrownssociety]

Across The Serververse, Chapter 7

Back on the spaceship a debate was brewing. 

“-But all I’m saying is that it makes sense to get Sam!” Penelope said, for about the 5th time. “Then we know we’ve got everyone who was connected with the cartoon network universe!”

“But that’s completely illogical.” Marvin said, bluntly. “Sam, as we know, can take care of himself and is unlikely to cause great harm to himself or others. Sam is also in the ‘Wacky Racers’ universe, which is not unlike our own. Wile.E and Roady however are in the ‘Mad Max’ universe. That’s a completely different ballgame, so to speak, and we should retrieve them first so they can’t cause damage to other people, each other and themselves in that order.”

Bugs sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Why, WHY did he think this would be simple? Just go round the universes and get everyone back. A hard conversation may be needed here and there [he was anticipating one with Daffy, for instance] but on the whole he was certain the others would come back. After all, why wouldn’t they? The entire family was here after all, would they really want to be left behind?

Just as Tweety was yelling that actuawwy GRANNY would be a good idea as she was - and direct quote - ‘owd and fwail’ [which Bugs personally found hilarious as he’d seen frailer cement mixers] the decision was taken out of there hands. 

“Stop!” Pepe yelled at the top of his lungs, seeing he now had everyone’s attention he said, calmly. “Why do we not see what planet we are closest to and retrieve the toons on there, yes? Make it simple, no?”

A thought flashed across Bugs’s mind that if they carried on down that route it meant Fudd would be last, but he shook the thought away like it was an irritating insect. Fudd would be fine, Bugs reasoned, he was more quick-witted and intelligent than people gave him credit for. He would be fine. Fine! Absolutely fine...

Marvin smiled [or at least the others assumed he was smiling. It was a bit hard to tell] and ‘full-speeded ahead’ to Mad Max Universe.

“Be careful!” Pepe yelled as Penelope crashed into him. “You are not on the racing track now, non?”

Marvin - somewhat uncharacteristically - ignored him and just landed the spaceship with a small ‘thud!’ “Well.” The Martian said, as he zeroed in on Wile.E’s and the Roadrunners trackers. “Here we are. The Mad Max universe. There was a pause before Marvin said, with faux brightness. “So, who’s going to volunteer to get our two brothers then?”

It soon transpired that it was Bugs himself who was going to ‘volunteer’ for this no doubt arduous task, what with the rabbit being the fastest amongst them. 

“How do I get meself into dese situations?” Bugs wondered aloud, as he stood in the middle of a dust road looking for any sign of either the road runner or the coyote. Then he saw it. The familiar dust trail of the roadrunner which Bugs knew from previous experience meant he was about five-

-zoom!-

...make that two seconds away. And if the roadrunner was here, that meant the coyote wasn’t that far behind-

-zoom!-

Aaaaaannnnnnnnddddddddddd there he went! Bugs turned tail and ran after him. 

Wile.E, Bugs could hardly fail to notice, looked like an advertisement for leather. Leather coat, leather gloves and a weird looking mask tied across his eyes, making him look like a robber. In one hand he wielded what looked like a extended litter-picker with the end significantly modified so it was [in theory] capable of catching roadrunners. The other hand was clutching the steering wheel of the motorbike he’d presumably ‘borrowed’ from somewhere. 

Bugs ran flat out as he did his best to get level with the coyote, and it was a testament to his abilities and pig-headed determination that he actually managed it. “Wile.E!” Bugs called, loudly in order to ensure he was heard over the noise. “Wile E! It’s me Bugs!”

The coyote looked at him in startled surprise, taking his eyes of the road for literally about two seconds, but that two seconds was all the universe needed for Wile.E to fall flat on his face and go skidding into a rock, which caused a boulder to fall from above onto him, just for good measure.

Bugs winced and slowly sidled up to the rock where the coyotes arm was sticking out from under it. The rabbit waited for his younger brother to come crawling out from under it, probably glaring daggers, but nothing happened. After a few more seconds he got concerned and tried to move the boulder himself. 

Back in Tune World this wouldn’t be a problem. As long as Bugs timed it at either a funny moment, or a moment that made sense within the narration, he’d have been able to do it. But, Bugs realised as he pushed, shoved and yelled curses at the rock, this wasn’t Toon World.

“Beap, beap!”

Bugs let out a shout of surprise and jumped about ten metres in the air, before landing with a thud. He sighed, got up and turned to see the road runner examining the rock critically. Seeing Bugs looking at him, Roadie held up a sign which said. ‘You get one side, I’ll get the other.’

Really, Bugs thought, this might be a good time to get Marvin’s disintegration ray, or maybe the other toons, but he didn’t really have time to argue so he just grabbed the other end of the rock [which was thankfully quite jagged, so easy enough to get a grip onto as opposed to the smooth round boulders that usually fell on Wile.E.] and together he and Roadie lifted the boulder of off the coyote and looked at the crushed noodle-like body beneath it.

Bugs stared silently, trying to digest what had just happened, while the roadrunner donned a black suit and tie and threw a random wreath at the coyote’s still body.

As soon as that wreath made contact with Wile.E’s stomach the coyote ‘rose from the dead’ ala Mushu style saying dramatically. “IIIIII LLLLLLIIIIIIIVVVVVVVEEEEEE!”

He was rewarded for this Oscar-worthy spot of acting by tomatoes being thrown at him by Roadie and Bugs. “Dat’s for quotin’ Disney!” Bugs told him sternly.

Wile.E shrugged. “Don’t blame me, inferior creature, I didn’t write the script.”

They glared at each other and then, going a 180, hugged and laughed joyously. “Oh!” Wile.E exclaimed, as he swung Bugs around. “I’m so glad you’re alive! I would like to say we never gave up hope, but I’m afraid that would be a lie as we’ve thought you were dead for the past few months now.”

Wile.E popped Bugs back on the ground and the rabbit wasted no time shaking himself to get all of the dust and rocks and like out his fur. “Oi’m gonna be hearin’ that for de next few chapters, ain’t I?” He reflected.

In response Wile.E simply pointed. Bugs followed the point and saw Roadie holding up a sign that said. ‘Well, the last time we saw you you were left alone with an angry psycho. So, you know, assumptions were made.”

Bugs grinned and flapped his arms. “Ah, never mind all dat! C’mon, Oi’ve managed to get some of the gang already, we’re all on Marvin’s spaceship! C’mon, follow me brothers!” And with that he dramatically turned heal and started in the direction of the spaceship. [Which wasn’t actually visible from where they were, Bugs having had to go on something of a hunt for his younger brothers.]

He got about ten steps in before realising he was Coyote-and-Roadrunner-less and turned back to see Wile.E standing in the middle of the dust track with his arms folded and his nose in the air, while Roadrunner looked confused and kept looking between the two like he was a spectator at a volleyball match.

Bugs approached his coyote brother carefully and asked. “Eh...what’s up, Wile.E?”

Wile.E scoffed and holding his nose up even higher [if that was possible] said; “I find it interesting, Mr Bunny, that you assume I shall just go with you?”

The rabbit frowned. confused by this question. “...Why wouldn’t ya?” He asked, eventually.

Wile.E scoffed again, as if to say ‘if you don’t know I’m not going to tell you’ and turned his back on the rabbit.

Bugs was now very confused and started pulling apart the conversation they’d just had in his mind to see if there was anything he’d said that would explain the coyote’s behaviour. About ten seconds into this thinking Bugs was gently pushed aside by Roadrunner who held up a sign that said: ‘Leave this to me.’

[Note from Author: The following conversation has been translated into English for ease of reading. Within the universe of the fic, on the other hand, the below conversation was said in roadrunner style beaps from both parties concerned. The author has also tried to keep Roadie’s rhyming style of speech. Whether she’s succeeded or not is a different matter.]

Roadrunner stepped closer to his brother and said, in a kindly tone. 

“Wile.E, my brother,

From one twin to another

Would you be so kind?

Tell me what is on your mind?”

Wile.E took a moment to think about exactly what was bothering him, before saying in a measured manner. “I’m thinking Roadie that...I’m old.”

Roadie’s eyes went wide and Wile.E hurriedly clarified. “Oh, I know what you’re going to say, I’m in my early 70′s, early 70′s is no longer considered ‘old’. Except, factually, it is. Even if you take into consideration the fact that I’m a toon and therefore immortal, I just can’t help wondering...how much longer can I do this?”

His brother looked at him in a manner that suggested he was unsure of what he meant. Clicking his tongue impatiently Wile.E snapped. “For Newton’s sake, do I have to spell it out!? How much longer can I keep throwing myself off of cliffs and under boulders and the like without damage? Even with gadgets like these...” Here he looked down at the custom-made grabber and chuckled. “...Not that we’ve got anything like this back on Tune Town. I mean, look at this!” Here he went into a half-mad description of what exactly the grabber was made of, what it could do and why exactly it was the best thing since sliced bread. Roadrunner waited patiently the whole time this lecture went on, nodding at what he felt were appropriate intervals until, finally, Wile.E finished with: “But what’s the use? I’ll never be able to invent another one.”

Roadrunner frowned and said, rapidly. “But Wile.E, why ever not?

Seeing as you’re a total swot*

Would it not be so very easy,

to build something just as great?

From an engineers point of view,

it should be easy to recreate

And with me by your side

You’ll be sure to hit your stride.” At the end of his little rhyme, Roadie smiled brightly at his twin and waited for the verdict. 

“Because, my fraternal twin brother, I made THIS one via the materials on this planet and seeing as when I step on Marvin’s ship I’m presumably not coming back here then that means I’m somewhat sunk, aren't I? More than usual, I mean.” Wile.E looked at the grabber and lovingly stroked it.  

While he was doing that Roadie thought.  Truth be told he had heard this more than a few times before. Wile.E periodically went through periods where he thought he was reaching the end of his genius, but he usually pulled through. This time he sounded different though. More wistful and melancholy. It concerned Roadie, but he was unsure of what to say and went quiet for a bit trying to think of the right words.

While he was doing that Wile.E’s ginormous brain was ticking, slotting the pieces together as he looked down at the grabber. Really, now he was actually thinking about it instead of running on emotion, the materials the grabber was made with weren't that different to similar materials that could be found on Tune Town. Melt an anvil down, for instance, and simply reshape it...

Wile.E smiled. Oh yes, that would work alright. He was an idiot to have not thought of it before!

Roadrunner saw the familiar smile and, immediately perking up, said rapidly to Bugs. “I think you will be happy to know, we are finally ready to go.”

Bugs made a celebrationary air-grab and grabbing his brothers by the arm and wing respectably pulled them in the direction of the spaceship. Luckily Roadrunners brain was ahead of Bugs’s on this occasional and he had also see where the spaceship was earlier on in the chapter when he’d speeded ahead; so, with his usual catchphrase, he ran under Bugs so the rabbit was forced to cling to him and sped of at about 1000 miles an hour, not wanting to waste any time.

Behind them Wile.E smiled wickedly and activated the grabber which enabled him to swing between boulders [how he managed not to crush himself the author only knows] essentially becoming the coyote version of Tarzan and together they speeded towards the ship

[runabout-river]

My personal take on the Clarke family:

They were a happy adopted family till the parents had to deal with economic anxiety brought on by the impeding closing of the factory James worked in.

Though it might be more true to say that they were a happy family despite being adopted, and that the adoptions still played a big part of their upbringing and wasn't just a funny story to tell every Christmas.

I can't tell much about American families who adopted children in the 50's to 70's but I'm sure that it wasn't easy to navigate that in a social environment, especially not in a small town.

The Clarke children might have been the only adopted children in Little Hope and probably everybody could guess what the most likely cause for that was. (Obviously James and Anne couldn't get children of their own but the reason why the children were up for adoption might have been that they were born out of wedlock to young mothers. A not so nice backstory to have during that time period) So I can imagine bullying on that front.

(HC: Bullying might have been especially bad for Tanya with a foreign sounding name and no known birth parents. I can easily see her having to fight for recognition and that she might even date someone with a similar background e.g. Vince who might not have had the best start in life too. That would feed into her desire to leave Little Hope behind as seen in her diary.)

I think the reason why James was so quick to call out their family (which comes off as a little cruel) was because discussions of "family" where common to have in the Clarke household. But for most of their life it was not in a negative sense, instead in a positive "we're adopted, but we're still a family" sense.

The tragic thing here would be that they apparently never reached, or you know, locked in, their happy and inseparable family status.

That's why the father of the household could so easily turn on his adopted children despite his actual problem, economic anxiety, not even remotely being related to them. He basically imports his anger about their future and puts them on the problems his daughter has. He thinks that Megan (and maybe even the others) wouldn't even have problems of any kind in school and in their daily life "if they were his real children". That assumption is absolute bullshit but people want to believe in easy solutions for their problems, and James, stressed and drunk, completely ignores the fact that biological children would have had similar or completely different problems of their own.

The way Anthony reacts to James talking about their "family" it seems to me that that was a frequent topic of discussion for them, but it's more recent that their father attributed negativity to it. Which Anthony most likely explained away with his drinking problem, not really understanding the root cause of said drinking problem in the first place.

(Which is why the very first thing we here of John, and the other hallucination overall, is how he stayed sober for 3 months. Because James' drinking problem as the cause for his bad mood and general bitchiness was the digestible thing that Anthony could easily understand and blame on back then. Even though it was just a symptom of their actual problems. What if Anthony had been plagued with what if's of that night where his father wasn't drunkenly sleeping on the couch? What if an awake James could've saved everyone?)

Had the Clarkes not died in the fire, their lifes would've turned bad anyway, at least for a little while. Anne would've finally been hit with the reality of her husband losing his job. James would've had to deal with the fact that for years he let his frustration about the factory closing out on his family causing unnecessary friction for everyone.

Tanya might have chosen that time to finally start a life with Vince and getting away from Little Hope. Dennis and Anthony would've had to start working too to help the family get by. Unfortunately, Megan's situation with Reverend Carson would've turned for the worse before getting better, at least till the Clarkes were forced to move away.

If we take the comic as supplementary canon to the game, then it becomes quite sad that Anthony didn't get the good ending. Instead he still has the demons of the past haunt him to this very day. He could never put his family to rest.

(This analysis was first made for the the Little Hope Discord channel, if someone is interested in joining in)