#(this is not entirely negative im just ??????)
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lil-vibes · 1 month ago
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Day 19: Show the real form
Previous/Next
(prompt list here!)
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago
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I'm sorry I let down my guard.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish#Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt#and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible#He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.
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lovesickeros · 10 months ago
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☆ decadence divine [ act I ]
{☆} characters arlecchino, neuvillette, furina {☆} notes yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings yandere content, stalking (implied), kidnapping (implied) {☆} word count 2.3k
ARLECCHINO
Arlecchino was wont to leave social gatherings to her subordinates– the private meetings were where she thrived. It was so much easier to lure your prey into a trap when you didn't have prying eyes and ears waiting for the barest hint of blackmail.
She clicked her tongue in distaste, her eyes narrowing beneath the mask of the fox as she set down her cup sharply. It was difficult as it was to draw them from the safety of their bubble– at the slightest hint of danger, her quarry would run. A chase would be fun, but she couldn't risk getting caught here. The political nightmare it would cause..it already gave her a headache. She had to be discreet.
They weren't making it easy, however.
Which is why she never liked crowds. But this chance didn't come by every day. She wasn't going to simply let it pass by because of a little danger. She'd have them eventually, it was just a matter of how. There were already numerous of her own lingering in the crowds, hidden beneath the masks that every patron bore. It was difficult to stand out amongst the flurry of masked patrons constantly shifting around the room, moving from one conversation to another, gliding from one dance partner to another.
Her heeled boots clicked sharply against the tile as she stalked through the crowds, keeping a wide berth yet always lingering nearby– she was sure they could feel the vague sense of being watched, but with the huge crowds..her lips quirked into a grin with the barest flash of teeth. There were a great many ways to break them in– she'd spent a great amount of time and mora to get anything she could for blackmail, if she so wished. She had the backing of the Fatui as well if she played her cards right– it wouldn't be difficult to convince them that they were a valuable target, and none of them would dare to question just what she did with them afterwards.
Perhaps a bit of play, first. Test the waters. She was familiar with playing the polite gentleman, despite her status as a Fatui Harbinger. Stage something for her to intervene, perhaps, to look the hero. The look of shock when she revealed the wolf beneath the wool..she could see it already. That wide, doe-eyed look as they realized the monster they've followed blindly like a lost lamb..she was beginning to see the appeal.
All it took was a few hushed words and subtle signals before the tiles started to fall in place, her hand gliding along their lower back as she leaned over their shoulder with a thin, predatory smile. She'd have to organize for the agent to be released later, her eyes following as the Gardes dragged him out of the room in a flurry of curses, but for now..she tilted her head to peer down at them, polite and almost apologetic.
"You aren't too startled, are you? Now now, there's no need to look so..scared, poor thing. I won't let another lay a hand on you," She cooed in a sickly sweet tone, the husky rasp of her voice whispered in their ear like dripping honey. "You have my word. Now, why don't we get you some fresh air? Come. Allow me to escort you."
Her lips pulled into a jagged grin at the relief in their eyes– the blind lamb following the shepherd as it led them into it's maw. Just a little longer, and she could finally have her own caged bird– a pretty thing to admire, to protect, to possess.
Something no one else would ever touch again. Something hers.
NEUVILLETTE
Neuvillette was not one for parties. The intricacies and delicate handling of public relations he oft left in the capable hands of Furina, rather then himself. It was only at her behest he even attended at all, but he still felt rather..out of place amongst the bodies constantly shifting through the ballroom like a constant rush of water from one end to the other, no rhyme nor reason to the flow. The only thing that kept him afloat among the tides was the mask of the deer obscuring his face– even if it was exceedingly difficult to truly hide himself among the crowds, most passed over him without second thought.
Though he had to be honest with himself, even if he couldn't bring himself to admit it to Furina despite her insistence that his attendance was mandatory. He had his own reasons for coming– selfishness that left a sour taste in his mouth. It was purely by chance he'd seen the briefest glimpse of them prior, and he..was intrigued, that was all.
He refused to let his thoughts linger on the sleepless nights he spent prying every piece of information he could from loose tongues and obscure documents, every moment he managed to squeeze in between trials spent lingering in their most favored locations– cafes, stores, restaurants, the like.
Now a masquerade.
He tried not to let the guilt gnaw at his conscious, but it lingered like an age old scar that still ached.
So he relegated himself to simply residing in the further corner, nursing a goblet of water like a fine wine, trying not to let his eyes stray to the brief glimpses of them through the ever moving bodies filling the center of the room, dancing like puppets in music boxes.
Still, his hand twitched in an instinctual desire– a need to clasp his hand in their own, to touch his lips upon their knuckles, to indulge in a moment of reprieve and unshackle himself from the mantle that bears heavy upon his shoulders. He seeks reverence, worship, but not of himself– but towards the one who had drawn the eye of the dragon amongst the waves of humans he'd seen come and go for a great many years.
No one could compare, he is certain. None have left him as breathless, as hopelessly infatuated, as the one who made him wish only to kneel at their feet in senseless reverence until he could no longer speak. A hopeless man, indeed, if he has never even truly met them.
Instead he's spent his time prying into their life from the shadows. Caution, or simple cowardice?
He dares not ponder.
Yet in his ceaseless pondering he'd blocked out the world without, failing to notice the figure stepping up beside him until their hand brushed against his elbow– just the briefest touch, but it had his pupils narrowing and his entire body tensing like a coiled spring. That touch..bliss. It left him breathless and lightheaded as he tilted his head to regard them, his lips parting in a shaky sigh. They are as beautiful as he remembers– even with their face obscured beneath the mask, he would never forget them.
"Greetings, Monsieur– I hope I didn't frighten you too much." Their laugh made him feel rather faint, just the sound of their voice making his hand tighten around his cane. "..Not at all. I was simply lost in thought." He admitted apologetically, trying to reign in the urge to cup their face between his palms. A dangerous thought. He didn't want to scare them off when they'd provided him a priceless opportunity.
"My apologies, you must have needed something. It was rude of me to have been so absorbed in my thoughts to have ignored you." He continued, gently turning to set his goblet down– offer them his full attention, be a gentleman. The words rang in his skull like a ceaseless alarm, blaring and rattling his thoughts as he gently took their hand in his own. It was a split second decision– an indulgence, but he could simply not help himself. Even with his gloves between them, he felt like he was going to lose his composure just from such a brief touch..
He truly was a hopeless man before an altar, praying for a salvation he intends to bury deep beneath the waves– to keep it hidden in the darkness of the depths that only he can reach. A selfish man, he must be, to even think of it, but it is an itch that he cannot scratch. A need that must be satisfied. He cannot allow any hands but his own to tend to them, to know what it feels to touch them, to hear their voice and see their eyes as he prays– prays like a man starved, devotion born of desperation.
"I hope I did not make you wait too long." He smiles, soft and affectionate, like the bloom of spring beneath the winters chill– yet just as deadly, only masked by the sweet fragrance of flowers.
He had waited too long.
No longer.
FURINA
Furina was right at home amongst the crowds– where the masks obscured the identities of most, it was impossible to not recognize the charming banter of the Hydro Archon beneath the mask of the lamb as she graced the masquerade with her presence, speaking with a silver tongue to any who would listen. A truly enthralled audience fitting for the grandest of performers in Fontaine.
But her eyes lingered not on the people who's praise dripped from their lips like honey– yet so very bitter upon her tongue. Even the mask obscuring her expression did little to hide the longing that had her visibly deflating like a popped balloon. She hated all the eyes on her, really– it was suffocating. She was only putting on a show in the foolish hope that they'd finally pay attention to her. Just her luck, she supposes, that instead she's had to throw herself straight into the role of Archon without a pay off..
They hadn't even spared her a glance! It would be infuriating if not for the fact she couldn't even keep her composure just seeing them across the room. They didn't even have to look at her and she could feel the heat rush to her ears as she forced another smile at the crowd gathered around her. It was unfair how easily they could fluster her without even knowing it– her heart was thumping so hard against her ribcage she felt like it might burst.
Her only solace was the fact none of the patrons seemed to realize she'd clocked out of the conversation, her thoughts and eyes lingering on the distant figure– what a lovestruck fool she makes..it was a chance encounter she'd seen them during one of her outings. That was all it took to enthrall her, evidentially, try as she might to have ignore it for months.
They never left her mind for longer then a day, in the end, and she had to face the fact they had managed to enrapture her so deeply she felt like a newborn lamb learning to walk whenever she so much as thought of them. What an embarrassment! She..she was the Archon, she had a reputation to maintain, she couldn't be seen fawning over a human.
But oh, she still longed for it, beneath the veneer of a God. She'd watched them more times then she'd admit even to herself, wishing to find herself in place of those who'd hands were cradled so casually in their own– to hear their voice, their laughter, as often as she pleased..like a fine delicacy she so badly wished to taste, yet so far from her reach.
Would they think her pathetic for her infatuation? She pursed her lips at the thought, trying to bury the sour mood beneath her faux image of the Archon. Yet it lingered, and with only the quietest of excuses, she slipped into the crowd like a ghost– she needed to leave before she did something..stupid. Neuvillette would surely have a few choice words with her if she did, and she was inclined to avoid such a fate.
She..she just needed a moment to collect herself was all. That was it. She could go back to playing Archon for a little longer, she just needed a moment to herself. At the very least, the balcony had been regarded as off limits so late into the party– which gave her an opportunity to slip out of the public view for the briefest of moments. A welcome reprieve– she was starting to feel suffocated amongst the crowds.
Perhaps on instinct, she reached for the mask, lifting ever so slightly away..only to let out a startled yelp at the touch of a hand on her shoulder, the mask slipping back into place far too easily. It made her lightheaded, even now, but she dared not to dwell on it.
But when she turned sharply on her heel to chew out the person who'd followed her and had the gall to scare her..oh, she was done for, her ears flush with heat. The brief glimpse of their eyes beneath the mask, the curl of their lips as they smiled– her heart stuttered in her chest, and she was certain it had stopped all together when they clasped her hand.
"Y–you.." She wanted to be angry, to brush them off and leave with her rationality in tact, but the warmth of their hands on her skin rendered her speechless. She was no better then a fish on land, struggling to fill her lungs with air as she drew in a shaky breath. "Ahem, you caught me off guard. That's all. Surely you do not make it a habit to sneak up on people?" She huffed in indignation, trying to mask the fluster that threatened to break through her carefully crafted facade.
Ah, what a cruel twist of fate..she'd slipped away to escape their allure, but here they were, dragging her back into their orbit without even knowing how deep her infatuation ran. They were alone, too..it was a chance she wasn't sure she'd ever get again.
Maybe, just this once, she could do something for herself rather then everyone else.
She buried her guilt, the fear– buried it beneath the need to be seen.
"But if you want to make it up to me.."
#genshin impact#genshin impact yandere#genshin yandere#neuvillette x reader#yandere neuvillette#yandere neuvillette x reader#arlecchino x reader#yandere arlecchino#yandere arlecchino x reader#furina x reader#yandere furina#yandere furina x reader#fic tag#pats neuvillette this noodle dragon can be so pathetic#aiming for pathetic desperate and slightly guilty. it gnaws at him knowing he's keeping you like a bird in a cage#esp if you react extremely negatively hes like a kicked puppy#not outwardly but internally hes a MESS. sobbing crying wailing#furina and neuvi sopping wet kittens u found in a cardboard box in an alley#vs arle thinking abt all the crimes shes going 2 commit in the process w/o an ounce of guilt. blackmail? check. kidnapping? check.#a little murder for flavor. as u can see im coping horribly w being practically snowed in rn i need 2 be put down#its like 4 degrees out rn (fahrenheit) and getting colder ueueueue i am dying..........#only thing keeping me going is my furinameow plushie coming. eventually. staying strong just for her.................#also needs 2 be mentioned all the stories r separate ksjfkhdsf#no not everyone in fontaine is yan and trying 2 kidnap sorry for getting ur hopes up..#yet#anyway u cant convince me arle isn't bribing (or just straight up forcing) her agents into doing stupid shit so she can “save” you#and make you owe her#two silly goofy little creatures vs the personification of gaslight gatekeep girlboss (heavy on the gaslight)#also split this up in 3 parts bc. lol. lmao. im not writing 9 characters at once goodbye#also all the masks do actually have significance i have an entire essay on why i gave each animal to specific characters okay
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0brighta · 14 days ago
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peepersponies · 2 months ago
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Also can I just say, the fact that core refresh and monster fest hit shelves around the same time is a TRAVESTY of logistical planning on Mattel's part. I know CR clawdeen and drac trickled out a bit earlier than the rest, but even still that's TEN high production value dolls all hitting the shelves within a few months of each other. So few people can afford to buy all of those! And even if they can afford it, consumption has diminishing returns. It's practically begging people to get burned out and stop caring. Which is tragic, because I think these lines are fucking awesome!
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It's not just monster high honestly, it's symptomatic of the entire Overconsumption Culture we have going on right now. And it makes me sad.
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kirkwallguy · 17 days ago
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im going to wait how i feel after seeing taash's storyline but i think the reason im finding the trans stuff mildly uncomfortable is because it's so positive. that sounds bad. but as much as i get some people feel they need positive stories right now to counteract the current climate i find it MORE alienating when a significant part of the trans experience is stripped away. we have top surgery scars but no indication of who top surgery is accessible to, how tf is an elf in minrathous getting gender affirming care? mae tells us this heartwarming story about how great her coming out was and if you respond "well my coming out didn't go great!" there's still no room for negativity, it's straight onto "well if you need to talk about it i will always be here for you :)" girl i dont know you? why can't we just sit with the fact that it would suck to be trans in thedas and do something interesting with it
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spookythesillyfella · 1 month ago
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UUGHH I JUST HAD THE WORST DAY IM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED GRRRR !!!!! goes to draw my best friend @jumjum-crafts 's guy to blow off steam
★ version without text + reference image under cut :
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★ song : "STATIC ELECTRICITY HUMAN – Computer Flavor" – kairikibear
#before you ask . dear jummy – yes . this was what the ask i sent you the other day was alluding to#i have a very complicated relationship with your colin . but you should be aware of the fact that seeing him invokes intense primitive –#– feelings within me . and one cannot decipher whether they are positive or negative#in any case#JDHDHDJRJRHT I HATE MY LIFE#I HATE THIS SHIT#I WANT TO BE DEAD#there's so much stuff happening every day and im constantly overwhelmed and tired and it's so hard to get out of bed and i don't even want –#– to wake up in the morning . every day just gets worse than the last#everyone around me is doing so much . living their life to the fullest . making huge future and career decisions and planning way ahead#and what am i doing ?#im laying in bed . crying because today was just too much to bear . trying to gain an ounce of happiness by ripping out another piece of –#– my soul to hand out to someone i admire#is this what it's going to be like forever ? bleak nothingness ? constant desolation ?#...#im gonna go to bed#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis colin#colin the computer#fanart#fanart for a friend#vocaloid#vocaloid inspired#i actually had a lot of fun with this . even if the background was the biggest pain i ever had the pleasure of drawing#this entire song makes me feel comfortable#i might make something for someone else#and im debating if im actually gonna be doing a halloween drawing in the first place . at least one that will be on time with the holiday#whatever#please ignore me
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aroaceleovaldez · 4 months ago
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one thing running @riordanverse-ship-polls has gotten me thinking about is that the fandom should bring back a lot of old ships that got dropped. Just to mix things up and add some more variety into the fandom again. The community used to have a lot of really interesting and really varied ships but now most of the stuff you see is canon and maybe a couple of leftover things from that time or some rarepairs and that's it (and a lot of weird aggression towards people who diverge from canon ships at all). Half the major characters don't even have prominent alternative ships to canon these days. Like, did you know Hazel/Piper used to be a decently popular ship? When was the last time you saw Hazel/Piper stuff? Probably never if you're a newer fan.
anyways we could really stand to have more variety. together we can bring back variety. the fandom needs to get weirder again. like cmon we've got some new characters let's thing of some new combos.
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evelynpr · 2 months ago
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Why the fuck are there roller skates, dubstep, stage lighting, an LED screen, and all kinds of modern technology in Xilonen's trailer??? I thought Fontaine had the most advanced technology next to Schneznaya and arguably Sumeru, and every instance of high-end technology we have seen leaned more towards machinations with gears, magic, alchemy, essentially fantasy styled sci-fi???
The disrespect towards Native American and African cultures is enough to piss me off already, but it even goes against Genshin's own consistency with its fantastical world design..and for what? Just so you can have this...pop and gamer aesthetic???
Just look at these two bubbly and optimistic characters for me okay
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Yoimiya's design isn't the most respectful and accurate representation of a Japanese firework craftsman, but at least you can damn tell she is Japanese. The large ribbons, hair accessories, tassels, leg covering, tattoo design, shoe style, and fabric patterns all allude to this (I apologize for not knowing the exact terminologies for these, this needs further research).
Then there's Mualani who has...what? Please do correct me if I am wrong here, but her character must be inspired by the real Mualani, a Hawaiian Chiefess. Additionally, her tribe's specialty is in tourism and vacationing, which further leads into the idea that she and her tribe are based off of Hawaii despite the known issues regarding Hawaii and tourism (if there are any good sources that summarize the issue, please do lmk).
I am not too familiar with Hawaiian culture, but there really is nothing about her design that reads as Hawaiian, or even just traditional, to me. What about a 2 piece swimsuit with bows and tails, a bow + braids + ponytail hair style, combat gloves (?), and an entire neon shark, is Hawaiian???
The characters, their designs, and their trailers, are just so culturally disconnected from their real life counterpart that it's even disconnected to Genshin's own world building and design. How the fuck is the fashion trend in Natlan denim pants. I feel like the only parts of Natlan that feel like Genshin Impact and culturally inspired are the in-game music and landscapes (God bless Hoyo-mix and the world designers).
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originalsuccubus · 2 months ago
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tbh I didn't think the crow 2024 would see enough of a positive response that I would have to unfollow the eric draven tag but anything is possible I suppose
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BLOCKING s3 vol. 1 haters on sight i am. blocking you all ON FUCKING SIGHT!!! last season we had to deal with eskel being turned into a goddamn fucking tree and then wolf food and now with the MOST fun and MOST enjoyable and LEAST Actively Pissing On The Books season of twn since literally season one that came out before the FUCKING PANDEMIC you wanna HATE??? not having it NOT having it. we literally have the "jaskier being ciris fun uncle" content we craved post-s1 for three years and Geralt literally called him "jask" and you wanna be MEAN???? NOT on my feed no sir
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trainingdummyrabbit · 11 months ago
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thinks really hard abt the lobcorp pre-suppression cutscene choices and their repetition, how it represents how this decision was never yours to make (this is an action picked out by someone who isnt and can never be you; your decision does not matter) yet the decision was Always yours to make (there is no other option because this is What Happened, and Would Always Be what happened; you would never make another choice. your decision is the only one that mattered.)
the line between ayin and x is so blurred. much like the rest of the sephirah, ayin too creates a split in himself not terribly different from the split between elijah and malkuth, gabriel and yesod, michelle and hod, and on, and on. and yet, despite how differently each iteration of x is described or implied to be, after the memory sync, it is always implied to still be Ayin. to be Ayin once more. and yet, each of the sephirah seem to feel as though they are entirely different people. where is the line drawn? and who is it drawn by?
if x is not ayin, what becomes of him when ayins memories return? the sephirah made their own choices of who they decide to be-- but did ayin make that choice for himself too? was he simply too stubborn to allow himself to disappear under the weight of that many resets, that many retries, that many reshuffles of the mind? how much of x remains afterwards? how much say does he have in the right to exist, as someone who defines himself out of existence on the sole account of Being? intrinsically temporary. but i suppose, since when did ayin care of the voices that were not his own?
but if x Is ayin, what does that make of how we see him from the start? how does this redefine his character, who he Is, what he Searches for? what he Prioritizes? an open ended question becomes a well trodden trail, always destined to return to the same point, over and over. the implication that no matter what he does, what becomes of him, any choice he makes will inevitably be the same. he too has a part to play, and he too must see it to fruition, just like everyone else. and so he marches forward, and so he marches forward.
of course, nothing is ever really so black and white, but its not like we will ever really get to know. we dont get to see much of the man behind the curtain, only the hand that directs. no matter what path, what circumstance, what action, it will always end the same way. the hill must be climbed, the wheel must be ran, and the sun always rises at the end.
it was never his choice to make. it was Always his choice to make.
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littlegoldfinchh · 5 months ago
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okay so. my thoughts about sote!
I think Miquella choosing Radahn as his consort makes sense. Yes, Godwyn would have been the perfect choice BUT he's pretty much dead. Dead, as in his soul ceased to exist on the night of the black knives, which basically makes it impossible to resurrect him.
Why do you think Marika shattered the elden ring? Because not even her power (she might be a terrible person but she did achieve everything she wanted so far). She defeated the giants, exiled the tarnished, built a new order, sealed away death so we can safely assume that there's pretty much nothing that would be impossible for her. Except for bringing back Godwyn. Because you can't resurrect something that does not exist anymore, without a soul all we have is a malformed cadaver carefully hidden away.
So it makes sense that Miquella looked for other options. And who's the Strongest character in the game if we don't count Godwyn and Marika? It is Radahn in his youth when he was still unaffected by scarlet rot. He was called the mightiest of the demigods for a reason so it makes perfect sense that Miquella chose him. He was not an empyrean, wasn't affected by an outer god, and wasn't an omen so he was basically the only candidate fit for the role.
Miquella abandoning everything that mattered, even his love (the only thing he should have kept) was an amazing plot element imo, you can see how much he sacrificed to achieve his goal. But again, there's no such thing as a good god and i loved how we actually saw the effects of his charms. In the end, by abandoning his fears, his doubts, his love and even his flesh, he turned into a different person. Which is natural if you abandon everything you believe in.
And no, him being manipulative isn't random and out of character, he was called the most fearsome empyrean exactly because of that. The base game itself heavily hinted at Miquella using his charms to bewitch the heart of men and that's how he gained his loyal followers who would have done anything for him, and that's exactly what he wanted.
And about the difficulty.... It was okay. It wasn't too hard but even if I struggled with a boss, some more exploring and upgrading the scadutree's blessing fixed it. Yes i had to respec! But it's like the game gives you the option for a reason. It's like you get to use summons for a reason. I can't stand people complaining about "being forced to explore" an open world game?? That's the whole point. I think the leveling up system was definitely an interesting element of the new gameplay, if you actually did what the game was begging you to do (literally just collect fragments along the way, i have not actively looked for them and yet i managed to finish the game with a +16 scadutree and +9 spirit ash blessing) then the game wasn't more difficult than the late base game bosses.
But if you're actively sabotaging yourself then don't be surprised if you have a hard time with the dlc.
Thank you for reading it!
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deoidesign · 5 months ago
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hiii i just read your tags on the previous anon's ask and laughed out loud <333
if adam and steve were in veggietales what kind of vegetables and/or fruits would they be? 😌💕
adam would be an asparagus, and steve would be a celery. but one of the shorter ones of course.
Easiest question in the world. I'm doing such a good job at this
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comradeboyhalo · 1 year ago
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ok so ive been thinking abt this for a while now but i just want to make it clear about this blog's tone when it comes to any post that seems negative towards the admins in regards to bad.
i always feel kinda horrible complaining abt bad on the qsmp when it comes to the admins, bc it does seem so miniscule that it just feels nitpicky. the admins are great! they work so hard! and, to be clear, i DONT think the admins have anything against bad, i think they love him and will always do what's best for every streamer. they've done a lot FOR him and my little nitpicks dont negate that!
i guess its moreso the dsmp issue where it just builds up over time? like no dsmp streamer was obligated to take the egg arc seriously or care about it, it was just a bit exhausting on our end when the bigger ccs always ended up being the ones to make the egg a joke. i never hated cc!tommy for choosing to be immune to the egg, but i was in pain seeing his twitch chat mock the egg arc in response to that.
and the same i guess happens with qsmp admins? its been several times now where qsmpen hasn't updated at all for bad, when they've updated for every other english streamer that day. or several times where they've deleted an update tweet because they took his words out of context and accidentally sent him hate. or giving him clues that lead to another character's lore. or host a movie night and have him barely feature, while bigger ccs get several animatics surrounding them. and i know this is NOT THEIR FAULT. they're busy, they truly do want the best for everyone, none of this is intentional! and im nitpicking small mistakes! but also i want to share these gripes on my blog, and have everyone know that while i completely understand why these mistakes happen, i just need somewhere to air my grievances.
basically: none of my bitching is every personal. im overdramatic. i was worse during dsmp times. please know "im annoyed by this mistake" and "the admins are amazing and they make qsmp shine" are in perfect coexistence on this blog.
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solivagantingrebel · 3 days ago
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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