#but cis people are welcome no problem

[damianabsinthe]

Psychic Sobriety Chapter Two

            18+

This is the latest chapter of my fic! It features sexually frustrated Leon, and you two drinking together. There's about 10k words in this fic so far, so I'm posting these when I go back to edit.

Tags for this chapter: drinking, cigarettes, angst, pining,

word count: 2,484

◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍◍

Leon couldn’t sleep. He was too close to you, could smell you too clearly. You smelled like the earth, like musk, too much like yourself for his heart to stop beating erratically. He was fine until you decided to curl closer to him in your sleep, blissfully unaware of his predicament. He felt much younger, in the most uncomfortable way possible. 

            When he was younger, he didn't understand how the world could be so unfair. His naïveté cost him, but it died as much like his joy after racoon city. He couldn’t save everyone. The deaths weighed him down so surely that he knew they would never go away. But they are accompanied by goodness whenever you are near. You made him feel happy, made him forget his regrets. 

            One thing he could not forget was the current pressing need to touch. But you were so skittish- almost repulsed by his touch. This was not how he wanted you to spend the night in his bed. He wanted you satisfied and sleepy from making love to you- no. Give up on that thought.

            Leon was not the casual sex type in his youth. He got too attached too quickly.  But now he looked for you in the backs of other people. He wanted your body, your hair, your smell. No one else was you. So, he fucked strangers- in the dark, from behind, imagining they were you. And now here you are, in his bed, both in the dark and on your stomach. It gave him a good view of the slope of your ass. Damnit.

            You shifted slightly closer to him. Leon prayed to the god he gave up on. It wasn't the first time he had slept next to you, long nights passing a bottle between the two of you will do that. But tonight was different, your demeanor changed. You got sloppy well before him. You kissed him before he knew what was happening. Then you begged him to take you- to make you cry. It was a lot to take in. The dynamic had suddenly shifted without warning. He wanted to bring you flowers, take you to dinner, and officially ask you to be his. And you would either say yes or no, but at least he would know. 

One thing he knew- he would save this friendship. Even if you didn’t mean it. Because you must not have. You wanted to be loved. But he didn’t want anyone else to love you like he did- he didn’t want anyone else touching you. He wanted every part of you, to have and to hold- no. 

He quieted his mind and paid attention to your breathing- sturdier than your waking breaths, with a jagged undertone. You smelled different when asleep. Were you having a nightmare? Your breaths became ragged, sweat collected on your brow. He nervously put a hand on your arm, the part covered by his shirt. God, the way you looked in his shirt, the way your smells blended... No. You are in trouble. No time to admire you. He gently shakes your arm. You stir quickly, waking with a panicked breath. 

“Are you okay?” Leon asks.

“Fuck.” You say, in lieu of an answer.

“Not tonight, dear.” He smirks at you. You merely look at him. You look uncomfortable, put on the spot. Leon regretted waking you up until you asked your question. 

“Can- Can we hold hands again?” Your voice sounded so small. And despite his better judgment, he allowed your hand to press into his. He didn’t need sleep anyway. Your hand felt perfect in his. Like they were meant to go together.

“What was your dream about?” He asked.

“Nothing good. Thanks for waking me.” You responded. 

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Leon said, voice soft. 

“It wasn’t the type of dream I’d like to relive. You were dead.” Leon was no stranger to losing people in his dreams. The amount of times he had woken up with the urge to call you, hold you, make sure you were alive, likely outnumbered yours. But you’ve been through hell in your own right. 

”I’m here.” He said dumbly. “And I’m not going anywhere. It’s been a while since I’ve been in the service.”

”You’ll stay here?” You ask, eyes wide, “With me?” He nods. He desperately wants to stay close to you. You had been the air bubbles escaping his mouth to show which way is up, which way to swim in an ocean of sadness, how to drown while holding your breath.

”I’m here now, aren’t I?” He asks. “Here, listen to my heartbeat again.” But instead of putting your hand on his chest like he expected, you pulled your entire body over top of his, letting your ear listen to his heartbeat. Leon tried to monitor his heart rate and breathing. You lay over top of him like you belonged there- and you did. He ran a hand over your hair, feeling the softness of the strands, feeling the shape of your head. 

            Your breathing evened out after a few minutes. He wondered how you could be so peaceful with him, with his hands in your hair like this. Don’t you know what these hands have done? 

            Your head was on his chest, leg strewn across his hip, as you rested completely unaware of his predicament. 

            This predicament was the pressing need between his legs. He adjusted you slightly so your leg wouldn’t make contact with his hip- almost groaning as it backfired on him, and you rubbed a leg directly over his crotch. The friction was a horrible sweetness. You were full of them, your hair was soft, you smelled so good, and you laid over top of him like you trusted him. 

            He desperately tried to suppress the images flashing through his mind- you riding his dick as you moan above him, kissing you goodnight as you lay tangled and naked together, moaning in your ear as you raked your nails down his back. His pulse quickened as he thought about his cock going into your tight, wet hole, made just for him… Fuck. He breathed hard, then stilled, worried about waking you. You merely kept sleeping, oblivious and gorgeous. He imagined his hand going down to his waistband, slipping it in, stroking himself while you lay asleep on top of him. He felt disgusting at the thought of violating you like that. Think, Leon… You’re underneath your best friend, the horniest you’ve been in years, and they have no idea. You can’t touch yourself without waking them up, and you can’t move them because you’re a selfish asshole that wants to memorize the feeling of their skin on yours. He cursed. Telling himself what a creep he is wasn’t helping, if anything it’s making the problem worse. You flexed your hand over his chest, wanting to feel the rise and fall of his breathing, even while asleep. Your hand moved along his nipple, and he whimpered like a bitch.

He had to move you. 

Your hand stilled over his other nipple, breast, his brain supplied unhelpfully. How could you possibly lay closer to him? He should have made a pillow wall. Not that he had enough pillows to make one. But it seemed like the kind of thing you would have done if you hadn’t wanted his closeness last night… fuck. Was he taking advantage of you? Was there a chance you would wake up the next morning regretting the feel of his skin on yours? He cursed again, more determined to switch your position without waking you. You had finally gone back to sleep, quicker than usual for you, and he didn’t want to disturb that. Cautiously, he took your hand and moved it to the side. Then he slid your body closer to your side, and further from him. You were now on your side. His body missed you. He wanted physical closeness with you again.

He sat up, planting his feet firmly on the floor. He looked in the pockets of his sweatpants absentmindedly, before remembering he didn’t want you to take his flask out of it when you were already too drunk. So it was still in his jacket, in the living room. 

He slunk out of the room quietly, hoping you wouldn’t stir further. After closing the door, he breathed a sigh of relief and walked normally out to the living room. He spotted his leather jacket slung over the back of a chair, and rifled through the pockets, forgetting which he stuck the bottle in last night in his drunken haze. After locating it, he twisted the cap off and took a sip of whiskey. It felt buttery smooth in his mouth, a testament to how much he needed it. He was desperate for a drink after his rush of hormones and unpleasantness of having them. He was getting too old for crushes. He needed to fuck you and get it out of his system. But he couldn’t, because how could be content with one time? How could he be happy when you leave him with the taste of yourself on his lips and the cold shock of your absence?

His cock was still hard. No amount of whiskey could give him the limp dick he needed to communicate his feelings to you effectively. He could always show you, get his dick wet from your eager lips or desperate cunt… but talking should come first. Talking should always come before he does. He took another swig of whiskey. It burnt his throat as it filled his stomach with warmth. They say lonely people take hotter showers, to feel the warmth they lose from their solitude. He imagines drinking is the same, you replace the warmth of life with the burn of alcohol. 

Leon’s mouth felt dry, his cock still achingly hard, heartbeat erratic. He needed to touch himself. Would you hear him if you woke up? He knew he had to be quiet. He leaned back on the couch, where you had drunkenly kissed him several hours before. It still smelled a bit like you. He wrapped his hand around his cock beneath his underwear, sighing. He took himself out fully, letting the cold air kiss his cock. He was desperate for you. Your cunt must have been so wet to ask him to fuck you… and he wishes he could have taken care of it. He imagines grabbing your hips instead, saying absolutely, you can have me. All of me. Saying I will make you scream so hard you’ll forget everything but my name. 

He stroked himself harder, imagining a world with your cunt around his throbbing cock, wet and eager to be filled by him. He imagined you moaning his name, bouncing on his cock, taking what you wanted. He let out a stifled moan. He was always a loud one, letting his pleasure be known. But now was not the moment to be seen-or heard- by you. You were asleep just a few hundred feet away. Your mere presence in the building shouldn’t be enough to get him up, but it's happened multiple times before. 

He brought a hand up to his mouth, silencing any further moans from slipping through. His other hand was busy with his cock, mind going through pictures of your body- from behind, from above, watching you bend over, and imagining you sucking his cock. He let out a loud moan, then cursed himself for it. Moaning loudly was not a desirable trait for most male partners to have. He hoped you liked it loud. Not that it should matter what you liked, because if he wakes you up and you come in here, he will never get to know. He imagined you walking in now, all sleepy and curious. Seeing him here working his cock, you say would you like some help? And he would say hey, I've got a job for you, babe. Or- something smoother. Damnit Leon, he thought, be cool.

“You look like you need a hand,” you say, licking your lips.

“Hey dollface,” Leon replies, smooth as a whistle. “I didn’t wake you, did I?” You shake your head. Then you look at his dick and come closer.

“Mind if I join in?” You ask. Leon nods. You come over and sit between his knees, mouth open and waiting. He feeds his cock into your mouth- no, you kiss the tip of his cock before asking:

“May I?” he nods, you slurp- no, you gently take it in- no, you-

“Ugh.” Leon was broken out of the spell with his own nervousness, unsure of what you would do or even want to do. He hated the shame of thinking of you like this. As if you were only for his pleasure, for him to use- God damnit. 

            It had been almost ten years since las plagas, and he hasn’t been the same since. He hasn't been the same since most of his missions. He takes the hand off his mouth and uses it to take another sip of whiskey. If you were here, he’d offer you a chaser. You hadn’t been the heavy drinker he is. It was only recently that you started getting further into it, not knowing where to stop, or ignoring your limits entirely, as if you were trying to drown something out. Leon knew that feeling well and didn’t want to pry- you would tell him on your own time. 

            He ran his hand absentmindedly down his length, imagining it was your hand. He moaned again, so small he was sure you wouldn’t hear. He let himself fall into his fantasies.

You’re wearing your customary all black ensemble, clothes hugging your body as you take a shot of whiskey, chasing it with a drag of your cigarette. You’re on the balcony, body heat pressing into him.

“Those things will kill you; you know.” He jokes, you roll your eyes to look up at the stars.

“That’s kind of the idea.” You reply. He looks past your sadness.

“Have you ever considered that there are people that want you to live?” He says. You scoff.

“It’s a little too late for that.” You say, a tinge of regret in your voice. You pass him the bottle. He thrusts it out to the moon. 

“To being too late.” He cheers. You take out your cigarette and gesture it to the moon. 

“To being too late,” You echo. He takes a large sip. You take a long drag.  Your mouths are busy but not with each other. 

Leon came three times that night imagining those lips wrapped around his dick. But the night he sat on the couch with his dick in hand as you slept in his bed, he merely palmed himself, frustrated. 

[non-un-topo]

My toxic trait is wanting so badly to start a group specifically for childfree men (cis, trans, etc) because of the treatment I've gotten in other childfree groups, but not many good things usually come out of groups made exclusively for men.

[mars-ipan]

why are people on tumblr so anti-GSA sometimes. obviously not everyone but i’ve noticed a trend

[doberbutts]

it's crazy how trans men said "it makes us sad when we're constantly bombarded with jokes about how terrible men are" and now every post is like "ugh why are we doing #notallmen again!"

As I said before, I only started talking about this when- in a queer-focused and trans-run facebook group- there were constant jokes from cis women about how attraction to men is a curse and why would anyone actually want to be with a man and how unnatural men are and why would anyone want to be a man, and when a couple trans men went "hey uhhh these jokes are pretty hurtful can we maybe... not do this in a queer group? I hear this enough from homophobic/transphobic people" they were told they were the ones at fault and promptly removed from said group by the trans man who was the admin.

I repeat, in a place that is supposed to welcome all queer identities, it was seen as praxis to continuously bash men and when queer men protested they were kicked out.

When my cis lesbian friend is complaining about a dude being a creep or having The Audacity, I'm not offended when she turns to me and says "Jasper, why are men????? WHY????" Because I get it. I also have dealt with creeps and male audacity. She's venting, she understands that there are also dudes that are not like this, and she's addressing a conversation that needs to happen about the way [usually white, cishet, abled, etcetcetc] dudes act especially towards women. She would not be friends with me if she felt I was acting this way, myself.

What I have a problem with is when venting transforms into politics- because at that point the logical "obviously she knows and does not mean every single man in this entire planet" stops being true when it becomes "no but for real I mean it, we should kill all men and start over as a society" which is a thing I have actually seen stated by radical feminists.

I think there's a big difference between two people having a private conversation that is perhaps not the most inclusive of all nuance and viewpoints, and blasting your personal opinions about how you think men are disgusting and and attraction to men is unnatural within a space occupied by people who A: are men B: are attracted to men C: have been told repeatedly by society that their attraction to men makes them disgusting and unnatural.

[drdemonprince]

Did you ever struggle with feeling guilty about transitioning, especially w/r/t transmasculinity being in some way antifeminist? I often feel like I’m committing an act of betrayal :/ Like, if I can choose on some level what position to occupy in gendered society, then is it morally defensible to move towards the oppressor position?

(Why yes, I do have anxiety and serious issues with rumination, often themed around the ways in which I am probably a bad person)

Personally, no. I never felt welcome in mainstream cis feminism. I felt strongly alienated by the gender essentialism, the exclusion of trans people, and the mix of cruelty and neglect that was lobbed at male victims of sexual assault and domestic violence.

I had been sexually victimized by women numerous times in my life, and mainstream feminism didn't seem to have anything to say about that, or any sympathy for the victims of women. Within feminist activist groups that I had some tertiary connection to, I saw trans women being excluded from events for sexual violence survivors, and observed a cis female get away with repeated acts of sexual aggression and abuse because she was a woman and a survivor, and so no one felt free to argue with her about what she "needed" in order to recover (in this case, forcing trans men to have sex with her). In these spaces my own body was commented upon, my boundaries were pushed, and a great deal of coercion and underminement was constantly going around.

I was also highly put off by the individualistic, girl-boss feminist nature of most feminist movements that I witnessed as a person growing up in the early 2000's - 2010s. In academic labs studying gender-based oppression, people spoke only against the pay gap faced by white women, never the ones faced by women of color or men of color. Critiques of white feminism were rarely if ever taken seriously. It was a gross environment to be around, and I avoided it as much as possible, honestly.

I didn't become a feminist at all, really, until after I embraced myself being trans. Once I was firmly out of the coerced "female" box, I could witness how much easier life was for me than for women. I listened to trans feminist thinkers and saw clear patterns in how transmisogyny and misogyny played out that helped me better understand things. And I felt confident enough to speak out about my status as a man who has been preyed upon by women and sexually abused by them, as well as by men, and to critique mainstream feminism for its transphobia, racism, and other problems. And because I was a man, I always got away with saying such things.

Personally I think feminist movements aren't shit if they aren't trans feminist, and while I can hardly claim to have always been enlightened on all trans feminist matters (like a lot of trans mascs, I used to long for having been "born a boy" and "having more confidence" from it, believing that male socialization was that simple, my resentment and dysphoria curdling into a pretty transmisogynistic world view even if i didnt realize it), something profoundly rotten and missing within mainstream feminist movements always kept me out of it. It was never a comfortable, safe space for me and I didn't give a shit about 'betraying' it.

[plaidos]

sorry. it is early in the morning and i falsely equivocated trans man and trans masc. genuine mistake on my part. that other anon wasnt me but the post they referred to was the one i was talking about. its not relevant anymore but i still dont think that my example was that much of a stretch (femboys being an identity generally associated with both gay men and transfemininity) but my point was that they both rub me, personally, the wrong way in similar way. im sorry if it came across as harassment. i hope you have a good day.

to be honest, i don’t have any particular problem with trans men identifying as lesbians — to be entirely frank, i wouldn’t have a problem with a cis man identifying as a lesbian either (and a lot of people do — which is part of the actual asymmetric problem here). what i have a problem with is the systemic community wide resistance to analyse Why this happens and What It Means for the trans/lesbian communities.

the truth is, trans men who identify as lesbians primarily do so because they do not want to let go of the benefits of the social technology of the identity. and part of that benefit to identifying as a lesbian assigned female at birth is nigh-universal perceived authority over TMA lesbians, who are basically always considered to be outstaying our welcome (or close to it).

like, there is a double standard as to which masculine-presenting people with a “complicated relationship to gender” are allowed to identify as lesbians, and that double standard is pretty much entirely based on assigned gender. like there is absolutely nothing stopping somebody who identifies as a cis man having a “complicated relationship to womanhood & lesbianism” and yet i don’t see people tripping over themselves to let femboys into the lesbian community… maybe it’s time we addressed why instead of just blurting “it’s valid to be a trans man lesbian” every thirty seconds

[velvetvexations]

I wonder if part of the reason TRFs are so adamant that the threat trans men face of being forcibly detransitioned from TERFs and other transphobes isn't as bad is because they're so lost in their dysphoria they cannot conceptualize being forced to be a girl as a bad thing in any context. Listening to the way TRFs talk about forcefem being this great liberating thing and how they legit seem to be so dysphoric the very thougt of forcemasc existing and being desired makes them irrationally angry and disgusted as if it's a hate crime against them specifically, how they keep making jokes that boil down to "what's the use of a man you can't turn into a woman", plus the whole "all trans women dream of bottoming because it's the feminine sex position" thing, and the way so much of how TRFs treat trans men as a whole is so clearly born of a deep jealously that makes trans men and mascs discarding what TRFs would kill for, being born a woman, a fucking nightmare to even consider...idk, it just makes me wonder. If you're really so dysphoric that you worship the concept of being forced to be a woman I can see how maybe you struggle to take trans men seriously when they talk about how horrific and painful the irl version is.

Idk how else anyone could act like what TERFs threaten is anything less than inhumane torture that leads to trans men killing themselves enmass out of desperation to escape it. I have always understood that forced detransition/the denial of transition in the first place to be the exact same as killing trans people because that's what it does, it kills trans people. You would have to be really fucking lost in your own desires and perception of the world to conceptualize it as something so benign that it's insulting to even complain about it in the first place. Just sounds to me like what TRFs really want to say is "how dare you pretend being born a woman and having a bunch of women who love you do everything they can to welcome you into womanhood is anything less than a blessing and a privilege!!" like that's what it sounds like to me. They don't think it's a problem because they can't get out of their own dysphoria long enough to realize that forced feminization is bad and TERFs aren't actually welcoming anyone.

Makes sense tho given how they cling to an ideology that's just "TERFs are right about everything except the whole not thinking trans women are women thing" like they want to BE a TERF and the only reason they aren't is because TERFs actually happen to hate everything they are, so of course they think them "welcoming" someone is a good thing. It's what they want. To be welcomed into the woman's club, even if it means ignoring the giant pile of dead trans mascs just outside the door.

Yes, absolutely. Their idea of a trans man is a cis woman who's pretending to like being called a man to mock them and will revert to she/her as soon as they need to accuse a trans woman of a sex crime. They are not actually capable of conceiving of trans identity outside of escaping manhood to embrace womanhood. All other matters of gender identity are a pale shadow of that truth and it's such a vomit-inducing conception of transfemininity I can't look at half their posts without getting sick.

[just-antithings]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially after reading the Boyfriends webtoon (love it, btw), but I'm starting to think a lot of the problem with people's attitude towards LGBT representation is that people have lost sight of what it's for.

Nowadays, it feels like people think queer representation is meant to be solely for "de-converting bigots", to be made specifically for the benefit of bigots who want us dead and no one else. Which is why they're so insistent on all representation being as sanitized and accessible to straight, cis people as humanly possible. They think we need all queer rep to be "good queers", who don't do gross things like have sex or have flaws or be not-white (unless they're Luz of course). And any representation that falls short of that will prompt the bigots to want to genocide us more.

But obviously, we know that's not how that works. The bigots aren't going to instantly convert to allies because someone showed them The Owl House. They'll hate The Owl House as much as they'll hate the Boyfriends webtoon or Hazbin Hotel. Because in the eyes of queerphobes, there IS NO GOOD QUEER REP. They believe the only "good" queer rep is NO queer rep, or at least, queer rep where the queer people in question are dead.

The people pushing for this view on representation don't understand who queer rep is REALLY for: It's for us. It's for our benefit, not our oppressors'. We shouldn't be looking to reach the queerphobes with our representation because it's not for them, it's for us to feel seen, feel loved and feel welcomed.

THAT is what representation is for, and I hate how anti-adjacent people seem to want to make representation all about kowtowing to our oppressors and trying desperately to please them, especially with the current looming threat of Trump and his cronies gearing up to make it illegal to represent any form of queerness in any media at all.

Let our queers be weird. Let them be fun and chaotic and problematic. Let them be as messy as we are. Let us love them, warts and all.

👆👆👆👆

[genderqueerdykes]

How can a trans man be a lesbian? And if they are, does it seem like erasure of women loving women? I read history before that lesbians weren’t really accepted into the community until they did something big and helpful, then it changed to LGBTQ. (I’m sick so I don’t have a good memory but you probably know what I’m talking about). I’m wanting to learn and be respectful. But I did grow up in a conservative area with conservative homophobic parents. I’m afab romantically attracted to women. So I am interested in the ‘change’ in definition of lesbian I’ve seen online.

nah trans men being lesbians isn't erasing anything, but your current attitude is. lesbian does not mean "Woman loving woman". that's what woman loving woman means. wlw. you actually used the term you meant. they're not synonyms. they can mean similar things to different people but they're not synonyms, hense why the term "woman loving woman" exists. this is the literal, exact reason why WLW exists!

it's not "erasure of women loving women" if someone is a woman loving woman, they are more than welcome to use that exact term.

this mentality is actually what's erasing parts of lesbianism. lesbians are not vulnerable women who need protecting from men. some lesbians have multiple genders. some lesbians were men at one point before coming out as another gender. some lesbians are genderfluid. some lesbians are gnc. the butches who are men genuinely, really exist and it's time for people to stop ignoring us.

take for a moment to consider how this line of thinking completely leaves out intersex people, genderfluid people, bigender people, non binary people, genderqueer people, gender non conforming people, transmasculine butches, transfem lesbians who haven't come out yet, trans women who are also men, and other lesbians. this line of thinking affects so many people.

ask yourself why you prioritize the needs of the cis female lesbian community. why do you prioritize the needs of cis people over the needs of the entire rest of their community? why is it hard for one to think about the absolute myriad of ways that lesbians can be men. like genuinely think about it for a second. why is it in anyone's best interest to make the lesbian community the cis women who hate men club? that's just the terf and rad fem communities. if that's what you want, that's where you'll find it.

one type of person being a lesbian does not erase all other lesbians, that argument is pointless. genuinely try to think about it again, because it makes no sense. how does that even work? how does a genderfluid or multigender or transmasculine person being a lesbian erase "women loving women"? a trans man being a lesbian doesn't erase the lesbians who are women. that's not how that works, lesbianism isn't a monolith- it's a space with open doors. diversity in lesbianism is what helps it thrive

this type of behavior on the other hand is what erases vital parts of the lesbian community. you need to ask yourself why it's difficult for you to see that this behavior is the problem. lesbian isn't the most restrictive label in the community. it's not a box. there will always be male, masc, non binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, multigender, two spirit and other lesbians who are not just women, if women at all. that's not a bad thing. embrace diversity

[bluukive]

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ・❥・αвoυт мε・❥・

↳˗ˏˋLuuˊˎ˗↴ 21, she/her, cis, aspec + somewhat hyperséxual (warning for those who don't like seeing séxual content), psych major, british/desi, chronically online (I post often), THIS IS ALSO A (MOSTLY) NṢFW BLOG.

• Huge fan of art, researching, indulging in whatever I'm fixated on, astronomy, gaming, music, horror films

MUSIC :➛ XG, ITZY, AESPA, P1Harmony, wtv sounds good idc

GAMES :➛ Wuthering Waves, Genshin Impact, Honkai:Star Rail, Love and Deepspace, Rusty Lake series

MAINS :➛ Brant, Wriothesley, Mydei, Sylus

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ꒰୨ ୧꒱

・❥・MASTERLIST 1 , MASTERLIST 2, + gaming UIDS !!

I write for JJK (Gojo, Geto, Sukuna, Toji, Nanami) + Love and Deepspace (all 5)

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ꒰୨ ୧꒱

General rules

Check dni list

Most of my content is NṢFW, so please do not interact if you're a min0r

Please do not send requests that involve problematic content like n0n-con, incẹst, etc.

I do not write for characters who are min0rs, even if they're 'aged up'

I struggle to write for characters who aren't mentioned above the rules, so I may skip it entirely

If I don't do your request, it's either because the content has made me uncomfortable, I don't know how to write it, or I'll just be doing it later

When sending reqs, specify if it's a smau or a bunch of hcs. I don't rlly write anything else lol

I mostly use female anatomy

I have no problem with people spamming my inbox or sending reqs as long as they're not hateful or wtv. This is a safe space for anything

Don't steal my work. Idk why you'd want to but don't.

DNI LIST :➛ MINORS (please have age in bio when interacting), pr0shippers, pro-isr@eli, hom0phobes, sēxists, etc. Also dni if you 'age up' characters and write smụt about them. I do NOT fw that whatsoever.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎꒰୨ ୧꒱

SUGGESTIONS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME <3, literally send me any message as long as it's not rude or wtv

Thanks for reading !!

[dervampireprince]

>be a female non-binary or female/fem fan >insert the guess I’ll die meme

...i don't know why you'd sent me this. are you trying to guilt trip me into making more 4nb or 4f audios?

i am fully accepting of having fans who are nonbinary, women, or fem-aligned. the majority of my audios are 4a as in for a gender neutral listener, that includes nonbinary and fem people. i am not going to apologise for some of my audios being for male listeners. i am a trans man who likes making audios for trans men because i wish there were more audios for trans men out there. a lot of my listeners are trans men or trans masc. i understand the frustration of feeling left out of something or wishing there was more content for that fits you specifically, but let my trans masc audience have their thing. not all of my audios have to be for you.

some of my ocs are gay, i am not going to make m4f audios with them, but most of them are bi/pan so again you're complaining about a minority of my audios.

and yes i mostly make 4a and 4m now and it's been a while since i've made a specific 4f audio, but again most of my patreon members are trans man/trans masc and so i make audios for them because they pay me too.

and, i literally have audio commissions open so anyone who misses me making 4f listeners can just commission me to do so. i am happy to take audio requests from my patreon members and commissions for audios where the listener is non-binary/female/fem/etc.

leaving asks like this is just going to make me associate making m4f audios with this sort of behaviour, it's just going to make me less likely to do them. i do not appreciate being guilt tripped, if you meant it as a joke it's not a funny one, and you didn't leave a tone tag to indicate so.

there are so many creators out there making m4f audios. the majority of male asmr voice actors make m4f content. i am in the niche of making mostly m4a with the occasional m4m. if you have a problem with this i suggest you stop listening to my audios and coming to my page.

people who are non-binary, cis women, trans women, trans fem, demigirls, genderfluid and any other identity that is female or fem-aligned are more than welcome in my spaces and welcome to listen to my audios. but complaining that i sometimes make audios for gay men, bi/pan men, trans men... i don't know what you're hoping to achieve with that.

i'm a trans man, i am always going to want to make audios for other trans men, the audios i wish i could hear for myself. and my audios are based on my patreon requests and it's rare that i get a requests for m4f audios. no complaining is going to make me stop doing that. maybe instead of complaining or guilt tripping me you could go and search for creators who make m4f and m4nb audios, you could see if there are creators making audios specifically for trans women, and if there aren't maybe instead of complaining that you're 'going to die' because i made a m4m audio, you could just ask creators you like if they would consider making more m4f/m4nb audios.

again if this was meant to be light-hearted or a joke, you completely missed the mark. and i'm autistic and there's no tone tag so i have no way of knowing how to interpret what you sent. and even if you had used a tone tag to indicate you were joking, it's not a funny joke.

do the other non-binary and fem in my community/audience feel left behind or not seen by my audios?

i hope not. i hope me making fewer m4f audios hasn't greatly upset anyone. i've never tried to exclude you, it just so happens that the majority of my audience is male. and despite the fact that if i made all my audios m4m i'd probably get more views and therefor money, i still keep the majority m4a in order to make sure my fem and nonbinary fans aren't excluded. i'd be willing to hear from any nonbinary or fem fans if you think my m4as are inclusive enough, and to make it clear that with audio commissions back open you can commission me for m4f/m4tf/m4nb audios.

[the-kingshound]

The serious ask: I'm confused why up until Arthur became a gender select (something I don't really feel one way or another about as it's a toggle, and the characters don't read as "they were always meant to be this "canon" gender but I must pander to the queer masses" you know?), people called them "lesbian"? I get it's a joke, but it felt like...one rooted in mean-spiritedness?

Like hear me out. I understand the joke is basically "they love & respect women" but the rest of the joke is "and men don't". And yes, this could just be me, I'm the outsider that is stepping into an area I don't belong, yes I get that. But it feels like a double standard? For example, if I had a straight trans dude as a buddy, I wouldn't call him "lesbian" unless we were on a tight enough level to know 1000% it wouldn't cause him to feel shitty. So like why is it okay to call a straight dude lesbian? It keeps up the idea that men can't love/respect women or others without being called names. Like "what are you gay bro?" (fellas is it gay to love your wife?) "why are you being such a girl about it?" etc. And then they are expected to not do gay jokes, but are expected to take them?

Is there a problem with incels? yes. Do Boomers make a lot of "I hate my wife" jokes? yes. But maybe we should also stop making that seem normal by perpetuating that myth??? Stop with double-standards just because "Oh they have the privilege so I don't care about their feelings. They can get over it. They are the problem anyway." Is being called lesbian MEANT as an insult? No. But... Straight dudes have feelings, they have boundaries, they can feel uncomfortable when their gender/sexuality isn't acknowledged/made the butt end of a joke they didn't like too.

I also acknowledge that prior Arthur would be closer to enby than a cis-dude, and is as straight as a rainbow, but it still felt weird to me. Like a queer version of the homophobe's "two men can't love each other". And again it could just be me as the outsider feeling a bit too much (never heard that one before jk), but I do think we as a whole need to get better at talking about gender shit as equals, not as us vs them.

Whether or not you post this is up to you. I don't mean anything by it beyond "hey let's maybe welcome everyone? And not make them jokes?" cause honestly the world would be a better place if we never had gender roles or whatever. But this also may not be the space for it, but the weird-historical-phobia anon made me remember the weird dissonance I felt every time I popped in to see Arthur lauded as Queen of the Lesbians.

I shall show myself the door before people rally their pitchforks. I shall return to the other side and just steal IF updates through the crack again.

Hi! First of all, thank you for sending this in. I think the joke of Arthur being a lesbian was born a while ago, but if I remember correctly it was first born because I shared some reference for Arthur + anons sent this headcanons, and the specific clothing, glasses and soft look in general reminded people of a kind of lesbian aesthetic. From there, the joke expanded to Arthur having general lesbian vibes, but honestly, for my part at least, it was never meant as "Arthur treats women well and as such is a lesbian".

Arthur specifically is written, as you said, to be as straight as a rainbow, esplicitly busexual but also exploring their gender identity. They are cis (I mean, M!Arthur is) but they certainly do not abide by the more traditional masculine expectations in the game's setting (which are in some ways different than ours, still).

I agree with you on the way that some banter can come off as othering to people that are not in the queer community, or that aren't very familiar with it, and I know I have been guilty of it on the blog at times. However, I don't think the lesbian jokes about Arthur fall in this category, because there have never been comments about them being the special man who treats women differently, and because I hope he doesn't come off soley like that as a character (I do think the joke can be easily shifted to Arthur Queen of Gays: what would you think of that? Would you feel that was rooted in the same stereotypes too?)

At the end of the day, though, I am not a native english speaker too and I am relatively new to the queer community, so it's possible I may lose some meanings, and write some things in a way that is easy to misinterpret. In any case, you and everyone else are very welcome to the blog and the story, I hope this doesn't take away from it

[damnfandomproblems]

For 5604, why do so many people in fandom use the fact that someone might be cis, or straight, or white to invalidate what they have to say?

Even if someone is one of those or more, they’re still allowed to have opinions. Are their opinions less valid because they happen to be cis/straight/white? If we’re trying to make everyone feel welcome in fandom, why do some people act as if some identities are less than others?

For crying out loud, the amount of times I’ve seen gay people, trans people, and poc being called straight, cis or white like it’s supposed to be an insult and that they can’t have certain ships or form ideas about certain characters is alarming.

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[nerdygaymormon]

I understand this may sound almost childish but how do you handle your emotions when upsetting discourse takes place in a meeting?

Just got out of Elders Quorum and while most of the discussion was held with good intentions, it started to dip into good ol’ Holier than Thou ‘but not really’ and more particularly referencing a Seminary Q&A panel question with the answer of ‘Mastery of self’ comparing Being LGBTQIA+ is just as much a matter of Self Mastery as any other struggle (Cis/Hetero attraction and porn brought up as The Same)

While I had suspected it to take that turn, I knew I was too emotionally charged in the moment and didn’t speak up for the sake of not rocking the boat in turbulent waters so to speak, despite having several ideas to deepen discussion (as well as time running out) . Especially with the debate as to come out then and there to Make a Point. But more importantly and impactful of the point of “Let’s Ask Questions” instead of Push out Guidance

There were some more compassionate voices that soothed it somewhat but I don’t know how to handle it as of the moment. Should I bring it up again in the future?

Do you think it’s just an age/experience thing? Where as I get older I’ll have a better grasp on myself?

Oof, that's tough.

The idea that they're comparing being queer to being cis/hetero is rich because the LDS Church encourages people to act on being cis/hetero and rewards them, while telling queer people that being queer is alright as long as you don't act on it. If queer people were treated the same, had the same teachings that we'd be rewarded in heaven, then that would be an apt comparison, but this is not the reality we live with.

It's especially hard to be in discussions like this when you're not out of the closet. For one thing, people feel free to share their hot takes when they don't think there's any queer people present. Another is that being in the closet makes it difficult to speak in response, being able to speak openly as a queer person gives you a certain power.

When I was in the closet and those types of lessons happened, especially when I wasn't expecting a discussion on LGBTQ topics, sometimes I just didn't have the spoons to speak up. I would keep my head down, or at some point I would get up and leave the room.

Even as someone who is out, these types of impromptu conversations in a lesson are difficult. Once, instead of speaking up as the lone queer person, I instead spoke to the bishop afterwards about the comments made and the problems with them. He asked what I wanted done to correct the situation and offered several proposals.

To be a queer Latter-day Saint means to be resilient. Here's a few ideas on how to build your resilience:

Build a group of friends you can talk to about these things. Other queer members are good for this, and they can be online or irl. It helps a lot to be understood.

Counter the negative things said about queer people, even if it is just you telling affirmative things to yourself. Do not let negative words go unchallenged because the subconscious has a way of accepting those things.

When I hear things like that, I think to myself these 3 questions: Does that sound like the God I know? Do these words fit with the two great commandments about love? Do I resemble the queer people they're describing? So often the answer to all 3 of these is a resounding NO and I know I can ignore what they're saying.

Think about ways you can respond in the future so that you're prepared. One that I love is if the question is asked "What is something evil that people today consider good?" Raise your hand immediately and without waiting to be called on blurt out "Homophobia and queerphobia" as that makes it uncomfortable for others to say gay marriage or being queer is evil. Here's a few more phrases you can have ready: "These are real people you're talking about, would they feel welcomed and loved if they were here today?" "When I face my maker, I don't think it'll be said that I loved people too much, so I'm going to err on the side of love." "I'm commanded to love my neighbor not my church."

Being in that situation can be anxious and stressful. Learn some breathing techniques that can help calm your body..

I think one thing that makes it difficult to be in these situations as a closeted person is often we haven't experienced queer joy. Being queer shouldn't be defined by only pain or trauma. Queer joy is different than Pride, by which I mean it's not a big celebration, but often is small things such as having a queer friend, eating cake at the wedding of a gay couple, the satisfaction at seeing queer people in a leadership role, learning about queer history and the many ways queer people have worked to make life better, when you embrace the freedom to dress and be yourself, when someone gives you a compliment related to you being queer, and so on.

If you have access to therapy, I recommend it. If you're a college student in the US, your student fees likely cover access to see a therapist on campus. If not, perhaps your insurance will cover sessions with a therapist. The university where I work offers therapy to the community at a discount rate, it's a way for those who aren't licensed to get hours while being supervised by a professor.

Straight Mormons cannot effectively teach what queer Mormons actually experience. Those who aren't close to a queer family member or friend cannot speak knowledgably. Unfortunately most LGBTQ Latter-day Saints have been pushed out and aren't available inside the church and collectively the church is poorer for it.

Here's a novel thought, I wish they would focus more on presenting the actual message and teachings of Christ, what a different world this could be.

[genderqueerdykes]

Heya I'm a butch intersex transmasc system and I just wanted to thank you so much for this blog and what you do. I had been identifying as a bi trans guy for a while but it just wasn't right. I felt like I was putting on a costume every day. I accepted contradictory labels for others but never myself. So while I still felt connected to womanhood I shoved that piece of me down. I realize now it was also a lot of just internal misogyny. I also felt that I couldn't identify as a lesbian or as sapphic because I don't "look like a lesbian", I'm on T, I'm hairy and big and I've always been intersex. I felt like no lesbian would want me. But reading up on queer and lesbian history and finding your blogs and ones like it made me realize that transmasc dykes have always been here. I accepted that part of myself, and finding the transmasc lesbian community (and just the trans lesbian community in general) has felt like coming home. It's been truly amazing and I do want you to know you had a part in it and I thank you for that.

-many many lesbian thanks,

Your local disabled intersex transmasc dyke

hey you're very welcome, i'm glad i could've helped you!!

cis (femme) lesbians want people to think that lesbians are perisex cis Womyn because they're scared to death of trans, intersex and gender non conforming people. meanwhile, the lesbian community has such a rich history of gender diversity it's not even funny. every gender you can think of has some kind of place in the lesbian community historically. it's such a varied and diverse community. the only ones who are mad about it are radfems

there are sooooo many transmasc and intersex dykes and thats not a problem. never has been and never will be. it's so normal. that's a good thing

[rxsilabeth--er]

If your not accepting requests you can absolutely ignore this!!! I just found your content recently and got hooked

I absolutely adore trans!Reggie as a transman myself (literally starving for any content rn 😭) May I request trans!Reggie and Transman! Reader headcanons? Fluff and smut welcomed. Just imagine the bonding and inside jokes or comforting each other whenever they are dysphoric. T4T my beloved

:: Tit for Tat

Now calling....Author: "Hello?? Yes! Sorry, this took a bit long, I was working a lot due to school!! I hope this is okay, I'm a cis girl so no idea how I should go with this request, but I'll try!!"

Now calling....Synopsis: "Regulus, a boy who was wrongly first put in a girl's body dates you. You both are transmen and are dating. HCs about Reggie dating a transman! Reader"

Now calling....Warnings: "Transman!Reader|| Established relationship|| NSFW headcanons|| underage sex: fingering, riding, kissing, face riding.|| Barty sleeping with elder girls for fun|| smoking|| drinking, usual shit in marauder's era|| homophobic allies|| mentions of suicide|| Triggering content to some trans people, putting this here incase it does..|| Tell me if I did anything wrong, but please be nice! Thank you all for reading, liking and reblogging is greatly appreciated|| Bye!!||

▩ Now I suppose you both actually met in the Hogwarts express in first year as girls, you sat beside a gorgeous girl with black hair, pale skin, gorgeous eyes as a boy who matched her looks burst in, hugging her, "There you are, little bugger!! I'll be with James, Peter and Remus, don't cause troubles." he said as she nodded, before he smiled at you and walked away as you smiled and complimented her as she blushed softly, "Thanks." absolutely gorgeous.

▩ You and her sat in silence. But after a half-Korean boy, a boy with albinism, his twin sister and a girl with gorgeous dark skin and prettiest braids you've ever seen, one thing led to another and you all sat on the same table at the Great Hall with green decorating your table.

▩ And in second year, you both began liking each other, but the gorgeous girl with black hair and pale skin from Black family was nervous what her family will think or feel about her being a girl while dating a girl, but you promised to keep it a secret along with Sirius and you both began dating or more like like being in a kiddie relationship until it became sirius serious in 4th year.

▩ You both weren't just innocent girls no, with Barty, Evan, the marauders and so many dirty minded kids your age, you both also weren't innocent, making out in Myrtle's bathroom in the bathrooms, softly learning how to finger each other by Barty's instruction who was given to him when he slept with some elder Hogwarts girl.

▩ You eventually learned how to lock your doors, perform silencing charms earlier than most and more because your girlfriend couldn't keep her hands off of you and you got wet too quickly hearing her whines and her pushing her fingers over your stockings where your cunt would be.

▩ softly as you both grew until it was fifth year and your girlfriend began distancing herself from you, and things weren't going good, stress was building up for exams and stuff and on top of that, you started getting gender dysphoria and began questioning your identity as a girl.

▩ Barty and Evan began giving you cigarettes and drinks in forth years, pretty young, you knew that and it did help sometimes take off the stress and you saw SO many kids your age do it, Slytherins did not allow third years and below to drink or smoke, only allowed for forth years and fifth years, apparently it was a rule.

▩ One thing and it turned into half a bottle and you drunkenly stumbling to your girlfriend to whom you confessed everything and woke up the next day laying in bed against her. You and her both confessed your problems and agreed to be together during this journey. One was going to Madame Pomfrey secretly and having her give you testosterone shots or getting magical binders which literally vanish your boobs for as long as you wear it and it's so comfortable. Who knew wizards were so accepting? You definitely didn't. Well everyone other than purebloods.

▩ And by the end of fifth year, you and him cut your hair, Bellatrix tried cursing Regulus until Andromeda said she was acting like how a muggle would and suddenly, she was a homophobic ally, does that exist? Well, who knows, his parents, and Bellatrix sure were, though she did try to hex him, since he looked so manly and so muc like a guy, she forgot he was a girl after one point.

▩ His parents were thinking of disowning him, but that meant that the family house and fortune would go to Alphard and Aurelia, and she would rather be cruico'd than let that happen, so she named him as the heir, saying to people that since he was such a sick child, they didn't mention him, but his "sister" (aka his dead self) was a blood traitor, and people didn't really give a fuck.

▩ The most accepting of you both were Alphard and Aurelia, Regulus's uncle and aunt and Walrbuga's younger brother and ex-best friend because Alphard had a trans friend himself and he and Aurelia were bi before it had a name. They sent him so many letters, trying to bond with him and Sirius and it did work for a long time.

▩ Now speaking of you both being trans. He will take SUCH good care of you during your period or if you're feeling dysphoric or something, softly riding you pussy with his own, rubbing your clits together with his cold, ringed fingers as he praised you, telling you how handsome you are, stuff like that.

▩ Force you to sit on his face like it's a chair and eat you out for hours on end, tweaking your nipples, if you haven't had surgery or if you have, does not matter. But will be more gentle and only lick your nipples if you have had top surgery or something.

▩ Please please please! Comfort him when he gets dysphoric, he gets suicidal thoughts and you love him so much and he's so cute, and he needs all the comfort in the world. Loves it if you fuck the good thoughts into him~

© This writing work belongs to me, rxsilabeth--er, Aurelia, Rosilabeth, Cerine. Reblogging is appreciated, but plagiarizing or copying my works is forbidden, thank you for reading this and if you like this check out my blog!