#but burnout hit me so hard it took me this long >_>

[thepersonperson]

Why the hell is JJK 270 called Dream's End?

JJK 270 being titled Dream’s End is so fudging ominous. That’s some Umineko type beat. I’m not sure if I should even judge this chapter as presented because of this. In fact, I'm holding off on posting the other analysis I had for today since I no longer am certain of what JJK 268–270 are.

There's two lines of thought I have:

1) Gege suffering from burnout and bad working conditions plus rushing has caused the writing to decline.

2) Gege still has a hidden ace saved for the final chapter and the weird writing is deliberate.

I'm going to humor Option 2, but only because the title of this chapter is called Dream's End.

(The most 'hear me out' discussion under the cut. Using TCB scans and leaks. Click images for captions/citations.)

Preface

"Without love it cannot be seen."

This is a phrase and philosophy I have borrowed from Umineko since I've started these JJK yapfests. It essentially boils down to 'discard your negative biases and try to examine things in good faith.'

JJK 268 & 269 have fudging tested that for me. I've been giving Gege and the characters a pretty hard time with the caveat of knowing how exploitative the manga industry is. I initially rejected the idea that these chapters were to be taken at anything other than face-value because of this. In fact, I cited the JJK 268 chapter title of Finale as a reason I've accepted things as is.

And with that same logic, I'm now doing the opposite... So hear me out! I've got some pretty good reasons to be doing this.

What's wrong with JJK 268–270?

There's a lot of things in these chapters that are fundamentally inconsistent with what's been established in throughout the manga. If we use Option 1 to explain these contradictions, these are last second retcons because Gege forgor.

Option 2? We're about to have the rug pulled the hell out from under us because the last 3 chapters have been delusions.

What first tipped me off to something possibly being wrong on purpose was the fate of the incarnated culling game players in JJK 270. Not too long ago it was established that the souls of non-sorcerers in vessels were unsavable.

The souls are suppressed in a way that distorts them permanently or their consciousness is outright destroyed. They were gambling on Megumi's survival due to him being a sorcerer and Sukuna's incarnation method being unique. 99% of them will die and those who survive will likely be vegetables, so why is there a sudden gamble on their survival in JJK 270?

It's such a neat and fine bow to tie this mess up that goes directly against existing lore. It's so ideal that it has me suspicious.

Brain damage from sorcery on non-sorcerers has been established as extremely taxing. I think about Gojo's Unlimited Void (UV) the most when it comes to this. Non-sorcerers were hit by it for 0.2 seconds and required medical intervention for 2 months to fully heal from it. Sukuna, the absolute strongest, tanked some of it and it affected him for the rest of the battle. ...And then we have Megumi who was under it for about 6 minutes and seems to have very little problems from it.

This is bizarre. Someone who underwent the month long bath and UV without Reverse Curse Technique (RCT) should be struggling to even stand after waking up. Sukuna had RCT and the Gojo brain damage still took him out. This screams of inconsistent writing unless...this is a deliberate hint that something is amiss.

I want to draw attention to the panel Megumi's UV damage is addressed. Just about everyone has been seemingly waiting around in the same spot for him to wake up. It's a bit weird given that sorcerers don't usually do that. They usually get a move on asap. And after the destruction of Shinjuku and the Culling Game Players still running about, why would they take a breather to discuss their plans that worked?

But that's not what started bothering me about that panel after reading JJK 270. It's that characters who aren't in the room, start appearing without warning. Look who is behind Maki and to the left. It's Kusakabe. And to her and Yuta's right? Inumaki. So why is it that Hakari, Kiara, and Ino are in Kusakabe's place while Todo spawns where Inumaki is? (And Yuta is facing the wrong direction too.)

That's pretty fudging weird right? You can chalk it up to Gege forgor but it doesn't stop there. Higuruma enters the discussion in a way that causes Yuji to pause.

Why is Yuji surprised to see him? (And where the fudge did he come from?) Shouldn't he know of his survival by now? And why is he in a cast? Higuruma had learned RCT and fully restored his arms before leaving the battlefield. If he's conscious, then he should be able to heal himself fully no problems.

And that got me thinking... Why is Yuji still missing his fingers?

It was established that he kept his fingers unhealed to help with Yuta's plan. This means that if he won, he has no need to keep them missing. Yuji has fully regenerated missing chunks of his face, including his eye, and stomach. He has RCT just like Higuruma. But it doesn't end there either. Yuji's number of fingers on his left hand keeps changing.

4 fingers, 3 fingers, dubious amount of fingers, 5 fingers. Once again, you can chalk it up to Gege forgor, but JJK 270 came out and the same problem started happening with Megumi's scars.

The same mistake is made within the same set of panels and very big page. That's weird.

ONCE AGAIN, you can chalk it up to Gege forgor, but when these errors occur, like with Yuta mistakenly having his ring on in JJK 251, Gege will note the mistake outright. Gege has made no such comments for Yuji's fingers or the scars. This many “errors” in row when Gege has otherwise been careful with these features could indicate it really is on purpose. (Kind of like Sukuna's everchanging mask. The thing was just moving around and pulsing. That was deliberate not inconsistency.)

What does this mean?

I think it means what we are seeing isn't reality. After all, the most common way to tell if you're dreaming is being unable to count the number of fingers on your hands. Another way to tell is the distortion of faces.

Readers have noticed that something is wrong. The weird timeskips, the lack of lasting consequences, design inconsistencies, characters behaving like similes of themselves, death and pain being glossed over like it's nothing. It all feels so off. But it's still close enough to the original to be somewhat believable. ...Is that not what it's like to dream and not know you are dreaming?

Why is it that the chapter titled Dream's End ends with the hunt for a curse user whose ability is to distort the perception of reality?

Dreams and Delusions in JJK

We already know Gege weaves Buddhist symbolism and ideas heavily into JJK. I'm not an expert in Buddhism at all, so there's a lot of it that goes over my head. I decided to look into if dreams are significant in Buddhism and boy howdy are they. Quoted directly from the source:

"Dreams can be a message from a Bodhisattva, an ancestor, or a god, The intent of the dream may be to test the dreamer’s resolve: is he non-retreating (avaivartika) from Bodhi (enlightenment) even when sleeping? The purpose of the dream visit may be to communicate information vital to the dreamer’s well-being. The Buddha himself had five dreams of catastrophes, falling stars and worlds in collision just before his enlightenment. The dreams were sent to him not by a benevolent Dharma-protector, but by an malevolent sorcerer, intent on disrupting the Buddha’s samadhi and preventing his awakening."

In summary, (correct me if I'm wrong) dreams appear to be seen as another state of being just as valuable and impermanent as reality.

There's also this other bit I'll quote directly.

"The most common use of dreams in the literature of the Mahayana, or “Northern School” of Buddhism in China, Tibet, Japan, Korea, and Vietnam is to see dreams as a simile for sunyata, (emptiness) the hollow core at the heart of all component dharmas (things). For example, in the well-known Vajra (Diamond) Sutra, the Buddha taught that:

“All conditioned dharmas, are like a dream, like an illusion, like a bubble, like a shadow, like a dewdrop, like a lightening flash; you should contemplate them thus.”"

That's starting to sound like what Yuji's Domain does, right? He projects memories that did happen and mixes them with delusions and dreams. Sukuna and Megumi both experience this in full.

It's incredibly suspicious that it hasn't been named yet. Yuji is the son of Kenjaku who has a domain based on the Womb Sutra/Realm...which is paired with the aforementioned Diamond Realm to encompass the entire Dharma. It's very likely this is what Yuji's domain is—a realm of dreams and reality combined as one.

Unreality Runs in the Family

When Sasaki Setsuko "wakes up" as the Culling Games begin, Kenjaku explains her situation with this:

What follows is a sequence that cannot be described as a dream. It seems to be a blend of reality and hallucinations. But that's not anything strange, Sukuna does it too with Kashimo in reverse.

As you can see, both the positions of the characters and even the backgrounds change suddenly from reality to ??? and from sequence to sequence. It's all incredibly dream like.

Another strange thing about this space is Kenjaku creating it as a part of an escape route Binding Vow. You know, the kind Sukuna uses for Malevolent Shrine.

What I want to draw attention to here is this reality-dream state somewhat requires consent (in the loosest possible definition) to appear. The person entering this state has to desire it themself. We see this with Jogo and Gojo who are mutually interested in having a relationship of somekind with Sukuna. (Same with Kashimo.)

(It's also very hard to tell if they are dead or still in the process of dying during this.)

This is where the delusions Yuji projects differ. They are forced onto others when he is near death or severely injured, seemingly as a defense mechanism.

And would you look at that...the syntax is identical for Todo and Choso's Brother Yuji Delusions. "At that moment, a memory was born inside X's brain...of a past event that never happened." It's kind of like how Yuji replaces Gojo in Megumi's memory to reach him. It's also very strange that Sukuna, Choso, and Jogo go "What is this?" to this in-between space.

My point here is that Yuji having access to this space has been hinted at since the start of this manga and that it was inherited it by blood. (Totally Not Kenjaku showing up with Takaba Mr. Reality Warping CT in JJK 270 supports my case too I think.)

What does this mean for JJK 268–270?

The battle ended in JJK 268. Of that I'm certain. What I no longer know is if anyone survived.

A common complaint about Sukuna's death is his lack of an afterlife scene. Everything ended so abruptly. And then Megumi wakes up.

It's so jarring in out of place. ...But that's how all scenes involving the space between dreams and reality begin. Sasaki Setsuko "wakes up" once and then again. Most of us have experienced those kind of dreams right? (They made a whole movie about it called Inception which is based on the movie Paprika.)

There's one other thing I need to draw attention to. Yuji's Domain shattered after Sukuna cast Domain Expansion (DE).

When a sorcerer withdraws their domain voluntarily, it does not shatter. Gojo has demonstrated this for us in quite clearly.

When a domain is broken by force, it will shatter and shards will scatter. When a domain is withdrawn, no shards are left behind. Yuta uses these facts as a part of his plan. In JJK 252, it's revealed by Kusakabe that Yuta shatters his own domain on purpose to trick Sukuna into thinking he won.

What this means is that some kind of violent action needs to be taken to shatter a domain. Yuji's domain is massive and his attacks only targeted Sukuna. What could've shattered his domain all at once? He's not had the time to practice shattering parts of it like Yuta.

Gojo has shown us what a uniform domain shattering looks like—it happens when Malevolent Shrine activates. (Please note that the sfx used for Sukuna breaking Gojo's domain is カシャア. It's the same one used for Yuji's domain shattering.)

I'm proposing that we've been in unreality since the end of JJK 266. Sukuna and Yuji are both severely injured, on the verge of death, and have a connection with each other. These are all conditions that trigger the space between dreams and reality.

And I must remind you that Yuji first triggers this event with Todo after a severe head injury. Right before Sukuna casts his domain, they do this to each other.

Everything that has come after has been perfect for Yuji to a unbelievable degree. Everyone whose death was uncertain is alive and the living are getting exactly what they wanted. The effort behind it and the logistics are all missing. And yes a rushed ending can explain that, but that too can be part of the ruse.

Another massive complaint is that mourning has not occurred. Not for Gojo or Choso despite how much Yuji cherished them. It's like they're being willfully forgotten by the cast despite being crucial to their success in Shinjuku. It feels out of character, especially since Yuji is of the few that showed concern for them no matter what.

But if this is a delusion on the brink of death designed to bring happiness, why would Yuji think of the dead? He's always been so avoidant with it. When his grandpa is dying and trying to talk about his parents, Yuji tells him to shut up. When Nanami dies, he thinks of him then and then never again directly leading up to his talk with Sukuna. When Megumi tries to discuss Nobara's fate, Yuji ends the conversation as quickly as possible.

The only people in this world are the ones who may or may not be dead. He saw Yuta in Gojo's corpse. The only way that can happen is if Gojo is dead. Yuji has no choice but to believe it. Choso burned away before his eyes. Yuji has no choice but to believe it. He went through some of Megumi's memories and saw Tsumiki's corpse. Yuji has no choice but to believe it.

And since Tsumiki is the only person Yuji wasn't close with, she's the only death that has been outright acknowledged. But not for too long! That would make Megumi sad.

Another complaint is that Sukuna really didn't kill anyone in the final battle outside of those two and Kashimo. The dudebros call it Disney Kaisen. But the fairytale-like idea that everyone is ok? Todo was the one who put that idea in Yuji's head.

And Yuji has always been one to fall to story-like logic when things look like they're finally wrapping up.

"And then everything will be just fine." (Yuji before the worst possible outcome for both him and Megumi happens.)

This is similar to the line Gakuganji uses in JJK 270. "Everything is fine." This line is the whole reason I sat down and wrote this all out without stopping. I know Gakuganji. He'd never say that. This man has been in a state of worry over Jujutsu Society since his first appearance. He doesn't even fully believe in Gojo's cause as someone who values tradition. He's a stickler for details and will do everything in his power to ensure stability. For him to toss Sukuna and Tengen's remains in a shrine and call it a day? Who is that? He's changed but not that much.

And so I compared the raws.

It is very much the same 大丈夫 (Daijoubu). These are Yuji's words.

What I'm proposing is that JJK 267–270 are Yuji's delusions of the happiest possible ending. It's a picture perfect little end where all the trauma and death has no effect on the living and people move on like nothing happened. I don't know if this means he's dead or if Megumi's dead or if they're all dead. But what I'm seeing now? I don't think it's real.

Reexamining JJK 269

CW: Brief discussion of suicide.

Even if this turns out to be a part of the smokescreen, I'm always going to hate JJK 269. But I do want to give it some grace under the assumption this chapter titled Examination (which can also be translated as Reflection) is about Yuji's guilt. Both him and Megumi's tbh. I think their feelings for each other and their situations are driving these delusions. That's one thing about this space that's real—the feelings behind them.

Yuji has a lot of guilt surrounding his existence after ingesting Sukuna, Megumi does too. Straight up Yuji has been seeking death over it since JJK 9.

He struggles to forgive himself for being the centerpiece to violence he had little to no control over. The only thing that upsets him more than that is knowing that his death will break Megumi's heart. He doesn't want Megumi to feel any guilt for it whatsoever.

The kicker is, Megumi already knows Yuji is planning to die. And he wants to do everything to rid him of that guilt. Up until they connect inside of Yuji's domain, they were unaware they shared the same goal for each other.

And that's what JJK 269 is. It's a very cold and harsh breakdown that allows them to forgive themselves. Blame is passed around and ultimately pinned on a combination of Gojo and Kenjaku. (It's really weird Sukuna isn't blamed either, but that's not the point of this for now.)

Kusakabe's comment is especially harsh. Telling Yuji point blank he should've died and that both sides on the issue were valid? He may have believed that to an extent, but he made a point of not telling it to his face. Why have a whole chapter discussing how kind he is only to turn around and do this?

If this is all a delusion, a manifestation of Yuji's guilt and trying to absolve himself of it for Megumi's sake, that makes sense. This version of Kusakabe is what Yuji feels guilt over the most—Everyone's lives being better if he died.

In the same breath Kusakabe tells them to solely blame the adults. It's very reminiscent of Nanami telling Yuji that being a child is not a sin.

It should also be noted that every single time Megumi tries to apologize for being possessed, he's stopped. Maki tears into Yuta without checking in on him, but she asks if Megumi is ok and tells him to not blame himself. JJK 270 is full of this too. He tries to apologize to Tsumiki at her grave and Shoko tells him not to sweat it. He tries to apologize to Hana and she hits on him instead.

This delusion is crafted out of love. It allows Megumi to live in a world where he can move on from the guilt surrounding his possession and saving Yuji. It's all Yuji has ever wanted for him. And now that Yuji knows Megumi wants him to forgive himself, he has no choice but to do that too.

It's a perfect ending for Megumi that's too good to be true.

It must be a dream...

There's another thing I can't reconcile about JJK 269 unless it's a delusion—Todo's explanation for Yuta's plan. It's another one of those glaring contradictions.

In JJK 269 Todo claims Boogie Woogie can't target Maki. But in JJK 259? Todo makes plans with Mei Mei knowing that it works with her.

Either Todo lied...or Yuji never fully knew the plan and that Boogie Woogie could target Maki. Otherwise she would be dead. Her surviving Sukuna's flames would be impossible.

I've already talked about how Yuji believing those who may or may not be dead are alive is Todo's doing. He's always been the one to save Yuji from his breakdowns. But let's talk about his speech in Shibuya.

"Looking for meaning or logic in death...can at times defile the memories of those we've lost!"

Everyone who has read these past 3 chapters has really felt the defiling of Gojo's memory. And it was all in service to a strange logic that helped them cope with all this death. Acknowledging how massive Gojo's sacrifice was would riddle both Yuji and Megumi with immense guilt, so it's best to ignore it for Megumi's sake. (And perhaps that's why Yuji replaces Gojo in that memory.)

"What have you been entrusted with? You don't need to answer right now. However... Until you find your answer, never stop moving."

In a way, JJK 269 is an answer to the question Todo proposed. Yuji was entrusted with saving Megumi. Saving Megumi requires Megumi and Yuji forgiving themselves. And Yuji won't stop moving until it's done. All these time jumps and rushed developments are Yuji moving Megumi forward. He's getting that happy ending even if it's to the detriment of everything else.

What about Sukuna?

When Sukuna respects his opponents and they have a connection, he gives others these dreams before they pass. He's been very impressed by Megumi since JJK 9. It's not out of the ballpark for him to allow Megumi to die satisfied in the way Gojo did. Yuji also seems to understand that Sukuna was manipulated by others just as much as he was. I think that's why Sukuna is spared of the blame for the most part.

I don't think Sukuna won. He's probably dead. But he did warn Yuji not to underestimate him. I think the worst absolute last fudge you to Yuji he could give is this happy ending dream before ripping it all away as he dies.

In Conclusion...

I'm not sure that we're going to get that happy ending. Reggie Star warned us not too long ago.

"...it all comes down to a sorcerer's lies."

Reggie is a lot like Sukuna here, outwitted by modern sorcerers and dying to someone he loathes. Sukuna is good at tricking people. He let Gojo think he won before tearing it all away. Yuta did the exact same thing to him. Or did he?

"Can you do me a favor? After all, you've killed me. Let fate toy with you, become a clown, then die."

If the last 3 chapters are delusions...Megumi will be playing the part of a clown.

Gege said the manga would end with either 1/4 or 3/4 of Yuji, Megumi, Nobara, and Gojo surviving. This of course, could be changed throughout its development, but Gege said the manga is ending in its original vision. There's a real chance that it's only Yuji or Nobara surviving.

Remember, Gege is a troll first and foremost. Somehow Gojo was revived, but in the worst way possible (Yujo). Somehow Gojo did tell Megumi about Toji, but in the worst way possible (dead man's final letter).

Gege also said this about the final chapter:

"I am working hard to create a final chapter that will (hopefully) satisfy as many people as possible who have supported Jujutsu Kaisen. So everyone, please bear with me!"

I can't think of a better way to appease everyone than by making the last 3 chapters nothing more than dream.

[copypastus]

I believe Tamlin would get better much faster if given some rest, love and care instead of people coming to his house and lands to yell at him.

Another piece I ran out of time to finish for @tamlinweek

[doumadono]

ANNOUNCEMENT

This is a turning point for me. I've been silent for too long, but I can't stay quiet anymore.

I'm going through writer's burnout, and it has hit me hard. I've been writing on Tumblr and Ao3 for nearly eight years now (with about 1.5 years on my private blog, doumadono). Over that time, I've written more than 400 stories across various fandoms, created the Sinful Sunday event and a series that many people like, helped many with numerous emergency requests — so many that one masterlist wasn't enough to cover them all.

But all of this has brought me to a place where writing no longer feels like a joy, but rather a duty. In my effort to make everyone happy, I lost myself and took on too much, accepting even the most twisted and difficult requests. It made me anxious and unwell whenever I thought about writing. This is why I haven't been posting much these past few weeks. I missed the breaking point and let myself reach a place where I was seriously considering quitting writing altogether and closing both my Tumblr and Ao3 accounts.

There's something else I need to address. I feel completely detached from Jujutsu Kaisen and Demon Slayer. I no longer feel comfortable writing for those fandoms. From now on, I'll be focusing mostly on My Hero Academia. Even though the manga recently ended, both the manga and the anime hold a special place in my heart. I’ve fallen in love with the story and its amazing characters. This is what feels right to me at this moment. That doesn't mean I'll never write for Demon Slayer or other fandoms again, but not now, not at this time. Maybe in the future — who knows?

Some of you might know that I've been dealing with a flood of hateful anonymous messages. Even though I’ve grown stronger and no longer consider them relevant, it still hurts to read such nasty words. This is another factor why I need to take a break.

So, what's going to change?

Sinful Sunday will no longer cover requests, and the event won't be as regular as it used to be. From now on, I'll post some sinful pieces specifically written for this event whenever I feel it's right. I'll write only for the characters I feel attached too.

Emergency requests will be limited to two slots and will no longer have a 48-hour window to be fulfilled. Once both slots are taken, emergency requests will be closed until I manage to clear the current asks in my inbox.

As of today, my ask box has been completely cleared. I won't be replying to any past asks, regardless of their origin or topic.

Commissions will remain open, as nearly all the requests have been fulfilled.

Regarding the following projects:

The Kvitravn series will be completed this year, but I can't provide a specific date just yet as I'm still working hard to bring everything together.

There's also a new series on the horizon featuring Dabi in the lead role, with a psychiatrist!Reader as the other main character.

As for Kinktober, I made a hard decision it will not be held as an event on my blog this year at all.

As of now, I want to focus on my own little My Hero Academia based AU that I created with my best friend @crystalwolfblog , and this is something that brings me a lot of comfort nowadays, and it's what I want to focus on. I’ll likely create another blog to post everything related to this AU, to keep things organized (the blog will be linked to my pinned post). This little AU was and is my safe haven for the past year and half, and since it contains all of my favourite characters, I want to focus on it fully.

The time for purification has come. I need to rediscover my purpose and find joy in writing again. To those who understand and have stuck with me since the ThePaperPanda days — you’re amazing and adorable, and I can never express how much I appreciate you, guys 💞

I want to share one last thought. This isn’t a statement, but rather a plea to readers: please respect writers, no matter the content they choose to explore. Writing is not as easy as it may seem; it requires a significant amount of time and effort, often taking up our personal time to craft a story. Don't send anon hate. Spread love instead! The least you can do to show your appreciation is to leave a comment, even if it’s just a word or two. For you, it’s a small gesture that takes less than a minute, but for the writer on the other side, it may be a much-needed sign that their work is meaningful. So if you enjoy an author’s work, don’t hesitate to leave a comment. It truly makes us writers feel like we’re on cloud nine.

Love you all, Marcianna

[twstgarden]

✿ ❝ 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗴𝗶𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗸𝗶𝗱 ❞

━ riddle rosehearts x gifted kid burnout! fem! reader ━ being a gifted child is not always deemed as a blessing, and riddle knows the feeling all too well. (f/n means first name)

requested by: @tangybiskit1 request type: oneshot requester’s message: Reader is like the perfect student.(not prefect) She gets full marks, optimistic, kind and charming to the point where even Riddle thinks his mother would like her. But after befriending her for a few weeks he decides to visit reader and her room is a mess, filled with books, scattered papers. It reminds Riddle of himself and you know how that turned out... So he tries to comfort her saying that she is good enough,(ending can be how you want) sorry if it's badly worded😭😭 this is my first time making a request.. florist’s note: oh wow, this hits close to home <3 anyway, thank you for the request, little one! ♥

this work contains spoilers from chapter 1, heartslabyul's arc.

do not steal or translate without my permission.

ko-fi here if you want to support me, commission are open

perfect. that was how people described you. a sweet, young lady with a bright smile and a bright mind. a lot of the students in night raven college liked you for your charming personality, and there was barely any student that had a bad experience with you.

perfect. you were the epitome of perfect. a beautiful young lady with a sweet smile, a charming personality, and a bright mind. who would not want to befriend you? some students even talked about you to their peers and their parents. now, it wasn’t always painted in a good light. some have been jealous of you, and some wished you did not exist at all. it makes them look bad, you know?

of course, riddle was one of those people. he greatly admired you for your dedication and hard work, and he takes great pride in having you as a heartslabyul resident. you were the perfect, ideal example of what heartslabyul students should be. you followed all the rules to a t, memorized every one of them, and never questioned or disobeyed the rules that may seem too extreme or ridiculous.

“ah, f/n,” spoke riddle as soon as he saw you in the library, a smile ghosting over his lips. his voice reached your ears as you looked up from your book and smiled at him, “oh… hello, dormitory leader rosehearts!”

that sweet smile.

riddle did not realise his cheeks were tinted pink as he remained smiling at you. he then walked away, not knowing what else to say or how to keep the conversation going. oh, how he wished he could befriend you. he was stuck in this student-to-student relationship with you, and he did not know how to deepen it.

it was going well, at least, that’s what he thought. he made sure he could interact with you at least once a day, to get the both of you used to each other’s presence. he also decided to join you at your table during lunch, eating with you without the need for a conversation. it did not take long until your relationship went deeper than the shallow interactions.

“by the way, riddle… why is your favourite food strawberry tarts?” you asked as you nibbled on a tart that he shared with you. as riddle took a bite of his own, he replied, “it’s sweet and rich with flavours. i rarely ever get to taste it when i was younger, but the one time i did felt like heaven was in my mouth…”

there was a small smile on your face as you listened to riddle. you knew what his household was like. you were there during the overblot incident, after all. “i mean, my mother did get angry at me for eating that… she told me it was too sugary and it’s poisonous for my health…”

unconsciously, your hand went up to his cheek as you caressed it for comfort. riddle also froze as soon as he felt the affection before glancing at you. you realised what you had done and quickly retracted your hand with a blush, “ah— sorry, sorry. i thought you needed some comfort.”

with you around, riddle always felt like he could continue to hold on and move forward. seeing your bright smile energizes him for the day, and seeing your name at the top of the achiever's list always brings a sense of pride from within.

“congratulations, f/n,” spoke riddle as soon as he saw you standing by the bulletin board. you had a blank expression on your face before smiling as soon as you heard his voice, “oh, thanks! congratulations to you, too.”

‘why do you look sad?’, thought riddle to himself as he noticed your blank expression before acknowledging him. were you not happy with what you got? but you received a 499 out of 500, surely, it’s worth a smile or two, no?

he decided to brush it off a little since you had already walked away, but it was in the back of his mind for a few days now. why did you seem bothered? he knew the importance of getting a perfect score, his mother reiterated that several times.

he did not speak much of it, but he did notice you getting a little distant, even if you are physically beside him. your mind seemed to be in another place every time he tried to discuss something with you. it was clear that something was wrong.

but he did not know how to approach the problem.

riddle tried accompanying you during study sessions, gifting you treats, sharing his tarts with you over lunch, doing mind exercises with you, and many other things. however, they only seemed to fix the problem temporarily.

exam season was around the corner once more, and everyone has been busying themselves with studying. riddle had spent his time studying, but of course, he did not neglect his duties as the dormitory head. as soon as the clock struck 3 in the afternoon, it was time for his patrol around the dorm. he had to make sure all his residents were disciplined and studying.

with one room into the next, he discovered all of them busying themselves with reading and discussing certain sections of their books with their roommates. ‘good work,’ thought riddle to himself as he saw his residents studying. he just hoped ace and deuce were doing the same.

as soon as he reached your room, he knocked on the door before twisting the knob and peeking in. he thought he would see you silently seated on your study table, reading through a book, or taking notes. however, he discovered you seated on the floor, a book on your lap as you wrote in your notebook, surrounded by several copies of papers and books.

you were in a clear state of disarray. your hair was a mess as you checked every paper before writing something down in the notebook. the process continued as you mumbled under your breath, “no, this is not right… the answer isn’t hydrolysis…”

a sigh escaped your lips as you buried your head into your palms, your hair covered your devastated expression as riddle silently walked into your room and knelt beside you, picking up all the scattered notes as you sniffled and glanced at him, “riddle…?”

you did not expect to see him in your room, and you quickly wiped your cheeks as you picked up the remaining scattered papers. riddle held the notes he collected and looked at you, seeing your cheeks, eyes, and the tip of your nose being tinted with a little bit of red from all the crying.

you were having a breakdown. he knew that much. he now noticed why you seemed absentminded and distant lately, especially with the exam season coming up. you were drowning yourself in your studies, making sure you memorized and remembered every single fact taught to you.

“…sorry you had to see me like this…” you mumbled as you grabbed the notes from him. he quickly shook his head as he spoke, “no… you don’t have to apologise. how long have you been cooped up in here?”

“i’ve been here all weekend…” you replied. you’ve been in your room, studying for two days straight without paying much attention to your other needs, and it was evident with the bags under your eyes. he hoped you were at least eating, but as he looked around your room, there were a few wrappers from the snacks you ate and an empty water bottle.

a sigh escaped riddle’s lips as he held his hand out to you, “you’re a mess. you need to eat… come.” you shook your head, which caused riddle to raise a brow, “f/n, all you’ve eaten were convenience meals with no proper nutrition whatsoever. don’t be stubborn and—”

“i don’t care!”

riddle fell silent in shock. did you just… yell?

you looked up at him, your eyes held glossy tears as you spoke, “i don’t care even if i starve for days! they’re worth nothing if i fail… this is our finals, and it will determine just how much i’m worth…” a soft sob escaped your lips as you bowed your head to hide your tears, “it will… determine how much my parents love me…”

riddle was silent. so, this is what hides behind the perfect f/n l/n. behind that sweet smile, charming personality, and bright mind was a little girl who never had the chance to be a child, to experience what it’s like to have fun, and to know what it’s like to have no expectations to live up to.

how lonely you must have felt.

“who cares if i’m physically well when i make a single mistake on the test? my mother cursed me through the phone as soon as she saw my results…” you mumbled, venting out everything that had happened the past few days, “i’m nothing but a useless brat who wastes their money in a prestigious school… i don’t deserve to be here if i can’t even get full marks to show that i’m learning something…”

riddle knew what it was like to have a parent who seeks perfection in their child, and it was only lately when he realised it was an unhealthy way of living, drowning yourself in your studies to ensure future success to the point you’d neglect yourself. he got closer to you, holding your shoulder as you wiped your tears, “if i fail the finals, they won’t let me continue my education…”

he was stunned. sure, a punishment is given when one does not receive the desired results on a test. that was his norm, too, but completely discontinuing your education because of 1 mistake or 2 on a test is extreme.

“what…? your parents would go that far…?” questioned riddle. you merely nodded in response as you wiped your tears and hugged your knees to your chest, “…everything feels like a chore…” riddle was left frozen, he did not know what to say or do as he never received appropriate support growing up.

he understands your pains, but he doesn’t know how to comfort you. he can’t lie and say it would be better because he knows that won’t do anything.

you have been showing the brightest smile he’s ever seen all the time, but who knew you were breaking piece by piece? all because of the expectations set on you. all because you were the gifted child of your parents, and therefore, you must live up to be the best of the best.

“sometimes i think… i should just stop… maybe if i fail several times, then they’ll leave me alone… but that also means i won’t receive their love and praises… and i won’t be their favourite daughter anymore…”

riddle stayed silent as he sat on the floor beside you, listening to you vent out all that had been stuck in your mind.

“but… sometimes i also think… if i ruin myself too much and fail… i’m worth nothing… who would love a worthless person? then i’ll be destined to be alone…” you cried softly as you kept hugging your knees to your chest, “i’m tired of thinking about this… i’m tired of caring so much… i’m tired of hearing all the curses that come out of my mother’s mouth… i’m tired of repeatedly being told that i am useless…”

the room then fell silent, and only your soft sobs broke the ice as riddle gently placed his hand on your hair. “…you’re not useless just because you got one or two questions wrong in a test…” mumbled riddle as you peeked at him with your face buried into your arms, “and… you’re not worthless. you don’t need to be perfect to be loved… you just need to be yourself.”

as you remained to look at him, you sniffled softly and wiped your tears, “…but…” riddle gave you a small smile, “i know what it feels like to know that everything we learned growing up and the things we are exposed to is wrong… you’ve been told that anything less than perfect is unacceptable, and i was taught the same thing…”

a soft sigh left his lips as he placed a hand on your cheek, the same way you did to him when he spoke of his reason for loving a sweet treat, “you were there when the incident happened, and i have learned my mistakes… now i am here to tell you that you are worth it. you’re not a financial burden, you’re not useless, you’re not stupid, you are none of that, f/n. i wish you could see yourself the way i see you… then you’ll understand why i always want to be around you…”

you were speechless. what could you possibly say in response to that? if you didn’t know any better, it felt like a confession disguised as comforting words. receiving no verbal response, riddle got a little embarrassed as he avoided your gaze, “… i said too much. i apologise—”

“no…”

riddle blinked before he glanced back at you, seeing you smile a little at him, “…i appreciate your words… thank you…” seeing that sweet smile, even if it was a small one, made riddle smile as well, “you don’t need to thank me… now, you need to have your lunch.” he stood up and held his hand out to you.

you held his hand and stood up, smiling at him as you were about to wipe any remaining tearstains on your face when his hand gently rested on your cheek, wiping it as he spoke, “i don’t want to see you neglecting yourself next time.”

© twstgarden 2024 || please do not steal, translate without my permission, or use this to train a.i.

[bimir]

it's not something strange or unique to say that after the last haikyuu movie, most of us got into it again, but at the same time, I know for sure that I'm not the only one who benefits the most from this re...union.

I went to see the haikyuu movie alone, and at first, it didn't hit me that much. maybe it was because I couldn't help but wonder how much I would have enjoyed it with my best friend, but we are grown-ups now and long distance.

after a couple of days, the internet was full of haikyuu content again, just like during lockdown, and because of that, I also got into it again and realized how much of a masterpiece it is.

haikyuu is well known, but in my opinion, it is underestimated and categorized by others as just a silly volleyball-sport anime. it saddens me so much that there are so many people who will never get to embrace this piece of art.

Furudate not only created a coming-of-age story, a story that inspired and still inspires generations to fight for their dreams, to engage in the complex mess of relationships, teamwork, and partnerships. haikyuu teaches you that if you really do have a dream, and if you are really ambitious, if you work hard for it, your time will come too. but it also teaches you that not choosing to be great is not a tragedy; your dreams of what a good life means can be different from the ideals of others: "life is unfair, but damn it, at the same time, it is really fair too."

so why did I go on writing about this? because I can't comprehend how haikyuu manages to be there for me at the best time—or the worst, better said—how it really took its "comfort anime" title seriously for me. I started haikyuu in my last year of high school: extremely stressed, depressed, and anxious, so scared of what the upcoming end would mean for me that I'd tricked myself into living by coming to the conclusion that I'd simply not make it to 18 if I didn't see a future for myself. it seemed only fair and the universe would do its thing, no? I know, kinda depressing and triggering, but it did help that miserable me then, it did help but not in the way I prayed it would. the universe didn't send me "death," it sent me life and hope through haikyuu. feeling so empty, so bland for such a long time, haikyuu managed to make me laugh and cry. it doesn't sound like much, but real ones know what I'm talking about. seeing their connection, their ambition, the troubles and feelings I was so desperate to put into words right in front of me saved me from my misery. I began to wish to live, to wish to be like them, to wish to fight, to wish to connect again with people.

now, after almost 4 years, I'm in my last year of uni. the main reason for my depression back then in high school was because I didn't know what to do with my life, what uni and career to choose. hell, I didn't know I would take this path until last autumn, but here I am, on my way to becoming a teacher. it's hard, really hard, but right now, after the new movie, I finally committed to start and finish the manga even though I knew bits and pieces of what happens. it was the best time to read it now. over these 3-4 years, I pondered why I couldn't start getting into the manga and see for myself what happens, but damn it was the best time to read it now. seeing them go all out on their path, learning that in order to succeed you need to fight and fight and fight, to push through, to overcome your limits, to push yourself, to not take it easy if you really want it, came at the best time as I got into a slump and a burnout from learning too much but also not learning enough. I've got to see all of the characters continuing to be pros while fighting for their way, but also choosing to let go of something they once loved in order to live a normal life.

haikyuu is like a reminder that there is more to life than just your high school/childhood years, that your path could take a 180-degree turn at any point, but at the same time, it makes you appreciate those times and not want to sweep your childlike wonder, your growth, and mistakes under a rug. Furudate was a genius for creating haikyuu, and I really hope and pray that haikyuu will continue to be there, to comfort and save future generations until the end of time.

[vivilingriphyn]

Congrats @zaptrap on hitting 1k! :DD

Click for clearer image

Had lots of fun with this especially how I feel like I've finally taken a breath of fresh air after getting burnout from linework and sketching, so thank you for making me think long and hard for a couple of days on how i wanted to do this, the limitations and challenge you've given for this dtiys was headache inducing in a good way that I'd always welcome, since it's helping me improve and have fun. So thank you and congratulations again!

Now let's talk about the illustration itself, the inspiration came from when we were tasked to act, aka theater. From that one thing it set off all alarms in my head that THAT was the one! So I went with that and began thinking of other words, "Dramatic, Dynamic, Tragic, continuation and Symbolisms etc. And with the words now chosen my brain began to visualize exactly what I wanted, and ofc the original art as my base, taking the pose and making it as dramatic as possible while still retaining the original pose but making it feel after it's the continuation ofc inspired by your reply "nah it's not already in him (unless u want it to be lmao)" so took your words and ran with it! XD

Plunging that knife into Cole's heart and ripping out that same knife to create something beautiful.

The Lilies and Spider lilies, I wanted them in illustration as symbolism of sorts, I've never been good with symbolisms but still wanted to try em. (By google definition) Lilies mean life while ofc Spider lilies means death, in the illustration i tried to make the lilies on Cole transition into spider lilies, as well as the petals on blood trail towards Jay's knife while there’s a actually blood dripping down going pass the spider lilies and lastly the petals that are drifting upwards towards the stage light is presumed to be.

Since I've taken theater as inspiration ofc i really wanted make sure that the lighting gave what i wanted it to give, while it also became a challenge for since i realized that lighting and shadows were one of the things i lack so again thank you @zaptrap for making this dtiys because not only was it fun but gave me a milestone that i wanted to achieve which is to improve on understanding with lights and shadows and i have achieved it subsequently thanks to this dtiys!

Now you might've noticed Jay's design. It's actually because when waiting for the references I already started doing the illustration. Since i didn't wanna burn out my overload of motivation with doing nothing.

And this is the illustration 3hrs in. As you can see Jay would've looked completely different and wouldn't have any no parts of his face showing because I thought that literally half of his face was metal xD the thing on his chest would've been different, no metal parts going down his abdomen, no belt, and the boots. So for his design here i did change some aspects of it like the chest part and a lil bit on the boots and ofc giving Jay's face back, but kept some of what i originally drew which is not adding the metal parts on the abdomen and keeping the ribbon belt and mixed the boot with some parts of Jay's shoes in the references. I kept these because i thought it add to the compassion and overall flow of the piece especially the ribbon belt (I don't know what they're already called but i need something to differentiate them 😭) because without it it feels to much empty space that the drifting petals wouldn't be able to fill in as I wanted it to.

Anywho again congratulations @zaptrap ! I really REALLY had fun with this and I hope this piece makes you feel rewarded for reaching the milestone of 1k because you deserve em mate!

[sannirio]

safe and sound [pt 3.]

pt. 1 pt. 2

wc: 2820

dom san x amab sub reader

18+ MINORS DNI 「im serious」

cw - non!idol au, werewolf san, heavy size kink, tummy bulge, dumbification, creampie, subspace, deep subspace, severe overstimulation, praise, degradation, san turning.

A/N: sorry this took so long ;( burnout was bad this week. i hope you like it though!

san had you on his lap facing towards him. sitting on the “bed,” your head was laying on his shoulder as he laid waste to your neck. hickeys and bite marks plastered your pretty neck. each time he left a mark a whimper escaped your lips, the sound was like a drug to him. you could feel him growing underneath you, his cock was bigger than you thought one could ever be. it was pushing past your ass basically half way down his leg. “nervous?” he growled into your neck before biting it once again, sending a shock down your spine. you nodded into his collar. was it even possible to fit that inside of you? either way you were going to try. “we’ll start slowly,” he whispered. his hands moved down to your hips, squeezing them slightly. “you’re going to grind yourself against me ok.” “first, i’m going to take these off.” san reached down and tugged at your pants. you lifted yourself up slightly, allowing him the space to pull your pants down past your knees and off your legs exposing your dick to him. he looked down at your cock smirking in the process. “aww you’re already so hard for me puppy.” you felt yourself get bright red. you tried to hide your face but san caught your chin in his fingers before you could turn away. “don’t get shy on me now hun, you’re going to show me how pretty you look while i’m inside of you.”

once again he placed his hands on your hips, slowly pulling you forwards. you felt your dick slowly push up against his abs, his shirt making it sensitive. you shivered as the fabric brushed the tip of your cock. san snickered under his breath. he continued to force your hips forwards and backwards, making your cock ache. you wanted to cum right there but before you could reach your high he stopped your movement. san took off his shirt, revealing his perfect body. wide shoulders, chiseled abs and massive arms. he was gorgeous… and huge. san placed you down and stood up, his hard on was extremely evident in his pants, it looked so heavy. he pulled his pants down slowly, revealing the monster that they were holding back. it was bigger than you thought, it was massive. it looked like it went past your elbow. if you had to guess it was around 33 cm, that was your best guess. “like what you see puppy?” all you could do was stare at his cock, “i’m going to assume yes” he smirked. “do you want a taste hun?” finally you looked up at him, red staining your cheeks. “yes sir” left your mouth before you could even think about what you wanted to say. “good boy” san whispered.

you were now kneeling on the “bed” slightly below sans cock, which was staring straight at you. “go on, let’s see how pretty you look with my dick down your throat” you placed a hand on the shaft of his cock while slowly licking the tip. san groaned, running his large hand through your hair. he tasted so good, he was already leaking into your mouth. you licked your lips before attempting to put him in your mouth. his tip filled you up completely. “holy fuck… how am i supposed to get this thing down my throat?” “good boy” san cooed, his words laced with lust and love. “c’mon you can go farther than that.” you pushed yourself a little bit farther down his length, 4 or 5 cm. you felt the head hit the back of your throat which made your eyes water slightly. “ awwww good puppy.” sans eyes were on fire, it looked like he wanted to devour you. again you pushed further, another 5 or so cm making you choke a bit. you were crying now, “how though?” you thought, you weren’t even half way down? you pulled off of him, gasping for air when he was all the way out. “good job!” san said smiling, “let’s see you go farther next time.” “again?” how could you go farther? he was so big, but you wanted to be good for him, you wanted to make him proud.

you took sans cock into your mouth again, sliding down to where you had been a few moments ago with a lot more ease. “see puppy, you just need practice!” the sensation mixed with sans praise was intoxicating. it was honestly making you feel fuzzy, you’d never been a space like this before, but it felt so good. once you got fully comfortable you moved down his length a bit more, it was easier this time. half way! you made it half way! you looked up at san to see his head thrown back, small gasps where escaping his lips. you were making him feel good. here was as far as you could go, comfortably that is, so you started moving. your mouth traveled up and down his length. a groan escaped him making you shutter. this sensation was so weird. you felt so small compared to him and yet you were kneeling here, him half way down your sore throat watching this man fall apart in front of you. “you’re doing so good puppy, making daddy feel like this.” you heard him growl. oh god, goosebumps washed over your torso. your mind was reeling, all you could think about now was his dick and being good for him. at this moment, that’s all you were meant for. san clasped one of his strong hands under your jaw simultaneously pulling his dick out of your throat. “good boy” he whispered “but it’s my turn to make my little baby feel good.”

san climbed up onto the “bed” positioning himself in front of you. he then pushed you onto your back. he was over top of you now, the motion of him pushing you backwards pulled your shirt up exposing your soft stomach to him. his cock was laying on it, still slightly covered in your saliva. one of his hands was up beside your head, the other was lazily tracing down your side making you shiver. san was mumbling under his breath, you heard him say “so beautiful~” he once again kissed your neck, leaving beautiful marks all over. when you were sufficiently marked up san moved his lips down to your chest then down to your stomach. his lips felt like a pillow brushing against you. then he got down to your hips, his hands were placed firmly on both sides. you took a deep breath as he took you in his mouth. this made you whimper loudly firing your hands down to try and cover yourself. san didn’t let you though, like he said, he wanted to make you feel good. your small hands wove through sans hair, desperate to hold onto something as your body began to fill up with the electric feeling. he’s moving slowly, on purpose, his mouth felt so good but you knew he wouldn’t let you cum any time soon. your arms moved upwards, the ability to do anything right now was gone. san was moving up and down, giving as much lazy attention as he could to your dick. you subconsciously thrust into him, a small moan escaping you, and a snicker from san. the embarrassment was overwhelming. you covered your face with your hands, san reached up and forced them off your face. “please,” you whispered, blotchy red patches plastering your cheeks. san raised his head letting you fall out of his mouth. “no hiding hun, you want to be good don’t you?” you nodded, you felt light headed, san praising you made you drunk.”

sans hands once again grasped your hips, using maybe 1% of his strength he rolled you onto your stomach. when the movement stopped you grabbed the pillow that was once under your head and pulled it close to you for support. two large hands groped your butt, spreading your cheeks apart. before you could say anything, san was eating you out. his tongue was doing circles around your hole. you had no idea this could feel so good. light moans escaped you, each time his tongue made a movement it sent shivers up your spine. san was enjoying himself way too much. he couldn’t help but smile every time one of those angelic whimpers left your lips. he lifted away from you, his mind reeling from how pretty you were right now. you felt a large finger touch you gently, circling around slowly in anticipation. “you need to get ready hun, im going to help you ok~” his pointer finger entered you, pushing slowly deeper into you until he was down to the knuckles. “good boy~ you’re doing so good.” san started moving his finger in and out of you making sure you adjusted to him. “now 2.” you felt a second finger enter you making you yelp. it hurt a little but more than anything it felt amazing. his fingers left your lower half feeling limp. “ok 3 now puppy” his third finger forced its way inside. how were you already feeling so full and he was just using his fingers? san made sure you were feeling good, his beautiful prince losing his mind and he wasn’t even done with you yet.

san pulled his fingers out of you leaving you feeling empty. “do you want me to fuck you puppy?” his voice licked your ears, the lust that danced around each syllable was suffocating. “yes sir” you stuttered, that wasn’t enough though “sorry i didn’t hear you can you please speak up?” “yes sir!” you needed him in you now. “relax my prince ill go slow ok~” you felt the tip of sans cock touch your hole lightly, then it moved forwards up to your back, he was teasing you. “please put it in sir” desperation filled your mind. you felt the tip of sans cock touch your hole again, for a split second he left it there then pushed himself inside. you felt yourself stretch open, his tip taking up every millimeter of you, already? “good boy” san whispered sending shivers down your spine. he pushed a bit more making you gasp. how can someone be so huge. you turned to look too see if maybe you could figure out how much of him he’s pushed inside. barely anything?! your head started reeling, how were you going to be able to take all of that? it was setting in now just how massive san was. pushed more of his cock into you, until he was about half way down. “see, good boy, you’re taking me so well. were almost there you can do it.” the pillow you were holding onto was your only source of support, the fullness you were feeling combined with sans cock brushing against your g-spot had you lulled into a trance of sorts. the amount of pleasure your were already feeling. perfection. san pushed the final few cm in forcing you to whimper, “fuck~ you’re so tight.” he growled. san felt so good, it was almost as if you were made for him, for him to fuck, to claim. he started moving slowly, each stroke creating a bump in you stomach that tickled when it brushed against the “bed.” angels danced around in your head, it was like you were floating. every thrust sent you deeper into the angelic trance you were in. san picked up his pace, his hips hitting your ass more and more. he was building speed, he was going to use you how he wanted too.

sans breathing was staggered, the way you pulled him in was intoxicating, he knew he was making you feel good. he again picked the pace up, he was fucking you so fast turing your soft whimpers in to moans and yelps. this feeling of possession was getting overwhelming, it was primal. a spark ran through sans nervous system, he was turning, and fast. the staggered breathing quickened as he felt the fur grow from his arms. he was trying to resist the transformation as best he could, but what was the point? the urge to claim you, make you his was too strong, overwhelming.

you could feel sans changing form as he fucked you, it scared you a bit of course, the fear was exhilarating though. “faster” you moaned through shallow gasps. san obliged. his cock stretched you open, the way he fucked you was amazing. you felt two large fur covered hands pick you up and pull you towards his chest. as your back came into contact with his body, he held your arms to either side of you keeping himself deep inside of you. looking down you saw the bulge his cock created. the sight of it added to the numbness you felt in your sub spaced brain. again sans paced quickened, any mercy he had was gone. the pace san had assumed was building your edge, you didn’t know how much longer you could keep it in. the speed at which he fucked you was intense, every stroke hit your g-spot forcing you to leak rivers. the “bed” was soaked with both of you combined, your cock leaking everywhere and the pre cum that was filling you up pouring out of your ass. san started to lick your neck and shoulders, you're a sticky brain dead mess. his tongue was just as relentless as his thrusts were, every inch of your neck and shoulders weren’t left untouched.

the pressure building on your g-spot was getting to a boiling point, even as you came sans pace didn’t slow, he was in so deep. the overstimulation san was forcing on your g-spot was getting to be too much, but he didn’t stop. you were shaking, the bliss and pleasure building up after you came was like a flame, every part of your body was on fire. cum was still dripping out of you like a waterfall. a low snarl graced your ear, as you fell limp onto san. you couldn’t move, all you could do was whimper, tears now running down your face. the overstimulation you were going through could leave even the strongest soldier weak. it felt so good but bad at the same time, like hot wax running down your back.

an eruption was building in san. “you filthy whore, you’re gonna take all of it. your pathetic little body's mine, MINE.” though you couldn’t respond sans statements added to your messy mind. one last rough stroke and san released his kids inside you, as deep as he could manage. the amount of cum he relinquished filled you up to the brim, forcing the already large tummy bulge to grow even larger. you not only felt full but looked it too. sharp moans pierced the air as san pumped every last drop of cum he could into your tummy, finally marking you as his. still sensitive, san pulled out of you, finally letting the metaphorical gallons of cum to pour out. he continued to hold onto as he did so turning back to his human form. he continued to hold you close as you came back from your overstimulation high, rocking you back and forth in his arms. as you re-entered your normal state, a strong hand brushed away the hair that plastered your forehead and eye area. breathing heavily you looked up to see a very human-looking san smiling over you. “you were so good babe.” he gave you a kiss and proceeded to grab a clean part of the blanket you two were on to wipe you clean. “you enjoyed yourself, didn't you?” san said softly as he worked away at your pre cum covered face with the blanket. a little dazed, you nodded, holding his gaze. “good hun, are you hurt at all?” again you nodded, a soreness was now spreading down your legs from your ass, that had been obviously masked by your orgasm. “it’s ok baby, let’s go clean up and i’ll take care of you. how does that sound?” “good” you whispered letting your head fall onto his shoulder as he picked you up, cum still spilling out of you. after a nice shower of fire-heated water, the two of you were back at the entrance of the cave. you wrapped in a fresh blanket on sans lap and him sitting there shirtless with a fresh pair of sweatpants on. “i’ve said it a million times already but you did so good for me puppy, you looked so pretty.” even though you had heard san say this a hundred times since you two finished, it still made you giddy. he pet your hair and gave you a kiss on your head.

you’d never felt more safe in your life.

sannirio©

[fiveisnumber1]

Timeless - Five Hargreeves X Reader

Main story parts:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36

A/N: I know it's taken some time, but this chapter is finally here! Sorry for taking so long to update with a main chapter, two of my grandparents died, I had to quit my job because they kept leading me on about promoting me to full-time, and I had some really bad burnout from it all. I'm going to try my best to upload more frequently, but my chapters run pretty long so they still will take some time, but hopefully nothing crazy happens that pulls me away from this for that long again. I worked really hard to get this chapter done by the Hargreeves' birthday so I hope it's good! Thanks for understanding and I hope you enjoy! <3

______________________________________________________________

Pt 37 - Facing Your Mortality With Friends And Other Ways To Cope With The Inevitable

With a flash of bright blue, the sharp chill of cold wind whipped across Five and Lila as they arrived at their destination. Five looked around as frustration filled his system. All that the eye could see was a dark, snowy landscape. They botched it. They fucking botched it. And now he was stuck in a snowy wasteland with the last person he'd want to be around with no answers and a slim chance of getting back.

"Oh, brilliant idea, Lila!" Five remarked sarcastically, "Welcome to the Ice Age!"

Why? Why did he always have to jump back into some type of chaos when all he wanted was peace? He looked around before him for any sign that could give him an idea or clue on what to do. But all there was, was snow.

"Shut up and just look." Lila retorted

Five turned, finally looking behind him as he saw the dark, looming shape of a building across the snowy field.

"The Commission." He said under his breath "Shit."

With the briefcase still in his hand, Five began to walk as quickly as he could through the thick snow toward the building. Lila followed closely behind wrapping her jacket around her tighter to stave off the cold as she wondered how Five was not feeling the chill. The wind and snow were unrelenting as the pair arrived at what seemed to be the ruins of the Commission building. Frustration faded as concern now took over Five's brain. There were no lights, no sound, and no sign of life. The front door was broken in allowing Five to quickly step into the building, his eyes going wide as he saw the rubble and decay inside the main foyer. What happened here?

Walking in after him, Lila looked around at the remnants of what was once a very familiar building for her. Broken tile and dirt covered the floor and ruined furniture was scattered about the place as she glanced around the building's entrance.

"Holy shit. I was just here. How long was I bloody gone?" Lila asked aloud

"It seems the grandfather paradox is affecting everything." Five replied placing the briefcase on the ground "Even places out of time."

"Is that possible?" Lila questioned

"I stopped tracking what was possible a long time ago." Five commented back

As Five looked around once more, he nervously fiddled with the watch on his wrist. The one that you had gifted to him. He wondered where you were since he wasn't able to find you before leaving. He wondered what you were doing and if you were alright. He hoped that another wave hadn't hit and that you had someone around to take care of you while he was gone like Klaus or maybe Viktor since Diego seemed not to care since Stan showed up. Being here was leaving him with more questions than answers and he wanted nothing more than to get back to you as soon as possible. Seeing Lila move forward into the building, Five picked up the briefcase and began to follow her. But then the sound of something breaking could be heard as ceiling tile began to fall down from above. Both Five and Lila jumped back in time so as to not get hit, but this building felt more unsafe to be in at the moment. They needed to find answers and they needed to go.

"We better get moving." Five said as he walked toward the foyer staircase "I'll check the Infinite Switchboard."

"And I'll check Herb's office." Lila responded before commenting "Little cockroach would survive anything."

With the briefcase in hand, Five turned away from Lila and began to make his way up the steps heading toward the Infinite Switchboard when from down below he could hear as Lila called out,

"Bye."

"See ya." He replied curtly

"Miss you." Lila mentioned

While she couldn't see it as he was already too high on the staircase Five gave her a confused side-eye as he awkwardly stated,

"That's weird."

However, no response was returned to his comment and all that could be heard was the sound of her footsteps walking away. With a shrug of his shoulders, Five continued his journey to the switchboard. He had walked these halls plenty of times before but they were never this empty. There was always some type of hustle and bustle of the hundreds of workers that were employed here. Back then he hated it because he couldn't stand this place, what it stood for, or the power they held over him while he bided his time, but now it just felt eerie being so empty. The sounds of his footsteps echoed in the halls as he approached the room he was looking for. Entering the broken doorway, the lights in the room and on the machines were off and the windows on either side of the room were shattered into pieces. The cold wind and snow fell in from the outside as Five placed the briefcase down once more. Leaning over the switchboard he fiddled with a few of the knobs and dials managing to get one of the screens to illuminate.

"Okay. Okay. That's good." Five said to himself

It wasn't much, but it was a start. Tuning the large dial on the control panel a fuzzy image of Herb came into view and with a little more tuning the image became clear as a recording began to play.

"There's been a rip in the space-time continuum. It's swallowing everything." Herb explained, an urgent panic lacing his tone "Oh, my sweet Dot, Iris, Josh from accounting, they're all gone. I've tried everything! I don't know what else to do. The timeline is collapsing."

As Five watched the video, each word Herb spoke was more concerning than the last. The timeline itself wasn't just facing some unusual flux it was completely collapsing in on itself. The sounds of screaming could be heard in the background of the recording as Herb looked away for a moment before looking back. With a solemn face, he spoke his last words,

"This is... the end."

And as a flash of light came across the screen all that could be heard was the sound of Herb's painful screams before the switchboard screen went completely back. Five stood up from leaning over the board, a slight look of sadness could be seen in his reflection on one of the switchboard TV screens. As he placed his hands in his pockets, he took a moment to reflect on what he had just seen. The room was quiet but then from behind him he could hear Lila's voice call out,

"I could kill for some scrambled eggs right now."

"This is bigger than the timeline, Lila." Five said flatly

"What's bigger than the timeline?" She asked

"The entire universe." Five stated seriously turning to look at her, "The missing dogs, people... It's the opposite of the big bang. Instead of the universe expanding, it's now collapsing in on itself."

"Like a prolapsing rectum," Lila replied

Five blinked his eyes a few times both perplexed and disgusted by her statement. Technically, she wasn't wrong but what an unusual connection to make. Slightly disturbed, Five replied

"That's a weird analogy, but yeah."

"Here, then. This might give us some answers." Lila mentioned

Lifting up an old green book, Lila presented it to Five for him to look at. Taking the book from her, Five wiped off a thin layer of dust before reading the title on the cover,

"The master handbook."

"The one and only!" Lila commented as she sat on a nearby control panel

Flipping through the pages Five looked for anything that could be of use to the situation they were in. Things disappearing, waves of energy, grandfather paradox, really anything that could point them in the right direction. He quickly glanced at the words as they flew by on the pages only stopping to backtrack when he saw the bold letters spelling out EMERGENCY PROTOCOL. Flipping back to that page he scanned through finding something that seemed reasonably useful.

"Here we are. Okay, protocol." Five said as he began to read "In the unlikely case of the grandfather paradox, the founder and any essential personnel should-"

As he read Lila jumped up from her seat on a control panel quickly moving to his side as she leaned over the book. With a pencil in her hand, she pointed to the rest of the sentence finishing,

"...be immediately remanded to the operations bunker."

The two of them paused as they thought over the words they had just read. The master handbook was never really something of use to them because they were never upper-level enough to access it. They had both heard it referenced in passing before but it wasn't until now that they were actually looking at it. But even if the emergency protocol was giving them a helpful clue into what to do now, there were now even more questions to be had.

"The founder. What founder?" Lila asked

"I don't know." Five replied

As they stood in silence for a moment, once more part of the ceiling came crashing down. Placing a hand on her shoulder Five pushed Lila back as he took a step back himself. This place was falling apart by the minute and the last thing he needed was to be crushed under rubble. Again. He needed to find this founder, get his answers and get out of this decrepit structure before it came down on him before he could get back to you.

"We need to find that bunker..." Five stated

"ASAP." Five and Lila said in unison

"Jinx! A-B-C-1-2-3, personal padlock!" Lila exclaimed

Rolling his eyes, Five picked up the briefcase with one hand as he started to walk out of the room, now determined to find the bunker mentioned in the book. Lila following closely behind with a childish grin on her face at 'blocking' him from speaking. Trying to remind her of the seriousness of this investigation Five began to protest,

"Can you not-"

"You can't speak!" Lila shouted once more

Five let out an annoyed huff as he rolled his eyes once more. Whatever. The bunker is what mattered and that is what his goal was now. He only hoped that whatever you were doing was better than his situation.

And it was. You were surrounded by a peaceful blackness. Wherever you were right now, it was comfortable, you were cozy. The quiet of the dark void was soothing. This place, it was loving, it was safe. If it was possible, you would stay here forever surrounded by the comforting stillness of it all. However, that was not the case as a fit of shouting broke through your peaceful void. Quickly your eyes opened, as a voice yelled something but you couldn't quite make out the words.

You looked around at your surroundings. You were in Kenny's basement, laying across the couch. Sitting up you got a better lay of the land as you noticed Dean was sat upright fast asleep leaning against the front of the couch, his bow wrapped in his arms as if he was guarding you. Viktoria was in the corner of the room laying on the floor as she used her viola case as a pillow and a throw rug as a blanket. And then there was Bren, sprawled facedown and shirtless under the air hockey table. There was something written on his back but you could not tell what is said from where you were.

As the yelling from upstairs continued you could see the rest of your friends begin to groggily wake up. You all looked around at each other, sleep still in your eyes when words finally rang clear as Kenny shouted from upstairs,

"Are you guys shitting me?!"

"Well, this is sure to be interesting," Dean commented placing his bow down on the ground next to him as he stretched

"What's going on?" Bren asked groggily as he slid out from under the air hockey table

As he finally stood up, you could see ASSHOLE written across his back. You, Dean, and Viktoria all began to snicker at the sight only to be met with Bren's confused face as he turned around.

"What are you all laughing at?" He questioned

The three of you looked at each other for a moment before all of you released the laughter you were holding back. Bren looked at all of you even more confused before the shouting from upstairs pulled your attention as you all heard Kenny shout,

" Can't you two get intimate somewhere other than my bedroom!"

You stopped laughing as you all looked at each other with wide eyes. Jumping up from where she lay on the floor Viktoria ran towards the basement stairs as she called out behind her.

"Oh, I gotta know more!"

You, Dean, and Bren all looked at each other before bolting up the stairs after Viktoria and stopping on the first floor right at the bottom of the staircase leading upstairs. You all only stood there for a moment as you saw Lucas and Addison doing the walk of shame down the stairs. Their hair was both a mess, there were smudges of tinted lipgloss on Lucas' face and both of them were blushing profusely. Neither of them met your eyes as you all smirked and snickered with Dean going so far as to whistle at the pair. As they awkwardly stood off to the side away from the group Kenny came tromping down the staircase calling out,

"How dare you desecrate the sanctity of my bed chambers with your unfiltered hormones!"

You shot a look over to the pair.

"Did you guys-" You began to ask

"No! No!" Lucas exclaimed

"We were just making out!" Addison chimed in

"Pfft, making out." Kenny mocked before loudly complaining "You were eating each other's faces like wolves on a deer carcass. And in MY BED nonetheless."

"I don't get why you're so upset. You're like the resident slut of this group, shouldn't you be like pro-intimacy or something." Bren commented

"Listen while I appreciate being called the resident slut here, I don't appreciate having unwanted saliva and sweat on my pristine bamboo bedsheets." Kenny remarked back "And I'm not going to take any criticism from the guy whose back says asshole on it."

"My back says what?" Bren questioned attempting to look over his shoulder at his back

"Don't worry, he's lying," Dean interjected

Bren however was unsure of who to believe and continued to try and look at his back to see if something was written there. As he did so, Lucas piped up from the corner of the room,

"You could just have (Y/N) use her powers to remove any traces of us."

"No." You stated firmly

"Oh c'mon (Y/N)," Addison whined

You shot the pair a death glare. Something like this had happened before on a group camping trip where the pair had snuck far away from the campsite and back to the parking lot of the campground to Dean's backseat. However, unlike this case, things had escalated at that time. You were surprised Dean didn't kill them for desecrating Veronica when he found out but at his request, since you owed him a favor, you used your abilities to restore Veronica's backseat to its former state. It was gross. You couldn't look them in the eye for a good week, but it was fine because they couldn't look at you either. But from that day forward Dean implemented a new rule in his car and you implemented a new rule on what your friends can and cannot ask you to use your powers for. And this, while not as bad as that last incident, still fell under cannot.

"I did that shit once but never again." You strongly reaffirmed before looking at Kenny and stating "Kenny, stop being a baby and just wash your stupid sheets."

"Fine." Kenny grumbled, "But they owe me some type of favor."

"Yeah, that's fair." Addison replied

"Okay, deal," Lucas added "How about I start by making breakfast for everyone."

"I hope it's not a whole carton of scrambled eggs again." Viktoria quietly mentioned as Lucas walked away, "I couldn't even stand to look at eggs for like a month afterwards."

It seemed the small amount of tension that had been in the room had fully faded away as the group began to make their way toward Kenny's kitchen chattering about what you all should eat for breakfast. But as they walked ahead Dean pulled you odd to the side and asked,

"Can you help me grab something from my car?"

He sounded slightly nervous, but you had no clue why. Wanting to find out what was going on though you replied,

"Yeah, sure man."

You followed him to the front door, but as he opened it Bren asked from behind you,

"Where you guys going?" Bren asked

"Just out to the car to grab something, we'll be back." You replied

"Wait can someone please tell me if my back has something written on it?" Bren called out

But by that point, the front door was pretty much closed behind you two. It wasn't a far walk to Dean's car as it was parked in Kenny's driveway, but you could see more and more of Dean's nerves. He was rolling his shoulders back and flexing his hands whether he noticed it or not. As he stood in front of the driver's side door you could see him take a deep breath before turning to look at you. You stared at him waiting for him to say something but it seemed like nothing was coming. Trying to prompt him you inquired,

"So what do we need to grab?"

"Actually, I- um...I wanted to give you something." Dean replied softly

Your head tilted to the side as you looked at him slightly confused. You had no clue what he would want to give to you that would make him so nervous to do so. Your brother was like an open book to you just like you typically were to him so it was unusual to have him be nervous and you not know why.

"Oh?" You asked, "You do"

"Well yeah...y'know how last night I said I was going out to get food but it took a while for me to come back?" He asked back

"Yeah, I recall," You answered, "...Kind of."

You relatively recalled the night prior. There was Just Dance, karaoke, fanfiction reading, and overall fun. But things did get a little blurry with each drink you consumed. You could remember when Dean left to go get some fast food from a 24-hour diner but when he came back wasn't as clear.

"Well, it took me so long because actually, I made a bit of a side trip to get you some stuff that might help you feel a little better about everything."

You looked at him curious as to what he may have gotten you that would make you feel better but would also cause him to have such nerves. Perhaps he had somehow found Five and he was knocked out in the trunk of the car. That would make sense, but there's no way Dean would win a fight against Five. And even if he did, the minute Five came to he would just teleport out of the trunk. Besides that, you couldn't think of any grand gesture that might have him feeling this way, but you sure were willing to find out.

"So what are they?" You replied

"Oh right." Dean exclaimed as he realized he hadn't actually given you the items yet

You watched as Dean turned around and opened the driver's door to his car. He leaned over the center console and opened the glove compartment before pulling out some items. You could see the movement of him placing some of the items down on his driver's seat but you couldn't tell what they were yet since his body was blocking the view. As he turned back around though he extended a set of folders to you to take. Taking them into your hands, you smirked as you joked,

"You got me manila folders?"

"Look at the labels." He replied softly

You looked at Dean. There was a caring gentleness in his gaze and you could see saw the insistence on his face. Looking down at the labels on the folders, your smirk dropped. Your eyes slowly blinking in confusion as you read over the words again and again.

The labels had your parents' names on them.

Slowly, you looked back up at Dean and quietly asked,

"Dean what are these?"

"I wanted to get you something of your parents so I searched up articles about what happened and found out their names and the university they went to," Dean explained, "and so I may have broken in and stolen their old admissions and enrollment files."

"Their old university is like half an hour away Dean." You stated not fully believing this was real

"It's only ten minutes if you drive at 80 miles per hour." Dean replied before pointing at the folders and adding "The files have their applications including the essays, classes they were enrolled in, and their grades."

You looked down at the folders in disbelief before carefully opening them. You looked through your mother's first. Everything for her application was filled out in her beautiful cursive handwriting. She wrote so in-depth about why she wanted to major in both architecture and interior design. Why pursuing both for a future career was the best path for her. Why this school would be her perfect fit. You could almost hear her voice speak to you as you read her essay. It was familiar and comforting. And then there was your father's application. Besides the portions where things had to be written out, everything else was typed. You knew it was because his handwriting was just barely above chicken scratch, but when you looked over his essay you could see his sunny passion for the structural engineering work he wanted to do shine through. The warmth that your father exuded was just bursting off the page. You then flipped through the folders to look at their classes and enrollment profiles. Your dad of course had more courses listed as he was a year above your mom, but your mom was maxing out her credit limits every semester taking double what your dad would. And they were both exceptional students earning high marks in all their classes. How they managed all this work plus extracurriculars was astounding. Although you had managed to do the same for years so perhaps your family just had a knack for it. You lingered on the pages, your fingertips gliding over the words as if you were reaching out and feeling your parents for the first time in years.

"Your parents were really smart." Dean commented as he saw you look over their grades "Just like you."

You looked back up at Dean with tears beginning to form in your eyes. This was real. These were your parents. A part of them at least.

"Dean- I-" You tried to speak but you struggled to find the right words "This is incredible."

"Actually there's more," Dean responded,

"More?" You questioned

Although it had the inflection of a question, it was less of one and more so a request. A request for anything else he had. EVERYTHING else he had. You wanted it all. You wanted to see it, to read it, to feel it. You wanted to have and hold whatever tangible piece of your parents you could.

"Yeah." He answered, "As awful as your parents' deaths were they kind of got memorialized at the school and so I was able to take these."

You saw as Dean turned around once more and picked up the items he had put on the driver's seat. Turning back toward you he held out two things for you to take which you slowly reached out and took from him. In one hand there was a framed photo of your dad with a wide smile standing in front of the door to his old philanthropy fraternity house and in the other you held the Phi Kappa Theta yearbooks for 1988-1989 and 1989-1990.

"That's your dad's photo from when he was president of his fraternity and also the fraternity yearbooks. Your dad has more photos in the earlier yearbook, but there's a whole memorial section in the other one with pages from other members writing about how great your dad was. so I took both." Dean explained as he handed each item over "The fraternity was having a party so it was really easy to just uh- walk in and take stuff."

Before you could even begin to process how meaningful these were though, Dean added,

"And then for your mom, they actually had a little display for her in the architecture building so I got these photos too."

Carefully, you took the photos of your mom from him as well. There was one of her drawing a building plan, another of her putting together a miniture model of a designed interior, and then a picture from her time on the school dance team. Of course that had nothing to do with either of her majors, but it was nice to see that aspect of her reflected as well. You could vaguely remember your dad taking you to the sporting events where she would perform with her team. You two sat in the seats closest to the field and cheered her on, and when she was done performing she would meet you two on the event center concourse as you ran on your little legs to her shouting 'Mommy! Good job!' and 'I love you!'. It was bittersweet to remember those times but it was better than forgetting completely.

You looked at your parents' faces. They were familar, but different. Your parents weren't old when you disappeared, but you could see their youth reflected in the photos. They had smile lines and the beginnings of dark circles which you could only assume were the result of college all-nighters. You were older than they were in these photos. It was only by a few years, but something about it felt wrong. Children are supposed to outlive their parents, but not like this. You looked at the photos of your mom once more, your eyes lingering over every detail on her face. It was like looking in a mirror. Everything of hers was yours and everything of yours was hers.

"You look just like her, y'know." Dean commented

You looked back up at him, the corners of your lips turning slightly upward as you mused,

"Reading my mind again?"

"No, just stating the obvious." He replied

You looked back down at the photos of your mom once more, the corners of your mouth surprisingly staying in their upturned position. It was comforting to have someone tell you that you looked like her after so long of not hearing it. It meant that when you looked in the mirror, some part of her was looking back.

"Yeah...everyone always said that I was her carbon copy," You wistfully reminisced "Except for my smile. Everyone said I had my dad's smile."

Dean stepped away from the car and over to your side. Looking down at the photo of your father in front of his fraternity house he saw the smile he wore on his face. If someone had shown him the image of that smile and asked him to identify it, he almost certainly would've said it was yours. It was practically identical.

"I can see it." Dean recalled "When you smile it's the exact same."

You looked over at Dean who looked back at you with a kind smile on his face and slowly your smile reflected his own. You saw as Dean looked down at the photo he had handed you of your dad once more before looking back up at you again and commenting,

"Yeah, that's the same smile."

The words began to form in your mind on what you were going to say to thank him for such a gift but before they could even leave your mouth you saw as Dean's eyes shot wide and he recalled,

"Oh I almost forgot, this was in the display too."

Walking back over to the front seat of his car once more he grabbed what looked to be some type of spiral-bound book. Gesturing to the stuff in your hands, he carefully took the pile from you before handing you the item. As you finally got your eyes on it though, you finally recognized what it was.

"Mom's sketchbook..." You said under your breath

You traced the cursive of your mother's name written on the cover and the number one she printed below it. It was her first sketchbook. What should've been the first of many. Opening the front cover you slowly turned through the pages filled with different sketches of building plans and room interiors. It was a jumbled mix of rough drafts, doodles, and final works, some of which felt familiar as you realized they were the concepts your mother had adapted to fit the floor plans of your old home.

You recalled the way in which you would sit at the table with your mom over the years and just watch her draw in her sketchbooks. And when she was having a mental block she'd pass the sketchbook and pencil over to you and let you draw an idea of a building or a new concept for a room. And when you finished, she would always smile and thank you before flipping to the next page and turning your idea into a reality. When she didn't have any inspiration, you became her inspiration. And over the years, while you never became quite as good as your mom was, you developed a knack for drawing buildings and interior rooms too.

You flipped through the pages until you arrived at ones that were blank. Ones that should've been filled with ideas and drawings and eraser marks, but never would be. Slowly, you closed the book and you picked up the rest of the items that Dean had taken from you to hold. You stared at the pile as a bittersweet feeling washed over you. Gently, you held the items closer to you as you closed your eyes. A few streaks of tears rolled down your face as the water that had stayed in your waterline was forced out. You knew you were never going to see your parents again, but the items in your arms made them feel real and tangible in a way you hadn't felt in years. These items wouldn't change the fact that they were dead, or the fact that you never got to say goodbye, but they were much more healing of a keepsake compared to the newspaper clipping announcing their deaths. And for that reason alone, they were more than enough. You hugged the folders and books and photos tighter against your chest as if trying to send a message across time and space, life and death, that you loved them. You still loved them. You'd always love them.

There was a silence for a moment as you held the items in your arms, but then softly Dean spoke,

"I know it's not much and I'm sorry for kinda desecrating the memorials of them, but I just thought even if there's not that many days left, you still deserved something of them."

You looked over at him with a smile forming on your face. You couldn't care less about the mini memorials the university had. He had found and brought these items to you on the thought and hope that it would make you feel better. And it did. He took a risk just to make you happy. And he did. You didn't expect these items, but now they were yours and you'd never let them go.

"Dean besides the locket around my neck and my diary back at the hotel these are the most tangible pieces of my parents I've had in years." You replied "You don't how much this means to me."

A smile began to creep onto Dean's face as he realized he had succeeded in what he wanted to do. It was a risky decision that he made on a whim at like 3 a.m., but it was all worth it to see you just that little bit happier.

"That's good." Dean mentioned as he lifted up his hand "At least it means busting up my hand was worth it."

You looked at his left hand to see that it was bandaged around his knuckles with stains of dried blood on the gauze wrap.

"Oh my god, I didn't even notice that!" You exclaimed concerned "What did you do?"

"My lockpick broke so I uh- I had to break the glass of the display case your mom's stuff was in." Dean replied with a shrug "But hey uh- twins, am I right?"

You looked over at the pile of items he had given you down at your own bandaged left hand from the night before. While his gauze was a little more haphazardly done compared to the neat bandaging Kenny had done for you, they were both wrapped on the same hand in almost the exact same spot. When you called Dean your twin you didn't think it would also apply to matching injuries but here you were with fucked up hands all around.

"Huh yeah. Twins." You commented back, a smirk playing on your face

Throwing his left arm around your shoulder, Dean leaned you towards him as he placed a kiss on top of your head. He couldn't fix the world for you, but if he could do his best to make these last few days just a little better, then by the time the world ended he would be satisfied.

"C'mon, let's go see what's for breakfast." He suggested

Feeling your stomach slightly rumble, you nodded your head at the suggestion and the two of you turned to head back into the house. As you walked down the path back up to the stairs together, you looked over at Dean and said,

"You're an amazing brother."

Dean looked at you softly as he took in what you said. While he would never admit it out loud, he also would feel highly accomplished if, between him and Diego, he was deemed the better brother. The BEST brother. Of course, he would keep these feelings to himself out of respect for you, but amazing was pretty close to best and he was going to do his best to get there.

"I promised I'd take care of you." Dean responded cheerfully "I'm just doing my job."

As you walked back up the front stairs and into the house you could hear the sound of your friends conversing in the kitchen. Walking in with Dean, you saw as Kenny, Viktoria, and Addison sat around the kitchen table while Lucas had his back turned as he cooked something on the stove.

"Where did you two go?" Kenny asked

"Dean broke into my parents' old university and stole stuff of theirs for me to remember them by." You replied as you placed the items on the table

"Aww, that's sweet." Addison cooed before pointing at the images and questioning "Is that them?"

"Yeah, it is. My mom was 18 in those photos and my dad was between 19 and 20 in his." You explained pointing at each of your parents "Although there are probably some of him at 18 if you look in the yearbooks, I haven't had a chance to look yet."

Tilting the photos so they could see them better, your friends at the table took a look at the images. They had never actually seen a photo of your parents before. You would only talk about them openly on rare occasions and even then it was more so memories or facts about them rather than their appearance, so it was interesting to actually see what they looked like. However, as Kenny looked at the picture of your father, a smirk came to his face as he asked,

"Damn (Y/N), is your dad single?"

"No." You retorted unamused

"Is your mom single?" Viktoria chimed in

"No!" You exclaimed, "First of all, they're dead, and second of all they're married in the afterlife."

"How do you know?" Kenny questioned

"I just do!" You shouted back

Viktoria reached up a hand and patted your shoulder in an attempt to ease your annoyance as she stated,

"Calm down, we're just teasing."

You let out a frustrated sigh as you pulled out a chair and sat down at the table with the group. You pulled the pile of items Dean had gotten close to you as you took a moment to look through one of your dad's yearbooks. You listened as the group chatted about random events from the past before Addison broached the topic of 'what now?'

"So what do we do today?" She asked, "I mean the world is still ending, so how do we fill the time from now until doomsday?"

You looked up from the yearbook and saw the rest of your friends looking toward you for an answer. Carefully shutting the book, you placed it back on the pile with the rest of the items and gave your attention to your friends. But just because you were the smartest in the room didn't mean you always had an idea.

"Honestly, I don't know." You replied, "But I'll take any suggestions that don't end our existence earlier than a few days from now."

The group was silent for only a moment before the sound of Kenny clearing his throat could be heard. The rest of you turned your heads to look at him, and with a wide smile on his face he announced,

"I have a suggestion."

"Go on." Dean implored

"I just so happen to know of a very special boy who had an 18th birthday a few days ago, twice, but also it sucked, TWICE, so he should definitely get a do-over." Kenny explained enthusiastically, obviously insinuating that the very special boy was himself

"You want to go bowling again?" Viktoria asked confused

Kenny's face immediately contorted into a grimace of sorts as he retorted,

"What? No. I suck at bowling."

"Personally, I don't mind bowling." Dean chimed in

"Of course, you don't mind. You always win." Addison remarked

"It's not my fault you all can't keep up with my accuracy expertise." Dean bragged

"(Y/N) could." Viktoria mentioned

"Not without cheating." Dean jabbed

Turning your head to look at him, you shot him a displeased look. This had been a minor point of contention before, but he just couldn't seem to let it go.

"Uh excuse me ya dickhole, I have held my own in bowling without my powers on many occasions." You remarked

"Still cheated." Dean asserted

"I only cheated ONCE!" You loudly proclaimed "And it was because I was on my period and my ibuprofen wasn't working and I was upset because you were rubbing it in my face that you were winning. So really it was your fault I cheated at bowling."

"Stop talking about bowling!" Kenny interjected "We're talking about me getting a birthday do-over!"

"Why do you get a birthday do-over? My 18th birthday was a little over 2 weeks ago." Bren questioned

You saw as he stood there with an unpleasant look on his face, but it seemed he had finally managed to find his shirt. As the rest of the group turned to look at him though, Bren's eyes landed solely on Dean. Annoyance laced his tone as he mockingly commented,

"Thanks for lying to me Dean. My back did say asshole."

"I told you so." Kenny reminded

"Haha, yeah it did." Dean laughed

Lifting his hand up slightly, Bren smacked the back of Dean's head at his comment.

"Ow." Dean said as he rubbed the back of his head

Turning his back to the group, he lifted up the back of his shirt to show off where the word had been written. You saw that he had managed to scrub off both A-S-S on one side and the L-E on the other, but that left the unfortunate message of HO still there. Once again the group snickered at the message on his back causing Bren's face to contort into an even more annoyed expression.

"You're gonna help me get the rest of it off you prick," Bren demanded

"Alright ho." Dean teasingly joked

Rolling his eyes, Bren pulled down the back of his shirt as he finally took a seat at the kitchen table with the rest of the group. When he was fully seated, Kenny turned his attention toward him as he responded to Bren's prior question.

"To answer your question my dear Brennyboo," Kenny began

"Hate that nickname..." Bren mumbled

He said he hated it, but you all knew he didn't. The small smile he always tried to hide was a good indicator of his true feelings as Brennyboo was the earliest nickname Kenny ever gave him, so as much as he complained about it, everyone knew he actually loved it.

"I get a birthday do-over because my birthday is closest." Kenny finished

Things were quiet for a moment as everyone processed his reasoning. But as the words settled in, and the message was getting through, you all began to realize that his reasoning was kinda bullshit. Being the first to speak up, Dean replied,

"That's not fair. Viktoria and I's 18th birthday passed a while ago so we should be more qualified to get birthday do-overs."

"Well Lucas and I won't even get to see our 18th birthdays so I think we should actually get pre-emptive do-overs." Addison suggested

"Not to throw my hat in the ring, but I did have four birthdays without you guys which means four times the do-overs." You chimed in

You guys began to debate the logistics of who was the most qualified to have a do-over party. Granted, was it a very stupid and unnecessary debate? Yes. But by god were you going to die on this trash opinion of a hill? Also yes. Who would you be as a friend group if you weren't willing to die on the stupidest of hills every once in a while? But as you continued to debate each other, Lucas chimed in from over by the stove asking,

"What if we just all had a group party?"

The rest of you stopped for a moment before a collective of 'oh yeah's came from you all at the table. But with the debate laid to rest by the easiest and what should have been the most obvious answer, another question arose.

"Okay, but now we're back to square one of what do we do. If it's all our party who picks what happens." Addison asked

Confused looks came to the faces of those who sat around the table as you all tried to think of a solution that would work. But then, it was like a lightbulb came on in your head as an idea shot straight to the forefront of your mind. You just had to consult the ultimate decision-maker. Turning to Bren you inquired,

"Bren, do you still carry DND dice on you?"

"Yeah, of course." He replied matter-of-factly "I'm not THAT different from the last timeline."

"Hand me your d8." You requested, reaching out your hand

You watched as Bren dug through his pants pockets for a moment before pulling out a small drawstring bag and dumping out the set of seven dice on the table. Leaning in Bren looked over the dice trying to find the right one.

"Uh...percentile...no that's my d10..." He mumbled before exclaiming "Ah here it is! d8!"

Picking up the d8 die, he placed it in your hand as you brought it over to yourself. You rolled the die between your fingertips and for a moment you reminisced on the times you had played dnd with your friends. They were good times, but right now you needed the die to help you make a decision. You looked up and around at your group of friends, all of them looking back waiting for you to explain why you were asking for dice.

"As we all know, a d8 is numbered one through eight, and although I have never fully agreed with it, we all know what our numbers are." You explained holding up the die "I am going to roll this die and whoever's number it lands on gets to pick what we do. If it lands on 8, I'll roll it again. But no matter the outcome we follow the birthday rule that the answer is always yes. Okay?"

Looking around at everyone they either nodded their head at your explanation or verbally agreed to the terms you had laid out. With everyone's acknowledgment, you took that as your sign to roll. Shaking the die in your hand, you hoped for a reasonable outcome, but you would have to see what fate had in mine. Rather than it being the heart of the cards, it was the heart of the dice and the decision was in the hands of the dice gods now. Letting the die leave your hand you watched as it rolled on the table. You could feel the tension as everyone that sat around the table stared at it with the same intensity of a d20 death roll. Slowly the dice came to a stop and when it lay still you all leaned over the table to see the number on top.

Four.

A chorus of fucks and no rang out from most of you at the table as you realized this meant Kenny got to choose what you all were doing. The dice gods had turned their back on you and now you were dealing with the outcome.

"FUCK YEAH!" Kenny shouted as he jumped out of his seat excitedly "WE'RE SNEAKING INTO A CLUB AGAIN GANG!"

As Kenny began to take a victory lap around the kitchen table, Bren pointed down toward the die on the table as he scolded,

"That's it, you've failed me for the final time. You're going to dice jail."

As Bren shoved his dice back into the small drawstring bag and into his pocket again, the rest of the group sat back down, besides Lucas who had only chimed in once as he had been cooking the whole time. You all were slightly defeated but slowly came to accept the fact that the die rolled what it rolled and you just had to go with it.

"Okay fine, sure, whatever, we're sneaking into a club again." Addison mentioned "But might I remind that we don't even have clothes for that."

Looking at yourselves, you were reminded of the fact that you were all wearing the clothes you had on yesterday. Granted, you all could attempt to go home and get more clothes but that was risky and time-consuming. Both of which you weren't looking to do with the world ending so soon.

"We could go thrift shopping." Viktoria suggested

"Oooh thrifting!" Kenny exclaimed excitedly before adding "I need a new wardrobe, my current one isn't 'me' enough."

"I wouldn't mind doing that, I need more modern clothes anyway. Most of what I have is from the 60s." You added

"That dress doesn't look like it's from the 60s." Addison commented

"Well, I have it on loan from Sloane Hargreeves," You explained "aka Luther's girlfriend."

Still, by the stove, Lucas looked over his shoulder toward you and asked,

"If Luther becomes my dad, can she be my mom?"

"I don't see why not." You replied

"Hell yeah!" Lucas cheered before turning back to the stove

"Well if we have plans settled, then I guess we should head out." Dean stated

"Nuh-uh. Not without having some breakfast first!" Lucas replied as he finally turned away from the stove

You saw as he walked towards the table with a pan in hand. Placing it down on the table you saw a giant pan's worth of scrambled eggs sitting in front of you all. Like father, like son. Apparently, large portions of scrambled eggs were just built into the DNA of both Luther and Lucas. Honestly, it became more surprising how Lucas wasn't his son given the similarities. Nevertheless, none of you wanted to disappoint Lucas, given how hard he worked on making such a large pan, and so you grabbed some plates and forks from the kitchen before digging into the mountain of scrambled eggs.

It didn't take long for you all to feel either full or secretly disgusted by the amount of eggs you consumed. But with breakfast out of the way there was nothing else to do other than get your shoes on, grab the things you needed, and head out to the thrift store.

The drive wasn't a long one, but the city sure wasn't reminiscent of the one you had known. There were random items scattered all over the sidewalks and streets. Some businesses that you remembered to be popular were desolate and dark. Tow trucks could be seen on the roads pulling abandoned cars away and there were missing signs on every street corner. The people who were out and about either held flyers in their hands or looked around with unease as they walked. You couldn't blame them though, the world was in disarray and there was no explanation. Well, there was no explanation for them. For you and your friends, there was some comfort in the fact that you knew how and when it would end. There was no need to wonder what was going on because you already knew.

But still, you couldn't help but look at your friends for their reaction, but they had none. The boys were too occupied singing at the top of their lungs to How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty on the radio while the girls talked about the type of clothes they were hoping to find at the thrift store. None of them seemed to notice the world outside. They were all distracted by being with each other. You smiled a little before looking back out the window. You could only hope that you too would be able to become as distracted from the tragedy as they were.

As you arrived at the thrift store, you and your friends all exited Dean's car and walked to the entrance. This was your favorite of the local thrift stores to go to as all of you were always able to find something to take home when you came. You were slightly concerned that the place wasn't open given the lack of cars around, but with Lucas being able to open the front door with ease, it was maybe just a slow time for them. It was a Thursday at around 1 pm so probably not the busiest of times.

As you walked in with the rest of your friends you took a look around the place and noticed that it was filled to the brim with items. Clothes, furniture, books, music, movies. Anything and everything was there. Now that wasn't a surprise, all those items had been there the last time you came years ago. But it was the sheer volume of stuff that shocked you. The store itself wasn't large, but it also wasn't small either, so for it to be this full meant a lot of donations came their way, and you had some suspicions why. Nevertheless, you all started to make your way into the store. Addison quickly managed to grab both Lucas and Viktoria and drag them over to the women's clothing section, most likely to get their opinion on what she should wear. If she had four other hands she would've dragged the rest of the group with her too, but alas she only had two, and Lucas and Viktoria were the closest. Kenny and Bren slowly worked their way over to the media section leaving you and Dean near the front door. Glancing over at your brother, you wondered why he wasn't moving like the rest of the group and asked,

"You good?"

"Look over there." He mentioned tilting his head toward the corner of the store

You leaned forward slightly and peered around him to see what he saw. In the corner of the store were the cases by the cash register where jewelry or other valuable items were typically held. However, unlike normal, the cases were covered in cardboard with writing in Sharpie that read 'Broken glass. Do not remove.'

"The cases are broken." You stated

"It was probably a robbery." Dean suggested "Maybe we should look into it."

No, no, no. You weren't going to do this. It was not your responsibility to look into the petty crimes that were happening around the city. Sure, you all used to do so, and perhaps it may have been a bit of a pastime to "bring justice" to your hometown. But not now. As the black hole sucking up the earth progressed towards consuming time itself, things were going to get more chaotic. You had told Dean and the rest of your friends that you were not going to bother with saving the world anymore, you just wanted to have fun. And that included minor things like this. Was it a little selfish not to help? Maybe. But you weren't going to overextend yourself like you had before. You had 5 or 6 days left give or take and you were going to spend them how you wanted. This was better left to whatever was left of the police force in the city.

Even so, you saw the way that Dean looked at the broken cases and could feel the overwhelming sense of justice coming off him. But that was okay, you had a way to shut it down quickly.

"Pfft, you sound like Diego wanting to investigate." You mocked

Dean's head whipped toward you as a mix of shock and disgust resided on his face. How dare you compare him to that awful, uncool, stupid traitor, bad brother that he definitely never looked up to. He was nothing like him.

"Ha. Gotcha." You jabbed playfully

"That's not funny." He complained "I'm not like him."

"Oh, you're better?" You questioned sarcastically

"Uh yeah. I'm way better." Dean emphasized

You rolled your eyes at him and let out a little laugh. Whether he liked it or not he spent most of his formative years modeling himself after Diego and therefore had many similarities to him. Without Diego, he would've never taken up archery and perfected it to the extreme accuracy he had. You knew so given that he didn't do archery in this timeline before you made him remember you. But Dean was very ride-or-die when it came to you, especially after Diego and Eudora split. And if you were mad at Diego then he was going to be mad at Diego tenfold and there was nothing you could do about it. Except tease him of course. You had to get at least some entertainment out of his ego. Giving his shoulder a bit of a shove you picked up one of the reusable totes the shop kept by the door and began to walk over to where Bren and Kenny were.

"C'mon, you grump. Come look at shit with me." You teased

"I'm not a grump." Dean mumbled as he followed behind "You're just being mean to me."

Walking into the media section you looked around at all there was to offer. Shelves were lined with books, DVDs, and CDs while a line of crates were filled with records. You of course were only glancing over everything, but in a way, it felt nostalgic. You were surrounded by media you had lost to time by being stuck in the 60s and now here you were looking it over again. Slowly, you scanned the shelves hoping to find some stuff that you could watch, read, or listen to in the coming days. You knew that there wasn't much time left, and you probably couldn't do it all, but it was more so the memories from the first time you experienced them that you wanted to feel again. And if Five came back before you were all dead, and gave up on saving the world, then maybe you could share those things with him too. As you walked the DVD aisle with Dean, you ran a finger carefully over the back of each case making sure to read the titles correctly.

"Oh shit." Dean said aloud

You turned your head to look at him as he held some type of box set in his hands. Looking down at it he excitedly exclaimed,

"All four seasons of Big Time Rush on DVD?! Oh yeah, this is coming home with me."

"Nice find." You complimented as you opened the tote for him to place the set in

Continuing your search you pulled some DVDs off the shelves as well. Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Princess Bride, the complete Teen Titans series. But as you went along there were some more sentimental choices. You found a copy of the movie Cars and a DVD of the first Princess Diaries movie. You were genuinely pleased with your choices, recalling the good memories they had brought you, but right as you were about to turn the corner to go to the music section you were stopped by the sight of a very familiar superhero.

"Spider-Man." You whispered

As you took a closer look you realized it wasn't just Spider-Man. It was YOUR Spider-Man. Snatching the case off the shelf you looked at the cover intensely as you quickly read every word on the front,

"The Amazing Spider-Man Saga: Full Movie Set. Includes The Amazing Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and-"

You stopped.

It couldn't be.

This couldn't be real.

But the words were right there on the package.

"The. Amazing. Spider-Man. THREE?!" You slowly read aloud, emphasizing each word

Looking away from the DVD shelves, Dean looked at you and nonchalantly replied,

"Oh yeah, we got a third movie in this timeline."

"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THEY MADE A THIRD!" You yelled, genuinely appalled no one told you

"I don't think about Spider-Man the way you do so it didn't cross my mind." Dean replied shrugging his shoulders

"Unbelievable." You complained as you placed the box set into the tote bag

Walking around the corner away from the DVD aisle you ended up in the music section and saw Kenny and Bren browsing through the selection. Kenny stood looking through the shelves of CDs while Bren flipped through the boxes of records. This was always their strategy. One would look through the shelves of CDs for stuff either wanted while the other did the same with records. As you approached the pair you could hear Bren comment to Kenny,

"Damn, what teenager died and had all their shit donated?"

You winced for a moment at his comment. Whoever it was, all their things were now here in some thrift store. You couldn't imagine having your whole life, all the things you valued and cherished, just given away. Maybe it was because you had a tendency to cling to your sentimental items, but it just seemed wrong.

"I don't know. More stuff for us though." Kenny replied "Also I found Welcome To The Black Parade. Do have this one in this timeline?"

"I do. Try looking for Fall Out Boy, for some reason I didn't get their stuff this time." Bren replied "Also I found a Vance Joy record."

"Is it Dream Your Life Away?" Kenny asked

"Yeah." Bren stated

"Oh give me that one. That's my favorite and I don't have it this time around." Kenny eagerly replied

Your moment of pain subsided as you saw how happy the two of your friends were. You really needed to try and focus on being in the moment and not the overall picture. Every time you thought about the inevitability of the future it drove you a little mad and pulled you away from what mattered. Your friends. Deciding to walk over, you approached the pair and asked,

"Find any good stuff?"

"Yeah we've been finding some stuff we like," Bren answered "Speaking of good stuff though I found you some records."

"Oh really? What are they?" You asked intrigued

You watched as Bren pulled out two records from the small pile he had resting on top of one of the boxes next to him. Holding one up in each hand you recognized them immediately.

"Hozier!" You said excitedly "Holy shit, what a score."

Bren reached his hands out for you to take the records from him, which you did immediately. You had both of these albums in the first timeline, but they unfortunately got crushed when Viktor blew up the house. And then of course there was no time to go get new copies before the world ended and you ended up in the 60s. So to have both his self-titled album Hozier and Wasteland, Baby! was a major find. Looking up at Bren you pointed toward the Wasteland, Baby! album and asked,

"Didn't this one come out like a month ago? Why would someone get rid of it?"

"Maybe someone's uber-religious parents found out that Hozier's worship-sounding songs are about y'know- a different kind of worship." Dean commented from behind the group

You turned around to see Dean who seemed to have had a sour look on his face. He was so excited about finding the Big Time Rush box set only a few minutes ago that you wondered what could've brought his mood down so quickly. Nevertheless, you responded to his comment saying,

"Well, whatever the reason may be, they're mine now."

Dean nodded his head slightly before Bren turned his attention away from the records toward him and questioned,

"So where have you been?"

"In the DVD section looking for the Big Time Rush movie." Dean answered

"Did you find it?" Kenny inquired

"No. All I found was the One Direction movie..." Dean complained, annoyance and disappointment evident in his tone

Walking over to Dean, Kenny gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and opened to say something, but before any words could get out you could hear Addison's voice call out,

"What are you guys doing?"

Down the aisle of CDs and record crates, she stood there with a pile of clothing in her arms. Lucas and Viktoria stood close behind her with their own smaller piles of clothes in their arms as well. The three of them looked at you with confused looks as the other four of you looked back with confused looks of your own. There was a silence between the two confused groups before Addison reminded,

"We are here to get clothes for someone's idea of what a birthday party is. So maybe the people who don't have fabric in their hands should go and get some."

"A please would be nice." Dean remarked

"Go." Addison emphasized "Now."

There was a moment where you all tried to resist the convincing nature in which she said 'now', but like all other times she had pulled her weird mental manipulation it did not work and you all were convinced to go.

"Fine." Dean replied as he walked towards the men's section

Looking between Bren and Kenny, you gave them a shrug before putting the records Bren had found you into the tote and walking off to the women's section. Like you had mentioned at breakfast, besides an outfit to go out tonight, you needed to find some new clothes. Your clothes from the sixties were a few decades outdated and although you looked good in the clothes Sloane had lent you, you wanted your old closet back. You didn't need a lot of clothes, just enough to get you to the end of the world, but if the Hargreeves somehow managed to finally stop the apocalypse, then you'd probably come back for more. But that wasn't likely given that they'd have to stop a literal blackhole and their track record of working together wasn't great.

But that wasn't your problem!

As you searched the aisles you started to pick out items that resembled the style of clothing you used to wear and to be honest, it was quite comforting. It was like regaining a piece of yourself that you knew you couldn't be in the 60s. Of course, you were able to be a bit more of yourself when it was just you and Charlie, but it was still a whole different world than what you had grown up used to. When you were stuck in the 60s you needed to blend in as best as you could. You couldn't risk having the people around you find out the truth, so you had to hide a lot of who you were to keep yourself safe. Back in the present though, that wasn't the case. You were you, the you that you knew yourself to be, and these clothes were one step in the right direction to get back to that place fully. It didn't take all too long for you to find enough outfits to last you til the end of time, but right as you were about to start searching for what to wear tonight, Addison quickly approached you. You looked at her waiting for her to say something but instead, without a word, she grabbed onto your wrist and dragged you behind her.

"Addison, where are we going?" You asked confused

"I found something you need to try on." Addison emphasized

With her response and the direction in which you were being dragged, you could tell that she was taking you toward the dressing rooms of the shop. Addison on previous shopping trips had presented you with things she wanted you to try on, but never had she been so adamant that you NEEDED to try something. Her insistence concerned you a bit.

"Need?" You questioned aloud

Before she could respond to your statement though, the two of you stopped as you saw Kenny and Bren step out of some dressing rooms in highly contrasting outfits. Kenny was sporting an outfit that consisted completely of neon green articles of clothing. He had on a neon green mesh tank top, a neon green leather vest, neon green pants, and somehow both neon green bedazzled boots and a neon green bedazzled cowboy hat. How he found that much neon green to create the brightest, gaudiest outfit known to man was honestly impressive. Bren on the other hand went in the complete opposite direction sporting all-black attire. A black hooded leather jacket, plain black t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and his own black Converse. The two boys took a look at each other's outfits for a moment, to see what each other considered the perfect outfit.

"Dude, you look like a rave cowboy and a traffic cone had a baby." Bren commented

"Thank you, Prince of Darkness, that's what I was going for." Kenny replied

Bren smirked a little at the nickname. Of course, the little punk enthusiast of the group would enjoy being deemed the Prince of Darkness. Stepping around Bren, Kenny looked at the mirror on the wall outside of the dressing rooms admiring his striking outfit, but as he did so he could see you and Addison standing behind.

"Oh do one of you need a dressing room?" Kenny asked

"No, I'm good. I found the prettiest sparkly jumpsuit from the bridal section over there," Addison explained before adding "But she needs one."

"I'm not your personal Barbie doll, Addison." You interjected "If you want to play dress-up with someone why don't you grab your Ken doll of a boyfriend?"

"Because I'm done playing dress up with him. Lucas is going to wear an open, tan, short-sleeve button-up, with a white t-shirt underneath, and a nice pair of black, seven-inch inseam shorts with some white sneakers. He even got aviator glasses as an accessory," Addison explained "You however have no outfit."

At this point she was just being ridiculous about this whole thing. What was so important about this outfit anyway? Why was she practically dying over getting you to try it on? Trying to explain yourself, you began to reply,

"Well if you gave me the opportunity to pick-"

But you were quickly cut off.

"Will you just shush. I know what I'm doing," Addison interrupted before putting a ball of fabric in your hands and pushing you into a dressing room "Now put this on."

"But-" You tried to protest

"Put it on," Addison commanded "NOW."

You stared each other down as her command seeped into the farthest recesses of your brain. You didn't want to do what she said but something within you felt compelled to do so. You hated when she did this and how easily she would win. But the only way the feeling would subside is if you gave in. So you did, and relented,

"Fine."

Grabbing onto the clothing item she had put in your arms, you stepped back into the dressing room more and closed the curtain. Placing the tote bag from over your shoulder on the ground, you finally undid the ball of fabric in your arms to see what it was that Addison was so insistent you try on. Once the clothing item was fully unfolded, you held it up in front of you as you took a look at what it was.

"Oh no." You said aloud

"Oh yes!" Addison said excitedly from the other side of the curtain

The item that you held in your hands, the one your friend was so dead set on you wearing, was none other than a little black dress. Nevertheless, you said you would try it on and so you did. Slipping off the white dress Sloane had lent you to wear, you now put on the black one Addison insisted you try. As you suspected from looking at it, the fabric hugged tightly against your figure, but not in a way that was uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, the dress felt natural on you, like a second skin against your own. You also were a bit surprised with how supportive the dress was given the thinness of the spaghetti straps it had. Addison and you typically had different tastes, but this selection you kind of liked.

As much as you were beginning to like it though, you weren't fully sure of how it looked on you as there was no mirror in the dressing room. And how it looked was almost as important as how it felt. Therefore, the only way you were going to get the full scope of the dress was if you left the dressing room to use the mirror right outside. But that also meant you were going to get the full scope of your friends opinions on it too and your friends could be...unfiltered. You really didn't have a choice though if you wanted to see the dress in full and so after a moment of working up the courage you opened the curtain and stepped out.

Before you could say anything about the dress, you were immediately hit with the reactions of your friends. Kenny whistled that recognizable whistle to signify someone looked good towards you, while your other friends let the intrusive thoughts win when it came to their compliments.

"Damn (Y/N), if I wasn't straight nor your friend I'd ask you out." Addison mentioned

"Y'know what? I get why my ex-girlfriend was jealous of you now." Bren commented

"Nice tits!" Viktoria stated excitedly

You stared at them in disbelief. Why in the world did you choose these people to be your friends? Oh right, you didn't. They chose you and you loved them for it no matter how ridiculous they were.

"Thank you." You replied flatly as you playfully rolled your eyes

Walking past your friends, you stood in front of the mirror outside the dressing rooms and actually took a look at yourself, and honestly...

You looked hot.

Just as nicely as the dress felt, it looked even better on you. The fabric hugged you in all the right places, accentuating your figure in the best way. The hem of the dress went to right below your knee but the slit on the left side exposed your leg up to your mid-thigh. And although you would not acknowledge it verbally, Viktoria's comment was spot on. It was a really good dress on you. But there was one criticism you had with it.

"It's nice but I just don't feel like this is something I'd wear to a club..." You mentioned, turning to look at your friends, but specifically Addison "Don't get me wrong, it's really nice, but personally, I wouldn't pick it for a night out with friends."

You stood by the mirror waiting for Addison to protest your criticism but were surprised when instead she replied,

"You know what? You're right."

"I am?" You questioned

You were surprised by her admitting fault so easily. Granted, you were right about a lot of things a lot of the time, but you thought she would've at least tried to argue with you on it a little more given she was so adamant about this dress. However, the smirk on her face made you think that she still had some thoughts about it.

"Yeah. You're right, it's not something you'd wear on a night out," Addison explained before suggesting "But it would be perfect for a night in with Five."

Your jaw dropped slightly in disbelief. The audacity of this bitch. Of course, you meant that with love, but her desire to try and "assist" in other people's relationships was a flaw that she was continuously oblivious to. You knew this idea in her head was coming from a place of care. She just wanted you to be happy, but the ins and outs of your relationship were not something she needed to have a hand in.

"Oh my god. This was a ploy to play wingwoman?" You confoundedly stated before gesturing around "Like bestie- he's not even here."

"He'll be back." Kenny affirmed

"Oh yeah? How do you know?" You pressed

"Those bruises might've healed already, but his name was on your neck." Kenny elaborated "That's the work of a man who's coming back to finish what he started."

Turning your face towards the floor to hide it, you could feel a heat rise to your cheeks at the comment. And while he was correct in the fact that the marks on your neck from the night before had healed by this point, that didn't stop you from bringing your hands up to cover the sides of your neck. You weren't typically one to get flustered, but between trying to suppress thoughts about your boyfriend and the slight embarrassment at your inexperience in relationships you couldn't help but try to hide your reaction. All those years of teasing or making comments about your friends' relationships had finally come to bite you in the ass.

"Listen- while appreciate your attempt to- I guess- get me laid before the world ends-" You stuttered flustered before remarking "I can handle my own relationship without intervention from you all, thank you very much."

"Can you?" Bren asked

"Yes! I can!" You exclaimed just a little louder than speaking volume

The group stared at you with playful smirks on their faces as you walked over toward the dressing room you were just in and proclaimed,

"Now, I am going back into this dressing room and I am taking the dress off and actually finding something I want to wear tonight."

"But you're still gonna get the dress, right?" Addison asked

"No." You responded flatly trying to end the discussion

"But you have to!" Viktoria remarked

"(Y/N) pleaseeeeee," Addison begged

You closed your eyes and scrunched your face as you tried to get your thoughts and feelings in check. Why did your existence have to be so overwhelming in a variety of ways? Letting out a sigh, you replied,

"I'm still not wearing it tonight, but if I buy it will you all stop complaining?"

With wide smiles and collective nods of your friends' heads, you relented,

"Fineeeee,"

"Thank god you said yes," Kenny mentioned "My next threat was that I was gonna wear it and seduce your brother."

"Uh, no thanks." Dean replied as he walked up behind the group "If I were to date a dude you would not be on my list of choices."

"I meant her older brother," Kenny corrected before adding "You'd be lucky to get me."

"You're not my type!" Dean retorted "Also, you think sleeping with her older brother is a threat? That's a shame my guy. Have some self-respect. You're better than that."

See as you didn't want to be a part of this conversation nor the conversation that led up to this point anymore, you stepped back into the dressing room and as you closed the curtain you stated,

"Okay. I'm done. I'm going now. Goodbye."

With the curtain fully closed you slipped out of the dress you were tricked into and back into the one you were wearing before. Placing the black dress in your tote bag of stuff, you were still a little annoyed and flustered, but you couldn't be fully mad. It was a really good dress on you. But you still had no clue what type of event in the foreseeable future it would even make sense to wear it to. With your original clothes back on and all your stuff in your tote bag, you exited the dressing room and walked back over to the women's section to try and find something you actually would want to wear tonight. Something casual but also good enough to party in since Kenny had decided that's what you were doing. After a bit of searching you had managed to find a cute floral two-piece set to wear. The set was a warm cream color with a pattern of green tropical leaves and white flowers across both the short-sleeved blouse and shorts. As you placed the set into the tote bag, you could see Dean approaching.

"You find something for tonight?" He asked

"Yeah, I think this'll do." You replied gesturing to the set you had just placed in the bag "I'm going to head up to check out though."

"Okay. I think I'm going to try and see if I can find a pair of shoes to go with what I picked out." Dean replied holding up his clothes

In his hands were a pair of black dress pants and a silky, short-sleeve, maroon, button-up with a subtle rose pattern on it. The outfit he wore to prom was similar, but of course that had a suit jacket and a tie to it as well.

"I'll meet you up there soon." Dean added

"Alright, cool." You replied as you turned around and walked to the register

As you turned the corner and stepped out of the aisle, you caught view of the register by the broken glass cases. There was someone standing there talking to the employee behind the register. At first, you assumed that it was just another customer and so you stood off to the side waiting for them to go, but as you took the time to focus on the other person, it was as if time stopped. You recognized that voice. You recognized that face. You knew who that person in front of you was.

Eudora.

It had been years since you had seen her alive. And yet here she was, or at least a version of her was, living and breathing just as much as any other person. You could feel yourself becoming overwhelmed at all the emotions that were building up inside you. Disbelief. Joy. Confusion. Grief. Your brain felt overloaded and your body reacted as such. Tears built in your eyes that you tried your best to blink away. You balled your hands into fists to prevent them from shaking, but it only made the shaking more evident. The feeling in your chest went back and forth between clenching and feeling like it was about to explode.

And then she looked over at you. There was no semblance of recognition on her face. She didn't know who you were. But you knew her and you recognized the look of worry that she had. She turned to look at the cashier for a moment before turning back toward you and walking your way. You were still stuck in place, unable to move. She at you with such concern in her eyes as she spoke,

"Hi, I'm Detective Patch. I work with the city's police department. Are you okay? Do you need help?"

You looked at her. Really looked at her. It felt unreal to see her.

"It's you..." You whispered

"Huh?" She replied curiously

Why did you say that? What were you thinking? She doesn't know you. To her you look like some young girl on the brink of crying. You can only imagine what scenarios she thinks are going on right now, all of which would probably sound insanely more probable than the truth. You needed to pull yourself together.

"I'm sorry...you just look exactly like someone I know-" You said before correcting "Someone I knew."

"Knew?" She asked

"They- they passed away four years ago..." You replied quietly

You looked at her with tears ready to fall from your eyes. You never saw what had happened. Diego never mentioned it and you knew he would've never told you even if you asked. But the pain and the loss was still there. And while you had done some of your grieving in the 60s, this whole mess with Diego and Lila cut open that wound and filled it with salt. It hurt.

"Oh no. I'm so sorry." Eudora spoke before softly asking "Do you want a hug?"

And with those five words, the tears began to fall heavily from your eyes. Dropping your bag to the ground, you rushed to her and wrapped your arms tightly around her waist. You fought against your feelings as you tried to hold your cries in but it only helped to exacerbate the sobs. God how embarrassing it was to be physically and audibly sobbing in the middle of a thrift shop holding on to someone who just met you. But nothing in you was allowing you to let go. You felt as Eudora froze for a moment when you first hugged her, but quickly after she wrapped her arms around you too. As she held you, one of her hands ran gently through your hair as she attempted to soothe you. It felt the exact same as when she used to comfort you and as she held you, you let yourself believe this was your version.

"It's not fair..." You cried "I- I didn't even get to say g-goodbye..."

"No, that's not fair." Eudora comforted "You shouldn't have had to go through that, especially so young." It felt so relieving to hear her tell you that you shouldn't have gone through what you went through. To have her agree that it was unfair and painful. You had so many things you wished you could've said to her. So many things that your Eudora would never get to hear. But perhaps this one could. Pulling yourself together as best as you could, you took a step back and looked at her.

"I- I know this m-might sound awkward b-but can I-" You stuttered out "Can I say goodbye to you?"

"Sure," She replied gently "Go ahead." You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths as you tried to fully calm yourself. And when you felt ready enough you opened your eyes and spoke,

"You were an amazing woman and I miss you so much everyday. I miss the way you'd smile at me when you were proud and I miss the way you would get annoyed when I'd try to eat ice cream before dinner." As the memories came back though, your composure started to fail. The choking feeling in your throat started to return as did the tears in your eyes. You tried to push through the feelings as you continued,

"I miss seeing you in the crowd of all my achievements a-and the way you'd hold me when I was sad or scared. You helped raise me into the person I've become and it h-hurts to know that I never got a chance to thank you for that." It was too much though and your once confident voice was again reduced to sobbing stutters as you finished,

"I-I-I love you so much...I will n-never stop loving you and I swear I-I will never ever forget you." Eudora smiled at you. Gently, she pushed some hair that had fallen in your face behind your ear before wiping some of your tears away. Looking you in the eyes, she comfortingly stated,

"You seem like a lovely young woman and I'm sure that she loves you just as much and is so proud of you."

"I can only hope so." You replied quietly

"I know so." She responded You moved in to hug her once more. She was proud and she loved you. Even if she didn't realize the impact of what she had just said, it still meant so much to hear. You tried to pull yourself together, but it was so hard. You just loved her so much.

"Things are going to be, okay." She soothed "You're going to be okay."

It took a moment but you managed to calm yourself down. Stepping away was difficult but you couldn't hold on forever. She was Eudora but she wasn't yours. You couldn't keep her.

"Thank you." You sincerely stated

"If I only do one good thing today, then I'm glad that it could be to help you." She said with a smile before her face dropped slightly "But unfortunately, I need to go get back to work, there's a lot of trouble going on around this city."

"Yeah, I understand..." You quietly replied

"I know it's a bit of an ask, but you do think you can try and have a good rest of your day?" She questioned "For her and for me. I'm sure that neither of us would want you to be sad."

"I can try." You replied, trying to put on a brave face

"Good." She replied with a smile "Take care of yourself, okay?" You couldn't find the strength to speak so instead you opted to nod your head at her. She smiled once more at you although there was a tinge of sadness in her eyes. Giving you a nod back she said,

"Bye sweetie." And with that, you watched her walk away and out the front door of the building. She was gone, and there was a very high chance that was the last time you'd ever see her in person. At least she seemed happy.

"Goodbye Eudora..." You quietly replied You looked down at your hand and the item that was now in it. It was Eudora's detective ID. Was it wrong that you took it? Sure, but she had misplaced it so many times in the first timeline that you knew she would never think you took it. And if you couldn't get your Eudora back, you at least wanted something of her to remember her by. Her ID had a photo of her and just like in the original timeline, she had a smile on her face. She wasn't really supposed to smile in the picture but she was so happy that she had made detective that it was impossible for her to take one without it. It wasn't the same as having her, but it would suffice. You let out a sigh as you turned around and went back to pick up your tote bag. But as you looked at the space behind you, you could see all your friends standing there. They held their items in their hands, but there were sad and concerned looks upon all their faces. The group looked at Dean, who then stepped forward and began to ask,

"Are you-?" You put your hand up to stop him. He and the rest of your friends already knew the answer and this store was not the place to talk about it.

"Later." You stated flatly "Let's just pay and get out of here." Dean looked at you for a moment before looking back at the rest of the group. They looked between each other concern still on their faces, but none of them was going to be the one to press the issue right now. If you said later, then the answer was later. The group gave Dean small, cautious nods. Turning back to look at you, he quietly replied,

"Okay." The seven of you quietly went up to the cash register and paid for all of your items before leaving the store and getting back in the car. There were still a lot of hours in the day before the club would even be open, and so for now you all drove around in the car figuring out what to do next.

As you were carrying on with your day, Five was carrying on with his investigation to find the emergency bunker and this mysterious founder. For the past hour, he and Lila had been going through the entire building trying to find where the bunker could be. And with each passing minute, Five grew more and more annoyed with the situation. Besides having trouble locating where he was supposed to go, he was also subjected to the ramblings of the mad woman he was stuck with currently. Lila would announce whatever thought popped into her mind without thinking it through or caring about what it was she was saying. And because of that, Five had been subjected to a rant of how her back hurts, her thoughts on poultry farming, her craving for scrambled eggs, and a vivid description of his brother's performance in the bedroom. He felt like he was beginning to hit new lows in his life, which was surprising given how many lows he had experienced thus far.

In an attempt to ignore her, Five handed the briefcase over to her as he reopened the master handbook looking for more information on how to deal with an issue like the one they were facing. However, as he flipped through the pages there was nothing to be found. Continuously, he searched the book for anything but all he came up with was nothing. Five's pace quickened as a surge of frustrated anger welled within him. And as the pair rounded a corner and headed up the stairs Five burst out complaining,

"This is just like a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit. There's no clear directives in here about crisis management!"

Harshly closing the book Five looked around at where he was. The fucking commission. He wanted to distance himself from this place and his work here. He was supposed to retire. Doing what he did back in the 60s was supposed to be the end of it all. He thought he was free but look at him now. Right back where he started.

"You know, Lila, I shouldn't even be here. I was- I was out. I was done. And yet here I am, swept back into the chaos!" Five ranted angrily as he scratched the back of his neck "Why can't I just escape this hellhole?"

"Because you love it." Lila replied flatly

Making it to the top of the stairs, Five walked through the nearby doorway into the planetarium sector of the commission building. But as he turned back to address Lila's inaccurate remark he let out some unexpected gas. Forgetting what he was going to say and feeling slightly embarrassed all Five could come up with was,

"My bad."

Turning away, Five began to walk across the room scratching vigorously at the back of his neck once more. God, why did his neck itch so much? Had some of the debris that nearly fell on him have materials that caused irritation in them? Was the material of his shirt not comfortable and he didn't notice until now? Whatever it was he was going to keep scratching as with many of his other problems he wanted it to go away.

"Face it, Five, apocalypse problems are the only things that get your heart pumping." Lila remarked from behind him

That wasn't true. The only reason he got so worked up over apocalypses is because of the real thing that got his heart pumping. You. God forbid he'd want to keep you safe. Was it so difficult to understand that he did not want to be dealing with an apocalypse? That he was only doing this to protect the people he loved? That if he had a choice this is the last thing he'd want to do? It didn't make sense why most people thought he wanted this. Who would actively want the world to end? What he wanted was to do normal couple things with you and perhaps find a way to circumvent Klaus' continuous untimely intrusions.

"I don't know why people keep saying that. I don't actually like chaos. I don't want disorder." Five ranted before adding more softly "I... I want retirement. I want to be with (Y/N) and everything keeps getting in the way of that."

Lila rolled her eyes at the response. From what she knew of him, he had spent his entire life trying to solve and fight the apocalypse. He was the best agent during his time at the commission and he had dedicated all of his time during the past two catastrophes to fighting what was originally deemed to be the inevitable. And he was saying he wanted to retire? Bullshit. Five Hargreeves was not the type of person who would actually enjoy the day-to-day of civilian life.

"Yeah, right. A normal life of groceries and taxes? You would die of boredom." Lila scoffed

"I wouldn't." Five responded as he continued walking, "Not with her."

Lila didn't get it. For some reason, Five thought he could honestly give up the fast life for what? A 'happily ever after' with you? It seemed ridiculous. You were annoying, a smart-ass, rude, and a little sadistic. And he wanted a life with that? Sure he was a little bit of all of those things too but it was impossible to tell what he saw in you.

"What's so special about her anyway?" Lila questioned condescendingly

Five stopped walking as he heard the question come from Lila. Her tone was filled with copious amounts of judgment. It was as if the snark lingered in the air. Five didn't want to deal with many things right now, but snidely belittling his girlfriend shot its way to the top of his list. Turning to face her, his eyes narrowed on her as he firmly stated,

"You know Lila, I'm so tired of your attitude toward my girlfriend who you don't know."

"I think I know enough." Lila remarked

Five did not have a lot of patience for Lila to begin with but, throughout this whole endeavor, since they worked on the briefcase back at the hotel, she had been wearing down what he had left more and more. And this right here was the final straw. She could make her little comments about him, his motives, his past, and his family. But not you. Absolutely not you.

"You may like to think you know her, but you don't. You don't know her the way I know her. You don't know her the way Diego knows her. And you don't know her the way the rest of my family knows her." Five ranted "She was in our lives first. YOU are the outsider."

Lila's face contorted into a frown. So what did it matter if you came into their lives first? That meant nothing to her. It's not like she wanted to be part of the same group as you or anything.

"Pfft I don't want to be part of your weird family circle-jerk anyway." Lila scoffed "Like what's that even supposed to mean?"

"What that means is that you have no right to be condescending about her because you don't share history with my family like she does, okay? (Y/N) has a heart of gold. All she does is care for others. My siblings and I could be far worse than the dysfunctional mess we already are but were aren't because she came out of nowhere and changed the course of our lives." Five snapped back

Five rolled his shoulders back trying to reel in his demeanor before looking at Lila pointedly.

"For the better, might I add," Five continued "Something I can't quite say the same of you."

Lila crossed he arms over her chest and rolled her eyes at Five. What a brat he was. If he was trying to hit her where it hurt well...it wasn't working. It wasn't working at all and she was completely unfazed. She didn't care about you or Diego or the rest of the family AT ALL. And nothing Five was saying was going to change her mind.

"If this is your way of trying to get me to apologize or whatever, I'm not going to." Lila mentioned

"I don't want your apology, Lila. I want to be back home with (Y/N)." Five replied his annoyance growing again "She's kind, and smart and strong, and beautiful, and even after every one of my screwups, she still manages to love me."

"So? Who cares?" Lila replied

"I CARE!" Five shouted

Five's hand ran through his hair frustratedly as he began to pace back and forth. All of the feelings that he tried to keep below the surface so he could focus on the world began to bubble up and boil over. He hated all of this. This was not the life he wanted to live when he made the decision to jump to 2019 and stop the first apocalypse. He was fortunate enough to return to a young adult version of himself but he couldn't even do anything worth wild with it because he kept being dragged away. He couldn't stand it. It drove him crazy. Turning to face like Five began to rant,

"Can't you see I don't want to be here with you? I don't want to be here at all! I want to be with HER. I want to be able to love HER! She is the one and only reason I'm here trying to save the world, with YOU no less, because if she's not in it- if I-"

Five stopped. His face dropped as his thoughts changed from the anger of not getting to be with you to the fear and sadness of losing you. His eyes became glazed over as he looked off into the distance. The sound of you screaming in pain and the image of your lifeless body in his arms flashed across his mind causing him to visibly wince. He shut his eyes trying to shut the image and sound out but it was burned in there as a reminder of what happens when he fails.

Lila saw the change in Five's demeanor. She had never seen him this helpless. It confused her a little. He was always so stand-offish and acted like a know-it-all that she didn't even think it was in him to be vulnerable like this. Everyone had a weakness though and just like Diego was hers, you were Five's. She honestly felt a little bad for the guy. Not a lot but enough for her to approach him and try to grab his attention calling,

"Five?"

"If I lose her again..." He said, his voice strained and his eyes not meeting Lila's gaze "Then there's nothing in the world worth saving."

Lila's head cocked to the side. She heard what he had said but she was unsure if she was hearing him right.

"What are you saying?" Lila asked

"I'm saying I can't live without her again. No. I refuse to live without her." Five replied finally meeting her gaze "You wanted to know why she's so special Lila? It's because she is the only thing keeping me going. If I don't have my world, then there is no reason for there to be a world."

"What? You'd just let the world end if something happened to her?" Lila asked, slight concern in her tone

Five however didn't acknowledge the concern only the question. And that question had only one correct answer. The pain in his face washed away as a stoic expression took its place. Five's composure returned after his brief moment of weakness and in a steady tone, Five stated,

"Lila, I'd end it myself."

Lila silently blinked at him a few times. She definitely had heard him right the first time but the way he responded the second time sent a chill down her spine. She knew he meant what he said and she could see in his eyes the way he would scorch the earth if something happened to you. She didn't have to like you but it was in the best interest of both her and the rest of the world to make sure you stayed alive.

"But I don't know if you'd understand that because you're not exactly cut out for domestic bliss." Five said before turning around and walking towards the door on the opposite side of the room

Lila watched as he walked away before realizing what he had said. For a moment a sharp pain shot through her but quickly she pushed past it. Domestic bliss sounded so boring. Where was the fun in that? It was overrated and boring and the thought of it definitely made her want to puke.

"Course I'm bloody not. Thank God!" Lila shouted behind him

Following Five through the door, the two of them walked down a set of stairs into a dark hallway. Tipped-over filing cabinets and broken furniture littered the hall as they maneuvered their way around.

"I mean, maybe it's a tone thing? I don't know, but you could really work on, like, the way you speak. It's very... It's irritating." Lila commented as she followed behind "I'm just saying it's something you can work on, you know? For the future."

Five was not listening though as he spotted what they had come for up ahead. A sign that read Operations Bunker. A slight smile came to his face as he read it. He was getting closer to an answer. He was getting closer to fixing this and saving you. Noticing his smile, Lila asked,

"Why are you smiling, you little pisspot?"

"Cause of that." Five said gesturing to the sign

"Well, you could have led with that," Lila replied

The two of them looked at each other briefly before heading down the hall towards the door leading to where their answers may lie.

You and your friends however were on your way to sneak into one of the local clubs. After the incident you had in the thrift store, you all had driven around for a bit before deciding to go bowling at Super Star Lanes. It was of course a little odd being in the same place that you had last said goodbye to your friends before the world ended, but it also felt somewhat like a neutral ground. With some overpriced fries and lukewarm cans of soda, you finally let your friends comfort you from what had happened before as you all took turns bowling. Dean of course was in the lead, because he always was, but even so, you managed to have a nice time. Eudora asked you to have a good day and you were going to do so. Once, you had finished bowling and Dean inevitably won, you all hopped back in the car and headed back to Kenny's house to get ready.

All the clothes from the thrift store that could be thrown in the washer and dryer were, and for the ones that couldn't you used your powers to try and remove some of the grime that was probably in the fabric. When the washed clothes were dry though, you and the rest of your friends took to different rooms in the house to change into your outfits. As you stepped out of the guest room in the outfit you had picked from before, you saw Viktoria step out of the bathroom at the same time. She wore a flowy, long-sleeve, light blue blouse with a matching pair of flowy, light blue pants.

"Aw you look cute!" You complimented

"You do too!" she replied

Together the two of you walked downstairs to find everyone but Kenny waiting around. As you approached the group though, you took notice of the fact that Dean made the decision to keep the top 3 buttons of his shirt unbuttoned.

"What happened? Did you not pay for the rest of the buttons?" Viktoria asked sarcastically

"Ha-ha. You're so funny." Dean replied unamused "For your information, I happen to look good like this."

"Oh yeah," Viktoria stated sarcastically once more "I'm sure some lovely girl with parental issues will adore the distinct lack of chest hair."

Placing his hand over his chest, Dean looks shocked at her comment and looks to you for some backup, but instead, you turned your attention toward Bren and asked,

"Where's Kenny?"

"I don't know. Probably getting ready still." Bren answered, shrugging his shoulders "I'm his best friend, not his keeper."

"Are you sure about that?" You retorted

Bren looked at you before letting out a small sigh. He knew you were at least a little bit right. If he didn't keep track of Kenny then no one would. At least not to the same extent that is.

"I'll go get him." Bren stated as he walked back upstairs

From upstairs, you could hear Bren bang on a door and then say some words that you couldn't quite make out. However, whatever he said seemed to work as not even a minute later him and Kenny came back down the stairs. With the whole group together and ready to go, you headed out of Kenny's house and drive over to the club that you had snuck into back on Kenny's 16th birthday.

While the club wasn't in a bad part of the city, across the street and a few buildings over there was a very questionable bar nearby. The patrons there didn't take too kindly to anyone who wasn't white and the only reason you knew about it was that on occasion Diego would walk himself in there just to pick a fight with people. You wondered if Diego would head there again in this timeline, although you doubted it given he seemed so preoccupied with watching his "child". However, that didn't matter. You had no intention of worrying about Diego because it seemed he was having trouble worrying about you.

As you put your thoughts aside, Dean had finally stopped and parked the car on the street behind the club. Taking one quick look back at Kenny, you asked,

"You're sure this is what you want?"

"Yes." he answered confidently "My 16th birthday was the second most exciting day of my life. I want to relieve it."

"What was the first then?" Addison questioned

"My 18th birthday. I got to meet Klaus Hargreeves and we got shot at by time mercenaries. Very exciting." Kenny answered proudly

"Okay." You interjected "Let's just go before this conversation continues."

The rest of the group nodded their heads in agreement as you all stepped out of the car. The sound of pounding music could faintly be heard as you made your way to the back of the building. Up high on the wall, you all could see two small, rectangular, frosted glass windows. Although it was a while ago, you still could recognize these as the useless windows that were in the bathrooms of the club. The one on the left was shut, while the one on the right was open, and from inside it you could hear the sound of a few girl's voices seemingly giving someone a pep talk. You waited for a moment to hear the door open and shut before turning to your friends and quietly stating,

"We're going to do what we did last time. I'm going to check to see if the girl's bathroom is empty if it is. I will pull Viktoria, Addison, and Kenny through. Viktoria and Addison will go get us some booth or seating while Kenny is going to go into the men's bathroom and check if that is empty. If it's empty he's gonna jump and slap the window and I'll do the same thing for Dean, Lucas, and Bren. Then I show up and we're all together, got it?"

There was a cacophony of affirmations and head nods at your instructions.

"Good." You said before turning invisible and walking through the wall

Taking a look around the women's bathroom there was no one in the main area nor could you see any shoes on the floor inside the stalls. Seeing that the coast was clear you made yourself visible and stuck your arm through the bathroom wall you came through. You could feel as someone grabbed your hand and with a firm hold on them you pulled them through the way. Viktoria was the first to come through and after repeating the process twice both Addison and Kenny came in as well. You watched as the three of them walked out of the bathroom and with the door shut you went back outside the hang with the other three boys. It took a few minutes, but finally, the sound of Kenny's hand slapping the glass window came. And so one by one, you pushed the last three boys through the wall of the men's room.

With everyone else inside, you went invisible once more as walked through the wall into the women's bathroom. Instead of immediately becoming visible though, you walked through the bathroom door and over to the bar. Looking around you spotted the table where your friends sat and with the knowledge of where they were, you walked behind the bar and began to sneakily transport a few bottles of the high-shelf alcohol over. No one even knew you were there as you placed your hand on your choices and quickly made the bottles invisible. And after doing the same to a few glasses you floated them all over behind you before making them reappear on the table. While most would not consider it a point of pride, your ability to steal was beyond compare.

Your friends were slightly shocked at seeing the drinks appear but not surprised and within a few seconds of the drinks reappearing, so did you. Sitting down with the rest of your group, you began to let the drinks flow. Dean restrained from having too much to drink as he was the designated driver and he encouraged everyone to drink water like he was. And while most of the others relatively listened to his request, you felt less inclined to do so. You had a lot of up and down moments today and you wanted to take your mind off of them. And with each drink you consumed the more go with the flow you became. You were fine and it was just some harmless fun. You dragged your friends to the dance floor and as the music you loved and missed in the 60s played you were having the best time. The bass from the blasting music pounded through your system and for the first time since you found out that the world was ending, you felt good. You had your friends and you were having fun and all the drinks you were consuming were free. Time didn't matter and things literally couldn't be better.

As you continued to party though, things began to get a little fuzzy for you. You were aware of your surroundings, but things also became a little hazy. Maybe you were just tired from dancing. Deciding to take a seat for a bit, you started to walk back toward your group's table, but as you made it off the dance floor you could see a guy and girl off to the side. The guy was uncomfortably close, trying to offer her a drink while she continuously pushed it back. This couldn't be good. Turning on your heel, you walked over to the pair, putting yourself in between the two as you looked back at the girl and asked,

"Are you okay? Do you know this guy?"

"No. He's been following me for the past 20 minutes." The girl replied nervously "I've been trying to leave but he keeps following."

"Okay. You see the girl in the really sparkly jumpsuit and the guy that looks like a traffic cone over there," You say gesturing to the other side of the dance floor "Those are my friends and they can help you. I will deal with this creep."

The girl looked across the floor towards where Kenny and Addison stood before looking back at you. She hesitated for a moment, but as she did so the creepy guy grabbed at her wrist and tried to pull her toward him. And with that action, one of the "side effects" of your immense intoxication kicked in. When you got drunk, your impulse control typically lowered with each drink and right now it was at an all-time low. Without a second to think about it, you decked the guy right in his throat causing him to let go of the girl's wrist. You watched as she fled off across the place toward your friends but you had no intention to follow.

Instead, you turned back to the guy who was now doubled over and gasping for air and decided that one punch wasn't enough. There was no signal in your brain or body that this was a bad decision to make, but as so you turned away from making sure the girl got to your friends and back to him, he swung a fist up at you, upper-cutting your jaw.

You let your head lean back for a second as you could feel the impact still vibrating through your head and the taste of blood in your mouth from biting your cheek. Even if you weren't looking at him you could sense the smugness that seemed to radiate off of this guy. With your head still tilted back you began to laugh at the guy. He picked the wrong girl to fuck with and you were going to wipe his smugness away.

"What are you laughing at you bitch?" He demanded

Your head slowly tilted back down like that of a monster in a horror movie. A wide smile was on your face but the malice was evident in your eyes.

"You," you answered, your tone calm and collected "because you're going to die."

The guy looked at you disturbed for a moment before a flood of anger rushed through his system. The guy attempted to reach out and grab you, but instead he right through you. Quickly, you turned on your heel to look at him with that wide, creepy smile still on your face. He looked back at you confused but before he could rush you again, you took both of his hands in yours and used your powers to break them completely. Any bone that could break, did break. The guy dropped to his knees as he screamed in pain. Looking back up at you, the creep asked terrified,

"What are you?"

Your eyes began to glow a bright blue, and with that same malicious smile you stated ever so kindly,

"Karma."

While a sober version of you probably would've stopped at this point knowing that the guy was thoroughly terrified, currently you had no such restraint. And just like you had done to the Sparrows in your battle with them, you began to suck all the oxygen from this guy's body. Particle by particle, the guy began to wither and choke. The fear in his eyes was evident but as you continued, things started to get a little hazy. You shook your head a few times to try to clear things up, but it didn't do much to help and as you opened your eyes again you saw Dean standing in front of you with concern on his face. Looking down at the ground once more, you saw as the guy was beginning to crawl away as he gasped deeply for air. But before you could return to what you were doing, Dean grabbed ahold of your wrist and stated urgently,

"(Y/N). We need to go. NOW."

You looked around to see horrified faces on the people nearby where you were. Before you could react, he was already dragging you behind him as he ran through the crowded dance floor. But as your heart began to race, your vision began to blur. And as your friends ran out of an emergency with Dean dragging you along behind them, everything went black.

Following the corridors that ran underneath the Commission, Five and Lila made their way down an ever-winding series of hallways. It was quite tedious having to make their way to wherever this bunker was. Whoever this founder was, they sure didn't want anyone to find them unless it was absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, absolutely necessary was the situation they were in right now. The pair continued to walk until they were stopped by a sliding metal door. The sign above it read Operations Bunker, the same way that they had first seen leading this way. Five hoped that it was actually behind here and not another maze of hallways because he could feel himself getting thirsty from all the walking and with every step he could feel himself getting more and more paranoid. He didn't know why though. Nevertheless, Five grabbed onto the handle of the door and tried to pull, but god, it was heavy. Grabbing the handle with two hands instead, Five slowly managed to slide the door open, but once there was enough of a gap, Lila pushed her way past him curtly saying,

"Exsqueeze me."

Pushing his way through the door after her he replied annoyed,

"You're excused."

"Operations bunker," Lila said as she looked at the giant circular metal door

This had to be the place they were looking for, but as much as Five wanted to see for himself he couldn't focus because of all the itching he felt. His nails ran up and down the back of his neck as he leaned against the brick wall behind Lila, digging deeply as he tried to relieve the irritating sensation.

Stepping up closer to the door, Lila looked into the small darkened window. As she did so, a bright blue light shined and rotated in a clockwise motion scanning her. However, as the device beeped and the light faded away a loud buzzer sounded from the speaker above.

"We're screwed," Lila commented

"Unauthorized access." a robotic voice stated over the speaker

"Oh shit." Five replied as he continued to scratch his neck

Turning to look at Five for an idea of what to do next she noticed the state he was in. He paced back and forth, scratching the back of his head and neck as if his life depended on it. Loads of sweat covered his face giving it an uncomfortable shine under the dingy lighting.

"Jesus. You're sweating like a dodgy shrimp on ice. What's wrong?" She questioned

And with that question, something in Five clicked. The sweating, the thirst, the paranoia, and the occasional gas all started happening the minute they got close to this room. And the closer they made their way down the winding halls to where they were now, the worse it got. His eyes went wide as he quickly stepped forward towards the door and looked into the same opening that Lila had. The blue light, just as before, lit up and circled in a clockwise motion over Five's face before beeping. But instead of a loud buzzer over the speaker, it was instead a simple chime followed by the robot voice stating,

"Access granted."

"I guess you're essential personnel." Lila commented slightly disappointed

The two could hear the sound of the door unlocking before watching as it rolled off to the side allowing them to see into the room. The floor was all black tile that was clear enough it reflected the image of the room. The ceiling looked like it was entirely glass with lights behind it while the walls were made of all-white squares with light interspersed between every three rows. Immediately to their left, they could see three white globe-like seats with red insides that looked like they came from a 70's furniture catalog with a glass side table and white fur carpet to match. Bottles of alcohol sat on a serving tray on top of the table between the three chairs while a singular silver floor lamp stood behind in the corner. However, the main item of interest was some type of tube in the back of the room.

As Five and Lila stepped in, the lights on the ceiling became brighter, illuminating the entire room. The white walls and reflective floor making it that much brighter inside. But as Lila walked ahead and the door closed behind Five, he could feel his need to itch and his thirst and paranoia slip away.

As Lila looked in through the glass panels on the tube at who was supposed to be the founder of the commission, Five placed the briefcase and Master's handbook down on the side table.

"That's him, huh?" Five commented as he walked over toward Lila "The founder."

"Looks like tinned beef. I was expecting more man and less..." Lila stopped before tapping on the metal tube and commenting "...can.

Walking closer to the metal tube Five began to better see the man who lay on the table of the tube. The face stopped him in his tracks for a moment as his eyes went wide. Slowly, he inched closer and closer to the founder but as he stood next to them, Five's eyes blinked in confusion as he softly said,

"It can't be."

"What's wrong?" Lila asked

"It's me." Five replied quietly

This was him? The old, decrepit man being kept alive by some sort of commission contraption was him? There was a silent pause between the two of them before Lila broke out in laughter. She looked between the Five she was with and the one who lay on the table as she clapped in hysterics.

"No way. This whole time you've been complaining about the Commission, and you're the one who founded it. Classic." She snickered amused

"If I did, I have no memory of it." Five replied uneasily as he looked at his older self

"So here I was thinking you were a maverick, but you're a company man, down to the bone. I mean, you..." Lila continued to laugh "You literally cannot breathe without this place."

"Something's not right. I don't have paradox psychosis. I could feel it outside," Five said gesturing to the door before looking around the room "but in here, it's...nothing."

"Never were too bright, were we?" The sound of a rasping voice suggested

Both Five and Lila turned to look toward Founder Five as he looked back at the pair. His skin was wrinkled from years of age and his beard was long, gray, and unruly signifying no one had taken care of it in a while. The man on the table did not look well in the slightest. He looked like he was hanging by a thread in terms of his life left and with labored breathing, he continued to explain,

"The operations bunker is paradox-proof. I constructed it as a panic room in case of a collapse in the time continuum. In this room, all permutations of yourself can exist. You must be here because of a... Kugelblitz."

"Is that like a cheese blintz?" Lila asked confused

"It's German for ball of lightning." Five explained, "It's an extra kinky kind of black hole."

"The kind that can suck up entire timelines," Lila commented

"Or worse." Founder Five choked out

Five looked down at the ground. It was worse than just the timeline being sucked up. It was the kind of black hole that could cause strong energy disturbances. Granted any black hole that close would probably do so but this was on such a larger scale than that. Five felt like an idiot for not thinking of it as a possibility but at least now that he knew what it was he could finally figure out how to stop it. With a sense of renewed energy Five quickly asked,

"So, how do we fix it?"

"You don't." Founder Five replied raspily "You shouldn't have left."

"What?" Five questioned annoyed

Don't fix it? He shouldn't have left? That's ridiculous. Of course, he should fix it. He needed to fix it. He came all this way for answers on how to fix it! This didn't make sense. Out of all the people in the world to tell him not to fix it he never expected himself.

"No. If you created all of this, then you must have created a solution." Five snapped through gritted teeth

Founder Five coughed and gasped for air as he worked up the ability to reply to his younger self. Oh, how unaware he was. How easy it was for him to have a sense of purpose at this time. If only he knew what the future held and how painful it would be.

"All that will be left is...oblivion." Founder Five wheezed out

"Oblivion?" Lila asked leaning over the man, "What do you mean?"

With that question, the locks on the metal tube Founder Five was unlocked as the table he laid on slid out. Five and Lila looked at him in frustration and shock respectively. He looked frail and malnourished, his rib cage showing through his skin. And he was missing the lower part of his left arm.

"This is what you have coming. You are running out of time to change things." Founder Five said desperately

"Then tell me how to change it!" Five lashed out

"Go home." Founder Five answered weakly

Five had enough of this. He didn't know why this older version of himself was acting this way, but he wasn't going to tolerate it. Every second his older self spent beating around the bush about how to save the world was another minute he wasn't actively working on saving it. This version of him was being a prick and Five was tired of not having is answers he came so far for. Approaching the version of himself on the table, Five leaned in very close. With fire in his eyes and in a low, intimidating tone of voice, he ranted,

"Listen to me, you ass. I just spent the last 20 days running around saving the world from apocalypses, only to keep trying to save the world. I am losing my mind, my hormones are raging, and all I wanna do is go out and buy a 1970s Corvette Stingray that I can drive around in with my beautiful girlfriend."

For a moment, Founder Five's eyes went wide at the mention of you. And it was that quick action, that note of recognition that caught Five's attention and gave him an idea. If he wouldn't give the answer on how to save the world from destruction willingly then perhaps he would do so with a little emotional manipulation. Pulling out the Polaroid photo he had brought along with him from inside his jacket pocket he held it up in front of his older self's face.

"(Y/N)..." Founder Five whispered

"That's right, asshole. Look at her. Look at that beautiful woman. I had to leave her to bring my ass here to try and find out how to stop this thing. So if you love her the way I do, which if you're me then I KNOW you do, you will tell me how to stop this to save her!" Five yelled

There was a change in the man that lay on the table. Blinded by his anger and frustration, Five could not see it but Lila could. The minute young Five pulled out the photo of you, the light immediately disappeared from the eyes of the older Five. And although his face was mostly concealed by a long scruffy beard, it was easy to see the emotion that overwhelmed him, none of it positive. Lila could see slight tears form in his eyes as his chest began to heave. It was as if Five had broken through some type of barrier with his older self, but all it was doing was causing things to fall apart. Just minutes ago Five was expressing to her how if you didn't exist there would be no reason for him to go on, and now here lay an older version of him who looked so ready to let go seeing your face. Taking a step forward Lila reached out to put a hand on Five's shoulder as she commented,

"Take it easy on him, Five."

"Lila, this is between me and myself, so stay out of it." Five snapped at her before putting on a faux polite smile and adding "Thank you."

Turning back towards his older self, his anger didn't fade. Instead, it grew just as his frustration had been growing since the first time he had tried to fight against the end of the world. He wanted the cycle to be over. He came all this way for answers and by god he was going to get them.

"This Kugelblitz, it is not some tiny leak that we can simply fix by patching a couple of pinholes. It is a giant trash compactor that is grinding up the universe and consuming it whole. So tell me how you stop it!" Five shouted

"Whatever you do..." Founder Five began to choke out

The sound of the heart monitor began to beep rapidly and the sound of his breathing became ragged as Five and Lila watched in confusion.

"...don't save the world." He finished

For a moment the heart monitor beeped more rapidly before stopping altogether. The light of the room began to fade as the sound of the machines powering down could be heard. Five looked at his older self with wide eyes. He could feel his own heart begin to race at the sight before him. He still needed answers. Grabbing onto the metal of the table Five looked over the man who now lay still and hoping for some reaction pressed,

"What do you mean, don't save-"

But when none came, he shouted,

"Five! How do I fix this?"

Trying to cut short the inevitable realization that his older self had died, Lila placed two fingers on Founder Five's neck to try and find a pulse. As she expected though, there was none. Pulling her hand back, she knew she needed to rip off the and-aid and bluntly announced,

"He's dead, Five."

Dead? No. He couldn't be dead. This couldn't be happening. He- Five had survived so long it seemed impossible for him to die. And for him to die in such an unremarkable way? He had been through so much worse. So many other instances that could've killed him and yet they didn't. Not the terrible conditions of the apocalypse, not a bullet from a gunshot, not the end of the world. He just died. Of old age. Alone. Five looked on with a mix of sadness, and confusion, and fear. It felt almost impossible that this happened. His whole life it felt like he couldn't seem to die, not that he wanted to, but it didn't feel real. But there in front of him, another version of him lay dead. It was a lot to take in and he couldn't do this, at least not in front of Lila. He didn't meet her eye as he quietly asked,

"Can I have the room?"

"Er... I don't think I should leave you two alone." Lila responded

"Lila, I need the room." He emphasized

Lila stood there quietly for a moment. She didn't want to leave him, he had just witnessed himself die. That was a terrible thing to have hanging over you. She knew from experience watching the video of the handler shooting her over and over again. It still haunted her to see her lifeless body and that was through a screen on the infinite switchboard. It could only feel that much worse witnessing it in person. But as much as she thought it would be better to stay he would not be okay until she left, so without another word, she turned away and walked out the bunker door.

When the door finally closed once more Five let out a breath that he was holding in. His eyes turned up to the ceiling in an attempt to stop the water forming in his eyes from falling down. It took a moment, but with some semblance of composure he looked ahead once more mumbling under his breath,

"Son of a bitch."

Sadly, he looked over the corpse in front of him when he then noticed something on the chest of his older self. Stepping forward he quietly asked,

"What's this?"

Taking a closer look at it he saw it was a tattoo inked onto the skin. It was odd. He never saw himself as the type to get another tattoo, especially after how awful the first one was. But there was something about the odd symbol featured prominently on his chest that he felt he needed to look into. Pulling out the switchblade you had gifted him early he cut off the tattooed part of the skin to take with him.

Rolling up the cut-off skin, he placed it in the pocket inside of his jacket that didn't contain your photo. He knew it wasn't the best place to keep it, but he really didn't have any other option. Letting out a deep sigh, Five looked at the corpse of his older self. Wrinkled, alone, dead. Was this his future? And if it was why was it this way? What would cause him to spend the end of his life in as Lila described, a tin can surviving off of the place he despised most. He didn't understand but whatever this was, he couldn't let it be his future. He was going to change things this time. He had to. But as Five began to turn away, to leave this place and the sight of his lonely cadaver, he saw a glint of something.

Turning back to the body, he looked to try and spot what had caught his eye but with the main lights now mostly off it was a little more difficult. However, after a moment the emergency light caught just right and he could see the shine was coming from his older self's hand. Reaching out, Five opened the hand fully to find a key inside it. Picking up the item he inspected it closer. There was nothing too unusual about it. It looked just like any other key you would see for a house or safe or whatever except for one detail. On the part of the key that would not be inserted into a lock, there was an engravement, faded by time but still visible that read clé du monde.

Key to the world.

Five could feel a slight spark of hope reading the inscription. Key to the world. Maybe this would lead to the answers he was looking for. Perhaps his older self did not want to reveal how to stop the apocalypse with Lila around but knew he would find this with her gone. Looking away from the key, he searched for where this would go. If he had held onto this while stuck in this room then the lock it went to couldn't be far. As his eyes scanned the four walls he saw something different in the back corner, a cabinet with small frosted glass doors built into the wall. Leaving his older self's side he walked towards them and just as he expected he found a lock to slide the key in. Without hesitation, Five inserted the key into the lock and clicked it open with a single twist. Opening the doors, Five expected to find piles of documents, reports, or any information relating to a kugelblitz and how to stop it, but the sight he was met with caught him off guard.

Instead of information, he was met with a cabinet full of items related to you. As he looked about the cabinet he saw things he recognized instantly. On the lowest shelf sat your diary, the teddy bear he had given you on your friendaversary, and the music box he gifted for your 13th birthday. But as he continued to look at the items, he saw stuff that confused him. Sitting on the middle shelf were a watch and knife that looked exactly like the ones you had gifted him earlier. Lifting up his wrist he looked between the watch on the shelf and the one he currently wore before pulling the knife out of his pocket and looking at it too. Back and forth he inspected the items until he could no longer deny that they were the exact same.

Five's heartbeat began to pick up slightly. Why were these items here? Looking back to the middle shelf he then saw six distinct Polaroid photos. Grabbing at them he looked through them one by one, his heart sinking more and more as he realized they were the same photos from earlier today. Dropping the photos in shock, they scattered the floor below. His eyes darted across the objects as he tried to come up with some type of explanation, one that avoided the terrible thoughts forming in his mind. And as his eyes searched the cabinet for some type of rationale, he finally noticed an envelope taped to the inside of the door.

Snatching it off the door he immediately opened it. This had to have some explanation. Something that would elaborate on why these things were here, but surely not for the reason he thought. Pulling the paper inside out quickly he opened it up and began to scan the words on the page.

Dear Alternate Self,

I can only assume that it's you as I would never willingly let anyone else access this cabinet and especially since the rarest of people would be able to access this room to begin with. If you are reading this that means I must have finally been released from the torment that is my existence. As you know, these objects you find here are the most important in the universe. They are the key to the world. My world. Our world. I don't know if you will recognize each item yet, but I promise they hold more value than anything else. You may be confused, but they are the reason this building, this organization, exists. I built this place to fix my mistakes. To try and make things right this time. And this bunker was made to keep me safe from any apocalypse but more so these irreplaceable items safe from harm so they will never be lost to time the way I let her be.

Five's hands began to shake as he processed the words on the page. He could feel the fearful adrenaline course through his veins as he read over what his other self had written to him.

"No." Five said in disbelief

This couldn't be real. It couldn't be true. There had to be something else here. Something that negated all the words above. Something to make the letter a red herring of sorts. Quickly, his eyes ran down the page as he read on.

However, if by some chance the person reading this note is you my beloved (Y/N), probably as a version of you from a different timeline than my own, I want you to know how much I loved you. I didn't realize it then but I loved you from the minute I met you. I loved you every moment of my life. I loved you til your last breath. And I continue to love you every minute beyond that no matter how painful it is.

"God. Please. No." Five silently begged in the empty room

I have many regrets that I cannot fix, but my biggest is not asking you one very important question. But I won't because it's not my place to do so now. I failed you in my time, and I will never forgive myself for it. Although it may not make sense, I feel this, the Commission, is the only way now that I can hope to fix something. Although I'd still prefer to keep them forever safe here, you can take any of the items if you like. My physical and mental state have deteriorated more and more each day without you but I hope that by the time you are reading this, I'm with my version of you dancing together among the stars. It seems this world wasn't made for us to be together but perhaps the next one will be.

The shaking Five had felt in his hand spread to the rest of his body. His chest began to clench as his breathing became labored and erratic. It felt like the world was spinning. His legs shook under him as the weight of the grief overcoming him pulled him to the ground. His knees gave out as the letter and envelope both fell from his hands. But as the envelope hit the floor, he could hear the tiniest clink from it.

With his mind still in overdrive, he immediately snatched the envelope up and flipped it over, but as the item fell into his hand everything stopped. Time was frozen and for a second he forgot how to breathe as he stared at the pristine golden locket in his hand. He knew this was your locket. Not only because of the condition it was in but inside it held a very young picture of him. He recalled you explaining how you had cut it out of a newspaper article about the academy's missions. But he also knew that between this and the letter from his older self, his worst fears had come true. He failed somehow. And you died because of it. But it wasn't the locket itself that had made him stop.

It was the ring that hung on the chain that stopped him in his tracks.

Gently undoing the clasp of the necklace he slid the ring off the chain and held it in his other hand. It was perfect. The ring was made of a sturdy metal that wouldn't tarnish easily and the diamonds on it sparkled brightly even in the dimmer lighting. It was exactly how he had envisioned it. Exactly how his now-deceased self envisioned it. He was going to ask his version to marry him. But he didn't. He never got the chance.

However, the longer Five stared at the ring he could feel the temporary numbness wear off and his adrenaline return. He was going to change things. This scene before him was not going to be his future. He was not going to make the same mistakes as the man who died before him. He was going to save the world, he was going to keep you from harm, and he was going to change his future.

Picking himself up from the ground, he put the ring in his pocket before walking over to the body on the table. Placing the locket in the hand where he had first found the key, he slowly closed it, making a tight fist that would hold onto it forever. With one last look at his dead counterpart, he tried to push all the terrifying thoughts that wracked his mind out of his brain. Turning on his heel he made his way to the door worried about if you were currently safe but also determined to make things right this time. As the door to the bunker opened, Five grabbed the briefcase off the table before he quickly walked out and past Lila who was leaning against a wall.

"You good?" Lila called "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Get your powers warmed up." Five demanded as he continued walking "We need to find a power source and we need to go."

"A please would be nice, y'know." She remarked

"Now, Lila." Five snapped

"Fine, you little twat." Lila grumbled

Lila didn't know what had occurred in there while she was outside, but whatever it was, it was affecting Five greatly. Although annoyed, she let it slide. Everyone grieved differently and if he was going to be rude then she wasn't even going to try to help his feelings right now. Not that she really cared about his feelings. With a small huff, she began to follow behind him as they searched to find a power source to get home.

As for you, the sounds of the world started to come into focus just as your eyes adjusted to your surroundings. No longer was there the sound of pounding music and screams nor the sight of flashing neon lights. Instead, it was replaced with the dim shine of old lightbulbs, mild chatter, and old rock music. Your head felt heavy and as it tilted downward you saw you were sitting on a chair. The last thing you remembered, you weren't sitting down. Dean grabbed your wrist as you all fled the nightclub you snuck into after getting into a fight. Your head felt like it was spinning as you took in the surroundings. There was a dusty bar across the way and a pole dancer in the middle of the room you were in. A line of motorcycles sat in a row outside the building and as you forced your head to look up you saw a ceiling filled with metal rafters. Where were you? As your vision cleared fully and your head stopped pounding so much you managed to look around and see Viktoria standing next to you. Grabbing onto the fabric of her romper you tugged at it as best as you could to get her attention.

"Yeah?"

"Where are we, Vi?" You asked

"Remember how when we left City Hall we decided we wanted to do something that connected us together?" Viktoria asked

You went to City Hall? When? It was around 8 pm when you went to the club and you were there for some time so City Hall was definitely closed. Did you all break into a government building? Why? For what? What did you need to do in there that was so important it had to be done at the latest hours of the night? Confused and hoping for some elaboration you answered,

"No."

"Well, Kenny brought us here to this bar where they ask no questions and will tattoo minors since Lucas and Addi aren't 18 yet," Viktoria explained "So we're all getting matching tattoos. Thematically matching, at least."

That was not the elaboration you were hoping for. You were all getting tattoos? What were you getting tattoos of? What was the theme? What the fuck was going on? You had no clue where you were or how you got there. It was almost like time travel except for the fact that you could actually remember the times that you time traveled. If you could just get some clarity then maybe you would feel a little better about where you were now. Trying to understand the situation you asked,

"Did we just get here?"

"No, we've been here for a while now silly," Kenny commented placing a hand on your shoulder "Seems like someone had a bit too much to drink at the club, eh?"

You looked towards Kenny to shoot him a look but as you turned your head you saw an image on his wrist that extended up a part of his forearm. It was a skull surrounded by Red Spider Lily and Gomphrena flowers with two snakes coming out of the eye sockets twisting together like the Caduceus medicine symbol. The tattoo was wrapped in saran wrap with tape to stop it from opening. It was a little jarring seeing it since only a few hours ago he didn't have it but it looked cool as hell though.

"That's dope as fuck." You complimented pointing at the tattoo

"Thanks! The people who tat here might look scary but their art is beautiful." Kenny replied "I had a girl named Queenie do mine. She liked all the symbolism I told you about."

"Sorry, I don't recall." You said giving him an apologetic smile

"Ah shit, right." He replied before pointing at the image on his skin

"Red Spider Lilies symbolize death while Gomphrena has been known to symbolize immortality. The skull kinda adds to the life and death motif but the snakes intertwining are just for the health symbol because ima little medicine boy." Kenny explained

"Cool, so is it just you or did anyone else get tattooed yet?" You asked

Your friends, minus Kenny who had already clocked your semi-blackout state, all looked at you confused.

"Don't you remember Dean asking if you would hold his hand while he got tattooed because he felt a little nervous?" Addison inquired

"You make it sound like I was nervous because of the tattoo. I'm not a loser who is scared of needles." Dean interjected, "I was nervous because in the first timeline, I beat that guy in a street race when he challenged me and then he threatened to kill me when I won."

"Well, he doesn't know you in this timeline so you were fine," Addison remarked

"Yeah, well, having my super-powered sister made me feel a lot better." Dean replied back "The tattoo is dope though, I'll give him credit for that. But also we had a whole conversation with the guy about ways they could improve sunscreen to make it feel less gross when you apply it which I did find odd."

You held Dean's hand when he was getting his tattoo? And had a whole conversation about sunscreen? These felt like things you should've remembered but right now those memories were hazy at best. You could only hope that somehow your brain would move them from short to long-term memory so when you woke up tomorrow you would know what the hell has happened.

"Oh yeah, Axel has always been passionate about that." Kenny mentioned, "At least from what I recall the last time around."

"So how many of you have gotten your tattoos?" You asked

"All of us but you (Y/N)," Lucas answered holding out his wrist

On it, you saw what looked like a Grecian vase depicting Hercules slaying the Hydra. Between Kenny's tattoo and now Lucas' you were starting to get the theming that Viktoria didn't clearly mention earlier.

"Y'know I still think you're a coward for not letting Herc have a dick and balls," Dean commented

"How many times do I have to explain to you that you literally wouldn't see it from that angle!" Lucas exclaimed "And anyway it's MY tattoo on MY skin. If I don't want a dick on there, then there won't be one!"

"Lame," Kenny replied

"Oh fuck you guys," Lucas remarked

Dean and Kenny snickered with each other. You knew that their teasing was meaningless and based on the smirk that Lucas was trying to hide, he knew so too. Looking around you wanted to see what everyone else had gotten embedded into their skin.

"What about you guys?" You said gesturing between Dean, Addison, and Viktoria "What did you get?"

You could see Dean's eyes light up as he stepped in front of Addison and Viktoria and held his wrist out toward you stating loudly,

"I got this sick ass bow and arrow!"

He was correct. It was a sick ass bow and arrow that was overlaid on top of a circle target. And with your brother's reveal, you could definitely solidify the fact that the connecting theme the group was going for was tattoos symbolizing each of yourselves but more specifically your nicknames. Necrotic, Hercules, and now Marksman.

"Very cool, Dean." You said smiling before adding "Now can you please get out of the way of the girls."

"Fine." Dean huffed

Addison and Viktoria stepped forward as they held both their wrists out to you as well, albeit a little less aggressively than Dean just did. On Addison's, you saw three minimalist sparkles all in a row. It was simple, elegant, and a nice nod to her nickname Spotlight. And then on Viktoria there was a nice image of a viola with a small line of sheet music underneath. As you read them your hand instinctively moved as if you were playing the notes on the piano. D, A, G sharp, G. You stopped. You recognized those notes.

"Megalovania? Really?" You asked disappointed but unsurprised

"Yeah," Viktoria answered proudly

"Why?" You pressed

"I thought it was funny," She responded

You put your face in your hands for a moment as you laughed. Your friends could be so dumb but you loved it so much. And hey, if that's what she wanted to represent her nickname Sonata, so be it. As you looked around though you realized one of your friends was missing.

"Where's Bren?" You asked

"Right behind you!" Bren exclaimed, "I just finished my tattoo!"

"Congrats, you survived," Dean replied

"What did you get?" Lucas asked

"Nothing crazy. Just two whips, one above the other." Bren replied as he held up his wrist

The group looked at it, and while it was true that it was just two whips he failed to mention that the actually whippy part of each spiraled into cursive that spelled out half of his nickname. The top whip spelling out, well, whip, and the lower one spelling out lash. As you were about to compliment the creativity of Bren's tattoo though, The most stereotypical biker-looking man walked over with a woman and another man behind him. As he approached Kenny you could hear him say,

"Hey, Kid. Me, Jet, and Queenie are done. We wanna drink."

"But what about my friend, Axel?" Kenny questioned, "She's the only one of us left."

"And we gave you money for all of us!" Addison chimed in

"Stop your whining." The guy who you could only assume was Jet remarked "We might look shady to you from your ivory tower but fair is fair here. Your friend will get her ink."

You could see that Addison was slightly annoyed by the comment but kept her mouth shut. The last thing you all needed was for Addison's attitude to cause her to try doing some of her psychology shit here. As Lucas wrapped an arm around his girlfriend's waist to calm her down, the woman named Queenie stated,

"Yeah, we got another guy who just finished up and can take your friend. Down the hall, behind the employees-only door."

"Oh okay," Kenny said

"And Kid, don't ask me for anything else." Axel added

"Yeah, I won't." Kenny replied, "Enjoy your drinks."

With that, the three biker adults walked away from your group of friends and across the place to the bar. Your friends then turned to look at you.

"Alright (Y/N), you heard the man." Bren commented, "Down the hall and then behind the employees-only door."

"Um...okay I guess." You replied slowly standing up from your seat

You looked between the group and then down the hall toward the employees-only door. You weren't nervous to go get a tattoo but you also didn't quite know what to expect. When the Umbrellas had gotten their tattoos it was forced upon them and it seemed like they were all in pain when you found out about them. You still were a little hurt that Five made his siblings lie to you about their tattoos even existing because he knew it would upset you. But these tattoos were by choice, they were meaningful in a good way and it looked like everyone here did so well. But you couldn't remember anything up until recently so you couldn't be sure. Turning away from your friends you looked down the hall once more.

"Do you want me to come and hold your hand?" Dean asked placing a hand on your shoulder

You looked back over your shoulder at him. You could do this. Whatever hesitancy you had was nothing compared to all the things you had faced before. With a little more confidence you replied,

"No. I think I'll be okay."

Stepping forward, Dean pulled his hand off your shoulder and you began to walk down the hall to the door. From behind you, you could hear Viktoria call out,

"Ask for us if you need us!"

You looked back and nodded your head but continued on. As you walked your eyes shifted between all the people at the place you were at and while they gave you a passing glance they didn't really seem to care either. Making it to the door, you pushed it open and entered the room. As you did so you saw a chair to sit in, in the middle of the room but couldn't see the person who was supposed to tattoo you. Nevertheless, you walked toward the chair and sat down waiting for the person to show up. As you sat down, the metal of the seat squeaked followed by the sound of a door opening and closing behind you.

"What are you looking to get?" The voice asked as it approached

But as they stood beside you, you cocked your head to the side in confusion and quietly asked,

"Pogo?"

It had to be Pogo you had never seen another walking, talking, primate before. They looked exactly like him and sounded like him too. It had to be. You didn't speak as you processed your thoughts staring at him while he looked back. But after a moment you tried to explain,

"It's been so long I don't know if you recognize me but I'm-"

"Ms. (Y/N)," Pogo interjected taken aback

"Yeah." You replied quietly

Just as you were in disbelief so was Pogo. To him, you were like a legend more than you were real. Of course, he had remembered you briefly throughout his early days. You would read to him or play beautiful music on the piano. But more so he recalled you from all the times that Sir Hargreeves mentioned your name and the portrait that hung on the wall over the fireplace until it was switched after Master Benjamin's incident. It was impossible to forget who you were.

"So it was true then when Sir Hargreeves said you would come back one day?" Pogo questioned softly

You grimaced slightly at the question. You didn't like the way that Reginald had used you as some type of god to worship in an effort to control the Sparrows. How they had to work harder because you would come back and be better than them. Sure you were better than them, but the perspective he instilled in everyone was wrong. It wasn't who you were. But that wasn't the question you were asked though and so you stated,

"He's been wrong in many ways but in that instance, yes, he was correct."

Pogo looked at how your face contorted when he asked you about Sir Hargreeves. Even at his young age, he could remember sensing the placated animosity. All along you had known how awful Reginald was. If only he could've seen the truth sooner. However, feelings about Reginald aside, he wondered why you would be here at the bar of a notorious biker gang requesting a tattoo. You didn't seem the type.

"What are you doing in a place like this?" Pogo asked

"I could ask you the same thing." You replied

You never expected to see Pogo dressed in a leather jacket and jeans working as a tattoo artist for a biker gang. And yet here he was. You could see the way he now grimaced and his body tensed at the thought of whatever led him to be here.

"Sir Hargreeves and I had some disagreements over his treatment and training of the Sparrow Academy and when I voiced them he kicked me out. It was tough at first but I found a home here with the Mothers of Agony." Pogo explained, the resentment obvious in his tone

Once again Reginald Hargreeves was the sole cause for so many people's misery. He was like Ronald Reagan except instead of ruining an entire country he managed to ruin entire timelines with his actions.

"And yourself?" Pogo asked

You let out a deep sigh. Typically you told your story with such candor, and a level of humor in your tone as you explained every detail. But the story, your story, it wasn't funny. You only tried to make it sound funny because then you didn't have to deal with how awful it truly was. But you were tired of it now. So tired of the cycle of loss and misery and trying to rebuild your life. Could you not just fully be happy? Were you cursed to build your happiness back up only to have it come toppling down again?

"That bad, huh?" Pogo asked

"I won't bore you with the details as it's far too long and a bit too sad of a story to tell. But in short, I found out that a black hole is consuming the world, my boyfriend went god knows where with someone who was trying to kill him two days ago to try and stop the black hole, and everyone I loved has either died or left, minus those six kids outside this room." You explained sadly "And now I don't even know how I got here but I guess I'm here to shove ink into my skin in some meaningful way.

You saw as Pogo looked at you, although he looked like a hardened biker, that there was sadness and sympathy on his face. It was the exact same look that the Pogo you had grown up with gave you on occasion. Somehow there was a comfort in knowing that although the timeline was different he was still himself.

"I'm sorry that you've faced so much misfortune recently," Pogo said

"Same to you." You replied, "It seems like neither of us has expected to be where we are."

"Life will never be easy for those who are different, like us. No matter how green the grass may seem..." Pogo replied

He paused for a second, a grimace upon his face as he reflected back on his own life.

"...or how rose-tinted our glasses are." He continued "The best we can do is survive."

"I don't want to keep surviving. I want to live." You emphasized "But when I envision the future right now all I can see is well...a black hole."

You used to have plans for your life. Things to look forward to, things to work towards, things to hope for, but since the night at the consulate, your hope had been continuously dwindling. It was starting to feel reckless to hold onto hope especially since it was in such short supply. All you seemed to have to hold onto were the people you surrounded yourself with and even then some of them were harder to keep around than others. Leaning your head back on the headrest of the tattoo chair you looked blankly at the ceiling. But then you felt a gentle hand rest on top of your own. Looking over you saw that Pogo gave you a sympathetic look as he calmly stated,

"Dear child, as much as we want to, we will never know what comes next. The future will always be a dark void that we like to hang pretty pictures of what we're expecting in front of to stop it from scaring us."

"So what am I supposed to do?" You asked, "Just conscientiously object life itself?"

"No, you don't do that until you know in your heart it's the right option." Pogo replied, "Focus on what have now, not what you don't yet."

You stopped for a moment and thought about his words. He was right, all you could do was focus on what you had now. And that was your friends. It was already your intention to focus on them but the advice solidified it even more. You needed them and you were theirs because each other is all you had left in this world that was heading for the meat grinder.

"Thanks, Pogo." You thanked quietly

"You know Ms. (Y/N), even though I was young, I still remember how kind you always were. Your love is your strength and I only hope you don't let what you've faced take that away from you." Pogo stated "I already watched the Sparrows lose much of their light to this world and what it put them through. It would pain me greatly to find you facing the same fate."

You gave him a small smile, one that was reminiscent of acknowledging an old friend even though you didn't have much in common anymore. That knowing smile that someone cared even if they didn't play a major role in your life anymore.

"I'll give it my best as long as you promise me you'll do the same." You answered

"Then I'll give it my best too, Ms. (Y/N)," Pogo replied, his small smile reflecting yours "Now, you came here for a tattoo so the least I can do is give you one. It is my current profession after all."

"Oh, right," You said surprised

You had almost forgotten that was the reason you were here in the first place. You and your friends were all getting spontaneous thematic tattoos. As you watched him start to fully set up his equipment you thought about what you would want. Everyone had their tattoo related to their nickname but you wanted it to mean more than just that. As Pogo finished setting up his equipment he turned his attention back to you as he asked,

"Do you have anything particular in mind or just a concept?"

"I do think have an idea," You replied "Do you have something I can draw it with?"

Pogo nodded as he pulled out a small notebook and pen before handing it over to you. You were still a little tipsy from the events of the night thus far but you managed to draw down your idea. Although, not as neat as you would've liked. Handing the notebook and pen back to him you gestured to the drawing and said,

"That, but with y'know with crisper, neater line work."

"Of course. It's an interesting drawing," Pogo commented "Does it have meaning?"

"Yeah. A lot." You softly answered before asking "Can you do it?"

"Of course, I can Ms. (Y/N)," Pogo replied confidently

"Let's get started then." You said

Sitting back in the chair, you looked at your left wrist where for years no image had been placed upon it, not even a drawing in Sharpie. Somehow every time you thought about the possibility of getting a tattoo your mind went right back to all the Hargreeves and the idea turned you off. But now you realized that you didn't like their tattoos because they were kids and didn't have a choice. It was like an impersonal branding that was shoved into their skin against their will. But you, you had a choice and the image you chose had meaning. You loved the Hargreeves but this was different. You were different. And the drawing actually stood for something good. Something personal and filled with love. You looked at the blank skin one last time as the tattoo needle pressed into your wrist leaving the beginnings of your image. It didn't hurt, maybe because your senses were already a little numb or maybe because you weren't afraid. Either way, the vibration of the machine felt neutral and so you closed your eyes and let Pogo do his work as you let your hesitations fade away.

Darkness turned into clarity as you blinked your eyes rapidly to focus on what was happening. You could feel the wind blowing in your face as some of your hair brushed against your skin. The sounds of your friends' joyful screams and shouts echoed around you as you looked around. With a large smile on his face, Dean was flooring the car down an empty backroad loudly complimenting his car Veronica for how fast she was going. Kenny and Bren shouted happily as they both leaned themselves out of the back left window. Lucas and Addison were making out as if the world was ending which, you had no problem with because it was. And Viktoria was laughing like a maniac even though it looked like she was about to be sick. You smiled as you took in the sights and sounds of your friends. They were so happy. You all were so happy together.

As you looked around you looked down at your wrist to see the tattoo you had drawn on the paper for Pogo now embedded into your skin. You remembered the needle pressing into your skin but after that, it became a blur. You couldn't remember anything else you might have talked about. You couldn't remember if you thanked him. If you said goodbye and gave him a hug. If you told him that he mattered to you still and for him to be safe.

You hoped you did.

Looking at the image, it was a circle with two smaller circles intersecting it on either side kind of like a Venn diagram. The large middle circle had eight equally distant lines sticking out of it with the two lines at the 9 and 3 positions going through the side circles cutting them in two. The three interlocking circles were reminiscent of a three-ring circus a reference to your nickname Ringmaster the way the others had gotten tattoos representing their nicknames.

But the tattoo had more meaning than that as each part represented someone in your life. The large circle in the center was you. The two intersecting circles on the sides represented your parents while the four smaller sections within those circles represented both Umbrella Academy Grace and 1960s Grace, and Eudora with a spot left open that you were unsure if you were going to assign yet or not. You were still working on those feelings. And then there were the 8 lines. ^ represented the friends you were with now, one was for Charlie, and the last was for Five. Although you hoped one day that perhaps the lines could also represent the seven umbrellas plus yourself. But that didn't seem likely and you were far happier with the thought process you had now.

You were happy now.

Overall, things weren't perfect. There was a lot that was wrong both with you and the world. But that didn't matter because at least the moments you were in right now were perfect and you wouldn't change them in the slightest. And so you were happy.

You had no clue what was going on at this point but honestly, it didn't matter. You were with your friends and you only hoped that these last five days of existence with them would feel like a lifetime.

______________________________________________________________

Taglist: @xplrreylo @joebob15274 @insatiable-ivy @fruitsaladtree @angelpeachamber @academy-umbrella @lizziel1410 @ir3neeee @faith-quake @aliens-with-colas @sunsetcurve-1995 @lady-celeste25 @im-dead-and-hurting @nerdypinupcrystal @cherry-ki-d @anapocalypseinmymind @vicassa @2cuteforyourlies @taylorsmakingfuckingmacandcheese @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson @shadowycreationcupcake @emily-hargreeves @metor-showers1994 @fivehargreevesforthewin @rinko-san @supernovavision @cicilisthebest @flickbix @hi-v-juice @magykal-777 @zosiaduda @thethirdwheelfriend @mysticracoon @isnt-it-loverly @officiallydarkgeek @lady1505 @always-the-very-worst @tinypandagirl @libidinexx @lemongrabbuns @itwasallred @deadandoverit @shlokage @keksi249 @theoriginalkat @we-stan-fiction @bi-idiot-fanfics @annnagennnie @izzyjojo4 @megasimpleplan4ever @flowertoty @grabthemoneyandletsgo @itsametaphorbriansblog @vanillacaramelhoney @satvaldiva @disaster-magician @margotsfandoms @emily-b-m @bluechildrenlickmytoes @soft-slytherin-sweetie @oceanspray5 @im-here-for-fanfics @thebloodrobin @freestarlight @starcurrent @lilacs-lavender @moatsnow @give-the-boy-a-hug @narikyuwu @whenyouregrungeaff @gabriella-aesthetic @xxtwizztedxx @instabull @emma-jopeth @justsomecreaturewandering @wifeofcamillamacaulay

[amethystina]

Oh man!! The latest chapter!!! The angst was angsting, pain was paining, heart is wrenching, tear is falling, it was soooo mean, but do it again!!!

It was the longest chapter and ironically the most painful chapter as well. Have I said how much I love slow burn and angst and this fic hits home everytime?? Likeee woah I just LOVE how this fic is LOOONG , nowhere near close bc that means I get me read it longer lol.

And I feel like I would never be able to appreciate how much hard work you put in Who Holds the Devil.

I am guessing it is now Ga On's turn to pursue Yohan and Oh man I can already imagine how much he is gonna suffer while doing it 😭 or maybe not (bc he tends to be pretty straightforward at times and impulsive as well) but I believe it's gonna be pretty hard bc Gaon has so much shit to get together and Yohan, my man, already gave up (poor him) so gaon trying to persue him or rather seduce his sugar daddy would look very suspicious to him. Nevertheless I am exited to see Gaon try and miserably, comically and hilariously half fail bc he will succeed eventually as Yohan is too much of a loser for Gaon lol. I am excited for future chapters and definitely wouldn't complain about more angst lol.

It was necessary for this to happen, otherwise the story would go nowhere and most importantly Gaon and Yohan would go nowhere, their problems will never be solved. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is crucial to develop in life BUT I would hate it if it happens to me, hope I will be able to get my shits together before that happens ( or maybe it already happened but I am not relizing it or not acknowledging it much like gaon but he is better than me ngl at least he has the courage)

This became a rant about me naur 😭

Lastly I hope you have a great day and things work out for you 💕

Also idk if it's your cup of tea but My Happy Ending kdrama is sooo good and worth giving it a try. It's a psychological suspense drama hehe. I am soo invested in it nowadays so couldn't help recommending you as well 💫

It was a painful chapter, yeah. And I'm both relieved and heartbroken to finally have it out there. As someone who doesn't actually like angst, this chapter was a struggle in more than one way. But it's necessary if I want their relationship to move forward, so here we are.

At this point, writing Who Holds the Devil has sort of turned into a second job, not going to lie. I still enjoy it, make no mistake, but I have to plan all of my other hobbies around it since I feel an obligation to post somewhat regularly. Like, I've been postponing drawing for the past two weeks because I wanted to get this chapter out (that's how long it took to edit, yes) but drawing is the thing that helps the most with my depression symptoms (that have made an unwanted reappearance due to my burnout), so I've been struggling quite a bit. And now all I want to do is draw for a couple of days.

So yeah. I can't lie and say it's not a lot of work, both in terms of planning, writing, editing, etc., but also how it affects the rest of my life. BUT I just love it too much to give up on it ;)

And yes, Ga On will have to be the one to pursue Yo Han now ;) Or, well, eventually. He has to wallow and overthink things a bit first because, well, Ga On. If overthinking things was an Olympic sport, he'd win the gold for sure. But he WILL give Yo Han what he wants in the end, I promise.

In short, the "the only way after hitting rock bottom is up" saying is pretty apt in this case.

There's still hope, so just hang in there :)

I looked at the plot for My Happy Ending but I admit it didn't really catch my attention. But that could be because I don't really watch much right now? I'm too busy writing and drawing. I'm also trying to finish a drama I started ages ago called Mad Dog. Which, let me tell you, it's disorientingly gay for a drama about insurance fraud. But unlike The Devil Judge I'm not sure if they're actually AWARE of how gay it is? (especially since it's from 2017)

But, like, if I had a penny for every time I've watched a drama in which a traumatised, older man brings home a reckless, bratty twink after said twink got injured — under the pretence of protecting him from more harm — only for the twink to start snooping around his house before deciding to charm the dude with home-cooked food and then just doesn't leave I would have two pennies. Which isn't a lot, but it's still weird that it's happened twice.

Also, what the heck do they want me to think when they have these kinds of angles when the two dudes are arguing?

That looks questionable both in and out of context. BUT that could also be because Woo Do Hwan could have sexual tension with a goddamn rock. Rarely have I seen a man with so much "fuck me and find out" energy as his character in this drama.

But the twink also has a romantic plotline with the woman on the team, at the same time as he's living in the older dude's apartment and giving this poor dude all kinds of conflicted feelings because he's a widower who's lived alone since his wife and kid died and suddenly there's someone in his apartment cooking him food, nagging at him when he comes late and drunk etc. etc. Like, bruh. It really sounds like the twink is his new wife? And I am SO CONFUSED because the drama plays it so straight (without the "hint, hint, nudge, nudge" winks that The Devil Judge had) that I'm about to have an existential crisis.

Fellas, is it gay if this is the face you make when you're told you're not actually living with the man who took you home to keep you safe after you almost got murdered but then you accidentally behaved like his concerned and doting wife?

Asking for a friend.

(and don't even get me started on the whole "Bring Your Twink to Work Day" scene)

At this point, I'm half convinced I'm gaslighting myself into thinking this is gay when it's actually just a really heartwarming story about a really deep bromance that I'm too queer to understand.

ANYWAY. Thanks for the rec! But I'm not sure if it's my thing and I'm really bad at watching things right now. But I'm thrilled to hear that you're having so much fun with it! I'm happy for you! :D

And thank you so much for the lovely message 💜

[insomniwillow]

Hey there!! Here is a little prompt for you if you wanna write <3 (i love your writing) I would love to read either Techno or Missa preening and taking care of Phil's wings :D you can write it fluffy or angsty whatever you feel like making. For Techno maybe in antarctic empire times (after a big battle?) and Missa on quesadilla island (after EK possession perhaps?) GO WILD!!

again, sorry this took so long, the burnout really got to me! cute prompt though, even if it was a struggle to write i'm pretty happy with the end result!

also, again, even longer than the last prompt i filled so uh. sorry to me and you're welcome to everyone else ig

Read here on ao3!

Missa shivered as he blew out a foggy breath, watching from his position on the bed as Technoblade started a fire across the room.

Phil was sat beside Missa, fiddling with a frost-covered radio with shaking fingers and a frustrated grimace, though Missa couldn't say he was much better off. They'd been traveling to one of the outer Antarctic outposts to check on the trade that had been cropping up there, but a blizzard had blown through unexpectedly. They nearly hadn't made it into the bunker before the storm really hit- he could still hear the wind howling outside, rattling against the door, threatening to steal whatever warmth they'd had left.

His fingers were numb where they were tucked under his armpits, still gloved, and he rocked a bit in his seat to work some more heat into his body. He wasn't shivering, and he remembered that that was a bad sign, but other than cold and exhaustion he felt mostly fine. As fine as one could be in a place like this, anyways.

"Theeeere we go." Techno said as a spark suddenly caught, weakly flickering into a decent blaze that filled the whole bunk with the smell of smoke. "Jeez, and just when I was starting to think they'd only left fake logs for us."

"Uh huh." Phil snorted distractedly, his wings hunched close around his shoulders as he kept messing with the radio, slowly filtering through frequencies until he found the one for the outpost. "Those classic fake logs that everyone knows about."

"Y-yep." Missa said, as primly as he could manage, and there were the shivers now, wracking through him in consistent waves. "Ay mierda-"

"It'd be a hell of an assassination method, you gotta admit Phil." Techno said, and even with the thick scarf still obscuring his mouth and snout, Missa could hear the smile in his voice. "Even Missa's shaking in his boots just thinking about it."

"I t-think that-t might just-t be the h-hypothermia." Missa chattered back, hunching in on himself a little more as Phil finally threw him a glance before lifting a wing to tuck Missa close to his side. His winter clothes were a little too thick to feel the warmth, but Missa found the contact comforting anyways. Phil wasn't one for physical affection most of the time, especially due to the circumstances of their marriage to begin with, but Missa was more than happy to take anything Phil was willing to give. "Still not-t use to it-t, I think-"

"That'll come in time, mate." Phil said, his tone already mildly scolding. "You gotta let us know when you need a break, because it's a little hard to tell when everything's going on- Ah, there we go."

The radio whined into focus, muffled but slightly intelligible voices coming out of the speaker, and Phil held it up to his ear as Techno shuffled towards their packs, withdrawing a pot and a bundle of cloth that Missa knew would eventually become a soup. It was becoming a familiar scene now, nearly a year after he'd been brought to the Antarctic and about two months since he'd decided to travel with Techno and Phil to the outposts that surrounded the Antarctic empire as a whole. It was a necessary practice, considering how small their nation really was, and Phil and Techno seemed to have a personal attachment to the ritual, one which Missa was glad they'd deemed fit to let him tag along.

"Looks like they've estimated the storm'll take until morning to blow itself out." Phil muttered, just loud enough for Techno to hear over the crackling of the fire. The scent of savory spices was slowly beginning to filter throughout the bunker, making Missa's stomach start to rumble to life. "Ah well. Shouldn't put us too behind our scheduled meeting time, right Tech?"

"Nah, we gave ourselves like a week for a buffer, so we should be fine." Techno returned, stirring his spoon through the pot and making the smell of the soup inside even stronger. "Saved a bit of time by sticking underground for the first half of the trip anyways, so-"

"We really need to invest more into that kind of shit." Phil said, chewing a bit on his bottom lip, and Missa forced himself to look away from where he'd been unintentionally staring at Phil's mouth, his face burning a bit. He focused on Phil's wing instead, still wrapped around his back and shoulders, the feathers a little damp and ruffled from the strong winds they'd taken shelter from. Missa felt an irrational urge to fuss the feathers into place, but he kept his hands to himself, still safely tucked under his armpits while they slowly thawed out. "It would make this shit easier to deal with."

"But then we would have to dig out the tunnels ourselves and the infrastructure alone, Phil." Techno said, his voice loud and exaggerated enough to make Phil laugh at him, setting the radio aside. "Let's see how well we're doing on the sales front before we get to that one, alright?"

"Whatever you say mate." Phil said with a grin, working his gloves off before he leaned down to yank his boots free, nearly making Missa topple over with him. "Shit! You doin' alright there, mate?"

"Yep!" Missa squeaked, righting himself hurriedly before he removed his hands from under his arms and tugged his own gloves free, his fingers still red and raw, but he could at the very least feel them now. "But there's gotta be a better way of traveling than this right? Even if it takes a long time, wouldn't the benefits be worth it?"

"See, that's what I'm saying." Phil said with a chuckle, leaning a little further into Missa's side as he glanced at Techno, who was rolling his eyes at the both of them. "If we're thinking long-term, then it would be so worth it, even if we're in the red for a bit-"

"You seem to be forgetting interest Phil. And also how many of these chumps would hold any and all debt above our heads for as long as they can." Techno snorted dismissively, though he looked contemplative now. "Though I supposed whatever ice we collect from it could offset some of the cost, and then use the tunnels to funnel in more trade to the regions that are harder to reach, though we'd have to figure out what to do about the heat that kind of traffic would produce, and how close we would need to keep the tunnel to the surface, and-"

"There he goes." Phil murmured fondly, and Missa swallowed roughly, feeling a small shiver run down his spine that definitely wasn't just from the cold. Phil cast his gaze over to Missa and he was suddenly painfully aware of just how hot his face was. "You need to sit a little closer to the fire, mate? It's alright to move if you're still cold."

"Oh, I'm okay, Philza." Missa managed, feeling a little relief once Techno handed him and Philza a bowl of soup, still steaming and fragrant in his hands. He stirred the pot again before he served himself his own bowl, a little bigger than either Phil or Missa's, drinking it straight without flinching in a move that Missa found vaguely horrifying even after months of witnessing it. He turned back to Phil. "Are you okay though? I know the wind was a little rough on your wings-"

"Oh, yeah I'll be fine." Phil said, his tone dismissive enough that Missa couldn't help feeling a little hurt by it, though he did his best to swallow that irrational feeling down. Phil wasn't one to accept help often, or really at all, if he could help it. Techno's ear flicked back towards them the second Phil had waved Missa off, and he glanced back at them both again with a steely look in his eye.

"I'll preen you before bed, old man." He said, his tone leaving no room for argument, and even Missa felt a little chided by it, even as Phil rolled his eyes. 

Phil wasn't necessarily the first avian he'd ever seen but he was the one Missa had spent the most time with, and trying to learn their habits through osmosis alone was a little tough. It was a little better now than it was when he'd first come to the Antarctic, newly wedded and terrified of doing something to cause Philza or Techno to reject him, which would've dealt a huge political blow to his home country of Extremo. Back then he'd rather die than ask any personal questions in fear of causing offense, and though that fear had waned a bit, he still struggled with the urge to stay quiet.

That urge wasn't helped at all when it was just the two Antarctic emperors together, with Missa feeling as though their relationship- whatever it was- was something sacred that he couldn't dare encroach upon. Silent communication and support and affection for the other, something that hurt Missa to watch even as he couldn't tear his eyes away from either of them. There was an ache in his chest that refused to cease whenever he watched the two of them, but now, a year later, it was a familiar kind of pain.

"I don't think you're gonna give me much of a choice either way, huh mate?" Phil sighed, long-suffering but still fond somehow, and Techno didn't even bother to respond, just flicking his ear in their direction again.

They ate the rest of their food in a companionable silence, broken up by the muffled howl of the wind outside and the low chatter coming from the radio, and Missa could feel himself slowly starting to warm up. As soon as he was finished with his food he shucked off his top most coat, the fur lining thick and matted with sweat and he breathed a small sigh of relief. Techno groaned as he sat up, stretching his back out before he stood properly, wandering over to the bed and nudging Phil to the side so he could sit. Suddenly feeling out of place, Missa stood, taking Techno's bowl from where he'd left it on the ground and rinsing the dishes out with their bucket of snowmelt.

He could hear Techno and Phil's low murmurs as he faced away from them, and felt a spike of something in his chest as he dared glance back, seeing Phil half draped across Techno's lap, his hands already buried in the frazzled down.

It was stupid to want, he knew, especially for things he would likely never have, but he could feel that ache persisting in his chest anyways, entranced by the picture the two of them made.

The two emperors who'd built their own empire alongside one another, had fought countless battles both political and physical far before Missa had arrived. A duo unrivaled and unmatched by every pair that came before them, competent in every way- it was no wonder then, that Missa found it so difficult to even stand beside them, as if he could even hold a spark of flame to everything they were, all they'd done.

And yet...

Missa froze when Techno's eyes found his, still absentmindedly working his way through Phil's feathers, even as Phil himself had grown drowsy and limp at some point, breaths even. They didn't speak for a moment, Missa at a loss for words and Techno... well, he'd always been a little hard to read. Harder now that he wasn't saying anything at all. Missa could feel the heat of panic and embarrassment burning his cheeks and neck, but still he couldn't force himself to look away.

Techno wrinkled his snout before heaving a sigh, eyes skating over to the wall, the fireplace, the door, before settling on Missa again.

"Alright, talkin' ain't exactly my strong suit, but do you wanna.... Help me do this?" He made a motion over Philza's wings, both sounding and looking distinctly uncomfortable as he spoke. Missa hesitated a moment, glancing down at Phil who was still splayed out limply across Techno's lap. That feeling was still there, the sense that he was intruding on the two of them, even with Technno's offer. "It'll go by faster with two sets of hands, just sayin'."

"Ah, uh, is Philza okay with me...?" Missa hedged, setting the bowls aside as he waffled between standing and remaining crouched.

"Phil!" Techno called, and Philza jolted up in alarm, eyes flying open even as Techno's hand in his wing kept didn't let him go too far. "You alright with Missa giving me a hand with your feathers, old man? Since you wanna be lazy and let me do all the work for you."

Phil's eyes darted over to Missa, and he attempted a smile, though he knew it probably looked more like a grimace with all the anxiety he was holding in his chest. He forced himself to expect a no, an apologetic smile and shake of the head as Phil settled back down in Techno's hold. Missa knew how much Phil enjoyed flying, and just how important preening was to that process, one that Missa was practically fated to fuck up in some inexplicable way. 

That was just... who Missa was, really.

"Missa?" Phil muttered, his voice slurred cutely with his doze, and Techno playfully ruffled his blonde hair, rousing him a little more. "Wha- yeah, yeah, it's fine. Fuck mate, you don't have to ask."

"Pog." Techno said, a nonchalant as could be as he waved Missa over, Phil already moving to lay himself back down with a sigh, blue eyes half lidded as he watched Missa suddenly scramble over to the bed, his next breath coming out as a chuckle. "Alright, you take that wing and I'll take this one, yeah?"

"Okay?" Missa's heart felt like it was caught in two different directions at once- elation for being handed that kind of trust so implicitly, and fear for making things worse. His hands hovered above Phil's feather, hesitating as he watched Techno's hand get to work, pinching each errant feather and gently stroking it back into place. Missa took a breath and resolved himself to do the same, looking to Phil's expression for any displeasure or pain as he took the first feather in between two fingers. "Is that- okay?"

"Yep." Phil muttered, burying his face into his folded arms with a contented sigh, and Missa felt some of that tension in his chest ease seeing Phil so relaxed. "Fuck, you're both puttin' me to sleep."

"Well, everyone can see that, Phil." Techno snarked, digging the tips of his fingers against the muscle where Phil's wings met his back, and Phil groaned, loud enough that Missa immediately felt heat rush to his cheeks yet again. "All covered in knots-"

"Fuck off." Phil huffed, eyes blearily focused on Missa, who was doing his best to avoid eye contact. Phil hadn't said anything yet, but just being looked at was enough to make Missa nervous. "Do I even want to ask how fucking tense you are, mate?"

"Now that, Phil, is what we call ''nun-ya'." Techno said haughtily and even that was enough to startle a surprise laugh out of Missa.

"You just fucking stole that from Fit."

"Oh, And I supposed everything I say has to be fully original?"

"I think people call that 'creativity.'" Missa shyly hedge, giggling nervously when Techno shot him a deadpan look over Phil's spread wings, the feathers along the outside looking far smoother than they had before Techno had gotten his hands on them. Missa nudged another feather into place, ignoring how his fingers ached a bit with the repetitive motion- he'd rather sleep outside in the snow than give up this kind of offered closeness. "Que raro eh?"

"Oh, I see how it is. The two of you are ganging up on me now? This is just typical." Techno complained, his voice purposefully gruff and exaggerated as he waved his hands around, and even Phil was laughing at him now. "You think you know a pair of people and then suddenly they're pickin' you apart in the dead of a storm- And I guess you'll both want your share of the bed next?"

"If you don't mind mate." Phil said primly, apparently deeming his wings done enough to shake both Techno and Missa's hand free, though he still didn't move from where he was splayed across Techno's lap. "Gotta get up early tomorrow if we wanna keep on your schedule."

Missa hovered a little awkwardly in his seat on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling a little wrong-footed as he flexed his fingers a bit, only realizing then just how stiff they'd gotten working through Phil's down. He couldn't regret it though, considering he didn't know if he'd ever get an opportunity like that again. Phil wasn't very physically affectionate to a lot of people outside of Techno, so Missa let himself savor this little moment of vulnerability he'd been allowed.

It was nice.

"Hands sore?" Techno asked idly, adjusting Phil so they could both lay down on the mattress, digging the thick furs out from underneath the three of them to get better settled. Missa stood awkwardly, a little off-balance, but pleased nonetheless, even as Techno tossed the blankets over him and Phil.

"Oh, yeah, I'm just not used to it, I think." Missa offered nervously, and Techno gave a hum of consideration as Phil kept staring up at the both of them, chin propped up on one hand. Then Phil smiled, sharing a look with Techno before his pretty blue eyes settled back onto Missa. He lifted one wing, and the blankets with it, like an invitation, and Missa only hesitated a moment before gingerly climbing back onto the bed, letting Phil's wing settle over him. He hadn't even realized just how cold he was until he was tucked safely under the blankets, the bed big enough that even with the three of them his leg just barely brushed against Phil.

"Guess you'll just have to keep helping Techno until you get the hang of it then, huh mate?" Phil teased, and for once Missa felt like he understood the offer for what it was- an invitation with an easy out, a playful quip that could be taken in either direction, left to Missa's discretion.

Missa felt himself smile, relief spreading cool in his chest as he let himself settle a little more in bed, shyly looking up at Techno as he leaned over the both of them to make sure the furs were tucked up around their chins. Techno caught his eye and offered a small smile, tusked bared and jewelry glinting in the firelight, and Missa could feel something in his chest settle in kind.

He didn't think he'd ever felt as cared-for as he did with Techno and Phil.

He let his eyes fall closed, burrowing even further into the soft warmth of the bed, letting himself relax for the first time that night. "I'd love to."

[delimeful]

a still-glowing ember (2)

warnings: g/t, remus pov-typical violence/gore/innuendo, ignoring one's needs/magical burnout, self destructive behavior, hypothermia, death mention

-

If Remus didn’t find his brother soon, he was going to burn this stupid forest to the ground.

He decidedly ignored the way the night’s cold was seeping into him, frost biting deep enough that he probably couldn’t even conjure a spark, let alone a flame.

That wouldn’t stop him. He’d figure out how to start a fire the human way if that was what it took.

(And afterward, if Roman’s spark had already extinguished by the time he found him– he would find him– Remus would figure out how to burn to death the human way, too.)

They’d never be able to come back to this valley, anyhow. Remus had snatched three whole territory markers from a shifter as he headed north, using the decision-making process that had gotten him labeled ‘a danger to himself and others’ at his first colony.

What could he say? Roman was the closest thing he had to impulse control.

He’d considered going back for another one– the temperature drop as the sun set was killer, literally– but stealing foxfire was the sort of thing one couldn’t repeat without getting gleefully disemboweled by a pissed-off fox shifter, and who would track down Roman then?

Already planning exactly how he’d make fun of his brother for losing to a measly storm, Remus flapped his wings sharply, sending another wave of warmth through them and ignoring the way the cold pit in his chest deepened a bit more.

It didn’t matter. He’d always wondered what it would feel like to gutter down to ashes, anyhow.

The world’s most torchable forest continued to look the same no matter how far he flew, all thick-trunked trees and mossy undergrowth that he’d normally be eager to taste test. There was barely anything resembling a breeze, so the murmur of rustling leaves had been completely overtaken by the hum of insects and distant calls of night birds.

The lack of wind was just another stroke of bad luck. Normally, without any drafts to coast on, sprites would find a perch to occupy. He couldn’t glide for long, meaning that his half-frozen wings were working twice as hard to keep him in the air.

He had to keep moving. Roman was out there somewhere, perched in one of these identical trees or flitting from branch to branch in his own search. If he actually cared that Remus was missing, that was. Remus’s brain was beginning to suggest otherwise.

Maybe he’s glad to have the chance to get away from you, his mind offered. You should hunt him down and break his wings into little frozen splinters.

There was a heavy thud and rustle nearby, and Remus veered towards it, because investigating things that could potentially murder him sounded way better than listening to the squishy gray matter in his skull.

The source of the commotion turned out to be a sizable bear, shuffling its way down the trunk of a large tree. Remus circled around the scene on quiet wings, taking in the practiced movements of the beast.

Oh yeah, that could definitely murder me, he thought, successfully sidetracked. In a single hit, even. One of those paws probably weighed as much as three of him.

It was a moon bear, he was pretty sure, just barely able to see the telltale sliver of cream fur on its chest in the dark of the night. Not one of the more carnivorous species, boo.

No idea what it had been doing up there, but he didn’t have time to pursue the distraction any further.

With all the turning, his glide had shifted to more of a controlled fall, and he flapped his wings a few times, ignoring the way the bear’s attention shifted towards his direction. The flaps were frustratingly weak, slowed by encroaching icy numbness, and he forced another surge of warmth through them.

His spark pulsed painfully, and in the next moment, his vision blacked out entirely.

His wings flailed out to try and brake automatically, but vertigo had struck like a viper, and he could hardly tell up from down. There was wind in his ears now, which probably meant that he was currently hurtling towards a very splattery end.

He’d always said he wanted to go out screaming and covered in someone else’s blood, but he couldn’t even draw breath to yell, his whole body struggling to right itself amidst the pain of nearly burning himself out.

There was a sudden impact against one wing, hard but thin– a branch? Any semblance of direction vanished as he tumbled head over heels through what felt like an endless stretch of bush. Each stinging lash hurt, but by the time he hit the ground, his momentum had slowed enough to make the impact totally agonizing instead of extremely fatal.

He lay there for a few long moments, stunned or possibly paralyzed. He couldn’t really tell if the snapping sounds had been the branches around him or all of his bones. Slowly, his vision began to fade back in, each blink bringing a new arrangement of black spots.

Distantly, he finally registered an odd sound, one that was gradually growing closer.

Snuffling.

Oh, right. The bear.

Moon bears weren’t particularly active carnivores, but their primary meat intake was carrion. He remembered because he’d thought it was extremely funny, and also an excellent fact to gross Roman out with.

Remus attempted to twitch a wing, and failed miserably. His whole body felt like it had been tenderized into a paste.

… He was pretty sure he counted as carrion, at this point.

Getting eaten by a bear was a cooler death than hitting the ground because he forgot how to fly, at least.

The rustling of leaves intensified as something began pushing past the bush’s branches, presumably searching for him.

There was the sour taste of misery on the back of his tongue, knowing that if Roman was still alive out there somewhere, Remus had abandoned him with not even a corpse left behind. It was his own fault, he thought with a pang of aimless violent fury. If he’d been smarter or quicker or more reserved about his search, he wouldn’t be in this mess.

He was distracted from the impulse to bite down on his own arm– half to vent his anger and half because if something was going to eat him, he wanted the first bite– by the sensation of something soft and warm grazing him.

It was like his body remembered it was freezing all at once. He leaned against the warmth despite himself, his breath catching as a new wave of involuntary shivering agitated every bruise and bump he had, and struggled to think past the sensation.

The thing grabbing him wasn’t a bear mouth, he realized, mildly disgruntled. There were no teeth. Only a bunch of flexible, appendage-like protrusions poking through the brush and curling around him.

The mystery of it all was the only thing keeping his mind off his shrieking nervous system as his battered frame was steadily pried free from the bush’s tangled grasp. He stared down at the fleshy lump settled across his chest like a band and abruptly realized he was looking at a fingernail.

A hand. Had a human somehow grabbed him? Remus blinked, dizzily sinking into the warmth of it. Maybe they could help him with the forest fire. He’d been planning to set something on fire human-style, hadn’t he?

“Try to stay awake. Your body temperature is dangerously low,” a low, measured voice informed him.

Remus hadn’t even realized he’d closed his eyes until he opened them to the sight of a considerably larger face looking down at him. Not human after all, going by those fangs and the round, fuzzy black ears atop the stranger’s head. Where had he seen those ears before…?

The stranger had continued talking, not that Remus had caught any of it, and was now levering his arm up between two fingers and pressing on it. It felt gentle, but sensations could be deceiving in the cold, so it was totally possible he was about to watch his humerus get snapped in two. The stranger was staring at him expectantly now, as though a question had been asked.

Remus didn’t have an answer, but having finally figured out just what kind of shifter was holding him, he did have something to say. Inhaling past his bruised ribs, he tilted his head back against the palm he was resting on to make eye contact.

“You’re beary hot,” he managed, and with his piece said, proceeded to immediately pass out.

–

Remus woke up to fur in his mouth.

“Pfah,” he said, coherently.

The fur underneath him twitched, everything swaying slightly as though wherever he was laying wasn’t exactly solid ground. He was also sweltering, which was a great state for him to be in if he didn’t want his spark to go out from overstress. Really though, how much fur did one have to inhale to start coughing up hairballs?

There was a careful oversized breath, and then the surface below him abruptly shifted to something much flatter and smoother. Fabric, Remus realized, his cheek pressed against distinct woven threads.

“Hello,” a voice rumbled through him, large and close. “You’re on top of me. Please don’t be alarmed.”

Remus waggled his eyebrows blearily, still too disoriented to even contemplate being alarmed. Besides, he didn’t startle easily. He was normally the one alarming.

“Did you at least buy me dinner first?” he asked, his delivery weakened by the instant pain that blossomed in his chest. “Ow.”

“My apologies,” the voice replied. “I was unable to reduce the bruising of your ribs, since applying ice would have only worsened your condition. I did not prepare any dinner, because you were unconscious.”

Either this guy had the best deadpan in the business, or the innuendo had completely flown over his head. Remus was delighted regardless.

He struggled to push himself upright, his entire body protesting severely, and a giant hand lifted into his line of sight, hurriedly curving around him as a supportive measure. The feeling was familiar, and Remus went rigid as he recalled exactly how he’d gotten here.

“Where are we?” he asked, all traces of his lackadaisical attitude gone.

If the stranger was surprised by his sudden intensity, he didn’t show it. “My home. It’s a cave near the northwestern edge of the valley, and I brought you here after seeing–”

“You motherfucker,” Remus swore, and twisted to bite down on the stranger’s hand.

The fingers contracted briefly, but surprisingly enough, didn’t collapse down to instinctively crush him.

“Ow.” The stranger’s voice was insultingly monotone about the attack, which admittedly hadn’t even broken skin. “Stop that. There’s no need, I don’t intend you any harm.”

Seeing that his best efforts weren’t cutting it, Remus unlatched his jaw and craned his neck to scowl up at them. “Forget harm! You kidnapped me while I was in the middle of something!”

“Yes,” they replied dryly, “dying. I noticed.”

“How long has it been?” Remus asked, shoving to his hands and knees. “Is it still night?”

There were two hands hovering anxiously over him, now. “Not long has passed. There are still several hours until dawn breaks. Why?”

“Because I’ve got a featherbrain brother to find,” he said, “so sorry to smash-and-dash, stranger, but you’ll have to abduct me to your cave against my will another time.”

The stranger went quiet for a long moment, during which Remus painstakingly managed to push himself up to a standing position, though his wings were limply dragging behind him.

He couldn’t really see very far before his vision went blurry, so he wasn’t sure entirely where the exit was, but he could figure it out. It was a cave, after all: either he’d find the opening or he’d walk endlessly deeper and deeper into the earth like a dumbass.

Before he could successfully balance well enough to take a step towards one of those destinations, though, a shadow fell over him.

“My name is Logan,” the shifter spoke up, “and I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”

As easily as a breeze would pick up a leaf, Logan scooped Remus off his feet back into his cupped palm.

“Nobody ‘lets’ me do anything!” Remus snapped back, thrashing as best he could against the grip. Seeing as he currently had the strength of a newborn kitten, it didn’t do much. “Come on, you can eat my corpse later, I’ve got time-sensitive shit to do!”

The comment earned him a minor twitch. “I have no desire to eat your corpse. That would defeat the entire purpose of this venture, which is to prevent you from becoming a corpse in the first place.”

“My corpse, my business!” It was frustrating to know that if they had met in normal circumstances, Logan was exactly the sort of stiff-backed repressed nerd that Remus would have delighted in teasing. Almost as frustrating as the fact that the dork wouldn’t let him go!

With a huff, Remus gave up on avoiding agitating his wounds and threw himself into struggling with no care for bodily harm.

“Listen to me,” Logan tried, sounding slightly more harried. “Your internal temperature is only barely beginning to recover. If you expose yourself to the frigid weather outside for any longer–!”

“Oh, I’ll expose myself alright,” Remus snarled, because what was the point of nonsensical threats if they couldn’t also be saucy? “Roman is out there in that weather!”

“And you’ll be no help to him if you choose to freeze to death out of simple, ignorant stubbornness!” Logan literally growled, the noise vibrating through Remus and lingering in the back of the shifter’s chest. “I will help you search once you’ve stabilized, but until then, you are at my mercy.”

Remus stared up at him, in utter disbelief that someone could make playing nursemaid to a sprite sound so threatening.

Logan’s expression softened, but his grip remained firm. “I refuse to sit by and watch such foolishness. I won’t be made to explain it to your brother.”

Maybe it was the way his words assumed Roman’s survival after Remus had spent the whole night imagining the worst, or maybe Remus was just exhausted enough for a rational argument to have an effect on him for once.

Either way, he clearly wasn’t winning this fight. He let his body flop limply against Logan’s hand with no little amount of petulance.

“If you don’t help me search, I’ll learn how to perform surgery on giants just so I can fill your organs with flesh-eating wasps.”

Logan took the concession for what it was, and only raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t it be simpler to lock me in a room with the wasps? My flesh would be eaten either way, right?”

It was the perfect question to distract himself with. Remus launched into a heated defense of the differences between external versus internal flesh consumption as torture methods, barely noticing as Logan carefully moved his limp wings back into a more comfortable resting position.

The shifter kept asking questions as he cupped his hand against his chest, creating a cushion of warmth on all sides. Remus kept talking even as drowsiness began to set in, a sprite cradled up against the heartbeat of a bear shifter. Heh. He had always wanted to cuddle something that could maul him.

Remus knew the warmth rekindling in his chest was his spark. Still, it felt a little like hope, too.

… Blech, Roman had been rubbing off on him.

He’d have to return the favor once they were reunited.

[thefreakymunson]

Anywhere But Here, chapter 5 (Eddie Munson x you)

Taglist: Taglist: @rockautumnviking @hazzaismyreligion @iratetourist @xcatnapsx CW: General angst, drug use, eddie's kinda a dick, Anywhere But Here Masterlist

One week.

One week was all it took.

From the moment he swung the door open and hit you with it until the moment you were waking up beside of him in the small space of your bunk.

That’s how long it took you to develop feelings for Eddie Munson.

An entire week. It had to be some sort of record for you. You had always prided yourself on being some very resilient and anti-romance woman. But as your eyes cracked open and you looked over his sleeping form – wild hair splayed behind him on his pillow, the grip he had around your waist, you knew you were gone. Here on the bus with just the other band mates and the driver, you could let yourself live inside this fantasy that this was okay. Traveling days were your favorite for this exact reason. You used to hate being trapped on the bus from one city to the next but with him around, you didn’t mind.

Once you were in the next city, you would be getting a hotel while the bus was cleaned up and you were thankful for it. While you had grown to love the guys, you craved the alone time with Eddie. It wasn’t just the sex, which was a huge bonus, but you found him interesting and the most like himself when he was alone with you. He was as calm as Eddie could be but he didn’t put on the front he did around the guys.

“I like that I can just be myself with you,” he had told you the previous night after everyone had already went to bed and the two of you were just relaxing in the back lounge, “I don’t have to be Eddie the Dungeon Master or Eddie the lead singer….I can just be Eddie.”

“You can just be my Eds,” you had reached up and stroked his jaw with a small smile, “My favorite version.”

It was a rainy day and you were situated by the stage, going over your checklist as you listened to the guys warming up. Third sold out show in a row and these guys were just getting started. You looked up to see Eddie laying on his back in the middle of the stage as he fiddled with his guitar, testing the ranges and the tone as the techs instructed. There was a light shining down on him and you figured it was just the lighting crew playing with him, but he didn’t dare move. It lit up his face the most.

Sleeping in a bus was hard on its own but when you threw in the fact that there were five other people on the bus, snoring at various volumes, it was damned near impossible. You knew you looked a bit rugged, having glanced at yourself in the mirror this morning. This was the first burnout on the tour. You would get past it, just needed a bit of time to relax to yourself, which you hoped would come when the guys went off to their first photo shoot in a less than a half hour.

You looked down at the paperwork as the words seemed to blur together. The lack of sleep left you irritable and grumpy but the headache got even worse when the band started playing. You’d get a nap in soon, hopefully.

“Hey sleepyhead,” you heard Eddie’s voice echo through the empty arena. You looked up to see him still in his previous position in the center of the stage and smiled to yourself, “You need some coffee?”

“I need a nap,” you shouted back to him.

“Come here...come lay with me.” He snickered, “It’s comfortable up here, actually.”

You chewed on your bottom lip nervously, wondering if it was a good idea, but you could never truly tell him no. Jeff helped you climb up onto the stage and you walked over to where Eddie was laying, laying down on your back beside of him.

“Why are we laying on the floor anyway, Eddie?” You sighed, glancing over at him and then following his line of sight up to the top of the building.

“That,” he said and nodded upwards, pushing the microphone away from his mouth so the conversation was between the two of you, “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

What you had previously thought was a light from the crew was actually ray of sun, beaming in through the high windows. You had to admit, it did feel good, the warmth filtering through both of you. You had been caught up so long in the stress of the job that you couldn’t remember the last time you stopped long enough to feel the sun. And for a moment, laying there beside of him on the stage, you closed your eyes and let the stress slip away.

“It does feel good,” you smiled as you turned back to look at him.

“Take a break,” Eddie frowned, “Go back to the bus. You deserve it, Y/N. We’ll be fine, okay?”

“No, I can’t let you guys go by yourself. This is your first shoot.” You sighed.

“We’re big boys,” he shrugged, “You need some rest. We can fend for ourselves.”

“Eddie-”

“Y/N,” he cut you off as he turned to look at you and gave you a small smile, “We’ll be fine.”

The guys had started playing the title track of their album and you sighed, feeling the stage shake with the bass vibrating through your body.

Your head turned to face him, still lying shoulder to shoulder. Instinct took over and you pressed a soft kiss to his lips before you snapped back to reality and realized what you had done. The both of you shared a worried glance before you were standing up and walking away from him and the stage all together.

No one had seen you. At least you didn’t think so. But it scared you just how easy it was to feel so carefree around him, so comfortable. You hated it. You hated that you allowed yourself to let your guard down so easily when it came to him.

It was nearly two hours later when you heard the door to the bus open. You had made a makeshift bed in the back lounge and were curled up, your head buried in the pillow that still faintly smelt like Eddie’s shampoo. The nap surely helped your grumpy mood as you stretched your body out and yawned. The door to the back lounge opened quietly, Eddie poking his head in as he gave you a small smile.

“You okay?” He asked as he slipped inside the small room.

“Yeah,” you said sleepily, watching as he sat down in front of you, “Your hair looks nice.”

“Hairstylist got a hold of me at the shoot,” Eddie sighed softly, feeling your fingers trudge through his long locks that fell down his back, “Do you...wanna talk about earlier?”

“I guess we should,” you shrugged, “I’m sorry I done it. I should’ve known better than to attempt to kiss you like that in front of everyone...shouldn’t have put you in that position.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It was kind of nice, actually...you should give me another.” He shrugged, causing you to laugh as you pressed your face into his hip.

“Shut up, Eddie.” You laughed.

“I know, I’m irresistible honestly.” He laughed as he looked down at you, “

t was obviously done with the conversation as he changed topics, “We’re getting a hotel tonight, right?”

And you should’ve stopped him there. You should’ve shut down the idea of a party. But they had put on one hell of a show and you could feel the electricity still buzzing off of them. They deserved to have fun. What had started off as an innocent hanging with both bands had turned into intermittent chaos. You had failed to keep control of the crowd and just tossed your hands in the air, letting go of the stress, and for the first time...you joined in on the fun. If the cops were called, then they were called. You filled your solo cup with beer as you walked off through the crowd, bobbing and weaving, looking for the familiar mop of dark brown hair, and nearly stopped dead in your tracks when you succeeded.

Eddie was bent forward, messy hair pushed to one side as he snorted the last of the line on the piece of cardboard that Gareth was holding. It shouldn’t have shocked you, but it did. Eddie had told you all about his history with drugs, from selling to using. He went through a few years of having a problem after high school.

You walked over to him, placing your hand on his bare back, just as he was standing up straight. He turned to see who was touching him, eyes already starting to glass over. He hurriedly cleaned his nose of any remaining powder as he turned to face you.

“You okay?” You asked as you looked up at him, watching as he sniffled and crinkled his nose.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He gave you a small smile as he draped an arm over your shoulder and ushered you away from Gareth as if it would change the fact of what you just seen, “You okay?”

“I’m great.” You said, taking a sip of your beer, “I don’t mean to be a downer, but are you sure you’re okay, Eddie?”

“Sweetheart, I’m good.” He said as he stopped walking and turned to face you. He bent down and cupped your face in his large hands as he grinned, “You’re drinking with us?...my girl’s finally coming out of her shell?”

“Figured I deserved to have a fun night, too.” You shrugged, “A beer won’t hurt me.”

You saw the moment it hit him fully, the way his face went lax and he swayed slightly, his eyes glassing over completely. He rubbed a hand over his face as he laughed slightly before he pulled you against his chest, cradling your head against him as he buried his nose in your hair. You sighed softly and gently pushed him back from you, looking around to make sure that no one was really looking at the embrace.

“Oh, right.” He laughed as his voice slurred slightly, “I forgot...can’t touch you in public, right?...but I can fuck you in the privacy of the bus?”

“Eddie-”

“No, no,” he said as he scratched his nose, “I’m sorry, I forgot. It’s cool.”

“It’s just getting old, ya know?” He shrugged, “I don’t think it’s management at all. I think it’s you...you’re scared of whatever this is that’s going on between the two of us.”

“I’m not having this conversation with you right now, Eddie.” You shook your head, “You’re high and being mean. It’s not fair to me.”

“What’s not fair to me is that I’ve seen the crew mates hooking up with other crew mates countless times this past week and for some reason, it’s only you that’d get in trouble?” He shrugged, “Just doesn’t make sense, Y/N.”

“You think I’m lying?”

He shrugged and threw his hands up in the air, “Look around you, sweetheart. These people are basically clambering all over each other and they’re our crew members. So what is it that you’re scared of?”

“I said I’m not having this conversation with you right now,” you shook your head as you stared up at him, silently daring him to say anything else.

He bit his bottom lip as he looked down at you, teetering on whether to say what he wanted, or just shut up and enjoy the party. Brown eyes stared down at you and even though his face screamed that he was angry, his eyes spoke something different.

It was as if they were asking you – begging you silently, “Please don’t do this.”

You didn’t know what to say or how to answer him. He was right in so many ways and wrong in a few others. If he only truly knew about your reservations. You turned away from him and tried to walk to the door, but his hand around your wrist stopped you, anchoring you to your spot.

“Where are you going?” He frowned.

“Away from this conversation, Eddie.” You shrugged, “I’m not talking to you about this while you��re high and especially not in this crowd of people.”

“Y/N,” he frowned.

“No, Eddie.” You shook your head, pulling your arm away from him, “Not now...when you’re sober, we’ll talk.”

You were walking out of the suite, trying to escape back down to your room at the end of the hallway. You looked back just in time to see Eddie slip out the door behind you and you couldn’t help the small laugh. He was annoying at times, but in the best way.

“I think I’m sober enough to have this conversation, Y/N.” He sighed, “I don’t want to be in there if you’re not there, too.”

“Eddie, go enjoy your party.” You sighed as you leaned back against the wall.

He walked over to you, caging you in with his arms on either side of your head. He bent down and pressed a kiss to your cheek, trailing it down to the side of your neck.

“Like I said,” he whispered in your ear as his knee parted your legs a bit further, “I don’t want to be in there if you’re not there.”

“You threw the party,” you sighed, “Get back inside.”

“Rather be inside of you,” he mumbled as he nipped at your pulse point, feeling you arch against him.

You wouldn’t let it get any further than this, he was under the influence and you were slightly tipsy. But you had to admit, the attention from him just felt...good. Deep down, you liked it. There was no denying that. He pulled back from your neck and cupped your chin in his hand, pinning you against the wall as he kissed you feverishly, his arms moving around your waist to pull you flush against him.

Suddenly, at the end of the hallway, there was a loud scoff that seemed to echo down to where the two of you were locked. You turned in the direction of which it came, causing Eddie to groan in annoyance and follow your gaze. Immediately, he stepped back from you, dropping his arms from your waist. You looked from the two people standing a few feet away from you up to Eddie, seeing the shocked look on his face.

“Goddammit,” he muttered under his breath, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I tried to stop her,” Gareth said as he looked between the two of you.

“Who are you?” You asked her, curiosity filling your mind.

“I’m Stacy Munson,” she glared past you at Eddie, “His wife.”

[wetcatspellcaster]

hello! i have a question about finding time to write because i have an idea for an astarion fic but it's my first year in my ph.d. program and i am DROWNING IN WORK AND READINGS. how did you do this AND work on your dissertation? (also congrats on that!!! that's massive!!!)

hello, anon, congratulations to YOU on your phd programme!! many felicitations on the continuing of your education.

I took a while to reply to this, bc I'm not sure if I'm the best person to ask this question. my personal answer is 'hyperfixate on the dopamine source so, so hard until you burnout, and then feel guilty bc you haven't updated in ages (I'm currently one week since an update), and then let that guilt become your new motivator! :D'

...which doesn't seem very healthy. and definitely impacts my ability to answer the question in a way that is actually helpful.

so i don't have an answer, but my honest pieces of advice are below the cut.

idk what kinda PhD you are doing, but if it's a humanities, in my experience, there are dips and lulls. first year is always a bit hectic bc the imposter syndrome is high and you feel like you're treading water to stay afloat. but things will get so much easier, and will in fact go through peaks and troughs! in 2nd and 3rd year, i had months without any work at all. wait for a trough to do some drafting. if you're currently really struggling, then just sketch as detailed an outline as you can in a document when the idea is fresh, and then you can return to it in dribs and drabs when you have a spare moment. [if you're a scientist, apologies in advance, you have a much harder life than me!] .

this one isn't very burnout friendly, but i am introverted and treat writing fic like a hobby for when i have no social battery. then my fic battery runs out, i go be social. yes, this kinda just spreads the burnout around. yes, i also know writing is still work! but it doesn't feel like it, to me. so I guess make your fic idea as much about fun, and as least about work, as possible. make it into the catnip that will make you come back to it. treat it as an escape rather than another magnum opus, or god forbid, a second dissertation. .

this also applies to PhD work - again, if you are a humanities student, you'll inevitably hit a writing block in your thesis. these are normal, and though they feel like the worst thing at the time, they will inevitably shift. thesis writing block when i was often very productive with fic, bc my thesis wasn't taking up my brain power and/or taking time away from my thesis was exactly what i needed. If you're burned out on the thesis, maybe spend some time just playing around in your brain for a bit. my friend told me about how she used fic as a way to build 'mastery' - when she was depressed or feeling down about her thesis, she would do something she knew she was good at (fic), and this would lift her mood. in the self critical world of academia, sometimes a little fic positivity goes a long way (at least for me, but that's bc both my supervisors are very very harsh, the exact opposite of the AO3 comment box). .

find an update schedule that works for you. i used to write a whole fic before i published any of it, but that's become more untenable as my wordcounts get bigger and i need motivation. now, comments fuel me when i'm drafting. so honestly, if you think posting will add pressure, don't post. write it just for you. if you think posting is the only thing that will keep the idea alive, do it and then don't feel guilt if there's a large gap in updates. people will still read it when it eventually goes up! :)

Honestly, I don't really have an answer. I wrote a lot these last few months bc I was feeling very depressed with the endgame of my thesis, and writing distracted me and made me feel better. I try to keep two nights a week free for fic, but that works for me bc I'm an introvert who lives alone. I don't think you can force it, but what I can tell you is that the PhD does get much, much easier (and that first year is also a perfectly legit time to faff around a bit and commit some time theft if you want - at least in the humanities, bc you'll still have so much time in your project).

I'm sorry I don't have a clear answer! Fic is important to me, so I make time for it, sometimes to my own detriment. If your PhD is what is important to you rn, fic can wait! Similarly, if you want to take some time away from that treading water, maybe microdose an hour or so of fic to start building mastery :) xx

[sadsoftserve]

Family matters- EE minific

(A fanfiction made to explore more of Sabrina's Relationship with Sylvie) ((it literally would not let me post this omg tumblrs a hellsite))

-first person pov-

I've been this way for as long as I can remember. It damaged a lot of my childhood. I can't help it. It's like a curse. Like when you run into an old enemy you thought you killed. Thats what it's like. My Epithet is a curse, literally. "Nightmare" is powerful, but I hate it. everything about it makes me sick. But, I should've expected to have such a terrible Epithet, the signs were always there. I remember the sleepless nights I spent crying, clinging to my dad. The nightmares never left. They stayed, I've gotten used to them now, but they're always there, like a looming cloud of rain. 

Rain.

It's raining. I didn't notice. I'm soaking wet, and I'm sliding down the roof. The drop is not far to the ground, but Mom expressed her distress about me climbing down from my room like that. So I climb back in from the window, and back onto my bed. I never used my bed. I had no need for it. I couldn't sleep, no matter how hard I tried. No matter how much triazolam they prescribe, or how much sleep therapy I get. I've lived with it for the past 12 years, no reason to change it now. My bed is soft, but everyone's is. My sisters, my parents, and my brothers. My brother. His name was like a poison in my mouth, and a illness in my head. I hated it.

I hated him.

He's always been the golden child. Always been Dr. Ashling, Dr. Sylvester, my smart little boy, Sylvie this, Sylvie that. I hated it. I never got that treatment. No matter how hard I tried to be like him. My twin, my brother. We always promised to help and be there for each other. That was the first promise we made to one another. The promise he broke. He lied. I hate liars. My jealousy has always been there. I'll be the first to admit it. But I have a reason. He's always been the golden boy. He graduated college with a doctorate in Psychology at 15. And I'm here sitting in my room alone, listening to the sounds of the rain. No wonder I'm the disappointment. Believe it or not, I wanted to be a lawyer, like my dad. I was dead set on it. But, I hit a wall. Burnout hit me like a truck. I was so dead set on surpassing my brother, that I forgot to pace myself. It was a stupid mistake. I was in college too, but I started failing so hard, that, they kicked me out.

I don't think I ever cried as much as I did that day. I was 14. A little over a year ago. It was a cold day, I went to a law school in a town north called Whitestone. Whitestone University is the same place my dad graduated from. I was kicked out. They told me I had 5 days to get everything out of the dorm, and back home, and they told me that "My grades don't adhere to Whitestone's expectations". I remember calling my parents that night, my voice barely audible, and my phone covered in tears. I had failed. Failed myself, my dad, my family, and my friends who were rooting for me. I was a scholar. I was gifted and smart, I have an IQ of 145, and yet, here I am, in my room, in Sweet Jazz, listening to the rain. I wipe my face and feel tears on my sleeve. I didn't even notice I was crying. 

Knock, knock.

My door opened, Vicki poked her head though. "Mom said dinners ready." She said as she took one look at me. "Wipe your face, don't let mom see you like that, you know how she is." I knew that. Everyone knew Mom was overprotective. With Vicki's word of warning, I quickly wiped my face on my sleeve and got up. I smelt the air, only based on the smell, I know what she made. Lasagna. It was my favorite, but I wasn't feeling it today. I wasn't hungry, I was just off. And it was apparent to everyone. The dinner table was silent. The only sounds were forks dragging across the porcelain plates, and chewing. Both sounds that irritated me. I sat there, poking at my food, not really eating.

"Elbow off the table," Sylvie said to me with his shit-eating, suck-up face. I rolled my eyes and fixed how I was sitting, because no matter what I was gonna get told to do so anyway. The table went silent again. This is how most family dinners were on the weekends. Everyone was off from work or school, no one had anything to talk about. Unless Sylvie piped up with some smart doctor speak with Mom, it was mostly silent. Dad looked up from his plate and looked at me, he was always able to notice how I felt, and he was straightforward with everything, it was a trait he gained from being a lawyer.

"Sabrina." He said, his voice monotonous, and his eyes peering over his glasses. "What's upsetting you?" The way he said it made it sound more like a statement than a question, but I knew better than to stay silent. 

"Nothing." I was lying out of my ass. I couldn't lie to a lawyer, but I was. For some reason. He raised his eyebrows and clicked his tongue. The universal sign for him knowing I was lying. He sighed and took a sip of his water. The glass was placed back on the table with a soft clink. 

"Sabrina Charlotte Ashling." Fuck, full name. I should've just said I didn't feel well or something. The whole dinner table was looking at me, and Sylvie, being a smart ass chimed in.

"Don't bother. She's probably Menstrating or something." He waved his hand dismissively. In his eyes, he was probably joking, but I was already pissed off enough to not care about that. 

"Like you know shit about menstruation Sylvie." I snapped at him, jamming my fork into my food and quickly turning my head to look at him. I rarely cursed in front of my parents, hell we rarely cursed at all. I was in a mood, and it had nothing to do with menstruation. I was pissed and was gonna let everyone know. 

"Watch your language," Dad spoke sternly as he pointed his fork at me. He sighed again as he pinched the bridge of his nose and wiped under his eyes. "For someone who is upset about nothing, you sure are acting like you're upset about something." a classic from him. I've lost track of how many times he's said that. I put my head in my hands and groaned.

"As I said, it's nothing," I said again, trying to ignore the fact I felt like either crying, yelling, or vomiting. It was probably a mix of all of them. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm gonna worry about it. You are my daughter." His stern voice was like nails on a chalkboard to me. "And I know my daughter." That was his way of saying something was wrong. He knew it, Dad picked up on things quicker than anyone else I knew, his eyebrows were furrowed, and his mouth curled into a slight frown. His voice, while it was stern, it was also caring. He meant well, I was just stubborn. The room went silent for a while, the only sounds being the occasional chewing and breathing. After a while, he spoke up again. "Sabrina, be honest with me. What the hell's going on?" I stayed silent, of course, to fill that silence was Sylvie, and his two cents.

"Probably just teenage rebellion. She probably just wants to be noticed, and gain your attention. Doesn't take a Psychologist to figure that out." Sylvie arrogantly pushed up his glasses and smirked. I hated when he did that. Put his two cents into conversations he wasn't a part of. Unsolicited advice, it was all irritating. 

"Teenage rebellion? What the hell do you know about teenage rebellion, golden boy?!" I slammed my hand down onto the table and snapped again. As soon as I did that Dad stood up and put a hand on my shoulder. He was reaching over the table slightly, but he was attempting to calm me down.

"Sabrina-" He attempted to speak, but I cut him off.

I stood up, slammed my hands on the table, and spoke, my tone cold, angry, and slightly hurt. "You wanna know what's wrong? Fine! I guess it's about time I said something!"

"Let's start with the main problem; Golden boy." I pointed at Sylvie. His face went from smug to confused to annoyed in an instant. He stood up and slammed his hands on the table in response.

"How am I the problem, Sabrina? Please, enlighten me." He stated with furrowed eyebrows.

"You're little Dr. Golden boy, that's what! It's all Sylvie this and Sylvie that, oh look at my son, he's a psychologist! I've never, not once, been praised for at least trying! I am as smart and as capable as your little golden boy. And yet I'm left alone while Sylvie gets all the praise. Maybe that's why you're so narcissistic!" I shot a look at Mom, then stared at Sylvie as I spoke. I was pissed and was gonna let everyone know. "It's not fair that he's handed everything on a silver platter! Every little thing right down to his Epithet! Maybe that's why he's successful, he's able to sleep!" It was at this point the tears came running down my face. I expected Sylvie to defend himself, but he didn't. He stood there and pushed up his glasses. He was taking into account how I felt for once. and he was thinking.

"Inferior." He simply whispered to himself.

"Excuse me?"

"You feel inferior is what I'm picking up here, Sabrina."  He sighed as he thought again. His head was pointed down, with his hand on his chin. He was analyzing my words. Why? He didn't care. Why would he? He's better than me, smarter even. "It's called an inferiority complex." He calmly stated. Dad stepped forward and put himself in between us.

"Sylvester now is not the time." He said as he looked at him. He looked at me and then back to Sylvie. "You know your sister, she's not gonna want any advice you give her." He wasn't wrong. I didn't want his two cents. But I wanted to know why Sylvie was trying to be nice.

"Let me try." Sylvie simply said. He looked back at me. "Please, Sabrina. Continue your rant." Was he using me for research? I was already pissed, he knew better than to do that.

"Like hell I am! I'm not letting you use me for your stupid hobby!" I choked out. "You wanna show off your degree go do it somewhere else." He stayed silent. His eyes were darting from place to place as if he were thinking. Tears were still streaming down my face. "Say something damnit!" I sobbed. I was shaking with anger and sadness, after a while he looked up at me. And smiled softly. One I didn't understand. He walked around the dinner table and stopped in front of me.

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. He was hugging me.

I don't know what snapped inside of me, but I broke down. I started sobbing uncontrollably. It was overwhelming I felt out of place. I felt... comforted, loved, and glad to have my brother. He was an ass, and egotistical, but that was all a face he put on. He cared. My tears were soaking into his jacket, as I felt my own arms hug back. soon enough, I felt Vicki's. then Moms, Then Dads. We were all hugging each other, in true Ashling fashion. It felt like closure, why I needed it, I didn't know. But it felt nice.

[shutupandplayasong]

Mandela Catalogue HCs

heheh hyperfixation go brrrrr

Please don't yell at me if these suck im sensitive 🥺 /hj

Mark:

Would have been the best big brother to Sarah I stg

Not afraid to wear a tiara and feather boa and have a tea party with her

This towering young man sat on a dinky little plastic chair sipping imaginary tea, pinky out and all

Aaagghhhhhhh i love him

Definitely one of those "super talented, high iq, gifted kids" before the burnout hit him

Every Christmas, Easter, and birthday he'd ask his parents for a dog. He never got one :(

Not exactly a Disney adult, just a big fan of animated movies in general.

I think his favorites would be The Iron Giant, Monsters Inc, and Lilo and Stitch

Honorable mentions to The Fox and The Hound and Oliver and Company but they make him cry

Mark Heathcliff best boy 1,000,000/10

Cesar:

Cesar fans, you have my whole heart fr

You really took nothing and ran with it I can't not respect that

I see him as a total mama's boy. As far as I know, there's no mention of his dad anywhere so I imagine it's just him and his mom.

As a little boy he was like "I'm gonna be the man of the house now!" and he stuck to it like glue

Taking the trash out, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn because "Mom, you deserve to get off your feet, you're working too hard"

I think him being a mama's boy and having so much respect for her would translate into huge respect for women in general

I like the idea of him painting his nails ❤

His room is like a walk-in freezer you can literally see his breath when he sleeps

Used to skateboard but eventually "grew out of it" (he actually broke his wrist and is too scared to do it again)

Adam:

This toxic little fuck i love him

The most "dont talk to me until I've had my coffee" person you'll ever meet.

Not having consistent access to coffee must have been miserable for him when he was on the run. Doubly miserable for poor Jonah having to put up with a grouchy Adam for who even knows how long

You remember that tiktok trend from a few years ago like "I look really intimidating until I smile"? ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM ADAM!!!

He's such an angsty little shit with the most severe case of resting bitch face disease but on the rare occasion he actually smiles??? Human sunshine

Definitely the type to look down when he smiles to try and hide it

Wouldn't be caught DEAD singing out loud, but will absolutely murmur songs to himself under his breath.

Just imagining him folding laundry or cooking and singing whatever song is stuck in his head to himself I LOVE THIS MAN

He likes rock music in general but I feel like he's really into songs like Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. Yknow those really mopey mid 2000s ballads?

Shattered by OAR, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, stuff like that

Jonah:

Rip jonah you would've loved tiktok

Was a theater kid but he got kicked out of class. Dude was just too hyper to follow directions

What can he say? He just stole the spotlight 🤪 (he's crying inside)

Walks into every room twirling his car keys around his finger like a dork

Can not be trusted to stand still, it's best to just make him wear one of those backpack leashes for everyone's safety

A gamer but not in a toxic way. He's actually terrible at games but he thinks it's fun to dick around and goof off in them.

You knows those "girlfriend who bites" memes? That's him. He's the girlfriend who bites.

Thatcher:

You've heard of wine moms, you've heard of wine aunts, well get ready for wine dad

I feel like he paints? He strikes me as very artsy

Loves plants but can't keep them alive for shit. It's not even that he forgets to water them, he follows all the instructions, the plants just hate him

Can't sleep without a TV on, or at least some sort of white noise or music playing.

Total garbage at gift giving lmao but he's trying his best

"I got you this card. Happy birthday."

"Thatcher, this says 'My condolences'"

"I know"

[buckochamp]

Trust the process.

On June 1st, 2024, I got laid off from my full-time Motion Design job after 5 years.

I made it through three rounds of layoffs, but the fourth one left our creative team a skeleton crew. With Big Tech’s mass layoffs, creative agencies like ours took a hard hit.

Since 2019, I’d been living in a bit of a bubble, enjoying my first full-time gig in a creative field with health insurance and retirement benefits. After 5 years of freelancing, I was craving some consistency and long-lasting team relationships. Even though the projects weren’t always personally inspiring, I found joy in the creative process and took pride in bringing clients’ visions to life.

But then-- burnout. My personal creativity dwindled, my websites expired, and my online art audience faded away. Depression crept in, and I spent my remaining creativity on work, leaving me drained by the end of the day. All I wanted was to touch grass and call my mom.

Now, freshly laid off, I find myself in an industry landscape I only partially recognize. Many of my colleagues are in similar situations, struggling to find jobs. Opinions on AI and ethics are flying around, and the general feeling is that the industry looks pretty bleak.

So, what’s next?

I’m leaning into freelance unless something better comes along. I’m stepping back from saying yes to every job to reconnect with my personal inspiration. Over 10+ years in the industry, I’ve fine-tuned my ability to create, communicate, and manage projects– I just need to trust the process. For now, my simple formula is this:

Create art

Show art

Repeat

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I’m excited to see where it goes. If you enjoyed this post and want to stay updated on my creative adventures, please follow my blog and connect with me on social media. Your support means the world to me!

Follow my blog for more updates and insights: [The Buckoblog]

Connect with me on social media:

Instagram: instagram.com/buckochamp/

Youtube: youtube.com/@buckochamp

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/owenanimations

Let’s create, share, and inspire each other in our artistic journeys!