#amd so tired
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ANNOUNCEMENT
This is a turning point for me. I've been silent for too long, but I can't stay quiet anymore.
I'm going through writer's burnout, and it has hit me hard. I've been writing on Tumblr and Ao3 for nearly eight years now (with about 1.5 years on my private blog, doumadono). Over that time, I've written more than 400 stories across various fandoms, created the Sinful Sunday event and a series that many people like, helped many with numerous emergency requests — so many that one masterlist wasn't enough to cover them all.
But all of this has brought me to a place where writing no longer feels like a joy, but rather a duty. In my effort to make everyone happy, I lost myself and took on too much, accepting even the most twisted and difficult requests. It made me anxious and unwell whenever I thought about writing. This is why I haven't been posting much these past few weeks. I missed the breaking point and let myself reach a place where I was seriously considering quitting writing altogether and closing both my Tumblr and Ao3 accounts.
There's something else I need to address. I feel completely detached from Jujutsu Kaisen and Demon Slayer. I no longer feel comfortable writing for those fandoms. From now on, I'll be focusing mostly on My Hero Academia. Even though the manga recently ended, both the manga and the anime hold a special place in my heart. I’ve fallen in love with the story and its amazing characters. This is what feels right to me at this moment. That doesn't mean I'll never write for Demon Slayer or other fandoms again, but not now, not at this time. Maybe in the future — who knows?
Some of you might know that I've been dealing with a flood of hateful anonymous messages. Even though I’ve grown stronger and no longer consider them relevant, it still hurts to read such nasty words. This is another factor why I need to take a break.
So, what's going to change?
Sinful Sunday will no longer cover requests, and the event won't be as regular as it used to be. From now on, I'll post some sinful pieces specifically written for this event whenever I feel it's right. I'll write only for the characters I feel attached too.
Emergency requests will be limited to two slots and will no longer have a 48-hour window to be fulfilled. Once both slots are taken, emergency requests will be closed until I manage to clear the current asks in my inbox.
As of today, my ask box has been completely cleared. I won't be replying to any past asks, regardless of their origin or topic.
Commissions will remain open, as nearly all the requests have been fulfilled.
Regarding the following projects:
The Kvitravn series will be completed this year, but I can't provide a specific date just yet as I'm still working hard to bring everything together.
There's also a new series on the horizon featuring Dabi in the lead role, with a psychiatrist!Reader as the other main character.
As for Kinktober, I made a hard decision it will not be held as an event on my blog this year at all.
As of now, I want to focus on my own little My Hero Academia based AU that I created with my best friend @crystalwolfblog , and this is something that brings me a lot of comfort nowadays, and it's what I want to focus on. I’ll likely create another blog to post everything related to this AU, to keep things organized (the blog will be linked to my pinned post). This little AU was and is my safe haven for the past year and half, and since it contains all of my favourite characters, I want to focus on it fully.
The time for purification has come. I need to rediscover my purpose and find joy in writing again. To those who understand and have stuck with me since the ThePaperPanda days — you’re amazing and adorable, and I can never express how much I appreciate you, guys 💞
I want to share one last thought. This isn’t a statement, but rather a plea to readers: please respect writers, no matter the content they choose to explore. Writing is not as easy as it may seem; it requires a significant amount of time and effort, often taking up our personal time to craft a story. Don't send anon hate. Spread love instead! The least you can do to show your appreciation is to leave a comment, even if it’s just a word or two. For you, it’s a small gesture that takes less than a minute, but for the writer on the other side, it may be a much-needed sign that their work is meaningful. So if you enjoy an author’s work, don’t hesitate to leave a comment. It truly makes us writers feel like we’re on cloud nine.
Love you all, Marcianna
#announcement#writer burnout#my hero academia#dabi x reader#viking dabi#kvitravn#mha viking au#personal#writing commissions#commissions open#writers on writing#hard decisions#but i need to protect my own mental health#i am so sad#amd so tired#writer's life#writers on tumblr#author's rant
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The whole "breasts shouldn't be politicized because the primary purpose of breasts is to feed babies!" can be a fine jumping-off point, but I really wish people thought deeper than that when we talk about the ways in which bodies are politicized and restricted.
Like, why's it that when we talk about breasts, they must have some Higher Purpose? It's true that breasts aren't inherently sexual, but they aren't valuable solely because they can potentially feed a baby. A human body doesn't have to serve a Higher Purpose in order for it to not be legislated against or policed, and I just wish people would remember it isn't always about babies, about other people, about anything else other than the people who have that body.
#feminism#dysphoria tw#your body doesn't need to have an Intrinsic Worthwhile Purpose so that you can live without fear#and it is fine if people say this to criticize the way breasts are overly sexualized and fetishized or what have you...#...but i encourage people to not see this as an end-all-be-all argument#because this opens discussions about how we politicize bodies and how we interpret them#i see overlap between this and the way trans bodies are politicized and policed honestly#and i guess personally i'm just so tired of the idea that to be safe your body Must Have A Good Reason To Be#and i fear this may reinforce the idea that we Must Serve Purposes and Be Useful and Used#ask to tag (genuine)#and what would this say for childless people? or people who cannot bear children? if they have breasts are they 'useless bodies'#because i have seen the ways some people's bodies are treated when they do not 'work PROPERLY' and that scares me#it scares me to potentially start treating people with different bodies as Defective and Unworthy and Unproductive#and i don't always trust when people latch onto purpose-driven arguments for human bodies that it stops at that y'know#have seen some discussion amd whatnot so 👍#is it now time to clock put and be a silly goose yet?
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They won the lottery and inspired by Mr. Greg, they spent it all in one day by committing identity fraud.
Idk I took a second job and my brain is so fried right now. 😭
#connverse#Connie Maheswaran#Steven Quartz Universe#Lion SU#Body tired and brain fried 😬😵#Messy doodles in between commissions#skedoobles#steven universe#su#my shiz#They went to. I guess still in Empire City. 🤷♀️ And committed identity fraud. Lol#I can already imagine Connie's phone ringing while they're mingling with some rich persons and an anime song comes out. Then she'll#gaslight them about how it's the most sophisticated classy thing now. Or smthing like that RIP#Steven set himself out into making it difficult for himself because he's kinda bad at acting as a serious stoic dude. 😭#In fairness He IS a high profile individual being a son of a billionaire (millionaire?) and a Gem that has an intergalactic empire 🤔😆#Amd he HAS been tired and grumpy (?)#So maybe they can work with that into the act . Lmao I don't actually know what I'm talking about.#When the day ends they bail#Their ship name is peteronica that's so goofy sounding 😂
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Sunday - Love Hypnosis
Sunday hypnotises you (consensually) to relax you.
No spoilers.
No description of reader or readers troubles so project what you are personally struggling with as you see fit.
No angst just fluff. I thought this concept would be cute. I've seen many a yandere Sunday hypnotises you, and that's great but consider - consent and fluff.
(This isn't a jab, I too enjoy a yandere fic from time to time but I also want to see fluff and I haven't seen this done in a fluffy way yet.)
I don't know why I'm mildly obsessed with this man but I am. (Cough Cough, I read maximum ride as a kid and now I automatically fall in love with winged characters. Cough Cough.) I need him to hypnotise me please and thank you.
(I have a few fics in the works that I need to finish but I'm struggling.)
As usual enjoy. Love ya 💙
"Darling?" Came the light and airy tone of your beloved. Though there was a hint of worry in his voice as he took in your face down, slumped form. "Are you alright?"
He could tell very well that you were not alright. But he would coax an answer out of you one way or another. Though the only answer he received was a groan.
"Darling." He sighs but chuckles at your obviously aggravated self. "Allow me to help you."
Your body goes limp as you let him move you from a sofa to your shared bed. "My darling. Tell me what's gotten into you."
He chuckles as you groan out a single word relating to your issues. "Life."
"Oh, my darling. You'll let me soothe you for the night won't you?" He only felt it was right after the many nights you had soothed him.
Patient, kind, understanding. Three words that when asked by others what you think about each other, you'd both say about each other. A pure give and take without a scoreboard, that's how you operated. You were both busy or stressed for one reason or another so that's how things had to be.
The simple love you shared was enough most days but sometimes things went wrong.
Sunday had performed hypnosis on you before so he knew it worked but he'd never engage unless you agreed. You knew the question he asked meant he wanted to soothe you via hypnosis, and with the state of your mind you would happily agree.
"Please do."
He wouldn't offer if he didn't have the energy you knew this, a rather large argument took care of that when he'd overworked himself then passed out after hypnotising you once and a medic had to be rushed in. Needless to say, you weren't happy with his carelessness. And seeing how upset you were he agreed to be more careful with his health.
You didn't want to think anymore so as you lay there looking up at him with your tired eyes and weary mind, he smiles. He caresses your face and hair before taking a deep breath and reciting that familiar chant.
"Oh triple faced soul, allow me to take hold of this one's mind and soothe them of all worries and burdens. The word Beloved will be the catalyst for control."
With that simple incantation your mind belonged to Sunday for a short while. Your mind felt fuzzy and slow but not unpleasantly, the way it would when you achieved complete relaxation.
Like he had done before, he would take you through your nightly routine with this hypnosis.
"Beloved, follow me to to the bathroom." He helped you up while your body automatically followed his words and stood up.
Walking was about the most complex task you could complete, he wasn't Xipe Themself, so his power only went so far.
"Beloved, lift your arms."
You do as told and he aids in stripping you, ready to be cleaned.
"Beloved, sit on this stool and close your eyes."
You again do as told his voice muffled through the layers of hypnosis, but soothing nonetheless. "I am going to wash your face first darling." He always narrates what he does before doing it as not to startle you.
You felt a cool, wet, cloth glide over your face and you can't help but sigh with satisfaction. You feel it gently caress your cheeks and softly rub your eyes tickle behind your ears. You hear the cloth being rinsed and wrung, the muffled sounds of the water soothing you further.
"I am going to wash your upper body now darling." And, as before, you feel the damp cloth glide over your neck and upper body, letting him move you has he sees fit. Soft humming coming from him lulls you deeper into his hypnosis. The cloth glides down and caresses your chest before moving to wash your back. You'd make sounds of relaxed satisfaction if you could but your exhausted body coupled with the hypnosis has made your brain devoid of any thought or control. Just how you want it.
He moves back to the front of you with a new cloth. "Beloved, spread your legs, I need to clean you."
Your body complies without hesitation and that's what he does, making sure to be extra gentle around this sensitive area. He is thorough but doesn't linger long this time, not wanting to spark anything in you this evening.
Standing to switch the cloth again, "I'm going to wash your legs and feet now darling." Still being as gentle as ever his hands and the cloth slowly makes their way down your legs massaging them as they go. A light massage is given to your feet as well before he finishes and pats you dry with a towel before he deems your body clean.
"Beloved, open your mouth wide."
He orders next, your mind too fuzzy to think of what else could be doing. You hear more water then feel a hand on your chin. "I'm going to brush your teeth darling." Then light scrubbing of your teeth and tongue can be felt, he is thorough with this area too. Not wanting to be the reason you have cavities he takes his time. Not too long later he finishes with you. You can hear things being put away and muffled sounds of him walking around you, maybe inspecting you. Before he stops in front and,
"Beloved, open your eyes and stand up. Its time to go to bed."
You're led back into the bedroom now that he is satisfied that you are clean. "Beloved, are you ready to sleep?"
Compelled to answer, you do. "yes"
"Beloved, do you want to sleep with me?"
"Yes"
"Good, let's get to sleep then shall we."
The sounds of fabric and draws is all you hear for a moment before he guides you into bed with him.
"Beloved, lay down."
When he's satisfied you are comfortable You feel his soft skin against yours, the wings on his head lightly brushing your face in reverence before he pulls them back. It isn't often he blesses you with his naked body, the vulnerability gets to him at times.
Once you've laid down and he's pulled you close he asked one more question.
"Beloved, are you ready to be released from hypnosis?"
"Yes"
As the words leave your lips he begins the incantation to remove his influence on your mind.
"Oh triple faced soul, this one has completed this ones tasks and can now be freed from the shackles of my control with no burden."
Everything goes still as your senses return slowly, reacclimating you to reality. A few minutes pass of him softly stroking your head and neck while you come back to him.
"Thank you Sunday" a soft whisper conveying how grateful you are before you promptly pass out the exhaustion and relaxation hitting you full force as you melt into the bed and his arms.
"Oh my beloved, I'd do anything to see you happy and relaxed like this more often. I am grateful for all you do for me so it's only natural. I love you, so much my beloved."
He whispers to your sleeping self, pressing small kisses to your forehead, cheeks and nose. Watching the small twitches at the contact makes his evening and he feels like he too can finally relax.
#hsr x reader#hsr sunday#hsr sunday x reader#sunday x reader#honkai star rail x reader#i needed fluffy hypnosis so i wrote it myself yay#i headcanon him as someone who would excessively use pet names because he finds them cute#and a sense of ownership but shush#but hes really just a tired dude whose life is spiralling out of control and i just want to hug him and stroke his wings#maybe reverse comfort for him next#i have a Neuvillette amd a clive rosfield fic in the works#i want to write for Aventurine but im a bit scared#also ratio#i love him more than i did when he was introduced thanks 2.1#anyway excited for patch 2.2 Sunday. wanna see him go even crazier but also see him nice and relaxed you know?#the duality of man#this isnt my best work ever but im happy ish with it and just want to get it out.#if you do have constructive criticism thats fine please and thank you#they could never make me hate you sunday#i love him even more after 2.2
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Common Miconceptions about qJaiden!
She likes or is proFederation! False!
-She is not fond of the federation at all and the only ones she truly cares about from them are the Cucurucho's, the ones she spent 2 weeks with in isolation, which obviously has problems of its own. She has stated and told people multiple times that only cucurcucho matters to her and not the federation as a whole.
If it doesnt matter to a character in the server or to you as a viewer and you align cucurucho the same as the federation, thats completely fair, but its important to include that distinction when talking about qjaiden's character as the difference is important to her and her perception.
She was raised/an experiment by the Federation/Cucurucho! Uncomfirmed!
-it has not been stated anywhere the true nature between qjaiden and cucurucho's/the Federation's past. All we know is that qJaiden "helped" the federation/cucurucho in some way and they need her help again. It is not canon that Cucurucho was ever her father figure nor that Jaiden is somehow a mother figure/caretaker of them.
qJaiden is naive! False!
-Jaiden is fully aware of cucurucho's wrong doings and is not naive about the fact that they may be manipulating her. Although she IS attached to them, remember that the whole reason she started working with the Federation is for the gauranteed safety of the eggs, which they failed to do. She is not ignorant of this fact btw, she's aware that they failed to keep their end of the bargain but she's also aware that she's gotten far with her relationship with the Cucurucho's and consequently the Federation, which she believes may be used to her advantage. She's also not always agreeing or in line with what Cucurucho does, as seen when she found out about the Happy Pills and Forever being drugged, which ended with her waiting for hours to confront Cucurucho in anger but spiraled to somewhat of a breakdown as she becomes scared and nervous and tells herself that she cannot mess up their relationship now as she has gotten so far. QJaiden is fully aware and understands the drastic consequences that her actions may take, she is not naive or ignorant.
Impromptu list because reasons. If im wrong about anything or if you want to add something then tell me!
#impromtu qjaiden misconceptionlist that may be missing lots of stuff but idk these come to mind because im tired#the one that bothers me the most is the federation one because shes said it so mamy times and always explaims it that shes attached only to-#cucurucho amd not the feds#AAARGHH WHATEVER#RAAAGGGHHEHWHW#paimon!speaks!#qsmp#jaiden animations#also full disclosure that my memory is shoddy and if i am wrong about a lot of thjngs tell me and ill edit/delete it#i need that blinkie about being wrong about anlysis and shit and being human
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more third life desertduo fully for self indulgence
#goodtimeswithscar#grian#scarian#third life#this is the second time i draw something like this and i will so it again#i miss them so much amd im so tired
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a doodle that turned into something or the other
#can you tell i really love kagura#just in case it didn’t come across#i really love kagura#i have so many doodles to clean up amd post btw#but yesterday i blacked out and doodled enmi gin a bunch and nearly broke down#that movie changed me irreparably as a person#anyways#the missile is very tired#she is eepy#my mimi ❤️#kagura#a little bit of#sakata gintoki#shimura shinpachi#sadaharu#yorozuya#gintama#ok bye
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would it be cringe to say im getting that same fluttery feeling kid me felt about seeing ezio auditore for the first time at the billionaire killers possible face 🙈💕
#probably i am just too tired to see this is probably just rewritten 'donald trumpb os voldymort uwu' type of post. amd i apolpgize#but he is giving a certain assassins creed swag... ... if this happened 15 yrs earlier i totally wouldve been like omg hes desmondddd#<- ok i hear it i think jesus christ idk im so fucking tired blease underdlstand lol
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I am sick to death of made up and worthless expectations from society and work. Im sickkkkk of it.
#i am TIRED of keeping this conversation up my fucking god#yes i am doing a service and you are paying me but it is your fucking dog#tELL me when you're leaving amd what day you want me over#stop sending me like 5d chess excel sheet calendars#and respond to my texts#i am like overstimulated or something im so fucking cranky at people right now#words
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star trek stop forcing Christine upon Spock challenge (level impossible)
#it happened SO OFTEN amd kt happens in snw and im so tired of spock being a target of sa#star trek#star trek tos#star trek the original series#spock#spock tos
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Good afternoon gamers! Hope you're all doing well! As for me, I wanna design so badly but alas...😔 I lack the time
#pan rambles#Also heads up everyone!! I'll probably be extra busy this month#IRL stuff is gonna make me a little extra busy-afjsnfjsndj#(Tired Panchi noises can be heard in the distance)#but that aside#Man I really have so many s/is to draw...#I got my H.i-f.i rush Panchi...my 2 Yakuza s/is...Colored Reference for my J.udgement s/i..#I have a little animatic of my DRRR s/i amd Shizuo that I started and got too busy to continue#I'll finish it eventually! I just don't have the time-afksnfknsdk#Any free time I do have is gaming bc it at least doesn't tire out my hands/wrists as much as drawing does#Anyways back to working on homework!-
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teen wolf x marvel: lydia martin as the hulk
For Lydia Week 2023: Day 3 - What-If Wednesday
#twedit#lydia martin#lydiaweek2023#lydia martin moodboard#lydia martin edit#teen wolf edit#teen wolf moodboard#teen wolf#teen wolf x marvel#sam edits#mine#this one maybe makes more sense than malias??#i like the science/maths parallels#and also i think the way hulk smashes and lydias screams cause similar damage#and like for bruce its about using anger as a weapon and i think lydia has anger but for her its also about using grief amd fear#like the scream is so intrinsically linked to death and loss#but she uses it as a weapon#as a way to save people#you know?#idk man i am. so. fucking. tired#so maybe none of this makes sense
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAN DIAZ!!! ilysm u are everything to me loml i miss u sm come home to me thank u for being the Little Guy in my phone🐺🐺🐺 (complaining in the cut)
ive literally spent multiple days mulling over and trying to motivate myself to make this edit, im not an editor and have never made an edit before so ur not allowed to laugh, i dont usually do this but sean is just my special little guy.. the middle bit is so off beat its pissin me off so bad but atp im too sick of this too change it and its not even his birthday anymore in my timezone and URRGHHH WHATEVER!!!! i dont think the editing life is for me boys.... i may remake this one day if i Get Good at editing edits dont even do well on this godforsaken hellsite but im too embarrassed to post this anywhere else ANYWAYS if u like this ty k bye
#im so tired and sleep deprived holy shit#ginna wake uo and delete this bc i think its embarrassong amd its gonna look even worse when im properly awake#sean diaz#wolf brothers#edit#edits#life is strange edit#lis2#life is strange#lis#sean lis#finn mcnamara#daniel diaz#💌#🦌
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Parenting tip: if your kid seems absolutely miserable around you, yet you know they are not so around others, it might be time to look inward rather than blame them
#abuse#abuse tw#just in case#like... i just read this thing where the parent was saying their kid was sooo happy around everybody but them and the kid...#...avoids their parent like the plague and it's like... oh i could absolutely understand why they feel that way#i dunno i'm hesitant to believe the parents de facto when i have experienced and heard about the *worst* shit#and i'm tired of the idea that kids are like... demons that the parent suffers and the child can Do No Right#and that anything the kid does is because of *their* failing rather than *maybe* some Shit Is Happening#like i don't think the average kid will wake up amd decide 'well time to be the Worst Kid Ever'#i used to shut myself in my room because of abuse and yet *i* was the problem so i hope you see why i feel this way
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last may, I didn't get in a scholarship for a phd, and today I got into another one, life is funny (and good) sometimes.
#angsti rambles#thought I'd share#I am just so tired#but oh well gotta work fto be called 'doctor'#furture partner I amd oing it so you can 'oh my wife is a doctor'
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Being paranoid because of mental state is fucking awful because I can fucking trust a person with literally everything and yet I could not leave my tea next to them, because my mind will write up some fucked up scenario about them putting something in it, I cannot trust the closest friend to make food for me, I will not use any cosmetics or food I get as a gift, I constantly feel like someone's out to get me, it's so fucking exhausting and I know it's stupid and irrational and not true but guess what that doesn't help
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