#but beauty cannot exist without some level of ugly

[ikeberry]

someone said aromanticism is shrimp colours and my thoughts have never been turned into a coherent sentence in a more affirming way before

[harmoonix]

♡Sweet astrology notes♡

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

Ascendant - Moon aspects: These people give a very warming energy when you are around them you can feel safe, they are the the sweetest touched and blessed by the moon 🌙

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

Venus - Moon aspects: These people can love very deeply, their love is unique and very intense. If they get attached to you, you can feel the most blessed person on earth because these people will love you no matter what ❤️‍🩹

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

Saturn - Moon harsh aspects (square, opposition/conjunct can apply too): These people went through so much pain in their lives and all they need is a warm BIGGG huggg. They deserve the entire world 💖

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

People with Scorpio Moon/Moon in the 8th house deserve to experience the most cutest love, they need love to live. They need love in their lives. This placement can be a very painful placement, but y'all be sure it's not for the weak ❤️. (Applying to people with Moon in the 4th house/Scorpio in the 4th house/)

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡

People with Moon in Libra need to have some around them always, because their lives is based on setting harmonious relationships they exist by the feeling of having harmonious relationships ❣️

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

People with Moon in Pisces are very emotional and they can attach to you so fast, but they are scared they will end up hurt. If someone around you has a Pisces Moon please give them a very big and warm hug 🥹🥹

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

People with Venus - Pluto aspects love very deeply and they can put a lot of trust and sacrifices into their relationship. If you are happy then they will be happy too, these people want everyone to feel good around them. Pure souls 🤍

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_

Jupiter - Moon aspects: These people have the most brightest smiles, their smile can also be contagious. They love to smile 😁

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

Uranus - Moon aspects: These people can be emotional at a very different level, they experience the things emotionally but in different and unique ways. You can also feel very comfortable around them, because they have something unique in their soft side 😇

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

Now i don't know if i am right but isn't that people with air moons (Gemini, Aquarius, Libra Moons) likes to listen to music all the time, is like they cannot live without music, and Water Moons (Scorpio. Cancer and Pisces Moons) might experience this too) 🎶🎶🎶 (Applying to people with Moon in 3rd/4th/7th/8th/11th/12th)

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_

My darling Earth Moons (Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo), they are so soft, elegant and charming, these people can find beauty in everything i swear. It can be a very very ugly weather outside and these people would still find something pretty in it. Respect for them ⭐⭐⭐

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_

My intense Fire Moons (Aries, Sagittarius and Leo), they are so charismatic and are having extra much energy... They never get tired , can do like a lot of things and they would still have energy for something. They do everything with passion and love 🔥

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_

Water Venuses are natural charmers, it's in their aura to be like this. They were born for this.💞

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_

Earth Venuses are having one of the bests styles in the entire world, they know how to match the colors and can look very pretty too🌺

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_

Air Venuses love to spend time with their special ones 🥹 they can give you all their time and affection, so cute because rare you find people who can do these things. They are like a treasure for their special ones. 🪙

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡

Fire Venuses need a lot of affection from other people, they want to be taken care of, like some babies and that's not bad at all. Because these Venuses will do the same for you if you treat them right, they will love you for eternity 🌸🌷.

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

Aquarius Placements are the definition of 🌠 UNIQUE 🌠they are not weird, just different because their ruler Uranus is the planet is the planet of uniqueness 🌠🌠🌠

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡

Uranus in Pisces degrees (12°, 24°), they are having something unique in their appearance, most time might be the eyes, but of course they can have other unique things in the way they look. 🧚‍♀️

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_

Uranus in Cancer degrees (4°, 16°,28°), can have a very innocent look, that angelic type of look with big eyes and and lips. They can look like a doll tho 💕

♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_♡♡_♡_

[seoafin]

Genderbend ripmc would be such a misandrist y is this so funny just looks at men like the sukuna lying but listen anyways meme just stares at em blank faced smiling doesn't move his hand when a guy tries to hi five him or politely shake hands just thinly smiles autistically till they walk away and leave him alone 😭 thinks he's too disgusting to be touched by a woman so he always shies away when stsg try to so much as lock fingers literally acts like a demure catholic woman and they're so frustrated because as big evil girls there is nothing more lovely than male ripmc quite literally just existing as boy bitch material to torment and squeeze but he's literally SO demure they cant just force him into being their personal boytoy right off the bat without it being too overwhelming for him......kinda feel like hed be weirdly popular with woman cus he may not be some tall chad stud but he's delicate and pretty and they can almost always clock how much of an absolute doormat he is to literally just about any kind of woman. Premium level "yes dear" material, stsg probably peg him till he nearly throws up before letting him anywhere near the pussy (they say its too good for him and his battered bruised self fully agrees). Ironically even tho stsg abuse him in bed I feel like he'd still try to protect them from harm (which is so stupid cus they're still the strongest) but it's not out of chauvinistic chivalry - he's just already a sad emo boy that wants to die and also, he literally cannot comprehend the idea of having a beautiful wonderful amazing kind woman come to harm when an ugly little 'Thing' like him can take it instead (suddenly stsg are like okay the woman worship aint funny anymore)

It's like you went into my head and said let's make male ripmc morgan's exact type down to the peg first pussy later

[femboy-catgirl]

Fat people are cool and cute and whatever other adjective you feel comfortable to refer yourself with.

Especially fat gay men, there's a lot of pressure for gay men to be skinny and/or muscular. You don't need to.

Fat is beautiful, fat is hot, fat is handsome.

Gay trans men also feel the pressure to be skinny because of the picture of transmasculinity that society likes to sell. You don't need to be skinny to be a real man, you already are one.

Society likes to portray fat as unhealthy when not necessarily, some bodies are built different, sometimes an individual is fat, while having all their health markers at healthy levels.

Sometimes you are fat because of a disability, you cannot change that and you deserve to feel comfortable in your body, to feel hot and sexy if you want to, to feel attractive, cute, handsome, pretty! Or just have a body without having to apologize.

This ableist society can go fuck itself!

You deserve cute, comfortable clothes. You deserve love and affection. You deserve to exist without people telling you you're ugly or subhuman, you don't deserve insults, you deserve better. You deserve to be happy.

My country is particularly fatmisic, and post like this were our lifeline until a dick doctor's comments finally pushed us into a restrictive eating disorder. It's horrible and I rather you be fat than have to deal with this, because it's hard to recover from without specialized help.

Only lose weight if it makes you feel better about yourself or if there's REASONABLE health concerns.

Take care and remember that you are loved.

[grgwshngturnt]

played today for about 8 hours - my most coherent thought: WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK

im legit having so much fun my every waking thought is consumed by this game which is unfortunately as due to The Circumstances i cannot SPEND every waking moment playing this game. i am in agony but we stay silly.

(there will be spoilers for the start of the game up until post darvin recruitment below)

i love my rook - sometimes i wish they could be a bit more of a shit but im viewing it as the chaotic good au of my very chaotic neutral oc i decided to make my first rook. i think this will stand out less on a further playthrough where im playing a rook that i made for veilguard instead of an existing character who is best known for being an absolute wanker. this is also what i have stand and de riva (working title) for, as the antivan crows need to understand what a little shit they recruited. i also did tear up a little bit when they could literally say they were trans like. in as many words. that was so huge. theyre also GOREGEOUS i struggled a bit with cc at first and made what is canonically a 6'3 man tiny and had to go back after the start and totally remake them in the mirror but i actually like them better the second time lmaoooo a wins a win

game is fucking beautiful absolutely 10/10 every single environment is gorgeous and so are all the companions. feys hair is so bouncy when they run i am transfixed by it. d'meta's crossing was fucking hideous in a very good way and everything is so stunning. my pc is doing its level best and while we did crash once it seems to be running smoothly otherwise (apparently an ogre and rain physics is too much but the DRAGON runs fine. go figure)

the sound i made when dorian rocked up was not one from a rational human. that's my HUSBAND RIGHT THERE and hes GOREGEOUS. anyone saying he looks ugly is such a fucking coward thats the most fuckable late 30s man in thedas. i adore his stupid facial hair its so Him. i also gave my inquisitor a stupid mullet i like to think they are at an impasse where dorian will shave only when mahanon gets a reasonable haircut. theyre so husbands yall.

SPEAKING OF MAHANON i almost cried in the cc yall. getting to make him again and seeing him older and maybe-not-wiser and hearing the inquisition music in the bg.... wish we got a few more choice about him but ill live with it as it isnt his story anymore. im nervous for him to show up but im probably going to scream and cry about it in equal measure. anyway hes hot even with his stupid mullet. im so delighted we get to see him againta

literally in love with all the companions - fey is my planned lucanis romance bc im LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH HIM and have been since pregame and that has not changed but im SO excited to see everyone elses romances on my subsequent playthroughs - bellara is exactly what i wanted for my shadow dragon rook and she was their planned romance. also very excited for harding and the weirdo that is the mourn watches very own crypt baby cessair and for neve and her thembo boyfriend mordred the veiljumper but im also not sure if i can ever abandon treviso :((((( like i agree with lucanis there even without the romance minrathous HAS A WHOLEASS FLOATING SECURITY SYSTEM and youre telling me that did jackshit??? so we'll see how the neve romance goes lmao

ill probably post some screenshots of my rook tomorrow thats my favourite little fuck <3 im having so much fun and i dont even have all the companions yet i cannot wait to see how this all plays out and then do it over and over and over again

[tobeabatman]

personally i don't really think one is better than the other but as a woc i've felt far more accepted in body neutrality circles than modern body positivity circles- this used to be different but the last couple years have really changed things.

woc specifically, more so than literally any other demographic, are constantly faced with either fetishism or straight up rejection of both our bodies and our features. we're taught from a very early age that we're either sexy or we're disgusting, ugly, or wrong. body positivity, despite being well-intentioned, can sometimes reinforce those views in some poc. we have to love our bodies, we can't look at them negatively, we can't think negatively about how we look, every negative thought has to be challenged, we are hot, we are beautiful. once again, we're placing an emphasis on the way that we look instead of who we are and giving power to the idea that being "beautiful" or "attractive" matters at all.

neutrality does the opposite- maybe we don't like our bodies, maybe we don't like our faces, maybe we don't like our skin, maybe we don't like our weight, our fat distribution, it could be anything. or maybe we love them. maybe we're pretty, maybe we're ugly- either way, it means nothing. bodies are just bodies, nothing more. social attitudes towards my features, weight and appearance hold no relevance to who i am as a person. the way i feel about how i look has no impact on who i am. it doesn't matter how my body looks or how i/anybody else feel about it, because all it is is a body. it's just a vessel and literally every single other thing about me is far more important and interesting than how that vessel looks and how i decorate it. i don't have to love it and i don't have to hate it, i don't have to be positive or negative about it, it's still going to function the same regardless, because that's what it exists to do and the way that it looks doesn't matter.

to be honest, i really do like body positivity as a sentiment but the entire community as of late (not targeted at you, you seem lovely) tends to reek of white woman tears. the amount of times a white body positivity content creator has somehow brought poc experiences that they cannot begin to understand into their arguments is insane. it'll be a video response to a tiktok comment with a white blonde woman on screen and somehow she finds a way to call the commenter racist and start using woc experiences (especially of black women) to argue her own persecution and cement her own victimhood. on an objective level, yes, fat people, especially fat women, are treated unfairly and persecuted. fatphobia exists and it is a massive problem, and yes there are links between fatphobia and racism. but when white body pos creators and advocates are bringing racism into their arguments, almost framing it comparatively or implying that they somehow can connect with the poc experience solely on the basis of experiencing fatphobia, it's nothing more than implicit, insidious racism in my eyes.

i get why they do it, but my experiences do not exist to further a narrative, they do not exist to platform white people and they do not exist to be trivialised in order to prove a point which can be proven without dragging them in.

i think that sometimes (not always) the idea of diversity within a community tends to lean closer to tokenisation than actual inclusion. this isn't a criticism of you as a person, just of the wording of the post, but really often i see people talking about how a community isn't diverse enough and doesn't have enough poc as if we're some kind of quantative measure for a group to say "see! i'm not racist!". at the end of the day, genuine inclusion matters far more than diversity. if a community welcomes poc with open arms but doesn't have much involvement from poc, that is inclusion. we have the option to become involved but we are not forced or pressured to become involved because we aren't seen as special trophies for groups to collect. when a group welcomes poc with open arms and defines themselves by how nice they are to poc and how many of us are involved and how they're so superior to other groups for doing the bare minimum of allowing poc to exist within their space, that's racism. diversity and racism can coexist. a lot of us feel repelled from becoming engaged in body positivity solely because of how white women specifically brand woc experiences as their own and pat themselves on the back for sharing a space with us. our experiences are not theirs, and even if they coexist they are still not the same and not a topic for somebody else to speak on to better their own situation.

ofc other poc will disagree and that's completely okay, i don't expect everybody to feel the same, but just my two cents.

”I think that sometimes (not always) the idea of diversity within a community tends to lean closer to tokenisation than actual inclusion. this isn't a criticism of you as a person, just of the wording of the post, but really often i see people talking about how a community isn't diverse enough and doesn't have enough poc as if we're some kind of quantative measure for a group to say "see! i'm not racist!”

I totally get that lol. Honestly the reason I brought up POC is because I was afraid that (other white) people would blame me for not being diverse enough if I didn’t lmao. You have to mention racism in any discussion about diversity or otherwise you’ll get persecuted by performative white activists (although you guys are the judges of whether I’m one of them as well lmao).

I think we fat and disabled people are generally more critical of body-neutrality compared to other marginalized groups, because our experiences and marginalization does differ from e.g skinny able-bodied POC, despite all of us facing oppression for the ways we look.

(Anyway for everyone who didn’t see my original post: I’m not body-positive or body-neutral. I don’t think one is better than the other, either.)

Everyone have an amazing day! And call me out on any bullshit whenever you guys want to. I could have missed the point of this commenter totally.

Byeee

[chaoskuriboh]

QPR vs Polyamory: An important discovery

An important discovery I made while exploring polyamory.

So, you think polyamory is right for you. You've discussed it with your current partners (if any) and you've been reading and watching things. Great work! I thought the same thing for me! Until...

I realized it wasn't what I wanted. There were aspects of it that I did want but I missed some important steps along the way in my rush to embrace this idea. I don't know if this is something that isn't widely discussed, or the resources just failed to mention it but here's what I did learn (and had a lot of emotional breakdowns over lol)

1) Make sure you have a firm grasp of, or have resources to help manage past relationship trauma. It can rear its ugly head and make the whole thing feel really bad, really quickly. You suddenly realize that to do it properly you cannot have rules or expectations of your partners, their relationships, or their autonomy which could be triggering for some.

2) Before you seek a new relationship to fulfill your needs, you owe it to your existing partner to communicate your needs with them and give them time to see if they can fulfill those needs without expanding your relationship to include other persons. Your existing partner has been with you this long, they should have the honor, the privilege of being the person you can take your needs to *first*.

3) Consider a QPR. A queer platonic relationship is really just a super dedicated and consented relationship with friends that you can often achieve the same level of satisfaction and emotional benefits from without it foraying into a full and proper relationship. Hold hands, go on dates or outings, keep it platonic. Relationships are hard work. Especially if you're building them up from the ground. Try to use your existing supports and friends to fulfill your needs first. If 2 and 3 aren't good options for you, and you've done the hard, emotional work to make sure you and your relationships are healthy and ready for poly, then go ahead and explore it!

4) Don't let outside influences corrupt your approach to your relationship. Each relationship is built on incredibly and beautiful unique understanding and no two relationships will ever be the same. Just because polyamory was right for some people doesn't mean it's what your relationship needs.

Above all COMMUNICATION must be clear before anything goes forward. Do not set ground rules or expectations unless there is already a person or persons that you would like to form a relationship with already present. Then all parties have to be able to communicate and agree to how the relationships will progress AND you will need to regularly check in and assess to make sure that everyone's needs are remaining prioritized.

Good luck! Happy exploring, and remember that when it comes to the people in your life that are the most important, you cannot over communicate anything. Talk talk, and talk some more before you even toe the line. Time cannot yet be rewound and you don't want to damage something precious.

Tagging my beautiful princess, @iwillforgetthisusername in case they have anything else to add.

[jacktrammell]

The Unelegant Universe

Introduction

I may have invented a brand new word for this book: unelegant.  Some people claim that inelegant and unelegant are both words.  The latter means something gauche; out of style; not attractive; or something disapproved.  On the other hand, where it is accepted as a word, unelegant means the state of not being elegant and is agnostic, neither beautiful or ugly, not good or bad; it simply is not elegant.

We live in a complicated and quite elegant universe (with all due thanks to the great scientist Brian Greene, whose book I have read several times).  But I am arguing instead that A.I. is unelegant.  It simply is.  We, on other hand, cannot afford to be agnostic about A.I.

In 2024 Artificial Intelligence demands a brand-new synonym for its own name because the current two-word term and famous acronym in English has become completely stereotyped and meaningless in a remarkably short time.  There is no such thing as Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) anymore.  That is already an outdated concept.  There now are instead various groups of humans co-existing with other groups, networks, and collections of machines and technologies that people originally created, but which are now perpetuating themselves and quickly being adopted as surrogate “smart” family and community members we allow without question into our most intimate human spaces.

Georg Simmel’s classic social theory of the Triad (3 humans creating complexity by interacting in a group) has now become replaced by the AI-ad.  It is the reality of our times.  Rather than resisting an irresistible force, we instead must learn new ways to use social science to understand who we are in this series of relationships, and what our place in the world/universe with A.I. is.

This book is not about A.I. in any technical sense.  A.I. has already grown beyond the control and understanding of any one human being no matter what their individual genius.  Instead, this book is about what A.I. does to or has done to impact the human animal; how it directly and indirectly impacts the sapient brain and evolving neurology; what A.I. does to classic social science theory; how A.I. has changed long accepted notions of normality ranging from the “security” of the nation-state to the “how” of the ways we teach our children.  In fact, Generation Z is wired for A.I. (more of this later in the book).

On the interpersonal level, A.I. has introduced existential questions about relationships, ranging from sex robots to marriage between humans and an A.I.  On the bigger level, it is engaged in creating a new politics never seen before in human governance.  The list could go on and on.

But on the practical level, what does this all mean?

In realistic terms, it means a complete reimagining of every social structure we have taken for granted for the last two hundred years, from the family and the role of religion in daily life, to how we understand work and capitalism.  In fact, capitalism may be one of the early fatalities of the new paradigm (and even though it pains me as a sociologist to say it, that may not be a good thing).  In the world of A.I., Max Weber’s original conceptualization of rationality is turned upside down on its head—the rational technology becomes the irrational human partner, and vice versa.

I will illustrate in Chapter 1 the “Raccoon Theory,” which shows some of the basic neurology impacted by new technologies, and most importantly by A.I.  In Chapter 2, we will walk through some basic bomb shells that A.I. lobs into classic social theory about human behavior.  Chapter 3 will explore relationships, and how A.I. is impacting courtship, teamwork, and friendship.  Chapter 4 will build on Chapter 3 and specifically examine the workplace and how A.I. has transformed what it means to be an employee, a boss, an executive, and a CEO.  Later in the text, there will be an actual primer for employers and employees about how to live in this new work world (see Appendix 1).  Chapter 5 is about education, and what can be done to preserve the good but embrace the inevitable.  Chapter 6 will begin to explore the “Oppenheimer” aspects of A.I. with questions about what kind of new ethics and moral codes should guide the regulation and promotion of even newer A.I. or the soon anticipated “super intelligence” (still “a few months away” at the writing of this book…)  Chapter 7 will look at the possible fate of the nation state, the related politics and what A.I. means in terms of globalization.  Chapter 8 will deal with disability, sickness and injury, and the special things that can happen mostly only to humans.  Chapter 9 will conclude with a risky analysis of what might be next.

If you care about this type of thing, please not that A.I. did not author any portion of this book; it did, however, greatly facilitate its creation every day in many different ways, and it aided me personally, as well.

Cheers to the new world.

Jack Trammell, Ph.D.

Mount Saint Mary’s University (MD)

June 2024

[presencinglife]

Sometimes you are given a love that surpasses your mind. Every logical argument you resort to, fails to explain why you feel this overwhelming feeling inside you for another. The other is equally puzzled at what they did to deserve this outburst of love. You are both caught up in a puzzle of sorts. Eventually, you are made to see how it was all about your own self-understanding deepening through each other. You couldn't have done it without this feeling of being struck down by another's aura penetrating your own. You co-created an energetic dance that brought out both your ugly sides as well as hidden beauty to the surface for you to witness and come to terms with. You are bowled over by your inner beauty just as much as you chafe at your ugliness. You realize you must reconcile the two as being part of who you are. You cannot choose one without the other.

Meaning is created between two people only in relation to each other. This meaning is not created through generating profound ideas of changing the world but through an honest inquiry into one's own nature. Your own inner capacity for perpetrating violence towards yourself is revealed in all its glory when you are put in a place of real vulnerability before another. You see how this manifestation of self-destruction at a personal level adds to the collective shadow of war. This is humbling to the ego, which only aspires to be seen as the hero who manages to save the day by fixing the outer world. It doesn't want to look at the root of violence in itself. But in the light of truth that exists between you and another, you see that you have no business focusing on changing anything outside yourself. Anything you do in the outer world is being manifested by higher forces through you; rather despite you. It is only in relation to another that you come to see yourself in the correct light - neither with heightened self-inflation nor with an absolute self-abnegation. You are shown places where your vanity wants to rule the roost by being a know-it-all as well as places where you think you are utterly unworthy of being held tenderly by anyone.

In coming to this grounded 'self-ness', there is something you discover about yourself that you could not have done on our own. Even your flaws become acceptable to you, not as an excuse to hide behind, but as the emerging of your realness. You begin speaking from your lived suffering which has patience with your self-contradictions. There is a kind of falling in love with oneself in this self-acceptance which is not narcissistic. It carries vulnerability that only self-confrontation with your inner pain could have revealed to you. Then you don't love another like they are a recipient of your grand love (which is what narcissistic love would make you do) but from a deep knowing that they hold the other end of the thread between you which is equally frayed. They carry the same wounds, doubts, fears and worries as you do. They are just as flawed and imperfect as you are. You choose to love not out of desire, which looks past what is to be loved now and puts off loving to a perfect future in which you both won't be imperfect, which is only a fantasy. You see how wanting to be loved in some perfect future has kept you away from satisfaction in the present. You stop wanting and instead choose to attend to what you have right now, which is all there is anyway. Your commitment is never to a goal or a future but to the journey of emerging 'nows'. Your gift to each other is that of authentic presence that calls forth ever deepening self-awareness in the present moment. In this you both become more real to yourself as well as each other. You reveal to each other what it means to be loved from a place of self-acceptance and in this revelation, together, you become love.

[icharchivist]

Yeah, I think it's implied that on top of everything, Lucifer and Belial represent Evolution and Chaos, respectively

Chaos being the incentive for Evolution and Evolution growing from Chaos

Even without adding the Light/ Dark and Life/Death wedge's powers on top of them, they always had a yin yang thing going on. That part was part of the design

But it's interesting to think about just how much Lucilius put into his first two creations. They had purposes separate from just representing an element and they had jobs separate from that as well, with Lucifer being supreme primarch and Belial being deputy head of the research facility

And then there's the whole "Lucilius putting different aspects of Lucio into them" thing

And even then, it's said that Belial's purpose is Cunning, which is an aspect of the evolution of knowledge, so he's really a primal of knowledge and evolution and supposedly beneath Lucifer, but to fill the power vacuum and properly work off of Lucifer for the yin yang thing he had to be Chaos

The fact that Belial's entire purpose isn't easily nailed down is actually perfectly on brand for him. It doesn't fully make sense, but I hope you understand what I mean

I think we're both rambling a bit at this point, but that's fun

yeah right exactly!!

Lucifer and Belial really work as a duo in that sense because their separate purpose end up complementing one another.

but it's always in a way where every concept Lucifer represent is a beautiful concept that is enjoyable to brag about, while Belial represents every ugly side of that concept.

When one discuss Evolution, you'll be more attracted to the idea of discussing the clear steps of the evolution of something, something that create a neat continuity. You don't acknowledge the chaotic aspect of it, of the failed branches of the evolution process. You only talk about the one branch that won by going to the next level. So you end up talking about Evolution, but the Chaos that provoked there is not mentioned, kept in the shadow, too ugly to mention.

If Belial is Cunning, in the sense of taking a knowledge, especially survivalist knowledge, in order to manipulate the odds in your favor - i feel like Lucifer would fit as one of Observation. His knowledge comes less from connecting dots and manipulating the odds to get to a conclusion, but from carefully observing a situation and assess some conclusions out of those. And cunning is usually frowned upon, considered a low blow, compared to someone who is just patiently observant.

and Light/Dark, Life/Death obviously have Positive/Negative associations to both, and it just puts Belial further away in Lucifer's shadow, while at the same time, one cannot exist without the other. What is darkness if you can't compare it to light? and can light exist without casting a shadow? What is life if you can't assess its value when it ends, and what is death when you haven't lived a life worth living? And back to the previous aspect, can evolution even exist without chaos? can chaos even exist if situations didn't evolve enough to create some more?

But instead of working together, Lucilius pitied them against one another. Lucifer always wanted to be with Belial more, like the Light can cast itself and will always have a shadow, like Life always comes with Death in the end. But Belial resents Lucifer because the more he exists the further in those negatives he is. He's the end of things, the nasty aspect of it all.

and instead of working together, Lucilius made sure their actual work were so separated they wouldn't be working together, because to him, the evolution he wanted Lucifer to look over, and the destruction he wanted Belial to cause, were not meant to be deployed together, at least not with Lucifer's knowledge.

SO YEAH just rambling and all but god. Those two really are The Duo, thematically wise. They represent way too many concepts that always end up coming back to needing one another to exist. but where light will always cast a shadow, darkness can snuff out the light. But what are you left with in the end? Life goes on until meeting death, but once you reach death, what do you do?

And then you just make those two thematics into two people who feel strongly about one another and tadaaaaa! you get bloggers who can't shut up about them.

i lost track of what i was saying. Anyway Belial and Lucifer ftw.

[ratbastarddotfuck]

Except the question isn't "do you respect people you aren't attracted to" it's "do you respect people you find ugly" and there is a difference. there are people I'm not attracted to. as I have explained multiple times, my point isn't really that I think everyone is beautiful (I never said that! I was very careful with my words) or that everyone should think everyone is beautiful, it's that we need to get away from the idea that true ugliness exists. we cannot be free of beauty culture if we still believe that yes, there are actually ugly women (or men, or people), or ugly bodily features.

obviously I have features that I am and am not attracted to, obviously I have my own biases. I have spent a long fucking time and a lot of work to become aware of those biases so that if and when they crop up, they don't impact how I interact with someone. I have also done the work in my mind of disconnecting these features from perceived ugliness - that "ugh" instinct. it takes time but it CAN be done. I'm not out here trying to act like I'm some wonderful fucking body positive fairy from a world where everyone is gorgeous. but I genuinely, truly, do not ever find myself thinking about how ugly someone is or how bad they look, because I simply no longer give a fuck. I worked at this for years, because I needed to, for my survival as a fat, "ugly" child. I internalised this on myself before anyone else.

I KNOW that those posts are about "respect people even if you find them ugly". That's a great message, for sure, but it's honestly a little bit kindergarten level (even if, admittedly, a lot of people didn't get the "be kind to people who are different to you" message). This post is taking this a step further, with "now, unpack why you find someone ugly. study those features. are they really that bad? try to stop thinking of people as ugly. it's more possible than you think."

If you're not ready to do that, then fine. But you should question why you are so eager to hold on to your conception of ugliness and beauty. None of it is real.

edit: THE POINT IS that when these posts equate ugliness or unnatractiveness or "being a solid 3" or being "not hot" to being "not traditionally attractive or feminine", that is an utter disgrace and a disservice to these girls and women and fems. there are better ways to get this point across without throwing them under the bus.

post genres that make me feel kinda weird: "do you still respect that trans girl if she's not hot? if she's a solid 3? if she looks like total dogshit? if she's a fat slob? if she still looks like an ugly dirty man?"

yeah I do actually. and i know you're trying to make a point but I think you might have some of your own appearance-based biases to unlearn?

[idratherdreamofjune]

@sunheart wrote in her tags on another post:

Genuinely hate being alive ... I completely understand on so many levels why you would hate being a woman. Its horrible. And then as a Christian there's this whole really ugly dynamic- that i know is probably a lie i just haven't worked out how yet- that we're the 2nd best. The afterthought. The mediocre option. Almost everything in life men are better at and it's hard to believe it's just cultural-  math logic leadership writing cooking writing physical activities on and on, and women are good at being Nice :)   Which ok i like being nice   but it's like that's my only option   I feel like any other impact i might wish to have upon the world   will be paltry in comparison to what i could do   if only i was a man.   I feel incompetent. Irrational. Emotional. Obnoxious.   I feel like I'm supposed to be a plaything for the beings that were *actually* created to be in harmony with God   like I'm not supposed to have a connection with God-  only through my husband   which what does that make me as a single childless bitch?   I can't even fulfill the main point of my existence. Jesus interacted with women but did he care about them like he did the men? David and John were named his favorites not Deborah or Hannah. And like i said i'm sure none of that's true but i don't know how and it feels awful. hate it.

   Hopefully others have shared encouragement on this already, but just in case I wanted to give some thoughts. Please know that if I sound riled at all (and I’m going to try to avoid that) I’m not upset at anyone who feels this way but am deeply upset by the enemy’s lies that so many are hurt by. As a younger believer I did struggle with some of these questions myself, and for a long time it was difficult to reconcile these concerns with the promises that God loves me.

   Your instincts are right - it is a lie that women are second best. And before I go any further let me also agree that yes, we are physically weaker than men and have other weaknesses too. But since when has weakness meant that someone is any way “less than” others? Men have weaknesses too, just different ones. That’s the nature of humanity: every person is a mixed bag of strengths and weaknesses. I’ve never heard before that men are better at cooking?? My dad literally struggles to cook a hotdog in the microwave and has never touched a grill in his life. And okay men may (possibly, not sure on this one either) be inherently better at math, but which gender is drastically underrepresented in the nursing field? I suspect there are fewer male teachers, too, though not as huge a disparity. Men are more prone to recklessness and violence - part of the reason married men live longer (gotta get that stable influence). Again yes men are physically stronger but have you watched ballet dancers (oooh i mean ballerinas, sorry there’re so few ballerinos that I forgot to differentiate) or female gymnasts? Nothing “less than” there! The famous Proverbs 31 woman is a good insight into Biblical support of female abilities and value: “strength and dignity are her clothing”, “she opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” “Let her works praise her in the gates.” (The gates were essentially the city hall or forum of ancient Israel.)

   Going back to the beginning - women were created second, true. But did God not know His own plan? He was always going to create women. And the really amazing thing that I learned in the last couple of years is that, when God says He’s going to make Adam “a helper” (Hebrew ”ezer”), that’s the same word that is used to describe God’s actions for His people throughout the Old Testament: - Exodus 18:4 “The God of my father was my help.” - 1 Samuel 7:12 “Ebenezer” means “rock of help” and is a memorial of Yaweh’s help. - Psalm 30:10 “Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me! O Lord, be my helper!” - Psalm 115:11 “You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord, He is their help and their shield” - Psalm 121:2 “My help comes from the Lord” - Hosea 13:9 “‘You are against Me, against your helper.’“

It is a common word for “help” used in other settings, yes, but the fact that it’s used of God illustrates that this is no poor or second-rate role. Helping - aiding - supporting - incredibly important! In fact this article I just found puts it this way:

In two cases it refers to the first woman, Eve, in Genesis 2. Three times it refers to powerful nations Israel called on for help when besieged. In the sixteen remaining cases the word refers to God as our help. He is the one who comes alongside us in our helplessness. That's the meaning of ezer. Because God is not subordinate to his creatures, any idea that an ezer-helper is inferior is untenable. In his book Man and Woman: One in Christ, Philip Payne puts it this way: "The noun used here [ezer] throughout the Old Testament does not suggest 'helper' as in 'servant,' but help, savior, rescuer, protector.'

   Moving on to the New Testament, and the topic of John, who is known as “the disciple whom Jesus loved”. John is the one who wrote the book which tells us that (under the direction of the Holy Spirit, yes) and he only uses that wording as a title, in place of his name. Nowhere does it say he was the favorite disciple, or even most loved, just that he was loved. To me it seems more as if John is saying “Jesus loved me! Can you believe it?!” It has a feeling of awe and thankfulness as opposed to superiority.

  Getting into marriage specifically, I do believe that a wife should be under the headship of her husband ...mainly in the sense of letting him have the last word on decisions and plans. This is in part due to differing areas of strength, and in part because in some situations it’s better to have a family leader - most groups of humans need a leader, and following an assigned (or picked) leader does not make one inferior. All that being said, a wife should be able to provide input, advice, and feedback to her husband, who should take into strong consideration his wife’s needs, insights, and concerns (Ephesians 5:25-29).

   The lie that women cannot be connected to God outside of their husband is refuted not only by all the vibrantly faithful single or windowed Christian ladies of history (Amy Carmichael, Gladys Aylward, Mary Slessor, and Elisabeth Elliot are some of my favorites) but also Scripture itself. When Christ spoke with the divorced Samaritan woman the disciples were shocked not because she was a Samaritan but because she was a woman (John 4:27; she was shocked on both counts - John 4:9) - I hope they got used to it because Jesus spoke with women a lot. Despite the culture of the time, Jesus clearly had very warm and caring direct relationships with Martha and Mary, Mary Magdalene, and other women. Anna the Prophetess in the temple had been widowed for decades and was serving God alone “night and day” (Luke 2:37). Incredibly, in a culture where women were looked down upon, the Lord chose women to be the first to discover the empty tomb, and Mary Magdalene to be the first to see the risen Christ! I love that passage so much (John 20:11-18).

   Another example is when Jesus stopped on His way to heal Jairus’ daughter (i.e. He put aside a powerful man’s urgent request) to lovingly interact with the woman who’d suffered bleeding for years - a terribly personal and female problem (Mark 5:21-35).

   To try to wrap up, I’ll return to David in the OT, who was a “man after God’s own heart”. But again, it doesn’t say that he was actually a favorite - it does say David was chosen by God though, to lead Israel and establish the family from which Jesus would ultimately come. You know who else was chosen? Esther - “for such a time as this”. Once she realizes the task she must complete, she tells Mordecai how it’s going to go, and “Mordecai then went away and did everything Esther had ordered him.” Esther gets a book named after her and is remembered in the holiday of Purim to this day. Also note that Esther was married to an unbeliever. Likewise Ruth was chosen, as a young foreign widow, to be part of the Messiah’s kingly line. As an aside, my favorite thing about Ruth’s story (besides all the faith and beauty of it) is the simultaneous deep respect and protectiveness Boaz shows towards her (okay enough mush). Anyhow what it comes down to is that God chooses and loves both men and women, and both have a place (singly and married) in His plans and kingdom. See also Galatians 3:28 “ There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

   This post has all over the place, and I probably forgot a bunch of things I wanted to add (if anything else comes to mind I’ll add it later), but I hope it’s been encouraging. Yes I’ve struggled with some aspects of how women are portrayed in the Bible, but what I shared above, plus the love and blessings I’ve known as a single woman are more than enough evidence that we are known and loved. If anything is unclear or anyone has any questions please speak out/send an ask! Anon asks are on too. Also if anyone wants to add or amend anything do so without hesitation!!

[mbti-mom]

Myers Briggs Cognitive Functions (How To Figure Out Your Myers Briggs Type)

It’s been awhile since I posted on here, but I wanted to post something that would be helpful. Often on the internet I see a lot of misconceptions about the Jungian cognitive functions, so I wanted to try and create more compact summaries of the functions as Jung described them. I’m currently waiting for my WikiHow article on how to figure out your cognitive functions to get approved (if it ever will), so for now I’ll just write out what I wrote for the article here.

I also added some extra notes for beginners on the bottom if you are completely new to typology and confused about what any of this means.

Without further ado, I’ll now get into the summaries.

Introverted Feeling. Jung describes introverted feelers as 'Still waters run deep' type of people. They are quite silent and inaccessible, and can be rather difficult to understand. They often act childishly or banal, and sometimes quite melancholic. They don't tend to shine, and rather keep a type of concealed air about themselves. They don't wish to change others or affect others and don't care to impress. People see them as having a sense of indifference or coldness to their behaviors. They prefer not to be emotional, but their emotions often end up infiltrating their unconscious mind. People may see them and not think that they are feeling, but their feelings are intensive rather than extensive. They develop into their depth. When they try to express sympathy, it often looks like coldness despite their intentions, due to it doing nothing visibly. They may express their aim in inconspicuous ways, preferring to put their passions into things silently. Due to this, this type may often be drawn to the arts. This type of person may particularly draw in extraverted types of people. When they are unhealthy, they may become mischievously cruel or unscrupulous in their ambition.

Extraverted Feeling. Jung describes extraverted feelers as people who follow the guiding lines of their feeling. Their personality often adjusts to external conditions, such as the people that they are talking to. Their feelings correspond with objective situations and generalized values. They often have requirements for the people that they tend to date, and these tend to be things that can be measured on an external level. People who value this function highly often repress their logic to make room for their feelings. This does not mean that this person does not think logically at all, and they could easily think a great deal. They just prefer to use their feelings as a guideline and use their logic to back up what they feel. This type of person would be described in the phrase "I cannot think what I don't feel."  When this individual is unhealthy, they tend to become a servant to their feelings. These people may have the most obsessive and hideous thoughts during this time, which breeds even further doubt in them therefore furthering the control of emotions onto them.

Introverted Thinking. Jung describes introverted thinking types as being influenced by their subjective logical ideas. They will follow their ideas internally, seeking to understand their logic with intensity. This person may have a distinct feeling that they only matter in a negative way. They often will have an indifference to objective sources and prefer to stick to their subjective ideas. With this person, everything about them externally remains concealed. Their judgment appears cold, obstinate, arbitrary, and inconsiderate, simply because they are less interested in the objective reality than the subjective thoughts. Courtesy, amiability, and friendliness may be present in their behaviors, but they often display this with uneasiness. When it comes time for them to transplant their ideas into the world, they merely expose them and are annoyed when their ideas fail to thrive in objective reality. This person often lacks practical ability, and may even have an aversion to practical matters. If in their eyes their idea seems subjectively correct and true, it must also be in practice, and others have to bow to that truth. Hardly will they ever go out of their way to win anyone's appreciation of their ideas, especially if it be anyone of influence. At their unhealthiest, they may allow themselves to be exploited in negative ways if it means that they can continue their internal pursuit of ideas. Their convictions may become rigid and unbending, and they may become incredibly isolated and dependent on their internal world.

Extraverted Thinking. Jung describes extraverted thinkers as people whose constant aim is to bring their total life activities into relation with their intellectual conclusions. These intellectual conclusions are always oriented by objective facts or generally valid ideas. This type of person gives the deciding voice to objective reality, not only to themselves but to people around them as well. They determine good and evil through this measurement, as well as beauty and ugliness. All is right that corresponds with this formula, and all is wrong that contradicts it, and everything that is neutral to it is purely accidental. The person who refuses to obey this law is unreasonable or immoral in their eyes, and without a doubt has no conscience. Purely ethical aims may lead these individuals into critical situations, which sometimes have more than a semblance of being decided by quite other than ethical motives. These people may find themselves in deplorably compromising situations, or in dire need of rescue in this case. Their resolve to save often leads to them employing means which only tend to precipitate what they most desire to avoid. At their unhealthiest points, their desire to advance the salvation of man is so consuming that they will not shrink from any lying and dishonest means in pursuit of their ideal. They may neglect their health in pursuit of their ideals, even neglecting their family or the people that they care about. They may also become incredibly dogmatic, to a rigid extent.

Introverted Sensing. Jung describes introverted sensing as a type characterized by their peculiarities. They are an irrational type, as they are guided simply by what happens to them. They may stand out by the calmness and passivity of their demeanor, or by their rational self-control. They may have an illusory conception of reality, and in the worst-case scenario may even reach a complete inability to discriminate between reality and their subjective perception of reality. Due to their lack of knowledge of objective reality, they can often appear quite strange and odd in character due to their differing perception from objective reality. When others treat them badly, they may prefer to take a position of stubbornness and resistance than to full out aggressiveness. At their unhealthiest, they are incredibly aware of every ambiguous, gloomy, and dangerous possibility in their reality.

Extraverted Sensing. Jung describes extraverted sensing as a type characterized by their attentiveness to reality. Their sense of objective facts is extraordinarily developed. Their life is an accumulation of actual experience with concrete reality. This person does not believe themselves to be subject to sensation. They would actually ridicule that statement as being inconclusive since, from their standpoint, sensation is the concrete manifestation of life. Their aim is concrete enjoyment in objective reality, and their morality is similarly orientated. For in their eyes, true enjoyment has its own special morality, its own moderation and lawfulness, its own unselfishness and devotedness. This person may have little tendency for either reflection or commanding purpose. When they wish to create in objective reality, they do so aiming to fill their senses. They may be incredibly good at putting together aesthetics, or creating great sensational experiences. At their unhealthiest, they become crude pleasure-seekers or unscrupulous hedonists. They don't see reality as a beautiful thing anymore, but rather something to use to solely feed the endless need for new sensations. They may become incredibly jealous individuals running off of high anxiety. They may even turn morbidly primitive, or extremists in behavior.

Introverted Intuition. Jung describes introverted intuition as producing a peculiar type of person. This person may be a mystical dreamer and seer on one hand, and a fantastical crank and artist on the other. There is a general tendency of this type to confine themselves into the perceptive character of intuition. The intensification of their intuition naturally often results in an extraordinary aloofness of the individual from tangible reality, they may even be a complete enigma to their own immediate social circle. If they are an artist, they reveal extraordinary, remote things in their art. Their art may be lovely and grotesque, or whimsical and sublime. They may have visions, where they think to themselves "What does this thought mean for me and the world? What emerges from this vision for me and the world?" The pure intuitive who represses judgment will never meet this question fundamentally, because their only problem is the how of perception. They concern themselves with the meanings of their visions, and troubles less about its further aesthetic possibilities than about the possible moral effects which emerge from its intrinsic significance. At their unhealthiest, they may become quite impulsive, and struggle with unrestraint. They may also have issues talking to people about their visions, as they are often arguments without convincing reason.

Extraverted Intuition. Jung describes extraverted intuition as producing a person who is always aware where possibilities exist. They have a keen nose for things that have a promising future. They can never exist in stable, long-established conditions because they are always looking for new possibilities. Stable conditions often feel suffocating to them. They take on new subjects with extreme enthusiasm and intensity, only to abandon them cold-bloodedly and seemingly out of nowhere. As long as a possibility exists, this person feels bound to it. They have their own characteristic morality, which consists in a loyalty to their intuitive view of things. At their unhealthiest, they may rely entirely upon a perception of chance and possibilities. They may become incredibly attuned to hazards in their life. They may also become a hypochondriac as their fears and phobias increase.

What do I do now?

Order your functions. You will now need to order your functions from most used to least used. You will want to choose one thinking function, one feeling function, one sensing function, and one intuition function. Then order these based on the amount that you use each of them, from most to least.

In Jungian cognitive functions, there is a rule that each function in your stack has an opposite opposing it.

These opposing functions are thinking & feeling and sensing & intuition. Each person will have one of each function, and they can only have two introverted functions and two extraverted functions. You can't have two extraverted opposing functions, nor can you have two introverted opposing functions. You also can't have two extraverted functions paired right next to each other, or two introverted functions paired next to each other.

An example of this would be the function stack of ISTJ: They lead with introverted sensing, then their auxiliary function is extraverted thinking, then their tertiary function is introverted feeling, then finally their inferior function is extraverted intuition.

Another example is the function stack of ENFP. They lead with extraverted intuition, then their auxiliary function is introverted feeling, their tertiary function is extraverted thinking, and their inferior function is introverted sensing.

Remember that lesser valued functions will not be as apparent in your life. A high introverted thinking user may not relate to the extraverted feeling description of preferring emotion over logic, and that is to be expected. The function you value less is often suppressed for the greater function until you learn to use them in harmony.

Know the names of the cognitive functions.

Each function has a name as well as an abbreviation that is commonly used.

Introverted Feeling, also commonly referred to as Fi.

Extroverted Feeling, also commonly referred to as Fe.

Introverted Thinking, also commonly referred to as Ti.

Extroverted Thinking, also commonly referred to as Te.

Introverted Sensing, also commonly referred to as Si.

Extroverted Sensing, also commonly referred to as Se.

Introverted Intuition, also commonly referred to as Ni.

Extroverted Intuition, also commonly referred to as Ne.

The Types:

ISTJ - Si-Te-Fi-Ne

ISFJ - Si-Fe-Ti-Ne

ESTJ - Te-Si-Ne-Fi

ESFJ - Fe-Si-Ne-Ti

ISTP - Ti-Se-Ni-Fe

ISFP - Fi-Se-Ni-Te

ESTP - Se-Ti-Fe-Ni

ESFP - Se-Fi-Te-Ni

INTJ - Ni-Te-Fi-Se

INFJ - Ni-Fe-Ti-Se

ENTJ - Te-Ni-Se-Fi

ENFJ - Fe-Ni-Se-Ti

INTP - Ti-Ne-Si-Fe

INFP - Fi-Ne-Si-Te

ENTP - Ne-Ti-Fe-Si

ENFP - Ne-Fi-Te-Si

Learning how to narrow types. If you find that you have a function stack that is oddly laid out, such as Ni-Ti-Fe-Se, determine the closest likely type. In the case of those functions, the closest match would be INFJ. In the case where you relate to two extraverted functions of opposing function groups, you must determine which of the two you relate to more. For example, if you relate to both Te and Fe, try to narrow down which you think describes you better and choose the introverted function for the other one.

If you need any further help, feel free to shoot me an ask at any time.

[sleepy-aletheas]

The more I think about this, the more depressing it gets, cause these doubts of how "the perfect body" should be is already sown into a child's mind early on.

Teenagers don't get these intense thoughts out of nowhere. Mothers and older people always comment and make fun of people they deem out of their perfect scope, and a child soaks it up like a sponge, not really comprehending what they hear and why, they just do. And then they get older, and suddenly their own bodies become the things they heard is bad, or ugly, or undesirable. And hormones and no guiding hand only makes the transition from child to adult so much more volatile.

Of course, the whole media thing also makes it so much more intense at this point. We see pictures that were touched up, completely changed to fit a nebulous ideal many will never reach, and in my opinion, shouldn't even break their backs in trying.

Body dysmorphia and eating disorders also tend to go hand in hand, and it's so hard to break out of it, because even if one logically knows that having softness is good and having anything on the body is preferred for health, it's hard. The world is trying to bend us into shapes many cannot naturally fit and have to work for it, and many times those shapes aren't even healthy to most.

Personally, it was always hard to even exist in my body. It still doesn't feel right on any level, but I find it easier to look at myself and even touch my body without the need to disintegrate, if I don't compare myself to ideals. It's easier for me to find others really pretty, even if conventionally they don't fit some industry sought criteria. Be it weight, complexion, hair, colors, shapes, softness, roughness, there is so much excitement I feel when I see the different variations. The more different ways I can see people exist, the more okay it is for me to exist too, because the people I find pretty share similar things I have, so I cannot be inherently bad.

There is so much beauty and comfort in shapes, softness, difference. I just wish kids stopped having to be raised to believe the moment they start to change that it's a bad thing. That the natural order of things is inherently shameful and should be culled at the earliest notice.

Softness is not a bad thing, and neither is a chub on the stomach.

Hey ladies! People with uteruses, women, AFAB people, however you'd like to be called. It doesn't really matter for this post; all that matters is that you have a menstrual cycle, because that's what affects this particular thing.

Also, be prepared for extreme cringe. I swear I have a really good and positive point to make here, I just happen to be cheesy and sappy and it rubbed off on this post.

So, today I read a couple comments online and felt a little inspired to make a post that I would've liked to see when I was in my teens. Here's my little nugget of wisdom:

You know the little bump on your stomach? That part that always seems to be missing in photos of women's stomachs and drawings of female characters? It's not always missing, we're getting better about that as a society, but you know what I mean. The little bit of fat that sticks out and makes your stomach seem less flat than you think it should be. I call it the Chub.

A lot of teenage girls spend their time in front of a mirror wondering if this is normal. "Is my stomach too fat?" "Do I need to exercise more?" "Am I eating too much?"

And believe me, I know what that's like. In the ninth grade, while enduring extreme bullying, I spent many weeks skipping meals a bit more than usual because I didn't know my body was normal. I thought the little bit of fat I had there was from laziness and gluttony, and not something natural. And mind you, I was already underweight. My frame and body type always makes it seem like I'm malnourished even when 115-135 pounds is a natural weight for me and people in my family. But during that time, I was trying to get my weight down to 100. It didn't help with the other thoughts in my head, thoughts that were telling me the world was better off without me. So I kept going without food, trying to get my weight down.

In the end, I survived. I was okay. I started eating more and moved to a better place, where I met some great friends and got a fresh start at a new high school.

But teenage me didn't know that it was normal for a teenage girl to have a bit of fat on my stomach.

How many teenage girls are out there right now, wondering the same thing without knowing how natural and healthy it is to have that extra cushioning on their stomachs?

If there are any teenagers reading this post, please remember this:

The Chub is completely natural to have and is even a sign of health!

It has a special purpose too: protecting your vital organs, especially the reproductive system. It's meant to keep what's in there safe, regardless of whether or not you intend on using that system. And it's completely normal to have, in fact, most AFAB people develop it around puberty!

(Quick side note: natural doesn't necessarily mean universal. Trans men often lose the Chub during HRT, and trans women gain it. Also, not every AFAB or transfem person will gain it in the first place.)

So then there's probably a nagging question in your mind: what size is a normal size for the Chub?

It's a little complicated, but that's only because the size fluctuates so frequently throughout your life that the answer doesn't lie in a one-size-fits-all type of deal. Especially since the reasons for why these fluctuations happen are varied among individuals and rarely universal.

So, here's a quick and easy guide to All The Things That Affect Chub Size!

The Chub may seem larger than usual if you put on a little weight over, say, a long break (which happened to me a lot in high school), or if your cycle sometimes comes with a bit of bloating or weight gain. Sometimes the Chub will get bigger just because you had a nice meal one night, and by the next day, it'll be small again. Stress can also make the Chub larger, just like how stress affects your menstrual cycle.

Your cycle- and, by proxy, the Chub- can also change due to the season or time of day, or even whether you've moved to a new place, made changes to your diet, or started a new big thing in your life.

The point I'm making is, the Chub will change a lot throughout your life. It's not going to go away, and it's not something you can get rid of by exercising or starving yourself. In fact, trying to get rid of extra fat like that- the starving, I mean- is extremely unhealthy and will only cause more pain for you. Exercise is good in moderation and with care. As long as you're doing it safely and not because you want to lose weight you don't need to, that's fine. But that won't get rid of the Chub either, because you'll still have it- just in the form of abdominal muscles that become more prominent as you exercise.

(This is not to say that overweight- or worse, obese people should not exercise to lose weight. I'm just saying that unless a doctor says you need to exercise to lose weight, you shouldn't be trying to lose weight by exercising. You don't need to lose the weight in the first place. Getting into shape could help make you feel more confident, though, so if you're exercising for that reason, go right ahead! But again, moderation and care are important. Make sure your body isn't suffering while you do it.)

And remember: the Chub is normal. Having a little extra cushioning anywhere is normal. It only becomes a problem when it's a threat to your health. Trust your doctors first and foremost when it comes to healthy weight. They know what they're doing, and if you really do need to change something to lose weight or anything like that, THEY WILL TELL YOU. Otherwise, you are fine.

Conclusions:

You are beautiful if you have the Chub. You are beautiful if your Chub also includes stomach rolls. If you don't have a Chub, that's fine, too! It's also okay if your Chub is a little small, or a little big. And it's okay if your Chub isn't limited to your stomach.

A little bit of fat is healthy, no matter where it is. The golden rule is, as long as it doesn't affect your health or well-being, it is okay to be a little chubby in some places.

And finally:

You don't have to love your Chub, but you should always remember that it's important to your health.

Take care.

[vajranam]

Five Dakinis Families

All dakinis have extraordinary powers -- the worldly ones and those referred to as wisdom dakinis -- but only the motivation of the latter is completely pure.  The life story of the Mahasiddha, Tilopa (988 - 1069) tells how after he met the dakinis who could manipulate appearances, he encountered the ones embodying the five activities, and then at last, in the heart of the mandala, The Wisdom Dakini, herself.  The Life of Padmasambhava According to Yeshe Tsogyal describes a similar progression. 

Tilopa Meets the Dakinis  

The 4th Chetsang Rinpoche (1770-1862) of the Drikung Kagyu tells how the Bengali brahmin boy, Salyeu, out minding water buffalo, was visited by a "fearsome, ugly woman" who told him to ". . . herd buffalo And read scriptures. There you will find the prophecies of the Dakinis."

With this, she disappeared.

Some time later, while he was reading under a shapa [hat-shaped?] tree, she returned, and asked him to identify himself to her. He gave the appropriate, ordinary information, but she corrected him, saying: 

"Your country is Oddiyana in the North; your father is Chakrasamvara; your mother is Vajrayogini: your brother is Pantsapana [Hind: Panchpana], and I am your sister, Bliss-giver.  If you want to find the true buffalo go to the forest of the bodhi tree.  There the stainless Dakinis hold the ear-whispered teachings."   

He said, "If I go there, the Dakinis will pose obstacles and prevent me from succeeding." She said: "Yogi, you can get the teachings. You have received the predictions And kept the samaya vows."

Realizing she was a Dakini, he said: "The path is dangerous and I do not know how to traverse it." In reply she gave him a crystal ladder, a jeweled bridge, and a coral-handled key, saying: "I give you my blessings; depart without hesitation."

The young man, who would become known as Mahasiddha Tilopa, then crosses the country to reach Oddiyana where, using the magical tools, he negotiates  a poison lake and the "iron wall of Ghandola."   Then, he chooses the correct one of the three gates to the Temple of Ghandola and, using his coral key, he enters.    

First, he meets nirmanakaya "stainless Dakinis Who desire flesh and blood." in their many fearsome forms that make terrible noises and threatening gestures, but he is not afraid.  Frustrated, they fell into a faint, and when they regained their composure, they begged his forgiveness and admitted:

    "We are to you as the butterfly to the lamp; The butterfly hopes to extinguish the lamp, But instead dies in the light. ... , ... ." 

One among them continued:  "I am just an ordinary being, without authority.  If I do not ask our leader's permission to let you in, She will eat my flesh and drink my blood.  Therefore, precious one, do not think unkindly of me."

Then, samboghakaya Loka Karma Dakinis appear, but by making the three threatening ritual gestures, Tilopa overpowers their faculties of body, speech and mind. They suffer the same as the previous group, and their leader, "a  Minister," goes to announce him to the Queen.   When she permits him to enter, he does not even bow but rather assumes a state of meditation, so the host of attending Dakinis get angry, saying:

"She is the blessed one, The mother of the Buddhas of the Three Times.  Let us beat him Who shows no respect."

The Mother intervenes saying that he is ". . .  . The father of the Buddhas of the Three Times.  Even a rain of vajras . . . Could not destroy him. Therefore I will give him the teachings."

She instructs him in prana [breath/energy] and other unrecorded things, but he insists on more, and Tilopa says that he wants " . . . the perfect teaching.  The stainless bliss, the great secret Of the ordinary and the extraordinary."

She then agrees to confer the three wish-fulfilling gems including the self-arising body of co-emergent Wisdom and Means united; the speech that is the 7-syllable self-arising emerald in the Dharmakara, and the 5-pointed vajra jewel of self-arising mind, but only if he can understand the signs.  The host of Dakinis express their doubt that he will be able to understand the signs, but Tilopa responds directly to the Mother, that he has 3 special keys, and that they are:   

1.  The self-liberation key of samaya that grants access to "the light of wisdom which dispels the darkness of ignorance, And to self-awareness, self-arising, ad self-clarity." 

2.  "the key of experience Which opens the door to the mind-as-such, Self-appearing clarity which is ever unborn, . . .  ." and

3. "the key of experience of the realized yogi" that opens the door to "Mind-as-such, Dharma-as-such, and Dharmakaya."

At that the Dakinis rejoice and hold a Ganachakra feast in which they prepare the sindhura (vermillion powder) mandala and further empower him by means of both oral and mental transmissions.  They give him 13 distinct tantras for the future benefit of beings including Tantra of Vajra Dakini, Tantra of Sangwai Zo and Tantra of Vajradhara Self-appearance.  Then they liken him to a bird and, having addressed him as Chakrasamvara and as Prajnabadra, they beg him to remain with them.  

Knowing the future, Tilopa explains that he must return to Tsukgi Norbu (Crest Jewel) Monastery "For the spiritual sons Naropa, Ririkasori and others."  

As he was leaving, a formless Dakini bestowed 9 special objects with instructions to:

1. "loosen the knot of the mind"

2. "act like a sword striking water"

3. "chase the sun of realization" [a lasso?]4. "see samaya in the mirror of your mind" 5. "see that the light of awareness is wisdom"6. "turn the wheel of the channel and wind net" 7. "see the outer mirror equalizing taste" 8. "see the mahamudra [a seal?] of self-liberation" 9. hold "the jewel of great-bliss speech"

And that, according to the Drikung Kagyu, is "how Tilopa as a human being over- powered the Dakinis, and how he received the teachings. "

Consorts of Transcendent Buddhas

Tibetan Buddhism acknowledges, besides the historical Buddha Siddhartha Gautama Shakyamuni (532-486 BCE) other buddhas (awakened ones/fully aware ones) of the past and the future. At the ultimate level of reality there are transcendental buddhas.  These are thought of as five families or categories of buddhas.  

Their female consorts are regarded as "enlightened wisdom" which, paired with the male aspect or "skillful means," give rise to the enlightened compassionate activity of the universe(s).  Hence there are 5 major corresponding dakinis: Padma-Dakini, Buddha-Dakini, Ratna-Dakini, Karma-Dakini, and Vajra-Dakini or Vishva-Dakini (vajra-cross dakini.)

Dakinis of the Five Families

The Padma or lotus dakini is stocky with oily, pink skin.  

She is talkative and lusty. 

She controls gods, demons and men.

With her, the doors to rebirth in lower realms are closed.

Buddha (Sangye) dakini is bluish white.

She is smiling, placid and long-lived.

She confers longevity and rebirth in the dakini paradise.

Ratna or jewel dakini is tall, slim, golden- skinned with white hair.

She sings and dances.

She grants wealth and success in life.

With her the hell realms will be closed. 

The Karma or activity dakini is white and radiant.

She is smiling, respectful, 

trustworthy, and generous.

She grants worldly success and rebirth as a human.

Vajra (Dorje) or thunderbolt dakini is fair, flushed and radiant.

She has special marks such as 5 white moles at her brow.

Compassionate, pure, virtuous and devout, with her there is no falling into any lower realm.

[From John Stevens' Lust for Enlightenment (Shambala 1990)  citing Dowman's Divine Madman.]

or Four  Orders 

The Sanglingma or Life of Padmasambhava According to Yeshe Tsogyal repeatedly makes reference to four orders.

The lowest order of dakini consists of beings who have not fully divorced themselves from the world of existence, samsara.  This worldly kind of dakini is the sort that may behave like Tricksters -- sometimes helpful; at other times, mischief-making. These  dakinis can appear as beautiful fairies or angels, but also as ghouls and demons. 

or Five Sisters

In the life story of Padmasambhava, The 5 Tsering-ma were transformed from evil-doers who could manipulate beings by means of visual and auditory illusions into sworn and bound protectors of the dharma by the Guru.

 From Thinley Norbu's Magic Dance: The Display of the Self-Nature of

the Five Wisdom Dakinis. (Shambhala, 1999):

Five Wisdom Sisters,

If we do not complement you,

You become five witches,

Making us ill and bringing us suffering.

Because we cannot banish you,

Always our fate depends on you.

Five Wisdom Sisters,

If we do complement you,

You become five angels,

Making us healthy and bringing us happiness.

Because we cannot separate from you,

Always our fate depends on you.

Five Wisdom Sisters,

Nothing can be done without depending on your mood.

Farmers cannot grow their crops,

Politicians cannot rule their countries,

Engineers cannot work their machines,

Doctors cannot heal their patients,

Scientists cannot do their research,

Philosophers cannot make their logic,

Artists cannot create their art,

Without depending on your mood.

Five Wisdom Sisters,

Nothing can be known without depending on your grace.

Tibetan lamas cannot chant with cool highland habit,

Indian gurus cannot sing with warm lowland habit,

Japanese roshis cannot sit with dark cushion habit,

Muslim sheikhs cannot dance with bright robed habit,

Jewish rabbis cannot pray with soft-voiced habit

Without depending on your grace.

Five Wisdom Sisters,

Even the most mysterious miracles cannot occur without complementing your purity.

Buddha Shakyamuni cannot rest with tranquil gaze of his lotus eyes underneath the Bodhi tree,

Guru Padmasambhava cannot play magically with countless sky-walking dakinis,

Lord Jesus cannot walk weightlessly across the water,

Prophet Moses cannot see the radiantly burning bush,

Brahmin Saraha-pa cannot straighten arrows, singing wisdom hymns with his arrow-maker girl,

Crazy saint Tilopa cannot eat fish and torture Naropa,

Greatest yogi Milarepa cannot remain in his cave, singing and accepting hardships

Without complementing your purity.

You are so patient.

Whoever wants to stay,

If you don't exist,

Cannot stay.

Whoever wants to go,

If you don't exist,

Cannot go.

Whoever wants to taste or touch,

If you don't exist,

Cannot taste or touch.

Whatever our actions,

You are always supporting

Patiently without complaining.

But we ignorant beings

Are always ungrateful,

Stepping on you,

Calling you Earth.

You are so constant.

Whoever wants to be purified,

If you don't exist,

Cannot be purified.

Whoever wants to quench their thirst,

If you don't exist,

Cannot quench their thirst.

Whoever wants to hear,

If you don't exist,

Cannot hear

Whatever our actions,

You are always flowing

Ceaselessly without complaining.

But we desiring beings

Are always ungrateful,

Splashing you,

Calling you Water.

You are so clear.

Whoever wants to fight,

If you don't exist,

Cannot fight.

Whoever wants to love,

If you don't exist,

Cannot love.

Whoever wants to see,

If you don't exist,

Cannot see.

Whatever our actions,

You are always glowing

Un-obscuredly without complaining.

But we proud beings

Are always ungrateful

Smothering you,

Calling you Fire.

You are so light.

Whoever wants to rise,

If you don't exist,

Cannot rise.

Whoever wants to move,

If you don't exist,

Cannot move.

Whoever wants to smell,

If you don't exist,

Cannot smell.

Whatever our actions,

You are always moving

Weightlessly without complaining.

But we envious beings

Are always ungrateful,

Fanning you,

Calling you Air.

You are so open.

Whoever wants to exist,

If you don't exist,

Cannot exist.

Whoever doesn't want to exist,

If you don't exist,

Cannot cease to exist.

Whoever wants to know phenomena,

If you don't exist,

Cannot know phenomena.

Whatever our actions,

You are always welcoming

Spaciously without complaining.

But we ignorant beings

Are always ungrateful,

Emptying you,

Calling you Space.

You are our undemanding slave,

Tirelessly serving us,

From ordinary beings to sublime beings

To fulfill our worldly wishes.

You are our powerful queen,

Seductively conquering us,

From ordinary beings to sublime beings,

Into desirable qualities.

You are our Wisdom Dakini,

Effortlessly guiding us with your magic dance,

From ordinary beings to sublime beings,

Into desireless qualities.

[serpentsapple]

(Due to the topics discussed, this post includes general spoilers for: the Shades of Magic series, the Grisha Trilogy, the Six of Crows duology, Deathless, The Bear and the Nightingale, The Priory of the Orange Tree, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell as well as the Yukibana no Tora manga.)

Book after book, especially in fantasy, one might come across a similar situation: daring plots, grandiose characters, extensive worldbuilding… until it concerns women. Then, all creativity goes to the drain, reusing the same tropes, the same caricatures of how a woman behaves and where her rightful place is – a supportive aside to the main characters’ journey, absent, if not outright dead. Such criticism is often levelled at male writers, their lack of effort, their fetishes obvious. Yet what of female authors?

Women, it is said, do not fall into the same traps as men and create complex male characters with more passion than any man will spare for a female one. Do they, thus, honour their fictional counterparts in kind? Would reading women be the solution to the neverending waves of stereotyped heroines and love interests?

Unfortunately, we found ourselves confronted to the same rancid ideas in books authored by women. Too often, their characters oscillate between virginity and depravity, eternal victimhood and stupidity. Vapid and vain, or weeping and weak, or sweet and pure, all to better "defile" them later; their personality barely sketched in the sidelines, their existence hardly worth a mention, their life trivial, sacrificed. Thus appears a string of familiar figures: the dead idealised mother, the living but children-fixated mother, weak, crying; the shallow, beauty obsessed queens and girls, stupid and selfish to the core; the beloved sisters and relatives, abused and killed to distress the male half of their family; the missing female friends and aunts and grandmothers and passersby, the women whose very presence is omitted, repeatedly.

This listing may have triggered a few memories, especially to readers familiar with young adult literature, but let’s be specific: do you recall the few appearing girls derided by Lila Bard, in Schwab’s Shades of Magic series? The queen, always afraid and weeping, having no life outside of her fears and her son? Perhaps, if you persisted until the last volume, you also assisted, powerless, to the systematic abuse and slaughter of every other female character while men mourned?

Or maybe have you picked up Bardugo’s first fantasy series, The Grisha Trilogy, with its vain and unnamed Ravkan queen, its most beautiful woman punished with ugliness, its villain’s mother sacrificing herself for her son and disdaining her daughter? Or were you more interested in her later additions to her universe, Six of Crows, with its dead or mad mothers, its silly and grating young wife to a much older man, its manipulated girl-assassin finding no common grounds with her female rival, only death?

Have you opened Arden’s The Bear and the Nightingale and felt dismayed at the lack of care towards Vasya’s sister, sent away at a young age to marry and breed? At the upsetting and unending sexual suffering of a not that much older stepmother, turned bitter and cruel, demeaned despite her resemblance to the heroine, worthy of no compassion?

Perhaps you might have perused Valente’s Deathless where Baba Yaga is portrayed as a bitter old crone expressing sexual jealousy of Marya, espousing views such as a wife’s role is to be a “good mount for her husband”? Her enslavement of the previous Yelenas who were used up and cast aside as Koschei’s sexual playthings (and even more swiftly discarded by the narrative) with Marya giving only a fleeting thought to their plight?

Or Clarke’s Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell wherein a female perspective is conspicuously absent, existing only to be dutiful wives or hapless victims caught in a powerplay between magical men and maleficent fairies?

It would seem only a few chosen women and girls can be in the spotlight. These, usually, take the mantle of "heroines", though, as we noticed, female authors will still not allow them the same latitude as men. Stuck in a man-made world, they must submit to their gazes still, solely rely on them for friendship, love, knowledge and general plot advancement; with their every interaction tied to them, they, too, see their development denied in favour of the men’s. They must shrink themselves, give up on their ambitions, their ambiguity, accept a society designed entirely against them and feel grateful for the scraps of freedom graciously ceded to them. In that sense, they resemble very much the other girls they often strive to detach themselves from.

You may have noticed, in The Bear and the Nightingale, how Vasya, a young girl of fourteen, cannot escape the gaze of a lustful priest, the very narration also espousing his point of view, decentering her. Magic may allow her a way out of forced unions and pregnancies, yet still misogyny weights her down, isolating her from other girls and women, like her stepmother.

You may also have come across the various threats of rape Lila Bard must endure, her cross-dressing to prevent this, her loneliness and contempt for the members of her own sex. You may have noted her ambition and recklessness, only to see it crumble before a male character’s tragic backstory, while her very own desires and excessiveness were handwaved amidst a plot focusing on temptation.

Or you may have seen, in the pages of the manga Yukibana no Tora, a bold female warlord overcome her discomfort with men by ordering a friend to "take" her, turning herself into a passive recipient for men’s sexuality. Her life experience and thus, her differing point of view and confidence in herself is completely swept away. Even in a fictionalised account of her life, she must yield to men’s degrading view of her body.

In fact, despite the infinite possibilities offered by fantasy, many women still build cultures infused with conservatism. Traditional gender roles remain enforced in appearances: makeup, dresses, thinness and not a hint of masculinity, which would prove a stain, an assumed hatred against femininity and its unlucky subjects. Society, in such worlds, favours harmless and nurturing soon-to-be mothers, emotional and lesser girls whose value lies in the marriage they will be able to secure. Bloodlines, powers, knowledge and divinity itself all belong to men in an unquestioned misogynistic realm. Female characters must struggle against the chains of sexism before undergoing any other kind of development, if they benefit from such an arc at all. Rape, pregnancy and misery is their lot.

Take a look, then, at the rulers as well as the extras populating these worlds: men, in Schwab’s, as king, guards or nameless sailors, dressed as such, that is, without dresses; men as rulers again in Bardugo’s, as merchants, as mobsters, while women obsess over their appearances.

Samantha Shannon’s Priory of the Orange Tree presents a striking example of a world still conceived by men: in a country ruled by women for over a millennium, producing a blood-related heiress remains such a primordial task that even a queen becomes a broodmare. Forced into marriage, her character endures unwanted sexual unions until she finally assumes her goal as a woman – a mother, through and through. Reverse the roles, parse history: royal men annulled their marriages, kept mistresses, adopted heirs… and yet, and yet. Fictional women are kept on a tight leash. What a waste of creativity!

Disappointing and frustrating, yes. Even moreso as many reviewers – including women – will gloss over such issues, when they do not misconstruct a lone strong heroine as feminist-worthy, or qualify a superficially egalitarian world as "matriarchal". Yet what bothers us further is the way these authors receive a constantly harsher treatment than their male peers, their works immediately ridiculed and their intents disregarded, however flawed they could be. Despite their failings, men’s works are still deserving of an analysis, of some doubts and nebulous improvements; women’s should be denounced and go back to the garbage bin.

The books evoked in this post aren’t to be thrown out and dismissed. They, too, had commentaries and themes that we may disagree with, that we may believe unfortunate, or short-sighted; they had their stylistic failures beyond sexism, their convoluted plots, their lacking arcs; their moments of brilliance and artistry, their moving scenes, their heroines still shining, despite it all. Hence this blog: a space focusing on women in women’s works, neither absolving them of criticism nor disregarding them completely. We want to inspire discussions, not irredeemably condemn… and, hopefully, spark a few ideas.