#but I've found this doesn't really work because it makes it harder for them to smell the vinegar and go to the trap

[kris-mage-fics]

Since I saw folks talking about fruit flies in a server I'm in, and it's getting to that time of year for them in the Northern hemisphere, I figured I'd share the one thing I've found that almost entirely takes care of the problem. Beyond the whole "keep your kitchen clean, thoroughly wash/rinse out recycling, and wash produce when you get it home" stuff.

That is to make a fruit fly trap (or as my husband calls it a "death bath" lol). In a container that's on the shallow side, put a drop or two of liquid dish soap (for hand washing dishes) or hand soap, then add enough apple cider vinegar to come up about 1/4 inch or 1/2 cm up the side of the container. Your kitchen will smell like vinegar, and you'll have to change it out every couple of days. But since we've been doing this we've had almost zero issues with fruit flies!

[wolverigrl]

Rumors

Hugh Jackman x reader (actress)

Warnings: smut! Only 18+!, swearing, angsty, fluffy

!Disclaimer! If you'd like to skip the smut, scroll down as soon as you see "---" in the text. From there, the smut part begins and ends at the next "---"!

Enjoy!

Previous Part

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It's been five months. Five months since our first date, and yet somehow, it feels like both forever and no time at all.

I sit here now, in the gym, watching him lift weights like it’s nothing, and I’m struck by just how lucky I feel. From the very beginning, it was like we found our rhythm without even trying - our relationship is built on mutual respect and trust. We give each other space when needed, and t's refreshing to be with someone who values independence as much as I do.

The dates we've had so far have been perfect in their own way. Our second one was at this hidden gem of a restaurant tucked away in the city. I remember how he laughed when I spilled wine on the tablecloth, and how his hand brushed mine as we reached for the same napkin. We've done simple things too, like grabbing coffee early in the morning or working out. Once, we spent an afternoon at an old bookstore, getting lost in the aisles of dusty novels and sharing passages that made us laugh. Every moment with him feels like a memory in the making

And yet, it all changed a little last month when we were spotted. We hadn't been careful enough. A quick kiss in a park, something so innocent, but the paparazzi caught us. The next day, our picture was splashed across every tabloid and social media. That unintentional confirmation of our relationship wasn't what we had planned. Neither of us wanted the world in on our private lives.

Still, we've dodged every question thrown at us in interviews or on social media. But avoiding the questions doesn't stop the criticism.

The age gap. It's what everyone seems to latch onto. Hugh's used to it - He’s been doing this long enough to know how to handle the press, the rumors, the gossip. But me? I’m still learning how to deal with it. I try to act like it doesn't bother me. I nod along, tell everyone I'm fine, but inside, it's harder than I thought it would be. Some of the comments sting more than I care to admit. I've been in relationships before, but none of them were "public" like this. My exes were all from my private circle - well, except for Chris, but that doesn't count. That was way before either of us was well-known. This, with Hugh, is different. It's out there.

I didn’t want that. I wanted to keep us private for a while longer, to hold onto this little piece of normalcy for just us. But now it’s out, and there’s no taking it back.

Now everything is under scrutiny. People question our relationship and my motives. Of course there are fans who are supportive - sweet comments, even some who come up to me on the street and say they love us together. But then there are the others. The ones who say I’m only with him to advance my career, that I’m using him to get ahead. Ever since our last movie together, I’ve been getting bigger roles, and some people think that’s because of him. Like I can’t earn anything on my own.

I try to brush it off, but there are moments when those words hit hard. And even though Hugh has told me a thousand times to ignore it. I’m not like him. I haven’t been in the spotlight for decades. I don’t have the thick skin he’s developed over the years.

Our managers weren’t thrilled either when they found out we’d been seeing each other behind their backs. It wasn’t anger, really, more disappointment that we hadn’t trusted them enough to let them in on it. But in a way, I’m glad we didn’t. We needed this to just to be ours for a while.

Still, despite all the noise, the criticism, the rumors—there’s comfort between us. We act like a real couple. We’ve never had the talk, though, about what we are exactly. Are we officially together? I don’t even know. We’ve just kind of fallen into this routine, and honestly, love it. I love the way he makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world when we’re together.

My eyes drift back to him as he lowers the weights, his muscles tensing with the effort. He's ridiculously strong, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a turn on. God, he’s attractive. And sweet. And patient. And funny. Sometimes I catch myself even fangirling. I mean, it's still Hugh fucking Jackman. How did I get so lucky?

“You good, y/n?" Hugh’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I realize I’ve been staring.

“Yeah." I say, quickly covering up my awkwardness with a grin. “Just appreciating the view.”

His eyes narrow, that playful smile tugging at his lips. He walks over, sweat still glistening on his skin, and towers above me, crossing his arms. “You know, you could’ve just taken a picture.”

“Maybe I will next time,” I tease, leaning back on the bench.

He chuckles, the sound warm and rich. “Or you could just join me instead of sitting over there like a creep.”

“Please. I did twice as many reps as you did earlier,” I say, pretending to wipe imaginary sweat from my brow. “I deserve a break.”

“Is that right?” He raises an eyebrow, leaning down so we’re almost face-to-face. “Pretty sure I saw you struggling with those squats.”

“I wasn’t struggling." I protest, trying to keep a straight face, but his cocky grin is making it impossible.

“You say that now, but your form—”

“My form was perfect!” I laugh, pushing his arm lightly. “Stop acting like you weren’t impressed.”

“Oh, I was impressed." he admits, his voice dropping an octave. “Just not with your workout.”

The heat between us flares up in an instant, the way it always does when he looks at me like that. There’s this pull, this magnetic energy that I haven’t felt in a while. We flirt, we tease, we push each other’s buttons, and it’s exhilarating. But there’s always this line we haven’t fully crossed yet. We get close - so close - but we always pull back.

We go back and forth like this until we wrap up our workout. Hugh's leaving for Sydney tomorrow to visit his family for a few weeks, but his kids won't be able to join him because they're going on holiday with their mom, so it'll just be him this time

I'll admit, I already miss him so much. I don't really know what to do yet. So far, we've spent pretty much every day together, but now that the interviews are slowly getting fewer and everyday life is getting quieter, it's getting boring without someone to keep me on my toes. I guess Ryan and Blake will have to take over.

After the gym, we head back to his place, still bickering about who did better with which exercises. By the time we're on the couch, it's turned into playful shoving and teasing until his lips are on mine, and everything else fades away. God, I’ve missed this. I’ve missed the way his lips feel on mine, the way his touch sets my skin on fire.

But just as things are about to cross that line again, I pull away, leaving him breathless and staring at me in confusion.

"You’re impossible." he mutters, running a hand through his hair, frustration evident in his voice.

I smile sweetly, standing up and stretching. “I need a shower.”

"You’re an absolutely evil woman!" he calls after me as I walk toward the bathroom, but I don’t turn around. I can feel his eyes on me the whole way.

I can't help but smile to myself as I undress and step into the shower. The hot water cascades down my skin, but my mind is elsewhere - back on the couch, replaying the way his hands felt on me, the way his breath hitched when I kissed him. It's getting harder to hold back, to not give in to the growing desire between us. We've come close before - so many times - but for some reason, we always stop right pefore things get too far. It's like we're both waiting for the perfect moment. I'm not in a rush, but God, he makes it so hard to resist.

But it’s not just physical. It’s him. It’s the way he looks at me, the way he makes me feel seen. I’ve never been so comfortable with someone, and that scares me a little. I’m falling for him - hard - and I’m terrified of what that means. We’ve never even talked about what we are, and here I am, thinking about how much I want him, how much I love him.

The thought stops me in my tracks. Am I in love with him? My heart pounds in my chest, and I realize that, yes, I probably am. But I don’t know if he feels the same way. What if this is just something casual for him? What if I bring it up, and he doesn’t feel the same? He’s never pressured me, never pushed for more, and sometimes I wonder if he’s happy with how things are - just casual, just fun.

When I'm done, I slip into my pajamas - just a simple tank top and shorts - and head into the bedroom. Hugh's sitting on the edge of the bed, scroling through his phone, but he glances up when I walk in.

"Took you long enough." he says with a mischievous grin. "Were you thinking about me in there?"

I smirk, leaning against the doorway.

"Maybe?"

He laughs, setting his phone down and standing up. He walks over to me, placing one hand on my hip, the other cupping my face. His lips brush mine in a teasing kiss, his hand sliding down to give my ass a playful squeeze.

"Behave." I mutter, but my voice betrays me, sounding more breathless than I intended.

"Why? I thought you like it when I don’t." he says, that teasing grin never faltering.

Before I can respond, he pulls away and heads to the bathroom. "I'll be right back."

I sighed and lay down on the bed and looked thoughtfully at the ceiling.

Before I can lose myself in my thoughts again, I hear the water turn off, and a minute later, Hugh steps back into the room, still dripping wet and wrapped only in his towel, which hangs dangerously low. I can't take my eyes off him. He's searching through the dresser, muttering something about forgetting his boxers, but I don't hear the words. My heart pounds in my chest, and I know - I know - this is it. I can’t hold back anymore.

Without second guessing, I get up and cross the room, moving toward him without a word. He watches me, his brow furrowing in slight confusion, but there’s something else there too.

When I reach him, I stop, just inches away, and look up at him. I don’t say anything for a long moment. I just let myself feel the weight of this moment.

---

Finally, I find my voice, though it’s softer than I expected. “I want you.”

His eyes widen slightly, and for a moment, I think I’ve surprised him. But then, something shifts in his expression, and the air between us thickens. He steps closer, his hand coming up to cup my cheek as he studies my face.

“Are you sure?” His voice is low, husky, and I can see the restraint in his eyes. He’s giving me an out. One last chance to change my mind. But I don’t want out. Not anymore.

“Yes." I whisper, barely able to speak past the lump in my throat. “I’m sure.”

That’s all it takes. In an instant, his lips are on mine, and the kiss is different this time - deeper. Hungrier. His hands move to my waist, pulling me against him, and I wrap my arms around his neck, melting into his touch.

Before I know it, he’s lifting me off the ground, my legs wrapping instinctively around his waist. I can feel the heat radiating off him, the roughness of the towel against my skin. His grip tightens, and I’m suddenly aware of just how much I want him - how much I’ve always wanted him.

The kiss grew more intense, more desperate, and I can feel the last remnants of our restraint crumbling. He carries me over to the bed, his towel loosening around his hips, and gently lays me down. Our breaths are ragged, our bodies pressed together in a way that makes it impossible to think of anything else.

His kisses moved to my neck while one of his hands disappeared under my top. I gasped softly and ran my hands over his strong back. He began to gently squeeze my breast as I pressed his hips against mine with my legs, clearly feeling his arousal. Breathing heavily, he rubbed his groin against me and applied more pressure to my breast.

"Please." I said softly and looked at him greedily. "Please what, love?" he broke away from my lips and straightened up a little to get a better look at my face.

I couldn't help myself and looked down to his towel, which was now hanging down so low that you could see his perfect v-line clearly, as well as the vein under his belly button.

I swallowed and also straightened up to pull my top over my head.

"Fucking hell." he muttered quietly. I lay back down with my arms over my head and looked straight at him. "Just stop holding back and fuck me already."

He didn't need to be told twice and leaned over me again. The kiss was wilder than before and I felt like his hands were everywhere. I was in such a trance that I didn't even notice that he had already thrown my shorts on the floor. It was only when I felt his fingers on my clit that I realized it. I gasped out loud and dug my fingers in his hair and shoulders as he caressed my neck and circled his thumb over my clit. I was a complete wreck. Everything happened so quickly, but somehow it also didn't. I pressed my knees into Hugh's sides and pushed my pelvis towards him as he slid two fingers inside me. I moaned loudly and pushed my head back into the pillow. Suddenly I felt an electrifying sensation as he ran his tongue around my breast and sucked on it. He curled his fingers in and moved his hand faster. I moaned loudly again and pressed my nails firmly into his shoulder as a pleasurable feeling came over me in my abdomen.

Hugh's kisses moved back up to my lips until he released his heavy breath and slid his fingers out of me.

He looked at me full of lust and totally befuddled. I had never seen him like this before. But seeing him like this almost made me go crazy myself. He smiled gently at me and stroked a few strands of hair from my face. "You're so damn beautiful."

I felt my face flush and ran my hands down his torso to his dick, smiling. He breathed heavily and closed his eyes as I slowly began to stroke him.

I clenched around nothing and bit my lip as I looked at him.

He looked at me again, bent both my legs and pulled my hands away, to stroke his own member. He rubbed his pre-cum wet tip against my clit and looked deep into my eyes. It made me absolutely feral.

"Hell. Stop fucking teasing!" I growled. Without another word, he slid into me and put my legs over his shoulders. I moaned loudly and curled my toes. He was breathing heavily and you could see how much he was controlling himself.

"You're so fucking tight." He slowly began to move his hips and it drove me wild when I felt him filling me up. "Baby please don't hold back." I moaned and closed my eyes.

"Eyes on me my love." he groaned and thrusted harder. I gasped, a little startled, and looked him straight in the eyes. My hands disappeared into his hair again and his speed increased steadily. I felt everything slowly boiling up inside me and I clenched hard around his dick. That eye contact. His moans. The sounds of our bodies hitting each other and the thick air in the room. Everything began to spin around me and I could no longer maintain eye contact.

"I'm gonna cum!" I moaned as I felt him thrusting even deeper than before. Hugh now closed his own eyes, let my legs off his shoulders and pressed both my hands over my head with one hand to stimulate my clit with the other. He was panting loudly himself. "Cum for me baby. I wanna see how you cum all over me."

That gave me the rest and for a brief moment I thought I was seeing the white light. My legs were shaking like crazy and I felt an incredible pull in my abdomen. Hugh moaned with me and let go of me to support himself with his forearms next to my head instead.

Panting, he rested his head in the crook of my neck while I stroked his sweaty back. Shortly afterwards, I felt his rhythm become more and more irregular until he did a last hard thrust and moaned loudly. The sound of his voice and the feeling of his pulsing dick made my skin crawl and I pressed myself tightly against him with my legs and arms.

There was complete silence for a moment. I could only hear our panting and our heartbeats in the room.

I felt his semen leaking out of me and slowly running down my bottom.

Hugh pulled away to lay down next to me and pulled me to his side before kissing me on the forehead. I smiled at him and stroked his sweaty chest with my hand.

"We should probably have done it before the shower." Hugh said with a smirk and looked at me.

"Or in the shower." He laughed and nodded.

---

After cleaning up, we lay together, our bodies entwined under the blanket. The room is quiet, except for the sound of our breathing slowly returning to normal. Hugh is beside me, his arm draped over my waist, his fingers lazily tracing patterns on my skin. I can feel the rise and fall of his chest against my back, and there’s a comfort in the silence between us.

But there’s also a weight, a need to say something. To define this.

I shift slightly, turning so I can face him. His eyes meet mine, and for a moment, neither of us says anything. Then, softly, I ask. "Do you ever… worry? About what people say about us?”

His brow furrows slightly, and he brushes a strand of hair from my face before answering. “What people say? You mean the age thing?”

I nod, feeling a lump in my throat. “Yeah. And the way they watch us. The paparazzi, the rumors… It’s just hard sometimes.”

He presses a soft kiss to my forehead, his hand gently cupping the back of my head. “I know it’s hard, y/n and I’m sorry you have to deal with all that because of me.”

“It’s not your fault,” I say quickly. “I just… sometimes I don’t know how to handle it. But I don't want to be that person who lets the outside world affect what we have." I whisper. "But sometimes it just... gets to me."

"You're not that person." he assures me, his voice firm but gentle. "You're human. And it's okay to feel that way. The important thing is that we talk about it, like we're doing now.. And you don’t have to handle it alone." he murmurs, his lips brushing my temple. “I’m here. We’re in this together.”

His words are soothing, but there’s still a part of me that struggles with the reality of our situation. I bite my lip, hesitating before speaking again. “Sometimes I wonder… if maybe we shouldn’t—”

“Hey." he interrupts softly, his thumb grazing my cheek. “Don’t go there. We’re good, okay? We’re more than good.”

I close my eyes, leaning into his touch. “I know. I just don’t want it to get too complicated.”

Hugh is silent for a moment, then he asks quietly. “Would it help if we made it official?”

I blink, my heart skipping a beat. “Official?”

He gives me a small smile, his eyes soft as he looks at me. “Yeah. Maybe then they will stop harassing us with their questions." For a moment we both were silent before he started to speak again. "Like… would you want to be my girlfriend?”

My heart swells at the simplicity of his question and made me speechless. Then I slowly nod, a smile spreading across my face. “Yeah." I whisper. “I’d like that.”

He grins, pulling me closer and pressing his lips to mine in a soft, lingering kiss. We stay like that for a while, wrapped in each other, content.

After a while, he pulls back, looking thoughtful. “You know, I’m heading to Australia tomorrow to visit family.”

I nod, already knowing. “Yeah, you mentioned that. How long will you be gone?”

“A few weeks." he says, his fingers brushing over my arm absently. “But… I was thinking. What if you came with me?”

I blink in surprise. “To Sydney?”

“Yeah. I mean, only if you want to. No pressure. I just thought it’d be nice… spending some more time together. Away from all this.”

I hesitate, the idea both exciting and terrifying. “I don’t know, Hugh. It feels… fast. I haven’t even met your family yet.”

He chuckles softly. “You wouldn’t have to. Not unless you wanted to. It can just be the two of us. We can do whatever you want. I just want to spend time with you."

I smile softly at his words, feeling my heart swell.

“I’ll think about it,” I say softly, leaning my head against his chest. His heartbeat is steady beneath my ear, a calming rhythm that soothes the anxiety swirling in my mind.

“Good,” he murmurs, running his fingers gently through my hair. “That’s all I ask. No pressure.”

I bite my lip, thinking it over. The idea is tempting - really tempting.

"Okay." I say, making the decision. "I'II come. But maybe I'll fly out a week later. That way I can maybe meet up with Blake and Ryan, maybe even visit Chris in Boston."

Hugh nods, a relieved smile spreading across his face. "Deal. A week later, and we'll have the best time. Just you and me."

We share another soft kiss, and can't help but laugh against his lips.

After our conversation, we lay there for a little while longer, basking in the afterglow of everything we’d just shared. The weight that had been pressing on my chest for weeks felt lighter now that we’d talked about it.

Eventually, we sat up, and the idea struck me - if we were really ready to move forward, maybe it was time to let the world know about us on our own terms.

“I was thinking…” I start, glancing over at him. “We should post a photo of us."

Hugh’s eyebrows lifted in slight surprise. “You sure about that?”

I nod, feeling a sense of resolve I hadn’t felt before. “Yeah. I mean the media already knows about us and we can't hide anymore. So why not?"

A smile tugs at his lips, and he reaches for his phone on the bedside table. “Alright, I’m in. Let’s take a picture then.”

I chuckle. “But maybe we should put on some clothes first?”

Hugh laughs softly, the sound sending a warmth through me. “Yeah, I suppose we shouldn’t scandalize the internet too much.”

As I sit up, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the bedroom mirror and grimace slightly. My hair’s a mess from… well, everything, and I’m definitely not looking my best. “Ugh. I look awful.”

Hugh stands up and shakes his head with an amused smile. “You look perfect,” he says, casually reaching into his closet for a shirt. He pulls one on, his muscles stretching the fabric in a way that makes it hard for me to focus. “Come on, we’ll take a cute one.”

I roll my eyes playfully but grab one of his T-shirts from the drawer. “Fine, but if I look weird, we’re deleting it.”

“No way!” he teases, pulling me into his arms once I have the shirt on. “You could never look weird.”

I can’t help but laugh as he wraps his arms around me from behind. He holds the phone up in front of us, angling it to get the perfect shot. “Okay, smile!”

I glance up at him just as he snaps the picture. My smile turns into a laugh, the joy bubbling out of me before I can stop it. I look ridiculous, but when I see the photo, it’s kind of perfect. Hugh’s grinning at the camera, looking all charming and effortlessly handsome as always, while I’m gazing up at him, clearly laughing and obviously so in love.

I bite my lip, hesitating. “I don’t know… I look a little -"

“You look great." Hugh cuts in, his tone firm but soft. “Come on, y/n. This is us. It’s real.”

I glance at the picture again. He’s right. It’s not some polished, perfect photo shoot - it's just us. Happy, in love, and completely ourselves. I sigh, giving in. “Okay, fine. Let’s post it.”

He beams at me, clearly pleased, and starts typing a caption on his phone. I lean over his shoulder to read it:

>>thehughjackman: Caught laughing at all the rumors... guess they weren't all wrong🤫 #couplegoals<<

I laugh, rolling my eyes playfully "#CoupleGoals? Really?"

"You're right." he says, smirking as he backspaces. "How about.. #HughJackedY/n?"

I swat him laughing, and he finally posts it without any hashtag.

I take my smartphone and also post it with another caption:

>>y/ninstagram: Who knew Wolverine was such a softie?❤️🐺<<

And just like that, it’s out there. The world now knows officially. My heart pounds a little faster as the notifications start rolling in almost instantly. I feel a rush of nervous excitement—what will people say?

We sit there, watching as the comments flood in, one after another.

>>vancityreynolds: Took you long enough!<<

>>blakelively:This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Love you both!<<

>>ChrisEvans: Treat her right or Cap's coming for you!💪🏻<<

>>zendaya: Omg, stop! You guys are ADORABLE<<

>>officialladydeadpoolmovie: Deadpool approves of this union. Carry on.<<

I glance at Hugh as the comments keep pouring in, feeling a strange mixture of warmth and relief. There’s so much love here—so many people supporting us. It’s overwhelming in the best way.

“I told you it’d be fine,” Hugh says, his voice soft. He nudges me gently with his shoulder. “And look, everyone’s happy for us.”

I smile at him, feeling lighter than I have in days. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

More comments continue to roll in, some from fans, some from friends:

>>florencepugh: I KNEW IT!!!<<

But it’s the fan comments that really make me smile:

>>lordyx3z: Omg, I knew they were together! This makes me so happy!🥹😩<<

>>serenax77: Remember when y/n literally said 'fuck me' during an interview? Manifesting at its finest😂😂😭<<

>>hugh4ewa: Hugh, blink twice if y/n's forcing you to post couple pics😂<<

>>y/nno1fan: About damn time! Y'all had me waiting like the post credits scene of a Marvel Movie!<<

>>mynameseve: I need somebody to look at me, like y/n looks at Hugh😭❤️<<

>>girlpoolxpoppins: Can somebody pls check on Ryan? ASAP<<

>>boyinyellwspndx: y/n: "fck me!" - Hugh: "Say less". Dreams come true folks<<

I can’t help but grin at the flood of positivity. Sure, I know there will be some haters - there always are - but for now, it feels like we’re surrounded by love and support, and that’s all that matters. I glance at Hugh again, my heart swelling as he scrolls through the comments, laughing at some of the more playful ones.

“This was a good idea.” I say quietly, resting my head on his shoulder.

He turns his head slightly, pressing a kiss to my temple. “Of course it was.” he murmurs. “Now everyone knows you’re officially mine.”

I laugh softly, my heart feeling full. “And you’re mine.”

We sit there for a while, reading through the comments and enjoying the moment. It feels like a weight has been lifted, like we’re finally free to be ourselves without worrying about what anyone else thinks.

And honestly? It feels perfect.

---------------------------------------------------

@spectorrrhgf @tinawantstobeadoll @appetencyfortacos @weskerussy @kellyxo1 @larkkyoris @shukirschtein14 @corvusmorte @carefree-flowerchild @rexmeshlasblog @melmel-fandom @needz1nk @nonamevenus @morganlolitta @angelofthorr @pickuptruck01

Next part

[elexuscal]

So just over a year ago, I made a resolution to myself to get better at Fitness, since I was getting older and i knew if i didn't, the Consequences would begin to manifest. One problem? Historically i have always hated working out.

i knew there were two main reasons why: 1. lingering trauma from the usual Fat/Neurodivergent Kid Mistreated In PE Class Experience 2. oh my god it's so so so boring i would rather do anything more entertaining.

So. I'm not an expert, and i'm definitely not a professional fitness instructor, BUT i have genuinely come to not just tolerate but actually enjoy exercise this past year. So if these are any problems you personally have contended with, these strategies May Help.

One: Remove Barriers

a lot of flavours of neurodivergence struggle with switching between tasks and executive function generally, especially towards something you don't find fun. So first you gotta identify any barriers keeping you from exercising, and removing or mitigating them.

For me, a hurdle i recognised is that if I could not easily access the equipment, I was unlikely to use it. honestly if i couldn't see it i would probably forget it was there. So my first order of business was making a Work Out Zone. I unrolled my yoga mat and gave it a near-permanent place in my room. my weights came out of the closet and placed on a low shelf where i could easily access them, as did my resistance band. now they were always Right there.

I also realised something I detested was the general feeling of sweaty clothes, and in particular, having to change out of them. So Gross. so i started scheduling my work outs for in the the morning after breakfast or right before my nightly showers, aka: when I am changing in and out of my PJs. I'll do my routine (mostly) naked and not have to contend with the extra steps and laundry that sweaty clothes bring.

two: secondary entertainment

like i said: i found exercise very boring. and while i've gotten better over the past year, and can find it meditative, i still prefer having something else to catch my attention.

i used to like to put on video essays. but then i realised i was so often pausing my work outs because the particular video ended, or the pace got slow, or the topic turned to something dark and depressing out of nowhere and killed the vibe, so then i had to stop to find something else--

No. You need something that will keep you in the zone, and won't knock you out of it. I didn't used to listen to music much, but this year i took advantage of a Spotify subscription my sister gifted me (😔) and started just putting on upbeat rock, hip-hop, and pop mixes. it doesn't need to be my favouirte music ever it just needs to Keep Going.

i do find the loud, rhythmic music is really good for keeping my pace up, but if music doesn't do it for you, you might find audiobooks or autoplaying favourite old tv shows/sitcoms might scratch that itch.

Three: Find Other Motivators

Or, "if you can't make your own motivation, store bought is fine"

Gameification is really good here. You might be someone who'll benefit from a pedometer or step-counter app. I have a friend who swears by the Switch Ring-Fit, and I've also heard of folks who use games like Just Dance, Zombies, Run! and Beat Saber to rely on the sweet sweet endorphins generated by hitting a high score.

(BUT: do beware the dark side of gameification, which is the risk of demotivation if you don't hit your goals. For example, after doing GREAT on exceeding my step goal for a month, I got hit with COVID. For about a week and a half I was barely moving beyond the kitchen and back. My step counts plummeted, there was no way to edit the record out, and that made it harder to get back into the groove. Be mindful relying too much on gameification!)

Even outside of literal games, there are ways to scratch this itch. I used secondary objectives as a way to encourage me to keep up with my daily walks. Walking my roommate's dog when he was working long days is an obvious one, but we don't always have a furry friend at our disposal. Then I would rely on mini-challenges like, "pick up 10 cool rocks to paint", "fill this bag with wood for the fireplace", "take 10 pretty pictures", or "get to the corner store to get more milk".

And of course, consider team sports! Many folks I've talked to feel having set training/play times with a team that relies on them crucial to keep them on track!

Four: Don't Measure Success By Weight Loss

I know. I know. Easier said than done. It does not help that like 80% of workout resources online are going to mention this. but above all else, you must resist the beast. (and while not as dicey, measuring success by visible muscle gain can fall into a similar trap).

The biggest benefits to exercise are invisible. it improves cardiovascular health, brain function, tissue regeneration, immune system function, lung capacity, energy levels, literally our whole body. no matter what external changes your body does or doesn't go through, you're still going to be benefitting from exercise, and you do not want to get demotivated chasing unrealistic/irrelevant goals.

Instead, to track your progress, focus on questions like these:

How is exercise impacting my mood? Do I feel less stressed or anxious?

Am I sleeping better?

Is my balance improving?

Is my stamina increasing?

Am I becoming more flexible?

Can I lift/carry heavier weights?

Is my breath control improving?

Over the last year, I've seen marked improvements in all of these. My joints don't hurt as much; it's easier for me to to get up and move; I don't get winded as easily; I generally feel more relaxed and cheerful. Those are all amazing outcomes, and I hope that everyone on their own fitness journey can find the same joy there as I have.

[yuri-is-online]

Hello Yuri, inviting myself with a question. AceYuu, JadeYuu, RolloYuu. Favorite Tropes and Why?

Hello Sayo, nice to have you drop on in, have a seat. That's a sort of difficult question ( • - • ) … I think one of the main reason I like these three ships so much is my favorite thing to write is requited unrequited love, and there's a bunch of good chemistry to work that into these three guys. I like exploring the pining and denial stage of love, but there are some differences with each ship I like to explore.

AceYuu is friends to lovers to me. They just exemplify what I want out of a ship like that, there's a genuine friendship underneath everything that's built on mutual respect and affection that just isn't with some other pairings. I like exploring it from Ace's pov especially because I see him as someone who already has a good grasp on what it means to be a good and loyal friend, but is utterly powerless when it comes to genuine romantic love. He's got no idea what to do with himself other than continue to be Yuu's friend, not fully realizing that's the best foundation for a relationship. I like making Yuu a bit more accepting of their own romantic feelings but not of their place in Ace's heart. Jenny Studio Killers ship my beloved.

JadeYuu is Yuu falling first and Jade falling harder. The line I throw around about Jade finding Yuu boring at first isn't something I made up, it's his vingette level up line. "Oh no I don't think that now." He says with a smirk because he doesn't, but he does not really know what he thinks about Yuu so he doesn't give a concrete answer. Fun he supposes, he likes watching you move through the world. It's similar to how Floyd interacted with things at first, but he doesn't really like the idea of comparing you to Floyd... just what is this strange feeling? He thinks he likes it vs Yuu who took one look at Jade and that smile, that damned smile. You were in love from day one and a bit upset that your bad taste in men had followed you to a different world. But while you are busy trying to get over your feelings Jade is starting to realize his and once he does good luck getting away. He's intense, desperate, and so much deeper in love than you ever thought he could be. If you don't get married right this instant he thinks he might actually die, he's that down bad. And super pathetic about it too.

RolloYuu is love at first sight. I like fatal/doomed attraction with them too, just Rollo being in love with Yuu and Yuu being in love with Rollo but the timing is wrong. The circumstances are wrong, Rollo is maybe the one guy who genuinely wishes he was born in your world and would follow you there without hesitation (the original ending to my long fic had him doing just that) but is that really what would be best for him? I like writing him as obsessed with Yuu, and Yuu as knowing it is wrong to be enamored by that but they're just so tired of everything they want to stay with him. It's much more simple than the other two ships I should write for them a bit more... oh I've also found I really like writing them as childhood friends in my ayuus. It's a dynamic that sort of works with that whole doomed love at first sight thing, for me anyway.

[transmascaraa]

Hi! I've currently been into Ga ming recently since he's released and your works for him are really cute 💗💗 so I was wondering if I can maybe request him, Bennett, tighnari, cyno, and Scaramouche (if you write for them ofc!) with a always nauseous and overheating reader?

I've been going through that for a long while now and it kinda adds onto not really eating all the time because of being afraid to throw up when it happens, sometimes feeling like a burden for having a different body temperature than most and feeling like it's just a problem, not being able to wear clothes I really want to because of how hot I may get, the possibility of passing out whenever and the embarrassment I get from that, ect 😭

I hope your day is well, and that hopefully you have a fun time writing this if you decide to 💗🫶

multiple characters headcannons!

how are they with overheating!reader?

characters: gaming, bennett, tighnari, cyno, wanderer x gn!reader

author's note: i love this idea so much😭 i'm not somebody that's overheating easily, but i still get hot faster than others, it's the main reason i hate summer and love winter👍 but i think i can understand people who suffer from overheating. i once almost passed out a few months ago and it's either that i felt sorry for this one dog, or because of sunstroke. either way, i'm glad to do this request, because i really like it<3

Gaming

-he would be prepared ALL THE TIME. it's true. it's canon, i'm the mole on his neck.

-anyways, he would always have one of your t-shirts in his bag. he learnt how to do cpr and what to do IF you pass you. he reassured you that it was okay. that you having a warmer body temperature wasn't something you should be embarrassed of.

-in his eyes, he found the good in that whole problem.

-winter, you're not all the cold in winter, while he... freezes, despite being pyro.

-he's there with you, always ready for anything, encouraging you to eat.

-he also always has a cold drink in his bag, it might come in handy for you...

-either way, he wouldn't mind it. he just wants to help you. he sees nothing wrong with you.

-but he avoids teasing you that much, what if you get too hot and feel nauseous?

-he doesn't want that. instead, he knows when to stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bennett

-he's clumsy, and everyone knows that. but he does try his best to help. he WANTS to help.

-when you feel nauseous, he starts panicking a bit but tries to keep a more calm composure to not make it even harder for you.

-he knows how to treat you. he's trying his best, please, thank him.

-he asked lisa about how to help a nauseous person, and he listened closely.

-sometimes, he rants to razor about you, but not about your overheating problem, but about how strong you were. how brave you were.

-how he admired you.

-and when with you, he tries to tell you all of those same things, but he ends up blushing too much, and just telling you to "paint it over".

-but at rare times, when he makes you feel hotter by telling you such sweet praises, he apologizes immediately, and tries to cool you down.

-he's trying, he really is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tighnari

-he has everything with him. if gaming had everything you needed, tighnari has 2 times more of them. what if you run out of cold water? what if the first shirt he brought with him was still making you hot? he even has an ice pack with him.

-he's like a mom. anything you need, he has it. he would take great care of you, making sure you're alright.

-if you're nauseous, don't worry! he has the medicide. you're allergic to something? you'll never see it again.

-if you're ever close to passing out, he knows exactly what to do, so you shouldn't worry all that much, because you have him.

-others, and even maybe you, might see him as overprotective, or overreacting, but he just says that "it's for your own good" and carries on with taking your mind off of things by talking to you about aranaras.

-he may be a bit strict, but it really is jsut because he cares for you. he wants the best for you, and hopes that he can be the one to help you get to there.

-i could talk about him for ages but i think you get the point.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cyno

-i'm virtually sighing right now. he would care for you, yes, do anything for you, do anything you want him to.

-he'll bring you anything and everything you need.

-he had anything you need with him, but if you run out of anything, he's thinking of a solution to stop that.

-in all seriousness, he'll skip anything and everything for you.

-yes, he does bore you with his horrible jokes no matter what, but if he sees that he's too annoying, he'll stop.

-if you're about to pass out, he's either gonna keep his composure and help you or just...

-call tighnari because he's panicking a bit too much.

-he avoids bringing you to the desert with him, completely, at all costs.

-he wants to to be okay, and reassures you when you have trouble eating.

-he's like a dad, the opposite of tighnari. he may not have anything you need at ALL times, but he always comes up with a solution.

-and he loves choosing outfits for you, and he gets hot easily too, that's why he doesn't wear much clothing himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wanderer

-uhhh he's complicated. he'll never show any interest in helping you, but deep down he so fucking worried about you. he would take your body heat if he could. he would splash you with ice-cold water if you wanted to.

-but he'd mask it with saying "weak."

-you know him good enough tho, he cares about you more than anyone else.

-you know he'd sacrifice anything and everything to help you.

-he literally forces you to eat.

-he has everything you need with him, and does his best to help you. if he runs out of something, he'll call nahida.

-nahida plays a huge part in this too, but you don't know.

-he secretly talks to nahida to teach him about overheating more. so he knows how to help. he asks her any question he has, and the almost immediately memorizes it. he needs to know how to help you. so, if you ever almost pass out, he'd just be telling you to shut up while trying to help, but on the inside, it's a mess, really.

-he doesn't want you in pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i actually really like this one

HELP MY LAST MULTI-CHARACTER ONE GOT ALMOST 400 NOTES I'M GOING CRAZY

either way, i hope you like this one, anon! and that you i potrayed overheating good enough😭

[court-jobi]

How'd You Know (I Needed This)

((banner by me! I don't own Horikoshi's (sleepy) characters/work))

Pairing: Aizawa x reader (American!Pro Hero fem!reader, set before the events of Season 1)

Words: 4.9K

Rating: T+

Warnings: Aizawa has feelings and doesn't know what to do with them, alcohol mentions, slow burn, he fell first she fell harder, the feeling is mutual TM

Summary:

Shouta Aizawa surrenders his capture weapon for the night in favor of humoring Hizashi, and is rewarded for his follow-through at his show. He wants to know you, more than he has from teaching the brats alongside you for the last few months. Wants to know the smile that reaches your eyes more intimately.

He’s happy he gets this balcony happy hour with you -out from all their eyes inside- to be able to water this sweet, small thing he feels towards you to fullness.

A/N: I've been WAITING for this one, turn it up!!! Aizawa my beloved, I've wanted to write you for so, so long and can only hope I can do you justice. The man just has such a gentle side and I just wanted to give him something nice and self-indulgent~

For my My Hero Academia Masterlist, check it out here!

Read on Ao3

Damn it, why was he thinking like this? He’s in public for goodness’ sakes, with only two sips of drink under his belt. Not two drinks- two sips of a drink.  So if that’s the case of his sobriety, why was he off in his own little headspace as if he were drunk?  

‘Put Your Hands Up Radio’ found its home recording studio attached to this lounge: a place Shouta Aizawa never frequented unless expressly invited- or when Eraserhead was needed to scout out trouble. Far too noisy, too chatty, and filled with too many grown adults losing their sensibilities for his liking. 

Through one round of begging or another, he’d been roped into joining some of the staff of UA to an evening out, in support of Present Mic. Naturally, Aizawa would go- as his presence would all but guarantee everyone else’s. Despite begrudging the plans that pushed himself out of his preferred rest mode, he kept true to his word for Hizashi’s sake.

Promise kept, and therefore, appears to have been rewarded. 

Once the show wrapped for the night, his best friend was over the moon at how things were turning into a party that Friday night. After a day of shrill, whinging teenagers he’d wrangled all week, this level of volume was honestly the last thing he needed. Yamada’s voice doubled the decibel of the entire room- and that’s without his quirk activated. He always managed to annoy Aizawa when he started fangirling about one duet matchup or another.

But truthfully? Every sound this tired hero registered around him fell to white noise while he looked at you…

Sweet Little Miss, you are; gracing the lounge with your presence. You’re a vision tonight. Insist with your lilting dip to your words they all call you by your first name, outside of school grounds and against what’s considered custom. No hero titles either, unless an emergency called for formalities- then you’d cave.

These Americans are too casual. Even down to these outfits. What’s this–  black turtleneck, necklace she won’t leave alone- moving it around her thumb like that, short skirt.. and those damn thigh highs and tights. How is it she’s driving that moped of hers, wearing something like this…

Everything on your person, down to the way you held yourself in perfect confidence and ease adorned you like a perfectly-styled pro hero. It couldn't be a more stark contrast to his tried and true wardrobe. Even this after-hours look sat perfectly around each bend and curve of you, as you listened to the group. 

You’re smiling, too. It’s subtle, but it reaches your eyes, which makes it all the more authentic.

A smile he shouldn’t want to keep all to himself. Curves he really should have no business noticing. Features that he’s actually surprised he’s labeling as ‘attractive’ in his mind because the last time he ever felt an ounce of attraction to anyone in that way, he’d barely been able to grow facial hair. 

Desire for a safe place to land his dizzying mind is driving his tired sights to look to you for relief again and again in the conversation– without you even saying a single word. 

The barely-touched drink in his hand is only a prop; something to make him blend into the scene and not something he’s actually tasting for pleasure… meaning, these are his thoughts. Nearly completely sober. Should be illegal. Just illegal-

"Yo Sho, you still with us, sleepyhead?" 

Yamada pulled him out of his thoughts. Disguising any flare of being put on the spot, Aizawa  flitted his absent gaze back to his blond friend–

"Be nice. He’s had a rough day and is a good enough sport by being here,” you chirped up catching Yamada’s pull for Aizawa to part from the fringes of your little gathering.

Now toward you? He’ll soften his edge. After all, with you sticking up for him with blind loyalty, he nearly felt guilty for spacing out and causing you to speak up in the first place.

“- yknow, I'm inclined to take a nap myself," you leaned forward to grab a few more calamari bites to tend to your seemingly insatiable appetite. Aizawa felt warm at the sweetness and straightened up at Yamada’s prodding.

From then on, he made sure to look in your direction more often when you spoke to help him pay attention. He still didn't say much, never did. But he liked the company well enough.

These nights were truly few and far between. Life as an in-demand hero left him jumping from role to role, daytime and midnight obligations. The routine split his waking hours and stretched them paper thin.  Now more than ever,  he typically shirked as much off time as he was offered. And yet, he had to remember to prioritize levity and breaks– and in this case, indulge his treasured friend’s interests and ‘take one for the team’. Good for morale, he reasoned, just this once. 

The occasion was also a way for you to integrate with the group in an informal setting– great for the transplant from the States. You’ve taken amicably to the group of alumni-turned-faculty at UA, though much still remained a mystery about you, presently being peeled back bit by bit through stories and slips of the tongue. There was only so much a dossier could truly reveal about a person- even one curated by S.W.O.R.D. to volunteer aid their Japanese counterparts in their hero work.

It couldn’t tell what kind of teacher you’d turned out to be. Even with no experience working with students, you tread the line between instilling team-centered outlooks and pushing their quirk’s limitations to their max benefit. A crafty, inventive counterpart to complement his blunt teaching style: better together, and even the principal agreed.

It couldn’t point out where your true ambitions lie or where your drive came from. There remained much to be explained as far as your hero status here in Japan– a red-tape nightmare Aizawa was still intrigued to learn about. So far, you’d shared some limitations about “immigration statuses are being vetted with a fine toothed comb, so they’re still trekking through the paperwork”, so your wings are essentially clipped down to a student’s provisional license. This doesn’t please you too much, but you’re driven as much as his finest students with the aire of a professional he’d love to see in full action.

It couldn’t explain the stillness you could dip into, that he only caught once or twice when you believe yourself alone. There’s a past was weighing your shoulders level and compliant in the eyes of the law… but an urge to push back and ‘play this out’  brought hypotheticals to your lips whenever you chatted about what hero life is like for him, and added a sparkle to the eye that he had yet to fully source.

It couldn’t give away the gentleness you hold behind a carefully guarded smile– even in this harsh hero world. Maybe it was that indomitable spirit that those foolhardy patriots overseas carried… or rather, maybe it was the way you fought against such a loud persona. So far, Aizawa has taken only a few notes, but each little mental post-it was cluttering up his headspace. You held a quiet love of tea, a comical passion for the oxford comma, and a mind to care for the little things in life– like the lizards you rescue in an inverted cup to take outside where they belong . 

Surely life must have treated you hard to elicit such softness. Something tenderized you to achieve the peace you carry around or else you’re wearing a damn good mask. No, he determines you had to have made a choice to continue on the path that’s brought you to the present– even to this table where you’re taking your fill of maki rolls while casting little caring glances his way. 

All smiles and calm surety, as he mills through his thoughts that are damn near obsessed with you.

An employee file could never record ‘heart’, anymore than it could expose anything you didn’t want to reveal.

The night progresses while Aizawa stews on these thoughts, and plenty of others… for the ones that drift to his co-teacher offer him more mental stimulation than that he finds in the club’s lights and music.

Yamada’s night of filling his social battery was made nearly perfect by the karaoke that just started. Several of the other teachers got preoccupied in round after round of song, so it left Aizawa with a moment's peace. 

Well, peace he was going to enjoy by laying back on the couch for a little shuteye–  when his gut jumped at the feeling of a hand trailing up his forearm to the elbow with a polite, companionable touch. 

Facing its owner, Aizawa caught your little smirk and nod towards the balcony. You didn't pull hard, yet he followed like a magnet out to the patio. 

From there, rather than stay by the door to listen in on their friends ‘releasing their inhibitions and feeling the rain on their skin’,  you took him to the right, where a matching lounge set positioned itself in a blind spot between the rooftop bar and the fire escape. 

"Thought you looked like you could benefit from some soundproofing~" you brushed your hair back over one shoulder to follow the breeze’s direction, and left an open spot next to you by the railing. 

Nightlife and neon didn’t hold magic for Eraserhead given as many nights as he’s spent perched on precarious heights, but through a newcomer’s eyes, he could see the appeal. This part of the city glowed at night from dusk to dawn, and you clearly loved looking out over it; Aizawa certainly didn't mind this view either. 

Your perception skills are spot on, and incredibly thoughtful as you’ve suggested some fresh air- for his sake. If he wasn’t drawn to you any of the other times he’s paid attention to the spastic moths a more romantic person might call ‘butterflies’ before…  this cements each and every one as valid. 

He likes you. He really likes you. 

Time passed with appreciative quiet until you spoke again, 

"The only thing is, you can't really see stars in the city... there’s too much light."

"The beaches have a nice view," Aizawa replied after some thought.

"Oh yeah?"

"Enough to stargaze properly,” he offered without much sentimentality. Right by the pier was the best spot he and his former classmates would go on the weekends, before their hero work took off.

"I'll have to remember to take a drive there. Y'know, sometime when I'm not in two-and-a-half-inch heels." you chuckled as you shuffled back to the rattan settee, sitting for a bit to stretch out your legs. "I don't know how Nemuri does it."

"Feet hurt already?" Aizawa snuck his hands from his pockets and came to the seat across from yours. “Night’s young.”

"Getting there,"  your laugh greeted him over, "But you know what they say, dress to impress and all that. Yamada really pitched some hype for this afterparty, so~"

Fashion was hardly something that ever swayed Aizawa’s decision-making. Utilitarian was the way to go for his wardrobe- then, as now. 

"If aesthetics are all that determine these pros’ attention, that’s horribly vain." 

You bristled in good humor, 

"He didn't mean it like that– I just meant, he said to look nice for fun instead of for work. Call it ‘girl code’ if you want. We know that means to– just– /doll up a bit/!"

Aizawa held back a snicker at how you still ran into difficulties finding the most apt Japanese equivalents in your (pretty decently executed) second language. English slang you reverted to in moments like these fell from your mouth with an odd drawl. Still couldn’t place the regional accent you carried, but it charmed Aizawa all the same. 

“//Doll up//?” he mimicked. 

"//I like dolling up//!"

Aizawa reached and pulled his glass to his lips, meant to look aloof but not hiding his interest altogether well. 

"You don’t need to put on airs to get people to notice you…" 

"Right, because the accent gives me away."

"No, it’s your-”

Finally, a coward’s streak flared deep in his belly to shut him up. A rare hesitation. Damn this. What the hell’s happening to me–

 “–nevermind."

"My what?" you’re fully  interested, knowing a secret when it's presented.

"Nothing important."

Thankfully you not-so-subtlety dropped it with a hummed ‘ok’, but kept a watchful eye for him in your peripherals. 

The pro hero mused. Better for him to be honest, right? 

Just choose your words carefully. You’ll have to look her in the eye after this, you know. 

Aizawa widened his seated stance so his knee barely breached your space. 

Your sights lifted to him while he put his best poker face on. It’s not really any different than what he’d give to a perfect stranger– the only difference here is he has to force it.

Shit shit shit you're in deep, Shouta.

"You're plenty noticeable as you are. Anyone who meets you can see that," Aizawa shared in his usual soft-spoken tone. "Give ‘em ten minutes, and you've got them wrapped around your finger. It’s a whole impression, not just the outer package. Doesn't matter if you're in a dress that costs a month’s paycheck or a black button down. You're welcoming, sincere..." 

He’s realizing he might be trailing off, but finding you listening with full attention led him on; no liquid courage required. 

"You're stunning from the inside out. Enough to get others to notice."

Aizawa heard your appreciation before he saw it, a hum preceding the a genteel smile. With the win of his walls coming down, he had to give an honest smirk back. It was only fair; you’d earned it just by being you. By your flattered look, you were touched– but your brain was still working beneath the surface, and soon showed by a fleeting expression that spit from him.

Then, you caught your bottom lip for a second, before daring to look in Aizawa’s eyes again. It’s a sneaky look– like he’d snuck a peek at a card he’d meant to hide.

"...You remember what I wore on my first day at UA."

It was half question, half amusement. So dear, but oh-so pointed.

Aizawa froze.

"Black button down. You noticed me, then?" you countered more, "And here I thought you didn't care about appearances~" 

"In professional circles, no. Personal… that's a different thing, entirely." 

He kept your  sights locked onto his, not unlike how he used his quirk in a challenge– only far softer and he could risk the occasional blink.

Even when you took his glass from his hand and placed it away on the table alongside yours, he still looked fondly after you, in fact tilting his head to the other side, studying the way one piece of your hair was caught by your neck. What he’d give to be familiar with you enough to ever-so-carefully brush it back, letting his touch send a wave of shivers across your skin and maybe even make you hum at the gesture. But he couldn’t trust himself to do it now, settling on stretching his arm around the back of the couch. Just an open move, letting you join him on the couch as close as you’d like.

Was he really doing this? He never has before, but this felt so natural. 

You smiled still– and as you sit, you’re leaning into it.  Well then. 

“What was I wearing, Aizawa?”

With free fingers, he risked some little brushes on your near shoulder, bringing a happy little eyebrow lift from you. He just took in your features in close quarters, settled in it, as he remembered that day:

Black button down, grey skirt. Biker boots -practical choice- and these damn tights.

Aizawa’s dazed in the head, but he knows he's listed it off aloud based on how your sights widen, impressed. 

"Hmmm, tights do it for ya?” you smiled, “I'm surprised you haven't jumped the darling Ms. Nemuri then."

"I know way too much about Kayama to ever consider her that way,”  Aizawa’s tempered hand twirled a finger along a blown-away section of hair, just absently enough. “You however, tease just enough." 

"Do I tease you?” you offer with a little depth, “I don't mean to."

It’s here he’s worry he’s stepping over a line- if it weren’t for the downright delicious look in your eye. You say it like you’re sorry for acting unprofessionally– but you’re urging him on, hardly apologetic for your sweet posturing.

"You may not mean it, but it's not unnoticed," 

He took second to swallow, and steps fully over it. 

"or unwelcome."

You’re pleased with this, but deflect with your trademarked humor- 

"Well now that’s saying something. You've seen me in my pjs, too- far from glamorous.  That didn't break the allure for you?"

Aizawa had to huff though his nose at that memory.

"I caught you at arguably your most real self, that first night you patched me up," His outstretched arm rubbed full circles onto your shoulder now, with the lightest touch. 

“Still have no clue why you chose me over Recovery Girl. For the harshest grader in school, that was a pretty dumb move.”

“You were closer than going to campus. It was the practical choice.”

“You didn't even know if I knew first aid.” 

“You do,” Aizawa smirked. “You're too nurturing to not have a knack for it.”

Your legs crossed over, deflecting both your words and refreshing your body movement. In doing so, you slid even closer- a move not lost on Aizawa. 

“Well, I'm still not happy about it. You needed more attending than I was able to pull off. Whatever you get into those nights,” you flitted a look to the underside of his arm that lays outstretched –where you know he sports a scar now- “It… looked like it hurt, ‘Zawa.”

Warm. Warm and cared form. Felt it then, feel it now. That's the life in his chest he gets when he’s around you. 

"Can't change the past, and I certainly wouldn't have changed that. Wouldn’t pass up seeing that sight of you for the world."

This connection, this dance, it all feels that it must be older than what it is, more rooted in a shared history than a short few months. 

Aizawa wants to ‘get’ you. Know the thoughts behind your eyes. Get you talking, even if it means he needs to give up his silent nights and muted text alerts so he can learn you.  He’s happy he gets this balcony happy hour with you, out from other’s eyes, to be able to water this sweet, small thing he feels towards you to fullness.

His eyes narrowed playfully, "Are you embarrassed right now?"

Out of this entire teasing exchange, that note seemed to surprise you and turned you shy.  Short of clapping a hand onto your cheek, you just darted your gaze away- can you be cuter if you tried?

“h-Yeah, a little!" –though you tried to snark your way out of it, "you were hurt before, and blubbery- but now that we’re y'know– awake, and talking... Pretty faces make me nervous."

Nervous? Pretty? Aizawa doesn’t like the sound of either of those.

Aizawa raised a brow and gave a look, a touch more serious.

"Hey," He tapped your chin still with his free hand, "if you want me to lay off, you say the word."

Blindly, you hold his hand from retreating away– "No. You're good, I promise."

He’s drowning in you leaning into the cool touch offered to you–

“ Heh, I–uh… I’m pretty sure ‘friends’ don’t talk about each other like this, though.”

He couldn't be a coward now– not with you melting on the spot and giving him an insane amount of hope.

“Maybe not,” Aizawa reasoned gently, “-not if they’re content to stay that way.” 

–then all of a sudden his heart soared at her next words:

"Well… I like this."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I like you, like this.” With your insistence for touch, you cupped his wrist in your own chill-tipped hand.

Hell yeah. 

Aizawa huffs another win in his foolish heart, but then watches as you keep talking–  you don’t break from your softness, but look reflective off to an absent point on his chest.

“It’s funny, y'know? Most jobs, you’d be lucky to find someone you would actually wanna talk to outside of board meetings and quarterly reports… but here in our line of work, you count on each other to save your lives.”

“That’s right.” Aizawa breathes.

“I uh.. never thought I’d be workin’ with kids- trying to keep them alive too. Teach them how to do the same. But I wouldn’t feel nearly as confident to do it, rise to the challenge, if it weren’t for you, ‘Zawa. You’re just as special. Inside and out.”

And when you look to his eyes again, fully awake and still sober, he swears he’ll say yes to any night Hizashi invites him to if it means he can have you this close. Things with you just feel lived-in. Companionable. He’s drawn to you in a way unlike others before you, because he didn’t believe he’s had the right, desire, or time to even entertain it. 

But everything’s different now. It just works, in his mind. He wants to spend his respites, his missions, everything- with you at his side, having his back. For however long you’d let him.

Touching your cheek, cursing the helmet you’d have to wear on the way home that would hide this angelic face from him once again– Aizawa curls towards you, barely tipping his head which screams ‘kiss her you ass’. You notice, and follow his lead almost halfway. 

“Yeah, I like you like this…” you sighed lightly, “--and I’d like us like this, too.” 

"Hm. Good."

...the door to the patio swinging open from around the corner startles you both. Present Mic doesn’t know his strength as he projects for the block to hear, swaggering about in his search.

You looked flustered sitting back up, but Aizawa was characteristically unphased at the sight of Hizashi finally rounding with a singsong cry of his name. 

Dammit.

"Hey kids, been looking for YOU, Miss America! There's some stateside artists on the karaoke lineup with your name on iiiiit- c’mon! I hyped you already to Nemuri– she didn't believe me that you sang with me for my English midterms!!"

"What?!” you blanched, “ Who said I was doing that?"

"I did!!” Yamada thumbed at his own brilliance, “ C’mon I'll do the first one with you!"

"First one– Dude, I don't need to be touting my Southern-ass self to a bunch of pros before I even make a name for myself here."

"This is HOW you'll do it! Come n’ wow them, break the ice- you’ll do amazing!" Yamada came to your side of the settee, tugging you up to your feet with little fight. "Tch, Sho, you're rubbing off on her, aren't you? Turning our sweet teach into a wallflower as we speak, huh?"

"She was doing me a favor- has an eye out for me when I needed an escape, unlike you." Aizawa droned, to your amusement.

"Yeah yeah fair enough. Now pleeeeeease, would you come inside?  It would be so much fun!"

From the way you’re freshening your jacket collar, you’re warmed from the neck up, caught between what just almost happened and the current situation Yamada is putting you in.

You look to Aizawa just like you did inside– a  glance, but it lingers longer than before. Like you are waiting to see what he thinks. If he’ll stay or go, should you leave. 

But Aizawa isn’t so selfish like before. He doesn’t feel it necessary to keep you to himself, because he sees your affection so clearly in your eyes now. He hosts butterflies in his stomach, yes, but they aren’t frantic and flitting about wondering what you may or may not think of him- chronically tired and a contrast to the breath of fresh air you are. You see him as a companion, too. Someone he might just get the chance to study, and learn, and adore in return.

No, he knows you like him as he is. Knows you’ll choose to meet him where he stands. He can share you, and will simply watch on as you stun him even more...

The Pro-Hero is desperate for some eyedrops in all this wind outside, but he would grin and bear it if you choose to deny Yamada’s pull on you. So instead, he merely leans forward to perch on his knees, with a hand on the lip of both your drinks. What Aizawa says in his non-answer left it open to what you wanted to do.  Stay or go, he’d follow suit.

Returning to the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed fellow teacher, you breathily gave in with your ‘ok’. 

"YEAAAAAUHHHH!"

"Damn peer pressure."

"You said yes," Aizawa smirked.

"Oh if she’s going, you're coming in too!" Hizashi was already whisking you away, and Aizawa rose on his own, following your knowing smile over your shoulder and matching it. 

With many forced karaoke and radio show nights, it’s Aizawa who braves the crowd and comes up behind you at one of Present Mic’s shows,  stepping in from the balcony where you wait by its door. He’s fresh off of work, sporting a new scar across his cheek courtesy of his day job, this time.. but you greet him with that familiar scrunch of the nose that he still finds adorable.

It’s rare he leaves campus nowadays, because he feels the stakes are higher than ever for him to remain vigilant. His students are his life, and as proud of them as he is, they are a constant effort of his mind and strength. Rest doesn’t come easy, and his rewards for a job (passably) done aren’t found in many places. 

One constant he has found helps, has been you. 

You, still alluring as ever, but who makes sure he doesn’t fixate on giving and giving of himself until he breaks– but to take his rests, reset, and even take a little jaunt over to these radio shows when he has staff coverage back at the dorms. Gives you two some time to get nostalgic, sentimental– or as close as he can get to those mushy spots in his heart about the club where he wrestled out his feelings for you for the first time.

He smooths a hand across your lower back now, when he joins you. He’s held onto your hands when they're cold, giving you whatever warmth he has. He knows each and every gap on your resume, partnered with you out on the streets, tag-teams in his classroom with this plucky 1-A Class he now leads, and is content to let you fill his thoughts when he wants to rest his eyes.

He doesn’t fight his affections now. Still would rather not simper in public too much because he’s quite averse to being the center of tabloids’ attentions, but stands by you all the same. 

"I'm surprised to not see you up there,” Aizawa greets, cool as ever. 

You lean on a hip, closer to him. 

"He's got his sets lined up today, didn't ask me-” You speak a little louder over the crowd, “I swear, your cockatoo still acts like I'm some gift from the heavens, just ‘cuz I can sing!"

"It's earned. You deserve every bit of it, and not just from Hizashi."

You turned over to him shyly, drawing his attention further– your tendencies to melt under his words encourages Aizawa to compliment you directly. Often. Whatever it is about his voice that you say you’re obsessed with, he still doesn’t understand– but he uses it to full advantage as he robs your drink from your hand,

"I happen to think you have a gorgeous voice," Aizawa speaks low to your ear. “You should sing at home more often.”

“Please. As if the kids would ever let me live it down.”

You refer -of course- to the twenty shared students between you, taking them all in stride since you’ve sufficiently bonded through fire alongside them. 

“That’s teaching for ya. Gotta push yourself beyond, plus ultra and all that.”

You chortle back in your throat, risking a kiss on his etched cheek to counter his snide remark, 

“You’re off the clock, ‘Zawa. No more hero talk, huh?” 

Aizawa cocks a brow, stealing a sip, “Sorry we can’t all turn it off like you, dear.”

The comment has you biting the inside of your mouth at the tease, and allows him a quick moment to press the glass’ condensation against his eye. 

“Want some air, hon?” you try again, softer than this atmosphere should allow.

Looking back at you -your hold on his elbow ready to guide him outside just like the first night- and Aizawa doesn’t need any more sips of the whiskey he holds.  

The retreat to ‘your couch’ is one he looks forward to any chance he gets. Bass boosted from the speakers inside becomes background noise that dulls his senses, doubled by the way you cozy up under his arm watching the skyline shift in light and color in comfortable silence. You trade roles with him: taking watch while he shuts his eyes for some restorative hydration. 

But before he gets too terribly relaxed by your weight settling his aching muscles to stillness, he registers a warm press to his mouth that he’s quick to chase after. That’s a satisfying thought, too: he doesn't have to imagine what it'd be like to kiss you anymore. 

[skywalker1dream]

Title: reconnecting

Max verstappen x reader

Summary: Years after drifting apart from childhood best friend Max Verstappen, you find yourself unexpectedly reunited during a family-planned summer holiday in Spain. Despite your initial reluctance to join, you discover that old bonds can reignite in the most unexpected ways.

Warning: none?

---

The sun was setting over the picturesque Spanish coast, casting a golden glow over the sprawling summer house your families had rented. You stared out the car window, feeling a mixture of nostalgia and irritation. Nostalgia, because you had spent countless summers with the Verstappens as a child. Irritation, because you hadn't wanted to come on this trip at all.

"Come on, it'll be fun," your mother had insisted, practically dragging you along. "You used to love spending time with them."

"Yeah, when I was ten," you muttered under your breath. But arguing with your mom had never been fruitful, so here you were, stepping out into the warm evening air, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach.

Your family was greeted warmly by Max's parents. You exchanged polite hugs and greetings, trying to push down the awkwardness. The house was stunning, with whitewashed walls and a terrace that overlooked the sparkling Mediterranean Sea.

You were just about to head to your room when a familiar voice stopped you in your tracks. "Hey, stranger."

You turned around, heart pounding, and there he was. Max Verstappen. He looked older, more mature, but his eyes still had that same mischievous glint.

"Max?" you managed to say, your voice catching in your throat.

"In the flesh," he replied with a grin. "Long time no see."

---------

Later that evening, after the initial shock had worn off and dinner was served on the terrace, you found yourself sitting next to Max. The conversation flowed easily among the adults, but you and Max were a bit more reserved.

"So," Max said, breaking the silence between you two, "what have you been up to all these years?"

You shrugged, poking at your salad. "Just life, I guess. School, work. The usual. You?"

Max chuckled. "I think you know what I've been up to."

"Yeah, I guess following your career doesn't really count as keeping in touch, huh?" You smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

He nodded, his expression softening. "I missed you, you know. We used to be inseparable."

"Yeah, well, life happens," you said, a bit more sharply than you intended.

Max winced. "I'm sorry. I should have tried harder to keep in touch."

You sighed, feeling a pang of guilt. "It's not all on you. I could have reached out too."

He looked at you, his gaze intense. "Then let's make up for lost time."

-----------

The next few days were a blur of sun, laughter, and rediscovery. You and Max fell back into a rhythm that felt both new and familiar. You found yourselves staying up late, talking about everything and nothing. One night, as you both sat on the terrace, the stars twinkling above, Max turned to you.

"Do you remember that summer when we were ten, and we tried to build a treehouse?"

You laughed. "Yeah, it was more like a pile of sticks than a treehouse."

Max grinned. "We were so determined though. I kind of miss that."

"Miss what? Failing at building things?"

He shook his head. "No. Just... us. The way we used to be."

You looked at him, feeling a warmth spread through you. "Me too."

----------------

As the days passed, it became clear that this trip was more than just a family reunion. It was a chance to rebuild something you both thought was lost. And as you sat together on the beach, watching the waves crash against the shore, you realized that sometimes, life has a way of bringing you back to where you belong.

Max turned to you, his eyes reflecting the ocean. "So, what do you say? Think we can give this friendship another shot?"

You smiled, feeling lighter than you had in years. "Yeah, I think we can."

And maybe, just maybe, it could be something more.

-------------------------

The summer house buzzed with the sounds of laughter and conversation. It felt like old times, but with an edge of something new and unspoken. You and Max had grown, and so had the dynamics between you.

Years after drifting apart from childhood best friend Max Verstappen, you find yourself unexpectedly reunited during a family-planned summer holiday in Spain. Despite your initial reluctance to join, you discover that old bonds can reignite in the most unexpected ways.

One afternoon, as you were chatting with Max in the garden, your mother approached, a wide smile on her face. "[your name], have you met the new neighbors? They're a lovely family. Their son, Aaron, is around your age."

You shot her a look, sensing her ulterior motives. "Uh, no, I haven't met them yet."

Max's expression shifted slightly, a hint of irritation flickering in his eyes.

"Well, you should come meet them. They're joining us for a barbecue tonight," your mother continued.

"Sure, Mom," you replied, trying to hide your reluctance.

That evening, as everyone gathered on the terrace for the barbecue, you were introduced to Aaron. He was friendly, charming, and clearly interested in getting to know you. You couldn't help but notice Max's jaw tighten every time Aaron made you laugh.

"So, [your name]," Aaron said, his eyes sparkling, "what do you do?"

Before you could answer, Max cut in. "She's actually really talented. She works in marketing and has a knack for creative projects."

You raised an eyebrow at Max. "I can speak for myself, you know."

Aaron laughed, oblivious to the tension. "That's impressive. Maybe you can give me some tips. I'm starting my own business and could use some marketing advice."

"Sure," you said, smiling. "I'd be happy to help."

Max excused himself abruptly, muttering something about getting more drinks. You watched him go, feeling a mix of confusion and concern.

------------

Later that night, you found Max sitting alone on the beach, staring out at the dark waves. You approached cautiously. "Hey, you okay?"

He glanced up at you, his expression unreadable. "Yeah, just needed some air."

You sat down beside him. "You seemed a bit off tonight."

Max sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's just... I don't know. Seeing you with Aaron, I guess I felt a bit... jealous."

You blinked, taken aback by his honesty. "Jealous? Why?"

He looked at you, his eyes searching yours. "Because I realized I don't want to lose you again. Not to anyone."

Your heart pounded in your chest. "Max, you won't lose me. We're just reconnecting."

He shook his head. "It's more than that. I think it always has been."

--------------

The next day, the tension between you and Max was palpable. Your families noticed, and during breakfast, Max's mother, Sophie, leaned over to your mother. "Those two have always had a special bond, haven't they?"

Your mother nodded, a knowing smile on her lips. "Yes, they have. Maybe this summer will be good for them."

As the day wore on, you tried to focus on enjoying the holiday, but your thoughts kept drifting back to Max and his confession. You decided to confront the situation head-on.

That evening, you found Max in the kitchen, helping to prepare dinner. "We need to talk," you said, your voice firm.

He looked at you, his expression wary. "Okay."

You took a deep breath. "About what you said last night. Do you really mean it?"

Max set down the knife he was holding and turned to face you fully. "I do. I think I've always felt this way, but I didn't realize it until now."

Your heart raced as you stepped closer. "Then why did you let us drift apart?"

He sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I was young and stupid. I thought I needed to focus on racing, and everything else fell by the wayside. Including you."

You reached out, placing a hand on his arm. "Well, we're here now. And we have a chance to start over."

Max's eyes softened as he covered your hand with his. "I'd like that. A lot."

---------

Over the next few days, the dynamic between you and Max shifted. There was a new closeness, an unspoken understanding that something more was blooming between you. The jealousy that had sparked in Max whenever Aaron was around seemed to dissipate as he grew more confident in your feelings for him.

One evening, as you and Max walked along the beach, he stopped and turned to you, taking both of your hands in his. "I've been thinking a lot about us," he said softly.

You looked up at him, your heart pounding. "And?"

"And I don't want to waste any more time," he said, his eyes intense. "I want to be with you, [your name]. For real."

You smiled, feeling tears of happiness prick at the corners of your eyes. "I want that too."

He leaned in, and as his lips met yours, you felt the past melt away, replaced by the promise of a future together.

------------

The days that followed your confession on the beach were filled with a heady mix of tension and passion. You and Max were inseparable, yet the simmering emotions between you both seemed to heighten with each passing moment.

One particularly hot afternoon, as you lounged by the pool, Aaron sauntered over, his charming smile firmly in place. "Hey, [your name], up for a swim?"

You glanced at Max, who was sitting nearby, his eyes narrowing slightly at Aaron's approach. "Sure, why not," you replied, feeling a bit mischievous.

As you and Aaron splashed around in the pool, Max's gaze grew darker. He tried to focus on his book, but his eyes kept drifting to where you were laughing with Aaron.

Aaron swam closer, his playful demeanor making you laugh even more. "You know, I was thinking we could go into town tomorrow. There's this great market I think you'd love."

"That sounds fun," you said, catching Max's glare from the corner of your eye.

Max couldn't take it anymore. He stood up abruptly, the deck chair scraping against the tiles. "Actually, we have plans tomorrow," he said, his voice tight.

You turned to him, raising an eyebrow. "We do?"

Max nodded, not breaking eye contact. "Yes, I thought we could explore that secluded beach we talked about."

You saw the determination in his eyes and decided to play along. "Oh, right. The beach. Sorry, Aaron, maybe another time."

Aaron looked between you and Max, realizing he was outmatched. "No problem, maybe another time then."

--------------

That evening, the tension between you and Max was palpable. You found yourselves alone in the living room, the flickering light from the fireplace casting shadows on the walls.

"Was that really necessary?" you asked, crossing your arms.

Max stepped closer, his eyes burning with intensity. "Yes, it was. I can't stand seeing you with him."

Your breath hitched as he closed the distance between you. "Max, he's just a friend."

"I know," he said, his voice low and rough. "But I...."

He reached out, gently cupping your face. The world seemed to stop as he leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that was both tender and demanding. You melted against him, your hands sliding up to tangle in his hair.

The kiss deepened, filled with all the longing and passion that had built up between you. Max's hands roamed down your back, pulling you closer, as if afraid you'd disappear if he let go.

You broke the kiss, breathless, and looked into his eyes. "Max, we need to talk about this."

He nodded, his forehead resting against yours. "I know. But right now, I just want you. Is that okay?"

You answered by kissing him again, your lips moving with an urgency that matched his. The tension and passion swirled around you, making it impossible to think clearly.

As the minutes turned into hours, you found yourselves tangled together on the couch, the intensity of your make-out session leaving you both breathless and wanting more.

-----------

The next morning, you woke up wrapped in Max's arms. He looked down at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Morning," he murmured.

"Morning," you replied, stretching. "About last night..."

He kissed your forehead. "I meant every word. I want to be with you."

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you. "I want that too, Max."

Just then, your mother knocked on the door, interrupting the moment. "[Your name], Max, breakfast is ready."

You sighed, reluctantly pulling away from Max. "Coming, Mom!"

As you made your way downstairs, Aaron was already at the table, chatting with your families. He looked up, a curious expression on his face. "Morning, [your name] Did you sleep well?"

You felt Max's hand on the small of your back, a silent claim. "Yes, thank you," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady.

Aaron's gaze flickered to Max's hand, then back to you. "So, about that trip to town..."

Max's grip tightened slightly. "Actually, we're still planning to visit that secluded beach today."

You shot Max a look, then turned to Aaron. "Maybe another time, Aaron. But thank you."

Aaron smiled, but there was a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "Of course. Enjoy your day."

-----------

The drive to the secluded beach was filled with a mix of comfortable silence and playful banter. Once there, you and Max spread out a blanket on the sand, the sound of the waves creating a serene backdrop.

As you sat together, Max took your hand, his thumb tracing circles on your skin. "I can't believe how quickly things have changed," he said softly.

You leaned into him, feeling the warmth of his body. "Maybe it was always meant to be this way."

He looked at you, his eyes filled with emotion. "I don't want to waste any more time. I want us to be together, for real."

You smiled, your heart swelling with happiness. "I want that too, Max. More than anything."

He leaned in, capturing your lips in a kiss that promised a future filled with love and passion. As the sun set over the horizon, you knew that this was just the beginning of your journey together, and you couldn't wait to see where it would lead.

----------

And...that's it I think I will write part 2...tell me what do you think..byee

[foldingfittedsheets]

Hey! If you don't mind sharing, I'd be interested to hear more about your chronic illness diagnosis journey (I also get that it can be a private thing!).

I've been struggling for the last 5 or so years with chronic fatigue, muscle weakness, muscle pain and brain fog, and my doctors have checked a bunch of different things. EBV, thyroid, vitamin D, "are you sure you're not just depressed" and they've now gone for ME/CFS. A part of that just doesn't feel right to me because I feel like they should have done more tests or walked me through alternatives before settling! Especially because it fluctuates so much. Sometimes I can't leave the house, sometimes I have to borrow a wheelchair if I'm in a shop, sometimes I can walk 5000 steps??

Love and support for you and your gluten free adventure - potatoes, rice and polenta tend to be pretty good for me when I want something bready! (Doesn't quite hit the spot as well as buttered toast does though...)

My decline was really painfully gradual. I didn’t realize why things were getting so much harder. It manifested first with friction between my beloved because they were frustrated I was always too tired to run little errands myself. I went to the doctor and talked about my fatigue but was assured I was fine. I went on Chinese herbs and they buoyed up my reserves so I could keep functioning.

That went on for months, just getting more and more tired. I’d wake up sobbing because I wasn’t any more rested than I’d gone to bed. I went to a new doctor at that point. I got diagnosed with anemia until my blood work came back normal and then I was told I was fine.

Then I started fainting. My hair was falling out. I went to a different doctor. She ran my blood. I got told I was fine, but that maybe I had a food allergy. She slapped me with a full elimination diet that broke my spirit. I did feel some minor improvement but I wasn’t healthy by any means.

Finally, my good friend who is a doctor said that’s enough. She was in a different state but she was furious that I wasn’t getting any help. She ran my blood on a bunch of different ailment tests that were less well known. She tested for antibodies to EBV. If you have over 20 they consider you to have an active infection.

I had over 700 which is when they stop bothering to count.

I was so chock full of virus I was pound for pound virus by that point.

Then came the hard part. Knowing you’re bursting at the seams with a virus doesn’t make it easy to treat. The virus was living in me, in my cells. Too much of the medication and my body would start siccing it’s defenses against its own tissue.

I went on a bonanza of supplements. There was syrups to boost energy, pills to increase my immune system, antivirals, iron and vitamin D because those were kinda low. It was a three times a day regime of medicines.

My initial dose of antiviral was too high. I experienced a pain unlike what any mortal should bear as a result, dropping to the ground to writhe in agony when it hit. My dosage got lowered and my progress crept along.

I started school sometime in there and barely kept my head afloat above coursework. My stress load from school correlated to how much energy I had and I longed to finish my degree and just prioritize feeling better.

Then things got worse. My original doctor friend let her prescription rights for my state lapse, it didn’t make financial sense to keep them. A different friend from yet another state wrote my antivirals for a while but eventually I needed a new doctor.

I found another, this time a naturopathic doctor like my friends, hoping I’d keep receiving good care in that scope of practice. I didn’t. I had the most painful blood draw of my life in her office, writhing in agony, then didn’t hear back from her. I got ghosted by my doctor. When I pestered her for results she wrote me a script for antivirals but that was all.

I’d find out about eight months later when my health was declining and my friends demanded to see my blood work that my iron had been dangerously low but she hadn’t bothered to tell me. I got on iron supplements and staggered along.

Through precision time management I could budget my functional time into schoolwork then collapse to recuperate. It was working, but barely.

When my scrip on antivirals ran out I hunted once again for a doctor. This time I’d realized that any good care I’d gotten was when I’d made a personal connection with the doctor, a rare privilege not many people got. So I sought out a friend of a friend, someone I’d seen on occasion in the doctory social circle.

I have never been more happy with a doctor. She tested my viral numbers and pronounced herself satisfied that it was in check but was suspicious that although my thyroid numbers always looked normal that something was going on there. She ran more tests and lo. A thyroid imbalance.

Around that time I’d sunk into needing the chair. I stopped functioning, it was almost as bad as my first collapse. And yet again the fun part of getting my thyroid in balance was a delicate balance of making sure I wasn’t taking too much and hurting myself.

That balancing act took about a year to stabilize. I was still so weak from years of fatigue and inactivity. An able bodied person cannot imagine how hard it is to build up from ground zero on all your muscles. And the worst part was any time I felt tired I was terrified I was going to slip back down into the depths of exhaustion.

Then my beloved and I got Wyvern the puppy. And before we realized we had both somehow developed allergies to dogs and had to break our hearts giving him up, he saved me the last time.

Potty training meant I had to get up every two hours to take him out. I didn’t have to walk far but I had to do it consistently. Every single day I’d go to bed aching in every muscle, terrified to wake up. But every day I woke up with energy and was able to do it again.

It was like puppy boot camp, and I was able to go longer and farther every walk. By the time we realized we couldn’t keep him I was mobile again, I hadn’t needed my chair at all. When we said goodbye to him I promised I wouldn’t lose the progress he helped me make.

Now I finally, for the first time in six years, feel healthy again. I can go on long walks, I can run little errands for my beloved, I can fill my days with activity and wake up to do it again the next day. It’s the most amazing thing.

I hope you can stumble upon a doctor who can listen to you and help you. I know how hard things can get, but sometimes they can get better.

[97keanu]

desperately wanting john wick to whisper filthy things to me in russian

*˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳I love this idea nonnie ! I have decided to do a list of phrases I've found + what scenario John would say them to you, disclaimer: I do not speak Russian, but I've tried to go beyond using just Google translate and the like, but there still may be discrepancies, please forgive ʚ♥︎ɞ

Tags/CW: rope bunny, Dom!JW, Sub!Reader, bratty!reader, bdsm-esque, reader tries to Dom JW, reader on top, teasing, denial, dirty talk.

Зайка моя ("My bunny"): John calls you this the most, he loves the idea of you being his little bunny, and he also likes that he can get away with calling you something so cute because you have no idea at first what he's saying. Light teasing from you when you find out he's been calling you his "bunny" for so long:

"Oh, so if I'm your little bunny, does that make you the big bad wolf?" You say with a smile, teasing John for his pet name for you.

"Oh yes, yes it does..." John plays along, moving close enough to you that he grab you from behind and pull you close.

"Don't forget that wolves bite, Зайка моя..." His teeth nibble at your neck before dragging you, who's giggling from all the attention, off to the bedroom.

мое солнышко ("My sunshine"): John calls you this after sex the most, or only in the most tender of cases. He really does believe you are his own personal ball of sun. He hasn't felt this happy in so long, and upon meeting you, he knows that you are the light in his life. John doesn't mind if you know it, either. He calls you his sun in English as well, but when you two are cuddled up, the night settling in, John will sleepily call you "мое солнышко".

моя принцесса ("My princess"): John uses this one almost exclusively when you're being a brat, typically in bed. He calls you this half sarcastically, half because he really will do anything to please you.

"What are you going to do, make me, John?" You tease him when he tries to command you. You really shouldn't have done that.

"Careful, моя принцесса, you know what happens when you tease me." Johns voice is trying to be gruff, but he also loves seeing you have fun. Only after a few more bratty comments does he finally show his princess how she really needs to be treated.

шлюха ("whore") / шлюшка(diminutive "little whore"): John uses this one often, forgetting himself while he's fucking you. You know this one too well, and when he says it, you love how degrading it sounds. He tells you most while he holds the back of your head roughly down on his cock how much you look like a "шлюшка" to him. He eventually teaches you how to say it as well:

"I won't let you cum until you tell me what you are..." John has his hands skillfully playing with your pussy while you're all tied up in a little bow for him on the bed. You know what he wants, but don't want to give in. His hands move just perfectly so you get so close, but stop just before then. Your moans echo through the room.

"I'll wait, we can play this game forever, love." John knows you know this to be true, he works his big hands inside you harder now, and you can barely sputter the phrase out.

"Yes, please! I'm your шлюха, your шлюшка!" You cry out as John finishes you, your body writhing in it's restraints. John looks so pleased with you for saying it correctly.

"Good girl." He says as he begins to help you calm down.

Для меня ты ведешь себя как маленькая шлюха ("You're acting like such a little whore for me." Literally: "To me, you are acting like a little whore.")

John says this when you're particularly submissive to him. Sometimes you're a bit of a brat who wants to act like she doesn't love being John's little rope bunny, but now you're practically begging him to fuck you. You're riding his thigh, he's fully clothed but you've taken your panties off from under your dress and are making such a mess of his nice dress pants. He watches you, never revealing whether or not he will be the one to please you tonight.

"Для меня ты ведешь себя как маленькая шлюха..." He says while rolling his eyes, taking a sip of his drink and watching as you desperately try to get off on his thigh. He finally caves and puts his glass down on the side table, lifting you up and taking you to the couch where he can properly fuck you.

я хочу быть сверху("I want to be on top."):

You spend some time searching up the perfect way to tell John that you want to be on top tonight. You know he will be coming home from a long day and want to do something to please him. The brat in you also knows that John will be thrilled at you attempting "superiority" over him. When John finally gets home, he is immediately taking off his suit, ignoring how dirty and blood stained it is. He grabs you as soon as he sees you, pulling you to the nearest surface he can to fuck you, which happens to be the couch. As John's devouring your body in kisses, you say it.

"я хочу быть сверху..." You whisper and John pauses, looking at you in disbelief for a moment. First, he is impressed by how well you said the phrase, then his eyes darken with a hint of mischief.

"So you want to be on top..." He says slyly, licking his lips like a hungry wolf. "So be it, let me see how well you think you can dominate me."

"You mean it?" Your eyes light up, half of you didn't expect him to agree.

"On one condition, if you fail to fuck me correctly, I will tie you up and show you how it's done..." His voice is deep and husky with desire, and you know he's setting you up, but the idea of him tying you up later doesn't sound like a bad thing, not really. You nod and begin placing yourself on top, slowly easing up there.

You hold his cock still as you softly let it enter you, and John already has a wicked gleam in his eyes. You keep going, placing your hands on his chest and trying to ride him as if you're the one dominating him, but even at your best on top you're still submitting to his cock. John grabs his tie from the floor and you already know what he is going to do, so you place your hands out in front of you. He ties your hands up, then takes your hips and fucks you from underneath so hard the neighbors can hear it. You realise you can never dominate him, but that doesn't stop you from asking to be on top from time to time after this.

Я ХОЧУ ТЕБЯ ВНУТРИ МЕНЯ("I want you inside me.")

You learn another phrase, this one more your style. John is teasing you once more, his cock hard and slipping through your wet folds, but never entering you. You're whining, grinding your hips and bucking to try to invite him in, but your arms are all tied up behind you. He has your breasts tied as well, bringing them to perfect roundness. John reaches out and plays with your nipples, plucking at them and pulling just how you like, still not letting you feel the fullness of his cock. You are at your breaking point when you remember the phrase.

"Я ХОЧУ ТЕБЯ ВНУТРИ МЕНЯ...!" You finally moan, your back arching and your toes curling from how badly you want it. John pauses and smiles.

"Oh, you're such a good girl for asking like that." he says, before plunging his cock deep inside you, giving you what you want. You breathe out, finally able to be fucked hard like you wanted.

[asleepinawell]

Sixth Coil Mechanics

since i'm not getting out of the labyrinth any time soon, i thought i'd try to map out how it all works for funsies and how to get around if you want to find all the areas/text

for the most part you don't need to worry about anything other than how to get out (so you don't get in too deep and have to spend 100 actions to get out oopsies), so this is more for anyone interested in finding all the unique areas and text

Basic Navigation

first off, there are FOUR main areas, one for each of the main stats: persuasive, dangerous, shadowy, watchful

you can tell which area you're in by the check on the top available action. so if it's a dangerous check, you're in the dangerous area. those top actions will never take you to another area and are just the default thing to play if there's nothing else interesting

to get between areas you need to use actions that let you go up or down. they only show up at certain airs of the labyrinth and they'll have words like descend, climb, etc

here is a rough map of how the 4 areas connect to each other:

so, for example, if you choose a descend through a trap door type option in watchful, you will end up in dangerous. it you climb up in watchful you will be in shadowy

persuasive is the odd one out as going either up or down from it will take you back to dangerous

rest below the line

Burdens

each area has one item you can pick up, which goes in your burdens slot

shadowy = clinging shadow

persuasive = velvet countenance

dangerous = heavy iron

watchful = predatory clarity

each burden makes the checks harder but increases the rewards you get when you cash out. see the next section for how to get rid of them

Getting Out

every successful action you take gives you +1 coiling ever deeper (little snek icon)

at any point you may start the process of getting out by using the Resolve to leave this place action at the bottom. A successful attempt at that will give you an attribute called Fleeing The Heart. while you have that attribute every successful action will take -1 coiling ever deeper away. when you get rid of all of it, you can leave

there will also be a new option called Shed your burdens. this lets you get rid of your burdens to get out easier if you're stuck (easier checks, not necessarily faster) at the cost of reducing your final reward

update: originally for every point of coiling ever deeper in you went, you had to use an action to go out one (so 100 coiling ever deeper = 100 successful shrine to get out), but a merciful update has made it so that when you obtain fleeing the heart, coiling ever deep is set to 30

Mirror Actions

There are at least 5 mirror actions and I honestly don't know what they do. They are:

bronze mirror

hard mirror

cracked mirror

gold-framed mirror

black mirror

they have really high glassworks checks (at 15 gw i have a 20% chance)

Memory of Light Actions

these are action that show up sometimes based on airs of the labyrinth. they take you between sub areas within the area you're in, but i'm not 100% clear on how that works. they do give you sightings of a parabolan landmark

Gaping Maw Actions

these only show up when you're going into the labyrinth and not when you're coming out. I think they might randomly move you between attribute areas (but sometimes leave you where you are?)

Examine A Sealed Door

This might be the door to the center of the sixth coil, but you can't get in it right now. it only shows up when airs of the labyrinth is exactly 100. There are 99 different flavor texts that can appear within it (the part in italics only). there's a gdoc collecting them all if you want to help out (this is not mine, found on reddit). I will link it in a reblog comment of this post because tumblr doesn't like links in posts despite that being a feature of this completely functional website

Sub Areas of Each Stat Area

Each area (shadowy, watchful, etc) has a bunch of sub areas in it, designated by the title of the page you're on. Below is the list of ones I've found. I suspect I'm missing some

Shadowy

predator's den

dark clearing

orchid grove

scale tree stand

cycad bend

termite mound

rose thicket

Persuasive

marble corridor

feathered bedchamber

portrait gallery

sculpture garden

reflecting washroom

servant's quarters

overflowing dining room

hedge maze

plush drawing room

carpeted boudoir

Dangerous

muddy trench

crumbling battlement

concrete bunker

field of spears

cramped arsenal

windowless war-room

fortified position

deserted emplacement

cracked foundation

bloody sewer

Watchful

leatherbound study

glim-mosaic library

optical gallery

door storage

circular observatory

tattooed office

ink repository

have fun!

[gladiatorcunt]

do you think modern!coryo is the type of man to babytrap reader without them knowing ? like by poking holes in the condoms or by replacing reader’s birth control pills with fake ones…

n when you end up pregnant he’d pretend to act all surprised even tho it’s what he’s wanted all along 🙈

cw: no really explicit stuff (putting up the mdni banner regardless bc of the dark content but there is one mention of sex) but there is MAJOR dubcon pregnancy and baby trapping talk, typical coryo warnings especially for this au

I've talked about this before, but i think baby trapping would be more of a last resort for him or at least wouldn't happen until he could weasel you out of school without you freaking out. Obviously if your relationship was falling apart fast enough before he planned to have kids, he'd make the decision to speed up the process. Coryo's one of those bfs who don't fuck with condoms because he wants to be "close", so I think that he'd go for the swapping birth control pills route.

So, it's either happening earlier in your relationship if he thinks he really needs to prove that what you have is forever & that he's committed, or it happens 2-3 years down the line when he has a more solid hold on you. When it goes down depends on how reluctant you are to commit.

He knows that it's such a hassle finding the right pill for your body. you have to be so consistent, and the hormones/side effects could easily have you thinking they're not worth it if the side effects are bad enough. But if you've found one that's.... fine (you're convinced no pill's going to be 100% perfect & you're tired of trying), then he'd have a harder time getting you off of them.

He'll get a bottle of those sugar pills and swap them with the birth control while you're sleeping. you don't really notice a difference in the sex because let's be real, he's just always like that and the breeding kink is severe. Coryo doesn't act any different, he doesn't have to. Even if this is happening in a timeline where it's far earlier than he planned, it's what he wants, and the satisfaction gives him the glow he knows you're going to have too sooner or later.

One day he gets a phone call from you in the middle of the night and somehow, he just knows it's you because he immediately springs up. You hate phone calls and almost always prefer to text unless you literally have to call someone, so the fact that it must be something serious makes the butterflies in his stomach flutter. Coryo clears his throat and calmly tells you to stay put in your dorm and to wait for him to pick you up, he soothes you through your crying and assures you that he'll send someone over to pick your stuff up and no one will notice.

Once he's gotten you drowning in his silk sheets, he's trying to hold back his smile as he rubs your back and kisses your temple.

"What's wrong, petal? it breaks my heart seeing you all worked up like this."

He frowns genuinely when you don't respond but then you bring a shaky fist in front of him and start to uncurl your fingers around whatever you're holding.

You speak once you've calmed down enough, with a desperate tone as it becomes obvious what's in your hand.

"I- I'm so sorry, Coryo. I didn't mean for this happened at all and I'd never do anything to hurt your future. I- I'm on the pill and I know it's not completely effective, but I never thought that this would happen so soon."

It's adorable, in a way. Of course you didn't mean for this to happen, but he did. And you honestly thought that this was going to ruin his life, you're so sweet, but how could he care about tabloids or gossiping students when he'll have his family to focus on? his grandma'am will be so happy too, his father will just be glad he has an heir.

Still, he lets shock color his face as his mouth drops open. He glances between the pregnancy test and your shaking body several times before making a production out of sighing and gathering his strength. Coryo tenderly encapsulates your hands in his own and presses his forehead against yours.

"There's nothing you could do that would make me not want you and this baby. Yes, we're young and this was an accident, but it doesn't mean that we can't do this. You don't have to be afraid, bunny, you're never going to be alone." His words are firm, so sure of what he's saying that he can actually see the reluctance and fear in your eyes be replaced with certainty and excitement.

He's too serious to say "it's uterUS, babe" but he's so determined to fuse with you so it's basically the sentiment. convinced he gets sympathy pains but hides it. Whispers to your belly when you're asleep about how much he loves you and likes the baby & how perfect of a family he'll be & that he knows the baby's going to be the best older sibling. I've also said before that he'd a toxic boy dad imo, (not in the excusing 🍇way dw, he'd kick his son's ass and say that you can be as obsessive over your partner as you want but you don't do that) so he would tolerate the kid but at the end of the day they're fighting for your attention. I haven't really thought about if he'd use the kid to "innocently" keep tabs on you or further manipulate you by making sure you see how good of a dad he is, but the ideas are there.

First pregnancy gives y'all one kid but the second brings twins.

ⓒ faetreides 2024

[wwinterwitch]

buy me presents — joel miller

summary: you and your ex situationship reunite at a christmas party

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

word count: 3.1K

tags: age gap (mid 40s and mid 20s), no outbreak, you fell hard and didn't know he fell harder bc he's an idiot!, miscommunication, angst, awkward reunion, everything gets fixed at the end tho don't worry, tommy is featured

note: i've been listening to fruitcake non-stop and i had this little idea that turned into an entire fic. it was kinda shitty at first but i decided to give it a try anyway

reblog or comment if you enjoy please!

all masterlists | pedro pascal masterlist

You always thought that going after older guys meant having absolutely no problems when it came to maturity and commitment. Guys your age are so good at playing games, keeping you guessing, too afraid to make it official.

So, evidently, when you met Joel at his workshop you were over the moon. He was charming, incredibly handsome and single. You still remember his attractive smile and the way he'd lean way too close to you, offering to fix the piece of furniture that you showed up with that day in exchange for a nice dinner and your phone number.

Everything looked good in the beginning. He was a true gentleman, so sincere and attentive, and you were foolish enough to believe he actually considered you special enough to pursue a relationship with you.

In your defense, he really tricked you. Showing you pictures of his daughter, taking you out on countless dates, interested to know as much of you as possible, texting non-stop...it was like a dream come true. After many terrible relationships with pathetic and insecure little boys, you found a wonderful man willing to give you exactly what you were craving.

But then everything changed after seeing each other for almost four months. Because he'd always get super defensive whenever you asked him why you always had to meet at your apartment and never at his house. Or why he refused to introduce you to his family. Or why he kept introducing you to people that happened to see the two of you together as 'a friend of his'.

Tired of this uncertainty, you decided to confront him. It was a very messy conversation. You asked what you were, he said he didn't know. You asked if he had any intentions of asking you to officially be his girlfriend, he said he probably wouldn't. You cried, he didn't know what to do about it.

You kicked him out of your apartment that day and that was the last time you ever heard of him. No texts, no calls, no one waiting outside your apartment or showing up at your work with a well-deserved apology.

Were you just stupid for thinking he was into you the way you were into him? Did you get your hopes too high a little too soon? Was there something wrong with you? Were you overreacting?

Yes, no, whatever– you wanted someone to go all the way with you, thought it was Joel, and he turned out to be like every other guy you've met. It sucks, but you gotta move on. You've dealt with a lot of shitty men to know better than to suffer for one.

The heartbreak Joel caused soon turned into a mixture of disappointment and annoyance before it turned into nothing but an unpleasant memory. Soon enough, Joel Miller was out of your mind, and you were more than ready to jump right in into the dating world again. Maybe it was pathetic, but you still refused to lose hope that the right guy will show up in your life and change things for the better.

You kept your options open for a while, not wanting to immediately rush into something like you did with Joel. If any of these guys you're seeing want to keep you to themselves, they'll have to put that extra effort. You're just tired of always chasing after them.

A whole month went by and you never heard from Joel again, which was completely fine by you. He doesn't even cross your mind at this point. He's probably spending all his hours at his workshop, keeping his nights free for his no-commitment dates. And probably getting ready for the holiday season too.

Christmas has always been your favorite holiday. There's something about it that cheers you up like no other festivity. Maybe it's the decor, the food, the fact that it's everywhere you look...it's always been a magical time.

You also love the parties and gatherings around this time of year, so you immediately agreed to be someone's date to one of them. You met this guy a few weeks ago– three years older than you, tall, dreamy eyes and great in bed. There was no reason as to why the two of you couldn't have a good time at this little party...or so you thought.

He casually mentions who's hosting on the way there. A friend from work, he said while offering you a hand to help you out of his car. His good ol' buddy Tommy Miller.

Your smile practically drops at the mention of that name, immediately going back to that date at the bowling alley. Joel bought a large portion of nachos to share after you completely beat his ass at bowling (he totally let you win, he said), remembering the way he talked about a brother named Tommy.

But...surely this is all a coincidence. The universe couldn't possibly hate you that much, right? At one point you almost thought you were crazy for even thinking of the possibility of this friend being the brother. There has to be a million Tommy Millers out there. It's such a common name!

What are the odds of this actually happening? That you're really going to Joel Miller's brother's Christmas party? And even if you are, that doesn't guarantee that you'll see Joel there.

And why should you care? You haven't spoken in so long, he probably doesn't even think about you when he hears something that could potentially relate to you. He doesn't think about the chances of reuniting with you for longer than a second. He surely doesn't think about you at all! You should give him the same treatment.

Holding onto your date's arm, you walked inside the impeccably decorated apartment. Red and white everywhere you look, with a large table filled with various snacks, a lit fireplace that gives the room a much cozier look, and a Christmas tree standing tall on one of the corners of the living room.

Tommy Miller was at the entrance greeting the two of you and enthusiastically introducing himself to you. Nerves were starting to overtake you because shit, there's definitely some resemblance.

Still, you tried to ignore your racing mind, wanting to have a good time with this great guy who's glad to keep you close to him, introducing you to all his friends in a manner someone should introduce their date. You feel important next to him, like he's really trying to show you off. Something Joel failed to do.

Eventually, you were able to relax when you got to meet everyone at the apartment and realized Joel wasn't there. With a beer in hand and a polite smile on your face, you joined a conversation by the fireplace, talking amicably and genuinely thinking the night was safe.

That is, until you heard the doorbell.

You watched Tommy walking towards the door, immediately opening his arms wide to receive whoever just arrived. When the stranger leans forward for the hug Tommy was offering, your smile completely fades when you notice it was none other than Joel.

He walks inside the apartment and leaves his jacket hanging by the door, taking a quick look around. You immediately turn around, not wanting him to recognize you– yes, it was stupid because he'll sooner or later notice your presence, but maybe you can avoid the awkward encounter for a few more seconds.

It takes everything in you not to turn around again, putting your hand on your date's back as you lean closer to him, trying to seek any kind of comfort you possibly could. He immediately wraps his arm around your waist, inevitably making you smile. God, this guy really knows how to treat you exactly the way you want it.

Unfortunately, Joel reaches the group of people you were talking to. He starts greeting everyone until his eyes land on you, standing there completely speechless for a few seconds before a smile appears on his face.

He leans forward for a quick kiss on the cheek as a way to greet you, and you barely move away from your date to return the greeting, moving back immediately to refugee on the guy's side.

"You two know each other?" your date asks. You almost wanted to kill him.

You stay quiet, deciding to leave Joel the responsibility to answer. It's genuinely intriguing to see what he has to say.

"Uh, yeah..." he starts, clearing his throat. "I think...you took a coffee table to my workshop for a repair?"

Wow. Glad to see things haven't changed in the slightest! Of course you two just met each other for a little repair. Of-fucking-course! It's not like he woke up completely naked next to you on your bed more times than you'd like to admit out loud.

"Yes. Exactly," you faked a smile, agreeing with his statement.

That was pretty much the only thing you said to each other. After greeting everyone he quickly joined a completely different group to talk to (because it's obvious he couldn't handle being close to you for much longer). You actually appreciated that, making the task of ignoring him until you left that apartment just that much easier.

Things went downhill when your date had to go to the bathroom and you decided to get another beer from the kitchen. You didn't notice Joel following you, and by the time you did realize, he was standing in front of the exit, blocking it entirely.

"Oh, hey, workshop guy!" you greeted with fake enthusiasm, sarcasm dripping from your words.

You hear Joel sigh, and as if that didn't piss you off enough he decided to open his mouth. "Yeah, I figured you'd get upset."

"Then why did you say it?"

He raised a brow. "What, you wanted me to tell everyone– your date included, that we were seeing each other like a month ago?"

The kitchen was completely silent after that. Perhaps he had a point there, but it was impossible to deny you were still hurt by the way things ended and how poorly he treated you, so that last thing you'd ever do is admit he's right.

"I thought perhaps now that it's done, you wouldn't care about keeping it a secret anymore," you shrugged defensively.

He smiles softly, seeing right through you. "Perhaps I've just never been the type to kiss and tell."

Again, you didn't have much to say, so you just scoffed. "Whatever."

Much to your irritation, he laughs. A low, deep chuckle escapes him before he's looking at you up and down. "You look good."

"I know."

Another chuckle. "Of course you do," he sighs, the smirk on his face fading. "You always look fucking incredible."

You stand there like a complete fool, taken by surprise when you hear him say that. It sounds so...defeated? Is that even a thing? As you try to come up with an answer to that, you just look back at him with a lost expression.

"Is there a point to this conversation?" you eventually ask.

Now it's him who's looking back at you in complete silence. Unfortunately, you know him enough to know there's something in his mind and he's not telling you anything about it. He's hesitating, doubting, the engines in his brain moving faster than ever.

For a moment, you thought he'd say whatever random bullshit he can come up with in that very moment and be done with it. And you'd roll your eyes because you know that's not what he wanted to say, right before moving him away from the door so you can go back to the party.

But in a surprising turn of events, he doesn't do that. He looks at you with nothing but honesty, and you even catch the smallest glimpses of hope when he speaks. "Yeah," he answers your question. "I've missed you like crazy."

If you were speechless before, it's almost impossible to even remember how words work right now. Never in a million years would you've expected Joel Miller to confess he misses you. Not when it was you who was always trying to arrange dates. Not when it was always you the one remaining him you really liked him and him barely saying anything back.

Maybe he just needed a wake up call? Had to live that 'you don't know what you've got until it's gone' type of situation to realize how he feels?

Your heart beats faster as you process his words. He's missed you like crazy.

Still, despite feeling so fuzzy inside, you show none of it on the outside. "No," you promptly warn him. "No, no. We're not doing that."

"What?"

"That, Joel!" you exclaim, frustrated. "You can't break my heart and then say shit like that when we happen to meet by accident."

"Is it an accident?" he asks shortly after.

You chuckle sarcastically. "Oh, so is this some Christmas miracle? The festive season brought us together because of some nonsensical fate-thingy that's written up there in the stars?"

Joel looks slightly embarrassed, letting out another frustrated sigh. Before he can answer, you hear footsteps down the hall that leads to the kitchen so the two of you stay completely silent and turn around to see who it was. 

"Hey...oh," Tommy says, his initial smile fading when he notices the tension between the two of you. He quickly raises both of his hands in the air as he walks towards the fridge to grab two beers. "Don't mind me, I just wanted to grab these," he quickly explains.

When he turns back around, he immediately focuses on his brother. At first he looked very confused, like silently trying to ask him what the hell is going on, a small smirk appearing on his face just seconds later. Without another word, he quickly makes his way outside the kitchen to give the two of you much needed privacy. You could feel your cheeks heating up after witnessing that little exchange.

Focusing back on you, Joel decides to continue the conversation. "Okay, if you put it like that of course it sounds silly..." he mutters, scratching the back of his neck. "But, I don't know, I’d like to think something out there wanted us to meet again so I could make it right."

"No," you repeat. "You had a chance to make it right as soon as I kicked you out of my apartment. There was a chance to pick up your phone and give me a call or send me a text or...anything, Joel– fucking anything!"

There's a brief pause, and you're so glad to see he has nothing to say because boy, oh boy did you have things to say.

"You don't get to come back a month later and claim to miss me when you didn't even try to get me back. And you were a real piece of shit with me, by the way. You really made me think we had something special, just to treat me like it was nothing," you continue, visibly upset by the incredibly uncomfortable and difficult situation he's putting you in. "You made me feel...you made me feel like I was some stupid little girl you only wanted to get into bed with."

He looks absolutely horrified by your last statement, taking a few steps forward until he's standing right in front of you. The proximity makes it so much worse, forcing you to look down at your shoes. He gently grabs your chin to force you to look into his eyes, and for some reason you allow it. Maybe you were vulnerable, maybe you wanted to feel his touch. Maybe both.

"I promise you, that was not my intention at all," he immediately assures you in the most serious voice you've ever heard coming from him. "It was never just that. I was really falling for you."

You frowned, feeling so incredibly confused and frustrated. "Then why did you never show it?"

"Because I was dumb and I was scared," he reveals simply. It surprises you how honest he's being, how you don't have to ask more to get information out of him. "You were the first woman I started developing actual feelings for after my divorce, and at the time I thought things were moving too fast between us and...I didn't know how to handle it."

Joel can tell you're still not having none of it, so he decides to continue. "I really wanted to be with you officially, but I guess my insecurities got the best of me. I'm just an old man and you're gorgeous, and young, and...Jesus Christ, darling, you're the most amazing person I've ever met," he sighs again, hoping you'd understand what was going on in his head when he made the terrible decision of letting you go. "I didn't want to fuck it up or get my heart broken again...but I totally did fuck it up, and the worse thing is that I broke your heart in the process. I'll forever be sorry for that."

You were speechless yet again, and Joel didn't know how to take that. Are you going to say something nice or are you going to yell at him and tell him to go fuck himself? The uncertainty was eating him alive at this point.

Eventually, you speak up. "You did fuck it up," you agree. "Like, big time."

He sighs yet again, nodding. "Yes, I did. And I know I don't deserve it, but I'd like to have a second chance to prove to you just how much I care about you," he continues, not giving up this time. He couldn't live with himself if he managed to lose you twice. "To give you all that you deserve, to be there for you, to show the world how happy I am that you're my girl...I'd make it right."

Letting go of your chin, he moves his hand to the side of your face, anxiously waiting for an answer. The fact that you're not pushing him away is already a good sign, because he knows you're capable of throwing a beer bottle at him for saying what he just said.

You considered your options. There's a guy outside in the living room waiting for you. There's a bunch of other guys on your phone that'd run to your doorstep if you give them the chance. All of them have behaved better than Joel...but you can't fool yourself.

Even if you combine all of them, there's no way that everything you've shared with them can come close to what you experienced with Joel. You've never liked anyone so much before, and holy shit how badly you've missed him.

If he thought your proximity was a good sign, the soft smile that appears on your face makes him relax considerably, almost wanting to pull you in for a hug and start thanking you already.

"I guess you can take me out to dinner or something to prove you're sorry," you eventually reply, making him grin from ear to ear. You notice he's leaning even closer with the intention of kissing you, but you quickly stop him. "Don't even think about it. You'll have to earn the right to do that."

Joel silently agrees to that arrangement, immediately taking a step back from you, the smile on his face never disappearing. He doesn't care that you're not kissing him right now, not when you agreed to give him a chance. That's more than enough for him. The best Christmas gift he could've ever received.

[iveantive]

Prompt: sakura finds a stray dog

or

sakura finds feral hybird kazuha and decides to take her in

TW: A/B/O, g!p, hybrids, branding, kinda mentions of abuse, heat cycles, vaginal fingering, masturbation

word count: 11k (it's a full ass plot with porn)

How could you be so stupid? Sakura mumbled to herself.

Raindrops falling from up above started to drop onto her dry hair. It really is her fault. She checked the forecast last night and knew it was going to rain. But, she thought nothing of it because, on most nights, she would already be home cooking dinner.

It was just her luck. Her boss had asked her to stay longer to finish up some extra paperwork, and she couldn't say no. She was aiming to get a promotion within the next couple of months. So, she stayed, and what would've been a minimum of 30 minutes of unpaid labor became an hour when one of her managers, some brazen cocky alpha, tried hitting on her. Luckily, she was good at deflecting all his stupid questions, giving him deadpan answers to show she wasn't interested.

"What're you doing here so late?" She heard the Alpha slide up behind her as she typed on her laptop.

"Working." She said flatly.

"I see that. Do you want some company?" The alpha slid a nearby chair over to them.

"No, I'm trying to go home quickly." Sakura didn't even want to make eye contact with alpha. Knowing if she did, it would make it harder for the alpha to leave her alone.

Alphas, though, once they start, they just don't stop. Especially when they learn Sakura is a single 25-year-old omega. She's been through this time and time again. Some alpha will come along boasting about how they're from this renowned pack, but really Sakura couldn't care less. When she would make that known, the alpha would get defensive and start calling her names before they stomped off angry they didn't get her number.

It's not that Sakura wasn't looking for a mate. She's been on countless blind dates (set up by Chaewon against her will). It was just that none of them made it past the first date. Alphas were predictable, and she always knew how things were gonna go.

"Well, it'd be quicker if we did it together." Sakura felt the alpha's rough hand creep up her lower back. She would have no trouble smacking his hand away if it were any other alpha. But Sakura needed this job. And she knew if she were to flat-out reject the older alpha, he could ruin her career.

"That's okay, I've actually just finished," She gritted through her teeth, managing to slide away from the alpha's grasp. Despite hearing the alpha calling her name behind her, without missing a beat, she quickly got up, packed up her things, and left the office.

That's how Sakura found herself walking home later than usual. The sun had already set. Instead, getting replaced by grey storm clouds. And by now, the loud bustle of the city life had died down.

A loud crash of thunder snapped Sakura out of her thoughts.

Shit, Sakura cursed. Quickening her pace, she was just a block away from her apartment.

She was practically running by the time she was about to round the corner to her building when she heard a noise. It sounded almost animal-like.

Stopping in her tracks. She turned her head towards the alleyway separating her apartment building and the next one over. Sakura peaked her head ever so slightly in trying to see if she could find the source of the noise, to no avail. It was way too dark, and whatever animal was making that noise was deeper in the alleyway than Sakura wanted to go down.

Yet, she doesn't know why she started to tiptoe down an alleyway, ignoring the raindrops drenching her hair. It was like something was luring her closer, and maybe it was out of her innate curious nature. Sakura knew she wouldn't be able to sleep at night if she didn't at least check to see what was making the noise. It could be an injured animal, perhaps even one of her neighbors' pets. Come to think of it, she had heard some dogs fighting the past couple of nights. She had chalked it up to being all in her head. To be fair, she did live in the city, and stray dogs were common.

As Sakura walked closer, the dull noise got sharper, sounding almost like an animal whimpering mixed with a cry. The saliva in Sakura's mouth started to dry up as she stepped closer to the source of the noise.

Then boom another strike of lightning followed by a crash of thunder.

The lightening provided merely a couple of seconds of light, but it was enough. Sakura was able to make out the silhouette.

A girl.

And as the thunder crashed, Sakura heard another loud whimper, followed by cries soon after.

How long was this girl out here, never mind how the real question is why Sakura thought to herself. Whatever, she couldn't think about that right now. She needed to help the girl. She fished her phone out of her pocket, switching the flashlight on.

Sakura's eyes widened.

The source of all that whimper was, in fact, a girl. As Sakura angled her flashlight up and down her body, though, she knew she wasn't just a girl.

The girl was quite bigger than her, from what Sakura was able to make out. That wasn't even the most shocking part. The girl was naked, with various parts of her skin covered in dirt that was forming into mud as the rain continued to pour down on them. Even more shocking, were the wolf-like ears on the top of the girl's head, and another double take down the girl's body was a tail tucked between her legs.

A hybrid.

Sure, Sakura had heard about them before. Something between a wolf and a human. They maintained both canine and human characteristics. The only ones she'd ever known of usually lived in government-provided homes with other hybrids, and the ones that didn't usually end up dead. Nobody would admit it, but hybrids did have a reputation. They were known to be unstable, unpredictable dangerous even.

As far as Sakura knew, she thought they were extremely rare. Which only made her wonder more how and why the hybrid in front of her was on the streets.

Sakura angled the light towards the hybrids face, or atelast tried to. The angle was awkward. The hybrid was cowering in the corner of the dark alleyway. Her hands covered her face as she let out the scared whimpers.

Sakura grimaced, taking the sight in.

"H-hey," Sakura said softly, catching the hybrid's attention. Her hands dropped from her face, immediately started to let out a low growl.

Sakura kneeled closer to the ground and held out her hand to the hybrid.

"i-i'm n-not gonna hurt you." Sakura tried to remain stoic in her place, trying not to let the fear seep through.

The hybrid started to untangle herself from the cowardly position, getting into a more defensive one. The growls still rumbling from her gut, as she inched closer to Sakura.

Sakura closed her eyes, praying for the best. After a few moments, and not feeling her hand getting mauled off by a rabid hybrid, she opened her eyes back up.

The hybrid was sniffing her hand, Sakura mentally sighed in relief. She looked back at the hybrid, being able to make out the light grey fur on her ears and a red scratch on her cheek.

"A-are you here alone?" Sakura looked into the hybrid eyes trying to gauge any sort of emotion she was feeling, but she was able to decipher none. Only earning a growl from the hybrid.

"I live in the building right here. Do you want to come in?" Sakuras' tone was soft.

The hybrid tilted her head, furrowing an eyebrow.

Maybe she doesn't understand, Sakura pondered.

"Inside. Warm." Sakura tried a new approach as she pointed to her apartment building.

She heard a low grunt come from the hybrid before she switched positions again, now being perched on her hands and knees.

"I take that as a yes," Sakura smiled.

Sakura got up from her crouched position. She was looking back at the hybrid, remembering that, yep, she was indeed naked. And something tells Sakura her landlord wouldn't appreciate her taking in a naked, dirt-covered girl into her apartment. Never mind the hybrid part.

Thinking swiftly, Sakura started to undo her padded jacket. It should be enough to cover the hybrid, at least enough that her landlord and other apartment tenants wouldn't question her.

Sakura reached to drape the jacket over the hybrid shoulder, earning another growl from her.

"You have to wear this to come inside."

The hybrid grunted in response before accepting the jacket being put over her shoulders. Sakura held out her hand to the hybrid as she prepared to exit the alleyway.

She had made it a few feet away from the hybrid before Sakura realized she wasn't following her behind.

"What're you waiting for?" Sakura tried to hold out her hand to the hybrid.

"Wet" Instead of taking ahold of Sakura's hand, the hybrid pointed at Sakura's clothes as they were being drenched in water as the rain was now falling much harder than before.

"So you can talk."

—-

Getting the hybrid into her apartment without catching the eyes of passersby was proving to be a harder challenge than she thought. She didn't think it would be a particularly easy task, but the real gravity of the situation started to set in as Sakura stepped toward the front of the building. In the glass door leading into the lobby, she was able to see the young girl's reflection. The hybrid was towering over her. Any movement she made felt like she was walking on eggshells. The hybrid could so easily knock her over, even hold her down if she so pleased.

So, she took it slow. She was only walking a few steps before waiting for the hybrid behind her to follow. Which she did, albeit much slower than Sakura would have liked. It seemed like the hybrid wasn't too keen on walking on two legs, with how much they were wobbling. Perhaps she had been in the area enough to know how to blend in enough, Sakura wondered. And just as she thought that, she could hear the hybrid sniffing the air, letting out a satisfied grunt before sniffing again.

Another challenge faced the pair when it came to getting onto the elevator; Sakura pushed the button to go up, hearing a ding as the doors opened. She stepped in, expecting the hybrid to be following her, but as she turned towards her, she hadn't moved. The light grey ears on top of her head were drooping as she sniffed the surroundings of the elevator.

"You've never ridden in one before?" Sakura took a step forward, using her hand to block the doors shut. The hybrid just grunted in response. I think that's a yes, Sakura thought to herself.

"I-it's okay. It's only a short ride. You won't even notice we're moving," Sakura tried to reassure the hybrid. Not even really sure she could understand her.

"Come on, it'll be okay" Sakura held her hand out to the hybrid. Only for it to get knocked down as the hybrid brushed passed her with another grunt.

Sakura should be happy that she only lived on the 3rd floor, she doesn't even want to think about if she lived on a higher one. As soon as the hybrid got into the elevator, she stayed glued to one of the sides. Sakura pushed the button to her floor, the ding of a bell indicating the doors were closing, and the elevator began to move.

She watched the hybrid eyes widen, and her body dropped to the floor as the mechanical creaking of the elevator sounded out. The young girl cowards in the corner, whimpering with her eyes closed.

"I-it's okay. Nothing bad's gonna happen. The elevator is just lifting us up." Sakura crouched beside the hybrid. She knew it probably wouldn't do her any good if she tried to touch her when her back was turned. The most she could do was talk to her.

"It must have been cold out there by yourself. Did you know it was gonna rain?"

Silence.

"Yeah, me either. I got stuck in some stupid work thing. Some annoying alpha kept trying to talk to me when I was trying to finish up some report." Sakura glanced her eyes over to the hybrid, and her eyes were no longer squeezed tightly. They were looking at her.

"Usually, by now, I'd have already cooked and eaten dinner. I would be lying on the couch, probably texting Chaewon. She's one of my friends. I've known her ever since I got to Seoul." The hybrid stared at her, furrowing her eyebrows. Could she actually understand her? Sakura wondered. It wouldn't really change much if she did, though. The hybrid seemingly wasn't too keen on talking. Sakura was thankful her rambling had gotten the hybrid to calm down more seemingly.

And with the ding of the elevator indicating they'd made it to Sakura's floor, the hybrid was all but eager to get out. She immediately scampered off the floor and out into the hallway. Heavy steps as she walked down the hallway, sniffing the new air.

"This way, I live a couple doors down." Sakura nodded towards the end of the hallways. She really needs to thank whatever god is up there for making it so none of her neighbors had been in the hallways to see the pair. It was almost comedic in a way, a big hybrid in a way too small padded jacket following behind a petite girl in a skirt and blazer, both drenched with rainwater.

They had finally made it to Sakura's apartment, typing her code into the number pad and pushing the door open.

Sakura stood waiting for the hybrid to step into her home. The hybrid sniffed the air to the apartment before Sakura guessed it was adequate enough and came in. The young girl immediately started snooping around, making her way into the kitchen, sniffing the countertops, and dipping her head in the half-open cabinets. Before she had trekked into the small living room, she had gotten back on all fours, sniffing the cushion to the couch, and ducking under the coffee. At least she's not destroying things, Sakura thought.

Sakura cleared her throat, catching the hybrid's attention. The sniffing had stopped, and the hybrid had gotten back into her view.

"Yeah, it's not much, but it's enough for me." She really had all she needed in the apartment. It was a simple one-bedroom, one-bathroom flat, with a small living room and kitchen to go along with.

"You should get cleaned up, my bathrooms over there." Sakura pointed to the half-open door down the hall.

The older girl waited a couple of seconds for the hybrid to react, only to see her perched on her knees with her head tilted, staring at her. Sakura sighed. She really needed to get a gauge of how much the hybrid could understand her. But, for now, she had two options really, either she let the hybrid stay naked and covered in mud, or she sucked it up and bathed her herself. And seeing how the entranceway and path into the kitchen had prints of mud littering the hardwood the option seemed pretty clear.

Sakura walked closer to the younger girl, her eyes getting bigger as she walked closer.

"I-I'm not gonna hurt you. We just need to get you clean." Sakura held out her hand to the hybrid, who in return brought her nose up to the older girl and sniffed it. Till she heard a grunt, which seemed to be on the more chipper side, Sakura took it as a sign it was okay to get closer.

"I'm gonna take this off, okay? Then we're gonna go to the bathroom." Sakura pointed to her padded jacket the hybrid still had on. She was earning no response, just a blank stare from the younger.

Please don't bite me, please don't bite me was all that was running through Sakura's head as she crouched down to be on the same level as the hybrid. Bringing her hand up to undo the velcro, she held her breath. The crackles of the first piece starting to unravel filled the tension in the air.

She looked at the hybrid, trying to see a response in her, only to see she was looking down, fixated on Sakura's hand. Taking it as a sign to continue, she undid the remaining pieces of velcro much quicker. The older girl reached her hands up the hybrid's shoulders, taking the jacket off, effectively leaving the hybrid exposed to her.

Sakura already knew from the alleyway that the hybrid had to have been in some kind of accident or fight from seeing the scratch mark on her face. However, she wasn't expecting to see cuts littering her collarbones and even more scratches on her arms. She already knew once she bathed the hybrid, without a doubt, she would see more wounds on the poor girl.

"Good, follow me to the bathroom." Sakura motioned for the hybrid to follow.

They made their way to the said bathroom in silence. With Sakura pushing open the door and waiting for the hybrid to come. The young girl was taking her time walking down the hallway, looking at all of the things Sakura had on her wall. Various picture frames she had with friends, even the shelves she had up filled with various things from random books to her crocheting yarn. The hybrid's eyes darted from each item.

"You can look at them later. You need to get cleaned up first." Sakura stood by the doorframe, tapping her nails on the wood. She gained the hybrid's attention, who glanced back at Sakura before making her way over to her.

"This is a bathtub. It's where you get clean. I'm gonna have to rinse you off first before I can wash you, okay?" Sakura pointed to her bathtub.

Much to Sakura's surprise, the hybrid was quick to step into the tub. Which she supposes she should be thankful for.

"The water might come out a little cold at first, but it'll warm up," Sakura said as she reached for the showerhead.

She turned toward the knobs of the bathtub turning the water on, making the hybrid whimper at the sudden noise and contact of the water before she calmed back down. The flow of water spraying down her legs, Sakura watched her bend down sniffing the water. Before she completely bent down and started biting at the water. The sight made Sakura stifle laughter. It was kinda cute, the hybrid nipping at the water for a few seconds, then turning away to breathe. Just to go back to bite the stream of water. In the process getting her ears caught in the water, soaking them.

Sakura stared at the amusing sight for a few more seconds before she recalled why she was doing this in the first place. She alternated between fiddling with the knobs and reaching her hand into the stream of water until the water had reached a warm, comfortable temperature.

She maneuvered the showerhead over the hybrid's body. Spraying her torso and back which were the parts of her covered the most in mud and god knows what else. Sakura watched as the once clean water below the hybrids turned into a dark brown color as the filth was being washed off her.

"How long were you out there?" Sakura asked. She was waiting a couple of seconds only to get none. It had to be longer than just this day, she was sure of. There was no way the hybrid would've been able to get this dirty in a single day.

The hybrid remained silent as Sakura continued rinsing her off, staring down at the ground.

"I'm gonna have to touch you for the next part. Is that okay?" Sakura waited for a response. She looked at the hybrid, who, after a few seconds, gave her a short nod. To her surprise.

Sakura reached for the bottle of soap she had near and began to pour an ample amount into her hand.

"If I touch something that sensitive, just growls at me or something."

The older girl, reached into the tub and began with the hybrids arms. She was using her hands to spread the soap down her limbs. She looked back at the hybrid, to see how she was doing, seeing the hybrid looking at her hands, watching her movements. It almost made Sakura shiver, the way she was staring at her.

She had to ignore it, though, and continued on with the hybrid's upper body. As she got closer to the younger girl, she was also able to see the cuts on her more clearly. Some of them were more healed than others. With some of them already turned into faded white scares, some still pink, and others merely scabbed over. It made Sakura wince as the thought about the possible reason for these marks. If it were just a fight with another hybrid or animal, the marks would be more scattered. But, the marks on the hybrid were calculated, like they were done on purpose.

Sakura took a breath.

"You doing okay?" She doesn't know if she was asking it to herself or the hybrid. But nevertheless she got a grunt in response from the hybrid.

So, She continued on down to the hybrid lower body. When she noticed something that almost made her lose her footing, her eyes had to be bulging out of her head as she stared in shock. She quickly tried to regain her composure, not wanting to panic the hybrid.

A small mark.If she weren't so close to the hybrid she wasn't sure she would've caught it, Maybe even written it off as another scar. However, this mark wasn't like the ones that were on her arms or her upper torso. She got closer, lightly running her fingers over the marks, feeling the indentation.

NKZH

Those letters were scarred on her skin. Sakura grimaced as she stared at the markings. These markings had to be done on purpose. There was no doubt about it.

Sakura debated in her head on her next action. She had to think that the hybrid knew that she saw it. So, in theory, she could try to ask the hybrid about it, but truthfully, she was afraid of the reaction it could evoke.

So, she didn't. She didn't bring it up. Instead focusing back on the task at hand, and that cleaning the hybrid. She continued washing the hybrid's lower body before she moved on to washing her hair, using her fingers to make an attempt at detangling the disheveled hair, paying extra attention to the fur on her ears. They were soft, so soft. She used her fingernails to really get into her scalp and scratched behind her ears, cleaning them thoroughly, hearing a sigh of relief fall from the hybrid's mouth. Finishing up, she did a last final rinse on the hybrid.

"That wasn't so bad, was it," Sakura said more for herself than the hybrid.

"You smell much better now." Sakura had a soft smile. The hybrid sniffed herself, making a snorting noise afterward. Is that her way of laughing? Sakura tilted her head.

Sakura stood up and grabbed the towel she had hung up, and just as she was about to turn back around, the hybrid shook. The water from the fur on her ears and her tail splattered on the floor on the wall.

"It's a good thing I'm already wet, or else I would totally kick you out right now." Sakura playfully rolled her eyes.

"Use the towel and dry off. I'll get you some clothes." Turning around, She tossed the towel at the hybrid, who surprisingly caught it.

Sakura walked out of the bathroom across the hall to her bedroom and stared at the clothes in her dresser. She really didn't have any clothes that would fit the hybrid. Never mind the fact that she didn't have any underwear for the hybrid to wear. But, something tells her the hybrid wouldn't even care nor notice. She continued to scour her drawers till she settled on the biggest t-shirt she had and the baggiest sweatpants.

When she came back to the bathroom the hybrid had done just as Sakura said. The towel over her shoulders as she stood in the tub.

"You can come out of there now," Sakura said, and the hybrid stepped out of the tub. She wondered why the younger girl hadn't moved without her permission.

"These are the only clothes that I have that I thought would fit you." Sakura handed them to the hybrid. Who began to put the clothes on slowly.

Luckily, the t-shirt did fit the hybrid. Normally it would come down to Sakura's lower thigh, but on the hybrid, it was fitting more like a normal shirt. However, the sweatpants were a different story. The cuffs to the pants only reached her mid-calf, and they got tighter as they went up. They were leaving really no room for imagination of what was under there. Not that Sakura was looking, obviously.

Sakura brought the hybrid back out into the living room, and she had taken out a couple of extra pillows and blankets for the girl.

"You can sleep here for tonight" Sakura pointed towards the couch. She reached for the TV remote on the nearby coffee table and switched it on. The hybrid was immediately going towards the couch, plopping down on the cushions. She stared at the TV enamored.

"I'm gonna go shower. Stay here. You can watch whatever you want," Sakura said as she walked awake, facepalming herself. Could the hybrid even understand her? Did she even know how to work the TV? Whatever, Sakuras is sure she'll be able to figure it out.

-

Sakura stared at the hybrid from the kitchen. When she had come out of the shower, the hybrid had fallen asleep. Of course, with the TV still on, the hybrid did change the channel to some random romance drama. She wouldn't have taken the hybrid to be the romance type, or maybe the hybrid just found the music playing soothing. Who knows.

With the hybrid being asleep it forced Sakura to reflect on the past few hours. Just what did she get herself into? The scars and scratches she had seen on the young girl's body scared her. How did she get them? Matter of fact where did she even come from? Sakura knew she wasn't gonna get the answer she wanted.

With a sigh, too many questions, no answers. She flopped onto her bed, her phone in hand, the clock reading just a few minutes past midnight.

Yeah, Chaewon was probably still up.

She hovered her finger over the Facetime button, and her phone rang once, twice before Chaewon picked up.

"Damn, isn't your old ass usually asleep by now? What're you doing up?" Chaewon was currently in bed, too, from what Sakura was able to tell.

"Am not! I just appreciate my beauty sleep." Dramatically put a hand to her chest.

"Last Friday, when Yunjin and I asked you to go out with us, you were already asleep." Chaewon deadpanned.

"Fine, you got me there, but I wouldn't want to third-wheel you two anyways." Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Okay, fuck you. Now, why'd you call?" Chaewon asked.

Oh yeah, there was a reason why Sakura called her best friend in the first place before getting psychologically beat up.

"Promise not to freak out"

"The most exciting thing you've done in the past three months is crochet a new sweater. Just tell me." Chaewon rolled her eyes.

Sakura knows there is no easy way to say what she wants to get out without basically dropping it on Chaewon. Hybrids were foreign territory for really everyone she knew. They never even crossed most people's minds. Since they never lived near the city, it was easy for everyone to forget they even existed.

"I brought a hybrid home."

Sakura saw Chaewon's eyes stare in disbelief. Moments of silence passed by before she even heard Chaewon breathe again.

"You're joking," Chaewon snorted.

"I'm not. I just found her in the alleyway by my apartment, and she looked scared. I didn't want to leave her alone. It was raining." She tried to explain.

"I don't believe you. Hybrids are rare. Why the fuck would one just be outside your apartment?" Chaewon prodded.

"I don't know. That's why I took her in; better me than someone else who'd take advantage of her." Sakura reasoned.

Chaewon remained silent for a few seconds.

"Show me her."

"What? She's sleeping. I don't want to wake her up."

"then I won't believe you."

"Oh my god, fine. But you better stay muted. If she mauls my arm off, it's on you."

Sakura rolled off her bed, turning the brightness down on her phone. As she tiptoed out of her bedroom, god, how the fuck did she get here, walking on eggshells in her own home.

She stepped closer and closer to the couch where the hybrid was sleeping. She could hear the little snores the girl was letting out. The lamp on the nearby coffee table provided just enough light, and Sakura was able to see her face. She looked so peaceful, not at all as it looked when she came across her a mere few hours before. Her light grey ears twitched, and her eyebrows furrowed every few breaths. It was like she was dreaming. Maybe she was, for all Sakura knew.

Sakura angled her phone up at the hybrid face, holding her breath as if she would hear her if she were too loud. She tried to make sure she got her ears and her tail that lay heavy on the side of the couch in the frame—staying there for a few moments, looking at the younger girl before she looked back at her phone and saw Chaewon's eyes wide open, her mouth agape.

Yep, that was her cue to get back to her room. So, just as quickly as before, Sakura made her way back to her bed. Then unmuted Chaewon.

"Holy shit, you weren't lying," Chaewon said in disbelief.

"Of course not. Why would I?" Sakura scoffed.

"I don't know, what're you gonna do with her?" Chaewon asked.

"I plan on calling the RoH on Monday when they're open, but for the next couple of days, I don't know." Sakura took a breath.

"mmm, that's a good idea. Have you talked to anyone else about her yet?"

"No, I wasn't sure who to call. I don't even really know what I'd be asking anyway," Sakura sighed.

"It's not like any of you have experiences with hybrids."

She and Chaewon just stayed in comfortable silence for a couple of seconds. Then she saw almost like a lightbulb go off in Chaewon's mind.

"What're you thinking?" Sakura prodded.

"Maybe you should try talking to Wonyoung. She might know more about hybrids."

"What makes you think that?" Wonyoung was an acquaintance, albeit six years younger than her. She had gotten to know the younger girl when she became friends with Chaewon, who was friends with her older sister, Eunbi.

"Do you remember her, mate?" Chaewon asked.

Sakura tried to think back. She'd only met Wonyoung a handful of times. However, she remembered last year when she had introduced her mate Yujin. She didn't actually get to meet her, but she remembers Wonyoung talking about her. An alpha just a year older than her.

"Yujin, right. I remember Wonyoung talking about her a bit".

"Think about it. The way Wonyoung talked about her. It was a bit strange. Doesn't it remind you a little how the hybrid on your couch is"

She recalls Wonyoung explaining how she met Yujin. She didn't go into much detail. But She remembers the young girl talking about how Yujin was from the countryside. And they had met when the alpha had transferred to her colleges. She remembers Wonyoung saying the alpha was still getting used to meeting new people and interacting with them, which she thought was a bit odd but didn't question it at the time.

"A little bit, yeah, but Wonyoung didn't say Yujin was a hybrid." Sakura furrowed her eyebrows.

"Can you blame her, though? Maybe she didn't know how we'd react if she flat out said it"

"You might be right. I'll try to call her tomorrow," Sakura yawned.

"Let me know how it goes. Get some sleep, unnie." Chaewon yawned back. Her eyes had started fluttering shut.

"You too, and tell Yunjin I said hi," Sakura ended the Facetime. Tossing her phone to the side, hitting her head on her pillow with a thud. A million thoughts ran through her mind about the hybrid that night as she tossed and turned in her sleep.

—---

To say Sakura didn't get a lot of sleep last night would be an understatement. She was tired, yes, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't fall asleep for more than 30 minutes at a time. She ended up spending her time googling things about hybrids.

Are hybrids friendly?

Do hybrids like people?

The questions she asked were stupid; Sakura knows it. It's just that schools never taught anything about hybrids other than reiterating the fact if you meet one in the wild, remain calm, stay as far away as possible and call the Register of Hybirds. And, well, she clearly didn't follow the second rule. The hybrid looked so lost and scared last night. Sakura just knew she would've regretted her actions even more if she had done nothing to help her.

But that didn't mean the hybrids presence also didn't scare the shit out of her. The scars and cuts that littered the young girl's skin, god, the letters that were scarred into her skin. Sakura swears she thought up every type of scenario in her sleep-deprived delusional state last night of what possibly could've done that to the hybrid.

It was bright and early the next morning. Sakura had only noticed it was the start of a new day by the sunshine that peaked through the curtains in her room. She wonders if the hybrid is still asleep or if the hybrid is awake, also reflecting on the previous night's events.

A part of Sakura is even scared to come out of her room to check on the hybrid. The younger girl has no reason to keep tolerating her. Maybe the hybrid only tolerated last night because she had offered her a place to stay. The idea that once she exited the room, the hybrid would immediately start growling at her wasn't an unlikely one.

Sakura picked up her phone, looking at the time. 7 am, she sighs. There was no point in staying in her room anymore. She would have to face the hybrid at some point, and it might as well be when there's a possibility she's still asleep, she thought.

She musters up the courage to get out of her bed. Slowly making her way to the door, with a deep breath, she turned the doorknob. She made her way out of her bedroom, moving as quietly as possible. She made it out her door and tip-toed her way to the living room, where she could still hear the sound of the TV making noise.

Had she left it on last night? She swears she turned it off.

As she rounded the corner into the living room, her question answered itself. There was the hybrid sitting with her knees to her chest, staring at the TV. And upon closer inspection the younger girl was watching an episode of Adventure Time. The fear she had of facing the hybrid washed away as she chuckled at the sight.

Sakura took a couple of strides closer, making her presence known to the hybrid.

"Did you sleep well? You were already asleep when I came out of the shower last night. I didn't want to wake you?" Sakura padded over to the opposite side of the couch the hybrid was on and sat down.

The hybrid nodded.

"That's good" Sakura faced the TV, not even really watching, just staring at the screen as she built the courage to ask her next question.

"So, were you thinking about staying here longer?" Sakura held her breath.

To which she got no response. Facing back toward the hybrid, she saw her eyes fixated on the TV.

"It's okay, no pressure. If you do, we're just going to have to talk about some things first" Sakura watched the hybrids face for any sort of expression. But there was none. Sakura sighed. Well, she might as well be honest with the hybrid, she thought.

"If you're still here tomorrow, I'm gonna call the RoH." Sakura saw the hybrid's jaw clench. Yeah, Sakura better explain herself.

"It's not that I don't want you here. It's just going to be hard to have you here when I don't know anything about hybrids, and RoH would be able to help me understand you better." She looked at the hybrid, waiting for any sign of a response.

And after a few moments, she got one, a hesitant nod.

Sakura exhaled the breath she didn't even know she had been holding in this entire time. She faced her attention back to the TV. Resting her eyes as she sank onto the couch. Well, that's one hard conversation down. Good job, Sakura, she mentally patted herself on the back.

The pair continued to sit in silence. It wasn't awkward, per se. Matter of fact, Sakura didn't really mind the hybrid being there. She wasn't used to waking up in the morning and someone else being there with her. Matter of fact, she kinda liked it. Even if the hybrid was hesitant to interact with her, the younger girl's presence was comforting in a way.

The low sounds or stomach rumbling drew Sakura out of her thoughts.

"Oh you must be hungry, when's the last time you ate?" Sakura looked towards the source of the rumbling, who was the hybrid in question.

No response.

"I was getting hungry too. I'll make something for us."

Sakura got up and made her way into the kitchen. She settled on making something easy and filling for them. She was still in no headspace to do anything overly complicated this morning.

It was a simple breakfast: Rice, eggs, spam, kimchi, and seaweed on the side. Nothing more, nothing less. The hybrid had found her way into the kitchen while Sakura was frying up the spam. Sakura deduces it must've been from the smell. The hybrid got closer to the older girl till she was towering over the girl as she cooked, looking over her shoulder. She was sniffing the air around her. It made Sakura's spine stiffen at the feeling of the hybrid being in such close proximity to her.

"C-can you get some plates? They're in the cabinet over there," Sakura pointed at the cabinet. And to her genuine surprise, the hybrid had gone over to the cupboard and pulled out a couple of plates for them. It made Sakura wonder, did the hybrid understand everything she was saying? Did the hybrid pick and choose what she wanted to answer?

Sakura plated each of their meals on the plates and took them over to her kitchen table. It was a small one, built for really only one person. However, she was lucky she was small and also decided to buy a second chair.

She sat across the hybrid, observing her starting to eat her food. She began sniffing at it before grabbing it with her hands and practically inhaling food in her mouth. Sakura looked at the untouched chopsticks a few inches away from the hybrid hands.

Doesn't know how to use utensils, noted.

After the pair had finished eating their breakfast, Sakura brought their dishes to the sink and began to clean up. The hybrid had dropped a fair bit of food out of her mouth onto the table, waiting for Sakura to clean up. She continued to wipe down the table as the hybrid went back into the living room. When she was finished, Sakura sat back down near the hybrid on the couch.

Sakura looked down at her phone to read the time. 10 am. Wonyoung must be awake by now, she thought.

Sakura cleared her throat, catching the attention of the hybrid beside her.

"I'll be back. I need to call a friend." She watched for a response from the younger girl. To which she received a hesitant nod. It was a bare minimum reply, but it was the best she was gonna get from the hybrid. For a majority of the things she asked her, Sakura deduced,

Once Sakura had excused herself to her room, she shut the door behind her and took a seat on the bed before scrolling through her contacts to find the person she needed. And there she was.

Jang Wonyoung.

To be honest, Sakura doesn't even know if Wonyoung answers her call. Sure, they've met a couple of times, but never in a one-on-one setting. Anytime they've hung out together, it had been in the presence of other people. But she was desperate. If there was any chance that somebody she knew had an experience with a hybrid, she wanted to talk to them as soon as possible. Which again, Sakura is unsure if Wonyoungs mate was even a hybrid. And even so, who's to say Wonyoung would want to talk about it? Hybrids were looked down upon in society.

Sakura sat for a few moments, debating whether to call the younger girl. As her finger hovered over the Facetime button, she held her breath as she pushed it. The phone dialed. She heard the tone ring once, twice, three times, and on the fourth chime, Sakura was starting to give up hope on the younger girl picking up.

But, on the sixth chime, she heard the phone connect.

"Sakura, Unnie?" she heard Wonyoungs voice.

"Yeah, yeah, it's me."

"Oh! I wasn't expecting a call this early. How are you?" The younger girl asked.

"I'm doing good, but I actually called because I had something to ask." Sakura could feel herself starting to get hotter.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure I can answer it." She heard the cheerful voice of the younger girl. Sakura's palms were getting sweatier by the second as she was building the courage to ask Wonyoung her burning questions. She didn't want to straight up ask the younger girl right off the bat if her mate was a hybrid. She needed to ease into it.

"What do you know about hybrids?" Sakura softly asked.

"O-oh, um, why do you ask?" Sakura can hear the tension in Wonyoungs voice.

Sakura needed to be honest with you, younger girl. Wonyoung was smart, and she wouldn't just give her the answers she needed without some sort of explanation of why.

"W-well, I have a hybrid staying with me right now," Sakura got out. She saw Wonyoungs eyes widen in shock, and she swears she saw her eyes dart to the side of her.

"O-oh, thats crazy. H-how?, wh-where? I mean, they're so rare?" Wonyoung stuttered.

So Sakura went and gave the younger girl a brief rundown on how she met the hybrid and took her in. Wonyoungs reaction to Sakura's story had been almost the complete opposite of Chaewons to say the least. They were both shocked at the fact that a hybrid had ended up in their city. However, when Sakura got to explaining the hybrid's behaviors and mannerisms, she was calm and simply listened to her.

"To answer your question, yeah, I actually do know a couplet things about hybrids. You called the RoH already, right?" Wonyoung asked.

"Not yet. I plan to call them tomorrow. Right now the hybrid seems comfortable enough with me. I don't want to scare her off or something," Sakura sighed.

"When you talk to the doctor, make sure to ask them to do a blood test. And make sure they do full body exam on them, that could also tell you some general information on her," Wonyoung dropped on the older girl.

"W-woah, that's actually some solid-ass advice," Sakura said in awe. She swears Wonyoung has been more helpful in learning about the hybrid on her couch than the late-night googling did.

"What can I say? I do like hybrids," Wonyoung smiled, and there it was again. Sakura swears she saw Wonyoung look to the side of her.

"Are you with you, Yujin?" Sakura played up the teasingness in her tone.

"H-how'd you know?" Wonyoung seemed to say in genuine shock.

"Who else would your eyes be wandering at during this entire conversation?" Sakura laughs.

"Yeah, Yujins here. She's right next to me." Wonyoung gave up and even denied it.

"Wony, I'm just gonna come out and ask it," Sakura prepared herself to ask the question. To which she saw Wonyoungs eyes widen again.

"I think I have a feeling where this is going, but go on."

"Is Yujin a hybrid?" Sakura asked.

Wonyoung almost laughs. Before she flipped the camera and there Yujin was curled up next to the younger girl with her head in her lap. And upon closer inspection of the screen, Sakura was able to make out the brown ears atop her head.

"Does that answer your question?"

"Holy shit. Now I get Chaewon shock, when I told her about this," Sakura's eyes were wide in disbelief. Previously, when Wonyoung had shown pictures of her and Yujin out together, the framings of the photos were in such a way you weren't able to see the top of either their heads. Sakura could've guessed it. This entire time they were just hiding Yujins ears.

Wonyoung laughed as she flipped the camera back on herself.

"Yeah, she's kinda insufferable sometimes, but I love her," Wonyoung smiled.

"Can I ask you a question about her?" Sakura questioned. She watched her nod.

" Where did Yujin come from?" Sakura held her breath. She assumed it would be a bit of a heavy question. It was common knowledge that hybrids typically weren't mated with humans. She'd only ever head of it being possible a handful of ties. But, with the newfound discovery of Wonyoung and Yujins' relationship, there was no denying that these types of relationships existed.

"I don't want to go into much detail. It's Yujins story to tell, not mine" Sakura nodded her head in understanding.

"I did meet Yujin in college like you guys all know. But I didn't meet her in class like I said. I met her when I was doing my clinicals at the hospital, and I had come across her," Wonyoung explained.

"And you figured out she was your mate?" Sakura asked.

"Not exactly. I had offered to take her in for a couple of weeks when the hospital said they were gonna discharge her; at the time, I thought Yujin didn't have money for anything. And well, I guess you could say she grew on me," Wonyoung beamed.

Sakura smiled at the explanation from the younger girl. It made her ponder the direction her new relationship with the hybrid on her couch could possibly go. Before she shook her head, she shouldn't be thinking about this. It's too early to think about this, both in their relationship and well in the day. She doesn't even know where the hybrid stood. Hell, Sakura still didn't even know her name.

"I want to ask you something else," Sakura said before she got a nod from Woyoung to task.

"Was Yujin able to speak when you found her?" Sakura was curious whether or not the hybrids' behavior was normal to other hybrids.

"Yeah, I mean, she was shy at first. But she was always able to communicate with me. Can your hybrid not?" Wonyoung asked.

"I'm not sure. When I talk to her, sometimes she answers in one word, or sometimes she just nods, but most of the time, she doesn't answer. I'm not sure if it's because she doesn't like me or she genuinely can't talk."

"I'm sorry, unnie, I'm not sure what that could mean. Maybe she's still warming up to you." Wonyoung smiled optimistically.

"Yeah, maybe," Sakura sighed.

"Can I see her?" Wonyoung asked.

"Y-yeah, give me a second." Sakura got up from her bed and made her way down the hallway quietly. She stayed just out of earshot of the hybrid before she flipped the camera to face the hybrid, making sure her light grey ears were visible in the frame.

"At least she seems well-trained enough. When Yujin first came, she wasn't even potty trained," Wonyoung laughs as she recalls the first couple of days with Yujin. Reminding her much of the situation Sakura was currently having.

"Ye-yeah, I guess so."

And just as she says that Sakura can hear the sound of something trickling.

No, No, No, No, is all that rang throughout Sakura's mind as she looked back up at the hybrid. To see that, yep, within a matter of a few seconds, she had her eyes off the hybrid. She somehow managed to take off her sweatpants and start fertilizing the plants, if you will, near a fake plant she had in the corner of her living room.

And it seemed like Wonyoung had heard it, too, with how she had started laughing.

"I'll text you later, Wony. Thanks for the talk. It really helped." Sakura tried to end the Facetime quickly.

"It's no problem, unnie, and I hope everything goes well for you and your hybrid," Wonyoung hung up.

Your hybrid

Now, why was Sakura enjoying the way that sounded? Before, she was interrupted again by the sound of trickling water, which she now knew was, in fact, not water. God Dammit, how much water had the hybrid drank? As Sakura looked up, the hybrid was now doing her business in the middle of the room.

Sakura is thanking whatever god is up there for deciding not to install a carpet and settling for hardwood floors.

- When Sakura had called the RoH and informed them about her current situation with the hybrid they immediately wanted to meet her. From the tone over the phone, Sakura wasn't able to tell if it was purely out of concern for her safety or out of awe that there really was a hybrid in this part of town.

The RoH told her they were going to send a doctor to her apartment as soon as possible. And just a short mere two hours later, there she was. Upon hearing the knock at the door indicating that the doctor was here, the hybrid quickly got up from her place on the couch, got in a defensive position, and started growling at the noise.

Sakura had to tell her it was okay and that RoH was just here to help. She told the hybrid to stay in the apartment while she went and talked to the doctor alone, and she got a grunt of annoyance from the young girl.

When Sakura opened the door, to her surprise, the doctor was a young woman. She was definitely in her 30s, and she was fitted in a white coat carrying along a briefcase.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs?" Sakura held out her hand.

"Bae, it's good to meet you too, Miss Miyawaki," she said as she shook her hand.

"I take it you wanted to talk alone before I meet the hybrid?"

"Yeah, she might be a little on edge right now. I told her a doctor from the RoH was coming over, and her response wasn't great," Sakura tried to explain.

"Mmm, wasn't great how?" The doctor asked.

"At first, when I told her, she seemingly was okay with it, but when she heard you coming to the door, she started growing."

"That's understandable. It's quite common for hybrids to struggle when meeting new people." Mrs. Bae nodded.

"I've already been made aware of the circumstances you came across her. Since then, has there been anything that could give you an idea of where she could have come from?" Mrs Bae asked.

Sakura debated in her head for a couple of moments, debating on whether or not to tell her about the scratches and marks she had found on the hybrid's skin. A part of her was afraid that if she told her, the hybrid would be taken away. And for some reason, she didn't want that. However, she wanted to be honest with the doctor. After all, they would know what's best for the hybrid. And that's what Sakura wants for the hybrid. Right? But was it worth the possibility of her getting taken away? She pondered.

"Um, when I brought her home and gave her a bath, I actually saw a lot of scratches and scars on her body."

"Unfortunately, that is also quite common for hybrids that have been found on the street, whether it be from the physical damage caused by wherever they came from or from wild animals they encountered before being found. It really is a case-by-case sort of thing," The doctor explained.

Was it really that common for hybrids to be treated this badly? Sakura wonders. Sure, hybrids aren't usually in the general population. Since they typically came from the countryside, saying that Sakura assumed that they lived secluded lives.

"Th-there i-is something else, too." Sakura started to feel nervous again. The doctor waited for Sakura to speak again.

"I-I saw some sort of scarring in the shapes of letters, too," Sakura was able to get out. For a split second, she was able to see Mrs. Bae's eyes widen before they went back to normal. She stood there for a moment as she waited for the older woman to collect her thoughts.

"There is quite a high possibility that those marks were a branding." The doctor stated.

Sakura's eyes widened in shock. But, now that she thinks of it, it started to make more sense.

"When hybrids are branded, it typically means they were kept by humans for a reason. I've seen cases when the branding has been used for things such as breeding," Mrs. Bae explained.

Sakura took in the words falling from the doctor's mouth. It was starting to make sense in her head as she started to form the story in her head. The hybrid must have found her way into the alleyway after she had escaped from where she was before.

"W-what does the branding mean?" Sakura asked.

"The reason for them can vary. It can be anything from their name to just random identifiers for their captors."

Sakura just nodded as questions started to flood her head. And as much as she liked to ask them, she needed to focus on the task at hand. Sakura opened the door back to the apartment and was met with the hybrid growling at Mrs. Bae, who remained poised, standing up straight. The doctor observed the hybrid. Maintaining eye contact with the hybrid till she had stopped growling and just remained silent. The doctors started to take notes in her notebook as she did a physical on the hybrid.

To be honest, for Sakura the next hours for her were a blur. Most of what the doctor did for the hybrid was done with Sakura off to the side. Still though, she managed to remember Wonyoungs words and told the doctor specifically to make an appointment for a blood test. She also recalls the doctor telling her she was going to call to set up further health-related appointments as they walked towards her door and bid her a goodbye.

After the visit from the doctor, Sakura had opted just to order pizza for dinner for the pair. They were currently sitting on the couch watching TV. It seemed clear to Sakura that wherever the hybrid was before, she didn't have a TV. Whenever it was turned on, the hybrid seemed so entranced with whatever was playing.

But, for Sakura, she kept thinking about what the doctor had told her. Was it really that far off to think that the hybrid could have been in one of those places where people kept hybrids as captors? It would explain the clearly calculated scratches and marks she had discovered that littered the hybrid's body the day she found her. This would also explain the indentations of letters in her skin. It didn't even feel right just to say they were indentations.

The hybrid was branded by somebody for a reason.

Sakura just couldn't figure out what. And she wasn't sure if she was ready to know. How could somebody do that to her? Sakura knows people hate hybrids, but to abuse them like that. Sakura didn't even want to think about it.

So, she didn't. Well, at least she tried not to.

What didn't leave her mind, though, were the letters.

NKZH

Were they a company? Maybe the girl's initials? Sakura wonders. And she was really hoping it would be the latter.

If the first two letters are her sir name, then that must mean the last two are her first name, Sakura deduces. She doesn't even know if she's right. However, she supposed she wouldn't ever know unless she tried. So she did.

"Zaho" Sakura blurted out. Catching the attention of the hybrid, but not enough to warrant anything more than a stare.

"Zeha," She tried again.

Nothing.

"Zuhe"

Nothing.

"Zuha"

Upon those syllables falling from her mouth, Sakura hears something. It's a quiet thumping, a sound you would have to focus to hear. Something she would have missed if she wasn't actively wanting her hear a response. She looked around for the source of the noise until she looked down at the gap between her and the hybrid.

"Zuha," Sakura repeated.

There, the noise was again. And as her gaze was on the gap between them, she saw her tail wag. It was thumping on the cushion of the couch. Sakura looked at the hybrid, her eyes still on the TV, but her ears twitching along with her tail.

"Your name is Zuha?" Sakura asked.

The hybrid nodded.

-

It doesn't even hit Sakura. Her heat had started till it was too late.

Now usually, Sakura was very punctual with her heat schedule. She even had an app that would tell her how far along she was in her heat cycle. It was so unlike her to forget her suppressants. She hadn't forgotten to take them in the last five years, why now she asks herself.

Okay, she may know why she forgot. And it had something to do with the hybrid still residing on her couch. It had been about a week since the hybrid had first come into her home. Sakura had just been so caught up in taking care of Zuha that she had forgotten about herself. Now that she thinks of it, maybe she did simply ignore those notifications she got from her heat app, warning her to take her suppressants.

The hybrid had just been taking up so much of her time lately, from the RoH appointments to teaching her basic chores. Her world was completely taken over by the young girl. Not that she minded, really. It was nice to come home to someone waiting for her. Even if Zuha's communication skills still weren't the best, she was making an effort, and that's what mattered. However, because of all the time she had been taking up, Sakura had ignored the warning signs of her heat coming—the lethargy, the hot skin, and most prominent of all, the warm ache between her legs.

Finally, having time for herself after a long day at work and caring for the hybrid. Sakura was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when her mind started wandering. It's not like she was trying to. She really was trying to think about anything else. But, the heat between her legs just was getting harder and harder to ignore. She can't help it, as much as Sakura would hate to say it. She's still an omega, and what she needed right now was an alpha.

And yet she didn't have one. She was alone in her bedroom. It would be so easy to wake up the sleepy hybrid on the couch Sakura thought. Get on top of Zuhas lap, and start grin-

Nope, nope, nope, you still barely even know the girl, Sakura sighed.

It's true that the pair had grown increasingly closer even within just this past week. Zuha would no longer growl at her whenever she got too close. And she had started to try and communicate the best she could with her, even if it was by simple nods or gestures. However, saying that, it was still hard to ever gauge any deep emotion from the younger girl. She had tried to ask Zuha more about her past and how she found herself in the alleyway. But, the hybrid seemed detached whenever she'd bring it up, always just shrugging her shoulders or looking away.

Get ahold of yourself. Sakura ran her hands through her hair as she tried to think about literally anything else that wasn't Zuha related. And unfortunately, it was harder than she thought. It had been so long since she'd last gotten off and even longer since she'd gotten laid. She's not some sort of prude, and it's just that with the convenience of suppressants, she never got the urge.

Sakura tried to remember the feeling of being touched by an alpha. The last one she had been with was good enough. She had gotten her off, and that's much more than she can say for any male alpha she had slept with, if you'd even call it that.

She remembers the touch of the alpha's fingers down her chest. As she imagined it in her head, Sakura reached her hand beneath her shirt, cupping her breast. They were much more sensitive than usual. She let out a sigh of relief as she used one of her fingertips to run her finger over the peak of her nipple.

Fuck she needed more so much more. Sakura could feel the stickiness between her legs growing. She tried to remember the way the alpha pushed her fingers in. Sakura slides her free hand beneath her shorts. She shivers at her cold hands nearing her most sensitive area. She let out a breathy moan as she rubbed herself over her panties. Before quickly biting her lip in an attempt to stifle it, she remembered the hybrid still residing in her house. Thinking about if she could hear her. What would Zuha do? Sakura's mind wandered.

Would Zuha come barging into her room? Rip off her shorts and panties and fuck her right there. Her strong arms could so easily hold her down. Sakura's hand traveled beneath her panties, swiping her fingers over her sensitive core. She's so wet. She reached her hand, previously cupping her breast down to tug down her shorts and panties. The room's cold air made her groan as she felt it hit her core.

She teased her entrance, slowly sinking one of her fingers inside. It wasn't enough, not even close. She craved something deeper. She thinks about Zuha's hands and how much bigger they are than hers. She can recall the touch of them when Zuha would be in the kitchen helping her cook, and she wanted a taste of whatever Sakura was cooking and she'd grab her hand to bring the food into her mouth. Her entire hand wrapped around her hands, almost comedically big.

She can't help but think about her long, slender fingers inside her. How deep they'd reach inside, how much they'd stretch her out.

Fuck Sakura moans, that's what she needs. She needs someone to stretch her out, fuck her deep inside. She needs to feel them. She needs to feel Zuha. She's taken glances at the hybrid bulge way more than she'd like to admit despite having bought underwear, shorts, and pants that actually fit her. The hybrid just never bothered to wear more than just shorts around the house, leaving really nothing to the imagination, which was working in Sakura's favor right now.

Not to mention the hybrids body. She felt like a pervert for even thinking about it. The hybrid still wasn't very good at bathing herself, so Sakura was the one to do it for her. And throughout bathing her, Sakura's gaze couldn't happen but wander. The hybrid had a strong, fit body. Sakura would watch as the water flowed down her skin, over her toned abs. She would find herself getting caught up staring at her body.

She slipped another finger inside easily. She was so wet. She pumped her fingers in as deep as she could, just barely grazing the spot she needed it the most. Sakura's eyes tightened as she teetered closer to her orgasm. She could feel herself starting to drip onto the sheets. She slipped another finger in, the filthy sounds of her pussy filling the room. She lowered one of her hands to her clit, making her let out a high-pitched moan. She started rubbing her clit in a slow and light, as she tried so desperately with her other fingers to fill herself.

It felt good, sure, but it wasn't what she craved. She needed to be full. She needed to be fucked. For fucks sake, she needed to be fucked by the hybrid. She wanted to feel how deep Zuhas cock would reach inside, how much she'd stretch her out. How would it feel to be fucked by her? Would the hybrid be rough or gentle with her, she wonders. She needed it. She was getting closer, she could feel her wrist aching in exhaustion, but her other hand made up for it as she rubbed her clit faster.

Sakura dragged her hips against her fingers, desperately trying to get them as deep as they could go. She didn't even care to muffle her moans. It was not like they'd do much anyway with how loud she was being. Her breaths started hitching as she quicked her wrist movements in a last burst of energy. In tandem with her movement on her clit, Sakura came with a loud moan. As she felt her body spasming, her feet planted on the bed, gripping the sheets.

Her breath started to calm down after a couple of moments. She slowly retracted her hand from her nether regions. Sakura couldn't help it. She felt empty in more ways than one.

Perhaps it has to do with her still heat-cluttered mind. But she wished the hybrid was next to her. Not just for the most obvious reason, but she felt so cold, so alone on her bed. Sakura thought about the feeling of the hybrid arms wrapped around her as she started to drift asleep.

[icyrambles]

the cassettes are a group of characters where if i think about them for too long i start to get physically ill.

because i really like the cassettes. they're really fun and i adore the concept of a guy who happens to have a gaggle of goons to do his dirty work. the combination of making them actual cassettes who live inside of soundwave (and/or blaster but this is gonna be a soundwave cassette focused post) is really interesting.

unfortunately most bits of canon (and fanon to be entirely honest) do not treat the cassettes as actual beings with their own thoughts, feelings, and personalities outside of "soundwave's little guys."

for the sake of clarity i will only be talking about the continuity that i have the most experience with, that being idw1 and my post will mostly be talking about those versions of the characters. i've been told that the cassettes feature more prominently in the g1 marvel comics but i haven't quite gotten around to reading those in depth so i won't be discussing those.

back on topic.

i always feel so disappointed at the actual cassettes as characters. they're often sidelined into being background characters and the majority of the time when they show up in fics they're never majour characters, just background guys to pad out the cast. i'm honestly not gonna judge fan writers and fan artists too harshly because most canon sources don't really feature the cassettes as actual characters worthy of having attention paid to them.

idw1 is specifically the continuity where i feel a bit sick whenever i think about the cassettes because they go through sooooo much shit and it's never brought up. like okay, laserbeak, buzzsaw, and ravage are mostly chill. obviously they probably have the whole beastformers are lesser beings thing going on but they're overall the most well rounded of the cassettes. (ravage especially since he's actually allowed to be a character outside of soundwave)

rumble and frenzy are were my stomach starts to like... explode. because they didn't get a choice in being soundwave's cassettes and it's never brought up, ever. megatron basically tells them that they're gonna be reformatted and neither party ever brings it up. like do rumble and frenzy just tolerate soundwave because it could be so much worse? do they genuinely respect soundwave and fight beside him because they want to see him succeed in a similar manner as the beastformers? like... phase 2 shows them reformatted again into motorcycles and they seem okay with it, like neither of them seem to be hung up on no longer being cassettes.

but also i have issues and problems with rumble and frenzy always being shown as a package duo. like i think they're a fun combo, especially as siblings because i adore platonic relationships but most pieces of canon treat them as interchangeable. like it's an ongoing joke in the fandom that they swap paint colours to fuck with people and in actual canon sources they don't have consistent colours so it's harder to actually treat them as genuine individuals. and that makes me soooooo mad. i don't like it when twins/duos in media get treated as a weird conglomerate individual with two names. it's boring and it's lazy and i wish it would stop happening.

side tangent. i hate what how skybound treats the cassettes. like okay yeah sure it's fun to see soundwave go "you hurt my ravage" but what about his other cassettes. either rumble or frenzy is dead and soundwave just doesn't fucking care? does he play favourites, boy i sure would like to know but daniel warren literally fucking said that he killed off one of the twins because he found the colour debate to be annoying and that grinds my gears a bit. if you don't like them, don't fucking include them or idk, have mike spicer, the colourist, keep their palettes consistent.

and skybound also treats ravage like an object. he's not an actual character with thoughts and feelings and emotions, he's a fucking toy for soundwave to moon over whenever warren needs soundwave to be less of an asshole than shockwave. like yeah sure, soundwave being so desperate to get ravage repaired in skybound is good for his character but that dynamic, where ravage has no actual dialogue and no actual personality outside of "soundwave's cassettte" makes him so much less interesting to me. skybound is getting a small benefit of the doubt because there's only 11 issues so far, but i will critique it to all hell because any emotional tension involving ravage and soundwave falls apart for me because ravage could easily be replaced with literally any other cassette. he's not special and the comic doesn't do anything to make me genuinely care about soundwave and his relationship.

tangent over. i'm going back to talking about idw1.

specifically it's time to talk about the fucking elephant in the room that i'm always thinking about whenever soundwave's cassettes come up; ratbat.

now to preface this little rant of mine. ratbat sucks. he's a terrible person who actively believed and contributed to the oppression of millions of cybertronians. he used soundwave as nothing more than a tool and proved himself to be a slimy scumbag with the few moments that he was on screen.

however, that does not stop me from feeling just a tad bit bad for him considering how soundwave treats him. it's one thing for the decepticons to murder the whole senate, those characters don't really matter in the long run, they're nameless, they never get brought up ever again and the story just doesn't care about them once they're dead.

but ratbat is different because rather than killing him, soundwave shoves his dying spark into a cassette body and for all intensive purposes, turns ratbat into his slave. because ratbat doesn't get a choice, he doesn't get the ability to say no. he just has to be toted along and do whatever soundwave tells him to do and that alone makes my opinions on idw soundwave.... well they're not great. because later stories treat idw soundwave like he's a good guy, he's the dude who wants to make the decepticons what they were originally, he wants to be done with cybertron's bullshit.

and i have to sit there, fist clenched, wanting to grab him by the fucking shoulders and ask "WHAT ABOUT RATBAT? WHAT ABOUT THE GUY WHO YOU LITERALLY MADE INTO A SLAVE FOR AT FOUR MILLION YEARS AND WHOSE DEATH YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY REACTION TO WHATSOEVER? DOES LIBERATION AND EQUALITY ONLY MATTER WHEN IT COMES TO GUYS WHO DIDN'T PERSONALLY FUCK YOU OVER?"

ehem, anyways, yeah i do not like the fact that idw just brushes over the fact that ratbat is not willingly soundwave's cassette. they do not ever focus on the fact that soundwave stuffed his former employer's spark into a completely different frame and then proceeded to do exactly what ratbat did to him for around four million years. and then didn't react whatsoever to ratbat dying.

like in early idw1, ratbat doesn't have any dialogue. he's a nothing burger character like all the other cassettes. but idw phase 2 specifically makes him a political rival. he's the guy in charge of the cons (along side shockwave to some extent) and then prowl fucking orders arcee to kill ratbat and no one ever talks about him ever again...

i have complicated emotions regarding ratbat because the story really wants you to see his treatment and go, yes, he deserves this treatment, he's evil and he was mean to soundwave and therefore he deserves to be imprisoned by another and used as a weapon for four million years and once he's dead we'll never talk about him ever again.

and i don't think that's fair. ratbat should've been a crucial character to soundwave after he died. soundwave should've had a moment in phase two where he realises that the decepticons have been terrible from the beginning, that he was actively a part of that terribleness, and he should've made the active decision to change the decepticons into something that stands for equality and freedom and peace.

i'm gonna move onto ravage because i feel so bad for ravage. he got shafted hard. oh the one hand, i love mtmte ravage, i adore seeing the cassettes in environments that don't involve soundwave because it means the writers have to actually care about them as more than just little guys that soundwave bosses around.

unfortunately, ravage goes from being soundwave's little guy to being megatron's little guy in mtmte. which like... okay, fine, megatron needs a guy who he can bounce off of and ravage fits that role pretty well (though i'd argue that having megatron potentially bounce off of an autobot whose morals are a bit lax is much better than simply having a decepticon who already likes him.)

but the point is, ravage, rather than being his own character who has thoughts and opinions, only exists to be a buffer for megatron. the devil on his shoulder if you will, trying to see and understand and coax megatron back into being the fearsome leader he was before. and it works to some extent, ravage getting fatally injured is literally what prompts megatron into ripping the djd to shreds. but unfortunately, that's ravage's only real purpose in the story. we don't see him interacting with any other characters means that he's entirely dependent on megatron for any insight to his character development. nautica is an exception but i have my own issues with the fact that she treats him like a pet upon first meeting him and like... to my knowledge she never really gets over that whole cute kitty aspect of their relationship.

and this makes me so mad because ravage is really interesting. he's older than most of the characters on the lost light and should reasonably be a fascinating insight to how beastformers are treated and discriminated against during the pre and post war eras. but instead he's relegated to a side character who gets murdered to further the arc of megatron, a character who sort of forgets about ravage as soon as lost light starts. this isn't helped by megatron's character arc being rushed and happening mostly off screen but ravage's death feels so unnecessary to me. he would've been much better had he been forced to be separated from megatron for most of lost light.

and unfortunately this is much the same for most other continuities. transformers prime my forever detested treats laserbeak like a fucking drone. it doesn't have any voicelines, it's just a little creature hooked up to soundwave's chest. (i haven't read the books because i cannot be bothered with aligned continuity and also if i have to go to external sources of canon beyond the original show to get key character information, it probably wasn't too important to begin with)

earthspark is fun in season 1, i'm happy that frenzy and laserbeak are allowed a few moments of time outside of soundwave but they're very minor characters and unfortunately ravage isn't much of a character considering he can't speak (which is weird because laserbeak can) and only gets a few scenes throughout seasons 1 and two.

cyberverse only has laserbeak and once again she/he (i don't think they state their pronouns) only exists to be soundwave's little guy.

tfa soundwave is so nothing burger that i genuinely forget that he exists 90% of the time. so his cassettes, as to be expected, not characters and just random objects to be played around with.

my point in all this is that the cassettes deserve better. they deserve to be actual genuine characters who are treated as more than just set pieces for soundwave and the other decepticons. i hope that in later transformers series, the writers give the cassettes the opportunity to shine.

[foone]

weird thought: I think if I was a teenager now (or anytime in the last decade or so) I think I would have written (and read!) a lot more fanfic than I did in reality, where I was a teenager in the 90s.

See, I've never been hugely into fanfic. Never had anything against it exactly, but it just wasn't something I was into. But I think that has to do with an interesting combination of how my brain works and what time I was first really getting into being a fan.

I've got a "librarian" brain (I'm literally typing this from within a library, WHERE I WORK). It wants to know things like "what are all the works in this series/by this creator?" and "are they all accessible?" and "what info is available about how it was made?"

I'm the kind of person who will watch a show then go look it up on wikipedia to see how many seasons it has, who made it, if they're still making it, check tvtropes for any more info, etc. Or I hear a song I like by a band I've never heard of, so I go listen to their entire discography while researching them. I just focus on things I'm into that way, you know? I don't half-ass my interest. (this is probably related to my autism, of course)

So what does this have to do with fanfic? like, do I go read some fanfics as part of this process? No, and I think the reason for it is when I specifically first got into fandom, as a teen.

See, this sort of fandom-librarian was harder to do in 1997, you know? You couldn't just pull up the wikipedia for that new show and see how many episodes it had. You also couldn't just listen to the whole discography of that band! Forget Spotify or Google Music, even Napster didn't exist yet.

So my interest in fandom focused a lot more on very basic questions: How many episodes/albums/books/whatever are there? Where can I see/hear them all? Like, I remember getting excited because I found some fan magazine that had a list of all the Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes. Just a list! Not even descriptions or anything. I finally could take that list and see how many I'd seen, so I'd know when I saw them all in late-night reruns.

So I'm focusing on these very basic parts of being a fandom-librarian and I stumble across some fanfic. I'm like "oh, is this a transcript of an episode I haven't seen yet?" and I realize it's not, it's a story written by a fan, and I get a knee-jerk reaction of "that's not helpful to my quest to know and find all the episodes". It's like I am on a quest for the holy grail and I found a fake cup. It's not helpful to me, and at worst it's a distraction from my goal.

And the thing is, I think the fact I had that reaction is entirely due to the time and situation in which I first encountered fanfic. It was in that environment of "I can't even find a list of the episodes, let alone a way to watch them all!" and that anxiety that colored my response to finding fanfic.

I think if I instead was first introduced to fanfic NOW, where those fandom-librarian drives aren't so difficult to fulfill, I'd be way more positive about fanfic. If I could get a list of episodes with a quick google search, and watch them easily on netflix/prime/whatever, I'd be less "THIS DOESN'T HELP! I AM STRUGGLING WITH THE BASICS HERE!" and more "yay, more content for the fandom I'm obsessed with!"

Like I said, I'm not anti-fanfic, I never have been, I just never got into it. From the beginning I had this reaction that was "this is not useful" and I never developed any real interest in it. Which is a shame, honestly. Fanfic is great. It just never became one of my interests, and while I've written it and read it from time to time, I imagine I'd be way more into it if I didn't have the weird reaction to it due to the worries of the time in which I first encountered it.

I don't know how many other people have brains that work anything like mine, but if they exist, I'm glad they're now growing up in a world where they won't have these problems. They can get into fanfic without this weird baggage caused by a lack of information.

[copperbadge]

Hello, Mr. Badge, I seem to remember that you once posted about your processes and systems for staying organized in life with Excel spreadsheets etc. I’ve been struggling a lot with depression and executive dysfunction issues and don’t want it to impact my work.

Do you use the same processes at work? I get overwhelmed with the amount of documentation we have and the exceptions to the rules in our processes.

I'm so sorry you're struggling! It's really rough, and the more complicated the task feels, the more fraught it seems, the harder it is to even get a start. I feel that hard.

As for organizing work like my home life....well, it's sort of the same. I don't make a strong distinction between life and work simply because a lot of what needs organizing in my life IS my work, so it's tough to talk about them separately.

For example, I use Google Tasks to build a to-do list each day, but that to-do list starts with "stuff I'll do before work" then "shower" then all my work stuff, then "evening" and then all the stuff to do after work, ending with "7pm chores" (because I have a lot of stuff to do right around 7pm, which I need to post about elsewhere). Then the stuff I've pushed off to next day is below that, and that just bumps up the next morning. What's important isn't really how I keep the list, but that I keep it in a way that is constantly accessible, and I've trained myself to 1. put everything on it, even stuff like "grocery shop" and 2. check it whenever I feel lost. I don't find google calendars very helpful, however, so while work makes me use one for meetings, everything else goes on a calendar I made in Google Sheets that I'm just super used to by now.

It sounds like you're having a fairly specific issue, which may not even be related to your mental health (though assuredly the mental health issues aren't helping). If you have a lot of confusing documentation and exceptions in the stuff you do at work, that can be legit stressful even for someone who isn't dealing with other stuff, so I just want you to know that this may not only be a You Problem. My problem is usually the opposite, in that I'm often the first person doing something, or the only person who's done it in a while, so there's no documentation at all. But when I do have documentation I often will simply rewrite it.

After all, just because you have a handbook doesn't mean you have to use it. You can copy it over into another document and make yourself a step-by-step guide and/or a checklist. Like, I do our holiday cards every year, and my "HOLIDAY CARDS" document says "Here's the first thing you do, here's the second, do this before going past that, check this before asking for that". Literally at one point the document says "Stop. Before you go any further, do this step. Even if you don't understand why, do this step" because in the past I've disregarded that instruction ("Why on earth would I do it this way?") and lived to regret it.

Making the guide really, really sucks. Often it will take me four or five passes at a project before my guide is comprehensive (this is my fifth year doing the holiday card project and the document still has some steps missing at the end). But once you have it, it's invaluable, and often in the past I've found other people want my guides because they're fairly clear and precise about what needs doing when. For example, you might say, "Open the file and move column B to in front of column A. NOTE: THERE IS ONE EXCEPTION, THIS IS THE EXCEPTION." Or "Once you've saved the file, save a second copy to your backup folder so you can go back to it if you delete something you shouldn't. Stop and check: is this file from before or after October? If after, remember, you have to also rename it." If you find that there's a mistake you make frequently, figure out what would stop you from making it and add that in.

(We had a guy at work whose last name was VERY long and Italian, and so when I was working phones he got a special entry in the directory document I made -- the first line was all his directory info and the second line was just the phonetic pronunciation of his last name. He found out, which I had never intended him to do, and lost his shit laughing. "No wonder you're the only one who gets it right!")

So my recommendation to you is to create your own handbook, your own templates, and your own way of doing things and just slip that back into the system you have at work. Draw a diagram by hand if you need a flow chart. My approach to all my organizational issues has always been "What would make me do this correctly / prevent me from doing that thing wrong / remind me what to do / make it easier for me to start".

I think of this nowadays as the "Take the cupboard doors off" school of organizing, because to really make full use of my kitchen in a way that I liked, I had to take some of the cupboard doors off. It looks messier and kind of cheap, but it's actually a much more organized system now, and who's in my kitchen other than me?