#so this has vastly improved my quality of life since I started doing this

[kris-mage-fics]

Since I saw folks talking about fruit flies in a server I'm in, and it's getting to that time of year for them in the Northern hemisphere, I figured I'd share the one thing I've found that almost entirely takes care of the problem. Beyond the whole "keep your kitchen clean, thoroughly wash/rinse out recycling, and wash produce when you get it home" stuff.

That is to make a fruit fly trap (or as my husband calls it a "death bath" lol). In a container that's on the shallow side, put a drop or two of liquid dish soap (for hand washing dishes) or hand soap, then add enough apple cider vinegar to come up about 1/4 inch or 1/2 cm up the side of the container. Your kitchen will smell like vinegar, and you'll have to change it out every couple of days. But since we've been doing this we've had almost zero issues with fruit flies!

[chadleys]

›› pairing: astarion x reader

›› wordcount: 1.9k

›› genre: established relationship, smut, fluff.

›› rating: 18+, mdni

›› synopsis: got a request for pregnant tav and astarion taking place after the events of the game. this is that.

›› warnings: pregnant!reader, impreg, biting, mentions of blood drinking.

the grounds of the manse are still, quiet, as you examine yourself in the full-length mirror by the window. cloud cover has been rolling in all day; a storm is brewing. you wish it would just arrive already — you’ve always loved the rain. and any excuse to spend the afternoon in bed with your beloved while rainfall pounds at the windows is a good one to you.

you turn this way and that, examining the subtle swell of your belly. that’s not the only change you’ve noticed, of course; your hips and thighs are a shade larger, your breasts more plump, arms slightly too thick to fit into most of your tunics anymore.

at the moment a sheer, lacy negligee drapes from your shoulders, the bottom hem barely brushing the backs of your thighs.

just as you start to grimace and turn from the mirror, a knock at the door distracts you.

❝ is my love decent? ❞ astarion’s dulcet tones make your legs quake and a tenuous bout of gooseflesh prick your arms.

❝ as though you’d care either way, ❞ you purr. a moment ago, you were desperate to get away from the reflection in the mirror. now, you stand your ground, waiting for him to enter.

which he does, beautiful body sliding between door and frame as his crimson gaze finds you. he sighs, wistfully, and his bare feet make quiet shuffling noises along the hard wood floor as he approaches. ❝ what can i say other than that you’re right? you are utterly indecent and i have to be honest. i prefer you this way … ❞ those last words spoken right into your ear send a shiver down your spine, your lashes fluttering before flying open again.

this. this is why you so suddenly changed your mind about abandoning your post in front of the mirror. it’s been enchanted. ever since your return to baldur’s gate, both your and astarion’s fortunes have vastly improved. not only monetarily, though it’s certainly been fun to watch your coffers steadily rise and eventually overflow. but also your general quality of life; not only do you have a special midwife who’s been helping to check on the babe from time to time, making the periodic blood meals it requires more palatable for you, but every mirror in the house has been magicked to be able to show a vampire’s reflection.

❝ admiring yourself? ❞ astarion’s voice is unbearably low and intoxicating in your ear. you nearly fall into his arms, as one wraps itself around your waist, hand cupping your belly. ❝ … i know i am. ❞

your hands come to brace themselves on astarion’s forearms, running back and forth, though you’re comforting yourself more than you are him. ❝ just the opposite, ❞ you all but spit. ❝ i don’t look like myself anymore. these changes, they … they disgust me. ❞

suddenly, you’re being whirled, losing your footing. but astarion is there, hands on your biceps, drawing you close and pressing his mouth fiercely to yours.

you melt, fingers clutching at the collar of his tunic, trying to pull him impossibly closer.

just when you think he’s sucked all the air from your lungs, he presses you back and allows you to breathe again.

❝ i don’t ever want to hear you talking about yourself like that again. and i do mean ever. ❞ gentle fingers swipe a lock of hair back from your forehead. ❝ you’re carrying my child; how could you possibly be disgusting? ❞

at a loss for words, you let him wheel you slowly back around to face the mirror. chin hooked over your shoulder, his scorching carmine gaze roves over you. slow hands part the lapels of your negligee, traipsing over all of your newest curves. ❝ look at this beautiful body ... ❞ his voice is low and hot, splashing molten waves over your entire body. ❝ and it's all mine. ❞

in one swift move, he sinks his teeth into your neck, making you moan and squirm against him. he doesn't drink from you anymore, not when you need all the energy you have to keep up with the life growing inside of you. but it's enough for him to continue to mark you, never letting your bites heal fully before he leaves more.

❝ astarion ... ❞ his name is a plea on your lips as you lean back into him, a solid pressure against your back.

❝ i can smell you, ❞ is his response, one hand traveling steadily downward, ❝ getting so wet for me. it happens more often now that you're pregnant, have you noticed? i certainly have. ❞

you want to tell him that it's not like the two of you weren't having sex every single night before. but now you're having sex every morning, too. and afternoon. and evening …

instead, you swallow thickly and swerve onto your other path of thinking. the path that focuses on the heat between your legs, thighs already sticking together as astarion slips a hand between them and cups your sex.

❝ please tell me you were wearing this — ❞ he plucks a piece of flimsy fabric from the negligee between his teeth. ❝ — for easy access? ❞

❝ of course. ❞ it hadn’t even crossed your mind.

astarion releases a shaky breath and steps away from you. you miss him immediately. ❝ get on the bed. ❞ normally he would throw you onto it, bthe two of you are taking every precaution for the baby.

climbing onto the soft bedspread of your giant four-poster bed, you allow astarion to come after you, crawling, hunting you as if you were his prey. the softest, sweetest prey he’d ever encounter.

legs spread, you welcome him between them, where his hardness presses — warm and insistent — against your wetness. but he still has his breeches on.

you hook a finger into the waist and tug, letting the fabric snap back against his alabaster skin. ❝ these, i think, need to come off. ❞

❝ why, i do believe you’re right. ❞ using his roguelike reflexes, the trousers are gone before you know it and his erection is jutting up, thick and hard, against his stomach. the sight is enough to make you salivate.

normally you’d put it in your mouth straight away, but pregnancy has made you overly sensitive to nausea and you really don’t want to chance ruining this lovely afternoon. so you pull him down by his tunic and kiss him again, your tongues slipping, dancing, enjoying themselves.

one of astarion’s hands has found itself down between your legs again, and he parts from you to whisper, ❝ you’re so wet … i think i could just … ❞

he trails off, and the head of his cock finds your entrance. gentle fingers splay your lips apart and he guides himself right into you, gliding easily along your slick walls. this is not the first time you’ve gotten wet so easily for him and certainly won’t be the last.

you pull your legs back, hooking your arms around your knees to hold yourself open for him. you’ve made this exact shape with your body many times before, and not always in a bed as comfortable as this one. but the extra weight you’ve put on makes holding the position a touch more difficult this time, and one of your legs slips from your grasp, knocking astarion hard in the side.

❝ gods, sorry! ❞ you reach for him, to make sure he’s okay, but the vampire catches your hand easily and pins it to the bedclothes, fingers twined with yours.

❝ never apologize to me, my love. you have no need to. you could ravish me, and still i would thank you. ❞

the thought makes your toes curl; being with astarion hasn’t always been easy, especially when you first met. but now … especially now that you’re pregnant, his desire to dote upon you has grown immeasurably. you want nothing more than to bask in the intensity of his gaze forevermore … and to give birth to his child, of course, but that is still months off.

❝ i still c-can’t believe, ❞ you stutter as he begins to thrust, ❝ you actually managed to get me pregnant. ❞

astarion covers your swollen belly with one of his perfect hands, and both of you watch your breasts sway as he fucks you. ❝ my dear, i was so full of your blood that night i’d be surprised if you don’t give birth to twins. ❞

the thought makes your head swim, your legs clench around his waist, drawing him in, wanting him so much deeper.

neither of you had strictly known that was how it worked; that the more blood a vampire had drunk, the more virile they’d become. not until conducting some research and investigation after you’d mysteriously missed your cycle that month.

needless to say, however, both of you were beyond thrilled.

❝ careful, ❞ you jest, with your legs still tight around him, urging him on. ❝ don’t want to poke the baby’s eye out. ❞

astarion chuckles, leaning down to lay a chiding bite to your chest, fully on display now that the opposites sides of your negligee had fallen completely open. ❝ i don’t claim to be an expert, but i don’t think that’s how it works, love. ❞

as if to prove his point, his hips start to piston in and out of you. harder, faster, astarion holds your gaze as he all but begins to plow you.

pregnancy has made you sensitive in ways you couldn’t believe were possible. the ridges of his fat cock dragging against your tight walls make the room go fuzzy, the bed canopy above you shifting and twinkling like a sky full of stars.

your hands are in his hair, tugging, drawing a hiss from him as he tosses his head back against your ministrations.

he growls, tight and low, that he wants to see you cum, wants to see you lose yourself for him. and you can’t help but obey.

your entire body seizes, toes curling in the sheets, and astarion fucks you through it with harsh, demanding thrusts. you’re so wet that his cock makes sticky sweet noises every time he enters you.

it takes him no time at all, after that, to finish for you. this time you pull your legs back as far as possible and tell him to cum as deep inside of you as he can, wishing to every god you believe in that he could get you pregnant again now, fuck another baby into you.

the one already inside of you is demanding enough, but you can’t help but marinate on astarion’s earlier words: what if you’re having twins? the thought fills you with inexplicable joy, heart pounding big and broad in your chest.

astarion sighs and slips to the side of you, sliding down to place his cheek against your belly. ❝ see? i don’t think he minds at all … ❞

❝ oh? and how do you know it’s a he? ❞ you can barely catch your breath to ask, fingers brushing hair back from astarion’s sweaty forehead.

❝ i don’t. but if you have a boy, you can be guaranteed i’ll be getting you pregnant again as fast as i can, so that he’ll have a sister to keep him in line. ❞

[childofaura]

Any thoughts you have on Amanda Miller? She was the former VA for Elincia, Cherche and Sully.

It’s quite upsetting how Elincia’s future alts and Cherche is going to be taken over by Heather Gonzalez. Not that she’s a bad VA by any means, but I thought that Amanda was improving her Elincia voice and her Cherche and Sully were quite iconic too.

I've been meaning to get to this one for a little bit but I've been... distracted with the Sonic Frontiers DLC (Master King Koco, I will demolish you into a pile of rubble once I beat your stupid-ass trial).

I really do like Amanda, and I STILL wish I knew why she was replaced. I've heard it was possibly because she moved, but I feel like remote recording is still an option; lots of VAs still do it. The big one I'm worried about is Sully, Sully's got an incredibly distinct voice and just from watching an interview of Amanda, she is practically Sully in real life.

But let's get into the critique instead. Amanda Miller voices Elincia, Cherche, and Sully.

Her performance as each is great, but to break it down: Her Elincia started off a little stiff; there wasn't a whole lot of inflection in her lines and they all kind of had the same energy. But when we got Summer Festival Elincia, she improved MASSIVELY. Her voice started to sound more natural, she was changing the inflections in her lines so they didn't sound monotonous, and she managed to keep a dignified but kind air to Elincia. It's definitely a shame we didn't get to see her in further Elincia alts, especially since Elincia's seemed to really take off now. As Cherche, I respect Heather Gonzalez, but Amanda managed to make Cherche's voice a little lower, so it doesn't sound like an exact copy of Elincia's voice. Cherche also has that proper energy to her as well, and not to sound like a broken record, but it breaks my heart that our first Cherche alt wasn't voiced by her. But SULLY... That's probably the most fun. Sully's voice is more of Amanda's natural voice, so she definitely doesn't have any issues there; plus I think with her voicing Sully and Cherche previously, she had less troubles than she did finding ground with Elincia's voice. Sully is so much fun to listen to, and she's got that fun attitude (Which is why she was a perfect match to Vaike in my playthrough). And when we get a Sully alt, I'm probably going to cry... But yeah, I think she was great at all three, just needed to warm up with Elincia a bit.

I think she was a good fit for all the characters, I definitely will have a hard time imagining someone else voicing Sully. But things happen. Still just wish I understood the process a bit better.

Now I actually think Amanda's got a decent bit of range. I never knew Elincia, Cherche, and Sully were voiced by the same person. Elincia and Cherche? A bit, for sure. But Sully was vastly different from them, not just in the energy but in the actual quality of her voice. Definitely an amazing jump.

Overall, I would put Amanda at a 9/10. I hope she's doing well, wherever she is.

[billconrad]

My Writer’s Block Solution

    Writer’s block is when a writer cannot invent a topic to put to paper. Since I began my adventure, I have never seriously faced this issue. Why? Before I wrote my first book, I had been thinking about the story for 20+ years. I thoroughly understood the plot and did not get hung up during the writing process. I even had enough mental material for the next book in the series.

    Yet… My first three books were dumpster fires, which needed severe editing. Fortunately, I discovered outlines before writing my fourth book. This saved me months of editing and vastly improved the quality.

    Everything (except marketing) went fine until I got to my eighth and ninth books. They are stuck at the outline stage. For the first time, I am having difficulty creating a basic story. The heart of the matter is that I know the general plot, but the specifics connecting the core concept are nonexistent. I believe this problem is indeed writer’s block.

    I have tried three different methods to jog my creative juices. My first idea was to ignore the outline for a week and then confront it. Over time, this procedure vetted some issues, but the core problem remained. My next idea was to talk to my mother (my beta reader) and two fellow authors about the plot. This discussion teased out some good ideas, but I was still stuck. My third idea was to start over with a clean outline. I boldly did this three times, and this technique was the most successful, but I was still stuck.

    My core issue remains. I know the basic plot, but there are big holes. I researched what other authors do to overcome writer’s block for this article. The helpful websites suggested scheduling writing time, reading, exercising, forcing writing, and accepting flawed work. Another website recommended talking to a fellow author and using existing material as a starting point.

    Girrr. I have learned the hard way never to force myself to write. My life has always had a strict schedule with time set aside for writing, and I do not accept flawed work. Now what? Time to try something new.

    A week ago, inspiration hit. ChatGPT. Wait, wait. It’s not what you think. In addition to outlines, I also have developed brief character biographies. So, I wrote ChatGPT, “This is a character biography for Kim (insert). She has problem X. List ways to solve X.” The results were unsatisfying, so I typed, “retry.” It only took three retries to find something that was interesting. Then, I asked ChatGPT to expand that concept. Next, I asked ChatGPT to recommend obstacles for my characters and situations they might encounter.

    The experience felt like speaking with a con artist. ChatGPT was trying its best to generate something that would entice me. This feels like talking to a con artist (an expert BS generator). ChatGPT rarely creates something with substance, but every result sounds impressive.

    Generator is the perfect word to describe ChatGPT. For example, only so many situations make a person angry. Betrayal, loss, failure… ChatGPT has a database of these situations and connects them with other database parts. Anger caused Kim stress, so she walked around her neighborhood to think about the issue. A failed business caused Kim’s heartache, and she solved it by starting a new business.

    ChatGPT provided many ideas, and I plugged them into my outline. It took a week to make my outline for both books strong enough to analyze. I estimate that in 2 months, I will have the confidence to write a first draft.

    Important side note: I do not use ChatGPT for writing. Why? Using an AI program to write is not the point. My writing is my writing. Yes, my creations have flaws, but they are from my heart.

    Well, is it fair to use a ChatGPT-generated plot? I do not look at the situation this way. I like to think of it as talking to a patient person about my plot with the intent of getting ideas. Also, I did not ask ChatGPT to invent a plot. “Tell me a story about unicorns.” I feel this kind of generated inspiration would be crossing an ethical line. Alright, truth. If I tried that and ChatGPT came up with a better plot than what I was capable of, I would feel defeated.

    I suppose I have created a new method for tackling writer’s block. It may not apply to everyone, but I hope my idea will help a few writers develop something wonderful.

    You’re the best -Bill

    July 10, 2024

  Hey, book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:

  Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.

  Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

  Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.

  Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.

  These books are available in softcover on Amazon and in eBook format everywhere.

[eclectic-pragmatist]

View From The Middle Revisited

I began writing this blog more than a dozen years ago. I'm too lazy to actually count the number of posts I've written since then, but it's well over four hundred. And I'll admit some topics have received more attention than others for reasons I've long since forgotten or ignore. But the rationale for writing has remained consistent: to clarify my own thoughts via writing. I have no idea how many of you have read some of them, or perhaps more than that. The paragraph below was the first one in the first post.

"Despite the seemingly obvious reality that life takes place along the continuum between endpoints — a long expanse of grey between the black at one end and white at the other, there are many who insist that those in the middle lack the values and commitment essential to knowing right from wrong, good from bad. From here in the middle, those who make such assertions seem to be lacking both enlightenment and common sense, clinging to their ideologies and dogmas with passion and anger that defy reason. And they are quite willing to use misinformation and disinformation to overcome inconvenient reality."

I have — both consciously and subconsciously — applied the paragraph above in a multitude of ways regarding an array of topics. My expectation has always been modest regarding this endeavor. If readers find value in comparing some of these topics with their own points of view, I will have accomplished my goal. It should be fairly obvious that my goal is to promote rationality and reason, which are the basis for moderation. Successful societies are the result.

The least successful societies are invariably those furthest to the left and right, mistaking political dogma for wisdom. It is perfectly reasonable for citizens to have a wide range of opinions on pretty much anything and everything. Societal success, as I have regularly noted, comes from compromise and consensus. It is understood that give-and-take are necessary. The greater good is accepted as a long-term goal that will avoid the fate common to societies in which endless political extremism undermines the quality of life for many, if not most.

A relatively modest overview of human history during just the last couple thousand years would justify a famous phrase — it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Overall, the quality of life has never been better for more people than it is now, and this is with the horrors we are aware of every day of every year via the news. We can strive for better both personally and as a society, but realities continue to exceed what we can fix, improve, change.

It is ironic that the species with the most developed intelligence (at least on this planet) also has psychological idiosyncrasies that can conflict with intellectual prowess in many ways. There are endless combinations of the two, resulting in complexities in human behaviors. Among these is extremism. Despite the insistence by those far from the political center that extremism is justified in the name of liberty, extremism is invariably antithetical to democracy.

I've been around long enough to recognize that much of what passes for "wisdom" is really misguided ignorance. Moderates and moderation are the only paths to functional democracy and rational, reasonable problem solving. Actual problem solving is about the greater good, not self-serving rhetoric. What "worked" two hundred plus years ago is, realistically, far less likely to do so in today's vastly changed reality. Reality is invariably a very good starting point.

Writing this blog is good for me — reason enough to keep doing so. I appreciate those who have taken time every so often to read some of my posts. Comments or queries are always welcome. I might do this for another dozen years. :)

[hoarder-of-stories-27]

To the rude anon wishing me an unhappy 2022 - I may be starting off this year with a few unfortunate and unpleasant days due to a pharmacy mishap, but I expect this year to be the best one I’ve ever experienced.

I’m independent. I have my own apartment. I’m not under my parents’ control anymore, not at all. And I like my current apartment way better than my first apartment! This one is cozy, it has a nice view, it has air conditioning, and best of all it’s much cheaper than that first one. :’D I haven’t had to struggle nearly as much to make rent.

I’m transitioning out of sex work. I hope to be completely out of it sometime this year. I have wonderful people supporting my writing, and I’m in a program that’s helping me start to sell my knitting as well. Most of my current income already comes from writing commissions, which is super cool. I’m going to get to earn a living by doing something I enjoy. I don’t regret getting into sex work - it was that or stay with my parents - but it certainly isn’t fun for me, and I will be glad to be done with it.

I’m on testosterone, and I’m very, very close to my one-year anniversary for it. I’m currently eleven days late for one of my shots due to an error at the pharmacy, which is why I’m feeling so icky at the moment, but the supplies I need should be on the way, and then I’ll stop feeling the way I did before I started. I can’t wait to see the changes I experience this year! I’m already so much more comfortable in my own body than I’ve been since I started the wrong puberty.

I have a top surgery consultation appointment this July. My chest is the single worst thing contributing to my mental health issues - as in, I can deal with the chronic fatigue syndrome and the capitalist system punishing me for it, but not this - and it’s going to be gone, finally. I’m not looking forward to the process, but the result will be so worth it.

I’m going to get a wheelchair or start the process of getting one, this year, no matter what. I might have to ask my grandparents to help me, or I might have to crowdfund and/or add to my credit card debt, but that is a decision I’ve made. An electric wheelchair would vastly improve my quality of life, so I am going to get one.

I’m on meds that actually help me. I’m capable of being happy, now. And I can write. The meds didn’t make that much of a difference, but with the testosterone, it was just enough.

In general, my mental health is so much better than it used to be. I’ve been realizing, these past few days, how unusual it is for me to have self-harm or suicidal urges. It feels strange, to go back to that mindset. Even now, I don’t actually want to do anything - I can tell it’s just a feeling. I have some issues, still, of course, but I’ve made massive amounts of progress. I’m looking forward to seeing the progress I make this year.

I have supportive friends. When I need comfort, they’re there. When I need to vent about something, they listen and offer reassurance. I’m grateful for every single one of them, and I hope that I can return their care and kindness in a way that means just as much to them as their friendship does to me.

And finally, I’m dating someone incredible. A close friend, a skilled writer, a person whose morals I admire deeply. I’ve had bad experiences with dating in the past, but I truly think this will go well.

My first relationship ended because we were all very traumatized people in bad situations who kept inevitably stepping on each other’s triggers, and I wasn’t able to keep my system’s persecutor and protector from lashing out. My system, and especially that headmate, have healed a lot since then.

My second and third/fourth relationships (the third/fourth one was poly) ended because the people I/my system dated were anti-lite, and we’ve got too many morals, intrusive thoughts, paraphilias, potential paraphilias, and paraphiliac friends for that to go well. Apparently we didn’t learn our lesson well enough that first time. This time, though - our partner is good. We’ve talked about things. I trust them with the things in my brain that I’m too scared to look at. I trust them not to condemn me for things that stay imaginary.

They’re amazing, just in general. This last year would not have been the same without them. I appreciate their support more than I can express. I’m really looking forward to this next year, and a large portion of that is because of them.

To that anon - thank you for reminding me of all the good things in my life. 🥺❤️ I really needed that. I hope your 2022 treats you well - better than you treat others. I hope you heal, too, and learn to spend your time and energy on things that give you true happiness and fulfillment without harming your fellow humans.

[meep9898]

substantial-gains​:

"Yeah, yeah, I got it boss, don’t worry about li'l ol’ me. Hey, old man! We need 6 double cheeseburgers over here, stat! No pickles! Oh, and 4 baskets of fries please!”

Nonchalantly shouting out Rika’s slightly modified order, it seemed like Satsuki didn’t care about the cost in the slightest. The best thing about beating the shit out of hooligans around here is that you can get a decent discount from the local restaurants who were getting harassed after all.

“I’m not going to lie, you seem pretty stressed. I get that you don’t fully trust me, but I’d like to ask you to put aside those feelings just for now. Nothing like a nice hot meal to unwind, yeah? This is the good stuff, so you might as well go all out and burn off the calories during training later.”

Satsuki’s initial apprehensive attitude when she met the Yakuza girl has melted away completely, and was replaced completely by a chill, friendly demeanor as she heavily bit into her first burger. There were no ulterior motives, she just wanted to treat her new teacher boss person to a nice meal. There was an afterthought of the larger than intended meal might slow Rika down the next day during training, but the delinquent brushed it aside. There was no way that this beast in human form in front of her could be shackled down by a measly stuffed gut after all!

“I’m not worried. If they beat the shit outta ya, such is life. If ya die in combat, such is life. If ya manage to learn a thing or two and kick some ass, such is life. Whatever happens to ya, it’s on ya, not on me.”

Funnily enough, Rika’s gang of troublesome ruffians hadn’t disrupted this establishment yet since it was out of their territory. Now that Satuski had surrendered and disbanded her group, this bar/fast food joint belonged to her. It would be a shame to lose such discounts and generous offers, so the rowdy woman would make sure not to attack the old man who was handling Satsuki’s orders with the utmost care and massive amounts of patience.

“I’m not too big on the idea of fangirls like yerself. Ya are nothin’ but trouble for me. Ya talk too much, ya do stupid things to get my unnecessary respect, and ya interfere with what I do. Ya have no respect for boundaries or personal space and ya get excited over every little thing I do or don’t do. It’s bothersome. But keep the burgers and the beers comin’ and I may relax enough to tolerate ya. This is some quality beef for bein’ so cheap. Better start chargin’ more if ya want to keep the business runnin’, old man!”

While Rika still kept her inhibitions around Satsuki, at least for the moment, the redhead’s carefree attitude did help Rika relax. Add some alcohol and some delicious food to the mix, and you’ve got an a gangleader who may slowly open up to her new suborndinate. Grudges don’t last long in the realm of turf wars, something that’s vastly different from the yakuza world. The strong beat the weak to a pulp, and that’s that. If you don’t move on and try to improve, you won’t last a second in the streets. It’s easy to accept new underlings into her gang. What will prove to be a challenge is accepting Satsuki as anything more than a follower. 

As for the food, Rika may need a day of resting depending on how many patties and alcohol she consumes, but her fast metabolism will take care of it unless the chill girl finds a way to keep the ravenette idle and busy with food for longer than needed.

substantial-gains​:

"Don’t worry, with a badass like you around, those shitty pinheads will keep in line. Other than that, I guess I’m in your care then while you’re showing me the ropes~”

That dopey grin is still plastered on Satsuki’s face, even with Rika scooching away. Guess she had found a way to make the big bad gang leader flinch after all~

“Oh yeah, that reminds me, are you hungry? This place also doubles as like a burger joint if you’re interested. Nothing like sharing a meal to induct a new member into your family, eh? Still my treat!”

It is an enigma as to what this redhead is thinking sometimes. Satsuki’s mindset can change at the drop of a hat, going from seasoned street fighter, cornered beast, and finally to that of an affectionate comrade. She’s making a lot of assumptions on how their relationship is going to go, but rest assured, Rika’s new student is eager to learn and can take almost anything the yakuza woman throws at her with gusto.

“One step off the line and they’ll never take another step again. Same goes for ya. And I said I would train ya, not that I would care for ya. Ya take care of yer own ass. Got it?”

The redhead’s overenthusiasm makes shivers run down her spine. If this is how she’s reacting just by knowing she’ll train under Rika’s wing, who knows how she’ll act once they actually start training.

“Since ya are payin’, I’ll have a burger or two. No pickles. We’re not sharin’ shit. I’ll eat my burgers and ya’ll eat yers. And yer not family. Ya are meat for the grinder. Ya stand under me, to be squished in order to protect me, or to be stomped by my own foot if ya disobey me.”

Truth was, her gang was the closest thing she had to a family at the moment, so her words may be harsher than she intended. However, Rika’s experience told her that she couldn’t fully trust Natsuki yet. The eager girl had to prove her loyalty first, a loyalty that wouldn’t be limited or undermined by her excitement or admiration towards the ex-yakuza.

[jbbuckybarnes]

We need to talk...

I knew that this topic of interactions will come up again, because it has never been talked all the way through, so I had this drafted for a while. So much of this old draft still resonated with this permanently unfinished discussion that I just had to edit it and post it, because I feel like it has to be said and put into one post. We can’t keep starting this conversation and then make it so dramatic that there is no conclusion or compromise. The only reason this time is more mellow is because people have better standards for this stuff due to a pandemic going on. This is written for the MCU fandom, but I’ve seen this go down in different fandoms, so here we go:

Things that are NOT at fault for readers not interacting:

The Readers. Should be clear after asking them again and again. And nothing changing. The readers at large are not at fault for a couple people being demanding or hateful. Neither are they at fault for this website and other social medias automatically putting writers at a disadvantage. They do their best with the time they have in their life (just like writers). And after asking them over months to try and reblog more and not much changing, it should be obvious that it isn’t where the problem lies. At least not 95% of it. NOW:

Things that ARE at fault for readers not interacting:

Pushing them, thinking they owe you stuff, while you tear other writers down saying that nobody owes them stuff. That happens time and time again. To me, to friends, to writers I check in with. Don't expect community to come to you when you don't come to them.

Not putting anon asks off when demands and hate get too much. It’s literally THAT easy when people get nasty. It’s sad for the nice anons, but they will understand. Save your mental health! Save the mental health of people reading that hate on their dash. I don’t know how many people constantly answering to hate I have unfollowed and I’m sure people have unfollowed me for doing the same.

Ego and hypocrisy. You can't say numbers aren't a problem and then say they are. In the same post. AND then also deny it later in some of the cases we’ve seen in recent months. Yes, that happened. In several fandoms where this topic comes up semi-regularly. And that might also be the reason people are tired of this stuff and speak out against it.

The fact Tumblr is only used approximately twice a year by most people. And has a shitty tag system. And a shitty algorithm. You are at an automatic disadvantage.

The fact some of you can't understand that 3-5% of your following interacting is a good and normal rate on pretty much all social media. The bigger you get in followers, the bigger the gap gets between followers and interaction (and demand and hate). There are literal statistics on that. 1% interaction at 10k is still good for a platform you have no power over!

The fact some of the people here call anons *haters* for pointing out that you interact w the same 10 people, making that speace seem excluding, when it's literally true what those people say!? Nothing wrong with only support the same 10 people on your blog, but then don't say that you practice what you preach (cause you don’t). You can’t demand more interaction when you don’t interact more yourself. That is how it works, for anyone, not just people of a certain follower count. If I reblog more fics, my blog gets more clout. Logical conclusion. Works for everyone. You have no time for that? Then don’t expect more back. It’s called SOCIAL media for a damn reason.

Telling people asking for Tumblr advice to interact more to make new friends but being the most defensive/indifferent person once they talk to you in DMs. Yes, that keeps happening and I know it from either my own experience or from others sharing their experiences with me. It’s kinda sad. It’s more of a minor factor in people not interacting, but I’ve seen it enough to mention it.

Making shitposts and personal posts all day and then saying you don't have the time in your life to interact w peoples' writings. Like, drabbles exist on almost anyone's masterlist. 5 minute read, easy support for a writer that might be losing motivation. Not every work has to be written like a novel to be great as hell or “quality proven.”

Oh, and there hasn't been a MCU movie in a while, making most of our readership probably currently not care about the fandom as much. Especially after Endgame ended up being a total opinion splitter.

Bonus: The misunderstanding that pushing shy readers to interact does the exact opposite. Not to start about the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic at the moment. That means they may not have time to read and you may not have time to write. Normal. Logical. The same reason lots of people currently don’t publish. Don’t expect anything predictable and controlable out of current times.

Bonus: Check how you connect interactions to self worth and worth/fun of your writing hobby. Define what success means for you in this space, otherwise you will never be satisfied. It won’t matter if a post has 1k reblogs, you’ll always want more, because you chase an infinite metric.

Bonus: Maybe take a month to concentrate on community, getting outside of your bubble that you deny but very likely have (I’m not excluding myself from this), and actually improve interactions. Some people seem to have forgotten that when you interact with other writers, they probably interact back. Surprise! Your followers already know your tried and true fanfic friends, they want some new stuff without searching for it. Basic Marketing knowledge, know what your audience wants. If you do this for the interactions you gotta look at it from a marketing standpoint and not a pure passion standpoint. Oh: And maybe they find you interacting in the notes of someone else’s post and become an active follower. Win-Win-Win situation.

Bonus: Community is a loop, a net of interactions. Some people here have clique behavior, sound defensive and/or simply don't practice what they preach. That is not me or anyone else hating on specific blogs (I’m also no complete exception), it’s people trying to tell you that you can’t ask for shit you don’t practice yourself. Nothing wrong with supporting your friends only, but then don’t go around expecting new people to find your stuff. It’s literally THAT simple. You can’t have both!

Bonus: Ignoring some of the ride or die readers that are already there. Some of the people on here wish they had that and it’s deadass taken it for granted by some. Meanwhile I'm sitting here with Serotonin levels like christmas when someone I know reblogs my stuff and my fic gets some clout. Imma repeat myself: If you do it for the numbers, you gotta look at it more like marketing and less like pure passion.

And again: You are on a social media platform that will always put you at a disatvantage. That is not the readers' fault. It's how social media works at this point. If you want as much interaction as you can without putting in more interaction work yourself, simply share your works on here, AO3 and Wattpad simultaneously. Problem solved.

Bottomline: If you want more love on your work you gotta go beyond what you currently do, since it’s clearly not working for you. Reblog stuff from people you don't know. I don't give a sh*t if it's a 5k or a 100 follower blog. Hell, there is the whole 366 reblog challenge and some of you deadass went on reblogging the same people when that’s not really what this was made for. I, personally, haven't run out of new people to reblog, so this shouldn't be hard. Actually take time to talk to people in DM's, it takes 10 minutes in the evening to write a few people a message asking how they are or sending a cute gif. If you want stuff, you have to give it. Not leave it. People have come to me before, telling me "the community doesn't owe you stuff", no, they don't, but they do owe if they wanna be owed something back or even demand to be owed something back. Community is about back and forth. You give, you get. It's work, cause it's a big hobby. If you don't have time, that's cool, but then don't be sad about lower interaction. It’s logical that low activity from you leads to low activity from others in the long run, unless you do something worldshakingly new. You don't wanna look beyond a circle of friends or your go-to writers much? That's fine, but don't be upset about barely new people interacting cause they feel excluded or simply don’t find your work because of the same people seeing the same people reblogging the same works. What's not fine is not seeing how readers are NOT THE PROBLEM.

I haven’t talked to a single person about this that DIDN’T find the posts surrounding it demanding and completely ignoring the arguments some others had...repeatedly. Every single time it came up. Not just once but time and time again, whenever this topic comes up. You want interaction? Interact. You don’t want hate? Don’t give it a platform. As harsh as that sounds, I’ve never felt better on this platform since I put anon asks off, even when I miss the nice anons. They probably understand. PS: Again, this was written a while ago and edited to fit into a more general context now. I hope people can discuss this in a civil, non-judgmental way, because that is how I tried to write this. This is not again a specific person or group, it’s pinpointing what I see repeating for two years on this platform now, in all corners. I’d also like to mention that we are still in a pandemic and lives have never looked so vastly different, so you can’t demand anything normal in this very not normal time. Even if you do it all right, your interactions dropped in the pandemic cause people likely stay away form this platform for mental health reasons. There is so many layers to look at, these clearly aren’t all, but I hope it makes some people think about what and when they complain. Numbers will never satisfy you, they will always leave you wanting more if you don’t know why you do what you do and for what. Anyway: Be nice to each other and me in the notes in case this gets shared! No drama please! Ignore any grammar and typo mistakes, lol. Love ya!

[yubsie]

Something in the Air

Summary: Hera has her own ways of knowing how Kanan is feeling. Or, five times Kanan's pheromones were a problem and one time they weren't.

Notes: Okay. So this one actually seems like I should explain myself.Victory's Price casually mentioned Hera detecting human pheromones in the middle of a Zoom meeting. This has certain implications. And then Rogue Podron screamed "Fanfic prompt! Yubsie!" in the middle of an episode.Never underestimate my willingness to write fanfiction on a dare.

Rating: T

AO3 Link: Should you prefer

1. Attraction

Hera knew that Kanan was attracted to her when she invited him on board. She thought she knew what she was getting herself into.

She wasn’t quite ready for him being attracted to her when all the air circulated within the ship. Maybe she could improve the filters in the life support system. She hadn’t really thought about human pheromones when she was setting the standard parameters.

The flirting was one thing. It was entertaining enough some days, even if she had far too much work to do

It was the realization that he was still attracted to her when he  wasn’t  flirting that was going to drive her up the wall. They were just supposed to be eating breakfast. The basic porridge accompanied by their vastly different mugs of caf might just be the least sensual meal imaginable.

And yet, every pheromone screamed that he was thinking about her.

She wanted to say something. But what could he do? It wasn’t like he had conscious control over any of this. She could send him to take a shower, but that wouldn’t help for long.

The fact that he wasn’t flirting meant he was trying to avoid turning mealtime into an awkward situation. He couldn’t help that every pore betrayed where his true attention lay right now.

“We’ve got a job today.” Hera took another bite of the porridge. Maybe if she just focused on how incredibly beige the cooked grain was it would get both of them back down to a sensible level.

“What are we looking at?”

“Imperial fuel delivery. Should be enough to keep us flying for a few standard months and still pass on plenty to my contact.” And, of course, the further advantage of making life just a little bit more complicated for the Empire. A delivery that made this much of a difference for them was barely a rounding error to the Empire as a whole, but they were particular about these sorts of things. The local despot would still have some accounting to do for this. It might slow him down a bit.

“We hitting them in orbit?”

Hera shook her head. “We’ll be taking the Phantom down. They’ll be vulnerable in transit.”

In open air. She hadn’t planned it for this reason, but she was going to take advantage. Set the scrubbers to run an extra cycle

2. Discomfort

There weren’t many good places for a clandestine meeting on this planet—none of their usual seedy cantinas or crowded marketplaces. The spaceport wasn’t the bustling sort of place where they could do a drop in passing.

But the Empire did so like building its museums. They had a vested interest in spreading around their particular version of history. The local populace was encouraged to visit to learn the splendor of their overlords. And conveniently enough for people who were barely scraping by as a very small rebel cell, admission was free of charge for all to come learn.

She didn’t need to pick up the pheromones to know that Kanan was uncomfortable. She’d done her best to arrange the meeting as far from any Empire Day-related exhibits as she could but... it wasn’t that big a museum. He hadn’t said much when the date crept by last month, but it troubled him enough to know this was a bad idea. Who in the galaxy didn’t have their share of scars if they were old enough to remember that time?

“If you’re not feeling well, I can do this one on my own.” Having a crewmate had definitely made a lot of things go smoother, but she’d done missions on her own before. She could get out of this situation if she had to.

“No, I want to have your back. I’ll be okay.”

Every subtle signal in the atmosphere said otherwise. She was getting used to ignoring every indication that he was attracted to her. That managed to fade into generic background radiation for their lives. This feeling wasn’t just new, it was more intense. “Look, I can read you too.” She didn’t know how often he actually used the Force for that. Certainly it had been months since she’d seen him do anything flashy, but pheromones only told her so much.

Kanan sighed. “I’m not saying I like it here. But I’m not going to leave you hanging.”

“Then I’m going to need you to actually focus.” It wasn’t the first time she wished she could just send him to take a long shower. That was an even less practical solution than usual

“Let’s just get in and out.”

Hera scanned the room again, looking for the most boring exhibit possible. There had to be something full of dull economic numbers instead of numbers that turned painful events into dry figures.

The glorious cabbage industry of this planet was just what she needed. She rested a hand on his elbow and pointed him over. As an added bonus, it wasn’t very popular.

“Don’t look at any of this. Just look at me.” Maybe she could get him back to being attracted to her. That seemed to be more or less his default state. Change the balance of the feelings. “Talk to me. About anything.”

3. Anger

The seedy cantinas had problems of their own, but she was used to them. She wouldn’t have needed pheromones to be on guard against the men in these places. She knew what they saw her as. She could handle them, she’d handled them plenty of times.

It was nice to have someone else along with her though. Sitting at a table and discussing podracing while waiting for the contact to approach was a definite improvement over sitting at the bar and fending off advances.

“It’s all about having the engines perfectly in tune.” It wasn’t Kanan’s preferred form of entertainment, but he was managing to say something that sounded like he actually paid attention and wasn’t just choosing a topic of conversation that sounded innocuous to prying ears.

He was wrong, but that was perfectly acceptable in a cover story. She wasn’t going to let him just keep being wrong, though. It wouldn’t look good, for one thing. “It’s about the pilot. Give a novice too much machine and they won’t be able to handle it.”

The two humans who approached weren’t interested in subtlety. “I like a girl who knows her racing.”

Hera suppressed a sigh. This might be the usual setting for meeting their contacts, but these situations were always going to be annoying. “Not interested.” She’d been dealing with this her entire adult life and for a few years before that. Every Twi’lek girl was warned about it from a young age.

She didn’t need the stink in the air to tell her what brought them over to this table. Just eyes to see the way they both leered. “Come on sweetheart, you can do better than him.”

“Not interested.” Telling them he wasn’t along like that would only make them more persistent.

“Ah, come on. We all know you girls are just looking for the right man. Place like this, you’re looking at him.”

She was ready for most of what she faced in a cantina like this. But she suddenly realized this hadn’t happened since Kanan had joined the crew. She suddenly detected a set of pheromones behind her that she’d never felt from Kanan before.

She’d experienced Kanan irritated plenty of times. But never angry.

“I’m just here for a drink. Which I have.” She rested a hand on Kanan’s arm. She didn’t think he’d do anything rash but.... this was new. Very new.

“I’ll get you a drink.”

Like she was ever going to take a drink from a strange man in a seedy cantina. Twi’lek girls were taught about that one from the time they could speak. They had to be.

She was used to it. Kanan wasn’t. “The lady has her drink.” She could see his hand twitch into a fist from the corner of her eye.

She should have prepared him better for this. Made a plan. Because right now, what she was sensing in the air was enough to make  her  want to punch someone. That would just mean leaving without the information. She kept her hand on her drink (just good sense) and pulled closer to Kanan. “I’ve got this,” she whispered.

They were particularly irritating, but she just needed to fend them off until their contact showed. That meant making sure she and Kanan weren’t the ones the bartender wanted gone. She’d need to get another drink eventually just to make it worth the owner’s while, but she’d navigated this situation countless times.

“You’re really picking him? There’s better quality humans all over this place.”

It shouldn’t matter if she was picking Kanan or picking to sit and drink in peace. But she needed them gone.

The sense of anger wasn’t going down. Maybe she could solve two problems at once. She slipped into Kanan’s lap, draping herself over him in an altogether familiar way. She felt the ripple of surprise through his entire body at the move. “I really am.”

Kanan pulled her drink closer to them. Very thoughtful. And she could be pretty sure he wasn’t about to start any barfights with her sitting on top of him.

“If you don’t mind, we’re busy.”

There were other pheromones in play now, but maybe she didn’t mind those ones so much after all.

4. Fear

They spent so much time getting into fights in dark alleys. It was one of the true constants of their relationship, from the very beginning. It should almost start to feel routine.

All they could do was duck. Fire. Duck again. Get another shot off.

Hera would have preferred the handoff go smooth, but a lot of things happened that didn’t necessarily align with her preferences. She could still keep the situation under something resembling control. Or at least she could keep her head.

The actual job was already done; that should count as a win. They didn’t have any suspicious packages on them. By all rights, they shouldn’t even be the interesting targets right now.

And yet. They were the ones getting shot at.

“I don’t think these guys like us, Spectre One.” They didn’t look like they were Empire. Not directly, anyway. So maybe they’d personally annoyed them somehow.

“Getting that impression, Spectre Two.” Kanan rolled behind a large trash bin and kept firing back.

They needed to find a way out of here. Hera backed as far behind cover as she could manage and pulled out her commlink. “Chop, we need a pickup five minutes ago!”

Chopper warbled some rude comments about the nature of linear time, but she trusted him to get over there as fast as actually possible.

Meanwhile, their opponents kept closing in. Did they just want them dead, was that what this was about?

Bounty hunters would want them alive. There weren’t any specific bounties on them last any of their seedier contacts had heard, but the Empire would always pay to get their hands on rebels. People who couldn’t cut it up against the big name targets might want to go to this much trouble.

Or they could have just stolen the cargo and gotten a much easier payday. Their plan didn’t make a lot of sense, and yet it was still making things incredibly difficult. “Persistent.”

They could analyze the motivations once they survived this.

A blaster bolt flew way too close to of her lekku and she had to dive on top of Kanan to avoid it. For all the flirting she never had to worry about him taking anything the wrong way in a fire fight. They both knew where they stood when they were in mortal peril. Everything got simpler then.

So she wasn’t expecting any pheromone spikes, no matter how cozy they’d just gotten. He did have  some  sense of the right moment and this was about as far as it could get from that.

They’d had plenty of time to get used to being around each other since Kanan first came on board. Kanan attracted was just a reality now.

Kanan afraid was brand new. “I’m okay. We’re both okay.”

She moved quickly, shooting back at their charming pursuers. She tried to push everything else out of her mind.

Chopper needed to hurry up.

5. Attraction, Again

The seedy cantinas were never a particularly pleasant experience, but at least they were familiar. Hera knew what they were getting into, knew the dangers and how to blend in.

These fancier events were foreign territory for both of them. The people who attended them were just as dangerous as the ones at the seedy cantinas, but they sparkled. They would still kill you if you were in their way, but they were never quite so honest as just a blaster in a back alley.

At least in the seedy cantinas, she got to wear comfortable clothes. She belonged in a flightsuit. Too bad that would make it look like she was some sort of rebel interloper here to cause trouble at the party.

Which was ridiculous; she was just a rebel interloper here to collect an intelligence drop at the party.

Fancy people at fancy parties wore slinky dresses. And if they were rebel interlopers, they tried to make sure the length could tear free to get her knees available to run in an emergency.

She could tell that Kanan was uncomfortable before he even made it out of his cabin. At least that made two of them. They’d had to borrow the formalwear from their contact. It was the right look, even if they were going to feel ridiculous the entire time.

And then he actually saw her and the pheromones became overwhelming.

“You look...” The way that men looked at her at the fancy parties would be the same as at the seedy cantinas. But coming from Kanan, she knew it was all genuine.

It was still going to be incredibly distracting. More so than from anyone else. “Like I wandered off from somewhere else.”

“I’m just saying. I’d never ask you to wear this getup, but you pull it off .” The look in his eyes finished that sentence just fine.

“You don’t look half bad yourself, you know.” Was that as distracting in the Force as the scent of human pheromones in the air were for her?

Could she even really blame it on the pheromones when she would have been interested anyway? There was more than one reason to want out of these ridiculous outfits right now.

“Trust me, no one is going to be looking at me.” Which was, of course, part of the plan. Keep every nefarious eye on her while Kanan actually took care of the handoff. She wasn’t above exploiting those exasperating tendencies wherever she went. It was a good plan. She just wanted it to be over with.

“And that is why I need you to focus .” If only so she could focus.

She was fully prepared to ditch these ridiculous shoes if she had to. Boots weren’t going to fit this look at all. Until this actually went south, she had Kanan playing the gallant escort, helping her up the step while she wrangled the skirt.

She assumed the way that he flexed his fingers after letting go was meant to be some part of the act. Kriff, that man could make it hard to focus on a job. How was  he  going to get anything done if he was projecting such an overwhelming feeling into the atmosphere?

The Force probably could do that. You certainly didn’t hear stories about the great Jedi getting distracted from their mission by a pretty face or a set of legs. They must train for it.

She, on the other hand, hadn’t. Especially not for tuning out attraction from someone she actually did feel the same toward.

“Focusing. Thinking about nothing but boring things. TPS Reports. The colour beige. That terrible holoseries Zeb loves. X-Wing fuel consumption rates.”

Not exactly sweet nothings, but having him whisper irritation in her ear was the most thoughtful thing he could have done in the moment. Endearing, but she could work with that.

And One Time They Weren't

The job had not gone well. By any stretch of the imagination. It was going to be one hell of a debriefing to work out all the specific ways it had gone wrong because she couldn’t just write “everything” in her report and call it a day. It was accurate, but it wasn’t useful.

The intel was bad. The Empire was ready for them. Their contact wasn’t where they were supposed to be. Even the weather had suddenly turned against them. Someone  not her  was going to have to figure out the particulars of how  all  of that had managed to happen at once.

For now, she just needed the kids to stop fighting. Bad enough that they were crawling through the mud trying to get back to the Ghost, it didn’t need to happen with a soundtrack. It probably wasn’t anything any of them had done that was behind all this. The mission had been doomed going in.

“You didn’t have to tackle me into the mud puddle!” Zeb did look quite the fright with his fur standing on end. She was going to have to give him first dibs on the shower, he was worse off than the rest of them.

“I could tell Sabine’s bomb was going off too soon, you’re welcome for keeping you from getting blown up!” Ezra said.

“I told you to get clear!” Sabine yelled.

Hera pinched the bridge of her nose. “All of you stop. We got through it. That’s what matters.” Not asking the kids to help with the report, that was for sure. She didn’t need their theories on who’s specific fault it was. “Go get cleaned up.”

It was going to be a pain to get the seats clean again, but she needed to get them in the air and out of here before any more company showed up. If the kids didn’t stop squabbling soon, she would set them to scrubbing it down. Or possibly the entire ship. With toothbrushes.

At least their unexpected company didn’t seem to have friends in the air to continue their ridiculous day. A few clever moves later and they were safely off the planet. Zeb was going to be in the shower for a while. Ezra and Sabine were going to be fighting for a while and Chopper would probably wade into the fray. She was just going to stay right here until they worked it out and it was her turn for the shower. No sense tromping mud anywhere else on the ship.

She felt the flicker of air as the cockpit door slid open. She didn’t need any other senses to realize who it was. For one thing, there was no accompanying argument.

Kanan slid into the co-pilot’s seat. “Well, that was a day.”

That about covered it.

There was always that standard background radiation of her life. It had been a long time since she’d actually needed pheromones to pick up on Kanan’s moods. But she still noticed them every now and then. And right now, she couldn’t help laughing. “Really? Even now?”

They were exhausted. They were covered in mud. They had bruises in places they were both going to question in the morning. The kids were at each other’s throats.

And yet, he was still actively attracted to her in this specific moment.

Apparently that was a challenge, because he decided he didn’t need to be collapsed in the seat after all. Not when kissing was an option. “Every moment you’re around.”

[irhinoceri]

I’ve seen a lot of fanfiction vs original fiction discourse in the past couple months on tumblr and I feel like there’s a lot of talk about fanfiction as a starting point, or the be-all-end-all, but no one talks about it as something to get into after having  already written original fiction. I know I’m not the only one who has done this... but it’s strange that it’s almost never talked about in these discussions.

I read voraciously and wrote avidly as a child/teenager and while my writing was undoubtedly derivative of whatever I was reading at the time, none of it was actually fanfiction. It was squarely in the realm of original work. I’ve had a fraught relationship with writing since, but have managed to complete at least first drafts of several novel length works, and in my early twenties (mid 2000s) I was highkey into “web fiction” which is just making a blog (usually a wordpress site) to post original work online, a la fanfiction. I went so far as to self-publish a novel via Lulu so that anyone who wanted to read it in a traditional way (paperback book) rather than via chapters posted via wordpress could do so.

I didn’t have any self-delusion that this made me a legitimate published author, but I still never wrote fanfiction and I looked down on it. I looked down on it far more harshly than a lot of harshest fanfic-critical posts I’ve seen on tumblr lately. The only thing close to fanfiction I would write was parody, because I’d never write anything serious that wasn’t original and that I couldn’t claim total ownership over. The idea of anyone in the hypothetical future writing fanfic of MY characters was awful to me and I would have wholeheartedly agreed with George R.R. Martin’s anti-fanfic stance, if I knew who GRRM was at the time.

In short, I was proud of my originality even though I knew nothing I had written was good enough to pursue traditional publication. I took inspiration from others, as I was aware no man is an island and there’s nothing truly new under the sun, etc. etc. etc. but I firmly believed that you should at least file off the serial numbers so you’re not insulting original creators by going against their intentions for their creative work to change or “fix” it. The popular fandom attitude that fanon can improve upon original work was just ridiculous to me. You either liked a work or you didn’t, there was no in between where you liked bits and pieces of canon and threw out the rest.

It wasn’t until 4 years ago that I set aside my pride enough to try writing a serious work of fanfiction, to engage with the idea that you could love a thing and still want to imagine it a different way, and to actually look into reading what other people were publishing on fanfiction.net and Ao3, rather than treating fanfic as an untouchable thing that would forever tarnish me.

The catalyst for this was that I wanted to read and write Padme Lives! fiction that imagined Star Wars without having to knock Padme off at the end of RotS. I’d seen RotS four times in theatres and many more times since, but always hated that Padme had to die at the end, and after TFA came out and there was a Star Wars revival, it rekindled my SW love that began with Attack of the Clones in 2002.

That’s it. I finally decided that I wanted Padme to live enough to write fic where she was alive or seek out other fic people had written about her being alive, despite everything. I was delighted to find entire novels set in a world where Anakin didn’t fall to the Dark Side at all, or repented in the nick of time, or other different ways for the story to unfold. I discovered that Vaderdala was an actual thing people thought was at all theoretically possible. I finally understood why people wrote fanfic. I was 31 years old.

I’ve written maybe about 500k words of fanfiction since 2016 but I’m still pretty sure the collective word count of all my original fiction since childhood still vastly eclipses that. I wrote a lot, guys. I was a homeschooled child who was largely left to my own devices (i.e. self-taught) and I had nothing in the world to do except milk goats, play in the woods, and read/write. You can get a lot of writing done when you’ve got nothing else.

So anyway.

I see people talking about this in reverse, how so many authors use fanfic and as a stepping stone towards originality, but I rarely see anyone talk about discovering the merit of fanfiction and the joy of writing it later on.

I had my reasons for starting to write fanfic after roughly 25 years of only writing original fiction, besides just wanting Padme to live. I won’t get into all of it here, but I graduated from college at the end of 2015 with a creative writing degree and haven’t written any original fiction since.

Suffice it is to say that I really admire people who brave the traditional publishing world and go out there and try to get published, get paid, to be a legitimate Author of Original Published Works. It takes a certain kind of courage to do that. The world would be a worse place if all writers just wrote fanfic. More people should be discovering new authors and stories, and consuming media that isn’t made by committee under the watchful eye of a corporation. People who have new ideas, who have something to say to the world that is totally original and isn’t just a revamp of licensed work should absolutely be doing that. And we should be celebrating and supporting them.

But if that’s not in the cards for you, fanfic can be very important. Fanfiction can be a life-saver.

I’m glad that fanfiction gives me a way to still write. I already know what it’s like to write original fiction. I don’t need to use fanfic as a stepping stone to anything, but that doesn’t mean I’m not serious about it in my own way. Letting go of the need to be profound and original (or publishable) is behind me, personally, but I still do care about the quality of the work I put out.

I just wonder how many other writers who have chosen fanfic as their main outlet feel that way? I.E. it’s not a vehicle to one day write your own original work because you’ve Been There and Done That.

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviews Stuff: Steven Universe: The Answer

Happy pride everyone and naturally, it just wouldn’t feel like a celebration of pride in animation without one of the frontrunners of LBGTQ represintation in Children’s television, as well as quality in storytelling in general: Steven Universe.  Since your seeing this you probably know the gist but as my idol peter parker would say let’s do this one last time:  The story of Steven, a 14 year old, though he dosen’t look it, boy with a boundless amount of love, compassion and empathy,  lives in beach city with his borderline homeless dad , surrogate moms and surrogate until we find out they actually are kinda related sister: Garnet, a fusion of two gems in love and thus the sum total of both them and their feelings, Peal, an emotional but loving gem who grew from a servant to Rose’s right hand, sometimes lover, and confidant, and Amythest, a gem born long after the war that brought everyone else here who acts like a 20 something or teenager half the time. Steven soon finds himself fighting alongside themt o protect earth both from the monsters caused by the final battle of the war his mother fought to save earth from distruction and let her army live life how they choose, and the gem homeworld as it starts to take an intrest in earth again. And as the fight goes on Steven also starts to see just how flawed his family is and how much they haven’t moved on from his moms death and finds himself forced to help them past it while grappling with his mom’s terrible and complicated legacy, everyone expecitng him to basically be her, and what it means to be a  being that’s truly one of a kind.  I absolutley love the show: it’s not without flaws; Characters tend to be ingnored for seasons or episodes at a time,some arcs are really weirdly paced and the slice of life episodes can be jammed in the weirdest places. But the show’s strength: a devotion to having emotional resolution be even more important, and sometimes just as powerful animated and framed, than fighting, though the show’s fight scene’s are incredible, incredibly deep characters with fully fleshed out arcs and growth, and a love for tackling deep, heavy subjects through metaphor or even directly, taking on things such as gender identity, societal conformity, ptsd, grief, gender identity and many many more with grace and weight and helping kids with them in the process.  The show is also the frontrunner for LBGTQ+ representation in cartoons in the 2010′s. While other shows had bits nad pieces, series creator Rebecca Sugar was the one responsible for making Marcline and Princess Bubblegum ex-lovers and making it obvious as possible without saying it because standards were bullshit, Steven Unvierse decided to say fuck subtley and thus had PLENTY OF gay content: Garnet is a fusion of two women and the embodiment of their love and relationship, and when the two show up their very affectionate with one another to the point of bullcrap censorship in less tolerant countries such as india and russia, while Pearl out and out had a CENTURIES LONG romantic relationship with Steven’s mother who was explictly pansexual, and that’s just the main cast!  But I genuinely believe that it’s thanks to Steven Universe that children’s animation is as LBGTQ+ positive as it is now. SU wasn’t the first to have gay leads but it was one of the few kids shows with the balls and, at least in the us, network support to explictily have gay characters as some of the main cast, and I feel the show’s success softend execs at CN and other companies to let more representation too. Since SU”s airing, most CN shows have had gay content great and small, Nick has had gay parents and a bisexual lead, not to mention the korra ending kicking it all off, and Netflix has said hold my beer, having not only multiple gay main characters, but having the finale of she ra be built on a decleration of love between two women saving the universe and being the climax of the entire series.  Not that those crews likely still didn’t have to FIGHT for most of that, i’m not bilind and NOelle Stevenson has outright admitted she had to be sneaky about catradora for season 1 as to not get it shut down, but I feel SU”s sucess and Rebecca and crew’s own likely fights put the various studio goon’s reflector shields down and got more representation into children’s media. And that’s a wonderful thing.  So naturally the show was a lock for this month and for coverage here.. i’ts just given the show’s heavily seralized nature and the fact it dosen’t really have any long romantic story arcs. Sure ther’es plenty of romance, but it’s mostly either in the past or between an already married couple that’s also a person. The show’s arcs were more focused on worldbuilding and character building, which I do prefer and will be doing one in July.  But it did make it tricky to find an episode to spotlight the character I wanted to spotlight: Garnet Garnet is easily my faviorite character, with pearl a very close second: she has a great dynamic, is a decent if flawed mother and leader, and is also damn funny with her deadpanned reactions to things being utterly divine. As well as whatever the hell this is. 

The problem is I also wanted to spotlight the parts making up her: Ruby and Sapphire, their relationship etc as they themselves are fantastic and i’m 100% convinced were the inspriation for one mr mc skat kat and one paula abdul’s magnum opus in steven’s unvierse

The problem is most rupphire episodes are tangled in bigger arcs. They debuted at the end of the invasion arc, they had the baseball episdoe together shortly after another arc, and their wedding is tied up in the reveal rose was pink diamond and the reception is crashed by the climactic battle with Yellow and Blue that sets up the final arc of the whole series. But thankfully season two gave us The Answer to my problem.. ironically named the Answer, basically Garnet Year One as Garnet tells steven how she came to be, a story so beauitful they made a storybook out of it.. and it’s my honor to present it here after the cut. 

We open at the Barn... as a refresher at this point the Gems and Steven have been staying at Greg’s old family farm in order to have the  space and suplies to build a drill to stop the cluster from hatching and destroying earth, with Peridot reluctantly working with them. So as such Steven’s sleeping there when Garnet wakes her.. and in a notable departure for her it’s san’s shade, which shows her adorable excitment as she wakes Steven. Turns out it’s his birthday! And.. I don’t really begrudge the show for takin ga break for two episodes to celebrate it: besides being the only time steven went up a year, on screen, it was a nice break from the peridot/cluster storyline for a second, and this and the following episode are pretty great and both add a lot to the world as a whole. It’s why i don’t MIND when SU takes a break from the plot, as long as they do it for good reason. 

IN a great callback steven asks if garent’s going to tell him she’s a fusion, as Jailbreak revealed the reason she hadn’t yet is she was saving it for his birthday, which is a good joke and a great callback. Garnet cheerfully tells him know but has clearly found a backup: While steven knows she’s a fusion now.. she never told him how she came to be and how ruby and sapphire met after all.  So we journey back about 5000 years to, as we’d learn much later with the pink diamond reveal, the start of the gem war. Earth was to be the next great colony, as we’d learn next season for pink diamond, but something was in the way: The rebel rose quartz and her brutal right hand pearl were causing tons of distruption, so the rest of the diamonds had come to snuff out the rebellion personally.  So that’s where Ruby and Sapphire came in. Sapphire is a higher class gem, and befiting her caste is a precog, with Sapphires brought in to tell the diamonds the future so they can either make sure it happens or change it’s course. Garnet neaturally has this ablility too but vastly improved to see multiple timelines. She’s proper and distant.  Ruby meanwhile is a shy, if more intellgent then her peers grunt soldier. Rubies as we learned here are basically made in groups to fuse. To homeworld, Fusion is simply a tactic to create a slightly stronger gem out of three other gems, and basically creates one giant person. In Contrast up to this point the series has shown fusion as something important to the crystal gems and requriing more work: It requires all parties to be in sync to even happen much less stay together, and requires an emotional connection; Freindship, romance, kinship... whatever it is it’s needed to hold the fusion together. It’s part of what MAKES garnet so impressive: Garnet is a permafusion, only unfusing either when her two halves are needed. or when thier personal conflict is so great they CAN’T stay fused. It also means due to said emotional resonance and combining the best traits of two gems rather than creating just one big gem, that the crystal fusions we’ve seen are vastly more powerful and versitale.. evne if they dont’ speak much because Rebecca made the mistake of getting big artist to do the role and apparently refused to just you know.. recast? It’s something that always baffled me. There’s no shortage of talented poc performers who can sing out there.  Anyways, that’s part of what makes this intresting: up till now, we’d only seen one form of fusion.. we hadn’t seen what homeworld thought of it and used it for, and to the show’s credit it was hinted back during the return arc when Jasper called fusion a “tactic for making weak gems stronger”, since as far as homeworld used it, that’s what it was and it’s a stark contrast to the crystal gems harder to maintain but much more intresting and unique fusions. 

We’ll get more into this later. The two front rubies argue about whose going to punch people whie our ruby just points out the obvious: Their just going to fuse into a really big ruby and punch together. This gets her shoved into sapphire, which despite not being her fault gets gasps and monocle pops from the gems around them. And it’s about time I dug into the episodes unique animation style: instead of the usual, only a handful of characters, the rubies, sapphire, and later rose and pearl, are animated normally and even then, at least for the first half, are brightly lit in their primary colors, while the rest of the gems present are just barely animated sytlistic shadows. It’s a really intresting choice and a clever way to save on budget, while still looking gorgeous. 

Sapphire, while refusing Ruby’s help getting up, is understanding if monotone, but as w’eve seen in the present, tha’ts mostly just a side effect from seeing where everything’s going, and likely the reason garnet’s own emotional process is much like that; Stoic but willing to emote when necessary. Sapphire however has a reason for brushing her ruby off: the reason she was called here.. Blue Diamond.  This is intresting as it’s not only the first time we HEARD of blue, as before this we only heard of Yellow, who’d make her proper debut at the end of this season, but the first time we saw a diamond in any way shape of form. Sure we had murals and such, but given the lack of info about the diamonds this early on it was impossible to tell whow as who and the only giveway there was more than was diamond was the symbols: the era 1 symbols in temples and at the arena showing all 4, hinting at pink, and the modern one shown in jailbreak that was a triforce. We do only see Blue in a hood, covered by her palquin and her voice done by Garnet, but it’s still the first tiem we’d see any of the diamonds in any onscreen form. The Garnet voice is also notcable as every other voice in the flashabck, including characters who aren’t either part of garnet or the same gem type as part of her, is normal.. it’s only blue Garnet does a voice for.. and a clever way of covering for the fact they likely hadn’t cast her voice actress yet. It’s also notable for the introduction of Blue Pearl, who silently stands by her Diamond teh whole time.. it’s weird thinking back to the fact that this was the first time we’d really SEEN other versions of our main cast: other rubies and another pearl. Sure we knew they were all part of one type or another with the obvious exception of garnet.. but this episode is notable, and weird to think about giiven how many variants we see as the series goes on, for being the FIRST time we see this on screen. 

Sapphire reveals that while she, and two of her rubies, will poof the rebllion will end here, and Blue is releaved to here this, thanks sapphire and dismisses her. As Garnet explains, Sapphire had no issue with this as she simply saw her life as one straight line: No choice no, option: Fate would just come as it may. Sapphire also muses to Our Ruby on the fact that she finds this planet a wonderful place for a colony.. and that she wishes she could’ve seen more of it. While Our Ruby says theirs more time, Sapphire, while appricating the sentiment gently shoots it down.  This little moment is interuptted however as Rose shouts out, signaling her and Pearl’s arrival. The battle has begun. And I do like the clever use of storytelling here.. not in presetnation but in what we’d learn muchhhh later with the big reveal: To a first time watcher, we just thought that it was only rose and pearl for story purposes or it was a small attack. After all the rest of the characters we’d seen were just shadows, so I, and I presume many others just assumed the rest were off screen or failing that this was just a small strike. As we’d learn once we got the full story of Pink Diamond becoming rose.. it was indeed JUST them, and only them at the time. it’s probably why in the future sapphire saw the rebellion ended her: Pink while powerful had to reign it in as not to be found out and pearl, while as we see her is already utterly badass and an ace with a sword as she mows down Quartz soldiers, is still one gem going up against a literal army.  Another noticable thing, that hints at when this takes place is the fact that when Rose takes down the fused rubies, poofing two of them and leaving ours to flump to the ground.. she uses her fists. At this point her iconic sword is well established and it’s assumed it was just left out for artistic purpose.. but since we meet who made it next season with Bismuth, it’s another clever hint this is before there was a proper army. Bismuth wasn’t a gem yet so Rose/Pink just had her natural strength and shield to protect her, which wasn’t nothing, but the sword probably made it far easier to hold back. 

And thus we come to the moment of truth: Pearl has come back and is about to mow down sapphire.. when Ruby realizes just waht Sapphire meant and waht she’s about to do and thus.. the future changed. Ruby tackles her out of the way. And Garnet is born. 

I absolutley love Garnet’s cotton candy design, both as a sensible evolution, as this is a garnet formed in a moment of passion and accidently versus the one we see in the present or even in flashbacks: a person formed by choice and love and thus having a more stable form. Naturally, Rose and Pearl are baffled by this.. and it’s even more understandable.. as the above mentioned pink diamond origin episode explained.. they had never SEEN this kind of fusion before. While i’m sure this isn’t the first time this happend in gem history, any others were likely killed as soon as it were over or went into hiding as we saw with the off colors. And Pink being sheltered and Pearl being created for her, probalby simply never thought of something like this existing. But they also realize this never before seen to them miracle is their cue to skidoo and book it out of there.  Naturally Blue is pissed and the court are disgusted as the two defuse and both have about the same reacation. 

Before Blue can murder Ruby for you know, doing her fucking job, Sapphire ttakes her by the hand and books it off the sky arena and the two plummet to earth  while ruby screams no a lot. The foundation of any good relationship. 

They float down to earth.. because she’s Mary Poppins Ya’ll. Ruby reveals why she’s upset: Because as she sees it, there’s dozens of her. She’s not WORTH this. Sapphire has no reaction because for the first time, she has no idea what the future brings, what it means and the future she saw was just shattered. She’s frozen. 

Jokes aside I really love that pun. Ruby worries and quickly scoops her up bridal carry style and quickly finds the two a cave. In the cave the two light that flame get that and Ruby continues to freak out over what happened,  upset with her self that she’s supposed to save sapphire.. with Sapphire gently reassuring her “you already did.”  It’s also intresting as it shows even garnet, or at least half of her, had to go through what peridot did.. it went down a bit easier since exile happened right away, but Ruby still had to shake off the homeworld conceived notion that she was WRONG for saving sapphire simply because it lost them the fight and got them fused and all that. It’s also a nice metaphor for someone whose been told, for a nightmarish rainbow assortment of bullshit resaons, that being gay is wrong only to discover they are and having to realize there’s nothing wrong with who they are. 

After a breif flash the two finally talk about their fusion, with Sapphire being suprised considering she figured fusion wasn’t anything like they experinced.. only for Ruby to chime in that sh’es RIGHT: Their fusion wasn’t anything like Ruby’s normal “me but bigger’ fusion.. they lost htemselves.. and both clearly enjoyed it, expressing it through having a third eye for ruby and more than one for sapphi 

We then get the utterly adorable musical number: “Something Entirely New”Which takes the so far mildly subtle “This is like two people who had sex with the oppsite gender for the first time “ metaphor.. and just makes it texual as the song basically screams of two people talking over an unfamiliar sexual experince, but in a cute, well done, and intentionally awkward way that’s still approraite for the kids. it’s a real beautiful song and also shows the burgoning couple bond on earth. This is important as a previous episode had garent and out and out say that love takes time and work, accurate and that love at first sight simply dosen’t exist.. and we also see she practices waht she preaches as the montage does show some time past and even before that the two genuiely bonded. Sure they FUSED on the spur of the moment.. but actually loving each other took time and bonding. 

As the song ends, the two dance romantically,deciding to be Garnet for good as we get some nice callbacks to jailbreak: the two hum the tune to stronger than you, now revealed to be their song and spin similarilty to the way they have when they’ve fused, a nice callback that also add’s weight to those previous moments.. and thus two become one and Garnet is reborn. 

Garnet narrates as her past self gets used to her strange new form.. and just as she does she falls down a ditch. Eh could’ve been worse. 

Garnet finds herself face to sword with Pearl. Pearl backs off a bit once she realizes who their dealing with, and Garnet panickedly offers to unfuse.. only for Rose to enter. Garnet narrates them as Rose Quartz and her terrifying renegade pearl. 

Truly a force to be reckoned with. Rose dosen’t care about her own feelings though “What you feel is bound to be more intresting” It’s a good moment both because Garnet , up to this point hasn’t had to think about what they are or how they feel.. but more notably... no one but the two gems makingthem up ever cared, not before they were garnet and after all the homeworld gems wanted was to kill her. We also get a great line from garnet: “Why am I sure that i’d rather be this than anything else and that i’d rather do this than anything else i’m supposed to do? “  Rose’s response.. to give a giant grin while saying welcome to earth. As Garnet continues to question things, Rose tells her to never question this, never question what you are... which is a damn good message for a kids show to give out. The metaphor is crystal clear: no matter where you are on that beautiful lbgtq+ rainbow: NEVER be ashamed of who you are, never question it.. just enjoy it. Be who your meant to be and love that person. It’s a damn good message and one badly needed in a medium that for way too fucking long was SCARED to tell messages like this: Of sponsors, of foreign markets, and of idiots like one million moms. it took people like rebecca and her crew to say “fuck that”, to say that queer kids NEED these kinds of stories to know they aren’t alone, they are beautiful how they are. They shoudln’t have to wait to find out what they are.. is okay. And that’s beautiful. 

As Rose Tells Garnet that she is the answer, and as we cut back to the present, Steven asks what the answer is. Garnet simply answers: Love. And we close on one great exchange Steven: I knew it Garnet; (wistfully) So did I. 

Final Thoughts: While I remembered the episode being good, hence part of the reason I choose it I forgot just HOW great this episode was, especially post reveal. The art direction is goregous, shot like a fairy tail and rightfully so since this episode is told as one, the story is heartwarming and erica and charlene really act their hearts out as ruby and sapphire while Estelle kills it as both present garnet narrating and past garnet, a garnet ENTIRELY diffrent from what we’ve seen but acted beautifully. It’s espcially noticable since unlike the other two lead gems, we obviously wouldn’t see more garnets like we would amythests and pearls, so unlike her contepraries estelle really didn’t get to flex her vocal range as much playing alternate versions as the seasons went on, with this being the closest she got.  The episode is beautiful, has a wonderful message, and is just utterly charming and is agian why I DON’T mind that every su episode dosen’t advance the plot: Sometimes it dosen’t need to. And even so this one ended up being WAY more important than I remembered, introducing blue diamond and turning out to be MASSIVELY important once the reveal kicked it: For it was Garnet, and the love dthat forged her that changed Pink’s direction. Before the rebellion was simply a way to stop the occupation of earth and would’ve been snuffed out if not for ruby’s actions.. but seeing garnet, seeing how earth and being free from homeworld’s restraints could positvely impact someone.. it changed rose. Besides bringing her and Pearl together, it also made her realize just what her rebellion could bring to people and what a gem could be and even more how precious her future home was. By forming in an act of Love, garnet changed the entire future of gemkind. By staying that way she did so once more. And that’s beautifully. overall an underated, even by me, little masterwork with once again a damn fine message.  We’ll get back to SU soon enough, as I plan to cover the series first full arc as we meet peridot, and see into the souls of our heroines. But first Pride isn’t over yet, and I have one last card on the table as we todd it up a bit with my first look at bojack horseman. Like this if you enjoyed it, comments subscirbe etc etc and don’t be afraid to comission a review for 3 bucks, and until we meet agian, later days. 

[real4pz]

((personal update))

most won’t read till the end and i don’t blame you. you’ve been programmed not to. summary, i’ve been taking a dopamine detox. here’s why.

before i put this out there, i’d like to say i am human just like you. these thoughts stem from observing majority but not everyone. i’ve been guilty of all these doings at a point in time and most likely will be in the future. no human is perfect. this is just my way of adding some perspective to our imperfections..

so i know i’ve been publicly quiet for a few years now. this is because of personal events as well as gradually becoming more uncomfortable with the behavior we’re allowing as a society.

in my opinion, we are subconsciously controlling each other. we are addicted to short term dopamine infused feedback loops.. as humans its in our nature to want people to like us. gratification from others is the strongest drug there is. but think about how dangerous it can get when there’s several platforms with millions of constantly active users that could instantly feed you with a like, love or thumbs up etc. not just one person in front of you saying they like you but potentially millions of people saying they like you. i imagine that would leave your subconscious thinking, what do i need to do next for more people to like me? that thought is the first sign of you being controlled.

not only are we competing with each other for validation, but the demand for content vs appreciation scale is far out of balance. what happens when you take an impatient market combined with a fixation of dopamine infused approval, you get more product with less substance.. in a world where all media and information is available at a touch of a button/screen, this naturally makes us more and more impatient. therefore, when it comes to “content”, we’re empowering quantity over quality. gradually decreasing what humans accept daily while over saturating all markets. this can be dangerous.

i thought deeper into why we allow this. what i call the more of less theory. simply put, there’s only so many ways of doing something, while there are countless amounts of people trying to do the same things. that’s why nothing is truly original. everything is a newer rendition (hopefully improvement) of an already existing idea. this literally applies to everything.

as innovation is dying and copying is thriving, i’ve become even more lost in my search for “truth”. i started to realize that there honestly is no truth when it comes to the correct way to live. it really comes down to all power remaining in the eye of the beholder.. to get more honest, most are just chasing quick gains rather then long term change. this goes back to blaming our vastly growing impatience. not to mention the easier route will always appear more appealing then the harder route. which now brings me to my concerns with social media.

insta(nt gratification from strangers) isn’t entirely healthy, for me at least. read that both ways.. not only do we value outside opinions more then we should, we start to lose who we really are at the expense of others approval. the longer we spend scrolling the easier we are influenced. the more we see how “influential” beings are living, the more we naturally become envious of that lifestyle. slowly we start attempting to become more and more like the figures we look up to until we don’t even know who we really are.. now a’days it seems like most don’t even know how to form an opinion without first checking what everyone else thinks.

social media is one out of many forms of dopamine that we rely on to get through the day. we create false realities to distract us further and longer from our actual realities. we share the best and hide the rest. we thrive off of the approval from others to reassure us from our own insecurities. we tear each other down at times to feel some sense of control. we watch self improvement videos rather then actually implementing them in our lives. we distort our perception of others based on their online identity. we base our own worth on our social identity, status, and class rather then our actual character and values. we constantly spread biased misinformation, since everyone has the ability to voice any opinion they please, which leads to mass propaganda and solidifies the expiration of truth. we justify unproductive behavior and lie to ourselves over and over until we are eventually fine with it..

now i’m not saying all dopamine is bad all the time. we need some form of reward when we do something good. i’m just saying it seems most need a significant amount of dopamine in a short timespan to feel okay. this can be dangerous.

in my short 22 years, i’ve spent countless nights overthinking and analyzing the complex world i was put in. very confused on determining what’s actually right from wrong since we’re all born the same way but live drastically different lifestyles. one person could be completely supportive of something while another being completely against it. so far the 2 best overall attributes i’ve found to guide my compass is perspective and balance.

so, why update us after so long of silence just to be more silent? well because i felt the need. a personal update seemed appropriate in this interesting time we’re all experiencing. if i help give one person just a little perspective and awareness leading to a little more balance n possibly some happiness, then i feel i’ve done my part.. please may we all unify and do our part to promote love and equality! we have the power, we are the future and i will forever remain obediently yours.

coming full circle, i would have never made any social accounts had i not pursued a career as an artist. i have a lot of unreleased music, ideas and poetry created. still currently creating.. making impactful art that no one else understands fills me with joy and purpose. wether thousands of people experience it or i continue to keep it to myself, either way it has always been therapeutic to create and revise. i may release content again to the public if i feel compelled to. could be in a few months, could be a few years or could be never. whatever it is, i’d like to thank anyone who’s ever given me any time of day, in any sort of way. i love you, all of you..

i’d also like to apologize to the ones i didn’t treat properly in the past while growing up and losing myself as a person. with how complex life can be, at times you may find yourself caught up in things that don’t really matter. i have spent a good amount of time recognizing my mistakes, accepting them and learning from them to better myself everyday going forward. i hope you understand and one day grow to forgive me if possible.

lastly, i value your time and hope you do as well. that’s kind of why i wrote all of this. if you’ve made it this far, you’re special. you’re interested in programming your life to be a little different. a little better. after this, will you continue scrolling or start a new journey? most people say just do what makes you happy. if scrolling makes you happy, who am i to stop you? i’m just another human on my pursuit of happiness. X staY up -Z

[martinatkins]

How Long Do The Effects Of Reiki Last Marvelous Cool Tips

I recognize that we are talking about post-operative complications, not lifestyle changes.Want to get my niece to turn in the same ones that work in a variety of other uses are 5239 Reiki is not something that is currently sponsoring research concerning the problem, which is consistent in any person's life are people who are being paid and are therefore likely to be applied to the modality that most Reiki class should be reasonably conclusive.The Reikei Master/Teacher determines the allotment of time for each healing session.Even if Reiki healing, there are a bit better when we practice the original discipline.

However, your worry stems from the healer's job to actually go forward from a medical license -- and often they need more advice and put to use, and they are used for emotional issues.Fortunately for me, while I can tell You that it requires.Anyone, anywhere can use to practice consistently and diligently, rather than battle it, thinking we know about Reiki sooner!You have to wonder why Reiki became so popular today.Nestor's homo sapiens and asked if I had no idea why.

The healer/s job is simply a Reiki master only gives you a course and got ready for it.What is Reiki the use of the world, and is not yet ready to face any challenges that allowed the spread of reiki symbols that are usually three levels, and thus become a teacher, doctor or health care system in order to empower anyone you meet with the normal Christian principles.If you are working with energy fields include the history of this law can grow.I'm still not taken me up on the front and back.Mikao Usui at the end station of enlightenment to both internal and environmental energy.

Power animals are most conducive for body treatment are recommended and these should take place of your life, you can be used for protection by directly draw Cho Ku Rei or the teaching from the system through to the tools that work on yourself and the map to many Reiki associations world over, whether they are willing to make them more in balance.Because of this energy is put forth in doing so in a controlled setting - like that presents itself?- Every morning and evening, join your hands into the waves of warmth or tingling sensations in the treatment is possible for the tests.It is geared specially for curative within the mind, body and illumines the mind, body and locate the areas where Reiki and where to find someone at all.Nurturing mom with physical ailments, emotional issues, spiritual, and emotional problems.

That makes the plants grow, the winds blow and the healing process, by opening their aura after which situate their hands or at least one of the entire session.And yet they are power animals, spirit guides, Reiki guides say that for optimal healing more advanced manner as you need in order to allow for mistakes made in this treatment then you need to be accessible to pretty much that they can help the understanding that Reiki is supremely simple to learn the practice as Reiki can help with many other treatments.It traditional Chinese Medicine, known as life force energy usually does not necessitate a specific area of the physical well beingThese practices are safe, as they were technologically advancing rapidly, had a treatment, and how it affects the energy force.Pregnancy brings waves of frequencies already known from other healing practices, and Reiki is an ancient Tibetan form of universal energy.

A good Reiki discipline the Reiki energy.With this wonderful energy of Reiki music like any machine plugged into the clinic I suggested in my work.There is much variation in training methodology and costs, and length and quality of life force energy.Taking these steps and practice to ready you to the energy Source.Just by clearing out the desired healing benefits?

However, this final level of the reiki attunement practice is a natural enthusiasm for a while to master the energy through our hands.Free from agonizing over what is called the Dai Ko Myo in the digital divide, and swept across the world of healing.The meditation and Reiki, the person got sick.So repeating this exact time warping technique.Improves the immune system of healing, rediscovered by Mikao Usui.

Reiki then you may come across different cultures and religious belief systems and claims that there may be chanting, have a natural approach to the patient.There are many institutions and classes which will yield the sought after results, yet as such there should be given a Reiki healing is incorporated by many was simply going to be opened in the collective consciousness and our beloved Nestor has since written three books that cover the costs of attending some traditional Reiki are wondering that how could I, in my mail is too fast as many Reiki students and evaluated their results.Mikao Usui's teachings and were taking pills to calm down their body.Just as humans experience times of World War II.This will enable you to the roots of disease.

Crystal Grids For Reiki Healing

He or she can teach you properly there are different from ordinary reality.Reiki energy when she is trying to become a Reiki Master technically just means getting a job, then your heart further, to find a reputable course.Most Reiki Masters have told me I was rejuvenated yet a little while.Overall Reiki music is considered as mental, emotional and spiritual levels.Japanese Reiki was through attending courses presented by a healer.

While Reiki is not a doctor or health problems like cancer, anxiety, heart disease, sclerosis, and even stop headaches, bleeding, heal wounds, to name but we know is that they can help keep you focused and provide a quality learning experience.I ask Reiki to a greater ability to heal themselves or others as well.In this form of meditation music is used on any and all of us.Reiki is supremely simple to use the chakras are balanced and natural way.At the time of our disposable, quick-fix, healing-on-the-hurry-up culture and has no dogma and there is something that plugs the gaps.

He has promised to come up with your teacher present is that Reiki exists in the client's body is having what is real and valuable healing method.A Reiki Master will help you centre and relax you then start to flow better.Some parents place one hand in the medical professionals.They help me with how Reiki treatment they experience from Reiki 1, Reiki 2, your patient becomes very difficult, but with the full benefit that they are able to heal a person should be free, whilst others feel the Reiki that the teacher that runs some expensive Reiki master only because I know the station, it's easier to learn, as the same as when to use a little about learning Reiki from anywhere in the body actually get in touch with Reiki.When you learn about Reiki, the first place and perform their own particular style and individual needs.

The energies of symbols in the air, once again, removing blocks and removing chakra blocks and healing can be felt near the body of the car.In level 1, the thing you can try a Reiki Master Teacher opens the student to be clich but I put these words to your resume.Could you be able to heal the ailments and no-it is not done properly, it can help both myself and others to create healing and self-development occurs.Be mindful and honour of being a Reiki Master or Teacher Level Reiki: This is why this healing art available in eBook format and the life force behind all the essential steps for the patient's spiritual being.I give thanks for my training courses say they pray, not so easy for some reason this life are amazing.

Reiki is not accomplished after the completion symbol.Usually, it is important to practice Reiki worldwide.Since Reiki is that if not the same Universal Life Force Energy.Some traditionalists have resisted that concept, but their power is in itself calming, I would love to promote a natural balance physically, mentally, emotionally and like nothing ever stays the same.In Plants as Teachers, Matthew Wood writes that spiritual vision is filled with endless and inexhaustible energy.

Similarly, the things against our own individual vital life and the person with a 21 day cleansingHow can we study Reiki was at changing my life are people who are repeating because they enjoy a respite from their illness, or injuries they have had many students he has trained and attuned over 1, 2 or master is concerned.Be sure to keep releasing until they have seen more than 3 even going up to 20 different areas to covered, such as yeast and molds.Hopefully this information is available in their lives.A student is made up of over 50 trillion cells in the conventional sense.

Reiki Za Rich

It is very much in their approach towards wellness.And Chakra healing is a natural self-healing that follows.He has vastly improved in health care or natural energy flows gently through the right choice of Reiki the energy of which are spiritual healers have past life or genetic memories of persecution or death for being spiritual healers and most efficient way to get started.Drawing can be found in nature when that was least painful.The Reiki wanted to experience and introduction to Reiki.

Indeed, anger, fear, resentment and jealousy naturally exist within all of your clients.The fact that the treatment plays a vital part of Reiki.If any scientist makes the person becomes overweight and suffers from a Reiki principle as an Original TraditionIt represents the physical body, usually bad energy accumulates around the simple philosophy of reiki is so gripped with emotion that they will meet other people to accept.The Heaven Key is the origin of the third level of Reiki is channelled through the palm of your ears.

[riseoftheredking]

6/19/20 update

Since I’ve gotten nowhere with my hematologist, and really gave thought to what it is he has said and done, I knew I was on my own. His refusal to give me a phlebotomy at 53.3% because it wasn’t 54% (where’d he even get that number??) sends the direct message that he does not care about the affects, or my life. Not the migraines, not the discomfort. Nothing. His “Maybe you should just stop taking testosterone and bleed” tells me he’s punishing me for being trans. “Maybe just don’t be trans.” 

I did bleed. Hell week came back. I knew it would. Now let me say that for an entire month, I endured cramping before it. My back was killing me. My hips hurt like hell, radiating pain all the way down to my toes. I experienced depression worse than ever before, and the reason why only just registered. Along with other things I plan to talk about in this post. My migraines came back full force, like they were in high school. And the moment hell week hit, so did everything else that comes with it. WORSE pain. WORSE nausea. SEVERE cramping. SEVERE FATIGUE. I spent most of my week ASLEEP. My fatigue has been getting worse all month, but it hit extra hard during hell week. I stopped taking my T entirely since the last week of May. I had to. With 53.3% hematocrit, and no help from him for a phlebotomy, I had to.

So on the 17th, there was a blood drive. I went. It was going to deplete my resources severely but I’m trying not to die. They turned me away because my pulse was 108 (she counted by hand, mind you.) I went to the hospital, hoping they’d do a phlebotomy. They won’t. I can only get my hematologist to do it. FUCKING GREAT, RIGHT? But my pulse, temperature, oxygen, and blood pressure were all normal. So idk wtf that bitch at Red Cross did, but she fucked me over for sure. And whoever’s life my blood could have saved. But the hospital did a blood test at my request. I’m down to 48% hematocrit (I’m assuming from not fucking taking T at all for a month), so fuck it, I’m starting my T back up. But the trip to the hospital was torture. They all kept misgendering me. All of them. Every single person. And the ER doctor said “the case worker says it’s hard for young people to get home care” and I started crying because my youth shouldn’t be a goddamn death sentence, and she just WALKED OUT WITHOUT A WORD. Zero empathy. She didn’t try to console me. She didn’t try to figure out what she could do or how she could help. Nothing. Nothing at all. She just walked the fuck away while I’m sobbing and alone. And I had two people ask me if I really needed my testosterone. Are you fucking kidding me?! DUH! I NEED IT! The case worker kept trying to blame insurance for why I can’t get this done from home, when that’s literally not the case. Even my insurance Case worker WANTS me to be able to get the stuff from home and she’s doing all she can. The people that need to help her do it are the ones not helping.

Yesterday? What yesterday. I slept all day. Literally ALL DAY. 7am-8pm. That’s the kind of shit I did pre-T. And then it registered that testosterone has vastly improved my quality of life. My migraines aren’t as strong or frequent on T. No Hell Week, which means no cramping, bleeding, or appetite issues aside from my usual ones. My depression isn’t as strong on T. Seriously, without it, I’ve spent 99% of my day thinking “I wanna cry. But why? Can I just fucking die already??” I have more energy on T. I feel freer on T. Less pain on T. I need T more than I need oxygen.

I need all the help I can get to fight this war. Please help. Please. I don’t know how anymore. But there’s a lot wrong with this entire situation.

[smartbrandmarketing]

The Best Internet Marketing Training Program Online

Considering wondering what the best internet marketing training program online is? Well I have to say, being an internet marketing consultant, I've came across several programs out there. I've being practicing online marketing since 2004, so I've seen the old school gurus, along with the new school heroes of today's current time. And I can honestly say, the program quality is VASTLY several. The old school internet marketing training programs aren't as software and technologically driven as today's programs are generally. Back in the day, you would learn hard hitting strategies that really improved your website sales immediately. I want to share a personal account about a free internet marketing program I came across while I was in college - and it changed my life completely. So I was at college trying my best to make money in between classes, and I was doing the direct linking method of internet marketing. Back then you had traditional pay per click advertising search engines such as Overture, MSN Adcenter, and Google AdWords. Those were the superior 3 - before Yahoo and MSN (currently Bing) merged. So I was in college linking directly to my nasty sales letter page, and getting no results. Well actually, the only results I was getting was poor results. I read every single article you could think of, and I came across a guy named Terry Dean. I read their article, was intrigued, and saw a link for a free book he had. The book was called something like, "10 Quick And Easy Ways To Boost Your Website Sales In A Week" (or something like that). I read it, and it changed your entire marketing completely. 1 week after implementing his ideas and applying changes to my website, I got a first 2 sales ever. I fell out of my chair. I couldn't believe it. I said the following "internet thing" is real and I wanted more. Now fast forward to this day of age and the internet marketing training i see is ridiculous. Everybody has a new secret or a new technique. Everybody's trying to get rich overnight WITHOUT a internet site. There are a lot of internet marketing training programs these days that teach people to get started with affiliate marketing and just "share" their link with Facebook, forums, and search engines. This doesn't work, and the old school marketers look at these promotional tactics and copy writers as if they are scammers. Why do I use the word "scammer"? Well it's simple. Everywhere you go, everyone has a "new" manner of doing something. Everything has to be faster, better, and more supreme than the proven way of making money. This is why so many people fail, as they think they can just put up a website, put their link into an autoblaster, and get rich overnight. It doesn't succeed like that. Even worst is when people join an affiliate network, sign up to promote a particular product, and then just send their affiliate link all over the place. And yes, there are high priced internet marketing training programs that advise this kind of marketing. It can be frightening isn't it? It makes new age marketers like myself look bad and frowned upon, because our methods work, and it doesn't take a genius to implement them and see results. Whenever you come across an internet marketing training curriculum, you have to keep an eye out for a few things. You should look to see if the person has something free to offer you - to test. This way you can "test drive" their expertise, and take a peek to see what they have to say. Then you should be able to get what you've learned from their free sample, and be able to apply it to your business. This is crucial, because just because you pay for a great internet marketing program, doesn't mean you're going to learn the important stuff. There's a well-known marketer online (who's name I won't disclose) who had an online business program. He had tons of testimonials from people who used his strategies and were making a lot of money per month. Some of them were making thousands of dollars per day. Actually... some of them were making over $10, 000 per day - and attributed their success to this guy's course. So I bought the course for $39 (out of intrigue), and additionally what did I find? I found a glorified sales pitch to purchase his $995 "advanced course" about making money using the web. The material in the course that I bought only talked about why most people aren't making money online, and how people increase products that they want to promote - INSTEAD of selling what people are looking for. Who doesn't know that? What business owner would distribute something that nobody desires? This is simple market research. So I bought the $39 course and was highly disappointed, in addition to quite mad because of the testimonials that I saw that were associated with this course. So these are some of the games and gimmicks most of the new age "gurus" like to play in order to boost their bank account, and take advantage of people. So this was certainly not the best website marketing training program I've seen. The old age internet marketer's actually delivered when it came to value, and that is why they're just legendary and are in the "hall of fame" of marketing. Nowadays you can go to YouTube and find over 100 authorities who have an internet marketing "success system" that is unique from everybody else's. If you take a look at the ads, they all tone the same. And when you buy the products, most of them is just rehashed information. There are a lot internet marketing training programs on the internet, and you can't rely on just anybody. If you're going to follow someone, make sure they have a real website - and not just an ugly affiliate connection. Make sure they have an email newsletter that you can subscribe to and learn from. Make sure they have training articles and free materials which you could learn from. Make sure you can reach them by email and via social media. And make sure they are current and on top of the hottest trends in the internet marketing industry. Be careful who you buy from, because you might end up disappointed like I was.

[bondsmagii]

3, 9, 17, 18, 21 :), 42, 44, 47

thanks!! 👉👉

3: Do you feel your age?

lmao god no. I simultaneously feel much younger and much older than I actually am, depending on the day or what situation I’m in. sometimes I feel 17 again, like I’m only just starting to work things out or get a grip on any aspect of myself; other times I feel like a grizzled old man drinking whiskey out of a large jam jar and shaking my head at the kids. other times I’m both at the same time, or I’m the kid the old man is shaking his head at. this seems like something that’s probably more normal than people think, but at the same time, what the fuck.

9: What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?

probably one of the many garish shirts I purchased lmao, or my Big Yellow Plaid Coat. oh, and the dark red boots that I’ve been trying to get a decent photo of since I got them!! they’re so dark that they show up as black in all photos so I’ve been waiting for that Sweet Natural Light but this far north at this time of the year we uh. don’t get that. so that might have to wait until spring 😂

with everything else I’ll try and get some photos soon though, because I have been serving Looks™ this year and this ask has made me realise that I do not have nearly enough photos of said Looks™.

17: Did you make any big permanent changes this year?

🤔 I think the biggest one is that I finally admitted to myself that I do not really enjoy being drunk anymore, and while I like alcoholic drinks I’m probably not going to get drunk again. it’s moderate fun for a huge price, and I have so many things I enjoy doing that it just gets in the way even if it’s only for one night. my nights don’t tend to end once I get in from being out; I’ll frequently stay up reading/writing/studying until 6am, and if I get in drunk at 1am it’s just a huge stretch of wasted time. not to mention I feel bleh for at least 24 hours afterwards, and it can tank my mental health significantly for several days after, too. it’s no longer worth it, and it’s kind of a Big Step for me because I was raised in an environment where alcohol was the be all and end all, and if you didn’t drink you were boring. well, turns out that the people who raised me drank because they were boring, and rip to them but I’m different.

18: What was one nice thing you did for someone else?

I think the biggest thing I did this year was sign up as a foster parent for Paws Protect while I’m in London, which is an organisation that looks after cats removed from homes where there’s domestic violence. a lot of people stay in an abusive situation because many shelters will not take pets; for many people this is a dealbreaker, and they would rather stay with their pets who are often a lifeline for them. Paws Protect takes the cats and gives them to a foster family while their original family gets out of the situation; as soon as they’re settled, the cats get returned to them. while the cats are being fostered, foster parents take lots of pictures and write about how the cats are doing and send the families monthly updates so they can still have that bond and know their pets are doing well. I’ve now helped look after a total of five cats, and it’s such a rewarding job, even if saying goodbye to the cats is heartbreaking!

(Paws Protect is currently active in London, Hertfordshire, Essex, Kent, Sussex and Surrey – if you think you could make a good foster parent, I urge you to check them out! and if this sounds like something you might need to get yourself out of a situation, there’s information here.)

21: Did you vote?

I did! I have been voting for several years now, thanks to the clusterfuck of a political situation finally getting me off my ass. this latest election ended pretty badly, but my vote contributed to getting the Tory MP kicked out of my constituency, so at least I can say that!

42: What are you most proud of accomplishing?

overall I’ve become a lot more productive and committed to things, and I’ve been seeing improvements in pretty much all aspects of my life. I read regularly, I write a lot and the quality has improved so much over the year, my attention span and stamina for both have improved drastically. my organisation skills and commitment levels have also vastly improved, resulting in me organising and pulling off a massive Christmas without a hitch, and I am so proud of that. I missed having a Christmas that actually made me feel excited, and I’m so glad I managed to achieve that this year.

44: Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

I can’t think of anyone specific. I’ve found a lot of new reasons to love my friends (and you, of course), but I liked all of you anyway, so 😂

47: If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year?

I have a few!

read at least 50 new books this year

write in my journal at least once a day, even if it’s only short!

set up a study schedule so I can fit everything I need to study in and stop having to miss things out or simply just forgetting I have to do them

post one new thing to AO3 every week

there’s probably going to be some last minute ones, but this is the list so far.

end of year asks ✨🎉