#but I needed people to share in the pain
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Me after reading up on league lore after watching the first season and patiently waiting this whole time just to see people freaking out about victor
#I’m sorry love y’all#but I needed people to share in the pain#viktor arcane#the arcane#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#jayvik#jayce x viktor
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drawings from paleo expedition to dagestan, done right on the trip. sometimes messy when it was cold and rainy, but i won't correct it. i think it's cool to leave it just the way it was done, and not retouch it after. there will be more drawings later, but those will be done from home
#i need to draw for 2 museums at least to then send it to them as a gift cuz people there were so nice???? AAAA#and yeah im definitely doing back#maybe in autumn... who knows#barghestland#art#artists on tumblr#and#paleoart#???#in a way it is i guess#also i usually don't share things from my sketchbook. but these drawings hold so many nice memories#of clouds that hide top of the mountains#of sitting on a rock#drawing and seeing a scorpion vibing next to u (tiny friend!)#of leaning on a big cow and almost falling asleep on a field with her after the rain#of... forgetting the pain too#of not wanting to even talk about the wonderful time i've had. because it was only for me to remember#so much happened up in the mountains that i'll never forget#thank u big rocks and soil and grass and apricot trees i love you#...#paleoland#fieldbook_barghest_land
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An unfortunate intruder. [Blank Scripts AU]
The Parable is a living organism. Similar to a tree in a way.
Unless an individual is registered as a Guest [or an Actor in Stanley's case], the Parable will begin to digest anything organic that enters inside of it.
Food will clip through the Parable until they fully 'despawn'.
Permission to enter can only be granted by The Narrator [Black].
The woman found here snuck inside and got digested by the Parable.
#tsp blank scripts au#huzzah a lore drop#I cannot for the life of me just share lore normally noooo i need to make a comic or animation about it#because come on whos gonna stop and read an essay nowadays#I love the few people that do take the time to read what I write down though#ignore the fact that the drawing quality decreased with each panel teehee i was in severe pain#tsp au#stanley tsp#tsp stanley#narrator tsp#tsp narrator#tspud#tsp#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#the stanley parable
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
#ramble#ok to reblog btw i'm fine with this being shared#this was meant to be a short version but this is just the whole story whoops#sorry i realised the way i phrased it sounded like i'm the detrans you see in the news#i'm Technically a detransitioner because a lot of detrans stats are people who go on to RETRANSITION#because detransition is often because of social stigma and not because you realised you weren't trans#so anyway. terfs are cancer and if you don't think their bs is harming children you're wrong#i know it's easy to say 'you should've used your brain and realised those people were wrong'#but like. when you're 16 you're SO impressionable. even if you think you aren't#especially when you're watching people who have been transitioning longer than you and you assume they know everything#i was in my mid-late teens when 'transtrender' videos were MASSIVE and i believed it!!! and i was Not nice about those people#all they made me believe was that being trans couldn't be colourful and comfy and fun. it just had to be Pain#i hope everyone who contributed to the 'you need to be this way to be trans' mindset knows how much hurt they've caused#nowadays i don't care. go and be stargender. we have actual problems to deal with not debates about neopronouns#anyway this was long. that's the story
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Softly, slowly, I want to love you anyway (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Loop#Isabeau#Siffrin#Sloopis Sloopis Sloopis#Top tier polyship heck yes#Poor Loop :'0 Give them love now!!!#Kinda-sorta inspired by my Loop fic - that transformation had to be difficult ;;#The ones with Isabeau are deffo more Star of Your Dreams tho <3 Isa's so sweet weh#Loop honey letting people in is like The Thing that will help The Most#Always deflecting giving outs letting people off the hook at their own expense :'( Pushing others away is easier than letting them see ;;#It's why Isa's such a good boy!! He genuinely wants to know to be close to see the real them - both of them!!!#It's work but it's worth it <3#And obviously Sif understands haha#If ever a pair needed some self-love it was these two like Sheesh#Loop still wouldn't make it easy hehe <3 They're just like that#It'd be so easy for Sif to accidentally hurt them and need to backtrack and it's worse because Loop would Get It#They understand each other so intrinsically and yet Sif still has - will always have - a victory that Loop never got to ;;#Even loving each other and sharing what they currently have it's still a painful reminder of what they left behind :'0 Loooop </3#They really are fun to draw hehe Loop's eyes are so pretty ♪ And actual sparkles on the dark gradient this time! Yes!#I debated whether I wanted their tears to be visible - blotted out by how bright their head is? But went with it for expression reasons#Gods can you imagine how beautiful their tears would be tho? Little prisms splitting up their white light#Although that would imply colour lol - I mean if Anyone Would have a bit of colour it Would be Loop sooooo#Hmngh love 'em
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Youve got MY brain churning now >:D
With regards to the lu x kiznaiver au, if someone is in so much pain that they pass out, do the remaining Links get an instant reprieve? The panic that would seep thru the chain if so- especially the first time it happenssss oohohoho
Im also watching the anime with a friend next week, ty for the unintentional recommendation 😂
It's such a fun concept, the brainrot is real lol!
And ooh, I would think so! Like when u pass out cause of pain, it's because the brain wants to shield u of it, so I would assume that if one of them passes out the rest would stop feeling that link's pain 🤔
The potential hurt/comfort though... you're cooking!
I actually want to rewatch the anime now too! I've watched it twice, but the last time I did was in 2017 so it's been A While lol
It's a short but fun watch, i liked the concept a lot, and I believe there's so many ways to explore it outside of what the anime did !!
I hope u enjoy it! I do remember the cast being very lovable hehe
#i do remember it having like some pretty dumb sex jokes#like I'm super sure those aged like milk lol#just felt the need to warn u just in case!#the main character is like blorbo material so good his whole thing is that he is numb and doesn’t feel pain#so the pain sharing experiment is the first time he feels stuff#and it's good very good#also a lot of whump#oh and love triangles#idk if u enjoy those but this anime has A LOT lmao i personally didn’t find it annoying but i know people do#ANYWAY enough yapping#sorry lol#lu pain sharing au#miry's ask box
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Lately, when I talk about someone I strongly disagree with, I think about my friends.
When I interact with someone who regularly rants about people, and tends to take things in the worst ways (without any attempts at self-reflection or grace), I feel more on-edge. I'm nervous to voice opinions. I'm always over-thinking everything I send them, worried about how they'll receive it.
On the other hand, I feel much safer during conversations where someone is speaking neutrally about those they feel at conflict with. When they feel upset about a situation, but without talking aggressively about the other person. Because I know that if we're ever in a disagreement, or have some sort of conflict or misunderstanding, they won't hurt me or suddenly hate me*.
I used to speak much more aggressively about people. My personality disorders, combined with online toxic environments, were big factors in that. I was stressed and angry constantly, and I felt justified, and I felt afraid and ashamed to respond with anything but anger. But to make a long story short, I had several big painful interpersonal experiences where I realized how my attitude was impacting my friends.
I remember the nervousness in my friends' eyes. I remember the people I've met who are much older and never grew out of that reactive communication style, and I don't want to be that person. I want my loved ones to feel safe around me.
So nowadays, I do my best to speak compassionately (or at least neutrally). Because I want to signal to my friends that I'm not going to be cruel to them, or to automatically believe the worst of them, during a conflict or misunderstanding. I try to vent about situations and my fears instead of people.
I wish I'd realized this before.
*(I discuss splitting in the tags)
#actuallynpd#actuallybpd#actuallyautistic#relationship advice#communication skills#I added the autism tag because we missed the social cues that would have alerted us of this early on#and that sure is a big thing we talk about in therapy.#Accidentally hurting people is so painful. We learned this back in 2020 and have been#practicing it ever since. We've wanted to share this with others because honestly a post like this would have prevented a lot of pain and#conflict.#And as promised; about the splitting-#This isn't a post meant to shame anyone for struggling with intense anger or distrust or splitting or any other symptom#My partner and I both have PDs. I've learned to self-regulate intense anger before venting. I've learned how to use more neutral words even#when I don't feel them. And when he splits on me he tells me he's having a BPD moment and that he needs some time alone#That's okay and healthy <3 Mental illness is tough. PTSD is tough. I often jump to the worst conclusions because I'm scared of being hurt.#I've just learned to handle it differently.#I wanted to clarify that because I don't want anyone to think they're inherently bad for having trauma reactions. My goal was to make the#type of post I needed back then when I lacked that social awareness. I had to work through a lot of guilt and shame and that was really#really hard. But it was so worth it. I'm so so glad she told me.
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Ruin is at his breaking point from the recent stress, and corners Eclipse with an unusual request.
I figured I should actually link this here qwq Just me making Ruin and Eclipse hug because they both desperately need some comfort-- now with additional chapters!
#the sun and moon show#tsams#fnaf#fnaf security breach#fanfiction#writing#this was SUPPOSED to just be a oneshot#but then i thought of additional scenes#it's not meant to be an ongoing or plotted story#and i'll be adding to it whenever I feel like it#really the ep Eclipse CONFRONTS Ruin came out and i was like#'i have set up an AU where these two have shared a moment'#'good golly wouldn't it be painful if canon events happened too'#not really a ship? they aren't even friends#but you know me and needing two people who feel isolated to clump up together for mutual comfort
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Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.
by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays
#cp2077#edit:mikhail#edit:vitali#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#happy birthday to my two boys :^) yes they share the same birthday what about it. it's essential to their whole. thing#whatever it is. they're like soulmates but also they are NOT dating. i need you to understand that. because it makes everything funnier#you guys remember when i first introduced them here and people thought they were together. good times honestly#but yeah no vitali is officially dating vincent and mikhail is just their eternal third wheel. their relationship can't be defined#they also reunite of course but i LOVE emphasizing their grief. they didn't know they'd ever see each other again#and they've known each other since around age 12. imagine spending almost every day with someone who CHOSE you#and then suddenly not seeing them or talking to them for YEARS. what do you do with that grief. that pain#sure they've found each other back but what do you do with that. where do you put it. it makes me insane!!!#they both were so lonely in their own way. vitali getting lost in vices and crowds but ending up all by himself at the end of the day#and mikhail drowning himself in studying and pushing himself far over his limits just to distract himself from the hole in his chest#night city in my head is much more massive than what it feels like in game. like yeah it feels big but not. BIG big#and i think mikhail and vitali's story and them losing contact while only a district apart really emphasizes how like#how HUGE this city is not only in terms of actual land it covers but also just. how overwhelming it is. how it can swallow you whole#anyway if you've read all of this hi. wanna make out
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people are discoursing about the laios and shiro fight bc that was always going to happen but i do hope that wave crests quickly and we can all come to see it as what it is: literally one of the best written fights between two people who are both entirely justified in their actions and acting without any malice or cruelty of all time
#theres a tendency - especially in action and faction based media (which a lot of fantasy is or is in dialogue with) - to depict fights only#as happening between someone who Is Right and someone who Is Wrong#and getting to see a full on beatdown between two dudes who are both acting in an entirely understandible way and who both dont actually#want to hurt the other at all - to the extent where their desire to maintain a positive relationship with each other is the SOURCE of their#conflict in the first place - is just so cathartic to see#like unpopular opinion but sometimes you do just need to Fight someone to work through issues youre having#like irl i would not recommend that extent of Force obviously#but if you're two people in a situation where neither has active power over the other sometimes the healthiest option involves expressing#and receiving genuine anger that is not filtered through a social buffer#like sometimes you just need to yell that someone is pissing you off by how much they invade ur time and space and sometimes you need to#yell that someone is sabotaging your ability to interact with them by not expressing any discomfort with your behaviour ever#AND MOST IMPORTANTLY SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO BE YELLED AT#BECAUSE it sucks. it sucks to experience and until you can both share that space of feeling awful with each other youre not gonna get past#it and you're not gonna understand each other's pain#i think they're both wonderfully well written characters and its a testament to their depth as people that i can so easily understand why#and how both of them are behaving the way they do#im still only like halfway through the manga but it is like my favourite character interaction scene so far#fred says a thing#dunmeshi
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I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.
same disability (waving hand emoji)
Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me
#I dont talk about having eds cause its not specifically really relevant to my work#been diagnosed with it since 17. woag 10 years next april...#anyways. yeah idk I like the blog to be about my art and I'm used to people asking me a LOT of questions about EDS or disability or canes#just a lot of stuff unrelated to my art. I'm happy to talk about it but I don't want it to be the focus of my blog!#So I've p much chosen to mostly just. not talk about it. even though I'm literally fine talking about it#it's just rarely relevant and no one needs to know LOL#but. I also know that EDS can feel very lonely#and that it's really nice to know other people out there have it#so. hi anon you're not alone#also just in case. literally don't feel bad about anything in the tags here LOL#mostly just like 'please people do not start sending me asks about whether or not you should go to the doctor'#or asks about ableist family members#or venting about pain...#just a lot of invasive and boundary crossing asks the more I talk about it hahahah#but I don't mind sharing at all.#sorry I think I lost the plot on this one#good luck on your journey. starting to accomodate yourself does wonders#and really just extremely happy my work could reach you in this way#sending you love#asks#anon
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Thinking about Gale right after his folly, orb newly in his chest, Mystra having just banished him and taken away his title of chosen, terrified, confused, alone, and in pain. Sobbing on the floor of his tower. Probably crying harder than he had in a very long time, possibly ever.
His chest in so much pain not only because of the orb, but also because his heart was shattered by Mystra, the woman that he loved and admired, who he was just trying to help and show his love for, having broken up with him over his grandious act of love.
Him probably crying so hard that he could barely breath, gasping in between sobs and ultimately this leading him into a panic attack.
The only person there for him being Tara, who was desperately trying to console him as he writhed on the floor. Butting her head into him and calling him little love in an attempt to soothe him.
Why am I thinking of this? I don't know. Probably because I hate myself. And now I'm sharing it with you all, too.
#im sorry for this one#i could have just kept it in drafts but decided that pain is more fun if its shared#also people make angsty stories and art for astarion all the time so i felt like gale needed some too#speaking of that i might make some are for this scene i just described#youre welcome#bg3#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios
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Okay LISTEN. Kylux has such beautiful parallels and opposites in their life stories that it's almost beautiful.
The height of Ben's life was him being young. He was naturally gifted, had a great family, and a promising future. There were problems, but he had friends, and he was thriving. Then he grew up and renounced his identity as Ben and things went downhill.
Hux's childhood on the other hand was his low point. It wasn't until adulthood that he rose up and became stronger.
Kylo killed his father because he loved him. Snoke saw it as a weakness and made him do it. It tore him apart.
Hux killed his father because he hated him. He needed to thrive and that had to happen with Brendol's death.
Hux is reserved and handles his emotions accordingly, rarely ever doing more than raising his voice whenever the occasion permits it.
Kylo can't control his emotions and only acts in anger, unable to ground himself as well as Hux does.
They're opposites but also so much alike. Violent, self serving, desiring full control over the throne.
So alike yet so different. I mourn the loss of the duel of the fates script because in that they actually did come together. Rey refused Kylo's help so Kylo took Hux's hand. Let him lead, obeyed enough to shave his entire head simply because Hux found it too disorderly. Original Hux was fascinated by the force, he wished he had it. While Kylo's life is ruined by it.
Sometimes, I think that Kylo and Hux's relationship was tarnished just to make Rey and Kylo seem more probable. Those two were stronger together, and the writers tore them apart. But they're perfect together, opposite yet one in the same.
#kylux#ky rambles#im sorry if this one got away from me a bit but you get it right??#they're on some yin and yang shit with how their lives overlapped#and the final thing they have in common is that neither of their deaths were satisfying ends to their stories#let them find solace in each other#let them heal their pain through shared experiences#i know people like reylo but they just dont have the same type of lives and experiences as hux and kylo#ok done tagging i just needed to get this out of my system lol
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"Christian/ex-Christian Millennials grew up on Veggietales." FALSE, that was the PROTESTANTS.
Catholic kids got THIS SHIT:
[ID: A screenshot from The Beginners Bible, an animated Christian kids' series. The screenshot shows the title card along with 2D animated renditions of Adam and Eve, who are white with brown hair. End ID.]
#I know other people had to have had these fucking things#please tell me I'm doing psychic damage to at least some of you because I need to know my pain is shared#original post
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i miss her everyday
#ring suzune#vocaloid#cancelled vocaloid#cancelled media#long live ring suzune..... gone but not forgotten#listening to 'sweet pain' always makes me feel so sad because she never got released so she's just singing this forever#same with listening to 'jealousy partly clear'. it legit feels like listening to a long dead loved one#sweet pain is what i feel whenever i think about ring (except there is only pain 😭)#AND lui got cancelled alongside her as well.... that's like a double whammy of sad#i wonder why ring suzune was cancelled though. like the songs we have with her voice sound just fine#she just needs a few fixes.... yamaha pls#or maybe it wasn't related to her voice?#i miss her so much you don't understan d#i hope that beta of her voice gets shared someday if it hasn't already....#(also idk why people say ring looks like miku. like yeah she has blue hair and some artists make her look kinda mikuish-#-but tbh ring actually looks much closer to luka than miku)#watch me get fixated on ring suzune for weeks on end and unearth all this stuff and then suddenly stop lmaoo
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Ough thinking abt selling kandi... I'm gonna need (cute) packaging and bubble wrap... and maybe cute little extras like stickers as a surprise... and I'll have to figure out how to send things in the mail................ but first I need to figure out Where I want to set up shop 🤔
#pikaposts#i NEED to order more beads (can't yet) (not quite enough money) bc i don't have much to sell rn#i'm so desperate for money i'm like 'what if i sell off shit i wanted to keep for myself bc i can just make it again'#(this is a bad idea) (i will not be doing this) (unless i cave in and get silly goofy with it)#i feel like every few years i get desperate to partake in capitalism and Earn An Income so i end up half-heartedly poking around stupid#schemes. like this. am i really cut out to open up a shop???? it'll affect my disability benefits application...#they already don't believe i'm Disabled Enough so admitting i create stuff despite the pain is really gonna drive them wild#but ANYWAY.#i greatly enjoy making kandi.#it would be nice to share that joy with other people. and earn enough money to continue to buy beads#but damn is it a little daunting! i'm just so small. squishy lil guy.#god. i'd have to file TAXES
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